◙ "A fat woman
sloshed into the shoe
store today. Said she was retaining water. I told her not to worry the
dam of
cellulite should keep us all safe for the next few years!"

◙ "A skinny woman
with a hooked nose
olive-oils into the shoe store and says "I want something to make me
look
sexy". I say "You'll have to wait a long time before someone that
ugly comes in and stands next to you!!"."

◙ "A fat woman
clip-clops into the
shoestore today and says "I want something I can feel comfortable
in." so I said "Try Wyoming!"

◙ "Then this woman
comes in who doesn't
speak English. She points at the shoes, I point at the door. She points
at the
sky and then knees me in the nay-nays!"

◙ "Let me explain.
It's just like an
elevator. There's a 2 ton weight limit on those shoes..."

◙ "A customer walks
into the shoestore
today. A tall willowy brunette. She sits down and asks to try on a pair
of size
12 pumps. So I sit down there, doing my business and I notice she's
wearing a
garter belt which I like. All the time she'd smiling at me. Suddenly
she
uncrosses her legs like in Basic Instinct..... It was a guy!!!"

◙ "A fat woman walked
into the shoe
store today. She was so fat, she had three smaller women orbiting
around
her."

◙ "A woman comes into
the shoestore
today, so huge she's protected by GreenPeace. She asked for a pair of
size 4 so
I asked if she'd eat them here or take them home. Then she has the
nerver to
complain about my performance!"

◙ "A fat woman
godzillas into the shoe
store today, she asks for something she could wear to walk in the
woods.
Jokingly I suggest she wear a sign that says "Don't shoot! From the
front
I look human!"."

◙ "A fat woman came into the shoe
store today. Wanted a pair of shoes for a Christmas party. I told her
to stand
on her hands, put a star in her butt and go as the world's largest,
ugliest
tree!"

◙ A little kid and
his mum are in the store.
The kid says "I want a balloon" and Al replies (looking at the fat
mother) "You've already got one!".

◙ If God had wanted
women to bowl, he would
have put their breasts on their backs so we would have something to
watch while
waiting our turn.

◙ Peggy: No TV, Al,
we're talking.

Al: You're my wife. I will
not talk to you while I have a TV.

◙ Al: Peg, kids, get
ready to torture me - I'm home.

◙ Kelly: Bud, I'm
gonna kill you and then I'm gonna bury you alive.

◙ Peggy: I want sex.

Al: So do I, but I see no
reason to drag *you* into it.

◙ Peggy: Did you
miss me?

Al: With every bullet, so
far.

◙ Al: Now wait a second
Peg, the kids are here. If you want to have sex, they'll have to leave.
And if
you want it to be good, you'll have to leave.

1685. You
whine when you find out that Margalla motel is not your centre

1686.
You have a friend/relative in almost every street of Islamabad
1687. You think its perfectly normal to have a 4km park in the middle
of the
city
1688. You see the same cars every morning when going to school/work
1689. You practically live in Jinnah
1690. You practiacally live for the "Gandey" waley chips from Jinnah
and dont like any other chips no matter how good they are
1691. You use to go to "Yummy 36" for ice cream because that was the
only ice cream parlour in town
1692. You ditched "Yummy 36" for hot spot when it opened up because
it served amazing ice cream1693. You're proud of the fact that
hot spot opened in Islamabad
first then in Lahore
and Karachi
1694. You used to go to "Sogo 2000" for burgers because that was the
only burger joint in the city and have celebrated many birthdays there

¤ Vi mora da ste iz Jorka ako… (UK,
poglavlje XXXIV)

1695. You meet up at
the
fountain
1696. You know the name of all the "bars" (not the drinking places)
1697. You pass the Minster every weekend but have never been in it
1698. You promise yourself you'll go on a ghostwalk but probably never will
1699. You wonder how many foreign people's photos you're in.
1700. You know what a "snickelway" is
1701. You start getting pissed off with people in walking boots and wearing
backpacks, because you know they're fucking tourists.
1702. You act pissed off when a tourist asks you for directions (but you secretly love it)
1703. You know you shouldn't, but always find yourself eating at Jumbo's
1704. You know Plaggy Terry and/or have a photo with him
1705. You've seen "Janice Church" written somewhere… (who is she?)
1706. You know the only decent cinema is a thirty minute buss ride away

1707. You still get excited when seeing the squirrels in the museum gardens
1708. You don't go to the back of the MuseumGardens
because you know, invariably, you will be stabbed
1709. Having Vikings, Romans and dead people walk by you has become a
matter of
course and you don't give it a second thought.
1710. You've seen every single buskers act in the whole
of York,
but you'll still
stop every now and then to watch it again.
1711. You deliberately walk behind the Zombie to make him jump at you
and then
act as if nothing's happened, just to impress the
tourists
1712. You act as if you dont care when the river floods to the
tourists, but
when no one's looking, you rush over and have a look
1713. You think you know all the "shortcuts" in York, but tbh,
they're always clogged up with
shitty tourists
1714. You wait all year for the ice rink and you
get excited, but once
it's here, you realise how shit it is
1715. You stop and listen to the Christian preachers… Not because they have
anyting valid to say, you just fancy some cheap laughs.