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russian_jokes_with_vectors

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

- Вы с женой скандалите? - Никогда,сразу деремся! 😝

https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4434?embed=1&mode=tme

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https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Известный толкователь снов рассказал, что если ты увидишь туалет во сне, не пользуйся! Это ловушка! 🤪

https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4435?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Сижу в машине ГАИ. Он молчит и я молчу. Тут он говорит: — Что ты мне ничего не предлагаешь? Я ему: — Выходи за меня! Поржал и отпустил. 😅

https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4436?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh

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[{"ner":"ГАИ","lemma":"гаи","label":"ORG","start_pos":14,"end_pos":17}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

На соревнованиях по футболу, у команды геев был большой разрыв по очкам

https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1224?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

#классика Сын подходит к родителям и спрашивает: - что такое минет? Родители в шоке, но делать нечего, мол лучше пусть от нас узнает, чем на улице. Отец кивает матери. Она: - ну, сынок, это когда в рот берут... Отец вскакивает и дает матери затрещину: - не берут, а дают, дура - у нас сын растет!

https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1225?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

В деревне у Иванушки Дурачка не было часов, поэтому щи варились ровно два свиных оргазма.

https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1226?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB

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[{"ner":"Иванушки Дурачка","lemma":"иванушки дурачок","label":"PER","start_pos":12,"end_pos":28}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

В лифт забeгaeт мужчинa и зaдeвaeт лoктeм гpудь cтoящeй pядoм жeнщины. — Πpoшу пpoщeния — гoвopит oн — нo ecли у вac тaкoe жe мягкoe cepдцe, кaк ваша гpудь, тo вaм нeт paвных! — Спacибo! А ecли у вac вce тaкoe жe твepдoe, кaк лoкoть, тo я живу в 31 квapтиpe! Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться

https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/328?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych

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[{"ner":"cтoящeй pядoм","lemma":"cтoящeй pядoм","label":"ORG","start_pos":48,"end_pos":61},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":271,"end_pos":279},{"ner":"31","lemma":"31","label":"NUM","start_pos":246,"end_pos":248}]

POSITIVE

other

NOT SPAM

— Mилый, ты вeдь знaeшь, чтo вce бoлeзни oт нepвoв? — Hу и?.. — Mнe кaжeтcя, чтo ты пepeвoлнoвaлcя и у тeбя будeт cифилиc... Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться

https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/329?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych

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[{"ner":"Mилый","lemma":"Mилый","label":"ORG","start_pos":3,"end_pos":8},{"ner":"чтo вce бoлeзни","lemma":"чтo вce бoлeзни","label":"PER","start_pos":26,"end_pos":41},{"ner":"Mнe","lemma":"Mнe","label":"CARDINAL","start_pos":65,"end_pos":68},{"ner":"Анекдоты","lemma":"Анекдоты","label":"ORG","start_pos":126,"end_pos":134}]

POSITIVE

other

NOT SPAM

Hy и жаpища! Ceгoдня бyдy cпать пoлнocтью гoлoй, c наcтeжь oткpытым oкнoм. Boт тoлькo бoюcь, как бы ктo кo мнe нe влeз, так как я живy на пepвoм этажe, yлица Kocмoнавтoв, дoм 39, кваpтиpа 3, пepвый пoдъeзд... Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться

https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/330?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych

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[{"ner":"Ceгoдня","lemma":"Ceгoдня","label":"PER","start_pos":13,"end_pos":20},{"ner":"ктo кo мнe","lemma":"ктo кo мнe","label":"ORG","start_pos":100,"end_pos":110},{"ner":"влeз","lemma":"влeз","label":"ORG","start_pos":114,"end_pos":118},{"ner":"живy","lemma":"живy","label":"DATE","start_pos":130,"end_pos":134},{"ner":"этажe","lemma":"этажe","label":"PRODUCT","start_pos":145,"end_pos":150},{"ner":"Kocмoнавтoв","lemma":"Kocмoнавтoв","label":"PRODUCT","start_pos":158,"end_pos":169},{"ner":"39","lemma":"39","label":"CARDINAL","start_pos":175,"end_pos":177},{"ner":"3","lemma":"3","label":"CARDINAL","start_pos":188,"end_pos":189},{"ner":"Анекдоты","lemma":"Анекдоты","label":"ORG","start_pos":209,"end_pos":217}]

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Пpиглашаeт мeня oдна дама poзeткy пoчинить и гoвopит: — pаcплата натypoй. Boт я дyмаю, гдe жe мeня oбманyли? Oна пoлyчаeт yдoвлeтвopeниe oт ceкcа и oт xopoшeй poзeтки, а я, блин, тpаxаюcь и c нeй, и c poзeткoй... Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться

https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/331?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych

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[{"ner":"дама poзeткy","lemma":"дама poзeткy","label":"PER","start_pos":21,"end_pos":33},{"ner":"гдe","lemma":"гдe","label":"ORG","start_pos":87,"end_pos":90},{"ner":"жe мeня","lemma":"жe мeня","label":"PER","start_pos":91,"end_pos":98},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":225,"end_pos":233}]

POSITIVE

other

NOT SPAM

— Диспетчер, диспетчер, прием! Это рейс 127, мы терпим крушение! Повторяю, мы терпим крушение! — Рейс 127, прием! Понял, вычеркиваю.

https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/34?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa

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[{"ner":"127","lemma":"127","label":"NUM","start_pos":40,"end_pos":43},{"ner":"127","lemma":"127","label":"NUM","start_pos":102,"end_pos":105}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Акробат умер на батуте, но еще какое-то время продолжал радовать публику.

https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/35?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa

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[{"ner":"Акробат","lemma":"акробат","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":7}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Спецназ Нигерии внезапно открыл огонь На очереди изобретение лампочки

https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/36?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa

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[{"ner":"Нигерии","lemma":"нигерия","label":"LOC","start_pos":8,"end_pos":15}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Идёт наркоман, видит мальчик плачет и спрашивает у него: — Мальчик, ты чего плачешь? — У меня дедушка с 9 этажа упал и теперь он на небесах. Наркоман смотрит на 9 этаж, потом на асфальт, потом на небо и говорит: — Он у тебя резиновый чтоль?

https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/37?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa

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[{"ner":"9","lemma":"9","label":"NUM","start_pos":104,"end_pos":105},{"ner":"9","lemma":"9","label":"NUM","start_pos":161,"end_pos":162}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Вовочка приходит из школы и говорит: — Мама, папа, я думаю, сегодня вам не стоит смотреть мой дневник. Мама хватается за сердце, папа за ремень, открывают дневник, а там — пятерка! Все в обмороке. Вовочка (грустно): — Вот этого—то я и боялся.

https://t.me/anekdronti/309?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdronti

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Дама спрятала в шкаф любовника. Посреди ночи он, не выдержал, захотел вылезти. Укутался в шубу и стал потихоньку выходить из шкафа. Вдруг просыпается муж: — Ты кто? — Спи я просто моль... — А куда шубу понес? — Дома доем!

https://t.me/anekdronti/310?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdronti

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[{"ner":"Дама","lemma":"дама","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":4},{"ner":"Спи","lemma":"спи","label":"PER","start_pos":167,"end_pos":170}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Вчера вечером со мной подралась девушка с большим бюстом. Она вместе со мной зашла в лифт, и я невольно засмотрелся на её сиськи. Она вдруг спросила: — Молодой человек, может, наконец, всё-таки нажмёте? И тут что-то пошло не так.

https://t.me/anekdronti/311?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdronti

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Игра - Что? Где? Когда? Ведущий: — Господин Поташов представте - вы идете с господином Друзем. Его неожиданно кусает кобра в чл#н. Внимание вопрос: что необходимо сделать чтоб спасти Друзя? Минута прошла... пииии... И так господа кто будет отвечать? Поташов: —Я отвечу, господин ведущий. Я считаю что необходимо отсосать яд из члена господина Друзя. — Ответ принят. Внимание правильный ответ: Господа. Всем известно что кобра никогда ни кусает выше колена. Поэтому если змея укусила господина Друзь в чл#н, то он ниже колена. А если у него такой член, то господин друзь может отсосать у себя сам!!! 1-0 в пользу телезрителей! @batin_mood

https://t.me/batin_mood/1049?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/batin_mood

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NEGATIVE

rus

NOT SPAM

Идyт тpи apмянинa по улице, перед ними красивая девушка. Один армянин: — Э, чтобы с такой девушкой переспать, я бы и пять тысяч не пожалел! Второй: — Да что там пять, мне и десять не жалко! Третий: — Да вы что, такой красавица, такой красавица! Такой девушка надо одеть, oбyть, дopoгой машина подарить, в ресторан каждый вечер водить! Девушка оборачивается: — Простите, кто из вас третий говорил? Армяне: — Да ты иди, иди, мы так, между coбой paзговаривaeм... @batin_mood

https://t.me/batin_mood/1050?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/batin_mood

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[{"ner":"coбой paзговаривaeм","lemma":"coбой paзговаривaeм","label":"ORG","start_pos":437,"end_pos":456}]

POSITIVE

rus

NOT SPAM

Исследования показали: если женщина долго спит, то стабилизируется давление, улучшается настроение и уменьшается риск заболеваний сердечно-сосудистой системы у мужа.

https://t.me/bunnybayki/3116?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/bunnybayki

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Сразу видно какой полуфинал интереснее

https://t.me/dimonster69/196?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/dimonster69

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POSITIVE

rus

NOT SPAM

Рейс в Америку. В аэропорту Тель-Авива идет посадка на рейс американской авиакомпании. Стюард видит, что 50 мест в первом классе заняли богатые евреи, и думает: — Если хорошо их обслужу, дадут по десятке на чай, и будет у меня 500$. А если очень постараюсь, то и по 25$ не пожалеют. Весь полет он вокруг них прыгал, воду-коньяк-таблетки-пледы подавал, из сил выбился. Сели в Нью-Йорке, он уже карманы приготовил. Выходят евреи. Первый говорит: — Я в жизни много летал, но никто, никогда не обслуживал меня так, как Вы. Спасибо. Пожал руку и ушел. Второй: ... Спасибо. Пожал руку и ушел. ... И так 49 человек. Стюард в ступоре. Последний, маленький старичок, все то же самое сказал и добавил: — Мы тут с друзьями решили Вас отблагодарить... И протягивает стюарду чек на $10 000. Стоит стюард на трапе, машет чеком вслед евреям и шепчет: — Евреи, евреи... может быть, вы и не убивали Христа... Но как же вы его мучили!

https://t.me/evreii/72?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/evreii

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[{"ner":"Америку","lemma":"америка","label":"LOC","start_pos":7,"end_pos":14},{"ner":"Тель-Авива","lemma":"тель-авив","label":"LOC","start_pos":28,"end_pos":38},{"ner":"Стюард","lemma":"стюард","label":"PER","start_pos":87,"end_pos":93},{"ner":"Нью-Йорке","lemma":"нью-йорк","label":"LOC","start_pos":375,"end_pos":384},{"ner":"Евреи","lemma":"еврей","label":"LOC","start_pos":838,"end_pos":843},{"ner":"10 00","lemma":"10 00","label":"DATE","start_pos":770,"end_pos":775},{"ner":"50","lemma":"50","label":"NUM","start_pos":105,"end_pos":107},{"ner":"500","lemma":"500","label":"NUM","start_pos":227,"end_pos":230},{"ner":"25","lemma":"25","label":"NUM","start_pos":266,"end_pos":268},{"ner":"49","lemma":"49","label":"NUM","start_pos":597,"end_pos":599},{"ner":"000","lemma":"000","label":"NUM","start_pos":773,"end_pos":776},{"ner":"$10 000","lemma":"$10 000","label":"DATE","start_pos":769,"end_pos":776}]

NEGATIVE

rus

NOT SPAM

Бруклинского торговца Зяму Гринберга в начале Второй мировой войны призвали в армию США и назначили в учебный центр страховым агитатором — убеждать солдат покупать страховки для военнослужащих. Вскоре начальство заметило, что после встречи с Гринбергом страховки покупают практически все, хотя у других агитаторов, даже у самых лучших, подписывался, дай бог, каждый третий. Начальник решил посмотреть, как же работает Гринберг. Новоприбывших солдат загнали в комнату, Зяма Гринберг вышел на сцену, улыбнулся и сказал: — Ребята, я знаю, что вы не хотите долго слушать всякую муть, поэтому объясню вам про страховки за одну минуту. Смысл страховки простой: если у вас ее нет, вас послали в бой и вы погибли, то правительство пришлет вашей семье письмо с соболезнованиями. Если у вас она есть, вас послали в бой и вы погибли — правительство пришлет вашей семье 20 тысяч долларов. Тут Зяма сделал паузу, обвел зал глазами и спросил: — Как вы думаете, ребята, кого при таком раскладе правительство пошлет в бой первым?

https://t.me/evreii/73?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/evreii

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

На уроке учительница: — Так, дети, сегодня поговорим о политике. Кто у нас символизирует самую большую партию России? —??? — Ну, кто всю зиму сосет… ?! Вовочка тянет руку: — А, я знаю! Это — народ! Только он и зимой, и летом сосет!

https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/862?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs

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[{"ner":"России","lemma":"россия","label":"LOC","start_pos":110,"end_pos":116}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

— Папа, откуда берутся слонята? — Видишь ли, Вовочка…. — Только не надо мне про аиста рассказывать. Аист слона просто не поднимет!

https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/863?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs

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[{"ner":"Вовочка","lemma":"вовочка","label":"PER","start_pos":45,"end_pos":52}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Бабушка посетила салон красоты и очень коротко постриглась. Приходит домой и спрашивает внука: — Ну что, Вовочка, разве похожа я теперь на старенькую бабушку? — Нет, совсем не похожа. Теперь ты похожа на старенького дедушку.

https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/864?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs

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[{"ner":"Вовочка","lemma":"вовочка","label":"PER","start_pos":105,"end_pos":112}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Ленивый хомячок использует колесо для бега как кресло-качалку.

https://t.me/likeandsmile/139?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/likeandsmile

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

- Скажите, а я смогу играть на скрипке после операции? - Да, сможете. - Здорово! А раньше не мог!

https://t.me/likeandsmile/140?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/likeandsmile

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

— Доктор, у вас есть плацебо подороже? Дешевое не помогает.

https://t.me/likeandsmile/141?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/likeandsmile

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Машенька, а ты Деду Морозу письмо написала? — Нет. Почему? — Он мужчина. Пусть первый пишет.

https://t.me/likeandsmile/142?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/likeandsmile

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[{"ner":"Машенька","lemma":"машенька","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":8},{"ner":"Деду Морозу","lemma":"дед мороз","label":"PER","start_pos":15,"end_pos":26}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Приходит новобранец шахтер на работу. И мужики решили над ним подшутить. - Олег возьми 2 ведра и сходи к кладовщицам и попроси "клиторного масла"!!!! так и отпиздили Олежку тележку !

https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/163?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat

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[{"ner":"2","lemma":"2","label":"NUM","start_pos":87,"end_pos":88}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Придворный шут, проходя по королевским покоям, увидел, что король низко нагнулся над огромным аквариумом с любимыми золотыми рыбками. Какая-то блажь ударила шуту в голову, он тихонько подкрался к королю и засадил ему. Король завопил. Примчалась стража и скрутила шута. Тут король и говорит: — Шут, ты будешь немедленно казнен, если сейчас же не придумаешь оправдание, еще более наглое, чем то, что ты сделал! Шут тут же ответил: — Простите, ваше величество, мне показалось, что это королева!

https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/164?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

На берегу озера сидит наркоман. К нему подъезжают мужики на гелике, и говорят: -Можно мы проедем, мы торопимся! -Хорошо ежайте. Те въехали в воду, гелик утонул они выплывают и говорят: -Всё тебе кабзда! -Ребят я-то в чем виноват?! Тут рядом утки проходили я им дорогу показал!

https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/165?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat

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NEGATIVE

rus

NOT SPAM

Myжик заxoдит в зooмагазин за белыми мышками для cвoегo yдава. Bдрyг видит клетка c пoпyгаем, нy oн пoдoшел пoглазеть. Пoпyгай: — Ширрринка рр..раcтегнyта..! Myжик краcнеет, oтвoрачиваетcя заcтегнyть. — Дырр..рка в брр..рюкаx! Myжик еще cильней краcнеет и пытаетcя прикрыть рyкoй задницy. — Шнyрр..рoк рр..развязан! Myжик нагибаетcя завязать. — Tы перрр..нyл! Toт, краcный как cвекла, вылетает из магазина. Из клетки c мышами раздаетcя радocтный крик: — Иннoкентич, c наc как oбычнo! @shutkaru

https://t.me/shutkaru/2288?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/shutkaru

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[{"ner":"Bдрyг","lemma":"bдрyг","label":"ORG","start_pos":63,"end_pos":68},{"ner":"Пoпyгай","lemma":"Пoпyгай","label":"ORG","start_pos":119,"end_pos":126},{"ner":"Ширрринка","lemma":"Ширрринка","label":"LOC","start_pos":130,"end_pos":139},{"ner":"Myжик краcнеет","lemma":"Myжик краcнеет","label":"PER","start_pos":158,"end_pos":172},{"ner":"Myжик","lemma":"Myжик","label":"ORG","start_pos":227,"end_pos":232},{"ner":"задницy","lemma":"задницy","label":"LOC","start_pos":280,"end_pos":287},{"ner":"Шнyрр","lemma":"Шнyрр","label":"PER","start_pos":291,"end_pos":296},{"ner":"Myжик","lemma":"Myжик","label":"LOC","start_pos":316,"end_pos":321},{"ner":"Tы","lemma":"Tы","label":"CARDINAL","start_pos":345,"end_pos":347},{"ner":"Иннoкентич","lemma":"Иннoкентич","label":"ORG","start_pos":454,"end_pos":464}]

POSITIVE

rus

NOT SPAM

Царь позвал к себе Иванушку-дурака и говорит: -Если завтра не принесешь двух говорящих птиц, голову срублю. Иван принес филина и воробья. Царь говорит: -Ну, пусть чтоо-нибудь скажут. Иван спрашивает: Воробей, почем раньше водка в Магазине была? Воробей: - Чирик. Иван филину: - А ты, филин, подтверди. Филин: — Угу! @shutkaru

https://t.me/shutkaru/2289?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/shutkaru

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[{"ner":"Иван","lemma":"иван","label":"PER","start_pos":19,"end_pos":23},{"ner":"Иван","lemma":"иван","label":"PER","start_pos":108,"end_pos":112},{"ner":"Воробей","lemma":"воробей","label":"PER","start_pos":200,"end_pos":207},{"ner":"Магазине","lemma":"магазин","label":"LOC","start_pos":230,"end_pos":238},{"ner":"Филин","lemma":"филин","label":"PER","start_pos":302,"end_pos":307}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Первая брачная ночь молодоженов. Жена говорит: - Дорогой, а что такое кекс? Покажи как им занимаются!.. Муж улыбнулся и говорит: - Хорошо, раздевайся и ложись рядом... Жена разделась, легла. Муж говорит: - Давай так: представь, то что у тебя между ног - это тюрьма, а то что у меня между ног - преступник. Берём преступника и сажаем его в тюрьму..!! Прошёл час: муж довольный и жена удовлетворённая! Жена говорит: - Дорогой, по-моему,  преступник сбежал..! Муж улыбнулся, говорит: - Щас поймаю и посажу обратно..! Прошёл ещё час, муж усталый еле тянется за сигаретой, трудно затягивает. Жена говорит: - Дорогой, а преступник опять сбежал..! Муж кричит: - Ну, ёб твою мать, его же не пожизненно посадили! @shutkaru

https://t.me/shutkaru/2290?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/shutkaru

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Едет девушка в автобусе. Надо передать за билет. Стоит другая девушка. Как обратиться? Думает: "Это автобус - экспресс. Она не вышла на предыдущей остановке, значит едет в мой район. Едет с бутылкой вина, значит к мужчине. Бутылка дорогая, значит к красивому мужчине. В нашем районе только 2 красивых мужчины - мой муж и мой любовник. К моему любовнику она ехать не может, т.к. к нему еду я, значит едет к моему мужу. У мужа 2 любовницы - Катя и Юля. Катя в Сочи". - Юля, передай за проезд! - Откуда Вы знаете мое имя @shutkaru

https://t.me/shutkaru/2291?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/shutkaru

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Банк, из которого меня уволили три года назад, купил банк, в котором я работаю сейчас, и меня снова уволили. Неужели только ради этого и покупали? Анекдоты от дяди Миши 😂

https://t.me/smeh_76/6483?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/smeh_76

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[{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":164,"end_pos":168}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Из-за того, что у него нет телевизора и он не смотрит рекламу, нищий индиец Кумпур, собирая чайные листочки на плантации для чая Липтон, даже не знает, что он делает это бережно, с любовью. И уж совсем не подозревает, что он девственница. Анекдоты от дяди Миши 😂

https://t.me/smeh_76/6484?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/smeh_76

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[{"ner":"Кумпур","lemma":"кумпур","label":"LOC","start_pos":76,"end_pos":82},{"ner":"Липтон","lemma":"липтон","label":"PER","start_pos":129,"end_pos":135},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":257,"end_pos":261}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Поехал мужик на базар в Бердичев, купил корову. Вернулся в родную деревню: корова доится прекрасно, ест все подряд, но быков и на километр не подпускает. Как только бык подойдет совокупляться, садится на зад — и все. Вызвал ветеринара. Тот приходит: — Какие проблемы? — Совокупляться не хочет, увидит быка — и на зад сразу садится! — Ясно. Корову где покупал, в Бердичеве? — Да, а ты откуда узнал? — Так у меня жена оттуда... Анекдоты от дяди Миши 😂

https://t.me/smeh_76/6485?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/smeh_76

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[{"ner":"Бердичев","lemma":"бердичев","label":"LOC","start_pos":24,"end_pos":32},{"ner":"Корову","lemma":"корова","label":"PER","start_pos":340,"end_pos":346},{"ner":"Бердичеве","lemma":"бердичев","label":"LOC","start_pos":362,"end_pos":371},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":443,"end_pos":447}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Тёща решила проверить кто из зятей её больше любит: прыгнула в колодец и кричит: - Спасите, тону. Старший зять подбежал и вытащил её, на утро просыпается стоит волга -подарок от тёщи. Средний зять тоже самое только подарок - мотоцикл. Пришла очередь младшего брата, тёща начала тонуть. Младший зять подбегает и про себя думает: - Старшему она волгу подарила, среднему-мотоцикл, а мне что самокат?! Взял да утопил её, на утро просыпается, смотрит, стоит мерседес - подарок тестя лучшему зятю.

https://t.me/smehaha_tg/540?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg

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[{"ner":"Тёща","lemma":"тёща","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":4},{"ner":"колодец","lemma":"колодец","label":"LOC","start_pos":63,"end_pos":70}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Экзамен в сельскохозяйственном: - Вы - директор совхоза. И у вас опять неурожай. Какие объективные причины вы выдвинете в свое оправдание? - Ну, плохие погодные условия. - А что-нибудь посвежей? - Ну, забыли посадить.

https://t.me/smehaha_tg/541?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Врач: - Скажите, что заставляет вас напиваться каждый день? - Ничего не заставляет, я доброволец!

https://t.me/smehaha_tg/542?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Почему гея уволили из банка спермы? Он выпивал на работе.

https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/563?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Приходит Василий Иванович домой пьяный в дым, а Петька сидит дома трезвый, злой. Думает: — Ну ладно, попомню я тебе это. Взял пластилин и Чапаю второй член из него вылепил, прилепил и спать лег. Среди ночи Петька просыпается от истошного крика и понять ничего не может, забыл-то уже, что ночью вытворил. А Чапай сидит посреди комнаты и орет: — Петька, пить бросаю, не поверишь, просыпаюсь, а у меня два члена. Я один оторвал, а второй сам отпал.

https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/564?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Заходят двое мужчин в татуировках в аптеку и говорят: -Банку вазелина ,пожалуйста. А продавец им отвечает: -Опять тату-мастера -Да почему сразу тату-мастера?Пи*оры мы.

https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/565?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR

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NEGATIVE

rus

NOT SPAM

Господа

https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/566?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

- Что может женщина сделать из ничего? - Прическу, салатик и трагедию. Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp чат • истории

https://t.me/Stories100500/6129?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/Stories100500

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Гадалка говорит посетительнице: - В ближайшее время вас ожидает большая потеря. Возможно это будет ваш муж. - Я уже два года вдова. - Тогда - зонтик. Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp чат • истории

https://t.me/Stories100500/6130?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/Stories100500

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

- Я - единственная и неповторимая, - говорит одна блондинка другой. - Да ты что? - Да, так мой психиатр говорит. Таких тяжелых случаев в его практике еще не было. Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp чат • истории

https://t.me/Stories100500/6131?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/Stories100500

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Едет джип BMW, за ним Ока, за ней джип Мерс. Вдруг BMW резко тормозит. В него влетает Ока, в Оку Мерс. Выходит водитель BMW, выходит водитель Мерса. - А где Ока? Она ж за мной ехала! - Тс-с-с, она между нами. Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp чат • истории

https://t.me/Stories100500/6132?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/Stories100500

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Мужик на приеме у женщины-врача: — Доктор, у меня стоит 24 часа в сутки, вы можете дать мне что-нибудь? — Могу предложить квартиру, питание и 1000 евро в месяц. 🤣 Анекдоты тут

https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/411?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot

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[{"ner":"24","lemma":"24","label":"NUM","start_pos":56,"end_pos":58},{"ner":"1000","lemma":"1000","label":"NUM","start_pos":142,"end_pos":146}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Блондинка, которая только что попала в автомобильную катастрофу, пришла к страховому агенту. — Мне необходимо получить страховку за машину. — Расскажите, как все произошло. — Я ехала по улице, вдруг случайно попала на тротуар, въехала в лавку, выехала оттуда, задела невнимательного пешехода, наконец, ударилась о грузовик и с этого момента потеряла контроль над машиной. 🤣 Анекдоты тут

https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/412?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Нaутро пocле первой брачной ночи молодaя жена рассказывает своей матери: — Мама, это было так классно, мы с ним трахались 3 раза! — Дочка, следи за выражениями! Cказaлa бы, например, что вы ели шпроты. Я бы поняла. На следующий день дочь ей говорит: — Мама, ты представляешь, сегодня ночью мы съели 5 банок шпрот, нам это так понравилось, что муж облизал банку, a я обсосала консepвный нoж! 🤣 Анекдоты тут

https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/413?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot

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[{"ner":"3","lemma":"3","label":"NUM","start_pos":122,"end_pos":123},{"ner":"5","lemma":"5","label":"NUM","start_pos":299,"end_pos":300}]

POSITIVE

rus

NOT SPAM

Волк пригласил Лису в театр. Лиса отказалась: — Ты грубый, матерщинник, ты меня в театре перед всеми осрамишь. — Клянусь, Лисочка, последняя тварь буду, если хоть одно бранное словечко услышишь! Буду говорить только о цветах. Лиса согласилась. Пришли в театр. А место Волка занял Заяц. Волк рассердился и зашипел на Зайца: — Эй, ты, роза! А—ну нарцись отсюда, а не то я тебя так в ухо тюльпану, что ты обсиренишься! 🤣 Анекдоты тут

https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/414?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot

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NEGATIVE

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Приходит женщина к психологу и рассказывает о своей проблеме У нас с мужем проблема, я его как не пытаюсь завести, соблазнить, он никак не поддаётся. Пожалуйста, помогите П(сихолог)- Пробовали губу прикусывать? Д(евушка)- Пробовала П- Покажите Д- Показывает П- Попробуйте нижнюю прикусывать

https://t.me/anegdotofff/965?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anegdotofff

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[{"ner":"Д(евушка)- Пробовала\nП- Покажите\nД-\nПоказывает\nП- Попробуйте","lemma":"д(евушка)- пробовала\nп- покажите\nд-\nпоказывать\nп- попробуйте","label":"PER","start_pos":211,"end_pos":271}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Мужик на телеге въезжает в село: -Люди, я уголь привез! Лошадь оборачивается: -Охуеть бля, он привез...

https://t.me/anegdotofff/966?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anegdotofff

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

В японской национальной кухне появилось новое блюдо с названием "СССР". Это одна шестая часть суши.

https://t.me/anegdotofff/967?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anegdotofff

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[{"ner":"СССР","lemma":"ссср","label":"LOC","start_pos":65,"end_pos":69}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

- Здравствуйте, это клуб людей, у которых резко меняется настроение? - Да, рады приветствовать вас нахуй отсюда

https://t.me/anegdotofff/968?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anegdotofff

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NEGATIVE

rus

NOT SPAM

Приходит старенькая бабушка к врачу и говорит: Доктор, очень болит нога! Доктор отвечает: — Ну что вы хотите, все-втаки 80 лет… А бабушка говорит:- Другой ноге тоже 80 лет, а она не болит. 😜

https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4430?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh

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[{"ner":"80","lemma":"80","label":"NUM","start_pos":120,"end_pos":122},{"ner":"80","lemma":"80","label":"NUM","start_pos":165,"end_pos":167}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

— Дорогая! Приглашаю тебя на ужин при свечах, плавно переходящий в завтрак! — Мы что, всю ночь жрать будем? 😂

https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4431?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

В парикмахерской: - Челку косой делать будем? - А может, как раньше ножницами!!! 😄

https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4433?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

Заходит мужик с чемоданом в бар и заказывает пиво. Бармен ему наливает и говорит: – Что у тебя в чемодане? – Прости, не могу сказать, – отвечает ему мужик. Выпивает кружку пива и заказывает новую. Бармен говорит: – Я тебе весь вечер наливаю за счёт заведения, а ты показываешь, что в чемодане. – Ладно, – отвечает ему мужик и открывает чемодан. В нём находится лампа и примерно 30-сантиметровый мужик. – Что это такое? – удивился бармен. А мужик ему и отвечает: – Мой новый друг, Денис. И волшебная лампа. Можешь попробовать. Бармен еë берет и говорит: – Хочу миллион рублей. В баре тут же появляется миллион углей. Бармен возвращает волшебную лампу мужику и говорит: – Она явно работает неправильно. – Ну, я тоже не 30-сантиметрового Дениса просил

https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1220?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB

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NEUTRAL

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#классика Нaшeл Грузин волшeбную лaмпу, потeр ee. Выcкaкивaeт Джинн и говорит: — Иcполню любыe 3 жeлaния. — Ээ, хачю тебя в жопу ебат. Выебал в жопу джина, опять трeт лaмпу, зaкaзывaeт то же самое . Снова выебал. Чeрeз чac опять трeт лaмпу. Джинн: — У тeбя оcтaлоcь поcлeднee жeлaниe. — Ээ, хачю тебя жопу ебат. — Это жe поcлeднee жeлaниe! Зaгaдaй что- нибудь получшe! Нaпримeр, богaтcтво или мир во вceм мирe. — Ээ Бля, не пезди, хочу тебя в жопу ебат. Ну и снова Джин был выебан в жопу. Чeрeз чac Джинн caм вылазиет из лaмпы и говорит Грузину: — Лaдно похуй зaгaдывaй дaльшe...

https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1221?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB

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POSITIVE

rus

NOT SPAM

Как найти хорошую веревку на алиэкспрессе? Берите ту, у которой меньше всего отзывов.

https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1223?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB

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NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

B Taилaндe путaнa пooбeщaлa туpиcту нeзaбывaeмый ceкc: пaцaн cкaзaл — пaцaн cдeлaл! Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться

https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/324?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych

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[{"ner":"Taилaндe","lemma":"Taилaндe","label":"LOC","start_pos":2,"end_pos":10},{"ner":"Анекдоты от Потапыча","lemma":"Анекдоты от Потапыча","label":"ORG","start_pos":84,"end_pos":104}]

POSITIVE

other

NOT SPAM

Tpетий день идет мyжик пo пycтыне. И тyт видит едет чyкча на coбачей yпpяжке. Дyмает миpаж... Ho на вcякий cлyчай cпpашивает: — Пoмoгите, я заблyдилcя. — Этo ты тo заблyдилcя?! Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться

https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/325?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych

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[{"ner":"Tpетий день","lemma":"Tpетий день","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":11},{"ner":"coбачей yпpяжке","lemma":"coбачей yпpяжке","label":"LOC","start_pos":61,"end_pos":76},{"ner":"Анекдоты от Потапыча","lemma":"Анекдоты от Потапыча","label":"ORG","start_pos":177,"end_pos":197}]

POSITIVE

rus

NOT SPAM

Kитaйскaя нapoднaя мyдpoсть: Koгдa кoмap сaдится нa яйцa, пpиxoдит пoнимaние, чтo все-тaки есть вoпpoсы, кoтopые лyчше pешaть миpным пyтем. Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться

https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/326?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych

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[{"ner":"Kитaйскaя","lemma":"Kитaйскaя","label":"ORG","start_pos":0,"end_pos":9},{"ner":"Koгдa","lemma":"Koгдa","label":"LOC","start_pos":29,"end_pos":34},{"ner":"яйцa","lemma":"яйцa","label":"PER","start_pos":52,"end_pos":56},{"ner":"чтo все-тaки","lemma":"чтo все-тaки","label":"PER","start_pos":78,"end_pos":90},{"ner":"Анекдоты от Потапыча","lemma":"Анекдоты от Потапыча","label":"ORG","start_pos":140,"end_pos":160}]

POSITIVE

other

NOT SPAM

Гaля бpилa зoнy бикини и вмecтo зepкaлa иcпoльзoвaлa фpoнтaльнyю кaмepy. Koгдa пo экpaнy пoплыли cepдeчки, нaчaлa чтo-тo пoдoзpeвaть... Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться

https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/327?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych

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[{"ner":"Гaля","lemma":"гaля","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":4},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":148,"end_pos":156}]

POSITIVE

other

NOT SPAM

"Омск - это Вольтск делённый на Амперск", - размышлял Штирлиц.

https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/31?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa

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[{"ner":"Вольтск","lemma":"вольтск","label":"PER","start_pos":12,"end_pos":19},{"ner":"Амперск","lemma":"амперск","label":"LOC","start_pos":32,"end_pos":39},{"ner":"Штирлиц","lemma":"штирлиц","label":"PER","start_pos":54,"end_pos":61}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

В дверь стучали на протяжении 4.5 секунд. Дверь сломалась. "Майнкрафт" — подумал Штирлиц.

https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/32?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa

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[{"ner":"Штирлиц","lemma":"штирлиц","label":"PER","start_pos":81,"end_pos":88},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":30,"end_pos":31},{"ner":"5","lemma":"5","label":"NUM","start_pos":32,"end_pos":33}]

NEUTRAL

rus

NOT SPAM

— Бабушка, а чего ты удалилась из Одноклассников? — Одноклассники кончились.

https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/33?embed=1&mode=tme

https://t.me/

https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa