i read an early version of this book. i read it without thinking "i want to stop reading this and i will stop reading this." i will probably read this book more than the average amount of times i read most books. give this hipster bitch your money or he will beat it out of you with his sarcasm.

1. today i bought some food and i was walking home and on the way home i saw a dog run into a parked car and then i heard a woman laughing and i looked at the laughing woman and she said, "you didn't see that." but i did see it.

2. last night i had a dream that i was having sex with a woman who had a giant tumor in her stomach and she died right before i came so when i came i was coming in a dead body. i don't know a lot of dream interpretation but that one probably means: "be a good person" or maybe "you are a weird asshole."

3. i used to be really good at math.

4. one time i woke up in a chair in my living room and i had my coat on and there was mud all over my hands and both of my hands hurt and when i looked at my hands there were thorns in both of them.

5. i have never felt emotion towards snow but every time it snows now i feel better even if it is only for a little while.

6. there is no one but me who can hurt me mentally or physically.

7. i have been drinking a lot of water lately. every time i get a glass, i drink half of it and then look at it and go "oh yeah." sometimes i just go "yeah."

i tag:

daniel bailey, seven times, once for each forty he has to drink between lists. that means daniel bailey has to drink 7 forties and write 49 things. ha ha asshole.

"i got so much style i should be down with the stylistics, make up to break up, niggas need to wake up, smell the indonesia, beatcha to a seizure then fuck ya moms hit the skins to amnesia, she don't remember shit, just the two hits, her hittin the ground and me hittin the clits, suckin on her tits and ya moms ain't ugly love, my dick got rock quick."

I am so repressed that my hard ons grow under my skin, in my pelvis, near my appendix. One day I will have an operation and my blue hard on will be found taut and springy wrapped up in veins and arteries that feed my lower colon.

i think if i ever get hired at walmart as a walmart greeter i will bring a bag of skittles and give each customer a skittle and tell them it is a token to get out of "the mangler" which is a torture device that the minotaur at the center of the store can strap you to.