Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Last week Sarah and I got Spongebob animal crackers while we were at the store.? Later in the day she and Brandon were enjoying said snack and having a very serious discussion on whether or not Spongebob's hands are behind his back.? I believe the consensus turned out that they were indeed behind his back.

I will have one less present to buy when Applebee's sends my gift certificate for forwarding their e-mail. I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for? participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore ,and Uzbekistan .

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late

My own addition: Don't forget that you're not really a Christian unless you forward this 12 people in the next 3 minutes...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

I've driven myself nuts, but I've redone the theme using a splendid graphic.? Hopefully it will bring you a warm, fuzzy feeling when you look at it.? More importantly, I hope it will remind us all of the real reason for CHRISTmas.

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

This is ?The Twelve Days of Christmas" according to my MOPS group. I?ll count down from twelve to save the best for last. And yes, you can sing it to the tune of ?The Twelve Days of Christmas.? Just try not to make the milk you?re drinking with your cookies come out of your nose when you laugh.?

On the 12th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 12 sticky fingersOn the 11th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 11 trips to Wal-MartOn the 10th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 10 melted crayonsOn the 9th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 9 mood swingsOn the 8th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 8 flying nuggetsOn the 7th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 7 temper tantrumsOn the 6th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 6 sloppy kissesOn the 5th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 5 food fightsOn the 4th day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 4 hours of sleepOn the 3rd day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 3 new teethOn the 2nd day of Christmas, my children gave to me: 2 hugs and kissesOn the 1st day of Christmas, my children gave to me: A poopy diaper

Makes you glad you?re a mom, doesn?t it? Well, at least it makes it funny.Thanks to the Mineola MOPS group for a great laugh - and bring your cookie recipes on January 17th!

Sunday, December 3, 2006

The holidays are officially upon us.? It's the second day of Christmas and your gift list is missing the "done" checks.? What to do?? With that beloved cousin of yours 500 miles away, it seems that a gift is out of the question unless you actually travel the 500 miles to give it.? With the advent of mail drop services, that's no longer the case.

What is a mail drop?? It's a shop where you can rent a mailbox, send packages - do anything you could at the post office, really.? But it doesn't stop there.? Mail drop companies can receive packages for you, which is great when you order that expensive gift that has to be signed for at delivery.? You don't have to worry about being home when you use your mail drop address.? They'll sign for you and hold it until it's convenient for you to come get it.? Even better, leave directions and they'll send it on to cousin for you when they receive it.? How convenient is that?

Don't know where a mail drop is?? Check Mail Drop Guide?- you can search for mail drops by state, and even find international mail drops.? When you do find the mail drop service listing for the company you want to use, everything you need to know is right there:? address, phone, fax, description, and even a link to its location on Google Maps.? Some even offer an e-mail form right there for you to contact them.?

Thursday, November 30, 2006

I received this a few days ago from one of my church family members.? It's a message I've been reminded of many times in my own life, but never heard expressed so well.

The holiday shopping season has arrived along with stress, short tempers, tight budgets and long lines. Several years ago, my young daughter and I were discussing the stress of holiday shopping. I am infamous for my impatience and short temper. It isn?t something I?m proud of and the subject of personal prayer. During this particular discussion, we decided to try something new. We were going to "share the love". When faced with poor service, rudeness and the like, we decided to smile and show God?s love ? no matter what the situation. It sounded like a great idea at the time but I had no idea how tough it would be! It wasn?t long before we were placed in a situation to be tested. As I came close to taking a cashier to task for something I can?t even remember now, I felt a nudge at my elbow and a reminder from my daughter to "share the love". I took a deep breath and smiled, and then another deep breath and smiled. It wasn?t easy but we left laughing about how much it took for me to "share the love". There were many more times that holiday season to share the love and over the years since, we?ve shared the love many times.

Anyone that works in retail today has seen the changes in the treatment of customers and treatment by customers. Sometimes I want to speak up and ask if their mothers know they are acting like that but I don?t, I just "share the love". Now many years later, my daughter works in retail. She remembers those lessons that she learned and wishes there were others out there who could do the same.

This holiday season challenge yourself to have more patience, many more smiles, greater appreciation to everyone you meet. Whether it is the harried cashier or the rude driver, just "share the love". Take a deep breath, smile and treat the person as you would want someone to treat your child if he or she were in that situation. You may need help. Ask your shopping pal to hold you accountable and remind you at the right times! I promise you ? you will leave that situation holding your head a little higher, a little less stressed and the respect of those who witness your behavior.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I love internet shopping...maybe a little too much. But that's why I love Oriental Trading Company. They have great deals on all those little novelties that I love. Even better, they've begun carrying what they call "Go Gifts," great gifts ranging from 3 or 4 dollars to 20 or 25. It's like a clever little gift basket (which I love) that you didn't have to go to four million stores to gather together.

I especially love shopping there when I've found some Oriental Trading coupon codes. Hey, the more I get for my money, the happier I am; and the happier I am, the happier everyone else is, right? I rarely shop without coupons, even on the Internet. It only makes sense to take advantage of a good deal whenever possible, and it helps me to be a better steward.

And honey, when your income is as low as ours is, being a good steward is essential to having electricity.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Being a word processor (typist, typesetter, virtual assitant, secretary...you get the idea) by trade, I pride myself on finding creative ways to present information.? That probably explains why I absolutely cringe when I see someone pimping themselves or their products as "creative!" or "unique!" or "unlike any other!" when they've got the same exact thing I've seen in countless other places except for the color.? Ooohhh...there's some uniqueness!?

So imagine my surprise when I check out these custom wedding invitations. I'm expecting to be able to proclaim as one of my favorite Incredimail backgrounds does, "You're unique - just like everyone else!"?

But guess what?? They actually are unique.? With funky asymetrical designs, cutouts, diecut shapes, and even the taboo red, you're actually going to find something you haven't seen anywhere else before.? Flip-flop invitations, anyone?? How about snowflakes for your winter wedding?? And these are elegant invitations - not some hokey "I'm-too-cheap-to-buy-real-invitations" invitations.? We're talking foil accents, beautiful fonts, and custom folds here.

We went camping to see my mother-in-law for the holiday.? Sounds like fun, eh?? Well, let's see here...what does that entail?? Here's my list:

Plan menu and packing list to make sure I don't forget anything.

Shop for needed items on aforementioned list.

Locate the rest of the items on aformentioned-aforementioned list.

Pack for 3 days and 3 nights for five people (four by the end, because Michael actually packed his own clothes).

Load (cram is actually a better word) van with ridiculously huge amount of stuff to be "roughing it."

Attempt to get children to "go" before we go so we don't have to stop a block down the road.

Travel 3 hours by car with a one-year-old (Ms. "Get Me Out of This Carseat"), a four-year-old (Ms. "I'm Hungry"), and six-year-old (Mr. "I'm Talking and I Can't Shut Up").

Check into the camp and pay $4 for?three pieces of firewood and no kindling in a place that forbids gathering firewood.

Hastily unload the car because you're late, then reload it with the necessities to go eat with aforementioned children, including a high chair and spare change of clothes for each one.

Make everyone trek to the bathroom to "go" again before you head out on your 30 minute journey to dinner.

Cram 3 adults and 3 children around a table no bigger than 30x48 in a 12x12 kitchen occupied by an early-1900's wood burning stove?(I must interject here that it was really good.? We had BBQ chicken instead of the traditional turkey, and I think I could've eaten the whole thing had I not been making a pig of myself with the Kraft stuffing.).? Some would call it an?"intimate dining experience."

Make another 30 minute trek back to camp and set up in the dark.? It was a screened shelter with a light, though, so it wasn't as bad as it sounds.

Pass out at 9:15.

Wake every other hour with the crying one-year-old between you because you didn't have room for the playpen.

My auto insurance premiums seem to rise steadily with each renewal, so I've been shopping around and getting quotes, which led me to hades.? Well, they call it Free Insurance Quotes.

Ha! Free, my foot!

Okay, so no money outlay, but time?? Oy, make sure you've got lots of it.? The first page of the form says, "It only takes about 4 minutes to fill out the following form for Free Auto Insurance Quotes."? True - it takes precious little time to fill out the information.? Be sure you have your VINs on hand, though.? Yeah, they want everything.? The little lock is closed, so it's technically safe, but remember, they'll be giving your information to the companies they work with to find your quote.

Oh yeah, quote.? You don't get one.?

You get four bajillion e-mails and phone calls from agents to give you your quote... after they've asked you all the same information you've already given again.? And sorry, but I don't give out my social security number when I haven't initiated the phone call, so most of them were a bust.

Friday, November 24, 2006

So the fourth Thursday of November is always Thankgiving.? The Friday after Thanksgiving has a variety of names, most notably, Black Friday. Ever wonder why?? Fun Advice has an answer from a guy that mentions the slave trade before the Civil War, but I've never heard it anywhere else and?there's absolutely no evidence given.? Wikipedia and a host of other reputable sites explain that it's the day that retailers traditionally began to finally operate "in the black," making a profit for the year.

My personal favorite is "Buy Nothing Day."? I like the sound of that - avoiding an early morning, rude people, and buying things that have no value whatsoever except that it was "a really good deal."? I first learned about it at Holiday Insights?and included it in our primary school's crazy calendar.? Checking Wiki for Black Friday, though, actually mentions Buy Nothing Day.

Wow, it's bigger than I thought.? According to Wiki, it was created by a guy named Ted Dave, a Vancouver artist, activist and actor who was tired of consumerism and decided to protest with his money.? Well, without it, actually.? He made a bunch of posters and encouraged people to not shop on the last Friday of November back in 1992.? In the 14 years since its Canadian birth, BND has spawned a slew of international sites, a song, and even a couple of churches.? I think I'll just stick to, "I like the thought because I get to be lazy."

Monday, November 20, 2006

I like being a little on the fringe.? Anything from extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping to blogging and viral marketing is fair game for me.? My passionate views tend to be controversial, which is why I love PayPerPost.? It's a genius idea, but the majority just don't get it.??The opportunities are varied, the pay is good on most?of them (but Ted's working on that), and despite what good ol' Arringdumb rants, the vast majority of them are neutral.? You promote something, you get paid for it.

Hey wait, isn't that what commercials are?? And what about all the adverticles spread all over the web?? Same idea - just?a?lot more aggravating.? Let?me tell you, I cannot stand?finding what I initially think?is a great resource site of articles on how to save money, get things free,?get?tough stains out, etc. only to find?a stinkin' bargeload of adverticles!? Somebody tug it off!

Sorry, my soapbox jumped underneath me there for a minute....

Anyway, PayPerPost is simply what women have done for centuries - only now we get PAID to do it.

Thursday, November 9, 2006

"They don't get them because they're stupid or anything.? They get them because...when they..."

- one of Brandon's classmates while discussing the deer antler she brought in for show-and-tell

"...they get knowledge."

- another one of the classmates finishing her sentence.

Incidentally, Brandon piped up with, "They get them because they're getting more bigger!"? Granted, the grammar stinks, but at least he was right.? The sad thing was that the class disagreed with him.? Haven't these kids watched Bambi??

As I've mentioned before, our credit's not superb.? But I don't trust banks, anyway.? They're only out for how much money they can make off of you.? Frankly, I don't think there's much difference anymore between getting a loan from a bank and getting one from the local loan shark downtown.? Sadly, we don't have any rich relatives to borrow money from, though.? So where does that leave you when you need some dough?

Well, I've discussed online loans from banks before.? There's a new company that does?online loans from individuals - ZOPA (Zone of Possible Agreement - don't ask me where they got the name - it doesn't make any sense to me, either).? It's like adopting a rich uncle - hey, cool!? It's currently available only in the UK, but is getting ready to expand to the US.? On the surface, it appeals to my rebel, stick-it-to-the-man persona.? I can't help but wonder about it, though.? Maybe it's a fear of the new and undiscovered financial country.

Rest assured I'll be keeping my eye on it; but at the moment, that's the only thing I'm putting on it.

"Ladies and gentlemen, they say the show must go on, but they never say why."

- An answer on BlogThing to the question: "What words are most likely to come out of your mouth?"?to find out which Muppet you are.

By the way, here's the results:?

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it.You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less.You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way.Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

You don't find much free stuff anymore.? Oh yeah, the word free is plastered all over the place these days...with an asterisk next to it.? What does that little inkblot mean?? NOT free.? There's a price for free these days.? "Get a free?iPod!" ...after you join about a bajillion newsletters and of-the-month clubs. Free stuff sites abound, but I found that they're usually just a niched search engine report with TONS of Google advertising.

Hey, I'm all for free.? But refdesk defines free as "Costing nothing; gratuitous."? I'm diggin' here, guys - no luck yet.? Let's check "Free Stuff for Teachers."? After I scroll past two sets of Google ads and the same "Order these Free samples!" (I thought you only ordered? things that you were paying for....hmm - first clue you're getting had) ad that's on every single page, I find a list of a whopping?eight articles.? I stop after I scan the first four.? Great ideas about how using free stuff can help teachers, students, the economy, hey, the whole world.? There's a vital piece missing though: where is all this free stuff???? Oh, yeah, well, you have to go find it yourself.

Wait, this is just a site with a bunch of adverticles, but no actual free stuff?

What a waste of time.

Okay, that's a bust.? Let's move on to "Free Stuff for Babies."? Those little darlings are expensive.? Mama could use some baby freebies.? Let's see, here...This looks promising: "New Parents Will Receive $500 in Baby Supplies For Free."? Cool!? Ah, wait... "Enter your email to see if this offer is available in your area."? Since when do you track your area with your e-mail?? Second clue.

I like to think I'm a fair person.? I'll give it?one more shot.? "Free Food Stuff."? Can't go wrong with free food.? Open the page and discover "Free Food and Candy" - now you're talkin'!? Well, hot dog!? I found something!? I've actually done this one, so I know it's free:? Kraft Food and Family Magazine and Calendar.? Register with the site so you can get all kinds of recipes online (you get an optional e-mail newsletter once a month, I think), and they send you a magazine chock-full of recipes every other month and a calendar with a new recipe for every month.

So, is it worth it to trudge through the adverticles for it?? Nah, just go to Kraft.com?and save yourself a bunch of time.

And check back here from time to time.? I'll list really free stuff that you can get and?where to get it.

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Okay, okay, I confess:? I love taking quizzes.? The folks over at BlogThings?are just cruel.? How could I not love them?? They've got about a bajillion different quizzes - some fun, some funny, some disgusting, some are even surprisingly serious.?

I have one gripe, though.?? All the ones about stuff you'd?be good at keep telling me I should be a teacher...

We're on the "we're buying the house" swing again.? The landlord wants about twice as much as the house is worth, since he can't figure out how to calculate interest.? Add in the fact that he has no understanding of tax valuation, and we're in the forest of "I'm the owner and I can do what I want, but I don't realize that I'll never sell the house."? Our credit is shot (thanks to an ex-husband and MLM fraud - NEVER join one [more on that later]), so owner financing is about our only option.

We tried to buy a house a few months ago.? It was a nightmare.? Just when we thought (thanks to the realtor) we'd be able to do this American Dream thing, we get the paperwork.? You wouldn't believe all the extra fees, payments, blah, blah, blah that are in those papers!? I wish we'd known more about mortgages when we did it. We wouldn't have looked like such big idiots.?

Mortgages?are explained in depth at PersonalHomeLoanMortgages.com.? Every kind of mortgage you can think of is defined in great detail, and anything you may share with the site is protected by SecureTrust, which complies with several different privacy regulation sets like the FTC and DoNotCall, among others.? I especially appreciate the pre-qualified versus pre-approved loan page.? We decided we'd get a pre-approved loan before we'd try to buy again.? Luckily, it turns out we were on the right track - but it was sheer happenstance.? I learned, though, that getting pre-qualified is actually our first step.

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.?

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

Time to break out the Christmas tunes, baby!? This is my favorite time of year - I love Christmas music.? I try to restrain myself until November, but then all bets are off.? The cds come out and the music becomes a non-stop backdrop to my days... Hey,?I gotta do something to stave off the SAD (Seasonal-Affective Disorder).

There'll be a new selection on my playlist this year: Greener's Christmas Song.? You rockers can enjoy the electric version, while us hippies can bliss out to the acoustic version.? I actually like both versions, and will probably purchase both to play depending on my mood.

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Well, as if it isn't bad enough that I'm not losing weight walking, I now have bursitis in my left leg so I can't even walk this week!?

I used to be skinny.? When I met Michael ten years ago, I weighed all of 95 pounds while I was wearing my clothes and shoes.? I couldn't gain weight for anything.? I ate like a horse, and nothing.? Little did I realize that it was apparently a delayed-reaction sort of thing, because now I weigh 157 pounds living on fruit salad.

I went to MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) yesterday and our icebreaker activity was telling something about ourselves based on the color of the M&M we picked out of our fun-size bag.? For example, red M&M: tell something about your family, blue: tell something you love to do, brown: something you don't like to do, etc.? So all the reds were saying junk like, "I have a four-month-old," "I have a nine-month-old," blah, blah, blah.? And I'm sitting there looking at these disgustingly thin women while wallowing in my fat rolls with a 1-year-old in the nursery.?

Talk about feeling like the fat kid.? At least I didn't have to eat a plateful of asparagus on a regular basis as a kid.? Ted Murphy over at PayPerPost did. Check it out:

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books.You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more.For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests.A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

My fonts folder has 490 files in it at the moment.? I've got everything from "Andy" and "fruitopia" to ""Varsity" and "Zoomorphica."? Several Disney characters, a number of brands, and even a movie or two have found their merry ways into my fonts folder.? To quote Over the Hedge, "enough just isn't enough."?

One of my peeves, though, is only seeing a small sample of the font when you're browsing.??Ooh, baby, not anymore!?Download free fonts and free dingbats?at Urban Fonts, and you get to see the entire font before you download it!? Oh yeah, and did you catch that they're free?

You're not looking at the same three fonts with slight variations, either.? There are lots of original, creative fonts.? The dingbats are nothing to sneeze at, either.? There's an entire font of foliage - really cool looking - and an amazingly detailed set of African artwork.? Check out the retro bats while you're there, too.? Trend followers will find it useful for the return of vintage chic.

All in all, Urban Fonts is a forerunner of the font industry, in my opinion.? Not because of quantity, but quality and user-friendliness.? Check out the Identifont and What the Font features, too.? I could have saved myself hours and eyestrain with that over the years!

Monday, October 30, 2006

I know it's too late for Halloween this year, but it's never too late to start planning for next year, right? There's a new "fancy dress" site from the UK that's one of the most comprehensive I've seen.

They've got everything you need, from costumes to wigs, props to magic tricks, and disguise accessories.

Can't see having something eternally just to wear it for a few hours? Londoners can hire a costume from a dozen different categories from?animals and mascots?to United Nations national wear and western.

Even us "uncivilised Yankees" can partake of the fanciness - they ship worldwide. You'll find the most popular costumes for kids and a bigger selection of masks than anyone should have. But you're bound to have more fun than most, too.

Michael's been into making money online for...well, since he discovered "online."? It seems like every week he's telling me about something else he's seen that's supposed to make "Josie America" rich in her pajamas.? We've tried?quite a few of them.? Okay, he's tried an incredibly insane amount of them.? He's managed to toss me on the bandwagon of a few of them.

So naturally I (inwardly, of course) rolled my eyes when he mentioned PayPerPost.? My first thought when he tells me about something is usually something along the lines of, "How much is this gonna cost us?" but surprisingly, it didn't cost a dime.? No, not even a penny, for you linguistic smarties out there.? The next thing I knew, he said that he had a stash of money in his PayPal account from PayPerPost.? I quickly asked him what on Earth that was and my darling, patient husband explained it yet again.

Writer's block story short, I signed up, started writing (eventually), and now Michael's aggravated at me because I've made $182 since my first payment on October 3 - which is more than he has.? I've got another $118 coming as of this writing,?and?the amount?will only increase day by day.? I've been able to buy gifts for people I love, treat myself and my family, and now I'm saving up for an iPod Nano.

You know, you'd think that someone so supposedly smart would get it eventually, but Mike Arrington just doesn't seem to have the cranial lobe that can grasp the concept of paid blogging connected.? Once again, he rants about the transparency of the blogosphere and the ethics of disclosure without changing his own disclosure on TechCrunch.? Read through his blog sometime when your sense of the ludicrous is severely numbed - granted, you'll have to sift through a number of anti-PayPerPost propoganda posts - and see how many posts mention people and companies that, hmm...he has some connection with, but man, my eyes are bad because I missed him mentioning that fact....

Sunday, October 29, 2006

There's been a lot of hype about disclosure since the advent of PayPerPost.? Now there's a disclosure policy generator to help bloggers in their quest for transparency.? Answer a few questions, and it generates the policy for you.? Will this solve the disclosure dispute?? Hardly.? With guys like Mike Arrington out there, rest assured that nothing will ever be enough.? And while I know my readers to be intelligent and have already figured this out, Mike and his buddies will need to be told that all posts on this blog that have been compensated for?can be found in the "Reviews" category.? And here's the "official" Three Stairs disclosure policy:

This policy is valid from 30 October 2006This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me. For questions about this blog, please contact? design@unfettereddesigns.com.This blog accepts forms of cash advertising, sponsorship, paid insertions or other forms of compensation.

The compensation received may influence the advertising content, topics or posts made in this blog. That content, advertising space or post may not always be identified as paid or sponsored content.

The owner(s) of this blog is compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. Even though the owner(s) of this blog receives compensation for our posts or advertisements, we always give our honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics or products. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers? own. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question.

The owner(s) of this blog would like to disclose the following existing relationships. These are companies, organizations or individuals that may have a significant impact on the content of this blog. We are employed by or consult with: PayPerPost.To get your own policy, go to http://www.disclosurepolicy.org

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

So you know by now that I find Chris Rice's music and songwriting to be very inspiring.? He's also very humorous.? I'd like to share the little gems I pick up from Chris along the way.? These shall henceforth be know as Riceisms.

Being a graphics designer and virtual assistant, I design all our invitations, announcements, etc. at home.? Yes, it can be a time-consuming project, but the kids love it and I get to exercise my creative juices.

? Baptism invitations?at Wedding-Needs.com are perfect for those of us that don't have the energy or time to make them, though.? There are several absolutely beautiful die-cut invitations of christening gowns (and even a boy's baptismal romper), and the drawing of the sleeping baby is just adorable.? So save yourself some time - you have my permission.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Some weeks there just doesn't seem to be enough money.? That's when all those payday loans seem so tempting.? But I know there's got to be a catch in there somewhere like huge interest rates, massive fees, and doling out your checking account information like candy on Halloween.? Now there's instant payday loans online, just in case you don't have a ride to your local loan shark.? I can only assume it's gotten better over time, but I still don't trust it.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

While I do business online, it's not the be all and end all of my existence.? It's a dangerous (and seriously limiting) thing to focus on only one thing all the time. Internet business has its place in our lives, but if that's all you have you're one extremely boring person - tons of money or not.? James Brausch has figured this out.? The guy took off from June 2004 to January 2006 to experience the first several months of his son's life without distractions!? Yeah, I'd like to know what he does to be able to do that (which is why his blog is going on my favorites list), but his articles on living life and becoming a well-rounded person are what snag me the fastest.

While WebMD offers lots of medical advice on everything under the sun, sometimes we want to know what other people have experienced with certain conditions.? Many times what worked best for me was something that another mom or patient shared with me.? OrganizedWisdom.com combines the expertise of doctors with the experiences of patients.? Help others by sharing 1 piece of health wisdom at OrganizedWisdom.com, and learn something about what you're going through at the same time.? The information is concise, well-presented, and thorough.? You won't spend hours clicking through links to find all the information you need - it's all one one page.? And searching for it is easy, too.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

I am so sick of bullies.? I can't stand it when people do things just out of meanness or spite.? And I really can't stand it when we let them get away with it because they're bigger, or richer, or have connections.? What happened to "all men are created equal?"? Why are we defeatists who say that the way it has been is the way it has to be?? Columbus was the minority - everyone thought he was crazy.? And we just celebrated a national holiday for him!? Galileo, Aristotle, Magellan - all great men that were viewed as lunatic because they believed in something that no one else saw.? Where are those that believe so fully in justice, truth, and right that they'll shout it to the thundering masses until they see their folly?

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

As if there aren't enough DVD clubs, now there's one from your favorite All-American goof-offs, National Lampoon.? While the current selection is minimal, the reviewed stock promises to be hilarious.? The premise is that these guys will only offer you the funniest movies ever made that never got the wide distribution they deserved.? This is a movie club for adults only - the humorists featured include the likes of Luke Wilson, Jack Black, and Andy Dick.? If you like raunchy humor and what mainstream society calls tasteless, you'll love it.

Frankly, I'll pass, since I get plenty of potty humor from my six-year-old...

Did I mention that I love books?? That I read the dictionary for fun?? Well, here's a dictionary you normal people might like to read: Mixtionary.? The description on Amazon quotes this:?

"Presenting a special hardcover guide to communicating efficiently in the modern world, in which newfangled ideas and phenomena leave us at a loss for words. This humorous hardcover offers mixed-up modern words for our mixed-up world, each one illustrated by veteran comic artist Shawn McManus. "

There's a video clip about it (where I first learned about the book) at Expanded Books.? Dude, it'll be, like, funtagious.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Chris Rice is giving a free concert in Tyler on October 23.? The doors open at 6.? I'm trying to figure out what to do with the kids between the time they get out of school and Michael gets home so that I can be there at 4.? This nut's gonna be on the front row!? I'm actually hoping to get to meet Chris.? How cool would that be?!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.? Most people blow it off, but you shouldn't.? Breast cancer?is a high risk in my family since my great-grandmother died from it.? It's been a constant reminder - Check your breasts - you don't want to end up like Granny, I think.? My grandmother is the most vocal about reminding the women in my family to get checked.? We had a scare last year when she felt a lump in her left breast.? Thankfully, it wasn't cancer and the lump is now gone thanks to treatment.

Early detection is the key to survival.? Breast cancer information abounds, so you have no excuse?for not doing self exams and getting a mammogram.? Annual mammograms are a must for any woman over 50, and they must begin at 40 for women like me that have a family history or high risk of cancer.? I have 10 years for laser mammograms to become commonplace!? All kidding aside, monthly self exams and annual mammograms make more and more women breast cancer survivors than statistics...

If you haven't noticed from my post titles, I love alliteration (that's when consecutive words start with the same sound).? I think it's fun to come up with alliterative titles and phrases - it works the linguistic?brain.

Another confession - I have 33 hours towards an English major.? Now you know the secret of my infatuation.? I constantly correct my husband and children in their grammar.? It drives Michael crazy, but he doesn't use "due to" anymore - YES!?

Dr. Roth would be so proud.? He was my professor and mentor at college.? His pet peeve was people using "due to" instead of "because of" because it's incorrect grammar.? To this day, I can't use the phrase, and I can't?see it without thinking of Dr. Roth.

Monday, October 9, 2006

It seems that there's a song for everything and everybody.? From adulterers to zebras, and babies in utero to the dead.? TheRiskmaster is a song for today's webophiles.? Making money seems to be the muse for most of us, but I haven't heard a song that actually addressed it.? I like it; it has a slight classic Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers feel to it that makes it a feel good tune.? I found myself refreshing everytime the song ended.

And yeah, it's a little snarky (my word for the week) with the line, "Anyone this rich must have lied."? But really, isn't that how we feel about rich people when we aren't rich?? He's not like us and we're good people, so he must be bad.? I've also found that we have that attitude toward people that come up with a great idea before we do.

I read the dictionary for fun.? RefDesk is my friend.? Yes, I use new words in a sentence within a day of learning them.? My favorite place is the library.? I have more books than food items at any given time - even after I've been on a grocery shopping spree.? I've been told more than once that I could (some say should) start a book store.? I refuse to get rid of a book.? I have a box of books in the back of my van that I got for free from a local thrift store.? I just saw a box of books and didn't look at them twice before squealing in delight and picking it up.? I love vocabulary, hate profanity, and actually use words like banter, blather, and vacillate in the course of daily conversation.??I usually have to define a word I've used at least once a week.? I can tell when Michael's been reading my?blog - I'm his new vocabulary source.

It's an aural exhilaration to hear a fresh syllabic homage to language.

I live in a small town with about 5,000 people.? Home security around here consists of nosey neighbors and the streetlights every 50 feet.? Not to mention the fact that instead of six degrees of separation, we have about 3.? It seems like everybody's either related or at knows at least 3 people from the same family.?

Take me, for instance.? My grandmother and mother also live in my town, so just about anybody in town knows at least 1 of us, if not all of us.? I can't get away with squat.? If I went to Ace Hardware (which I don't very often), rest assured someone that knows I'm Pat's granddaughter saw me there and mentioned it to her.? Within 24 hours of me doing something out of the ordinary, my grandmother or mom are going to ask me what I was doing because so-and-so saw me there...and I'm 30!

Now imagine what the teenagers that all grew up here have to deal with.? Who needs home security in Podunk?

I've been walking now for about a month to lose weight.? I walk between a mile and a mile and a quarter.? To make me accountable and to encourage myself, I'll be posting my weight every Monday.? Today's magic number is...

153...Barf.

Well, it's better than 158, so I guess I should be happy.? My goal is to get down to 115.? Only another 38 pounds to go!? At a pound a week, I should hit my goal around...the beginning of July.? Ugh...Maybe I'll aim for 2 pounds a week.? That'd put me at the middle of February.? Oooh - I'd be skinny for my birthday!

So I've made almost $100 since 20 September from PayPerPost.? I've already got another $150 scheduled to come my way in the next 30 days.? Not bad for expressing my opinion about stuff and finding some cool sites and products along the way.? It sure beats 4 jillion surveys to make five bucks.

You want in on the secret??Go to PayPerPost, sign up, and make money.? Want to thank me for inviting you to the world's greatest money-maker for SAHMs?? List my e-mail (design@unfettereddesigns.com) in the referrer's field when you sign up.? What's it all mean?? Major money for you, and five bucks for me.

Sarah's all into princesses.? I saw a commercial today for Disney World where a little girl dressed normally opens a door and is suddenly a princess on a red carpet leading to a carriage.? If only all florida holidays were like that.? I'd love to go and become a princess for a day or two...

or a lifetime...

I have an uncle that lives in Odessa.? I'm still trying to figure out how to convince him that he wants to send my family to Disney World just 'cause he loves us so much.? He's the crazy one in the family, but I don't think he's that crazy.?

I must be, though.? Who wants to go stand in a huge line everywhere you go?? And does a depressed woman really want to see grinning, oversized, furry rodents every time she turns around?

Bethy started throwing up mucous on Monday afternoon.?? Tuesday morning I took her to the doctor and she was diagnosed with "allergies."? Wednesday evening I discovered what I thought was the real reason for the sieve-nose, fever,?and colic:? she's cutting her top two front teeth.? Thursday night I started feeling a scratchy, sore throat and having a headache.

Hmm...contagious allergies.? That's a new one.? As of this writing, four of the five people in our family are coughing and/or sound hoarse.? I've spent the last six days holding the baby and wishing I could sleep because I feel like...well, let's face it:? crap.? She refuses to be put down.? This child could be sould asleep - comatose - until you try to lie her in her crib.? Then she starts screaming at T-3 inches from your chest.

So here I am, forced to trudge on as Mom and take care of the sick baby, the sick hubby, the coughing elder daughter, and the Rambunctious Rebel while I feel so wiped out I'm thinking I'm must be running on some preternatural energy source reserved for moms.

On the up-side, I've noticed that my wit is as sharp as my body is dull.? I guess all the energy my body isn't using while I lie around is fueling my brain.

Mike Arrington (or is it Arrogant?) and Rob (hop off yer high horse) Hof "interviewed" Ted Murphy and Josh Stein earlier this month.? That's what they called it.? It was more like a propagandizing, mud-slinging, ignorantly accusatory slander-fest about blog advertising.

Cast aside the blatantly condescending attitude of the hosts; forget the leading questions meant to plant myths in the minds of listeners.? If their definition of "civilized" (as they called it in their post about the meeting) is to continually interrupt the guests and to allow your cohort unabridged soliloquies on his own merits as a "real" journalist, I must be a Neanderthal.

Rob blathers on about how ?true? journalists don?t accept payment to promote something, and the deception of not disclosing payment, yet is a hired hand for Business Week.? Hey Rob, how much did they pay you to slam PayPerPost on Business Week Online?? Surely you don?t mean that the big-wigs over at BWO just donated a post to you on their blog so you could get your feelings off your chest?? Oh, they pay you to write about the tech industry?? Gee, Rob, ever hear of editors?

Journalism is the precursor to PayPerPost.?? Since paper and ink were combined and distributed, there have been ?advertisers? paying to have their propaganda spread far and wide.? If it weren?t the case, you wouldn?t have decidedly liberal and conservative publications.? They would all appeal equally to both sides of the fence.? How many conservatives do you know that read American Prospect or Washington Monthly?? How about liberals reading National Review or Human Events?? See how far a piece like ?Five Squandered Years? makes it in the offices of National Review, then tell me journalism isn?t bought.

Then there?s the allegory to Tremor ? getting free stuff to promote it.? Hmmm?.I haven?t received any free products for promoting something off of PayPerPost.? Ted hasn?t even sent me the shirt I asked him to (hint, hint, Ted!), but here I am promoting him and PayPerPost.? Somehow Rob and Mike have completely missed the point of PayPerPost.? Could it be that they really don?t know what they?re talking about?

Oops.? Ignorance rears its ugly head.

Here?s one for the circus:? Mike says if a company is so uninteresting that it can?t get it?s own marketing anyway just because it?s interesting, then it?s probably something we don?t need to know about.? Honk your big red nose if you?ve asked someone where they got something you hadn?t seen before within the last, oh, say minute??

Okay, all vernacular aside:? we?ve all learned about something we didn?t know existed because someone else told us about it.?

Hey, I got a free sample of Betty Crocker?s Seasoned Skillet the other day.? If I make them but don?t tell my husband that I got them free, am I being an unethical, non-disclosing shiller?

PS:? Lest Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum question my ethics, I got paid to be snarky about their ignorant propaganda.

Sunday, October 8, 2006

I've now seen two documentaries about C.S. Lewis and The Chronicles of Narnia.? I had to force myself to watch the last half of each.? Both used the same scenes or (bad and unimaginative) computer graphics repeatedly, and the commentators they found were about as lifeless as old Jack himself is now.? Neither had any new information, as such, that couldn't be found in a basic encyclopedic article on the author.? All told my question is this:

How can a documentary about such an interesting person and such adventurous stories be so boring?

Friday, October 6, 2006

I keep hearing "Vonage" and wondering what exactly it is.? "VoIP," I'm told.

Yeah, okay, that makes sense.? "Voice over Internet Provider."

Getting closer...

VoIP Forum?is a lifesaver for those of us behind the telephonic times.? With FAQs, direct links to Vonage, forums galore, reviews, and the latest news about everything VoIP, it's the only stop you need to make an informed, intelligent decision on whether or not to cut the landlines.

Wednesday, October 4, 2006

I came across this neat little quiz about what kind of blogger you are - I'm snarky.? What is snarky, anyway?? According to?RefDesk, it's all about anger.? Yippee.? Even computer-generated mathematical algorithums have me figured out.?

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of.And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

I've always wanted wood floors in my home.? I currently have wood floors in part of it.? What a pain!? And how many trees did it take to floor my kitchen?? How long did it take those trees to grow?? How long will it take to replace them?

See, I'm a bit of a tree-hugger at heart, and while I love the beauty of wood, I cringe at the thought of killing half-century-old trees just so I can worry about denting, scratching, harming the very material that is naturally bored into everyday.

?So I discovered a way to have the beauty?of a light wood without killing Grandpa Tree:?bamboo flooring.? The gorgeous plank you see to the left is not pine, oak, or maple, but bamboo.? Because of its rapid growth cycle (as much as 47 inches in 24 hours), it's becoming a popular choice for those of us that don't want to seriously impede conservation efforts.

Bamboo is also easy to install and care for, and has a wide variety of hues available - just like other wood floors.? Pricing ranges from 2-8 per square foot, so it'll also fit in just about any budget.? You can also choose to install prefinished tongue-and-groove planks, unfinished planks, or have it installed professionally.

Hopefully you'll be able to do it sooner, but rest assured, when I do get my house, I'll be serenely bebopping on bamboo.

Anyway, the meeting was just a beginning-of-the-year, let?s-get-on-the-same-page meeting.? And they love the spreadsheet I do every week letting them know which classes have turned in how much and what our running totals are for the year.

Monday, October 2, 2006

If I had been able to calm down enough to even read this weekend, this looks like a good one:? Simone and Elvis.? Hey, when it?involves cats named after the?King, it's bound to be the best self help book out there.

Who knew little pieces of cardboard could cause such a stir in my innards?? I get ecstatic when Box Tops brands are on sale.? I get a rush when I see a stack of collection sheets in my bin on Thursday afternoons.? I thrill at the prospect of making one of those ridiculously large checks to Coach Wyman for $2500.

And my stomach churns at the thought of 8:15.? The assistant principal asked me Friday morning if I could meet with him and the librarian at 8:15 Monday morning about Box Tops.? I have no idea what the meeting is about.? Am I doing a good job and they just want to encourage me?? Are we just having the beginning-of-the-year, let's-get-on-the-same-page meeting?? Are they going to ream me or "fire" me because I've somehow made them mad?? I can't stand it.? I wish they'd just grab me and say, "Hey, I want to talk to you for a second."

Never set an appointment three days in advance?with a obsessive-compulsive without giving her an agenda.

My dad's hobby is photography, and I inherited his shutterbug gene.? I've got a cheap digital camera, but the thing is such a pain it makes me miss the clunker from my high school photojournalism class.? Maybe I should have checked out digital camera reviews before I bought a camera.? I think I would be a lot happier with my choice.?

And there's so much information, I might be able to actually take a good picture.

I've not considered myself a real fan of any musician in years.? Only two artists have inspired me to collect every album they've made - Sting and Enya.? It's time for a confession:? I'm a Chris Rice fan.? I've now gathered every album he's made and listen to him as a matter of course on a daily basis.? I've found his music to run the gamut of human emotion and experience within the Christian walk.? Whatever my mood, there's a Chris Rice song that helps me feel it fully.? He's a talented songwriter, musician, and singer.? I enjoy his intelligent, witty lyrics.?

My current list of paying?"identities"?includes website designer, graphics designer, and virtual assistant.? I'd love to find something that doesn't involve quite so much "me" time, though.? Michael's made an art of researching internet marketing, but it's more from his perspective of a man finding a way to come home from a JOB (just over broke).? I've yet to really figure out this whole thing.

Well, I found my own white rabbit of internet marketing, Alice Seba's Internet Marketing Blog.? How cool to find a blog from a fellow mom that understands why I want to take advantage of internet marketing and that I don't have time to be taken in by all the scams out there.? Alice guides moms through the tangled webs and warns you of pitfalls before you take a nose-dive with your wallet.? She even shares her own best finds, like the guide that got her started.

Now excuse me while I go learn more from the newest addition to my favorites list...

I'm a happy, organized, ambitious person trapped in an overweight, depressed body.? It's like the two sides of my brain are battling each other.? I'll think all day long, "I want to..." or "I need to..."? or any number thoughts about projects that would make my life more organized, peaceful, productive.? Yet somehow they get stuck there.? My body refuses to cooperate.? I'm tired - exhausted, really - and can't seem to get going.? I'm walking a mile or more 5 days a week, but can't seem to use what little energy I have to actually do something.? It's amazing to be living your life and all the while feel like a tiger pacing in a zoo cage.? I find myself restless - legs constanting wiggling, fingers fidgeting, brain racing, but unable to focus the restless energy to do anything more than finally wiggle myself to sleep.? My current playlist is one consisting of Chris Rice's more mellow tunes.? I don't even feel like listening to his peppy tunes, which usually perk me up.? I just don't even want to perk up.? I know it's a slump.? I know what to do to get out of it, I?just don't want to...

Oh man!? You gotta see this blog!? It's purely for us nerds that love completely useless trivia:?Aviva Trivia Blog.? This thing is a utopia of trivia!

Did you know you know that Africanized (killer) bees didn't even originate in Africa?? And that they were bred to produce more honey, but actually produce less than other breeds?? It's all on Aviva.

Check out the article on Joan of Arc.? How often have you heard that she was martyred for her beliefs?? Find out why she was really burned at the stake.? Let's just say it's a good thing the Church of Rome doesn't abide by the same views on women's dress -

Thursday, September 28, 2006

While ratings aren't the only indicators of a movie's child-worthiness, they are a great first clue to determining the value of a movie to children, especially if you don't want to risk watching it with your child as a means of review. If you're anything like me, you don't have time to sit down and watch a movie by yourself (when are we ever alone anyway?), then watch it with your child. Before you decide to invest your time and money in a film, check the rating. According to The Movie Picture Association of America,

The movie ratings system is a voluntary system operated by the MPAA and the National Association of Theater Owners (NATO). The ratings are given by a board of parents who comprise the Classification and Rating Administration (CARA). CARA's Board members view each film and, after a group discussion, vote on its rating. The ratings are intended to provide parents with advance information so they can decide for themselves which films are appropriate for viewing by their own children. The Board uses the same criteria as any parent making a judgment: theme, language, violence, nudity, sex and drug use are among content areas considered in the decision-making process.

The ratings are a team effort of parents helping one another to protect our children's minds, emotions, values, and - for Christian parents - their souls.

Looking at the new movie genre I discussed in an earlier post, you find that many of the movies are rated PG. Believe it or not, some people don't know what "PG" stands for; it means parental guidance suggested.? Just what does that mean, though? Here's what the officials mean:

This is a film which clearly needs to be examined by parents before they let their children attend. The label PG plainly states parents may consider some material unsuitable for their children, but leaves the parent to make the decision. Parents arewarned against sending their children, unseen and without inquiry, to PG-rated movies. The theme of a PG-rated film may itself call for parental guidance. There may be some profanity in these films. There may be some violence or brief nudity. However, these elements are not considered so intense as to require that parents be strongly cautioned beyond the suggestion of parental guidance. There is no drug use content in a PG-rated film. The PG rating, suggesting parental guidance, is thus an alert for examination of a film by parents before deciding on its viewing by their children. Obviously such a line is difficult to draw. In our pluralistic society it is not easy to make judgments without incurring some disagreement. As long as parents know they must exercise parental responsibility, the rating serves as a meaningful guide and as a warning. (emphasis mine)

It's a sneaky little trick. The executives for these movies market them heavily to children, so parents think that they're children's movies, but they're not.

Another fallacy is that if Disney makes it, it's a kid's movie. Take Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl, for example. There are toys, posters, and school supplies emblazoned with Captain Jack Sparrow just for your kids to enjoy.? My kids got Happy Meals from McDonald's - and Pirates of the Carribean toys. What about an under 3 toy? "Oh these are under 3 toys," I was told.

Wonder what the MPAA rating was for that movie? Remember, these ratings are set by parents. Are you ready for this?

PG-13 is thus a sterner warning to parents, particularly when deciding which movies are not suitable for younger children. Parents, by the rating, are alerted to be very careful about the attendance of their under-teenage children. A PG-13 film is one which, in the view of the Rating Board, leaps beyond the boundaries of the PG rating in theme, violence, nudity, sensuality, language, or other contents, but does not quite fit within the restricted R category. Any drug use content will initially require at least a PG-13 rating. In effect, the PG-13 cautions parents with more stringency than usual to give special attention to this film before they allow their 12-year-olds and younger to attend. If nudity is sexually oriented, the film will generally not be found in the PG-13 category. If violence is too rough or persistent, the film goes into the R (restricted) rating. A film's single use of one of the harsher sexually derived words, though only as an expletive, shall initially require the Rating Board to issue that film at least a PG-13 rating. More than one such expletive must lead the Rating Board to issue a film an R rating, as must even one of these words used in a sexual context. These films can be rated less severely, however, if by a special vote, the Rating Board feels that a lesser rating would more responsibly reflect the opinion of American parents.? (emphasis mine)

Yet, Disney and McDonald's decided, intended, and didmake, market, and sell items related to Pirates of the Caribbean to children and parents of children under the age of 3!

If you haven't discovered it, check out One Step Ahead.? It's got great products for kids.? All those things that you thought, "I need something that...," they've got.??And the?prices reflect it.

Never fear, One Step Ahead deals are here!? These guys will send you directly to my favorite section of any store, web or otherwise:? clearance!?

Oh, excuse me, it's called the outlet.

Ever get sick of picking through a site trying to find what's on sale?? Don't worry, this week's sales are right there for you, too.? And for you big senders, find the latest coupons (savings opportunities).

If the last post didn't smack you in the face with it, I love puns.? I like to rattle off the clever little puns that come to me then wait to see how many people get it.? Yeah, I'm a smart-aleck.

Language fascinates me.? Enthralls me.? Empowers me.? I may not be able to tell you off to your face, but trust me, somewhere in my hard drive there lurks a scathing, witty, intelligent rebuff to your blatant oafish bullying.? I read the dictionary for fun.? I love crossword puzzles.? Even wordfinds hold an intelligent joy for me.

Okay, if for nothing else, you've got to see this Self Storage Directory - Moving.bz.? The first thing I noticed was this bee that looks kinda dopey...until you read the little thought bubble.? It says "Moving dot bzzz!"? This dude's conceitedly clever!

Oh yeah, I love it already.?

The sting (sorry...but not really!)?comes when you realize that behind its really cute mascot is a well-rounded site that covers the entire moving experience - not just self storage.? It covers everything from a Six-Week Checklist for a Smooth Move?to an International Moving Guide.? These guys even list DMVs by state!

There's a new movie genre that's crept in while we plopped our children in front of the video playback machine of our choice: the animated film. It's not for kids. It's animated, but it's not for kids. Some of them are rated G, some are not.

But "for children" isn't always based simply upon a rating. Look at the plot, the context, the message. It started with movies like Treasure Planet and Atlantis. The genre has exploded now with offerings like Madagascar, Shark Tale, and Over the Hedge. How many kids are really gonna get all the nuances of a story like Treasure Island? And really, how much of the story survived the modernization and rewrite? Chicken Run, Chicken Little - they're a little foul (sorry, couldn't help the pun).

Listen, really listen, to these movies. How many times did you laugh at a line that your child didn't laugh at because you got it and your child didn't?

Congratulations! You're a winner in the "Identify Animated Films for Adults" game!

So by now you've figured out I'm a PayPerPost junkie.? Ted Murphy rocks, to use the vernacular.?

Why? Wit, humor, guerilla marketing, crazy cool people.? Ted and several buddies took to the New York streets early this am with shirts and PayPerPost signs for people to use on the outside segment of the Today show on NBC.? None but a genius so early in his venture realizes and takes advantage of one of the farthest-reaching free marketing tools in existence.

Hey Ted - send me a shirt and post an opportunity for $50.? I'll wear it.? In public.? Every day.? For a week.

Someone should start a program, much like the witness protection program, for moms.? It'd be called the Sanity Protection Program.? Moms would be wisked away in an unmarked car, relocated somewhere, and their names changed to something other than "Mom" for about a week.? There would be no children, no alarm clocks, and a maid.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I just can't get over these guys.? As if they weren't great enough, they're the largest search engine marketing firm?in Austin!? ?I don't know why I'm surprised that such a comprehensive, state-of-the-art firm is a Texas-based one.? Don't all cutting-edge, greater-than-great things come from Texas?

I love comedy. I love to laugh. I don't like to laugh at the expense of other people. I was watching a stand up comic tonight and the phrase, "not to be ugly, but" kept coming up. It's like some magic phrase that says, "It's okay to laugh at this person because I've said the magic 'It's okay' words." Ask the person or group that the joke's about if it suddenly became funny after you said, "Not to be ugly, but..."

Yes it is to be ugly...and it's not funny.

Humor doesn't have to cost anyone "face" and it's possible to make someone laugh without making someone else look bad. That's the humor I like. Unfortunately, it's harder and harder to come by these days. Even many supposed "Christian" comics base the majority of their routines on making fun of someone or some group of people.

The most offensive to me is when "Christian" comics make jokes about other denominations. Now don't get me wrong: Jesus loves laughter. I have no doubt about that...but does He laugh when we point out the differences in segments of the "family" with derision? Not to be ugly, but...I don't think so.

Someone wise (I think it was "Mom" on Rollie Pollie Ollie) once said, "It's no fun if it's not fun for everyone."

Monday, September 25, 2006

Well, my first affiliate stop landed me at CPA Network, a Texan company, so you know it's got to be good!? They work with both advertisers and affiliates, so they've figured out how to bring both together efficiently and?- most importantly - productively (read money).?

There's a blog with articles on just about every aspect of affiliate marketing you can think of, and living up to its name appears to be a primary focus.? That looks good to me - I like companies that can deliver.? This one's going at the top of my list.

But why affiliate marketing anyway?? It uses your knowledge to help three people:? you, the company you're marketing for, and the consumer that clicks on your link.? It's a win-win-win.?

As mentioned in a previous post, word-of-mouth is the best advertising.? What does that mean to affiliate program users?? Big bucks.? Companies know the word-of-mouth rule, and are willing to pay a lot of money to those that recommend them.

Need another reason?? How about making money without changing out of your pajamas, or even getting out of bed?? Affiliate marketing allows women that want to stay home with their children to do so without sacrificing the income that would be there if they worked outside of the home.? For just a few hours' work each week, many women are actually bringing more money into the home since the income isn't being eaten up by childcare costs, wardrobing, lunches, and transportation expenses.

Here's another:? not having to deal with checks and where to cash them, since many programs use PayPal or other online payment companies....then getting cash back!? I use PayPal at every opportunity, then use my debit card to the account to make purchases.? PayPal gives me cash back on every debit card purchase - 1.5%.? That means I make even more money.

Apogee's gone and done it again.? As a leader in marketing services and tutorial, they've put together a comprehensive site and program to teach you everything you need to know about affiliate management.?

While they have services that you can take advantage of, don't think that you can't learn anything from them if you can't quite afford them yet (which are quite affordable, by the way).? If you're looking to make money from home (SAHMs, are you reading?), at the very least you owe it to yourself to check out Affiliate Marketing 101.

So Sarah has a tiara that she wore for her party yesterday.? She insisted on wearing it this morning when we took Brandon to school.?

So there we were, traipsing through the school taking a partially-dismantled chocolate castle through the first grade hall and into the office with Sarah proudly wearing her purple "Butterfly Princess" pjs, Disney princess slippers and a pink marabou and beaded tiara.? Then we visited the library book fair where she shopped happily like Jasmine in the marketplace.? Then we went walking...

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Ever notice how something's easier to do when you have no pressure to do it?? I realized the other day after I posted about not always striving to be funny anymore that little funny snippets keep coming to me.? Of course, nothing really clever is coming to me now,? but what else is new?

I'm bound to have lots of funny fodder this evening - Sarah's 4th birthday is today and we're having a party at 2.? I'm expecting to be able to post a slew of quotes within the next day or two.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

What is with the alphabet craze these days?? Simply put, we're lazy - who wants to actually speak an entire word when you can just spout letters?

PPC is short for Pay Per Click, or "One of a webmaster's best friends."? When you've got a specific item or service to market, PPC is a great ally in finding and getting qualified consumers.? Check out? Apogee's paid search services.? The FAQ will educate any Internet business owner on the pros and cons of targeted marketing.