If you are interested in some combination of Ben Folds, Gob Bluth, Marty Barrett, Dunder Mifflin, McSweeney's, Donnie Dawson, Patrice Bergeron, Nick Hornby, Bill Walton (6th man version), NESCAC hockey, Fordham Basketball, Wilco, The D, October 27, 2004, Tedy Bruschi and the good and bad of Bill Simmons or if you find David Ortiz and Bill Murray to be golden gods, you'll probably find something useful in this blog eventually. If you dislike all of those things, well, I would leave.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I have recently been thrown into a long commute and to begin with, it certainly is not any fun. That being said, there are some things that help and I have decided to outline these in our little space on the interweb

-Ipod. Of course you say. Well it’s not just the music that gets you thru these long hauls. If you have the Ipod video, you can listen/watch the office on the way in, which kills about 22 minutes very quickly. If you don’t have the video, I strongly urge you to utilize some Pod Casts… keeping in theme with the Office, the Ricky Gervais Pod Cast kills time quickly

-Pretending you are 300 laps into the Indy 500. I mean really putting yourself into that mind set. I am talking about two hands on the wheel, body leaning into the turns, getting behind other cars and then using them to speed ahead at the opportune moment. I am actually thinking of installing those NASCAR seat belts into my car. You know the ones that hold you into your seat like a Baby Bjorn.

-Befriending other drivers. I like to find a buddy on the road early on. Then you have a running little competition for the remainder of the drive. The tough part is getting other people to buy into your game… I find the DeNiro “I’m watching you” finger point works the best.

-Traffic Reports. For me, 1010 is on the 2’s and 880 is every tenth (is that how you say that?). They work well enough and are a must listen for anyone who drives to work in a city. However, if they don’t already offer a system that not only tells you where the traffic is, but other routes to take, they should make it. It could be a cell phone service or an in-car device. Once you realize there is traffic it loads up three alternate routes with all important info on those. Do they have these?

-Timing. If you really want to avoid traffic, leaving before 7 is a must. I take off at 6:45 and have about a quart of coffee by 6:50. If this doesn’t keep me awake, I go with the Ace Ventura head out the window routine. Nothing wakes you up faster than shoving your melon outside of a moving vehicle in 18 degree weather.

-Radio. I always like to listen to once news segment (usually take 20 minutes) and a little sports radio. Everyone has their opinion on Mike & Mike, but either way… it passes time.

-Knowing how to drive quickly. There are two types of people; those who drive fast and get tickets and the rest of us. The key here is to drive fast with other cars that are driving fast. If you look are cruising past cars for 15 minutes and not part of a heard, chances are you are sticking out and nothing throws a wrench into a morning commute like getting pulled over and handed a piece of paper that let’s you know you can donate two hundred bucks to the state.

-EZPASS/FASTLANE. This one is pretty self explanatory.

-And most importantly, settling for the fact you are going to be in the car for a while. This is crucial, if you are constantly stressing out about the traffic or time on the road… you have no chance. I always thought that the worst drive was the hour and a half to two hour drive. I’d rather drive for 5 hours, because you get yourself into that “Ok, lets pack the car with food and start planning out the musical journey” mind frame when you know you will be in the car for a lengthy period of time. However, after a while you can get the same mindset with the hour and a half drive and it makes all the difference.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Great thing about the internet is that I saw this goal on live TV Saturday night and knew it would be posted somewhere within a day or two. This is from the 2nd game of a weekend series between North Dakota and Minnesota....

Friday, January 26, 2007

For this review I decided to grab the first late-January, early-February issue out of a pile to see what was going on this time of year in the past. The issue that came up was this one from 1990 celebrating the 49ers' 4th Super Bowl title. Let's open it up and start plowing through...LettersMost of the Letters section is devoted to reader feedback and opinion at the conclusion of the 1989-90 college football season. And, as usual, most people were pissed off. But not everyone. Reader Stuart Wood, from California (naturally), was ready to drop the rankings, have everyone join hands, and sing Kumbaya. To wit...

"This season fans nationwide had reason to celebrate good football. No team is clearly No. 1, so let's call it a winning season for college football and leave it at that."

Sadly for Stuart, they did award a national championship in 1990. And it went, somewhat controversially (there were 4 one-loss teams that year), to the U. A couple readers wrote in to dispute the #1 ranking but the bigger outcry was over Miami's attitude and swagger...

"After watching hours of bowl games and hearing hundreds of statistics on almost every conceivable subject over the recent bowl season, the only question I still have is this: How does the University of Miami afford all the mustard for so many hot dogs?"-Don Dunn (Booneville, Ark.)

"As a young football coach, recently removed from my college playing days, I find your approval of Miami's antics disturbing. The finger-waggling, talking trash and "silly little dances" have no place on the playing field. That's what cheerleaders are for."-Mike Godfrey (Seneca, Mo.)

I'm not sure that's what cheerleaders are really for either but point taken, Mike. My favorite letter, however, has nothing to do with Miami. It's from a Tennessee fan...

"The inclusion of Southern Cal in your final Top Five ranking of college football is a joke. Tennessee would beat USC like a drum. Ask UCLA which team it would rather play."-H. Bruce Guyton (Knoxville, Tenn.)

First of all, love the name H. Bruce Guyton. But what I really love is that H. Bruce took the time to rattle off a letter about who finished #5 in the final SI poll. That's great. Suffice it say that H. Bruce from Knoxville and Stu Wood from California have a slightly different take on the importance of college football. (For the record...Tennessee beat UCLA 24-6 in the opening game of the '89 season, while USC could only manage a 10-10 tie against the Bruins in the finale. Hence, the UCLA line.)Super Bowl LeftoversCouple tidbits from the Super Bowl Scorecard section...

-S.I. pretty much nailed it's Hall of Fame predictions for the, at the time, current 49ers dynasty. Said they wouldn't get many. Montana, Lott and Rice were locks. Bill Walsh was probable. Roger Craig was a maybe. That's basically right. Usually when they predict stuff like that there's always a glaring mistake or two.

-Eddie DeBartolo gets a mention for noting that the 49ers "lost a little bit" of money in 1988 and would be lucky to turn a small profit in 1989. Kind of interesting knowing what we know about Eddie now.

-Not losing money were the hotels in New Orleans during Super Bowl week in '90. Le Pavilon, where the Broncos stayed, jacked the price from $69/night to $240/night with a 4-night minimum for Super Bowl week.

-Not sure why it was in this section but there's also a brief blurb about Karl Malone. Seems The Mailman was upset about getting snubbed for the All-Star Game (the fans voted A.C. Green ahead of him) so he decided to take it out on his next opponent, the Milwaukee Bucks, to the tune of 61 points and 18 rebounds in 33 minutes. After the game, which the Jazz won 144-96, Bucks coach Del Harris remarked, "I knew Karl wanted to make a statement. I just didn't know he was going to write a whole book."

Joe Montana Is The Balls

That's basically the main point of the feature article. Nothing too exciting to be honest. Just a lot of (admittedly deserved) talk about how great the offense was against Denver. How they all felt ridiculously confident going into the game after watching the Broncos on film. A dejected John Elway saying, "can't you let a guy sulk in peace," to the paparazzi after the game. A smattering of Matt Millen quotes. Picture of Joe Montana holding up a picture of his daughters in the locker room. Picture of Joe Montana walking onto the field. Picture of Joe Montana scrambling. Picture of Joe Montana talking to Steve Young and Steve Bono at halftime. Picture of Joe Montana eating a hamburger with his dad in the trainer's room after the game. That's about all.Nine & Nine

From the story on Media Day comes this factoid...As of 1990 Joe Montana, Kenny Stabler and Terry Bradshaw had combined for 9 Super Bowl rings and 9 wives.

The Rise of UConn

Outside a largely unnecessary 3-page story on Jack Nicklaus joining the Senior Tour, the first story after the Super Bowl stuff focuses on a tight Big East race and the emergence of the UConn Huskies. Some highlights from that piece...

-Several mentions of the immortal Nadav Henefeld, described as "a deft outside shooter with the passing and pilfering skills of a much smaller man." The story also describes how "the man they call The Dove" was not rattled by the "lewd woofing" of Alonzo Mourning in a win over Georgetown.

-Another immortal, St. John's Malik Sealy, is summarized in two words..."willowy finesse." Which, if you saw him play in college, kind of makes sense.

-Jayson Williams (the same Jayson Williams who was involved in that incident with the limo driver that was killed with a shotgun on his property) is mentioned in a blurb about St. John's winning at Providence, a place that hadn't be kind to the Redmen in recent years. Oddly enough, this is how he's mentioned...

"Two years ago we lost and I ended up in jail," said Williams, who had been charged with assault - the charge was later dropped - for chucking a chair at a spectator that evening. "Tonight we won, and I'm free."

More College Hoop

Skipping relatively boring articles on the retirement of legendary jockey Bill Shoemaker and the Australian Open (won by Ivan Lendl and Steffi Graf) we come to the College Basketball Report, which includes the following...

-Clarence "Big House" Gaines is profiled after joining Adolph Rupp in the 800-win club. Got to respect a man with the nickname "Big House." 800 wins is a hell of a lot of wins too.

-In the SEC write-up is a note about LSU blowing an 11-point lead to Georgia in the final 5 minutes of a game thanks to missing the front-end of 10 straight one-and-ones.

-Also in the SEC write-up is this bit on the state of the Florida Gators...

Florida, a preseason pick to contend with LSU for the SEC title, thanks largely to 7'2" center Dwayne Schintzius and 6'7" forward Livingston Chatman, staggered into Baton Rouge for last Saturday's game without those frontliners. Chatman had quit the team on Jan. 14, claiming he was "burned out." Last week Schintzius joined him, even though a student review board had forgiven him for his role in a fraternity-house fracas on Jan. 13. DeVoe, however, said he wouldn't take Schintzius back from a suspension that began on Jan. 15 unless he lost weight and got a haircut. Schintzius got a trim, then quit anyway."

-And, finally, The Small College Player of the Week was Shawnee State's Joe Smith. Among his accomplishments for the week were 19 points in an 88-87 defeat of Dyke College. Insert your own joke here.

Dan Fox over at Baseball Prospectus wrote a great article looking at, among other things, why the game of baseball has improved over the past century. Most of it is fairly obvious, but he goes in some depth about it and presents an interesting read. The evidence he came up with was:

-The increasing size and changing demographics of the talent pool-The evidence of increased athletic prowess in sports with absolute rather than relative accomplishments-The standardization and increased efficiencies in strategies and styles of play-Better technology and medical care-Decreasing variation in measures such as batting average as a sign that player skills are moving toward the "right wall" of human ability-Direct (albeit) relative measurement along multiple metrics including relative EqA, fielding statistics, and pitcher hitting

Seems about right, but the reason I am wanted to share the article was one chart in particular. He looked at the average age and weight of players at their debut, in each decade:

The language is similar to that in Magglio Ordonez's deal with the Detroit Tigers. Boras and the players' association agreed that if the Red Sox exercise their rights under that language, neither Drew nor the union would contend that the language is unenforceable.

So the Sox took their time and now have a deal in place with a saftey net. Rotoworld explains what came out of the 2 month negotiation nicely:

If Drew goes on the disabled list with a right shoulder problem in the third year of the deal, the Sox can void the final two years of the contract. If he is disabled in the fourth year, the Sox can void the final year of the deal.

I am very happy with this signing overall. They have a guy who will be more productive than Nixon and tagged some insurance onto the deal in the end. Well played IMO. That really sets up our front of the lineup, now to get a closer.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Wow. A colleague of mine is looking for some furniture and we were half-jokingly looking at the “free” category on craigslist, which is often an event in itself. One of the postings was for a 2 year old Craftmatic Adjustable Bed. This, to me, seemed funny… so we dug a little deeper, checked out some of the customer testimonials and opened up a gold mine of comedy:

"The Craftmatic Bed is a godsend, really, really, really!"-Really?

"Thank you and the people at Craftmatic for resolving the problem for my wife with her feeling the springs in our mattress. As you suggested, I called customer service and we have been sent two pillow tops which have resolved the problem. It is good to find a company that backs up its products with quick and efficient service. Thank you again for your prompt, courteous and quick resolution of the mattress problem. It is good to know that at least Craftmatic takes the problems of its customers seriously. Each day is a precious gift."-Who is the first person he is thanking? Also, I think that last line may be taking it a bit to far... I mean it's a f'n bed.

"I would buy my Craftmatic Bed right now if I were you. Don't do what we did and wait years because you're going to get so many benefits out of having the bed. I'd recommend the Craftmatic Bed to anybody. It's an investment in good sleep, good rest, and good health, and good sex!"-Well, you are not me and that last line just made me throw up in my mouth.

"I don't have any regrets concerning my Craftmatic Bed. In fact, we're thinking about buying another Craftmatic Bed!""We did go out and look at flat beds. At box springs and mattresses and headboards. And after we looked at all of them and added them all up, it was so close to what I paid for my Craftmatic Bed, that I'd have been a fool to buy anything else."-Two, why in gods name would you buy another one? Your children certainly don't need this thing... is this going in the guest room?

Can someone explain to me what the 2nd verse of Mr. Jones is all about...

I will paint my picturePaint my self in blue and red and black and greyAll of the beautiful colors are very very meaninful(You know) Grey is my favorite colorI felt so symbolic yesterdayIf I knew PicassoI would buy myself a grey guitar and play

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Why would anyone not listen to what Jack Bauer has to say at this point? I think that every single new president, advisor, or any one else who works in a position of power on 24 should be forced to sit down and watch all the previous seasons on DVD before they make any decisions moving forward. The guy's track record is spotless... he kills with out a blink of the eye and puts the damned country before everything else in his life. AHH...

With the talk about pop music a couple posts ago, I got to thinking about pop music in my lifetime. If I were to create a mix tape of my life, songs I was listening to each year growing up, would it look anything like the charts. The answer is a resounding no. I went through the billboards for the past 25 years and checked out which song was number one on my birthday, each year. This is what I found:

Ok. So just go ahead and cross off everything from 14 on. I mean, sure… I have heard these songs… but I have never voluntarily said to my self, “Someone better throw in Sisqo NOW or I’m going to lose my Freakin mind”. Is there really a mix worthy song on the list? If you were laying on your death bed years from now and your grandson asked you what songs were important to you growing up, would any of these be the songs? I mean, I love Ghostbusters as much as the next guy… but the song just does not define who I was, am, or ever will be. I think that people like music on different levels. There are those who like beat and bass, those use music to fill the blank void of silence, those who like what they are told to like, and then there are those of us who enjoy every aspect of music. There are those of us who genuinely relate what is going on in our lives to music they listen too. There is a relationship between a good musician and their fans, because the band is giving them something to think about within the content of a song. It doesn’t have to be sewn into the lyrics either, it’s in the melody and rhythm of a song. With the exception of one or two, I can’t believe that any of the songs on that list really connect with people on that level. It’s not that they are bad songs, they have their spot in the lineup… but to me, these types of songs don’t resonate beyond just being noise.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Couldn't agree more with Machon's evaluation of The Office lately. They're absolutely on fire right now. Great episode after great episode. In honor of this week we've got to post the cell phone prank...

-Why were Starter jackets ever popular? I guess Starter was the first company to really co-brand their product with professional sport leagues and there is the whole “Tipping Point” theory. But the jackets made you look like Violet Beauregarde after chewing on Wonka's magic chewing gum.

-I can’t remember the last time I had a vanilla frappe/shake. I mean, for my first ten years I had an exclusive contract with vanilla and now I would never consider it. Maybe I should.

-What type of mother did LL Cool J have? Why was she telling him to go around knocking out people? Should someone have contacted social services?

-How the hell does the Nintendo Gun work? Someone tried to explain some reflective theory to me and I am sure it’s right… but doesn’t that seem a bit ahead of its time?

-I have a feeling a lot of people are going to lose quite a bit of money on the Bears/Saints game this weekend.

-Where does the current Office streak of phenomenal episodes stand in sitcom history? Since The Merger, every episode has been killer. Every single Thursday, you can count on sitting down at 8:30 and laughing your ass off.

-It’s nice that the Chargers have so many people going to the Pro-Bowl… with all the time to prepare, the AFC should win in a landslide. Now that’s a game I may bet on.

-How long until a Baseball Beckett is worth more than the cards in it? I was looking through one a couple weeks ago and my god… talk about demand falling quickly.

-I am getting used to this no snow thing on the east coast.

-Maybe it’s time for me to switch up my haircut. I have been saying “2 on the sides and take the top down” for 14 years. The problem is, I don’t know what else to say. Every time I go into get my haircut I am prepared to do something different. Then they ask me how I like it and I repeat verbatim the aforementioned sentence. The only other haircuts I know are: the whiffle, the flat top, and the fade and I sported one of those three every other year I have been alive. Any ideas here? Anything?

-Do people who listen to popular rap today like the same rap music that we do here. Do they listen to the latest Lil’ Wayne song, then pop in The Low End Theory? There was a divide in the early 1990’s in the hip-hop culture. About the same time the Biggie and Tupac stuff went down, it divided into two camps. Rap, with its crystal, 24 inch rims, and butchering of the English language, began to represent the genre at the mainstream level. This did not happen overnight, but it has happened. Hip-hop, the intellectual and socially driven form of the genre, submerged into the underground and now you either don’t know or you know. I wonder what type of world we would be living with if the two paths were switched. If A Tribe Called Quest never broke up and became what Wu-Tang was in the mid to late 90’s. I imagine things would be different if it were De La Soul, Tribe, and the Jungle Brothers were being played on local radio stations instead of Nelly, DMX, and Ludicrous. I think about that a lot.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Apparently, it's Girl Scout cookie time. My Mom called me the other day to let me know she's putting in an order and to see if I wanted anything. Which, of course, I do. There's a giant order form hanging up on the office fridge. And the train station near my house has been overrun for weeks with screaming girl scouts trying to drum up business.

As with almost everything, Wikipedia has some good info on Girl Scout cookies. In particular, I enjoyed their breakdown of the highest selling cookies from a recent season...

Obviously, it's no surprise that Thin Mints are #1. Everyone loves Thin Mints. Show me someone that doesn't include Thin Mints in a Girl Scout cookie order and I'll show you someone I just don't trust. Thin Mints straight out of the freezer is about as great a cookie experience as you can have in my opinion.As for the rest of the top sellers....I'm not a Samoas guy. Don't like coconut. People who like them are pretty fanatical though so I guess I can't begrudge them the 2-hole. After Thin Mints, Tagalongs are my second favorite Girl Scout cookie. Always thought they were a little underrated. Love the classic chocolate/peanut butter combo. Do-si-dos are those Oreo-style peanut butter sandwich cookies. Not a big fan. And Trefoils? Those are the plain ones with the creepy Girl Scout logo on them. Terrible. To steal an oft-used quote from my dad, "I wouldn't eat those with your mouth."

Monday, January 15, 2007

The emails are flying fast and furious today. Instead of a well-structured analysis, here are clips from Patriot emails that are zipping around about the unarmed robbery in San Diego:

- Sitting with the players' families was an experience. Much to write tomorrow, too drained now. For now, let me just say that after going to all 3 Super Bowl. W's this one was just a little different. Road game at a VERY loud stadium. Draining. What was unreal to me was that I had to tell all the pats families that the 2 point conversion would of course be the Faulk direct snap. That's the only 2 point play we have. How did the Chargers not know that was coming? Being at the game, especially in pats section, I still have yet to get explanation for why Marty didn't kick a FG in first qtr on 4th and 11 at our 30 or why he reviewed that fumble in the 4th qtr and blew a time out. Banta-Cains family and Graham's family said they are both gone in off season. - That's my second favorite non-Super Bowl game ever, after the Snow Bowl. I could read stuff about this all day. I learned a few things:

1. You can beat the Chargers, that's okay. But DO NOT mimic the Lights Out dance. That's not acceptable.

2. Marty just challenged Kaeding's missed FG.

You Stay Classy, San Diego.

- Don’t forget, he was also attempting to give up ANOTHER time out before the 2 point conversion but the refs didn’t see it. As John said, how can you not be prepared for that? The two things you can’t allow if the Pats lineup for a two point conversion:

Those are the two things you have to take away. If you do that, Brady will have to audible out of the first option.

- This is fantastic:"And when the Pats’ thrilling, 24-21 divisional playoff win over the Chargers was in the books early last night, Rosevelt Colvin came off the field at Qualcomm Stadium with fire flying from his mouth.“Shut the power off!” shrieked Colvin down a hallway to a group of Chargers players entering their locker room.His voice echoed off the walls, and stadium security guards began to inch off their posts in anticipation of a Chargers player going at the Pats linebacker.“It’s lights out!” continued Colvin, mocking the nickname of Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman. “See you next year, chumps!”"

-Colvin is a nasty bastard. I love it.From Peter King:

b. LaDainian Tomlinson's fiery words about the Patriots. It's a great controversy for us. They sounded small coming from a guy who'd just tasted bitter defeat. And it is no mortal sin for a visiting team to imitate the sack dance of the hometown hero. Happens every week.

- Another favorite part: how about the Chargers fans going bonkers for the 15 yard celebration penalty! They thought they got a re-kick!

- Rosie's INT was a great play. GREAT play (should have had at least 5 tacked on maybe 15 too.)

-Love it...How the hell does this guy get away with not wearing a headset! "Hmmm, I wonder what Cam has called in this crucial 3rd down...can't wait to find out!"

- Let's just say that the pats family members aint the most knowledgeable crew. I called that Faulk 2 point conversion the moment they scored the TD. Yes they ran it from a different formation but its the only 2 point play they got. The crowd around me thought I was the Messiah when my prediction about the play call came to fruition. Every 3rd and long for SD and I would yell "it's Tully time", much to the ebulliation of the Banta-Cains.

- Crowd was LOUD. And relentless. at Gillette or the Meadowlands, the minute the road team gets a first down after being pinned back deep, the crowd goes comatose. In SD, they got up for every big play. Stadium, unlike its 70's multi-sport brethren, is nice.

- I need to watch the film tonight. Didn't graham have a drop?

- At tailgate, some guy with powder blue 21 jersey had direct tv so everyone is huddled around watching seahawks-bears. One guy in a 37 Shawn Alexander jersey is going bonkers and I turn to him and query politely why the hell he is in the parking lot huddled around a tv in lieu of being at home watching his team on a 50 inch plasma. He seemed puzzled by the query. California

- To answer Question 7. I believe the "broad" on the sidelines with Belichick was his long haired, pot smoking older son Steven.

- I think they abandoned the run not because they couldn't run at all but because it was impossible to pass without spreading the field. Play action would never work, ends were too fast. They also had to run plays before the play clock got inside 3 seconds or Merriman would time it. So, since they HAD to spread the field to run pass plays (and not make Brady go into a blind drop), it didn't make sense to run because you would need to shuttle people in and out every play and because it would be deathly obvious (maybe not to Marty) when a run was coming vs the spread for the pass. The play action was eliminated, thus the spread.

- I loathe Ben Watson

- After the absolutely startling conclusion, Chargers fans, as loud as they were all game, just politely walked out. Pats fans were screaming "we want peyton" and "yankees suck". At the meadowlands, I am loud all game but when filing out I take off the pats hat and zipper the sweatshirt over the pats jersey. Here, there was no trepidation. And, the fans at the meadowlands woulda been sitting in their seats for an extra 20 minutes stunned

- This Sunday, Brady = 17 attempts

- Meanwhile, can you guys imagine if they actually end up going to the Superbowl after letting Branch, Givens, Vinatieri and McGinnest walk, with Caldwell and Gaffney as their top receivers? We think BB is arrogant now? Fuhgettabout it. He'll be out of control. He'll trade Brady for a tight end so he can prove he can win with Cassell. I still don't know how the hell we won that game. Think Seattle would like a do over on the Branch trade. Sitting at home and the Pats have the 22nd pick - not bad. Although I wish we had Branch Sunday.

- 1:00 AM EDT on Monday, October 3, 2005 BY TOM E. CURRAN Providence Journal Sports WriterFOXBORO -- One after the other, sweaty, smiling members of the San Diego Chargers walked through the massive concrete artery that leads to the visitors locker room in Gillette Stadium. As they walked, tearing grass-stained tape from their hands, they gloated aloud about their just-finished, 41-17 hammering of the New England Patriots."That's a [butt]-whipping," said defensive coordinator Wade Phillips. "21-1, now," tackle Leander Jordan announced, referring to the Patriots' punctured 21-game home winning streak."[Bleep] New England and their team," suggested cornerback Drayton Florence. Florence then said to the collection of onlookers in the hallway. "Get the look of shock off your faces. Don't be shocked. We beat your [butt]."

- Wrong on Question 7. Daughter Amanda

Steve was in the parking lot, buying an ounce from a guy in a Nate Newton jersey

You know what we need? We need someone to start a website that posts nothing but sports-related song parodies, jingles and theme songs. You're telling me you wouldn't enjoy a site that had that Bernie Kosar song they made up back in the 80's in Cleveland, T.O.'s rap about joining the Cowboys or Jess Cain's 1967 classic, "The Man We Call Yaz?" I know I would. And I think someone needs to capture these things before they get completely lost to history. There's too much comedy at stake not to do it.

Take "Raymond Berry's Pats," a snappy little number they used to play on the local airwaves during the Pats '86 Super Bowl run and featured lyrics like this...

"My name is Raymond Berry and I'm proud of all my menTell Richard Dent and Payton that we're not afraid of themOh, we took Don Shula and Al Davis, Ditka here's our planWe'll defrost the Refrigerator, then shut down McMahon."

and this...

"Our offense, folks, it rarely chokes...this year we've won close gamesThe stars are Hannah, Holloway, Collins and Craig JamesOh, there's scoring from Morgan and Eason's the reason Chicago will finally collapseWe are a team of destiny....we're Raymond Berry's Pats."

"The first thing he (Beckham) needs to do is get himself a part on 'The Simpsons' as a guest star," quipped Richard Laermer, a marketing expert.

Really Rich? I'm no "expert" but I do work in the marketing field and, believe me, I respect 'The Simpsons'. All that being said, I hardly think that the FIRST thing he needs to do is get himself on the 19th season on The Simpsons. He's already kinda established as a megastar and, to be honest, people aren't really watercoolering Homer Simpson anymore. I think all they need to do is hit The Ivy once with Katie and Tom and off they go....

Thursday, January 11, 2007

I am going to settle the age old question: who is the better video game athlete, Bo or Roenick?

To me it is crystal clear and while I like 94 much better, Bo was and is the more dominating of the two.

Let’s begin with looking at the landscape of 94. Roenick was great, but if I was forced to play one game for my life, I would not choose the Blackhawks. My choice would undoubtedly be Buffalo. In fact, the Blackhawks are not present in my top 8 favorite teams in the game, which are:

BuffaloBostonCalgaryMontrealWinnipegRangersPenguinsKings

While many people say Jeremy was “unstoppable”, every seasoned NHL 94 player knows this to be false. The thing that makes him so good is the fact he is tough to knock down. However, if you just utilize the hook (A button) you can tie him up pretty easily. The Blackhawks are certainly a great team, but that has just as much to do with Eddie the eagle as it does Roenick.

This is not true for Tecmo Bowl. In the original, Bo is on his own planet. Not one player compares to him. There is no Mogilny, Bure, Bourque, or Fluery comparison in Tecmo Bowl. Bo is much better than Sweetness. He is so good, he can beat any team on his own. Sure, Tim Brown is a solid number 2, but make no mistake… Bo OWNS that game. There is no hook button to slow him down, he just tears through defenses. Furthermore, the better you and your friends get at NHL, the more of a non-factor Roenick becomes. If two people are playing that really know what they are doing, can control the goalie, and don’t rely on the same few moves every time, it becomes a level playing field with most teams. A poor 94 player will never beat a very good one, we know this. However, a bad Tecmo Bowl player may have a chance with Bo. That is the difference.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I'll give the Boston Bruins credit. With tonight's loss in Ottawa, in a game where they led 2-0 going into the 3rd period, they officially made me curious. And the question they had me pondering was this..."are they really that bad when leading after 2 periods or does it just feel that way?" Because, even when they've held on to win, it feels like they're getting killed in the 3rd lately. So I looked it up. And here are the results:

2006-07 Boston Bruins Game Log when leading after 2 periods

Game 1 (Oct. 12 @ St. Louis) Led 1-0 after 2. Scored early in the 3rd to go up 2-0. Gave up two late goals and lost in a shootout. (Lost the 3rd, 2-1)

Game 2 (Oct. 19 vs. Calgary) Led 3-1 after 2. Won 3-2. (Lost the 3rd, 1-0)

Game 3 (Nov. 2 vs. Buffalo) Led 3-1 after 2. Scored early in the 3rd to go up 4-1. Gave up 3 late ones and lost in a shootout. (Lost the 3rd, 3-1)

Game 4 (Nov. 11 vs. Ottawa) Led 3-2 after 2. Ottawa tied it but Boston won it 4-3 on a Bergeron goal. (Tied the 3rd, 1-1)

Game 5 (Nov. 16 vs. Toronto) Led 1-0 after 2. Toronto tied in the 3rd but the B's won in OT. (Lost the 3rd, 1-0)

Game 6 (Nov. 22 @ Pittsburgh) Led 3-1 after 2. Pittsburgh scored twice in the 3rd, including a tying goal with :30 seconds to go, to send it to OT. Bruins ultimately won in a shootout. (Lost the 3rd, 2-0)

Game 7 (Nov. 25 @ Toronto) Led 2-0 after 2. Traded goals in the 3rd and won 3-1. (Tied the 3rd, 1-1)

Game 8 (Dec. 19 @ Ottawa) Led 5-1 going into the 3rd and won 7-2. (Won the 3rd, 2-1)

Game 9 (Dec. 21 vs. Vancouver) Led 2-0 after 2. Outshot 14-0 in the 3rd but held on for the shutout. (Tied the 3rd, 0-0)

Game 10 (Dec. 26 @ Columbus) Led 4-3 after 2. Gave up the tying goal with 23 seconds left and lost 5-4 in OT. (Lost the 3rd, 1-0)

Game 11 (Dec. 29 @ Chicago) Led 4-0 after 2. Gave up 3 goals in less than 6 minutes to start the 3rd and were lucky to get out of there with a 5-3 win after a huge save from Thomas and a late empty-netter. (Lost the 3rd, 3-1)

Game 12 (Jan. 6 vs. Philadelphia) Led 3-2 after 2. Went up 4-2 early in the 3rd and won 4-3. (Tied the 3rd, 1-1)

Game 13 (Jan. 9 @ Ottawa) Led 2-0 after 2. Lost 5-2. (Lost the 3rd, 5-0)

So that's 13 3rd period leads so far. Let's look at some stats from that baker's dozen.

(7 regulation wins out of 13? Not so good. While they did recover 2 of those games in OT or a shootout, that essentially boils down to a loss of 8 points in the standings.)

3rd Period WinnerBruins: 1Opponents: 8Tie: 4

(Pretty much speaks for itself. Only one time in 13 did the Bruins win the 3rd period.)

Total GoalsBruins: 8Opponents: 22

(Care to guess how many times have they held a team scoreless in the 3rd when entering with the lead? Try once. And that was the Vancouver game were they were outshot 14-0.)

Getting badly outshot isn't exactly a fluke either. Check out the shot totals against and for in those games:

13-619-1217-818-620-414-09-611-119-1310-811-59-1314-7

They were outshot in 10 of those 13 periods. And most of them weren't even close.

So I guess that sums it up. Are the Bruins really that bad with a lead? Yeah, pretty much. At least so far. I'm not entirely sure why they're so bad, although I have my theories. A lot of youth. Some shaky coaching. A starting goalie that, at least in my mind, isn't as good as he's made out to be at times. Regardless, it's been discouraging to watch.

Monday, January 08, 2007

When's the last time you saw Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" video? A year ago? Five years ago? Ten years ago? I'm guessing, if you're like me, you have a vague memory of it at best. Elton's at some kind of beach resort with...uhhh...painted dancers? Something like that? Well, yes. But you can't fully appreciate it until you take it all in again. And, heaven forbid, you've never seen it? Well, please sit back and enjoy.....

-Chick Willis with Blues: because he will most certainly be arrested and held without bail once people start to get wind of this situation. At first, I thought he was just having his girlfriend call him "daddy" but after listening to the song... I am not sure those were Chick's intentions.

-Chick still calls himself the "Stoop down man" today, it is even on his business card, which in my book puts him directly behind Tobias Funke's Analrapist card.

-The title song was considered too raunchy to be played on the radio, but turned out to be a huge jukebox hit. Does that happen anymore? Are there still huge jukebox hits? Furthermore, was there some committee that bar-hopped daily to discover this or did the jukeboxes have enough technology that they could keep track? I would have to imagine that in today's world, keeping track and calculating true jukebox hits would be very simple... Unfortunately, I could probably give you the top three:

If not everywhere, they certainly would be the top three in every college town.

-Speaking of bars, what would happen if you walked up to some girl at a bar and actually tried this line? Someone out there, for the love of everything holy, give it a try and report back here immediately.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

It's going to be 70 f'n degrees in NY today. 70! This is going to be the tamest weather on Wild Card weekend since the NFL was the first league to incorporate the concept in 1970. With two games in the east and one in a dome, only Seattle will have to deal with the chance of some cold weather… but lets face it, It's Gonna Rain.

That being said, I am not sure how happy I am about the weather. On a personal level, I am thrilled. The last thing I would want to be doing is shoveling snow, but isn’t the crappy conditions and cold weather part of the NFL playoff charm? What other sport puts their games in the hand of mother nature like football and when are they more at her mercy than the playoffs. In the confines of a football stadium, do harsh weather conditions not make for memorable moments? The Snow Bowl at Foxboro, “The Greatest Game Ever Played”, 1934 Bears vs. Giants at the Polo Grounds,“The Snow Plow Game”, and the list could go on. These are the games that live in the stories passed on. Even back when we played as kids, wasn’t it the pick up games in the mud and snow that we cherished? Nothing was better than coming home, covered in mud, scrapes, and bruises and chugging some hot chocolate by the fire. Well, there will be no hot chocolate this year and with “field turf” everywhere, there will be little mud. (Note: I do like field turf, but it does strip some romanticism from the fan and historical perspective.) Not to mention, our beloved Patriots have a spectacular record in nasty weather games.

Either way, we have two great days of football and I think that the chalks beat the dogs in every case. If there has to be one upset, I like the Chiefs. They match up well against the Colts and if Peyton is not hitting his men early, watch out. The four best teams in the NFL are in the AFC and I expect them all to face off next weekend... and yes, I will be hoping for some snow.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

In the latest trouble for the Fung Wah discount bus line, the wheels literally fell off a New York-to-Boston bus on the Massachusetts Turnpike today.

None of the 30 passengers on board were injured, but State Police cited the company after two of the tandem rear wheels on the right side of the bus detached from the vehicle's rear axle as it was headed from New York to Boston.

The lesson, as always....if someone offers you a $10 ride from New York City to Boston...assume the worst.

I was always a big fan of "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handy, back when they used to air on SNL. And I don't know what made me think of it but I had one in my head this morning on the way into work. So I decided, for this post, to look up Deep Thoughts online and list my all-time top ten. I present them below in no particular order...

1) If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.

2) It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

3) Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

4) To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

5) Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

6) If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

7) One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.

8) If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

9) When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.

10) The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Not many actors, I believe, are more batshit crazy than Tom Cruise. When he fired his publicist a couple years back, brought on his equally crazy sister, and lost his mind on Oprah, it all surfaced. Looking back, it all made sense. From his ridiculous karate pool antics in The Color of Money to his portrayal of Cole Trickle, he fit the bill. My question is, does it affect his career? At first, I thought I would never be able to look at his roles the same, but I find myself watching TC movies constantly. In fact, this week alone I have watched Cocktail, A Few Good Men, The Last Samurai, and The Color of Money... and it's Wednesday! Now, I may not have watched them in their entirety, but I was flipping to them in between commercials during bowl games. So I found myself thinking about TC’s movie career and how much it will change down the road. And the thing that occurred to me is, if he has always been this crazy… why quit on him now. The man has made 33 movies and I can only count a handful of ones I did not like a lot. Some are unintentionally genius, some are just real good… but the fact is, the guy makes entertaining movies. I guess what I am saying is this, TC has not changed, it is our perception of him that has and for that I saw keep on keepin’ on Tom… I will be watching.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

I have to add one more post about that game. I'm sorry. It has to be done. It was that good. I mean, a hook and lateral and a Statue of Liberty in the same game? Was I dreaming or did that really happen? Good Lord, what a game. WHAT A GAME!!!

18 point 2nd-half comeback. Tipped-ball TD. A 7-yard two-point conversion after two penalties. Back-breaking INT of the highest order. Hook and freaking lateral on 4th and freaking 18. 25-yard TD run on the 1st play of OT. Ballsy call on 4th and 2 for a TD. Even ballsier call to go for 2 and the win. EVEN BALLSIER call to run the Statue of freaking Liberty. Game over. Unreal.

Oh yeah...and an incredibly bizarre live proposal from one of the players to his cheerleader girlfriend. Does that cover it?

I'm way too tired to write anything in-depth but, I'm sorry, the 4th quarter and OT of that Oklahoma-Boise State Fiesta Bowl deserves to be honored immediately. All I can say is wow. That was un-freakin-believable.