May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I know locally in Southern Illinois there is an effort to inform society about Mental Illness and what we can do to help.

The day to day forms of mental illness you see in family and friends can be anything from the equivalent of I have a cold to I’m having a heart attack. Mild mental illness is quite common in our high-stress life, especially if you’re spending all your time on the internet or social sites worrying about how popular your post or comment might be. This is usually even more stressful or depressing for teens or young adults who have gone through some difficult experiences; they need to feel that acceptance – they fit in – they do belong somewhere.

If anyone asks how we are doing or if they do say something to us; we probably deny anything is wrong and keep on smiling. Only a few open up and say; I’m feeling down. I’m feeling stressed. I’m feeling……

The key words, ‘I’m feeling’; consider if you had a headache, you wouldn’t tell the world but you would probably take an aspirin or drink a soothing tea. If it was there the next day you’d try to figure out why it’s still there; take another aspirin or another soothing tea. Many of us would do this for a week or so, then we would seek some type of medical check to see what’s going on and why we can’t get rid of the damn headache.

Your son or daughter who seems depressed all the time, may not be contemplating suicide, but it doesn’t mean that school, relationships, or work are not getting heavy for them. Perhaps in a teen, you begin to see an increase in acne or lower grades, poor eating habits. Maybe they isolate themselves to the privacy of their room and only rarely interact with anyone. Perhaps in an adult friend, they seem quieter or less open than normal. Maybe you don’t see them outside or leaving the house. Maybe your coworker seems like they cannot concentrate or they are having to focus so hard on work they don’t even enjoy a joke or a smile at the water cooler.

I am this person…… at least one day a week if not more I have to rise above the depression and get out of my own head for awhile.

When the weather is nice, at least warmer, this is usually easier to do. However, if you cannot get away from the thoughts or the stress, there is a high risk of things becoming more difficult rather than easier. If you do not have family around to help, if you are a single parent, if you are just in a challenging situation day after day, or even a few days a week; this should be when you start reaching out for a connection with someone, somewhere. Create an anonymous name and go online to share what’s going on with another close acquaintance. Careful what you share online, however, let’s not give out any personal information; keep yourself and your location safe unless you are sure of whom you are communicating with. Be smarter and more cautious online, because if you don’t actually know the person, then how do you know what they will or will not do with the details you give them.

The problems become more difficult when we carry so much inside and rarely let things out that really bother us. Kind of like pushing yourself from the common cold to a major illness or heart attack. The common AMI we see in almost everyone at some point just needs a bit of your positive inspiration to lift up the shade for a bit so the light can get in. Use the renewal of warmer weather and all the blossoms of new life, that time when you do Spring Cleaning; clear the clutter and dust out the cobwebs of our emotions once in awhile as well.

When you do see a person with rage problems or violent outbursts, ranting threats and other such things; this is a person who needs some help and if they don’t or won’t get it on their own, then your only option may be to force through some type of legal process if possible or make them an offer they can’t refuse; such as, ‘I’ll take the kids for the weekend while you decompress.’

Mental Illness doesn’t have to be a lifetime prohibitor, it can indeed many times be figured out and treated, to at least prevent some type of harm to yourself or others, especially if you are around children. If you believe someone you know is becoming more withdrawn or more angry; please remember; this is someone you care about. Help them be brave enough to help themselves, even if that means going along for the checkup. Just like if they were worried about a cancer diagnosis, they might be just as worried about a visit with a psychiatrist to evaluate their emotional stability.

In May and all year long, can you make a commitment to just watch out for those people you care about? You don’t need to watch everyone online or in your neighborhood. We are populated enough that most have someone around, but when dealing with a mental illness they may have burned bridges to family and ties that could and would help them today. If you’re a close neighbor or a concerned co-worker you just might be the only light in the tunnel for them. At least be a person who shows empathy, not sympathy or judgement.

See the world with eyes wide open; no blinders to avoid the bad stuff! The bad stuff is real life for someone and they need us to keep the circle of help running through our schools, our health centers, and definitely in our neighborhoods and our families.

**Mental Health can be any form of Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Schizophrenia, Multiple Personality Disorder or more. Most of us understand there is Serious Mental Illness (SMI) and then Any Mental Illness (AMI). We usually see the SMI cases through the news headlines, and AMI in our friends and family, co-workers & neighbors.

In 2016, there were an estimated 44.7 million adults aged 18 or older in the United States with AMI. This number represented 18.3% of all U.S. adults.

Any Mental Illness accounts for these millions of Americans but less than half actually sought out help and/or treatment. Personally, I’m guessing it’s gotta be the stigma attached to being diagnosed. However, maybe it’s because most of us feel depressed and have anxiety about things all the time. We have anger problems, lose control inside our home or at family gatherings but everyone says ‘Calm down’ then moves on to the next family drama.

Only you can be the one to make a choice to address the topic and be watchful of those around you. Together we can create a safer, healthier, happier and more equal society for everyone!!

Have you noticed the multitude of Adult Survivors of Child Sex Crimes who are sharing their collective voices across the United States? Actually if you really notice it’s happening in every country around the world; filling the internet and becoming part of the norm? I must say myself and every other adult survivor never thought we would be able to break our silence, release the ugly secrets, and have our voices matter. It’s outstanding the pendulum swing and it’s about damn time we take a real hard look at what has been tolerated inside our families throughout our human history.

Often inside our homes is now or can become the most dangerous place in the world!!!

What do we absolutely know about Trauma and our Brain; Emotional Response vs Learned Behavioral Patterns?

Let me make clear that I am in no way a licensed or specially trained psychology expert on any level. However, what I can say is:

I lived in a tumultuously dangerous environment for 40 years

I have worked through my 3rd nervous breakdown and have been a continuous work in progress for six straight years

It has taken days upon days of research to be prepared & provide actual confirmed information in hopes of assisting others like myself. In producing/hosting more than 200 online talk radio programs concerning different levels of this topic; our mental health, physical health, and even family health seriously impacted, which then effects our communities, crime, drugs, alcohol, gang and school violence, bullying, work place violence and societal abuses that plagues America’s most vital Freedom; our justice system.

I have attended trainings provided by local & Illinois State organizations to provide my certifications in Domestic & Family Violence Assistance and Prevention received by Violence Prevention Center of SW IL in June 2013. Also certification in Human Trafficking 101 which was provided by Rescue & Restore Coalition of East St. Louis in March 2014.

To provide assured information in the website and support provided by Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery. Links and research has been appropriately provided in it’s development and updates since September 2012; along with the honor to share the creative watercolor art by Advocate/Friend/Survivor Michal Madison. www.michalmadisonart.com

I have dedicated my focus and my drive to be part of this major force and end the stigma related to being abused; either in severe neglect, psychological, physical, sexual, and/or living with a constant fear in Family Violence.

It is factual to quote an FBI Victim’s Specialist in stating;

‘You are indeed an EXPERT’

I would say that while yes, I have a lot of vital information which I’ve collected, published, and shared to help create the change and influence as many positive vibes in helping change knowledge, provide support, and even update our policies & laws; I in no way consider myself an ‘EXPERT’. In that statement, I have provided at least some 30 other survivors like myself who have built nonprofits, provide help, publish blogs, monitor support groups, assist victims & provide support for any person who reaches out in a difficult or harmful situation. These are friends, family warriors, and persons whom I’ve actually admired and found strength from in what we are doing together.

We must understand the path of recovery from these issues isn’t just doing without a drug, or a drink, or getting through a moment. This process of recovery influences your education, your life skills knowledge, the ability to work everyday, to not be triggered by something in a grocery store or when with a group of friends. It effects parenting skills, boundaries, and educating our children as well as protecting them from any of this type of negative influence. It requires a complete moment to moment process of changing your lifestyle, your thoughts, your learned behaviors and disrespect for others or a type of person; such as Racism Against a Religion, Sexual Preferences, Color of Skin, Gender, Age, Economic Status or Place of Residence.

Humans have been taught and influenced by the generation before them, those who are responsible for guiding them and providing balance in their growing life. Tragically those who are teaching them in family have already endured the suffering and been influenced by what their parents and then the generation before have believed was appropriate and influenced without punishment or concern against their kids. Each of us can go back for centuries in our cultures and family tolerances to see a cycle that just continues and no one seems to know how to change it. They are either too traumatized & trained to believe this is simply life, or they have been altered by the distress of being victimized and living in a daily battle of survival.

How can we possibly see an end to this behavioral emphasis in our human existence. Yes, we definitely make sure that our laws & policies provide the best possible guidelines and punishments, but also that we provide the best possible community awareness and education in every small rural community across the borders. It is only in helping to develop a NEW way of thinking that this process will ever be achieved or even begin to affect the whole of our society. It starts in what we teach our kids and how we treat them.

The basics:

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HARM OTHER BEINGS.

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SEXUALLY INFLUENCE A CHILD IN ANY MANNER.

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OWN, TRADE, SHARE, USE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING OF ANY AGE, RACE, RELIGION.

YOU DO NOT HAVE THE POWER TO OWN OR DOMINATE; TO VIOLATE THE FREEDOM OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

Yes, I’m a dreamer. I wish we could flip a switch and end this TODAY, but sadly like it has taken us generations to get as severe as we are today; it will take generations for us to provide that path and create a peaceful type of life with others.

We can however definitely make a CHOICE; make a decision right now, begin this very moment; I will not allow this destruction to touch my life or my family any longer. I will decide to do whatever it takes in getting therapy for myself and my family, to begin teaching respect for the welfare of others and appreciate the most precious right of safety in every home, in our personal circles and to openly discuss this basic freedom in all possible settings. We can influence the life of our friends, our neighbors, and our community leaders. We can absolutely insist that this topic of recovery for our society as a whole begin to be addressed as a Human Recovery in our political agendas and who we put into office in our governments. We can begin holding others responsible for their choices to harm, just as we are responsible for our actions and reactions.

Our human brain, emotional development, attitudes, beliefs, traditions, even violence, rage, sexual behaviors, anxieties, fears, actions and reactions are an affect of what we have lived in and been taught to accept; the creed we live by in our close circles; inside our homes and teach inside our schools.

Teach Positive Life behaviors

Reach out for life so you can grow.

Spread your wings to release your sorrow.

Fly strong to reach the stars

Show the world how beautiful you are

❤ Life Strong & Fly Free ❤

Believe as the Butterflies; ‘Believe Anything Is Possible with You in the Active Equation’

Thank you for reading & I hope you’ll share, comment, post, discuss in casual conversation and begin to live in your own true freedom & recovery today.

As you go about your day…..remember how much every voice, every story, every painful journey walked is giving to help change the future for our human race as a whole. It is a huge honor to have made our friendships, empowered each others day, and shared our knowledge so that no one is ever abandoned without hope or help. We all deserve to have our voices shared, if only finally breaking the silence and changing the cycle for those in our immediate circle of friends and family. We all hold the power to give a hug of hope because those who have suffered know exactly the value and greatness in every human being. Respect ❤ ❤ ❤

“What if they say something to me,” she wonders. “What am I supposed to do if they ask me about the bruises or the filth growing on my skin? If they tell anyone he’ll kill me, but I need someone to help me. I am just a little girl who wants to have friends to play with and have quiet when I do my homework, but most of all I just wish I could take a bath again.” This little girl standing so brave is screaming inside, “Please help me, but be careful what you do or say, he will hunt me down; he will kill me!!”

One of the first pieces of writing I ever shared online. Hope it still shares as much power as it did way back then; strength, courage, wisdom

Inspiring new ideas, changing old perceptions, and empowering daily recovery for men, women and children dealing with some form of past or present abuse, violence or trafficking; ending the cycle of what has become
Common Human Behaviors & Our Greatest Human Tragedy

Now they say only a credentialed persons will be allowed in the Capitol Building today, even employees are out. There will be a small gathering at a local Art Venue afterward, but those are also a select few who can attend.

Nine years ago President Obama stood in the same place as Abraham Lincoln did many years ago when he announced his Presidential Campaign. Now as we all know in America, #PresidentAbrahamLincoln is the one president who actually did something amazing for our country, he gave equality to all mankind.

In the past year I’ve been collaborating with Dana Pfeiffer of Grounds of Grace & Lisa Chilton of Violence Prevention Center SW IL; together we have met with House Representative Jay Hoffman; States Attorney Brendan Kelly; U.S. Attorney Fairview Heights Office; Congressman John Shimkus. Dana and I have done about 5 or 6 speaking presentations at U of I Springfield, Lindenwood, Prevent Child Abuse Illinois, and a few Anti Human Trafficking events in Effingham, Springfield, Vandalia. I personally have collaborated with Kailyn Hill, legal writer for House Representative Office. I’ve also recently submitted five years of research to Assistant Attorney General Jessica O’Leary.

Each meeting, speaking event, and collaborating work has been based on Updating Illinois Legislation in our Statute of Limitations and Prosecutorial Guidelines for Violent Crimes Against Children. Last March after receiving an expected rewriting amendment

#HB 3242, finally providing Involuntary Sexual Servitude of a Child; Criminal Sexual Assault of a Child; Forced Servitude; Criminal Sexual Abuse of a Child – HB 3242 Amending a 20 YEAR AFTER VICTIMS 13TH BIRTHDAY in Illinois for these crimes.

Last March, I received a statement – ‘We regret that due to recent budget crisis in Illinois, we are unable to address the proposed amendment #HB3242 at this time. Hopefully we will be able to address this next session in September. Well, September came and went, and NO, I’ve never heard anything but a ‘NOT AT THIS TIME’ statement from all of the persons named above.

The most recent response, no responsibility of responder, Assistant Attorney General Office Of Policy, but rather our Legislative Leaders, ‘We do not have the budget to introduce any new bills at this time.’ Continuously I am told how incredible the justification and laws already in place to defend the amendment to better protect ALL children, across our nation and around the world. However, even in election year, the massive numbers (3.7 Million Criminal Reports of Maltreatment & Sexual Abuse) these are the plus numbers of children being reported hurt in our country every year and growing in the past ten years; even with all of this and the Congressional Statement of 2012 in addressing Adult Related Sexual Assault – ‘For every ONE report that is made, at least SIX others are not’; allowing this same variable for children who live under the direct control of their parents, who are sometimes terrorized in physical and mental grievous injury ‘DO NOT EVER TELL OR I WILL KILL YOU’ –

Illinois Legislators, what happened to the greatest gift from President Abraham Lincoln, the one true Civil War where some 50 Million Soldiers died to give FREEDOM FOR ALL MANKIND ACROSS THE COUNTRY –

13th Amendment

Section 1.

Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

Section 2.

Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

So for Illinois Legislative Leaders, Governor Bruce Rauner, President Obama – TODAY I ASK YOU ALL – When will it be time to address the constant disregard of those being hurt, molested, trafficked, trapped in servitude and fear – Leaders when will it be time to make all things equal and uphold the laws to PROTECT ALL PERSONS EQUALLY, regardless of age, gender, race, religion, even place of residence or economic standing? This 13th Amendment protects all persons, not just some. We have laws written at a higher level, United Nations General Assembly, Universal Declaration of Human Rights – Ensuring at the highest ruling of mankind, a guaranteed inalienable right to be free; free from harm & free from the fear of harm.

I am all for the full support and development necessary to protect Healthy Loving Family….we should all be so lucky to live in such a home. However, according to centers for Disease and Control, at least 1 in 4 homes are dealing with some form of violent or abusive action. As a survivor of one of the most grievous cases of child abuse in history, and still baring the disfiguring scars and broken decayed smile to prove it; we can never allow this to happen to another human being again- NEVER!!!

The below video interview with Rebecca Kimbel shows some very disturbing photos of what I look like today as the final result of what an ENTIRE COMMUNITY WATCHED HAPPEN AND WHISPERED ABOUT IN THE DESTRUCTION OF A CHILD THROUGHOUT THE 1970’s in Freeburg Illinois. My mother permitted late night special parties with grown men paying my stepfather a couple of bucks to come party with the little girl from about age 13, by 15 it is just the way it was and I did not dare complain, but many saw me beg for my life and still turned away. The school system, the law enforcement, the lack of medical and dental care, the bruises, lack of passing school grades and homework rarely done; regardless of every RED FLAG I COULD POSSIBLY FLY – it was all still ignored for six consecutive years. Yes, it is one of the worst cases of child abuse, forced sexual servitude of a child, exploitation of a child, criminal sexual abuse of a child, extreme neglect of all basic necessities of a child – all of these crimes and not to mention how many times a week I was beaten to a pulp for some stupid reason or another, even putting on a pair of Flannel Pajamas like they had some type of special force that would protect me from the vile acts I tried to escape.

When will we have a budget necessary to begin simply teaching the RIGHT TO BE SAFE? iS IT LIKE TRYING TO DETERMINE IF YOU HAVE THE FINANCIAL NEEDS TO BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD? If so, NO Parent is ever actually ready for a child,but when you bring them into the world, the law is very clear they are your responsibility UNTIL YOU CAN NO LONGER TAKE CARE OF THEM OR YOU ARE HARMING THEM. Sadly, our Family Court and Social Services are all directed to guide reunification, despite reports of maltreatment and regardless of ability to care for the child. They are not the State or Government’s problem, and since they cannot vote, their voice is ALWAYS disregarded. It has been stated by Childhelp America – ‘A child must tell 7 different people about their pain before someone will actually listen and believe them enough to help them’. A young person barely has enough courage to tell one person about their horror, much less seven.

Technically in trying to gather support and get a Federal Mandate protecting young persons; I’ve been rejected by SEVEN – will I find someone that really believes the data & studies put together before ever bringing this request forward. If I didn’t have the data to prove what I say, how I feel, and what is absolutely necessary – I certainly would not be trying so hard again and again, rejection after rejection, to do something so society will listen.

When will we have a leader that will open the door and step inside the crime that happens every single day, in every single neighborhood and apartment building; sometime happening day after day, year after year; holding the quiet tears of a young person who cannot refuse, cannot fight back, and cannot run away. These should be our highest priority in our strength as a human society today, but somehow we just DO NOT HAVE THE BUDGET TO INTRODUCE ANY BILLS OR MEASURES AT THIS TIME.

President Obama I beg you sir, If you really want to cause and create the greatest change for all persons in our society today; ADDRESS THE FAMILY CRIME STATUTES & PUBLIC POLICY PROVISIONS ACROSS THE COUNTRY. Our kids need us to pay attention NOW!!

Thanks for reading,

If you agree and believe that change is absolutely necessary, if you are a survivor who wants to share their voice to speak for children today, if you are a warrior of a resource of help – we need you to collaborate together across the country.

Alright world, especially Americans – How much longer will we continue tolerating certain ‘SPECIAL’ human beings to direct what is or is not a – HUMAN CHOICE OF LIFE – or a harming action AGAINST another HUMAN BEING, (which is also a human choice)? Who are these people so righteous and perfect that they are deciding what is a more serious issue to be addressed in our society?

It is #Vote2016– America you now get to choose what issues are important and who do you trust enough to uphold your wishes. Of course we have to allow the reality that you cannot make everyone happy all the time. (Isn’t this what we have always been told?)

Today we have a human society filled with intelligent reality thinking and tolerating human beings;

HOWEVER…..

If you enjoy inhaling smoke from a cigarette or a joint – YOU ARE CONDEMNED!! You are either imprisoned for one of these actions or society just turns away from you commenting how bad you smell.

If you choose to live thinking outside of the box, more tolerating of a Human Choice in life rather than in man’s written interpretation of God’s Laws or our centuries old way of life….

In all of the above sentences, which are basic human choice in a person’s individual life and how they choose to enjoy their time here on Earth; in all of these choices you are demeaned, condemned in either our #CriminalJustice or in our #Church. If you choose any of these you are ostracized and cut out of our daily acceptable way of life.

Permit me to add here; regardless of how much good you share toward another human being, regardless of the kindness and gentle nature you live to inspire in others, regardless of how much good you share with the world – you are not living in our acceptable perceptions of life.

HOWEVER CONTINUED…….

You can make a choice to REPEATEDLY (day after day, year after year, generation after generation); you teach tolerance and acceptance in repeatedly causing extreme harm to children, spouse, partner; ruling your home in brute force and terror, and NEVER be punished or considered a Bad Person

Do you think if person’s as young as sixteen years old; those who are permitted to work, pay taxes, drive – if these person’s were allowed to have a say in how we determine what is and isn’t a priority issue right now – if they could have a say, would it still be considered the same and would it be a topic our #Politicians will make an agenda for their platform?

You know my writing in horrible now in the running sentences and questions, but I am just absolutely stunned everyday about the dark actions and harm that exists inside our homes, hurts our youth and causes more destruction to a human being than any other disease known to mankind, but repeatedly for five years I’ve seen this issue dismissed in Social Media, Television, News Headlines.

Our youth aren’t really directed to believe that they have written guaranteed inalienable rights to be SAFE. We don’t teach them they can & will be protected under our laws and have their offenders prosecuted for the harm against them. We teach them to prosecute the Coach, Priest, Minister, Neighbor, Stranger who hurts them or someone else they know, but we do everything we can to dismiss a #FamilyOffender.

We force them to carry decades of horror, painful, demeaning, and life destructive memories which trigger drug addictions, criminal or violent behavior, even might affect their being a child predator or harming their own children. The studies & research is published to justify how healthy patterns of thinking and human choice are destroyed and in fact frontal lobe brain impairment is the result of even one incident of trauma. Who they were before the harm is forever gone. Regardless of what happens it seems rarely, only after decades of healing; does the survivor get strong enough to bring forth charges, but tragically most (87%) are NEVER prosecuted or held accountable for their disgusting and grievous choice against persons who may be too young to even understand what is happening to them at all. It simply becomes a daily, yearly, life taught pattern of being beaten, degraded, traded, sold, used and destroyed.

Our neighbors dismiss it, our schools dismiss it, our laws dismiss it – at least for the 2.5 Million registered reports of harm that never receive an investigation and those six others on top of that who will absolutely never reveal to anyone just exactly what types of Human Violations they were taught to accept in their life every single day.

This is absolutely the most cruel part of our human nature. We have been programmed century after century, generation after generation, that any of these types of actions against your own children are tolerable, so long as we teach them through fear, threats, silence, and ignorance of their pain – NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT THE UGLY PARTS.

Will it ever really change? Is there anything at all that our society will ever do besides attend trainings, update how we think about mental illness and trauma, how our law enforcement handles a volatile family offender and just how bad does it have to be before someone will even talk to the child at all about what’s happening or if they’re being hurt?

HOWEVER……

We have 1 in 5 Adult Americans with Mental Illness

We have 1 in 4 homes living in some type of violence or sexual predatory behavior

We have 1 in 3 children being Sexually harmed every single day (I’ve got the research to back this up, find it on the Child Maltreatment Page of this blog)

We have 85% of prisoners affected by some form of childhood or #FamilyCrime

We have 87% of drug and alcohol addictions connected to some form of #FamilyCrime

We have study after study, generation after generation, human being after human being who is living a life altering, self destructive, violent, and suicidal perceptions because of some type of #FamilyCrime

At some point this has to be unacceptable, punished, and held accountable for the inability to financially provide for, and protect the healthy safe life for our children. I absolutely will never understand our society’s choice to consider, ‘Oh well, we are doing our best. It’s what’s always happened. They will get over it’

Readers, I do not understand why we cannot work harder, united in efforts to ensure the education of guaranteed inalienable rights of ALL children. There is no human being better than another. There is no human being not worthy of help. There is no human being that has permission by Man’s Law or God’s Law to harm another human being, but we continue to tell our children it does not matter inside your home and family; ‘Laws are different there; my parental/guardian right to cause grievous injury or sexual harm is my choice. You just have to shut up, deal with it, and if you ever tell anyone else what’s happening in our home, I WILL KILL YOU!!!’

Are you ready to make a change for them? Are you sick of this acceptance in these horrific actions?

We are a human society that constantly stands up for #LGBTRights ; #AnimalRights ; #ReligiousRights ; and every other issue, but those very young kids out there (especially those too young to support themselves, too young to defend themselves, too abandoned in the absolute control and responsibility of their parents.

I BELIEVE IN FAMILY TOGETHERNESS. I BELIEVE IN HEALTHY FAMILY DYNAMICS. It will never be perfect and we will never be able to help every child or person who is left to live in this mess. It will take a few generations before we actually see a positive outcome as human beings.

HOWEVER……

You have the power to change it beginning RIGHT NOW!! You can sign our #Petition requesting a #Federal review and update of our policies and prosecutions across the country in how we deal with this type of criminal and humanly destructive choice against those who are the very continuing existence of mankind and our world as a whole. You have the power to make a choice in what you start practicing inside your family. How you teach your children to interact and live accepting, rather than harming, of others. You have the power to determine if they will live searching for a drug to ease their turmoil and inner nightmares. You have the power to determine if they learn to be violent or kind. It is up to every adult to protect and be some type of positive influence on the children they choose to bring into this world.

Thank you for reading, watching, and hopefully you signed because here in Illinois; this proposal has been discussed for over a year, put in front of House Representative, States Attorney, Congressman, U.S. Attorney, Assistant Attorney General Office – All of these person’s have stated what an amazing collection of research, justification, and remarkable outline of statistics in Crimes Against Children,

HOWEVER……

‘We can not address this topic at this time, but we appreciate and respect your work, your mission, and one day we just might be able to address this topic. You keep going and keep up all the work you’re doing. It really does matter, we just don’t have the budget to allow us to address this right now’

Today I will do my best. If I have a good day, I will be proud of myself. If I have a bad day, I will not dwell on it. I will forgive myself, I will put it behind me and I will continue to move forward.

I’ve been so out of touch again. Is it the holidays? Is it the family chaos? Is it the physical chronic pain? Is it because I am trying to find guidance in what I NEED to do next? How do we make our life happen in some good fashion of function and survival? There is what I CAN do, and then what I CANNOT? Remember the prayer of ‘God grant me the strength, the courage, and the knowledge’; this is what we can only hope to feel inside ourselves each day.

If we hang onto HOPE or FAITH, whichever higher power or Creator you believe is guiding our life; this belief gives us guidance. It kind of keeps us going so that we never give up, that we never stop trying in OUR LIFE to get it right. We have two choices each morning, one is to figure out what we need in order to get through to the next step tomorrow, or we can give up and live with nothing inside us but pain and sadness. Living with the deep WAIT for someone else to come along and fix things for us; however, no one can do for us. You only become completely dependent on that person to provide food, water, money, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, or whatever become the crutch we use to bury the sadness and the ‘should have done that’ thoughts.

I honestly have learned to live with a plan to survive each day; even now when I’m not at my best, but I still try to reach for something ALMOST everyday. In my heart I wish I could learn to live in the moment, but it seems there is so much chaos that keeps popping up and this makes it quite a challenge to be light, positive, strong, to keep believing, to keep reaching. This is where we all have to learn our own way, and walk our own choices. There comes a time in EVERY PERSON’S LIFE, when we have to say: ‘Now it is my bad choices that have brought me to where I am, so something inside ME must change. I will not always have someone else in my life to make sure that I’m warm, that I’m fed, that I’m held tight in comfort; always depending on someone else to FIX my mess again.

TODAY AND TOMORROW – I MUST SURVIVE.

Let go of the past sorrow, at least enough to allow some light to come forward in tomorrow. We cannot sit with blame, but only commit to ourselves that regardless of where we must start today; my choices are mine and the road goes two different ways; today is a new start and yesterday is gone; HOPE, FAITH, STRENGTH, COURAGE, BELIEF – this is what we must see in the mirror as we take our life’s lived knowledge so far to set out our choices each day. At some point it is our own responsibility to survive & to figure out the puzzle of our beginning mess to put things back and FIX IT ourselves. LIVE!! Never ever give up!!!

You have no idea how many times I’ve asked myself this question over the last five years. It has been day after day of questioning; ‘Trish, what in the hell makes you so damn special that you believe anything you have to say matters to anyone?”

I’m not anyone special at all. What have I done? I simply survived, studied, and personally worked through ten years of very challenging recovery processes to find out who I really am and then put myself back together into the person I wanted to represent and help others. Those years have not been easy, and many of the emotional challenges have been almost as difficult as the actual brutality I’ve managed to survive. This is what it takes though, nothing less; it absolutely has to be something you need to clean out of your system and recognize the broken pieces, then rebuild & repair what has been destroyed by the actions of others. Just because its very difficult however, does not mean it’s impossible. After all I’m still here and I’m still talking, still working it through challenge by challenge and so can you. There is nothing special about me.

Yes, what I went through was fierce, it was evil, it was outright brutal, but I know hundreds of others who have made it through these very same things. Some who I’ve helped to become marvelous advocates today and some who have helped me. This is how we manage to get through the tough days, simply helping and listening to each other.

Thank heaven for the internet and all that connects to bring our world so much closer together. Remember what it was like before; we were all struggling silently; wondering why and who in the world would ever believe what’s happened. It’s that simple.

Millions of people in every single generation have been the beaten, molested, raped, traded, used, and abandoned children. Millions of people in every generation have been the beaten down partners, wives or spouses of constantly unimaginable dominating persons who use their fists, their words, their financial power, their daily threats and desires to hold us down. The dominators who enforce (their way or no way) by means of constant terror, direct use of weapons, brutal violence beyond measure, rape, threats of death to control our silence and isolation; all of it to make certain there was never any prosecution for their crimes of harm and no one ever willing to believe how horrific the attacks were and all they had forced us to do during our entrapment. We lived through it without anyone to help us or encourage us to escape and help ourselves.

However, we can find our way to something better, something SAFE. We have all endured these monsters for different reasons, some for the welfare of shelter & support for our children, care for ourselves, for our survival. However, most importantly – if you are an adult, have the ability to work & support yourself, then you also have the ability to leave. You have the ability to simply walk out the door and never look back.

Yes, it is a damn hard choice to make because then you have to put your broken pieces back together again, but it is absolutely possible. It’s hard because you have to find a job to secure your life and (if you have children) you are now the primary provider for all of their needs. In today’s world that is not an easy thing to do and almost impossible if you haven’t had a chance to build a career, get an adequate education, or handle a checkbook, balance a budget; basically you have to be strong enough everyday to bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, put dinner on the table, and before you can rest you, have to help with homework, bathe and tuck your children gently and reassuringly into bed. Each morning you have to wake up and do it all over again, but this is what we call LIFE; it is what is expected of us and it is damn difficult if your inner self is reeling from the previous trauma, fear, and pain you had to live through. Survival damn sure is not easy for anyone, no matter what kind of trauma, but for a silenced, terrorized, trafficked, and continuously raped child, survival can be almost impossible until we put ourselves back together again.

I’ve been that broken disaster of a person, going through my breakdown and rebuilding myself while providing a home, food, shelter, and fun for three incredible children. I’ve done it not just once, but more like four or five different times. Suddenly having to run to save my life; leaving with absolutely nothing or being kicked out and having my children stolen from me. The key to my making it through is nothing spectacular, I simply never ever gave up. I just woke up, put myself together to face the day’s challenges, and then before walking out the door, staring in the mirror as I gave myself a pep talk…..

‘It’ll be alright Trish. You’ve survived this far, and you can do this. You have to do this. Get through today and then handle tomorrow’s problems tomorrow. Just smile and go take care of it. Girl you’ve done it before; today just might be a little bit better.’

This is how I managed to handle more than thirty years of insane murderous attacks all committed by one evil monster after another. The reason I went through so many men & three husbands, hellish violence, pain, and terror; this was my developed sense of normal. I was told almost daily from about age nine, I wasn’t worth having; there is not a single person who wants a whore for his wife, so the only thing I had was what my stepfather and all those different men did to me on a regular basis. It changed my thoughts about myself, destroyed any sense of self appreciation or respect; the only thing I would ever be was ‘Malcolm’s trained and terrorized whore’. This is all I ever knew and sadly, if they weren’t beating on me then they must not actually care about me. If they didn’t insist on this type of sex, or this type of perfection, this type of cooking and caring about meeting every single need they had; then they must not care one single bit and I must be doing everything wrong.

Yeah, this was my idea of normal life; each of my relationships built from degradation, control, and constant brutal beatings. It must be because I’m ugly, just like they always said. All of those who approached me for a relationship, all from ‘good standing’ families, but each time they started beating on me, it always involved smashing my face in the mirror and yelling at me because no matter how clean I was, how skinny I was, and how sexy I tried to be; the greatest problem of all was my scarred up skin and my broken black holed rotted teeth. Hell, I still see this reflection in the mirror everyday.

It’s not like I can get complete plastic surgery of new skin, or spend $10,000.00 on a new smile. This is the part of me as a child, which my mother didn’t give a crap about, nor did she ever take me in for medical or dental care. To be quite honest she didn’t consider me to be anything except her housekeeper, cook, caregiver, and the child forced to play out the sick deviate behaviors of the man she chose to marry and stay with, regardless of what he ever did to me. This is the part of me my parents and the town of Freeburg all allowed to rot as it destroyed the outer beauty of a young prepubescent little girl.

I remember the times for school pictures or trying to impress a cute boy I like, this is when I squished up small pieces of bread to use as fillings for the black holes of my front teeth. Actually I hoped; perhaps my smile would look somewhat like everyone else’s, but it never did. Hell, not a single part of me to this very day looks like anyone else I’ve ever met, Sadly it’s just something I’ve always had to live with and try to cover up as I went through life. You should have seen the way people judged me, considered whether or not to hire me. Could they put someone who looked like me in direct contact with their customers or clients? Would people be shocked or sickened by the way I looked, regardless of how skilled or perfecting I was at my job, there would always be those glaring looks of disgust. It’s brings to surface the anger over how so many adults and small town kids all looked away and whispered about the little girl who couldn’t seem to find a single soul who gave a crap about what was happening to her each and every day. They all simply figured I wasn’t worth their time or concern; I was the 13 year old child tagged with the title ‘Village Whore’. Girls were not allowed to hang out with me and the local boys were not allowed to date me. I was nothing but HIS garbage child!!!

Yes its tragic, but its something I’ve had to accept. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have children stare at you like you’ve got a third eye; to have other women sit there and whisper about you as you tried to work with them; to never ever allow your husband or special someone to caress your legs or arms; to cringe away at their touch, afraid all anyone would ever see is the ugly destruction I am forced to carry with me every single moment of my life. Yes it was hell, and it still is; even my grandchildren have rubbed my arms, questioning what happened. Hundreds of people have stared at me with that horrific shock on their face, especially when they see me smile.

This is a part of my life that no one else experiences. This is the part that hurts my heart and makes me wonder what the hell it was about me that no one ever cared to question the many years of filth, rot, and infection they watched destroy the outside body of a young girl. Today I think back about the many schoolmates and husbands of my mother’s friends, or coworkers from the mine; all those many who felt up, played with, or paid a few bucks to see just how far she would go, especially if my constant threatening and brutal attacking ‘terrorist’ was right there to make sure I completed the ordered and paid for deed. The thrill he got talking about all the gory details of the many private parties he arranged with the local boys. All the vicious disregard in using the filthy, rotting, child as their toy to do with as they please anytime time they wished. None of my pain, sadness, fear ever mattered, it’s just what was my life and I simply had to live it; just hoping everyday I would somehow get away and they would never be in charge of what or how I did things ever again. This was my only goal, this was my dream and although it simply has to be an acceptance of the parts of me ALMOST destroyed.

I’m still here, I’m still alive, and I’m telling all the secrets.

The reasons that I discuss all of this is because I’m watching the ongoing emotional destruction which is hurting my daughters and messing up the safety of my grandchildren. I am sick to my stomach with worry and concern for their wellbeing, but not a single person seems to care. Not one person I’ve tried to beg for help, investigation, or even helping my daughters to help themselves and change the path for their children; no matter how loud I am or how obnoxious I have been with phone calls and emails, still no one is helping the lives of these children.

In truth there are over 3.5 million reports of child harm every year in our country alone.

Every day at least 1 in 9 children are suffering in sexual harm and possible secret trafficking by a person within their family.

Every day at least 1 in 3 children are suffering in physical harm, most of them are between the ages of 0 to 15 years old, both boys and girls, but suffering in an ongoing acceptance of family harm, which not even our government wants to get involved to truly help protect them.

It is our greatest human tragedy and something which will continue, like my life, my children’s lives, and now my grandchildren; this same generational pattern will also invade your family and grandchildren until we use our strength as a united human society to make our legislative leaders and law enforcement do their job; give the terrorized child victims the right to be SAFE which is written into our laws and in our Universal Human Rights. Crimes like these, the most evil and grievous harms against the youngest of our society; these are a terroristic control and brutal destruction which must be ended if we are to ever begin the change in respecting ALL human life as deserved. There is not one single human being any better than another. Not one child who is more worth saving than others. Not one community riddled with suffering that isn’t worth helping.

There must be a deterrent for these types of crimes. There must be a criminal prosecution and a sense of justice for all those generations of millions of destroyed and murdered children. There must be a way to balance our system and protect the given Civil & Human Rights to be protected as equal under the eyes of our laws. How can we continue to watch as our children, their children, and the next generation simply keep exploding in violence and brutalizing each other? What will it take for us to help these kids before it is too late and we have an entire generation once again left to suffer, left to be sold, traded, used, and beaten; left to be destroyed because our society is not yet ready to admit just how evil it can become within the sanctity of our home. We all see it everyday, the extreme bullying at school, the violence, the guns, the need to have power over others, and the gangs waiting to suck up the lost souls using them and selling them, beating them down however they wish, and then all of us stand around talking about; ‘Why in the hell can’t we do something to stop this? Dammit each of us can do something, we just have to take on the responsibility and do it!!!

I don’t know about you, but as being one of those forgotten rotting children, it absolutely disgusts me that so many powerful adults are only willing to do so much to help those abandoned and throw away children, but if it is a child in a home; rather than provide a way to get help, we all just turn away because it is the way it’s always been. I believe it’s time to change what we are used to accepting as our normal. I believe that if WE do not take on this responsibility, and all we do is talk about the outside dangers against us, then our children will grow up asking; ‘How in the hell could you just simply stand there and watch me die?”

If you are ready to do something, help out any service you can across the country and in your community. If you are ready to ask for a Federal Legislative Policy to get involved and end this vicious human destruction held secret and private within our homes, then help me and my two incredible partners (Ms Lisa Chilton & Ms. Dana Pfeiffer) as we try to get a voice heard for these types of terrorized victims, in the proposal of the;

‘Family Crimes and Terroristic Abuse Act’ – You each have the power to do something in your family circle, but also you can insist our government get involved when it comes to the extreme dangers that harm the most precious of our society, the victims without a way to escape or help themselves, the victims who are 15 years old or younger and completely dependent upon the adults around them and our society to make sure their right to be safe, and provided with a decent influence of life moving forward; we are here begging you to get involved and help us today to ensure that NOT ANOTHER SINGLE CHILD BE FORCED OR ABANDONED TO LIVE IN THESE TYPES OF TERRORISTIC HARM.

Thank you for every share you give this message, every signature you can rally on this petition, and most of all every discussion you can inspire to help our teens begin to see how they can protect the beauty of human life, rather than hate and destroy it.