Today I found the film ‘Debug’ in my downloads folder. I say found, I literally don’t remember downloading it, so I hold past me accountable for this poor decision.

Evil can’t be deleted. Except all the time in the film where they delete things of course

It’s a notable member of the ‘spacesploitation’ genre, where you take an established genre like ‘slasher’ and put it in space on the cheap because reasons.

To be fair, this was done rather well and amusingly in 2001’s ‘Jason X’, but the stabbity-stabbity felt somewhat out of place in 2007’s ‘Sunshine’. With the glut of sci-fi horror out there, I had hoped David ‘that bloke off Stargate Atlantis’ Hewlett could have produced something up to the standard of ‘A Dog’s Breakfast’ but no.

Instead I present my review in the form of a real time conversation that was required for me to keep my sanity through this terrible, terrible film.

I am watching a spacesploitation film which it turns out is already a word Is it gloriously good or bad? Bad, hence the term https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=spacesploitation What’s it called? Let’s see if I can guess the plot from the title The film is ‘debug’ Space, check Mysteriously abandoned spaceship, check Rugged troubled hero Space prisoners in dystopian future, check Angry prisoner who’s one step from the edge? No, the space prisoners are hackers aged 22–30

Featured: Hardened space criminals

Now AI is planning to bump them off one by one Ooh. Bet one of them has a skinhead This is yet more fodder for my hypothetical ‘poor systems administration in sci fi’ blog Nah, they are going for the hunger games demographic 2 of the space prisoners are having sex so they will die first Or one will die so the other can emo Endlessly Inevitably Turns out the mysterious ship is actually a prison ship run by a mad AI The AI’s interests include torture, monologuing, administering psychotropic drugs and decompressive murder One of the prisoner’s hobbies includes torturing AIs, clearly that will end well I think I might have dated him Hehe Bet the humans are going to win though. It’d be a truly revolutionary film that let the Ai win 1 woman will live, have called it Is she the least cunty of the prisoners? Yep They might be truly shitty and let a knob win Looks like the psychotropics induce the old self-mutilation Oh now they are going into the vents… Why… Oh winner. You should make bulls hit bingo

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Why are you going into the vents? In what world was this possibly a good idea?

Currently they are discussing hackers creating literal rivers of shit after hacking a beef farm Lovely The female characters are slowly wearing less clothes for contrived reasons Dr Who does more believable space plots than this Oh the air vents are full of hot air. I must take off my jacket Now the AI is turning the prisoner’s against one another, how unexpected… Oh I appear to have ripped my top. Whoops The monologuing has resumed… :( Guessing he’s full of himself So the AI is made of souls of the dying prisoners’ uploaded brains Much like Siri I assume That comment made my day Surprise surprise the advanced virtual reality-cum-sex simulator has imprisoned the user’s within some hell simulation

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I’ll just use the virtual reality pool to have sex whilst being a prisoner on an abandoned spaceship. What could possible go wrong?

And who’s corpse is that floating past the airlock but murdered prisoner #1! Wonder if there’s a space film where there is bonking and things go wrong when spunk gets in the circuits Haha You would explode with puns Just blood and liquid shit being sprayed so far Also guts Lovely. Looks like the vr-sex simulator was turned into a rape-murder simulator offscreen Oh lovely. So as usual you’re punished for sex Now the betraying prisoner is being betrayed, how unexpected… How’s your cliché counter? Are you familiar with the term ‘buffer overflow’? Well the escape ship is blown up now And the prisoner’s are uploaded Showing us that piracy is not a victimless crime I hope you learnt the important moral of the story I think it’s telling me I should upload a sword wielding version of myself to destroy diabolical AIs and that artists deserve fair compensation for their work Both good points Currently they are 2001ing it up in the computer core whist neo-ing it up vs agent smith rip offs Aaah. Now comes the homage section And they all lived happily ever after as AIs on a luxury cruise ship My that was so bad Well, in actual space news Elon Musk was talking about terraforming Mars with nukes today, so at least we have that

Oh, speaking of Spacesploitation, I’m looking forward to ‘Space Rippers’, the story of space witches who come after people who rip DVDs or something in a fake 80’s style :)