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<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It was the day before Saint Patrick's Day. It was spring break. I had about one month earlier purchased two hits of LSD from a friend's friend at a small get together. I have tripped on just about anything you can think of multiple times before this, but this would be my first LSD experience. I was very excited that I had finally found some LSD because it is VERY hard to find in my particular area. I had spent almost 6 months researching LSD and reading reports and all that jazz to help prepare myself. I always read facts, and then reports constantly before I try a substance. Some people like to clean their house, do yoga, pray, etc, to prepare their minds; I like to read reports online and study. <br> <br> I was at my house on this fine, cloudy and slightly chilly day, when I dosed at 12:30. I placed the first hit on my tongue and let it sit until it got soggy to the point of disintegrating, I decided to swallow it just to get my money's worth. I repeated again with the second piece and did the same with it. Then just in case I licked the hell out of the inside of the plastic sack they had been sitting in (I'm not a rich person so I will do anything, even if rediculous, to ensure I get all that I can out of it). <br> <br> I was told by the dealer that the two hits were probably very light doses and I may only experience little tripping to none at all. I bought them anyhow because, when it's rare I CANNOT pass it up. I did not let this affect my mindset, I went into the trip not hoping I would trip my balls off and also not thinking nothing might happen. I was unbiased. I waited and stared out the window while I played guitar. I stared for a very long at the stillness of the cloudy day outside when I realized I had almost gone into some sort of trance type state. I discovered that I had been sitting on the couch staring at the same spot while playing the same monotonous tune for almost one hour! It was 1:30 now and I was beginning to realize that my trance-like state was being induced by the LSD. This excited me. <br> <br> After I realized what was happening the excitement started boosting the trip up very quickly; the more I got excited the more I started to come up, and the more I started to come up the more excited I got. You get the picture. I put the guitar down and layed down on the carpet. I was eye level with the carpet and realized it was now wobbling and undulating smoothly and slowly. As this continued everything in the room started becoming disproportionate and awkward. My first visual occurred here: A small end table's legs looked so warped that they almost looked twisted up like a twisty tie. As soon as I noticed this it took one step towards me...and then another and another. This was a very powerful hallucination because something that was across the room from me had actually walked over to me and was standing beside me bent over as if it were staring at me like a curious animal. <br> <br> I stayed on the floor and shut my eyes to avoid seeing the slightly disturbing image of a table staring at me. I was fine with it, but I didn't want to see it anymore at the time. As I lay with my eyes shut I felt a huge shadow appear over me (which startled me because I live alone). I opened my eyes to see my cat standing next to the end table also bent over and staring at me. This blew my mind for some reason and I got that amazing 'soaring upwards' feeling one gets in the stomach and head while tripping sometimes. This painted a huge grin across my face and I began laughing hysterically. I shut my again only to hear immediately 'Psst....Psst... Hey A (we'll call me A), can you understand me?' I opened my eyes to see the cat staring at me curiously and I realized it was the cat who said it. Again she said without moving her lips 'You can understand me right now can't you?' In amazement I replied 'Yes, I can Pandy. I think it's because i'm in a heightened state of mind.' She almost looked like she smiled and said 'You can always hear my thoughts in this state.' She turned and walked away. By this time I had already experienced more realistic hallucinations than I ever have before and was very surprised and pleased that the acid was going so strong and pleasantly. <br> <br> Many other odd things happened like that for quite sometime inside the house. I put on the Jefferson Airplane album 'Bark'. I got my weenie dog out of his cage and played with him and we danced and romped like crazed people for at least an hour. And not to leave it out but there was some kind of a talking eye on Wester's (the weenie dog) back. It only mumbled and twitched and spoke giberish though. <br> <br> At this time my mind was racing, I could not decide what I wanted to do. It seemed like every thought (which were hitting me at a rate of about 400 per second) was the greatest idea I had ever had and how badly I wanted to carry out that idea. I was so confused on what to do that I actually just paced all over my house headed to do things and when I would get there I would see something else I wanted to do. I was really having a FUN FUN FUN time. <br> <br> It was now time to go outside. I went into my backyard and looked at all the beautiful colors. Everything was just a few shades off from its normal color. This was awe inspiring it was so beautiful. Blues were more violet than blue, yellows more orange than yellow, reds more pink than red and so on. All very mellow almost pastel colors though. It was a pastel day. The grass seemed to have order to it instead of just a lot of grass growing everywhere. I got the impression that every piece of grass was working with one another to form some kind of a huge pointless undescribable geometric pattern. Everything seemed 'right where it should be' as I said aloud. I never figured it out if it was real or not, but I was amazed to see and hear what seemed to be millions upon millions of black birds everywhere; flying, in the trees, on the other houses, on the ground. The sky was black with them. The next day there was no bird poop anywhere to be found so I kind of think it was all fake. But who knows, it did rain a little bit later that night. <br> <br> I took a walk around the neighborhood several times that day. Trees looked like swirling thorns with bulbs at the base of each branch and twig that swirled constantly in an upward motion like that of a twirling candy cane tube that you see outside of an old fashioned barber shop. Cars, houses, people, mailboxes, all seemed like they were flattened or stretched horizontally like you can do with photos on a computer. My basic mindset the whole day was utter amazement and love for everything I saw. Everything seemed perfect. My mind was taken over by the sheer beauty of the day. This was very cleansing for me because I now know that most of this beauty was there all along, I just never took time to really think about it. I now perceive color not necessarily differently from other people, but I see everything from color to life in general a little more in depth. It's very hard to explain but basically as trippy as it all was the trip just showed me it was there all along. It gave me a feeling that my eyes had been opened and I saw with a new light and appreciation for everything. And this is still in affect to this day. It changed me forever. I no longer take anything for granted, I can see good and beauty in everything no matter how terrible or ugly it may be. <br> <br> I must apalogize for how long this is, but it would actually take me at least another 3 or 4 full pages to complete the trip (what is actually able to be put into words anyway). To cut it short many more things I happened, a thanksgiving wreath followed me home from a gas station I was at buying cigarettes, I smoked a small bowl of weed, which erupted about a 3 hour long ego trip that was much needed, and was quite cleansing. I got in the hot tub and thought all my flesh had melted off and was floating at the top of the water, which didn't bother me because I had in mind that I was only tripping and it was actually very amusing. I could see my heart beating about 3 inches out of my chest (a little scary for a while). I heard crickets, was surrounded by them, picked up on high pitch frequencies, saw it rain backwards (rain shot out of the ground past me and into the sky). Also I listened to the Beatles 'Abbey Road' which I now consider the most psychedelic album ever created. <br> <br> Altogether I tripped from 12:30pm to 10:30 pm. About 10 hours altogether. No bad experiences the entire time (due to reading experience reports online). Always keeping a happy and positive mind going into tripping, I think that's the key. Nothing can go wrong. I have been changed forever by this wonderful substance, but I plan not to use it anymore because of spiritual reasonings in my heart. I'll stick to the cannabis and shrooms I believe. Oh yes, one more thing, every time I smoke cannabis now I have miniature ego trips, sometimes harsh ones, and I don't mind it. It always seems to point out what is wrong in my life and how I can be a better person to other people and teaches me how to become closer to my God. that is all folks. Happy tripping! peace<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 37628</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 15, 2005</td><td>Views: 21,980</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=37628&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=37628&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Some Backgound<br> <br> My first LSD trip was a relatively weak fractal blotter taken on the second night of Phish's 'IT' festival over the summer. The emotions, the music, the 70,000 person glow stick war, all were perfect. The LSD heightened, but did not distract me from the incredible experience at hand. My second LSD trip was another weak blotter. Very weak visuals, but a very nice mental change and great music enhancement made for a fun night. My third LSD trip blew the door wide open. During this trip it became obvious that LSD had a lot to teach me, and this first real trip simply outlined the lesson plan revolving around peace, love, friendship, and psychedelia.<br> <br> My fourth LSD trip was a complete overwhelming of my senses. For a couple hours I could do little but sit in one place absorbing all the sensory input that was flooding my brain. Then I started to draw three dimensional solar systems with my finger in front of my face, flicking the planets around their orbits and setting the system in motion. On the comedown, I was able to let all the sensory input coalesce into the second lesson: Apply the ideals of peace, love, friendship, and psychedelia which are obvious at the height of an LSD trip to my real life. Become a more peaceful, loving, friendly, and individual person.<br> <br> The Trip<br> <br> This trip took place almost two months ago, so I may fast-forward through blocks of time if I can't remember anything really interesting happening during that time.<br> <br> I had two 'eyeball' blotters, one blue and one orange, saved with the intention of taking LSD with my girlfriend for her first real trip. She had one of the weak blotters from my second trip, but apparently got less from the experience than did I.<br> <br> The eyeball blotters were from the same batch of silver crystal as the flies that blew me away on my third trip (see report above). However, while the flies were said to be 80 to 90 micrograms of silver, the eyeballs were said to be about 160 micrograms. Others who had tried the eyeballs said they were stronger than the flies, so I was ready for an intense experience.<br> <br> <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span> <br> <br> Our decision to trip was a spontaneous group decision. There would be four of us tripping that night: Myself, with an orange eyeball; My girlfriend, Psilosara, with a blue eyeball; My buddy 'T', with 16mg of 2C-I; and a new friend 'M', with about 25mg of 2C-B.<br> <br> T always takes a long time to feel his 2C-I, so he dosed around 7:30pm. Psilosara and I dosed around 8:30pm, and M dosed around 9:00pm because we couldn't find him for a while. I knew the acid was real after about 10 minutes, because I could already feel the slight mental change taking place. During the comeup, T wanted to boil his pipe clean in the kitchen of our on-campus theme house. Sure, go for it dude. Soon the whole house smelled like boiling resin, and we decided we should keep the weedy smells to a reasonable level while tripping, so we opened some windows and considered the pipe boiling done.<br> <br> The comeup was strange, because I spent a fair amount of time half-tripping and feeling like I was in limbo. Psilosara apparently felt this even more, and she wanted to go upstairs and listen to some music in my room, so we all went up there and put on some mellow tunes. This was around 10:00pm, and T was just starting to trip, and M wasn't feeling anything except a little 'off'. I told him he wouldn't be peaking on the 2C-B for another hour and a half and that the first 2 hours on 2C-B were usually pretty lame and uneventful. Meanwhile I closed my eyes and let the music absorb me. As I closed my eyes I was greeted with CEVs of my body folding in upon itself over and over again. I meditated on this and it became quite intense until I saw Psilosara pop in to view until her face was in front of mine. I thought I was seeing through my eyelids but when I opened my eyes she was still sitting on the bed to my side.<br> <br> Around this point I noticed that I was very high.<br> <br> The LSD 'high' is unlike any other that I've experienced. It does not stone me like cannabis, DXM, or AMT. It doesn't give me a 'buzz' like 2C-I, mescaline, or cannabis. It also doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy like mdma or opiates. Instead, the LSD high is a combination of a feeling of pleasant vibration, a 'pull' upwards that makes me feel light and floaty like I can partially defy gravity, and a great feeling of awe and enlightenment. I can feel the LSD pumping through my arteries. The change in the way my body works under the influence of LSD feels drastic, but fortunately it also feels relatively harmless, especially compared to most of the phenethylamines I've tried.<br> <br> Everybody was smoking pot, but I only took one hit because pot likes to raise my heart rate, sometimes by a good margin. My heart rate is one of the only things that ever scares me whilst tripping, so I've learned to keep the pot to a minimum, especially on drugs that already increase my heart rate. Anyway the one hit was enough to relax me and synergize nicely with the LSD high.<br> <br> We went downstairs to Psilosara's room, which is decorated with lots of cool tapestries and strange and colorful lights and lamps. It is a very trippy and cozy room. I leaned back against her bed and looked at the wood grain on her dresser, and watched as the entire image of her dresser repeated in on itself until there were infinite representations of itself within the larger image. This occured right as T and M asked 'what I was seeing'. I was also watching the lights wiggle around, and carpet crawl, and some really bright blue and green lines surround the edges of many objects. As always with LSD, my vision was impossibly crisp and the visuals were of amazing detail and clarity.<br> <br> We chilled here for a while, talking about random stuff which I can't recall. I remember having a hard time finding a comfortable position on the bed, and thinking my insides were caving in. I realized a few minutes later that this was because of the way I was sitting, and adjusted myself much to my comfort.<br> <br> At one point I noticed the entire room take on a dark, scary theme. My visuals became eerie, and my 'high' took on an uncomfortable feeling. For some reason I was starting to have a bad trip, but I didn't know why. I tried to hide my fear and work it out in my head as the others continued their conversations. I could feel the life being sucked out of me, and I feared that I would spend the next several hours freaking out. But then I remembered that everything that happens on LSD happens for a reason, and I began thinking back about my last LSD trip and what I had learned. I realized that I had done a reasonably good job applying the teachings to my life, and I did consider myself a better person because of it.<br> <br> I started to feel a little better...<br> <br> Then it came to me: Reconcilation. I need not doubt myself in the face of others. I have chosen my path in life, and that is one of love and spontaneity. And that is wonderful. I had reconciled with myself! No longer would I need to feel shame or self-disappointment for small failures.<br> <br> I started feeling *much* better!<br> <br> Then I thought, 'Thank you LSD'...<br> <br> The wave of euphoria that washed over me right as I thought that is indescribable. To have gone through pain and fear, and through a very valuable life lesson come to feel as good and alive as I've ever felt in such a short time span was incredible.<br> <br> Then the room started to turn dark again, and I looked over at Psilosara and noticed she looked a little sad. I made eye contact with her and smiled, and as she smiled back at me the room lit up with joy. She looked absolutely beautiful. Throughout the night she had been acting with the confidence and honesty that I know she always has in her, but she wasn't holding back and it was wonderful. I looked at her sitting in the chair in front of her desk, and watched as all the objects around her: her computer, her lava lamp, her posters, her keyboard, etc, turned rapidly into different, constantly changing objects. I was amazed, seeing her in all her beauty in a thousand different times and places.<br> <br> M was enjoying his 2C-B, looking at his hands and laughing about things. Unfortunately communication was difficult for me during this trip, but I felt like we bonded a bit throughout the experience anyway. T was talking about Nirvana and how beautiful and powerful Kurt's music was. It was really great to see how moved he was by the whole thing.<br> <br> Soon enough T and M left, I guess it was getting late, and besides I like to spend time with Psilosara one-on-one anyway. She went to use the bathroom and I started in the mirror for a while. I was expecting to look into my personality or something like that, but instead the wall around the mirror rotated into a gradual slope, and the image inside the mirror took on a look of a Van Gogh-ish oil painting, constantly in fluid motion. I was amazed at the detail and beauty! Then Psilosara came back in and we tried talking for a while, which was really hard because we both were getting really confused by each other. I said something like 'LSD really confuses you!' and she agreed, so it was perfectly allright. We put the Phish documentary Bittersweet Motel (excellent!) on the DVD player and tried watching that, but we were both too distracted by our thoughts and visuals to devote our full attention to it. Occasionally a part of the DVD would come on where Trey would play an amazing solo, and we'd both watch in awe.<br> <br> Our trips were winding down by the end of the film, and we had been making out and fooling around during much of the movie anyway (unfortunately sex was not possible for these few days of the month), so as the sun was rising we fell asleep.<br> <br> We woke up feeling a bit tripped out but overall refreshed and with a whole lot to talk about<br> <br> peace all-<br> bluedolphin<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2003</td><td width="90">ExpID: 46848</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 23, 2005</td><td>Views: 28,964</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=46848&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=46848&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 10:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4.0 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/doc/">DOC</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The Timing Of & Order In Which Things Happened <br> <br> Day 1 <br> 4:00pm -- 2 hits of blotter LSD was eaten by me, 2.5 hits by my friend <br> 11:00pm -- Some weed was vaporized (and continued to be done so throughout the night, every few hours or so) <br> <br> Day 2 <br> 2:30am -- 4mg of DOC was eaten by both of us <br> 10:00am -- The approximate time I fall into a not-quite-sleep-but-maybe trance <br> 3:00pm -- I become conscious again (or wake up?) and feel quite rested, still tripping. <br> 10:30pm -- I fall asleep. <br> <br> Day 3 <br> 3:00pm -- I start writing a trip report, and having smoked a bowl I notice definite after effects of the trip. <br> <br> <br> <br> Why Trip Again? <br> <br> This is a question that has become harder to answer lately. But, in this case, I just happened to have four and a half hits of LSD and I wanted to share them with my friend Jeff because I would be moving away from him in less than a week. I have many reasons for moving, but parting ways with Jeff is the one thing that really sucks about the whole situation. Let's say I have about four 'best friends'. Unlike some people I never try to narrow that list down to one person, and actually hope that list grows over the course of my life, but either way Jeff would defintely be one of those people. <br> <br> So I had to take the acid with him. More acid will always come around. It's not like I have 'acid hookups' or anything, but it just does. Plus I hadn't taken LSD since... well, shit, probably since the last time I ate like 8 doses + 4 rolls which turned out to be meth bombs and flipped out for a few days. No wait, haha, actually I took it once towards the end of the summer. But anyway it had still been a while. <br> <br> And really quite a while since I had any kind of LSD trip like this! <br> <br> DOC wasn't even part of the plan yet <br> <br> <br> I Put Two Tabs Of LSD On My Tongue, Jeff Took Two And A Half <br> <br> I gave him the extra half hit because I'm pretty good at tripping out at lower doses, and also I had no idea if these hits were weak or good or what. I gave away most of the 10-strip I started with to three friends and they had mixed reactions. So... <br> <br> We went for a walk. First we walked over to his house, not so far from mine. Then we walked over to a nearby lake. By the time we got there I could tell my vision was getting sharper and I could feel the acid was definitely starting to work. Mostly this was manifesting in things looking very beautiful and serene. It was really nice out though. When we got back to my place, where we intended to spend much or all of the trip, we decided to keep walking. So we walked up to a small hill nearby and watched the sun, low in the sky with all kinds of clouds of all different types and layers moving across the sky. By the time we walked back I was feeling the LSD much more definitely, and objects that had simply appeared brighter, sharper, and more outstanding several minutes ago were now starting to subtly rearrange themselves into materials made of shifting, moving patterns, and the larger object itself was starting to shift, grow, or shrink in a cyclical breathing-like way. <br> <br> So we went back to my room. I don't really know what we did during the come-up. Except, come up. And as it turned out we came up quite high. I remember at 7:00pm we finally realized the time, and I thought, wow, usually I'm not tripping this hard until several hours from now, hahaha. <br> <br> Around this point several other kids came in my room. They're cool kids, and they've all tripped before and knew what we were up to. However as soon as they came in it was really quite obvious that Jeff and I had so much of a stronger bond than I ever would/could/should/wanted with these other guys. I think Jeff was thinking more or less the same thing, because we sort of shut these other guys out. Basically conveyed the idea to them that we were tripping face to the point where we're too deep inside our heads to chill with them. Which we were. <br> <br> I think I told them I'd chill with them later for some late night drinking, maybe. <br> <br> So now it was just myself and Jeff again, sitting across from each other in my room. But things were starting to get a little crazy. For example, if I looked at Jeff he would look like an Egyptian Phraroah. In full costume! And then the 'scenery' behind him would take on an Egyptian theme. If I looked at Jeff right in the eyes I noticed my visuals and trip in general would intensify almost exponentially. <br> <br> I mentioned to Jeff, 'If I look straight into your eyes, everything goes crazy', or something along those lines. And then we realized we were having more or less the exact same trip. The same thing was happening to him when he stared into my eyes. <br> <br> At this point we decided, allright, well, let's stare into each others eyes and trip out for a while. <br> <br> And then we both reached a very profound state of being. Through our eye contact, and the level of trust we had with each other, we were somehow communicating -- but at the same time, not -- and, well, this is pretty much unexplainable. This would be the first of several phenomena to amaze us both during this trip. <br> <br> The visuals were totally off the hook when I was staring into Jeff's eyes, and he into mine. I saw him turn into Buddha, surrounded by a beautiful psychedelic outdoor location that was constantly in flux. I saw him turn into several deity-looking things, many of which had perpendicular heads like those in the work of <a href="http://spectraleyes.com/gallery/artworx/maitreya">Luke Brown</a>. <br> <br> That image by Luke Brown reminds me of what I was seeing. Especially the perpendicular head thing. Jeff said he was seeing perpendicular heads just like that too. <br> <br> I also watched Jeff age, and he turned out looking a lot like his father. Then I watched Jeff shift into various versions of himself in every different race. These visions continued, taking themes from various cultures and points in history. It was like the LSD was showing me alternate versions of Jeff that were also him at the same time. Or could be him? Or were him? Or he might be again? <br> <br> By this point we were both amazed, and had confirmed enough things about each other's experiences to realize we were riding the same wave. We began to get into some pretty interesting discussions regarding the nature of time, space, how all this could be possible, whether it is real or not. Big questions. And some of you might know it is difficult to communicate on a strong LSD trip. For one thing, it could be difficult to form coherent sentences one minute, and then the next minute I might be able to explain something really really well. <br> <br> For another thing, my mind was often trying to tackle several topics at once, meanwhile observing beautiful visuals and other psychedelic distractions. <br> <br> But we conveyed a lot of our philosophies to each other, meanwhile having them challenged by the very nature of what we were currently experiencing. We challenged each other intellectually, going back to redefine things, going off on tangents, coming back to the original point when he or I would remember what we were talking about,... 'Oh yeah!' <br> <br> At some point Jeff noticed the copy of Be Here Now sitting on top of a stack of books in my room. Or maybe I noticed it and caused him to notice it. He observed that, in spite of me obviously thinking this book is some good shit and really consider it the best book I've got, he never really read it. <br> <br> I think he knew he could easily get sucked in to the book if he were to pick it up. For it seemed, not so long ago, we had come to the agreement that the best way we could possibly be spending our time was doing the exact thing we were doing. Which to me, was interacting as humans, and great friends, learning from each other... I mean, we both play guitar and love to jam, but both agreed that even trying to jam on LSD -- at least on *this* trip -- would probably be awesome, but we'd rather sit and talk. <br> <br> So I said, 'A lot of what I'm trying to get at is expressed more clearly in that book up there.' <br> <br> But I tried not to push. It was his choice, and he finally decided to open it up. <br> <br> So we read that together for a while. The brown pages, of course . With Jeff sitting next to me, I found myself reading this book much more critically minded than the last time I had read these brown pages. There were some points we got, some points we found to be elaborations by Ram Dass that don't really get to the real points. I won't get into Be Here Now much. Everyone should make up their own mind if they want to read it, and then make up their own mind if they agree. I think we both found the book really cool to read, although we never finished it. <br> <br> Around this time... 12:00am? ... another guy came into my room and put on a CD. I had no idea what it was but he kept looking at me like I should know. I couldn't figure it out because he kept skipping into the middle of tracks and giving me what seemed like 5 seconds to figure it out. I was like, throw me a friggin' bone here buddy! But then I heard the guitar. Well, fuckin A, if it isn't Trey Anastasio's new CD! Wow that sounds pretty good! <br> <br> Thanks for the CD but you gotta go... we're too deep inside this trip. <br> <br> Jeff asked him if he had 'just walked into my room'? A very good question, I thought, but put pretty bluntly. Then we made fun of other people, and it was pretty funny. <br> <br> I should probably mention that I felt incredibly dank during this whole trip. It was incredibly easy on my body, and I didn't feel tense at all like I have many times before on LSD. We both agreed, many times, that this was some bomb acid. <br> <br> So, as our peaks wore off, but we were still quite tripping, we decided to have a mixed drink. Why? Tradition perhaps. Or perhaps we felt like we 'got the trip'. It was in no way intended to end the trip, deny the trip, or anything like that. <br> <br> But then something occured which caused us to stop drinking before we'd even finished our first drink. See, we had both tried DOC recently and found that, at lower doses, it resembled very much a lower dose LSD trip. We both became fascinated by the possibility that DOC could match what we'd just experienced. For some reason this question was really quite relevant to what we'd been discussing.... were there really several paths to the same peak? <br> <br> Part Two, In Which We Take DOC <br> <br> Given our current situation, it seemed, why not? <br> <br> We took a moment to think very clearly. We will be tripping pretty much all day tomorrow. We know this. There is a good chance most of that time will be spent in this room, deep inside our heads. We know this. We don't have much food besides some cereal and soda and water. We know this. <br> <br> Ok then, let's do it. And we both dosed between 4-5 mg of DOC, having estimated that this would be a good dose to attempt to recreate the intensity of our LSD experience. We were not trying to aim for the *same* trip. But to see what DOC would do at the same level. <br> <br> Skip forward a little while after eating the DOC, and its about 3:00am and we've come down off the LSD peak for sure, and can feel the DOC creeping in. We take advantage of this time to play some Tekken 5 in the living room because we know nobody else will be around and Tekken 5 is the shit. We had some pretty sweet fights in Tekken. The funny thing is, even though we were probably talking a little bit of trash talk (as is customary), we were complimenting each other on good combos and well fought fights regardless if we won or not. <br> <br> I went to pee and in the bathroom I noticed a can of shaving cream glowing, and then it levitated. I knew this wasn't the LSD anymore. In fact, I could notice a distinct difference in the way DOC takes a material and rearranges its appearance in your mind. LSD came from under the surface... DOC comes out of the air and everywhere in between. <br> <br> Soon we were getting pretty high again, and decided to head back into my room and hang out. During this period I was thinking in a very scientific manner, organizing all the differences between LSD and DOC in my mind because I felt I should really be taking advantage of being able to make such a great comparison between two chemicals which have been compared a lot lately, including by myself. <br> <br> It took a little while, but a couple hours after we dosed the DOC we were back to a similar level of intensity that the LSD had given us. In my mind this was a pretty great acheivement. The differences were subtle, but many, and obvious. One of the first clues to the differences was the body feel. DOC simply felt a little different. LSD felt like pulsing, flowing, 'lysergic' energy flowing through me. You have to have had LSD to know I suppose. DOC felt very smooth, and also can't really be classified as having a 'buzz', euphoric as well but nothing like MDMA, focused as well, but not like amphetamine. Maybe like a very smooth subtle amphetamine, but distinctly psychedelic. Almost like an amphetamine, but I also found it very relaxing. I could relax in any position. Well, anyway, it feels very *good* and I wouldn't agree that it feels just like amphetamine. Also, increasing my dose with DOC doesn't seem to give me any extra energy. The body feeling was equally smooth as 2mg. <br> <br> But the trip was very different. Jeff was the first one to notice the 'spirals'. I believe almost anybody who's tripped at this level on DOC knows what I'm talking about. Suspended in the air, there are spirals of energy that you can see. Some of them flow through the air like DNA strands in 3-D. Some of them form in objects and seemed to draw me in. <br> <br> Actually, there was quite a bit of activity going on in the space between objects. The air was thick with what looked like sine waves of energy, composed of bright fractal dots and tiny circles radiating different colors. The majority of them were mostly-white light but some of them were extra colorful. Also, there were clusters of these colored energy orbs that would form in three dimensions at different places in the room. These moved about with what appeared to be some intent. Intent of what or who?, we wondered. <br> <br> Objects were in flux / motion / patterning similarly to the way LSD made them, but there was a clear difference in the way in which this took place. DOC visuals are like an overlay, adding dimension/color/movement/pattern to something from the space between your eyes and the object. LSD appears to come from within, and even on higher doses of LSD I've never seen so much activity in the space between. <br> <br> Also on DOC, twice, I saw a glimpse of some kind of portal or window into some other kind of space. I didn't get a good enough look at them. <br> <br> Jeff and I tried staring into each other's eyes again, to see how it would compare to the LSD earlier. Like before, the visual intensity increased dramatically, but the nature of the visuals was different. Instead of historic/cultural themes, they were a unique kind of repeating pattern. Like, things in my vision would get reflected into mirror images, forming a pattern that would slowly overtake almost all my visual field. Jeff's face itself, if that's what I was looking at, would distort but seemed a little more alien -- or at least less like something I could associate with something else -- than with the LSD. <br> <br> So the DOC matched the LSD in visual intensity, but it was different. Hopefully that was described well enough. <br> <br> Now, in terms of thought, DOC seemed a bit more clear-headed. We were still talking about much of the same concepts during the times when we weren't trying to figure out all the fascinating things we were seeing... as it was our first DOC trip at this level of intensity it was pretty novel. However it seemed as if the LSD took us on more of a directed 'trip' than the DOC did. I found I had more control over the direction the trip went with DOC, if that makes any sense. Almost like LSD trips are predetermined and DOC trips are of your own making. <br> <br> Closed eye visuals were very fast-paced on DOC. If there was any way in which this trip seemed to have an amphetamine like energy it was in the pace of the movement of patterns, spirals, and pulsating orbs in my closed eye visual field. Occasionally something photorealistic, apparently created by my imagination (for example, three dimensional neon noodles dancing in patterns on top of a solid rotating plane of some kind) would break through. At one point all this hectic motion behind my closed eyes formed a tunnel which spiraled downward (I believe my head was facing down at this time...). I traveled through this tunnel until I saw something undefined. Too bad it was undefined, because it seemed to be the source of the spirals. <br> <br> Music appreciation is greatly enhanced on DOC. I can compare this to LSD again: On LSD the music playing seemed almost like a soundtrack to our trip... in other words the music got deep inside my head and was almost un-noticeable until you stopped to notice it, and then realized what a major role it was playing. On DOC I was really drawn to the music, and payed deep attention to every note. The music also seemed 'fitting' to the trip but I was much more aware of it. I listened to Trey Anastasio's new 70 Volt Parade album which had been brought by earlier and thought it was fantastic. Both of these substances are incredible for appreciation of music, but music seems to be perceived differently. I was definitely more 'into' the music... in fact, very much into the music on DOC. Perhaps it has a greater degree of music euphoria, while the LSD has a greater capacity to warp the music into your other senses and thought process. <br> <br> At around 8:00am we decided to watch the movie Kingdom of Heaven, as our peaks had died down on the DOC a bit and we were starting to get a little worn out from so much active thought. This movie turned out to be extremely confusing, and we both thought it pretty much sucked because we couldn't figure out what was going on in the plot. Everyone seemed to be acting irrationally. During this movie I spent more and more of my time with my eyes closed, and realized I could fall into a kind of trance that was incredibly relaxing. Actually, I became convinced I could fall asleep easily, now, only 8 or 9 hours after eating the DOC. Jeff agreed that this trance state was possible and could perhaps even lead to sleep. <br> <br> So we parted ways, as he walked back to his place and I lay in bed. <br> <br> ....... <br> <br> I regain consciousness and look at my clock. 3:00pm! What just happened? Had I slept? Huh. Well I really wasn't sure but it really felt like no time had passed, and I also felt somewhat refreshed and much more energetic. It was like I had slept, but I couldn't tell if I really had. <br> <br> I also 'woke up' still tripping at a light ++ level, which is a very easy trip on DOC. I took a shower and enjoyed that, then took a quick drive to get some fast food because I was really deprived of food by that point, having only eaten a sandwich in the last day and a half. Or two. Or who knows. <br> <br> I chowed down on my Burrito Supremes and watched some TV. Really not much to say, except that I remained tripping mildly until 10:30pm when I fell asleep until 1:00pm today. <br> <br> Today I still feel a strong afterglow, from a mix of both DOC and LSD. After smoking grass I was lifted back to a very light ++ that was definitely remnants of the trip, not just because it was good weed <br> <br> ...... <br> <br> So, that's that. Back to back LSD > DOC. What a trip! Definitely no regrets with this one. <br> <br> For the record, I preferred the LSD over the DOC, but not by much. If I had taken the DOC first I suspect it would have been much more intense because DOC does have a longer peak and overall duration than LSD, and there would have been a lot of overlap. But I do feel that any lingering LSD played a minor role on top of the peak DOC experience. <br> <br> The DOC was more clear headed, but also more confusing because I had never tripped *like that* before. Definitely a lot of cool and strange phenomena going on in a DOC trip, and it definitely seems like a good drug and very nice to my body as well. However the LSD trip had an air of importance and perfection that the DOC did not quite have. <br> <br> But that was some pretty damn good LSD. Most other acid trips would have a hard time beating that DOC. It's not a contest though, although I thought of it that way at times during this extended trip... as it seems they can coexist very well with each other.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 48025</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 26, 2005</td><td>Views: 34,724</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=48025&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=48025&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), DOC (357) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Multi-Day Experience (13), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">63.5 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> A while ago, I got a small vial of liquid acid, to try for the first time. Although experienced with Ecstasy, Mushrooms, Weed and coke, I have always wanted to try acid. <br> <br> The first time I tried this particular batch, myself and two friends took one drop each. It came on in about 20 minutes, with peak experience after about 7 hours. The total trip lasted for about twelve hours. This was a fine trip, and apart from a very 'chemically' come-down the next day, there were no side effects. <br> <br> A few weeks later, my friends and I (now including my girlfriend) went clubbing, and took some E. The pills were duds, and we went back to a friends house to sleep for a couple of hours. Because we felt 'cheated' by the dud pills, we decided to drop some acid that night. We got back to my house, and looked at the vial. There were only two drops in it, so my two mates took those, and I put some water into the vial, shook it up, and my girl and I had a squirt each. It came on quite quickly, and we were all tripping within 40 minutes. <br> <br> We were watching some trippy graphics on a screen, and they looked 3d to me and my two mates, but my girlfriend said that they were splilling out onto the floor... I should have noticed at this point, that she was tripping more than us, but I was tripping too, and thought nothing of it. <br> <br> After about 1hr, we put on some music, and my two friends went to our grow room to trip off the plants (highly reccommended, by the way). My girl and I were downstairs talking about the universe and wormholes, and I put forward the thought that we might be caught in a time-loop, and everything was repeating itself... after a while this became true, and our conversation seemed to be going in circles (I thought this was hilarious, and remembered we had taken the acid, so it was ok). I left the room briefly to call down my friends, as they were missing some great music. When I came back into the living room (about 2 hours in...) my girlfriend started the same conversation we had been having before I left, but she seemed to be more adamant about it, seemed to believe it. I thought she was just playing with our heads, but as time went on, she started getting worked up about the things that we had been talking about (eating oranges, smoking spliffs, and being stuck in the centre of the universe, and how we had to join hands to break out!). I kept reassuring her that what she was saying was not happening. She would then say 'Oh, yeah yeah yeah. OOOOOKKKKK. So who is smoking the spliff?' <br> <br> It was as if the last few sentences we had said to each other had gotten stuck in her brain, and all she could say or think about was these things. <br> <br> I tried to roll up a joint, thinking that this would calm her, but she started to grab at me and the other people, trying to get us to join hands and 'break the loop'. <br> Now I was worried. Nothing I could say would get through to the real her... It seemed like she had gone to sleep, and left a recording of herself in charge of her body. <br> I decided that a change of environment may help, so I got her to my bedroom (practically had to drag her out of the living room) and tried to talk her down. <br> Unfortunately, at this point, she got quite worked up, and started screaming at me, for our friends, and hitting out at people. This was killing me. The love of my life was thrashing around on the floor, and I had to put my hand over her mouth (making sure she could breath through her nose) to stifle the screaming. <br> <br> At this point, the police showed up, and my two friends (still tripping) had to go down and explain to the them that she was having a nightmare! By now I had managed to figure out what was going on, because I had done lots of reading about acid. I remembered that it is not physically toxic, and I had heard about other peoples bad trips like this. I knew she would not die, but was worried about her mind. About 4 hrs in, I finally was able communicate with her. She would say one of her 'loop thoughts', and I would try and reassure her by saying an appropriate response. For example, she would say 'Oh God, where is C and V?' And I would say 'Oh look, here they come. They are here'. I had to convince here that what she wanted to happen, was happening. <br> <br> It became clearer to me that she was still in there by looking at her eyes. When she was in her own world, her pupils were so large, nearly all black. But every so often, when I got through to her, they would close to a point, and I could tell she could see me, then she would lose it, and the pupils would dilate again. The only way I could get her actual conciousness to surface, was to trick her mind. She kept on with the 'loop thoughts', but every so often I would throw in a new response, referring to our real lives. for example, I at one point I asked her what she thought of the music at the club the other night, and she replied 'Oh, it was quite good', and I said 'I thought it was shit', and then she would go back into the loop. <br> <br> She kept scratching at my arms, and putting her hands in my mouth (she said afterwards, that this was to try and communicate with me by 'putting her thoughts into my mouth!') <br> During all of this, I was still tripping, and the thought of her having permanent damage was giving me suicidal thoughts. I imagined having to explain to her father and brother about how I had given their daughter, my light and soul, a overdose of LSD and permanently damaged her. I just wanted to take care of her, no matter if she was going to be damaged for life. But if she died, I wanted to die too. I had thoughts about death constantly, while trying to look after her. Although I knew we could not die physically from this, the tripping made me think lots of fucked-up thoughts, and I had to cope with that as well as taking care of my girl. This was the worst time of my life....EVER! <br> <br> About eight hours in, she began to calm down, although she was still thinking in loops occasionally. When she did come back, she felt so bad, she was convinced that she was going to die, for about 2 hours. I knew that this was not going to be the case, but I had to keep on reassuring her, because she would believe me for a second, and then think that she was going to die again. After about 11 hours after taking the acid, she was down (but still mildy tripping visually). she had no idea about what had happened, and we both cried and comforted each other for many hours. From her point of view, she had resigned to dying, there in my bedroom, and this had had a huge emotional impact on her. From my point of view, I had watched the one I love most in the world, nearly dying (mentally), and since I was tripping, this had had a huge impact on my psyche. All the fucked-up thoughts about having to explain to her family and all that, will stay with me forever. <br> <br> I am writing this, in the hope that other trippers will read it, and if they are with someone that gets stuck in a bad trip in the form of a though 'loop', will know how to talk them down. Reassure them, that whatever their delusions are, they are happening (if good, safe ones), or not happening (if they are bad). My girls thoughts were mainly about oranges (as we had been eating them at the start of the trip). She would shout 'we must eat the orange... who is eating the orange?' and I would say 'Its OK sweetheart, I am eating the orange now (chomp chomp, munch munch).' She would then sigh in relief, before coming out with another thought, or maybe the same one again. <br> <br> I just kept talking to her, trying to say things to 'trick' her mind back to reality, refer to events in life, outside of the trip. I looked at her eyes to see when the mind had surfaced, and try to get through to it before it went back down under. <br> Above all, I gave love and hugs to her, because she was in a bad place, and only I could help her back out. <br> <br> The experience, although horrendous, has strengthened our bond as soulmates. My girlfriend looks at each day like a blessing (as she was resigned to die), and I am so glad her mind and body are back the way they are supposed to be. <br> <br> I used to be slightly flippant with drugs, (heavy mushroom taking and 9 pills a night), but this time the psychadelic godess gave me a slap on the wrist, and said 'Dont fuck around with drugs!' I still smoke and take the occasional pill or shroom, but not to such excess. <br> <br> One final point, you may be wondering why my girlfriend tripped so hard, and we didn't, and I think that she must have gotten a much bigger squirt of Acid into her mouth, and she also had been tapping the empty bottle on her hand to get the last bits (I did not know this till afterward). This happened a few weeks ago, and my eyes tear up while writing this. Clearly, this has affected us greatly, but it has also taught me a valuable lesson, as well as bringing me and my girl closer. <br> <br> Safe tripping!<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2002</td><td width="90">ExpID: 20412</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 8, 2005</td><td>Views: 76,430</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=20412&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=20412&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Second Hand Report (42), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> When I was in second or third grade, I saw a rerun of Dragnet, on Nick-at-Nite, that showed a party full of spaced-out, beatnik type kids, that wore berets and were tripping out on a wall. Though the intent of the episode was to illustrate the dangers of LSD, it only served to spark my initial intrigue with the drug, which I first began to experiment with in my mid-to-late teen years. <br> <br> My first few trips were rather superficial, most producing only a body high and mild visuals. I soon met my now best friend, *B*, and we hit it off. Our first trip together was alone, and we discovered how compatible we were. We were able to communicate the indescribable through facial expressions, gestures, and one word sentences. We would sit knee to knee, starring so hard at each other that I felt our eyes might burst. Sometimes we talked; choppy fluctuant speech patterns, interweaving random thoughts or ideas into a larger and more ultimate picture of what we perceived to be 'universal truth' (I must add that none of these ideas were ever verbalized in a logically structured or philosophical manner). At other times we said nothing at all. Acid was our common frame of reference, and the environment that moved us to bond. <br> <br> Several years and almost two-dozen trips later, a group of us were getting together to celebrate October 29th, for no reason other than boredom. A friend knew a guy who lived out of city limits, in an area where people minded their own business, and we all decided it would be the best place to hang out. I had never met this guy, but trusted my friend. He lived in a tiny mobile home, which was crowded with band equipment and other random junk. The guy was cool, and had really great pot. *B* and I dropped our acid shortly after arriving, 4 hits each, and than sold the other two to the guy's sister, who left afterwards. *B* and I were the only ones there on anything other than weed and/or alcohol (which we didn't drink). <br> <br> The beginning of my trip was normal. I began to get anxious, and felt a fluttering in my stomach. I knew it was going to come on like a whirlwind when it did. We both ran out of cigarettes, and decided to go to the store. Not being familiar with the area, a guy friend came along with us. The county roads don't have many street lamps and my vision was constantly moving in and out of focus. I couldn't see a thing and wasn't really sure which direction we were headed in. This concerned me. I kept asking him if he was sure we were going the right way and he would only say, 'Does it matter?' or 'Do you care?' Anyway, we got cigarettes and got back to the trailer without incident, but our adventure had set a slightly paranoid theme in my mind. *B* and I were usually synchronized in our levels of awareness, and we both tried to click our minds into place, to dive into the trip as we always did, but with no success. I was taken off guard by this, because we used each other like a safety line, and it was at this point I began to 'lose it.' <br> <br> The acid was much better than I expected, and I sensed that I was going to be immersed much deeper in my trip than I had ever been before, despite my trying to contain myself. Though I only remember flashes of what happened during my peak, which I estimate lasted about two to three hours, I've been told that I was rambling like a mad person and was becoming very unstable. They relocated me to the back of the trailer which served as a bedroom. I was there for most of my peaking hours, while my friends tried to calm me down, though most of the attention only intensified what I was experiencing. During this time I became claustrophobic and thrashed about, because I was being restrained. They coaxed me into lying down, at which time I concentrated on closed-eye visuals and eventually became less belligerent. <br> <br> I would like to say that causing a huge scene in a stranger's house and putting my friends in a position of obligation to 'baby-sit' me was the worst part of my night, but it wasn't. After I snapped out of it, and began to realize the reality of the situation, I was sure that it was over. I wasn't really embarrassed (yet), more disoriented than anything. I came out of the back room, looking at all of my friends. I lit a cigarette, and laughed. Someone handed me a pipe, I don't remember who, but I remember that it helped break tension, almost like a gesture of consolation. I took a couple of really deep hits, and sat back on the couch. I looked at all of my friends, taking in the awkward moment. I was sure that I had ruined everyone's night and was surprised I hadn't been thrown out. Soon after this, I became aware of the fact that I was still tripping. Whether it was the weed, or that the acid hadn't played out of my system completely, I don't know. <br> <br> All of the sudden I felt an overwhelming force pushing into me, felt like gravity had become ten times stronger. Breathing became a voluntary function, I had to remind myself to let air in and out, or else my lungs would collapse into space along with the rest of me. I felt like I was at my own funeral. Everyone's eyes, red from drinking and smoking all night long, made them appear to be crying. I thought they were crying for me. A girlfriend of ours, *K*, noticed that I was once again 'not okay' and tried to comfort me. *K* was small and skinny, with acne and sunken eyes. Her skin looked pallid and a sick yellow. There was a desperate look in her eyes when she talked to you. When I didn't respond she became more persistent, certain that I was going to flip out again. I knew I wasn't going to, and her nagging made me uncomfortable and agitated. I just looked into her, skeptical of her intentions. A black film slithered down over her eyes and I was convinced I was dying. In the background, Bob Dylan's 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door' was playing, distorted by my state. She kept telling me it was 'Okay. It's okay. Everything is okay.' I felt my heart stopping. <br> <br> In the back of my mind I saw myself fading out. I felt a cold stab of steel-like nothingness in the pit of my stomach, what I imagined death would feel like. Not the process of dying, but the actual state of not being. *K* was my grim reaper, and she was trying to convince me of my impending death and of it being the right action on my part. I wasn't scared by this, more angry than anything. I tried to rationalize the feelings I was having towards her, but couldn't. Finally, I stood up and told her to get the fuck away from me. She winced, hurt by what I said because in reality she was sincerely trying to make me feel better. *B* took me outside on the front porch, where we talked. I told her what happened from my perspective, then she filled me in on what I wasn't 'there' for. By this time all I wanted was to scrub myself with bleach, eat some carrots, and go to sleep. <br> <br> When we got inside, there were people folded into every corner and crevice, sleeping. The sun coming up shown in through the windows, allowing my to see every bit of fuzz and litter and discoloration in the trailer. Everything twitched and crawled and made weird noises. I felt the urge to clean, but could only sit and stare and rub my palms on my jeans. The inactivity was tedious. My whole body fell asleep, except for my mind. I couldn't stand looking at the room any longer. My eyes felt tired and stressed, from hours of being overworked. I felt my pupils bulging, even when my eyes were closed. When I tried to sleep (in an up right position due to lack of space) I could hear and feel every one of my bodily functions. The sounds of various liquids being processed and organs groaning. My bones felt crooked and weary. There is no way to describe how uncomfortable the room felt. Comet and a wire brush come to mind. This went on for hours, until everyone woke up, and drove *B* and I back to her house, where I had the best sleep of my life. The greatest feeling I ever felt was waking up from all of that insanity. And though it is the most horrifying thing that has ever happened to me, I'd do it again, for the sake of perspective. <br> <br> For those inexperienced trippers, this story may not seem very scary, but keep in mind that, while I do my best, no words can possibly communicate the magnitude of the situation or the intensity of my feelings at the time. The biggest mistake I made in this situation was not being familiar with my environment. These types of drugs must be taken in a safe place where you're not subject to accidents and where you are comfortable. Aesthetics play a major role in the overall tone of your experience. Second mistake was being with a large group of not-so-close friends. While this may not apply to every person or every trip, for the most part people would be wise to stick with those they know well and love. I had tripped around all but one of these people before, and never received any negative vibes. Which brings me to my third mistake. Do not assume anything. Every hit effects various people in different ways. Be cautious and know your supplier. Talk to others who have tried the particular batch you're considering and compare stories. The most important thing I learned is that when dealing with hallucinogenics I should definitely use them respectfully, with a right and clear mind, and in moderation. I have since quit using acid and all other synthetic properties.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1999</td><td width="90">ExpID: 21466</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 14, 2005</td><td>Views: 41,023</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=21466&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=21466&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Bad Trips (6)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td><a href="/experiences/exp.cgi?A=ShowAuthor&ID=355"><img src="/experiences/images/authors/author_logo_default_grn.gif" alt="author logo" align="right" border="0"></a> </td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:45</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:15</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Introduction <br> <br> This is a description of my first LSD experience, in 1988. It was the second time I tried consuming tabs of LSD, but my first real experience with the chemical, as the first time, nothing happened. It would prove to be a major turning point in my life, a test that I felt that I barely emerged from alive and human. I certainly hadn’t ever been so close to total insanity before. <br> <br> Background <br> <br> The first time I tried LSD was when I was 17. Either the paper was bunk or else it was an *extremely* low dosage; I ended up taking 8 hits without feeling anything. This is relevant in that it led to my liberal estimation, during my second attempt, of how much LSD was acceptable to take. <br> <br> Set and Setting <br> <br> When I was 18, I was in a depressing situation. My girlfriend of one year moved to a different city for college, and I was missing her greatly. It was the first time I’d lived away from home, and my apartment was a complete and utter pigsty. I’m talking empty ice cream cartons left on the floor, along with slimy silverware, next to piles of shoes, dirty clothes, and some left-over lunch from three weeks ago in a bag. I didn’t worry about the mess, since I had nearly one hundred CDs to listen to, and music was my thing. I wasn’t on any medications, although I was quite dependant on marijuana psychologically, smoking every day. I was extremely excited about my first LSD trip, having just read Storming Heaven (evidently the information on the importance of set and setting didn’t reach me). <br> <br> The Drug <br> <br> I obtained four hits of LSD from some strangers at the park, who claimed that each tab was double-dipped. I assumed that they were just attempting to sell their product (as they say, never ask a barber if you need a haircut). It wasn’t until later that I learned that they had most likely been telling me the truth. The tabs cost 4 dollars each. <br> <br> The Trip <br> <br> I started off by taking 2 and a half hits. After 45 minutes, little seemed to be happening, so I took another half hit. Another 30 minutes down the road (T+1’15’’), I was only feeling slightly unusual, so I took the remaining hit. That put, I now estimate, based on many LSD experiences in the 5 or 6 years following this trip, at least 400, possibly up to 800 micrograms of LSD into my body (though of course we all know it's impossible to tell unless you know the chemist who made it). <br> <br> The trip started nicely, with the voices of Crosby, Stills, and Nash sounding like angels. I smoked a bowl and felt the acid kick in more and more. Then I made the mistake of putting on Pink Floyd’s first album – Piper at the Gates of Dawn. It is extremely different from their later work, in that it is completely insane music, although it is depressing, just as their later stuff. I started to get the idea that Pink Floyd had driven me mad. My mind recorded a half-second interval of music, and started playing an approximately 4-second loop, with most of it “empty”, but that half-second filled-in each time. Every 5-10 minutes, it would record another half-second interval of music or noise, seemingly randomly, and soon it filled in the entire 4-second loop, which was playing in my head repeatedly. <br> <br> From t+2 hours on, for the next 6-8 hours, time became meaningless, and so I don’t have any sense of the chronology of the trip. I got the idea that my parents had driven up (an 8-hour drive) and were looking in through the peephole in my apartment door, and that they could see me. I felt an overwhelming feeling of disappointment that they had for me, since I had taken LSD. I knew that they had stopped trusting me. I then knew that if I opened the curtains, I would see, literally, all of the people in the world standing on bleachers that extended into infinity, and that all of them would be looking at me, disappointed in me. It made sense that I would be kicked out of my apartment, and would have to go live as a homeless person. I put on my bathrobe over my clothes, in order to look the part, and picked up a teddy bear, for comfort, and wandered around my apartment for the next 6-8 hours, without the ability to focus on any one thing for more than a second. The repeating loop was still going, at full strength. This 6-8 hour period seemed to take more than a week to me, although even that description is inadequate. This was the worst hell I had ever experienced in my life. I claimed afterwards that, if I had to endure the same torture for an entire week of real time, I would prefer to die. The directness of the experience has faded with time, but I think that I might still be of the same opinion. <br> <br> During this time, my roommate, who was very anti-drug, called. I answered the phone, for some reason, and he asked me for a friend’s phone number. I had to tell him that I’d call him back, since I couldn’t even really figure out where the number might be, or what he meant, or how to talk on the phone. I continued my wandering, and some time later, I happened to see that friend’s number on a piece of paper. I put it in my bathrobe pocket, thinking that it might come in handy. Later, maybe a universe or two later, I saw a telephone in front of me, and picked it up and dialed some number. I do not know how I knew my roommate’s girlfriend’s phone number, but when my roommate answered, I simply read him the number in my pocket, and he never knew that I was located in another plane of existence, and that my tenuous grasp on his reality could have easily been lost if he had asked me any other question at all. <br> <br> It was music that destroyed me, and it was music that saved me. In the midst of my wandering, I happened to pick up my guitar, and to play a few notes…each sound was like a raindrop falling and splashing, flowing musical beauty. The sounds took me back home, somehow, and comforted me. I began to relax, and realized that I wasn’t about to become homeless after all. I spent the rest of that night playing guitar, and enjoying the night air. I smoked another bowl of marijuana and felt wonderful, although I still was very much shaken from the intensity of my bad hours. Eventually, I went to sleep, but the next day I was scared to leave my apartment, for fear of not knowing how to interact with strangers. This fear slowly diminished over three or four days. <br> <br> Despite my horrible trip, the ending was amazing enough that I tried LSD again on many occasions, and enjoyed almost every minute of almost every trip. After approximately 20 trips under my belt, I quit, and switched to natural alternatives such as mushrooms and mescaline. <br> <br> My bad trip has affected my life ever since – that’s more than 15 years. It gave me strength, as I knew that since I had survived such a tremendous horror, I could survive almost anything. It also made me take less LSD after that – I never took more than 3 hits at once again, and I was more cautious in waiting for what I had already taken to kick in before taking more. <br> <br> It was the bad music choice, as well as my bad emotional state and physical situation (set and setting!) that caused this bad trip. I firmly believe that keeping your focus on set and setting will help avoid the majority of problems. <br> <br> Everyone who is reading this, remember to thank Erowid for providing a place for free speech, as well as such valuable information, all for free. If you can possibly afford a donation, or can buy one of the books on the site, please do so! There is no resource as valuable as this site for those who, like me, wish to explore the outer reaches of consciousness!! <br> <br> Please, please, start slow with entheogens, and don’t be impatient. That is the message; it is part of the respect we should show these teachers. Happy tripping. <br> <br> Shruming Human<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1988</td><td width="90">ExpID: 47822</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 25, 2005</td><td>Views: 44,760</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=47822&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=47822&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Music Discussion (22), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">8 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> 21 years old. <br> <br> Setting : My Condo in the mountains. Alone <br> Dose : 8 hits of decent quality LSD <br> Set : Deep depression for past few months and years. I was/am looking for peace through self exploration with LSD. <br> <br> This trip started off with the ingestion of 8 hits of decent potent LSD. By the time the effects started coming, I knew it was going to be an intense trip. I could not read the book I was reading anymore and I was directed to the couch from exhaustion and mental confusion as much as anything. <br> <br> At the edge of the couch I had my computer, loaded with 6 hours worth of archetypal chanting/meditative music. I also had eye shades to keep the experience as internalized as possible. I put the eyeshades on, and I started up the music and put the high quality headphones over my head. I planed to allow only material from my mind to be explored with absolutely no environmental distraction. <br> <br> It is about 5 days after The trip and I am already forgetting a large amount of the chronological order of things and whatnot, but I still remember the important parts of the trip so I will list them in no particular order here. <br> <br> Freudian Anal Stage. At a point during the trip I started seeing a flush of images relating to the feeling of taking a crap. I saw my whole life flash in front of me starting with potty training. In a Freudian sense I found out in a very intimate way that all my problems in life, seriously, all my real problems in life relate to the fact that I am fixated on the anal stage, anal retentive would be the appropriate description for my personality. These images came through my head so quickly, it was the biggest revelation I have ever had. All my excessive paranoia, obsessive-compulsive behavior, obsession with cleanliness, extreme fascination and disgust at feces, and the inability to “let go” and just have a good time suddenly made a ton of sense in a very Freudian way. Anal retentive personality! <br> <br> Then even more revelations. I am obsessed, completely obsessed, with control. Again flashing before my eyes at an astonishing pace was evidence from my life that supported this claim. I began to see how much life I was missing out by being so meticulous and un-adventurous and “anal”. I saw what life could be like just “going with the flow” and “letting loose” and it filled me with a desire that was as intense as 4 million suns to overcome this obsessive desire and just “go with the flow” living life to the fullest. <br> <br> Birth Trauma. The rest of the trip I think relates to Stanislav Grof’s brilliant observation of the Birth Trauma being re-enacted in a Death-Rebirth process during high dose LSD sessions. I had some strong concentration camp imagery. Its intensity was beyond belief. I regressed into a small child during the holocaust with the gas chambers in sight screaming “MOMMMYYYY” and crying like a child who's scared shitless would. A child knowing nothing about anything except that “mommy” is the only thing that could possibly make this situation happy again. The feeling was strong. I screamed and cried mommy very self consciously (ther neighbors upstairs) but I wish I could have screamed my lungs out…. It was very real. <br> <br> I was screaming, but yet as involved in this feeling that I was, I was able to change my viewpoint to that of the Nazi soldiers ordering the trainloads of people to their death. The lack of warmth of feeling, that really these people deserve this and they are somehow below human. And I could also see it from a detached observer with no feeling whatsoever. I have had much concentration camp imagery and scenes through my years of psychedelic use, and here was no exception of how powerful these images are. It’s important to never forget it. <br> <br> I also had strange mystical divine feelings during this trip. I had feelings of being some sort of monk in the mountains in a very eastern sense of life, devoting myself to god. I stuck my arms out and felt at one with incredible warmth and feeling that left me smiling and bubbling up with warmth and love for all. These feelings were fleeting unfortunately, and I only experienced a little bit of it through the trip, (most of the trip was was my suffering of my birth trauma) and every time I experienced it I really wished I could have that feeling in my daily life. <br> <br> I also had images of being able to “start over” my life. Starting again from the moment of birth when I was out of the womb. Being free from all the biographical crap that I call my life, just a refreshing new start. It was a beautiful thought to say the least. <br> <br> There was also some complicated stuff like BPM II fiery hell, and BPM III sexual scatological and “intense pain/intense sexual ecstasy” moments. I realized that all my problems in life come from this scatological element of my birth (root cause of anal retentive personality?). I just have a severely big turnoff to biological materials including anything in or near a vagina. I know I need to go through these scatological parts of my mind to be able to approach a woman in a good sexual way, and to be able to overcome my own obsessive-compulsive “anal” tendencies. <br> <br> There were some confusing parts of the trip too. Like when the trip kind of just “stopped’ on a negative note. I didn’t know what to do to continue the trip. It was about 6 or 7 hours of hard tripping when this happened, and I just was too tired to keep on going. So I let the trip end on a bad note. Note that I was still seeing visuals everywhere, huge tracers and definitely tripping hard. But I took my eyeshades off and the music off and just stopped internalizing the experience and facing my inner world (it’s exhausting!). So I pretty much stopped the trip myself, not the best idea with ever more unconscious material to work through. <br> <br> It’s a bad idea to let the trip end on a bad note by the way, because it can stick with you for weeks or months after the trip. I knew this, but I was just way too tired. I ended up tripping for about 24 hours which is a new record for me. This was a very powerful trip and it will set the stage for my future trips most certainly. <br> <br> I now know what I want out of life. I want to be a dog-owner. I want the personality of a happy fun loving dog who is spontaneous and unafraid to “let loose” and enjoy the many awesome things in life. Like just playing Frisbee or running or eating or anything can be so pleasurable, spiritual even. I want that. I am a believer that there is some small chance that I can overcome all the crap in my life by all this self-exploration. I know I’m in a minority here because my friends and family and society worry about me doing all this LSD, but I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t think it could help me. <br> <br> I just want peace and love. That’s all. Just the simple peace. Time will tell if I get it.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 48915</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 6, 2006</td><td>Views: 25,974</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=48915&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=48915&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Difficult Experiences (5)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> SET + SETTING <br> This is the 4th high dose trip I’ve had in 5 weeks. I have not written trip reports for 2 of the other one’s unfortunately so there is a big gap to where I was before and where I am now. My setting is that of my condo in the woods. A private place with electricity, running water, a computer with good music, eyeshades, art-supplies, and most importantly PRIVACY! <br> <br> I was feeling very sick and weak from a cold I had caught a few days before dropping the 8 hits. I was worried that the weakened state of my immune system, body, and mind collectively would change my acid experience. With these concerns in mind I still dropped the acid. Within 30 minutes I was flat on my back with my eye-shades on and tribal music playing. It was the fastest LSD has ever come on for me. <br> <br> Now I’m not so hot at writing descriptive trip reports, it’s really a difficult thing to do, as those of you who have tried I’m sure know. So many things happened, that I will try to go over the “themes” in a relatively chronological order. <br> <br> Blast Off <br> The first theme was definitely death coming on. My arms felt like they had 50 needles in them sucking all the blood out. My arms felt heavy and extremely, extremely, cold. I really felt like I was in danger with dying as I wasn’t sure if this state of psychological death would help the cold virus take over my body and actually kill me. I said fuck it, and let the trip continue with no psychological defenses. It’s important to note by the way, that I used to have huge psychological defenses, but the LSD through these 5 weeks has systematically destroyed them, and now ever deeper parts of my mind are coming to the surface. Fascinating. <br> <br> The trip continued to a scene similar to the movie “Contact” with Jodie Foster. I found myself saying “good-bye’s” to everyone I have ever known, and everything I was in my life. I was in a little space capsule and I blasted off through the cosmos. I was space traveling, a large part of my ego was missing. But I was still “there” as in I could think and be like – wow - this is interesting. <br> <br> Meet your Maker <br> <br> This was perhaps the scariest and paradoxically at the same time, most soothing part of the trip. I found myself in a big factory. I was a Model-T so to speak. There was like millions of empty bodies and gadgets and dark scariness. I felt like I was in a factory for making human beings. I met the maker of these human beings. He started giving me gifts, he said, telepathically of course, “here are your hands, you will make beautiful things with these” Here is your charm, your wit, your sense of humour, you will make people smile and be happy with this. Here is your body, you will love it. At this point I actually –climbed inside of my body- and kindof zipped it up, and was like “dang this is a nice body” (really helped with my negative body image so I’m finding today =). <br> <br> You are Being brainwashed <br> <br> The next scenes were very scary. I started having fears that I was being brainwashed by the LSD. This was the case because I have successfully over this 5 weeks been giving up more and more of my personality to LSD and on this trip the drug actually started taking over my thoughts. Yes my thoughts, the thing I pride myself in (I’m a big thinker), and the LSD started “brainwashing me” and stealing my thoughts. I went with the flow. I did not fight it, though I could see how less strong people would definitely fight this feeling of going insane and being brainwashed. Then I saw a huge arena and my head was sawed open so my brains were sticking out in the open. <br> <br> A big surgeon type dude with many many onlookers were in the arena. I understood that the process that was to be done was a lobotomy. A real lobotomy. It wasn’t going to be done now, but when the final “ego death” came, he would cut out my brain, and I would never be the same EVER again. This might sound scary, but I loved it. I am so ready to lose part of my brain. If you have ever seen the movie “Pi” my life is kind of like that. A very smart mathematical genius who is miserable with his paranoia. Until he takes a drill and drills his brain so he can just enjoy nature and human contact without the insanity of “truth” anymore. <br> <br> Ride the Snake !! <br> <br> So it was at this point that the most difficult part of the LSD experience came to the surface. It is important to note that I had previously been seeing snakes in all my previous LSD trips, and they seemed to be “against” me. Like I was always fighting the snakes, because they seemed evil. <br> <br> Well on this trip, I rode the snake. I was the snake. And the snake brought me to some very FUCKed up parts of my personality. I have had some serious sexual abuse from my father while I was younger so that set the stage to “want” certain sexual things from my guy friends, because my father set such a great example. <br> <br> Well the snake showed me EVERY SINGLE friendship I have ever had that the snake (unconscious Gay sexual desires) was involved in. I felt like I was riding a roller coaster, the snake was squirming so fast through all the relationships and memories I have ever had. <br> <br> I had to re-live every single polluted friendship I have ever had, and my God it was the most difficult thing seeing friends I cherished in the unconscious gay way that I really perceived them. Me being not gay just made the process even more hard. <br> <br> But like a trooper I re-lived all the trauma and gay-ness, and my god, … it was difficult. <br> <br> BPM I Out Of Body <br> <br> Towards the end of the trip I believe I was governed by BPM I. I felt like I was merging with my surroundings. I felt unbelievably at peace. I felt like my body and mind were dissolving into my surroundings. I was listening to some monks chanting on CD, and my god. I was never so moved by music in my life. <br> <br> Conclusions. <br> The good vibes continued into the evening. <br> This trip is a big turning point in my LSD psychotherapy. I worked through my 3 greatest fears, Death, being called Racist, and Being Gay. I also opened up some sort of feminine appreciation in my psyche. I have a newfound respect for women today that I have never felt in my life. I feel their presense is godly and I have found myself hanging around them much more and being much more at ease with them, which is definitely a new thing for me. <br> <br> The final ego death (brainwashing) has not come yet, but I am predicting next trip, or the trip after that. I am getting extremely confident that LSD therapy will work for me after this trip and how I feel today. <br> <br> My heart chakra has opened up even more than before, and I feel true love towards my ex-girlfriend [she doesn’t want me back after I told her how I really feel =( ], my friends, and even my former enemies. Forgivness and light surround me today. I am also pleased that the LSD took over my thoughts, I find myself thinking a lot less today. I am just “in the groove” of existence without analyzing it so much. <br> <br> Holy shit, this might work out good =).<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 48916</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 6, 2006</td><td>Views: 32,460</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=48916&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=48916&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Health Benefits (32), General (1), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gel tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I had been researching LSD online for months during my senior year in High School because I had a strong desire to take LSD and experience all the effects I was reading about. <br> <br> The summer came, and we were out of school until college. About the second day out of school, I discovered some LSD at 9 AM in the morning. Whether I had eaten breakfast or not I don't remember, but i would guess NO. I was shocked looking at the two little green gel tabs, I put them in my mouth without hesitation and felt them disolve. OH WOW i thought before any of the effects kicked in, I just ate something that's going to make me trip for hours and hours seeing everything I've ever wanted to! <br> <br> Here I will give my previous drug experience: <br> I had smoked endless amounts of pot just about every day starting about mid-junior year. I had eaten ecstacy about 5 times and I always felt uncomfortable getting an unnatural ecstatic emotion, and ecstacy is just bad for you, I say, and so does the evidence showing severe brain damage. Also at that point I had had one fun yet mild mushroom experience. <br> <br> I sat down at the computer to play an online game. I played about 15 minutes until the anticipation really kicked in. I started getting shaky and VERY ANXIOUS. I turned around and saw fishing poles in the corner of the room, they were taller than ever before and they towered over everything! At this point I figured I should go check things out, it's coming on. I got down on the floor and looked at my imitation oriental rug to see what was seen in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, the pattern rose off the carpet, my eyes were really starting to play tricks on me. <br> <br> I need a shower. I get in the bathroom and the towels are breathing and pulsating, my vision was wacky. I could see small areas blown up very big and nothing other than my immediate vision. At this point I'm lost in my visuals and I'm in the shower feeling fucking great. I see a drop of water on the shower curtain and think, 'what would life be like inside a drop of water?' <br> <br> I'm out of the shower and decide to play my bass guitar. I put on Rage against the Machine's - Battle of LA. I am really feeling the music AND the the LSD...what a suprise! I'm softly inserting undertones on my bass, and I see the neck and strings all waving, up close, big, out of proportion, completely and utterly awesome! The anxiety is still there, STRONG, I'm trying to enjoy myself but the LSD is so freakin powerful!!! <br> <br> I start hearing audio hallucinations and at the same time visuals of lights turning on and off, plenty of color. The audio hallucinations sounded like the devil. Voices outside sounded like rumbling thunder. At this point I really need to talk to someone. I call my Mom at work. As soon as I start speaking I sound very loud and unusual, my Mom asks if I'm alright...what am I supposed to say, 'Well I'm on LSD!' No, that's not right. <br> <br> Now I REALLY need to leave my house or else the anxiety will drive me into a wall! I go outside with the phone and a cigarette. The side of my house looked like it was expanding in the upwards and downwards directions. I get in touch with my friend, who I'll call N, and I go to his house down the street to meet him and another friend A, whom were and are two of my best friends. <br> <br> When I get there I'm talking very loud and I say I think I've eaten some LSD. After a while, it is abundantly clear to them that I have. They stick by me and keep me relaxed. We drive over to a friend's house I'll call E, another best, and he has a friend chillin there. I wasn't feeling too high at this point, but everything on my mind was affecting me. <br> <br> I call my Mom again to talk, I tell her what happened, and she wants me home immediately. This was something I had to struggle with, I didn't wanna go home I'm out enjoying a high what good would coming home be if i'm going to get in trouble??? I decided to stay out and told my parents I would be safe and home later that evening. <br> <br> I go have a quality conversation with my friend A. He is a very experienced tripper of LSD and he comforts while we talk about jokes or funny experiences while the other people are out somewhere. They get back and I go for a ride with my friend N, we talk and I tell him how horrible the situation I'm in is, and that I'm in trouble. He ensures me that he is there and will help me. <br> <br> We get back to E's house and then another friend shows up, he wants to smoke. Five of us head down the street to another friend's house to smoke. We sit out back and smoke dank bud out of a bubbler. My high starts to come back a little but the plateau had worn off a while ago. <br> <br> My thinking goes on auto-pilot. I would think about the ramifications and harmony that come about through conversation. I decided not to speak after my thoughts flew right past the conversation. <br> <br> I come around after taking a piss and declare that on this day I am fucked up! At this point I feel sober enough to talk. I start to relax and my anxiety goes away. The trip slowed down and I started coming back to baseline. <br> <br> I decide it would be good to go home around 5 PM. When I go home I see some more visuals, talk with my parents, and make ammends. Almost a year has passed now. Since that summer, in the way of drugs I've decided not to touch cocaine, not to take LSD, ecstacy, heroine, ect...be careful, especially of the big ones...i'm serious <br> <br> I hope you enjoyed reading this and learned a few things... <br> <br> <br> Retrospective: <br> From my personal experience... <br> <br> Eating LSD at 9 AM: expect a freaking trip (see above) ^^. <br> Gel Tabs are potent, handle with care. I ate some 2 hits of paper/blotter about 2 months later and it wasn't a quarter as strong. <br> <br> Have friends & people you love to be with. <br> <br> Think before you do LSD, don't think about everything you want LSD to be. Look at the reasons you wouldn't do LSD as well, understand that they aren't negatives for no reason. Thanks you Erowid for being an awesome site! Peace. =)<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2002</td><td width="90">ExpID: 23078</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 12, 2006</td><td>Views: 43,900</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=23078&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=23078&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The other night I had perhaps one of the most profound experiences of my entire life. Undoubtedly, I will be contemplating it for some time to come, but these are my thoughts a day or two after the experience. <br> <br> A bit of background first. I was born Jewish, and raised as a reform Jew. That is, my family celebrated the Sabbath, and went to services for the high holy days, but that's it. We pretty much paid it lip service. In the past year, inspired by an acid trip, I've begun reading about other philosophies and other religions. However, my readings for the most part have dealt only with Taoism, Hinduism, and Buddhism. <br> <br> I started out with the intention of gaining greater personal and interpersonal insight with the aid of LSD and MDMA. After dark, I took two hits of relatively weak LSD blotter. After an hour or so, I began to notice some initial effects, so I put on the Mindfold, which is a device that blocks all incoming light, even with your eyes open. I put 'How to Operate Your Brain' by Tim Leary onto my mp3 player, and listened. In essence, he says that the mind is like a biocomputer, and we are the master programmers who choose what we put into it. However, most of the time we surrender that control to the government and other institutions and corporations. Instead, we should question authority and think for ourselves! Very simple, yet very important ideas. <br> <br> Around this point I figured it would be a good time to take the first MDMA pill. I did so, and started looking through a personal scrapbook I had made half a year ago that included many personally significant photographs. Immediately I felt a surge of empathy with the people in the pictures, and gained some understanding about them, as I had hoped. <br> <br> I went online to chat with a few friends, and one of them mentioned art, and it occured to me to look at a book of art by Alex Grey (who incidentally created the Mindfold). I did so and thought it was cool. A friend had suggested going into the fetal position on a body pillow in a dark room and flowing with existence. I did that with some music. I was astounded by how free, happy, and secure I felt; feelings which seem to elude me from time to time. About 20 minutes before doing this however, I'm fairly certain I took the second MDMA pill. My memory is a little hazy so I'm not sure of the exact time. <br> <br> Before going into the fetal position, I had so much energy that I simultaneously wanted to go everywhere and see everything and to simply sit still. I ended up sitting, but trembling slightly. After the fetal position, I returned to my computer to check my e-mail and see who was online. <br> <br> Suddenly, I was struck by the most tremendous urge imaginable. I needed to sit down and look at the art book by Alex Grey. At this point, not even a pack of wild horses could have gotten in my way. I sat down. Frantically, I flipped through the pages, looking for something, but I didn't know what. Suddenly, the words 'FIND CHRIST' screamed into my consciousness. I flipped through the entire book as if my life was at stake, but couldn't find the picture I was looking for (entitled 'Christ'). I tried to find an index but there wasn't one. Finally, I found it. Time lost meaning. It could have been day or night, past, present, or future, none of it mattered in the least. As soon as my eyes landed on the image of Christ, I felt as though Christ himself was staring back at me. The picture hadn't changed, but there felt like a tangible force behind it now. As we gazed into each other's eyes, my mind became completely silent. I was empty - devoid of desires or problems or thoughts. Yet I was filled with the most amazing awareness and overflowing with unconditional love for everything. I was content to sit and look upon him for all of eternity. <br> <br> I somehow managed to scribble down a few sentences in my log during this, including, 'Christ's love is infinite, all else is irrelevant.' and 'When the mind is taken away, things seem as they truly are.' I felt as if he was communicating with me, yet without words. I closed my eyes and was regaled with a sense of unity, and saw fleeting images of Lao Tzu and of Jesus of Nazareth. Though I could not actually 'see' them, their presence seemed to be intuitive. I opened my eyes, and grabbed a rosary we had received in the mail in some solicitation for money. There was a metal cross with Jesus on it. I grabbed it, and kissed it, and tried to imbue the force I was experiencing into it (to use as a power object), yet try as I may, the force would not transfer. A desire suddenly popped into my head: to experience this bliss forever. However, Christ seemed to intuit to me that there was still work to be done (in my life). Moments later, the feeling that the force was about to leave arose, and I felt slightly disappointed. I looked at the picture, and suddenly it was back to being only a picture. <br> <br> Still enthralled by this experience, I walked downstairs and spent a little time petting my dog, then stepped outside where it was quite cold. Even though I only had thin pants and no shirt on, I was comfortable. I returned to my room and listened to music and meditated for another few hours until I was able to rest. The last entry in my log was, 'Mission of life: free yourself from Maya.' For the rest of the next day, my mind was restless and uneasy. My ego and rational mind had been dealt a serious blow, and accordingly, I was confused. <br> <br> My rationality immediately began to try to rationalize what had happened. The only thing it could up with was that peaking on the MDMA, I projected my feelings of love onto the closest available thing - which in this case was a picture of Jesus. However, this still doesn't explain my urge to 'Find Christ' or how my mind was so silent as if I was in a high meditative state, or why the perceived force spontaneously arrived and departed. <br> <br> After contemplating the event for another day or two, I reached what I felt was a slightly more complete analysis of what happened. Enhanced by the LSD and MDMA, my mind entered a state of high meditation, perhaps even satori or kensho, as it's called by the Buddhists. Perhaps I reached a state of consciousness called Christ-consciousness. I think that we all are Christ and have this Christ-consciousness in us, yet most of us aren't able to realize it because of Maya (the grand illusion). Jesus of Nazareth was an extraordinarily enlightened yogi. He was so established in this 'Christ-consciousness' that he embodied it totally. As for the urge to 'Find Christ,' I still cannot explain, and I doubt my rational mind will ever be able to rationally explain this. <br> <br> Christ-consciousness I believe is very similar to Samadhi, in which one experiences union with the non-dual Brahman, yet one maintains one's duality. Or perhaps it is beyond that even and Christ-consciousness is simply another label for the Tao. <br> <br> Perhaps with more time I will gain greater insight into Christ-consciousness and what happened.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 49669</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 28, 2006</td><td>Views: 31,787</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=49669&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=49669&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This was my first LSD trip. I've tried (and bought for my hard-earned money) what I was told was LSD several times before, but it was either fake or very low dosage, since I took multiple hits each previous time with only a slight bodily effect, where I noticed that my body felt slightly different. This time, however, I bought the LSD from my bud guy, who's very reliable with the shit he sells. I'll call him S. I snuck out of my house at 10 am and met him at the gas station near my house (I live in a rural area, so he drove out quite a way to deliver), and bought four hits at 10 bucks a hit. I gave him a few bucks for gas money too, since he drove out all this way. <br> <br> 11am: My mom being gone to work for the day, I took one hit and started doing something on my computer. I was excited to finally get some real LSD, and was looking forward to the trip, which I hoped would give me some real intense hallucinations. I was a little worried about doing more than one hit, since I'm real paranoid about trying new, powerful drugs, even if I'm looking forward to trying 'em. I didn't prepare for the trip in any way, being satisfied that I had enough cool stuff around the house to occupy me while tripping. <br> <br> T+30 mins: I experienced the 'body high' feeling I described in the first paragraph. It was unusually quick in coming, which made me happy because it affirmed to me that the acid wasn't fake, and after getting ripped off twice, I was happy to get the real stuff finally. <br> <br> T + 1 hour: I began experiencing a slight nausea, which was mildly uncomfortable. One of my friends came by, whom I'll call P. P came by to trip and smoke some herb, and I gave him two hits and took the last hit. I was a little paranoid about doing that, like I already said. We chilled in my room listening to some punk on the computer for about 30 mins, then we took out the bowl and packed it full (packs about a gram) of some bud. We smoked it and another bowl over the next hour and a half, so each of us ended up smoking about a gram. I was a little paranoid about smoking herb on acid as well, since I didn't want to prolong my trip or do something to f-ck it up in some way. P seemed to be cool with it, though, and since he tripped like this before, I thought I'd be alright. <br> <br> T + 1 hour, 30 mins: I began feeling the first hit kick in. I was in my chair by my computer desk and P was sitting on the bed. I was already pretty high, and Dropkick Murphy's drinking songs were getting me in a festive mood. I also had this real colorful and weird Winamp visualization full screen on the computer (something like the visualizations in Windows Media Player that come on when you play music in it, though much more intricate and colorful - another reason I like Winamp), which helped kick the trip in a lot faster once we were high - you'd have to see it to fully understand why. It was really trippy. When I felt the acid kick in, I felt like a kid on top of a roller coaster, with the anticipation and all finally about to be gratified. I can't describe the feeling itself except that I felt a profound change in my body chemistry, a mild euphoric feeling that felt like I was beginning to slide on my ass down a frozen-over lake. It was bright in the room, being the middle of the day, and everything felt extremely full of light. We were laughing a lot. <br> <br> T + 2 hours: (Side note - it's becoming more and more difficult to denote the time exactly, since the acid was beginning to profoundly slow my perception of time by this point. These estimates are just that - estimates.) I was feeling very euphoric and high. Me and P were laughing constantly, and were having fun with the increasing effect the acid was having on us. I felt more and more like a kid on a frozen-over lake, sliding endlessly on his ass. I also began feeling more and more out of touch with reality, as if time has frozen and we were somehow phasing out of this plane of existence. At this time, P noticed I had The Getaway for the PS2, so we moved to the living room with the bowl and the game. I remember packing another bowl in the living room, and being almost unable to do it because everything was so funny, and everything P said was somehow tripping me out even more. We began smoking and playing, and the main character somehow seemed much taller than the buildings and cars. We played for the game for a while, and I was becoming ever more aware of the time slowing down. <br> <br> T + 2 hours, 30 mins: We stopped smoking and playing the game, and moved back into my room for some reason. The acid had come on pretty strong by that time, and I felt as if every minute felt like 10. We were listening to some kind of music (I don't remember what, probably punk) and laughing a lot. Everything looked real bright and blue, and time kept slowing down more and more. I began feeling real nostalgic, as if I felt something very similar to what I was experiencing as a little kid. I'm still not sure whether or not this was just from the drug; it felt, and still does, extremely real, and not just an effect of the LSD. This feeling would only get stronger as time went on and pervade most of the rest of the trip. By this time, the acid was well working in both of us, and everything began feeling as if I were falling down a long, dark tunnel in my mind. It also felt like we were going on, making kind of a 'droning' sound as we went. It was very strange, and felt alien to me. I began feeling the acid in my brain as a tangible thing I could almost grab, and began feeling as if the acid had a personality of its own, one mischievous and powerful. It's very difficult to explain exactly its personality, but one could equate it to the Norse god of mischief, Loki. <br> <br> It also felt like it was hanging over us, like a cloud almost. I began writing my first note of the day, which said something like 'everything in tens, everything in 10's, everything in 8t's now...'. S also called us for the first time of several about right now, asked how we liked the trip so far. I don't remember what I said to him. <br> <br> T + 2 hours, 40 something minutes: The note 'ACID KICKED' I wrote at this time explains what happened best. I think I was trying to write 'acid kicked in', but couldn't finish it. I couldn't concentrate on anything, since everything I'd try to do would trip me out more, and the trip itself would trip me out. I'd get lost in some inexplicable adventure full of color and circling psychedelic shape resulting from trying to perform a simple task, shapes very reminiscent of those colorful shapes and tie-dyed shirts so common in the 60's. I'd have to try to 'zoom out', to tear myself away from the shapes and try to grasp sanity to perform the task, only to get lost in perpetual 'zooming out' which I'd realize was only another trip my mind would take. It began to frustrate me, slowly. Time seemed to slow down to where every second felt like an hour and me and P seemed to totally melt. As he put it: 'We have no control of ourselves from this point on'. I knew at that point that 1) he was right; 2) I was tripping pretty hard; and 3) that any task undertaken while on acid would never get finished. The reality of what was happening to me was so funny and I felt great. We moved into the living room to watch tv. <br> <br> T+ 3 hours: We were peaking. The walls and everything rapidly changed color from red, to green, to various shades of those two, to other colors, and it took me five minutes to find a piece of paper and write a note to myself to remind myself that I'm on acid, which was at once both terribly amusing and incredibly important that I write it. P wanted to go out, so we began to get ready for that trek, but first, there was an insane amount of cannabis leaf patterns on the walls which prevented us from leaving, since it looked so cool. I wasn't paying attention to the tv, but P was lying on the floor telling me there's all this stuff crawling on the ceiling, an everything's in a pattern. <br> <br> Over the next hour, my mind constantly revolved several key thoughts or ideas in my head: 'This is too much, I can't take this', 'I want this to end', (now would come something about something which would trip me out and make me feel better about the trip), (next would come P telling me to come outside, or saying he can't stay in this house, which would freak me out, both for his safety and for how f-cked up I knew he was, and what could happen outside), leading to 'damn it, why'd I do this sh-t?' and then back to 'this is too much'. Time was slowed down too much, and the entire trip stopped being cool, and I wanted it to end. I couldn't handle all the stuff my senses were telling me, and it felt like I wanted to go to sleep, but couldn't. Sometime in this period, I went outside with P, walked all the way to the entrance of my house (which was an adventure in itself that I wish I could remember more fully), and forgot I had no money, so we went back. Then I thought I got the wrong set of keys and couldn't get in the house (which, thank the gods, I was wrong about), and this scared me, because I realized that I could potentially do something like this and really screw myself, and I decided I wouldn't leave my house just to be safe. Most of the bad feelings I described above stemmed from this experience. <br> <br> T + 3 hours, 47 mins, (I was checking the time every second to see if another minute had passed) I figured out that I needed P out of my house if I was gonna calm down, so I kicked him out, which ended up being good for him too, since he had the most fun trip he ever had getting home, and actually thanked me. I kicked him out and fixed up the couch, then sat in front of the tv, watched star trek, and told myself to trip, except I couldn't. I couln't shake that feeling that I wanted the trip to stop, which was annoying me because I wanted to trip out nice, but I couldn't. All I could think of was the intense sensory overload and insanely slowed-down time. Everything was too much, basically. The droning feeeling was resonating loudly in my head and 'Acid', the character/drug that was in my head, was laughing at me and playing around with my mind, to my continued frustratrion and growing unrest. I was happy to have P out of my house, though, because I wasn't sure if we'd still be tripping by the time my mom got home, and I didn't want him here just in case we were. <br> <br> T + 4 hours, S calls again, and at length, I explain to him my predicament. He tells me to drink some milk to calm down. I drink a glass or two. I slowly begin to calm down, first from freaking out so much, then, as my peak passes, the intense sensory overload I experienced subsides, and the intense droning feeling which I assume to be my senses compounded into one collossal noise subsided as well, and I began to enjoy the trippy things I was seeing as I felt my trip subside. Everything was distorted and objects would bulge out, edges change color, and it was quite fun again. <br> <br> T + 7: I had half a kiwi to prolong the diminishing effects of the trip, thinking it would be over in an hour. When my trip leveled off, and didn't diminish for another three, four hours, I got worried again. I watched whatever was on scifi channel, and by 10pm, I was pissed because I was still tripping as bad as at 6pm. I thought to hell with it, and decided to watch some more tv, in the hope that the trip would subside. It finally did around 11pm-midnight, around the time my mom got home, and I was glad to meet her with regular-sized pupils, although I was still tripping kind of, and was very 'out of it'. I kept hearing my mom's voice when she wouldn't say anything, and felt very confused. I smoked what we didn't finish off the bowl once my mom went to sleep, which calmed me down, thankfully. My mind was exhausted, and I wanted to sleep. <br> <br> I went to sleep around maybe two or three am, like I usually do, and slept fine with some vivid dreams (which I couldn't remember the second after I woke up). I didn't experience any inability to sleep or any negative aftereffects, however, I'd have to say that my view on LSD, drugs in general, and P is changed. Not really positively or negatively, but changed. It was definitely an experience I'd want to try again, because I realized that I freaked out because I thought I was ready for the trip, but I wasn't.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 48836</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 1, 2006</td><td>Views: 34,690</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=48836&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=48836&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.2 oz</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">6 carts.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/salvia/">Salvia divinorum</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(extract - 10x)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This trip occurred on a Friday from 4pm - 4am. <br> <br> I love acid. Lucy is .... amazing. Beautiful. Heartbreakingly benevolent and equally powerful. Albert motha-fuckin Hoffman came up with a true slice of cosmic beauty on his 25th try. A chemical that was created by serendipity, that started a revolution. This molecule has been the object of my search for YEARS upon YEARS. Soooo many times the quest for LSD has led to tales of scandalous individuals ripping us off. So many times LSD is fake , or not there at all. Some shady shit had gone down, my friend. <br> <br> However, finally , serendipitously (go figure) and randomly my friend robby calls an old comrade of his. One who was known to dabble in dee-ex-em. See my friend robby and I have recently come across a fair portion of DXM powder. The call was not about acid, it was about dxm business, but soon talk of the illustrious chemical came up. As it always does. <br> <br> It just so happened we were in luck. And man, were we in luck. <br> <br> My friend gets the credit, he did the work, he got the acid, and he hooked me up. I went to pick it up from his place at around maybe 2 or 3, and it suprised me with its appreance. It was a small, thin white strip of paper, with no perforation. It was multi-layered and VERY white. Almost angelic looking, with a slight sparkle. When I went to pick this up, I had also come to collect some dex. The motherfucker handed me a water bottle. The bottle was 3/4th FULL of DXM powder. Packed. <br> <br> Anyways back on the road, we pack up a bowl and I bite off Half the ten strip. I was told by my friend (robby) that in order to get the 'classic' in depth acid trip, 4-5 would be a good dose. The taste was interesting, I cant quite describe it on memory, as I was quite stoned through all of this so far. Quite. It seemed to have a metallic taste, and its absorbing in my mouth kind of sent a rush through my body. I was so excited that I was finally tripping on some real, good acid. After about 5 minutes of letting half the ten strip sit on my tongue, I bit off a little extra hit. Juuuust to make sure that I tripped me some balls. There was already plans to drive to another part of town, to a headshop with a 'dude' of ours working, one who would openly sell us nitrous. <br> <br> After quick few cell phone calls, it was decided we were going to pick up my friend Leah, then go back up to my part of town to pick up my friend Mike, who happens to have Salvia Divinorum 10x extract. Spearmint flavoured of course. We get Leah, who is a good friend of mine despite the lack of time I've known her. Really, I dont even remember how I started talking to this girl, but it was via AIM. She's a goofy, cool, down girl. She's also is a big fan of Tim Leary, and has always wanted to try LSD. I already got this girl to try DXM, which she actually wrote a trip report for me on the DV called 'dxm took me to india'. <br> <br> Anyways tripping with her was always a good experiance , now that I've got her around, the music groovin and the car rollin to mikes, the vibes are feelin good. <br> <br> It's been like 30-40 minutes, and I'm starting to feel reaaaaal grooooovy. For those of you havent done acid I dont know how to explain this. Everything is funny. The feeling of elation and excitement at everything is overwhelming. My body starts feeling exsquisitely comfortable and energetic. My legs are almost numb. They feel wiggly, watery and without substance. I dont think I could walk very well right now. We were passin' around bowls and talking of times past , when I noticed the space within teh car seem to take on a different feel. I felt as if my perception was based within the space around me, inseprebaple. Its like my consciousness was a ball, that suddenly lost its form and spilled out into a endless electric ocean. The spilling sensation felt damn good. Everything I looked at had taken a strange green tint to it. Colors blurred slightly like on a fuzzy TV screen. My body was in ectasy. I was bursting with happiness and thought. I figured out my whole life, while silently muttering to myself. The acid was barely even just coming on. <br> <br> Well its a few more minutes coasting along route 48 in a ocean of electric music and love vibes, and then we get back to my town. We head over to my friend mikes house. The pickup is seamless, and the introduction of Mike's strong and honest vibes are welcomed by all parties in the car, I can feel it. He shows me his vial of Salvia, half full. We take off. By this point I'm starting to trip hard. Upon inspecting any surface I would notice undulating paterns,creeping lines and unfolding fractals. I stared at my hand and It was like my mind was a zoom-in lense, and I began to view my finger on almost a cellular level. <br> <br> I snapped out of it. I looked around the car. Mike was starting to trip on a 400mg capsule of DXM he had taken earlier. He had his eyes closed over in teh corner. My friends Miesmer and Joey were up front , both tripping balls on dxm. <br> <br> I was in the back, and my mind was opening up into space. <br> <br> The slightly toxic, grabbing electrical feel that LSA trips bring to mind was very present in my brain. This toxic psychedelic feeling is also comparable to those I experianced on 5-MeO-AMT. And yet, it felt vastly more benevolent than LSA and so much more pure and smooth than 5-MeO-AMT. So very smooth. It felt like the perfect drug, it was activating the antipodes of my mind, setting the engines of my consciousness to warp drive. I felt my mind expand , and I was sure at this point that my pupils had to be HUGE. I felt very, very pleasantly intoxicated. The interior of the car seemed to glow and simmer with energy. At times I would think there were other people in the car, other friends of ours. Then I would realize they werent there and I had just been talking to nobody. Keep in mind everyone in this car is spaced out. <br> <br> It was the 5 of us, Me , Leah, Mike, Joey and Miesmer. We were headed to Joey's. <br> <br> We are almost to Joeys, when we come across a road called 'whipp' road. Its been raining, then snowing out today. The road is caked with ice. <br> <br> Miesmer... is not a very good driver. Hes going way , way too fast down these curvy roads, way to high and tripped out and vibing to music to pay ANY attention to the road. At least 60 mph. Yeah, I know its stupid. But , keep in mind we've done this many, many times and its worked out fine. But not this time. Miesmer lost control of the car. He began to drift his shitty little geo metro. <br> <br> He drifted for a good minute, pitching left then banking HARD right. <br> Like the car jumped off the ground and switched sides. <br> <br> After bouncing at insane speeds down a icy road, control completely lost, we slid off the road and smashed into a large bush. Thank god this wasnt a tree. But this was a hell of a big bush, it completely decimated the side of miesmers car. <br> <br> We sat there. Dazed. Confused. What the FUCK just happened??? <br> We were ALL tripping balls. Nobody panics. Confusion abound. <br> <br> My girl leah turns to me and says '' Aaaaaalex we are just got in a car wreck! and I'm on LSD!! oh alex...'' <br> I look at her and say something consoling like ''yeah well... dont worry about it...'' <br> <br> We get out of the car. Mikes door was destroyed, the window is knocked out and the door is dented in completely. The driver side window was also knocked off, laying stranded 20 feet off in teh background. Miesmers door (drivers) was about half dented in, with scrapes covering the rest. <br> <br> Fucked up vibes set in. The car was in a slight ditch on the side of the road, submerged in snow on the left side that had hit the bush.I guess we all presumed we were stuck, so we just stood around for a minute. <br> <br> We decide to try and get out on our own, and Miesmer gets in the car . He starts it , and with a little bit of gas it immediately bolts out of position into the road. Miesmer almost hits another car , again. <br> <br> Sigh's of relief and exasperated looks all around. I cant tell you how good it felt to be on the road again, knowing we wouldnt have to deal with cops and parents, at least not now. <br> <br> About 10 minutes later we are laughing and arriving at Joey's apartment complex. We walk into Joeys apartment building, and begin the ascent up the stairs to his 3rd level apt. The trip upstairs was slow and laborious, as we were all tripping mad balls and shaken from teh car wreck. <br> <br> The usually white walls in the building seemed very green to me. The patterns on the carpet were expanding and melting into one another. When we get to Joeys apt. we go straight to his room. This is the ultimate trip room. 5 blacklights strewn across the room, strategically placed to illuminate the posters covering all 4 walls with bombastically bright neon colors. In these posters there is marijuana, naked busty women, and tripped out images of scenery. There is a very nice sound system that is already playing 'another brick in the wall' of 'The Wall' CD. If you dont know who that is by, I would kick you in your balls. <br> <br> The posters look real nice. Me and Leah sit down on the bed, and she snuggles up close to me. Her warmth is very welcomed on this cold day. She tells me shes tripping really hard and is kind of scared. So I hold and her and just sit there with her for a minute, staring at a poster of an extremely gorgeous naked woman laying next to a gigantic joint in a bed of satin. I started imagining myself being there with Leah, her being naked. I closed my eyes and my imagination and the LSD brought that scene to life around me. But that wasnt all dear Lucy showed me. <br> <br> Suddenly the vivid close-eyed scene was blasted to nothing. I was in space. I felt very cold, and I looked to my left I could see Leah's love energy beaming with light and warmth. It was scintillating all up and down my body. It was almost fiery, it was so warm. I could hear her thoughts in my mind. I think she told me she loved me, but I was unsure so I did'nt respond, but merely reciprocated her love, in the middle of space, stoicly. <br> <br> I feel incredibly strong and powerful. I love myself. I love Leah. And I loooooove Lucy. <br> <br> We just floated there in our own space, listening to pink floyd , for what seemed like not hours, not days, but a lifetime. Now I know why they call pink floyd 'space rock'. Damn! ...I open my eyes. <br> <br> Leah is sitting there staring at me with love in her eyes. I look at her, my heart melting at the beauty and fiery innocence of this girl. I really dont know why she hangs around with me, sometimes I'm just a straight up dick to her. But I think she sees through me. Right now it felt like see quite literally did. I felt an intense mental and emotional connection to her. When I closed my eyes I could see the burning intensnity of our bond. It was bright orange/red, and seemed as if it were fire. Anyways the vibes from our bond are simmering, and we both shift and change positions as Joey comes back in the room (he had left sometime earlier). We had been alone in that room for what seemed like millenia. Everyone still thinks we had sex. <br> <br> I got up and went into the kitchen to get something to drink. The lights everywhere were very bright and tinted with kalaedescopic color wheels. The TV had visible bombarding rays showeringt those who were watching it. It looked like they were being consumed by the rays. I looked at the microwave clock, and the moving , wiggling numbers read 8:00pm. Holy shit it was still pretty damn early. I had been trippin balllz for about 4 hours. I was still goin damn strong. And I knew we still had nitrous, salvia, and that Joey was packing up a bowl right now. <br> <br> First, it was time for the Salvia. Mike packed me up a nice 1-hit bowl in the water bong. I was to 'go' first. I placed the form-fitting mouthpiece up to my mouth, and activated the torch lighter. I sucked in hard and deep, closing my eyes and praying to Sally to bring me out of this world and into pure chaos. <br> <br> As I sat there holding the hit and meditating, I rapidly began to feel a sliding feeling. It felt like I was being hurtled forward at a TREMENDOUS speed, lights and squiggles and undulating fractal energy designs exloding everywhere amidst a crackling green-white energy force-field. <br> <br> And, for those who have partook of Lady Salvia, you know what I mean when I say I felt like I was the visuals I was beholding. <br> <br> This was my very consciousness being exploded and transmogrified into different dimensions of perception and existance. I exhaled my hit, and the sound of my own breath clicked and whirred and became part of me as it echoed out of my body. I tried talking, which was an incredibly weird and similar sensation. I'm sure I made no sense whatsoever. <br> <br> I opened my eyes, and began to drift back into a more comprehensive state. The room was 'breathing' quite heavily. Walls did'nt hold their shape, but instead morphed back and forth in seemingly stable undulation. While I had been off in Salvia-Space my friends had finished the rest of the Salvia. Oh well.... I was pretty damn fucked up right then, and we still had the nitrous. So I broke out the two 10 packs of whippets I had bought from the headshop earlier. We had totally cleared out their stocks of nitrous I pulled out a green baloon and my cracker, and loaded up a cartrige. I cracked the cartrige and gently milked the nitrous into the baloon with the finesse of a seasoned nitrous fiend. <br> <br> I Inhale deep.... sweet sweet nitrous. Like a cool, sweet mint. The kiss of air in my lungs felt soooo good. I exhaled it back into the baloon, and then fully inhaled again. As I did this once more, my entire body started to tingle with vibration. I began to feel an extreme rush of euphoria and pleasure as the nitrous dissociation plunged my consciousness into a void like state. I was completely nullified. My eyes were closed, and all I saw was white. Then the fringes of my perception began to be tinged with color. That color bled and swept into the whiteness until I was staring at a stereotypical swirling acid visual cascade. <br> <br> Beautiful... beyond words.... I felt deeply fufilled to be present in such a experiance. So thankful and grateful to be alive NOW. <br> <br> After a few minutes of that, I opened my eyes. I loaded Leah up a cartrige. After she pounded the baloon a few times, she layed back and collapsed in laughter. We did those two 10 packs in a manner of maybe 3 minutes. At this point I was exhausted. I hadnt gotten much sleep from the preceeding days ( due to excessive dxm consumpion ) , and all the drugs and activity of the day had taken out of me. Leah and I decided to take a nap. <br> <br> The dream I had was a complex, non-sensical one, which had one very important scene: <br> I was in my bedroom with my friends... as I'm sitting there with my homies , suddenly a character strolls into the room. As he strides with great beauty, the world fades into blackness behind him. As he sat next to me, I realized this man was none other than Tim Leary. His eyes were glowing orange. The iris. The pupils were huge, and seemed like portals into space. He had an incredible presence. I was enamored. I just stared into his eyes communicating with him. It was an extremely vivid experiance. <br> <br> I woke up, and looked at the clock. Yeah, once again it was 11:11. I was still tripping balls and tired as hell. After the birst of thought the 11:11 sighting caused, I came back down to hang out. <br> <br> We spend few more hours just hanging out at Joey's, talking and smoking A LOT more pot. Every hit of that fine mary jane I took, I would close my eyes, and relish in the pleasures and visuals I would experiance. <br> <br> Eventually it was time to depart. <br> <br> We went and took Leah home first, I gave her a hug and bid her adieu. When she left the car it felt much colder, but also very clear. I felt very lucid. I was ready to go home and spend the rest of the night meditating and communicating with this amazingly benevolent entheogen. And I did. <br> <br> I got home and went straight to my room and turned on my computer. I put in a song titled 'Ochoa', by a band I think is named 'Shambovopaya', and excellent song designed for shamanic journeying. <br> <br> I set it on repeat, and layed back on my bed in upright lotus position. It was pitch black in my room. The transitive darkness resonated in my soul. I was immersed in complete darkness. I felt a deep humming that seemed to be resonating fron within my spine. It led up to the back of my head, and it felt like something was clogging up my spinal flow. <br> <br> Its hard to explain, but instinctively my hands moved to the top of my head and I focused love and healing energy into my hands. Doing so, I then concentrated my will on pushing love and healing energy into my mind. The dark, electric clouding energy began moving out. My vision became illuminated by a distinctly divine light. I had the sensation of several dark entities lurking around me, observing from another dimension, too far off to even bother communicating in any traditional sense. Their presence had been revealed by the LSD. They were not malicious, but seemed very interested in me, and maintaining their presence with me. <br> <br> I wasnt going to let that happen. I began focusing my energy to expand in waves. A sunlike red energy exploded around me and swept the dark things away. My room was very clear and seemed slightly brighter. I felt so overwhelmingly postive and SOOOO relieved. <br> <br> Then I layed down and kind of just drifted off into dreamland... I really dont rememeber anything of my dreams that night. A shame, as I love dreams and I'm sure I had a incredible on this night. <br> <br> We'll thats the end of the tale, I hope you enjoyed my recounting of a truly spiritual experiance. <br> <br> Peace n Love.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 43664</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 2, 2006</td><td>Views: 63,005</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=43664&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=43664&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40), Salvia divinorum (44), Cannabis (1) : Various (28), Entities / Beings (37), Sex Discussion (14), Music Discussion (22), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">10 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">165 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Location: Chapel of Sacred Mirrors, NYC... Alex Grey live painting event <br> Dose: 10 strip of good, clean white on white. <br> <br> I had been saving some paper for the past couple of months to do a higher dose trip with when I got the chance. About a week ago, a friend of mine told me that Alex Grey would be doing a live painting at his space in Manhattan, along w/ psychadelic dub/trance, and this sounded like the perfect place to take the dose i wanted. <br> <br> I have been to CoSM in the past and really enjoyed the space. It has a main area that is used for dance classes, yoga, etc w/ a big open floor and mirrored wall... this is the room that had the music and artists. There is also 'The Chapel' where the original paintings of Grey's that everyone knows are on display... unfortunately, we found out when we got there that this room wouldn't be open. <br> <br> On saturday I worked until 11pm when my girlfriend and two other friends met me at my work and we jumped a cab down to CoSM. After making it up the 4 flights of steps and paying the $15 entry, we made our way into the main room. There weren't really many people there at this point.. maybe 30-40 total. I managed to find my friend that told me about the event pretty easily. I had brought a couple extra pieces of paper and gave them to him. My girlfriend took 1.5 hits and I placed the ten strip on my tongue... <br> <br> This took place at about 11:30pm <br> <br> When i take 'cid, no matter what the dose, I know it right away... I feel this feeling start at the base of my neck and carry down to right below my sternum, not quite in my stomach. It's a strange electric feeling... like 'the tripping' is just waiting in there to come out. <br> <br> We took a few minutes to check out the area we were in... it was one big room that had been partially partitioned into three areas using hanging tapestries/curtains. In the corner when you first came in was the first painter... he was doing a sort of cathedral on dark canvas.. it was in the very beginning stages so it was hard to tell exactly where it was going. To the right of him was where the musicians and visuals people were set up... they had two live drummers, trumpet player, dj, vj, and a lot of equipment. When we first got there the music was very organic and chill... nice psychadelic electronic dub, for lack of a better description. The visuals screens were playing cool shots of plants opening that had been computer altered to have eyes on flower petals and the stems of the plants... and some cool cgi of robotic plants. Across from the musicians was were Alex Grey was set up... He had laid out a sacred geometric pattern on a black canvas prior to coming and was painting a skull over that, using an actual skull in his hand as a model. To his left, in the back corner of the room was the third artist... she was the only one that wasn't painting on dark canvas and was using a much more airy, light style than Grey or the other artist. <br> <br> Now, i had come to this party w/ work on me... hopefully you all know what that means. So, for the first 30-45min i was doing a lot of favors... and the place was gaining people pretty steadily. I don't generally talk to people i don't know.. so, i just floated the word with my friends that if people talked to them, they could come find me. It's a pretty safe method, and i know a couple people that work at CoSM which helps reduce the risk, too. <br> <br> After this, I took a minute to sit with my friends and smoke a bowl of some 'mist' and eat some fruit snacks... I could feel the tripping feeling coming on pretty steady and was starting to notice the wobbly vision in the corners of my eyes that lets me know the fun has started. I watched the visual screens for a while and talked to my girlfriend and friends. <br> <br> It was now approx 12:15am <br> <br> I got into a pretty lengthy discussion about high dose tripping with my friend that invited me.. (I guess we'll call him matt). Matt had taken 20mg 2C-I, 1.5g mushrooms, and some sort of tea that i can't remember, that night... but has had some higher dose mushroom trips and L trips. At first I listened to him talk about his theories about different psychedelics and their different 'resonances'... this is was basically an idea that on some super molecular level all psychedelics resonate at a different pace... this causes subsonic vibrations that alter your visual perception, aural perception and mood... all in all a pretty interesting theory, but he can dive really, reallly deep into that stuff.. and while i'm interested in the science of psychedelics, i don't necessarily like getting to deep into it while actually tripping. <br> <br> We started talking about my half oz experience and what it was like in comparison to an 11g experience he had. This in turn led to a conversation on death. We talked about our different theories on what the actual 'dying process' is going to be like... all in all it was a pretty interesting conversation. <br> <br> As I was talking to Matt, I started noticing pretty strong visuals coming on. There was a pattern over my entire field of vision that pulsated and pixellated along w/ the music and dancing... waves of color would start on one side of my vision and sweep to the other, constantly fluctuating in brightness and color tone. At some points I would notice a bright spot in the center of my vision that would sort of 'explode' outwards in all directions. Within this patterning would also be spots that would appear closer to me than others, and spots that made things seem farther away... it gave a really strange, carnival-mirror distortion to everything around me. Once i started to notice these things, it took me a minute to be able to focus correctly and navigate the room.. it was getting more and more crowded very quickly. <br> <br> It was getting close to 1am by now... <br> <br> I broke off my conversation on death with matt to join my girlfriend for a bit. We decided to check up on the paintings that were being done and to watch Grey paint for a little bit. It was really cool because he was on the same floor level as the crowd and totally amongst the crowd... you could talk to him while he was painting, and while i didn't personally do this he seemed very accomodating of the people that chose to speak to him. <br> <br> My girlfriend wanted to try and get to see the chapel even though it was closed.. so we headed off to find my friend that works at CoSM to see if we may be able to get a peek inside. We were told that this wasn't possible, as it would risk him getting into trouble, which i didn't want to do. So, we settled for the next best thing.. the prints that are in display in the hallways and sitting room outside the chapel. <br> <br> We looked at a few prints and sat down to talk. At this point i was tripping very hard visually. There was no unaltered point in my vision.. the world had become a very, very interesting place. I would have stalls in my vision where everything would go 'stop'.. then motion a few seconds later.. a strobe-light like effect, i guess. I really don't remember what exactly we were talking about.. I think I was just recounting my conversation with matt and some of the scientific aspects of psychadelics that she really doesn't think or know about. <br> <br> In the middle of the conversation this guy comes out of nowhere... and i mean this almost literally, considering the amount of distortion in my peripheral vision he basically appeared our of a colorful box. He appeared waving a $20 bill in my face and saying something about $10. I was completely thrown off and really didn't know what this guy was asking me... I didn't recognize him and definately had not talked to him that night. At first i thought he wanted two tens for a twenty and told him i didn't have change.. then he said something about wanting something blue, and i told him i didn't have anything blue... and then he said he wanted '$10 and $10'. I'm getting really frustrated with this guy at this point.. i'm like, '$10 of what? i don't have anything for $10'... and he took off. This was in front of about 15-20 people and was a pretty uncomfortable situation. I didn't really handle it the best, but all things considered I did my best. <br> <br> I decided I wanted to go find my friend to see if he knew this guy. I found matt pretty easily and he told me that a guy he knew had just come and talk to him and was looking for something for $10, but that he had told him not to talk to me. After a few minutes, the guy came back around... it was the same person, and somebody I had met once before but didn't recognize at all. I politely explained to him never to run up to me waving money and to try and be a little more discreet in his personal business... he appologized and everything was kosher. <br> <br> It was getting close to 2am at this point... <br> <br> My girlfriend and I went to find our other friends.. they were all near Grey watching him paint and dancing. By this point in the night the dynamic of the event had completely changed. The organic, chill music and evolved into psy-trance... the crowd had changed... there were a lot, a lot of people and the place was really hot. We came to find out that a psy-trance party that was being thrown elsewhere had been shut down so all the people there had headed to CoSM. Amongst the new immigrants to the party was a large segment of eastern european men that are at a lot of psy-trance events in the area... they are generally thuggish and show up to push a lot of substances really fast. They add an uncomfortable edge to things, I think, and I wasn't happy to see them there. <br> <br> After talking to our friends for a bit, I got too hot and headed back into the sitting room to cool off. I took off my hoodie and sat down. I just kicked back and did some thinking. I thought about my job, i thought about my side work, i thought about my girlfriend and our relationship... and the whole time i was just blown away by how hard i was tripping. It was completely manageable for me at this point.. it took focus and some mental power to be able to navigate the crowd, do favors, hold conversation, etc.. but it was w/in my grasp. I have taken many, many 10strips in the past.. but that was during a time when i took acid about 2x a week... so the tolerance factor was obviously there. This was about as hard as I can ever remember tripping on acid. <br> <br> I started thinking about where I was right then.. I was in an environment I love.. in a scene I love.. with people I really enjoy. And I thought about how much risk it took to live a life that I really enjoy. <br> <br> -- <br> <br> This is time for yoschie's personal history 101.. or this trip report won't make sense. <br> <br> In the beginning of 2000 I started working for a sound company that did sound/light production for clubs and raves throughout new england. We did events every weekend in NY, CT, MA, NH, ME... all over... and on the rare night we didn't do an event, I would use my status w/ a production companies to go to events for free. I met some really good people during this time... and also made some really nice connections for obtaining quantity of L and other substances. It wasn't long before I started investing in sheets of paper and getting rid of it at parties and concerts. <br> <br> I was in school full time and hustling in all my other available time. I had VIP access to so many events and was granted free roam at a lot of places. This led to a pretty big business for a college student. I started out making about $500 extra on the weekends.. but by the beginning of september when i hit my biggest night, i pulled in $11,500 in one night. <br> <br> I have always hustled, since highschool.. usually just buy enough of something so that once everyone else pays for what they want, mine is free... but, this was actual business.. and lots of money. I loved it.. I loved the lifestyle.. I loved the fact that i could hold a lot of shit together at one time.. I loved the risk, even. <br> <br> By september of 2000, i had graduated from school.. and jumped on the fall phish tour. I only made it about half way across, to Chicago, when I was arrested. Basically, I ended up charged with 9 state felonies and 4 federal charges relating to the possession and distribution of controlled substances. <br> <br> I was released and had to return home to my parents for the duration of the trial period. In the beginning of 2001, I took a plea for 1 felony and walked with 2.5yrs probation and fines... not really a bad outcome. <br> <br> Over the next 4 years i tried all the time to start really working and stop hustling.. but, at the same time i didn't try and quit doing drugs at all.. I didn't want that. and as long as I am around these things, I hate paying retail for any of them.. so it leads to a pattern. Especially since with my new felony to put on my record, it was really hard to find a job at all, let alone one that actually payed well. <br> <br> I worked off and on in PA and CO.. and got arrested again in CO in 2003... I wound up doing almost 5 months in jail at the beginning of 2004 and then was put on probation upon my release. I totally fucked up my probation.. I had 7 hot UAs in like 3 months and went through a few jobs... the entire time i was working, i wasn't really working. Finally i was sent back in front of a judge, but my probation officer didn't show up to court and the vioations were all dismissed. I was refiled into the system... and apparently my file was lost... I waited 8 months and was never contacted by anyone. That's when I moved out here to NYC, with the intentions of changing. <br> <br> so, the point of all that back story.. <br> <br> -- <br> <br> back to the trip.. <br> <br> I was thinking about all this past history of mine.. and how I had really tried to stop my repetitive actions, but that I really don't want to. For some reason, I really enjoy it. Maybe I have some fatal character flaw that when I think about the consequences of my actions.. and the effect that my going to jail would have on my family, my girlfriend, and my friend... that it hurts me to think that they would hurt, but that i don't get the thought that I should stop. I just think, 'that's reason to be more careful.' <br> <br> I recognize this thought pattern, and constantly do battle with myself about how to change it.. or if I really even want to. So, that's what I was doing now... looking at the night and just how risky it had gotten.. with the random man waving money and the unsavory crowd element.. and the fact that I was tripping really hard. I also started thinking about the fact that i had to work in approx. 12hrs.. and while I knew that I wouldn't be tripping then, I knew that I was going to be tripping for a while and would enjoy it more at home now. <br> <br> I decided that it was time to go... it was not a major decision.. I wasn't having a bad time.. I would have been able to stay and have fun, but I had to work and wanted to be rested. I debated it in my head for a few minutes.. but decided that leaving had definately become a process at this point in the evening.. I had to get my jacket and girlfriend.. find and say goodbye to about 5 people.. and take care of some the last minute business that people always want when you're leaving. It was now that my hoodie decided to get the best of me and proved that it was really time to go. <br> <br> It was roughly 2:20am. <br> <br> When I took my hoodie off, somehow i pulled the one arm w/in the other arm. When i went to put my hoodie back on, I was met with a formidable opponent. Basically the arms had become like one of those liquid filled tubes that slides back and forth. I was sure that my hoodie had two arms.. i had just taken it off.. but i couldn't for the life of me find the one arm due to the fact that they had been connected. The dark room and visual distortion made this task very difficult. Thankfully, after a few failed attempts and getting into my hoodie, Matt came by and after humorously explaining my situation to him, he found the culprit arm and helped me into my hoodie. I'm sure this whole sequence was extremely enjoyable for all the people around me to watch. <br> <br> After defeating my hoodie, I went to locate my girlfriend and tell her that I had decided that I was leaving. I wanted her to come with me, too. I located her, and told her, 'it's time for me to go.'... apparently she thought this meant I was not ok.. and after a few questions on why I wanted her to come with me, she came. I left looking like i was having a bad time, apparently.. but it wasn't really that... and I just didn't feel like sitting there and explaining that I wanted my girlfriend to come w/ me so that i had someone to tell all this shit to... so, when she asked me, 'do you want me to come with you because you can't go by yourself?' I said, 'yeah.' It just made the leaving process easier. <br> <br> <br> It was about 2:45 by the time we finally headed to the exit.. <br> <br> On the way out, I was really excited to see Alex Grey standing with a bunch of prints near the entrance, so I took the chance to go say hello.. shake his hand... and to tell him 'thank you for the artwork and opening your space to us all like this... it's really been an honor.'.. he replied with, 'thank you for coming and sharing this with me.' It was really pretty cool. <br> <br> So, we headed back into the world... down the 4 flights of steps and onto the street. It was chaos out there. CoSM is on the same street as like 4-5 other large clubs, so there were tons of people on the street, people shouting, cabs honking... and the wind was howling... it was crazy out there. <br> <br> We managed to flag a cab, and after a brief altercation with a couple girls that tried to steal our cab when it moved to a safer loading location, we headed to my girlfriend's apartment in Brooklyn. <br> <br> The ride to her apartment was spent by me trying to explain to her my real intentions behind having her leave with me.. about how we were a 'unit' and I just though that it was the best idea for the both of us to leave then so that we could spend some of the trip alone. I also explained to her the dilemma I felt that I was in regarding my current and ongoing relationships with drugs... and how I thought that for me to really quit doing more than just doing drugs, that I would have to quit doing drugs. <br> <br> It was a little after 3am by the time we got back to Brooklyn... <br> <br> After getting back to her apartment, we spent a few hours looking at some photo books and talking about a lot of things regarding our relationship, our relationships with our friends and where we see our lives going in general.. individually and as a couple. I talked myself out of hustling and back into it about 5 times during the conversation.. and really reached no real conclusion. As bad as I can make myself feel for living the way I do, I see the side of it that is ok just as easy. <br> <br> I also tried to explain to her the visuals I was seeing.. and in the process had one of the strangest acid visuals ever. We had been talking about me getting a ktten at my new apartment earlier, and as i'm standing talking to my girlfriend I see one of those explosions of color.. but coming from the left side of it is a black silhouette of a cat.. like a halloween cut-out, sort of.. and it comes with the wave of color, but then it's like it entered my head at the left corner of my eye and i saw the image of a cat in my head. Totally bizarre, but pretty cool. It led to me kind of flinching and saying, 'a cat just jumped into my head.' hehe.. it obviously made no sense to my girlfriend. <br> <br> The visuals were still really strong at this point.. about 4.5 hours after dosing... but much more enjoyable in a home setting.. much more controllable for the most part and more able to be focused on. I when i looked straight ahead, i described my visuals to my girlfriend like this, <br> <br> 'About one foot in front of my face there is a plane.. it's sort of like there is a really fine screen right in front of my face. I know that's what past this is real, and what i see on this screen is altered. Now, it looks like behind this screen there are orbs.. or something round making alternating areas of spherical vision.. rounded edges, etc. And, the whole thing is pulsating lightly.. it's like if you were to lay on level with a speaker.. and watch it play really low frequency sound over a long period.. that slight vibration that the speaker cone has is what this screen looks like. But, that will change with the pace of music or sound in general. And, on this screen there is a basic pattern.. sort of like an escher drawing... but, this morphs at times, too. sometimes the pixellation will drop out at one point and just be very clear on one side of my vision and then wave from side to side. Sometimes I have like rainbows of color that just appear from nowhere and completely change the tint of the room. Sometimes there are explosions of color and patterning that make it really difficult to see what is real at all. That's why sometimes you'll see me stop and either close one eye, or close both eyes and shake my head.. it's like a kaleidoscope, it changes my focus.' <br> <br> 6:00am - We put on some music and went to bed for a bit... considering my girlfriend had taken a substantially lesser dose, she was done tripping before me and went to sleep. I spent the remainder of my trip snacking and relaxing.. and took a shower. <br> <br> I layed down for a little bit, and then headed to work at 3pm.. still with a little visual distortion from dosing at ~11:30pm. <br> <br> -- <br> <br> So, all in all a very nice trip.. taught me that for similar situations a 10strip is not really kosher anymore if I plan on doing people favors, too.. that I have to just be tripping to do that much in a social setting.. 10strips+ are no longer party dosages for me... but, are still well within my enjoyable trip range.. it leaves me anxious for the next step up.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 51241</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 6, 2006</td><td>Views: 34,890</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=51241&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=51241&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Police / Customs (60), LSD (2) : Club / Bar (25), Relationships (44), Music Discussion (22), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), Retrospective / Summary (11), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">170 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> My best friend & I had been playing in a band together for years & one day he suggested that we take some LSD. The plan was that we would do this in our studio & record our 'new found creativity.' I was in my 20's and had not so much as smoked a joint before, but I was all for anything that would 'promote creativity.' Here's what I didn't know: that bipolar disorder & schitzophrenia are part of my family's medical history (my parents moved away from their families before I was born, and therefore, I grew up not knowing many relatives). <br> <br> So we got up on Saturday morning, drank a cup of coffee & each ate 2 blotter hits. Since my friend had tripped before, he was telling me how cool it was going to be...and tried to keep me in a happy positive mind-set. After about 45 minutes, I had what I can only descibe as 'perma-grin' -- I couldn't stop smiling! We hooked up our gear & started recording our jam-session. Hours passed in an instant and all was flowery, happy, giggling & some mellow hallucination. We networked our computers & played 'Quake' for a while (who knows how long) & I felt like I was IN the video game. <br> <br> At this point I was not panicked at all and was having so much fun that I wondered why I hadn't done this before? After about 4 or 5 hours, I went into the bathroom to pee. I didn't turn on the lights, so the room was dimly lit, and when I washed up, I looked into the mirror -- honesly don't remember what I saw, but a huge wave of guilt washed over me and I sat down on the floor and started worrying that I had somehow ruined my brain, and was never coming back. When I finally emerged from the bathroom, my friend was outside having a cigarette. He was happy & fine. I poked my head out of the door & whispered to him that I had messed up my life. Although there's no neighbors around for miles, I thought someone would hear me. I kept asking him when the trip would end. After a few hours of paranoia, I still wondered when it would end. My friend said it was already over, and pointed out that it was dark outside. I tried to go to sleep but I was in such a state of anxiety, that I didn't sleep all night. I was sure I had fucked up my life. <br> <br> The days that followed were the most horrible ones of my life. I wanted to commit suicide just to get out of my own skin. The thought of my mom & brothers missing me was the only thing stopping me. Finally, on the fourth day, I went to my mom's & told her everything. And she told me everything...about bipolar disorder & schizophrenia, and how LSD could have triggered something that I already had going on in my brain. <br> <br> Well, after a few more days of pure panic, no sleep, difficulty breathing, not eating, 2 doctors that said I was fine, I found a doctor that explained to me how the LSD could trigger this 'genetic fortune' that I didn't even know I had. In the following months, I endured a deep depression, and began a course of the anti-depressant Zoloft. When I started feeling better (approx 3 months later), I flipped into a manic phase that took me higher than I had ever been. My Doc put me on lithium right away. Since then, I have had mild ups & downs, unless I stop taking my meds, in which case I can descend into the dark depths of depression or rise to the euphoric heights of mania -- which is fun, but only for a while because paranoia soon follows, and inevitably the depression. <br> <br> I guess my point is that although my friend took the LSD and was fine, it triggered the bipolar disorder to which I was genetically predisposed. I learned a lot in the years that followed and when my younger brother told me he was considering taking mushrooms, I told him everything that had happened to me & advised him to stay away.....of course, if he's bipolar, it will eventually surface on its own, but why take that chance? Seven years have passed....I'm now in my 30's, very stable, and still taking my meds, and otherwise living a 'normal' life. It took a long time (and a lot of guilt) before I believed that it wasn't the LSD that gave me bipolar disorder....that it likely would've surfaced on its own. I'm not trying to spread an 'anti-drug' message here, but just suggesting that a little research into the family history might be a good idea.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1996</td><td width="90">ExpID: 23359</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 17, 2006</td><td>Views: 43,078</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=23359&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=23359&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Post Trip Problems (8), Health Problems (27), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.75 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> dear psychonauts, those who would be such and simply curious ones, this is an email I wrote today to my very close friend describing my latest LSD trip that I would also like to share with all of u: <br> <br> Hello sweetheart, <br> <br> Thank again for your courageous input. I understand I must’ve spooked u out quite a bit with my previous email. I was at a low ebb, true. But things drastically changed soon after, I had what seemed like a short-term breakdown on the day of the equinox which was the 20th I believe and the next morning things just fell into place, I understood what the problem was and was able to resolve it. I understood the nature of human ‘games’, to use Tim Leary’s lingo, and remembered who I ‘really’ am and my relationship with these games, which until that morning was grossly misconceived. The advice in your emails was of tremendous help, concise and right to the point. I was able to use it as a sort of a guide. Thank u. As for psychedelic drugs, I’ve done none since leaving Vancouver (3 months ago) except for trying a few new things of semipsychedelic nature and smoking pot less then a dozen times. However my odyssey in the magickal and phantastik Montreal has generated a great psychic buildup revolving around many synchronicities, internal changes, great philosophical highs and new experiences and people. <br> <br> I was waiting to release this psychic buildup in one culminating experience, which is what happened on the morning of march 30th in the form of an LSD trip with my friend (it was his 1st LSD trip) on Mount Royal, a mountain overlooking Montreal. As expected, I obtained the ‘sacrament’ through interesting means (many thanks to my cybermystic friends) and needless to say it was of very high quality, strong and clean. We started our gradual dosing at 2:30am. I am very cautious when it comes to dosing because I’m physically hypersensitive to this chemical and because it was my friend’s 1st time and thus his reaction to it was unknown; in the past I’ve made the mistake of not being ultradiligent about gradually dosing myself in small doses (1/4 hits in this case) in timed succession which resulted several times in adverse physical reactions such as ultrarapid heart rate and severe cramps as well as negative psychological reactions such as panic attacks. What follows is a brief account, omitting many important details and nuances, of the highlights that I was able to bring back to baseline memory from this trip. It is important to keep in mind that less then 1 percent of such experiences can be expressed through words. <br> <br> We met in shivering mountaintop cold an ultrapsychedelic sunrise which began at about 5:20am with a view over the entire city laughing our heads off, having a sci-fi rock star trip, but it was when the final doses kicked in that things got weird (there was a total of 1 and ¾ hits consumed by each one of us over roughly 2 – 2 ½ hours). I went into a peak sitting on a bench all hunched and curled up in my red psychonaut suit. My heart pumping hard and all my muscles trembling, I plunged into a world of death and decay, every part of my body being violently ripped apart (mind u I was hoping and intending and ready for this), a sensation well captured by Alex Grey’s painting ‘journey of the wounded healer’. <br> <br> It is difficult to recall an accurate chronology of these things now but eventually: I was a mythic character fighting a giant eagle; my body was exploding in razor sharp light; I experienced the ‘one mind’ as a golden conical pillar studded with faces, myself being just one such face, which would morph into this pillar as this pillar itself would morph into circular spiraling fractals only to reform itself again; I clearly heard as if it actually was consistently and unalterably outside of myself Tibetan monks chanting (I’m not Buddhist or of any religion for that matter); I found myself in a crib in a different higher frequency dimension being what I nicknamed an alien morphonogenic baby which was hooked up at its nerve centers (or chakra points if u prefer) and other nerve/energy points to high frequency energy wires/channels with zany alien entities hustling and bustling over and around me. They seemed to match the descriptions of what Terence McKenna called the self-transforming machine elves, entities often encountered during DMT trips (which I have yet to experience). <br> <br> They seemed very preoccupied with my well-being, communicating with each other in an elfish language that was based on frequency modulation instead of syntactical blocks of sound; this language was rather well imitated at the beginning of a Shpongle song called ‘shiva space technology’. As I have said, these alien entities seemed very preoccupied with my well-being and I ‘realized’ that my ego and being in this physical world is a test for this alien morphonogenic baby to endure and complete. It is like a birthing process or strengthening and maturation process it must go through to be ready for life in this other dimension where these alien entities are waitingwaitingwaiting hopinghopinghoping that it can make it, monitoring its progress. <br> <br> As the intensity of the peak decreased slightly, I was forced due to circumstances to leave the bench and the area it was in with my friend. Now about my friend. He is an incredibly intelligent and creative man close to twice my age (I’m 20 now) and has many therapeutic issues. He however has undergone several major ‘awakenings’ (for lack of a better word) in this past year thanks to the use of psilocybin mushrooms and nitrous oxide and the Burning Man experience as well as experiences of regional Burning Man events near Montreal, so I was hoping he would address these issues in this trip since I believed he was ready. As we roamed through the sunlit Mount Royal forest paths, my trip was making me increasingly more mellow and balanced and centered, while he was increasingly breaking down in the classical LSD therapy style. This included regression and surfacing of repressed material as well a spiritual urgency for transcendence. I knew however that I must stick with him through this and help him through it no matter what, this was my mission and purpose, the application of the psychedelic experience in this world instead of letting it be just another tv show. <br> <br> As his breakdown was increasingly intensifying, communication between us was becoming more and more difficult and since I was just as loaded as he was, forming coherent sentences and soberly reacting to the situation and thinking in linear logic was a great challenge. We eventually ended up at his grandparents’ grave in a cemetery on Mount Royal. At this point he was becoming increasingly paranoid and suspicious of me. He later told me once we were back to baseline that at that point he was perceiving me as Satan who was trying to keep him in the human ‘game’ of mundanity and suffering and prevent him from mustering all the courage and bravery in him to use this very special opportunity to “climb to the top and leap into and take off with the solar wind”, as he was then incoherently and graspingly describing it. Kneeling on his grandparents’ grave, he then proceeded to murmur a prayer “Is there any remover of difficulties save God? Say praised be God. He is God. All are His servants and all abide by His bidding,” over and over and over again, him being a very open minded adherent of the Baha’i Faith. <br> <br> I was lying beside him on the grass a few feet away with my eyes closed during this recitation when a face formed out of my closed-eyes fractals. I felt right away that it was a face of what some may call a spirit or angel and it was looking mostly at him, sometimes at me. When his prayer recitation stopped, we had another confrontation that finally pushed him to his edge that we both so desired. He stood up and began reiterating the prayer again. Only this time it was becoming louder and louder, until he was bellowing it at the top of his lungs, foaming at the mouth, eyes closed, head raised, arms extended, fists clenched, in deep deep trance, possessed, the prayer thundering rolling resounding across the mountain, a religious epiphany at its ultimate. This went on for a few minutes and when he was done, he marched off amidst the gravestones never looking back as I stood there with the most gleeful grin on my face, knowing that my purpose of being one of the links in someone’s life towards such an epiphany was complete. <br> <br> I lay back down on the grass, watching what I see before me form out of fractals, still hearing the elves talk and particles shrilling by, every thought plunging me into its own well of infinity. And finally I understood that there is no need to break down such experiences with rational skepticism, that critical and rational and skeptical thinking must be applied to what u choose to do with such experiences when u come back down in order to avoid superstition and bigotry and cultish thinking and behavior. Yet it is equally important not to use the thinking of materialistic science, or what I call archaic or immature science, to declare such experiences ‘invalid’. I just take them for what they are, an experience in itself, a gift I can apply in the mundane physical reality. And so I did, lying there in the grass under a tree amidst the graves, floating off into an ocean of suns. <br> <br> melter <br> April 1, 2006<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 52018</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 5, 2006</td><td>Views: 22,444</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=52018&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=52018&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 tablets</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/diazepam/">Pharms - Diazepam</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">14 st</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I was involved in a consciousness raising group for 6 years which was an interesting mix of Kabbala, Astrology, Meditation, Hinduism the Occult & various new ageisms like Alice A. Bailey, which really left me connected to a higher energy source. Still, once at Point A I want to get to Point B, and I figured LSD would be the Ferrari I needed to get there. <br> <br> I'd taken pot for a few years and had some amazing experience. Initially it was just high times but it morphed along with my studies into a tool that allowed me to access a place I ended up calling the concept room. I could feel balls of ideas all around me and it was just a matter of tapping in and experiencing the energy of the idea more than just words. They were like living powers. If for example I said Ying - Yang that would really be my whole brain tapping into an understanding of many concepts concurrently. Like having a book of advanced Physics knowledge instantly. Other experiences ranged from seeing the essence of people and not just what they showed on the surface, to experiencing energy connections between people. So in other words I was well primed. <br> <br> After a long time of talking to other acid heads/meditation heads and reading a lot of psychedelically inspired literature I plunged in with a mate. <br> <br> I had a couple of Valiums as I was very nervous, invoked protection from my guides, and then popped a Red Dragon tab. It tasted sharp & bitter. After about an hour, my mate and I thought nothing was really going to happen so we ended up having another. Another hour later I was disappointed and drove my mate home thinking I'd been sold duds. <br> <br> Suddenly all the street lights were showing the 7 spectrum rainbow bands of light and it felt like my feet were going through the floor of the car. My mate had exactly the same reaction and we continued through the rest of the trip synced up. We saw everything at the same time. We decided it had definitely kicked in and amid much hysterical laughter shambled back into his house. <br> <br> Looking up the the moon, from his front lawn was the start of the trip in earnest. The moon separated into 9 moons all interlinked with triangles in a Mandala pattern. I turned to my friend and he was seeing it as well. I had the impression that the different moons were in different dimensions. Then streaming down from the Moon came what I felt to be the Lunar Lords. I couldn't perceive them clearly but they streamed down to me and their vibrations were like a test. By balancing with them, which involved overcoming terror, we were made to feel so incredibly balanced. Like young Gods on the town. Actors in the Cosmic Play, Riders on the Storm. <br> <br> We entered his flat, and lit up a stick of incense. It broke apart into 3 sticks. Everything I really focused on seem to break apart into a physical, mental and astral form. Then we lit a candle. Around the flame formed a golden ring. The flame was being kept alive by this ring which pulsed with an electron like ball which did perfect orbits around it. The flame itself gave off sheets of colored energy. <br> <br> Around this time my friend got scared and went to the next room to sleep it off. Left to my own devices I watched the wallpaper kaleidoscope while understanding such concepts as why time doesn't really exist and thinking 'of course' all the while. At some point waterfalls of white mist-like energy was flowing over everything and all objects took on an infinite/eternal hue. Everything looked perfectly placed within itself and resonating with meaning and BEING. <br> <br> At some stage I decided to see if I could walk through the wall. It seemed quite achievable at the time. So I place my hand through the mist on the nearest wall and focused all my attention on moving through it. After a short time the wall cracked open with what I can only describe as something like a translucent membrane being pushed aside which I could see at the edges of the portal. I was looking into a purple energy realm and there was a group of 8 beings looking at me. They were very friendly, shared a group mind, and had a good sense of humour. They appeared to have been waiting for me and one of them grabbed my hand in a handshake. The purple humanoid/cartoon/cyberlike energy being was inviting me to step in but was in no way pressuring me. I had the impression that they were the Violet Devas I had read about. The so-called Devas of Shadows locked into our evolutionary cycle who actually build this energy plane. Like cosmic set designers. I liked them a lot but felt that if I stepped into their realm I may not be able to come back. They themselves just looked on enigmatically awaiting my decision. I decided not this time. <br> <br> After that I had some blurry spots. I must mention that I now no longer had a mind as such but more of point of attention which was now riding the A-Train to God knows where. <br> At some stage I heard my friend moaning in his sleep and I went in to investigate. What I saw was a group of shadows that I was impressed with as being lost souls. I saw that they were trying to enter my friends dreams because he had 'the lights on'. I could also see that they were stuck in a vast nothing dimension. I had the realization that everyone in this play/level/day-to-day world are blessed. Consciousness can exist on many different bands and the material world is like one narrow frequency. To be here is to be subject to the Reality that the Solar Logos chooses to create. It isn't Real as such but its like his company and we are the employees. Its a good company although we give up some soul freedom to reap the benefits. <br> <br> Everyone and everything here is evolving because of this, while those lost souls were floating in a void of no-meaning and were without the level of creative energy needed to establish an authentic reality. This seems to require a mass of souls working in tandem. Think of it like the material cosmos being a coral reef in an ocean. Most of the ocean is void while the reef is teeming with life, a self enclosed system which supports & grows itself. Anyway I got scared and turned on the lights, which I now saw as representing the Solor Logos in some way. The shadows, as I knew instinctively, could not exist in the light and cried out pitifully and disappeared. <br> <br> After some blank spells I can't recall, morning came and I felt like the Suns son. His energy seemed to be a part of me, lighting me up from within. Quite literally being en-light-ened. If I closed my eyes I saw an atomic white pulsating energy. It felt like my soul was made from this stuff. <br> <br> My slack mates' girlfriend ended up driving me home. Once there I lay down to meditate and when I opened my eyes giant interlocked translucent molecular-like globes with 3-d Stars of David? were moving through the room. I have since seen such things in Vatican artworks in paintings of Saints having visions of Heavenly Hosts. Also they sound like the sacred geometry of the Seed of Life. I had the impression that all reality is relative and that all truth depends on perspective. Also that anything can be made manifest, everything is connected and that we are actually Gods but due to karma act out our lives in set ways. <br> <br> Suddenly, all along the wall translucent, dragons or skeletons (I honestly can't remember which) were moving with serpentine like motions. After a while I became scared of them. The instant that happened a fully clad knight appeared between us with visor down, & sword pointing down in front of him and standing at attention. I instantly became calm. In hindsight I feel that these images were archetypes as mentioned in the Tibetan Book of the Dead. <br> <br> At this exact moment my then recent ex-girlfriend knocked on the door and looked after me. Although we had broken up she told me that she felt compelled to come and see me to see if I was OK as she sensed I was in trouble. This was good because I had been tripping now for 14 hours with no sleep and starting to feel like it was never going to end. It continued for another 12 hours or so, but with no more hallucinations, just weird cold internal energy. Her touch at this stage was totally healing and I felt like Love is one of the strongest forces in the universe. It grounded me and helped me to come back. <br> <br> I felt so far from the material frequency that it seemed strange that people could stay moored there some how in consensus reality. <br> <br> I finally came back, but my reality had been shattered and it took years before I finally fully integrated the experience. In the meantime I suffered panic attacks, insomnia, disturbed sleep due to what seemed like astral attacks and alien invasions. Also I had occasional periods were I felt like I was going crazy and my psyche was under enormous unbearable pressure. Now when I look back on this I think maybe this was my ego's way of coming back into equilibrium, but then again. For years after I was hypersensitive to energy shifts and felt like I'd lost an energy cocoon of protection. I lost a few jobs during these years as I didn't really care about the material world so much. <br> <br> These days I'm back to normal but I daily feel rushes of bliss energy when I'm near people. Not everybody, just now and then, and it doesn't matter who they are, age, sex, stranger, whatever. Also I've experienced phases of such extreme synchronicity that my life has seemed cartoonish. For example, I had an impression to go out of my way, go into this bookstore and pick up a book. I did this and the book I opened up said,'Sometimes people pick up books to receive messages'. <br> <br> There seems to be a high degree of humour behind the coincidences. Some days it's been like life is a book with everything directly teaching me something. Also when I meditate now, on a good day, I can feel and remember what its like to be pure spirit. It feels like the essence of me but as a being that is intimately connected to the universe in a very real energy sense. It also feels like I've been there many times, but life has a way of making me forget what I know. Ultimately all this has made me a better and more enlightened person, but it really made me feel unhinged for a long time, which is emotionally exhausting. If you follow this path take all the usual precautions and have a good meditation practice to ground and understand your experience. Bon Voyage <br> <br> --><!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1998</td><td width="90">ExpID: 25972</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 38</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 13, 2006</td><td>Views: 72,763</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=25972&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=25972&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Pharms - Diazepam (115), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Entities / Beings (37), Glowing Experiences (4)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> My state of mind at the time was very stable, poinient, and rational(the good life). I was finishing my senior year in high school at the time(about three years ago), and I had been taking psycadelics in HUGE quantities since my sophomore year. Often, me and a good friend of mine would heroicaly take 4 geltabs of lsd from a source that one could not help but respect for the simple fact that one of these gels was probably the equivilent to a three or four strip of decent (clean)blotters, and were sold for 5 a-piece. This batch of lsd was different from (almost)all others I had previously experienced. My friend and I bought a sheet of the stuff and understood this within 20-40 min after ingestion. BY this time of my life I had experienced a total of around 40 acid trips, or a bit less, I'm not to sure. Only a few of the trips I had experienced were of this degree of clarity and intensity in all fields of the psycadelic experience. <br> <br> I probably shouldn't have asked the person dealing it to me of the potency, he choped up and handled enough sheets of this stuff per day to make the average person in his position build up an extreem tolerance, or think they are forever mentaly ill becuase of his subtle contact with these potent blotters, (which resembled the potency of the geltabs that caused the best and most intence trips of my life, ((probably lsd_25)). An interesting note, the guy who sold these blotters has now been diagnosed as a schizo, without a doubt! <br> <br> The day I encountered these, I left my friends house to fully experience what my psycadelic team-mate called, an extremeny potent trip, reminiscent of our trips back in the day. I took this the wrong way and ate the same amount he did, five of these ufo blotters. This was either a big mistake or the cause of my mind set as I know it now, society can be the only judge as to my compatibility to 'normal' people after I took those five blotters. <br> <br> The first hour was interesting, I had our family house all to myself, and after the first 30-40 min I knew I was in for something special.Special my ass----> I had no idea that a person could lose their ego/self entirely. Within 1.5-2.00 hours I was a mess. My pupils were non-existent, my respiration in total disarray, and my ego was in an argument with something more important. This thing that taught me was a mere expression of my total self, my fractal intelligence, and memories that by frequency can not be measured to any extent, only abstract experessions of a dimension that allowed my mind to move freely about all human potentialities, and then I observed those potentialities that seperate humans from what comes next on the evolutionary pathway(god/death). This pathway was by NO MEANS HUMAN, definately a potentiality, and not even necessarily evolutionary, but it is most definately positive, and almost alien. <br> <br> I was upset with myself in many ways that I did not previusly recognize, And after my experience I believe these things are common amoungst all poeple espeacialy on the road toward ego-less enlightenment, (I had been on this road for years). There is a striving within us all that catlyizes all experience into something recognizable to us all. Perhapse I am delving pretty far into Jungian theory, but I know That the same mental process that made me tear up as I walked by a flock of scavenger crows fighting over a squirl carcass, is the same thing that facilitates the processes that create religion and order in societies. I don't even care if this is human nature, whether it is something to be considered the affects of history, or god/DNA given. It is miraculous, which lead me into the next part of my 'trip'. <br> <br> Here I analyzed the processes involved in tripping(on lsd and mushrooms in particulare), and realized, as I had in the past, that it often takes a chemical for poeple to understand this highway of information and intelligence. The kind of intelligence that is fearfully avoided for the sake of comfort in our sociological confines. As anyone who has taken lots of LSD at once knows, under those conditions, one might as well be asleep and dreaming rather than associating one's self with people who are essentialy foriegners who speak a different language. <br> <br> It is at this point that I realized that this was a conversion into something unintelligable. My heart opened and began to race in a way that seemed to make my chest vibrate into an aray of colors that my mind could not compute all at once. I've taken enough of this hallucinogen to know I was In the realm of dosages that would send most into a frenzy. <br> <br> At that point my mom came home unexpectadly from her vacation. I faked being asleep to save my sorry ass from total mental breakdown. This worked, but the threat involved lead me to further question the state of human existance and I was overcome by the next wave of ego-destruction. <br> <br> There I sat, pissing off my god-like intelligence by fretting all of man kind's issues. I may have been young when I experienced this, but I was already incompatible with most all people my age because of my developed interest in jazz-music, painting, science, philosophy, politics, psychology, and things too (LSD)emotional to be human. Each vision expressed one of the most important, arbitrary facits of humanity, and then expressed how it should be applied to the whole of human existance with prosperity in mind. <br> <br> By the laws of the hierarchy of importance, my own prosperity was on the forfront of my cognitive chain rather than the later, most important facit of humanity, the whole. A thing that I could only call the unmoved-mover, moved my imagination to places that were so foreign to me, and in this state it told me that I could not possibly understand the vast volumes of fractal/exponentially useful and interesting information I am to encounter in my life: if I dont understand a few specific axioms of true knowledge, I will not be able to assimilate even the most bignine parts of my LSD experiences to the knowledge I have learned thus far. <br> <br> For what it is worth to say this, these axioms(Aristotles blue-print of rationality and beyond), taught me how to be purely harmonious with my surroundings. <br> <br> As fun as this trip may have sounded, it was terrifying every few (seemingly 10-15 minuit) seconds because of the intensity and the forcefulness of the visions. The visions were so intense that my (Sober)written language can only hint at the vast fractal knowledge I possesed for a short period of time. Also, most of the time I could not breath very well because it felt like a 500 pound man was sitting on my chest. Most Importantly though. I KNOW that one of the main reasons for my intence experiences was the fact that, due to natural anxiety, coupled with these somewhat new states of mind, my body flushed so much blood to my head at once, that at times the amount of blood dictated how deep my thoughts were. This was scary to me because at it's deepest, these thoughts were reminiscent of the knowledge one could attain only in death, and the further my mind delved into these unheard of topics, my bloodpressure became evermore unstable, to a frightning degree. UP and down, UP and down. <br> <br> During the comedown of this increadibly intense trip I was able to more acurately guide my semi-conciousness and assimilate these entities that taught me about humanity into my actual personality. It was at this point where I seperated myself from what I would consider to be a collective unconcience. During this 6-7 hour comedown I also encountered thoughts that were exact replicas of what I would later read to be experiences encountered by great minds such as Terrence McKenna(no joke). Such as the implications Math and fractals have toward human conciousness, knowledge, logic, rationality, and evolution(i've made around 10 paintings trying to describe this): I have a whole notebook filled with personal writtings on the subject. Spiral models of history, both personal and world wide, each trancending eachothers meanings into one whole. <br> <br> This is the only period of time that I understood this to this complex degree. Since then my tripping experiences have been more subtle because I have not gotten up the guts to take enough of this drug to force my self into a state of total ego-death.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2001</td><td width="90">ExpID: 25236</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 14, 2006</td><td>Views: 25,906</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=25236&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=25236&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">190 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This trip was mind shattering and life-altering. Looking back, I made some OBVIOUSLY retarded mistakes that I've learned from. I sound like the world's biggest amateur based on my actions, but this was not my first experience with L, and not even my first bad trip. Although the trip itself was a disaster, I've grown tremendously as a person since then, although the feeling of horror and fear I experienced that night still lingers on in my mind. <br> <br> It was the summer of 2003. I was 19 yrs old and life was good. I had recently finished my first year of college (although it ended on a terrible note with my best friend and current roommate being robbed at gunpoint and having to deal with a whole mess of legal issues -- although that is another story!) and had been soaking up the rays down at the beach while working. I had begun a relationship with my first real girlfriend and things were going swell. <br> <br> Towards the end of July, me and three of my best friends from high school decided to attend a Drum and Bass/Electronica festival in the city. I drove up from the beach solo in the middle of the afternoon and we had planned to get to the show early. Unfortunately, when I got up to my house I realized that the tickets were locked inside! Worse yet, I had all of my friends tickets! I became impatient and tried to find a way into the house. I began pushing on my basement window, trying to pry it open, while on the phone with my brother asking him if he knew if a spare key existed. While my attention was diverted, I heard the glass shatter and saw blood dripping from my arm. 'Great!' I thought. 'Just what I need.' I wasn't cut too badly -- about a centimeter long gash on my left forearm, but I was bleeding nonetheless. My neighbor was outside at the time and heard the window break and he came over to investigate. He saw me holding my tshirt over my arm and offered to clean up my wound for me. I accepted. He cleaned out my cut and stuck a bandage on it for me and sent me on my way. I went back to my basement window, cleaned up the glass and crawled inside to fetch my tickets. <br> <br> Soon after, my friend C picked me up. C was a very experienced drug user and I became friendly with him in high school merely by smoking pot after school. He introduced me to MDMA and mushrooms and I had had some great times with him. We quickly picked up our other two buddies, S and H and we embarked on our journey to the city! <br> <br> A huge traffic jam got us stuck on the highway for a long time, and C was growing increasingly impatient. Around the same time, my arm was beginning to bother me and I kept on touching my bandage. 'It will be fine,' I thought to myself. I had been anticpating this show for the longest time and I wasn't about to let a little cut stop me from going. When we finally made it into the city, we realized that we didn't know where we were going. We drove around in circles for a little while until we finally decided to stop and ask for directions. We made it to the venue a little behind schedule, but still on time to catch the main act. <br> <br> When we got inside the venue, my friend H announced that he had scored some LSD earlier in the day and that it was a surprise he was going to give us. We eagerly accepted his offer and each took a hit of blotter. I remember being confused at the way it was cut -- instead of square hits, the doses were much more thin and rectangular shaped. 'No matter,' I thought. We walked around the venue soaking up the sights and sounds (heavy, dark drum and bass music) and waited for the acid to kick in. I remember eagerly awaiting the visuals to start, but only feeling great anticipation and a sense of nervous energy. I remember as I was walking across the dance floor a light beam shot down and sent sparkles of star light shooting through the air. I couldn't tell if this had actually occurred or if I had hallucinated it. My mind remained focused on the cut on my arm. <br> <br> By the time the main band came onstage, the dance floor was packed and I was still feeling very uneasy and wasn't tripping in the way I had hoped. My friend S thought we should smoke a bowl and I agreed. I took a hit and immediately had the feeling of 'Why did I just do that?' My thoughts began racing and everything I thought or saw took and a very dark, negative tone. I felt as if all the other people in the audience were watching my every move, whispering to one another about how lame or stupid I looked. I saw all my peers in the room as being evil. My arm began throbbing and I couldn't take my mind off of it. Here I was, standing in some disgusting club in the middle of the city with a giant, infected cut on my arm just so I could stand around in the middle of the night listening to strange drum and bass music -- was I really that dumb? Did I really value this crappy music and these evil people over my own well being? Why wasn't I in a hospital getting my arm taken care of? <br> <br> At this point I really really wanted to leave and seek medical help because I was so distracted by my arm, but I felt trapped. There was no way out. I would have to stand around for a few more hours before C got tired and wanted to drive home, but even by then my arm would be infected and I would be left with a horrible scar. I was clearly losing it. <br> <br> Before I knew it, the main attraction had left the stage and we were forced to sit around listening to DJ's spin until they came back for their second set. I sought out a couch to rest my body and mind, but this didn't help. I was confronted with a multitude of spun out kids, each more fucked up and helpless than the next. I remember a dirty, drug-fiending girl coming up to me and my friends and demanding money. The other kids in the area thought it would be funny to fuck with her and tell her to look in strange places for cash, and she followed the orders desperate for some money. Everyone was amused -- I sat there disgusted at my current situation and the people I was spending my night with. <br> <br> For the next few hours, every single bad thought that I could ever have came and went through my head tormenting me while the drum and bass pounded my ear drums. I thought back to my childhood and all of the mistakes I had made. I thought of my family and how they had let me down and how I had let them down. I thought of school and all of the shit that had went down before I had left and how I didn't want to go back. I thought of the world and the wars and the violence and all the pollution. What was the point of all this!? I was wasting my time doing nothing while the world was slowly being poisoned by its inhabitants. My arm was going numb by this point -- I wasnt sure if I was in serious medical danger or if it was just thea acid fucking with my head. I had sacrificed my health and relationships just to come see a concert. What the hell was I doing with my life!? I had never felt so insignificant in my entire life. I felt like a giant failure and my thoughts were overrun with a ominous feeling of uncertainty and fear. <br> <br> I was being crushed by the weight of the world. I was fighting off tears at one point. My brain had been poisoned, and I felt that there was no way I could possibly come down. I was literally going insane. I just wanted this to end. I wanted to hug my family and tell them I was sorry for everything. <br> <br> By the time the show finally ended, it was near 4am. I left the venue extremely frightened and confused about what I was going to do in the future. My arm was still bothering me a lot. I sat in the car in dead silence for the entire ride home, my brain still racing with evil thoughts. <br> <br> When I got back to my house, I was in no condition to sleep. I decided that I needed to go to the hospital to get my wound fixed up. It was 5am at this point, and my friend H agreed to drive me. (H and I had been friends since Kindergarten, but it wasnt until this night that I realized how wonderful of a person he really is.) We sat in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity. By the time the doctor had come to see me, it had been over 12 hrs since I had first cut myself. He looked confused at my reasoning for not coming to see him earlier. I still felt terrible, and I thought he was judging me as a drug addict loser who was wasting his time. He fixed up my cut though, and I began to feel a little better. <br> <br> I went home and tried to get some sleep. No luck whatsoever. I sat in my bed and listened to music, music that I normally loved and would dance and sing around to, but it just seemed so sour and evil that I began crying. What had I done to myself? <br> <br> I sat in my bed for a few hours thinking of a list of things that I had to tell somebody. There was so much on my mind that I just needed to communicate to someone. If I didn't talk to someone, I would surely drive myself insane. All of my thoughts seemed to be trapped on my tongue and sealed in my head and I was scared that if I didn't get them out into the open they would dissipate back into my soul and torment me forever. I had completely hit rock bottom and I had no idea what to do. I felt like I would be stuck in this hole of darkness forever. <br> <br> I decided to call my Dad. I had always loved my Dad but had been growing more and more distant in the past few years. I saw the path our relationship was going down and it made me sick. I called him at his office and asked him if he could home b/c I really needed to talk to him. He seemed confused and nervous but agreed to come home for lunch. When he came home and we sat down to talk, he immediately assumed that I had been arrested for drugs and he seemed pissed. However, I tried to begin telling him all of the things that were on my mind but found myself unable to speak and I broke down and began sobbing. I vividly remember hugging him and at that moment feeling that everything was okay again. I eventually calmed down and had a very long talk about everything that was on my mind. He completely understood and was very grateful that I had come to him with my problems. The healing had begun! <br> <br> I was very fragile for the next few days, but as I returned to my normal self I learned to value things that I had previously overlooked. My family and friends in particular. I saw them as a tremendous source of support and comfort in an otherwise cold, unforgiving, and brutal world. I wanted to tell them how much I loved every last one of them. I've also stopped paying any attention to the future, because it only makes one worry needlessly. Peace can be found in the present moment through acceptance of what is and by recognizing the amazing beauty that is constantly flowing through everyone and everything in the universe. <br> <br> I took acid again a few weeks later and had the most beautiful and spiritual experience of my life. I'm beginning to think that this horrible experience I just recounted was a result of many different factors including: the cut on my arm, bad acid, cramped indoor venue, the intensity of the music, and the confusion that was surrounding my life in general at the time. Since then, I have drastically cut down on my usage of psychedelic substances, especially pot. My head has never felt clearer, but I am not opposed to them altogether. I can still sense the psychedelic qualities of everything I see and do, but am hesitant to throw myself into that world again out of fear that I will have another bad trip. I believe that when I am ready, the experience will find me. I just have to be open and accepting.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2003</td><td width="90">ExpID: 32403</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 14, 2006</td><td>Views: 40,583</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=32403&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=32403&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : Large Group (10+) (19), Families (41), Bad Trips (6), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 tablets</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">75 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I am 19 now, and i am a law student. i come from germany, and i live there again now. but when i was 17, i went to university in London for a year, and there i got very badly hooked on cocaine. I basically was bang on it for about 8 months before i stopped it. I was doing a gram per day, every day, more on weekends, and i was doing other drugs as well (ketamine, ecstasy and speed, mainly). Cocaine in my opinion is the most intelligent drug there is, because you will NEVER realise that you are actually addicted to it. I was totally convinced that i did not have a problem with it. I was very logical, giving other people advice on their life, i was always the first when it came to helping others. But i didnt realise that i was a complete mess myself, the drug tricked me into believing that I didnt have a problem. <br> <br> When I compare it to any other drug, I see the difference: with alcohol, when I drink, I feel that I get drunk, and when I drink loads, I am very drunk, and at some moment I reach a point when I am wasted and puke, and I know that you have overdone it and probably will stop drinking more. When I take ecstasy pills, I will drop a few, maybe a few more, I will be buzzing, but at some point I will be buzzing so hard, or I will mong out as the evening goes on, that I know you dont do more pills, because they wont have any effect anyway. same with weed, there is only so much I can smoke, at some point I will be lean and stoned and you will have had enough. So there is a saturation that happens. Well, this did NOT happen with cocaine. When I take cocaine, I feel good, I get a kind of buzz, but I cant really tell WHAT it is that makes me feel good. the buzz is subtle, and I dont actually FEEL the buzz as much as I might have expected. I think 'oh, it's not actually that strong' and this is where the drug's intelligence comes in. <br> <br> Because the buzz is not that overpowering, I can do more. in fact, I will want to do more, because I think I can increase the buzz even more. I want the buzz to be 100%. But as you do another line, yes, maybe the buzz is 100%, but the drug increases my expectations upwards, so that again I dont feel 100% buzzing. I kinda want more, I want to increase the buzz to '110%' for example. And this is the difference: I will never reach a limit where I know 'enough, no more'. (at the beginning when I had coke sessions, my body puts a limit to it as my nose blocks and its hard to snort more, but when I got used to it, my nose will stop giving me too much hassle after a while, or I will just get used to it.) so in fact, there is no way of me realising that I have done enough coke, or gone over the top, because my brain gets tricked by it. I could swear i was ok, just like i can swear now i am typing on my pc. <br> <br> Now, after this rather lenghty introduction, which is as long because it is important for me to realise the way that coke works and because it shows, that some addicts have very very little chance to get out of it by motivation alone as we are controlled by the drug, i will come to the part how lsd has saved me out of this heavy cocaine addiction: <br> <br> I went to a psychedelic trance rave in london. Psy-trance is acid music. it is trance music with a different beat pattern, a very atmospheric feel to it and a lot of twisted and trippy sounds. Plus a psy trance song is built like an acid trip: it doesnt follow the usual pattern of intro, breakdown, drop/main part, breakdown, drop, lead-out like normal electronic dance music, but it starts somewhere, evolves, changes, the melodies keep changing, the sounds change, it takes you on a journey and you dont know what to expect next, and it ends at a point where it makes sense and the story of the song is finished. (If you are interested, i suggest listen to tracks by the group 'infected mushroom') so i went to this psytrance rave. i didnt know anyone there cos my mates are not into this kind of music, and i was impressed by the atmosphere there. everyone was so friendly, open, and quite obviously many were on acid or mushrooms. they were even selling mushroom tea, its was a nice setting. <br> <br> i had dropped a pill or 2, and i went dancing in the main arena, the lasers and lights were amazing, and the music was banging and intriguing at the same time. I was dancing next to some young guy with his girlfriend, and i got talking to them. I subsequently found out that he had acid, and i had done it before and i wanted some. little did i know how strong his stuff was. He put a drop on my hand, and i licked it off. i continued dancing. the last acid i had done wasnt that strong, so after about 20 minutes i asked him for more, and i took another drop. i was enjoying the rave loads, but apart from a few little colour changes the acid didnt seem to have much effect on me, even after 1 and a half hours. i went to sit down in the chillout room. there was a nice light in there, it was a very warm atmosphere. I was now seeing a few more colour things, and i realised the acid probably WAS doing its job. <br> <br> Suddently some guy that i had never seen before appeared from nowhere and sat down in front of me on the floor, pointed a finger at me and shouted 'PASKAL!'. I got a weird feeling creeping up on me, i felt quite weird, my skin was tickling. I couldnt believe there was a guy there who knew my name. Baffled, I asked 'what?' 'PASKAL!' he said again, in a very sharp voice. He was about my age. He had dark hair like me, quite skinny, in fact he looked a bit similar to me i suppose. I noticed that he was very edgy, kind of moving his bodies in an edgy way while talking to me, and he frequently touched his nose too, like someone who had just done a big like of coke. in fact, he was quite aggressive even in his way, and he was looking my directly in the eyes, with brown eyes like me. I said 'What the heck, how do you know my name??' I was very intrigued, and i wasnt sure where this was going. His answer made me shiver: 'Well PASKAL, i know a lot about you. I know everything about you.' he had an evil look and a slight grin at the same time and i didnt feel comfortable at all. he continued 'I am a hallucination. Yes, Paskal. I am part of your brain. I am part of you!! I am inside you! only you can see me!' <br> <br> I was scared, but i didnt want to show it. I tried to remain 'on top' of the situation, tried to be clever, and with the firmest voice i could put up with, i asked him 'Well, if you say you are part of me and only in my brain, then what is your name?' And his answer was, and i will never forget the way he said it: 'My name is Charlie! Now how did you know that, PASKAL??' <br> <br> Charlie, for those of you that come from different parts of the world, is a common english name for Cocaine. I was staring at him, i couldnt say anything else, my whole body felt weird and buzzing and i felt so weak at the same time, and scared. And then he said something which was incredible: 'Now tell me to FUCK OFF, PASKAL! Tell me to go away, and I will go away!!' I think i managed to stumble a weak 'go away'. he grinned at me in an evil way, got up, and left through the door as quickly as he had come. I sat back down, and it hit me instantly, that i had a problem with cocaine, that cocaine was in my brain and was controlling my life. I kept thinking that and panicked even more, i realised that i was not in control and something was happening with me that i could not control. I couldn't take it anymore and i knew i had to get out of this room. I looked up and around me, and it was all weird. i couldnt hear any music, the light seemed kind of pale, it was bright, but dark at the same time, and i could not see any faces, it seemed like people were looking the other way. in fact, when i looked at someone, his head turned the other way, as if i was someone that they dont want anything to do with. I got up and hectically walked around in the chillout room, looking at the people, thinking what the freak is going on here? But everywhere i was passing by, i could hear people whispering about me. 'Paskal is losing it' 'Paskal is going crazy' 'Paskal is changing personality' 'Paskal' 'Paskal'.. oh my god, i panicked and ran into the corridor and downstairs to the front entrance of the club, where things were looking a bit more normal again but i was still tripping hard and panicking, i ran up to a bouncer and begged him to put me into a safe taxi (it was in one of the roughest areas in london) so i could get home.. <br> <br> When i was in the taxi and the surroundings had changed, i was kinda ok, and another phase of the trip began. I was seeing nice colours, and the road which was kinda wet was looking awesome, as if diamonds were all over it. When i arrived home, my friends were there and i was ok, in fact the second part of the trip was well nice. <br> <br> It was on that evening that i realised that i was addicted to cocaine and that it was controlling me life. That evening, it was my subcosciousness talking to me, and showing me what is going on inside me, even warning me! I realised how charlie was messing with me, and how intelligent it was. and it was a big experience to me admitting that something had managed to control my life like that, and for the very first time in my life, i had to actually admit defeat to something. It was cocaine - paskal 1:0. Realising that was the first and most important step to stop taking it, and i owe that to LSD. It opened my eyes. I did not stop taking coke instantly, but whenever i did a line after that, i knew that i was fueling 'Charlie'. I did, however, make the decision to move back to germany, out of the druggy surroundings that i was living with in London (clubs, friends and dealers). <br> <br> I did move back to germany about a month later, and i stopped taking coke. I am so glad that LSD helped me with that. Quite ironic actually that one drug helps you come off another, lol. <br> <br> i know i have talked a lot about cocaine, and little about LSD in this post, but it is the essence of my encounter. However, there is something about this that i want to say, and about the way I see LSD. <br> <br> My LSD trip was amazing, because there's something very very philosophical to it. I take a drop of liquid, and when I do it, I am still in 'reality' (let's just leave the term like that, i dont want to go too far). The trip actually starts the very second that I take the drop, but I dont feel it. It can vary how fast I start feeling it, usually after half an hour till 2 hours after I dropped it. So I am still in reality, everything is normal. I feel normal, I see things normal. But slowly, very slowly I enter another world. I see small shadows where there arent supposed to be any, I see small movements where there shouldnt be any, and as the trip goes on and I look around myself, I will find that there is nothing that really stands still, everything seems to be 'active', be it subtle colour changes, shadows, anything. a plain white wall will appear like there is liquid on it or something, its really hard to discribe. But, as all these things came about very very smoothly, I dont realise the transition from 'normal' to 'trippy'. I forget I am on acid, and now this is my reality. And then, suddently, I will see something which does not fit into the image. Something happens which you KNOW cannot be true. Like when i met Charlie. My rational thinking tells me 'this is not possible, this is not true.' but in fact it is possible, because you see it. He was there, i could see him, i could hear him talk, he was 100% credible. And this, at that moment, re-defines your standards of 'reality' and 'possible'. I know that this cannot happen, but yet it has happened. and as I believe what you see, I increase my horizon and I accept what I see as part of my reality. I am baffled, I am stunned, because I would never have imagined, that everything I have been told in life, all standards that have been set and all my logic that I have acquired, is in fact wrong and irrelevant at that moment and there ARE things which I didnt think they could exist. I realise, that in fact 1 + 1 does not always equal 2, but it can equal 3. And that is amazing. <br> <br> When I see a hallucination like that, which doesnt fit into my thinking pattern it is really really important that I accept it, and that I face what I see. I get the chance to 'deal with it' kinda thing. Sometimes, like in my case, it will be an inner self, somthing subconsciousness, talking to me. It might scare me, but it is important that I accept what I see and that I am open to see more, not trying to be on top of things and to control the trip, because I can't. Ican play with it when I am more experienced, yes. I can challenge my hallucinations, but only to see where it's going, and not to be stronger than them, cos if I do, it can go horribly wrong, just like it nearly did. <br> <br> LSD to me is a very rational drug. That means that anything I see makes sense. This is where the credibility of it's hallucinations is based on. And if I see something which seems to threaten me, I need to be strong. I must have a strong personality and I need to step back and say 'hey, how is this actually threatening me? It's there, it's real, yes. But it can't hurt me'. I always hear the advice that people give 'you have to remember that it's not real and that it's only the drug'. I find that it's a stupid advice, because at that moment it is real, and at that moment I am on the drug, and even if I realise it's the drug that is doing it, it's still there and I am still confronted with it. So the best way to trip, is to be open for what is coming to me and to be prepared for something amazing. Let go of the ego, and let the drug take me on a journey, on a trip. <br> <br> At the end of the trip however, i have always experienced the same feeling: I arrive at a point where I realise the trip is over, and it all makes sense. Anything I have seen on the trip, it is gone, but it made sense and it was all part of it and it was necessary for me to see it. Every person has different trips, and they are all made for each individual. And at the end it will ALWAYS make sense. I will feel good, most of the time, and even if it was a horror trip, I will admit that what I saw was all part of it, and belonged there. It is like a trip that made on holidays: I leave my home or whatever, I travel somewhere, I see things, meet people, do things, it moves on, and when you arrive back at home, it is like you have been round in a circle: I arrive where I started and it all worked out.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2003</td><td width="90">ExpID: 37004</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2006</td><td>Views: 67,302</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=37004&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=37004&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Entities / Beings (37), Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This was the second time I had an out of body/ego obliterating experience on a psychedelic. the first time was on mushrooms and that was a startling, terrifying experience, which was also profound and had fascinated me ever since. I'd wanted to return to a place like that, where I am unconscious of who and what I am, where memories, sound, fractals, shadows twist together and are not distinguishable, but the memory of the power of such a trip was frightening. <br> <br> Between that time and the LSD trip which I'm about to discuss, I tripped maybe 60 or 70 times. these trips were all unique and great in their way, but I never returned to that amazing place, which is the residence of pure thought and intelligence, a place where context is a joke. studying indian philosophy intensely, then going to india, combined with my job here in the u.s. as a mental health case worker, has led me to believe that this state of mind parallels the cosmic consciousness of mystics like sri ramakrishna as well as the much more common acute schizophrenia. ramakrishna willed his psychosis into a state of bliss and love and many who have schizophrenia feel incredible bliss and connection to god, though it often dissipates into fear and mistrust because most people don't have the uber-will to fight their darkness and grow into giant conduits for love and the energy of life. <br> <br> While I was taking time off of work to go to india, I had this acid trip which thrust me kicking and screaming into a state of mind like this. to this day it remains the most profound trip of my life. it happened this way.... <br> <br> I left the hot foul plains of uttar pradesh in search of cooler more relaxing environs, and I realize now, also because I didn't want to leave india without a profound spiritual experience, and somewhere inside of me I knew my will was pulling me to the himalyas. once there I was passing some time in a guest house with some europeans. I overheard a young german guy talking about pure mescaline trips. I asked him to elaborate and told him that I was interested in taking pyschedelics. we got to talking and he must have felt that I was a kindred spirit so he went into his room and came back with a folded up wrapper. he said gravely as hell, 'this is very special acid. VERY special. maybe you should only take half.' I thought 'you mean it's only one hit? I've taken eight at once before and handled myself.' he assured me, 'this is very special acid. this one hit will be more than you can handle. don't do it until you are ready.........' <br> <br> Some weeks later I rented a cottage on the side of a mountain which was on the property of a farm. there where many terraced fields, small huts, villages, cattle, buffalo... a very wonderful place. my hut opened up to a view across a valley which was serene and also happened to be surrounded by wild pot plants (of which I don't partake.) I had found my spot to trip. I waited several weeks so I could 'sense' when to take the acid. <br> <br> I practiced music regularly, walked up and down the mountains for exercise. I met an indian man named deepak who drank tea with me a lot and was a great person to talk to. we were both very into hindu mysticism, especially agora tantra, and programs which use very ancient technologies to achieve ecstasy. we both felt our minds expanding just spending time speaking with each other. deepak never did drugs, and I didn't see a need to tell him about what I was planning, because I thought he would be judgemental, and I felt he lacked the psychedelic experience so any of his objections would be without foundation. <br> <br> I was going to trip alone, as I had done 40 times or so prior. I always trip alone, and work through trips alone. with psychedelics of the power as this acid, though, one must always have sitters or fellow trippers to help with context. I learned this the hard way. <br> <br> The morning of the trip I awoke at dawn, practiced music, did yoga, and ate a very small breakfast. I took the acid and started to walk down the mountain to find a quiet protected place. <br> <br> I sat on a rock and waited patiently, thinking about my thoughts, and watching for change in their patterns. change they did. slowly my wet warm green piece of forest began to become more and more green. the sunlight began to fill me with a joy which was unbelievable. I thought that I would walk up to deepak's cottage and just look him in the eyes to give him some of what I was experiencing. it was wonderful, a cleaner and smoother and more organic feeling than acid had ever given me. soon after this, I could hear the local farmers yelling at the monkeys and even firing some rifles at them in the distance. there must have been about thirty or forty monkeys running and screaming towards me. they can be quite nasty as anyone who's been to india can attest, and I didn't want them to see me. their strange yells and the tumult of their collective charge sounded like it was about to plow right through me! <br> <br> Instead of being afraid, though, I decided to trust the stillness and joy I was feeling and to simply be still and let the monkeys come, as they will see my peacfulness, and likely take no interest in me. as it turns out they didn't come close to me, but that was the last thing I thought about before becoming completely unaware of who or what I was, what I was doing and where in this universe I was. what happened next is that I went into an all out psychedelic trance which lasted about two and a half hours. in that time I was freely moving about, standing on the roof of my cottage for a while, running and jumping across rice terraces, and eventually going up to the farm and freaking the shit out of several farmer girls as well as some european hippy travelers and my new friend deepak. <br> <br> The trip followed, in the way a dream does, the issues of my mind which were circulating at the time before tripping. I had been struggling with the idea of form and subjectivity for weeks prior to that, going over and over the nature of being human with deepak. of course because we were speaking in a human language, using concepts left and right, we weren't really getting anywhere with our disscussion, and we knew it, and we were amused at what little progress one makes spiritually by flapping one's gums. this proved to be the 'theme' of the trip. <br> <br> The first thing that happened after I 'flipped over' into the 'other' space was that I walked up to the roof of my cottage. I found myself feeling very centered, feeling like a solitary being with no identity, but there was one other intelligence present, presumably my idea of god. I felt that I was standing in a place which was a middle world, like a video game type of cyberspace. this place was a chamber or an temporary mock up, like a computer program (the star chamber at the end of 2001?) in which I would be presented a test. if I passed the test I would enter a cosmic state of being, if I failed, I would be left in this purgatory, a place without context, where being has no meaning. (by the way I don't really play games, cards vidoes games, D and D etc.) I had a vague feeling that living did have meaning in my previous life, whatever that was. <br> <br> After this confrontation with, for lack of a better word, god, I started to slowly come down, but I was still far from knowing who I was and that I was on a drug. I left the roof and was walking through the rice terraces scraping against briars. I felt the pain, but it also was apparent what an illusion the pain was. I reached in front of me and squeezed a branch of the briar hard, just to prove to myself the pain was immaterial. the pain rippled through me in shards, but it felt silly and small and I forgot about it instantly. I did, however, feel an underlying emotional pain of incredible level. it wasn't attached to anything in particular, it was just my darkness, or the darkness of the universe. I screamed, apparently ( I was later told)very loud. <br> <br> I was leaning against a window on the outside of my cottage and screamed again and put my elbow right through the window (I had no idea I'd done this until much later). the pain shot through me but it felt great compared to the deep dark pain in my heart. these screams alerted numerous people up the mountain at the farmhouse and they soon sent deepak down to see if I was alright. he immediately knew I was out of my head. I had no idea who he was, but I took him to be 'my concept' of 'concepts' if that makes sense. because of our many conversations regarding philosophy and being, he became my idea of what was wrong with me, why I was falling short of a true cosmic break. I thought he was an entity that was eminating from within my mind. I took him to be a game, one which I tried to decode. I needed to 'win' with him, or I wouldn't pass to the next level. <br> <br> He seemed to to trying to pull me back to the lower world, which is in fact exactly what he was trying to do, but I wanted to stay and figure out what I needed to do to keep moving towards the unimaginable and formless. I remember yelling right in his face as an act of defiance. we kept talking and I'm sure he was petrified at how labile I'd become. I don't remember why, but at one point I hugged him, and I just reached down and grabbed his ass. I'm not gay, at least I'm quite happy with my current girlfriend, but at that moment our hug became very sexual. it didn't last long but that was a strange tangent. I then started to run away from him. <br> <br> I grabbed my sitar and ran across the hillside. (deepak later said I looked very graceful leaping across the terraces with a large sitar on my shoulder.) I was walking around the farm freaking everyone out with my flashing eyes, incomprehensible statements and blood dripping from my arms and legs (from the briars, but primarily when I elbowed the window). no one knew what to do with me and deepak later told me they assumed I'd gone nuts. deepak left me at my cottage eventually in dispair, thinking I'd lost it and that they'd have to go into town and get the authorities to remove me or take me to delhi and try to contact my family somehow. <br> <br> I started getting this feeling that I'd forgotten something very important. this is what was similar to the previous breakthrough mushroom trip. I was starting to remember I was tripping. I sat on a seat looking out across the valley. what was this? it was starting to make some sense. I was lucid at one level at least because I started boiling some water to drink. (so I would not drink contaminated indian water!) I sat there drinking the piping hot water slowly. deepak came down again, looking very worried. I asked him, 'what is your name?' he told me his name and my memory came flooding in. I was in india, for crying out loud, I was tripping on some crazy crazy acid. I was amazed. I'd once again visited that place I'd been to five years earlier on mushrooms. deepak was relieved. because the last thing I remembered before going into space was the monkeys, I thought I'd been attacked by monkeys and that's why I was dripping blood. <br> <br> I told deepak I was attacked by monkeys which he doubted. he was very disappointed I was tripping on acid, but relieved I'd regained my self. he left me to think and that I did. I felt the effects for about 5 more hours pretty seriously. I went into the cottage and saw the broken glass and I remembered the feeling of the glass breaking and tearing open my arm. slowly the trip came back to me. at about ten at night, feeling somewhat normal and hungry, I sat out under the stars and deepak came down to talk to me. I assured him that I was ok and we talked about what I'd been through. he was skeptical about the spiritual 'shortcut' I'd taken. <br> <br> he suggested that I could reach the same place through years and years of disciplined meditation. I told him that americans do prefer a quick fix. I felt blown away and totally cleansed by the experience. I love this world and everything in it and this trip made me want to continue to explore my mind and consciousness itself. I lost the desire to trip after this, feeling that if one's brain is sped up to that level, it's similar to a model of psychosis. At the peak I was at a place so high above regular consciousness that if I had had more even the smallest bit of context to ground me I could have changed my life forever. because I was visiting that space prematurely, I was confused and tormented by what I was missing out on. that place, available to any self reflecting being in the universe, is lying in wait inside the nervous system. the change can be permanent, resulting in cosmic consciousness, or in can be brief and fleeting to those who 'dabble' but ultimately fear leaving their material lives behind. <br> <br> LSD is an amazing drug that is different for every person and different each time it is taken. there is a big difference between the good stuff and the bad stuff. also, I thought blotter was supposed to be the bad stuff. this paper hit blew all liquid, cubes, gelatins I'd ever done away. perhaps it was so strong because I wanted or needed something like that at that time. I was doing a lot of inner work and I was in a very deep and seriously mystical place, the indian himalya. <br> <br> LSD is wild and holds the geometry of all life in its atoms!<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2000</td><td width="90">ExpID: 27413</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 20, 2006</td><td>Views: 20,792</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=27413&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=27413&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">165 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The intro: <br> Let's start out with your basic introduction. I am your average late-teen, early-twenty year old psychonaut. I've injested countless quantities of short acting tryptamines, phenethylamines, cactii, mushrooms, and I quit counting after my 55th acid trip. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not an escapist. I don't want to leave what I have. I love every aspect of my life. I have a wonderful girlfriend, maintain a Dean's List standing at a University, and have a job that pays well. My parents have always cared for me, and although haven't always approved of what I've done, they've never left my side. So maybe you'll call that typical, boring, or ordinary. Well it's extra-ordinary! I adore what I have and what I felt I almost gave up. <br> <br> The story: <br> It was my birthday. It was July 9th in the extraordinary summer of 2003. I just turned 21 and all was peachy. I had 5 days off of work and I was on a road-trip to see my best friend in the world, Nathan. At the time he went to school in Alabama and I was at U of M. Last time we were together had been over a year ago. At that point, he had come to visit me and we painted the town red. Needless to say I was very excited to go see him. I had never been to his condo before and was so anxious to give my friend a ginormous hug. Since I had just turned 21, I was of legal stature to buy beer and we just planned on getting really shitty. I am not much of a drinker, but sometimes it's wonderful to just get hammered and reminisce. <br> <br> During the 5 and a half hour voyeur to Tuscaloosa to visit my comrade he called my cell phone and told me that he had a birthday present for me. I sped up to 80 miles an hour in anticipation. Finally, with punk music blaring I pulled up to the unfamiliar territory and was greeted by him outside. I dropped my backpack on the driveway and hugged his neck. It had been damn near a year since we last spoke in person and even when I arrived we spoke, wordless. Nothing but pleasant company was to be had. <br> <br> We walked inside and sat down. He offered me a drink and some food and I graciously accepted. While he was making preparation, I was thumbing through a stack of Calvin and Hobbes books on the coffee table. It was just mindless occupation before I asked where the bathroom was. He motioned around the corner. It was at this point that I actually looked at the set up. <br> <br> It was a relatively typical condo. After walking in the front door, immediately in front was a kitchen, to the side, a living room. There was a spiral staircase between the kitchen and living room that led up to the computer 'room'. The staircase was wrought iron with grating for stairs and there was a light set below it. It was more or less a balcony on top that overhung the den. The bedrooms were set in the very front of the place and I was to sleep in his roommates sister's room. I set my stuff in there, peed and came back out. <br> <br> I looked around and Nathan was there on the couch with a little box with an itty bitty bow on top. I asked if that was to be my birthday present and he replied with a smile and nod. He said that I should open it now and that's exactly what I did. All I saw inside was a little plastic bag on top of a cotton cushion. Inside that bag contained a 9 hit square of extremely potent blotter. Later, I would find out exactly how powerful this was. <br> <br> Each hit was imprinted with a black Timothy Leary face with whatever array of dazzling psychedelic color that lie behind him. Instantly I knew what it was. I had heard about this going around from a previous trip to New Orleans but had not managed to put my hands on any. Nathan's roommate had, however, bought an entire sheet of the stuff and sent us on our merry adventure. I didn't plan on doing this through the course of the evening, but plans change. <br> <br> He asked if I wanted to drop that evening or tomorrow. I just shrugged my shoulders and put it under my tongue. He laughed and did the same. <br> <br> Okay, I know what the readers are thinking. What a moron, he just ate 9 hits of acid, rumored to be quite good. Well, my friends, I must concur, but my concurrence will come later in this tale. Right now, I just want to reiterate how little of a stranger I am to the discovery of Dr. Haufmann. I've consumed as many as 10 hits of powerful acid in my day in public places, unfamiliar places, with a sour state of mind, etc. I've dealt with 2 relatively bad trips and one was on a 9 hit escapade. Let's just say that I'm very familiar with my body and it's reaction to LSD. <br> <br> The hot wings finished cooking about 15 minutes later and we ate them. I kind of needed something to settle my stomach because that first wave of acid influx had ocurred. I'm not used to such a rapid onset, but I take it in stride. It was when washing my hands after peeing again that I noticed the amide starting to take effect. The sink seemed a distance away and my hands did not feel like they were on my body. <br> <br> I loved that first rush of acid. It felt like something wasn't right but I am unsure of what it is. That twinge in the front of my head and the shifty body buzz that moves ever more pervasively through me. Anyone who has eaten acid knows this feeling of initial uncertainty. <br> <br> So feeling heavy and odd yet smiling I go to consume the hot wings. They tasted like something Emerill would make. We each sit down with our plate and turn on comedy central. It was 7 o'clock because a new episode of South Park is on. We finish our hot wings and wait a while longer. The sun sinks into it's western horizon. It was an omen, a forebearer of the night to come. As it set, so the acid set in. Sparking of South Park characters Kenny and Kartman was proficient in their eyes. I looked outside and saw a pink sky that began to change color to orange then to red. My arm itched, I looked down and my hair was growing, moving, shimmying around a fly that wasn't there. I smiled and invited my friend to go outside and enjoy a cigarette with me. <br> <br> It tasted strange but I was so enthralled with the surroundings that were consuming me, that I didn't really notice. The sky was a kaleidoscopic display of stars coupling with the sunset. It was the perfect natural ballet. The grass was growing very tall in the very back of his yard and they seemed to be carassing the sun that had almost left the sky. The grass grew into distant trees and I started hearing the colors, especially the greens. They were whispering peaceful thoughts about nature. The leaves on one tree started laughing so I asked it what it was laughing at, telepathically, and they said that the stars were fucking. I smiled and told them to hold on. I looked at the stars and saw them with an unknown clarity. The sun waned further down. Only a stark blue tinge was left. I laid down with Nathan crown to crown and we watched the stars produce more stars. I could command them with my thoughts. I asked their permission to see constellations. They bowed and whatever constellation I wanted to see, they gave way. <br> <br> At some point, Nathan had left the outer realm to go and play the guitar inside. I went in after who knows how long to see what goodies I could find inside. I wanted to talk with Nate about the beauty and awe that we had eaten. I saw his door was shut. I heard a noise from that direction and saw it open. He ran naked through the den into his roommates sister's bedroom, into the closet and shut the door. The only thing he had was an acoustic guitar. I laughed at the thought and retired to the Salvador Dali book. How vibrant! <br> <br> His roommate walks in the door. I didn't know who he was and he asked if I was the guy who was going to eat acid with Nathan. I had forgotten I ate it until that point but said that I was. He said it was cool and asked how much I had eaten. I remembered it was a square and told him 9 Timothy Leary heads. He looked at me with shock or some sort of emotion that only a head full of acid could describe. So the roommate grew into the floor and turned into an alien and started speaking in a language I didn't know, or didn't think I did. However, when I really concentrated I knew what he was saying. <br> <br> '9' It was a question, not a statement. He then did the absolute stupidest thing that one can ever do to another while on a strong acid trip. He said, 'Uh-oh.' The beautiful reds and yellows of the room turned into a violent violet and deep blue with hues of shadows looming over me. I was getting the fear. I managed to ask him what Uh-oh meant in my newly found tongue. His voice turned to static. All I heard was garbled, muffled foreign language. I again concentrated on the statement as much as I could. It was like listening to Chinese on a cell phone, but I made him write it down. All the page said was two things really big. 'Double dipped' and '18 hits'. The 1 from the 18 slithered off the page. <br> <br> Instantly the trip intensified to an unparalleled degree. It was a personal insanity. Things streched and grew. People from far off places appeared in the brick walls. The couch threatened me. I did everything i could to keep from thinking that I took double the acid that I've ever taken, but alas, I was peaking and couldn't help it. The furniture changed colors and began melting into puddles. The liquified cotton and wool spread around the apartment and it began to flood. I began to cry to Nathan to get out of the room because the house was sinking. He never heard me. I was sure he had died. The only way I could survive was to climb the staircase. The staircase was unfriendly and very hard to navigate. I just crawled, and crawled until I reached the carpet above. I laid down and looked at the ceiling. I looked through the railing down to the floor and everything down there was completely normal. I finally calmed down a bit and remembered that I had eaten acid and this was a result of the drugs I had consumed. <br> <br> I wasn't done yet. <br> <br> I was too scared to go back downstairs. The fear still crept in me. I thumbed through a magazine of fashion that was up on the indoor overhang and saw a picture of a really odd leather jacket. It was red and pinstriped. There was a hat above it as well with the same motif. <br> <br> One thing worth mentioning is that I am sitting on the computer chair using the monitor's light to help me out. I couldn't find a light switch and Nathan, for one reason or another, unplugged everything in the house that was electronic except the computer. He told me later that the clocks were fucking with him. <br> <br> Anyway, while looking at the picture, the computer went into power save mode and suspended itself. <br> <br> Dark. A more pervading nothing than anyone can imagine. It was terrifying. It was ultimate void. I got dizzy. The fear started knawing at me. The pages of the magazine got hot to the touch and I threw it on the desk. I got so scared that I tried to throw up, but I could not. I paced, and all the while praying for whatever else was left to hurry and end. In my clumsy disorientation I hit the table and the magazine fell. With luck, I hit the table hard enough and the monitor flicked back on from the mouse movement, I think. <br> <br> The pages were making a noise on the ground, muffled and strange. I picked it up and there was the leather jacket/hat thing again. This time it was different though. The blackness that I mentioned earlier wasn't anywhere around me. It had concentrated between the collar of the jacket and the brim of the hat on the paper. This blackness was emotionless. It was deeper than space and time. It was a black that only hell could spawn. Yet I was strangely drawn to it. I heard the voice again. It erupted from the depth with a shy and booming voice. <br> <br> It communicated with me. It asked what I wanted. I didn't know I responded. Should you go deeper? Should I travel the void? I didn't decline. Whatever it was told me to look at the grandfather clock. I did. The pendulum stopped. Slowly the second hand halted. I looked at the page again and it was just a black blur. I put my hand on the page and remember closing my eyes. <br> <br> I was frozen. I was no longer a human being. I was a cog in the 4th dimension. I was the extradimensional being that existed only in the space of time. A voice surrounded me. It asked what my perception of time was. I didn't know. It explained to me the difficulty that people have with time. He said that the reason so many people are late for so many things is that they believe in time, but are unsure if it exists. I said that time didn't exist. We invented it. He said that an idea is stronger than a piece of stone. An idea will live on forever and that stone will crumble. Time is only as real as we make it. <br> <br> I could move again, but I still couldn't see. Time was now a figment of my imagination. Age, clocks, birthdays, years: all meant nil. It was an offspring of an idea that was in itself non-existent. I made it down the staircase. Finally I felt as though I was coming down. However, this poignant thought still rebounded through my head. I walked into the bathroom and made the mistake of turning on the light and looking in the mirror. <br> <br> I was older. Not much, but enough to notice. I contemplated myself and my existence. Then I remembered the voice in the void. Age isn't real. Time is an idea. I looked at the pimples and my 5 o'clock shadow. It wasn't hair on my face. It was black ants and they were moving rapidly up and down my cheeks. They were biting me and turning into wrinkles and made me look really old. I felt as though I were 100. I was weak and tired so I sat down on the toilet. I was exhausted. Finally I stood up and I had returned to normal. <br> <br> I walked out of the bathroom and looked around. Color shifting had almost ceased. I think I fell asleep on the toilet for an hour or two. The den had lightened a bit. I looked outside and the sun was rising. Had I really been panicking for 12 hours? What part was real? Was it a nightmare? The answer is 'yes' and 'no'. <br> <br> Conclusion: <br> <br> A personal quote of mine is: You don't go to the fair to ride the carousel. Well faithful readers, I definitely rode all the roller coasters.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2003</td><td width="90">ExpID: 29225</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 21, 2006</td><td>Views: 23,119</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=29225&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=29225&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span> <br> <br> Preamble <br> <br> The other day I got off of work early (summer hours at my office; work till 6:00 Monday through Thursday, go home at 1:00 on Friday), and decided I would use my free and clear afternoon for a much-needed introspective acid trip. I have been dealing with some personal and relationship issues lately and felt I was in a spirit to tackle them at last. I have done acid a few dozen times, at doses up to 600ug, and of all the psychedelic drugs I am most comfortable and familiar with LSD. I trust it and value it very highly. <br> <br> Dosing, al fresco style <br> <br> I did some cooking at home first, and then remembered I had to go to the eye doctor for my annual checkup. So I went, and they gave me those bright yellow drops to dilate my eyes, and I thought, “Excellent! Later when I’m tripping, I’ll have a perfect excuse for why my eyes are so huge!” <br> <br> After the appointment I went to my favorite coffee shop down the street and sat out on the sidewalk sipping an iced mocha latte. The weather was in the quiet hours between some pretty severe thunderstorms, and it was temperate, sunny and perfect. Surprisingly for 5:00pm on a Friday there were not many people out – at least, the sidewalks were not teeming with people as they often are in this trendy neighborhood – and I was able to surreptitiously dose my LSD right there at the outdoor table. I took three hits of fairly strong microdots, which I estimate to be around 100µg each. This is my usual dose when I desire a “strong” trip, but do not want to be utterly overwhelmed. <br> <br> I finished my coffee and went to run a few errands. It was probably just anticipation, and caffeine, and the weather, and the fact that it was Friday, but I could feel an immediate mood lift as I ambled back home. Everything was just Right. I ran into a friend on her way home from the train stop, and we chatted pleasantly. I was voluble and charming (which I admit I am not always). <br> <br> The first of many insights <br> <br> By the time I got home I was on the big long come-up for sure. I proceeded to continue my cooking project (a long involved soup recipe with lots of simmering), and listened to the radio (sort of; I couldn’t really concentrate on two things at once). At this point I had the first of two beers, which I find often make my acid trips more relaxed and open. <br> <br> At this point I began focusing on one of my issues, which has to do with a woman, who is not my wife, who I have begun to have feelings for, despite not knowing her very well at all. We had made meaningful eye contact at parties a few times, and for some reason I have been unable to stop thinking about her ever since. It is both maddening, confusing, alarming, and fantastic all at once. Fortunately (or not) she left town for the summer and I will not have to deal with this temptation for several weeks; in this period of time I feel I need to get myself sorted about it. <br> <br> I wandered back and forth a lot between my food project on one counter and the cook book on another. I could barely make sense of the recipe anymore (the soup came out pretty good anyway; I always cook better than I think I can while tripping.) As I worked, though, most of my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of this woman. The LSD and the alcohol together were removing my emotional inhibitions entirely, and I was able to experience my feelings in their full, raw power and beauty. <br> <br> In the first of several deep insights of the evening, I realized that, although I do not want to fall in love with someone else and leave my wife, who I love dearly, I could if it felt like the right decision for me. I decided that there can be more than one “love of one’s life”, and one can and should be open to pursuing a new love if it really does seem more fulfilling. This was all just a thought experiment, of course, and unlikely to be tested in reality, but I had been worried whether I would have the strength to even deal with the possibility of ever getting a divorce, and I realized with a sense of personal power, that I had. I didn’t want to, but I knew I could if I had to. I filed this insight away in a safe place in my mind and moved on. <br> <br> At this point I was listening to NPR and some segment came on This American Life about ghost-hunting in some remote forest cabin where children had been murdered or abused or something. It was kind of stupid but also started to freak me out a little, as I was home alone and it was starting to get dark, and stormy again. Fortunately I had the presence of mind to put on some music before the trip started getting too dark. <br> <br> Rock & roll, thunder & lightning, and Complete Synchronicity <br> <br> Music was, as usual, totally awesome, and I spent about an hour just shuffling through a bunch of albums and sipping my beer. Eventually I went back to the kitchen to finish my gargantuan soup project (six hours from start to finish; Christ!), and then returned to the living room and really cranked up the stereo. I put on Ratatat. Very melodic, synthy instrumental kind of math-rock with big thick beats, that had me up and marching around the apartment in no time. <br> <br> Finally I settled down on the couch and stared out the window as the album continued to play. Our living room faces the six-story-high ornamental brick façade of an historic theater built with money from Al Capone in the 1920s, the original heyday of the neighborhood. Past the rococo molding around its roof, I could see the lowering storm clouds intermittently lit up by lightning in the almost-dark of twilight. With the music coursing through me, this was my setting for my next great insight of the evening. <br> <br> I started thinking about this woman again, and imagined what it would be like at the end of the summer if she returned, and we talked, and it turned out she had been thinking of me all summer long as intently as I had been thinking of her. I imagined this with perfect clarity, as if it was really happening, and a huge, HUGE wave of euphoria, better than any roll, came over me. The most indescribable pleasure, acceptance and relief we all feel at the moment we reveal our feelings to someone, and discover they feel the same. I very nearly cried, and for a moment, I became my mother archetype / my feminine side, a creature of pure emotion and feeling, lifted up by that emotion to a higher state of being. <br> <br> My heart was still racing from this reverie, but I pushed on with the thought even further. I remembered feeling exactly this way many times when my wife and I were first dating, and especially at the moment when I proposed. I connected my feelings for this new woman back to my original feelings for my wife, and realized that of course, they are exactly the same. Not only my feelings, but in a sense, the two women are the same too. They are strikingly similar physically and, as far as I can tell, their personalities are very similar. In a flash I realized I was falling in love with my wife all over again; this new woman was simply my wife, before I had “captured” her. I was seeking something I already had, because of my unquenchable human impulse to conquer something new. <br> <br> It’s hard to describe what happened next. Still struck by this thought of the endless cycle of romantic attachment – we keep looking for the same thing in different people -- I looked out at the gathering storm above the huge man-made rooftops of the city, and connected my thoughts about love with my thoughts on the fate of the human race. We are all programmed to continually strive for more, different, better – better women, higher rooftops, greater civilizations – and it is ultimately futile and hopeless, because when we succeed, we simply move on to the next challenge. We can never really win. <br> <br> At this, I put my hands to my mouth in shock. I had made a horrifying discovery about the hopeless nature of humanity, which I had never intended to do. It was indescribably sad, but also beautiful. I felt at once sorry for mankind for what we will never be able to have, and stubbornly proud of us for what we have nonetheless accomplished. <br> <br> All at once the weight of it all, on top of my already high emotion, was too much, and I burst out crying. I haven’t cried so hard, sobbing loudly with tears running down my face, for years. And in between sobs, I was laughing too. It was pure lunacy. The cat came over to sniff me and find out what was wrong. The music track I was listening to at the time synched up perfectly with my emotion, building to a crescendo, just as the thunder and lightning outside peaked. It was a cosmic alignment. In the moment of stillness as I took my first deep breaths and quit sobbing, the clouds opened and the rain came, a huge cleansing downpour that mirrored exactly my own cleansing with tears. Complete Universal Synchronicity. <br> <br> This had been better than sex. <br> <br> Rediscovery <br> <br> Not much later, my wife came home, and I was able to see her again with new eyes as I had not done for months, maybe years – as I had before we were married. We sat together and ate some of my soup, and I gave her a present I had bought weeks earlier and been saving for a special occasion. She looked so beautiful to me. We held hands like teenagers and later, had our best sex of the year, hands down. I had never had much fun with sex on psychedelics before, but suddenly I saw the power of it. We connected even more deeply than usual, and at the same time, I was completely unhurried and almost uncaring about where things went, what we did, how long we took. I was more relaxed and “in the moment” than I can remember being with another person, maybe ever. I saw that married sex life does not have to be dull and boring and repetitive; it can also be exceedingly comfortable and natural and effortless, two people who are really one. So that was pretty great. <br> <br> Coda <br> <br> Later, I had time for one final, somewhat unrelated insight. After my wife went to sleep, the acid kept me awake, and I stayed up and smoked some pot and fooled around on-line. The pot took me out of my exquisitely clear, positive, self-enabled head space, into your basic stoned stupor. I lost the glow; I felt deadened and out-of-it. I was chatting with a friend on AIM and was barely able to make sense or have a conversation. I kept losing my train of thought and saying weird disconnected things. I realized a lot of the unpleasant and unproductive feelings I’ve had lately have been due to smoking too much pot. So I decided to quit smoking it for a while. This felt likely manifestly the right decision, even if it will be a hard habit to break, and I was grateful once again for the clarity the LSD had given me about my life and what I need to do. <br> <br> Summation <br> <br> This was not my most intense trip ever, but it was undoubtedly my most integratable, useful, and personal one. I have experienced pleasure before on psychedelics, and discovery, clarity, and emotion, but it’s never been so connected to my own personal issues. And the weather! I have redoubled my faith that LSD, used properly and in the right setting, is worth about 30 visits to a psychotherapist.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 33778</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 24, 2006</td><td>Views: 24,877</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=33778&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=33778&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Glowing Experiences (4)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It has been three years since this event happened but most of it is so sharply ingrained on my psyche that I can never possibly forget. <br> <br> The blotters were called 'Fat Freddy' or 'Fat Freddies Cat', and just by looking at them I could tell they were going to be interesting. One side had a white background with fat freddy and stars in red ink and the other side was part of larger picture which only the coolest of the cool would ever get to see. I considered myself an experienced psychonaut. <br> <br> My dealer specifically warned me and my friend, whom I will refer to as 'B', to go very easy with these trips she suggested we eat 1/4 of the blotter to start off with. But as soon as she handed the trips over 'B' popped his in his mouth straight away. I looked at him incredulously and laughed nervously, saying <br> ' I can't believe you did that, now Im going to have to eat mine soon to be on the same wavelength'. <br> <br> Straight away I could tell we were in for an interesting night.. We got in my car and drove around town looking for the house where we were supposed to meet up with a girl 'K' (who I thought I was in love with, who also enjoyed fucking me around) who was going to trip with us. After 30 minutes of not being able to find the house we gave up. <br> <br> 'B' was becoming insistent urging me to drop the Tab before we got out of synch, I grudgingly popped the tab in my mouth. It had no taste.. and after 5 minutes I started to feel the initial anxiety/tense buzziness alot earlier than I was hoping for. We decided to try make it home before it came on too hard <br> <br> Believe it or not only 10 minutes after dropping the Tab it became too risky to drive and we decided to park the car at a friends house and walk to the place 'K' was supposed to be. <br> <br> *Note: Mistake Number 1, The town I was staying in has VERY bad vibes at night and is not the place for heavy tripping* <br> <br> We started to walk and all around us was very quiet, it seemed that wherever we walked everything went dead silent and that everywhere in front of us was DARKNESS and every where behind us, being created by us was LIGHT. I felt like we were two angels stranded here on earth and that we had always been like this. At the time we were both very interested in the Dark Arts, Magick, Vampirism, Golden Dawn and we were discussing this as we walked. *Possible Mistake * <br> <br> Around us lightposts were bending and twisting, coiling.. we could see waves in the fabric of reality the road was like a rolling sea of asphalt. We were generally feeling good at this point the acid was strong but not unbearable. <br> <br> [1 hour into it] <br> <br> As we walked past some houses still on the way to find 'K' but realising that it was a waste of time. I thought I could hear the people sitting on their balconies talking about us and making fun of us, people who drove past seemed to stare and shout out things to us as if we had a big sign on our heads saying 'look at these hopeless trippers' I started to feel sad and angry at the same I felt the emptiness of my city... the total negativity and it began to eat away at me.. <br> <br> I started wringing my hands over and over clenching and unclenching my fists saying 'Stupid fucking humans, worthless fucking scum' <br> <br> It was about this point in time that I walked through (80% sure I did anyway) a massive Golden Orb Weaver Spider Web and had the sensation of being bitten two-three times on the face. I screamed and started pulling bits of web and trying to brush whatever had bitten me off my body. <br> <br> I was screaming 'Ive been bitten oh fuck maan' and 'B' just said 'stop freaking out man your just tripping, nothing bit you'. All he saw was me pulling bits of nothing out of my face. Well whether it was the spiders venom or the surge of adrenalin from being bitten Im not sure but it set me off big time.. <br> <br> All I could feel now was emanations of pure hate overcome me I felt like I was channeling an entity (Read below for the story of the entity), an entity that totally disliked humans and earth (gaia) we decided to try and make it back to my house before anything bad happened I was constantly saying 'fuck, FUCK stupid fucking humans' 'I swear im going to kill someone' <br> <br> *From this point on I am only explaining what happened from my perception, alot of the following may be hard for people to believe in actuality It is also quite a fragmented story so sorry about that* <br> <br> I had to get away from 'B' because I seriously thought I was going to kill him. <br> <br> I RAN, I ran so fast and so far that the world seemed to blur and my legs were moving of their own accord. I remember vomiting as I ran but I didn’t care I just spat the remains of my vomit away and kept running. When I stopped it felt like wind Whoooooshed up to catch up with me it felt like the whole world had to catch up to me.. I Swear I ran at least 2 kilometres in less than 2 minutes. <br> <br> This is where I can hardly remember anything. <br> <br> I remember sitting under a lamp-post screaming, 'please god fucking help me Im going to kill someone or kill myself, Jesus Christ!!' (Im not anywhere near christian btw nor are my family though I WAS deeply interested in PRE christian mythology about Angels, Annunakai, Nephilim etc) <br> <br> I had the feeling that I was the chosen one, that I was the vessel through which Armageddon would arrive, all the votes from all the conciousness in existence were being tallied through me, Continue creation?? Or destroy everything?? And when the votes were tallied I would be the one to SING the sum of creation out of existence if neccessary.. It sounds outrageous but if you can imagine the pressure and the alienation you would feel if you were given such a task then you would understand.. <br> <br> *After this I became completely overwhelmed by the Entity and do not remember the next 30 minutes* <br> <br> The next thing I remember is me walking without a shirt down the middle of the main road (in winter) with both hands in the 'fuck you' position shouting 'I am the fucking end of creation you are all going to die you fucks, I am god, I am satan, I am something inconceivable' <br> <br> *another piece of lost time* <br> <br> I remember walking off the road onto the sidewalk and I can hear sirens and I see the flash of blue and red. I suddenly have a flash of sanity and I say 'oh fuck' quietly. A cop gets out of the car and shines his torch in my eye as another cop car pulls up behind him.. I say 'oh fuck' a bit louder this time and the cop hears me and says 'That’s right mate, 'Oh Fuck' you've had your fun for the night don't you think?' <br> <br> There are now four large policemen approaching me with Torches flashing my eyes. <br> <br> *This next part is extremely fragmented and probably didnt really happen* <br> <br> I remember a group of policeman surrounding me as I scream something to the effect of: <br> 'I am something for which your insignificant little minds have no capabilities of understanding, I am all of creation I am SATAN I am GOD and because of Humanity I am going to destroy you all you fucking filllllthy fucking huuuumaaaaahhnns...I am going to fucking kill you alll!! 170,000 years on this earth this fuckin wretched planet' <br> <br> In my mind I could see the police cars rising off the ground slightly... I felt like I was floating above the ground and small objects were flying around me. I was emanating tremendous kinetic energies. As the police discussed what the hell they were going to do with me I could hear what they they were thinking, the fear in thie minds that they were witnessing something incomprehensible, that they should call the army.. anyone. I was answering their questions before they asked them.. I told them that there was nothing they could do to me because the world would very soon come to an end, the votes were still tallying inside me but I could feel the end coming on..it would all be over sooon. <br> <br> *another blackout* <br> <br> I am now on the ground, A large police officer has his knee in between my shoulder blades while another one is holding down my legs.. They are asking me if i committerd various crimes around the neighbourhood 'what did you do at such and such... why did you break their letterbox?? Did you steal this car? did you piss on this guys lawn' some ludicrous bullshit and Im saying 'How the fuck should I know' <br> <br> My arms are handcuffed beside me. I am screaming 'Someone please fucking help me' because there are wasps and Ants crawling in and out of my mouth stinging me.. there are two voices coming from my mouth. <br> <br> One very scared sounding ME, the regular me, and a very deep growling voice that is the voice of the Entity gnashing and growling and reciting ancient prophecies in a different language. The pain from the wasps bites is so bad that I have to chew at the grass so I dont bite my tongue off.. meanwhile the entity is making my voice growl like an animal very real very, scary kind of growl.. <br> <br> As I am screaming 'help me' the police man is very worried for me and says 'mate I'm trying to help you what have u taken??', The entity takes over and says in that growly voice 'Elllll Essssssss Deeeeeeeee' and does an evil laugh and starts spitting. <br> <br> An ambulance arrives and the paramedic flashes his light in my eyes and says 'nup hes gone' and injects me with (what I think was) valium they wait and the entity still struggles against the police.. another shot and Im out.. <br> <br> I wake up and I am in a small concrete room I am chained to a chair I am watching myself but Im not really in control of my body, the entity has control. Surrounding me are High ranking military personnell in front of me is an Intelligence Officer, Flying Officer, Ackland. <br> <br> He is questioning me about secret military codes, locations of secret installations, my knowledge of interdimensional travel and of secret technologies.. the entity answers them in a sophisticated superior growl.. <br> <br> Having decided that I am a threat to the security of earth they decide to launch me into the sun in a nuclear missile. <br> <br> I am in a sealed cubicle made out of some kind of Bone coloured Carbon Fibre material there doesnt appear to be any seams, very strong it is just bigger than a coffin, there are strange symbols and diagrams inside it.. there is an alarm going off and a count down... I can hear the tallies for the end of the world counting down... almost in sync with the rocket launch count down the count down loops and loops for the remainder of the night... Destroy/Create/Destroy/Create forever <br> <br> I wake up again and I am in the hospital arms handcuffed behind me two security guards on a 24 hour vigil making sure I dont run away.. I look at my clothes and shoes on the floor they see me looking and fold their arms and puff up... I laugh and say 'rightio then' <br> <br> As soon as they see Im awake a Nurse comes with a huge needle/syringe and I squirm away and say 'holy fuck!' and she grabs my arm and says 'thats right, holy fuck' and injects me, she looks at me like 'you fucking little tripper'. <br> <br> Dad comes he has a sad look in his eye.. I say sorry and that I love him, and I look at my arm and pull out an IV line and blood starts to spurt out and I say 'oh no' but when helooks at my arm and says 'what??' it stops.. I say 'oh dont worry you dont want to know' <br> <br> thats it..all i had to do then was sign out and I was fine..The Ambulance cost $180, I had severe rash marks and bite marks all over my body Two bite marks that could have been a spider bite on my face and my neck. <br> <br> One of the recurring themes that I left out was that I felt like for my whole life the world has known that I am god but they have to pretend like they dont know because if i find out i will destory the universe.... <br> <br> ... I still use psychdelics and it has taken me AGES to integrate what happened.. Im sorry if it is too jumbled to understand.. there was no easy way to explain what happened.. One of the only Level 5 trips I have had, the others being 5-Me0-DMT and Salvia.. <br> <br> *The following is the information I received from the entity and why it was so angry..* <br> <br> The Entities Story <br> <br> Now the information was becoming clearer from this 'entity' I was receiving/becoming. <br> <br> I/this Entity was once the SUM AWARENESS of a vast amount of time/space. This Awareness was one of a group of Awarenesses which together formed the AWARENESS OF CREATION (what some people call GOD).. <br> <br> This entity, at the beginning of all creation, had seen that sometime in the distant future, Earth would host a civilsation that would develop such advanced technology it would threaten the very fabric of the universe. This entity so loved its part of creation that it couldnt bear to lose anything and decided to try to destroy the Earth. <br> <br> So this entity went to the Earth and attempted to seduce Her so that he could bind her power to him and control earths destiny, the Earth spirit was enamoured and agreed to sexual union with the entity (celestial beings have sex too, though on a much different level than we can understand) As this was happening the Awareness who was overlord of Earth (My girl friend 'K') and a good friend of the entities stepped in and alerted the other Awarenesses as to what was happening. Together as CREATION they decided that what the entity was trying to do was against the law of Creation and banished him to the earth to incarnate as a human being until the end of creation. <br> <br> Little did i know that all awarenesses will incarnate on earth before long....<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1999</td><td width="90">ExpID: 26610</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 30, 2006</td><td>Views: 25,472</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=26610&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=26610&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Police / Customs (60) : Entities / Beings (37), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2.0 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance">Vitamin C</td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 tablets</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/caffeine/">Caffeine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">230 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It was Friday, June 10th, 2005. I left to go see what was going on, I picked up my a few of my friends, Tom, Josh, and Daniel. We had nothing to do, but we all knew we wanted to do something. We went up to the park where we met a few other people. The plan the proposed was to go to Galveston and stay all night at the beach. I called my mom and told her I was gonna play Halo and asked if I could stay all night (halo is a good excuse) she said it was, so my night was looking good. <br> <br> We called the guy who had the tabs, He was gonna meet us at the park to sell them to us. We waited around for about an hour for him to show up, by now it was about 10pm or so. Now for this next part you must understand the layout of the park. To one side is a big parking lot next to a bunch of baseball fields and closer to the bench where we were waiting. To the other side is another parking lot, a bunch of buildings, the tennis courts, and pool. Once the guy with the tabs showed up I got mine and Josh got his. About 2 minutes after he shows up we look to the side of the park with the baseball fields (where me and the tab guy are parked) and cop car rolls up and parks. We look at each other and run as fast as we can. I pop my tab, and Josh pops his. Im 16 so on top of drugs I'm out past curfew. I look back after we all got about 100feet and notice the cop leaving. Everyone stops but we are all still worried. There are about 10 of us at this point and all their cars are parked on the side with the tennis courts where cop wasn’t. <br> <br> The guy with tabs comes to me and says he’ll sell me the other tabs for 10 dollars each cause he put em in his mouth when the pig rolled up. I had 7 bucks in my hand so I went ahead and got 1 with help of my friend. I stuff it in my shoe and we all get ready to leave. Once I get to my care and take off my shoe my tab is gone. I start freaking out but Tom has 2 ounces of dro on him and Dan has 4 hits of acid. So we go ahead and jet, incase the cop decides to come back. Now the tab was a Tweak based double stacked blue Mercedes. No one in the truck knew I had taken the first tab, they all thought I had lost the only tab I had. I turn to Daniel and say hey would u spot me that hit of acid. So Daniel thinking I had nothing, gave it to me. I didn’t find out until later that he didn’t know I was already on a tab. <br> <br> Daniel took his other 3 hits of acid and Tom is the only one not on anything. Once we get on the highway <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> its about a 45 minute ride to the beach, so we decide to smoke a few bowls. I begin to roll pretty hard 30 minutes into the trip. We get to Galveston and its my first time to drive there, so we get kinda lost. Now Galveston is set up on a grid, going east and west are the streets named by letters, a-z, and north and south are the streets named as numbers. When we first get there we're at about 80th street, and we just keep going trying to find sea wall which is the street against the beach. We go down to about 6th street and by now Im feeling the acid and the tab and the streets begin to trip me out and confuse the fuck outta me, and everytime I think of the streets I just begin laughing maniacally and no one know what at. We call our friends already at the beach and they tell us we were suppost to get of on 61st street. Eventually we find our way to seawall, I dunno how. The call us again and tell us to go to a department store to get a football and some vitamin C. This is where our journey truly begins.<br> <br> At about 1am we arrive at the department store and we walk around for about 20 minutes. Every time we look down an aisle it just seems so immense and endless. Daniel keeps laughing and just randomly sitting down in the middle of aisles for no apparent reason. We grab the glow in the dark football, vitamin c’s, and Tom gets a 3 dollar shirt that says “Official Dunk Master”, we found this shit hilarious. As I looked around in the store I began to get thoughts about the war machine and the capitalist ideals and corruption that store stood for. Normally when that happens the trip turns bad, but this time I was candy flipping, and the tab made all my bad feelings go away. When we get to the truck I begin to roll VERY hard and the trip intensifies, so I let Tom drive because he is the only sober one, even though he doesn’t have a license. As we get to the more secluded part of Galveston there are no street lights and this only makes me roll harder. I keep thinking we are lost and freaking out and calling our friends at the beach already to get directions. After about 20 minutes and 5 phone calls we finally arrive.<br> <br> The beach was secluded, it had a few houses but other than that we were alone. When we get there we figure out that 2 of our friends left to go get the other car full of people. We get there to find John and Terry “holding down the fort”. <br> <br> When we get out everyone is reluctant to do anything as we are not used to the surroundings. About 10 feet from the tide and about 10 feet wide is a carpet of seaweed that has washed up, its as far as the eye can see along the beach. We all took off our shoes and walk around. About 10 minutes later the others get there. 15 guys and 1 chick. We don’t care though, we are all rolling, tripping, or both. The sand felt so good on my feet, its hard to explain but the fact that It molds to your foot each step you take just makes it an awesome feeling. I look up to see all the stars in the sky clear as day, or well night. There are no clouds and its rare to see this in the Houston area seeing as there is so much light pollution and pollution from the chemical plants. Tom sees me looking up and comes over and he says, “Wouldn’t it be awesome to be able to know whats going on everywhere u look? Like if u looked at that star and just knew what they were doing, inventing a new drug or going to school or something?” And as I normally do on acid, my mind starts going 90 miles a minute. <br> <br> The way I describe it is its like letting the flood gates on a ragin river open up. If the river is dry, nothing really happens, but if its there then you will feel it, that’s how all drugs are in my opinion. The only girl there, Candice, comes over and makes me lay in the bed of this truck and look at the stars. Now the first time on acid I got kinda suicidal because I naturally am a little nihilistic, and acid made it get worse, but with the tab, every bad thought I had went away. My body felt warm and tingly, my mind felt open and clear. <br> <br> As I laid there looking at the stars I would stare at one star, and then after a few seconds all the other stars in the sky would melt away. It was like Tom had said earlier, but I actually felt like I knew what was going on everywhere I looked. Suddenly I lost focus and I could see all the stars again. Now my heart began to pound really fast, the feeling I had now is very hard to explain, but I only feel it when I take a meth based tab. Its kinda like im about to have heart attack its going so fast and I breath kind of hard, but its not scary, its kind of invigorating and makes me feel so alive. Suddenly I see a shooting star but right when I see it Tom come and flashes a flashlight right in my eyes and I lose it. <br> <br> At this point I kinda got annoyed by everyone around me cause everyone was talking and wouldn’t shut the fuck up so I just kinda tuned it out and once again all the stars accept the one I was looking at melted away and I felt almost godlike. It was like all the worries I had melted away and I couldn’t concentrate on them enough to get worried if they were still there. But soon they all came back because the utter lack or worries kinda bothered me. Like I didn’t know what I would tell my mom when I came home and was all sandy and sun burned, but I tried to not let it get to me. At about 3am me Tom and Jonathan all go back up to the store with me driving. Jonathan is on 2 and a half tab and 2 and a half hits of acid. He couldn’t stop talking about anything and everything. <br> <br> Once we got to the store me and jonathan took 2 of the vitamin c tablets we bought earlier and go inside without shoes and Jon has no shirt on. We wander around for what seems like hours looking for anything and everything. The utter size of wallmart tripped me out so bad. I just got so overwhelmed by everything my eyes would get really wide and I would start to breath heavily and look around at everything and try to take it all in. Once we left jon got in the back of my truck and he tried surfing in the bed. The feeling of driving while candy flipping is awesome. When we let Tom drive I felt super uncomfortable like I was gonna die or something cause my truck is standard and he cant drive standard. <br> <br> Also the fact that it was standard made driving that much funner. I saw the road ahead of me and it was rushing past me like I was goin 100mph, but when I looked at the speedometer I was going 45. I felt like I was driving away from all the bad in the world, and with pink floyd playing I kinda spaced out. When we finally got back to the beach I wasn’t ready to get there, I wanted to explore some more and smoke a few more bowls like we had on our way to wallmart. I went and layed back in the truck bed but soon the last car to get there had to go cause everyone had to go to work at like 6am so the left. Time at this point seemed to just flow freely and very fast, it literally only felt like 30 minutes when it had been 5 hours or so.<br> <br> Once everyone left I began to think more deeply and I realized something, all night I hadn’t once looked at the ocean. It felt like if I did look at the ocean I would be overwhelmed by its infiniteness and it would overtake me. It was very intimidating to even think about how big the ocean was. But then I decided it was time so I gathered all my strength, however weird that sounds, and cast my gaze upon the immense ocean. And there I was, I saw what Columbus had seen more than 500 years ago. I was looking at the edge of the world, but also the edge of the universe. It was like I could everything that ever was is or will be. The feeling of god. I don’t really know what I was doing or where I was at this point all I remember is my thoughts and seeing the ocean. It was almost as if I had transcended my body and my soul was flying freely through the universe. I looked down at the waves rolling in and out and they looked like horses running to shore, kinda like in lord of the rings. <br> <br> At this point I had The Wall playing in my head and it was on repeat, but it was like I was listening to it. All this time ive been smoking cigarettes, but I was about to light up another stogie. I sat there for a good 30 minutes before I lit it up, everyone kept offering me a light but I didn’t want one, I just kept saying, “Im waiting for the right time.” And then I realized something when I was looking at the universe, It isn’t greater than me, I told myself that all night but it wasn’t true, creation isn’t greater than me, it is me. My reality is defined as everything I perceive but we can construct out own realities if we try, we can alter everything around us and in us, and why is that not real? If you feel something and it seems real, who is to say its not real. And then I realized something else, what I needed to do was let everything inside of me out and everything that was outside me in. And I did. I took in the universe. And I told Tom how weird it was to think it possible that the entire universe if understood would be contained inside a human brain, thus creating two universes. The thought of infinity preoccupied my mind all night. <br> <br> As the hours went on and the sun began to rise I was still rolling and tripping. The thing is with acid or tabs, I never really stop rolling or tripping its just less intense. I also figured something else out, this ties in with the whole flood gates idea which I figured out during this experience, it doesn’t matter how many of what I take, its what I do with what I have that creates the experience. As the sun rose a storm blew in and it looked like a hurricane on the edge of the earth and I began to worry again but then I realized how stupid it was to worry about anything, how I cant control the storm so there is no use worrying about it. As it passed I saw one of the most amazing things ever, a rainbow. It was a real rainbow that arched across the sky and it was very bright and we all just stopped and looked at it until it went away. Tom looked at me and said something I was thinking at that exact moment, “What the fuck is a rainbow? I mean where the fuck do they come from?” And I know, the physics of light and science can explain a rainbow, but that’s not what he was asking, or so it seemed to me. It wasn’t even a question, it was more of a statement about how awesome and random and beautiful the rainbow really was. <br> <br> Soon I pondered my own existence, and I just thought about how awesome my existence was. How in a universe of chaos and nothingness I just happened to spawn into existence. I closed my eyes and through the blackness I saw little bits of light swirls bursting in and out of existence and I soon understood creation. <br> <br> Solipsism- the belief that oneself is the only thing that exists, reality is just an illusion. And I thought to myself so what if it is an illusion, the illusion is something. Big bang or creationism, the fact that there is anything is utterly amazing. And then I understood how to create matter, I create it with my mind. Reality is constructed in the mind and as Huxley explain reality is filtered inside the sober mind but through lsd and other drugs it is opened. The restraints lifted and your mind is freed to take in reality, and reality is truly something that exists within. I soon grew tired of the beach and I knew I was crashing and hard. So we got in the truck and left. When we got back to town my car was filled with sand and I spent about an hour at a carwash cleaning it all out, but the problem was I was dead broke, not a big part of the story.<br> <br> I went hope and wrote on my computer everything I felt before I was too far into crashing that I couldn’t. What came out was basically what I just wrote accept shorter and a lot more incoherent. It was now Saturday and I woke up around 6pm and went outside and vacuumed my pool. What seems to help when I'm coming down off a trip the next day is to do mindless tasks that are easy and long. It makes me stop thinking and cool down from the trip, but even the day after I still feel like im on acid, no matter what I do.<br> The next night (Sunday) I go up to the park to see what everyone is doing and they are all going up to this mansion our friend was house sitting and rolling. So I call the guy we get the tabs from and get another one and head out. On the way I got and drank 2 Sobe® adrenaline rushes and take my tab. I smoke a few stogies and a few bowls once we get there before it kicks in. Me and Candice laid on the dock behind the house alone talking and rubbing each others head for like 3 hours. And to me it seemed the world was perfect. It seemed/seems so silly to bicker and fight over land and money. We talked about each other and it felt as if our souls were one and we were exchanging every part of us. We aren’t going out, we are just very close friends. But then I started talking about the bad experiences in my life and the good feelings left for about 20 minutes and I got REALLY depressed and I just felt all around bad, like I shouldn’t be alive or something. So I got up and went to the pool where everyone else was. <br> <br> I saw about 5 shooting stars that night. I sat in a chair pool side and stared at the one of the few stars I could see and then everything around me, like the night at the beach began to melt away, except this time it wasn’t just the stars, it was everything and I was just sitting in a black abyss. Everyone kept telling me to go swimming in the pool but I couldn’t bring myself out of my trance. Soon I asked one of my really close friends and Candice to go with me to the store to pick up some cigs, seeing as im only 16. When we left I looked at everyone and I felt like I was gonna cry cause I loved everyone so much, I loved life so much. I feel that now just writing about it. When we got back I went and sat dangling my feet off the edge of the dock looking for this fish that I had seen earlier that lit up. It was like a firefly in the water. <br> <br> It was amazing but then I saw a fish jump onto the ramp that went into the water and I thought it was stuck. I felt so much love for life that I decided I had to let it live and push it back into the water, apparently this wasn’t the right choice, I got down to the end to find no fish and tons of algae. I slipped in the water with my cell phone in my pocket, once again bad idea. When I got out I was fine, the fact that my cell phone was dead didn’t bother me at all, the good feelings had come back and everything was perfect. I couldn’t tell everyone how much I loved them. After sitting some more I and smoking a bunch of cigarettes I did what I had done at the beach again and sat and held the cigarette until the time was right to light it. I cant emphasize enough the importance of smoking a cigarette or weed while on anything, it makes the trip/roll/whatever so much more intense. And suddenly I had the most intense feeling and I realized, I had reached enlightenment, I was the Buddha, if only for an instant, I knew everything. That seemed like it was the right time to smoke another cig so lit up, but it seemed to be a bad idea in the end. <br> <br> I became overwhelmed by reality and my heart began to pound faster than ever and my body felt very heavy. Everything around me was spinning and I was very uncomfortable. I couldn’t sit I couldn’t stand anything I did made me feel even worse. I began breathing really heavily and it felt like with enlightenment came the burden of all the problems in the world. It was like I heard the cries of all the starving people in the world. I felt the pain of all the suffering, and I heard the screams of the dead. And then I smoked another stogie and it all went away. I went and had a bubble bath with Candice and then we went and layed down in the master bed and fell asleep. All in all it was a very good experience.<br> <br> My life has changed since then, for the better. I now understand how absurd war and hatred are. I look at my life and realize people are too worried about living and don’t actually LIVE! Through this whole experience I smoke a lot of cig and pot, I was constantly on a buzz from both but I left all that out cause if I wrote that in it would make this twice as long. So ya there it is. It seems to me drugs are illegal because “THEY are afraid that there is more to reality that they could ever imagine, that there are doors that they have yet to go in, and they don’t want us to go in there either because their afraid that well find something they don’t know and that makes us a little out of their control.” I found something no one else had found before in those 3 days, Im sure of it.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 43922</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: May 26, 2006</td><td>Views: 33,617</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=43922&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=43922&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Nature / Outdoors (23), Multi-Day Experience (13), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I should preface this, because it’s kind of yanked out of context, considering it was a blog entry written in the days immediately following the trip and previous blog entries help outline the prior situation. Basically I had gotten back to university after Christmas break and had done rather badly in some of my courses. Not from any trouble I had in my courses, but because I lacked the iniative and effort to do anything towards the end, despite my excellent start back in September and October. This was driving me mad, because I realize that I'm a fairly intelligent person, and the fact I didn't work hard was eating me up. All week I had terrible anxiety, and me, a person who never stresses over anything, getting anxiety. I couldn't sleep, I felt ill all week and my appetite was gone, beyond what cafeteria food usually does to it. <br> <br> However I was given a second chance in one of the courses, and the end of the week saw a recovery of my former spirits, particularly since an old friend R----n came to spend the weekend with us, and he was in a really good mood to have escaped M---u for a few days and R----n's moods are always really contagious, so I caught some and cheered up. So I figured that I would be in a good mindset for the impending trip. <br> <br> Silly me for failing to put two and two together. Bad weeks make for bad trips, although it seems that almost everyone had a nasty time Saturday night. So nasty in fact that we were sitting in the hospital Sunday morning, which is always the worst way to end a trip. In fact I think this will be last trip for a very long time. That stage in my life where I was interested in lsd to the point of doing it on a semi-regular basis seems to have come to an end. Not that a bad trip scared me off it, but it really made me think about myself and improving upon my slackness and my lack of assertiveness. Tripping just becomes a needless exercise in intellectual masturbation and in a way, ego stroking. I really don't need that. <br> <br> Well, now its time for the story about the trip, perhaps the part that people find most amusing. Well originally I was going to trip on January 11th (Albert Hoffman’s 100th birthday) which due to my bad math (I'm an arts student!) I thought was Monday, but was actually a Wednesday. Wednesday would never work because it is a full day of classes, whereas Monday classes were over by 11:30am leaving all afternoon. I realized my dates were wrong on Saturday, so I decided to trip that day along with O--e, L----n, P--l, I---c and A--m who were all tripping Saturday anyways. I---c and A--m were first timers at tripping so we had resolved to show them a good time. <br> <br> They all dropped around 3:30pm while I stayed sober to guide them into the first part of their trip and I was waiting for P--e to get back, since he wanted to trip. P--e arrived in around 4:30 but we decided to wait a little longer so I could keep watch over those five. At 5:30, just as the cafeteria opened, P--e and I dropped. Both he and I took three hits which was the most either of us had taken and in retrospect, this different batch was stronger than we were expecting. I went down for supper since I needed something on my stomach for the night, but I was hoping all the way that the acid would hold off long enough that I could eat supper and talk without hallucinating. I've had times when I was full out tripping in under half an hour, but after half an hour I was only feeling a bit loopy. So I headed back to my room where the rest of the trippers were. <br> <br> Everyone was having a good time, enjoying how the drug was playing with their perceptions, except for L---n who was feeling rather ill. Soon I was feeling really nauseous too. There is slight amount of nausea involved at the beginning of the trip, but this was ridiculous, I felt like I was really going to vomit. It might have been the people smoking in the room, since I felt better sitting in the hallway where the air was cooler and clearer. I went back in and P--e and P--l were watching a documentary I had gotten for Christmas, called 'World War One in Colour.' We got to see the trenches in blazing colour, all that brown mud and blue sky. The acid made watching it absolutely amazing, the historical figures and events coming totally alive for us in our imaginations. However, watching that documentary was a mistake since it set the whole trip in a sombre mood, when we should have had a much more whimsical setting. Plus we didn't make much use of music, which is extremely powerful at setting an atmosphere. Instead we let P--l play war games on my computer. Every time I walked into my room I could here shouts in guttural German and bursts of machine gun fire. No mellow Beatles. <br> <br> Well we tired of things in my room and decided to go for a walk. P--e, O--e, L----n, P--l and I with C----y as our trip-sitter went down to the train tracks near the bottom of C----g Road. Of course before we left we had noticed that I---c and A--m had disappeared, but I was not terribly concerned because they had not taken much. We arrived down on the tracks and admired the graffiti melting but the huge chunks of ice were far more interesting. I could watch all the crystals morph into strange geometric fractal patterns. We walked southward down the tracks for about 10 minutes until we reached the next overpass. Along the way (the tracks are canyon dug into solid rock) we looked at the ice formations on the rock face. When we arrived at the overpass we were starting to get some bad vibes. At first I'd thought we'd met up with some other sketchy looking people down there, but that was just my perception playing tricks on me. However we started to feel panicky because we didn't feel familiar with the area. <br> <br> L----n was feeling particularly upset about where we were, so we all decided to head back. C----y was with us, but said little to reassure us so we forgot that he wasn't tripping with us. I felt much better when I got back up on C----g Road, although the light traffic seemed almost threatening to my state of mind. It was around 8pm when we got back to the room. It was at this point the trip started to get horrendous for me. The three hits were peaking at this point and I was tripping way harder than I wanted to be. <br> <br> Back in the room, my mind felt like it was drowning in this bizarre world. Normally, lsd at smaller doses gives me a distant sense of reality, but reality was gone entirely now. The room seemed like it was entirely a bizarre construction of mind. The other problem was that everyone else was nearly as loopy as me, since C----y had left us and we were tripping off each other. We couldn't figure out what time it was or how long we had been tripping. Basically the consensus was that we had lost something, but we didn't know what it that was making us panic. My mind was no where near the coherent state it is usually and I felt like I was falling farther into the trip with no bottom in sight. The visuals were absolutely insane, with objects morphing into other objects and the like. My vision was nearly entirely fractals at some points. The best way to describe it was as if someone had gotten the world wet and the ink ran. <br> <br> I became very restless because my mind was so incoherent. I wandered from bed to bed in the room, lying down and crawling into a foetal position in some attempt to make it stop. The trip was making every moment of existence complete and utter hell. I wanted to stop existing immediately in order to make it stop. I am not someone who has suicidal thoughts, so the back of mind reminded me that death was not something I truly desired. I realized why I wanted to hang on to existence so much, because existence is certainty, hell as it was; non-existence being not in my experience (since I've done nothing but exist) was an uncertainty. I lay down with the hope that I could pass out to stop this consciousness, but I hung on to my pillow for dear life. My head was on my side and all I could see was my hand spread out next to it and I watched it, as the skin's pattern seemed to flow, the hair marching up and down my arm. My mind began to break the universe down into its base of energy and matter, space and time. <br> <br> All I knew about mathematics and physics seemed to make sense at the time, the universe didn't seem to be any sort of a puzzle. I could see the whole thing spread out before me but it was so abstract I can't really put it into words at this point. <br> <br> I looked up and the posters on my wall seemed fully alive. The figures in them were moving around just like the magical pictures in Harry Potter do. By this point C----y and R----n had come back and realized that I was acting totally out of my mind. I found this attention on my situation to be very upsetting and I kept trying to respond to their inquiries if I was all right in some coherent manner, to allay their fears, because I would have rathered face it alone rather than concern them. Of course I failed miserably at being coherent, but the really interesting thing was that I could say something and immediately perceive exactly what they perceived me to mean by what I said, even if I meant something different. I felt able to read their thoughts to a great extent. Of course besides the extra sensory perception, I had voices in my head talking to me about seemingly every subject, from philosophy to dinner. I felt like I was truly out of my mind, and I knew at the time most of these symptoms (including the visuals) were very close to those of schizophrenia. I started to fear about being in this hellish state forever and having the consequences like my parents coming and me having to drop out of university appear. <br> <br> When I am on any sort of psychedelic substance, the idea of bad consequences is a truly terrifying one. I went back to lay on my bed and started to talk to my self, not like having a conversation, but talking to myself as a form reassurance. I kept repeating the phrase 'this is such a bad trip' out loud as well as the word 'time' and other things like 'oh my god' and the amount I took and at what time. I kept repeating 'time' because I vaguely realized that if I had to fight this drug, I had time on my side and I would win out in the end. However, this really concerned them and R----n came into my room alone and lay next to me in an attempt to talk to me. He was drunk and so couldn't understand in what state of mind I was currently in, but somehow convinced me I needed a shower (which is better for curing being drunk). When in the state of mind I was in, it was easier to go take the shower (with much coaxing) than argue why I didn't need it. I stood in the shower talking to myself, hot water running off me (I remembered to take my clothes off though) tripping out really badly as the shower tiles rearranged themselves based on their mood(shower tiles have moods?). <br> <br> I could hear everyone talking about me in the room, but I'm pretty sure I can't hear through that wall while I'm sober. Or else I was imagining it. I came out and ran into a rather drunk N--k who noticed that I was out of my skull and wanted to know what was wrong to which I replied, 'nothing, it's just a bad trip.' Of course with a bad trip, nothing in particular is wrong, just that everything is wrong. <br> <br> The shower helped, because I started coming down a bit after. The water felt real, and reality felt good being so out of it. When I got back into the room, I---c and A--m were back. Apparently they had just gone back to their residence to play video games, but we panicked a bit since we thought we had lost them. I was still tripping hard, but some mental coherency had returned and the panic had subsided. I sat on my bed, clad only in underwear and a bathrobe, looking very much look a ghost I was so pale and wet. A-i (who was tripping, but not with us) and T-m came to see me and remark about how fucked I looked, A-i saying that I looked like I was at death's door. The visuals were still very powerful, but they were subsiding. <br> <br> I felt and some points though that I was going to slip back into the worst part of the trip. By midnight I was back in my regular state of mind, despite still obvious hallucinations. O--e and L----n headed home just after midnight, along with I---c and A--m. P--e and P--l stuck around for another hour as we talked about our trips. P--l said his was pretty good, while P--e complained that his was bland and sub-par despite taking three hits. I certainly could not complain of a sub par trip. By this point my mood had really improved and I was in a fairly whimsical mood, hugging my mental coherency like a relative at an airport now that it was back. I went to bed around 2am after classifying my trip as a level 4 psychedelic experience compared to a usual level three. <br> <br> I didn't sleep well, my mind was too full of thoughts and wouldn't shut off. Usually I can fall asleep rather quickly because I'm exhausted, but this time was different. I wasn't the only one though, everyone didn't sleep that night. At 7:15am the telephone roared across my near trance like state. It was O--e, and He was asking if I could come over to his residence and help calm down L----n who was schitzing out. I felt that since we all tripped together it was my duty to help everyone come down all right. I headed over, and the chill dawn air was very clearing for my thoughts. When I got there, I realized that the long spindly fingers of paranoia had gotten a hold of L----n's mind. She had 'the Fear.' Basically she was really scared that she couldn't fall asleep, and that something was wrong. She could never articulate what exactly was wrong, and what she did describe fit all the medical effects of lsd, stress and exhaustion. <br> <br> The problem with something like this is that it is self-reinforcing. If she believed that something was physically wrong with her, then she would feel something to that effect. She was inconsolable and wanted to go to the hospital. I really knew that they could not do anything for her, other than tell her to let it wear off and get some sleep and I didn't want the three of us ending our trip in a hospital which is the worst way to end a trip. A friend, Z--h drove us down to the hospital around 9:40am so L----n could get some professional help. Z--h and I sat in the waiting room and I found just what I wanted after an acid trip, on the magazine table. It was copy of Canadian Geographic with lots of pictures of the earth from orbit. That's exactly what I wanted to see, pretty pictures from space. Since L----n was in her pyjamas so Z--h and I had to go back to her room and find her health card while she and O--e saw a nurse. L----n's room was just a huge mess with clothes everywhere, so Z--h and I spent 20 minutes searching for her wallet in the room. <br> <br> I must say it was one of the messiest rooms I've ever seen. We got back, but in the end L----n didn't need the health card since the nurse told her to smoke some pot and get some rest, saying that he'd done his fair share of acid. Of course we didn't smoke any pot, but rather went right to bed, but she didn't fall asleep till late that afternoon. I went to bed at 11 am but before falling asleep I had visions of the hell of the trenches, complete with soldiers religiously crucified in the mud of No Man's Land. Rather disturbing, but I was exhausted. In fact I was fried for two days afterwards. That's the longest I've ever gone. <br> <br> That was a summary of my worst trip ever, in direct contrast to the best trip ever, which had taken place a month previous. As much detail as I put into this account, my words are inadequate to explain everything I thought and felt in this experience. Oddly a bad trip has done little to dissuade my interest in lsd, comparable to the one time I got alcohol poisoning and didn’t drink any alcohol for a year, and to this day drink extremely occasionally.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 50960</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: May 28, 2006</td><td>Views: 38,411</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=50960&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=50960&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Hangover / Days After (46), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/opium/">Opium</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(tar / resin)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 drops</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">165 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Background info: Heavily experienced psychonaut at the age of 18, freshman at Uni. This took place on the most gorgeous of weekends here in the fabulous Eureka/Arcata area. I have dove deep within the world of psilocybin and LSD, I'm a professional at testing and greatly pushing my limits, but never have I taken a LSD dose this massive.<br> <br> I awoke Friday, not feeling very limber, so I decided not to attend my classes. After tossing and turning during the morning hours, I recalled two beautiful asian poppy plants growing dowtown that just needed to be plucked. I returned home and started turning the plant matter into that sweet sticky tar. I got a little too ancy-in-the-pancy and most likely killed some opiate alkaloids with rapid heating, but all-in-all the product yeild was quite pleasing. I spent the whole of Friday chasing the dragon, eating bits here and there, vaporizing my sweet endorphin pellets. All the while, seriously longing for someone to share this experience with, no friends were about to be sedated with, kind of a lonely feeling.<br> <br> I left some friends in Arcata, who we'll call #1 and #2, a message Friday night stating, 'I MADE OPIUM!!! GET THE FUCK OVER HERE TOMORROW!!!' (This was more of a slurred mumbling rather than an exclaimation, as I was heavily doped-up). I was so high of opiates that I could barely remember to smoke my cannabis ever now-and-then. This proved usefull for the following days.<br> <br> I had vaporized and consumed about half of my opium yeild on Friday, and decided my achievement was in dire need of sharing, so I forced myself off the binge in order to save tomorrows social entertainment.<br> <br> My friends arrived the following day at approx. noon to commence the fabled lizard chasing. I prepared them some opium-Tang (everybody loves Tang!) and told them to drink it while I prepared the pipe and an explanation of how to properly heat and inhale to opium. The two thoroughly enjoyed the experience, all while bearing in mind that I probably wasted a good portion of the alkaloids with excessive heating during extraction. These were the people to share this prize with, they appreciated what I had to offer, no matter how strong/weak the potency.<br> <br> After vaporizing all we could, I dissolved the remaining opium, about 1.5 gms, into a bottle of water. The two girls wanted to go to Trinidad (aka heaven on Earth) to smoke some herbals before one of the two had to go to work. We picked up another girl, #3, and headed off to Trinidad. #1, #2, and I all passed the bottle around, taking a major gulp each, before I offered the remainder of the opium brew to #3. We arrived at Trinidad and commenced a smoking for about an hour.<br> <br> While in Trinidad, me and #1 started talking about LSD, and #1 mentioned she knew a guy with some amazing LSD. After some diliberation, we decided that we'd return to HSU so #2 could get her car and go to work, I had to check-up on my bicycle at the local bike shop, and #1 wanted to grub some munchies. So the plan was, #1 was going to keep calling the LSD dude while I ran my quick errands and grabbed a bite as well.<br> <br> I lost #1 for awhile, mixed communication regarding the rendez-vous point, and met some others I knew who offered some herbals. So off to the woods I went, returning shortly, a little happier, a little lighter. I asked my immediated smoking companions to call #1 on her cell phone to tell her I'm looking for her. Turns out #1 was getting some quick studying in before the big melt-down that was doomed to insue. So I sat in the gazebo an chatted with some strangers.<br> <br> #1 caught word that the LSD guy was wonderng about the local swap with a few others. So we decided to investigate and seek-out this character, as he wasn't answering his cell phone. But low and behold, we found them right away, within 30 seconds after stepping into the mushy bog.<br> <br> #1 and I smoked some herbals with these individuals while I introduced myself and shook hands. We asked the dude about his LSD, and he said, 'Oh, I just happen to have it on me, I dont know why I grabbed it.'<br> And I responded, 'How 'bout dosing me right now?'<br> He said, 'Sure!'<br> <br> I asked for 3 drops in my palm, which I then licked down the hatch. Little did I realize how much LSD I had just took. I'm used to LSD being about 150-350ug/dose, shortly after taking my hits I was informed that this particular LSD was calibrated to <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span> 800ug/dose. No wonder those individuals looked at me like I was insane when I licked my palm and rubbed my wet hands on my temples.<br> <br> Within 10 minutes I had a sharp metallic taste in my mouth, and a strong burning sensation on my tongue where the LSD touched. It felt like I munched some scolding hot pizza down, all while acquiring 3rd degree burns in my mouth. The taste of metal was really strange and alarming.<br> <br> We left shortly after I dosed, #1 drove me back to the the parking lot where we had to wait for the LSD dude again, #1 was hesitant to drop right then-and-there, as she wanted to remain as sober as possible while she escorted me home to Eureka, via the bus. #1 decided to only drop 1 hit, that's still 800ug, that's a pretty strong dose too. While sitting in the car in the parking lot, I began to notice this extreme pressure growing within me, like I was filled with a baking soda/vinegar solution and vigorously shaken. I was going to explode.<br> <br> During this building of massive internal pressure, I noticed I had to drain my resevoir, and I exclaimed to #1, 'I have to hit a bathroom!'<br> <br> We continued to walk around campus, I was more-or-less floating, I seriously couldn't feel my limbs, or body for that matter, whatsoever at this point. The world started to pick-up speed and I felt as if I became MARVEL's The Flash. All the while I was asking for reassurance from #1 that I was 'acting normal' and everytime I was informed that I was acting exactly as I do when sober. The bathroom proved to be a difficult situation, I was fighting the problem with communication between me and my prick, I was so spacey that I could barely commence urinating. This whole experience in the toilet was accompanied by a stranger in the stall behind me with a faulty Evenrued boat motor that he couldn't seem to get to kick over.<br> <br> I spent some awkward moments in the hallway outside the ladies bathroom awaiting #1, thanking my lucky-fucking stars that no one talked to me. After #1 emerged from her 'head-call', she suggested we head to her dorm so she could roll a joint, then make for the woods. A very excellent idea.<br> <br> We finished the joint and started toward the bus stop, convieniently located in a very public place. This is where things went array. Within 5 minutes after sitting down, the area was swarmed with people, maybe some Saturday classes were released just then, Jesus Christ there was a lot of people coming out of the woodwork.<br> <br> We had a 40 minute wait until the bus was arrived, and #1 was determined to take this bus as an 'adventure to my house!'<br> <br> Well this adventure was cut short when I started to completely dematerialize into the world around me, I felt as if I had been ripped and torn until I was separated into nothing but atoms and molecules. At this point I very calmly proclaimed to #1, '...you need to call a friend to get me out of here...'<br> <br> She said, 'dont worry, you're acting fine...'<br> <br> and I responded, 'I'm keeping my cool, but I cant see any sign of reality around me...'<br> <br> I added, 'I literally cannot stand-up, I cant see the ground, or the sky...'<br> <br> I completely lost touch with the 'real' world right about here, the LSD was only in my blood for about 1 1/2-2 hours when this point was reached. After what seemed like days, #1 friend, the life-saver, showed up. The relief I felt was super-natural, never was I so happy as to be isolated from those without the third-eye. Girl #3, from the Trinidad trip, reappeared, she was with the life-saver.<br> <br> They dropped me off at the intersection by my studio apartment, I have no idea how I managed to stumble into my abode, my house keys seemed meaningless to me. I could barely figure out how to unlock my door.<br> <br> I immediately secured the the dead-bolt for extra security. My tripping companion, #1, and my sober sitter, #2, knocked on the door about ten minutes later, they had stopped in on #3 at work to get some free grubbin's. I wanted to watch movies, but #1 insisted I pull out my markers and paper for a trip art session. Two hours of trip art was an excellent idea, I rarely do anything but play video games and watch movies when I trip, #1 was a great motivation to keep me moving and active while I was under, over, and beyond. Upon reviewing the art after coming down, I decided it was a most excellent masterpiece, a fabulous form of mixed abstract art.<br> <br> We filled up two 18''x24'' pieces of sketch paper with dazzling scwiggles and faces becoming faces, most inspiring. After we dubbed our work complete, #3 knocked on the door. She commenced to explain how tired she was from work, so they decided to smoke some herbals to cool me down before they left. They fed me bowl after bowl for about thirty minutes, and then they had to leave. Little did I realize how long a night this would turn out to be.<br> <br> I was about 4-5 hours into the trip when my companions left me. The particular visuals that I can recall include: wormholes, lasers emitting from my fingertips, seeing the fabrics coposing the space/time continueom, the living dead (VERY frightening), enormous dark neon-green floating dice all around my apartment (which stayed in place, despite rapid blinking to destroy the visual), the alphabet burst out of my chest cavitity flying about the room in a yellow haze before vigorously striking and sticking to my skin and finally seeping into my body.<br> <br> These sort of hallucinations, accompanied with complete depersonalization, composed my apartment from 8:00pm to roughly 8:00am. I had taken the LSD at around 4:00pm the day before, so this adds up to a solid sixteen hours of complete dissemination of the surrounding universe, no dwindling away of the LSD strength, it ran strong and hard the entire time, visuals were as intense as the peak until I slipped into a frizzle-fry daze between 4:00am and 7:00am, all I remember during this last phase of the trip was the sounds one would expect to hear on a spaceship as the alien captain spills his space coffee on the command-post.<br> <br> I realize that I was borderline freak-out with the whole situation. I whole-heartedly believe if I didn't carry the phrase, 'Mind over Matter,' throughout my experiences in hyperspace, I would not be 'here' today to discuss this report.<br> <br> If there's one thing I regret about this trip, it's the fact that I never let go to flow with the current, I felt I had to wade in the liquid-existence in order to preserve myself, but I learned this all could've been greatly more enjoyable if I would just swam with the tide, rather than gently fighting it.<br> <br> Negative side effects: immense internal pressure (resulting in back pain and bizarre physical sensations, e.i. twisting limbs, melting internal organs, boiling/popping/frying brain), greatly exaggerated mental fatigue (thus the downtime between 4:00am-7:00am), forced viewing of unwanted frighteningly vivid visuals (e.i. the living dead in my apartment).<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 50701</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: May 28, 2006</td><td>Views: 57,297</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=50701&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=50701&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Various (28), Difficult Experiences (5)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It was my third time ever doing acid, first time doing paper. I was convinced I had it under control, that I was the boss of this drug...but I was still a lightweight, this I knew. I only did it under safe conditions, with a person I trusted and loved, what could go wrong, right? <br> <br> The first time I did acid was in Las Vegas. As I came up I was reminded of my early days in some dingy club doing X. That bubbly stomach feeling, the anticipation, the happiness and buzzing. It was a wonderful experience, hours spent watching sharks at Mandalay Bay, wandering around the Bellagio, having sex and showers back in the hotel room. I really liked that first experience, even if it was only one and a half hits of some fairly week liquid. <br> <br> The second time was in another city away from home, spent on a rainy day at a zoo. We ran into another guy higher than a kite on acid, and I experience paranoia and alienation as we wandered the deserted downtown core. I did a bit more this time, and was a bit more nervous. There were moments where I felt like things were a bit different than my first trip, that they slipped out of my grip in my mind for a few moments, but they were fleeting, and only on the come down, and easily controlled. They did not compare to the spiral that was about to occur a month later. <br> <br> In the fall of 2005 my parents went out of town. My boyfriend had gotten a hold of some rare (in our city) paper, with some beautiful art work on it. There were two sheets, one with relatively a normal scenes of pregnant women fucking, and gay men getting it on, and then the a crazy sheet with walking penises with bug legs and dogs fucking women. He did a hit when he got the paper, initially, the night after we had tried some 2CI. The effects were underwhelming, to say the least, and he said that the paper wasn’t as strong as he had hoped for either. We now think that was just due to left over effects of the 2CI, possibly, as the paper was quite strong. <br> <br> I planned to do three tabs, him four, and spend a few hours at the waterpark, riding on slides and on tubes, enjoying the giant playground it was. We got changed and I gave my stuff to my boyfriend for safekeeping in the men’s locker room, suspecting I would be in no shape to find my locker in the sea of hundreds in the women’s locker room. It was early in the day on a weekday, about 1300h and there were dozens of young families, notably young teenage moms about. There was a distinct family air, and it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. But we played in the wave pool for a bit, and rode the slides that were open (with more to open at 1600h). I started to come up in the pool, and it felt great to be tossed about by my boyfriend and the waves, feeling like we were at the beach. The sun was shining through the glass ceiling, and the water seemed warm, the whole place tropical. <br> <br> We decided to hit the slides again, and as we walked up the stairs, I started to feel a bit panicky. I’ve never gotten along well with heights, and the combination of the acid and slippery metal stairs were a bit much to handle. The wave motion from the pool had stuck with us, and we laughed as I reached for the handrail near the top of one of the super tall slides and commented that I wished the tower would stop swaying. In combination with this, the god-awful music they were playing began to echo and reverb throughout the metal and glass structure. It was ringing in my ears, and at times sounded like an insane troupe of monkeys in some jungle scene. It was a bit disorientating and got on my nerves, setting me on edge a bit. <br> <br> Going down the slides was phenomenal. It was like flying on a carpet across clouds, gliding and sliding across the ocean, hydroplaning across a lake in early morning. Every turn and tunnel in the slide was a new adventure, even after the third or fourth time going down. The splashdown was like a full body orgasm, like being tossed about in a washing machine. It was incredible. The climb up, however, had gotten no easier, and I found I was getting a bit more disorientated. I was having trouble finding the stairs up, thinking I was going up a down, or that I would get in trouble from the young slide guards about. There seemed to be water water everywhere, without a drop to drink. The fountain was hidden well, and was near a small children’s pool. I felt a bit guilty trying to maintain my laughing while we approached the fountain. I’ve never been able to wrap my head around the fact that no one can really tell if I’m on acid or not, and this was no exception. I decided I was getting worn out from being tossed about in the slides, and we went back to the main wave pool for a bit. It was about 1500h by now, and I was definitely feeling things strongly. There was a general feeling of happiness, but also a bit of confusion. I was getting tired quite fast, and a bit weary of all the work I had to do while on the slides. It was definitely worth all the work, but it was a bit tougher than I thought it would be, that’s all. <br> <br> Back in the wave pool, the water seemed, suddenly, to be ice cold. The sun had disappeared behind some insane spiraling clouds. Ahhhh there were the visuals. The temperature of the water and the terrible music and auditory hallucinations were forgotten as I stared at the tropical themed mural. The palms trees swayed and the waves painted on the walls moved as if they were the real ocean. It was unbelievable, and better than the first two times I had done acid. <br> <br> We decided the water was too cold, and went off to a hot tub to warm up. I was quite concerned we would spend too much time in there and our brains would boil, so I was constantly getting in and out of the water, too impatient to cool down full and too hot to stay in for long. There were about 10 people when we first go into the huge hot tub, and slowly everyone started to clear out. I became convinced it was because of my raucous laughter and crazy eyes, and started to feel self conscious again. The water was amazing, though, and I felt like I was becoming one with it. I became liquid, and was able to watch the murals and clouds at the same time if I wished, it was almost too much to handle. If I had been wearing pants, I would have peed in them. I finally understood why my boyfriend was such an acid fiend. <br> <br> The heat of the hot tub, combined with the desire to do something different took hold, and we went for a water fountain walk. It was then that we saw they were powering up the slides for the 1600h opening. People were lining up for the new slides, ones with stronger water currents, more guards and signs declaring strong swimmers only. I felt more disorientated, and couldn’t make my mind up on which slide I wanted to go on, but was too impatient and cold to wander over to the slide map to decide which one would be best suited for me. So instead, I told my boyfriend to go on the ominous looking slide with a deep splash pool. It was like a large funnel, and tossed people out at the end into a fast moving water tornado of sorts. My boyfriend had been a swimmer for many years, but I had trouble remembering this as I watched the water get turned on to the slide. Everyone seemed prepared to go on it, but I most definitely was not. My stomach was turning over and I had trouble controlling my thoughts. The guards at the bottom of the slide took up their position with their safety poles and picked up the phone to communicate with the slide operator at the top. What was my boyfriend getting himself into? <br> <br> As I watched this happen, I was certain that I heard my boyfriend’s distinctive laugh at the top of the slide. I suddenly felt worried that he was in trouble, that he couldn’t control himself. I looked down to the slide again, and one of the guards was making a disgusted face, looking up as something splashed down. She covered her head, as did several people in the area. I thought someone screamed as they ran across the deck. Basically, I had imagined that someone had either gotten caught in the slide, or shit themselves and caused either blood or shit to go raining down on those below. I thought everyone was scurrying about in a panic, and that they had dragged someone who had fallen under a stairwell for treatment. I couldn’t find my boyfriend. I started to imagine life without him, and got increasingly more tense. I started hyperventilating and staring away at nothing. I was distracted by a girl staring up at me, and I ran down a flight of stairs, wanting to find my boyfriend. I wanted to tell someone to please help me, I’m higher than I’ve ever been in my life, and I don’t know what’s going on. Did someone get hurt? Is it my boyfriend. But I knew it wasn’t feasible. <br> <br> I looked to the slide again, and, miraculously (or, predictably, I suppose) my boyfriend splashed down. He was alright. I felt such extreme relief that I couldn’t even tell him what I had just imagined. I wanted to go home. I was done. I was too scared, too high to be at the waterpark. He seemed to have no problems negotiating the waterslide and had only had problems with his contact. He tried to get me to help him to find it on his eye, but I couldn’t see anything. The infernal music was infecting my brain again, and I felt like I was starting to panic again, as I didn’t want to make him go home early. We had planned for weeks to go to the waterpark, and I didn’t want to ruin the high I had going on. I leaned on his shoulder, and he asked me if I was hyperventilating on him. I didn’t want to smother him or make him feel like we were on different trips, so I said no, and then urged him to go on another waterslide. This, despite being so worried something might happen to him, I didn’t want to be apart from him. I said I was happier to watch people come down the slides, which was true, but I really wanted to be warm and dry. <br> <br> I don’t remember exactly what prompted him to suddenly understand I had had enough of the waterpark, but, he did. He’s magic like that. He grabbed a hold of my hand, and we were off. I told him I was having a hard time understanding what was real and what was not, when in reality I really should have told him that I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was getting lost, confused, and pulled into a spiral of fear in my head. I was getting pulled into a bad trip. <br> <br> He went into the men’s locker room to get my stuff, and I pleaded with him to come right back, and even called after him into the locker room to not forget about me. I hung onto a construction railing, too scared to move, not really sure where I was. He came out with my bag, and said meet you on the other side. Little did he know how hard it was for me to get changed. I got lost in the showers, circling around them until I asked a girl where the changing area was. At the first patch of dry, I threw my clothes on over top. I remembered picking them earlier that day because they would be easy to get changed into, but they were anything but. I had almost forgotten at this point that I was high, and couldn’t understand why I looked like a wet dog, why my hands were shaking, why I was so confused. <br> <br> The rows of lockers faced me, and twice I almost walked back into the waterpark instead of into the lobby like I was supposed to. I followed two girls who seemed to know where they were going, and thankfully they did. My boyfriend was waiting for me on the other side, and not since the waterslide I thought I lost him on had I felt so relieved. He guided me out of the waterpark, even though I tried to go up the down escalator twice. I thought the mall was closing, that everyone was going home, that we were being rushed out, even though it was just barely 1630h. <br> <br> The stores of the mall streaked by, and he guided me to where we were going to get a taxi. I wasn’t sure where I was until I saw a Starbucks and felt oddly comforted by it. I felt like we were walking in loops, because my brain was definitely looping. I kept thinking about how high I was, and how my brain had created all I saw, and how amazing that was. Thinking a person’s car was a taxi, I walked up to it. My boyfriend pulled me back, and asked what I was doing. We went up to a real taxi, and as I peered in the window, the driver seemed scared. He said he had somewhere to be, that he couldn’t give us a ride to where we were going. I thought it was because he knew how fucked up I was, how I was confused and scared. We went back into the mall, and I kept pacing. There were security guards, and I felt scared. Why was I doing this again? If I didn’t look high, why did I feel so high? Where they going to follow us? Were they following us from the waterpark? Oh god, did I do something at the waterpark, something really terrible DID happen there. The hotel concierge called us a taxi, and he seemed to be talking in a different language. Where were we? Where were we going? What would I do when I got there? <br> <br> The next thing I remember, I struggled with a seatbelt in the taxi, and held onto my bag, as it was the only thing I vaguely remembered and felt comforted by. I wasn’t even able to look at my boyfriend. I don’t remember much after this portion, only feeling bewildered and so HIGH. I remembered where I worked, but I wasn’t sure if I could ever work again. Would I go permanently insane, would my brain be fried forever, would my boyfriend have to care for me? Would he leave me? What would I tell my parents? My god, my parents. <br> <br> I snapped back to reality near my house, suddenly realizing where we were. I looked out the window and I don’t know if it was because of the heat in the taxi, the color of the light coming down or what, but I thought we had become time travelers and jumped ahead in time. I thought I had missed work, that my parents were home, that I had not taken care of the house like I was supposed to. I had lost touch with reality, I didn’t know what was going on. Suddenly, I felt the urge to vomit. As I did so, my boyfriend told the driver to pull over, and he turned around, angry that I had thrown up. <br> <br> My memory, again, flashes in and out as we walked the 4 minutes to my home. I thought I heard sirens and the police helicopter as we walked home, and then I felt certain that we had done something wrong at the waterpark, and were in deep trouble. The grass hadn’t been cut in a week or so, and seemed so long. The house seemed unkempt, and as we walked in, I turned around to see the door open, and thought that someone had broken in. My little hands were clenched at my side and I felt so tense. <br> <br> The next thing I remember is my boyfriend bringing me upstairs, being on the phone, talking to someone, asking me as I sat on my parents bed where my mom kept her painkillers. The drawer was locked, but I didn’t understand why he wanted the painkillers or who he was talking to, so I didn’t seem to care. He likened my response to a zombies. <br> <br> He told me he was talking to his mom, and put me on the phone with her. She sounded worried, and told me everything would be okay and started to cry. My boyfriend yanked the phone back from me, and suddenly we were downstairs in the living room we never use. I laid on a leather couch as some people in uniform came in. I still didn’t know what was going on, even though my boyfriend told me several times he had called an ambulance. Two female paramedics and one male hovered near me. I looked at them listlessly and was not very cooperative. I wanted to tell them my brother was a paramedic. I wanted to say sorry they had to come. <br> <br> But here came the acid again. One of the female paramedics was wearing glitter on her face. I thought she was a raver from back in the day, and was there to calm me using drugs and to take me to a special place. My brain continued looping about something, about what I wasn’t sure. I think it mostly had to do with things never being normal again, and that I had done this to myself. They helped me into an ambulance, and from there I saw the kids across the street staring at me. How could it come to this? <br> <br> As I laid on the stretcher, they put things in my nose and needles in my arm. They covered me in a beautiful warm blanket that lit up. The paramedics sniffed and rubbed their noses and I thought they were talking about drugs. For some reason I became convinced that they had been sent to get me away from my boyfriend, to avoid me bringing him into my loops of thought and the downward spiral I seemed to be on. I could see the sun setting from the back of the ambulance, and I thought I was dying. I couldn’t conceive of anything after the sunset, and I couldn’t see my boyfriend. I just wanted to be with him if I was going to die. I kept calling out his name, but couldn’t see him. <br> <br> Suddenly, I relaxed, and I think I passed out. It was probably from the Attivan they gave me. I felt released from my terrible negative thoughts, I knew I wasn’t going to die, and that everything, other than the hospital bills, would be okay. <br> <br> At the hospital, they gave me a bit of care, but nothing over the top. I thought, again, I was at some weird raver hospital, and they were going to take my organs or something. I kept seeing these strange visuals of thin sheaves of plastic with small glowing dots on them, sort of like graphing paper. I wasn’t cooperative or nice, but neither were they really. We were lucky to get off so easy, and I was released shortly thereafter. <br> <br> We went home, and I watched the stars on my ceiling move around a bit until I fell asleep for a good 12 hours. I don’t know if I will ever do that amount of acid again, but I will probably do it again. I’ll just have a better hold of myself when things start to feel a bit funny, and will not be afraid to ask for help next time. I had asked my boyfriend to keep me safe, and he most definitely did.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 46587</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 16, 2006</td><td>Views: 46,109</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=46587&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=46587&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Festival / Lg. Crowd (24), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This was my first and only experience with acid, the pinnacle of my journey with hallucinogens and most of all, my search for spirituality (and of course the meaning of life). The following is a part of a larger whole; an 80 page piece I wrote on my 'spiritual journey'. However, instead of writing it in the normal fashion of drug experiences, it is in the context of the piece, i.e. a story, instead of merely a stating of facts. Thus, while the IMPORTANT aspects of this experience remain, the details, such as all things having to do with this reality, are left out. In other words, I don't say 'one day I met up with friend 'D' and decided to eat some acid, went to the woods, 2 hours later started seeing this and that'. <br> <br> How to put this. If the reader is seeking out the 'technical' information regarding acid, as in dosage, time frame, and main hallucinations, this is not the report to read. What I have emphasized here are the philosophies and revelations that came to me, the spiritual progression, and the temporary insanity. I personally, and hopefully you as well, feel that such progression is what is truly important in drug experiences, for that is why substances are used: to discover truth in and beyond this reality. <br> <br> While I do have a notepad document of an 'earthly' version of this trip (in a tone as if telling it to a friend right after the trip), this is a slightly altered version that was integrated into my 80-page piece. I decided to submit this version because I personally like it much better and I feel that the true essence of the trip is captured. An experience out of this reality should be told as such, no? In a way, this version is more 'true' than the version talking about specific place and time, for we were not truly present in that place and time during the trip. <br> <br> To clear things up: I did not add things to this version. I did not make anything up. The person who I encounter can be viewed however the reader likes, though I personally view 'him' (or 'her') as my spiritual guide, my anima if you will. In other words, this was not a human being, but rather a being within myself. I did, however, trip with a friend of mine, but considering we were simultaneously experiencing the same thoughts and emotions during the entire duration of the experience, I feel the addition of his presence is unnecessary. Let me stop rambling . I have written a couple experiences on here before under this same pen-name, and as you can tell, I enjoy writing. Enjoy. <br> <br> The ground was sloping downward and was soft, strewn with fallen leaves, and the whole place was somewhat dim, patches of sunlight breaking through every so often and lighting up the ground. A slight breeze moved through and the leaves rustled very softly above me. All the trees were very close together, and I had to find my way through the maze of trunks, that seemed to go off infinitely in every direction. I stepped very attentively, careful to ensure that every placement of my feet made no lasting impression, and a feeling came over me that this place was sacred, in some way. It was as if stepping into a completely different world, and it even had the hairs rising on the back of my neck. I laid my hands on the trunks, feeling the cold within pulse against my skin. The sense of life within it was strangely intense. All was quiet; no sound other than the faint rustling of leaves and my own footfalls pierced the silence that pervaded that holy thicket. <br> <br> Eventually the ground began to level out, yet the Madrones only clustered closer together, until they appeared to form a solid mass of tangled limbs and branches, barring the way ahead. I came to a halt, took a deep breath, shook my head in frustration and forged onward, attempting to snake my way between the snarl of pointed arms. Though I did so with much resolve, my movements were in no way similar to those of a snake, as countless twigs and boughs caught my clothing and scraped my skin, to the point of nearly pulling me to a stop. I struggled on, at first mildly annoyed but very soon enraged, holding my arms crossed before me and my head bowed, plowing through as far as I could until I was completely obstructed and had to pull or push branches apart before pressing on. <br> <br> Finally, with a last heave of momentum, I broke through a particularly dense tangle of limbs and fell face forward into bright sunshine. Before I had a chance to pick myself, a soft chuckle came from just in front of me. As I pushed myself to a kneeling position I tried to shade my eyes from the sun to discern what sort of cloaked figure was standing before me, yet it seemed as if the sun were coming from the form itself, for the blinding light came down at just the right angle to conceal the face of this person. <br> <br> 'Who are you?' I asked, though I did not expect a true answer. <br> <br> 'A friend..' he replied, for indeed a male voice came from beneath the hood, though it was a strange voice; while it primarily contained the bass of masculinity, higher, gentler feminine overtones resonated harmonically as a punctuation to the bass. <br> <br> I heaved an exaggerated sigh of annoyance at the vagueness and replied with an edgy tone, 'well I really don't care anymore. I just want to get out of this place. Do you know the way or not?' <br> <br> Another chuckle came that only aggravated me more, and the calm response of 'of course I do, as do you.' But before I could interrupt, he continued. 'The true question is, what are you -really- looking for, my friend?' <br> <br> I sighed again, this time a tired sigh, lowering my head to notice a lack of shadow coming from this figure, yet by this point I no longer cared. I was tired of the illusions, the tricks, the deceptions, and the games. Tired of being plagued by the confusion of religion and death, tired of having to think so damn much. I wanted a clear head and a clear set of directions, but all I had to go on was my own inconsistent perception. <br> <br> 'I'm looking for....' I finally spoke, 'the truth.' <br> <br> 'Ahh..the truth. Quite a strange idea, truth is. What is truth to one person can be false to another. There are so many truths in this world, and so many lies. In the end, though, only you can decide for yourself what the truth, truly, is.' Another soft chuckle came, not so annoying this time. 'Regrettably, truth is the one thing I can not show you, at least as long as you possess free will and a unique mind. However, if you so desire, I can show you much more than truth.' <br> <br> At this I looked back up at the sunlight streaming over this figure's shoulders. <br> <br> 'Indeed. I will grant you a vision of all things, though you must decide for yourself what is 'truth'. I will provide you with the clarity you seek, for a price.' <br> <br> 'And what, might I enquire, would that price be exactly?' <br> <br> 'You must allow me to accompany you on this journey through space and time, for I don't want you getting lost.' And he laughed, extending a hand to me, which I took with some reluctance. He gripped my hand firmly and hoisted me up with a surprising amount of strength, nearly flinging me to my feet. Yet instead of letting go, he merely tugged at my arm a little and said, 'come now, let us venture into this dreaded wood together!' and laughed a boyish laugh, humming merrily as he pulled me along. While we walked across an open expanse of dry grass towards the shade of a grouping of redwoods, I glanced over at my leader attempting to decipher the face concealed in shadow. I secretly envied his confidence and pure, youthful exuberance. How bitter and hopeless I must seem to him. <br> <br> As if sensing my gaze, he interrupted his humming to jovially exclaim, 'all in good time, my friend!' And after a breath of silence, his voice took on a more serious tone 'so you have become frustrated and lost in your travels.' I kept my eyes on the coppice ahead and said nothing, but could feel him watching me. 'Do not take your anger out on these woods, they mean you no harm. In fact, the case is quite the opposite.' With this he laughed yet again and released me from his grasp, running to the redwood closest to us and, to my disbelief, wrapping his arms around the trunk and embracing it. This tree, along with many of its fellows consisted of a single trunk with two separate trees forking off of it, reminding me of a Siamese twin. I stood back with my arms folded watching him, until he motioned for me to join him. He turned and took my hand and placed it against the bark, looking to me with two gleaming eyes beneath his billowing hood. 'No more tricks. No more games.' <br> <br> 'But how did you....' I began to reply, but he silenced me with a raised finger. <br> <br> 'This is life, in its purest form. It is a part of you, and you are a part of it. Can you feel it?' <br> <br> I nodded, but my mind was preoccupied with the same old questions that persisted to plague me. This time it was his turn to sigh, and he pulled me away from the trunk with force and dragged me under the shade of the redwoods. I could have sworn I had been there before, and a feeling of deja vu swept over me. He let go of my hand, walked a few yards ahead, and turned to face me, placing his palms together in a sort of prayer stance. <br> <br> <br> 'You must let go, my friend. You must stop questioning everything and just go with the flow. Right now you're attempting to swim upstream; just quit flailing and let the current take you. You will find that both you and this river are headed in the same direction.' As he said this, I started to relax, and everything began to become surreal again. The sunlight pierced through the dancing tree limbs and fell softly to the ground where it swirled and swam, and butterflies flittered through the air around us. Again I started to feel the power of energy and life all around me and within me, and there were trails coming off of my fingers when they moved, as if my hands could manipulate the reality around me. Yet the feeling was different. It was more complete, and less like a partial illusion or temporary gift. <br> <br> Ever so slowly, I joined my palms together as well, and as I did so, many of the doubletrees around us came together in a smooth, suction-like motion to form as one. The two halves merged as my hands did, and simultaneously my subconscious overlapped my consciousness and the duality of my mind was extinguished. <br> ' <br> Thus, you are one. We are all one. It is time for us to step Outside and for you to truly See. Walk freely, I will be here beside you.' <br> <br> In this way I roamed through the rifts of my subconscious and I felt detached from both reality and the material world, including my body. Time ceased to exist, and as my mind soared upwards and broke through the restrictions of 'ordinary' conscious thinking, as my doors of perception began to open, I became alienated from the my previous identity as a human being. What I was, I could not quite tell. On I walked, however, exploring my strange surroundings along side my strange companion. <br> <br> We came upon a recently fallen tree blocking the way, its bark still a vibrant brown with moss covering the majority of its rough skin. Seeing this death, I was suddenly saddened, as if encountering a fallen brother, and I moved forward to it and touched it with a feeling of love. <br> <br> 'Even in death, there is life,' came the voice from behind me, 'what if I were to tell you that you are going to die, right here, right now?' <br> <br> Without giving a verbal response, I climbed onto this great downed tree and walked, one foot in front of the other, to the base, upon which I lowered my body and straddled. I laid both my hands on this powerful being and felt its life force beneath me. At first the bark began to shudder and pulsate, a vibration moving through it as if reverberating with an infinite noise. Before long, however, it began to breath with me; the trunk expanding and deflating beneath me with every inhale and exhale of my breath. And suddenly, all of my surroundings were breathing with me; every tree, every blade of grass linked in perfect sync with the natural rhythm of my lungs. I then closed my eyes and reached out my arms and connected, connected with everything. Everything was energy, my subconscious merged completely with my consciousness, I was one with everything and everything was one. And it was as if I had died, except it was beautiful; I was in total Zen as I joined with the past, present and future, and all of existence. <br> <br> I not only felt the connections between all matter, but visualized the intersections of lives and how these intersections alter our paths, and how our paths may seem twisted and curved from an inner point of view, but when viewed from the Outside are merely straight lines. Though it was within this merge of subconscious and conscious that I truly became part of the energy again, I knew that even in waking conscious life we are all still connected in the same way, but perhaps we just do not realize it. <br> <br> In this way I experienced a new view of death, which seemed to me to be the true view. A simple joining of the two halves of the mind in which one is dispersed and rejoined with the energy composing the universe, and thus you are everything and everything is you. <br> <br> [Please see Alex Grey's painting, THEOLOGUE, for a visual representation of this moment.] <br> <br> Yet I knew I couldn't remain in that state then, for I had life to attend to. I brought myself back to the physical realm, and together we went on to a huge field where patterns and colors radiated from everything, and the flowers and grasses flowed in the breeze like water. There were patterns all through the sky, and the ground swirled and moved beneath me. From this field we could view the whole world, and it was if we had astral projected out into the space surrounding our planet in order to view it externally. From this position we watched humanity moving across the land and could view how each person fit as a small cog in the wheel of society; I could literally See their paths in this world, and how it fit in/interacted with all the other paths. As for us, it was as if these people who passed by were flowing in a circular river that is life, and we had grabbed hold of a rock, pulled ourselves out from the water and stepped outside to examine it from the grass. From here we could analyze the way this machine called life worked, or at least attempt to. <br> <br> 'And now, you will understand why trying to understand this all with your human mind, is an impossible task.' <br> <br> My mind was indeed clear; I was presented with the entire Issue instead of a single part in which I would become lost and misdirected. The problem with this was, because I could see the whole river of life in all its infinite entirety, my mind was overwhelmed. The many circles as well as mysteries of life and their answers covered every aspect of my being and filled my mind's eye with the infinite; everything was moving and consisted of many tiny moving details inside tiny moving details inside more tiny moving details, and so on and so forth for infinity. It seemed as if all the doors in my mind, doors which I did not even know existed, were thrown open at once, revealing to me all of time; past, present, future, and all of existence, as well as the energy that flowed through everything, especially my own being. As was predicted by my companion, I soon learned that infinity simply -can not- be grasped by the human mind, and if attempted, can lead one down a frustrating path to either insanity, or enlightenment (or both). <br> <br> As I watched this river flow, I looked to my companion to find him watching me, and I knew he was reading my every thought. Yet strangely, I could read his. His mind and my mind were joined together just as every part of this incredible maze of existence was joined together. <br> <br> In this way, I attempted to cope with existence stripped bare, and found myself becoming stranded in a spiral of thought. I would attempt to sort through all of it, and the great Issue nagging at the edge of my mind, an issue which could not truly be put into words. I suppose the closest I could pin it to was the idea of existence and mainly purpose, or overall, 'the meaning of life'. And down this spiral my thought would fall, trying to work through this great problem, but as soon as I reached an answer, the question was already gone. <br> <br> It was like trying to catch the rabbit tail that always slips through the hand; like collecting a field of wheat in a basket, and just as I reached for the final blade to complete my task, my basket would fly into the air and the wheat would scatter into the wind. I could grasp a part of what my mind formulated as the great truth to life's equation, but once I moved to grasp the whole, the part had moved on. Thus I was stuck on this loop, as if I had found an error or glitch of the mind, and on this spiral I rode over and over again, each time not coming any closer to the truth, but rather closer and closer to insanity. At the bottom of each loop I would have a breath of sanity like a breath of fresh air, with enough time to attempt to speak a handful of random words to my companion in utter astonishment and confusion, before returning once again to the top of the slide. I could picture myself sitting there for all of time, like a man who's lost his mind, drawing circles in the ground and rocking myself and muttering. <br> <br> Eventually, my companion reached over to me and touched my shoulder, simply saying, 'The most difficult thing to understand, is that there is no answer.' I stopped my spiraling for a moment and just looked at him. My expression must have been humorous for he burst out with laughter and patted my back. 'Begin with yourself, then tackle the world.' <br> <br> Thankfully, my mind moved away from the infinity phenomenon and into myself, discovering that a great hole in my being was my lack of religion. Pondering this, I came to the conclusion that because I'm Agnostic, I would need to thus be my own god, in that any purpose I have here is given to myself by myself, and that any enlightenment I would receive from fulfilling these purposes would thus be given and received through my own person in the same way. The problem, however, was that being my own god was far too much responsibility for me, and there was still the loophole of existence and its source. This idea led me to falsely perceive the idea of reality and everything as coming -from- me, thereby rendering my previous vision of death irrelevant as all would cease to exist once I had ceased to exist. No, I could not be the center of the universe. <br> <br> What then? What could allow me to live as an agnostic? How could I cope with existence? I looked at society from my rock and noticed how this same issue of existence is at the back of everyone's mind and is addressed partially through forms of art and creative expression, but is for the most part pushed aside and ignored by humanity in order for people to get on with their lives without constantly worrying about it. I perceived how people fill their lives with as much business as possible so that they don't have time to address what I consider the most important issues in this world. It was a sad revelation, watching all these humans focused on what kind of coffee they would be consuming rather than where their place in nature is situated. But perhaps for some, ignoring it is necessary. <br> <br> I recall another quote from Tyler coming to mind: 'It's not until you lose everything, that you're free to do anything.' With that quote I remembered how the truly important issues only surfaced once I had freed myself from society and returned to the isolation of nature. I also remembered the feeling of complete freedom once I had lost my consciousness on that fallen tree and merged into Zen. <br> <br> And remembering this, I came to an epiphany. I realized how false my perception of God as an agnostic was. I could not truly be my own god, rather I had to realize that my God was in everything, including myself; all of matter is God, and I am the center just as everything else. The center of the universe is everywhere and nowhere. Reality was not coming from me; I was merely a part of the whole. Consequently, I understood that in order for me to find contentment as an Agnostic, I had to first accept the possibility that there could be no heaven or hell, but instead understand that this could be It. In the end, I could very well rejoin the energy around me and come to an unconscious Zen through a merging of duality. Thus, if accepted, I could be content with this circle of lifespan, and if there is anything else, such as heaven and hell or gods and goddesses, I will learn of them after death. It was not a complete conclusion, but it was as complete a conclusion I could hope to achieve. <br> <br> In this conclusion my life is a loop, like a solar flare, bursting from the normal loops of energy, space, and time to temporarily settle into the form of a human being whose perception resides a reality shared by all creatures in the physical world. Beginning as a pure energy state, beautiful and peaceful, I was channeled into this form and forced to cope with this existence, only to be eventually replaced, like a droplet of water, back into the pool, or river, of flowing energy; the past, present, future, and all matter that resides therein. <br> <br> At that point I was walking and I hadn't realized it. I had lived eons of time, and I was ready for it to end. I looked to my right to find that my companion was walking with me, who returned my gaze. I suddenly saw this person in a new light. I looked into the pair of eyes beneath that hood and I realized we were the same person; our thoughts seemed to coexist. We were both humans, not of any sex in particular, just merely conscious beings identical with not only each other, but identical with all around us. Suddenly, a stab of fear and understanding hit my gut like a cold knife and I stopped dead in my tracks. <br> <br> 'Either I have already died, or you and I are the same person. Tell me I'm not crazy. Tell me I'm not all alone out here,' I pleaded. <br> <br> He stared at me long, then shook his head slightly, laughing ever so softly. He reached into his cloak and pulled out an intricate necklace composed of carved wooden beads, and, walking up to me, he placed it gently around my neck. After a moment of silence, he took my head in his hands and kissed my forehead, speaking the words, 'you are never alone.' With that, he turned heel with a whip of his cloak and walked briskly in the direction from which we had come, humming a pleasant tune as he went. I stood there, watching him disappear into the wood, my fingers touching the necklace around my neck. I turned back to the path ahead, and smiled, for I had reached the end of the wood. Before me towered a vast mountain marking the far rim of the valley. <br> <br> I had made it. I had overcome the challenges in that strange place and made it out alive. I felt so much older, so much wiser, though I knew there was so much more to learn. Childhood lay behind me, but I had no idea what lay ahead. I remember feeling as if I had conquered death. 'Now what?' I asked myself, and almost immediately, I answered 'you live.'<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 53085</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 18, 2006</td><td>Views: 38,076</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=53085&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=53085&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/bupropion/">Pharms - Bupropion</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance">Pharms - Lithium</td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Before I dropped the cubes it had been 24 hours since I had last taken lithium or Wellbutrin. Anyways I take Lithium and Wellbutrin twice daily, lithium is known to cause seizures with LSD, and Wellbutrin is known to increase risk of seizure, I knew all that before it happened but I didn't really put it all together, the other time I did LSD I was fine even though it was obviously weak acid, but more importantly I didn't think it would happen to me. I still consider this a 'good trip' right up until the seizure that is, but then I didn’t even remember the seizure and when I came to the trip was over, so I say the trip ended with my seizure. <br> <br> This starts out with me supposed to be staying clean, it was August and I had been clean since February when my friend overdosed in my room and almost died. Why I went back is long story that doesn’t matter, but either way I had originally bought 4 cubes from my friend M, which ended up being very poorly dipped was my conclusion, because M and I were tight and he's been straight with me since I met him. He was confused and disturbed by the lack of the quality of his product and suspected a packaging problem, to test the theory he gave me 6 more cubes for free, told me to take the improperly packaged ones together, and later try just one properly packaged (wrapped in tin foil) ones. <br> <br> So on my way back from a collage orientation I took them at about 12:45 pm, I headed to the mall to see my friend B, I wasn't expecting these hits to work. Withing minutes I was feeling them, but still I had with the last ones and it went away in less than two hours. I got to the mall still coming up feeling the nausea, I saw B at work but he didn’t get off till 2 pm. I waited for him, in the process the nausea overtook me and I went to the bathroom to vomit I felt better for awhile I thought maybe filling my empty stomach would help, it didn't, I sat there awhile with my cramping stomach and I thought I was going to vomit again but as I walked to the bathroom I suddenly felt better, the cramps had lifted and were replaced by a warm, tingly, euphoric feeling. <br> <br> I stopped at some public chess boards and played this 10 year old kid and totally kicked his ass, even though in my state I would think anyone could have beat me. I walked around a bit, I bought a frapachino which raise my mood and energy level even more, by then it was 2:00 pm and B was done with work and I bought him lunch. As he ate A and J came in, I previously didn’t know either of them as B introduced me to them, they sat chilled w/ us as this other guy came in a talked with us. By then I had realized for sure that this wasn’t going to be like my last trip, these hits were working. <br> <br> I immediately seemed to hit it off with A and J, they laughed at every joke I made and started making conversation exclusively with me and asked me outside for a cigarette. I became a sort of curiosity of theirs, they seemed to have adopted me for the rest of the afternoon taking me everywhere, of course I loved the attention, neither of them were bad looking and A was defiantly hot. They took me to a lake near by where we continued to talk an have a few cigarettes, the acid was really strong by now, a sort of faint ambient rainbow shimmer existed on everything, and in the background I hear sounds that are hard to describe as anything but an electronic video-gameish Matrix like sound, it seemed to drown out all other sounds, but then I think maybe my sense of hearing might have been dulled, because the sound was too faint to drown out other noise. <br> <br> After we left the lake they took me to J's house, I was keenly excited upon hearing that for obvious reasons. The ride to her house felt like an hour but it was probably only half that, in the car they played Hendrix for me as I began to pass further and further from the world of the outside, nausea was present again, but not severe, just a sort of thorn in my side making my trip just a lil more uncomfortable. I felt strange feelings I had never felt before, I seemed to have a blank mind, I had no feelings that I could discern, and yet I could feel so many of them just welling up inside me waiting to burst out, my thoughts seemed erratic unplaceable no logic or reasoning to any of them, I couldn’t sit still. I was no novice to hallucinogens, I’d smoked pot more times than I can count, I had shroomed three times and rolled nine, and there were others but what I would call my most profound psychedelic experiences up till then were all on DXM. This was almost nothing like DXM, DXM took me away from the conscious world of matter to the subconscious, barely associating the two, and for me it was easy to focus my mind once I had peaked on DXM bringing a sort of intensity, a sort of order to it, putting me into a K-hole. <br> <br> But LSD was nothing like that, perhaps when I before I was able to focus my thoughts on DXM I might be able to associate the two but otherwise no, LSD didn't have any the disassociative properties of DXM, I wasn’t taken from the conscious to the subconscious and made to forget the conscious, LSD simply jammed both consciousnesses into one very confusing powerful emotional sensual experience. I was forced with all my thoughts into one place in time and space I feel like I can't escape no matter how much I relaxed or concentrated nothing seemed to change the intensity and the sensation of being trapped in my mind, a sort of mental claustrophobia. <br> <br> In retrospect I realize how much was going on in my head, how many feelings I was feeling at once, and how strong they were at the same time, and I didn’t even seem to realize or feel any of them but I knew and felt somehow on a different level they were there. I must say though the trip really teetered on the brink of being overcome with fear, and becoming a bad trip, but the overwhelming feeling of joy helped prevent that. I remember in a blind feeling of loneliness I reached for J's hand and she took it and held it tightly and with love, or at least as it seemed to me, because I could not describe the security and joy in the strength of her grip, nor the sensation of touch who's heightened ecstasy-like sensitivity I was just now becoming aware. <br> <br> While the fear and the anxiety were strong, very strong, the presence and the love I felt through the two girls I had just met that day who had taken it upon there good will to take care of me 6' 2' 180 lb. guy who they didn’t know, to take me places to make me feel better, to comfort me when I was scared or uneasy and just to listen to me and all the dumb things people say when they're high, to feel that, for me in my state it was a godsend they had saved me from what otherwise probably would have been an overwhelmingly negative and lonely experience, I could feel they're love inside me, felt it radiating from them like the sun warming me on a cold windy day, making me feel safe and warm with them, as long as I had them with me nothing could go wrong, they protected me. Although that sounds a little crazy and abstract, my acid trip was more than a little crazy and abstract, so I stand by it as its what I felt inside, and being that it can't be judged as right or wrong. <br> <br> We finally got to J's house, I could barely walk to their front door, A and J had to help support me it was about 4:45. They had expressed interest in buying acid from my source, so I gave M a call and he spoke with them and made a deal, so they now truly loved me after getting them an acid connection. I was so happy to be inside a house and not in a car or a mall or a bus, I sat with them as they made some mac and cheese, we continued to just talk and have a great time. The acid was very strong now, it was peaking although I hadn’t outright visually hallucinated, there where plenty of distortions to be seen. Suddenly I developed a twitch in my neck, it would twitch to the right quickly and would do this every few seconds and became uncontrollable, so I decided to lay down on the kitchen floor and keep talking, I did but not much more than 2 minutes after that suddenly things were becoming transparent, I was seeing through people, dogs, chairs, walls! I felt something intense but pleasant overtake me, I don't remember what happened after that it all went blank. I woke up in the back of A's car w/ her and J, sweaty and disoriented, I asked what happened while I was out (as spans of loss of consciousness or memory aren't that uncommon) and A then told me I had had a seizure. <br> <br> I was blown away at first I thought maybe they were fucking with me or lying cuz they had robbed me or sumthing, because I knew I wasn't prone to seizures (I have the EEGs to back it up), but the look on there face was serious and I wasn't missing anything so I accepted they were telling the truth. I was still in shock, I couldn’t believe it had happened, they told me how they had to drag me to their car before J's parents got home, which explained the dirt on my back, it was 5:45. We went back to the mall, and I just followed them as I had no idea what else to do, A was good friends with the security guard there and she told him the story, but as part of his job he had to make sure that I was safe and offered me an ambulance, but to me it with my paranoia and the way he walked up to me with several other guards it sounded to me like they were gonna make me go in an ambulance. The ambulance was not an option for me, my parents had already told me after my friend O.D.ed in my room that after I was done w/ high school if I was discovered to be using again I would be kicked out of the house, so needless to say an ambulance or any other kind of scene was to be avoided at all cost, even though at the time I knew I might need one. <br> <br> Fortunately there was no scene and no ambulance, A and J were thoroughly shooken up, as was I, needless to say the deal they made w/ M for acid was broken. A being to shaken up to drive much more that day, said she could drop me off at the bus station and give me bus fare, I was ok with that although I was uneasy about it, they both gave me there numbers and I told them I was so sorry for what happened and that I put them through it. I got home about 7 pm took some Serequel went to sleep. <br> <br> One the bizzare parts of the story is that when I woke up in the back of A's car, the trip was over, I felt only lingering affects of the acid, I still am not sure why because I expected it to be longer. I learned a lot, and for my exception to my new sobriety I got quite a nasty surprise, so using again isn't going to happen. I learned a lot about myself and the world from my trips over the years, this was no exception.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2003</td><td width="90">ExpID: 27063</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 26, 2006</td><td>Views: 57,047</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=27063&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=27063&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Pharms - Bupropion (87), Pharms - Lithium (91), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It has been just over a year since my first and only LSD experience, but the impression it has left on my waking life is no less than it was a day after I took the substance. <br> A little background is first necessary before I delve into the long story that this trip report will undoubtedly become. I was 19 years old at the time, and not exactly new to altered states of consciousness. I had experienced mushrooms four times previously, ecstasy numerous times, nitrous oxide, speed and smoked weed almost every day. I was also at a stage in my life where I wasn’t quite sure of who I was in the world and, as I later realized, not very aware or “awake” in the Buddhist sense. <br> <br> My experience on LSD, during the first semester holidays of my second year of university, was to change all that in a dramatic way. A friend of mine, whom I had always considered a close friend, had obtained some trips and we planned a day to trip together. We had had mushroom experiences and ecstasy experiences together in the past, and I figured that I was ready for whatever LSD was going to throw at me. <br> <br> We took two blotters each at around 11:00 in the morning, at my house (I share a house with some university friends), and sat around on the verandah in the sun waiting for it to come on. About 15 minutes of cigarettes and idle chatter passed before we decided to walk to the store and get some juice and something to eat. The trip to the store passed uneventfully, and we returned to my house approximately half an hour later, still with no noticeable effects. We decided to put on some music (Radiohead - Amnesiac) and sit in the lounge room listening to it. <br> <br> I started to notice a mild alteration of perception, and a slight lethargy come over me. My friend was noticing similar effects. The music also started to sound different, and if I closed my eyes I could almost feel myself melting into the couch. After listening to the music for a while we decided to venture outside to explore. By this time my perceptions were heavily altered with everything taking on that unexplainable look that only a trip can cause. I remember walking past a neighbour’s house and being unable to keep myself from laughing at the strangeness of the plants in his front garden. We walked the streets for a while, laughing and “exploring” the normally familiar neighbourhood that had taken on an entirely different appearance due to the LSD. I remember thinking that the arrangement of plants in everyone’s gardens looked so fake and artificial. The chaotic expression of nature had somehow been curtailed with this strange arrangement of plants all in neat little rows, an assortment of plants that would never be found in similar locations in the wild. <br> <br> Somewhere around this point in time, I started to have an uncontrollable flood of introspective thoughts, from what must have been my subconscious. We made it back to my house, and I was beginning to feel quite anxious, edgy and generally negative. My friend and I smoked a few cones, and although I was momentarily amused by the whole action of smoking and the novelty of the bong, the weed didn’t seem to have any effect on the experience at all. The introspective cascade that was beginning centered around issues that plagued my life (and probably most people’s lives), but which I would normally refuse to acknowledge at a conscious level. They were surfacing at a rapid rate and I was being forced to accept them, and deal with them. <br> <br> It was very stressful and I felt like my mind was being contorted and twisted. At the same time that these issues emerged, I was able to look at them from a point of view semi-removed from my ego, the same ego that would have normally prevented me from acknowledging them to begin with. The issues consisted of worries, fears, obsessions, subconscious motivations, etc. that would all normally, day to day, be operating somewhere in the background of my psyche; but the LSD had magnified them a million times so that they were inescapable. At this point I was feeling very anxious, uncomfortable and stressed, to an extent I had tuned out my friend and was only paying minor attention to external events. Although not significant to my trip “experience” we watched cartoons, surfed trippy websites, listened to music, played computer games, etc. <br> <br> My friend had to leave at around 11:00 pm, because he had to work the next day, and while the peak of the experience was over, I was still tripping. After he left I was at home on my own, and whatever external things had previously provided slight distractions to the introspective cataclysm I was going through were now totally gone. At this point I ended up wandering into the bathroom and caught myself staring into the mirror. Through will, I was able to change how my reflection appeared, from ugly to beautiful, from young to old, and eventually I realized the triviality of external appearance. I was beautiful. We all are beautiful. Suddenly one of the great weights on my mind, that of a concern for body image and self-appearance, was totally lifted. <br> What was the importance of appearance, if we all loved each other for who we truly are at heart? I got this notion that true love transcended appearance, and while body image seemed to be something that modern society places such a premium on, in the end it counts for nothing. This had special significance for me because prior to this I had been into working out and muscle building, and while tripping I almost felt disgusted with myself when I looked at my body. The muscle I had worked so hard for seemed wrong. I was able to totally see the motivations behind my actions, that I was aiming to improve my appearance so that I was more fitting to the modern notion of “attractive”, but what was the point of that? If I was in a relationship with someone, or more, if I was in a relationship that involved “true” love, I’d surely hope that my physical appearance wasn’t that significant. <br> <br> I decided to write a message to myself and save it into my mobile phone, so that I could remind myself of it in the future and generally have it handy as a way of connecting with the experience that was sure to fade as the drug wore off. I wrote “You are truly loved by someone when you are loved for what you are at heart. Not for what you are trying to be, or for what they want you to be.” Within everyone there is a true notion of who they really are. Their “true inner self” as such. In everyday life such a notion gets buried in most people by the acting and role-playing we feel necessary to conduct. People act in a manner that they think other people would want or expect them to act in, out of the fear that they won’t be accepted if they don’t. Our “big game of acceptance” I coined it; everyone constructing a persona that they feel will allow others to accept them. This was also cast aside by the LSD mind state. I reconnected with my “true self”, a childlike, fun-loving, happy-go-lucky individual. Something that had been semi-buried under a constructed exterior. <br> <br> I eventually made it to sleep, and when I woke the next day I was the happiest and most mentally serene I’d been in my life. Anything that would have normally been troubling my mind, preventing me from being happy and free right at the moment, was gone! This state of mental tranquility and happiness lasted for a few days, and slowly faded as new issues settled back into my subconscious. My “true self” was somewhat tempered as time passed, but I’ve made a conscious effort to not let it become completely buried. A few months later this experience spawned an interest in Buddhism, which I’ve taken to practicing, as a way of training my mind. I firmly believe that through meditation the mental tranquility that I attained during this experience can be cultivated and continued, without the aid of any drug. LSD just showed me that it was possible and that the key to happiness in this world lies in our minds.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2002</td><td width="90">ExpID: 23324</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 27, 2006</td><td>Views: 32,601</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=23324&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=23324&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td><a href="/experiences/exp.cgi?A=ShowAuthor&ID=266"><img src="/experiences/images/authors/author_logo_default_grn.gif" alt="author logo" align="right" border="0"></a> </td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">15 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cb/">2C-B</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3.5 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/doc/">DOC</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> FRIDAY:<br> <br> The night has just switched over into morning. It's 12:20am on Saturday, basically my Friday night. I place 4 hits of LSD on my tongue and let them dissolve there. This LSD is pretty weak, but I know from a previous trial that it's clean. I originally had been told 80mcgs per hit, but it turns out they are more like 40, or even less. <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> What follows is a day of the utmost hilarity and contentment, a truly blessed day where we were both able to bask in bliss and just live in the moment.<br> <br> Once we get home, I take .5mg more of DOC. I notice that my vision is slightly wavering but my euphoria has only increased. It manifests itself as a warm glow in my solar plexus area, or perhaps from my heart. I've got a big goofy smile all over my face, and my mind is working overtime, coming up with connections between everything I thought about for a moment. As is customary for my girlfriend, we turn on some TV, switching over the day between E! (ugh), The Food Channel, The Discovery Channel, The Travel Channel, and The Weather Channel (for Storm Stories). <br> <br> Although I normally tolerate the TV at best, on DOC I've found it to be great fun and very thought-provoking, sort of like being in bed with the enemy. It allows me to analyze the state of pop culture and also learn some interesting things when it's turned to the more informational channels, which I enjoy at any time. I made some kratom, about 7 grams, and drank that, which, on DOC, for some reason adds to the DOC euphoria without really adding an opiate touch to it or bringing it down at all, and lasts damn near the whole time the DOC does, as opposed to its usual 2-3 hours. It also makes me feel warm and itchy to a much, much greater extent than kratom does alone.<br> <br> It would take a very long time to describe my whole day, as it was truly excellent and full of meaning and love and warmth and feelings of incredible happiness. But let me illustrate a few highlights that jump out at me:<br> <br> We were watching the E! channel, my least favorite television of all as I truly believe it has done so much towards dumbing down Americans and making people, especially women and girls, insecure as hell. Anyone who follows pop culture, whether inadvertently like me or on purpose, will know what I'm about to talk about. They were talking about Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston, or 'Vaughniston' since they've recently begun combining celebrity couples' names into one. These are two actors who I enjoy and respect in their movies and TV shows. <br> <br> Seriously, it's twisted, this situation. The media is SO INTO these peoples' lives. I mean, these poor people! They'd like to have their personal lives stay private, and they repeatedly request that the media leave them alone, even to the point of denying their relationship. But the media just WILL NOT do it. Instead, they make up a pet name for them and every other day or so, invent a new story about how they've found proof that they're getting married (marriage is the new 'in' thing in Hollywood, you know). Meanwhile these people are denying repeatedly that they are. It's a brutal and shameful intrusion of privacy and personal space that for some reason your average young American is obsessed with. It's almost like voyeurism pornography. It really disgusts me. I occurs to me that this is probably how people see Americans, and sadly, in large part, they're right. It's almost funny, but really, it's terrifying more than anything.<br> <br> This led into how I was noticing the various people who play a part in the American marketing machine. Primarily, I was noticing the announcers/'anchors' in E! News. Some of them are totally oblivious and love it and think it's cool. Some of them, it became obvious, are fully aware of what it's doing, but they are probably attracted by the money. But all of them are now trapped into the system. Even the announcers have become celebrities in their own right, and other pop culture 'news' crews follow them around and report every little insignificant thing that they do. It truly is a machine, a machine which has gained so much steam that I'm not sure if it'll ever stop.<br> <br> At one point, we watched a marathon of the show by Alton Brown on the Food Network, 'Feasting on Asphault'. This, as opposed to everything on E!, is actually a good show. It's a series that consists of taping an entire motorcycle road trip across the country, taking only back roads, to investigate the heritage and history of American cuisine and how it was influenced by the evolution of the country and technology. In small towns, the corporate chains haven't yet taken over so you can actually find countless unique restaurants. I noticed the very real interactions going on between he and his crew and the people he met along the trip. Alton Brown is just so passionate about what he does, and he's a really smart guy. I always learn a lot about food and cooking and history when I watch his shows. This show really took my breath away. It's a rare gem.<br> <br> I also encountered several absurd statements while watching TV, that, when taken out of context, made me laugh for a long time. The first one was on a traveling food show (not 'Feasting on Asphault') where they said 'In order to fully appreciate an Irish pub, one must surely have loads of crack on hand.' Well, they meant 'kraik', an Irish word, but it's pronounced 'crack'. Well, I thought it was funny.<br> <br> Another hilarious and intensely embarrassing segment to watch was ridiculous whether or not it was taken in context. It was Al Roker's food show, and he was visiting with this attractive woman who was showing him how to make some sort of food. But, amazingly, he began hitting on her horribly, and it was obviously making her extremely uncomfortable. He kept using the words 'hot' or 'sexy' in this creepy, creepy voice. He'd be like 'Watch as this SEXY lady shows us how to make some food. She's so HOT! Yeah!' 'Ohh, I'm feeling SEXY now, with this SEXY lady, making her SEXY food!' She got increasingly uncomfortable and red in the face, and the worse it got, the more he started freaking out and leaping about and leaning in on her. <br> <br> I honestly cant believe they aired it, it was very inappropriate. The climax was when he started leaping around shouting at the top of his lungs 'Spank me! Spank me! I feel SEXY!' Then the scene cut to later on, and he tried to bring it up once more, I think probably embarrassed that he had freaked out like that, and someone off the set warned him not to. It was tres bizarre.<br> <br> Also, all day long, my girlfriend had a massive contact high. Actually, it was weird, because I gave her kratom as well, and it also lasted all day for her, from 2 until 10, and she described feeling very weird, lightheaded. I pressed her and she ended up describing the feeling of DOC mixed with kratom, except that she didn't understand it or know what to expect so it freaked her out a little. This is very weird because kratom does not last that long at all normally. In addition, she ALWAYS gets a contact high from me on DOC and we always end up having a truly wonderful day when I use it, but apparently this time it was just too much.<br> <br> A final stand-out event in the day was perhaps the funniest and strangest of all. We were watching all this talk about the new 'summer blockbuster', 'Snakes on a Plane'. Now, we've thought this movie sounded unimaginably stupid from the beginning. I hypothesized that it's a parody of the Hollywoodized movie, which is basically just special effects. But part of the parody is marketing it as a serious film. I wondered out loud why anyone would want to watch it because it looks so lame and uncreative. Then my phone rang. Guess what I heard when I picked it up:<br> <br> It was Samuel L. Jackson's voice (the main actor in the film), sounding totally natural and unbroken, saying, basically: 'Yo! Get up off your scrawny behind and get out there and see Snakes on a Plane! Why you ask? it's the greatest movie ever made! It's nonstop action! So get up, stop messing with those computers, quit smoking that waaaacky tobacky, get in your wannabe sports car, and drive down to the theater! If you don't, you'll regret it!' I'm forgetting some of it but unfortunately it was not recorded.<br> <br> I was absolutely blown away! This was a coincidence of the most amazing kind, a direct response to the question I had just asked by the man himself! Not only that, but the details in it corresponded exactly to me: I'm skinny, I work with computers, I have a low-end sports car, and I certainly smoke the 'wacky tobacky'. After feeling confused for a bit, we ended up laughing at that for hours. I still can't get over how much that made my day. And it also still confuses me to some extent. I would assume a friend of mine went to some website or something and had a recording call me (it was definitely a recording). But if so, how is it that he could have the recording pick out such personal pieces of information and still sound perfectly seamless? I don't know, but it was hilarious!<br> <br> The rest of the day is spent in a beautiful high/afterglow that lasts until I go to sleep, at around 3:30am (Almost 48 hours since I woke up Friday morning).<br> <br> SUNDAY:<br> <br> I wake up Sunday at about 10am and decide to ingest more DOC, since I was on a roll. I dose 1.25mg at 11:15, and then another .6mg at 2:15. Before long I experience slowly shifting colors and textures, a beautiful euphoria, and racing analytical thoughts. It's going to be another lovely day! My girlfriend experiences yet another contact high and enjoys it thoroughly. This will be good towards introducing her to psychedelics, as eventually I can explain to her that she's already somewhat experienced one. She's quite open to the idea now but is just afraid, and her only experience around people that she knew were tripping was when less experienced people were giving off strange vibes and creeping her out. Hence, she thinks that they make people creepy and she doesn't want to do them with me because she thinks it'll hurt her perception of me.<br> <br> Basically, this day progresses just like Saturday did, only with significantly less profundity and euphoria. Still, it was a great day that I treasure.<br> <br> CONCLUSION:<br> <br> I had an awesome psychedelic weekend that I wouldn't trade for anything. As for 2C-B, I discovered that it's a more profound chemical for me than many people have said it is, and I plan to use it more in the future at higher levels. Combining it with LSD was really great, and may have added significantly to the depth of the experience. It has a slightly annoying comedown, unlike most other psychedelics I've tried, but it's easily manageable.<br> <br> As for DOC, I've discovered that it's quite useful at low doses as well as at high ones. I was far from a breakthrough, but the intellectual and physical aspects of the trip remain in full force. DOC really allows me to 'live in the now' moreso than any other chemical I've tried. Although I've learned to do this pretty well, I think, in my daily sober life, DOC brings it up to a different level entirely. I also determined that, while in a way DOC seems to have a reverse tolerance, becoming generally more powerful every time I use it at higher doses, at low doses taken on consecutive days it definitely loses strength, and so I shouldn't take it that often anymore. <br> <br> I also found out that it goes really well after another psychedelic experience. My only real complaint about DOC is that sometimes it seems to impose a certain amount of vasoconstriction, as LSA does, making walking around after sitting for a while painful. That, and it tends to make me flushed and occasionally itchy. Interestingly, it combines with kratom to make the opioid plant itchier and longer-lasting by far.<br> <br> On a somewhat related note, I also determined that music is love, and love is god. It's interesting how throughout human history, music has always played a very important role in society.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 55565</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Aug 25, 2006</td><td>Views: 35,253</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=55565&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=55565&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">DOC (357), 2C-B (52), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Retrospective / Summary (11), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:20</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> My 4th acid trip was the most incredibly psychologically horrifying event I'd ever endured. <br> <br> I had tripped (obviously) three times beforehand. My first trip was one tab white blotter and, overall (with the exception of the start of my trip) a good time. My second trip was 2 tabs of presumably the same white blotter and a very good time as I spent the entire night alone safely working on music in my home recording studio. Third was roughly the same as the second, same dosage, same activities, two friends around tripping with me, and by this time I had got to know a local chemist directly through some more experienced friend. <br> <br> The chemist and I hit it off really well, it was uncanny. We became great friends nearly instantly and would continue to hang out a lot until he moved out of town a few years later. We still keep in contact, but he stopped making acid a couple years ago (2003). Normally we'd chill out together, smoke weed, and listen to 70's psychedelic and prog rock, which we both were obsessed with at the time. He liked to come out and listen to me compose as well and give me suggestions (which I would normally ignore.) He made the stuff and it seemed fairly frequent or at least a regular basis, but I don't recall him often using it himself. Maybe once or twice that I can remember or maybe it happened normally and I just wasn't aware of it. <br> <br> At any rate, in 2000 I was allowed a sample of chemist's latest 'baby', free of charge. My birthday was coming around this freebie was my gift. Six altoid mints each dropped with chemist's latest stuff. I asked 'so hows this stuff then?' and he says 'probably about the same as the last but you'll be the first to take this one.' <br> <br> I was obviously excited. <br> <br> I had to wait about a week until things in my life were calm enough to actually take it. I had tripped before and had learned that it's an event I might want to plan for, and set an entire evening aside. Well being somewhat experienced but not very, and wanting to push the envelope a bit, I decided to take 4 to start. Subconsciously, 4 is an important number for me. I measure a lot of music by 4's, it was my 4th trip, and taking 4 doses at once with intent to work on music seemed to make sense. It seemed to. <br> <br> Anyway, I waited... and waited... and waited... Really I only waited probably 20 minutes, but when I am consciously waiting for acid to take effect, it seems to take forever and wait until I least expect it to finally hit me. Growing impatient, I made the mistake a lot of people do and just went ahead with the remaining 2 doses. Within about 10 minutes I started feeling the first 4 and it was an incredible mind-blowing rush. This was far beyond the previous trips I had experienced in terms of energy level, dizziness, and visual effects that started almost immediately. It seemed like in a flash, I was looking through a rippling mirror or glass, everything was impossibly clear and crystalline, and normal colors of objects were replaced by morphing bright colors with a sort of metallic quality. In my basement where I was, the wall farthest from me that I was looking at seemed to open into some sort of rotating corridor but had I wanted to walk in, I lacked the coordination to get up and walk. I was thinking this was the greatest trip I would ever have and started laughing hysterically for a few minutes, completely euphoric. Then I think those last 2 doses started to work too. I was already on thin ice having taken more than I ever had and getting way more than I had expected, and those last 2 just put me over the edge completely. <br> <br> It was getting too intense for me. The room seemed to keep changing shape and appearance. My depth perception was completely fucked, and everything was turning different colors, then monochrome, then back and there were tracers but not like anything I had ever seen. These hovered and pulsed before breaking into thousands of pieces and disintegrating away. Not to mention I was seeing all this in a sort of weird stop-motion alternating with what we call 'television vision' but it was very severe. While this was going on, I would have moments of clarity that lasted a few seconds, then my logic was completely messed up again. I finally got it in my mind that I needed to get up off the couch and go work on music before things got too intense and I had a total flip out. So I forced my body to move and my legs to walk me into my studio where I fumbled with buttons and switches and knobs until things seemed to be on and functioning as normal. <br> <br> I couldn't even conceive of holding or playing a guitar at this point so I sat down at the keyboard to start, which had taken on the appearance of a kind of space ship control panel and all the knobs and buttons and sliders I was used to were now confusing me but at some basic level I still knew that I had to punch a series of buttons to call up certain sounds, so I did. I hit a few keys and startled the shit out of myself. The sound visually shot from the speakers and hung in the air suspended before splintering away. At some point in all this I think I zoned out for a few minutes (or more) and then it seemed to me that if I found a certain tone and chord, that it would calm everything down and I'd be sane again. I was convinced by this point that if I didn't do something I was going to end up about 100 times worse off mentally than Syd Barrett ever was. So I fiddled with more buttons and knobs and managed to get a sound I thought I liked, and I kept playing chords but all of them freaked me out even worse. It was like every time I failed to find the right chord and hit a wrong one instead, I was a notch closer to terminal insanity. Music was never so precarious. <br> <br> Finally, in one of those all too seldom, all too brief moments of clarity, I thought that at the time I was too fucked up to be musically productive. I abandoned the idea of writing at least for an hour or two, and was happy to find that my legs actually worked well enough for me to walk. Well that relief was quickly replaced by panic when I walked out the studio door (with everything taking on a funhouse mirror quality roughly) and looked to the far corner of the basement to see someone standing there completely still, staring at me. It wasn't an ominous stare or particularly menacing in a normal sense. It was menacing to me because the face was vaguely familiar and staring at me completely frozen with terror. I was coherent enough to remember doing the acid and I thought that someone had come to the house, a friend maybe, and had caught me just emerging from some terrible act that I was too obliterated to realize I had done. So then I started thinking 'did I just kill someone???' and freaking myself out severely with that idea. <br> <br> The mysterious terror-stricken apparition disappeared but now I had myself thinking I felt blood dripping from my mouth, like I dismembered someone and had been gnawing on random guts and innards. <br> <br> I convinced myself of a false memory of crouching over some fresh corpse, laughing and babbling while I dug organs out of their ripped abdomen and chewed on them, so I was flipping out again BAD and I think I scrambled upstairs. When I looked at the stairs on my way up, they seemed to be covered in blood and slime and I was leaving a trail of it. Complete hallucination, no reality to it at all as I found out later. <br> <br> I made it to the kitchen and immediately picked up the phone to call someone because some instinct told me I needed to have someone around to sort of ground me back in reality. I decided on a friend that lived just down the street, who I'll call B. I kept trying to dial but knew I wasn't dialing his number right so every time I got 3 digits into dialing, I'd hang up and curse, and my dog wandered in and started looking at me like I was crazy (which I probably was at that point) and seemed like even he was afraid of me because he just stood there looking all keyed up and worried. I decided to bend down to pat him on the head and he did start growling and ran off. I'm pretty sure that actually happened and it wasn't just the acid so I think I cursed at the dog too. <br> <br> Anyway I finally got the damn numbers right and though I have no recollection of what was said or how long the phone conversation lasted, I must have gotten out that I was tripping and freaking out because soon B was in my house and telling me I was just having a bad trip and needed to get out and have some air. <br> <br> He suggested we head to this park nearby and I agreed. By this time my own head noise was extremely irritating and I could barely distinguish real sight and sound from hallucination and I was extremely paranoid, but we got in his truck and just as we were pulling out of the driveway I opened the door and bolted down the street because I thought he was taking me to the police station or the hospital. So I remember running down the street and running on and on and on, and the streetlights bending down to hit me and tree branches squiggling black against the sky, and the entire sky was pulsing from red to grey and seemed to be rolling and breathing and growing sores in it, and finally I realized I was lost. But I couldn't have been that far away from home, I just was so fucked up I didn't recognize anything around me and I just knew I was out in some field but had no idea where. <br> <br> I was thinking 'where the fuck did I end up?' and I must have shouted it because I heard my own voice but it was very distant. Then it seemed like I was standing there still for days, watching cars go by in the distance and birds fly overhead, looking like badly drawn cartoons. I had momentary thoughts that I'd been hung out as a scarecrow by some psycho farmer. <br> <br> Well anyway, eventually B came and got me though I must have continued tripping hard and having nothing to do with reality for a few hours. I can remember having some pretty bad thoughts and the typical fear of being in that mental state forever but most of the time I wasn't even aware enough to consider it abnormal. I also remember feeling like decades of my life had flown past me and I was somehow suddenly ancient. At another point, probably toward the end of the trip, I thought I was some kind of agent of the universes, foretelling things in peoples' lives and I probably was really telling fortunes to people who weren't even there, I just thought I saw them. At yet another point, it seemed to me that I had somehow reached some level of existence where I could no longer interact with the world I had known but I was stuck observing it, like a ghost or something and that whole ghost trip lasted a long time. It evolved into me thinking I had died somehow and was a ghost and since B witnessed my death, he was able to see me but not understand what I was saying because (in my head at that point) ghosts speak a different kind of language that the living can't learn and of course, that is part of the divide between us. <br> <br> The whole thing was really messed up, no great insights, no remotely healthy logic, just complete insanity and loads of weird hallucinations and poisoned thoughts. <br> <br> I have since tried to get the fine details of those last few hours from B so I can piece it together a little better but he doesn't like to talk about it. It scared him more than me I guess. He's never done any acid in his life to this day. All he tells me about that time is that my eyes were completely black during most of it and that he thought I went totally mad and wouldn't come back, that I would end up in a psych ward trying to eat through the walls. What I've written here probably doesn't even convey a quarter of all the fucked up thoughts and visions or a tenth of the terror and paranoia I felt that time. It was the only really bad trip I've ever had.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2000</td><td width="90">ExpID: 54287</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Sep 1, 2006</td><td>Views: 50,766</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=54287&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=54287&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Bad Trips (6)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 23:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">200 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/quetiapine/">Pharms - Quetiapine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">210 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I don’t know if I would classify this as a difficult experience, a glowing experience, a retrospective experience, mystical, or bad, as it was a little bit of everything (least of all bad, but at times definitely difficult). Luckily I can classify this as a first time. While I have had tried psilocybin a couple of times (once quite severe/intense, which I’ll piece together one day soon), salvia numerous times with exquisite results (also to be revisited here), this was my first time trying LSD. <br> <br> Prior to becoming acquainted with LSD, I thought I understood my self, had a pretty good grasp on reality, as well as other potential existences. I found out soon that I may have been on the right track in regards to all of the above, but I still had a lot more work to do to get to where I wanted to be, which, when it was over (or approaching the end), was very sobering, yet very uplifting. Even now, while writing this 5 months later, I am gaining new insight, as I have, unfortunately, avoided thinking about it too deeply. <br> <br> It all started when my girlfriend, who had dosed before I really knew her (to little effect - she has strange tolerance for the other side of normality) and I were discussing the possibility of tripping (LSD or psilocybin) together. Well, one day she told me that a girl she had a class with was going out of town over Spring Break and would be coming back with enough for us to have a couple of experiences. So, she bought 6 ‘drops’. They were all different sizes, and she said it was mop-up. Assuming it was what I understand mop-up to be, there’s no telling what the dosage of each drop was, which could explain different reactions to it. <br> <br> So, she bought the stuff, probably in March, but we were waiting for a good time to try it. After a couple of weeks, she sold one tab to her brother. Presumably they were guessed to be about 3 doses apiece, so he was going to split it with one of his friends for just a light trip (both being somewhat versed in their usage). Well, both of them indicated that it did little more than give them a little discomfort. This kinda had us bummed about it. She asked her friend, but her friend guaranteed us that it was good as others had serious trips taking one, so possibly they didn’t reach the needed threshold. Perhaps they weren’t as strong as was suggested, but we decided to give it a try when the time was right. <br> <br> In April my parents were going to Costa Rica (poor college students still live at home) for two weeks, so we decided on Wednesday night. Monday night we had some of her cousins over and a good time was had by all experimenting with Salvia. I was the only one who accustomed to it, as they had never done it. Its amazing seeing what Sally does to experienced drug users. That night I didn’t feel like doing any. The next night a couple of my friends came over and we all took a hit. I think my girlfriend took two. I had a pleasantly enlightening experience (as usual) that night with my 20x Salvia out of a gravity bong, so I felt ready to take what I thought would be a longer, but less intense trip the next night. Well, the longer part was absolutely correct. And, yes, less intense, but the duration seemed to make it a much more intense experience overall! <br> <br> So, a friend of mine and his girlfriend came over. They split a homemade chocolate mushroom before coming over, and we dropped about 15 minutes before they arrived. They got to my house a little after 7:00 at night, which is when I will start the timer. I live across the street from my old high school, so after a while we decide to go for a walk around its large campus. It was all going well, my friends had a slight shroom trip, but nothing too serious. My girlfriend and I were feeling some slight effects, but not what we expected after an hour. This was fortunate however, as there was a cop sitting in the parking lot on the other side a chain link fence. We were all starting to get a little giddy, and I was the only one that noticed ‘it’, so I casually (I think) told everyone to keep walking as such, but there was a cop over there. So we kept with our course and gradually headed back towards my house, across the track, and big grass field. <br> <br> So we made it home alright. At this point it was probably about 8:30. We then go back upstairs to my bedroom and chill for a bit. At that point I thought my trip may be starting to come up some, but my girlfriend didn’t think hers was, which partially convinced me of the same. But, at the same time, it had been two hours without any serious effects, so I’m sure you can guess what happened next. Yep, we each took another hit. I did so a little reluctantly, but for some reason thought I was obligated to, most likely thanks to the drug. So, after this, we go downstairs to get some freezie pops (which has been a staple in my friend’s house ever since we ate so many that night). <br> <br> We are having a good time. I feel like I’ve been drinking a lot and smoking weed. I probably ate about 6 or 7 freezie pops, they were just so good! We go in the living room and hang out and take some pictures. May not have been a good idea, as there are a lot of breakable, irreplaceable items in there, but everything turned out ok. It was very surreal being in there, red walls, figurines, mirrors, etc. After a bit of this I start feeling a bit strange, almost as if during the past 20 or 30 minutes I didn’t notice my changing state due to having a good time. So we go back upstairs to my room, and everyone (except me) decides its time to get something to eat. At this point I am starting to lose touch with what was going on, but with enough concentration I was able to pull all of the facts together. So I go and call Papa John’s for delivery. <br> <br> This was very interesting, to say the least. Luckily my family calls frequently enough that they usually know what we order, but the person kept putting me on hold and it confused me greatly. I remember there being confusion, but since I didn’t know what was going on at the time, I surely don’t remember now. <br> <br> So I got the pizza ordered and we moved into the den and decided to put in a movie. The best thing I could find at the time that I thought would fit my state was Grumpier Old Men. I put that on and we all sit down to watch it, waiting for the pizza. <br> <br> At this point things start going a little fuzzy. I remember sitting down to watch the movie, and looking up periodically at my girlfriend and friends, but remember virtually nothing of the movie. (Actually, a couple of days later I tried finding where I left off watching the movie, only to find that it wasn’t even in the same order that I remembered watching it years ago.) <br> <br> It seemed like a couple of hours had passed, and the pizza hadn’t gotten there yet (and turns out the movie hadn’t been on for very long), and I decide its best for me to go up to my bed room. I left the cash downstairs and asked my friends to get the door when the pizza arrived. Perhaps feeling the obligation to be a good host stressed me out a bit, adding to my tension, I don’t know. <br> <br> I vaguely remember hearing the door knock and asking them to answer it. They did so and I lay back down. I think my girlfriend had come upstairs with me, but she went down to eat, suggesting that I do the same, but that was out of the question at that point. After a while everyone came up to my room. My girlfriend was peaking (albeit not like I was) and my friends were starting to come down from their 1 gram of mushrooms apiece. <br> <br> I remember trying to sit up on my bed and pay attention to what was going on, but I just kept falling out of awareness. It wasn’t a spiraling out like I experienced on mushrooms, but just a crash downward. After a while I think all I could verbalize were pleading or desperate sounding uhhhhs and ohhhhs. Now, my girlfriend had taken as much as me, but she was coherent all through her experience. Perhaps my drops were more saturated, as could be the nature of the supposed mop up, or I was just more susceptible to it than she was. <br> <br> At this point my friends realized what was best for me was just to ride this out with my girlfriend and not have anymore distractions. I think they let themselves out and this is when there are serious gaps in my memory, or, perhaps, only brief moments which last eternities in my head. At one point R (my girlfriend) began asking me my sister’s phone number. I don’t remember anything leading up to it (I think I was still moaning as I was earlier), but I remember thinking about my sister and it made me feel really good. I began muttering numbers, and finally spit out seven numbers consecutively when seemed familiar (looking back now, good thing it wasn’t my grandmother’s). <br> <br> When R told me my sister was coming over, I was overjoyed. I remember sitting there for hours waiting for her to come over, which couldn’t have been more than 15 or 20 minutes. At this point I was in better spirits. I was enjoying it. I was a child sitting on my bed rocking in anticipation of meeting my baby sister on her first time to come home from the hospital, but I was actually waiting for my older sister to come see her little brother (and I have no other siblings). I remember seeing her walk in my room and it was pure euphoria. I don’t think I said anything, or even did much more than look at her, but I had the biggest smile on my face (I think). I felt like I had a grin on my face which any other smile would pale in comparison to. <br> <br> I was sitting on my bed rocking my self, and I remember their words exactly, except the details I have forgotten over 5 months, but I remember perfectly them talking about me. “He’s been like this for a while and I didn’t know what to do.” “He’ll be ok, he looks like he’s really enjoying himself.” It was like hearing a foreign language and being so used to hearing it, but not understanding the meaning. I think my sister suggested I try to eat something but I wouldn’t. After this it becomes a little fuzzy. I know my sister left and told me bye. It seems like another couple of hours before R tried to get me to eat, but I don’t think it was that long, as there was still a lot that happened before the next morning. <br> <br> Her trying to get me to eat is quite amusing, at least now. I know I was sitting up, and then there was a chewing bland tasting lump in my mouth with a strikingly flavorful covering around it. It was a bread stick with sauce on it which I later deduced without realizing it. I chewed it up, but then was totally incapable of deciding what to do next. I remember uttering “What is this”, “What do I do”, “How do I” and started to let it roll out of my mouth, to which R rushed over with my small garbage can and let me dispose of it. <br> <br> Now, from this point, until beginning to come down, I remember a few events, but not the proper sequence, so I will type them as they come to me. We are probably approaching 1 or 2 o’clock. <br> <br> A few times R was reading her book, and I was looking over her shoulder in absolute amazement. I was thinking, without the actual thought process “Wow, what is she doing, what is that” and a myriad of other inexplicable thoughts. <br> <br> Another, very humorous event took place in the bathroom. I realized I needed to go to the bathroom. This wasn’t too difficult, perhaps because I had to deal with that dilemma at a friends apartment after eating some/a bad/too many mushrooms. So I go in there, do my business, make sure to take all the proper procedures of civilized society. Then I call R, and start prancing out of the bathroom in my boxers. I remember it as if I was a star from Mario Bros. bouncing around with my arms and legs stretched wide apart. Based on what R said next I may not have even had on my boxers yet. She kept asking me “Did you wipe, Did you wipe?” I couldn’t answer her, I didn’t want to answer her. At that point I was in control of her. I had her trying to make sure I wouldn’t soil the bed, and I loved it. I was just springing around, it felt like for 30 minutes. I think I eventually told her yes, but I don’t think she believed me at first. I guess I satisfied her curiosity eventually, or she got me to put on my boxers so it wouldn’t matter so much. Either way, I knew I did what I was supposed to do, and it thrilled me immensely. <br> <br> A few times R would go downstairs and I would panic a little bit. One time she went downstairs and I went halfway down to the landing calling for her as if I was lost. Then, standing there in my own house, in my own staircase, I asked her with all seriousness, “Where am I?” I knew who she was, and I knew who “we” were (a couple), but I didn’t know where I was, or who I was. I just knew that she was supposed to be there with whoever and wherever I was, and it made me feel better to be with her. <br> <br> Now, for difficult part for me to comprehend. I don’t know if this would qualify this trip to be a ‘Level 5’, but from my reading, it seems to fit the description. Between the moments of childish, egoless jubilation, I was in a totally different state. I’ve described it to friends as my be being a parking lot and just loafing around in it, but that hardly describes the state in which I was in, but the parking lot explanation fits to some degree, as I’ll explain soon. Laying there in my bed, a double bed, with my girlfriend in it with me seemed boundless, vast, like a parking lot for a massive venue that stretched beyond the visible curvature of the earth. I am sure at some points during this my eyes were open, and maybe the lights were even on, but I saw nothing. My room was not warped, my bed was not consuming me, my walls were not running, nor was my ceiling crumbling. None of it was there, I was not there, R was not there. All I remember, for all the time between brief touches with reality, was a nondescript form twisting and rolling around in an endless stretch of some sort of existence outside of this one. I felt like I was reaching out for miles as I lumbered around in my own piece of my own existence, but I only had about a 3’x6’ area to lie on. Then the feeling of my comforter on my bed was just as indescribable. All the folds and contours in it felt like they went on forever. <br> <br> As for the parking lot, as I would come to and leave my room a couple of times, my bed would take on the form of a parking lot, but it was still its own separate reality. When I would get off my bed and look at my floor, I could see the yellow dashes dividing the lanes in the street, as if my hall was the road from one reality to another. As I would walk down my hall it would be a street, and as I looked in my bathroom, it became my bathroom, and then my hall became my hall again for the duration of that excursion away from my bed. <br> <br> Eventually the intenseness of all of this faded and I was able to go to sleep. I still had the feeling of being somewhere else, but it was somewhat restful, almost pleasant. <br> <br> At about 7 or 8, R had to get up and go to work. At this point I was mostly aware of what was going on. I would be fully aware, but would quickly get lost in confusion. I usually went to work with her when I was free since she works with animals (deer, owls, hawks, turtles, etc.), but I was in no condition to go at this point. She wearily got ready. <br> <br> Apparently I kept her from sleeping most of the night with my rolling around and constantly holding her and trying to stay in contact with her. All I remember of that was seeing her trying to sleep, but not being able to resist getting her attention, and feeling bad because she just looked so weary and pitiful, but I just didn’t have a choice at the time, I had to hold her and touch her. <br> <br> I was able to walk her out to her car, and then I went back in and went to sleep for a few more hours. I woke up and thought about how miserable she must be at work, so I got in the shower and got ready to leave. I brought the rest of the pizza with me and headed to see her. Luckily there wasn’t much traffic as I was still missing a few cards from my deck. Actually, the only time I got concerned was when there were no cars around to keep my attention, or sitting still at a light. <br> <br> When I got there, someone was at the gate where she works and I didn’t want to deal with talking to anyone, so I drove down to Circle K to get a drink. Of course I had to deal with people there. I still wonder what the cashier thought was wrong with me because I know I seemed a bit strung out. <br> <br> So I got to R’s work at about 10 or 11. At this point I’m still coming and going. There are people working building boardwalks, but I was in no mood to talk to anyone. The sun was bright and it was hot and everything was extremely enhanced. I go inside talk with R for a bit. I go and sit down and put my head down and it is now spiraling when I shut my eyes. The most disconcerting part of this was that I was thinking perfectly clear, but at the same time my thoughts were all over the place and my body had a sort of amphetamine kind of surge (or withdrawal) running through it, perhaps from exhaustion. This persisted for a few more hours, maybe until about 3:00. At this point I decided to help R cut up fish and beef heart for the various birds. This really had a strange effect on me. <br> <br> It was at this point I realize that I didn’t understand myself, this reality, and others as well as I thought I had, and I started to cry some because of the profound epiphany I was granted. I was always sure of my own mental capacity and knew without a doubt that it couldn’t be shaken. But it was shaken, and I was so happy to realize that there was so much more. I had been content, happy with my understanding of the vastness of everything, and to learn that there was so much more was like, (at the risk of using such a jaded expression), being born again. <br> <br> Over the next couple of hours I became accustomed to this new insight. Everything outside was still so beautiful. Even the smell of the fish was invigorating. At a certain point I was able to eat, and that was just excellent because I was starved. <br> <br> We got back to R’s house around 5:30. We were both physically and mentally exhausted. I was still having a little craziness running through my head when I shut my eyes in the form of slight visuals and unexplainable thought waves just surging ‘round and ‘round. At about 6:00 we each took some Seroquel. I think I took 200 mg. It wasn’t long after that I was fast asleep. We slept for about 7 hours and then headed back to my house for the rest of the evening. The next day everything was so vivid, visually and mentally. <br> <br> After this experience, I am interested in the powers of this drug, as well as experimenting more with mushrooms. I am living in Japan right now so I haven’t done anything for a while. <br> <br> A few times when things got difficult, I would see a picture that I saw the night I got sick while tripping very hard after eating mushrooms. That night I saw an old picture of my dad as clear as if it was hanging on the wall. Ever since that night I’ve seen that picture every time I’ve tripped, especially when I was having a difficult time, and it always had a calming, soothing effect. I hope to share this with him one day.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 56180</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 20, 2006</td><td>Views: 30,525</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=56180&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=56180&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Preamble: <br> <br> When I look my first and so far only hit of LSD, I really had no idea what I was getting into. I had really only heard of the visual and auditory hallucination part of LSD, and figured all the rest was media fluff. I didn't think it did anything really profound. I thought that I'd lay in bed and watch funny pictures for 8 hours. I was totally wrong. <br> <br> I'd always been curious about substances, but never had the opportunity to try any. My friend told me that he had some LSD, and made it apparent that he'd give me a hit for free. I was really interested in trying it. The only research I'd done so far on LSD was about any medical side effects or illnesses or death. After hearing it was very rare, I decided to go for it, not understanding all the effects it had on the mind. But come to think of it, even if I had understood the effects to the mind, I would still have done it, but I would have been better prepared. <br> <br> So there was a psytrance party type thing that my friend was intent on going to. I wanted to go see it too. We were going to possibly drop some LSD there, but it turned out to be very disappointing, and I am very glad that we decided not to take the LSD for reasons that will become apparent as I explain my experience. <br> <br> We went back to campus and he gave me the hit of LSD he promised (which I did not take yet, but wrapped up in some paper and left on my desk), and we went to hang out with some friends for the night. <br> <br> A day or two passed, I can't remember, and during these days I slept very minimally. Bad sleeping habits and tiredness were not a new thing to me, and it was perfectly normal for me to walk around like a zombie for a day or two before being able to get a good night's rest. <br> <br> Anyway, one afternoon, I remembered about the LSD. I decided to take it. I'd heard from my friend that if you turn out all the lights and lay in the dark, it's very intense. I thought that was a good idea, but the problem was it was daytime and my shutters didn't close entirely. What I ended up doing was taking thumbtacks and tacking up thick towels over the windows, using the wood trim to press the tacks into. Then I rolled up a towel and laid it along the bottom. Now there was no daylight entering my room, and when I turned the lights off it was pitch dark aside from the faint light that came out the bottom of my door. Perfect! <br> <br> Mindset: <br> <br> My mindset was, I thought, very good, but it turned out to be the wrong sort of mindset for LSD. I was ready to have a new experience, but I wasn't ready to lose my state of consciousness and have everything I know to be true torn apart at the seams. I didn't realize how attached to reality I was. Nonetheless, I was happy, excited, and wanted to have some fun. <br> <br> Setting: <br> <br> I was in my dorm room, where I spent 99% of the trip. It was the weekend, so the dorms were not as busy as usual, many of the students having gone home. I was comfortable in my dorm room, having spent many hours in there quite happily. The surroundings were very familiar. I had lived there for about 7 months. <br> <br> Experience: <br> <br> I took the acid at 1:30 PM, half an hour or so after I took my ortho tricyclen. In hindsight, that might have been a bad idea, because tricyclen (birth control) has noticable effects on certain medications and drugs. I haven't been able to find any info about its reactions with LSD, but it's possible they had something to do with how hard this hit me. <br> <br> I turned out all the lights, laid down, and got ready to see fucked up stuff. However, within 10 minutes I started to feel very paranoid. I was staring at the towels that I had tacked up over my window, and I was extremely frightened that something was outside, trying to get into my window, even though I knew it wasn't true. There wasn't any amount of rationalization in the world that could tell me not to be scared of this. I knew for a fact that nothing could climb up 3 stories and try to get into my room through the window, and even if they could, why would they? There was no reason to be scared of this, and suddenly I was very afraid of the dark. I took the towels down, and that eased the fear away. I was still slightly worried, but being able to see outside my window really helped. <br> <br> From here on, everything is really kind of a blur. I can't tell exactly what order the rest of these events came in, so I will try my best, but it's possible that one thing happened before another, so any inconsistencies in my story should be taken as evidence of the fact that the traditional notion of time had very little meaning to me. <br> <br> As a result of my sleep deprivation, I think, I passed out on my bed. I came to, to the sound of my don slipping a package of papers under my door. I had forgotten that I'd taken LSD, and I didn't know how long I'd slept. It was probably only a half hour, but it wasn't something I was worried about. <br> <br> I didn't realize I was tripping, and I started leafing through the papers, having nothing better to do. Gradually, little signals started going off telling me that something was wrong or different. Soon I realized... holy shit, I'm tripping. I was so concerned with my state of mind that I hardly noticed any visuals, which I wish now that I'd paid more attention to so I could describe them. I chatted with people on MSN for awhile, and was very concerned with trying to get them to understand that time is a fractal, recurring, repeating, etc. At this point I felt like a genius. I was in euphoria over the knowledge I had acquired. The more I thought about time, the more I agreed that it was like a fractal, for reasons that I can't remember now and could never actually put into plain english. <br> <br> I remember my pattern of dialogue with the people I was chatting with was very odd, but it didn't seem odd at the time. When somebody asked me a question, I'd repeat it back to them as a statement and elaborate on some things that really did not matter but seemed extremely significant to me, 90% of the time. For example, somebody would ask me 'Did you feed your fish?' and I'd say 'Did I feed my fish.... hmm, I feed my fish often. Whether I fed my fish today is irrelevant. He can live for weeks without food.' <br> <br> It was suggested by some of my friends that I lie down, so I did. What happened next is not a phenomenon that I've heard about as an effect of LSD, but my friend seemed to think that it wasn't unusual. <br> <br> I laid down and I think I tried to take a nap. But what happened was I was thrown into a state where I was not sleeping, but I wasn't quite awake either, and it was much like a nightmare. I was repeatedly and recursively plagued with images of a very frightening looking face, telling me how I should not have taken LSD, that it would make me insane forever. It seemed like a madman, going on and on about the effects of LSD in a haunting, angry voice. While I was experiencing this repetitive nightmare, my soul seemed to be outside of my body. It felt like my body was an empty shell, and I was an observer, watching myself experience these things. In this not-asleep and not-awake state, I began to go into convulsions that I can only describe as seisure-like. My body twitched repeatedly, especially my legs and arms. They would jerk repeatedly toward my right side, in a manner much like the twitches that I experience during an orgasm, but stronger and obviously without the orgasm. <br> <br> I got very warm and sweaty. I kept twitching and having this nightmare for about an hour to two hours, before I snapped out of it. I was trying to 'play along', the way I'd been told my trip would be easier if I did, but I was sick of this nightmare, and wanted to do something more productive. I decided to eat. <br> <br> I got up, still very warm and dripping with sweat, and looked in my minifridge for some food. I got out some strawberries. This is when I think I first noticed visuals. The strawberries appeared to be VERY LARGE, and I thought it was extremely comical when I took a bite out of one. I was distinctly aware of the pattern made by a strawberry's seeds, and realized it was a pattern based on the golden ratio, that the seeds spiral out in two directions, in a circular fashion such that it wrapped around the strawberry. This seemed profound to me, and I sat for awhile just staring at the strawberry, laughing occasionally. <br> <br> Eventually I ate the whole carton of strawberries and was still hungry. I ate some other stuff that I can't quite remember, and then decided I was very thirsty. I had a jug of water in my fridge and started to drink that too. I was amazed with the pouring of the water- it made a light twinkling sound and the light from my window caused playful rainbows to appear on the surface of the water. To this day I still notice these rainbows, which makes me wonder if they always existed and the LSD just let me see them. <br> <br> This entire time, I was distinctly aware that my ability to concentrate on anything except the things I was conjuring up in my mind was very stunted. I remember, in particular, my trip to get some water was very slow and agonizing. I would stand up from my bed, find something to be interested in, and think about that for about 5 minutes before I remembered that I was going to get some water. So I'd take another step, and I'd get distracted by something in my mind or something that I could see or hear. It felt like it took half an hour just to get a glass of water. To me, it felt like I was 'getting lost in time' every time I tried to do something. It was like I 'couldn't remember why I would want to do anything at all'. The quotations are lines of thought that I recognize as being directly from my acid-influenced state. They are not my sober words - they are words that I remember thinking while I was under the influence. <br> <br> I chatted on IRC for awhile with my friends, including the one who had given me the LSD. I thanked him a few times. I think, not quite sure anymore, that he was also on LSD. Or he might have just been on pot at the time, I can't quite remember. But we had a short discussion about the nature of reality and time, which intrigued me greatly. <br> <br> I felt like I had to go to the washroom every fifteen minutes, which was probably true because I was drinking a lot of water. I seemed to be occupying my time with drinking water and going to the washroom. I was extremely aware of how much of a hard cycle it was, and that I could break it by stopping drinking water, but I didn't want to stop drinking water. I felt rather dehydrated. <br> <br> I felt like I had very little control of my bladder, though I seem to have had full control. I never once wet myself, though it felt like my bladder control was very weak and every time I went to the washroom, it felt like I had to go very badly, but it turned out that there wasn't very much pent up urine, and I only tinkled a little bit each time, but it felt like a huge relief. <br> <br> One time, I was talking with a friend on MSN and I was very frank about my washroom situation. I told him that I had to pee really badly, and he asked me 'You didn't pee yourself, did you?' and I said 'I don't know, did I?' and as I said this, I don't know how to describe it. It was like I was experiencing an alternate timeline to my own, at the same time that I was experiencing my own timeline, and it felt extremely real. In the alternate timeline, I had actually peed myself, and I saw the wet spot on my pants, exactly as if I had peed myself. I looked at it in horror and told him, yes, I did pee myself. All this felt extremely, exceedingly real. I was not aware that it was not happening. If somebody asked me if what was I experiencing was real, I would have said yes. <br> <br> But of course, it wasn't real. Suddenly I snapped back to my own reality, and realized I was sitting in my room, had to pee really badly, but had not peed myself. At this realization, I rushed to the washroom. But, when I opened the door of my room, I was suddenly very scared to go outside. I really didn't want to go out there. So I closed it again. This triggered a 'time spiral', as I would best describe it. I felt myself open and close the door again, and then I saw many versions of myself opening and closing the door, some versions closing the door, some opening it, all of it happening repetitively, recursively, and like a 'living fractal'. It was like I was watching a movie of myself, repeatedly opening and closing the door. <br> <br> I have no idea how long this went on. I have no idea how long it appeared to go on. It was timeless. As this was happening, the concept of the passage of time as we see it was non-existent in my mind, and none of these actions actually involved time. They were timeless. To this day, I don't know how many times I actually physically opened or closed that door. I only know that eventually, time 'flipped' over, much the way you would flip a card. There was a huge heave and time flipped itself over, with much inertia, and began to spiral 'outward' until I was back to my present state, outside of the door, waiting to go to the washroom. I was glad the dorms were mostly empty, because I'm not sure what somebody might have seen if they were watching me at this time. They'd surely know something was wrong, that's for sure. I wasn't acting normally at all. <br> <br> I felt like I had just been dropped into a black hole of time, and had somehow struggled my way out of it, or through it, onto the other side. I remembered that I had to go to the washroom, so I rushed down the hall, and the walls pulsated and changed colours around me. I got into the washroom and there was a girl there. I froze. I wondered how weird I looked. I had to try to act normal though, so I smiled and said 'Hi.' She did the same, and didn't seem to realize anything was up. <br> <br> When I got into the stall, I was suddenly afraid to pee. I knew that I had to, but at this point, I realized that I could no longer tell imagination from reality. I couldn't tell if I was imagining something or if it was actually happening. So, if I released my bladder in the washroom, I could actually be still sitting in my room. But the release of my bladder would be real, and I would pee myself. <br> <br> I had a bit of a breakdown when I realized this. I had to resolve it to continue. I made confident in my mind the idea that I had to TRUST myself. There was no other way out of it. If I couldn't tell reality from imagination, let it be so. I had to trust myself that I was actually there. <br> <br> So with that, I released my bladder, and as soon as I did it, I realized that I had done the right thing. I was actually in the washroom, and I had done right to trust myself. <br> <br> I came out of the washroom feeling like I had just conquered something important. I ran through the pulsing, breathing hall, back to my room, and told my friends on MSN that I had managed to go to the washroom! It was a big deal to me, and they realized how fucked up I was, so they seemed supportive, though I don't think they realized how big a deal it was for me. They might have thought I was just acting silly for the hell of it. <br> <br> Around T+6 hours, I knew that the LSD had to be wearing off sometime soon, but I still felt just as high as ever. I was tired, so I laid down and tried to take another nap, but I had completely forgotten what happened last time I did that. I fell into another state of non-awakedness and non-sleep, complete along with the nightmares and dissociation of my mind from my body, and for awhile I just rolled with it, no matter how terrifying it was. It was like pure fear embodied as a visual entity with a voice. That's what I thought it was, pure terror. I don't know why I allowed it to affect me for so long, but I know I was definitely ALLOWING it to affect me, and this time the nightmare and dissociation went on for another 1-2 hours, but it was definitely longer than last time. <br> <br> Eventually I realized that I had laid down trying to fall asleep, and remembered that the same thing had happened last time. I realized that this probably meant that I couldn't sleep until the LSD wore off. I got up, once again sweaty and hot from my seisuring, and decided to take in all the beauty around me. <br> <br> I looked out the window. It was evening and dark. I looked at all the stuff around me and appreciated the beauty in everything I saw. I decided to look in the mirror. <br> <br> I looked like death. I looked like I had been to hell and back. My face looked 'dry', is one of the ways I can describe it. Dry and hot. My eyes were shot, and I looked very cranky and slightly insane, like I could start giggling maniacally at any moment. I realized that I was looking at an insane person. The thought occurred to me, am I ever going to be normal? I had to convince myself that I was just on a drug, and it would wear off. But the things I had seen and experienced would be with me forever. How was I going to live with everything? <br> <br> By now I was tired of tripping. I wanted to be normal again. I tried my hardest to ignore the trip and go on functioning normally. I had to try to think of what would be 'normal' for me. 'Normal' for me would be to sit on my computer and chat on IRC, but that was far too unfulfilling. I really didn't want to do that. <br> <br> My friend told me that having an orgasm on LSD was really intense, but I didn't feel at all like masturbating. I started, and tried, but I just wasn't in the mood. Nowhere close to it. I wondered how he could ever have the motivation to do such a thing while tripping. It was the last thing I wanted to do. <br> <br> It was about T+8 hours, and I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't want to go out of my room, and I didn't want to do anything that was in my room. I decided to watch some anime - Azumanga Daioh. That normally amused me. But as I watched it, I quickly realized that I could not focus on the storyline at all. It was like I was seeing small clips of the video, one at a time, out of sequence with each other, so that the storyline made no sense and the conversations the characters had were ridiculous and did not follow a sequence. I realized that my state of mind was changed so much that I could not do normal things, so I let myself do what my mind felt was natural and easy for it. Instead of watching the anime with a normal intent, I watched it admiring the artwork, watched the characters morph out of proportion to one another, change colours, etc. I found this so funny that I watched another episode or two. <br> <br> By the end of these, I knew my LSD trip had to be over, but I still felt high and wired. But I was so tired. I talked to my friend who gave me the LSD, on IRC, and he seemed slightly surprised by the length of my trip, but was not really concerned. He told me to just relax and let it happen. I explained that I wanted to sleep, and he said I wouldn't be able to sleep until it was over, so just take it for granted. <br> <br> At this point I had run out of things to do and I was desperately trying to find something to keep me from falling into another nightmare. I decided to draw. I became completely involved in my drawing - it felt essential that I draw what the LSD wanted me to draw. But I wasn't making any sense. At one point the pen I was using ran out, so I started using a strawberry to draw with, not realizing that this was not really drawing but smudging the remains of a strawberry all over the page. I had a laughing fit when I realized that the strawberry had killed the pen, or something like that. I wrote 'The evil strawberry attacked the pen!' Or was it the pen attacked the strawberry, I really don't remember. <br> <br> Eventually I found another pen to write with. I had drawn a few pages, and this new page was going to be special. This page was going to be beautiful. I wanted to make something beautiful and significant. So I began, with trembling lines that wrapped around themselves to form peaks, valleys, and eye-like structures. I only got half done before I got tired. I again desperately wanted to sleep and be rid of this altered state. I wanted to be normal again. <br> <br> I started to freak out, got scared that I would never be normal again. I couldn't see any conceivable way that I could possibly go back to normal after what I had learned and knew. I pushed these thoughts out of my mind, and decided to 'roll with it' again. Without thinking, I laid on the floor, stomach down, and stared at the floor. I could see patterns. They were rumbling, but weren't quite the same patterns I had seen before. By now I knew the LSD must have worn off, but I was still altered. It was very scary, but I kept rolling with it, figuring that fighting it would only hurt me and there was nothing I could do to help myself. <br> <br> This next part is extremely hard to remember, but I'll try. <br> <br> I laid on the floor and spread my arms and legs. I kept shaking and shaking and felt a resonance within my shaking. I thought there was something significant about the way I shook. I thought I was vibrating the way the universe vibrated, that I had become one with the universe. That if I kept this up, I would become pure energy. I kept trembling and shaking on the floor, and felt my body burst with white light. I was no longer in my body, and I saw myself on the floor and thought I was dead. I had a conversation with 'God', some might say, though I've never believed in God. I think of it more as a conversation with the universe. It was not in spoken words, so I don't remember what it was and even if I did, I could not explain it or describe it or remember it. <br> <br> I also thought that I had died, but this didn't bother me one bit. I realized that I had nothing left to live for, and there wasn't really anything I wanted to do in my life. Through all my life I was a drifting soul, pretty much just seeking pleasure and understanding. That was all. Other people had goals like having a family, becoming a master of a profession, or becoming the best at something. Me, I had nothing. I was in university with no place to go, nothing to lose. And as I realized this, I started to come back to my body. But I didn't want to. I begged the universe to let me stay in this enlightened state, but I was not allowed. I was condemned to my body, but I shouldn't be sad about it. <br> <br> Nonetheless, I was, and when I woke up in my body, I was frustrated, despite not understanding most of what went on. I laid there on the floor, and once again slipped into a nightmare non-sleep non-awake state. I didn't care anymore. There was nothing left. Nothing that existed mattered. Nothing that I felt mattered. We are just arrangements of vibrating strings. <br> <br> All of a sudden I realized how ridiculous this was. All the things I'd experienced. By now it was far, far, far past the time that LSD was supposed to wear out, and I was still experiencing open eye visuals and especially closed eye visuals. I didn't want to experience it anymore. I wanted to go to sleep. I got very scared, very very scared, and went back on IRC to talk to the friend who gave me the LSD. <br> <br> He wasn't there, so I started yelling and screaming in my mind. I needed him. He'd been through this type of thing, maybe not exactly like it, but he'd done lsd. How did he cope? I needed to know how to cope. So I stayed there, waiting, until he came back, at which point everyone else in the channel seemed very concerned. I didn’t' want to bother anyone, that was the last thing I wanted to do, but I didn't know what else I could do. <br> <br> I talked to him and he told me that this was probably happening because of my sleep deprivation, and that if I slept I'd feel better. I explained that I couldn't sleep. Every time I laid down and tried to sleep, I fell into that 'nightmare'. He told me to just roll with it, but I couldn't do that anymore. It was too scary. Too much. I tried a few times, to lay down and sleep, but every time I felt the nightmare creeping up on me I had to stop. By now I was crying, with tears streaming down my cheeks, and I started looking for the emergency number. I was convinced that doctors could get me out of this. They could fix it. I wanted to know from my friends that if I told them about this, that nothing bad would happen to me. That I wouldn't get fined or go to jail or get a criminal record. Unfortunately they couldn't tell me that. It was an illegal substance that I took, so I would be mistreated and nobody would take me seriously. <br> <br> My friend told me that I had to sleep before this would be over, and I cried, because I knew I couldn't sleep, so I thought it would get worse and worse and worse until I died. Plus, I couldn't function in public, so I couldn't go down to the cafeteria to eat. The food in my room would run out eventually, and when it did... I'd be screwed. <br> <br> He suggested chamomile tea. Yes! I thought. Why didn't I think of that before? I have chamomile tea. With a renewed sense of 'this can work', I brewed some tea and drank it while I watched my fish. I eventually calmed down. I laid down and tried to sleep, but still the nightmares passed over me. You have to understand that by this time, nearly 24 hours had passed. I had tripped all through the night and experienced more than most people experience in their whole lives. I was trying to handle it, but it was really hard. <br> <br> I had another cup of tea and suddenly tiredness took over me. It was noon the day after I had taken the LSD, so 22.5 hours by the time I fell asleep, and I slept until 10 PM. When I woke up, I barely knew who or what I was. It took a few minutes to register in me that I had just been through a really, absurdly long and violent LSD trip. I got anxious and checked my closed eyes for visuals. None. I checked the things around me for visuals. None. I waved my hand in front of me. Nothing. <br> <br> I had never been so happy in my life to be normal. <br> <br> I slept until about 6 in the morning the next day, to have another cup of chamomile, then went back to sleep until after noon. When I woke up I felt like a million bucks. It was amazing. Life was amazing. I had a renewed interest in life. I wanted to do everything. I was so damn happy that I was alive. <br> <br> After-effects: <br> <br> By now, 6 months after the trip, I have experienced a few 'flashback'-like states, where I experienced the extreme paranoia and terror that I had sometimes experienced while on LSD. I am sure they were from the experience, because I had never experienced this sort of thing before. I had always been relatively mentally healthy, if a little bit depressed at times. Despite this, I think my experience changed me for the better. I don't know what it is, but reality seems slightly different. I have learned to be more accommodating of other people, friendlier, and more accepting to different viewpoints. And this is from somebody who has never had an enemy in her life. <br> <br> The main thing that has stuck with me is that now, whenever I look at some water, if I concentrate, I can see the rainbows that refract from the light entering the water. It's not exactly unpleasant at all, in fact I rather like it. I'd call it a very positive thing. It reminds me that I don't know everything. Life is more complicated than I think it is.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 56437</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 22, 2006</td><td>Views: 86,845</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=56437&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=56437&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:15</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 6:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I have been trying to get acid for a long time. I had previously tried sugar cubes on two different occasions but they were bunk. Aside from the appeal of experiencing stimuli that do not exist, I was very interested to see how it compared to mushrooms and DXM, both of which I have done numerous times. I got into an argument with a friend who believed that Acid was far more intense than either of those, however the argument fell short because I had never done acid, and he had never done DXM. Needless to say, when my friend called me up saying that he had 2 hits of blotter acid for me, I rushed over to his place and dropped both on the spot. <br> <br> By the time I got back to my room, I could already feel it building somewhere inside of me. The anxiety was the first symptom I noticed, and as time went on I got more and more giddy and excited. About a quarter of an hour later, I noticed the first visuals. The ceiling of my dorm is textured plaster but I did not remember it being THAT textured. The bumps and marks stood out more than usual, giving it a more 3d look to it. Soon after that, it began to visibly pulse and swirl, not fast, but slowly, like it was a pool of standing water. I was quite amused at this point because I had finally gotten acid that worked! <br> <br> After giggling to myself at the strangeness of the moving ceiling and walls I noticed a striking similarity to mushrooms. The room would lighten and darken seemingly randomly, much like it does indoors on a partly cloudy day when the sun is blocked periodically. I reasoned that this was because my eyes were contracting and dilating, allowing more or less light to my retina. These effects held steady for the next hour or so while my friend used our printer for her homework. At one point I went into the bathroom, and watched my face change dramatically. I couldn't help but laugh like a madman, enjoying how the trip was going. <br> <br> After another half hour or so, I was beginning to worry that I had reached the peak. After all, I am used to mushrooms which peak much sooner than LSD. Finally, I decided to walk my friend back to her dorm on the other side of campus. I would soon find that I was the one who needed to be walked, not her. <br> <br> I stepped outside, smiling constantly and examining the fall night. My first experience with a tree was when I realized, quite suddenly, that the LSD had far from peaked. <br> <br> I stared at the tree for a second, not particularly, but then I got a strange feeling. I think it was because the whole tree canopy was writhing and flowing like the walls inside. It felt as if the tree was some alien creature. I imagine I felt much the same way a person would feel the first time they saw a tree. For some reason I felt that this massive organism was trying to reach out and grab me which creped me out slightly. I was still smiling though, and took it all in stride, walking on towards the opposite side of campus. <br> <br> By the time we made it to the Student Union, I was barely able to communicate. Fences, trees, brick walls, anything with an existing pattern would seize all of my attention to the point where I felt no need to talk, just stare and watch. I was able to tell my friend that if I were to stop and look at any one thing for too long, I would get lost in it, unable to communicate or look away without great effort. If I had been walking alone I surely would have explored this further, but we had a destination and that fact kept me on track, though just barely. Walking behind the Union, we passed a construction yard, another awe-inspiring sight. The shear amount of geometric shapes in the scaffolding, fencing and construction equipment threatened to steal my attention once again. I stopped and stared for a bit, watching the shimmering and waving patterns turn into a kaleidoscope of colors, all twisting in at the same direction and speed. The longer I stared, the more other-worldly the hallucinations became, and I was thoroughly happy. This was exactly what I had hoped for. <br> <br> Past the construction yard I spotted something that looked like a tomato near a dumpster. I approached it, and was thoroughly surprised that it was a squishy foam apple. This discovery made me ecstatic, like I was meant to find this apple. I kept it for the entire trip, and still have it on my desk now. My connection to such a simple and useless item confused me, but again, I just went with it, carrying my apple around with me like it was the sensible thing to do. <br> <br> We were within sight of my friend’s dorm by now, and as I walked down a path (that I thought seemed similar to walking down evolution, though now that I think about it, there was nothing special about this path at all) she exclaimed that I had never heard her play piano. After excitedly agreeing to listen to her play, we took a short walk to the nearby performing arts center. As I walked in the front door, it looked as if the walls were designed with skull motifs above the doors. I stood and stared at them, fairly sure they didn't exist at all, but unable to ask my friend if they were real. When we walked into the lobby of the center, I nearly lost myself again in a fit of laughter. The place, by any standard, is impressive. <br> <br> The 20 foot ceiling with balconies and crisscrossing supports grabbed my attention first. We then walked up a large staircase which also looked crazy, though I do not remember why. After walking down multi-colored hallways with posters and bulletin boards decorating the walls, I turned the corner into a bright orange passage. The color change hit me like a train, and this time I couldn't control my laughter. I cackled like a crazy man as we walked to the practice room. The whole place was nearly empty, and the only evidence of others was the drifting sound of piano being played from one of the other practice studios. I remember comparing it to the aroma of a freshly cooked meal, wafting from a family kitchen. <br> <br> We got into a vacant room, which was no larger than 12 by 12, furnished by 1 piano and a few seats. I took a seat and She began to play. Now, after 13 years of practice, it goes unsaid that she is very good, but when she started playing, my world exploded. The body rolls were all-consuming, triggered by certain notes and sounds in the songs that somehow flew from her fingers. To me it seemed like she should be playing in front of a crowd, not in a small back room, she was that amazing! Individual keystrokes would cause different colors to flare, much like playing with different saturation levels on photo editing programs. There is no way I can even hope to explain this in a way that gives it the correct credit. It was amazing, truly and utterly. She played Grande Valse Brillante Op 18 E-flat major, Funeral March from Op. 35, and Fantasie Impromptu Op. 29 in A-flat major, all three by Chopin, Rondo Capriccioso by Felix Mendelssohn, and Prelude in C-sharp minor Op 3 No. 2, by Rachmaninoff. Songs triggered different emotions and feelings, thoughts and visuals. <br> <br> I truly understand now the power of music and its ability to portray deep emotions that no written word can even hope to describe. I’ve always had a strong connection to music, but nothing remotely close to what occurred in that room. I sat there, in complete amazement as the room around me became everything but what it actually was. My fingertips glowed neon green, non-existent entities left color trails through the air, the walls pulsed and swirled to the music, and notes seemed to hang in the air. My friend changed numerous times throughout her performance. At one point she became an 18th century court elite entertaining a dinner party. At another, she was a fat farmer playing piano, and still other times she was simply a silhouette of strange flowing shapes. The piano legs turned into a roman colonnade and the desk surface I was sitting in front of was a spiraling floral design. I noticed that acid created an amazing amount of external stimulus, but not too many internal thoughts to go with them. I don't remember thinking too much of anything during this period, too intent on the eye candy that was materializing from nowhere to pay attention to my own brain. LSD seemed to hold my attention completely . <br> <br> She played for about an hour, able to change my emotion with a single chord. At one point we tried to analyze what each note did, with limited success. One series of notes she played reminded me of the cold, and I watched as the room froze in a bluish crystalline pattern, spreading across the walls and ceiling like ice. I kept trying to explain what I was seeing and feeling, but the words wouldn’t flow correctly. I was constantly speaking in confusing and awkward sentences, which normally would irritate me, but I was just too happy to care. The performing arts center closed at 12, so we had to leave. I realized that it felt like so much happened in that little room, like I had run a marathon with my eyes alone. I was exhausted from listening! When I got outside, we parted ways and she went back to her dorm and I headed to mine. I noticed that the hardest hallucinations had stopped by then, even the level of intensity I felt when we first left my dorm was gone, as if the music had drained it all out of me. Now that the trip was back down to a mushroom high, I was confident that I could function again, but disappointed that it was all over. <br> <br> The walk back was rather uneventful until I got to a cement design near my dorm. Supposedly, a fire burned down one of the buildings long ago, and now the area was cursed. If I step on the center of the design I won't graduate on time, or so the story goes. I decided that if there WAS any bad energy here, I would be able to sense it on acid. I stood, looking into the crisp night fairly confident nothing was going to happen. But then I started getting unexplainably uncomfortable...almost scared. I was so surprised that I was actually feeling something that the fear turned to curiosity. Then I saw it. A strange bipedal shape blacker than the night, blacker than anything I have ever seen, moved with super-human speed from the fringe of my vision towards where I was looking. I saw it move from the edge of a nearby building, behind a tree and disappear. I couldn't believe it! Did I just see some manifestation of a ghost? I saw it again, this time on the other side of me. At this point I decided that whether it was a malevolent force or not, it deserved respect, so I left it alone and continued to my dorm. <br> <br> I took a walk to an abandoned frat house, wondering if I would get any more freaky hallucinations. Supposedly, the place burned up in a meth-lab explosion a few years ago, and a kid died. I sat down on an overgrown blacktop and looked at the building. The windows were boarded up and I watched them change from brown to white. Strange shapes and faces looked back at me from the windows, but only the windows, none of the rest of the building changed in any noticeable way. After watching the clouds race by for a few minutes, I felt as if a great change was occurring, the weather foretold something about the future, but I couldn't place exactly what it was trying to say. <br> <br> After meeting my friends who sold me the acid, I was both glad and disappointed that I could talk coherently again. <br> <br> I headed back to my dorm after talking to them for awhile. My head was starting to hurt (similar to the first time I did mushrooms) and when I got inside it had become quite painful. I decided that maybe smoking a bowl would help, so I packed some Northern Lights and smoked it while hanging out with my roommate. As I smoked, the hallucinations hit me again, nearly as intense as back in the performing arts center. He was playing football on PS2 while I smoked. I saw that there were Referees sitting in different locations around our common room. One sat to my left, one to my right, and one stood in front of me near the TV. My roommate changed the channel to cartoons, commenting that watching them would have been strange on acid. Fortunately the trip hadn’t ended yet and I watched him turn into a cartoon himself! When I told him this, he stood up and began waving his arms around, which promptly turned into flippers. I laughed hysterically. He thought it was amusing that he had flippers as well. <br> <br> It was about 2 am by this point and I decided that it was time to go to sleep, after all, I did have class the next day. I laid down in my bed, staring at the morphing ceiling and eventually passed out. I woke up again at 5 am with a splitting headache. It was so bad that I had to walk to get some Tylenol before I could get to sleep again. This, in my opinion was the only negative of the whole trip. <br> <br> In my personal experience, Acid is very similar to mushrooms, but it lacks the overwhelming emotional aspect of mushrooms. The emotions were intense, yes, but amusement and joy predominated. I was never once truly afraid, depressed or angry. Other similarities include the anxiety during the come-up, and the milder hallucinations. Acid most certainly surpasses mushrooms in visual intensity however, but left me much more drained than fungus does. I also noticed that my brain’s attention was strictly on the hallucinations. Not only were these strange sights interesting in a logical sense, but it actually felt good to look at them, much like eating a piece of candy. <br> <br> As for my previous argument about LSD versus DXM, Dex still holds the title for most intense. Never once did I feel like I couldn’t handle what acid had to show me. Never was I panicked or confused which is fairly common in the midst of a robo-trip. LSD and DXM are nearly opposite in how they affected me. All of the visuals on LSD were external. Everything that I saw, heard and felt, came from outside. I tried to close my eyes at one point, curious to see if I would still hallucinate, but I did not. DXM requires no external stimulus at all and closing my eyes often increases the depth and intensity of the trip. This, among other chemical synergies between LSD and DXM leads me to wonder what taking both would be like.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 56905</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 26, 2006</td><td>Views: 22,684</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=56905&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=56905&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">115 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Note: Although I have had numerous mushroom and LSD experiences, I am naturally very resistant to tripping and usually have to consume large quantities of hallucinogens to feel effect. This experience was truly unique because I ate only 1 tab of acid and still had an intense trip with visuals. This is copied verbatim from what I wrote the morning after the experience. <br> <br> So I tripped balls on acid last night and it was such an amazing experience I want to write it down before it fades. I can't remember it all clearly, but here goes: <br> We all ate the acid in Mike's basement around 1:00 pm. I kept the tab on and under my tongue for at least an hour. I remember looking around at the walls, the ceiling, the floor, trying so hard to see something, anything out of the ordinary. I started to feel kind of weird after a while. My stomach felt really hollow and my chest was really tight, and when I stood and walked around I felt clumsy and kind of drunk. <br> <br> We decided to go upstairs and go get some food while we were sober enough to make it. I had this feeling of surreality watching my hands make that sandwich, as if they weren't really mine. I just kind of rushed through it because I felt really confused and a little unsettled at my inability to manipulate peanut butter, jelly, bread, and knife into an edible sandwich. Chris was cracking up so much he was barely even started when I finished my sandwich and sat down on the couch. <br> <br> Mike started playing his little sister's toy keyboard, which was hilarious--Mike, usually the whiskey-chugging, smart-mouthed jerk who's always starting a fight, was sitting there grinning like a fool and banging away on this pink toy keyboard and loving every minute of it. It was really hard to eat my sandwich and I gave up before I finished it. We all went back downstairs into the basement. Chris and I sat on the bed and Mike started playing Need For Speed Underground, which kept him occupied for a good part of the trip. <br> <br> Nick showed up and we went to the other side of the basement and smoked a joint, which didn't get me stoned, but when we came back and sat on the bed I started to feel really strange. My first hallucination was a really faint tracing of colored lines on the ceiling, which slowly faded and then retraced in a new pattern. I remember I was so happy to have any hallucinations at all that I held onto those lines for awhile, concentrating on them, trying to make them more vivid and real. <br> <br> When I looked down at the floor, I knew I was tripping hard. The fabric of the rug was rising and forming itself into little mounds and ridges, creating a crazy 3-D oriental rug pattern. I didn't tell anybody about any of this at the time because I was so fascinated by it and also kind of afraid it would go away. It started to look like the little pieces of rug fiber which weren't fully attatched to the rug were lifting upwards as if some force opposite to gravity was coaxing them towards the ceiling. <br> <br> Then I started trying to describe the rug to everyone. This is when I really started tripping, and my memories are a little more disjointed and hard to put in order. I remember smoking cigarette after cigarette because the smoke was turning into these beautiful, thin ribbons of colored smoke, blue and purple and green and silver, which rose into the air and formed patterns which spread and morphed and grew into each other and collided and dissapeared and then formed again. It was the most beautiful and fascinating thing I have ever seen. I saw similar colored lines and shapes on the ceiling tiles, but nothing could compare to the cigarette smoke. I remember watching the ashes form on the end of my cigarette and thinking with wonder how much it resembled decay and decomposition as the ashes formed and became skeletal, gray, like the bones of an ancient organism slowly crumbling to dust. <br> <br> When Mike finally stopped playing Need For Speed and started playing the little piano again it looked like so much fun I had to ask him for it so I could try it. I remember sitting down cross-legged on the floor with my hair hanging down over the keys and following the colored lights. (The keyboard would light up the keys you had to press to play a song one by one.) I could hear each individual note as I pressed it but I was so distracted by the colored lights I couldn't put them together in a song. <br> <br> A few times I was having such a blast pressing the buttons I forgot they made noise and looked around trying to find the source of the unending note, only connecting it with the keyboard when I looked down at my finger on the key. As I sat there and played, I felt myself growing physically smaller and smaller; even my fingers looked tiny on the keys. The room felt huge and I felt so, so small. <br> <br> At some point I laid back on Mike's bed and stared at the ceiling and all the colors and lines and oriental patterns that were forming across it. As I was watching them I tried to make the hallucinations stronger; eventually one section of the ceiling became a blur of color with lines and dots passing across it as if they were orbiting something or flying through space. <br> <br> I don't know how many hours we spent just staring at things, but eventually Nick left to go pick up some bud. He came back with Ashley and Kim. When they walked in I remember saying, You guys missed so much! You have no idea what you missed--so much stuff just happened! As I said it I began to feel the most incredible feeling coursing through my body. I can't really describe it, but I guess the closest would be happiness and energy and understanding flowing in my veins like electricity in my blood. <br> <br> It was the most beautiful feeling. I felt so priveleged to be feeling it that I didn't even miss it when it went away, I was so happy to have been able to experience it even once. We all decided to go outside in the snow to smoke a bowl. I looked up at the night sky and immediately became so fascinated by the falling snow I almost couldn't look away. It was so beautiful, falling in tiny, downy little white flakes that eventually became pink and then sparkled and grew trails like fireworks and smoke. <br> <br> I remember telling everyone, This is so beautiful! Look at this! Appreciate it with me! because I felt it was so pretty it would be wrong not to appreciate and share it. We smoked a couple bowls out there and even though Chris was complaining about the cold Mike and I couldn't even feel it. A couple times the three of us just started laughing uncontrollably and Nick, Ashley, and Kim were just staring at us like we were crazy (which I guess we technically were.) <br> <br> At one point I was so overcome with happiness I managed to stop laughing long enough to blurt out, I'm so sorry you guys aren't tripping! This is soo funny! And that got even the sober people laughing. I remember Nick telling me I looked like a little kid as I was staring at the snow between hits. When we finally got too cold we all went inside and listened to Pink Floyd. <br> <br> I remember turning the music up over and over again because it just sounded so good. I would eventually turn it all the way up, but then no one could hear each other so they would turn it down, but then I would slowly turn it all the way up again. It just sounded so beautiful I wanted it louder and louder. <br> <br> Ashley and Kim left and Chris, Mike, and I went back to staring at stuff. As we started to come down, we all got really quiet. Throughout the trip we had been laughing and talking and describing hallucinations and concepts to each other, but that stopped. I just kept getting tangled up in my thoughts, contemplating the most meaningful things but unable to verbalize it before I got lost in another chain of thought. <br> <br> I remember looking through the detatched barrel of Mike's paint ball gun, which turned the light into concentric circles of rainbow colors. The colors were so bright and vivid and beautiful it took me forever to think of the names for them. I remember sitting on the floor in the basement and staring at the slowly moving patterns made out of the rug for what seemed like hours, but not in a boring way. By the time Jake and Evan showed up I wasn't seeing much of anything anymore and, besides feeling really quiet and contemplative, I was done tripping for the night. That was probably around 10:00 or 10:30 pm.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 42014</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 7, 2006</td><td>Views: 34,995</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=42014&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=42014&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:15</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.25 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/pcp/">PCP</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This is my first and so far only experiance with the chemical drug LSD, 1 blotter tab with an green alien face on it. <br> <br> Well I was 16 at the time and I had a week earlier procured 1 hit of acid from a friend of mine. I had decided to do it on a saturday night at a friends house. He had some pot and I had a cap of pcp with me in case the acid was a dude. Wasn't the best settings or anything, but I wanted to use the acid sooner then later in case it wore off somehow before I got the chance to take it (acid is VERY hard to come by in my town, most of the time being blank paper and I don't know how to get it anywhere else at my age). <br> <br> Time: approximately 12:00 (midnight). I placed the acid on my tongue and let it sit for 15 minutes until it got squishy enough to swallow. Then I swirled up a bunch of spit in my mouth and swallowed it with that. During this time I gave my friend a 1/4 gram of my pcp and then he smoked a joint. I had been hoping to have a very spiritual experiance as best I could but I realised given my surroundings, I basically had thrown away that possibility. Oh and by the way, we were watching the movie Tremors. <br> <br> 12:15. Swallowed the blotter tab and snorted 1/4 of PCP in 4 itty bitty lines. My friend is a horrible person to get stoned with (he mellows out for maybe 15 minutes then goes to bed) and that is exactly what he did..WENT TO BED! ahh so not fun. Anyway, I continued watching the movie for awhile. I wondered if I would have to set the effects into play myself so I started staring at a cartoonish picture of a devil my friend has painted on his wall across from the 2 seater couch in his room. Staring...staring...staring. <br> <br> 12:30. I had been trying to make the picture talk to me or pop out at me but to no effect so I started watching the movie again. After probably another 15 minutes i just casually glanced back up at this devil picture to see it looking 3D. It was a flat picture but it seemed like i could stick my hand underneath it (which is what I tried to do). No matter what angle I looked at it from, I could see below it! At this point I was incredibly happy to know I had gotten real acid and this increased my buzz because it put me in a good mood. I continued watched the movie. And around now the tracers kicked in. <br> <br> 12:45. At this point without me even realising it, reality had totally changed. It was the scene in the movie the town starts getting attacked my tremors (the scene of the girl in her underwear running is all I can remember). Everything seemed weird but I could not put my finger on it. Then during the scene of them on their roofs, everytime someone would touch any thing, roots would shoot out of their fingers and encircle what their were touching, causing it to crack apart but when they removed their hand it would be perfectly normal again. This took place for roughly 15-30 minutes. Then I had to pee...REALLY bad. I probably urinated 5 times that night which is weird. <br> <br> 1:05. Stumbled my way out of his small room and into the dark hallway. Luckily for me the bathroom is directly outside his bedroom, but I was worried if walking in the dark would send me on a bad trip. Keeping the 'it's only a drug' thought in my mind probably saved me many times that night. So as soon as I walk into the bathroom I look at myself in the mirror. WHOA! I'm totally made up of hues of purple. Different shades for every part of my body. And I'm vibrating. It looks like I'm standing on a giant vibrator because of the way I'm just sort of 'buzzing'. I was intrigued by this effect for a long time and kept staring at my hands and face move in the mirror. I leaned in closer to the mirror to get a better look and I put out my hand and it touched the mirror, causing a rippling, watery effect. This effect would also continue throughout the experiance everytime I touched something or took a step. <br> <br> I remembered I had to pee so I turned to the toilet and as soon as I held my penis, I started masterbating. I realised that is not what I came for and started to pee. The stream of urine was actually kind of boring, the only interesting thing was that the yellowish tint of it caused it to grow incredibly bright. I then inspected around the toilet to make sure that I hadn't actually 'miss-fired' in my drug induced state and was pleased to find that I had not. I sat down on the toilet (with the cover down and pants up) because I wanted to enjoy the bright and clean feeling of this room (nice bathrooms RULE). <br> <br> I kept stepping on the floor and watching the waves ripping out and pass up the wall. Very cool. I really do not know how long I was here. I remembered about the movie then and decided to get up but when I put my hand on the counter top, there was a giant ripple which shook me and I sat back down. It didn't frighten me though. I looked at my hand and countertop and started tapping beats out with my fingers. Each tap would send out a different note with the waves. Everything in the bathroom was almost heavenly bright. My guess is that this was caused by the linolium floor and white walls and ceiling. <br> <br> After I got bored of this I got back to my friends room with little incidence (just trying hard to get back on to the couch in a cluttered dark small room. I didn't want to turn on the lights to awaken my friend). Watching the movie, I realised hardly any time had passed at all (maybe 5 minutes, 10 at the most, where as it felt like hours in the bathroom). <br> <br> 1:20. move ahead a few minutes. I was extremely disinterested in the movie and needed some way to please myself. I became interested in knowing what sharp pains felt like while on this drug. I found a safety pin I had in my sweater and started poking my self over my chest (after I had taken my shirt off). This feeling pleased me emmensly and I continued poking my chest for some time. <br> <br> I had to pee again and I put the safety pin aside and got up. I took off my pants so I was only in my boxers (for comfort). When I opened the door of my friends room I heard a very strange and slightly scary noise. It took me some time to realize it was from 1 or more of his 3 dogs (2 little mutts and 1 big black one) upstairs drinking from their bowls. That part didn't bothered me but I was scared that seeing a dog might make me freak out so I hurried into the bathroom. <br> <br> After I peed I stood up (I sat down because I was too wobbly at this point, maybe an effect of the PCP). When I took a step, the ripples set out again but bounced off the walls and headed straight back for my foot. As soon as they all collided with my foot, my foot seemed to swell up to giant size and turn blackish. It was incredibly painful and I fought with all my strength to keep it from traveling up my leg and hopefully push it out (I was just keeping my fists clenched, teeth gritted, and foot planted firmly. I was standing almost as if I was about to take off running, putting all my weight on my 'infected' foot). I continued to fight with this black substance for quite some time, each of us gaining an inch or 2 then losing it. Eventually it took control of me. It swept up my leg and into my chest and at this point things became a total mind trip. <br> <br> *It might also be important(or not) to note that now I have no clue what time it was, I only know I finally fell asleep around 6 in the morning* <br> <br> As the thing 'infected' me, I felt stronger and wiser. More powerful. I sensed I had more control over the universe and the minds of people. I put myself into a trance like state (still standing in the bathroom), with my eyes closed. I found myself in an alley behind a man who couldn't see me. I stepped up closer to him and plunged my hand directly into his back, grabbing hold of his spinal colume. I pulled it out of his back, his head still attached at the top. I had killed this man. I found another man and started taking out organs one by one by plunging my hand into his body, ripping his stomach apart in the process. It was so incredibly fun and I thought I was actually doing this, but without the possibility of getting caught because of my power. <br> <br> This next piece I am a little fuzzy over. I somehow remeber folding inside myself. Just bending over and twisting in that direction until I somehow came to be standing right side up again. I still had my eyes closed though and this was all in my head. <br> <br> There was a lot more to that experiance of killing and dismembering then I can remember because it has been over a year but I just remember it was a very strong and powerful feeling I was enjoying, and one of the funner moments of the trip. <br> <br> I decided to see what else I could do with my powers. There was this beautiful girl I had a crush on who was my age. We had gone out for a few months and we had been the first sexual experiance for each of us (just using hands and mouths on each other, nothing more). But we had broken up. I thought strongly of her and all the sudden I woke up in her bed. I could only see faintly threw the moonlight shining in her window but I could tell I was in her body, controlling it. I did not sense her presense at all, as if she was still sleeping in her subconscience. I decided I wanted to know what an orgasm felt from the female body. I took off my bra and panties and started rubbing my clitorus. <br> <br> The feeling was so direct and pleasent that I was convinced totally that this wasn't just the trip, that LSD actually unlocked secret doorways to travel through in our minds. Connecting our minds on a higher level, leaving our bodies on a lower one. I felt that because my mind was on this higher levels, and the minds of most people were sleeping, that they would not be aware of I 'borrowed' their bodies and that is what allowed me to do what I was doing. <br> <br> Back to the experiance. I started inserting fingers into my vagina and it was so great feeling. I continued at this until I had an intense orgasm. It felt like it was the first time I've ever had an orgasm which probably had to do with the body I was in. I then got up and walked around her room for awhile naked, still ocassionally holding my breasts or ass and enjoying the body as much as if I was myself again and holding hers. After awhile I decided to let her have it back and climbed into bed again and closed my eyes. I immediatly came to, standing in my boxers in the bathroom. Everything was still bright. I checked for ejaculate stains in my boxers to see if I might have actually had an orgasm but I didn't. It was truely all in my mind, and in her body. <br> <br> Anyway I walked back to my friends room and the movie credits were rolling at this point so with the faint light, I found a piece of cardboard and a pencil and drew a face and body on this cardboard. I had a name for him but I forget it now. I was trying desperately to get him to talk to me but it wouldn't, which really disappointed me. I then laid on my back and started poking myself with the pin again. I started moving the pin around my body, to my arms, hands, cheeks and nose, forhead, lips and tongue. I even tried poking my testicles and the head of my penis. It was very 'sharp' but also pleasent in a way. I then turned the tv to the channel that tells you whats on for the next hour and a half (well it came on that channel when I turned the VCR off) and with this bluish light(no sound) I watched my skin as I poked it. <br> <br> I wanted to draw blood so I picked a spot on my arm and pressed the needle down deeply. When I pulled it out a gusher of blood came spurting out like a freshly tapped vein of oil like you see in cartoons. Then the blood settled down and formed a pool which pulled itself into a drop centered over the poked hole. Then the blood started seeping down into the skin and spreading around the patterns of the hair and mini-crevices of my flesh. <br> <br> Then it was gone. Suddenly I was sober again. I looked at my arm and it was only a speck of red..not even bleeding. <br> <br> I turned off the TV and lay down. At this moment the acid reaffirmed its presense in me and all the lights in the room, from the flashing lighthouse shing in the window to the lights on the tv and vcr started swimming around me. The vcr/tv lights became a UFO and the lighthouse lights ended up becoming 'light' fish swimming around the top of the room. I watched all this for awhile but then I had to pee again. <br> <br> As I stood up I could think semi-clearly finally and I felt groggy and my mind felt misty. I didn't even feel totally connected to reality at this time. I stood in front of the toilet and started to pee, looking out the window directly in front of me at the lights of houses across the bay. Then a masked face appeared in front of the window..then another..then ANOTHER! <br> <br> There was three of these masked men, wearing black clokes and a perverted warped version of the scream-movie mask. The mask was a lot longer, reaching mid chest and coming to a point, with a slit running from the point vertically up to the middle of the mask. A black dot for each eye and that was it. Hooded black cloaks and that mask. I just stared at the 3 faces for awhile and then looked down and pulled my boxers over my penis. <br> <br> As soon as I looked straight up, one of the masked men just sort of 'swept' aside, and I got the feeling it was coming after me. I did not feel safe anymore so I hurridly went into my friends room again and closed the door. I looked out the window to see if the faces would appear but became intranced in the light of the lighthouse. It's rotation caused it to appear once every 4-5 seconds and everytime it would get brighter, then after it lit up the sky would slowly get darker, this continued until I lay back down and started playing with the pin for awhile, poking myself. This got boring so I picked up the cardboard man. <br> <br> I started talking to him even if he wasn't going to talk back. I continued a lengthy discussion with him for some time about my feelings and life and how my trip was, telling him of the murder experiances I had just earlier. I was feeling slightly tired so I decided I would go to sleep. <br> <br> After laying in bed for some time, unable to fall asleep, I realised what was wrong. I couldn't let the cardboard man live! He would be a doorway to this upper level of existence and he could only exist when a human was at this level. If I was sober and he was around, it would have negative effects of reality! The thoughts were so frightening to me at the time that I quickly sat up and grabbed him, then took a safety pin. I told him how sorry I was and that I had to do it, even though I didn't want to. He still wouldn't talk to me. I said my final farewells and drove the pin through his chest. I layed him on the table beside the couch and, content, fell asleep. <br> <br> The next morning I awoke not remembering much of this. Then as I turned over and saw the strange cardboard thing with a drawing of a man on it with a safety pin stuck in its chest, most of my trip came back. During that morning more and more came back and I kept relating it all to my friend, who seemed really disinterested. <br> <br> I have been wanted to do acid again since then, to finally experiance a true trip that would lead me to question my existense and ponder the questions of reality. This trip was basically nothing more then a few wierd visuals and one really odd 'out of body' experiance and, while really intreging, it was not what I truly wanted. I blame the experiance on the bad environment and lack of 'trip toys' that I had access to. I have yet to find more acid besides getting dooped into buying plain paper, though I have searched high and low since this experiance. <br> <br> I want to think I learned something from this, but I don't think I could have. The experiance was nothing more to me then a vacation from normality, when I was searching for a different path of reality. Hopefully I will find another chance to experiance this wonderful drug the way I really want to. <br> <br> The one thing I don't understand is how high I became off of only one tab. The only thing I can guess is that it was either very strong, or if what a friend told me, I actually took a quadruple tab, because he told me most tabs are usually the size of a pencil eraser but square, while mine was the size of a medium sized postage stamp. <br> <br> Anyway, I have done more research into the drug, and into spirituality and psycology in general. I know more about myself and have a clearer understanding of how I personally view life and the mind. Hopefully this knowledge will benefit whatever future experiances I have with LSD, hopefully soon :). <br> <br> OH, I just realised I did learn something, actually two things from this experiance. Killing can be fun without the prisons of morality, judgement, and fear, and women must have a ton more fun then men do masterbating!!<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2002</td><td width="90">ExpID: 24295</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 7, 2006</td><td>Views: 27,984</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=24295&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=24295&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Combinations (3), First Times (2), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">8 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">124 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I know this is a VERY long story, but it is one I typed up the day after having my first high-dose acid trip. I copied and paste this into here with no editing and no revising. Therefore, this is the exact account of my first high-dose acid trip from right after it happened. I didn't go into acid in hopes of getting high as a party drug. I went into it for a spiritual experience. I am part Native American and proud of my heritage so I have studied the use of psychedelic drugs to invoke spirit quests. Before I paste in the experience of the acid trip I will tell a little bit about my background, the setting, my mood, and any other information I think will help those of you thinking about entering the world of LSD. <br> <br> My first real acid trip took place exactly 10 days after my 19th birthday, which is in July. I am a straight-A student, graduated high school with Honors. I am very studious and interested in psychology, science, quantum physics, chemistry, history, and philosophy. I’ve always been a loner, never enjoyed parties or social gatherings. I have always loved nature and animals so I planned to go out on a nice day for the acid trip and maybe look for snakes and turtles in a forest. <br> <br> The drugs I have previously done were marijuana, alcohol, and cocaine. Never really cared for alcohol because it made me numb and apathetic, never really cared for cocaine but it was addictive. I enjoyed marijuana mostly because it heightened my senses, made me more aware of my surroundings, and exaggerated everything. I was in a bad mood on the day of my first high-dose acid trip because I was being harassed by my parents all morning about how my checking account somehow had $-56. Luckily, when my friends came over I calmed down because they’re people I have always been very comfortable with. Enough of the background information, here’s the story of an experience I will never forget... <br> <br> 2:14am <br> As I am writing this, I am coming down from the most spiritual and life-changing experience that can possibly happen. Still coming down so this story may seem a bit confusing because my mind is racing and everything I'm looking at is moving, including the words on the screen. This experience is one which you can not possibly comprehend unless you have actually experienced it. Now I have taken a few hits of acid before, the most was 4 but it was really weak acid so all I got was a body high and slight movement in my visuals. Slight trails, everything was more vivid, I could notice everything. Everything was clear and my senses were heightened. I felt really spaced out too so talking to people was really confusing too. But that’s about it. <br> <br> At around 4:30pm I took 8 hits of white fluff acid. I have heard it is the strongest acid you can get nowadays. I was with one of my best friends, who I will call D, his girlfriend S, and my friend K. After we took the acid, S drove us to the package store so D could get some alcohol. After we got back to my house I saw my parents leave so we went in my backyard and smoked some pot out of my glass bowl. D and I got pretty stoned. Then as I was sitting on my porch with my friends having a cigarette, I felt a slight shift in reality. Like I was slowly being transported into a new world. <br> <br> Everything was so much more vivid. I could hear every bird, every gust of wind, the stereo was blasting out the song Jerusalem by a stoner metal band called Sleep and it was making me space out and since I was relaxed I started to get tingly all over my body, a feeling of bugs being under the skin. But it wasn’t like that, I knew there were no bugs under my skin so I didn’t freak out. Then I realized the feeling felt like the loving fingertips of a woman tickling me all over. I was getting slight trails but nothing hard yet, it was only as if I waved my hand in front of a computer screen. I looked at the paintjob on the side of my house. I could see every brush stroke from when it was painted. It kind of looked like it was bulging out a little bit. Then my friends decided to go for a swim... <br> <br> My friend D kept insisting that we go swimming. At first I didn’t want to, but he said it would be good for us because I have a solar heater in my pool so it was like bathwater. It was scorching hot outside and the water was in the high 80s. I went inside for my swimsuit and I felt really weird. Very spaced out and confused. I forgot what I went inside for so I went back outside and I saw my friends in the pool. I think I remember getting a swimsuit for K too because she left it here from last time but I don’t remember when that came into play. <br> <br> I went back inside to put on my swimsuit and I went outside. Everything was so much more vivid and I knew the acid was kicking in, but I had no idea what I was about to experience. I knew I was stoned but I'm pretty used to being stoned, and it never felt like this before. I felt like the wind kind of, like I was a part of the air. I stood on my pool deck and stared at the water for a little bit noticing every little ripple in the water. My friends kept encouraging me to jump in. I knew it would be too much of a shock to jump in so I slowly climbed in. All I can remember that D said was 'come on dude jump in the pool. I'm telling you, this will be the craziest experience you have ever had.' As I was swimming around, and going underwater, things gradually started to get weirder. Not really any visuals yet, just very tingly, stoned, spaced out, confused, my senses were heightened and I could hear and see everything so clearly and it was all so crisp. Then things started to get really weird... <br> <br> I put on these goggles that made everything have a purple/red tint. Because of the suction of the goggles it felt like my eyeballs were getting pulled out. But I forced myself to think 'It's only the effects of a drug, and it will wear off. Your eyes aren’t really getting sucked out.' I could still feel it but I accepted it because I knew it was just my imagination. I went underwater and I could see every little movement and how the water was distorting the bottom and sides of the pool. Then once I came out of the water I could not see a thing, everything was so dark and purple so I took off the goggles. <br> <br> Everything was as colorful and exactly how they looked when I had my goggles on before. With a purple/red tint. I felt a little part of my thumb growing so I looked and I could see a blister form right before my eyes and it was growing. I looked down at my chest and could see my skin change color from the normal skin color to having patterns in kind of pale dot shapes. Then I could see the goose bumps grow out of my skin. I got out of the water because I realized the blister was most likely from the chlorine in the water. Then I looked down at the grain in the wood and it started waving, and kind of swirling together. The spaces between the pieces of wood that made up the deck were also kind of waving, looked like water kind of. Then I looked out into my backyard... <br> <br> When I looked out into my backyard, the tool shed looked very out of place. It looked like a small house. Then as I noticed the surroundings I could see how it fit in. The picket fence in the back looked like it was swaying slowly side to side, as if dancing in the wind. The house looked like it was blowing up like a balloon and deflating back to regular size (with an indent in the center), only to inflate again. As I looked at the point at the top of the roof, I could see my house kind of swaying slowly from side to side. <br> <br> I looked at the grass, every blade was moving like it was alive. Every object was breathing just like my house, the tool shed which made me think of a dwarf's house, the pool deck, the pool, the fence, the neighbor’s tool shed which was right behind the picket fence with a lot of plant life next to it which was moving like it was alive. The tree’s leaves had a weird purplish-orange design on them and the tree seemed to stand out. <br> <br> Except my friends looked completely normal, a bit too normal. D told me to look at the tree because it was colorful. I was so confused because as I was looking at the tree D kept telling me to look and I kept saying 'I'm looking at it man' and he said 'no dude, look at it.' So while I was staring at this tree I heard my friends laughing at me and I felt retarded because I could not understand what was going on. Then D tapped my shoulder and pointed to the tree he was talking about. One that was across the street and when I looked at it, I could see every leaf move like it was going in small circles and it looked like flowers were growing out of the middle of it. <br> <br> I decided to go inside to dry off and change because I was cold (even though it was supposed to be scorching hot out.) The ladder to get down from the deck was breathing so I had to have my friend help me get down the ladder, the back porch and the stairs that went up on it were breathing. The floral patterns on my walls in the kitchen looked like they were growing, and the grain designs on the dinner table were moving and swirling to form shapes that looked like faces you would see in an animated scary movie. I went into the bathroom and the walls, the hamper, the sink, the shower, and the toilet were breathing. Every design on the floor tile and the walls were growing, swirling, and swaying. <br> <br> I looked in the mirror and I could see every little detail of my face and it looked like it was moving a bit, so I talked to myself in the mirror just to tell myself it was just a drug which will wear off and I'll be fine. Don't worry… the image didn’t talk back and I knew it was just a mirror. I was just trying to calm myself down because I didn't expect what was happening to me. It was a bit overwhelming because it was hitting me pretty hard, and it was my first time really tripping. Then I noticed the trails... <br> <br> I heard about trails and the times that I have done low doses of acid I would imagine myself to have slight trails, even when I smoked too much pot I would imagine it too. But right now, in my bathroom, I had a trail. I knew it. I moved my hand across my vision and saw 50 hands spread out like a fan, slowly fading away like it was dissolving from the beginning of the fan until all that was left was my real hand. I just fooled around making crazy trails in the bathroom until I decided to go back outside. <br> <br> Everything in the kitchen was moving. The objects were inflating and deflating and kind of swaying from side to side as if dancing, and all I could think of was the scene in Evil Dead 2 where the house was alive everything in it was laughing (although nothing really was laughing during my experience, they were just dancing). The patterns on everything were growing and/or swirling. The top of my table looked like the top of a crooked tree stump, but somehow it belonged in the middle of my kitchen and it was on the four table legs in the exact center of my kitchen. <br> <br> As I walked toward the door I stared at the table and everything was getting darker and the patterns on the table were swirling to form the faces even more. The floral designs on the walls were growing and sprouting more flowers. I went outside and sat down on the porch swing with K, while D and S were sitting at the table. Everything was moving just like how it was earlier but stronger. I looked at the kitchen window which has a design of two birds on it and I saw the tail of one of them start to curl up. <br> <br> My mind was moving so fast so I told my friends I wanted to go for a walk, go on an adventure. I didn't want to waste my trip just sitting around, I wanted to go experience the world because I felt like I was a child again and I was experiencing everything for the first time. Plus a walk would do me good because it would help to clear my mind. But my friends told me no because it was too hot outside. I didn't feel the heat but apparently it was a very hot summer's day. Then S drove us to an old graveyard… <br> <br> On the way to the graveyard, everything was moving. Being inside the car I felt very claustrophobic because it looked like the sides were closing in on me and every pattern around me was moving, although my friends looked perfectly normal, everything around them was alive. I looked out the windshield and the road looked like it was curved up in the middle like a big hill and the trees were growing into the middle of the road like we were in a rainforest. <br> <br> The street lights and what looked like towering giant pillars that connected the power lines were trailing so I could see one coming toward us right after the other and everything was crooked and looked like it was melting down toward the street. I decided to lay down in K's lap and stared out the window and was overwhelmed. All of a sudden I got tunnel vision and all I could see was a thousand street lights and power-line poles coming toward me and I felt some bubbles pop in my head so I sat up and held onto K. <br> <br> She held onto me to calm me down. I had to get out of that car. D noticed me bugging out so he put on some relaxing 60's music and I was able to sit back, relax, and watch the crooked melting street lights, the growing trees with spinning leaves, the breathing street that looked like a balloon inflating in the center. Every once in a while I would tell him to turn down the music because I would see flashes that went along with the beat of the music and it bugged me out a little bit. But once he turned the music down I snapped back into reality and he turned it up again. <br> <br> When we got to the graveyard, I sat down on the grass in front of a statue and smoked another bowl with D. Then I looked up and noticed all the gravestones were crooked and looked kind of like they were slowly dancing back and forth, the ground looked like it was breathing and the pathways looked like they were bulging out, like big hills that formed crooked and disoriented paths. The faces on the statues seemed to change into skulls and sometimes just to have a different expression. The leaves on the trees were spinning in little circles and growing, kind of looked like a painting. Then for some reason, which I can not remember, we went back to the car and went to a beach which led to an abandoned town... <br> <br> At the beach we walked along the path, I was still getting the same visuals as I described earlier, they were just a lot stronger now and it seemed like there were huge waves going across the ground I was walking on. I felt my skin begin to swirl too. I could feel every grain of sand going into my shoes and I felt like I was being pulled into the ground because I was walking on sand. <br> <br> Everything was moving. The birds trailed and looked like there were at least 10 flying by and fading away. I could see every bug fly by, the moths were beautiful. The birds were beautiful. The straw ground looked like it was swirling until the colors would mix together and look like small animals running around on the path. Then I noticed that they were little fiddler crabs running around. I saw a bird flying around in circles above me and it looked like it was pissed off and wanted to kill me. <br> <br> D told me that I was near its nest so it would dive-bomb me. I was bugging out a bit because I thought the bird would attack me so I was clutching onto K as she guided me out of the danger zone. I started getting a bit paranoid and thought my friends thought of me as retarded because they weren't tripping. As we were walking, I kind of left them behind and walked on my own because I knew I was in my own little world. <br> <br> Then I saw a bird fly through the air and it split into about 5 birds and flew in all different directions. I was amazed by it and I said to D, 'Holy shit! Did you see that? Those birds flew and spread out, there has to be at least 50 birds out here.' Then D laughed and pointed out the reality to me, 'Dude, there are only 2 birds. Look. One, two. You’re just tripping face.' I said 'I know, and I love it. I want more.' He told me that he was tripping face too because he took 6 hits, but he's experienced with it so he can control it. <br> <br> D called me his brother in psychedelics and we sat down on the beach and smoked another bowl talking about how we want to take an even higher dose next time. As we were walking on the wooden bridge, every piece of wood that held it together was crooked and swaying like it was dancing. The trees and every little plant was growing and moving like it was alive and about to devour us. Not a harmful devourment, more of a peaceful one. Like we were going through a pathway into another world. The houses in the abandoned town were inflating and deflating, everything looked bent. Similar to the animation in the cartoon Rocko's Modern Life. I don’t remember much after that of what went on in the abandoned town. But I remember the walk back... <br> <br> The ground was like water, I could feel it like it was an earthquake and the waves were going across the ground. The whole world felt like it was a seesaw and I could feel my own body waving around like it was moving with the water-like ground. I could feel every part of my body swirling into itself. I looked out onto the water and could see huge tidal waves going from one side to the other. I could see everything getting darker with the sun going down. I could hear every sound. When we got back in the car, my friend John called my cell phone and the way he was talking I could not understand anything he was saying. It was like he was talking a different language, which I could only partially understand. So everything he was saying was mixing together and confusing the hell out of me. So I told him I'd meet him at the fast food restaurant Wendy's. <br> <br> On the way to Wendy's, D and I smoked another bowl to heighten the trip. When we got to Wendy's I was getting very claustrophobic because I was stuck in the car and they wouldn't let me out because D and S were arguing and ignoring the fact that I had to get out of the car. The insides of the car looked like it was closing in on me and the paranoia caused by their arguing made me think everyone was pissed off at me, like I ruined everyone’s night by tripping. John saw us there and saw me bugging out so he told D that I had to get out of the car. <br> <br> When I got out, K and I went into Wendy's and the confusion was too much. The letters on the menu were swirling and waving around, each letter was dancing. Everything was moving around me and John's girlfriend, Rachel, asked me for 7 cents. I walked around in circles around the restaurant looking through my pockets for change, then I looked up and noticed Rachel and the person at the register were both staring at me. I apologized for not having any change then I left. John tried to talk to me again and I just wanted him to leave me alone because I felt so stupid because I couldn't understand him. <br> <br> I got back in the car and we went to the playground where I went to elementary school. I saw some old friends from high school and I was happy to see them but they knew I was on drugs so they laughed and said it was typical of me. But I told them I took 8 hits of acid and smoked some pot and one of them said sarcastically 'wow, you really know how to mix your drugs. That’s a GREAT combination.' So I walked away from them because I had a feeling that they hated me for doing drugs. <br> <br> D and I went out into the field and lay down to stare at the stars swirling around and moving. Then we decided to walk behind the school because it was dark and there were only a few lights and a forest was behind it. We were watching the patterns on the brick wall move, the trees dance, the leaves swirl, the lights of the field were overwhelming because they seemed so bright I can only compare them to the sun. <br> <br> Then when we walked back, I was in my own little world and not paying attention to my friends because I didn't hear them and I was busy watching the brick walls of the school pulsate and wave as a few of the bricks started to bulge out, like they were loose and just being pushed out from the inside. Then all of a sudden I heard S yell 'What the hell did you do?!' I got paranoid because I thought she was screaming at me. Then I snapped out of my fantasy world and saw there was a cut on D's arm. S said again, 'What the hell did you guys do back there?! We heard a lot of noise.' I was so paranoid thinking everyone was pissed off at me, so I told them that all we did was look at the scenery. <br> <br> I was being honest too. I don't remember him getting a cut. The bad vibes of D and S's arguing made me want to go home with just K. So I told D and S that I would meet them at my house because I wanted to walk home. K walked with me and I had the same visuals, except it was night so I couldn't see the leaves swirling. I was wishing it was brighter because I wanted to see everything move. But things were still breathing and bulging out, I was still getting slight trails as if I moved my hand in front of a computer screen but the images of my hand stayed a few seconds longer than it normally would if I did that. <br> <br> When we got back to my house, D and S weren't there so I thought they went home. Paranoia made me believe they got pissed off at me and left. I was also kind of pissed because D had my bowl, my pot, my lighter, and I had no cigarettes left. K and I went inside. Since I was kind of used to the trip by now, I was able to handle dealing with my parents. They didn't suspect a thing. I handled it by walking inside with my friend, saying “Hey mom” and walking straight to my room with K. <br> <br> When I was in my room I heard something hit the window so I looked outside and D was standing there. I went out to talk to him and he said they had to go home. I went back inside with K. I had a hell of a time and she definitely is the coolest girl in the world! No further details about that situation though. She drove me to the store to pick up cigarettes and she was playing this awesome trance music in her car stereo, which really heightened the trip. <br> <br> There was a song about a guy who had to get used to not living next door to 'Alice' so I assumed he was singing about LSD. That song made everything look kind of like it was dancing to it. Then there was a techno remix of the theme from Never Ending Story which made everything seem like it was smiling. Eventually she had to leave. I was still tripping so I told her to call me when she got home. It seemed like an eternity so I was getting very nervous and afraid that maybe something happened to her. I tried to call her twice but there was no answer and I was only thinking the worst. Then I went outside for a cigarette and she finally called me. <br> <br> I talked to her for a bit and it definitely calmed me down, and then I went to bed because I was all alone. I spaced out to The Beatles and Jefferson Airplane to watch the objects in my room move slightly to the music, and then I went on the computer to start typing this. I wasn’t really tripping anymore, it just seemed like everything was off and I felt burnt out and exhausted. I had to stop typing this about halfway through and I went back to bed and just tried to sleep. I looked at my clock which was not moving, and even seemed to go backward a minute, so I unplugged it and eventually fell asleep. <br> <br> Now it is the next day, I definitely feel a difference in reality. My perspective has changed so much. Everything is clear and I am more aware of everything. I took a drive to the bank to fix the problem with my checking account and I was more aware of every little thing that was going on and I could notice the patterns in everything more and how everything kind of connects. <br> <br> All I can say is: acid is my favorite drug. I don't do acid to get messed up. I never thought of it like that. Before I have ever done acid I always viewed it as a spiritual experience that I wanted to try. Now that I have done it, I believe everyone who can handle it should try it at least once in their lifetime. I thought I could understand acid after reading and researching it to no end. But once I actually experienced it, I realized that I knew nothing about it.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 54620</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 13, 2006</td><td>Views: 34,245</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=54620&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=54620&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">165 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> My girlfriend and I have been exlusive, and in a serious relationship, for a good long while now. At the time (about two months ago, in May 2004) we'd been dating seriously for about 11 months, almost a year. I love her more than I love life itself. I'm most definitely what they call 'the romantic type', and she is pretty moderate in that department compared to me, but definitely has some 'romatic' qualities to her. <br> <br> I waited to submit this, because this experience is very personal to me and very personal to her. Neither of us have ever even told someone in person about this in great detail (all we've really said was, 'We tripped together on acid, and it was simply amazing,' and all that kinda basic jazz). <br> <br> Having had some experiences with tripping, and having found her to be someone I've become very, very close to, our plan was to trip together on LSD. I've done mushrooms a few times, and acid twice before this trip. I've also got a lot of drinking experience under my belt, and of course have smoked lots of weed. Out of all the things, acid is my favorite and easily the one I find most euphoric. My girlfriend had taken mushrooms twice before, and she wanted to try acid after all the stories I'd told her about it, so she tried acid (and I was with her for some of her trip, and she handled it perfectly and enjoyed it like I did). She told me how she felt about it, and obviously she knew how I felt about it. <br> <br> Our objective was to have a romantic, LSD-induced experience together. We both know that the mindset, setting, etc. are all very key factors in the trip. Anyway, onto the story. We have good friends out there, often with connections, so if anyone is curious, it was with one sugarcube each, which we were told was 'very potent'. I got two from a friend I know I can trust to give me exactly what I need. The dose turned out to be perfect, like this entire trip turned out to be. My girlfriend and I dosed about two hours after breakfast, at about an hour 'til noon or so. Our plan was to start off listening to music together, have a romantic dinner, and possibly go to the local park at a time when we can be alone later on. <br> <br> We were just listening to music right after we dosed, and I knew pretty quickly that the acid was better than I experienced before (certainly was much more potent). We were sitting on a couch, holding hands, with the lighting as dim as it could've possibly been during a considerably sunny day in the broad daylight (it is pretty dark inside the house naturally). We had some tapestries on the wall, and they gradually became a little more vibrant. The music became more vibrant. My girlfriend is very beautiful, and I can honestly say that she really is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and she was also becoming more vibrant in my vision and mind. I told her how I was already starting to feel it and she said she felt the same way. <br> <br> Now, I always had felt connected to her, more than anyone else in this world, but on acid, it was REALLY intense. It might even be the most intense I've ever felt in my life. I really can't describe it exactly as I was feeling it. The music, also, made it a lot more intense. I felt like acid had brought me to a very small, euphoric, perfect, but temporary world which only her and I had been occupying. Not just physically, but mentally; I wasn't even thinking about anything or anyone in this world but her. Never in my life have I felt so close to someone. Peter Gabriel, who had some songs we were listening to at the time, said something along the lines of, 'Sometimes, you will see a couple so close together that it becomes hard to distinguish which one is which...and between the two, their two worlds become one, in what we can identify as the Secret World...' for the track 'Secret World' on his Growing Up Live Tour. This applied perfectly to the experience. <br> <br> It was bizarre, how I knew we both were feeling the same way, but it was all perfect. The word 'high' is a rather genuine way to describe it. It was the ultimate high. It justified my having lived my life up to that point, and living afterwards to have the memory in my head for the rest of my life. <br> <br> We began to make love, which has never, before or since, for me OR her been either more intense, more euphoric, or more amazing. Afterwards we held each other very closely, and talked about how we BOTH had NEVER felt so happy or so 'high' or 'ultimate' in our lives. Right when I was about to say it, she told me that it was the best experience of her life, and if she had died tomorrow, she would do so having a life that she'd never trade for anything in the world because of this experience. I'll never forget the words. <br> <br> I hesitated, because I was amazed, because I understood her perfectly even though all she could use was mere words to describe an obviously immense, ineffable experience. One cliched way of portraying romance in movies and such is to say, 'Words can never encompass the real depth of what I feel for you,' or something along those lines. It was EXACTLY how we both felt. But we still managed to understand each other. I then told her I felt exactly the same way and that I need nothing more in this world, and no matter what exists outside of the experience that we have essentially created here, I don't need anything else except her beautiful face right with me. <br> <br> We did end up going to the park as soon as it got dark out, and went to as secluded a place as possible. Fortunately, it was warm enough out :). We made love again. We even slept there for the night, with only blankets to wear (it was reasonably private because it's surrounded by foliage and trees and such). <br> <br> She woke me up at about 6:00 AM and we figured it might be a good idea to get up and get dressed. We did so and assessed over breakfast how amazing an experience we just had, and how awesome it was that we'd have it for the rest of our lives. She and I have since never been closer or imagined ever being closer to another human being. <br> <br> I'm not too far removed from popping the question in the same spot in the park. I cannot imagine ever leaving her. And this experience has completely solidified her in my mind as the only person, only thing in this world I will ever need. The acid was amazingly perfect. The weather was amazingly perfect. Everything came together perfectly. Absolutely nothing went wrong. <br> <br> Perhaps nothing ever could.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 35542</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 21, 2007</td><td>Views: 26,497</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=35542&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=35542&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Glowing Experiences (4), Music Discussion (22), Sex Discussion (14), Relationships (44), Personal Preparation (45), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> After getting lost and spending a couple hours trying to double back on ourselves we arrived at the venue of a doof (psy trance bush festival) by about 4:30. Before settling down for a bit we decided to explore the venue and bumped into a couple of friends who we brought back to the campsite and smoked a bit of weed with to relax into the beautiful surrounding scenery. The weed helped set the mood as we all sat around feeling relaxed, joking about the irony and beauty of life. Fast forward to chilling out and getting to know a few doofers it was starting to get dark so we headed in to see a Shpongle set by Simon Posford. This is where I was undecided on which or whether I would be taking drugs. My friend ended up buying a few tabs so we split them between us. So apparently we ate approximately 200-300ug of LSD according to the dealer and other doofers/users opinions (of course you never really know, but it's nice to have at least some idea). <br> <br> Within about 10 minutes I began noticing slight visual disturbances and a increase in energy, I began developing an acid tongue (where the flavour of my mouth changes according to the taste the acid often leaves behind caused by its perceptual disturbance). I sat down with my friend talking about our friendship and our relationship as I came up, what motivates us about our life and why we are where we are. Before I knew it, an hour had gone by (I didn’t have a clock or any reference of time on me, so I don’t have any real idea of how long anything took other then my usual psychedelic suspicion based on dj set times and the position of the moon in the sky). I suddenly snap out of a trance to realise I've become lost by the trails and patterns the fire twirlers have left behind as they dance in front of me. This is where it hits me, and I realise the acid is beginning to peak as I've just started experiencing some fairly strong ego loss. <br> <br> I am suddenly full of energy and decide that I have to move, or else the excess energy might turn foul. I stand up and realise that my inner child feels a lot smaller then my outside body, like there is a child wanting to bounce around inside this huge body that doesn't quite make sense with my perceived ego that appears to keep changing in size and significance. Before I got used to the constant sensation of feeling 10 feet tall and on stilts, and then 2 feet tall, stumbling all around the place was inevitable. I quickly told my friend I had to work off some of my energy and needed to do this on my own, paranoid about offending her, I tried to explain but just decided it was easier I just walked off and if I needed to I would explain my mindstate later. <br> <br> I’m walking around and the energy within me is quite intense that I’m actually shaking a fair bit, so I dance around like a hippy with too much energy and no stern control over his limbs, before heading out into this beautiful open grassy field between the arenas and bump into another one of my friends. We sit down and have a chat about our perspectives on life and the psychedelic headspace begins to react as we start communicating through the pronunciation of the words we use rather then the words themselves. We even began conversing without opening our mouths, in a sort of body language/aura/empathic form of transcendental understanding. <br> <br> The trip was starting to hit me really hard now (about 2.5 hours in), I am starting to see peoples history's and futures as they walk past us laying on the grass. It's as if, I can see them contemplating their own existence (probably because they're on a dose of LSD), but for example, looking at one person walk past, it was as though I knew if someone had come from overseas and could see them questioning what Australia meant to them, what the earth meant to them and what they planned on doing in the future to attain a higher sense of belonging to the earth (It felt as though I could travel into their memories and feel some Irish heritage, I hadn't spoken to them, but I got a strong Irish vibe from the thought sensations that they provoked with in me. <br> <br> Typically on a good dose of psychedelics I can look at people walk past and as when they're by themselves I seem to understand them better, when they're in a group, often the conversation is most probably superficial and therefore harder to grab hold of their inner feelings through an aura, body language, posture/facial expressions. Although even then, as I saw at the doof, some individuals were walking with people while the others were talking and it was as if you could see their chakras as they got lost in self contemplation while their friends talked consistently. <br> <br> I was laying on the grass next to my friend on this nice lush green slope looking at the trees. It was intense watching them as appeared to fold into themselves and form into huge fractal patterns, overlapping and swallowing up fractal patterns in the rest of my surrounding environment. I looked up at the sky and watched the clouds making beautiful fractal rainbows that shone down on my face. I looked at my friend and I could see 3 different coloured cone perspectives of my friend, red green and blue. His face appeared to mutate into rainbows between these three coloured perspectives like I had just seen happen to the clouds, kind of like wearing 3D glasses. We start communicating quite vibrantly again without talking, almost as if it was all entirely telepathic (if you have the imagination to believe in that, as I sure did in that mindstate). <br> <br> I started exploring the universe as if it was merely two opposites that have created everything, light and darkness... chaos and order. I feel myself leaving my body I am completely ready to die at this point as it feels as though death is just a part of the never ending cycle of life. Death can be treated as a blessing. I am happy and content I may repeat this life forever but at least I know I can enjoy it, and that is what i'm doing right now and will make sure I do it if it's my destiny to live this life or any other life for the rest of eternity. There is no reason to be stressed and fearful, as if you don't fear anything, you can't be afraid of death. If you don't fear death, there's nothing to be stressed about. <br> <br> It felt as though I'd opened the door to the edge of the universe and I could easily step over and reach enlightenment. Although my body would be left behind as a vegetable, my friend seemed to understand exactly what I was thinking about. He looked over at me and tells me 'don't'. I think “fuck that, as if I’d leave all these beautiful people behind without giving them any direction on how to find this place, or sharing my findings and tell other people that this place exists”. My friend said 'thanks' as if he could see what I saw or something along those lines, It didn't feel as though he quite felt what I was feeling, but the energy I felt coming from his body felt quite intensely profound, but perhaps just in a slightly different direction. <br> <br> Our other friends saw us laying on the grass and decided to head over to join us in our peacefulness but it felt as though they didn't quite reach the same understanding again (they weren’t tripping nearly as hard though and seemed as though they still held a fear of letting go and succumbing to the full power of their trip ... bearing in mind that their dose was also significantly lower, being inexperienced and only taking half a tab) I had virtually no mindfuck but was able to understand the empathy of everyone around especially when these two guys walked up and made a joke about the two friends who weren’t tripping without even using their mouth. The fact that I seemed to understand the humour in their minds without them saying anything, created such an orgasmic sensation in my mind. <br> <br> I was one with everything and was trying to work out that if the universe is yin and yang, whether I was the light in this world and brought repetition or whether I was darkness and killed repetition (if that makes sense). It made me question homosexuality and whether, homosexuality brought yin or yang to this world. Not that there is a direct difference between 'light' and 'dark' but it felt important to contemplate what differentiated me from the others around me, if anything. Neither light or darkness is evil in this world, they both just exist and if everyone was to avoid being pulled into other peoples light/darkness and was able to appreciate their own yin/yang, enlightenment would be reached. Just like chaos is synonymous with order, you can't have nothingness without infinity. <br> <br> I understood my gender and reasons for procreation as unecessary (as I don't necessarily feel that homosexuality is a choice as such, and the fact it exists in nature suggests that it could perhaps have some spiritual hard wiring within me. It was as though, my role as a gay man is meant to prevent excessive procreation of life, or perhaps push it further by enforcing higher natural selection. As we humans are a cell that have become so evolutionarily advanced that we are able to rapidly multiply like cancer and are destroying this cell known as earth… The ratio of humans to animals and plants reached ridiculous proportions already, and I don’t deserve the pleasure of repeating the cycle and bringing another human into this world that may not be able to appreciate the world to the same extent as I am and have. <br> <br> I believe it is my role to teach others not to fear dying alone, not to fear dying without procreating, and not to fear a meaningless death, as what is it that makes humans so persistent to make meaning out of meaningless. Life is just a short period that prepares us for death, when it's time to go and venture into death, our consciousness will be taken from us. At least I am able to share the light I enjoy with others, while I’m still here. While understanding that not all light is positive and some light is actually disguised darkness, and also some things that appear positive are not so, once they turn into habituation. <br> <br> So I philosophised about how much of my life was vanity and arrogance and how much modesty I truly deserve to hold as a person, I feel my friends talk me up too much as a person, and I can’t help but feel a little arrogant at times. I'm worried that even if I know I'm arrogant it may hold me back from truly appreciating the company of others. If I'm arrogant and think my knowledge is better then someone else, I'm restricting myself from reaching my full capacity through understanding others no matter how insignificant their addition may be, even superficial communication about so called meaningless objects is still meaningful in itself, as the fact it is there, makes it an important concern. It's just that some people aren't as happy as other people and that's the only difference between peoples existence, some people feel happy with what they've got, and some people want more. Compassion is a whole lot more enjoyable then pity, just like attachments hold people back from experiencing true beauty, pity holds us back from truly appreciating the power of concern. There was a period where it felt like I was sitting on the edge of the universe, with all of it’s beautiful colours and it's complete darkness of infinity and solitude, and I chose to stay on this side for a purpose. The purpose of appreciating my existence and sharing my appreciation with others, and hunting down enlightenment in the future in a sober meditative state, as I felt I didn't deserve enlightenment at this time. <br> <br> So once I’d decided to stay I decided to get up walk off and these intensely profound feelings almost left me as abruptly as the second I stood up. I got up and decided to enjoy some superficial indulgence and appreciate the rest of the night through music and dance. It felt as though it was about 2am (4 or 5 hours after taking the tab) and I was still a little jittery but suprisingly everything seemed pretty much back to normal, the mindfuck never reached an intense state it was always quite simple yet profound, and as soon as I was walking around again, I felt virtually sober. The visuals weren’t jumping out at me like they were before, everything looked and felt pretty normal and everything made the same sense as it normally does rather then melting off, fading, glowing and bending into different colours or fractal patterns. Everything was simple I was just loaded with energy and my heart was beating very fast, so I went for a run and still had heaps of energy. <br> <br> About an hour later I got a bit worried because my heart was hurting for some strange reason, so decided to take a valium to ease the muscles and hopefully slow my heartbeat, but also to ease the paranoia I held about it. It slowed the beat just enough to stop hurting but still leave me with plenty of energy. So I went wondering around the doof enjoying the company of others, meeting lots of interesting people and contemplating my future, understanding the world from abstract mathematical perspectives and reflections on previous trips where I once saw the universe in pure mathematical equations and numbers based around fractal patterns. Where every single living thing had its mathematical position and that was all that defined it from anything else, it was all just a slightly different mathematical universe, and the one we live in matched the fibonacci numbers. Eventually the integration died down and I began joking with my friends about trashy events we could put on for a disturbing psychedelic party. With seedy noisecore/speedcore and screw with peoples heads having films of scat porn and other similar disturbing music, film and objects so people walk away all jittery jittery and confused. As you may understand, in our altered mindstates, this ideation was hilarious. Lots of acid humor ensued for the next several hours. Settling down enjoying an awesome live PA by hallucinogen and the rest of the music the doof had to offer, with it’s awesome psy trance. <br> <br> All in all was a pretty awesome trip, wasn’t as intense as I expected from my first high dose (as microdots in the past have blown my mind too, but only with the combination of cannabis). I definitely believe I could have gone deeper had I removed my grounding by smoking some cannabis, however had I taken more, I don’t think I would have seen a deeper side of myself, it felt as though I had reached LSD land, and any further would just make me feel more inebriated and not so much, more philosophical. I believe that a deeper trip might be more euphoric, but because of it's lack of association with my everyday life, would be quite difficult to intergrate. The trip was quite interesting because it felt like I got to see the edge of the universe. I got to appreciate such intense bliss and apathy towards death and then before I knew it, I was back normal.. quite funny. I did notice I was still hallucinating up to about 12 hours later but it just wasn’t anywhere near as intense so I hadn’t noticed it really at all after the peak had passed. <br> <br> OPEN DOOR TO EDGE OF UNIVERSE, PEAK OVER THE EDGE, LAUGH, CLOSE THE DOOR! HELLO BACK TO REALITY...<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 59273</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 25, 2007</td><td>Views: 27,138</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=59273&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=59273&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), Sex Discussion (14), Relationships (44), Glowing Experiences (4), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 tablets</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 tablets</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 drops</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">87 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> During the Summer of 2004 I experienced what I can only describe as my cleanest and most wholesome drug experience. In a large public park 5-10 miles from my home there is an illegal rave held in the woods twice yearly. Usually the first coincides with the Summer Solstice with a follow up 2-4 weeks later depending on the success of the previous party. My friends and I always ensure that we are around at this time of year as the rave is not to be missed!!! This particular experience is from the 2nd or 3rd year I attended. <br> <br> SCENE AND SETTING: <br> <br> The thought of doing acid hadn't even entered my mind as we were picking our way through the trees towards the faint beat of the music. In fact I had never tried LSD before. I had done Ketamine on 2 or 3 occasions but had not enjoyed the experience at all. We had some good quality E with us and had all taken E many times in the preceeding 3/4 years. I only had 2 pills with me that night and knew that I would have to get more as it was just after 11 pm and the party would go on all night and most of the following day. <br> <br> As we finally burst through what seemed like and impenetrable wall of trees, into the large clearing, our faces lit up. Hundreds of people were already there dancing in the dark to the sound of some quality drum n bass. As we aproached the main throng I double dropped my 2 pills. My tolerance was quite high by this time and I wanted to get the full effects of the E buzz. We made our way toward the back of the rave where there was more space to sit down and watch all that was going on - living in a built up area and restrictions imposed by the government regarding large gatherings outside meant this situation was normally only available in night clubs. <br> <br> Rolling a joint and looking up at the trees and stars I waited for the E to kick in. As usual at this point in the rave I was in a contemplative mood, thinking about what I had done at work that week and what all the people I was seeing had done or were going to do. As usual there was a wide variety of people in the woods meaning that some types of drugs that were normally difficult to get hold of were available, also obscure things that I'd never heard of. And as usual some of my friends were extremely keen to try anything that they could get their hands on. They were like kids in a sweet shop, 20 year old kids!!! <br> <br> Anyway the E began to kick in and felt that warmth in my stomach so I got up to start dancing, as soon as I had stood up bam! The E hit me big time, for me thats the best part, coming up on a pill. So in my euphoric state I began to wander round the woods talking to people while unconciously bopping away to the tunes. <br> <br> This is what I love about large groups of people drug taking, walking around talking to strangers who are on or near the same hightened level that you are. It increases the buzz for me and fills me with empathy toward these people as I'm sure it does to them. Tonight however looking up at the stars through the tops of the trees I thought I was going to explode with joy. Sounds a bit fluffy for a grown man but thats how it was. <br> <br> About 2 hours after dropping the E the intial buzz started to wear off slightly so I scouted around for another pick me up. I bumped into this guy and asked if he had any pills. He said he could sell me 1 but did I want any acid? As I've said before I'd never tried it and to be honest it had always stayed away from it as I wasn't sure whether I'd like it or not. So I told this guy that I'd just take the pill and maybe come back later for the acid. <br> <br> I found my friends again, who by this time were all deep in one sort of buzz or another and asked if anyone knew who had pills for sale as the 1 I'd bought wouldn't see me through until morning. A friend said he'd someone with a bag full near the DJ tent so off I went again, dropping my 3rd tablet. I found this chap surrounded by 10-15 younger people, I'd say about 16/17 yr olds. He looked quite harrassed as they were all shouting at him looking for the same thing I was. I took him aside and asked what he had and he told me he only had 4 pills left for sale. I said I'd take them and the fact I was slightly older and not being hysterical about it meant he sold them to me. <br> <br> One of the younger blokes in the crowd asked me if I had anything and I said no, I'd just bought personal and it was the dealer's last ones. This boy asked to have a look at them and foolishly I showed him one, he took it and told his mate he had a pill. I spun him round and asked as nicely as possible for it back, he held out his hand and showed me the pill plus a swiss army knife that I assumed he was using to intimedate me with. This annoyed me and I took the pill back and turned around to find my mates. This boy had really taken my buzz down a bit which was annoying and even after double dropping again I couldn't retrieve the intense euphoria I was previously experiencing. I gave the other 2 pills to my friend who had pointed out the dealer to me coz I wanted him to double drop at the same time as me. <br> <br> So as the the night went on the music switched to hard house and techno which I really like and we danced until the sun came up, again marveling at the fact that we were outside, buzzing and dancing. <br> <br> OUTSIDE: <br> <br> At about 4a.m, 5 hours after first dropping, there were only 3 of my friends left, most having gone home to take more Ketamine. It was then that I bumped into the chap who had offered me acid previously in the night. He asked me if I had any pills for sale and was obviously too mashed to remember who I was. I replied no and asked him if he had any acid left. I don't know why I asked him this coz the thought never crossed my mind until the words came out of my mouth. He said he wasn't sure as he'd sold most of the bottle but would check. He clumsily looked at the bottle and said he thought he had 2 hits left. I told him to hold them and fetched my friend who I shared my pills with and told him that there was acid available. He jumped at the chance especially when he realised it was liquid. As it turned out the chap had more left than he thought and ended u giving us 3 large drops each on back of our hands. I didn't know what to do with it and was gonna snort it for some strange reason when he said just lick it. <br> <br> Whether it was the E or the acid, I don't know but I could almost visualise the acid as it made it's way through the creases of my tongue into my blood stream, this was about 4.30 a.m on a sunday morning when I was already pretty well mashed, had been awake for at least 20 hours and had work the next morning. <br> <br> But as we were in a wood with amazing tunes and the sun just risen, it seemed perfect and all sense went out the window. It was about 45 mins to an hour before I felt any real effect. The problem was that just as it I was beginning to get some mad body sensations, a group of guys surrounded me. I recognised the guy who had shown me the knife earlier, he and some of his mates were slowly moving toward me, blocking me off from my friends. I shouted to my friends but due to the volume of the music and their proximity to the speaker, they didn't hear me. I started to panic and spun round, to my surprise one of these guys was stading right behind me, fortuntely he looked as if he'd taken something also and sort of swooned when I faced him. I pushed past him and hurried to my friends. <br> <br> The experience seemed to be intensified by the acid so that as I broke through the ring of wrong'uns I felt a release wihtin me and my body became as light as a feather, weightless almost. At the same time I started to expreience OEVs, the ground began to undulate and when I looked up to the leaves on the trees, they began to shimmer and move as if they were in a kalideascope. I was still conscious of the fact that I'd just had a narrow escape from a possible beating and I think as a result this shaped the way my visuals and perception reacted to the acid: a lot of people at the rave were wearing hooded tops and jackets and these people I percieved as being almost Dementor like, with crooked noses and empty eyes. I began to get more panicky and restless and asked my friend who was also beginning to trip if he wanted to move somewhere else and sit down. He agreed after turning off the imaginery tap that he told me had appeared above his shoulder and was making him 'very wet'. <br> <br> As we made our way to a log to sit on, the ground was moving more intensely. It was covered in leaves and twigs but I believed there to be strange creatures wandering underfoot. We sat next to a chap that my friend knew and I told him that I had done acid and that it was my first time, he told me to enjoy it but I said that feeling a bit panicky and wasn't sure if I liked it. <br> <br> He took my hand and told me to relax and just go with it, not to fight it. Almost before he had finished speaking I felt better, 100 million times better. He gave me an arm and hand massage that was one of the most amazing experiences. He told me to keep my eyes closed and it felt like he was moving all my energy up through my arm toward the tips of my fingers. Finally he wrapped his hand around each of my fingers in turn and pulled away sharply letting go of each finger as he did so. The effect was amazing. I saw sparks and fireworks going off on the inside of my eyelids, intensifying in colour and activity with each finger he pulled. <br> <br> Eventually he said open your eyes and my god were they open!!! Everything was bathed in a golden sunlight, I could see the sunlight literally dripping off branches on to people's heads. I also felt a light inside me eminating outward. All my previous anxiety and foreboding had disappeared, as had any negative thoughts that had been buried in my head. I could feel them being pushed out with this new light from within me. I felt euphoria on a scale I never thought possible but I also felt liberated like never before. <br> <br> Whilst my friend, L, was getting his massage I again watched all the revellers dancing to the music and felt a profound connection to everyone of them, even the group that tried to intimidate me previously. The massage had the same effect on my friend and as we were beginning to peak simultaneously we decided to move out of the woods as it was starting to become quite claustrophobic. We found our 2 other mates and said that we wanted to go back to my place to chill and smoke. <br> <br> As we exited the woods into the most glorious sunshine we found a bench that overlooked the park. We were on a hill with the wood directly at our backs so L and myself lay down on the grass looked out at the incredible vista in front of us. the wood sloped down to our left and in front of us were large fields of the greenest grass sloping and in the distance rising again to more woods. I could see people walking their dogs and actually had the feeling that I could telepathically communicate with the dogs. I didn't want to come into contact with the other humans around as I believed that I was not human at all but part of the earth and the air around me, not human in any way. <br> <br> The longer I looked at the sky, the more the visuals intensified, turning it first brilliant blue then slowly morphing into purple and finally pink with all the shades in between. The clouds were becoming kaleidascopic patterns moving and changing but staying within the shapes the clouds were naturally in. I felt like my back was growing into the trees behind me, that my back was becoming strong and trunk like. I felt like my head was a two way gate, with me flowing out into the atmosphere as rays of energy and the atmosphere was engorging me with it's power and natural beauty. <br> <br> This point was about 6:30am, 2 hours after I had dropped the acid. It is really hard to express just how at one with the world and nature I felt. It was almost as if I didn't want to be human or at least trapped in a body. I wanted to be energy and I felt that I was actually becoming my soul or sub-concious. I stopped being my being and became my aura. When I see a mad trippy picture with all the psychedelic colours and patterns, that is what I was that morning, but a 3-d living version of it. <br> <br> I totally forgot that me and L were with my other 2 friends, they hadn't done acid only E and so were coming down quite severely. They said that they wanted to go but I really wanted to stay and see just how far I could become energy, but also I was aware of the fact that I didn't want to cause any bad feeling to anything in the world and so agreed to go. <br> <br> Luckily it was a very long walk to anywhere resembling urbanisation and myself and L were constantly entertained en route with intense visuals. Mine predomantly being sunlight dripping off everything and giving it a golden hue. <br> <br> After about and hour and a half walking we reached the nearest tube station at about 8 a.m, 3.5 hrs after dropping the acid. As soon as I saw buildings and a road I became slightly anxious again and the sky seemed to darken somewhat. There was no way I was getting on the tube in my state, even at that time on a sunday morning. Although my initial feeling upon reaching urbanisation was anxiety this soon passed to euphoria, my mood seemed to switch between these 2 extremes for a while. <br> <br> Someone called a cab for us all and we waited about 30mins. Things were really quite strange at this point, I think maybe the change in environment was having some affect as I still felt part of the energy I had been when on the hill but I was no longer there and I felt that I was transporting myself back to that point via the energy waves that were still coming out of my head. <br> <br> INSIDE: <br> <br> Once inside the cab my trip became completely introspective where as outside I was part of the world, now I was inside my head. I was still peaking and looking out of the window in the cab sky was still changing colour but darker shades this time and quite menacing. I felt like the roof of the cab had cut off my link to the world of beauty and aura and that the sky was punishing me for breaking the bond to early. <br> <br> Eventually we got back to my place down and began to smoke and lot of skunk which increased the introspectiveness but also relaxed me whilst prolonging the visuals I was experiencing. I cannot even begin to tell the thoughts that went through my mind as they were not coherent at all. <br> <br> This state gradually lessened from about 4pm until I was at a point where I felt completely contented with some minor peripharal OEVs. As it was my first wonderful experience with LSD I wanted to prolong it for as long as possible and didn't go to bed until about 2am when the skunk was making me fall asleep. <br> <br> I woke later that morning for work at 7am in a total state of contentment. I noticed minor OEVs on the tube and on my PC at work. My thoughts turned to what I had done and experienced and it seemed almost like a fairytale for want of a better phrase. My whole mind set has changed since and I am now more accepting of people's attitudes and ideas. After what I have seen, anything is possible. It proved to be catalyst for me and from being stuck in a rut that I was, I moved onward and upward getting a new job and taking care of my life and the world around me more conscienciously. <br> <br> I have now decided to go back to study and futher my knowledge. The origins of this decision I know are from what I experienced that morning on that hill. <br> <br> I would definately do it again however this time I would plan it better. Give myself 2 days in which to take the acid and another 2 to recover. I would only do liquid as I have heard that clarity and cleanness of botters/tabs can be affected simply by the fact they are not in liquid form. I would try and take notes during the trip and would only take it outside in an open space with a few people I trust. I would also close my eyes more and see if that changed the trip at all. <br> <br> This is just my opinion, others may prefer and different course of action. <br> <br> Mooge<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 55101</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 5, 2007</td><td>Views: 49,251</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=55101&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=55101&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Rave / Dance Event (18), First Times (2), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I had done speed and smoked a lot of weed before trying LSD; in fact I'd always been scared to try LSD although I didn't understand anything about it. All the stories I had heard where about great experiences. Unfortunately for me, my first and only trip turned out to be the worst experience of my life. <br> <br> It all started at my friends house, there was about 4 or 5 of us and I thought we was originally going to smoke some weed and just have a few beers but some guy my friend knew from the army pulled out some LSD. I can't remember what they where other than he said they where purple homs - double dipped, whatever that meant. I guess they dip the tab wait for it to dry then its dipped again. <br> <br> I didn't want to take it, but I thought I'd look like a whimp if I didn't, I guess today I'd rather of dealt with being called a whimp than have to deal with what I went through. <br> <br> I dropped it; about 30 minutes later I felt the initial sensation that I was reserved inside myself. I guess you could call it a feeling of defensiveness. My sensory perception was the first to go, along with feelings of paranoia. I was sitting in a chair facing all my other friends and I remember thinking the music was too loud, so I got up to turn the music down. My friends where looking at me a little weird. After I sat back down, I remember thinking, the music is too quiet, so I got back up and turned the music back up. Then again I thought now its too loud and got back up and turned it back down. This went on for quite a while, then I realized, oh no, is this was the trip has done to me? <br> <br> I was kind of stuck in a loop repeating my actions of getting up and down. Something was in my mind telling me stuff, I thought I have to ignore whatever my mind is telling me to beat this thing, whatever it was. I thought to myself, this trip is going to be some kind of test and I have to beat it. <br> <br> Of course after realizing that this was not going to be fun, I started to panic. But inwardly I thought, oh well I better try and handle it. I remember the feelings of paranoia, I could hear every little sensational noise, I noticed my friend had a copy of murder casebook on the floor, and I started to think about maybe they where after me or where conspiring against me. I could hear the neighbors kids screaming which all added to the paranoia of seeing a book on serial killers on my friends floor. <br> <br> I thought I have to get this out my system so I went to the bathroom and put my fingers down my throat all to none affect. I remember my friend coming up to me and asking me if the trip had kicked in yet and I said, “yes”. I didn’t really care at the time only that I had made a big mistake and there was nothing I could do about it. The sensations started to come and go about once every 10 minutes, I knew when it was going to happen and I tried to fight it. But eventually I couldn’t control it. <br> <br> I thought my only chance is to go to sleep and sleep it off, I walked down my friends hallway into the bedroom at the end and I climbed into bed. I remember lying down and thinking I have to fall asleep. Of course I couldn’t. So I got back up and started to walk back down the hallway towards the living room. When I got closer to the hallway, I kind of blinked and I ended up back outside the bedroom door. I thought what the heck, I just walked down there and how did I end up back here. I walked down the hallway again and I got to the living room and same thing, I blinked my eyes and I was back outside the bedroom door. I tried it again and again, and same thing every time I got closer to the living room I would blink and be back by the bedroom door. <br> <br> I remember a very distinct thought saying to me, “This is hell, your are stuck in this hallway now for eternity”. The thought was the devil, I said to myself. I got very scared within myself. After a while this wore off, I got into the living room. I think I tried to tell my friend what just happened but they where all busy boasting about their little trips and their last thing that just happened to them. I sat down in the living room in the same chair and my friend said he was going out to take the dog for a walk. 2 other of my friends said they was going to go with him. So I said to them, “Oh I’ll go with you guys”. They responded very abruptly, “No you won’t you have to stay here”. I guess I must have been tripping more than them and they knew it. Of course within my own little trip world I started to get paranoid, why didn’t they want me to go, they are conspiring to do something, maybe even kill me. So I thought to myself I have to get out of here quick and get home. <br> <br> Of course this was going to be a difficult task as I lived about 6 miles from my home. I ran down the hallway into my friend’s bedroom and ran to the window. I opened the window as wide as it would go and jumped out the window. Luckily for me my friend lived on the ground floor of a bungalow style house. I remember just thinking to myself I have to get the heck out of here. I ran across this wooded area up towards a bridge where the main bus route went down. I climbed up the small embankment to the side of the bridge and onto the main road. I started to run up the road wanting to get home to my family and away from these people. <br> <br> I could feel my heart starting to beat faster and faster (I assume because I was running so fast). I started to hear voices telling me I was going to die and that this was my end. I started to hear an ambulance siren coming towards me. I remember stopping running and thinking, “Oh know I’m going to have a heart attack and die”. I remember the fear very distinctly and the fear of death and not wanting to die like this. But then the ambulance went past where I was, it was a mere coincidence that at the time I was tripping and was running that an ambulance happened to race by, or was it even there at all I wondered. I realized it was a part of the trip after all. I continued to run up the road, I must have run a good mile to the next crossroads. For some reason I stopped heading for the direction of home and I crossed the street and stood behind this barred fence with railings. As I was standing there, I remember this semi-truck coming towards me, I thought oh God he’s coming right for me, so I ran the opposite direction. <br> <br> I reached a work development where there were a lot of factories and I turned down into their development, I remember walking and seeing soccer ground with floodlights on the ground, so I climbed over the fence onto the grounds. I remember walking across the field looking up into the lights, thinking it was some spectacular mystery. I put my hands in my pocket and pulled out my money and threw it all in the air, then I took my watch of and threw it also, then my house keys. I then took my sweatshirt off and threw it in the air. I was now walking round with no money, no keys to get in my house and no top on. <br> <br> I remember falling into the grass. The grass was about 6 feet tall and that I was getting smaller and smaller. I could hear a stream of water starting to run around me and I then appeared to be in the water looking from a different perspective. I remember distinct thoughts saying to me that I was a molecule or some kind of cellular structure just floating around in a stream; I was some kind of stream creature. <br> <br> I don’t remember much after this other than I must have blacked out. I came to about 3 to 4 hours later and thought where the heck am I. I started to have memories of seeing some old man with white hair at this mansion and I was talking to him. I wasn’t tripping no more but I was having these memories of what had happened, I thought I was either dreaming or was having flashbacks. I remember a voice telling me I was the luckiest, greediest man in the world, I have no idea who was telling me this and why. I thought to myself at first that I must of died and that maybe this man had sent me back to earth because my time was not yet, and that this memory was from the place I had just came back from. My head was so messed up, I couldn’t think right. <br> <br> I started to think how the heck am I going to get back to my friends house. I started to walk back out of the development and I saw 2 security guards driving past. They drove up to me; of course I was walking with no shirt on so they knew something was wrong. Right away they asked me if I was ok and had I been taking drugs. I told them I was ok and I knew where I was. They told me that they had seen me wondering around the development a few hours ago. <br> <br> They drove me to their security hut and called the police. I remember hearing the police on the speakerphone. The security guy told the police that I had been taking drugs and was wondering around the development. The police asked the security guy if I was ok now and did I know where was, I told them yes, as I didn’t want the police to come out, because if they took me home my mom would know I had taken drugs. So I told them, yes I knew where I was. The police said they wouldn’t bother coming out then. After that I told the security guy that I lost my shirt and keys etc. <br> <br> I told him I threw it on the field, he just looked at me like I was crazy. I guess I was. Anyway he went and found my sweatshirt but couldn’t find my money or keys. They let me go then. So I walked up the road thinking where the heck am I. I saw a taxi cab and flagged him down. I asked him did he know the name of my friend’s road and he said yes, it was about a mile away. So I got in and he took me to my friends. By this time it was 6am in the morning. I had taken the LSD around 12 midnight. I think I actually blacked out for at least 4 hours. My friends afterwards told me they had been searching for me for about 4 hours around the streets. <br> <br> I tried to tell them what had happened but I couldn’t remember much. My friend gave me a change of clothes and I went home like nothing had happened. To this day my family doesn’t know what I did that night. I never took LSD ever again in fact any other drug or weed again. <br> <br> I few weeks later, I went to the same friends house and he was smoking weed, I went in and sat down. My friend asked me if I wanted a cup of tea. So I said yes. I started drinking the tea and all of a sudden I looked at the tea and a voice said to me, they have dropped LSD in your tea. I started to freak out and cuss at my friend saying, “You have spiked my tea, what the heck”. He just looked at me like I was crazy. I said to my other friend, “Lets get out of here”, and I left. I never went back to his house again after that. This was my first inclination that I had some permanent damage due to the LSD a few weeks before. <br> <br> This whole account of what happened that night could not compare to what really happened. The fear, the paranoia and the schizophrenic thoughts constantly bombarding my mind with harassment and propaganda. I would tell anyone even thinking of taking LSD to reconsider. I never thought this would affect me the way it has. I was no different to my friends in personality, but why it affected me different I don’t know. My friends never did explain to me after what they experienced even to this day. All of us kind of drifted apart over the years. <br> <br> This was not the end by no means. About 7 years ago, this was years after I had given up drinking and smoking weed etc. I was working out regular and was running a few times a week. I was running my daily routine of about a mile and a half of a fast run and I got to the end of my run and was approaching a hill, I remember feeling my heart beat real fast. All of a sudden, bam, I was having flashbacks of the time I was running in my trip and heard the ambulance. I was getting thoughts of I was going to die and have a heart attack. <br> <br> I stopped running and walked home the rest of the way. I went home and went upstairs and cried bitterly. I thought to myself this stuff has destroyed my mind. I started to panic and started to have a bad panic attack. I could hear thoughts of what I thought was the devil telling me I was going die and that he was going to get me and that I was going to hell. I was crying and didn’t know what to do. I could feel this heaviness on my back like something was on me, a force, a bad spirit whatever you want to call it. After this I kneeled down by my bed and prayed to God to take it away. <br> <br> Eventually after that experience I became a Christian and gave my life to God. I have suffered panic attacks since but on a milder scale also the thoughts constantly bombarding me sometimes don’t stop, my mind is constantly racing around, I’m constantly thinking non stop about everything. I question everything and find it hard to trust people. I still get fear and dread sometimes out of nowhere. Also not long after this I was at college and went through a bad panic attack while walking through the college hallway. I started to think I was in some kind of hell corridor and that I was trapped in this corridor amongst all this evil. I walked out really quick. Also another time when I got on a bus I was walking down the bus to go sit on the back seat and all the faces on the bus where looking at me, I started going real paranoid and started to have flash backs. I thought the bus was in hell and all the people where demons and they where at any second going to jump up and grab me like a crazy zombie movie. I freaked out and got off the bus. I walked 2 ½ miles to my friends because I couldn’t get back on the bus. <br> <br> I have learnt to live with it over the years but in effect it died down a lot, I try and keep myself stress free as to not bring on any kind of flash back. LSD has affected me on a permanent level. I hope this convinces at least one person to not take LSD. <br> <br> God Bless. <br> Unknown<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1990</td><td width="90">ExpID: 37641</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 9, 2007</td><td>Views: 54,183</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=37641&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=37641&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Police / Customs (60) : General (1), First Times (2), Health Problems (27), Post Trip Problems (8), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Although I had experimented with my share of hallucinogenic drugs, including 10x Salvia and Mushrooms, I had no idea what LSD had in store for me. It would turn out to be my first, and last time using LSD. <br> <br> Me and a very close friend were on our way back to his house to basically trip for the night. He had scored a bunch of LSD and some particularly potent marijuana which he called AK-47. The night was starting off good. I was a little hesitant to take the acid, just because I'm always reluctant to try new drugs, but my friend convinced me that everything would be ok. I wanted to believe him at that point in time. I looked at the tiny tab of acid and thought, 'How could something so small be harmful?' We casually popped the acid in our mouths and happily drove down the highway, blasting Blur and Radiohead, ready for the night ahead of us.<br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> Eventually we got back to his house, and invited over another friend of ours, and lay back waiting to be hit by the acid. I remember the feeling well, it was reminiscent of that feeling you get before you go on-stage to perform, or before you're walking up to give a speech in class. Something close to nervousness, but almost like it wasn't provoked by anything. I remember watching a couple music videos my friend had on tape, and beginning to notice that things were changing. Not visually, just the way I felt about things.<br> <br> Our friend eventually arrived and by this time, it had been about an hour since we'd taken the acid, and I wasn't seeing visuals, so we decided to smoke the pot and take one more hit a piece. After we stepped back in from smoking the weed, I felt so much better, ready to let the acid 'in'. We took one more hit of it, and sat back and relaxed. Our other friend had work the next day, so she only smoked the weed.<br> <br> Then the strangest thing happened. I had always thought of acid as being a 'visual' drug, or at least, that's what people talk about. Seeing stuff, tripping. But that was only an added bonus. The feelings I had within my body were the most profound I've ever felt. It was like love was inside me, or at least the idea of it, and I could taste it in my mouth and hear it in my ears. I sat on the couch smiling ear to ear as we watched T.V., thinking, 'This is the most amazing feeling of my entire life.'<br> <br> The world then began to change. Pictures on the wall began to re-organize their order, or grow, or shrink. I laughed hysterically at them. I got up to go grab some cheese crackers, but never made it to the cupboard. I was too busy staring at the coat rack, watching it 'breathe'.<br> <br> Then my entire view of the world changed. Everything made sense. I thought about my life, people I'd dated, mistakes I'd made, but they all seemed to have a purpose. Nothing I had ever done had been in vain, everything for a reason.<br> <br> My friend was enjoying his trip too. He came running into the living room with a magazine, screaming that it was telling him secrets. I opened the magazine, only to find the ad he was talking about: A black insert with the Sopranos banner on it. Upon opening it, you'd hear the theme from the show, the Sopranos. I laughed kind of hard at him, but he just smiled right back, and we fell over laughing on the floor together. Our other friend had gone home by now.<br> <br> We were having such a wonderful time, we thought we should try and write some music while under the influence. So I grabbed my guitar, and tinkered with the effects processor we had for a bit, then lay back and started to play. I have never, ever, played or heard such beautiful music in my life. It was perfect. I've thought songs were catchy, or really good, or awesome before, but this was like hearing the most perfect noise one could ever hope to listen to. There was no need to ever write another song again after this one. Thankfully, we recorded it onto a little tape player we had lying around, and put it in the tape player and listened to it back.<br> <br> All the love and beauty of the entire world seemed to swell within those notes. It relaxed us, but energized us at the same time. We lay for hours listening to that tape in tears at how pretty the music was.<br> <br> **********<br> <br> Our trip had been wonderful up to that point. I thought to myself, 'This is the greatest drug of all time, I'm going to do this all the time.'<br> <br> Right about the time I started thinking that, things started going wrong. We were coming down off the acid, and it was a HARD come down. I lay in the living room sprawled out on the couch trying to sleep, as it was nearly 8:00 AM and we'd been tripping for a solid 10 hours. The dizzyness and 'boat rocking' feeling wouldn't go away. I began to hyperventilate from fear. I had to go home to my house and talk to my mother in a couple hours. What was I going to do?<br> <br> Every breath was like my last. I'd hold it in as long as I could, and if I tried to stop thinking about my breathing, I'd stop breathing. I was trying to watch the movie we had put in to get our minds off of it, but it just made me more dizzy. Pretty soon I started complaining that I wasn't coming down the right way. My friend said that I would be ok, just give it time, and that if I felt like sleeping, it would be a good idea.<br> <br> I Desperately tried to fall asleep for at least 2 hours, but every time I'd seemingly slip off, I'd be awakened by the feeling of electricity jolting through my body. I figured it must have been my breathing getting worse. Eventually we got up, although neither of us had slept, and I had my friend drive me home because I was so dizzy. I remember asking him when the effects would wear off, and he said 'As soon as you get a good night's sleep, you'll be ok again.' So that's what I looked forward too.<br> <br> When I went home, I ran upstairs and got into bed, telling my mom I had been out late last night and needed to sleep all day. Thank god it was a Saturday. She knew something was wrong, but didn't say anything, so I thought I had gotten off scott free. I slept a little that day, and a little that night, but all along, the feelings of dizzyness and color changes and trails never went away. They didn't seem to be getting better anyway.<br> <br> I sort of lived my life for about a week before I had had enough of it. I wasn't coming down, it was painfully clear to me now. I was having horrible nightmares at night, feelings of not having a soul or not being human. Whenever I'd be out away from the house I'd feel like I was an alien from another world. The world seemed to be totally different, although it looked the same. It frightened me like nothing else ever has.<br> <br> Eventually I broke down and told my mom what I had done. She was understandably upset. Up to this point, she had no idea I even smoked cigarettes, much less smoked pot or did acid. But she was great. She said, 'You're in trouble, but not until you're O.k.' So we immediately hopped on the net to try and find out what was wrong with me. We fould all kinds of speculation, but nothing that particularly diagnosed what was going on.<br> <br> My mom said to try and wait it out to see if it was going to go away. About 3 weeks passed. The symptoms had gotten a lot better, but were still there, so I decided to go to a Psychologist. After discussing many things with him, he came to diagnose me as having Post-Hallucinogenic Cognitive Dysfunction. I think it can also be referred to as HPPD. It was like a horrible nightmare hearing him say those words to me. Thoughtout my life there has been one saving grace to all my mishaps, and that has been the thought that no matter what happens, I still have my wits/health about me and I can try and save myself. Now this comfort was gone. I felt as though I had lost my mind, or at least a very precious piece of it. The doctor assured me that it would eventually go away, but it might take a while.<br> <br> It's been about 2 months since I took the acid. Although it was the most spectacular drug I've ever taken, with it came HPPD. And I only took it once. This experience has changed my life completely. However, I'm recovering bit by bit every day, and I have a new perspective on life. I no longer use drugs, drink, or even smoke. My grades have risen a lot and I've started going back to church. I'd consider my life to be much better, but at a steep price: a small part of my precious sanity.<br> <br> On a side note, the tape that me and my friend recorded that night of ourselves playing music still exists, and I listen to it quite frequently. It's still the most beautiful sounding noise I've ever heard.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 31646</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 13, 2007</td><td>Views: 53,491</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=31646&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=31646&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Post Trip Problems (8), Hangover / Days After (46), Music Discussion (22), Health Problems (27), First Times (2), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> One fall, a number of years ago, I had an experience that completely unraveled, completely obliterated every idea I had about myself and reality. I went camping alone with 12 hits of LSD. I wasn't after any experiences. I just wanted to see what LSD had to offer. From the writings of J. Krishnamurti I had become convinced that the spiritual journey is just an illusion. You're either awake or you're not. There's no in-between of becoming awake I had come to believe. But I wasn't completely convinced of this idea. I thought that LSD might be able to help me wake up a little, move me along the spiritual path a little, the path that Krishnamurti saw as an illusion. <br> <br> I had read Stanislav Grof's book 'The Adventure of Self-Discovery' and in it he relates stories of people who overcome various psychological problems through the use of LSD during psychotherapy. I hoped that LSD could have the same positive psychological effect for myself. Lessening my psychological burden I felt could bring me a little closer to waking up to my true nature. <br> <br> A friend dropped me off in the woods, and I found a good camping spot a fair distance away from any roads and people. I was going to wait and take some LSD the next day. I thought it would be a good idea to spend a day settling into a more tranquil mood. I was aware of the power of LSD. That's why I had just bought a walkman and headphones and a tape of Gregorian chant. I felt that listening to Gregorian chant would help induce a good trip. <br> <br> Well, I decided not to wait until the next day. In the early afternoon I took four hits of LSD. I lied down in my tent to listen to Gregorian chant. In less than half an hour I was tripping. I looked up out of my tent (I didn't have the rain-fly on) and saw the tree branches and the ripples on the tent from the wind moving to the Gregorian chant. The movement of the clouds slowed down. An indescribable beauty infused everything. <br> <br> I opened up the tent door and was stopped by a dead leaf lying right in front of my tent on my groundcover. The veins in the leaf weaved and undulated. Looking more closely I saw smaller and smaller divisions in the leaf. The sun shone through small holes in the leaf reavealing a deep red-orange glow. I said to myself, 'It's soooo beautiful'. The whole existence of the leaf revealed itself to me. I saw the leaf being born, growing, reaching its' glorious fruition, and then dying and shriveling up into nothing, only to repeat the whole process again. It was so glorious. I was awe-struck. I watched the the cycle of existence of the leaf happen over and over. <br> <br> Then I looked at the blue ground-cover of my tent. It undulated like ocean waves. I felt that all it contained was immense. I saw the oil taken from the earth to make it. I felt the oil of the earth being thoughtlessly, selfishly plundered in the ground-cover. I saw the war and hate and energy and greed connected to my ground-cover. I cried hard. But then I saw that it was just part of the earths' trip. Part of its' trip was to have a 'bad trip'. <br> <br> I stepped out of my tent and looked at how beautiful and meaningful the whole world was. I wondered how it was possible to have a bad trip. I couldn't understand how people could have bad acid trips. <br> <br> But then I thought that a good friend of mine knew that I was going to have this good trip and having it would show in his mind that I was inherently different from him because he had always had bad experiences on acid. I thought that he'd feel alienated from me now and bring a permanent rift in our relationship. I now realized the good trip could actually be a bad thing. This troubled me, but I put it out of my consciousness. <br> <br> The next thing I knew, without thinking it was strange, was coming to after a lapse of consciouness in my tent. The first time I didn't know I had had a lapse of consciousness. I again looked at the leaf outside my tent, and then got out of the tent and looked at a particular tree by the tent. The next time I came to in my tent I thought, 'Hmm, this is like deja vu.' But I still didn't think it was strange reapeating the same experience for the third time in several minutes. <br> <br> The fourth and fifth times it happened I thought, 'Wait, something strange is happening.' I wondered who or what was playing this trick on me. I began to doubt the essential beauty and benevolence of the world which I'd had no doubt of just shortly ago. I decided to lie down and listen to Gregorian chant for the rest of the trip in the hope that the beautiful music would block out my troubling thoughts. <br> <br> But now as I looked up through my tent the trees and the sky looked lifeless, cold and distant. This disturbed me. I threw off the headphones and unzipped my tent to look at the leaf again. I saw it shriveling up over and over into a grotesque, gray, lifeless leaf. There was no life in it. Only death. I told myself that the world wasn't really like this. I told myself that existence itself is the highest meaning and life is at its' core and that it was only the LSD that was making me see the world as meaningless and dead. But then I thought that I wouldn't have to affirm the inherent goodness and positivity of the world to myself if it really were true. <br> <br> Yet once the doubt had slipped in there seemed to be no way to get rid of it. My earlier wonderful trip became increasingly hellish. I told myself that I was just having a bad LSD trip and that the world was in fact good. But then I thought that if the world really was good I wouldn't be able to have a bad LSD trip. Before I realized it everything had ceased being beautiful, good and meaningful and had become grotesque, sinister and meaningless. <br> <br> I worried that the bad trip might never end and thought I might need to go get help because I'd damaged my brain. But I still had some objectivity on my experience because I thought how I didn't want to draw others into my hell and paranoia and just further confirm the meaninglessness of existence. I decided to stay alone in the woods, but then I began feeling sick to my stomach. I wondered whether I was just imagining I was sick or whether I really was. I tried to remember something I had done early in the day that could be making me sick. I remembered that I hadn't purified the water that I had gotten from a spring early in the day. A scoutmaster out camping with his troop had even offered me some purifying tablets but I had turned him down saying I never purified spring water. I thought the untreated water might be killing me. I thought I might die. All because I was too arrogant to accept some purifying tablets. And it was the arrogance not just of this moment but of my whole life that was now going to kill me. <br> <br> As I sat in horror deciding what to do next everything merged and coalesced with everything else destroying the tangibility of each individual object. Time and space dissolved. My sleeping bag and tent stretched and contracted. I wondered who I was. I was no longer sure. Most of the ideas I had about who I was no longer felt tenable. It felt that my whole life had necessarily culminated to this moment. All I felt I knew was that I had to come to terms with the fact that I was a wretched human being and that life was meaningless. I could either leave right then and go back to my friends on the farm where I lived and let them know I knew they knew I knew that life was meaningless and that all humans were in eternal conflict with each other and everything and that all we could do was feign communion and happiness. <br> <br> I also knew that if I went back to my friends I'd have to go to the hospital and my parents would find out I'd taken LSD and had almost killed myself as a result. I felt like I'd be reduced to a pathetic, worthless, repulsive individual if my parents found out what I'd done. <br> <br> My other choice would be to stay in the woods and die. Either way my identity of being a 'good person' would be destroyed. I felt overwhelming dread seeing that I was caught in a vicious Catch-22. But, I thought, there'd at least be some redemption if I went back and let everyone know that I realized all of my 'idealistic' dreams were selfish and arrogant and that I was a worthless person who needed to beg for forgiveness. I felt my friends and parents knew what I was going through at that very moment and were just waiting to see whether I had the humility to admit to them that all I'd thought and done with my life was completely self-centered and wrong. <br> <br> But then a more terrifying thought came over me: that my whole past life might be fictitious. I thought that all of my memories may have been implanted in me. I was becoming uncertain of everything. My grip on reality was slipping away. I realized I no longer knew who I was or where I was or what was happening to me other than something unspeakably horrible. But I tried to keep reminding myself throughout this that I had just taken four hits of LSD and was just having a bad trip. Yet saying that to myself helped less and less as time went on. It was irrelevant after some time how I had gotten into the state I was in. The hell I was feeling was too real and powerful to pass off as the play of my mind. I felt that the LSD was just bringing to the surface the truth of myself and reality. But I thought if I could just remember what LSD was I could stave off the bad trip. I thought that what LSD was was what LSD stood for, but I could not remember what it stood for. <br> <br> The trip became even more frightening when physical reality had pretty much lost all substantiality. Nothing had any distinct identity. Everything was fluid. There was nothing to get a grip on psychologically. Everything I touched lost all feeling of solidity on contact. I decided I should eat something to help me get a hold of reality. Feeling the solidity of food in my mouth and stomach I thought would help. <br> <br> I took one bite of an energy bar and spit it out. It tasted disgusting. That food could be repulsive further confirmed my idea that life was essentially indifferent and meaningless since negative things were possible. I looked down at the food I had spit out and saw it turned into clumps of writhing maggots. I looked more closely at the spit out food to see that it really wasn't maggots, but I only saw the maggots in greater detail. More fear welled up in me. Now I had further, tangible evidence that reality was a malignant, indifferent, untrustworthy miscreation at its' core. The lusus naturae of all lusus naturaes so that any and everything that could exist in all possible realities was necessarily a deformed, grotesque aberration destined to bear nothing but total chaos and randomness so nothing ultimately made any sense and no perception or interpretation could ultimately be trusted. <br> <br> But beyond the fear of the indifference and meaninglessness of reality I was terrified that the solidity of the world had dissolved. I had to get in touch with something solid, either from the present or past, something that would show they were real and not just figments of my imagination. I opened up my journal to read some of the entries I had written to help confirm to myself that the past I remembered having happened really did happen. I thought that if the thoughts in my mind could be confirmed by something outside of myself it would provide solid evidence of my past and put solid ground back under my feet again, and more so, put solid ground back under my ideas about myself and reality. It would also help confirm my belief that I was having doubts about who I was, and reality in general, because I was on a bad acid trip. But when I opened my journal and started reading I became afraid to read past the quotes in the beginning of the thinking that if I read some of my personal experiences they would only create a whole other series of worries and doubts. <br> <br> Then I remembered I had my watch, and I remembered that I had taken the LSD at about 1:00 pm. I felt that seeing my watch would give me something very concrete to hold onto. I could check the time and the date, and I knew that if the time was about what I'd expect it to be and the date was what I thought it should be I'd know that I was just having a bad acid trip and that it was only the acid that was causing me to lose my hold on reality. I looked at my watch and the time said 5:48 pm. That was good - about what I expected. And the date was 11 - 18 - 95. Also very good. Those outside facts confirmed my inner thoughts. The watch felt solid and real in my hand. A wave of relief came over me. <br> <br> But then I doubted that what the watch said or that the watch itself was real. I didn't know anything outside of my own thoughts that could prove what the watch said was real and true. I saw what the watch said as part of a lie. I realized I was waking up to the 'Great Lie' - the lie that is past on from generation to generation of humans that the material world is substantial, solid and that our ideas and measurements of it reveal reality. I now saw this was not true. It was clear now that there is never anything to get a hold of and call 'reality'. I realized that everything in my inner experience and in the outer world had no real substance. I realized that nothing could be trusted, that there was no solid truth to hold onto. I looked down at my watch and it melted in my hand. Any substance and weight it had had a moment before was gone. I threw it to the ground in terror. <br> <br> Any and every hellish scenario began to feel possible now. I decided to open myself up to the most bizarre and hellish possibilities. I saw a comfort in realizing that anything could go wrong - then at least I could take comfort in knowing what the truth was: that reality is hell. I decided to see if I could jump through the earth into another dimension. I ran and jumped into the air. It was deeply comforting when my feet landed firmly on the ground. Layers of fear immediately dissipated from my mind. Some of the substantiality of the physical world returned. I felt security in the returning solidity. <br> <br> But it was short-lived. The nausea that I had felt earlier suddenly returned, and much worse. I vomited food and then blood. I was sure I was dying. I knew I had to get back to the farm where I lived or I would die. I put on my boots. I was ready to take off for help when every direction I looked in looked the same. I didn't know which way was the right way. I realized it was dangerous to try to get back to the farm for help since I had no idea which direction was the way back standing there in the middle of the woods. <br> <br> I conceded to the fact that I might just die out there in the woods. But I again reminded myself that I had taken four hits of LSD and that it could just be the bad acid trip that was making me feel that I was dying. Though I didn't find that thought very convincing. I felt that I'd be lost for good and definitely die if I headed off into the woods having no idea if I was headed in the right direction or not. <br> <br> I lied down in my tent trying to accept the fact that I might die out there in woods. Facing immanent death made fear of the meaninglessness of existence and its' insubstantiality pale in comparison. Accepting the fact that I might actually die a deep sobriety came over me. With the sobriety I no longer felt a need to avoid anything, however frightening. A deep desire to face the truth, to face reality, however good or bad it might be, filled my being. I didn't listen to Gregorian chant. I didn't want to try to create any feelings of a good world. I wanted reality to come to me on its own terms. I'd accept whatever it gave me. <br> <br> I moved my butt-cheeks while lying down so I could get more of a sense of my physical being. The world was feeling more tangible. I realized I just needed to be interacting with physical reality, that I needed to be completely living in the here and now, in each and every moment. I noticed that storm-like clouds had formed in the sky. I got up and put my rainfly on my tent. A said out loud what I needed to be doing each step of the way, 'OK, attach the rainfly there. Good. Let's go over here now.' I just wanted to be fully in the present, no matter how mundane it happened to be. <br> <br> I realized that living in the present moment no matter how 'mundane', 'routine', or 'boring' was beautiful compared to the horror acid trip I had just been experiencing. Physical reality, with all its' solidity was slowly coming back into focus. Then the bad trip was completely gone. And without realize it, the good trip wasn't there either. I didn't notice that the feeling of tripping was diminishing. It was now about five hours after consuming the four hits of LSD. Exhausted, but greatly relieved, I went into my tent and lied down. <br> <br> I suddenly came to, and it was like the other times I had lost and regained consciousness. There was no feeling of having fallen asleep. It felt like I had blacked-out and suddenly come to. I spontaneously, without thinking it was strange, or even realizing what I was doing, jumped up and out of the tent. I knelt on the ground and grabbed a fistful of leaves. I pressed them against my face. The bad trip, or any feeling of tripping was completely gone. I hugged a tree. It was solid! Solidity! What a joy! And sounds had substance again. And everything I looked at was hard, firm - solid. <br> <br> It didn't occur to me that it was very unusual for all feelings of tripping to have disappeared only after five hours from taking the acid. I went back into my tent and lied down again, now even more deeply relieved that the trip from hell was over. <br> <br> I suddenly came to again after a lapse of consciousness. Again, I spontaneously jumped out of my tent and knelt down grabbing a fistful of leaves. I stood up realizing that the world felt very different and that I felt very different. It felt as though a burden had been lifted from every cell in my body. My body felt amazingly light, and every movement I made felt effortless and completely natural. Then I realized that my sense of having a personal consciousness was gone. I knew in that moment, beyond any doubt, that I had awaken. I felt that I was in a fairy tale land. <br> <br> Everything felt so close. I could feel the whole universe right there in front of me. It felt like the universe was laughing and clapping and saying, 'Welcome home.' I literally felt that I had awaken from a dream. It truly felt that I had just been born, just, in that moment, truly come to life. I repeated out loud, 'This is so funny' (awakening from taking LSD) and 'This is so incredible.' I looked at the darkening sky and the ground and the trees. Everything looked so soft and light. It seemed that the world had been turned inside out. <br> <br> I realized how meaningful suffering is. If people truly knew that suffering was a natural part of existence then they would attend to their suffering instead of trying to avoid it. Suffering is a reminder that there is something wrong with our perception (understanding) of reality. We need to ask, 'Why do I suffer?' and see that the answer is in the question: because of 'I'. We suffer because of the idea of an 'I' separate from and standing apart and independent from the rest of the universe. <br> <br> I saw so clearly how most humans are still caught in the illusion of separateness, but I no longer saw the irrational acts of humans as evil or tragic. I saw suffering as an essentially natural outcome when reality is not percieved correctly. There was no pity for the human condition, only compassion. <br> <br> I could feel how we all originate from nothing. The best way I could think about it at the time was that we are all crystallized points of eternity. I thought, of course something that is eternal and infinite is going to suffer if it thinks it is something temporal and finite. Thinking you live in a human body is necessarily going to be very suffocating, claustrophobic, when you are, in fact, infinite, which doesn't imply endless space but its' transcendence. <br> <br> My head felt like a void, and I had a feeling of vastness and emptiness up through my stomach, chest, neck and mouth. I loved the sound of my voice. I felt like I was speaking out of a void. Every sound and syllable I made was effortless and sounded perfectly crisp and clear. I realized before that I had always been afraid of my voice. <br> <br> As I tried to think of 'myself' I found it very hard. There was nothing to hold onto. There was no longer any concept that could contain who I now recognized myself to be. I saw that my life as 'Chris M.' had been nothing but a dream. There was nothing substantial about 'Chris M.'. I asked myself, 'Who is Chris M.?' and found I had no idea. He was a dream, an illusion, a mirage. My whole past life felt like a dream that I had just woken-up from. It was hard getting a hold of past memories. Nothing specific came to mind. It didn't bother me in the least. It seemed that I had been dropped off in the woods about a month ago. <br> <br> I thought to myself that it was worth next to an eternity to reach the state I was in. I laughed at all the things people identify themselves with - political causes, religions, their color of skin, nationality, being cool etc. I saw the ridiculousness of so many acts of humans. <br> <br> I thought of my family, and my friends on the farm where I lived, and saw how much I loved them all. I felt that they were right there with me. The earth, the universe, felt so small, as if everything was immediately present. I thought of what I would do next with my life, and I found there was nothing to weigh my thoughts against. Everything I thought of doing was just, 'Yeah, OK, whatever.' There was no seriousness or worry or doubt to my thoughts. It was just, 'whatever I do, I do.' <br> <br> I remember shouting out, 'Hello!' expecting the universe to answer back. I had never felt so incredibly alive. The world had been transformed from a 'serious place' to a place of pure magic and wonder. I just wanted to help others wake up and say, 'See, isn't it awesome and miraculous? See, the world's already perfect.' <br> <br> I felt completely safe and secure and at home. I laughed at the thought that people are actually afraid of being attacked in the woods by another human. Being afraid felt so absurd, so completely unjustified, completely based on an illusion about one's true nature and the true nature of reality. <br> <br> I decided the next morning I'd go back to the farm to be with my friends whom I felt an intense love for. I kind of felt like a father. I wanted to let everyone know that everything is alright, that everything is already perfect. <br> <br> I decided to pack up my stuff right then (it was about 7pm) and go over to see some Boy Scouts whose Scoutmaster I had met earlier in the day and who said I was welcome to come to their campfire that evening. I wanted to share my love, myself, or maybe I should say, lack of self. <br> <br> It was a funny experience trying to make it over to where the Boy Scouts were. I got lost in the dark. I thought that was pretty ironic. Yet it didn't bother me in the least. At one point I was going to start over from where my tentsite had been. I turned around to see if I could trace my way back, and I stumbled over mentally. I realized that I had always had ideas, presumptions about everything. I mentally stumbled over because my mind automatically was trying to hold onto my ideas of where I had been, but a deeper part of me could no longer make the error of mistaking my ideas about reality for reality itself. My perception was no longer obscured, and it was obvious what was reality and what were just my thoughts about reality. So I stared at the ground, and the trees and the earth seemed to be saying to me, 'Well, here we are. We're all the information you need to find your way back. We're reality.' It was a wonderful feeling - to just see the world without it being cluttered up with ideas, opinions, beliefs, presumptions. <br> <br> My fifty pound pack felt like nothing on my back. I hardly noticed it was there. And I hiked up and down the mountain like it was nothing as I tried to find my way to the Boy Scouts. It didn't matter at all that I couldn't find them. Just being alive was an exhilarating experience. <br> <br> Feeling no inhibitions I called out and tried flashing my headlamp in a signal-like fashion. Not living in the normal human realm of separation and fear I didn't think that my actions would be taken as strange by everyone else camping out there in the woods. There were a number of people camping in the area, and people's responses were essentially, 'What the hell are you doing yelling out trying to find somebody in the dark, dude?' I felt such intimacy with the rest of the world that it didn't seem strange to me at all. <br> <br> Well, I finally found my way to the Boy Scouts. Actually, it was the scoutmaster and about eight adults whom I finally came across. I could see that they were wary of me, and the scoutmaster was definitely not the friendly person I had met earlier in the day. I could see they were just checking me out - making sure I wasn't some psychopath or something. To me their behaviour was ridiculous, so unjustified. It was merely based on the illusion of separation. But I only had understanding for their situation. <br> <br> I told them I was coming to join their campfire, and they told me that it had already ended. When I spoke with them I felt awkward speaking in a way that I never had before. I realized after that I felt that way because I had no ideas or expectations or fears deciding what I should and shouldn't say. It was a completely new experience for me. I was really struck by their irrational fear of me based on the false belief of separation. Their behavior seemed almost silly. As they walked away from me talking they seemed like silly cartoon characters going, 'mumble grumble, mumble grumble.' <br> <br> I was now in a clearing up in the mountains at night with the stars overhead. I layed out my sleeping back in the open beneath the stars, a feeling of total freedom, of oneness with all, permeating my being. The temperature was dropping. My body shivered from the cold, but coldness was just coldness, not a 'problem' as I'd normally related to it. I no longer felt any pain in my right knee which had been bothering me for weeks. <br> <br> I lied down in my sleeping bag looking up at the stars. They felt like they were right in front of my face. Everytime I opened my eyes I mentally jumped back at seeing how close the stars were. The mountains also felt very close, and the sound of the wind and trains and voices and other noises felt like they were right next to me. The sights and sounds were perceived without ideas or beliefs or any thoughts coming in the way. <br> <br> The insubstantiality of time and space was completely tangible and obvious. They were still there, but I now saw them as the thinnest of veils lying across the vastness of the void. <br> <br> Possibly the most powerful part of the awakening was that all existential suffering and all existential doubt had ended. I had attained 'Certitude' of certain things as the Zen priest Steve Hagen had spoken about in his book 'How the World Can Be the Way It Is', which I think had had a significant influence on me having this experience. I had read the entire book the previous day, and one of the main themes of the book is trying to prove that there is nothing substantial in the material world, and yet, there it is. He says that the world is filled with paradoxes until we just see things for what they are beyond all conceptualization. I have no doubt that all the ideas in that book were mulling around in my unconscious mind when I took those four hits of acid. <br> <br> Who I was and my 'place' in the world were meaningless questions now. I Knew that I had awaken. I Knew that existential human suffering is based upon an illusion - the illusion of separation. I Knew that what I was could never be harmed. I had no fear of anything. Fear is a product of the separate self. Fear goes hand-in-hand with the feeling of separation. The individual, separate 'I' is fear. <br> <br> Two men came up to me while I was lying in my sleeping bag. They wanted to know if it had been me they'd seen walking along the mountain ridges, or rather, the headlamp that they'd seen. Every word I spoke came out effortlessly. I felt a naturalness and comfortableness in my being that I had never felt before. I felt the infinite in me communing, unaware to the two men, with the infinite in them. It was a joy being with others because I felt no separation with them. <br> <br> Another amazing thing I noticed was seeing that thoughts were no longer a problem. I could easily put aside any thoughts in my mind and just see the world void of any concepts about it. It was such an exhilarating feeling of liberation - there was finally space, boundless space, in my mind. <br> <br> Not long after I had initially woken-up to reality I felt I had realized what LSD is. I felt that it had been created by the collective unconscious of humanity to show humans deeper aspects of reality to help them wake up, ultimately, to the ground of being itself. I thought the same idea about Chaos Theory. I saw that everything is happening to help us wake-up. I saw, without any doubt, that the only useful thing to do in life is to wake-up. All the works of humanity, all technological progress adds up to nothing. The only thing that is of any value is to wake-up to reality. <br> <br> The next morning the voidness in my head and body had greatly diminished. I didn't feel as light, though my voice still seemed to be coming from a void, and objects still felt lighter than 'normal'. I thought that maybe I was already growing use to my new state, but as time went on it was clear that the awakening was fading. Any effects not attributable to memory had faded completely within eighteen hours. <br> <br> It was a let down at first to realize that what I thought had been a permanent awakening turned out to be temporary. The intense acid trip had been a catalyst for a brief, though extremely powerful transcendence of my mind. I have no doubt that the brief awakening was genuine. LSD can only effect the mind and I had gone beyond my mind. It was like the high dose of LSD I'd taken acted like a rocket ship that broke me free from the gravitational pull of all of my ideas about myself and reality to temporarily wake me up before the powerful karmic pull of my habitual center of gravity in the known, in ideas and beliefs about myself and reality, pulled me back. <br> <br> And then there I was believing I was 'Chris M.' again and huddled in the security of all his ideas about the reality around him - a reality of unfathomable mystery and wonder. But now that mysterious reality was wondered down by concepts to make the world 'safe' and 'secure' for myself. <br> <br> I am deeply grateful to have had a glimpse, even for a brief period of time, of reality. LSD can show us deeper dimensions of reality. It can take us on trips to subtler levels of consciousness, and in my case, it can even catapult us beyond the mind altogether, though, almost inevitably only temporarily. Only temporarily, because whe have to go through the actual day to day practice of living to let go of all our ideas about reality and ourself to finally stand in total nakedness and vulnerability and humility in the knowledge that who we are and what reality is will always ever be a mystery.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1995</td><td width="90">ExpID: 56890</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 15, 2007</td><td>Views: 26,594</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=56890&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=56890&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Mystical Experiences (9), Nature / Outdoors (23), Multi-Day Experience (13), Personal Preparation (45), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 lines</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/cocaine/">Cocaine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Well, I'm not going to bother anybody with the details regarding how it began. Quite simply, it began as any ordinary evening would have. A close friend telephoned me at the 10 hour, and said that a party was going to take place. Being the charismatic 19 year old I was, I happily jumped on my bike, and began the 4 mile trek that would lead me to the party. I had never been a particularly popular student, and rumor had it there would be several of the cool group at the party. This filled me with much joy, as I had hung out with the chill crowd during class and on campus, but had never attended a party in their presence. Had I known the strange thing that would befall me that night, I'm not sure if I would have ever embarked in the first place. <br> <br> When we arrived at the party, there was a kid (who appeared to live there) who was handing out cups at the front door. I happily paid the chap five dollars, and was on my way to infiltrate the party. There was a disco ball, music playing, and just about everything else you could ask for at a run of the mill rave party. However, as I sipped on my keg-cup, I noticed that a small portion of the crowd was retreating to a more intimate setting. Being the curious child I was, I decided to follow them. <br> <br> As I proceeded up a long staircase and came to the attic, I noticed that all the kids up there were busying themselves with some marijuana and cocaine around a large round table. Not wanting the marijuana to affect my partying (I had previous experiences where I ended up so stoned I couldn't socialize) I decided it best to simply do a line of quality cocaine and save myself the 'stoney-ness'. I did one initial line, and then another when the fellow providing permitted me. Having never done cocaine before, I was overcome with a strange and unique sobriety. What followed this sobriety was a very pleasant buzzing euphoria, that seemingly eminated from my heart. I was pleased by this, and ended up jabbering incessently to my newfound friends for a good twenty minutes. <br> <br> As a bit of time passed, my friends grew restless, as one of them casually said to the others 'You wanna trip...?' They responded by nodding in unison, and the goods were distributed. It seemed that they were taking tabs of LSD, according to the kid sitting nearest me. He assured me that it would teach me of things about my soul that I had previously never known. To me, spiritual enlightenment was something very appealing, as many viewed me as a loser of sorts. Taking this little tab was my chance to show the club kids that I was cool, and that I could hang. <br> <br> I know I sound like a fucking loser when I talk about the stereotypical 'cool' kids. However, you have all been in my position at one point or another. We've all been to highschool, and we know how conformity brings satisfaction. It's not fun being an outsider, and at this point in time, I thought that taking this 'acid' or whatever the hell it was, would make me whole, or show me what I was missing out of my misguided youth. <br> <br> The acid tasted like a piece of tagboard paper, and I was getting anxious to swallow the damned thing about 2 minutes into the experience. As I waited patiently, my new friend (the distributor of the acid) announced that 2 of our lost friends were not going to make an appearance that night, as they had not found a sober driver to the party. With glee, he asked if anybody in our group wanted at 2 free tabs of the blotter shit. I found myself raising my hand, as I felt that 2 hits would certainly be better than one. And they were free! Why the hell not??? <br> <br> After taking both tabs, I walked to the keg to grab another beer, and make conversation with whoever was around. As I walked out to the deck to have a cigarette (25 minutes after ingesting) I noticed that the flower patterns on the kitchen curtains seemed to be pulsing and breathing with the beat of the music. I was initially entertained by this sudden change, and staired for a bit before I walked out onto the deck. <br> <br> As I was smoking my cigarette, a girl walked up to me and began to converse with me. I initially thought that she might have been taken by my physical appearance, but then she began a story about how she forgot her cigarettes in her friend's vehicle, and the desperate conclusion of how she was out, and needed more to feed her addiction. What the hell is going on? I asked myself. It was almost as though this girl had taken 25 minutes to explain her situation to me, and I already knew exactly where she was going with it, and had a cigarette in my hand. Why did she have to waste 20 minutes of my time to ask me for a silly cigarette? Why the hell was I paying so much attention this thought? <br> <br> Damn man. I think I had started tripping at that point. I lost track of time for a second, and then came back as I handed random girl a cigarette. I walked inside to get my bearings, and was greeted by strange, morphing figures. I had a good memory of the furniture arrangement in the house, and the living room I saw did not resemble the one I had left. The couch seemed to be pulsating blisfully in response to the couple that was laying on it and the grandfather clock was chiming the 3 hour, as if signalling us that it was time to leave, and I was too fucked up to drive. <br> <br> At this point, I walked to the bathroom, and began to splash cold water on my face, as it was the only thing I could think of at that point to make things better. However, as I continously splashed water on my face, I knew that it would do no good. The cocaine was wearing off, and I realized the fact that I had most likely taken something that would not wear off for a long time. I began to panick, and wondered what would happen to me. After several minutes of sweating and panicking, I convinced myself that I would simply have to ride it out, and walked out to the living room and sat myself on the couch. <br> <br> As I sat on the couch, fucked up shit began to happen. The visuals were completely uncontrollabe at this point, and shifting my eyes did no good. Colors were so brilliant that they seemed to be humming to each other. This sounds fucked up but I swear to god, the couch was singing a duet with my friend's easy chair, in an accompanyment to the cd player. This strange humming noise was always in the back of mind. As I tried to comprehend this, a good female friend of mine sat down next to me. She was one of the kids who was with us when we took the acid. <br> <br> I was so relieved when she sat down next to me. Finally, someone who understands the state of mind I am in. As I began to convey this to her, I only hoped she would understand. The words that came out of my mouth were not the ones I had imagined. An unintelligable mish-mash of sounds was all I heard, as auditory hallucinations took over. The trip was only beginning. I had taken the shit only 2 hours before. When I realized I could not communicate, I freaked out. The auditory hallucinations were becoming so extreme that I could not even communicate what I thought or felt. At this point, the girl I was sitting next to seemed to sympathize with my situation, as she placed her head on my shoudler, and rubbed my back. <br> <br> Suddenly, wonderful thoughts took over. The girl (I think her name was Phooebe, so from now on, I will refer to her as this) was rubbing my back without end, and I was reminded of days past, when my mother would do the same thing before she awoke me before school. At this point, I came back to myself for a brief moment, and wondered where I was and what was happening. I had two possibilities presented to me: The first one was that I was a person named Willy in my first year of college, who had taken a hallucinatory substance. The second possibility was that I existed as a strange ego-less shell who had been birthed when Willy had taken the acid. <br> <br> This sounds fucked up, but I seriously thought that reality had started when I took the acid. This was my life, and it was unfolding as if I were an infant. Suddenly, I accepted the trip. I accepted this new possibility. The extra tab I took had probably started kicking in, and I lost complete touch with my ego. I was driven by a sort of existential mindset. I didn't even think I really existed in this world, or any other. There wasn't loneliness, sadness, anything. It was just nothing. <br> <br> I suddenly came back to reality for a moment, and realized that Phoebe was on top of me. This seemed to be part and parcel for any party I was at. However, I remembered that she also had taken the acid, and may be just as desperate as I was, prior to my death (I thought I was dead, you must understand). At this point, the trip convinced me that I was an angel, and must serve to comfort her, as she made her passage to where I had found myself. <br> <br> As I laid there with the intention of comforting Phoebe, it became clear what would make her comfortable. She seemed to want us to connect in a way other than the platonic. As an existential nothingness, I felt it not a problem at all to surrender myself to this strange psycho-naut's desires, and let her guide my hands wherever she liked, as I experienced the her desire. This was to be a new beginning. The birth of the new person that was to be me. I would fornicate with this girl, as a tribute to all that had changed. <br> <br> As fucked up as this sounds, I honestly felt like we were Adam and Eve that night. As we had cuddled, my ego experienced complete withdrawal, as I become nothing inside of a shell. I felt as though we were clinging to each other (literally) as if it was the last thing we had left of reality, and beyond that, was nothing and the unknown. If I had not spent time with Phoebe that night, I feared that I may have died. <br> <br> After somehow exchanging phone numbers (don't ask me how) I was on my way. The act of walking through the bedroom door and down the stairs toward the main room forced my ego to return briefly, and I remembered where I was, and who I was. It was at this point that I remember actually taking the acid, and remembering that I was tripping. As I looked around, uncontrollable visuals greeted me, and I wondered how and what I had experienced in the previous 2 hours because quite frankly, it exists only as a vague dream. The visuals were so intense, that I retreated into sort of an existential state of existence, devoid of sight. <br> <br> I somehow my way outside and bummed a cigarette from some random kid. As I slowly puffed on it, I began to perceive things that existed around me. The large oak tree I had seen when driving in, the large tractor that was broken down on the side of the house. Even the stars seemed familiar for a moment. This was my first plateau. Then things got fucked up. My friend (we'll call him Jake) suddenly burst through the front door, ssking me where I'd been, what I'd been doing, etc. <br> <br> I wanted to look him straight in the eye and say 'Fuck you man. I'm on 2 tabs of acid. I'm tripping balls, leave me alone.' But then I remembered that he wasn't into that. So I instinctively kept my mouth shut, as he continued talking to me, face morphing, mouth twisting, words not making any bit of sense. <br> <br> 'Hey, We're all hungry. Do you want to go to Perkins.?' <br> <br> Me: 'Umm. I don't know man, we'll see.' <br> <br> 'Well, were going now. If you want a ride, come with us.' <br> <br> I didn't really have much of a choice at that point. Visions flashed through my head of me wandering around in a fucked up daze asking for a ride home from random people who didn't give a shit about me. I had no choice but to agree to go. We then climbed into the car and left for the all night restaurant. It was somewhere around 4 in the morning, over 4 hours since I ingested the acid. <br> <br> The diner was weird. I kept percieving seperate entities from the people who were sitting in the restaurant. Do they know I'm tripping? was a question I kept asking myself. I would continuously stare at the two truck driver sitting behind us, or the overweight woman in the next row, or the cracked out meth-heads chattering away in the smoking section. <br> <br> I was overwhelmed with so much empathy that I wanted to walk right up to them and ask them about themselves, where they came from, and who they were. However, I was overwhelmed by the fact that the trip was still going strong, and I coudln't say a damn thing to anyone. <br> <br> Somehow we got our food, and ate it. Rumor has it I drank an entire cup of coffee, and got into a conversation with our neighbors about complex interdependence in western Europe, but that's all subjective. After ordering my food, the next thing I remember is us sitting in the car talking about how crazy the night before had been. The visuals had worn down to a moderate level, and I was left with the equivalent of a very mild buzz. <br> <br> The sun was coming up over the hills, and we decided it was time to go home. However, I was still not quite convinced that the sun really was rising. I could have still died that night, and not even known it. I have so much more respect for psychadelics after that fateful night. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and am very lucky I have as calm of a mind as I do, because otherwise I might have been toast.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 33540</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 1, 2007</td><td>Views: 64,398</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=33540&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=33540&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cocaine (13) : General (1), First Times (2), Combinations (3), Sex Discussion (14), Mystical Experiences (9), Large Group (10+) (19)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This may serve either as an enticement or caveat for psychedelic trippers. I've gone into an egoless oblivion twice on tryptamine psychedelics, once on mushrooms, and once again on lsd about 7 years later. This is a report on the latter lsd experience, in which I was out of my life/body/identity for around four hours. That's a long time when you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground and are bent over in time warped tryptamine space! <br> <br> I was renting a small cottage by myself in the Indian Himalya, in a place close to the origin of the ganges river, which also registers the area as very sacred to hindus. I was interested in esoteric types of Indian mysticism such as aghora tantra and advaita vedanta and this interest led me, I believe, to experience what I did when I did. I feel strongly in the saying 'be careful for what you wish for, because you may get it.' I put a lot of mental thought into cosmic consciousness and the void, and I got an unexpected and massive taste of it. <br> <br> A very young German man I met in a small himalyan town gave me a hit of acid, and warned me 'This is VERY special acid. Maybe only take half.' Seeing the tiny hit of blotter, I truly had my doubts that it could have much effect on me. I've tripped many many times. I was very wrong about the acid. It was stronger than anything I've ever had by a long shot. And that was from one hit! I was also having numerous stomach problems at the time, which is a common experience in India. I was taking some antibiotics which were very strong. I wonder sometimes if this had a chemical reaction with the acid, strenthening it considerably. It may just have been truly special acid. I don't know. I tend to think that it was because of my intense practice that month with vedanta, which relaxed me to the point where some acid thrown in the mix would trigger a full on psychedelic blow out. <br> <br> I chose a day to take the acid. I tried to clean my head out of it's rubbish for about a week prior to the chosen date. I know that nothing can can prepare one for a wild and unique trip, but I still think that these type of preperations are helpful. There was, however, no way to prepare for what would happen to me. <br> <br> I meditated for two hours at sunrise, than dropped the whole hit and went into the forest. At first it came on very sweetly, after about 45 minutes. I sat on a rock about halfway down the mountain and felt the magic of the sunlight. It was warm and loving and I felt very good. I remember thinking that the acid was indeed very clean and gorgeous feeling. I foolishly thought that I was having a blessedly beautiful trip because of all of my preparation and mental training. Slowly, though, the trip began to escalate. <br> <br> I was very happy and delirious, and I think a peculiar kind of drunkenness was around me because I didn't really notice just how out there I was getting. My sense of time was totally shot. Some farmers off in the distance where shooting their rifles to scare away a mischevious band of monkeys who regularly raided all of the crops on the mountain. The last thing I remember while I was still lucid, that is I still new my name, date and location, was the sound of the riotous monkeys screaming and running down the mountain sounding like charging bison or something. I remember feeling some fear because I didn't want to deal with those monkeys in my state. They are very intrusive and clever little bastards! <br> <br> I had nothing to fear with the monkeys, but rather had much bigger things ahead. This is when I lost consciousness. It was around two and a half hours after dropping the hit. I was so far inside my mind that I had no clue who or what I was. I've heard of others who reach this state with acid, but it seems rare. I encountered not a single person for several hours, leaving me on my own to decipher this new universe which seemed to be made of pure thought. <br> <br> Looking back on it I have many memories of what I felt, but at the time I was lost in a place where there was no up, down, left right, sight, sound, scent. I tested this new world to see if there was pain, because I remembered pain, and I tested it by reaching out a grabbing briars with my hand. As the thorns dug into my hand I remember laughing because it wasn't at all painful but rather ecstatic! Thousands of colors shot outwards from where my hand contacted the thorns! My senses had blurred togethter fully and I felt that I was invincible. <br> <br> I continued the experiments, thrusting myself into thickets and letting all of the thorns cut my body. It just felt liberating. My reality had truly crumbled. I felt that now I truly 'knew' that pain and all material was a product of the mind and I didn't need to be a slave to it. Reality was finally peeled aside, appearing as an illusion. It's strange that as I thought this, I didn't even know my name, but I thought in terms of vedanta philosophy. <br> <br> I wonder if I could have gone farther. I wonder if I could have really hurt myself in that state. Without fear of harm or dying, I could have jumped off a cliff or who knows what. Fortunately I didn't. I did climb up onto the roof of my cottage and stare into the sun, an acid trip cliche. This is where I felt that I may be a being who is 'between worlds', something that had recently died. I felt this once before on mushrooms several years earlier. I was there again, but of course I had no context and no way to find myself to compare this current trip to the previous one. <br> <br> I began to feel that there was a 'mystery'. When my old reality slowly creeped back, there was a fear. I knew that I knew something, but what? Where the hell is this place? It seems familar, but how? Being in India, on the other side of the world, made it even more surreal, because it clearly wasn't MY world or MY familiar territory. The setting lent itself to me feeling that I had somehow (died? entered cosmic consciousness? gone insane?) sublimated into an alien place. <br> <br> At one point a felt such a profound emotional pain that I screamed at the top of my voice to try to purge the horror from me. I was standing in front my cottage. As I screamed I thrust my arms behind me and smashed a window out with my elbow. the glass cut my arm open. The pain felt magnificent. Again I wonder how much further I could have gone hurting myself. <br> <br> The scream alerted the farmers up the hill, whom I was renting the cottage from, as to my strange state, and someone came down to see after me. I did not recognize the man, although I knew him well as we had talked often. I thought that he was a 'concept' in my brain, a part of my mind which was oriented to challenge me somehow into solving the 'mystery'. I thought that all of these bizarre and alien feelings I was having was me entering another level of consciousness, that the mystery I was feeling was the 'test', the challenge, like in classical literature, 'before entering these gates you must face a great challenge.' I thought this man who came down to see me was like an adversary, a program sprung from my mind. His questions to me (are you okay? what's going on? etc.) seemed like game. I remember, embarassingly, that I was laughing and yelling at him. <br> <br> He went back up the hill to his home which had no phone, and debated with his family about whether or not to go up the mountain and hitchike to town to get the police. He was certain I had cracked up. <br> <br> I started to come down from the acid after about 6 hours after dropping. When the man came back down to check on me, I decided to ask him the key question, 'who are you?' I was beginning to think he wasn't my 'adversary' but rather a friend from my 'former life'. He told me his name and instantly I knew all that had happened. I 'remembered' that I had taken acid, after four hours of raving and wandering around! <br> <br> I was astonished. For the second time in my life, I had gone totally off the deep end tripping. I was covered with cuts and my arm was bleeding rather a lot where I put it through the window. I was embarassed at acting like a lunatic and frightening my very gracious Indian hosts, but more important was my sense of amazement. <br> <br> I wasn't scared, though very disturbed by what I'd seen. I had felt a great joy as well as a total abyss where no love exists. There were many things which are far too complex or deep for me to even put into words. <br> <br> I was seeking a spiritual experience, and I got one. I wasn't ready for it. I haven't tripped since then, 4 years later, because I feel no need. I want to explore that area more, but I need to find a different approach. The potential was there in that trip to have really hurt or possibly killed myself. I'm still gathering bits and pieces of mental debris from that mind explosion.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2000</td><td width="90">ExpID: 33841</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 6, 2007</td><td>Views: 16,510</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=33841&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=33841&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Mystical Experiences (9), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">138 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> On October 31st of 2005, I dove head first into the world of pure, psychedelic euphoria. To be completely honest, dropping acid was the last thing I would imagine myself doing that day. Here is how things transpired: <br> <br> At approximately 10:30 PM on October 30th, I decided to get on the bus and go to the apartment some older friends of mine shared. I was granted a key to their place, because they knew they could trust me and didnt want me stranded outside if I showed up when they werent home. When I arrived at approximately 11:15 PM, the place was empty, because they were all still at work. I sat down on the couch thinking of how to kill the few hours I had until they returned. Feeling tired, I plopped my head down and fell asleep. <br> <br> At approximately 2:30 AM, my three friends returned. I was awakened by the sound of shoes coming up the stairs and keys jangling to open the door. They all greeted me, and we just chatted for a bit. A friend who would not be tripping, we'll call him W, retired to his room after awhile. So, I was sitting on the couch in the living room with B and M. Later, a friend T dropped by. So, the four of us sat on the couch in the living room watching Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. A few times in the duration of whatever show we were watching, B and M kept getting up from the couch and running into the bathroom. T and I could hear their voices from inside. He leaned over to me and asked 'whats going on with them?'. I replied, 'I dont know...'. I thought it was just B and M acting like B and M, but I was mistaken. After the third or fourth unexpected run to the bathroom, M sat back down on the couch and said 'Hey... Me and B are on acid right now.' I replied... 'Oh... hmm... thats sort of odd.' B was standing across from the couch to my right and added 'Yeah, we would've told you earlier, but we didnt want you to be upset.' <br> <br> The hardest drug I had ever used at that time was weed, so I guess they were uncertain about my attitude towards drug use... however, B and M would singlehandedly change my attitude towards drug use in the moments which followed. 'Would you like to try some?', B said. I thought about it. My attitude was 'I don't have anything else better to do today, so why not embark on a drug trip for the first time. It seems like the right thing to do.' It was all very nonchalant to me. I told them that I did. B handed me two hits of acid and said 'You understand that nothing is ever going to be the same again, right?' I chuckled and said 'Yes, but let me think about this one last time.' She said 'Well, don't do too much thinking because all the LSD is going to rub off on your hand.' 'Oh, alright', I said, and decided to pop the piece of blotter paper into my mouth. They also asked T if he wanted to drop. He said 'yes', and was quite enthusiastic about it. <br> <br> After dropping, the four of us headed to T's apartment to wait for the drug to kick in. B and M seemed in awe of everything around them. Me and T's trip had not yet begun, so we sort of waited around for something. M asked me if I felt any different. The full effects of LSD had not yet started, but I felt something, like a stirring inside me. Something that let me know that an 'experience' was in my future. I said 'Yeah, I think I feel something...'. M said 'okay, we should all go for a walk!'. So, we left T's apartment. <br> <br> As we walked, I couldnt stop smiling, even though I was rather quiet. I was just waiting for everything to change dramatically. We all walked to Walgreens to pick up some pictures which M had dropped off to be developed a while ago. What an excellent idea that was. B, T and I stood outside of Walgreens and waited for M to return. He returned with a bottle of Sunny Delight, a few cans of Arizone Green Tea and some incredibly beautiful pictures he had taken on his drive from Seattle to Chicago. As we stood looking at these pictures, a man walked up to B and asked if she had a light. As she lit his cigarette, and the man exhaled those grey puffs of smoke, my trip began. <br> <br> The smoke which left his mouth had incredible depth. I felt as if that smoke would ascend to the sky, and become a cloud, not dissipate and clear from the air. As the cigarette man walked away, the four of us stood outside of Walgreens, gazing at the magnificent pictures M had taken for what seemed like hours. I'm sure it wasnt more than 10 minutes. M put the pictures into the Walgreens bag and suggested that we do some more walking. <br> <br> As we walked down Belmont ave., M pulled the Sunny Delight bottle from the bag and asked me 'You want some vitamin C? Its good for the triiiiip!'. As he spoke these words, thousands of tracers were eminating from his body. This was one of my most vivid memories from the trip. I replied, 'No, I'm.... alright' in that confused, disoriented way you would expect someone on a heavy psychedelic to speak. We crossed Belmont ave. , which was not an easy task, seeing as though we were not at a cross walk and it is a very busy street. We made it to the other side, and decided to walk down a side street near the apartment. <br> <br> Since this was autumn, we entered a world of color by venturing down that little side street. Before we came upon some houses and trees, we came upon a large brown building (which looked purple to me). The side of this building seemed to breathe and pulsate, as if it were alive. B said 'hey! do you see that!?' and pointed towards it. I didnt reply. I was in awe. I was almost unable to speak for some minutes afterwards. We continued down the side street until we came upon a residential portion of it. For a moment, I felt as if I was outside of my body. I could see M, T, B and myself gazing down at the ground to look at all the leaves which had fallen, looking as if we were utterly entranced by everything we had seen, which we were. Things began to take on a cliched 'druggy' feel at this point, since M, T and B were being so vocal, shouting 'whoa!' and pointing to a bush or a tree or a fence. As they walked, I felt as if they were dancing around me. <br> <br> I walked next to B, pointed downward and said 'look at the patterns the leaves make on the sidewalk.... look at those.' It had rained some days before, so the rain had left an outline in the shape of leaves on the sidewalk. I dont think I would've noticed something like this if I was walking down this street on any average day. The drug was now taking over my thought process. We kept walking and came upon a rose bush next to an old apartment building. We stopped and stared at it for a few minutes. The reds and pinks of the roses were overwhelmingly vivid. <br> <br> We headed back to the apartment, where we began to look at M's pictures once again. I grabbed one of them. It was a picture which was taken from the inside of M's car while he was driving down a windng highway road. In this photograph, the sky was a cloudy blue/grey. It looked as if a storm was brewing. A blurry road sign, and an out of focus car were in the foreground. I stared at this photograph for what seemed like lifetimes. I couldnt put it down. I stood near the front door with the photograph in my hand for about 20 minutes. However, I felt as if I had been standing there looking at this photograph for years. W was now awake. He made himself a cup of coffee and infered that we were all tripping. I think he could tell that I was, since I was standing in the corner with a blurry photograph in my hand. He turned to B and said 'getting people hooked on drugs, eh?'. This didnt make me feel uneasy. I actually smlied when I heard those words. W had many experiences with psychedelics previously and would not have made me feel bad about tripping. <br> <br> After a while, me and T decided to grab two of the Arizona Green Tea cans (to keep us hydrated) and go sit on the back porch of the apartment. We talked of how the drug had changed everything, (since it was a first time trip for the both of us). We shared our experiences thus far, but realized that we still had many hours of tripping ahead of us. T went inside to use the bathroom and asked if it was okay to leave me out here alone. I agreed. I still had the photograph in my hand. <br> <br> I started to look at it once again. This time, looking at the photograph was like watching a movie. I saw the out of focus car travel down the winding road. The road sign dissapeared. I was moving along with the car. I was making a journey into realms unknown. As I watched the car inside of the photograph travel down the winding road, I stretched out my arm, so I could get a clear view of the photograph in my hand. I saw the photograph melt, and then reappear in my hand. It was like something out of a Salvador Dali painting. At this point, I experienced what may have ended up being a 'bad trip'. After viewing the transformation the picture had made inside of my hand, I felt as if I was transforming as well. I dropped the picture and started to stare at the planks of wood which made up the floor of the porch. During this moment, I closed my eyes. I started to feel a rush of pure, unbirdled mania. I felt as if I had gone insane. I felt like I was living the text in an old H.P. Lovecraft paperback. It seemed as though I would transform into some hideous, lycanthropic creature. I waited for the change to come, knowing there was no return from this hideous physical state I would adopt. <br> <br> 'Hey!', T said as he stuck his head through the screen door which lead from the apartment to the back porch. 'Are you alright?', he added. This terrible mindset had left me and I felt much better. The awful feelings I had dissapeared as soon as I heard T's voice. I decided to go back inside. I walked into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee. When I had finished my coffee, I gazed inside of the cup. I felt as if there were worlds inside of this cup. Tangible worlds that I could dive into. I did not attempt to do so, since I still had some rationality to my thoughts. I set the cup down on the counter and walked over to M and B, who were feeding a slice of balogna to B's kitten. This was highly amusing to all of us. Something like watching a cat eat balogna was incredibly hilarious in this state. After we chuckled at B's kitten, B, M and myself stared out of the screen door. I remarked on how I was seeing everything in a color scheme which mimicked the Dario Argento film, 'Suspiria'. This made M and B laugh. In a sense, I think they thought it was 'cute', introducing a younger friend of theirs to the psychedelic experience. We stood there in the kitchen for a bit, absorbing the 'life' that seemed to radiate from everything around us. <br> <br> After a few more hours, and as the effects of the LSD were still prevalent, but dwindling, I decided to head home. M, B and T wanted to go get some food at Taco Bell, which was on the way to my bus stop, so we all walked together. We all remarked on what the experience had been like. B and M (who had tripped before) were just dying to know what I thought about the chemical wonderland of LSD. I told them I enjoyed it. As we walked, we kept looking at eachother with odd looks on our faces... because people wearing costumes, masks, make up, etc. were parading all around us. We remembered... today is Halloween. Picking October 31st really hightened my trip. The one day on the calandar where 'anything goes', where you think nothing of coating yourself in fake blood and running up to your friends shrieking like a madman in order to say 'hello'... that was the day I decided to drop acid for the first time. It made perfect sense to me. As M, B and T walked into Taco Bell, we parted ways. They asked if I wanted to come eat with them, but I wasnt very hungry. I felt as if I truly bonded with the three of them. I gave B a hug, and shook hands with M and T, and thanked them for the experience I had that day. <br> <br> As I stood at the bus stop, I remembered how I hadnt recieved the full effects of music while on LSD. I heard music in the form of sounds from video games people played in the other room and whatever people played from their cars outside, but I craved more. In my bag, I had a portable CD player and my headphones. I put them on. The album I brought with me was 'Blessed Black Wings' by High On Fire. High On Fire is a band which I would consider one of the 'heaviest' of all time. I pressed play. I made sure the volume knob was all the way up and the bass boost was switched to 'ON'. As the first track came blasting from my headphones, the bus pulled up. <br> <br> I suddenly fumbled for the money to put into the fare collection machine, since it was mostly in quarters at the bottoms of my pockets. After paying my fare, I shuffled to the back of the bus and sat down. Here, I abosrbed the crashing, overly-distorted sounds hitting my eardrums at full force. Near the end of the first track, I shifted in my seat and something else in my bag hit the track selection button. I realized this later on, but at the time, I felt as if my CD Player was posessed by some unknown force. Suddenly, it started playing a later track in the album called 'Silver Back'. As this song met my ears, I felt as if I were listening to elephants stomping around me. Distorted elephants. The bass-laden guitars sounded like thunder. This was an incredible thing. Even though I had an interest in music ever since I was 4 years old, I felt like I never appreciated the power of the recorded sound until now. <br> <br> I listened to the remainder of the album, got off the bus and started to think of what other albums I should listen to. When I arrived home, I went into my basement, where a good stereo system was waiting to greet me. I dug out my copy of De-Loused In the Comatorium by The Mars Volta. I listened to that entire record while coming down from my trip. It was a beautiful experience. I just sat in front of the speakers, absorbing the sounds eminating from them, until the entire album was complete. <br> <br> Once the album had finished, I noticed I still had my cell phone in my pocket. I felt the need to call someone. I needed to tell someone else about what happened to me. I needed to speak to someone I trusted about the experience. I called my best friend, J. He was more than happy to listen to me. This helped me come to grips with reality, since I was not prepared for the magnitude of this experience. I had little to no knowledge of the effects of LSD, I didnt plan out my trip carefully, I didnt read up on acid before ingesting it for the first time, however, I was in the company of people I trusted, in a very comfortable environment. Hence, my first expereince was nothing short of astounding. After talking with J, I started to feel as if I could actually go to sleep if I tried. However, I needed something to eat. I microwaved a frozen hash brown patty and slathered it in mustard and ketchup. This was amusing to me. I felt as if I couldnt eat a plain, ordinary hash brown patty. It needed to be VIVID and COLORFUL. Yay! As I devoured my hash brown patty, I decided that I needed a movie to fall asleep to. I chose 'Ichi The Killer'. I popped the DVD in, layed down on my bed, and absorbed the few fading visuals the acid would give me before leaving my system and letting me rest. <br> <br> After my slumber, I was quite willing to return to normalcy the next morning. I saw with a new set of eyes.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 53084</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 30, 2007</td><td>Views: 46,851</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=53084&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=53084&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Music Discussion (22), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 tablets</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> When I was in the second year of college I got in with a friendly crowd who smoked a lot of dope. They also did other drugs. I had done various drugs before but this was my first candyflip. We did not set out to candyflip, it just happened that those were the drugs we got our hands on that night. I had recently broken up with a very straight laced boyfriend of 2 years and was feeling rangy and exploratory about life in general. <br> <br> My friend A had gone away to visit some people in his home town and I knew he had stashed a batch of fairly good acid in his fridge. I was feeling mischievous and I ended up out with two people I had only just met through a mutual friend - we just helped ourselves to the acid. We were 'on a mission' as we called it. <br> <br> It was all a bit hedonistic and unthinking, which was good because it set the scene for a discovery/journey together/ see what happens/no ties kind of trip. We were coming up on the acid but I didn't feel like I was tripping and was at that point under the illusion that the acid was having no effect. In fact it was having an effect but it was very clean and subtle so everything just flowed naturally. One of the guys we'd dropped the acid with took off and left - I don't know why and I never stopped to think about it. <br> <br> Another friend came by and saw that me and my new friend B were tripping and said he had some good MDMA pills. He suggested we try them too to enhance the experience. We walked back to his place to take them - we had taken about four or five paper squares of LSD each and we topped this up with the 1.5 tabs of MDMA. I also smoked some joints but so potent was the LSD/MSDA cocktail that it didn't seem to make much difference. <br> <br> As we walked back through the empty streets to B's room, I began to see psychedelic nets and balls floating around. B agreed he could see them too. I was filled with the sense that the world was a benign and interesting place. We were seemingly coming up on both drugs together. <br> <br> We were both so wasted that night that we had the same CDs on repeat for much of the night as we couldn’t get it together to change the CD player. For an hour so other student friends had come in to say hello and smoke but seeing us on a major trip they drifted off leaving us to it. B had this gadget called a mindlab, a device which is like a pair of glasses which have flashing LEDs on them - you close your eyes and plug into a walkman-like machine which plays alpha and beta waves etc. The noises made me feel awful but I discovered that I could sit listening to the music we were playing (it was the 1st Leftfield album and The Orb UFOrb) and put the flashing glasses on and I would drift off into an intense visual inner trip. I have to say the colours and the images were amazingly vivid, and I felt very emotional from the MDMA. To give an example of the intensity – it was stuff like flying though clouds with intense bright light and the warmth of the sun on my face and Pegasus flying past - yeah, the full 'signs and wonders' works. <br> <br> The overriding factor in all this is that all through the night I 'forgot' I had taken drugs, or did not think 'Oh I am having a drug experience' - it really seemed that some new place in my soul was opening up which had previously been hidden to me. <br> <br> After what seemed like a very long time, I was suddenly plunged headlong into what I consider to be my only REAL trip ever. I was as if I was dreaming a movie or something, but I was IN the movie. I was flying across a seascape as if I was a gull or a sea bird and away in the distance I could see this island. I was thinking - 'This is the real thing- this is the land of the mind' - I could see the island was densely wooded but it had a beautiful huge building in the middle of it, a white turreted huge palace with gold flags glinting in the breeze. I realised that this was The Library of all Things. Inside the library it was like a cathedral very ornate and worshipful. But to my puzzlement there were no books in the library, only myself as a three year old running about this massive huge building. The realisations I had were that I had to write the books to fill the library (what ever that meant – I now think it meant be responsible for your own destiny) and that I had to rescue that little three year old girl who'd been living alone in that huge lonely library with nothing in it. It was a message to me about my life. <br> <br> All in all it was a good interesting night but there was something thing very profound about the intense trip part of the night. I felt like a missing magical part of myself had been revealed or restored to me. <br> <br> The reason I wanted to share this experience is because I truly believe that doing that candyflip actually enabled me to open up the tightly locked flood gates and begin resolving issues from my past. I have heard they used to use LSD in the treatment of alcoholics in a similar way. Essentially what came out of that trip was that I was able to tell my mother about my secret childhood abuse by a relative - I told her about it about 2 weeks later. Since then I have had my ups and downs but I am now in a good place - I have had plenty of other experiences with drugs, not all of them good - but I remember that trip so vividly even to this day some 9 years later. <br> <br> Who can say why it happened when it did? Perhaps I was at a crossroads of life? But I tend to think that in fact it just so happened that by happy accident I took the right combination of chemicals at the right time in my life, in the right setting, so that the profound soul searching other worlds experience of the LSD was buoyed up and given a smooth ride by the emotional flood of love and warmth and well being from the MDMA. <br> <br> I have never regretted that trip.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1995</td><td width="90">ExpID: 41568</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 14, 2007</td><td>Views: 31,713</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=41568&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=41568&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3), Mind Machine Devices (301) : Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Health Benefits (32), Music Discussion (22), Relationships (44), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(ground / crushed)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">185 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I'm 18 years old and I have experienced and taken many different kinds of drugs in my life and have had some wonderful experiences overall. I've smoked pot for a few years, taken all kinds of pills, mushrooms, XTC, nitrous oxide, and snorted coke even... NOTHING could prepare me for the nightmare I was about to experience that night. <br> <br> I had wanted to try Acid for a long time. I had heard all sorts of 'enlightening' experiences from my friends. I had heard stories about seeing crazy visions, colors, beautiful things, and so on. I figured I'd give it a try sometime or another just to see what all the fuss was about. My parents decided to go away on a trip for two days so they left me by myself to watch our pets. I called around and was finally able to find some Acid the night before they were coming home. After waiting for hours, I got a call from my friend (I'll call him J) saying he was going to go pick it up from the dealer for me. When he finally arrived, he and his friend (I'll call him D) came in with not only 3 hits of Acid, but also some crushed powder XTC that came wrapped in a small bag. The Acid came on three very small pieces of thin paper with the faces of the band Gorillaz on them. It was also wrapped in alluminum foil for protection. <br> <br> I took my first hit of Acid with J and he took his one hit too around 1:30 in the morning. J wasn't very excited because he had taken Acid many times before and had told me it did nothing to him. After waiting a while, I started to notice things more. The first thing I noticed was how detailed the carpet was. The designs seemed to go on forever and the patterns became much sharper and more detailed than ever before. While J and D were talking, I lay down on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling fan. I noticed the strangest thing about it--these little diamonds appeared around the fan blades and began to almost melt onto the ceiling in a green, liquid type form. I thought this was extremely cool, but J and D didn't seem to care. <br> <br> After some time passed, we went outside to smoke some Pot that D had brought with him. I had a pretty good amount of it, and it was fairly good stuff so I was fairly high when we were done which didn't really seem to do anything to the Acid effects at all. <br> <br> We decided to go upstairs and relax for a little while in the room where our computer is. We moved our small TV up to that room and put on some movies to help pass the time. I took my second hit of Acid around that time during one of the movies. I waited a while and still did not notice anything different other than the lights on the ceiling and the patterns on the carpet from before in the living room. Feeling let down, J gave me the XTC powder and told me I'd enjoy that much more. I took the powder which was very gross and just figured the Acid was fake and we'd been ripped off. The dealer wasn't very trustworthy anyway according to many people so I figured we had either gotten some very weak Acid or it was completely fake. I waited some more time and then began to feel the familar effects of XTC kick in. By this time, J and D were bored and tired and decided to leave. BIG MISTAKE! <br> <br> I came upstairs after they left (by now it was close to 4 a.m.) and decided to just enjoy listening to music at full volume and roll on the XTC until it wore off and I could go to sleep. Then it happened. The first thing I began to notice was that the mouse on the computer had trails on it (some people call these tracers) and it was like the mouse was moving in slow motion. The next thing I remember was that I looked over down the upstairs hallway at the smoke detector and saw it melt right off the wall! I looked again and it was there again as if nothing had happened. The Acid was DEFINITELY real, and I at the time was thrilled. <br> <br> I looked at the knobs on the computer speakers and they started to throb and pulse, like a heart beating almost. I looked over at some of the posters we have in the room near the computer. One of them was a picture of a street in Germany with a castle tower and vines growing in the corner of the picture. I remember seeing the vines crawling out of the picture towards me. The tower looked three dimensional, as if I could reach out and grab it and also the people in the picture began to walk but were standing still at the same time. I looked at the clouds in the sky of the picture and a face formed in the cloud and smiled at me. I felt very strange all over at the same time. Part of me was enjoying how nice everything was to the touch (the computer chair, the desk, the pillow I was holding, etc.). <br> <br> I looked over at another picture and saw similar effects. This time, it was a photo of a castle somewhere in Europe. The snow on the towers of the castle seemed to move and form around the towers as if it was snowing that very second. The lights on the inside of the castle seemed to brighten as well. I picked up an old poster my sister used to have on her wall that said 'believe your dreams' and I most definitely was at that point because the Unicorn in the picture started moving and the girly looking rainbow starting glowing along with the letters. <br> <br> I sat in that room for what felt like ages, when really it was only about 10 minutes. I played some of the weirdest techno/electronic music, which really enhanced my overall mood and caused me to imagine some bizarre things that made no sense (I really can't remember what they were). It was at least 5 a.m. by this point and the sun was beginning to come up. I remember looking out the window and seeing the tree by the window changing as if it was rapidly aging. It looked very animated, as if it was in a cartoon. It started to wilt and melt as if it was liquid and very fragile at the same time and I noticed that the lines on the leaves were much sharper and drawn out. <br> <br> This was about the time the bad started happening. I went in the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I completely flipped out at this point because I noticed that my skin seemed to be changing colors somehow and I saw another image of myself standing right behind me. My eyes were so dilated that they looked completely black and I looked like I was vibrating. This scared me, so I decided to lie down and listen to more music. This didn't help and only managed to scare me even worse. I called J on the phone and woke him up and asked him for help. I talked to him for what seemed like hours about stupid things that made no sense. He tried to calm me down and sounded pissed off that I woke him up. <br> <br> I calmed down a little bit but I was still freaking out at everything in my room. All my posters were changing and coming to life. The people in one of them started moving and shaking their heads at me. In another one of them, the faces started changing colors and shades. The last one was a drawing of London at night, and I noticed that the hands on Big Ben seemed to be moving. This may not sound that bad, but remember my parents were coming home not too long from then and I could not fall asleep no matter how hard I tried. I even took a hot shower, but I was so numb from the XTC that I couldn't even feel the warmth of the water on my body. It was very unpleasant despite what many people had said about taking showers while rolling. <br> <br> The dealer's friend said that Acid only lasted six hours at the longest. Everybody who had taken that before had only had six hour trips so I was freaking out already because it was at least 9 a.m. and they would be home soon. By this point and I was tripping VERY hard. I became extremely scared and started hearing scary vibrations and echoes throughout my house. Everytime I moved my hands, I had a series of trails/tracers following it. I decided to call the dealer's friend on the phone and after much confusion in finding his number and trying extremely hard to dial it, I managed to somehow. We talked for a while and he sounded alarmed that I was all by myself. He tried to calm me down and after a while of talking to him, I was able to finally calm down again. <br> <br> We got off the phone and things got even worse. At this point I was desperately thirsty and was drinking lots of water and sweating like crazy in fear. I don't even know what I was so scared of, I was just extremely terrified at this point. Maybe it was the sounds in my house, or that my hands and arms were vibrating everytime I looked down at them. My arm hairs started to grow and wrap around my arms. I tried calling several of my friends, but nobody answered. I finally called some of my old friends who live far away who had just helped one of their friends out of a bad acid trip and told them what was happening and what I'd taken. <br> <br> At this point, I was screaming for help. I was in tears because I was so scared. I thought I was dying, I felt like my whole body was shutting down. I went into spells of feeling extremely cold and then extremely hot. She talked to me for a while and calmed me down somehow a little bit. By now though, I was very very scared. My heart was beating so fast it sounded like a machinegun in my ears. I was shaking all over, wrapped up in blankets crying. I felt so pathetic and so helpless in that state and most of all, terrified. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I honestly thought I was dying. <br> <br> She kept telling me I was going to be okay and that I was just imagining it, but I wasn't imagining the physical things like the horrible horrible pains in my stomach and the terrible pain in my back. I felt sick to my stomach and wanted to throw up so bad, but I couldn't. I knew I had too much, I could feel it in my body. The XTC and Acid combined was way too much for my body to handle. I even prayed to God, I said a long long prayer asking him for help and forgiveness for what I'd done. I did not want to die, not like that. I remember I kept looking at the time and would continue to freak out because only a minute or two had passed by when it seemed like hours had gone by. Things got even worse...I looked up at another poster of mine of the computer game Doom 3, and the demon in the picture turned into some kind of spider and crawled out of the picture and lashed his jaws at me. I was terrified and my friend and her dad were trying so hard to help calm me down but it was no use. <br> <br> As if things couldn't get any worse, my parents walked in the door downstairs. I started yelling for help. My mom started freaking out, hung the phone up on my friend and her dad, and called 911. My dad yelled at her for doing it and then yelled at me for being so stupid. I was hysterically crying, begging them not to call the cops and have me arrested. I knew I needed to get to a hospital or I was going to die. I was so thirsty I felt like I was in a desert because my mouth felt as dry as sandpaper. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. It was so bright outside I couldn't keep my eyes open. My parents drove me to the ER and all I remember is begging them to forgive me and that I would never do drugs ever again if I survived. A few times during the ride, I felt my chest tighten up and thought I was having a heart attack but then it stopped. The next few hours I spent in the ER, and I don't remember what happened except everything was extremely blurry and there were lots of noises all around me and people running around. <br> <br> When I came to, I was still hallucinating but I felt a lot better. The one thing that did still scare me was my Mom's face because everytime I tried to look at her, her whole face would begin to melt and her facial expressions would twist into awful, orge like impressions. I also remember looking at some of the charts in the ER room and watching them change and become animated and saw bugs crawling all over the ceiling that my Mom told me weren't really there. We finally left and I remember how ashamed I felt and freaked out at how the lines on the road seemed to blend together and that every car had trails following it down the road. I was still scared, but at least I didn't die. The doctors in the ER told me I was severely dehydrated. <br> <br> I will never again do any drugs. Acid changed my life. I am very thankful that I survived that nightmare.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 53947</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2007</td><td>Views: 64,156</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=53947&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=53947&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Health Problems (27), Bad Trips (6), Combinations (3), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:10</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> A little background information. At age 15 throughout 10th grade of HS I dropped Lucy every other day and was able to even keep composure throughout high school while doing so. Never once did I have a bad journey or anything that felt remotely wrong at this point in my life. At this point in my life I was a worry free kid. The drought set in and my life changed drastically. I got into hard substances and became very depressed with my life. My last trip with Lucy was on February 13, 2004, 11 days before my daughter was born. It was a rough one but I had my daughters mother who I was very close with at that point to guide me through. She had also been my chemical companion throughout various past experiences. <br> <br> Alright so here it is all laid out. Not a very perfectly planned journey by any means but I did learn a few very important lessons about my life and life in general and all around it was a very good experience. Throughout the night before dropping I had around 4 or 5 beers. Around 4:25a.m. I decided to dropped 3 hits of the condor blotter which I recently acquired from a loving brother. The first hour was spent in my room just laying down watching TV I don’t exactly remember what was on the TV at the time. When it reached 5:25a.m. I was feeling nothing so I decided to drop one more. Layed there and watched some more TV until it reached about 5:40 a.m. when I felt like I had diarrhea coming on from some little caesars pizza and crazy bread I hate ate a few hours earlier. My mother was just getting out of the bathroom and getting ready to head to work. <br> <br> I got up and went into the bathroom and opened up the window nice and wide which faces to the east. While sitting there I could feel it coming on slightly and in my mind I got very excited and felt as if I was purposely purging out all of the negativity in my life. I felt nothing but good vibes radiating at this point. After getting out of the bathroom I went back into my bedroom around 5:50a.m. and sat back down and took a nice swig of beer and could still feel it coming on slightly. It felt like as soon as I sat down my mother called me from downstairs to print a report for my little sister because she couldn’t get it to print. I went downstairs with minor anxiety and printed it and headed back to my room. <br> <br> At this point it was 6:00a.m. Once getting back into my room I laid there feeling out Lucy and letting her get a good feel of me. Everything felt right at this point. Everything was beautifully coming together but I was not totally satisfied. Around 6:15a.m. I went to grab for the last 2 hits and my phone started ringing immediately as I reached. It was my mother asking me to wake up my little brother for school. I felt like this was an omen not to drop anymore because she had stopped me while my arm was outreached. I woke up my brother and went back upstairs. Sitting on my futon things were starting to take hold even stronger but I still was not satisfied and while looking at the last two hits I thought to myself “well I can either sit here and have a low to mild experience or I can see how far the rabbit hole will go with all of these”. Seeing as this has been my first experience in over a year I dropped the last 2 hits. <br> <br> At this point it had reached 6:35a.m. The sun was up in the east but my windows face the north and the west so my room was fairly dim at this point. This is where things really started to go into overdrive. Laying on my futon I was watching “Funny Farm” because it was on HBO at the time and seemed suitable and non violent/threatening. At around 6:55a.m. it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was totally blown away. I laid completely flat on my back on my futon breathing deeply in and out keeping a good mindset and watched spots on my wall begin to swirl and take on what looked like a life of their own moving in various motions. <br> <br> At this point all was good and I was enjoying. I turned back to the TV and it was annoying me so I shut it off and laid back watching the ceiling. The visuals were utterly phenomenal. At first in a good sense but then they started to get a dark feeling to them. I brought my blanket up over my head and shut my eyes and inside my mind I was having some very wild visuals that I have never experienced to this intensity before. Things that seemed to look like skeletal figures with geometric lines forming their shape. Utterly amazing but at the same time frightening. <br> <br> It felt as if “the demons” (how my mind put it at that time) were closing in on me. I felt like I was fading out and I became very closterphobic and felt as if something was making it hard for me to breathe while under my blanket. Very overwhelming feeling. I pushed off my blanket and laid on my side staring at my futon gazing into what looked as if it was the fourth dimension. While gazing it became dark again and what looked like a demons face came before my eyes totally white face made up of total energy nothing physical with black eyes. <br> <br> This messed with me bad so I sat up and tried to regain composure. At this point only a very small amount of time had passed. It went from 6:55a.m. to only 7:15a.m. I couldn’t believe my brothers and sisters hadn’t even left for school yet because I wanted to go downstairs where it was more open and bright. Things were very intense so I decided to try and give my daughters mother a call who used to be chemical companion and would guide me through when times got rough. With 3 back to back failed attempts at calling I think it set me off very bad. <br> <br> I laid down on my back again and stared at the ceiling. The next visual was the most intense I have ever seen in my entire relationship with Lucy. Above me on the ceiling were physically lifeless forms. They were made up of complete energy with a light white glow. They were in a circular shape all connected at the head, arms at their sides, and legs spread out. They were moving in a circle in a counterclockwise position. I felt like fading out again and began to but things started feeling negative and I felt as if “”the demons”” were grabbing for me. <br> <br> I closed my eyes and I was seeing some very cool but scary visuals. Things that looked like ancient egyption pyramids and peoples of that time along with skeletal figures and demonic looking faces. I needed somebody to be there with me and help me understand and comfort me. I attempted to call my daughters mother again with no luck and became upset and realized that it had only hit 7:40a.m. and that my little brothers and sisters were gone at school. At this point I totally lost track of time up until the end. <br> <br> Downstairs I went and turned on a fan and pointed it at the couch and headed to the bathroom. In the bathroom nothing too spectacular happened. Just the usual off and crooked look to everything. I came out of the bathroom and laid down on the couch and watched the TV hoping it would keep me leveled off. This did not work and I found myself gazing off and getting an overwhelmed feeling of anxiety. I forgot the purpose of why I was journeying in the first place and only wanted to come down. Things felt off and not right and generally blue. I tried calling Erica one last time with no luck. The air from the fan started to annoy me so I turned it off. I stared out the window and became annoyed because I couldn’t go outside feeling that overwhelmed and not knowing the purpose of what I was doing in that realm and feeling like nothing was being accomplished and very overwhelmed of the intensity of what I was seeing. <br> <br> I had to figure out something to do. Right in front of me was my answer. The computer. I walked up and hit the mouse and the screen saver shut off and Windows popped up. I looked at my desktop and it was distorted looking, the buttons seemed larger, the color was off, out of the corner of my eye the printer looked like it was lifting off the desk and coming back down over and over again everything on the desk out of the corner of my eye was floating and pulsing. Exact words that came flying out of my mouth was “F*** That.” I got up and sat back down on the couch. Everything was just so very intense and I felt so lost after only a few minutes I jumped back up and made my way back to the machine determined to get here to talk with some people I knew would understand where I was at and be able to help me through. <br> <br> The visuals were still intense and throughout my whole time on the computer it was very intense. I felt like I was inside the monitor at some point and others I just watched everything on the desk float. I made my way to a web forum I visit frequently with little trouble. I’ve been a computer nut since I was 11 years old. I went to a post I had made earlier when I had first dropped. On the screen I read a fellow brothers post that I hadn’t previously read before dosing saying “It’s been a long time coming. You know what to do.” <br> <br> It’s like exactly the opposite what I had been thinking but I could relate so well. That I had no clue what I was supposed to be doing. I had totally forgotten the purpose of my journey and why I was gazing into the astral plane. I have so much respect and appreciation for everybody who helped me out throughout that thread especially in the beginning. Everybody was throwing short and compact hard hitting good spirited punches at me. I will never underestimate the value of words even on a computer screen ever again in my life. Where I was at that point in time I was clinging on those words. I will also never forget what you guys did for me. You may not realize it but I’m telling you, you truly helped set me in a good place. I have much love for you and I feel a much deeper connection with this forum then I previously had. <br> <br> Sitting with my face close to the monitor I felt like I had a connection with each and every one of them. It was absolutely beautiful. I could honestly feel their good intentions and felt like I was making a connection with their spirits through their words and avatars. It was like I have known all of them my whole life and they understood me and where I was at that point. I became very calm at this point. This is when I could not connect to the forums. I had just started to feel better and I felt like something very demonic was keeping me away from the love I was feeling while here. While here I felt as if all of the negativity in my body was being purged with the help of the vibes I was receiving. <br> <br> I went back and laid on the couch and reached out and felt like I made a spiritual connection with my uncle who I was very close to growing up. He was like my role model and I respect him. He is a very wise spiritual man. I felt overwhelmed with good vibes again and once again felt like I was purging out the negativity in my body. I called him and when he heard me rambling about how I dropped 7 doses and was tapped the f*** in and didn’t remember what I was supposed to be doing here and I am totally lost and on and on and on he laughed. <br> <br> He said 'Matthew you need to go outside. It’s a beautiful day and the earthly spirits will love you right now. Get up go outside and lay down in the grass and let yourself be engulfed with the positive spirits who will help you figure out what you are trying to do here.” I replied saying I cannot go outside. He shot back “It’s not that you cannot go outside it’s that you are setting boundaries for yourself as you always do. Let go of your boundaries and travel outside.” <br> <br> I looked out the window and it all looked so big out there. I haven’t been out of my house at all in literally 3 or 4 months, except for a few times with my daughters mother. I ditched most of my friends due to my anxiety that I have a hard time controlling. I just couldn’t do it. My uncle continued to laugh and told me that everything would be alright and to keep purging out the negativity and that’s the reason I had come to purge the negativity, the boundaries, the fear of responsibilities and maturity, and thinking to much of what other people think of me. It still didn’t seem to clear to me at this point. What he said made since but he cut me short because he was at work leaving me confused and sort of upset with him. <br> <br> I got back on the forums. The pictures they all posted were absolutely beautiful. They produced some wild visual distortions and I had to close some of them because they were very intense. Especially this one picture of a trippy girl From time to time between posts and such I laid down on the couch. I watched the ceiling and many geometric patterns that looked like grafitie letters and designs were pulsing on the ceiling and changing form constantly. At one point the ceiling looked as if one big spiders web. I think the web represented many personal problems of my own that I have weaved. I could see it perfectly but became lost inside of it and lost my way. <br> <br> At one point I tried to call my daughters mother again and things were slowly coming down at this point. This time she answered and I tried to tell her where I was at but she didn’t want to hear me. She started screaming nonsense at me that I couldn’t understand. One thing I did understand was her last line. “How often in the past year have you been here for me Matt? I was there for you last time this time you are on your own.” It made perfect sense to me and I needed to hear this from her. It helped me contemplate on many personal issues and set me back on track as to what I was doing and trying to accomplish. <br> <br> Things slowly faded out. Visuals became less and less robust. The mind grip let go slowly. Around 1:30 p.m. The effects were totally gone for the most part. The afterglow is still upon me as we speak. From 1:30p.m. – 4:00p.m. I laid on my futon and contemplated many personal things. I have come to some conclusions and some things are still left unsettled. <br> <br> All in all it was a very very good experience. It taught me a few valuable lessons and left me with a few questions to answer on my own. I am anticipating my next meeting with Lucy with open arms which probably will not be for a while. <br> <br> And this chapter comes to a close. That was a long time coming. <br> <br> May 20, 2005<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 43207</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2007</td><td>Views: 30,263</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=43207&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=43207&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Difficult Experiences (5), Relationships (44), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">9 glasses</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 joints/cigs</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">82 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Set <br> <br> I have quite a sensitive mind to chemicals. If I don't maintain a tolerance level for alcohol it can drop to the point where one beer will have a noticeable effect, to get stoned I only need a few drags. My previous encounter with LSD was one dud hit a few years back which effected me more then anyone else. <br> <br> I was back in my home town after a few months away. I had moved to another city where I was busy failing college. I had not maintained a tolerance level for alcohol. I was depressed. In the new city I had found it difficult to make friends I could relax with because my previous friends and I had built one of those internal logic systems of humour and unspoken philosophy without branching out enough. <br> <br> In the new city I had become introspective with too much time and too much Spliff. Smoking Spliff was making me paranoid. My life had fallen into rituals of image maintainance - fake smiles and laughter. A shit life. I fucking hate fake smiles. When I got back I couldn't click with my old friends, things had changed, cocaine had come into the group and they didn't want me to know about it. I got an immediate inferiority complex and started shutting down. I got a stiff-in-my-joints-while-sitting-because-movement-might-betray-my-awkwardness kind of awkwardness. Also, I was feeling guilty for going off to visit my friends without really saying hello to my family. <br> <br> We were parked at some arb place in the city and there was to be a party at an old friends house which I found myself dreading. Why can't I enjoy this like I'm supposed to? What the fuck is wrong with me? I thought constantly. I was passed beer in a quart and I found myself getting embarrasingly drunk. I was constantly relating what I was actually doing and saying to what I should've been doing and saying, like some one would ask me a question and I would mumble something inane, the person would move on to find a better vibe quite quickly and I would be left thinking about what I could've and should've said etc. <br> <br> Not a state in which to smoke a Spliff but when it came around I could not face the task of explaining why I didn't want any. I got bad stoned. It was one of the coldest days I had ever felt too so I was shivering like a bastard. I got some depressing news that the friend we were going to see was now into herion. <br> <br> <br> Setting <br> <br> We got to the friends house whose parents were away, his buddies from college and assorted people were there. Our group was a deep house cocaine good vibey loving type of people (and me), there was a harcore tattoo tribal piercing heavy metal type group, and a few yuppie celine dion liking music is not of much importance type group. And some what might be called dirty hippies I guess, I think they were junkies. I feel I was way too analytical in noting these distinctions, but I was in that frame of mind, trying to quantify, understand, reduce. <br> <br> I bumbled through hellos sat awkwardly and then wump, LSD. 'Hey dude do you have 80 bucks? (South African Rands) It's a bit expensive but the dude has some Hoffmans. They're fucking strong.' <br> <br> 'Uh, yeah.' I said and gave the money. I looked at it, put it in my mouth and swallowed it down with beer. <br> <br> After I’d swallowed I realised I would much rather be far away from those people, in a bath, reading some really nice book. Escapist thinking. It came on quite quickly, within twenty minutes I was feeling it, and an hour later I was completely wrecked. Everything I wanted to escape from had a crotch which was rubbed in my face. <br> <br> <br> Equals <br> <br> I realised I was going to die. The nakedness of the realisation was total, no abstraction whatsoever. You Are Going To Die One Day. It might as well have been within the hour. I saw all my internal organs sitting inside where I still harboured childish notions of internal structure. No, You Are A Pile Of Guts. GUTS? I thought. I HAVE GUTS INSIDE ME?? <br> <br> My internal organs were there right under a thin flat of skin. This freaked me out. These Guts Will Rot One Day. Fuck. My friends were laughing, delighting in the wonder around them while I was a million miles away. My Mom Will Die Before Me And Rot. Fuck. Your Body. My fucking body will die? Dead? Me? What the fuck am I? What The Fuck Am I? I just didn’t have a clue. I tried escaping to the bathroom. <br> <br> Oh God the mirror in the bathroom. I didn't see myself in the mirror at all, nothing of me was there. No familiar face that I’ve seen each day without concern. How I was moving this was a mystery. It was horror. This covering, thin thin thin covering of skin. And that dripping red flesh moulded onto a white bone skull. A knife could easily peel that away. <br> <br> (I just want to point out that there was no danger of me harming myself even though I was completely wrecked on LSD. I’m quite positive of it.) <br> <br> The physics of being able to peel your face off easily are obvious, but I realised the full implications of this possibility. You Can Physically Dismantle a Human Body Into Various Parts. What?? And digging through the pile of guts, 'where are you?' would reveal no little silver glowing orb that was consciousness or spirit. <br> <br> I realised that right that very second someones body was being sliced open by a murderer. Someone was being eaten alive by a wild animal, face ripping off, the thing fucking roaring with as it does it. No Mercy. Although I don’t know if it was anywhere near the real horror, I couldn’t imagine feeling any worse if I was watching a mauling first hand. Maybe the difference was duration, I would get flashes of the total feeling that I was somewhat able to recoil from. <br> <br> I got back to the crowd and they’d moved outside into the freezing cold. My fear of opening up and talking kept all my unfolding revelations inside, and from the outside I suppose I was just a strange person who was completely off his face and worried looking but otherwise calm. My eyes were probably looking in two different directions. <br> <br> I didn't want life, I didn't want to be stuck in this sensitive pile of guts. Who the fuck would stick you in a pile of guts and leave you to rot away? What sick joke was this? Then my heart dropped, it suddenly hit me that it's entirely possible that we are a mistake. That human consciousness is anomolous, evolution fucking up. For thousands and thousands of years no one has been able to conclusively prove otherwise. <br> <br> God? The word was a noise the mouth makes with air and gristle. Religion could simply have evolved through natural selection to keep humans sane and motivated to the end of their lives. What a sick joke. What a legacy. Stuck in a pile of rotting guts to die. WHY? What If I Didn’t Want This? Where Is The Choice? <br> <br> Everything was life or death and my friends were giggling and opening things and eating things, I felt nothing for them, no love. Visuals were constant but they were meaningless. The cloudy night sky was a misty inner dome of a dark cathedral with hundreds of carved gargoyles staring out of the gloom. Friends faces were simultaneous layers of skin, flesh and bone. I saw piles of guts, stomachs, livers, breathing lungs under rib cages. I lost the abstractions. Spines jutted from the back of jerseys and elbows were just protrusions of the underlying skeleton. Thin paper skin covering these. It seemed everyone was just ignoring these obvious betrayals. 'High cheek bones' and 'beautiful knees' but they are just skin covering bone. I stared at my hands and they freaked me out, they were pads. If we had three fingers since memory then we wouldn’t think anything of it, I began seeing everyone with three fingers. <br> <br> Thankfully it all faded after eternity. <br> <br> <br> Personal Thoughts <br> <br> This analogy just came to me: An uncontrolled release of pressure is an explosion. Which damages the vessel. Fuck. But a controlled release can be entirely beneficial… <br> <br> I think these kind of experiences are necessary for a person, even the negative ones. But I think mine was too much at the wrong time. In my opinion it should not be dick around stuff, but a controlled and regulated event. It just makes so much sense to me. Naked blasts of truth and there isn’t a religious use for it? Please. Because what happened to me was too much of a burn, I’m now pretty much scared shitless of facing any truth again, I’ve gone back to my escapist ways. What I propose to myself is a sorting out of my mental negativities, face my fears etc. and then try LSD or some substance again with a braver outlook. If I can crack that then I will write up on the glory, which I’m sure exists in equal quantities as the hell but I’m yet to experience it fully. I’ve had glimpses on odd Spliff revelations, but nothing full on convincing. <br> <br> I need to be convinced. Faith based religion does not really work for me, so I need to find a person who has gone into these experiences and come out with some kind of map towards compassion, who has some kind of useful systems/techniques in place and who treats these events with utmost reverence and respect. Because to not feel love for my friends was fucking aweful. (I see this as a five to ten year plan, nothing to be taken lightly. My soul on the line type of thing.) <br> <br> Although this blasted me into an existential nightmare with lingering effects and what it uncovered has not been covered over again, I think it’s better I deal with it now than perhaps after I die? There where there might be less footholds to return to. Though it was the cause, I don’t think LSD was to blame for the bad experience, it just accelerated and amplified what was naturally residing in my psychology. <br> <br> Thanks for letting me share this, it has helped me. I never realised how bad it actually was.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2003</td><td width="90">ExpID: 60828</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: May 6, 2007</td><td>Views: 28,016</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=60828&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=60828&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Large Group (10+) (19), Relationships (44), Bad Trips (6)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">250 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">80 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> <br> I started by taking two tabs in my room at +0.00. The guy I got them from said that each tab was 100-150 micrograms. The tabs tasted slightly bitter/metallic as soon as they touched my tongue, but after they were wet they had no taste. I left them under my tongue for 30 minutes, then chewed up and swallowed. Apart from the utter excitement, around the +0.30, I started to get my first effects. Uncontrollable laughter and a general feeling of something happening, something changing. After about +1.00 I saw the first signs of visual distortion, the face on my digital clock is flat, but it looked like it was bubbling up and the numbers were morphing. I could look at my clock, then look at the wall, and still see the time on the wall. At this point I realised I’d finally got good tabs, and was pleased. (last holidays I bought bunk tabs) <br> <br> I decided I go out to the kitchen and get a drink of water, and have a look at what was going on out there. As soon as I walked out of my room I realised how much of a bad idea that was. I felt extremey uncomfortale walking around, with everything feeling so foreign and knowing I might run into my parents at any minute didn't help either. I made it out to the kitchen and filled up a cup with water. I headed back and had to walk past my mums room who had her door open, she called out to me and and I jumped about 20 feet in the air and spilt my cup on the ground. My mum didn’t notice that I'd spil my cup or jumped, so I walked back over to her. She said 'you can have your pens there in my cupboard'. ‘Pens, what are pens’ I thought, not being able to think clerly caused me not to really understanding the concept of this word, I sort of looked at her confused and asked ‘Can I have them?’ she looked at me very strangely and said yes. I realised how dumb I was and immediately thought my mum knew that something was wrong with me. I walked into the cupboard, grabbed the pens, and as I picked them up I completely forgot how to act around my parents. The person who I really was just became so foreign, I had completely forgot who they were, let alone trying to act like them. I walked out and my mum was staring at me real weird, or so I thought, I quickly muttered, ‘I can’t sleep, im very tired, I’m gunna make tea’ then ran out. I got back to my room and thought for sure my mum knew I was on some sort of drug. I kept seeing her face in my mind, it looked as though she was analysing me, she knew something was up. Being around people who aren't tripping and even worse who you don't want to know that you are tripping is extremely weird. I felt so de-tatched and so far away from her, like on a completely different plain or level. <br> <br> Now I had to go back out to the kitchen and make tea! Not cool, I was coming up really fast and getting more confused by the minute. I walked back out to the kitchen, boiled the kettle and as it came to a boil the sound slowed right down. I could hear every pop of each bubble, the sound of the bubbling and click when the kettle had finished was slowed down so much. The usual ‘click’ of the kettle button which takes around half a second to click, took what seemed like 2 or 3 seconds to finally stop. All while this was happening, everything was moving, sort of stretching and shifting, everything around me, which continued all night, the strange thing was, although I always thought hallucinations were going to be cool on acid, visal or audio, at this point all they did was confuse me more, I didn‘t find them cool. I didn’t experience any anxiety or fright, I just was confused, I was trying to piece together what was happening, while the acid was completely ripping away these pieces and any sense of logic. After the kettle boiled, I ran back to my room with a cup of water, completely forgetting I was supposed to make tea, luckily my mum didn’t see me on the way back. I got back to my room, and this is where things started getting really intense. <br> <br> I think it was around +2.00 now and I got back to my room and jumped in bed. There were many times throughout this trip I had to coax myself out of a bad trip. It was a very mental trip, I had to face any fears or worries I had ever had with acid or anything else which arose. Luckily, instead of becoming impulsive and letting the paranoia feed, I had researched these worries and knew it would be OK. I was able to think bad thoughts through before indulging in them and bringing on a bad trip. The first fear which arose was when I realised if my parents came in I could not act sober. I would probably not understand a word they were saying, let alone be able to talk with them. It scared me, and I started to feel nauseous, then I realised, they have never came into my room during the night, why would they start now. I felt much better and started listening to music. I saw the album art on the screen changing colours, and becoming extremely 3D the longer I stared at it, it did this all night. It was a psytrance band, so the album was ‘trippy’, I understand why psychedelic art was invented in the 60s . I remember at one point myiPod and my hand actually shrunk, the bottom half was the size of a matchbox and the top half growing out bigger than normal. The clicker wheel turned cheese yellow. Another time my iPod actually started to melt away in my hand and I could feel it melt. Now as I was lying in bed, I had no idea what was going on. I was losing touch with reality at light speed, yet the clock was moving so damn slow. I thought two tabs might have been too much, because at the rate I was watching myself go up compared to time was scary. After about 10 minutes of deep thought (it's very hard to focus on anything whilst on acid), I realised the come up on acid was about 2-3 hours long, so realised I probably had another hour of going up. At this point I completely lost all familiarity with myself and my surroundings. Everything became amazingly foreign. This was the most frightening and confusing part of my experience. It would have been around +2.30, and I kept forgetting where I was, who I was, falling into these deep mind traps then jumping out of them for a split second just to touch with reality one last time. <br> <br> I stood up and didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was enjoying myself, but so confused as to what was going on I couldn’t make sense of anything. I realised how fucked up I was and being so unfamiliar with my real self, thought there was no way I could come back to myself or being sober. Reality and soberness just seemed so distant and far off, it scared me. Although the acid was telling me I was never going to be normal again, I knew deep down I would be back to myself again by normal, and just stopped thinking about it and enjoyed the experience, knowing that one simple thing was probably the most important aspect in warding off a bad trip this whole experience. Things kept happening in which the trip was so close to turning bad it wasn’t funny. <br> <br> My dog started barking and yelping outside, I didn’t know what my dog was at first, I thought it was some alien creature come to get me, then slowly I realised I had a dog, and immediately thought it was a puppy theif (recently heard about them on the news), I thought someone was trying to steal her. As soon as I thought this the sounds morphed into grunts of a human and yelping of my dog. This was very hard to deal with as I love my dog very much, but I tried to convince myself it couldn't be real. I thought to myself if I was asleep, there is nothing I could do, with a head full of acid, there’s even less I can do. I wasn’t sure if the sound of my dog was real or fake, but I warded it off to deal with in the morning. The next thing I know I feel this incredibly uncomfortable urge, creep up on me. It hits me like a pile of bricks. I have no idea what this is. After analyzing the feeling for a while, my best guess is that the water I drank now has to be pissed out, so I stumble to the toilet. <br> <br> I get outside my door and hear my sister talking. The words are all jumbled and fragmented, and IMPOSSIBLE to understand. They echo over each other and sound like complete gibberish. I had no idea whether she was talking in her sleep or talking to my mum. I think it’s OK to go the bathroom, but I don’t want my mum to think I’m still awake, as I already thought she suspected something, so I leave the bathroom light off. Bad idea. I get in there, close the door and the whole room is close to pitch black, I can only mae out outlines. The walls start to rise up around me and start dancing around in circles. I get very frightened and have no idea how I am supposed to get out of the bathroom. I put my hands out and walk and hit the shower. I know I am close to the door, and used the shower to guide me there and turn the light on. I walk over and try to piss, it takes about 5 seconds for anything to happen, but when it does happen, it feels like everything in my body just lurched out through my piss. Very strange feeling. I wash my hands and look in the mirror to see my face. I used to have mild acne, but it’s cleared up, so there’s still a few red scars/spots left, my face becomes covered in the red spots which turn into big red pimples and I grow hair all over my face. Normally I would think that was awesome, but I just thought it was confusing, not scary or fun, just weird. Another time, a little while after that I had to do another piss. The feeling was still very confusing to identify. The same thing again except this time when looking in the mirror I saw my skin not melt away but sort of become really tight on may face, so my head took the shape of a skull. <br> <br> I really didn't understand what was going on. I manage to get back into my room and lay down. It is silent. I begin to hear this audio hallucination, it sounds like mechanic bubbles popping, the silence sort of bending back and forth. Any time in which there was silence throughout the rest of the night, I would hear this strange noise. I watched a movie on my iPod, and turned on an episode of ’heroes’. It's like there are frames missing as the film sort of skips a beat. The characters have a soft glow, sort of aura around them, which occasionly becomes stronger for a few seconds when they move. Watching it some parts completely scared the crap out of me, I saw a guy jump off a building, then guns and shooting and some guy all alone in the middle of the desert get stalked. Concentrating on the movie was impossible, so I sort of just stared at the screen while my mind jumped from one thought to the next. At one point, I became convinced I was going to lose control of my actions and kill myself. It was quite scary but I tried to stop think about it, and reasoned with myself to make sure I knew I would never kill myself, and felt a little better. <br> <br> I tried to get up and draw, but as soon as I stood up I forgot what I was doing. It took me around 10 minutes to walk half a metre across my room as I' realise what I was trying to do for a split second, take a small step then forget again. I ended up getting to my desk, but was too fascinated with the construction of a chair, that I forgot about drawing. I finally ended up realizing I wanted to try and draw, and sat down, but I didn’t know what to draw. Any decision I had to make like choosing a song, episode, what to draw etc. took almost 10 minutes to decide. My mind was racing so fast, if I didn't pick straight away I'd forget about it for another 5 minutes. I picked up the pencil and drew a face, whenever I pressed the pencil on the paper I saw squiggles in the paper come all across the paper and I could see right in the texture of the paper. When there were a few things on the page, I sat back and looked at the paper and could see all the drawings move around the page. Took me about half an hour to try and draw anything as I’d get halfway through and forget what I was doing. <br> <br> I gave up trying to draw and just sat on my bed, amazed at how unfamiliar my own self was and my surroundings. I remember at one point every time I looked at the clock, the time would be further back than last time I looked. I think knowing the time on acid is pointless as I never would understand what it meant. Then another time I was holding my iPod and the song sped up in fast forward, I heard it speed up then go back to normal and saw the blue bar speed across the screen. I hadn’t touched the iPod, so it wasn‘t me fast forwarding the song. There was a tarp outside, anytime the wind blew it, it would echo very strangely, it scared me at first, as I had no idea what it was, but I remembered the tarp and calmed down. The audio hallucination were amazing in retrospect. The way they echo and slow down is really cool. When I was tripping, I'd hear something echo or slow down, but my perceptions being so altered, I had no idea what it was. <br> <br> Somehow I stumbled across almost controlling my audio hallucinations. I could think up words, say them in my head and hear them out loud as they would echo in my ears. I could think up any song I had recently listened to, and play it in my ears, without speakers or earphones or anything. Again though, being so confused it wasn’t special to me, just confusing as to why it was happening but still slightly interesting. By +4.00 or +5.00, my head started to clear up, and I began to surface back to reality. The first 4 hours of my trip were the most intense and confusing of my life, I had no idea about anything, almost like being reverted back to a baby or child and experiencing everything again. <br> <br> Everything was so unbeleivably foreign, I had no idea whether a chair was as normal or a hallucination, and thought both were just as interesting. It’s very hard to explain. The best I can put it, is as being a baby, in a sense. As human beings, we think it awesome that a baby gets to have so many new experiences. Even the simplest of things like a chair or flashing toy can be of great interest to a baby. Yet take the baby to a theme park, although to us, a theme park is much more interesting than a chair, to the baby it is no different, just another new experience. The baby takes all the new experiences, and doesn’t question if they are normal or not. That is how I felt. The hallucinations were the same level of interest as a chair to me. Both new experiences, both very confusing, both equal in their intrigue. I always imagined the hallucinations would be fun to look at, because they’d be awesome sober, but when tripping they were just another added bit of confusion to my jumbled world. <br> <br> Well after that intense 4 or 5 hours of my trip, my mind started to clear up, and I started to float back to reality again. It got to the point, where I felt, in my mind I was normal, I became familiar with my surroundings and somewhat more familiar with myself. I ended up spending the rest of the night watching the hallucinations at my computer screen, while trying to make sense of what had happened. After a while I got bored, and went to look in the mirror again. I felt very clear minded at this point, the only part of the acid trip left was the hallucinations, or so it felt. While I was sitting at the computer, the mechanic bubble sounds still played, when it rained heavily it sounded like a machine. The sound wasn’t all in one long sound, but it would rain, then stop and echo, then rain, then stop at echo, sounded like a washing machine in a massive cellar. I felt quite exhausted, mentally and physically, so headed back to my room. On the way I stared into the mirror and saw myself grow hair all over my face, and then morph into some giant ape like being. I fumbled around a bit more, till the hallucinations and almost completely ceased. It was around +7.00 or +8.00 when I went to bed. I drank some chamomile tea, and fell asleep, I remember I was still getting slight visuals as I fell asleep. <br> <br> I Woke up feeling basically normal no hallucinations, no hangover no nothing, except a slight feeling of dis-attatchment with reality. It’s just confusing merging back into this life which was so foreign only a few hours ago. I’m still in utter confusement/astonishment over how powerful and intense this whole experience was. I am still slightly confused as to what happened, it‘s like I‘ve been hit by a ton of bricks. In my naivety, when the trip was at it’s most intense, I only had my room to explore as my parents didn’t fall asleep till late. Although I was really only exploring my mind, I would of liked a larger environment to experience other objects in such a perplexed state. Once my parents went to sleep, the intense phase had passed and I just sort of mellowed out. I was super confused and could of easily done something stupid, a trip sitter would have been preferred to help me out. But the powerfulness of LSD still amazes me, I was completely shocked and would have never expected what happened, to happen. Although I was prepared to accept anything, the intensity still overwhelmed me. I think if I am to do it again, I will make sure I have a much better environment and a sitter, but overall, the experience was not frightening, it was not bad either, it was not fun or exciting, but simply astonishing now and confusing at the time. All in all, it was quite rewarding in experiencing new perceptions.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 62094</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: May 22, 2007</td><td>Views: 25,487</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=62094&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=62094&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Music Discussion (22), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> In fact, at this time, I feel that I can only allude to the incredible nature of my experience. I will present evidence that supports the reality of my experiences as something that extends far, far beyond a marginal, odd or unique drug trip. Indeed, what I am attempting to report to you is a series of experiences, that started directly on Easter weekend of 2004, but that has roots extending as far back as 2001. <br> <br> Well, I shall begin. <br> <br> Without attempting to describe, explain or otherwise describe the exact nature of what has occurred, I shall state very plainly that I have experienced a state of mental activity that is incredibly different than any I had experienced before. Through my own inquiries, I have been able to find descriptions of experiences that seem closely analogous with my own, yet none that I have been able to identify as being identical. Many of these similar stories were interpreted in ways that were unfortunately vague, mystic or otherwise untenable when subjected to serious reflection. Inquiry into neurology, or psychology also yielded little information regarding directly correlative experiences. My quest for understanding has not been fruitless, as it has allowed me to understand and assimilate my experiences a little better. It has taken almost three years to finally feel that I have acquired enough of an understanding to begin serious discussion. <br> <br> I am twenty-three years old, and male. I was born on the twelfth of March, 1983. I have been so profoundly impacted by these experiences, that I have enrolled in a University’s Cognitive Sciences program in an attempt to understand what has occurred and share it with the world. I live in Canada. I have several friends, including my fiancée who have supported me through these events, and their psychological repercussions. They are willing to validate any accounts, or aspect of my experience, as they were active participants in my life during the most intense incursions into this ‘altered mindset’ of which I speak. <br> <br> I will, as briefly as possible, try do outline some of the key events. Exacting detail, at this time, is impractical as the events have unfolded over a period of several years. <br> <br> <br> <center>Part 1 - Prehistory</center> <br> <br> -In the years 2000-2003 I was an active and often times heavy user of psychoactive substances. I displayed a particular affinity for psychedelics, though most often mixed several drug classes. I have extensive experience with psychoactive mushrooms, LSD, MDMA, PCP, mescaline and opiates. <br> <br> -In early 2003 I began serious inquiry into theories involving complex systems. This inquiry -though unstructured and highly informal- became something of an obsession in the year to follow. <br> <br> <center>Part 2 - Precursor Experiences</center> <br> <br> <u>Part2A- The First Experience</u> <br> <br> On Easter weekend of 2004, while on vacation with a friend in Montreal, I had my first relevant experience. My drug use had begun two nights previously, in Ottawa, with LSD and MDMA. The LSD had the ‘Illuminatis’ pyramid. The MDMA was not pure, and contained quantities of stimulants, suspected to be methamphetamine. On Thursday, I stayed awake with friends and consumed one tab of the LSD, and one pill of MDMA. <br> <br> When I arrived in Montreal on Friday, I again stayed awake the entire night. My friend and I went to a rave, and I consumed only MDMA, although my friend had brought some of his own. I consumed two of my pills, and two of his. His contained some variety of hallucinogen, supposedly 2-cb. <br> <br> On Saturday, we stayed in. I consumed two more pills, and two tabs of LSD. Several hours later, the LSD had yet to take effect. I consumed 4 more tabs, but still found no observable sense of being on LSD. Convinced I merely found a dry spot on the sheet, I consumed several more MDMA pills. There was no observable sense of LSD intoxication, merely a mildly hallucinogenic quality to an otherwise unremarkable MDMA buzz. <br> <br> The next afternoon, after having slept for perhaps 6-8 of the previous 72 hours, my friend went to sleep. I was still unable to rest, and laid on my hotel room bed with my eyes closed. I started to contemplate an aspect of my inquiry into systems theory, and set my sights to a visual model I had been thinking about. I found my ability to manipulate my visualizations extraordinarily enhanced. It had been about 15 hours since my last does of LSD, and about eight since my last tab of MDMA. I felt relatively lucid. <br> <br> As I contemplated my visualizations, I suddenly found my model changing with remarkable speed, and branching into extraordinary realms of complexity. I had a breakthrough, and epiphany, and it was so sudden and large and inescapable that I was left trembling. <br> <br> The nature of the epiphany is unimportant at this time, though I am willing to describe it in greater detail. What is important is what followed. <br> <br> Shaken, I woke my friend and started talking excitedly to him about concepts of scale and scale-ability of systems. Finding him, of course, completely unable to follow my train of thought I simply imparted the magnitude of what I felt I was occurring and ‘gave myself’ to the experience. <br> <br> The revelations didn’t stop. My thoughts coursed from one topic to another, with incredible fluidity. Every thought sparked another, every question answered promised to lead to another, greater epiphany. Walking out into the world, I found that every action appeared as a descriptive metaphor for what I was thinking. I couldn’t stop thinking, and I couldn’t stop coming up with answers. Systems theories are heralded as a means to unite the splintered factions of science on an unbiased and neutral framework. Systems theories are intended to calibrate existing understandings with an awareness of complexity. In the time that followed, I would apply my intuitive understanding of complexity to every topic I could consider. <br> <br> Stepping away from what I was thinking, and examining what I was sensing, I found that I was able to watch in detail any item in the periphery of my field of vision, as though my eyes were trained on it directly. Indeed, my peripheral vision became the visual realm I came to occupy during that time. I felt no need to look directly at anything. <br> <br> I was immersed in a world of stunning visual clarity and indescribable intellectual understanding. I was immersed so completely, that I was almost unable to speak. The thoughts wouldn’t stop. Neither would the constant stream of descriptive visual/situational metaphor. Neither would the strange awareness of my peripheral vision. None of it seemed hallucinogenic. It all seemed, shockingly, startlingly clear. <br> <br> I should at this point mention that this state persisted -though I experienced a gradual decline in intensity- for a full three weeks. <br> <br> I was unable to be around people for any length of time, for their peace more than mine. I would sleep little and try and communicate my thoughts constantly, desperate to etch some sort of record of the thoughts I was having, but unable to write quickly enough. In a few days, I decided to (though I should perhaps say, was inescapably compelled to) meditate and fast outside for a week. During that week, I slept outside, and subsisted off of salted tea and a zip-lock bag of dried rice. I lost 6 pounds. <br> <br> I wrote extensively, though mostly the writings were socio-political. Mostly I meditated and tried to work through the conflict between wanting what was occurring to continue, and needing it to stop due to my overwhelming exhaustion. During that time, I discovered that I had developed an incredible ability to maintain complicated rhythmic patterns. I was also able to write quickly and legibly, though not perfectly, forwards, backwards, upside down and mirrored with either hand. My meditation skills were dramatically improved, and I was able to perform such bizarre tasks as to make objects I was looking at disappear from my field of vision. This last aspect was particularly interesting, though I will describe it in more detail another time. <br> <br> All of these skills faded, as the ‘fugue-state’ as I would come to call it, subsided. This was the first experience I had with the fugue-state. It was the longest in duration, though I would come to understand that this particular experience of it was still very different from the state of mind that would eventually evolve. <br> <br> <u>Part 2b - Aftermath</u> <br> <br> The months that followed were chaotic and strange. I was driven, and intoxicated by this experience. It was several orders of magnitude greater than any ‘intoxication’ I had ever felt. Nor had it felt like intoxication, in the sense that it is usually characterized by difficulty in performing normal functions, or understanding information. The experience of the fugue state is, in my own description, an experience of searing lucidity. <br> <br> I cannot necessarily claim that I handled this first experience with grace, as I had yet to learn that while some of the thoughts I would have were in fact startlingly accurate, many others were misleading and confusing. Some of the ideas and theories that I literally ‘thought up’ without having any significant prior understanding proved to closely mirror contemporary theories. This simultaneously had the effect of bolstering my confidence that something of great significance had occurred, while reducing the level of scrutiny I applied to the other insights I had gained. <br> <br> I became convinced that I had been granted insight and understanding that was unparalleled in the realm of normal human experience. I also became convinced that the cure to the confusion that followed from the weeks of explosive mental activity, was to be another incursion into the fugue-state. The idea seemed sound enough, as it quickly became obvious that I had no real way of expressing my thoughts to others, or assimilating the ideas I was having into my daily life. It seemed to me that if I was to experience it again, but this time with purpose, that I could fill in the missing information that would make everything else that had happened fit together and make sense. This would not be the case. <br> <br> Months passed, and during those months I engaged in the most frequent psychedelic use of my life. A good friend of mine purchased a thousand lot of acid, and I began to dose 2-3 times a week, occasionally taking as many as nine hits simultaneously. The LSD on that sheet was excellent, but I was unable to repeat the experience that began in April of the same year. My highs were the same as any other LSD high, a state that I am very familiar with and can navigate without any difficulty. The were characterised by all of the hallmarks of LSD intoxication, fractal patterns, tracers, ‘time-shifting’, increased alertness and energy. <br> <br> After months of seeking, and dosing LSD and MDMA regularly, I began to ease my use. I began to believe that what had occurred must have been an isolated experience. As the months had passed, the memories of the experience began to become relics, and I began to doubt their authenticity. Perhaps, after all, I had been imparting a false sense of relevance and value upon my perceptions. Perhaps I had merely triggered a schizophrenic episode, and in my confused state had, for the first time, become completely unable to distinguish imagination from reality. As the months dragged on, I began to let go of my faith in the relevance of the fugue state. I then resolved to mark it as merely an interesting chapter that, even if it was a false and maddening experience, had granted me insights of incredible value. I came to believe that I any benefit I had drawn from what had happened, I had drawn from the process of healing from madness. <br> <br> <br> <center>Part 3 - The True Experience</center> <br> <br> I shall let you know in advance that to describe the sensory experience of what occurred next will take significantly more text than I will dare to write here. I will, of course, describe what it is like to experience the fugue state itself at another time. Here, I seek only to present the chain of experiences that revealed this state of mind as a real, and incredible thing, and not just a drug-frenzied decline into madness. In fact, it has since been revealed that drugs are a tool with which to access it, though it is quite a separate mental process. Drugs are what revealed the fugue to me, but are themselves, not the fugue. <br> <br> I will also clarify, before I continue, that the chaotic and difficult behaviour that is so tightly interwoven with this story is a result of the difficulty in assimilating the experiences themselves. The first experience lasted, somehow, three weeks. I have never relived exactly what occurred during that time. The following experiences were much shorter, with after effects dissipating in a couple of days, yet took the better part of two years to integrate fully. I have since learned how to experience the fugue, without being traumatized by it, and will soon begin further explorations. <br> <br> <br> <u>Part 3A - The X-Box</u> <br> <br> I experienced the full, undeniable fugue state sometime in October of the same year. I am not certain of the date, as the next few months were maddening and incredibly complex. <br> <br> I was visiting a friend of mine, on two hits of the same LSD I had been abusing for the entire summer. By that time I was so familiar with the high, that others wouldn’t even notice I was intoxicated until I told them. On this particular evening, however, I felt like I was on something else entirely. The high was unfamiliar, intense and uncharacteristically confusing. There are some important qualities of this setting that I must identify. One is the arrangement of her living room. The other is that she was playing a video game. <br> <br> The room was dimly lit, with candles spread at curious and asymmetrical intervals. She had her television stacked on some milk crates, centered spatially in the center of the room, so that it appeared as a pillar in the middle of the floor with a television on it. She was playing a video game on her x-box. I don’t know what game it was, but what was important about it was the following: it had a first-person vantage point, a floating point cursor in the center of the screen, and the level she was playing had the character advancing through ‘mist.’ <br> <br> I was watching her play, but noticed immediately that the game didn’t make any visual sense. All I could see was fractal or recursive shapes that would re-orient around the screen as she moved the character. Whenever one of these shapes moved to the center of the screen, and she advanced the character towards it, the shape would extrapolate more fully, and then very suddenly it would appear on the screen as an easily identifiable object -a flower. I would then hear a ‘munching’ sound as the character ‘ate’ the flower for health. I asked her to explain the game to me, and she started to describe the rules of play and storyline. I quickly stopped her and pointed to the screen, and asked her how she was even navigating! All I could see was recursive-fractal shapes and occasionally a flower that would appear in a startling and comic fashion. <br> <br> Confused, she simply slid over on the couch and handed me the controller. The screen still looked the same. I pushed the ‘up’ button and suddenly, as if by magic, the game appeared as any normal game would. I could see that the polygon shapes I had been observing were actually trees emerging from the mist, and that the flowers were at the base of the trees. I could see paths through the trees, and found it easy to negotiate the game. I handed the controller back to her, and slid back over. Once she began to move the character, I completely lost the normal game image and was slammed back into weird-polygon land. <br> <br> I was fascinated. I had never experienced anything like it. I was, no matter how hard I tried, completely unable to see what was going on in the game. I could only identify shapes, and I could find no way to reclaim a visual understanding, without myself being in control of the character. Amused, I leaned back on the couch and began to contemplate the relevance of this experience. Reality, it turned out, was up for playing tricks on my brain. For the first time, I was able to watch and experience that old philosophical assertion that cognition -though responding to an outer reality- is in fact a highly interpretive act. <br> <br> As I mused on this, my gaze fell upon the white ‘+’ that marked the center of the screen. Its position was static, relative to the rest of the furniture. It appeared as though it was etched in glass, through which we were watching a game take place. I let my gaze relax and started to welcome the familiar stream of beautiful fractals that my mind was generating in my peripheral vision. I should, at this point, clarify that I felt quite intoxicated. As I watched, the polygons on the TV screen -themselves recursive drawings- began to move off of the screen and into my field of vision. It was as if I was watching them float right out of the TV screen and into my mind. As I let this visual effect wash over me, the light from the candles started to do the same. Suddenly, every object in the room seemed to be making fractals manifest in my vision. As my eyes stayed fixed upon the ‘+’ in the middle of the screen, every object started to ‘emit’ fractals into my vision. <br> <br> I continued to watch, and then felt this odd sense of rushing upwards. A warm and insistent pressure flooded my mind, and suddenly, the fractals re-aligned with their sources and the world rushed into this incredible and indescribable realm. <br> <br> I sat there, trembling. I turned to my friend and said, very calmly “L? Would you find it strange if I said that right at this very second, God was speaking with me?” <br> <br> She looked only slightly puzzled and said, “Well, You are on acid.” <br> <br> <br> <u>Part 3B - Into the Night</u> <br> <br> I hugged my friend tightly and explained that I had to go outside. I had to be out in the night, I invited her to come with, but she declined. <br> <br> I walked outside, my heart beating rapidly. The most dramatic sensory aspect of the fugue state is visual. The best analogy I have ever come up with, even after three years of contemplation, is to liken the experience to solving a ‘magic eye puzzle’ (stereogram) with everything in my field of vision. As I walked, I found that I could observe everything in my peripheral vision with ease. <br> <br> I could listen to, and understand, multiple conversations simultaneously. I could listen in on the couple walking behind me, and the couple ahead of me. It seemed as though I could hear things clearly, despite ambient noise pollution and distance. My posture, which is notoriously poor, straightened. My breathing was slow, deep and thirst-quenching. There was absolutely no sense of intoxication, in fact, the normal experience of reality is significantly bland and confusing in comparison. <br> <br> A myriad of descriptive visual metaphor appeared around me. Everything described something, and every thought led to another effortlessly. The night would come to be marked by synchronicity after synchronicity, although these were revealed through a curious faculty of attention, characteristic of the fugue. <br> <br> It was as though I had been teleported into a different world. One that the first experience in April had only alluded to. <br> <br> I walked rapidly, aware that I was a slightly alarming presence to some passer’s by. I looked sternly, straight ahead, my gaze unmoving. But I walked tall. I remember my trench coat flaring wide and flapping behind me. My jacket was open. I was quite comfortable with the cold. My thoughts raced, but mostly I was awash in a sense of amazement at just how incredible this world was. <br> <br> I went as quickly as I could to my girlfriend, S’s work, a bar. It was the bar we had met at, where she now worked as a server. As I approached the bar, I experienced another amazing perceptual shift. It was very smooth transition, but I now found that I was moving slowly in comparison with everyone else. Although, I must say that it seemed as though I was moving at an ordinary speed, and everyone else was dramatically sped up. I could perceive their paths, as they walked, and see the patterns that they formed as they interacted with each other and the environment. The rest of the world seemed unchanged. The leaves of the tress moved at a normal pace, as did the birds and a dog that somebody was walking. <br> <br> I went inside the bar where S worked, and got her attention. She guided me to a seat on my own, as she could obviously tell that something was very different. I sat in booth, breathing very slowly and deeply. The people in the bar were in a frenzy, it seemed, especially the servers. My first thought was to compare them to honey bees. <br> <br> S soon came over, and I told her a bit of what was going on but that I’d have to explain later. She told me that a couple of her customers were from my home town and that she’d mentioned this fact to them. They, apparently, were amenable to my company and I was ushered over to their table. <br> <br> The content of the conversation was rather unremarkable, as I certainly didn’t dare explain what was really going on. What I remember most was that I had a keen awareness of their non-verbal signals. It was an attentive awareness, in that I was fully conscious of their body language and what it meant. My aptitude for conversation was greatly increased, and I was able to engage them both easily. When I felt that I was beginning to overstay my welcome, I left and walked home. It would be several hours before S was to come home. <br> <br> When I made it back to the apartment, I grabbed my address book and looked for someone to call. I couldn’t find anyone who seemed ‘right.’ I found my attention repeatedly being drawn to my roommate’s address book, which was open to his boyfriend’s phone number. I didn’t want to call it, mostly because I didn’t want to inadvertently traumatize, or over-involve someone I lived with. Every time I tried to find someone else, though, my attention would re-direct itself to my roommates’ address book. Now I was actually sort of mad with myself. I really didn’t want to see him. <br> <br> I decided I was going to go back out into the night, outside had been a much livelier place. As my hand touched the doorknob, the phone rang. It was my roommate, M. <br> <br> M, as it turned out, was high on Ecstasy and wanted me to be home when he got there. So I waited. And he came home. I tried to explain what was going on, and tried to draw his attention onto the channel I was on. He didn’t get it, but it turned out he was just about the perfect person to talk to. <br> <br> After a few hours of trying to describe to M what was happening, S came home, and I tried to explain it to her. She quickly fell asleep. I was unable to sleep, so I set myself a goal. I was to lay in bed, on my back, and not move at all until morning. <br> <br> What happened that night is mostly internal. Mostly thought. Though I shall explain that the theme of rapid and multiple synchronicities continued through the night. And that every time I had an ‘epiphany’ as I lay there thinking, the digital clock read as a palindromic number. <br> <br> In the morning, the experience continued. I felt deep serenity, and was very energetic -though not hyperactive or over stimulated. I had an interesting experience with my two cats, that lasted for a couple of days. I found that they seemed aware of my mindset, and desperately sought my attention. I followed them around, and they led me from place to place, where they would circle until I found what they had led me to. Usually, it was a mess, their water needed to be changed, for example. Occasionally, it was a toy they’d lodged under the edge of a piece of furniture. Whenever I did what they led me to, their behaviour changed to enamoured affection, before they led me off to the next task. <br> <br> The sense of spatial vision stopped after I finally slept, as did the awareness of conversation and sound. What was occurring with the cats continued for several days, as did my energy. I solved every problem I could think of, did all of the cleaning, and was amazed at how many things I was suddenly noticing that I had simply never observed before. These things ended after a further two days. <br> <br> The synchronicities didn’t. <br> <br> <center>Part 4 - What Came Next</center> <br> <br> Again, I dove right back into LSD and consumed it several times a week. Again, the fugue-state eluded me. This lasted for almost two months. I had been a disastrous wreck for much of that time. This time, the idea of losing the fugue and not being able to reclaim it was terrifying to me. I wish I could accurately portray my behaviour during this time, but it’s difficult. This second experience was even more traumatic than the first, for not only had I been shown an incredible and revolutionary transformation of my entire inner world, but I was unable to perform it a second time. After a few weeks, I began to get depressed, and concluded that it had been a repeat of my first experience in April, and that it represented an episode of drug -induced psychosis. <br> <br> Beekeeper M. <br> <br> A good friend of mine, was having a birthday party. It was the second or third week of December. I invited to come with me, my girlfriend, and two more friends. One of them was beekeeper M. As you may guess from his nick-name, this M is a beekeeper and lives on a farm outside of the city. M is also a deeply religious Seventh Day Adventist. His personal interpretation of his faith, allows him to consume psychedelics, although he had a long history of psychedelic use that occurred at a time when his views were more liberal. <br> <br> This evening, M and I consumed both LSD and mushrooms, one tab and one gram for each of us. When the party turned out to be a bit of a dud, we went back to my apartment. I was tripping strongly, when I suddenly felt a strange sensation come over me. I had been pulled into the fugue. I looked around the room, my eyes wide. <br> <br> M was right there with me. Grinning. <br> <br> S and my roommate M weren’t. M, my roomate, had consumed mushrooms, but S was only drunk. What occurred next can’t even be explained. Beekeeper M and I were communicating, without words, although I would not dare to call it telepathy. It was as though the world was a record, our attention was the needle and M and I were in the exact same groove, at the exact same time. The experience is indescribable, and has never been repeated. <br> <br> I spoke to M, and asked if it was really happening. He assured me it was. I said “Are you serious? It’s really this easy?” He assured me it was. <br> <br> The evening played out the way the other’s had, although this time I had someone else experiencing it with me. The synchronicities piled up, as though the world was communicating with purpose. On top of that, it was also communicating the same things to M. We actually talked about that one, just to make sure. <br> <br> It seemed as if every thought I had was put there. It felt as though M and I were having a conversation with each other, and also having the same conversation with our surroundings. I was cut lose, and was starting to lose my grip. I asked M “Is this God?” and he said “Yes.” <br> <br> I lost it. Completely. <br> <br> What followed was nearly violent, and a little terrifying, and not just for me. I was so shocked that at some point, I found myself in the un-rented apartment next to mine, vomiting for hours with more force and violence than at any other point in my life. <br> <br> I hope that I can communicate just exactly how traumatizing that moment was. In the span of perhaps fifteen minutes, I had received confirmation that I was not alone. And I was not insane. The experiences that had dominated my life, driven my abuse, made me set aside all else in a desperate attempt to comprehend it had suddenly been proven real. Even if it was just drugs, it was happening to someone else. And that someone else was my best friend. And that someone else had just told you that the presence we were both talking to was, in fact, God. <br> <br> I lost it. And I’m not ashamed to admit it. <br> <br> <br> <center>Part 5 - More Experiences</center> <br> <br> A few weeks later, I was now indulging for a different reason. This time, I was pursuing the fugue with certainty and purpose. Conversations with M, who believed very thoroughly in “God’s plan” confused me further, as I had never been religious before. Up until this point I had been very firm in my belief that God was unknowable, and that it was therefore a pointless endeavour to try and please it. If God even existed. <br> <br> The compounding of further synchronicities, too innumerable at this point to catalogue in any meaningful way, combined with M's religious certainty, again left me rushing to categorize my experience as divine. I won’t try and defend my judgment during this time, as I had endured a great deal of psychological trauma, and was still heavily using LSD. I was barely sleeping. I thought constantly. I kept on engaging experience after experience, repeatedly shocking myself. I left myself no time for recovery. <br> <br> Within a week, I was on acid, visiting my friend L, with whom I had first experienced my first full fugue-state. I didn’t dare tell anyone the thoughts I really had going on in my head, and I had as yet no words to describe the experiences. I had not partitioned the different aspects into workable concepts or ideas. I was right in the thick of it, and convinced that I had been granted direct access to God. <br> <br> Her boyfriend was also there, and within a short time I was in the fugue again. It happened suddenly, as though my attention were simply drawn to it, by some chance event. I talked excitedly with them, sharing with them the searing lucidity I was experiencing. I introduced them to circular logic by having a conversation that was entirely circular. They were also on the same LSD that I was, which was of the same variety that our entire social group had been using for the previous 6 months. <br> <br> My girlfriend had been pretty badly shaken up by my behaviour, and I decided that it was best to expose her to me when I was in the fugue and wasn’t freaking out. She to this day has never consumed LSD. L and her boyfriend were definitely not sharing the fugue-state with me, as M had done earlier, but were definitely intoxicated and willing to go along with me as the guide. <br> <br> We got back to my apartment, and after a short time, S and I started to get into an argument and my friends left. I found it absolutely impossible to communicate with her in a normal sense, and started to try and explain what was happening with the use of metaphor. Again, I laid awake in bed all night in deep internal reflection. Again, the strange attention sharing activity with my two cats persisted for about two days. <br> <br> <u>Part 5B - Continuing</u> <br> <br> I abstained from engaging in my pursuit of the fugue, confident now that I would be able to find it again in the future, and confident that it was a true experience. It quickly became apparent that I was deeply affected by what was happening, and that I needed to stop and recover. I abstained from psychedelic use until my birthday in of March 2005. <br> <br> During this period of abstinence, I thought about what was happening constantly. Every waking thought that was free from the obligation of a task turned to trying to understand and integrate the fugue. Everything from what had happened to my mind on a neurological level, to trying to incorporate it in my goals for the future, as I knew it was now inseparable from my life <br> <br> Until this point, however, LSD had always been an integral part of the experience. I just presumed that, though the experience was real, it still required LSD to be initiated. I was wrong. <br> <br> On my birthday, almost 11 months after my first experience in Montreal in 2003, I was having a wonderful birthday party. I had taken pill of MDMA and two grams of mushrooms, in a tea. I was enjoying myself, and at some point sat down to play Gran Turismo 4 on my PS2. I picked up the controller, pressed a button, and instantly found myself immersed in the fugue. I was amazed but delighted. <br> <br> The fugue, it turned out, was an experience that didn’t necessarily need LSD. This confirmed that, first and foremost, it was something that was occurring during states of extreme mental excitation. <br> <br> The rest of the evening passed with all of the hallmarks of the fugue excitation, but this time it was less intense. It was, in fact, enjoyable. The party continued, and I enjoyed the benefits of having access to such searing clarity. With mushrooms, the shared attention experienced with the cats, lasts 1 day easily, and a second with effort. <br> <br> <u>Part 5C- The Dentist</u> <br> <br> At this point, I won’t include detail of my trips, and will just give what further information I feel is necessary to complete my presentation. <br> <br> After several months, I had engaged in several more trips, on both mushrooms and LSD. I found many interesting things, which I will not bother to elucidate here, as this text is already far too long. After many more experiences, the fugue became more and more of a tool. It became a state I would engage in to heal myself. I no longer experience psychedelics in the same way as other people, or the way I did in my youth and experience the fugue every time I consume them. <br> <br> To add to the evidence that the fugue is not necessarily associated just with psychedelics, I shall inform you that I have also experienced it while I was having my wisdom teeth extracted. Obviously I had been given nitrous oxide. <br> <br> <br> <center>Conclusions</center> <br> <br> Here, I presented only the key events that led me to recognize that the fugue is a very real experience, and that it is an inherent quality of the mind. Needless to say, the thoughts and conclusions that I’ve gained from years of contemplating the subject are too numerous to express here, as are the details of my more recent trips. It should be sufficient to say that the fugue state has become a valuable tool, and that I have explored it deeply. I have discovered much of what it is (a state of mental excitation) and what it isn’t (a direct link with God) as well as how to handle the incredible amount of information that flows through. <br> <br> Listed here, though, are several key points that explored the transition of from ‘bizarre drug experience’ to ‘valuable tool of awareness.’ I have experienced it with two others, Beekeeper M and an analogue version with my brother in law, S. That it has occurred with two of my closest friends is a matter for later consideration, though I shall assert that they are both deeply religious individuals and have interpreted their experiences as such. Sadly, our collective disagreement on how to interpret the experience has been a divisive issue. M is a Seventh Day Adventist, and believes that his experiences shall have profound consequences in his faith. S is a practising druid, and believes that this ought to be kept secret, and shared only with initiates. I, of course, have chosen to subject my experiences to the rigors of scientific inquiry. <br> <br> I have also experienced this state one a variety of drug types, and combinations. Some of these drugs are completely unrelated, as in the case of my nitrous oxide experience. It should be clarified that there is still a sense of awareness as to what drug I’m on at the time, that there is an experiential difference between the fugue on LSD, on mushrooms, on nitrous oxide, on MDMA. <br> <br> During my subsequent experiences, I realised that accessing the fugue requires either an accident of attention, or an intent. I soon learned how to intentionally to access it, as well as how to lower its intensity. I have yet to disassociate the experience from drugs, although the threshold quantity required to access this mindset has lowered significantly. <br> <br> I have also learned to recognize aspects of the fugue state in normal waking life, as well as when I consume marijuana. Although this usually only leads me to small realisations about how to better get along in my immediate environment, it serves as a means of clearing up mental blockages. <br> <br> There is much, much more that can be said on this matter. After three years of exploration, trauma and recovery.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 61093</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 20, 2007</td><td>Views: 105,814</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=61093&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=61093&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), Mushrooms (39), LSD (2) : Various (28), Depression (15), Entities / Beings (37), Mystical Experiences (9), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1560 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dxm/">DXM</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">6 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">87 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I hadn't done DXM for a few weeks. Then two days before this trip I dosed 600 mg over a bit over 2 hours followed later when I was coming down with 390 mg and then a few hours later 390 again. The initial trip wasn't that strong but this led to a strong sigma later and that's amazing. The nice thing about sigma too is that I clearly remember what happened, unlike with normal DXM trips. <br> <br> Two day later the afterglow had ended and I was feeling annoyed over how I couldn't get my Audiostrobe circuit to work as well as I wanted and I just impulsively decided to do DXM. I did 390 mg followed by another 390 maybe half an hour to an hour later. This was just a normal DXM trip, though probably a bit less intense and more sigma-like than usual because of my recent trip. I came down quicker than usual too. <br> <br> As I was coming down I decided to take 390, then another 390 mg and then 6 hits of acid. I was just being impulsive and letting myself go where my impulses took me. (This isn't the way I usually am but around that time I had decided to follow my impulses) I started out the trip in the bathtub in total darkness. I wanted to just face myself, not do anything or talk to anyone. <br> <br> As I was coming up the only sound was the sound of water turbulence as the bathtub water was being slowly renewed to maintain temperature from the showerhead which was submerged. I love water while tripping... there's just something special about it... maybe because that's where life started and somewhere deep down there's some special affinity towards it. (Just a theory). <br> <br> As I came up the first sign of that was that the high frequency water turbulence sound changed and later it became almost melodic (even though it was a constant sound). I started seeing some visuals in the darkness and body image became very distorted. At one point I mostly shut off the water and unplugged the bathtub so it could drain. I knew that later on I might be too fucked up to do that or even to avoid drowning. <br> <br> Now at some point something happened. I left the universe and I became aware of the 'multiverse' outside that this universe is a part of. That's basically the same thing I noticed and posted about before. I wasn't alone in this space... I saw a networked grid of other presences. I thought that these were probably other users of psychedelics who were at the moment also in this space but in retrospect they were probably just sort-of mirror images of me. I sort of communicated with them about various things including where they were in this world at the time and how they had gotten to this space. I tried to find someone I knew but I'm not sure if I did. <br> <br> I became Morpheus... I was the one who had totally figured it out and I was going to lead humanity to a higher awareness and a higher state of being. In this world I was a shaman but beyond that something far more powerful. I also was God... it's not like me became God... it's just like my point of view melted into the point of view of God. There was no me anyways. I felt like I was in control of some fundamental things about consciousness and like I was freely going between various planes of existence. <br> <br> Now at some point this went bad. I think this happened as I was coming down. I started thinking that maybe I had gone insane and I was in a mental institution. I thought I was totally incapable of contacting the external world... like inside I was conscious and sane but outside I could have been a vegetable or a total lunatic and there was no connection between me inside and what my body was doing outside. I had some vague mental hospital visions. <br> <br> Then I thought that I had died and I was trapped in a 'box' with no way out. I thought that this is what happens when I die; I lose sensory input and ability to do anything so for an eternity I’m confined, I do nothing, I just see darkness, and I feel horrible suffering. (Later on I thought maybe that's what hell is.) <br> <br> Sometimes I also thought that maybe I had played too much with consciousness and going into different planes of existence and I had just ended up in some trap, and now I was trapped for all eternity. Before during this trip I had loved psychedelics... they were the key to the universe. Now I hated them... I 'realized' why there was all this anti-drug stuff, psychedelics make me feel like they're showing me the universe but really they're just evil and they're luring me into this trap, and once I fall in it's too late because nobody has gotten out. (In retrospect I don't know if the box was my bathroom in total darkness or total sensory deprivation.) <br> <br> Then I thought that someone had found me unconscious and called an ambulance and now I was in a hospital and they were taking heroic measures to save me. I saw some pink light and I thought that they were operating on my brain and I was seeing through a hole in my head. At one point I thought 'oh no, not my brain' but then later on I thought 'please, do anything, just save me, I've learned my lesson, I won't take drugs ever again, I just don't want to be stuck in this compartment of void for all eternity.' Sometimes I thought that they were succeeding and other times I thought I was a hopeless case. Most of the time I thought I was a pretty hopeless case. When I thought they were succeeding I wondered what it was like to wake up in the hospital with all sorts of tubes and wires stuck to/on me and how much pain there was going to be. <br> <br> Eventually I felt my body and I realized that maybe I wasn't dead after all, but it took me a while before I took this seriously. During the same time I was slowly becoming more aware of games. I got up and I tried to find the way out of the bathroom. Normally that would be easy but now I could only use trial and error. At one point I thought that I was dead after all, that the cops had come and shot me and that I was dead not because of the psychedelics but because of the war on drugs. I quickly came out of that and I found the way out of the bathroom. <br> <br> This was an immense relief. Much to my surprise I found that I didn't seem that high (but considering what followed I was still pretty high). I quickly 'realized' that all that fear about being dead was stupid because if I die I'll just go through that multi-dimensional space that the universe is in for a while and then I'll be reborn soon enough. I felt I had it figured out... this (that I couldn't die) was the secret of the universe... the thing that everyone wanted to know. <br> <br> Then I thought about life, and I had it all figured out. Life was a game... someone would make up a game and everyone else would then play that game. That was the best we could do... there was nothing else to do... if it wasn't for that I'd be in the void doing nothing and I'd be stuck for all eternity. Whoever made up the current game was God at the moment. <br> <br> Then I thought that drugs and police was the game. It was set up so that there were some things, designated as drugs, which could get you high, but there were these other people in the game, the police who were going after the people who had drugs. So the game everyone was playing was how high could I get without being busted. The police somehow 'knew' through some form of ESP who was getting high and if they felt that someone was getting too high they'd bust them. I felt that I had just gotten too high and I was in real danger of that because of the ESP and because maybe I had made too much noise before. Though I also thought of the amount of illegal drugs I had and I thought 'come on, nobody is going to want to bust me because of that', and I thought that was probably the only reason it hadn't happened. <br> <br> Then I thought about drugs themselves and I 'realized' that drugs were evil because they lead people to just do drugs and get high but people should be contributing to society, inventing and making new things. At first I thought my Audiostrobe circuit was an example of that but then I 'realized' that it was evil because it was about getting high. <br> <br> I 'decided' that I wasn't going to do any more drugs that I was going to go away to the country I come from (just to get away from here), get a job there and move on with my life. I wanted to call my parents and tell them about it but it was the middle of the night. I felt as if my father was actually awake, totally aware of what I was up to and awaiting my call, but I somehow managed to reject that as crazy and decide that calling my parents in that state and at that time was a bad idea. I also 'decided' that I wasn't going to interact with drug users because I just needed to get away from drugs. (This decision didn't last.) <br> <br> At some point during this I again broke off from this universe and I ended up in that other multiverse outside it. The main thing I remember was Osama Bin Laden surfacing in this universe and starting to warp it. This became more and more distressing until I said something like 'fuck Osama Bin Laden, you suck' and that just vanished. I 'realized' how he was evil and why I had to hate him. <br> <br> At some point I started 'feeling' that the cops were coming. I actually 'felt' where the car was, how it was getting closer, how they were getting out of it, etc. I started flushing all of my drugs down the toilet. It wasn't just because of fear of being busted; I also felt that drugs sucked and I wasn't going to do them again. I felt that this trip was awesome... it had done some great things to me... but this was it... I had gotten the message... it was time to hang up. (In retrospect I feel bad about flushing the acid just in the sense that I pointlessly destroyed perfectly good stuff. I also did not 'hang up', though I still feel perhaps that was the right thing to do.) <br> <br> I eventually felt mainly sober but I felt different. I had a weird feeling of clarity though and I wasn't feeling any of that background anxiety that I was used to. It seemed like I had accepted everything. No, I didn't like it... there were some really bad things to accept... but I had accepted everything. I wanted to go to sleep but I couldn't. I still occasionally saw visuals. <br> <br> In the morning I cried about my life... I cried about all the problems I still had to deal with. About all the unfairness and hurt I had experienced before... about how my parents never seemed to care about me being happy and how they hadn't done anything to help me there... about how now I had to play all the games that everyone else played but I was behind because I had a late start in life. The crying wasn't that bad though... it wasn't good but it was no worse than how I normally feel... actually it felt better than holding it all in. <br> <br> I was wondering if I should kill myself, not immediately then and there but soon. I thought that I had so much work to do, so many changes to make, and that's all just to have a normal life. The sort of thing that people take for granted. Maybe it was best to not go through that trouble and just kill myself. I wasn't thinking of doing it then... actually, in a way I knew I couldn't get myself to do it then or ever, and I was crying about that... that I was totally incapable of doing the one simple thing that would solve it all. <br> <br> Soon after that I went to sleep. I woke up mostly feeling sober but with some intensified visual noise. I felt okay... not good but it seemed that something bad broke... I felt a sort of calm honest acceptance of facts about my life and I knew what I had to do to now in life. (I had no thoughts of suicide anymore.) I felt that this trip was important... that it was the beginning of the end of this phase of my life. <br> <br> The calmness lingered for a while. I also got an impression that I should believe in some sort of afterlife. Eventually the trip was forgotten and I didn't really get any lasting help from it.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2002</td><td width="90">ExpID: 31509</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 25, 2007</td><td>Views: 47,510</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=31509&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=31509&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), DXM (22) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This is my recollection of my first acid trip. It was done with my girlfriend who had never done it either. My experience with drugs consists of chemicals such as MDMA, MDA, MDE, Methamphetamine – by accident, thinking the were Ecstasy pills, Ketamine, Dipenhydramine (Dramamine), Adderall, Vicadin and plants such as marijuana and mushrooms. <br> <br> Setting: My friend’s apartment with no one home except my girlfriend and I, very trippy one floor apartment weird pictures on the walls and interesting color schemes. Outside the weather is awful, raining/snowing/sleeting and cold. The night before, well about 1 that morning we took about 250 mg of Ketamine each at a rave and sniffed Rush, so that might have been a factor in the upcoming trip. At around 12:30 pm we dropped 3 tabs each and waited. <br> <br> T+1 hour: Starting to feel odd, just straight out weird, a bit anxious, I can feel it in my stomach its really annoying, we're giggling about everything mocking the cats in the house, I don’t even know why, it was just funny. We start seeing some visuals, things turning and spiraling and patterns emerging and such, nothing brilliant but hey it was entertaining, the nausea is subsiding a bit. All of a sudden my friend (whose house I was at) comes into the house crying, and I think 'oh shit, tell me this isn’t just a perfectly cliché event to lead us onto a bad trip.' <br> <br> So I go into the other room and that’s when the fear starts coming, because we just started coming up fairly strong when my friend came in and I’m like damnet, so I started thinking of like all these terrible things associated with evil and death and it was just scary, and I was on the VERGE of freaking out when my girlfriend came in and comforted me, saying how she was okay and my friend had made her hot chocolate. So I calmed down a bit, my friend left and it was us 2 again in the house. <br> <br> T+2 hours: I'm starting to get reallly paranoid of my friends mom coming home, even though I knew for a fact she would not be home till about 6:30 and it was about 2 or 2:30. I kept trying to comprehend what was happening as nothing was real anymore, patterns emerged from every crevice of the room, the music was incredible but I just felt SO weird I couldn't take it. I was in a continual thought loop trying to figure out what was going on. I kept getting real scared and I just wanted it to end. My girlfriend calmed me down a bit, it took a while but she did. Making out is real weird, I got bizarre mental visions. I kept envisioning weird colors in my mind. <br> <br> T+2.5 hours: Now the ceiling is raining rainbows, though the ceiling is actually white, and occasionally I see bursts of butterflies or it would start raining roses down on us. I was getting antsy again as I didn't know what to do with myself, we were literally stuck in the house because we couldn't go outside. The reason we couldn’t go outside is when we looked out the window the trees turned alive and multiplied their branches and were just terrifying. <br> <br> Staring at the water on the ground from the second story window, the water turned into multitudes of letters and formed words. I was looking at black crows go by and right after they went by, a good 100+ more crows flew by in different areas of the sky (obviously hallucinations). So overall outside was too scary, but we didn't know what to do. I couldn't escape my mind which was on sensory overload. If there was no music I would hear sounds possibly miles away as if they were right next to me, and what was worse was they echoed - LOUD. And then there were more and more and more noises to the point where I couldn't be in the room. <br> <br> T+3 hours: The acid was getting to me. I kept thinking that this wouldn't end and I'd be in a world that wasn't real forever, nothing was real anymore, the fan was alive, the walls were alive, the blankets were alive, the floor was alive. Patterns melted into each other, and then formed new ones, from those patterns came new ones. The tracers were unbelievable, I'd be able to swing my hands around and I could move the color/pattern scheme of one object right onto another object. If the wall was striped I could bring the stripes onto the floor. <br> <br> As I walked into each room I began turning every light on in the apartment to make everything glow its own individual color. And it did, as I walked into the kitchen everything was green, we decided we were hungry but couldn’t eat anything so I took out clementimes. The problem was they were green, so we thought they were bad. The problem was that we forgot that when oranges are green it just means there not totally ripe. Somehow we thought that it was like bread, which turns green (mold) when it's bad, so it took us a while to figure that out. <br> <br> T+4 hours: I am crazy. I am so far gone that I actually gave up. When my girlfriend was wondering the apartment, I decided to sit in this little tiny back room next to the refrigerator and wait it out. My girlfriend, being the persistent little girl she is came in and sat with me and basically talked me through it somehow. The irony is that I'm about 1000x more experienced than her but she managed to talk me into being happy. At one point I saw a train go by the window and my girlfriend saw a little girl standing in the middle of the room pointing towards a chandelier. <br> <br> At this point the music started getting overwhelming, my music selection was shitty as I kind of just figured pink Floyd would be amazing, but in fact it was so bizarre it was actually scaring me so we vigorously searched through my friend’s selection and found Good Charlotte. Yes - good charlotte, we put it in and it was so corny that it made me happy! So were tripping out on the floor in her living room as my girlfriend is peeling/feeding me oranges and listening to Good Charlotte. By the way, eating fruit you like is a must; it beats any munchies I’ve ever ingested. <br> <br> T+5 hours: At this point the mental part of the trip is diminishing, I have almost complete control of my mind which is wonderful because I'm totally not paranoid anymore and overall I'm just happy. But the great thing was, was the visuals were still increasing in intensity. The most beautiful patterns I've ever seen are appearing everywhere, everywhere I looked things were alive, and it was magnificent. On top of that, I was starting to melt from time to time. I would actually feel my fingers extending or growing or getting fat/thin and I'd see it as well. In fact I even showed my girlfriend how my fingers were stretching and she saw it as I saw it and as I felt it. <br> <br> I was also, as well, able to control the movement of certain things with certain body parts, for example as my hand grew and shrank and moved I could move the door in that same fashion. As with looking at ourselves and each other, when I looked at my girlfriend her head would grow and shrink, and her eyes would grow huge, as well as her feet, but the rest of her body shrunk. It was if we were in Sonic the Hedgehog or Mario - actually she looked like a hedgehog, or tails from Sonic. At one point I saw my girlfriend was doing something weird with her arm, she was like trying to grab something in the sleeve of her sweatshirt with her hand. I asked her what she was doing and she said that her hand was lonely and wanted to meet another body part. <br> <br> At one point we were standing in the kitchen and I was saying how I was hungry and could go for a snickers bar. All of a sudden she’s like 'Yeah! Jesse.' and that was it. I knew the rest of what she was going to say as one time Jesse gave us a snickers bar when we came home rolling and needed food bad, I knew the rest of what she was going to say because her memory actually transferred to me visually, I saw it happen in front of my eyes at that moment. <br> <br> T+6 hours: At this point the visuals are receding, but just barely, the thought process was still really weird/fun. We took up some recreational time by drawing; I drew on her as she drew on a piece of paper. It looks like a mushroom but upside down it’s supposed to have facial features. This was my girlfriend's doing, creative eh? <br> <br> T+8 hours: Sexual activity is fun, and were just having fun, things are still visually interesting, many things still breathing and swirling and very fun too look at, many patterns are still manifesting the house. We're laughing about a lot of things again and my girlfriend was sticking her tongue out at some poster cos she thought he was mean. haha. <br> <br> T+9 hours we were still seeing visuals but my dad came and picked us up and brought my girlfriend home. When I came home I ate food, which was kinda icky, and talked to my girlfriend on the phone till 3 am - visuals were still here, I have some trippy shit in my room, lava lamps, electricity balls, etc. And they were making butterflies all over my ceiling. <br> <br> The next morning I felt fairly fine, a bit brain dead. I wasn't too enthused to go to work for 6 hours, but managed to go and didn’t do to bad. Currently, the next day at 7:30 pm I feel almost completely back to normal. <br> <br> Overall this was probably the most intense, but greatest more glorious experience of my entire life. I will definitely do it again, maybe next time in a better setting like outside in a park or in my room at night with my girlfriend of course, after all she did save my sanity.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 41821</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 11, 2007</td><td>Views: 73,248</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=41821&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=41821&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), First Times (2), Relationships (44), Sex Discussion (14), Music Discussion (22)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> My friend and I's first experience with acid happened May 12 of 2006. We had just gotten out of school so we figured hey, lets get some acid. We'd both done shrooms a couple of times before but that was it for hallucinogens. <br> <br> 7:30AM - we had only gotten a couple of hours of sleep the night before (anticipation) and decided we'd go to the local waffle house for a nice breakfast of Acid and water :) We put the fat blue-stained tabs on our tongues on the way and got our semi-retarded but sober friend to drive us there. Our first indications of anything different were probably about an hour after the drop at the waffle house. With the tabs still on our tongues, we decided to swallow them with water at our table. My friend looked down at a spoon that was next to me and said 'Oh fuck' because my face was starting to 'transform'. I didn’t notice any change until we got up to leave, when suddenly I felt really unnaturally tall. The ground was kind of slanted and colors took on a brighter, more vivid effect. <br> <br> Then it happened. As we got into the car, we went into neverland. All of a sudden it had the effect of a mild mushroom trip and we decided to head for my friend's house because his parents were out. By the time we arrived, it was really starting to hit. Nothing freaked us out at this point even though neither of us had experienced as intense a thing as this before. Once inside, the hallucinations started happening. My first one I'll never forget was lookin at a statue on the mantle and watching it transform into a serpant and slither around. My friend started talkin to the horse head picture on the wall - he said it was pokin out and talking to him. Every aspect of the room seemed to be alive and in its own universe. <br> <br> Our other friend/sitter decided to go out on the porch and smoke a joint while we continued trippin our balls off. Next stage of the trip, the bathroom. I walked in to take a piss and before I was able to turn on the lights, I had the most intense, realistic hallucinations of people and character's faces coming at me through the darkness. I yelled at my friend to get in there and he saw igniting sparks flying around his head. While our friend was blazing outside we went into the basement to attempt to play pool. HAHAHA. Right. We ended up hunting giraffes on a safari thinkin the pool cue's were spears. Our other sober friend came downstairs and I tried talking to him but I kept seeing things manifest from his face, mainly banana-stalks and images of fruit. <br> <br> My trippin friend had left the room to go watch his countertop 'breathe' so I took the opportunity to stick my head into the freezer. Man the images I saw, I can’t even describe it. Eventually all 4 of us wound up upstairs and then all hell broke loose. Our beautiful experience was about to turn into a hellish nightmare by the call of one person, my friend's dad. Apparently his dad chose this day of all days to hound his ass on the phone about him not coming home the night before and fully expecting him to be home in a couple of hours. Now we were in trouble - we had planned to stay the entire trip at his house and we had to leave. As if it weren't enough, our friends both bailed on us and so there we were, 2 acid heads outside watching our friends drive away and trying to figure out what to do with poolsticks in our hands. <br> <br> After an eternity of panic (2 real minutes) I called my other friend and told him our situation. We convinced him to drive down and babysit us, so again we were good for about another hour until my friend's dad started calling again. No way could he have talked to him on the phone, we were so far gone from reality at this point that nothing, not even 4 word text messages made sense to us. So began our grand journey. We got our friend to drive us to the local park so we could walk around. We were so fucked up that our only goal was to kill time until we could come down to reality and face society again. <br> <br> As soon as we were on the walking/bike path, we noticed our first heavy tracers when bikers would go by and their doubles would keep passing us for another 2 minutes. The jungle had never looked so alive. Everything was moving and breathing, and I think this is where sounds started to mesh with sight and taste. I remember 'tasting' the green of the leaves and hearing the trails of the bikers. Well that lasted about 5 minutes real time (3 hours ours) so we told our friend to drive us anywhere else, which ended up being another park. When we stopped in the parking lot we met another friend who freaked us the fuck out. He kept saying he had a friend who was a sheriff and he was gonna get us arrested and into a drug program. <br> <br> So then all of us went to this pizza joint and ordered a large pepperoni. My friend's distorted image of the waitress was beyond ridiculous, he said 'When she put the pizza on the table her face went with it and landed in the middle of the cheese.' By now people's faces were melting and shape-shifting, it was nearly impossible to talk to people, or so we thought, apparently we sounded fine the whole time but we sure as hell didn’t feel like we did. There was pizza in front of us and we just couldn’t eat - just too fucked up, so its about hour 5 or 6 with no food. Next we, in our brilliancy, decided it would be smart to try to go to a movie just to pass the time. This was the dumbest thing we've ever done. On the way to the theater we happened to see a live car accident as it happened (confirmed by our sober friends), and as if that weren't enough all the times and titles on the theater listings were backwards in real life, which just made us feel more crazier. <br> <br> By now we started to get worried that the trip wouldn’t end - that's where the panic started. When we walked into the theater, we thought we saw a crowded room with people in every seat, then our friend told us there was only one lady in the very back and suddenly we saw how empty it was. This made us just lose it. The sound meshing of the theater's bass mixed with our howling screams (at the previews) was too much to take. As my friend was busy watching the spindles of light manifest and rotate about the movie screen, I went into the deepest meditative state I've ever been in my life. My eyes were crosseyed and I literally saw what I'd call the spindles of consciousness. Two spinning fibrous greenish tornado beings is the best I can do to describe it. All the while my friend was too freaked out to sit still and started yelling at me in my ear. It sounded like he was a hundred miles away, I could barely hear him I was so far in my own mind. So our sober friend quickly ushered us out and back in the car, 20 dollars wasted on a movie where we didn’t even make it past the 3rd preview. <br> <br> We went to another friend's house who had just gotten home from school and her parents were gone. We tried hookin up the xbox and playin some halo2, I think I got 26 suicides while seriously trying to play and my friend kept dropping the controller and staring at the ceiling. And then outa nowhere her mom walked in. I can't even tell you the panic. Somehow we talked to her for a few minutes and she left, and then we went outside to the tire swing. This was def. one of the best and scariest parts of the trip. We had our friends wind us up and spin us on the swing, and when we opened our eyes it was like total mind-meltdown, I couldn’t even tell you what planet I was on. <br> <br> So even longer story short, night came and we were about 14 hours into the trip and still hardcore tripping, I mean tracers and hallucinations, no sign of a comedown. This is what freaked us out the most, everywhere we read had said 12 hours max and we were fucked beyond yesterday. We panicked cause we both were supposed to be home at certain times and we had to get our sober friends to write text messages to our parents telling them we were out for the night. Our best idea at the time was to tell our parents the next day we had been wasted cause anything would be better than them finding out we did acid. <br> <br> 9:45pm and only a small hint of a comedown. our friend said she'd drive us to a local pharmacy and get us some herbal shit. It was supposed to 'detox' us or somethin but we both knew it was bullshit and we couldn’t remember how to swallow pills anyway so we stuffed em in our pockets and pretended to take them. When we got back to her house we were way freaking out and decided it was up to us to learn how to 'reintegrate into society'. We tried immitating the other 'humans' aka non-acid-takers we saw in her house by eating muffins and playing cards. That lasted 20 seconds, we were too fucked to tell what our cards were or understand any purpose of the game. <br> <br> 11pm still trippin and we have our original friend from the morning pick us up and take us to his house to crash for the night. In the meantime we had talked to dogs, plotted a genius escape by making our caretakers think we had disappeared and killed each other, and watched the most beautiful sunset you could possibly imagine. <br> <br> So back at the house we attempted to go to sleep. 2 in the morning and we knew we were coming down but we still weren't sure when the hell it was all gonna be over. We had told our friend to sleep in the room with us in case his mom would have come down or something but that lazy mullet-haired water-head down syndrom son of a bitch said he wanted to sleep upstairs and that he'd be back in the morning. So after he leaves, we freak out for the last time of the trip and take it upon ourselves to create a 'fake friend' for our comfort lol. We put covers over a bunch of pillows to make it look like someone was asleep on the sofa and for whatever reason it just worked, totally reassured us for the rest of the night. <br> <br> About 4am and we were in and out of sleep, still really restless from almost 20 hours of non-stop tripping and NOTHING to eat all day. The tv was on but anytime we'd see human faces it would just freak us out and remind us how not normal we were, so we put it on the golf channel (and we HATE golf) all night just because there wasn't anything to horrific about watching a ball cross a green. After what seemed to be nine eternities (literally watching the seconds of the clock for hours) we somehow slept for a couple hours and awoke in the morning. <br> <br> Visuals had returned to normal but the lingering psychosis was still there, we just didn't feel like ourselves. We felt in some way detatched and we didn't think we were ready to go back into society. But we went our separate ways and that was that, followed by the next two days of reintegration. Things and thoughts became normal but it was an agonizingly slow process. The first time I talked to my mom the day after the trip I almost puked I was so nervous, but I sounded fine on the outside.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 53475</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 20, 2007</td><td>Views: 34,970</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=53475&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=53475&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Guides / Sitters (39), Hangover / Days After (46), Difficult Experiences (5), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:45</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Let me start off by saying that before my first LSD trip, I had taken psylicobin mushrooms roughly ten times, so I am farmiliar with psychedelia. I am a senior in high school and was on thanksgiving break, and had a strange hunch that I would be having a psychedelic experience that week. My friend and I made a last minute decision to go to a concert in the city, and we hung out in the front of the venue to finish drinking the last of the alcohol we brought with. There were people asking if we wanted to buy hemp accesories since they didn't have enough money for tickets. I told them I didn't want the hemp, but gave them five dollars as a friendly gesture so they could have a good night. The guy thanked me, and decided to offer me some LSD for $5 a hit. I took him up on the offer and bought two since it was such a low price. The blotter had no lines on it, so he estimated the size of two hits by ripping off pieces (it could have actually been around 3-4 hits since he had no scissors). I ate a small section of the paper and my friend and I walked into the show. <br> <br> I was expecting the drug to hit me fast and hard, but I couldn't see or feel anything for at least 45 minutes. About a month earlier I ingested mushrooms and felt no effects, so I figured it was either fake acid or I needed to eat more. I pulled out the remaining section and ate it. The concert was Phil Lesh and Friends at the Chicago Theater, and the first thing I noticed was that the fancy chandeleers had moss hanging from them. I looked at the stage, and behind the band looked like a long vortex of small multi colored specks of light in front of a black background. Since the venue was dark and the music was loud, I focused mainly on the vibrations around me and had a great time doing so.<br> <br> My friend wasn't on any drug except alcohol, and he constantly made trips to the bar to get drinks. I kept looking at the band members faces and seeing jerry garcia appear, and also thought that the lead singer looked like jesus. I felt that jesus was approving of the experience since everyone was dancing harmoniously, acting kind, and sharing their positive energy. My friend was dancing very strangely, and I couldn't tell if it was the acid, if he was drunk, or if he was just a horrible dancer.<br> <br> When the show ended, I felt that the experience was beautiful and I felt the spirit of the grateful dead as well as the 1960s LSD phenomenon. The lights went on, and my friend and I walked out. I started talking to him, and he was acting very strangely. We walked down the stairs and suddenly he fell backwards and slid the whole way down. I realized that he was very intoxicated and that even though I was on an acid trip, I had to take control and lead the way home.<br> <br> I kept getting the feeling that he knew everyone there was having crazy experiences on drugs, and since he is scared to do them, he got extremely drunk to fit in with the crowd. That really upset me since he promised he would watch out for me on my trip, but then blew me off and got too drunk. We started walking, and I realized how much alcohol limits communication. He kept telling me to get a cab, but a strange voice in my head told me to walk the whole way.<br> <br> On the walk, the side walk had multi colored patterns that glimmered from the snow and water on the ground. Christmas lights were everywhere, and I felt the spirit of the holidays in the city. It was a beautiful experience, and I thought of myself as a spiritual leader, guiding my friend through life as I guided him to the train station. He kept asking advice on what to do, and strangers kept asking me directions to different parts of the city. I thought that leading people in different directions was a powerful and wonderful gift.<br> <br> When we got onto the train, there were strong patterns everywhere, and all I wanted to do was stare at them. My drunk friend was ruining the experience by slurring out things like 'What am I going to tell my parents?' and 'How are we getting home?' He repeated the same thing over and over again and I became so frustrated that I yelled at him and told him not to talk to me. There were much older, almost homeless people sitting a few seats behind us that were also at the concert. They were definitly on acid as well, and started making fun of my friend and his attitude. They also started making fun of me because I had the 'I'm not friends w/ this kid' attitude, since I wasn't paying any attention to his drunken banter. It made me uncomfortable, but I stayed focused on the patterns everywhere. I realized that alcohol is such a primative substance, and felt that drunk people have limited communication skills. <br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> We walked to my car parked outside the train station in my town, and there was frozen ice all over the wind shield. I got out and wiped it all off with my sleeve, and started driving towards my friends house that was about three blocks away. I started driving and couldn't focus my eyes past the ice on the wind sheild and couldnt focus on the road ahead. I stopped the car and forced my friend to help me get every last ice speck off. He was being difficult and half assed his job, which made me furious. He wasn't taking the LSD seriously and figured I could get through it. I dropped him off and zoned out all the hallucinations to get to my house.<br> <br> I walked upstairs and told my mom I was home, but had a very hard time getting words out. I ran into my room and realized that the trip was still going strong about five hours later. I turned on some music and put the visualizer on the media player. I tried to find something interesting to watch on tv, but everything seemed like complete garbage. The only thing I could stand to have on were useless infomercials. I sat down and began to look around. The folds in my jeans turned into mouths and noses, which resembled the talking hat in the Harry Potter movies that has a face from the wrinkles in the hat. Everything had colorful patterns and was constantly moving around. <br> <br> The visualizer on the computer was beautiful, and I felt the amazing vibrations of music. When gazing into the swirls of colors on the screen, I came to a great spiritual conclusion. I realized that our higher power is all of the energy in the universe, and this god-like energy created humans so that we could feel good sensations. Good sensations are paired with means of survival; for example, we feel amazing when we are sexually aroused, which leads to creation of more humans. We can taste delicious things to absorb energy in our bodies to keep ourselves alive. I saw visions in my head of how humans got to where we are today, by creating societies and religions to make us as comfortable as possible in our lives. This is the god-like energy's way of feeling happy itself, since we all are a part of this universal energy.<br> <br> I thought of how evolution is simply a way for this energy to feel more and more good sensations, and that the creation of drugs by humans was a magical way to feel even more bliss. I thought of Albert Hoffman creating LSD, and how that was a monumental moment for humans to use our brains to mix all of the senses into a beautiful euphoric explosion. I thought of how humans evolve, and that if we give our brain acid, it will be expanded, and therefore lead humans into a further evolution since our brain is experiencing such amazing sensations. I saw that the ultimate goal of the god-like energy was to evolve humans so far that our brains could create an amazing blend of color, sound, and sensation that made us feel the most alive we could. I pictured beings on other planets that had brains that could control sensation and make their lives a dazzling mix of amazing sensations.<br> <br> I realized that music is nothing but vibrations, and catching and enjoying these vibrations is what makes humans more evolved than animals. I realized that once we evolve further, we will be able to feel even more beautiful vibrations and life will be even more amazing. I pictured the end of human evolution as the energy zipping around and not having amazing sensations being limited to the human body. I saw how LSD was not found in nature, such as mushrooms, and humans created it through technology to feel like god. I pictured how more evolved aliens feel no suffering as we do on earth and have perfected the control of amazing sensation through technology, evolution, and different drugs or substances.<br> <br> I stared at the visualizer to eliminate any uncomfortable hallucinations I saw on the floor or walls, such as the worms that formed on the carpet or the people I saw in the corner of my eye. I saw how technology such as this visualizer is making the LSD experience more controlled and more beautiful, and hoped that in today's age, more people will be able to experience the drug and not condem it to a '1960's hippy thing.' I listened to music from 1 a.m. until the sun came up, and my hallucinations were still happening.<br> <br> The only uncomfortable thing was when my family woke up and I had to turn the music off an lie in bed. I looked out my window and the trees turned into scissors and started snipping very hard and fast. I looked at a poster of a supermodel on my wall, and her face turned into a horse. I would pace around my room, and when I lookd in the mirror my face looked like a zombie with strange old people freckles all over it. It didnt frighten me, but it made me realize how long the trip would last. I finally fell asleep for about an hour, and woke up feeling very out of it. I still saw small light patterns on the floor, but could function in every day activities. <br> <br> The experience was beautiful, and the only regret I have is taking it so late at night and getting no sleep.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 48269</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 29, 2007</td><td>Views: 49,880</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=48269&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=48269&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), Music Discussion (22), First Times (2), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">700 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/yerba_mate/">Yerba Mate</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">139 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> A bit of background. I have always been fascinated with psychedelic drugs. I have had extraordinary, unexplainable, beautiful, and terrifying experiences. My first experiments with LSD gave a glimpse of the depth of insight which could be obtained, as I observed that there's more to be experienced than what I had always hung onto as my own reality. When I was 19, I had my first bad trip. This would be the only one I can define as 'bad', since it included lots of yelling, fear, terror, and me being completely out of control of my own body. It was a fast trip straight to hell - a gory horror flick, and I wasn't ready. Unfortunately, I was too young to understand it, and was frightened of psychedelics for quite a few years. Still, something kept calling me to them, telling me that there was loads to be learned if I could just make friends with that awful place in my mind, and learn to move past it. It waited for me to get my head straight, to find some sort of affirmative foundation in myself, before I found myself ready again. <br> <br> Eventually, I got there, and have had some really great experiences. On a more therapeutic level over the past 2 years, I've arranged a number of solo-trips - alone in my room on large doses of LSD, meditating, and going as deep as I possibly could. This was extremely beneficial, and I really began to understand just how deep things can go. It has allowed me to search my entire being inside and out. It has been a tool. These intensive inner-spelunking sessions have shown me a great deal. However, after last night, I don't know if I can learn anything more.<br> <br> <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span> <br> <br> Last night, with something around 700 micrograms of LSD, I came face to face with more than I could have ever asked for. As it came on, I grounded myself, lit candles and burned incense, and sat down cross legged. Ready. Same intrusive thoughts whirring around, annoyance. Need quiet. Hush. Focus. Dig. Find that inner light. Find it find it find it! I found it. It finally began to grow. <br> <br> 'I've been here before. Let's see what turns up.' <br> <br> The light began to shine - a singular point, brilliantly colored, floating in deep space, translucent, reflective and covered in multicolored gemstones. My thoughts were still racing, still observing, but there was no doubt that my boundaries were dissolving fast. It expanded, like a sphere from the deepest part of me, growing around me, getting larger and larger. I came to a new realization of what true love is, and how it finds two people. Two people don't merely fall in love with each other. The love is always there. It's some kind of static film of light, always existing. Every now and then, a veil is peeled back between two people, and the light shines through it, directly through their eyes, meeting itself like a laser. When two people are in love, they are not seeing eachother. They are seeing the very source from which they came. They are allowing it to flow freely between them. Love is transhuman.<br> <br> As I sat, I observed that everything around me, the noisy city, had become utterly quiet. There was either nobody around, or it was just incredibly peaceful. I listened - no police sirens, no talking, no cars. This was abnormal for a Saturday night. I had felt this before on other trips, and was convinced that the inner peace which I seemed to be emitting was somehow affecting other people in my area. Somehow, I felt that my housemates, and even my neighbors, could vibe off this energy - through the walls, through the buildings.<br> <br> After all, I've seen my cats react specifically to my state of mind without me moving a muscle, so it could very well be possible. In past experiments, I would actually feel the emotions and thoughts of whoever seemed to be in my radius. I realize now how important it is to realize that the road goes both ways. I can give, but I will also receive. There have been many occasions in normal waking life when I have felt psychic transference of thought without observable physical signals. The probability of this happening is marginal and not something to discuss with too much seriousness, but I often feel that at a small enough scale, there is a physical reaction associated to every thought.<br> <br> From a visual perspective, the body may not appear to broadcast any message, but it does not diffuse the existence of a receivable signal altogether. Sure, it's a marginal probability, but frankly that's how I like to roll. One thing's for sure - psychedelics are wonderfully good at diffusing skepticism.<br> <br> Observing the possibility that others could somehow experience the vibrations I sent out, I began to feel a great sense of responsibility. I had to maintain it, to sit there in utter peace as long as I possibly could - to silence intrusive energy, and broadcast nothing but pure love, pure harmonious vibrations. Eventually, and quite suddenly, it got so incredibly large that I felt utterly stuck. I was completely enraptured in trance, with no escape. It was beautiful and glorious at first, and I felt highly successful at maintaining this positive state of mind - but it certainly didn't stay that way. I realized that if I were to maintain this state, I would have to encounter extremely nasty things, and still maintain the state. I realized that by breaking the state, I would break the vibe, break the mood. <br> <br> 'That's okay. Let's do it a little longer.'<br> <br> It got bigger. I eventually felt responsible for the peacefulness of the entire city! I was being bombarded with emotions and feelings from the entire population of Philadelphia. I could feel when others were having sex, when they were smoking cigarettes, when they were laughing, crying, dancing, sweating. It all seemed to happen in waves, as if large numbers of people were doing it at the same time.<br> <br> It got bigger. And bigger. Eventually, I had become the entire Earth! My body had somehow become an exact replica of the entire planet. If something was happening anywhere on this rock, I felt it in my body. I began to feel that perhaps, just perhaps, there was a possibility of an extreme synchronization of heartbeats. 'Yes, what if everyone's heart beat at the exact same time? Just once?' I focused on that. Perhaps, God willing, I could broadcast a message that could enable just one singular heartbeat of everyone on the planet to happen at the exact same time. Just one beat. There was an enormous cheer, an uprising of some primal glorious energy from deep within the Earth, and BAM! It happened. <br> <br> 'What a magnificent event! That sort of thing doesn't happen all the time, does it? Does it?'<br> <br> It got bigger. Eventually, I had become everything that is, ever was, and ever shall be.<br> <br> 'My God! I can't believe it! Cosmic Consciousness? Am I really here? Well if not, I'm certainly pretty close! Oh my, I'm so proud of myself. Wait no, there is no I. There is no me. There is only everything. Everything of which I am a part of, but not apart, because I am everything and everything is me. There is no universe, for to define it as such requires something else to define it. There is only everything that is. And everything that is not. And, Oh whatever. This feels awesome. It's like an eternal neverending orgasm.'<br> <br> I reveled in that for an eternity that could've possibly only happened in a matter of nanoseconds - there's no telling. Either way, it wasn't long enough, and I'd like more, please. For a bit after that, my cognitive abilities began to deteriorate, as I became overwhelmed with theories and thoughts about magical happenings. Lots of questioning and inferring things that I can't currently make sense of. For instance, at one point, I began to feel an awful pain in my right hip. It struck me violently, and I couldn't understand what it was. Something seemed to be entering me from my hipbone. It was some kind of machine. A snake-like mechanized robotic arm, penetrating my skin. <br> <br> 'It's the robots', I thought. 'They've finally come to take us over, and they're doing it from the inside out.'<br> <br> 'Roll with it,' I thought. I relaxed a bit, and, quite simply, became a machine! I had become a hulking steel mechanoid creature, and I had come to change the fate of humankind forever!<br> <br> 'Wow, that's a good one. I'll have to remember that. Unfortunately, it makes no sense, and kinda hurts.' <br> <br> 'Okay, back to the whole part about being the Earth,' I requested. <br> <br> This was all nice, but I began to be confronted with some rather nasty aspects of human nature. I thought of war and politics, and the whole disgusting game played out in my head, clear as day. I witnessed this battle made flesh, as armies of men marched in perfect sync, rallying together, clashing with other armies of synchronized men. I saw that the only reason for this is to externalize the same battle of being and non-being that plays on continuously in one singular person's mind. I found it fascinating that this sort of dichotomy could play out in such a huge fashion, based on one singular problem. That millions of people could somehow lock onto the same frequency and march in perfect sequence against what they believe to be their demise. <br> <br> Furthermore, I became frighteningly tempted by this. It became appealing - even juicy to me. By golly, I could control millions of people if I wanted to. I could <i>actually</i> make them do what I want! <br> <br> Holy shit, is this who I am? Why am I doing this? This tripping-by-myself thing, is it just some sort of method for me to flex my muscles and feel some sort of power over everything and everyone? <br> <br> I sink.<br> <br> Deeper.<br> <br> I thought about pop culture, and celebrities and people in the public eye seemed to be nothing but puppets controlled by some mass global mind. They seemed to have no control over themselves, and they acted only as everyone else wanted them to. Even more interesting, I thought, perhaps, there's a group of people that sit together and control all of this. If nobody really thinks for themselves, and if we're all connected, and if war and pop-culture are simply a macrocosm of mind, then there most certainly is a singular mind behind it all. Or perhaps more than one. <br> <br> 'I'd like to play that game,' I thought. 'That sounds sorta fun!'<br> <br> I knew this was utter evil - some dark force attempting to penetrate my being, perhaps even take me over. I've seen this force before many times. It's the most hellacious looking thing I've ever witnessed, full of fire and blood and terrible things. Dark, red, firey. Everything upside down, everything pulling me down. I know this thing, I recognize it, and it doesn't frighten me anymore. I simply let it wash through me, sitting still as a rock. There's no sense in running from it - it only wants to be seen, to be recognized, and to be given a name. It's my bloodlust, my need for power, but I do not satisfy it, I don't give in, and I don't let it take control of me. I conquered this one long ago.<br> <br> Still, I sink. <br> <br> Deeper.<br> <br> 'If we're all connected, then we're all responsible for everything that happens. That means I'm responsible for someone who dies on the other side of the planet. I'm responsible for everyone. And everyone is responsible for me. Where's the source? The global mind? Well, if I have somehow tapped into it, and <i>I am</i> the global mind, then it's all up to me. <br> <br> 'Holy shit. That's saying alot. That's alot of responsibility I really don't want right now. I have got to get out of this. If I'm responsible for the whole planet, then I'm also responsible for whether I live or die. <i>I'm responsible for my own heart beating</i>.'<br> <br> I became aware of my heartbeat. Really aware. I think I made it stop. My heart stopped beating. Or maybe I sank into some kind of timeless eternal zone in between heartbeats. Whatever happened, I somehow popped back into my body and opened my eyes, but it seemed to take just a little too long. I thought maybe the test of how healthy you are is determined by how quickly you can snap back from a near-death experience. <br> <br> 'I need to exercise more,' I thought.<br> <br> This was pretty frightening. I found it terribly difficult to stop slipping back into that frame of mind. I thought 'Fuck, how often to I have to affirm my own will to live - my will to exist?' Every passing moment, I realized. Every moment I make a choice to live. Every second, something somewhere deep within me makes that choice - and I just touched that. I came face to face with it. <br> <br> As if I hadn't seen enough, I thought 'Well, since I'm here, I might as well go ahead and confront my own death. Yes, let's do that. I've been wanting this sort of life-review trip for a long time. The one where I come to the very edge and look death in the face, and make the choice to live. Let's do it.'<br> <br> I don't know if I actually did it. I got frighteningly close. It was darkness, complete darkness. It was as if the veil of everything I know had been completely swept away, and I was staring into a black void. I simply couldn't do it. I was still afraid. I did not want to die, and I believed that if I stayed too long, I would. I don't know if this was close enough, or if I even accomplished the 'mission' - but I do know that I wasn't ready. <br> <br> 'This is far enough,' I thought. 'I've toyed with being and nonbeing long enough. I know who I am, I know I possess the will to live, and now I feel downright silly for questioning it.'<br> <br> I rise. Finally.<br> <br> 'A light. There's a light down here. Way down here! There's a way back! Oh thank God!'<br> <br> It wasn't a long trip back to the world of the living, but boy oh boy was I glad to be back. I remembered S, called her and told her all about it as well I could with my still-reeling mind and broken English. Her voice sent shimmering bolts of lightning through my body. I realized that not far from my will to live was S. It brought a bit of understanding about what it means to place faith and trust in someone when all hope may be lost. I made some Yerba Mate. It sent chills up my spine, and I felt alive with every sip. Mate presented itself briefly as a warm loving motherlike being that comforted me greatly and had been doing so for thousands of years. I ruminated on the idea of plants-as-entities for awhile as I smoked a cigarette, singing praises to poor old insecure never-loved-enough Miss Tobacco. I went outside and breathed the winter air, looked up at the night sky. <br> <br> 'Yes, life is good.'<br> <br> I have to mention that through all of this, I was still as a rock. The difficult parts sound awful, but I, personally, was not reacting - in a physical sense, at least. <br> <br> Finally, as things began to wear off, I realized that there I no longer have to confront my own will to live that way. I had just been to the edge of my entire being. I looked over the edge. I saw nothing. I affirmed my own will to live more directly than I could have ever thought.<br> <br> After reading immensely about Ayahuasca and the nature of its life-affirming trips, I wonder. Was that it? Did I actually go there? I've wanted this trip. I've felt that I needed this trip. For myself. To understand myself. Is this it? I hesitate to say there's more, but I really don't feel the need to go <i>that far</i> again anytime soon. In short - I made it back alive.<br> <br> All in all, the whole thing was awesome. I wish I could've recorded it. Oh, the beauty, the drama, the suspense! <br> <br> Now, I'd like another serving of that Cosmic Consciousness please!<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 58205</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 29, 2007</td><td>Views: 19,007</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=58205&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=58205&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Mystical Experiences (9)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Background <br> <br> I'd had a few low-dose experiences with both psilocybin and LSD, maybe 5 trips altogether. I found each generally enjoyable and fascinating, except that LSD’s 12-hour duration was a little taxing. Anyway, this time, over an extra-long weekend, I sought something more intense than usual. <br> <br> Setting <br> <br> I was with two well-known friends who weren’t tripping, but whom I had tripped with in the past with lighter doses. We were all staying overnight at the house of an acquaintance. There was no agenda, this was a casual place where, at any given time, there could be a half dozen or more people around, mostly college kids, all friends with each other, hanging out and smoking pot or whatever. Generally a comfortable and secure, although unfamiliar, environment. <br> <br> Onset <br> <br> Shortly after taking the dose that evening, I joined a few others who were watching this crappy-but-funny Japanese sci-fi from the late '70s, 'Message from Space', which would have been entirely appropriate for a night of bowl-smoking. I started out in this mindset, intending to enjoy the film -- laughing at the ridiculous plot, special effects, etc. I felt something coming on, similar to previous trips -- some giddiness and lightness in the limbs. <br> <br> Maybe an hour or so into it, things began to change. Whatever plot I was following began making less sense as I became absorbed in contemplation of some minor details, spacesuits, for example. I felt a little scatterbrained, but at this point still knew I was 'on drugs'. <br> <br> Uh oh <br> <br> The tone of everything in my head became increasingly serious, as did the film. At some point it dawned on me – this wasn’t a movie called “Message from Space”. This WAS a real message from space. It was something that beings “out there” have been trying to tell us humans all along, and I was only now getting it. It was a profound essay on creation, birth, and death that I could barely grasp. <br> <br> The sad news, along with their statement, was that it was time for all of us earthlings to die. This came as a shock as I had expected to live a while, maybe into old age. I felt sad for myself, those I knew, and the whole world. <br> <br> Time to die <br> <br> In reality, the movie was ending and some of my stoned companions were trying to figure out what to do next. But in my head I wasn’t too aware of their conversation. I did catch one detail though -- some of them were going to go vist a graveyard. This made my heart sink a little further as it confirmed my belief that we all had to go off and die in our own way. At this point, I’d clearly forgotten that I’d taken any drug. <br> <br> I didn’t say anything though, absorbed in my profound realizations. Besides, I figured they had their own deaths to sort out. This was important business to attend to, and it required my full attention. Of course, I was resistant to the whole idea of dying, my survival instinct was still there and wanted me to hang on. I was sure I had to find some way to transcend it. I remember getting up and starting to wander about the house. By this time, I think most of the others in the house had gone off to the graveyard. <br> <br> I wasn’t quite sure whether I could just sit down and die, or had to take a more active role. I thought that maybe I had to physically break myself in order to let go. So I ventured alone into the backyard. After some hesitation, I halfheartedly ran into a fence as a sort of preparation for the upcoming “breakthrough” and whatever pain might be involved. <br> <br> Eventually, though, I figured out that I just needed to make complete mental preparation. So I came back inside the house. Something kept imploring me that NOW was my time, so I laid down on the floor. I knew I had to relax completely, more than ever before. My bladder was kind of full and I had to urinate. Didn’t matter though. I was going to die anyway. The final waves of relaxation eventually overcame me. As I peed in my pants, I knew death had come. <br> <br> Dissolution <br> <br> Sometime after this was when 'I' dissolved completely. There wasn't really any more time. This was the beginning of what I would call pure representation, or experience. <br> <br> In reality, as my friends were to relate to me the next day, I was walking around, talking gibberish, and in my eyes there was 'no one home'. I wouldn’t respond to their attempts at conversation. To them, I somewhat resembled a sleepwalker. <br> <br> I guess the best way to describe the state would be that of a “wandering spirit”. After the finality of death, was prepared for everything to go black and end. But it didn’t. Since I really was still alive and receiving input, things kept happening. Wherever “I” was, it was floating around the house. The people there all became spirits as well. Not religious, I nonetheless began to register some kind of quasi-Christian mythology. Who were these other beings? Dead saints or prophets? Whatever they were saying, I didn’t understand, although they seemed kindly. I was trying to communicate with them. <br> <br> In reality, according to my friends, I began making something of a ruckus with all my talking, and they escorted me to a bedroom to chill. I do remember that bedroom. It had become a large model/representation/control panel of what was once my own brain. The books on the bookshelf represented all the written information I had ever taken in. The Cds stored all the sounds I had ever heard. Posters on the wall represented thoughts frozen in time, the room was limitless. I could spend forever here. I was the mind of God and could see anything and knew the true meaning of eternity for the first time. It was spectacular. <br> <br> Vortex Hell <br> <br> Things were fairly peaceful in this Eternity at first, but this Mind of God proved to be too much. I realized it was also an incredible burden, and I had to move on because I was unfit to handle it. I began to realize something else: that I had to be reborn and couldn’t stay here. This awareness rose to an indescribable terror as I realized I would be reborn an infinite number of times. It also apparently explained exactly why we have no memory of being infants – we must not remember “what happened before” or we would collapse under the realization that we have lived millions of times before and would keep going forever. Infant amnesia was a carefully and deliberately crafted illusion. <br> <br> I was about to be catapulted into a new life. I really didn’t want this, and became horrified at the prospect of a life of suffering. The particularly scary thing for me was that I could be reborn as anyone, and I didn’t want to experience that. My life had been pretty good, why do we need to keep doing this? <br> <br> I had no power to stop it. I felt like I was slowly being lifted up through this thing -- a tube – in a very similar way to a rollercoaster car creeping up to its first peak, except this was much steeper and longer. The Chute seemed like something out of the movie “Tron”. It was a neon-blue, wireframe tube. As I was carried up The Chute, a disembodied voice resembling David Letterman began narrating my plight somewhat sadistically in a “Top 10” voice. Apparently each “rebirth” was some kind of spectator event, and other spirits were watching and/or cheering or commenting on “me” as I rose to the platform where myself and countless others were released. I reached the top of the Chute. <br> <br> At “Dave’s” final countdown I launched at incredible speed down another tube and toward a new life. The thing was, I never really landed. I was hurled outward into some kind of pinkish/violet neon vortex that would bounce me around wherever the hell it wanted to. Endlessly and forever. I saw brief glimpses of where I might land: a torture victim in the Amazon jungle, a World War I soldier, schizophrenic, homeless person… it was horrifying -- I saw their whole lives unfold and felt all their pain and didn’t want to be a part of any of it. I was destined to remain this way forever at the whim of the vortex. <br> <br> Comedown <br> <br> Eventually the panic and storm subsided, and I had made some kind of resolution in my head about trying to relax as much as possible and think gentle thoughts and just “go with it”. <br> <br> Then I came to. I was sitting on the floor of the bedroom, talking to my friend. It was exactly like waking up from a dream. Holy crap! How much of that stuff really happened? Jesus, did I really pee in my pants (answer: yes). The rest of the night was spent trying to wash out my jeans in the shower which proved extremely difficult, getting the water faucet to operate (Oh my God -- all these knobs!) Thankfully my friend had an extra pair of shorts. I was concerned about how much I might have embarrassed myself in front of everyone. I was still in a daze over my experience and couldn’t do much for myself. <br> <br> Conclusion <br> <br> I most likely will never do acid again, as this experience felt harrowing enough. This time was distinctly different than any previous trips, and much more frightening, because of my total loss of control. I no longer knew who I was or where. I didn’t really expect this to happen on 3 hits. <br> <br> In retrospect, I think I might have benefited from a guide of sorts. I’m certainly glad my friends were there, and that they didn’t call an ambulance (at one point they were actually considering this when I was acting up). However while I was left alone in that room, and all the horror was going on in my head, others in the house were listening to some pretty sinister-sounding music, or maybe it was a scary movie -- and their miscellaneous voices and noises may have had some negative impact on my journey. Maybe I’m a little less afraid of death now, though.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1997</td><td width="90">ExpID: 58929</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 30, 2007</td><td>Views: 22,062</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=58929&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=58929&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.25 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:05</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.25 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">69 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I have always been interested in drugs, their effects and why people use them. Whilst throughout my life I have been fairly disciplined about my decisions and actions, I had come to realize after much research and through my own thought that I was brought up to believe that the word ‘drugs’ was only associated with negative connotations. <br> <br> About 6 months ago, I had made the decision to try weed. It seemed to have a large effect on all my friends that had tried it, but it virtually had no effect on me. It may have slightly lifted my mood, but stoned was not a category that I would have considered myself as. I felt that my attempt on experimentation failed, as I did not physically feel the hype that surrounded the drug by my friends, and the sources that I have used as research. The only other drug that I was mildly interested in at the time was LSD. I considered my mind a very stable place, and I had a very firm stance on my religious beliefs of atheism at the time. After learning that not only does it have hallucinogenic effects, but also powerful effects on the mind that could lead to profound spiritual and religious experiences, I made an important yet well thought out decision that this would be something that I would like to try some day. <br> <br> As university started up again and just about full time work hours kicked in, over the next few months I had very limited social contact with friends, other than the occasional game of poker. With the knowledge that the Easter break was rapidly approaching, it was a great time to catch up with friends that I haven’t seen in a very long time. We decided about 2 weeks in advance that we 4 of us, myself, a long-time friend who I’ll call L, and 2 other good friends who I’ll call S and B would all be able to meet a B’s house since his parents had just left and would not be back for a very long time. This was, like always, going to be a ‘chill’ get together where it was planned that we all would just relax, have a chat, smoke some weed and just enjoy the day. <br> <br> I have known L for a very long time and over the years we have built a powerful friendship. He is the one in contact with the dealer and had announced in recent conversation that he was able to get any drug off him that he wanted. During this conversation, I jokingly asked ‘Even Acid?’, as I had previously told him that I had sometime wanted to try it. I don’t know why, but the answer of ‘yes’ came as a shock to me. I felt like that this could be the time when this will actually happen. I told L of my intentions then and there of the possibility of possibly getting some and trying it there. <br> <br> He seemed very excited about the prospect. I showed a YouTube video that I had discovered earlier of an interpretation of a user’s first LSD experience using paint. We both found this very entertaining and intriguing, and L decided that he would too experiment with the drug on the night, although his knowledge of it was substantially less than mine. I managed to convey to him the most important things about it, including what he’ll feel and tips to get out of a bad trip. The day before the big day, he purchased our LSD and everyone’s weed for the night. I went to sleep that night in high anticipation of the day after. <br> <br> The day came, and we all arrived at B’s house at about 8pm. I was a bit nervous about the excessive amount of mirrors/reflective surfaces in his house because of bad experiences that I had previously read of, but I decided and hoped that my mind would end up being stable enough to not be greatly affected by these during my upcoming trip. Another friend who I’ll refer to as G also made it to B’s house and was cool after learning about what will be happening. S and B cut up the weed, L rolled (yes I’m useless), and we had several joints comprising of 3.5g of weed ready. <br> <br> L’s dealer told him that for first time LSD users, the hit should be separated into quarters and each quarter taken between intervals of time. How much time however, we were not told. Before we all decided to smoke our joints, L and I took our first quarter hit. We went outside and everyone smoked their joint and got high, except for me because like before it strangely doesn’t seem to affect me much. I still decided that I should have it because I read that having cannabis during LSD will heighten the experience during the peak. At this point I was extremely high in anticipation because the moment finally came and there was no turning back. <br> <br> L and I felt absolutely no effects of the LSD at this point, so we took another quarter 30 minutes after the first. An hour had passed. S had played his guitar and sang some songs and we all talked a bit. My anticipation was really high and the fact that I had to this point felt no effects, really started to irritate me, although I knew that it was possible that I would not feel effects up to 2 hours in. Although out of impatience, I tried my best to cut the remaining tab of LSD evenly, and L and I finished it up. <br> <br> 1 hour and a half in, we all went outside for a ciggie break. At this point I felt extremely light, colours seemed a bit brighter and I felt an extremely mild tingle in my body. At times I noticed a small rainbow of light come out of G’s ears, but now I’m not even sure if it happened. It could have been my imagination playing tricks on me because my anticipation was overwhelming at this point. I spent a few minutes observing the smoke coming out of my ciggie, and then about 10 watching the moon. Everyone looked at me strangely, but I assured them that I was not yet tripping and gave them two thumbs up, which I do quite a lot. I asked L and he was not feeling anything other than the weed. <br> <br> It was 2 hours after I took my first hit, and we all made our way upstairs to watch a movie. At this point I was feeling extremely light and feeling that I could begin tripping any second. A few minutes into the movie, there was a close-up of a man’s face. I stared at it, and it started turning into a tiger. I asked my friends if that was really what was happening. They told me it wasn’t and I suddenly realised that the moment that I was finally waiting for was about to happen. I had noticed before that the carpet downstairs had very interesting and trippy patterns, so I thought to confirm this I would go downstairs and attempt to observe. I told the guys that I’ll be back soon. <br> <br> I made my way downstairs but at this point it didn’t feel like I was tripping. The patterns on the floor didn’t move and the walls didn’t breathe as I had to often read about. After 5 minutes of attempting to observe, I took a huge step and moved into the bathroom, where there was a head-high mirror. I a movie in my head at this time because I had read that this was exactly what it looked like to look into a mirror on the influence of acid. With extremely high anticipation, whilst reasonably low expectations due to the recent failure with the walls and floor, I looked into the mirror. I stared straight into my eyes. My pupils were fairly large, and my face began to transform. Suddenly realising that this is finally it, I looked away from the mirror in fear that I might turn into something reasonably scary. <br> <br> I took out my iPod, and put on one of my favourite albums called ‘Sad Wings of Destiny’ by Judas Priest knowing that I wanted it to be a part of my history, a part of my first acid trip. I slipped my iPod into my pocket and started walking around the downstairs room. At this moment I was alone. I made observations about the walls. Whilst they were certainly not breathing, the mortar between the bricks began to melt and started flowing. Only thing I could think to myself was ‘wow’, its happening, its happening. At this time no other major effects that I had read about were in effect. <br> <br> I continued walking around the room observing the minor visual changes it took for about 15 minutes, and that was when I began to lose a perception of time, although it was very minor at this stage. The hallucinations got a bit stronger, and I noticed I could abort them by quickly moving my head and losing focus of what I was looking at. I thought it was time to make my return to the bathroom and take another look at the mirror. My pupils were absolutely enormous now and I couldn’t help but stare at them. My face looked very much seedier than it did before. It looked like I had a very much increased number of pimples. Suddenly, my facial hair started to eat my face, and whiskers began growing out of my pimples. I had taken the visual look of a cat. <br> <br> At this point exactly, S came down the stairs for a toilet break. I stood in front of him and pointed at myself and tried to explain what was happening. All I could manage was to point at myself and say “Cat”. S had a smile on his face, pointed to himself and said “Dog”. I found this rather humorous and gave a smile, although the fact that I wasn’t able to say exactly what I was thinking annoyed me. On his way out of the toilet, he told me to come back up the stairs. I was thinking to myself that I didn’t want to, and as he was climbing up the stairs I got into my first negative mindset of the night, where I wanted to come upstairs because a friend asked me to, but in the back of my mind still wanted to stay downstairs continue observing. <br> <br> Suddenly, everything in my vision turned into a very pale purple colour. The floor started breathing, the walls started breathing, and everything around me began to melt. I felt excruciating pain in my stomach and back, skulls started appearing around me and it was then I realised that it was a bad trip and this is what it felt like. It was one of the worst sensations that I could have imagined, I do not wish it upon anyone. It lasted about 10 seconds until I remembered that a method of avoiding bad trips was to change scenery. I made my way upstairs where everyone was congregated by the kitchen. <br> <br> Suddenly the faded purple colour went away and I was left with a strange sensation that I was floating, whilst still terrified from the short experience I had downstairs. It was also then I noticed 2 green apples on the kitchen bench, which resembled the one from the LSD painting we watched being created. B set them out, one for me, one for L. I told everyone to look at my pupils and they did react with great surprise at how huge they were. I looked into L’s eyes, but his pupils looked perfectly normal. I could not believe he was not experiencing what I was. While everyone talked in the kitchen and made themselves a snack, I was standing in the corner. At this moment, the trip began. <br> <br> The trip is the hardest thing in the world to explain. From this point on, I lost all sense of time, and the emotions I felt are completely beyond words and unexplainable. Everyone left the kitchen and I was left alone. At this point something felt very different though. I felt like I was in another reality. A new world that was created by my mind, the boundary of this new reality were the lights in the kitchen. I felt that if I left them, the drug would begin taking over my body and I would start to bad trip again. <br> <br> In a minor moment of panic, I went to my bag (which was luckily in the kitchen) and took out a pen. I then ripped off a piece of paper off a nearby envelope and wrote ‘It's ok man, you’re tripping’ on it, as an attempt to have a means to keep a sense of reality. I held it in my right hand, and in my left hand was my iPod, whose music I treasure as one of the dearest things to me in the world. I had noticed that at this time was I was not experiencing major hallucinations, just an altered reality. I began to realise that I in fact knew nothing about the drug and that it will completely dominate me. I felt like I would spend the next 12 hours or so in fear that I would start bad tripping again. <br> <br> Right about now was one of the most important parts of my trip, as I felt my body separate. It separated into 3 different entities: body, mind, and drug. I had very little control of my body at this time and at times saw myself in 3rd person. I realised I was having an out of body experience. This came as a complete shock to me as I did not know exactly the dose I had taken, and feared that it was way too large for my first time. I caught attention of the apple on the bench and suddenly the world around me turned the pale purple colour again and began to melt before my eyes. The drug began to take over my mind again, and it started doing everything that I didn’t want it to. If I was pleading with the drug not to make all my greatest fears visual, then it would. After about 30 seconds of this, my mind started to make statements that LSD is what I wanted to do, it was my decision, I’ve got a strong mind and that it is more powerful than the drug. The world turned back to its normal colours. <br> <br> My mind started spewing out thoughts at about 6 times the normal rate. The best way I can explain the loss of perception of time is that time was slowed down by 6 times to make way for all the thoughts to be heard and analysed. All my senses merged into one and got absorbed by my mind. At this point I was completely out of my body, but it was walking around the kitchen back and forth for what seemed to be eternity. My mind kept on telling itself that OK, you’re tripping (and so did the piece of paper in my right hand), this is what you wanted, make the most of it you asswipe. I began to reflect on my life, my family and friends, my academic life and just basic thoughts about the world. Although at the back of my mind I was still slightly scared of the drug and the fear of another bad trip, but my mind seemed to be stable enough to actually not bad trip off this, although it got close a few times. <br> <br> I found it absolutely amazing how fast emotions and my mood could change. One second I was thinking about how great my friends and family are to me and that I love them all, and the next millisecond it was thoughts of fear that I may bad trip again. I must have walked around the kitchen for a bit more than an hour. I attempted to SMS a friend whom I promise to invite, but the phone slipped out of my hands and the battery flung out. Knowing I wasn’t in a state to get technical and put it back in, the phone was placed back in my pocket. Every once in a while I looked down at my iPod and noted that when the slider of a song moved from 0:10 to about 1:00, it felt like at least 6 times more time had passed than this, and once again it sent thoughts of the drug being very powerful. I had covered a lot of thought during this time, but the current experience was/felt nothing like I wanted it to be. Then I started to get worried that I would not be able to handle the whole 12 hours. Just before my world began to melt again, S and L came into the kitchen declaring another ciggie break. <br> <br> This was great news for me, as I wanted ever so hard to get out of the kitchen, but the drug wasn’t letting me. Friendship overpowered the drug at that instance, and I was able to move downstairs and outside to light up a cigarette without trouble. The emotions I felt are completely unexplainable. I was trying to explain to S and L that my trip is one big fear of bad tripping, but since my thoughts were racing 6 times normal speed, I only managed to output 1 word out of every 6 in the sentence. This made me frustrated, so I stopped. <br> <br> I still found it extremely strange that L still had no visual effects that he was tripping, and at this time I found it hard to accept. L and S were talking about the movie they just saw, and at this moment I felt ‘Why are you talking about a movie. It is so insignificant’. Everything they used to describe the movie and their whole conversation that didn’t refer to me at that point felt completely pointless and I began to wonder why those kinds of thoughts would even be in their heads. Our ciggie break finished, and L made his way to the toilet. Still hopeful that he would experience what I was, I tried to tell to him before he went that to look in the mirror and to get ready of an experience of a lifetime. I wasn’t able to make any sense into my speech and this frustrated me. I then tried to tell S that the things I’m currently experiencing are incredible, and that I can see how someone with a weak mind would be completely dominated by the drug, not even realising that I was at this time in fact being dominated. S smiled and just kept on saying ‘Please don’t hurt me’, as I was thinking to myself, now why would I do that. <br> <br> We made our way back upstairs and I was faced with a choice, to go back to the kitchen, or join S and L for another movie that they wanted to watch. I decided that I had to experiment more during my trip and that I was already in the kitchen before, so it was time to make way into the living room. It was much warmer there than the kitchen, and my neck and back were still absolutely stiff from the nonstop walking that my body had done in the kitchen just before. They decided to watch ‘The People vs Larry Flint’ or whatever it was called. Remembering that I too had once watched this movie, I tried to tell them that it was a good choice of movie, but all I managed to get out was ‘Movie’. The movie started and I sat back into my chair. <br> <br> The album that I was listening to finished and it was then I perhaps made the most important decision of my entire trip. I put on Devin Townsend’s album ‘Terria’, which is a trip and a half without drugs. It is a concept album which reflects the creation of the world. I placed the note and iPod on the table, and heard the first noises from Terria coming out. I was very happy I made this decision at this point because it is one of my most loved and respected albums of all time. I picked up my iPod, and suddenly it began to melt. The iPod melted into my palm, and I felt that I was at one with the music, and that it was now infused into me. My overall mood changed that second, I felt like this was perhaps a new chapter in my trip. However I still felt like my mind and the drug were two separate entities floating above my body. <br> <br> Suddenly, the drug told my mind to go back to the kitchen, bring back a Coke Zero, and sit back down. I felt like this was a very peculiar thing to ask of me, as I was not even thirsty at the time. The walk which lasted a couple of steps to the kitchen seemed much longer than they were, but my body which was only to be considered a pawn at this time managed to fill out the drug’s request. My mind began racing again. Thoughts of whether the drug was conquered started zooming through. Suddenly, my favourite solo of all time from the track ‘Deep Peace’ came on and that is exactly what I felt like. I felt the mind cloud absorbing the drug cloud, It was official that my mind had won the battle, things will only get better from now. <br> <br> The euphoria I began to feel became physical. I felt it start at my heart and then spread across my entire body, to the tips of my fingers and toes. It felt like a never ending orgasm without the mess. It was the best physical pleasure I had ever felt in my life. I felt my heart. It was pounding faster than a power metal drum player on the snare. There was only one entity in existence at this point: my mind. It was in control of my body, of the drug and the whole world. I pointed at the TV, and my mind told it to turn green. It did. My mind then told the piece of dust on the ground to turn into a cockroach. It did. My mind told the cockroach to run away. It did. I was now in full control. <br> <br> My mind was still racing about 6 times faster than usual, but the thought stream had changed dramatically from the experience in the kitchen. Instead of revisiting thoughts that I already knew of, it began visiting new thoughts. This lead to a complete spiritual experience for me and it is by far the hardest thing to explain out of anything from the trip. I had realised that the scene in the kitchen was actually a bad trip as a whole, as the drug explained to my mind because it was under it's control now, not the other way around. I felt at one with the universe, at one with my friends. I looked at every one of them. I felt complete happiness that they are their own individuals with their own beliefs and that the human race is a very special thing. I was a nihilistic atheist before this experience. Just by looking at my friends the nihilism was 100% flushed out of my system. <br> <br> My mind figured out exactly why I chose the religion. I felt complete physical and emotional happiness for my friends and that they have their own beliefs. My mind kept on thanking the drug for these revelations which kept on occurring. As the final song of the album ‘Stagnant’ came on, which is one of the most upbeat songs I’ve ever heard, my religious experience continued and I was taken back to the creation of the Earth. My mind answered all the questions I ever wanted to know about everything. My spirit felt strong and it flowed with the different stages of Earth’s creation. <br> <br> I also felt extremely satisfied that others have different theories than me. My immense hate of all other religions but atheism before this experience was completely reversed, and I gained respect for them all. The album finished and I still felt the physical sensation that the tiny beads of pleasure gave to me. I couldn’t believe the effect Devin Townsend’s music had on me, so I decided to keep on going and put on his album ‘Infinity’. Whilst Terria is a concept album on the Earth, Infinity is a concept album on a person’s life, from start to finish. <br> <br> When the first song came on, my mind decided that I could not be seated in the chair anymore. It checked confirmation with the plush panther/puma in the corner of the room, and the panther agreed that this was the right move and winked back. Even though I had no control of my body, my mind was in such a euphoric mood that it controlled it in every way it wanted. For the first few songs I must have walked around the kitchen table 150 times, continuously air guitaring along with the music, patting the puma on its head and admiring its softness. It eventually struck me that the juicy apple from the guy’s movie, was actually the soft puma for me. I realised that his trip was his own, and I had absolutely no right to attempt copy it. <br> <br> Every thought I had enlightened me. I felt a wiser person for realising the revelations that my mind was informing me of several times every second. By now, I realised that I was indeed god and anything that my mind wanted to do it could achieve. I looked at the TV. The film held a colour that changed every 3 seconds. Every time Courtney Love was on scene she looked like a vampire, and morphed naked, then she was wrapped in chains, then naked again, then clothed. Every time anyone other than Courtney Love was on scene, their face would melt. I was completely blown away that now my mind was controlling visual reality and that I have been rewarded for being able to control the drug. <br> <br> I kept looking back at L who actually seemed to be paying attention to the plot of the movie, so, I had finally given up on the thought that he was tripping, although I was completely happy for him and everything that he was doing, feeling and all his beliefs. It was about 3am now, and L woke B up so we could all go outside and finish the weed off. At this point I felt that I was re-born thanks to all of the revelations my mind bestowed upon me. I felt like I know what it feels like to be god. <br> <br> We moved onto the balcony, and I could feel my mind telling me that it was now time that it goes back into my body. I was back to one entity, however I realised that I was still tripping hard because my thoughts were still racing out of control. They started talking about the night and that it was a good relaxing session. I was just thinking to myself that how in the world is it possible that this was a relaxation session. I was god for goodness sake! L started talking about how his lungs are so fucked after the night. I then thought that how insignificant this was, and how the conversation so far up to this point was absolutely irrelevant towards anything. I tried to tell them that I was in fact at one with the universe and the feeling that I have now is the best feeling in the world. <br> <br> They then proceeded to tell me I was incorrect, and that sex was. This greatly angered me for a few moments, but then I got a megalomaniac emotion that I have been enlightened and they have not, so whatever they said is incorrect and void. At this point, my mind left my body again to call me a douchebag and asked me if I haven’t learned anything from this experience. I then released that I’m happy for them that they think sex is the best thing in the world, and it’s their choice and belief. My brain commended me on my findings and announced that I have learned my lesson. It came back into my body not to leave again. <br> <br> With the out of body experience out of the way, I was getting my perception of time and space back. I put on Judas Priest’s ‘Painkiller’ which I considered virtually unlistenable during the most intense part of my trip. I sat down on one of the chairs in the living room and I was asked by B of how I was feeling. Since there was no possible way I could explain everything there and there, I tried my best to tell him that I would tell him later. The movie came back on, and I started experiencing extremely strange hallucinations with colour and shapes within it. Everything would start morphing and changing colour on its own, without the aid of my mind being in control of it. I sat there in awe until the rest of it watching the amazing things that would emerge out of it. The movie finished and everyone was tired and decided to go to sleep, I was led to my quarters by B. This was the place where I would be rewarded for conquering the drug with visual pleasure. <br> <br> When I was in the room, everything started to morph on its own free will. I started by sitting on the bed and looking at my iPod. The letters on the screen would smoothly change to others, I got an o changing into a d very often, whilst the colours of everything else around would be flashing and changing every 3 or so seconds. I chose to listen to some of my favourite songs while I lied around and observed the scenery. The first hours were me looking at the ceiling. The outline patterns on the sides kept on morphing, jumping and dancing. Every 20 seconds or so, I would be saying the world “WOW’ out loud because the visuals I was seeing were completely mind-blowing. It was a dreaming reality. I looked at the walls and star patterns started emerging and dancing. <br> <br> The next couple of hours I spent with my mobile. I took a few pictures of my eyes in their heavily diluted state. I scrolled through all the photos I had and spent about 5 minutes of each, seeing how my friends would change and morph into anything and everything. I finally reached a photo of myself. I spent about 1 hour staring at it and witnessing the most amazing of changes to it. Not only did I morph into everything possible, the surroundings around me in the photo began to get faces and I was completely captivated by what I was seeing. <br> <br> Luckily, the room I was in had a full sized mirror in it. I stood in front of it for what seemed like eternity and witnessed the most amazing of full body transformations. Every single transformation that I took on forced me to remark out loud that I was completely amazed by what was in front of me. The one I distinctly remember was a full bodied Dracula, with a cape and all. My eyes remained the same throughout all the transformations, but all the areas around them changed. I became L, S, B, a gorilla, Devin Townsend, a tree, a space commander, absolutely everything. It all seemed to come at random, I did not know what I was going to expect next. Many of these hallucinations were aborted due to immense pain in my jaw that would increase when I would focus harder. <br> <br> It was already about 11 hours into the trip. I went out of my room to go to the toilet, where I noticed G. He was asleep during my entire trip. He asked me how it was. Thinking my mind was back to normal I tried to explain that I just had the experience of my life, but then I realised my sentences were still structured with random nouns all over the place and made no sense. He gave me a weird eye, and I just gave him my trademark thumbs up and proceeded to the toilet. My pee was (looked) a strange black colour. <br> <br> I went back to my room and starting thinking whether I have done everything I wanted to on the influence of the drug. I agreed that yes it was and decided it was time to sleep. I realised that this was by far the best day in my life and when I would wake up I would be a new man. I closed my eyes, but sleep suddenly seemed to be the last thing on my mind. I could not stop reflecting about everything that had happened to me during the trip. The closed eye visuals were beautiful. They looked like a never-ending smooth kaleidoscope that produced random patterns and colours. I lay there in awe as the visuals inside my eyes changed and danced. <br> <br> By this time B came to my room and told me to wake up, because everyone else already had. I told him that I didn’t sleep and he seemed a bit shocked. I made my way to the balcony where everyone was sitting and reflecting. I was sitting next to L who was at a complete contrast to me, even though we took the same dose of LSD. According to the psychedelic levels guide of ‘The Shulgin Scale’, the experience talked about would have ranked him at the very bottom of the scale, barely even on an ‘off baseline’ level. However I would have rated mine anywhere between plus 3 and plus 4. I was nearing the very end of my comedown but I still was unable to put together long sentences and couldn’t do much but listen to everyone speaking to each other, whilst I spent my time staring into one spot in B’s garden. <br> <br> It was time to go home. I said my goodbyes to everyone and walked from the bus stop back home. Even though it was a 20 minute walk, it seemed to be over in about 2. My mum greeted me, but in order to not give too much away, I gave her a few smiles and announced I didn’t sleep at all and wanted to go now. I retreated to my room, and spent another hour or so reflecting on what happened. I woke up the next day with a whole new look at life, with the knowledge the drug did more than I could have ever asked or expected it to do. It re-iterated how important music is to me, because I cannot believe that the same thing would have happened to me if my iPod was not with me. I now look at the world with a shade of light rather than a shade of dark. I will no longer start chanting ‘IN NOMINE SATANAS’ when Jehovah’s Witnesses come door knocking. I will treat everyone with the respect they deserve. I will still however do all my assignments at the last minute.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 62454</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Sep 8, 2007</td><td>Views: 52,551</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=62454&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=62454&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2.0 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Have you ever wondered what it would be like to talk to the cops while you're tripping? Have you considered what it would be like to be abruptly interrupted while minding your own business in the middle of an intense trip by a lengthy police interrogation? Terrifying isn't it? I've been there, read on. <br> <br> The night began around 8:30 pm, with the ingestion of the hit of blotter acid and about 2 grams of mushrooms. I had just finished smoking a blunt and my stomach was nearly empty, so the trip began in about 20-30 minutes. My companion for the night had eaten about the same amount of mushrooms, but no acid. I had never combined LSD and mushrooms, so I didn't quite know what to expect of this trip. We began by watching TV, waiting to come up and trying to subtly urge my roommate and a few mutual non-tripping friends to leave the room so the trip could really begin. I find it quite uncomfortable to trip around those who aren't. Even though they are relatively experienced psychedelic drug users I just feel awkward, inappropriate and just plain goofy around non-trippers. They were in the process of getting drunk, and thus they were glad to leave us be and go play pool or something. I'd like to note that one of the friends, who I'll call Steve, left about eight beers in our fridge. Remaining alone with another tripper, in retrospect, was perhaps not the best of ideas. <br> <br> However, at this point in time I was starting to trip pretty hard, and the combination of effects from the two hallucinogens was interesting and strange. The visuals were less intense than usual but much more detailed and intricate than any I had ever experienced before, the walls of my room seemed to be an intricate lattice of colors and figures that extended miles beyond my sight. The universe seemed to break down into thoughts and ideas rather than objects and processes, I pondered to what extent reality was merely an artificially constructed set of ideas and perceptions rather than a physical, solid, definable universe. After spinning glowsticks and listening to music at a high volume for an hour or so, I had another friend of mine roll a joint on my desk and the three of us went on a drive to smoke. The marijuana enhanced the visuals greatly, as has always been the case when I trip and smoke. Big mistake #1 was a few stems and seeds left on my desk, and the bag of pot left in the drawer. <br> <br> Being outside, away from the music and glowsticks and confinement of the dorm room took the trip in a new direction. I became grounded in reality to an extent. I could envision the entire universe as an enormous self-perpetuating machine, in which every bit of matter played an intricate role in the greater workings of our existence. I pondered the extent to which I could control my place in the machine, and the extent to which the machine would control me. Little did I know, at this point, the extent to which I would get stuck and nearly caught in that machine. <br> <br> We arrived back at the dorm building and went back into the room after socializing with a few people in the pool room downstairs. I was feeling a bit more social now, but I didn't stay for long. We smelled strongly of marijuana, but that was nothing that normally concerned me. I'll call this big mistake #2. Once back in the room I started to spin glowsticks again and we turned the music back on. The music was at a fairly high volume, but nothing that would normally cause any trouble in the building. Everything seemed to be going great at this point. I was having an intense, thoughtful, fulfilling and unusual trip with no concerns to keep me from really enjoying myself. This is exactly the point where everything goes wrong. <br> <br> Two of the building RA's opened my door while I was spinning, and at first I didn't have any idea what was going on. There was a male RA and a female RA. They told me that my music was too loud, and they walked in and immediately spotted an empty beer bottle. They told me they would have to search the room and that I should go ahead and get rid of any other alcohol. We complied and emptied out all of Steve's beer in the bathroom, and at this point they spotted the stems and seeds on the desk. They told us we smelled strongly of marijuana, and accused us of drinking and smoking in our room. We told them we hadn't been drinking and they believed us immediately, we obviously didn't look drunk. The male RA stayed upstairs and told us the cops were already on their way, while the female RA went downstairs and called the cops. <br> <br> I still didn't comprehend the seriousness of the situation at this point, I was very confused as to exactly what was happening. The male RA tried to gather up the tiny amount of stems and seeds, but without either of us noticing it my co-tripper had thrown them behind the desk. He took one of my paper towels and asked me to sweep them up and hand them to him. Much to my own confusion, I swept up mostly dust and a few very tiny green particles. I was under the impression that he had already picked up the stems and seeds that he had seen. <br> <br> He took us out into the floor lobby, and while we waited for the elevator my co-tripper said he had to use the restroom. Unbeknownst to me, he stashed his glass pipe on top of a ceiling tile above the toilet. While the RA followed him into the bathroom, I went back into the room and grabbed the bag of pot. They had already told us that they would be searching the room, and no consent was needed because it's university property. I stuffed it into my pocket and came back out, where the RA decided that we'll take the stairs. <br> <br> Walking down six flights of steps gave me a moment to collect myself and finally comprehend the seriousness of the situation. I tried to clear my head as much as possible, and assess what I needed to do to. My mind seemed to instantly sharpen, my basic survival instincts kicked in. We arrived downstairs and the RA told me to sit in the RD's office and wait for the police officers. I told him that I needed to use the restroom, with the intention of flushing the pot down the toilet. However when I got into the bathroom, I encountered a good friend of mine taking a piss. My mind seemed to work instantaneously, I shoved the pot in his pocket and pulled my car key off of my key ring. I whispered to him, 'Put this in my car, I'll explain later.' Just as he walked out of the bathroom, the RA poked his head in the door and told me not to flush the toilet. I probably would have already flushed it by then, but the closeness of the situation made my heart start to pound. <br> <br> It should be noted, at this point, that I was fully aware that none of them had any idea that I was tripping. Though I'm sure my pupils were the size of flying saucers, they had no idea what state of mind I was in. I sat down on the bench-seat facing the RD's desk next to my co-tripper, and the cops entered. This was one of the most intense moments I have ever experienced. The cops were assholes, trying to accuse us of this, that, and the other. They told us condescendingly that they were getting high just smelling us. We told them that we hadn't been smoking, but rather we had just been in the car with some friends. It was quite obvious to all four of us that we were lying, but I managed to stay on top of the cops' mind-games. We kept our story straight, made up some names of the people who were actually smoking pot in the car. They were some old friends from high school, we didn't know their phone numbers, addresses, etc. <br> <br> He told us to empty our pockets but did not pat us down or search us. He kept insisting that they wouldn't leave without locking somebody up, giving me the impression that I could go to jail at any moment. I did not allow myself to be overrun with this fear, but it was terrifying nonetheless. I thought, at that point, that the cops had a few stems and seeds in their posession. I had no idea what was going to happen, I had no idea what they could do to me for stems and seeds. It eventually became apparent to me, as much as the officer tried to suggest otherwise, that they weren't interested in my stems and seeds. They wanted a bust, and we weren't going to give them what they wanted. <br> <br> They tried to talk circles around us, mix us up, catch us for anything so they could go back to the station with a couple of freshly-cuffed stoners. The whole ordeal seemed to stretch out for hours, but we were really only in the room for about 30 minutes. Everything said to us seemed preconcieved and phony, it was all just a big show being put on for us by these assholes whose salaries are paid for by my taxes. I instantaneously analyzed everything the officer said to me, carefully trying to determine the motives behind questions and reading between the lines. By the end of the interrogation I felt as though I could predict what the officer was going to say to me, based on my perception of his motives and my internal analysis of what he had already said to me. <br> <br> Finally, they gave up on us. 'You're free to go,' he said so nonchalantly. I went outside and smoked a few cigarettes, still quite overwhelmed and trying to piece the situation together in my mind. I couldn't really comprehend what happened for a while. My co-tripper and I had a lengthy conversation, which helped me put things together and figure out the things that I didn't know. We talked to a few friends who helped us further understand why our room had been raided in the first place. <br> <br> As I started to relax more, I began to trip harder again. Suddenly I felt the most immense happiness. Freedom! We had escaped! There were so many close calls and things that could have gone wrong, but we came out almost entirely unscathed. I would say entirely, but I'm sure I'll get a dorm-building violation and probably have to write a paper on drug usage or something. I fell back into the trip, and thinking back on the night overwhelmed me with profound happiness. This was probably around 2 am. The whole ordeal seemed to fit perfectly into the trip, the way the great machine of society tried to force its will upon us while we tried our hardest to resist. It felt like we had been through a monumental struggle, and the feeling of coming out on top was incredible. I pondered the contrast between the great happiness I was feeling and the intense terror I had experienced mere hours earlier. <br> <br> This is one of the most profound lessons I learned from this trip, everything seemed so much better at that point because of the hardship I had endured. Good times and bad times are all relative, good exists only in its contrast to bad, and vice-versa. Glowsticks won't glow unless you surround them with darkness. A constant supply of good will lend one to stop appreciating it, thus leading to bad. Good cannot exist without bad. And suddenly the universe is balanced--black and white, good and evil, chaos and order, yin and yang.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 60953</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 5, 2007</td><td>Views: 83,099</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=60953&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=60953&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Mushrooms (39), Cannabis (1), Police / Customs (60) : General (1), Combinations (3), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 seeds</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/anadenanthera/">Anadenanthera colubrina</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(ground / crushed)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">200 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/amphetamines/">Amphetamines</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance">Various</td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 6:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">200 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/amphetamines/">Amphetamines</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 6:50</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 12:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">17 seeds</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/anadenanthera/">Anadenanthera colubrina</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(ground / crushed)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">75 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This Experience begins on the afternoon of Friday 12th of May '06, in my London apartment. Both of my flat mates and I were due to travel to Ireland for the wedding of some mutual friends and former work colleagues. I had booked a half day from work in order to catch the 15:30 flight from Heathrow to Dublin airport. The night before, partly because we were due to travel the next day, and partly because of one of the most draining days of work thus far, my flat mate 'Gio' and I ended up staying up until after 4am smoking joint after joint, watching music and chatting before eventually going to bed heavily sedated. Unfortunately, I had to be in the office at 8:30 am the next morning and I still had to pack, shower and find my passport. Plus I just felt a real soporific effect from all the MJ and lack of sleep, so I decided on the spur of the moment not to go. <br> <br> To tell the truth I had been dreading the trip. I have been skint for the past two weeks, as I get paid monthly and had spent big on a laptop, some ethogens, some 2c-i and 2ct2 and had a wardrobe update. Money does not go far in central London, If I had gone, I would have had no place to stay in Dublin, then the next morning use the very last of my cash to get a bus south to the wedding venue, be there with no money to get even a drink for myself, never mind anyone else, and the real bitch would then be to try and get a lift to the airport on Sunday in time for my early flight! I was going to do it, have done in the past, will again in the future. On this day? No. <br> <br> T=0.00 So, I had a relaxed mindset, but just a little bit of agitation because of the wedding. Back at my flat I smoke some MJ and watch MTV2 and Kerrang for a few hours. The postman comes; He bears two packets of Anadenanthera Colubrina seeds, each one containing around 20 lovely mahogany coloured seeds varying in size from the size of a 1c (Euro) coin to a 2c coin -5/8mm diameter. My day just got better! <br> <br> I make an inventory of various bits and pieces in my stash box - A VHS cover for the movie 'Leaving Normal' with the caption 'Sometimes the only way to find where you're going is to lose your way' Seemed appropriate somehow. My search turned up three almost full 1g deals of speed, Salvia 20x extract, a lone LSD tab from a potent black blotter which had the all seeing eye on the back, an eight of sticky MJ and skins. <br> <br> I have no plans, My flatmates G and his girlfriend J are not due back until Monday, which may be a good thing. I do some research on preparation of the Colubrina, as this is to be my virgin journey with the plant. I had intended to make snuff, but not having the lime I decided against it for now and instead gave my weed grinder a good clean. That done, I ground up four seeds well and diced and chopped the resulting substance with a knife. I used just a tiny shred of tobacco and put the whole lot through the grinder again. <br> <br> T+2.00It had been my intention to leave the mixture to dry for a few hours, but fifteen minutes later the temptation became too much. I used about a third of the material to pack a bowl in my small glass bong. I used a lighter with a small, strong flame and inhaled, and held. The smoke was harsh and strong, but not particularly unpleasant. The smell reminded me of, as a child, furze bushes burning near my family home. I held each toke for as long as possible and I also found, as with other reports, that my capacity to do so increased the more I smoked. I had three bowls in quick succession and I noticed the first effects quickly as I had a marked increase in neck tension, combined with a strange weightlessness in my lower body. I felt slightly euphoric, a little stoned and lay back on the couch and shut my eyes. <br> <br> The CEV'S were faint, really little more than gently pulsating colours and I saw a few, but not many tracers. There was some very subtle changes in my perephial vision, just slight pulsation and colour change on the ceiling. The effects were pleasurable, but faint. A good introduction. After an hour I was completely baseline. Later on tonight I will attempt to make some snuff by using bicarbonate of soda in place of lime. I am also preparing some for smoking while I am at the peak of the acid trip. <br> <br> T+5:30 I swallowed a wrap of speed in a rizla cigarette paper, I find it easier on the stomach that way, about 200mg, eyeballed, I know, I should have a scales. The research chemicals are not being touched until I get one next payday:( Anyhow, I digress, That's speed for you. The last few hours have been spent with U2 & The Ramones, I am playing with my camcorder, loading old videoclips I found of a party at my house in Ireland four years ago, before I started traveling. I also found some great clips and photos from my time in Barcelona. I lived there for one year until last August. This triggers a major wave of nostalgia, I skin a cone of MJ and also put in the last of the prepered anadenanthera smoking material. It gives the joint an extra tang that is not altogether unwelcome. I am informed that MJ seriously negates the DMT rush, even so; I feel a definite relaxation in my legs which feels nice. One of my hips, my thigh and my pelvis, all on my left side, had to be bolted back together five years ago, close to my 18th birthday. The principal componments of this accident were: Me, on a motorcycle and a van, no contest! Anyhow its better now, but usually the leg does ache quite a bit. Now, it feels perfect. No Pain. Nice. <br> <br> T+6:15 I am totally relaxed. I think its around one or two in the morning. I prepare myself for the acid trip, mentally, taking stock. Life here is very fast, the last six months have gone by in a blur of work, travel, parties and some fairly memorable psychadellic espacades! Sometimes its too fast, but I love what I have built here since September. Rewarding job, a multitude of interesting people, clubs, galleries, theatres. There is a possibility now of moving up the country with my current flatmates. It has led to me questioning what direction I should be taking in life. I love to travel, but I also feel perhaps its time to better myself academically. Basically this would mean picking somewhere to be or to stay. The answer has not presented itself yet. <br> <br> T+6:30 I take another wrap of speed, same size as the first. I have to prepare the room for tripping and make some snuff, also some for smoking at the peak of the trip. <br> <br> T+6:50 Chewing the Acid tab. Nice taste, until three weekends ago I had not taken LSD in about two years. My mate let me know of some and I bought: Bloody pricey for Acid, £7 per tab. I got seven. I had a really intense and personal experience that I wont go into right now, on two tabs, and last weekend three of us had a nice trip, good, self affirming vibes all the way, I had 1.5 and my friends had one apiece <br> <br> The snuff proved mercifully easy to make. I emptied one of the two seed packets and counted 17 seeds on the non stick frying pan. I turned up a medium flame, placed a pyrex glass saucepan lid over the seeds and watched them slowly heat up and swell over five or ten minutes until they popped. Removing them from the heat I shelled the seeds quickly, meeting minimal resistance. The aroma was once again quite pleasing. Lacking a Mortar and Pestle, Teacup and Knife Handle stepped in gallantly and stole the show. <br> I measured out about a quarter of the volume of the seed matter in Bicarbonate of Soda and ground them together with the abraisave cup base. The people who speak with authority on this seem to say it will only work with lime powder. And I never studied chemistry, but is bicarb soda not essentially, a base material, a more refined form of calcium?? <br> <br> T+7:15 While I can, I set up the laptop in a well lit area, I have a camera attached to this which I am going to switch on at intervals. I am aware of something beginning to build and want to finish my preparations. I will probably use a notepad from here on in to catch thoughts. A little pre-trip tension in my temples, and tactile awareness is definitely shifting. <br> <br> T+12:00. There follows some notes I typed during that time: <br> <br> 'It's bright outside; fortunately at some point in the last three hours I seem to have covered just about every window in the flat. It's incredibly difficult to type at the moment as even now I have these eye catching visual distortions. This is not for the fainthearted!' <br> <br> 'At first the Acid took a long time to come on, I was making movie clips when it first started to take effect. Just the screen began pulsating blue and green! I was stuck in a loop for awhile with the digital camera. but eventually I was able to free myself.' <br> <br> 'At this point the visuals looked fairly normal for an acid trip. I was just in trance mode for awhile looking at all the pretty colours and tracers, completely under the influence of music. I began feeling very sexual and enjoyed the vibrations running through my body. Around this time I had a shower which was an adventure in itself. I was lost among a world of colours while I cleansed myself.' <br> <br> 'Then, I impatiently snorted a huge line of the snuff. The first bit of it at the back of my throat was just rank, and I had to swallow hard to stop me from heaving everywhere. I felt a sudden temperature hike as well. and all of the visuals just ran together into one. The acid patterning was still there just nothing was as one. All the decor, magazines, were kind of viscous. There were, and still are lots of rolling, soothing, deep colours in orange and yellow mainly which seem to just hang there like multicoloured psychadellic atmospheric thunderstorms. They ripple and flash to the sound of Audioslave.' Rock Lives!! <br> <br> 'The burning subsided after awhile and I snorted one more line of it with the same, almost instanteneous effect. Whenever I take a hit, the visual distortion, it's as though can see the air as though as it were water, waves, foam. I can feel the DMT as well trying to pull me into myself. I fight the urge.' <br> <br> 'Right now, I'm in pretty good shape. Everything has assumed this soothing shade of yellow, and full blown hallucinations/mini trips are too frequent to count, I'm dangerously high. Like, miles from baseline.' <br> <br> T+14:00 I feel like Hunter S. Thompson plugged into the live socket. This trip has been enormous, and it shows absolutely no sign of abating. For the past hour or so I have been in this great headspace where visually it's like the strongest trip imaginable without the usual 'Headfuck' effect. <br> <br> The Acid was excellent, I took a shower as it came over me and fell in love with my body for awhile. The visuals were pleasing, black rippling night sky over London's skyline, Ufo's and green and purple pulsating everywhere. I lost hours and hours shooting clips with the laptop camera of objects around the room. I had made a pile of the psychadellic snuff, so I ripped into this big line and never had to swallow a retch as quickly before! The taste leaves a bit to be desired. After the first line it was easier. Once I smoked some of the yopo the trip took a turn. I had heard that it was possible to extend an Acid trip by consuming DMT and bloody Hell did it or what! <br> <br> I felt electrified, and like my head was going to explode after each hit, but it would subside quickly. As for nausea, not too bad but I have a strong stomach. Its now over ten hours and still it carries on. There are so many OEV'S & CEV'S even now thats its next to impossible to type. I consumed most of the snuff, and haven't touched anything since then. I smoked a few joints to ease me down. Apparently, MJ shuts down dmt. <br> <br> Sunday afternoon. <br> <br> Well, that was something! It almost became overwhelming at one point, after snorting and smoking the snuff preperation. I felt like my head was pressurised and very, very hot for about an hour. In fact, it was almost like overheating badly at a rave on E and having to go outside to try and compensate. The trip as a whole was really visual, although the 'hallucinations' were more of the visual distortion variety that anything else. That said, I have a large Bob Marley photomosaic on my wall which looked at me, took a toke of a joint and said 'You are with him' to me! I really cannot work anything into that. <br> <br> It was after eight last night before I felt like I was almost back to reality, my eyes were hugely dilated, no colour visible, for most of the time. Physically I was tired because, unusually for me there was no sleep after the trip. In retrospect, I overdid it a little. There is no logic to taking speed before an Acid trip, Also my only prior Anadenanthera experience was the four seeds smoked in the evening before the trip. It's fair to say, in light of this, that making 17 seeds into a snuff for smoking and snorting is a bit much. <br> <br> Still though, it was a good purging experience, if not much more. Definitely not as mystical or inspiring as some that have gone before it.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 53092</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 9, 2007</td><td>Views: 31,526</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=53092&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=53092&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Anadenanthera colubrina (139), Amphetamines (6), Cannabis (1) : Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">170 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It all started in August of 2006, when I first became interested in experimenting with psychedelics. I had heard all the stories of people who had supposedly experienced God and made spiritual discoveries through psychedelics. The most notable of which was LSD. I thought there had to be some truth to it, as there were so many reports on it, so much evidence. My first real experience was with two hits of blotter in November 2006, and it was not spiritual in the least, but it gave me this constant nagging feeling that there was more to it. I had bitten a small piece of the pie, it tasted good, and I wanted more. <br> <br> As I experimented further, I became more and more familiar with this state, and became more aware of the global unified collective unconscious that runs through all things, the spirit of God if you will. I gradually became increasingly aware of the references to the experience through the lyrics of psychedelic rock bands, bands such as Pink Floyd, Jefferson Airplane, 13th Floor Elevators, and my favorite, Widespread Panic. I always related my experiences to what I knew about God, what I had read from the bible and what was taught to me in church. To me, everything clicked, it all made sense. <br> <br> Eventually, I was using some sort of psychedelic, whatever I could get my hands on, about once a week. I would lay down in my bed, put on some headphones, listen to psychedelic rock and let my 'self' go. For a while, it was always a constant flood of new information, always a new experience, and revelations were consistently found. But, I was still looking for that life changing experience I had heard so much about. Yeah, I learned about how the world worked, the way God sets everything up, to teach us lessons that we either realize and learn from or we just pass by as just coincidence and go on about life. I knew all of these things, but nothing major ever happened to change me. I still hid half of my life, all of my drug use, sneaking around, not wanting anyone, especially family, to find out the extent of what I did. I wanted to save myself from their judgment, but in turn was only judging and condemning myself because I knew what I was doing was wrong. Not the drug use per se, but the fact that I wasn't open about who I was and what I did. <br> <br> Luckily for me, all of these things changed following a Widespread Panic concert in March of '07. I had been trying for weeks to score some LSD, the greatest psychedelic discovered (incidentally, oddly enough) by man. I finally found some about four hours before the start of the concert, how lucky I was. We dropped about 7:00-7:15, the show started at 7:30. The show was great, but I noticed that it looked like we were the only people in the crowd tripping on LSD, and one of the few there that would smoke weed. Eventually in the second set, someone lit up a joint, we followed suit shortly thereafter. After that song was over, the lights came on and security made everyone put out their joints/cigarettes. <br> <br> When the band started back up, bass player Dave Schools remarked 'Watch the green tree there farmer.' Immediately after, they started playing some of their more obviously spiritual songs, ones that in one way or another directly related to the psychedelic experience found by those who are more spiritually inclined. Yet another one of those wonderful coincidences that happens on LSD. As the show was coming to a close, I kept getting this nagging feeling that something was supposed to happen to me, something incredibly, direly important. I tried sitting down and letting my 'self' go, as I had done while laying in bed in the weeks prior. I would always come so close, but was never able to achieve any significant loss of ego, as I kept being interrupted by people bumping into me walking down the isle. <br> <br> Eventually the show came to a close, so we thought, and we unwittingly up and left before the encore. As we crossed the waterway to the parking lot, about 100yards away from the venue, they came on for the encore. We stopped and sat down on a bench to listen before heading out. At this point, I knew I had to do something, something had to happen or I would keep leading on in life the way I always had, being a lying sneak, and that thought kept eating at me more and more. I felt that, if I would do something so blatantly out of character, something to show that I really didn't care what others thought, most especially the person I was with, someone who I knew, that I my life in this would would come to a close and I would forever would become one with the cosmic unity known as God. <br> <br> I thought of my life, and all the things I had in it, and thought how nothing would ever amount to the bliss that comes with being one with God. There were things in life that I still wanted to do and experience, yes, but I was ready to give it all up. All I had to do was walk up to the guard railing on the waterway and let myself fall in, it would all be over and I would be free. As the band played their last song, 'Ain't Life Grand,' I approached the railing. I grabbed the rails with both hands and closed my eyes. I felt my hands slipping into the rails, and a sound of rushing water grew in my ears. I leaned forward, tumbled head over heels and splashed in. I floated to the surface, eyes still closed. As I came up, I opened them to see not just the person I came to the show with, but a short bald man with a knowing grin on his face. <br> <br> I began to believe that maybe I was wrong, falling into the water wasn't what I was supposed to do, until this man says 'That's what I'm here for.' <br> <br> 'Oh yeah, what are you here for?' I rudely replied. <br> <br> 'Pretty cocky, sounds like a guy whose got nothing to lose' he says. <br> <br> Piquing my interests, I replied 'Yeah, what do you know about it?' <br> <br> What followed was such an ecstatic moment in my life that it wasn't much more than a heavenly blur. From the things he remarked on following my last comment, he knew everything about it. As I jumped with vigorous joy, he laughed and commented 'I know the feeling! Believe me, I know the feeling!' I even let out a joyous 'Oh my God!' at which he sort of coughed and got my attention, thus bringing yet another bout of roaring laughter. In between were a couple of more joking remarks regarding my sandals floating away, and how they wouldn't float forever. At that point I could care less about my sandals because I was saved, saved from the wretched life I once led. My friend, baffled by the entire state of affairs was standing next to us. He queried 'What is going on?' with a puzzled look on his face. At nearly the same time, me and my new friend comment 'He doesn't get it.' Following shortly thereafter with a 'whatever' and a shrug of the shoulders. <br> <br> My friend left saying 'Dude, I'm outta here.' I could have cared less. As things calmed down a bit, he says, referring to not only our current surroundings but the entire world he had created: 'It's nice isn't it?' 'It's beautiful' was all I could reply. At this point I had only one question for him, and that was 'What do I do now?' To which he replied, 'Whatever an honest free soul pleases!' Yet more ecstatic laughter ensued. 'Oh man this is great!' I said. He replied with 'It only gets better from here!' There were a few more words exchanged, yet none I can really recall well. <br> <br> When it came time for him to leave, he remarked 'Watch out, you're probably gonna get arrested.' I replied with 'arrested? Why would I get arrested?' He laughed with yet another knowing grin. I wanted to follow him, but he told me not to, he jokingly pointed and said to follow some shirtless man headed out towards the parking lot. Naturally, I did, but not before chucking my dead, useless cell phone out into the waterway. I followed the man shortly, exchanging a few words before reaching the parking lot. At this point, I either thought to myself that I needed a new change of clothes (which coincidentally, I had also needed a new change of clothes in life) or someone in the crowds mentioned it. Either way, I was out searching for new clothes. <br> <br> I approached the parking lot entrance where theatre employees were directing traffic. I asked them if I could get a new change of clothes 'that way,' referring to where they were pointing their traffic signals. I got a couple of 'Are you serious?' remarks and looks, but went on my way unheeded. As I crossed the street and reached the greenbelt, I began to jog in the direction I believed was the way to the mall. As I jogged, I thought 'These clothes area lot of baggage, really weighing me down.' I shed them without the slightest thought as to the repercussions. As far as I knew, there were no repercussions for the honest free soul, which I most certainly at that point was (and still am). <br> <br> I began to make my rounds of the area, trying to find my surroundings and get to the mall nearby, believing store employees would be more than happy to fix me up with a new set of clothes. After running into various people walking the streets and having some good laughs, and even getting my pictures taken, I wound up in one of the crowded parking lots. I was greeted by a large crowd of rather friendly people who luckily found quite a bit of humor in my situation. Exchanges were made and I continued my search, but not before being abruptly stopped by a police officer who spotted my antics from across the way. <br> <br> 'Son, where are your clothes?!?' <br> <br> 'I'm wearing them?' I replied with a puzzled look on my face. <br> <br> I really didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing, I didn't have anything to hide, I was wearing my birthday suit, the clothes I was born in. Coincidentally, these were also the clothes I was reborn in, haha. Regardless, I was being handcuffed and instructed not to fight, despite my cluelessness as to what the heck was wrong with not wearing anything. Other people had to wear clothes to cover themselves up, present themselves as 'somebody.' I was me, and all I needed were the clothes I was born with, I didn't need clothing to represent me as a certain type of person, I was just a person. <br> <br> Shortly thereafter I found myself in the back of a police car, handcuffed and providing information to another one of the nice police officers. I was more than happy to give them my house number and tell them to call my parents. After what I experienced, I was an honest free soul and could tell them anything. And tell I did. After they picked me up, I told them everything I had done, all my drug use, all my previous sins, every deception and lie that I had made built my bed on all these years, and it never felt so good. <br> <br> After all of this, I've decided to stop searching for God through psychedelics, I've found him, and never letting go. I'll never tell a lie again, and will never represent myself as someone I'm not. I deceived a lot of people through the years, and I won't do it again. It builds up and hurts too much. The best thing anyone can do is be honest. It may not feel like it at the time, because you fear the repercussions of telling the truth. There are no consequences for telling the truth, only benefits, regardless of what the situation is. But there are consequences for lying. I have nothing to lose if I'm an honest free soul, but I've got everything to lose, including my life and eternity, if I'm not.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 61832</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 18, 2007</td><td>Views: 26,834</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=61832&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=61832&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Police / Customs (60) : Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Music Discussion (22), Mystical Experiences (9), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It was a cool summer night, and there were about ten individuals at my friend J's house surrounding a bon-fire waiting for the arrival of several ounces of magic mushrooms. Not everyone was planning to trip, in fact some of the people there that night lived drug-free lives. Time passed, and soon we received word that the mushrooms had fallen through and instead we were going to get some potent acid. Some people had their doubts, I myself hoped somehow potent LSD would pull through and make for an exciting night. My hopes came true. <br> <br> =========================== <br> <br> The LSD came in the form of some shabby cut white blotters. It didn't look very professional, but with acid you never know what you were getting. The blotters were twenty a pop, and I was a little nervous to pay such a price for white paper. But I decided it was worth the chance and bought two of the largest blotters and stuck them under my tongue. Instantly I tasted the bitterness of LSD, and my doubtfulness was put to rest and replaced with a electric anticipation. Suddenly I had a strong feeling this LSD was in fact very very good. Again my feelings were right. <br> <br> The people who were tripping that night bought there hits. People bought between 1 and 2.5 hits each, ate them and returned to the bon-fire. It wasn't much more then half an hour before I could feel a powerful energy growing in the pit of my stomach. I was happy and relaxed. I smiled at everything. Everyone was happy and excited. Then the physical high started to crawl up my body. Its very difficult to explain the physical high of LSD. Its somewhat like mushrooms, you feel like your floating slightly, theres a pressure in your head and your stomach. It kind of feels like your being stretched. <br> <br> The physical high continued to grow. And grow. And grow. I was on the strongest physical LSD high I've ever experienced. The feeling was so strong a pressure in my throat made it difficult to talk. So strong it was comparative to coming up on ecstasy. So strong I didn't realize I was beginning to trip until it suddenly hit me in the face. <br> <br> I didn't know the kid across the fire from me too well. But he was laughing pretty hard. 'Must... keep... composure...' he was explaining. 'The kids on the opposite side of the fire from me sure are being quiet.' We nodded. There was an awkward silence, except it wasn't awkward, because we all fully understood at that point we were all tripping balls. The faces of kids surrounding me blurred and melted. There faces were all red, and it looked like they had tribal marking on them. I had a scab on my arm, and as I studied it, it breathed and swam about. <br> <br> A couple of us decided the best way we could find out how hard we were tripping would be to go inside J's house. As we walked through his lawn, the grass looked like it came right out of a cartoon. There was purple and green flowers of such color and contrast I've never seen before. We went inside and looked at ourselves in the bathroom. Our faces were melting and stretching. No one looked the way they should have. It freaked us out and we went back to the fire for awhile. <br> <br> We sat, and my mind began its swan-dive into insanity. The gap between my mind and subconscious was opening. The dreamy, weirdness of LSD thought was clouding over me. <br> <br> ** Are we underwater? Is this chair going threw me? What is the point of Tuesday? What is the point of school? Why do we learn?** <br> <br> Me and a friend decided to go back to the house for awhile so he could play guitar and I could listen. It had been a good two hours since I had ingested and I was tripping hard. I studied some photos hanging on my friends walls. The people inside them moved around, talked to themselves, yawned. My friend began to play and I lay out on J's bed. <br> <br> The song he played was intense, and emotional. As he played each note, waves of color rushed from around the room towards him. The room swayed and breathed in sync with the song. The colors of his blue carpet were so vibrant they glowed and reflected across the room. The song he played was so emotional, So important to me. I looked at him and his face shined incredible light, he played guitar so well he had become the status of a God to me. There was a deep connection he was trying to show me with his music. I looked at him and I thought I was looking at myself. There I am, says I, experiencing life. And I knew that everyone in the house and even outside felt the same connection. Everyone was apart of that magic string that held us together. We were all here together and all loved each other. As he continued to play, his hair glowed and melted into the air. His whole body grew and shrunk to the music. And then as quickly as it started it stopped and he put his instrument away. <br> <br> We walked downstairs to find J in his kitchen with a glass of water. We laughed at each other, then we went outside leaving him to whatever he was doing. We sat underneath a large tree. 'Look at this man!' we were pointing at everything around us. It was incredible. Color was so vibrant and in such incredible contrast, it was as if the entire world were a magical painting. We pointed at things, and picked up things to play with our hands. I held a piece of tree bark and felt the power of old wood in my hand. Then once we had used up the area, we decided to head back to the fire. Again I sat silently, constantly entertained by my own lucid thoughts. <br> <br> **The moon is the sun of the night. Is the fire really green, or am I imagining it? Am I bleeding? Should I be somewhere now?** <br> <br> There was about six or seven of us around the fire, and we agreed we should go into J's house, get some flashlights and then go on a woods exploration. I was all for it, and still climbing in the intensity of my trip along with everyone else. Back at the house, all six or seven of us were crammed in one hallway as one person grabbed the flashlights. Again no one spoke and it would have been awkward if we were not tripping. A bunch of silent people tripping acid crammed in a hallway. 'This is chill' someone said. It really was. No one knew how or why, and everyone was too crazy to care. <br> <br> We were outside with flashlights at the edge of the woods. We began our hike in. And almost instantly the remaining filter between my mind and sub-conscious snapped. This was the real beginning of the trip. I remember looking at someones back for awhile before I was too lost to follow, and ended up somewhere in the woods alone, where I would spend the next hour flailing about in insanity. What happened then, can only be explained the way I experienced it and not what I was actually doing because my mind and body during this period were on opposite sides of the universe. <br> <br> **'Where am I... Where am I? Where the fuck am I? I was born here. This is my home.' <br> <br> I was looking for something. I climbed through the woods blind as a bat searching for what I did not know, perfectly content and constantly entertained. <br> <br> 'Am I dead? Where am I? am I in hell?' <br> <br> My own thoughts ended, and turned into a self narration. <br> <br> ~You're here now. All else does not matter. You are not alone.~ <br> <br> I suddenly noticed I was surronded by a group of children. They were very hard to see in the dark, but they were grey and black, and were obviously some kind of woods tribal ancient people. They all held spears and sticks and they were going to attack me. <br> <br> ~Crazy... Eye... Children...~ <br> <br> Their eyes, practically glowed. I was not afraid until I finally understood they were malevolent. Suddenly a pang of fear struck through me like I'd never experienced before. A thought entered my mind so terrifying it could have sent me on a bad trip if I had let it. 'I am in hell. For all eternity I am surronded by these frightening children and they will torture me with sticks and spears forever.' <br> <br> A child with particularly glowy eyes stabbed me in the jaw with his spear. Pain. Terrible pain. Wait. Was it pain? That can't be pain. I felt my Jaw, and understood I was still tripping on acid. I decided the children were not going to be there anymore, and like magic, they were gone. I was relieved to the point where I was very happy. I continued on into the woods alone. <br> <br> I stopped and stared at a interesting arrangement of leaves. It looked like there was an eye in the middle. Not an actual eye, but a symbol. A very important symbol. <br> <br> ~Eye... Eye... Eye... Eye... Eye...~ <br> <br> The voice in my head was deep and seductive. Everytime the voice said 'Eye' The eye I was looking at slightly changed. It was still an eye as it changed, but a different symbol. Some of the eyes looked like Egyptian hieroglyphics, some looked like clocks, some looked more like actual eyeballs. As I stared, the meaning of the eyes were becoming more evident. There was some deep importance of the symbol eye, something ancient and powerful that was being passed on to me. I imagined an ancient ancestor somehow speaking through me the symbol of the eye. I experienced something too important for reality, a deep important power of a symbol that has stood for enlightenment for millions of years. I experienced a revelation. <br> <br> I saw eyes for a long time, until I was exhausted with information. I looked at my feet. The ground looked so welcoming. I lay down. I felt the dirt in my hands. It felt like dirt. I put a finger to my mouth. It tasted like dirt. There was a branch by my head. It felt like it was going right through it. I tasted the branch. It tasted like branch. <br> <br> 'Why am I lying down? I'm not tired. I'm tripping acid' <br> <br> I began to stand up. Or rather I began to try to stand up. Suddenly time went haywire. I moved so slow I could hardly see myself stand. Yet I wasn't moving, I was somewhere else wathcing myself do these things. As I stood at a incredibly slow pace, my body aged rapidly. When I got to my feet I was an old man, but I did not stop there, for I began my extension to look directly up at the stars. Everything around me began to break apart into smaller and smaller pieces, creating spirals and vortexes that vanished leaving behind a white void. Every object that broke apart released two opposites. One of the opposites was male and female. They laughed and danced as they were connected. Yet opposite. <br> <br> I saw hot and cold. Young and old. So many different opposites my mind couldn't keep track all during this time I was aging and attempting to look at the sky. My life was ending. I was going to die. A scream was building up in me, and as I looked at the sky I released it and threw up my hands. An incredible powerful scream released power out of my mouth and body. I felt incredible, I felt apart of everything and nothing at the same time. I felt a presence so powerful it is impossible to explain. Almost everything had broken down and I was almost surronded in white void. I froze for awhile. And slowly the white faded and I was back in the woods. <br> <br> I had not successfully died. But I knew I had gotten close. I was afraid of death, but I knew I had to die. And the power I had felt was incredible. I had to try again. I lay down and repeated the exact same thing. Again I screamed and was almost surrounded in white void, but still I tiny piece of reality remained. So I tried one last time. I lay down, stood up, reached for the sky and screamed at the top of my lungs and I did it. I was completely surrounded in white. I was completely connected to everything. Yet completely alone at the same time. I was complete. I knew I had did it. I had accomplished what I had to.** <br> <br> I don't remember much following that. I know I wandered on through the woods, distracted by my own insanity to the point where I never remembered nor cared where I was, who I was or what I was doing. Sometimes I would forget I was in the woods or think I was in a completely different environment. I remember imagining there was a big log cabin in the sky. I remember the sky turned pink. And lastly I remember thinking a car was driving through the woods. What I thought were headlights was actually a flashlight. It was J, and he came looking for me. Apparently people had decided the screaming they had heard was not actually someone being axe murdered, but me tripping on LSD alone in the woods. <br> <br> He took me back to the fire. And I stood with everyone as if the last hour never happened. In fact at that point I was convinced the last hour really hadn't happened. I had fallen to sleep and dreamt or something. Or maybe I imagined it all while I was sitting by the fire the whole time. From time to time I would mutter something like 'It all doesn't matter...' or 'Nothing is real...' for I was still lost in LSD thought process. But I was coming down from that point, I had definently peaked alone in the woods. <br> <br> For the rest of the night me and the people around me relaxed and discussed our trips. People came and went, and we smoked a few bowls and a few cigarettes. I decided I wouldn't tell anyone about my experience until the day after when I would have time to rethink everything that happened. In fact, until I wrote this I never disclosed my trip with such detail (It has now been four days since I tripped). All through morning colors and contrast were unusually beautiful. I ended up tripping from about 11:30 pm to 9:00 am peaking around 2-3 am. When morning came most people left and only a few of us attempted to sleep. We were unsuccessful. We were full of energy and felt good. I went home that afternoon on virtually no sleep and worked until 10 pm without feeling tired but having a terrific afterglow. <br> <br> =========================== <br> <br> Everything about my trip was perfect in my eyes. Everything that happened, and how they happened I would never want any other way. What happened was meant to happen. I'm glad I got lost in the woods, and I'm glad nobody found me for an hour. This experience was one that I had been looking forward to all my life, and it was a wonderful surprise. It had everything I could have wanted, incredible visuals, incredible spiritual revelation, thoughts and ideas beyond anyones wildest dreams. This trip truly opened my eyes to the powers and potentials of psychedelics and LSD. This trip has changed my view on life forever. There is not the slightest doubt in my mind now, that what we experience in reality is just a tiny, tiny fraction of what there really is. That everything is connected in one big everything, and that everything, though invisible is very very present. And everyone will experience that presence at some point, whether through life or death.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 65645</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 2, 2007</td><td>Views: 18,920</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=65645&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=65645&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Having not tripped for a few months, I decided to grab three tabs of acid and have some fun. I took them at 6 pm on a Tuesday night. This seemed silly, especially since I had to go to work the next morning, but there was no time in the next few weeks in which I'd be able to use the acid, so I decided to go for it. I was alone in my room - I didn't want to freak out my roommates, they have no idea that I've ever touched drugs, and I couldn't find anyone to trip with. However, I had had experience with psychedelic drugs, including acid, so I was sure I would be able to handle it. <br> <br> The effects started in about 20-30 minutes. The effects were strongly physical - a tingling, tense, nervous sensation. As the body load increased I began to recognize it as extremely pleasurable. I sat listening to music, psychedelic trance and drum & bass, and I just felt incredibly alive. The effects increased and I started sweating, twitching, and feeling unsteady. I looked very strange in the mirror. It occurred to me that intense body sensations may be a prerequisite to a fundamental mental or spiritual experience. I understood why people often require strenuous physical work, like climbing a mountain, to have spiritual experiences - the bizarre physical sensations put you out of your element and lower your boundaries to prepare you for a deep mental experience. I am an atheist, but I kept thinking 'If I was only religious, I would be so enraptured by god right now!' For a moment I thought I believed in god, but I am such a died-in-the-wool nonbeliever that it didn't quite happen. <br> <br> The music was unbelievably spellbinding, in a very different way from cannabis. it was loud and had a 3D sensation, bouncing all around my skull. But more than that, the sounds seemed to 'mix' with my other senses in the sense that they were at times unrecognizable as sound, but appeared as thoughts, emotions, or just some general cognitive input that I perceived as 'more than just sound.' The music acquired an insanely dramatic and emotional quality to the point where I was quivering and utterly gripped. The time dilation was very noticeable - I'd listen for what seemed like forever and realize that the song hadn't changed. <br> <br> I lay down on my bed for a rest. At that point, my phone rang. The call-display said it was my dad. I didn't answer and he left me a voicemail message, which I listened to. At that point I started to get very emotional. I love my dad but in my life I have let him down. My dad is a far better person than me - he loves me and wants me to succeed but I know I am a disappointment to him. I have become extremely isolated and distant from him even though I do love him in my heart. The thought of me not being able to talk to him because I was strung up on drugs made this fact really hit home. At this point I imagined how my dad feels - totally out of control, not understanding what happened to his son, not understanding why his years of efforts have slowly gone awry. I cried uncontrollably, which I haven't done in years. Tears seemed to explode out of my eyes for several minutes. I imagined how my Dad must feel to 'lose control' and see his son growing so for apart from him, and my brain actually lost control, spiraling in random directions and confusion as I imagined his confusion. I kept apologizing: 'I try my best Dad! I really do!' but the tears kept coming. <br> <br> Eventually I stopped and decided to enjoy some music again. I started to get another curious mental effect I have gotten with other hallucinogens, in which my brain produces thoughts composed of sounds, images, memories, and colors all mixed together in an incoherent way. For instance: the sound 'Lendel' or 'Mendel,' the color orangish/brown, the image of a fat, elderly European woman spinning, and a vague emotion of embarassment and a trace of a memory melded together to form a thought. This thought was very ephemeral - I could not form a mental image of this fat lady, the thought would just fire for a second and disappear and I couldn't actually introspect about it to form a more fully detailed picture. A few thoughts like this fired in a loop, over and over. It occurred to me that when I think of, say, an elephant, the brain is linking together numerous concepts - the word, the color, the image, the memories associated with it, and so forth. All these thoughts are triggered simultaneously when I think of 'elephant.' Well, on acid, my brain was forming thoughts based on inputs from all of these concepts, but the concepts appeared to have been chosen randomly so the actual thought I generated did not correspond to anything real. <br> <br> The synthasesia and 'mental garbage' effects, the most striking aspects of the LSD experience, disappeared after an hour or two. But I was left with the ability to think weird thoughts. These thoughts were not so much 'new' as creative extensions of beliefs I already had. I was able to think about them with peculiar lucidity. Example: in my line of work lots of people are super egotistical, clawing their way up to a more prestigious position. I have long been somewhat embarassed about this prestige-whorishness and self-contragulation but unable to prevent it in myself. On acid, the word 'prestige' actually became a disgusting, vile word. It didn't make me think of negative attributes, it had negative attributes, in the same way that the thought 'red' is linked to a mental image of the color 'red.' <br> <br> Meanwhile, the following wonderful thought occurred to me: perhaps true virtue, something you are truly skilled at and for which you deserve respect, is by definition something you cannot recognize. The moment I start introspecting about how good I am, I cease to be good; only the unconscious exercise of competence or quality constitutes legitimate merit. Therefore, the less egotistical I am, the better I am. This seemed to make perfect sense and be an excellent way of going through life and it pleased me quite a bit. However, it was not really a fundamentally new insight - it was a logical extension of my own internal discomfort of the egotism and prestige-whorishness; just bringing the thought to a more sweeping, aesthietic, and creative conclusion. <br> <br> After the initial 2-hour or so peak, the effects slowly but surely declined. After about eight hours I was able to walk around outside - things were still weird, but I was outwardly coherent. The dropoff was very slow and there was no way I could sleep that night. At 8:00 AM, 14 hours after I took the acid, I was still strung out and had a headache without being able to sleep. (Note: all psychedelics seem to last inordinately long for me. Salvia often persists for half an hour to an hour, a 60 mg AMT trip lasted 23 hours, etc.) I went to work and a hellish, headache-filled, exhausting day. I got almost nothing done. I got home at 5:30 PM and slept for about five hours. I felt quite renewed afterwards and called my elderly grandmother for the first time in a long, long time; she was delighted to hear from me and we had a great conversation. <br> <br> Overall, this was a very positive experience. Next time, I would like to take it outside and with a group of friends. I would also like to take it with some cannabis to enhance the bizarre synesthesia/mental garbage/mental randomness effects which I find so weird and fascinating.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 45369</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 12, 2007</td><td>Views: 26,307</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=45369&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=45369&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), Music Discussion (22), Relationships (44), General (1), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">ocular</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> 20, October 2005: As I had rose from my bed, the sun was neither rising nor falling, just pasted onto the surface of a sky whose gradients fell into streams of silver and bronze. To justify myself for reasons left unsaid, I had thought it proper to drop into my eyes (through an eyedropper) one splash of liquid LSD, than falling into sleep; allusioning toward the causes of unconciounse hallucinatiosn as related to ones unnatural self. From what I can recall of the time, it had been somwhere around 5:00 AM when I had began to feel the effects of the substance I had thrown myself under. Recognizing the surface of my bedroom floor shifting from its usual gray toward an unusual maroon color, I came to the conclusion the effects were setting in. <br> <br> As soon as I accepted this illusion as a factual reality, my window spread open from its base and gaped a furrowed jaw which bent the glass into a suffocated bulge of mercury, than releasing an opaque mist into the air landing upon the tip of my nose leaving my eyes crossed to juggle about the image, conquering any primary feelings I had of fear and disgust. With the window absent, a breeze sunk into my new stage leaving my body to catch the watery stain of helplessness, though enjoying the feel of submersion where I could breathe deep while still wondering if a new river of waters had risen from my heels (now submersed in a quagmyre). <br> <br> My insides had felt loose, absent, if I could have not been able to recall the fact that at one time I had been of a solid form, consisting of parts and mechanics that at present I was unsure of. My heart felt as a separate mammal palpitating in my lap, as I stroked its continuous threads of pastel vein wishing not to harm any part of the world I was yet to see, and except those sets of eyes I was yet to share a glance. The regions of a micro-cosmic love had found there way into my conscience, as I had become obsessed with the feeling of de' ja' vue', understanding that the universal self, the strong hand of our conscience, was trapsing about in a constant state of retrograde until we allow ourselves the severe chance to reflect what could have once been a stroke of luck, or fame, or lascivity. Every moment I had ever experienced, and every 'fact' I had ever been told had seemed to find its way into my immediate thought. Its relevance to the nature of my situation, and to the situations of all things, was more apparant than it ever had been before, and ever would be again. <br> <br> By this time, I had no longer been in my bedroom, as I am still unsure if this was a hallucination or an awakening of some spiritual guise that had been wearing my SELF as a mask for all of time. I found myself at the base of a large tree, examining it not through an hallucinatory imagery or unconscience elements, but just acknowledging its placement alongside my shadows pose. I had became tired with this stage, and proceeded to sit onto the ground, soaking into the ground as a melted orb, masquerading beneath a tangle of leaves that had decided to wrap themselves around me, just as much as I had decided to wrap myself around them. This was our mutual choice. I had accepted all of this while still, all the while, fully conscience that I had ingested a drug and that indeed I was allowing an illusion to occur. This is a very important thought to digest. <br> <br> Moons had grew out of themselves, and the sun had shed a breathe that expelled aromas from the ground that rose to a olfactory climax that contested the worthy odor of any perfume I have ever since encountered. For it was the smell of every experience that had ever been, and ever would be. My eyes were shot blind with the severity of my cause, and my appendages were granted leave to roam about the terrain scattering their subliminal seeds of excess from hither to thither, appointing themselves back onto my form out of choice. I had become tired and ventured back to wherever it was that I came, where I proceeded to sleep between a day of revolution. I woke with a need to relay my experience through words, and this is where I had chosen to fall.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 45498</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 20, 2007</td><td>Views: 26,033</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=45498&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=45498&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Mystical Experiences (9), Poetry (43), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis - Hash</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> In the car, I feel like I’m perfectly normal again, until we hit the tunnel to route 76. As soon as we enter it, it stretches to an immeasurable length and everything looks like a racing video game. Like Need for speed underground. The car itself stretches and proceeds to extend outside of the confines of space and time. Spaces between cars are also immeasurable and I keep asking Brad how he drives on this drug. He tells me 'experience', and I'm forced to believe him just so that I don’t get too scared.<br> <br> When I get home, I go directly to my room and turn on the TV, and watch camp lazlo, which is, on this particular occasion, the BEST cartoon I've ever seen. The storylines are simple to follow and I like that, because I can totally understand them. I look at my posters. The Beatles' faces twist and distort. My poster of a cat hanging from a rope with the caption 'Oh Shit!' is unbelievably amazing. The cat keeps decaying away like a rotting carcass before my eyes, but it isn’t scary, it’s just beautiful for some reason. The Grateful Dead stare down at me from their arm in arm circle (that picture from 1967 where they're all standing in a circle looking downward at the camera), and their eyes, particularly Jerry's, are like those of animals. I think to myself 'they're on acid, too... right there in that picture... they were the KINGs of this drug...' and smile inside.<br> <br> The already distorted Alice Cooper Group poster on the adjacent wall distorts and melts even more, becoming even more colorful and bright, and all my drawings take on a new life. I cannot sleep because every time I close my eyes I'm overwhelmed with that singular sensation again, touch sight sound smell and taste are all one again, so I just sit up and enjoy the last of my trip. At 11 AM I decide to go to my friend Colin's house, but I’m unsure of driving. Sure enough, it’s an experience. I have no depth perception or sense of speed, and my speedometer is so unreadable that I can barely comprehend it. Almost 24 hours after eating acid and I’m still far gone, and beginning to wonder if I’ll ever come back.<br> <br> I get to Colin's and we smoke a bit of pot, and all of a sudden, things are 'normal' again. Or as normal as I can perceive them to be. I begin to accept that I've entered a new reality and that I must adjust to it accordingly. I start to get tired and go back home to sleep, which takes 2 hours of catatonic laying down to finally arrive. I wake up 4 hours later and its all over.<br> <br> WHAT A FUCKIN EXPERIENCE!!<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 53766</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 3, 2008</td><td>Views: 33,793</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=53766&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=53766&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), DOC (357) : Multi-Day Experience (13), What Was in That? (26), Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2), General (1), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mda/">MDA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Let me start out by saying that the large amount of driving that I performed during this experience, as told in this report, was incredibly irresponsible and dangerous, possibly one of the more irresponsible things I've ever done whilst tripping. Don't ever do what I did! <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> That said...<br> <br> It was the day before my birthday in November of 2005. I planned a Fear and Loathing styled experience for myself the night before my actual birthday (the day of my birthday, or rather, the afternoon was going to be spent with family, so I had the night before to go completely off the deep end). I had my friend T acquire a few tabs of acid and some pills of ecstasy. What he ended up finding for that evening was several pills of [what was tested to be] MDA, without any MDMA, and real LSD (supposedly at least, I figure the vast majority of tabs have LSD on them -- chances are it was real LSD, it felt like it anyway). So, we decide to drive north on Highway 14 from Los Angeles to trip in the desert overnight. We dressed warmly and headed out in my beat-up '94 Oldsmobile.<br> <br> Of course, the irresponsible tools that we were, we decided we couldn't wait to drop, and ingested our tabs of acid halfway to the desert. We figured that it usually took us an hour to come up, so by the time we hit the sands, we'd be frying and it would be timed perfectly.<br> <br> But, you know, that sort of thing never, ever works out as planned!<br> <br> At least, not with me, anyway.<br> <br> So, we were driving, and it was taking us a lot longer than we expected. We really didn't know the area that well. I always considered myself to have an impeccable sense of direction, and I figured if I just kept driving northeast on the 14, we'd invariably hit some form of desert eventually. But we just kept driving through town after town, past Palmdale, and there wasn't really anything worth stopping for. And, suddenly, we were tripping on LSD. Oh yeah! We forgot about that.<br> <br> It started as a tingle in my head and a faint stimulation, like I just downed a few energy drinks. The funny thing about LSD, is that I don't really know that I'm tripping, until I'm tripping, and then there's absolutely no question -- I'm totally fucked. I didn't notice how wacky things were getting until the lines on the highway were starting to squiggle, like in 'squigglevision' on Dr. Katz, and my friends' voices were starting to echo and sounded far too dramatic for the kinds of things that they were saying ('Dude! Whoa! I want some Cheetos!'). I was getting pretty paranoid about being caught, especially because we had a few leftover tabs of LSD and the MDA pills which we hadn't even eaten yet. We decided to give up driving to the desert, and we turned around and started our journey back to LA. I guess we figured we'd be more comfortable in a place we knew well. What we should have done was parked somewhere and rode out the trip, but I already told you, we did all sorts of irresponsible things. We should have been locked up!<br> <br> Well, we made it back to the San Fernando Valley (where we all lived, about 20 minutes north of downtown LA), about an hour and a half after we had taken the acid. My two friends who were with me, T and D, were both their silly, stupid, frying selves, and I was just focused as all hell trying to get us somewhere with a reasonable degree of safety. After hitting the surface streets, and driving around for a few minutes in total, complete confusion (it felt like the city was a gigantic, wacky miniature golf course), we gave up and parked the car about ten blocks from my friend E's house. E knew what we were up to, and he had let us know earlier that we could crash there for a bit whenever we were ready. We took him up on his offer. At this point, since I felt infinitely safer that I wasn't driving, I ate one of the MDA pills. D also had one at this point.<br> <br> Sitting in my friend's house, the visuals were not terribly intense, but the high definitely had a big mindfuck, especially with what I saw inside. At this point in his life, E was a heroin addict, and his girlfriend, K, was a stripper and a complete coke fiend. They were both doing these drugs, these disgusting, ego-building drugs, while I was trying to trip and dissolve my ego. There they were, emaciated, sitting in bed, doing junk and snorting coke, and it just looked like a bad movie. I'm sure I would have been okay with the scene while sober, but man, while on LSD, it just felt weird seeing them like that. I wanted to save them, but I knew they had to save themselves. It also didn't help that we had the movie Monster playing on the television. Talk about what not to watch during a psychedelic experience.<br> <br> So, there I was, enjoying my trip, but it was a 'sobering trip' in a way. What I mean, is that I wasn't completely depressed, or anything, I was just given a huge dose of reality, mainlined intracranially into my brain. People were fucked up sometimes! And, not to mention I could have ruined someone's life had I careened into them with my Oldsmobile while tripping. I had to be more responsible. I also took psychedelics like this for granted. I always, deep down, assumed it's all just fun and games -- just visuals and a laugh. I kept forgetting how deep and [almost painfully] introspective a trip could be.<br> <br> Then the MDA kicked in, and I started to sweat. I took a shower, and it felt amazingly good. I felt like I was in a giant waterfall of amniotic fluid. Like a womb. It was intensely pleasurable. The visuals kicked in a bit more, and I began to have a much better trip at this point. I felt a tad more disoriented, so I was incredibly pleased to not be driving. MDA, to me, is very disorienting -- it produces almost a delusional state in higher doses. At this low dose, it was manageable, but on the whole, I've never been a huge fan of MDA. I was annoyed that I couldn't have found some actual MDMA to go with the LSD. The only real meaningful thing the MDA added was a wonderful, buzzing body high. I didn't get any particularly enhanced visuals, much to my disappointment. But, hey, I felt great, so what did it matter if I was disappointed relative to past experiences? I felt like I just acquired star power in Super Mario. I was invincible.<br> <br> D started having a bad time, though. He was sweating profusely. He wasn't having a panic attack, and he wasn't in any physical danger, but he was having a very intense trip. He started having what Ann Shulgin calls 'flooding', where out of nowhere, you start having revelation after revelation -- far too quickly for your brain to process information comfortably. He started rolling around in the grass out back behind the house, and asking questions to us over and over. He asked us if he was doing okay in life. And, he asked us if we thought he was gay, because he wasn't sure. His pupils looked like two giant jet-black pancakes sitting on the whites of his eyes. Me and my friend S, a very zen sort of individual, who was also there (and completely sober) was talking him down calmly, and answering all his questions to the best of his ability. To me, he looked like he was melting into a puddle of his own sweat, but after talking to us for a while and drinking a ton of water, he relaxed a little.<br> <br> After a few hours, S offered to drive us to the beach to watch the sunrise. Me, T, and D (having completely mellowed out) hopped in S's car and we headed out. Having been disturbed by the overwhelming imagery and revelation of my acid/MDA trip, I decided to give my last MDA pill to T, who hadn't had any yet. I couldn't even stomach the idea of any more drugs. When we got to the beach in Malibu, it was close to morning, probably around 5am. We saw a reporter for the local news giving some kind of weather report out near the beach, and we briefly thought about doing goofy things behind her for the camera -- but then we realized, hey! Our parents could have been watching! So we smartly abstained. It was probably the first intelligent thing we did all night.<br> <br> Lying down on the beach, watching the sunrise, was very therapeutic in a way. The cold, damp sand felt wonderful under us, and I don't even think either of us said a word for the next few hours. We were each encapsulated in our own universe, dealing with our own demons, and thinking about the situation intently. I began to feel, over the next few hours, a bit dirty and gross. This was probably attributed to the MDA comedown. The LSD high was definitely fading away too, but I still felt completely scattered and tripped out. I thought to myself, 'What am I doing here? Why am I doing this to my brain! This is too much.'<br> <br> Ever since that night, I haven't touched any traditional psychedelics. I felt like the whole experience taught me a huge lesson. Psychedelics aren't all fun and games. They aren't light drugs. If you take enough, they're as hardcore as the rest. They will absolutely fuck with your mind. It taught me to never take psychedelics for granted. I clearly wasn't ready for what I was attempting to do. Now, after a couple of years, I feel like I'm almost ready to use a psychedelic again, but I'm treading carefully. My trip, while it was fun at times, was also a bit harrowing on my soul. I don't think I got out of it all that I could have. I can't use psychs like I would heroin or coke -- I can't use them as a party condiment; I can't simply take them as a social enhancer. There's no separating the 'high' of it all from their ability to distort my mind, invert my perception of my environment, and toy with my emotions.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 67831</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 6, 2008</td><td>Views: 42,313</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=67831&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=67831&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDA (34) : Difficult Experiences (5), Nature / Outdoors (23), Post Trip Problems (8), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">107 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> After hours of research, I decided it was time to experience LSD. I was burning with curiosity, I was dreaming about what tripping might be like every night, and the thing that would help the obsession subside would be the actual experience. So, I purchased a single hit of high quality acid on a Monday evening. I saved it in my refrigerator until Thursday evening when my classes were over for the week. <br> <br> I was full of anticipation the week leading up to the trip. When the day came, I kept looking up at the clock. I was, admittedly, quite nervous. I had had several very uncomfortable marijuana 'trips.' But I did understand that LSD, although stronger than marijuana, produces experiences that are quite qualitatively different than marijuana. At 5 PM I went to the dining hall for a fast dinner. My designated trip sitter then informed me that he'd be attending a show that night. I'd be on my own, but I knew that I could not wait another day. I went up to my room, cleaned up as best I could, selected comforting, uplifting, and engaging music that I might want to listen to, and set up meditation supplies on the floor. I made myself a cup of tea, put on Dead Can Dance, and began to take deep breaths, praying that the Divine would reveal him/her/itself to me. <br> <br> I then cut the blotter paper in half, wanting to start small with only a half a hit, and put it under my tongue. I felt the effects washing over me immediately. All my anxiety melted away, and I grew increasingly bored with the dark melodies of Dead Can Dance. I decided that it would be best to just follow my whim, so I put my meditation supplies away, replaced Dead Can Dance with the first NSYNC album, and started dancing! I then spat out the paper and threw it away. And oh the euphoria that seized me then! I hadn't listened to the album in years, and it was whisking me away to a time long forgotten. <br> <br> I felt incredibly at ease... the intensity of spiritual contemplation was far away, and I my mood was lifted by the dreamy, passionate, hip-hop tunes of music that hardly anyone would consider for tripping (I don't like to listen to 'psychedelic' music while tripping because I like to keep the cultural implications of drug out of my mind). The posters on my wall, even those portraying 'darker' themes (I take a liking to the 'gothic') suddenly seemed so fun and benevolent. Everything around me seemed warmer and brighter. I was beginning to feel a bit dizzy and hazy. <br> <br> By now it was 6 PM. I decided I would like some visual stimulation, so I tried to put on Revenge of the Sith. My computer would not read the disk, which made me feel rather flustered. Then, my CD started skipping since it's so old, and I found the skipping far more exasperating than I would normally. These disturbances made me feel a bit anxious. If I was bothered by these little things, how sensitive would I become as I began to trip harder? I tried the Clone Wars cartoons, which worked. This actually was for the better. Because the melodies of NSYNC blending with the bright, sharp, unrealistic images of the muted Clone Wars cartoons was delightful. When I couldn't take the skipping anymore, I put in Delerium, which is trance-pop world music. This went equally well with the cartoons. By now I was feeling quite light-headed and a bit over-heated, so I set my fan up on my bed so that it was pointing at the desk where I was sitting. <br> <br> I then got out some colored pencils and begin to doodle in my notebook. This was the best decision of the night. The song I was listening to featured little African children chanting to along with a glorious, trance-like melody. I began to draw a palm tree, and for some reason felt inspired to give it little coconut eyes with red, triangular eye-lashes! This exquisite combination... the world music, the fan blowing, the palm tree I was drawing, and the images of light-saber battles taking place on a grassy plane, gave me the sense of being outdoors. I began to feel as if I were floating up, the world was expanding (not visually, but conceptually... life seemed more meaningful and yet so carefree and so trivial). <br> <br> Contrary to what I was expecting, I was not at all bothered by the notion of death. The violence that appeared on my computer screen seemed to be a part of the 'great circle of life.' It was animated and fictional anyways, so what meaning did it possess? All that mattered was that beauty could be found. And what was particullarly mind-blowing was the fact that warmth and light finally appealed to me! Usually I'm attracted to things that are cold and dark, but instead of reading gothic literature of watching German surrealist films I was drawing palm trees and flowers! Life never seemed so golden! <br> <br> By now it was 7 PM. The sense of universal unity was still present, and my artistic liberation was growing ever stronger, but I wasn't experiencing anything hallucinogenic. I then started thinking that I probably should have swallowed the paper. So, I frantically dug through layers of pistacchio nuts in my waste basket so that I wouldn't waste any of the acid. After five minutes and no success, I decided to take the rest of the acid, chewing it up and swallowing it. So time passed, I kept doodling flowers and shapes and kept watching the same DVD, starting it over when it ended. <br> <br> The buzz was getting more intense. My body felt larger, like it was looming over a canyon (a feeling I very often experience with marijuana). I thought that something sweet might be nice, but the cookies I tried to eat tasted dry and objectionable. I decided that I was in good enough shape to go out and socialize. So I left the safety of my little haven and ventured into the great outdoors. It was about 9 PM. The month was March, and it was still a bit chilly up in Massachusetts (where I go to school). The lamps seemed a lot more twinkly and luminescent than usual. The outdoors (the sky, the trees, the wind) had an almost eerie majestic quality. It didn't take on the sinister, clay-mation tunnel quality that marijuana often creates, but there was that slight feeling of being 'sucked' or being in a vaccum that I often feel with marijuana. <br> <br> When I got to the dorm where many of my friends were, I told a few of them privately that I was tripping on acid for the first time. I heard someone call my name, assumed that I had imagined things, but my name actually had been called. I went into a room where people were watching Darkwing Duck. I show I hadn't seen since 2nd grade. I got giddy and chuckled, expressing that I was happy to see the show again. But I felt really awkward and uncomfortable with these people. I am naturally an introvert, and hallucinogens, especially marijuana, accentuate that characteristic. So, when my peers decided to go get steaks at the grocery store, I chose to leave them and go on my way. <br> <br> I lit up a cigarette that I had bummed on a whim (I had quit smoking months ago) and it was utterly foul, so I put it out and threw it aside. I then meandered toward the library. Because I was a bit dizzy and my coordination a bit off I had to be especially careful. I tried to avoid interaction with people as much as possible. I went downstairs, where the flurescent light is mellow, the books smells musty, and the hum of the electricity is soothing. I sat down I began to contemplate. <br> <br> Then, I began to notice the first visual effects. The book shelves seemed to undulate. I sat for a few minutes enjoying the effects, but pretty soon I decided that I had better get back to the safety of my room before things got more intense. Walking back to my dorm, the ground felt as if it were made out of clay. When I got back, I was feeling a bit antsy, so I set everything up as it was. I was beginning to see kalaidescopic streaks on the white walls. Images in my posters were taking on vague 3D qualities. <br> <br> I then put a Mariah Carey CD in my CD player (another strange whim), turned my fan back on, put the cartoons back on, and started doodling. I decided to stray away from the 'warm and bright' theme for awhile because I was feeling comfortable enough to get out of my comfort zone. I was feeling quite sick to my stomach and hyperthemic by now. Instead of drawing flowers I began to draw jagged 3D shapes. The music was beginning to seem less grand a romantic and a little bit more poignantly corny, kind of like my marijuana experiences. All in all, the glory was slowly fading into this cozy yet slightly cheesy, slightly noxious sensation. <br> <br> I then needed to pee. This meant leaving the comfort zone and going to the bathroom with its harsh lights and sterile colors. When I was on the toilet, my thighs looked like they were buzzing electrically. There was a slightly toxic, electric feeling in my entire body. I felt uncomfortably aware of my joints and innards. My skin seemed more transparent and fragile. Then, I did what I knew I shouldn't do: looked in the mirror. <br> <br> Everything seemed normal for a couple seconds, but then the reflection of my body began to ripple and contort, the lines and blemishes on my face began to stand out, and I looked like a diseased, thin, frail old woman. I decided it would be best not to dwell on this image, lest it turn a good trip bad, and so I left. I think this was the turning point of the trip. The trip never got wholly 'bad,' just a bit uncomfortable and undesirable. <br> <br> By now it was 11 PM, and I decided that I was in good enough condition to go to attend to reunion for a school service trip to Mexico. The gathering was in the residence directors' apartment in my dormitory. I came in a bit late, sat down without much more than a slight hello, and watched the picture slide show. I was overwhelmed at how inane and cheesy everything seemed at this point. I kept looking at this girl who had died her brown hair neon green. I kept thinking to myself 'marijuana:acid :: girl with brown hair:girl with green hair.' I would look over at the parrots and think about how darling and yet how stupid they seemed. I watched people eating, and thought about how weird eating is. People's sentimental remarks about the Mexico trip seemed so pathetically obvious and saccharine. The chirping of the birds strangely 'matched' the girl's neon green hair, and the Latin music in the background also 'matched' the silliness of the entire occasion. <br> <br> But, even though everything seemed goofy, I felt strangely comfortable and at home. I kept thinking about how much I prefered the company of these two residence directors and the students I had gone to Mexico with to the company of my usual crowd (the drug scene). I felt safe. I felt like I would not be judged. I finally worked up the courage to stand up and get a piece of cake from the table, but I did it so clumsily. I finally left, saying that it was getting late and I had a date with homework. Oh, the silly things you'll say when you're tripping. I got back to my room, started up everything I was doing before (just to stay sane), but I was getting really tired and really bored with the same activities. <br> <br> My drawings were getting a lot more wild. I typed out a long email to my boyfriend, who had strongly discouraged me to try acid, explaining how wonderful the trip had been. It was somewhat difficult to type. I tried really hard to make my email coherent without sounding pedantic, but it was really hard. In the end, it sounded quite dry and scientific. If I tried to put 'soul' into it, it sounded corny. All the while I was listening to Mariah Carey. <br> <br> My body felt big and clumsy, yet powerful in a very brutish way. I then surfed the web for awhile, looking at sites about LSD and images that people drew on LSD and what not. I then watched some cartoons on Weebls stuff, which are more charming or more frightening when stoned, but they didn't have any increased entertainment value on acid. I then put my computer aside and started listening to Switchblade Symphony, one of my absolute favorite goth/industrial bands. Their music usually delights me, but now it seemed cold, flat, and toxically electrical. Everything felt this way now. I looked down at my feet and they looked so gross and weird. I began to dissociate ever-so-slightly (I've dissociated more intensely on marijuana). It felt like I was an outsider looking in through another person's body. I doubted that the foot I was looking at was my own. <br> <br> It was about, eh, 1 AM now. I was exhausted and ready to go to bed. I went without stimulation for the first time in my room that night, and just looked around. Objects were coated with a greenish/purplish/blueish electrical haze. Pictures on my posters seemed to be popping out. All the faces on the posters turned into skulls. My robe seemed to be moving quite a bit. The walls were oozing with colorful streaks. Everything looked and felt drizzly and acidic. I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable, so I put the Clone Wars cartoons back on for distraction. <br> <br> I was exhausted. I have trouble sleeping with any visual or auditory stimulation, but I had to keep the cartoons on or else I would freak out. Eventually, I turned off the monitor but kept the sound of the cartoon on at very low volume so that I'd have something to keep me distracted from my own thoughts. I turned off the lights to minimize the effect of altered visual perception. Finally, I drifted off to sleep. <br> <br> All in all, it was an amazing experience. The come-up was worth the less pleasant peak. Marijuana usually increases paranoia for me, whereas acid diminished it. However, as time progresses, marijuana gets more benign as I get used to it, and then I come down. With acid, which can last for a very, very long time depending on the person, a good come-up can lead to a long, drawn out, and unpleasant trip. But everyone is different. My second acid trip, which I may document later, was more intense and a lot less enjoyable, but very interesting in retrospect.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 62133</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 9, 2007</td><td>Views: 102,028</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=62133&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=62133&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), First Times (2), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">150 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/dimenhydrinate/">Dimenhydrinate</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">500 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dxm/">DXM</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 3:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 10:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 13:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 bowls</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">190 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Shelter, music, water, companionship, oh how much more appreciative a person can be of these things when they become a neccessity, like trying to talk yourself out of a particularly strong trip gone wrong. I had been planning for this night ever since my friends asked me to housesit for them months ago. They were leaving on a vacation for a week and needed someone to stay there and feed their cats. I would be able to bring inside anything I wanted and have full access to just about everything. I had the whole house to myself and as long as I didn't throw a huge party or make a big mess, things would be fine, or so I thought. <br> <br> Now a little bit about myself. I didn't start doing drugs until a few years ago. Before that I was pretty clean, conservative, and somewhat straight-edge, just like the rest of my friends that I hung out with. It was one night at a rave and my first experience with Ecstacy, that changed all that. Since then I've been trying just about anything I could get my hands on: stimulants, plants, pharamacueticals, barbituates, OTC's, and psychedelics. I would read up on whatever I could first. It proved indispensible when I finally made the decision to try out DXM. And yes of course, I had done acid several times before. I would never try out a combination like this unless I have done the drugs seperately. Therefore, I felt that I was in perfect condition to experience dextromethorphan and lysergic acid diethylamide together. <br> <br> As always, I tried reading up first on what I could find. The meager handful of reports wasn't too much of a help this time, but I pretty much got the idea that this was a crazy and potentially dangerous combo, but if you mixed both drugs together too early on, you'd end up vomiting and wasting your trip. And we couldn't have that, especially when LSD isn't that easy to find in my area. Luckily for me I had already two tabs saved up from the 3rd annual SF Love Parade a few weeks back. And DXM would be as easy to obtain as going to my local store and picking up two bottles of robotussin, which I did. I triple checked both bottles to ensure they contained dextromethorphan hydrobromide only. I also picked up a packet of Dramamine, or motion-sickness pills, to help combat the nausea I would more than likely feel from either drug. It's active ingredient, dimenhydrinate, also acts as a psychoactive if taken in higher amounts. I would know, I've experimented with that drug as well. <br> <br> Now I had a 3 day weekend from work, and my plan was to do this on a Sunday, but I came home from a party late so I did it early Monday evening instead. I should have gotten a sitter, but I couldn't find anyone that I trusted qualified enough for the job. So I made the tough decision to trip solo this time, although I did hope the two cats I was watching over be enough companionship for the night. I woke up late Monday afternoon and rushed to get what chores I needed to do out of the way. I stayed in a positive mood, eager to get mindfucked and in high hopes of having a good and perhaps meaningful trip. That mood was killed briefly, from a phone call by my mother, telling me she had a dream that I had died and wanted to make sure that I was alright. Talk about bad timing, but in spite of all this, I felt that I stayed positive enough. I bought the DXM and Dramamine that same night and ate a light meal at 5. At 6 pm, I consumed 3 dramamine tablets. <br> <br> 7:30 I consumed roughly one and a half bottles of Robo. Disgusting yes, but I had a pitcher full of Cherry Kool-Aid to help wash it down. I would have downed both bottles, but still haunted by my mother's words, I decided to lower the dosage. Besides I could always smoke a bowl. I discovered a while ago that DXM and marijuana synergize wonderfully together, and strengthens the effects of DXM. So that if I still needed a boost, I could rely on that. I also reasoned that taking the DXM first, then the acid an hour and a half later, would be perfect. One, it would reduce the likelihood of vomiting, and two, that would mean both drugs would kick in at roughly the same time. DXM usually takes about 3 hours for the effects to fully kick in, and LSD about an hour or so. Yes, I really wanted to make sure this trip would be what I was looking for, although I still didn't have a specific answer in what that was, but we would find out! <br> <br> 8:00 Sleepy, disassociated. The dramamine was making me feel much more tired than normal, but it appeared to be soothing my stomach. I was burping quite often, but it wasn't too uncomfortable. I passed the time away by hooking up my PC that I had brought, to my friend's 32 inch flat screen t.v. in the living room. I imagined it would be nice to trip out to electronic music and winamp visuals. I also covered the windows in the front with a couple of beach towels tacked onto the walls. The t.v. faces out to the window and I didn't want any passersby to see the visuals playing and get suspicious. The towels oddly enough added another subtle psychedelic touch to the room. I also plugged in a long, cylindrical lava lamp in a corner of the room next to the t.v. and set up a blacklight on the opposite end of the room. Now the room looked much more magnificient and inviting. It will most certainly do for tonight. <br> <br> 9:30 I hang up my cell phone. My short term memory is getting bad and keeping a conversation is getting difficult. My friend 'A' wanted to see how I was doing. At this point, she is the only friend who knows what I am doing tonight. I had to tell somebody after all in case I went 'Missing.' I am surprised at how quickly the drugs seem to be working this time around. I had only eaten the two acid tabs 20 minutes ago and already I am getting some closed eye visuals. I better hurry up and get a tracklist formed on Winamp before I forget. <br> <br> 10:30 I've been zoning out for the past hour and have forgotten at times that music was even playing. The winamp visuals look great, the flat screen seems to be doing a fantastic job in displaying the colors. I had been getting sucked into them from time to time and all sorts of memories flood my mind in correspondence to them. My short term memory is terrible though, for I forget what I was thinking about when the next visual plays. One of the visuals in general, looks like strips of paper that are oozing out blood. A rather gory visual, and unpleasant thoughts start forming. I try to ignore them though and start paying attention to my heart. It seems to be beating much faster than normal, and harder. The beats feel like someone is kicking my chest cavity from the inside. Before I know it, all sorts of thoughts relating to heart failure come up. I try to take my thoughts off them and focus more on the music, but the doubts of surviving this night has already become planted in my mind. <br> <br> 11:00 Everything feels wrong. My heart is beating uncontrollably fast and I'm feeling shortness of breath. I try to find a song on my computer that will relax me, but all I can find are dark and trippy tracks. One of them actually starts playing: Infusion-Legacy (Junkie XL Remix). I couldn't have picked a worser track to play, and somehow, the mouse isn't responding in my attempts to turn off the song. Such dark breaks, and in my altered state, became one of the most haunting and sinister tracks I've ever heard. I am hopelessly sucked into the song and someone seems to be telling me a story. About people being given false promises and delusions of fame, wealth and recognition, and what evil things they had to do and will do in order to receive them. That once those deeds have been committed, their gifts are short-lived, as the vile thing they did would come back to haunt them, and ultimately destroy their life. <br> <br> Now as I listen to these stories, I start finding terrible comparisions with them and my own life. That I had been lured into the strange and mysterious world of psychedelics by being offered promises of spiritual enlightenment. I had believed it all, and by taking them, have sinned, by poisoning my own body, Life's sacred gift. From there it was all a downward spiral of remorse and self-pity. I couldn't stop my own paranoid thoughts. I looked at my computer, side panel removed, wires and cables jutting out, the very rig I had assembled two years ago, in which I tried to find some comfort in, strangely enough. But it seemed that everything I gazed on just sucked me in deeper than I ever wanted to go, much like a salvia trip. <br> <br> And so without warning, the various cards, electrodes and buses turned into a set of walls and ceiling which engulfed me. My own computer had now become my own personal Hell, imprisoning me inside, surrounding me with blinking lights, sharpened fan blades and the like. That the very tools I had used to escape reality would become my prison, tormented for all eternity with cold unforgiving machinery and horribly disjointed electronic music, so that I would forever curse the very things I used to enjoy. I could think of no worser Hell than that. <br> <br> Upon that ghastly vision, I panicked, and stumbled towards the kitchen. One side of me felt numb, empty, while the other side felt painfully overstimulated: sight, sound, etc. All my nerves seemed to have hardened like wires, and at any moment, could snap in two and I would become paralyzed. The pain and panic were horrible. I searched the kitchen like a madman, hardly able to grasp cabinet drawers or remember that I was looking for food, trying not to look at the tiles that were melting into a reddish, muddy sand. The entire kitchen had a menacing feel to it, and sometimes I would think that the microwave, oven, or some object would try to attack me. Somehow I fill 3 glasses up with water, kool-aid, and milk. It didn't even dawn on me to drink one of the glasses until I had all 3 filled, but once it did, I drank vigorously. I found a butterfinger on the counter that I must have placed there beforehand, and I take huge bites of it, only to reel back in horror, as the candy feels like sugar-coated glass shards in my mouth. I find a loaf of bread by the sink and I stuff slices into my mouth, trying to do everything I could to abort the trip. The bread was comforting for a brief moment, but as it dissolves, I believe that I have spider webs inside me. Horrified again, I spit the the bread out in the sink, and continue to ingest liquids. <br> <br> 11:10 I have done nothing now but pace back and forth with an empty glass in hand. I become stuck in a time-loop, and feel like I have been doing this for hours, rather than minutes. My mother's own voice echoes in my head, 'I had a dream last night you died,' A thousand different thoughts race through my mind a second, yet none of them can offer a solution to my predicament. I've never felt more helpless and as close to insanity as I felt now. I could imagine my friends shaking their heads at me as I laid there, dead on the kitchen floor, disgusted by the idiot druggie who did too much. And yet through this thought, another side of my mind began to awaken. An inner voice told me not to give up. Through it, I could feel a power well up inside me I had never felt before. A strength and determination to battle my fears of death and humiliation. <br> <br> Where was this coming from? As depressed and disillusioned I had been with the world before, never did I feel such a strong desire to live, as I did now. I wasn't going to allow drugs to be my demise, and I wasn't going to let this night be yet another sad example for harsh anti-drug laws. I knew that eating and drinking would not stop the trip, only lower its intensity, but that's what I needed. I'd have another 8 hours or so before I started coming down so I better get my thoughts in order. So that's what I focused on, regaining control, and pushing all the negative thoughts out. And just when things appeared its bleakest, as quickly as it came, the fear had vanished. <br> <br> 11:45 I sat huddled on the floor, back leaning against the couch. My face felt wet with tears. I am left with a soothing calm and tranquil thoughts. My mind is still racing, but it feels more controlled. I can feel another presence in this room, one much greater than my own, chuckling in amusement. I can hear it say to me, 'If you wanted a spiritual experience, the LSD alone would have sufficed.' I agreed. I could still feel the wretched cough syrup swirling through my bowels, irritating my intestines. But its effects seem to be fading. I take a few deep breaths and take a look at my surroundings. <br> <br> Everything felt normal again, not menacing like before, and the walls and ceiling seemed to have a vibrant and earthly glow to them. The hardwood floor slowly moved, like one giant conveyor belt, and the chairs in the dining room appeared to have grown eyes and appendages. They were arranged in a circle around the table not for dining purposes, but because they were congregating and discussing things in a language I could not understand. I left them be, grabbed another glass of water and headed to the living room. I could feel the presence follow me, and ask me what I was going to do next. I told it I was going to listen to music, now that I felt much better than before, and it chuckled again and left me be. I was able to navigate through my computer again and find an album I knew I wanted to hear: Shulman-In Search of a Meaningful Moment. I turn it on, with Winamp switched to the Milkdrop avs. Maybe now I can finally start enjoying this trip. <br> <br> 1 something am The album is over and I am left speechless. Never have I listened to music in such clarity, with such emotion! It was like a storybook had opened in my mind and the music read the story to me. The sounds were so rich, not just the bass but the mids, highs, everything. I've listened to that album several times before, but never in this way. Shulman is a genius. He must have practiced tweaking his sounds on acid, because all those magnificient synths were played and mastered so perfectly! Wonderful tripping music, this was. <br> <br> I gazed back at the ambient walls in the room. I could swear that the colors and fractals I saw were actually responding and even dancing with the music that had been played. It was incredible, the entire living room now seemed to be filled with positive energy that I could actually see and appreciate, and I eagerly projected my own into it. Now this was a trip! I quickly go back into the kitchen of mud and tile, pour myself more water. I must stay hydrated. I go back into the living room, reveling in the sight of all the beautiful fractals, and even the cats lying on the couch eye me with a strange curiousity. <br> <br> Out of my own curiousity, I decided to gaze at myself in the mirror placed in the living room. But curiousity killed the cat. I saw a truly sad and pathetic version of me. I was thin, malnourished, scarred, deformed, I had only a flew blotches of normal skin placed in random spots, as if I had suffered third degree burns. Why would I be seeing myself as this, at a time when I was actually enjoying my trip? Surely I wasn't such a bad or selfish person, I was always nice to others! I demanded an explanation to this grotesque carcicature of me. And then I saw the veins coarsing through the deformed skin. They were black, flowing with poison. It was like seeing a visual representation of all the drugs that I had taken, including tonight, which had done severe damage to my body, much more than I had expected. I realized then, that I needed to change my lifestyle. Either stop the drug usage, or drastically reduce the amount. This was my wake-up call. <br> <br> Strangely enough, the hideous me, was then transformed, into a healthy but...Polynesian form of me? I stared dumbfounded at the image of a stranger who seemed to be smiling back at me roguishly. And through the mirror, the living room background disappeared, in its place was a darkened cavern, with lighted torches placed amongst the rugged walls. Deeper into this vision, it felt like this, alternate me belonged in a tribe of some sort, and heeded by the calls of his chief, was now preparing for battle. A battle that would determine his fate, as well as his honor, in the tribe. <br> <br> The vision disappeared and I was left dazzled. What did it mean? Was it seeing a window into a past Life, a lesson designed to teach me something? Or just a colorful figment of my own imagination? I didn't know, I just didn't want to look at mirrors anymore. I then thought about the friend I was housesitting for. He then appeared in my mind (Not the mirror) as another warrior of the same tribe. Wait...what? 'Stay with them,' the voice said. The same voice that seemed to have talked to me earlier. 'The next step in your life will happen, if you stay with them.' <br> <br> Everything seemed to go crazy again. Was this really what I was searching for? Crazy visions that I could not discern their meanings? I felt like I had gone in deeper than I ever had before, but it left me with more questions than answers. The confusion was starting to overwhelm me. I needed some fresh air. I went outside onto the sidewalk, and the night air felt good, but the rest of my surroundings did not feel as tranquil or beautiful as the living room did. It felt desolate, empty. <br> <br> I looked up at the moon. It looked just like the moon, except that it had a huge tribal shaped crimson and silver halo around it. I marveled at its sight, and before long, I could hear voices. I heard shouts and cries of both men and women, of pain, regret, anguish and despair. Shouting, chanting, hushed whispers and all the like, I just couldn't make out any words. It was almost as if I could hear the prayers of those speaking to God or whatever entity that they believed in. They all had their different reasons for praying, but all had a common purpose: the search for answers or guidance. And it seemed to me, that most of them believed that they weren't getting through at all, which caused even more frenzy and anger in their voices. I shook my head in grief and dismay. So many people seemed to be in pain in this world. <br> <br> I could have questioned the point of existence, I could have asked 'it' if we were only meant to suffer in Life, but I was too tired, and this trip had lost its novelty. Instead I walked back inside to the sanctity of the living room. There, 6+ hours into the trip. I was finally able to pack a bowl, and smoke some fresh herb. I didn't want to go deeper or search for answers in this trip anymore. I was feeling disillusioned with everything again, and rather than dwell on the things I had seen and felt, I just wanted to relax, and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist. And by doing so, I was left in peace. But that greater presence that I had previously felt, who may have been my guide during the trip, faded away. <br> <br> 5 am I had played music through most of the early morning, just trance and progressive house, nothing too fast, and had even danced around with some LED glowsticks that I had found for a little bit. I had remembered seeing a couple at the party two nights ago, who were frying balls on acid. They seemed to have a wonderful time that night, and spent most of their night together, playing with lights and making shadow puppets on the walls. I was happy for them, even though I could not be on their level that night. Now that I finally was I had to see what I could do with the lights, and I actually impressed myself. I let my body fall in rhythm with the music, and its energy flowed into me, taking control of my body and pulling off moves I had not thought of before. By the time I had finished and the energy had left me, my body trembled in shock, shaking from the loss of that energy. It was an incredible experience and I longed to repeat it again someday, but I stopped that night due to exhaustion, plus that shock...I couldn't believe I had felt so drained. I needed softer music, ambient. <br> <br> 6 am After playing several chill-out tracks/albums, the most notable for me was BT-This Binary Universe. Talk about great comedown music. The deep ambient sounds worked wonders in forgetting most of the negative aspects of the trip, and became a trip of its own. The album had me imagining myself interacting in scenes of the near future. Of being in a bookstore, smelling coffee and reading magazines. Being in a crowded intersection, with newer model cars driving through freshly paved streets and watching people walk by in newer styles of dress and fashion. And lastly being inside a skyscraper which held a mall, amusement park, and restaurants all in one. Once again, BT is completely ahead of his time with this release. It is truly music of the future, and will take some time before other producers catch up to his style. I had my best visuals saved for this one, Tripex 3 by Ben Marsh. The album and the avs complemented each other very well and helped me in going through my pleasant voyage into the not too distant future. <br> <br> When the album was over, I imagined a new generation of trippers and thrillseekers, using elaborate setups in the comfort of their own homes, taking psychedelics and enjoying the best devices the 21st Century has to offer. Crystal clear 6 channel speakers, 50 inch flat screens and plasmas displaying beautifully rendered 3D scenes, hypnotic visuals, or even natural scenes they may have videotaped themselves. And intelligent lighting which changed its opacity and color depending on the mood of the music. Things you had to go to a concert or a club to enjoy a truly massive experience, could now be done all at home, in a more controlled environment. If only hippies had PC's back then, the sort of things we would have today. I marveled at the possibility of owning a home and having my own chillroom setup for relaxation and tripping. The technology would only get better. <br> <br> 7:00 am and 2 more bowls later. My eyes are burning from the cannabis, the LSD is almost gone and my throat feels like a desert. Both the dramamine and the weed had given me the worst drymouth ever. I am completely exhausted from the whole ordeal and pop 2 Tylenol PM to help me sleep. Those things work quite well. I also put on the History Channel documentary about LSD and Ecstacy usage. I figured it would be most appropriate, after a night like this. <br> <br> 8:00 am, I finish the documentary and give thanks to Timothy Leary and the Counterculture. Who'd a thought their legacy would still live on, and at a time where once again the nation was torn by a war. The living room is a total mess, much appearing like a wild party had just happened. I'd clean it up later. For now, I head off to bed and let the Tylenol PM work its magic. <br> <br> So there you have it. My 13 hour speel with cough syrup and high powered acid blotters. This trip had it all: voyages to Hell, Heaven and back, experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions, visions of the past, glimpses of the future, and an introspective analysis of my present. And I got to listen to some damn fine music. I would never do LSD and DXM together again, but I do not regret doing it. I suppose it was everything that I was looking for in a trip, but I still never seemed to discover specifically why I wanted to do it. It only spawned more questions than answers, but perhaps it is better to keep some things unanswered. I don't want to learn too much about existence, the universe, or even my own future. It would steal away from the fun in living, and the fun in just wondering. I suppose I'm just a dreamer, and that I love dreaming because even if things don't make sense, there's still some fun in wondering about it all. And there's still fun in living, as sad and hopeless as things sometimes may seem. <br> <br> If there's anything I'll remember most, it's how much I wanted to live when things got at its worst. Maybe I got a second chance that night. Either way, I won't be taking things for granted this time around.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 57246</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 17, 2008</td><td>Views: 31,850</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=57246&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=57246&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">DXM (22), LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Music Discussion (22), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> June 3, 2007 <br> <br> As I write this I feel somewhat disillusioned as to what the core nature of reality and existence really is. Will it ever truly be explained? Should it be explained? Life, god, purpose, all these things come to mind when thinking of my experience this drug, and my condition forever afterward. I first took this drug at a party at my house at the beginning of 2007. I was bored and there was nothing to do, so when somebody asked “hey you wanna try some LSD?” naturally I said “yes, yes of course I do.” I had never tried acid before in my life and didn’t know what was in store for me on this night of all nights. The night the universe tore itself apart, and reality ceased to be. <br> <br> All I had to go on was what I had heard from friends and what I had seen in movies. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, is a good example. I bought four hits for seven bucks each and took them all at once. The first few minutes I remember looking up at my digital clock display and wondering how long until it would kick in. Every minute brought along a fierce and sudden increase in the intensity of the drug. There were a lot of people around and things were happening that I wasn’t sure of. At first it seemed the world had turned into a scene from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Then someone came to the party with a bottle of vodka, I wasn’t in the state of mind to refuse alcohol so I ended up drinking half the bottle without hesitation. <br> <br> As the booze went into effect I lost coherency and a grip on reality. I think I blacked out the whole night. I was told the next day that I was running around the house without my shirt on, yelling colors and names at people and babbling incoherently and occasionally falling asleep. At one point I remember being given a cooked chicken strip and throwing it on the ground because I thought it was turning into part of my hand. I also remember sitting on my couch and looking off into the distance and hearing helicopters and police sirens and seeing evening horizon colors: it was much like a glitch that happens in the Grand Theft Auto videogame series in which the player falls through part of the ground and is floating in an alternate world made of only sky and horizon, yet you can still hear the cops and helicopters chasing you around. The last thing I remember was tearing my shirt off and being scared because my body shape had changed and the hair on my chest was gone. <br> <br> Early the next morning I remember not waking, but coming down enough to realize what was happening. I was screaming for my brother to save me. Then I was thrashing around in my bed trying to puke and basically going out of my mind. I saw an alternate reality in which I was an old sick pervert who preyed on young girls; everything was dark except for blue flashes of lightning, much like a scene from a David Lynch movie. Then I remembered something my friend told me: just breathe, relax, breathe deep and slowly. So that’s what I did and it worked. Then the trip was more easy to handle. I saw palm trees all around me and could hear the beating of drums I could hear the sounds of a beach shore line. I then saw a blue glowing apparition of the god Shiva smiling down on me. Then I felt like I was climbing out of a cave made of pillows and blankets. I opened my eyes and saw my glowing alarm clock and it turned into many clocks, melting like a Salvador Dhali painting. <br> <br> I slowly came down little by little. By the time the sun started to rise I thought I was dead or in a coma, I thought the ambulance noises I heard were real and that maybe I was at the hospital in a bed with my family waiting for me to wake up. I walked around the house wondering if what I was seeing was a construct of my imagination. I sat down on a couch next to a sleeping friend and watched his body morph into a skeleton. I looked up at the time to see if it was constant. It was, except it seemed to be running faster than usual. It felt as if I was god and [not that I wanted to be] the universe was repairing itself for me. I felt like if I was in an elaborate program designed to simulate life, and I had broken or caused a glitch in the program by taking the acid. The next day everything was near normalcy again except that the colors seemed more vibrant and television programs had little differences caused by hallucinations. <br> <br> Ok now fast forward about three months. After a long time of being restless and generally bored again I felt like a little medicine was in store for me. It was in the cards, so to speak. I started on a Friday by going to a friend’s house and drinking a bunch of tequila and smoking a bunch of pot, nothing special. The next day I received a good amount of marijuana and smoked it all day and most of the night. I had some spliffs, some kief, and a buttload of doobies. A lot of smoke, but still nothing wrong until… the next day, Sunday now. <br> <br> The night before I started feeling funny and had to go to sleep. I woke up feeling really out of it, almost like I had been doing acid. I didn’t think much of it and decided to smoke some more weed. I actually thought the weed would help, maybe to numb out the fear and paranoia of a bad episode. After the first few hits a felt worse than ever, I tried to sleep it off. Things became progressively more and more intense. <br> <br> Whenever I would close my eyes I could see millions of little lights floating around at high speed. They were Red, Yellow, and Blue in color. I guess since those are the very basic colors, they seemed very important at the time. I saw the face of God represented by the millions of colorful lights. Next things got freaky, I started seeing dead relatives and historical figures back from the afterlife coming in through my walls trying to communicate with me. Every few minutes I would endure some new type of horrific torture. I have been shot, stabbed, electrocuted, suffocated, crushed, frozen, burned, hung by a noose, stoned by rocks, and drowned. I have spoken to Shiva, Rasputin, Jesus Christ, Adolf Hitler, Bob Marley, Che Guevara, Ghandi, Hunter S. Thompson and Leonardo DaVinci among others. <br> <br> At one point I thought I was Benjamin Franklin and that the electrical socket was the source of lightning and that I would be struck by lightning. I saw myself on my death bed, I saw myself being born, I saw all of my past lives and my future lives. I felt as though I had died, or as if in some past life I had let a son or daughter of mine die. I cried so hard and screamed in agony for the loss of life. Then I would scream in anger at myself. Sometimes I would laugh maniacally for the righteous truths which I had been revealed. Toward the end I was gripping on to songs and television programs and movies which agreed with what I was going through to help understand what was happening. I saw the resurrection of the Messiah, I saw the end of time itself. <br> <br> My younger brother had to look after me to make sure I didn’t hurt myself or anyone else. Several times I would see cuts forming on my fingers and blood spilling out and I could feel the pain so clearly that I thought it was real, I felt like it wouldn’t make a difference if I actually did slit my wrists or electrocuted myself just to end the pain and the insanity. Eventually my parents returned home from their trip, they had gone on another weekend trip, and when they arrived and saw me in this state they were shocked and alarmed. The ambulance was called and I ended up in the emergency room at the hospital. <br> <br> After talking to some doctors and my own personal assessment I am pretty confident that the marijuana triggered the psychosis, or “flashback.” I am a psychiatric patient, and had been told many times before to beware of marijuana. Never in my life had I experienced a bad trip from marijuana, but with the added bonus of LSD everything changed. I can no longer use any drug whatsoever, I can’t use money, and I am constantly being watched to make sure it doesn’t happen again. My life may never be the same. What was once an exquisite escape by means of marijuana has turned into a dangerous maneuver thanks to LSD. I don’t recommend it to anyone especially those with psychological problems. I wish I could take it back and not be fucked up, but I can’t.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 63456</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 7, 2008</td><td>Views: 45,136</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=63456&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=63456&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : Bad Trips (6), Entities / Beings (37), Post Trip Problems (8), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">8 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">45 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> When this experience took place, I worked in a club as a barkeeper. The shifts were usually quite straining because it was one of those clubs were they play stupid pop songs and sell very cheap alcohol (one beverage - one Euro), thus the customers were all very loaded and quite annoying. Also the club was usually very crowded so as a barkeeper you would run under adrenalin for about six or seven hours without any break. Just as that night. I drank a few beers and Jägermeisters during the shift so I was a little light headed when I got home around 6 am. <br> <br> I shared an apartment with a girl that was on a long trip to India at the time so I allowed a friend, let's call him B, that didn't have a flat and obviously no intentions to get one, to live with me for a month. It really eased the life of my other friend, let's call him M, because B has accomodated himself at his place for a long while now. So when I came home, tired and looking forward to my bed, these two guys were sitting on the couch watching TV with a bottle of Jägermeister and a few beers - obviously in a good mood. It was the winter of the glorious Hoffmann 2000 acid papers (if you remember those :-)) and these two guys where having a nice evening with each a half of one. M had bought himself a few sheets so he was always very well equipped and taking acid was at that time for M (my closest friend back then) & me a very common thing while B was more a Cocain-guy and experienced but not used to acid. <br> <br> As I sat down, opening a bottle of beer and taking a sip of the Jägermeister, they exposed me the plan for this morning: Taking a cab to M's place and split up a whole sheet of Hoffmann papers. First I was very doubtful but they were so enthusiastic and infected me with it, so I agreed and we went to M's house. We took one sheet (25 Hoffmann hits) and placed it in a cup of water. We then counted together up to 25 (so the trips were nearly half a minute in that water) and shared it. We immediately called a taxi back to my place and started to get dressed. It was very could outside – middle of January. Just when I put on my jacket, just a few minutes after taking the acid, I felt the first acid rushs in my body. Then it hit me: Jesus, I just took up to 8 hits of Hoffmann acid. That was the biggest dose of acid I ever took and I thought this could be the night I end up in a mental institution. I saw in the faces of my friends that they were feeling and thinking similar. We were all nervous and a bit scared but I also knew it was to late now so I tried to just let go. During the ride the acid kicked in fully and when we deboarded the taxi we couldn’t really talk anymore and just giggled and snorted with laughter. The taxi driver, an elder man, must have thought we’re some kind of idiots. <br> <br> The first hours were really hard. We lied down on some matresses. I lied on my front and lost the feeling for my body. I became two wide opened eyeballs lying on the bed and watching the television, all the impressions just battered in my mind remorselessly. None of us was able to talk so we communicated with strange noises, gasps and desparate laughter. It was more like an impulse-reaction thing, not a controlled perception. The trip ascended and ascended, the intensity grew stronger for about two or three hours (I completely lost my sense of time). Sometimes I thought “When will this end?” or “Will it ever?” But I tried not to concentrate on that, I tried to stay in the flow. My hold was the television which gave a little bit continuity in that exploding chaos in my mind. There were the Teletubbies which I saw the first time. Very funny and yet intense, the sun with that stupid baby face even gave me some freaking kind of awe. Then there was this ridiculous guy from the education’s shows that are on at forenoon in German TV, who wore an awfully ugly wool sweater with corny patterns and colors. The imagination of him unwrapping his Christmas presents and getting that sweater made us laugh for at least 30 minutes. <br> <br> All three of us had the urge for free air and kind of an electrifying summer feeling inside. We opened all windows in the apartment to let the sunny weather and blue sky in. It was about minus seven degrees (Celsius) outside but we were sitting there in T-Shirts feeling like on an open air festival in summer. The coldness was just one more energy shower in my body. We stood at the window laughing at the people walking by because they were all walking like robots. All the city life appeared to be very mechanical, cars holding at the traffic lights, then one direction flows, holding, then the other etc., in-between that robots walking with a straight direction, energetic but cold, like it all was a computer program or something like this. We laughed our asses off at some people which they must have realized as the apartment was only in the first floor directly to the street, but either they ignored us or somehow didn’t recognize us. As if we were in a different world or at least a different energy level. <br> <br> After some hours I felt that the peak was over and that the trip reached that steady level that I like so much where I have control over it and not the trip over me. I was relieved because I knew by then I wouldn’t land in the nut house today. M and I wanted to listen to some music. The problem was the hifi was plugged in the other room, not where our camp was. So I tried to manage it and put the music to our camp. That was a real intellectual challenge. All the materials were very abstract and meant absolutely nothing to me. All my intuition was gone far away and busy with the looks and feels of the cables and speakers so the only mental source I could use for that matter was my intellect, which I found out wasn’t very helpful. After decomposing my room for about 20 minutes I managed to have the speakers in the other room, the cables laid and a CD running - but still no music. I was very confused and strained the laughable rest of my mind to find the source of that problem, but I just couldn’t find it. M helped me without success. After a long while I saw that I laid the cable correctly but forgot to plug it in the speakers. *D’oh* - so much for assembling technical things on LSD. <br> <br> It’s always fascinating how the sense of hearing mutates on acid. We had a nice and floating psychedelic trance CD running and I couldn’t tell how loud it was or if the music was fast or slow. The velocity kept changing all the time. But simultaneously I was able to hear the slightest little sounds in the background, some of which I have never realized before on that track. Also I was able to split up sounds, so that I could concentrate on one and observe its behavior like an investigator would observe some exotic animal. Furthermore my rhythmic sense was highly increased. It was as if I could predict the percussions coming up. It was great. M and I started to dance and it shifted me into another dimension. I could physically FEEL the sounds floating through my body. <br> <br> At that point our threesome trip unity broke up. While M and I, acid-heads that we were, floated into the music and tried to explore the trip now that we had control over it, B, coke-head that he was, started to act very “sober”. He stood at the window and continued to laugh at people but not in that frisky childish manner from before but in an arrogant Cocain manner. For instance he laughed a people who would drive BMWs because this would be a shitty car and so forth. It was very destructive and had nothing to do with that trippy world I was in. Unfortunately M tried to join him – I guess he stood between me and B. I then felt a bit left alone as if they tried to limit my trip. Fortunately I was a quite experienced user so it didn’t bother me too much, it just was annoying. Beginners can get real confused from such situation, I know that very well. <br> <br> Later, when the trip started to descend, I got flatulence which is a normal reaction on acid. But I farted once and that was truly the mother of all farts. Although all windows were open, the ugly smell just wouldn’t go away. We fled into the kitchen but it came after us. We laughed a lot and my friends were a bit angry at me for that. I couldn’t help myself to be a bit proud for that achievement. In the kitchen there was a newspaper with a picture of that mouse they genetically modified with a human ear on its back and that really gave me the creeps. I was very empathic for that mouse and its fellow mice on which the experience was tried and failed before. <br> <br> The trip lasted much longer as usual I still felt on at 11pm in the evening. In retrospect it was a good experience but despite the high dose it was nothing spiritual like I had before nor was it too scary. It was just a confusing and funny trip without any real deep thoughts. When I think it over we were all very lucky because with that high dose, it could have gone completely wrong. But I think as it was such a spontaneous action I just didn’t have anything special in my mind, so it didn’t get difficult at all. I’m glad that I experienced it because it was one of the most intense trips I ever had but I would never take such high dose ever again without preparation. I usually take LSD in small amounts and dose it higher later if I like to go higher. But this was a decent and good experience. <br> <br> And if you’re asking yourself now why I called this article “Going on a bicycle ride” than think of the Hoffmann sheets that have a happy man riding his bicycle through the Swiss mountains. In my peer group then, going on trip, would be called “riding a bicycle”.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2000</td><td width="90">ExpID: 48302</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 15, 2008</td><td>Views: 34,220</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=48302&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=48302&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It was 10:30, a friend and I had just made it to our friends house and we decided to start early. They ate 1 tab each and I ate one with a microdot. The three of us then attempted to prepare everything for the trip. This was the first time they would be tripping and they had no idea what to expect, so I was partly their guide. Over the next hour or so I felt my trip slowly come on as I watched the curtains begin to ‘breathe’ slightly. I pointed out that my friends may feel a little nauseous as well or some other weird feelings. One of my friends explained that he was feeling cold and sort of numb but hadn't noticed any other alerts yet. <br> <br> At about 12am we decided to walk the neighborhood and perhaps head to the shops. Everyone got supplies and we headed off, down through a few streets. I began to feel the trip taking a hold as I started to see different sides to my friends personalities and began to think about my prospects of life and how beautiful the surrounding world is. My friends kept complaining about not seeing anything, and I had to explain that the patterns they were seeing and the ‘structural’ type of visuals were that related to LSD and it's something one has to get used to. In retrospect it could have been their lower dose. We then smoked some weed and this is where the trip changed rather dramatically. <br> <br> We walked back up the hill towards the house and sat down somewhere in between our journey. As we sat around staring at the visuals, my friends seemed to be pulling me down from the depth of my trip talking about T.V. shows and video games, the type of things that become so insignificant under the influence of psychedelics in my opinion. LSD to me offers an experience to accept and allows me to 'just be', Just a window to spontaneity. We got back to the house, collected some warm clothes, and got ready to go for another walk up a steep hill and this is where they began falling into the mental loops that LSD inspires, which had also been amplified by the weed. <br> <br> To fast forward, a lot of running backwards and forwards through ideas for them went on as they started to cycle through the loops of thought in their brain. One of them was paranoid about someone being caught with a $50 of weed on them, he didn’t want to hide it because he was afraid he’d forget where he left it once he'd come down and he didn’t want to give it away because he was afraid one of us would steal it. Basically he was getting paranoid over a simple idea. The other kept saying we had to make it to this place (another house), and I kept reminding everyone to just forget about the situation and stop placing emphasis on getting anywhere, but enjoy the current moment. <br> <br> In my mind state I was prepared to go wherever, I was happy just being who I was. So whatever would make both of them happy made me happy. They argued and got more paranoid. I tried to rescue them but they opted for the easy option… Valium, they both had 5mg each, not too much but enough to take the edge off. When it took effect they started to feel sedated, so we decided to head back home as it was about 4am by this time. <br> <br> We smoked some more weed and now that I was finally able to disconnect as my friends had stopped talking as much I was able to really trip. I ran down the hill back to the house and it felt as if my body was alive as if it was some primitive instinct to run down steep hills through bushes, as we hunt our prey or whatever. I was pouncing and leaping from here to there. It was one truly amazing exhilarating feelings. Like all my senses were so accurately divided to achieve peak efficiency during this moment. <br> <br> Now that I was alone again I was able to trip without any constant distractions of my friends. My mind constantly wonders off when I'm tripping, often losing hold of the idea I was previously thinking. But this time I was able to dwell on a theory about loops and fractals and how they occurred throughout all of existence, every single idea, thought, habit, lifestyle, animal, religion, pattern, followed these spirals or fractal patterns, and in retrospect upon research, it was like the golden ratio. I imagined the whole universe as a fractal that repeats itself. I imagined the universe as just one cell of an animal… or human body. <br> <br> Earth is part of what makes up one individual being. But the thing is that person could be us… or the person next to us, it doesn’t matter because it is all part of the fractal pattern, and we as humans are able to transcend it and be anywhere we want if we stop focusing on the single solitary reflection of just one individual being. We are a part of everything and everything is a part of us, if you enable perception to perceive it that way. Everyone’s constantly seeking pleasure, what else do the majority of people live for in this world apart from a rather limited seeking of happiness? I saw my life going through my future as it hit the loops and I would be reborn only to experience the same thing again, or infinitely different each time which could eventually cycle through to the same thing without me realizing. I was everywhere at once, and no where at the same time. Meanwhile there were strong sensations of my body evolving into loads of different creatures or dimensions. <br> <br> Its all quite hard to relay and I don’t think I can ever do a good job, but it was almost as if I finally understood the way the universe works in terms of its infiniteness and parallel dimensions. Life and death being so irrelevant while the essence of time and the idea of 'backwards' and 'forwards' as being a false measurement developed by man. There is only experience, and through experience we create reflection and after that we create a backwards and forwards in order of post and prior experience dimensions, but without these confines it is impossible to determine which way is forwards and which way is backwards and if we are even moving at all. Who’s to say we are actually moving forward in time right now, for all we know we could be the very things that are going backwards. We had fixed ourselves into transcendence, and now we are all just going backwards screwing it all up again like cancer, killing a human being back into transcendence. <br> <br> I went through all the theories of religion in my head, all the subcultures the evolution of the world and the trickery of plastic surgery and medicine to trick our natural selection senses, how screwed up evolution has become, keeping alive those who really shouldn't have survived and perfecting a race that is now flawed by the decisions humans make. We are tricked into what would make the best child or the best adult by the media, by pop culture, by everything, by the essence of socialisation. <br> <br> I wonder if it's just a hallucination that acid gives me, an all powerful feeling like I’ve worked it all out. As I start to come down, I try to seek solutions to the questions that were just proposed to me, but I don't find answers exactly, just questions that lead to more questions. When I felt as if I’d worked the entire universe out into the way in which we are here, I was overcome with a feeling of sadness as I got a strong sense that I was now so insignificant, and that my life lacked any real meaning. Going beyond why humans are here… why is the earth here… why is the universe and why is the looping fractals that are our alternate realities/dimensions here for. What is existence here for, I found nothing; as I saw everything will start over anew ready to loop following the ways of the fractals. Ideas follow the loop but occasionally branch off to form a new spiral that will get smaller and smaller too, and all anyone could ever hope for was a death that free'd them from it all. <br> <br> I’d hit the peak of my trip and was coming down here and it felt as if I had hit the peak of my life and now I am coming down. I have appeased my mind and now I must appease my body. It felt as though the rest of my life could never quite humble me the way this trip did and it would be a downward spiral into the contemplation of death as it approached and I would no longer ever be as blissfully naive as I was prior to this trip. I watched some trippy videos on the computer that only reimbursed my theories in a weird yet acid like way, I listened to some psy/goa trance and watched the visuals. Throughout the whole trip most of my visuals had been fractal/spiral based, seeing little fractals make up every individual colour I saw and then seeing everything I saw make up an even bigger fractal which was then tied to my thought patterns and that of evolution and history making up fractals, then humans, habits, lifestyles etc. but one interesting thing was that I actually started hearing in fractals at this point, little fractals of sound or the sine waves being digested in my ears as little spirals that got digested through their sine waves into the language of perception. <br> <br> Like with all acid trips, after the ego loss it all comes flooding back and I felt a part of the future, the past and the present, I looked into the past and made insights into the future. Just started enjoying being again, enjoying the taste of food and having a lust to learn again. The day continued and lots more happened that day, but they more revolved around life choices and making my friends, family and loved ones feel loved. I took a Valium for sleep just when I realized it was the last day to enroll for Uni. So I enrolled for Uni to start studying Neuroscience and then found out that it was my cousin's birthday. So it was a rather dramatic day following the trip, but that's another story of intense life integration. <br> <br> Sorry if the story jumps around a bit, I was writing it as the memories came back, explaining that theory is definitely hard, it’s still something I can’t even believe I thought up the complexities of, but I can’t explain it very well. It also makes me think we could be the cancer of this earth, the one with the wrong genetic mutation that started rapidly multiplying that will expand until it kills off the whole universe, but it doesn’t matter it’ll all start again right??? It felt like god was saying “YOU HAVE WORKED IT ALL OUT GO BACK TO JAIL, DO NOT COLLECT $200”, like I'd learnt something I wasn't meant to learn before death and I could never go back to naievity, but in saying that, I must now teach everyone peace of mind, I am someone with knowledge who must bring knowledge to those less enlightened then myself, and not by telling them what I experienced but by challenging their consciousness too, to achieve a transcendental consciousness of civilization. <br> <br> Now I’ve got to work out who are the teachers and who’s being taught in this world. Who I am to learn from and who is to learn from me, the cycle of evolution, and the black holes of knowledge that are a vacuum for depth and knowledge. Science Vs Acid is a beautiful thing. If there is no start or beginning… where is the meaning of making measurements? <br> <br> How deep can these theories go into medical theories, perhaps humans are just a form of cancer rapidly multiplying and some greater being has attempted to cure us such as the cell/earth we live in by providing us with healthy air and drugs such as psychedelics, homosexuality, art, chaos and order and whatever other antibodies it wishes to throw at us. Its all up to what you want this world to be, because for all we know it we could just be a dream teaching the waking life of another organism, just like our dreams teach ourselves about our life. We are the keepers of a transcendental organisms universe. <br> <br> I guess there are many things I may be satisfied not knowing without conviction, As avoiding conviction is the best path to open mindedness. Knowing all the answers would make one very boring life, but if one assumed these answers were just questions then the potential for learning new questions is limitless.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2003</td><td width="90">ExpID: 70035</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 21, 2008</td><td>Views: 33,335</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=70035&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=70035&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Guides / Sitters (39), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/amphetamines/">Amphetamines</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance">Pharms - Aripiprazole</td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/quetiapine/">Pharms - Quetiapine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">190 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> As my final spring break has just ended and I am back at school, I am compelled to share the experiences of a good friend whom I saw for a few hours over the break.<br> <br> Tom is, and always has been, extremely brilliant. Since the first day I truly got to know him my freshman year of high school, he always had profound insights into the workings of existence. However, as indicated by many of my other friends, he was extremely socially awkward, and did not make many friends. If he did make friends, he often chose friends that did not care for him or would look after him if things got out of hand.<br> <br> Regardless, we both got along well and ended up going to the same college. Many good times were had drinking, smoking up, and exploring consciousness using various psychedelics. I would not be wrong in saying at that time, I held a god-like reverence for the power of psychedelics. Who can say what was going on in Tom's head? However, as my drug use gradually decreased due to various healthy influences, Tom chose to cross the fine line between use and abuse.<br> <br> Around late sophomore year of college, Tom was diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed 60mg of adderall a day. Although many thought (myself included) that this was a whopping daily dose, he assured me that his psychiatrist thought it necessary, and so with my trust in both Tom and the medical profession, I let the issue alone.<br> <br> A year later, Tom had self-prescribed himself 120mg of Adderall a day. He would start with 60mg quick release and 20mg time release, and every six hours would take another 20mg time-release. Due to his admitted inability to sleep, he would smoke copious amounts of cannabis. Again, I did not say much, because he would often smoke me up. It was also at this time that he was involved in some crackpot LSD scheme and he would regularly take up to 600mcg of LSD a day. This is not an exaggeration, for one, I watched him dose on many occasions, and two, I dosed with him once, and indeed, it was an extremely intense trip (uncomfortably so). <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span> <br> <br> It was early fall of 2004 (our senior year), when Tom told me that he had gained psychic abilities and was able to project his emotional field onto others as well as read people's thoughts and feelings, regardless if they were in the room or not. He described his experiments with others in his new circle with great enthusiasm and reverence. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but basically chalked the psychic tendencies to one of Tom's harebrained schemes, which he was fond of cooking up.<br> <br> The fall of 2004 was also the time I saw Tom's 'fall of 2004.' He was standing in a room of my house, looking out the window and describing something green and shimmery. I wasn't paying to much attention, for my roommate and I were sipping on an excellent bottle of Rose I brought back from California. I heard a loud crash, and upon inspection, I saw Tom lying in my crushed indoor plant garden, seizing. My roommate and I quickly ran to him and sat him upright on the couch, asking if he was okay. He regained composure quickly, and seemingly embarrassed, left my house with assurances that he was fine and just needed some rest. I suppose I should have realize that something more was going on than simply Tom's flights of fancy and general weirdness and BS. But again, I trusted my friend and gave him the benefit of the doubt that he would be alright.<br> <br> I saw him once of twice over the next eight months and he seemed very out of it, but generally pleasant. We shared some beers on these occasions and simply talked of good times.<br> <br> I finished my senior year of college (I am ultimately on the 5 year plan) and was leaving for my summer job as a director at a youth camp. A week before I left, I called Tom, but I received no answer. The same result was garnered each week I tried to reach him. I frankly had no idea where he went or what he was doing, but I had faith that he at least was alive and safe.<br> <br> Late August 2005, I received a call from an unknown number but the area code was from my hometown. Indeed, it was Tom, calling from his parents house. After 15 seconds of plesantries, he informed me that he had spent his summer in the County Mental Hospital. He had been diagnosed with schizophrenia and had spent three months drugged up on anti-psychotics, anti-convulsants, anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety medication.<br> <br> His parents drove him down to a cigar shop near my house and I spent a few hours talking with him about his experiences. He said that he remembered very little about the hospital, and slept about 20 hours a day, mainly due to amount of medication he was prescribed. It was the hospital psychiatrist's ultimate conclusion that Tom's latent schizophrenia was exacerbated by the amount of LSD and amphetamines he was using. While the drugs might not have triggered the onset of Tom's illness, I doubt they helped it. While I tried to maintain a pleasant and comical demeanor, it saddened me to see him in that condition. <br> <br> Tom is a veritable zombie to this day. He takes whopping doses of Abilify and Seroquel daily. He came over to dinner with my family one evening when I was visiting my parents and my mother described him as 'completely out to lunch.' Her assessment was not far from the truth. I saw him this spring break and very little has changed. Although he says that he had not had any episodes since he left the hospital, his speech patterns are chaotic and he has absolutely no motivation to do anything. Although the state will not allow him to drive, work, or enter school for some time, his ambitions seem limited to smoking cigars and drinking Blue Moon beer.<br> <br> I miss my friend. The once brilliant, quirky, and insightful man that I knew is now a shell. I look at him and I can see that his body, mind, and soul has been scarred deeply. Partly by himself, partly by things beyond his control. I look at Tom and remember all the good times we shared exploring consciousness, exploring self, exploring G-d. I look at Tom and remember all of the aspirations he once had. I look at Tom with sympathy, compassion, and love.<br> <br> In Tom I see someone I could have easily become if I had chosen a similar path. In Tom I see how I failed him as a friend. In Tom I see how my selfishness and concern with only myself prevented me from helping him when he needed it most. However, in Tom I see hope of light beyond the darkness. A pure light of faith and hope.<br> <br> Hope for him, hope for me, hope for us all...<br> <br> Peace to all and please go and live your lives as meaningful as you know how.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 51872</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 22, 2008</td><td>Views: 124,173</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=51872&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=51872&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Amphetamines (6), LSD (2), Pharms - Quetiapine (273), Pharms - Aripiprazole (422) : Not Applicable (38), Health Problems (27), Second Hand Report (42), Post Trip Problems (8), Addiction & Habituation (10)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(edible / food)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> So I feel like I have just emerged victorious from some sort of grueling marathon. You see, as my birthday is coming up soon, I was looking to do something different from the regular ole pot smoking. Completely by chance, a bit of acid passed my way, and although it probably wasn’t the best time or place to partake of it, I couldn’t really pass up the chance to ingest a brand new (to me) substance, especially one of such notoriety. I will attempt to describe the events of the past evening, however please note that I’m not at all sure about the timeframe, but I will do my best to try and remember. <br> <br> Setting: at a friend’s place in Austin, with a couple very close friends <br> <br> Subject: 24 year old, healthy male, 140lbs. Daily cannabis smoker, have taken mushrooms, MDMA, salvia, DXM, various pharmaceuticals, as well as cocaine and meth on occasion. This would be my first truly psychedelic experience. <br> <br> T+0: Driving around looking for a McDonald’s at around 8:30ish in the evening, I stick a quite normal looking sugar cube in my mouth and wait for it to dissolve. At this point, I had already smoked a couple bowls of some badass fruity weed from Cali, so my mouth is insanely dry and the sugar cube is uncomfortable. It dissolves quickly though, and I hold the resulting sugar-liquid stuff in my mouth for like ten minutes before swallowing. <br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> T+15: Back at the house, me, K, and E start up a card game to pass the time. E had taken two hits of acid a few hours before, but it was difficult to gauge his mental state as he is a naturally very quiet person. K was to be the sitter and designated driver for the night, being merely very stoned. <br> <br> T+30: Definitely noticing some preliminary effects, hard to describe, just like a feeling of not-rightness. Having more difficulty focusing on the card game. The disconnect between my internal reality and the real world is beginning. In speaking with my friends, they didn’t even realize I was feeling any effects, while I’m worried that I’m acting all spastic or something. Somewhere around this point, I lose the game and decide to lay down on the bed. <br> <br> T+40 - T+60: Visual component is increasing. Focusing on any sort of geometric pattern causes it to move and dance. Still able to carry on a conversion, but difficult to describe what I’m feeling to my friends. I decide to close my eyes. Woo buddy, closed eye visuals are already getting pretty insane. Mostly kaleidescopic images of spiralling type patterns, very beautiful. I have a huge smile on my face pretty much constantly, as not only are the images pleasant, but funny in some sort of weird, ironic way. Irony was an unexpected emotion, that continued throughout the night, and allowed me to keep myself in a very positive frame of mind. Anytime the trip got a little too heavy, this funny ironic feeling would bubble up and allow me to laugh at myself. <br> <br> T+1:00 - T+1:30: Time has lost meaning. It seems like I’ve already been tripping for days. I convince K to come have a smoke with me. I’ve found that if I don’t find something in the real world to focus on, the open-eye visuals obscure my view completely. Now, it’s not really like hallucinating, because for the most part these visions have no basis whatsoever in reality, just weird, shifting, flowing patterns. So I concentrate on getting out the front door to the car to get my coat. I implore K to stay outside with me while I struggle with the car door, as the ground and road are getting all warpy. This is more like the type of hallucinations I’m used to, where my mind is still sensing external stimuli, but applying some sort of convoluted, curvy acid-filter to everything. <br> <br> I get my coat on and we proceed to the back porch to smoke. Ah, it would be the perfect cigarette, if not for the chilly weather that makes both of us unable to stop shivering. I’m attempting to hold a conversation with K, and doing a decent job, but only if I don’t try too hard to communicate anything about my experience. This seems to be a recurring theme as well, I can talk just fine about random stuff, but it is infinitely difficult to explain what’s going on in my head. About this point, I look up at a family portrait on the wall, and I swear it just looks like a bunch of heads cut out from random other photos and glued together as a mosaic. K swears it’s just a normal photo, but even on closer inspection, I can’t tell for certain either way. This is pretty funny. <br> <br> T+1:30 - T+2:20: It’s funny, because I totally thought I was peaking this whole time and it would be a ride down from here. Shows how smart I am. We decide to make the grueling (not really) trip home from Austin to Georgetown, and say goodnight to E. I had already noticed my eyes being dilated earlier, but by this point they must have been pretty much all pupil, because every image I see is doubled or tripled, like looking at a scene through a broken or faceted piece of glass. This is a phenomenon I’ve experienced before, and is directly linked to the eye-dilation. Pretty fun. <br> <br> Anyway, back to the car ride. As we get going I attempt to find something on my iPod to listen to, but it becomes way to difficult to focus on the task as the moments of lucidity become fewer and far between. This car ride, though less than an hour long, felt like it took eons. My vision at this point was completely obscured by kaleidescopic patterns and spirals. So I leaned the seat back and just chilled and watched the show. About halfway through the ride, I started becoming a little anxious. I had never before been on a substance that I could not control, and I was fighting it. <br> <br> I came to the realization then that in general I have a great fear of giving up control, probably the reason I almost always drive when my friends and I hang out. So, realizing that at this point I had to have absolute trust in K to get us home safely, I started talking to her to get myself to calm down. Every few minutes thereafter I tried to ask her a question or something, to keep myself grounded. It seemed to work out pretty well. When we were within 20 miles of home, I started feeling like the most difficult part of the journey was over, and I had emerged unscathed. I could now keep part of my consciousness in tune with reality, and even engaged in conversation, while the other half had fun focusing on all the weird patterns and such. Previous to this, I had been so completely separated from my conscious mind that I was basically dreaming. I actually asked K a few times if I was awake, just to make sure. <br> <br> T+2:30 - T+3:30: We decided to chill at our mutual friend KB’s house for a while, to try and ride out the rest of the trip in peace. It is very peaceful, and decorated for Christmas with a tree and lights. I find this to be a very soothing environment. We talk for a while, I try to explain myself but am utterly unable to. I think bits and pieces of what I’m saying are making sense. At one point I’m talking, explaining, not truly even understanding myself what I am saying, but KB seems to understand perfectly. <br> <br> From this point forward, I feel very much out of my body, sometimes feeling like I’m actually floating a foot or two behind and above my body, experiencing everything objectively. The main peak has subsided, but the coming down isn’t smooth. Just when I think I’m back to clarity, a wave crashes over me and I have to take a minute to regain composure. Needing something familiar to do and focus on, we load a bowl in her little bong. Now this is interesting. I expected to have a sudden rush from hitting the bong, and it happens. But then I notice, every time it is passed to me again I have that same little rush, but before I even hit it! It’s like my mind is already expecting something to happen, and makes it happen before it’s even supposed to. We finish the bowl and decide to go home. K is crashing at my place. <br> <br> T+3:30 - T+4:30: We get home and K crashes on the couch. I’m still feeling very out-of-body, and attempt to put on Lord of the Rings for some background noise. My wife and I sit on the couch and converse, a very natural, goofy conversation, as I try to figure out why the TV looks so weird. I thought I was still having color visuals, but it turns out the kids have jiggled all the color knobs on the TV, so it’s not just me. We finally decide to go get in bed and just watch TV shows while I attempt to go to sleep. I really thought sleeping wouldn’t be an issue, as I felt pretty much asleep for the past four hours. Once again, I don’t know as much about acid as I thought I did. <br> <br> T+4:30 - T+10:00: The longest night of not sleeping ever. Well, maybe not ever, but it was long and annoying. Couldn’t get comfortable no matter what position I was in, and alternately flushing hot and cold. My mind was still spinning very fast, more of the kaleidescope patterns. One really cool one of a girl’s eyes and fingernails. Alternately my mind kept straying to images of death and decay, gore and such. Normally this would disturb me, but I just kind of went with it and found it surprisingly easy to dismiss. Had to get up and pee like 3 times during the night, each trip to the bathroom being a little less difficult and trippy. Dreading going to work in the morning, but resolute about it as well. I got through the night with about 30 minutes to an hour of sleep. And here I am, writing about it now. <br> <br> Afterthoughts: Wow. This was definitely the most intense drug trip I’ve ever had. It was everything I expected and more. The words I’ve committed to this page don’t even come close to describing the experience. Overall I feel like it was intensely positive, and I’m exceedingly happy with the whole thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there wasn’t quite a bit of difficult and arduous stuff to get through. Throughout the experience, I felt like my body was being twisted and contorted, wrapped around itself. My neck was very sore the whole time, probably as a result of struggling against this sensation. Towards the end I got a splitting headache, and took 4 ibuprofen. A couple minutes later I did the same thing again, for a total of 8. It’s a good thing there wasn’t anything stronger in the house. <br> <br> But overall I managed to keep the whole experience on a positive note, which is something I was more than a little bit scared about. As stereotypical as it might sound, I feel like I’ve just gotten about ten years of experience all shoved into my brain in a few hours. I’m going to do my best to hold onto that and let it affect my life for the better. As far as doing acid again, I believe I probably will at some point in the future, but I’m not in any rush. To me this seems like an experience that should be at least a year apart from the next.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 58115</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 24</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 23, 2008</td><td>Views: 40,805</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=58115&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=58115&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.0 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> There are better drugs out there than acid. <br> <br> “You’re phone is fucked!” <br> <br> So, this Friday started out on fairly mild terms. I finished classes, went to the bank, took a shower and developed a few songs on my guitar. A friend had mentioned that a few of his friends were going to be dosing later that day. The day was going well. I felt in the mood for a good trip, seeing as I’d only tried it one other time in my life. I talked to my girlfriend, letting her know that I would see her later. The night was destined for excellence. I knew that things would go well. <br> <br> The preface is ironic only in a number of ways, but really not humorous in any. My night would severely obviate from the phrases “mild terms” and “good trip”. In fact, these terms could not even begin to articulate what kind of terrible nightmare made reality I was to experience. I can honestly say that the serious advents of the night so sharply contrasted with my initial optimism that I will probably never live this night down in my prospective attendance to school. <br> <br> I ingested two hits of what I assumed to be pure, unadulterated Lazy Sunshine Dust dosed on Shock Tarts at approximately 4 in the afternoon this Friday. I felt a little tense, but fairly optimistic as usual. I was in a group of six. We hopped in some fellow collegiate’s car and stopped at a gas station for smokes. We drove up into the mountains. A family of deer, including two protective bucks, were in our near vicinity. I thought that they might defend their females, so I was a little disoriented from that standpoint. <br> <br> Me and the group of guys found a pleasant outlook where we could see the city lights. Cars began to move in pulsing light beams across the country side. The heavy onset of smog reminded me of the misty Oregon coast. I felt good. Then, this vulgar asshole in the group starts adding dialogue to the already intense scene along the lines of “I want to find Mordor” and “I hate niggers”. I had apprehensive, bad feelings. I knew that the downward spiral was going to set in soon on the night. <br> <br> The Downward Spiral is a theory that I formulated in High School. During any given night out, there is an indefinite enjoyable phase that can be presumed. However, Murphy’s Law will eventually sneak his way into that situation. That is where the indefinite downward spiral, precipitated mainly by drama, would take place and probably end in an unfulfilling night unless sleep is reached before that end. In brevity, this occurred on such ego-deflating basis and with such horrendous speed, that I can indefinitely say that this is the worst night of my life. <br> <br> I was suddenly separated from my one friend and was stuck in a group of assholes driving down from the mountains. The vulgar guy, was he there? Oh yeah, he was there. I heard his voice immediately. He stared at me manically, his fiery red hair and blank leer frightened me. The Dark Side of the Moon roared, patterns rippled across my vision like a kaleidescope, colors changed on a two-second basis. I couldn’t decide whether or not I could bare to stay with these bastards, and I couldn’t decide if I could make it back safely to my dorm under the influence of such powerful drugs. <br> <br> One of the guys wanted to crash. Tough shit. I was out on my ass and sent into a terrible mass of confusion. I circled around a lake 10 times in search of my dorm. My acid-addled brain wasn’t ready to digest what had already happened and my consciencous, though now thoroughly sober, is suffering with the advents of the night. So, essentially, within the hour my prospective good trip cascaded into what could more appropriately relate to hellish nighmare. I somehow, in my incredibly erratic mindstate, felt impending doom. Colors spun heavily. I felt as though I had to change, to morph into some sort of chi, some oneness, some lifeforce. I meditate on a daily basis, so I’m usually able to achieve mental equilibrium in altered states whenever I rarely indulge in them. I tried to meditate. Impossible. I realized that the previous generation had vacated the planet and gave the planet to my generation. I took an entire generation’s environmental morality on my own acid-addled conscience and am regretting it as I type. I argued with my own roommate for no real reason and threw his Nalgene bottle again the wall. I am such a fucking idiot. Luckily, the only things injured, besides me, were the window of a 9-11 dispatch unit and my pride. <br> <br> So, I was suddenly stranded outside of my dorm building, naked. I had, undeniably, shed my clothes at some point and smashed all of the personal belongings in my pocket. I came to the realization that the previous generations were not only no longer on this Earth but they had deprived me of my clothing and personal belongings and had set my entire generation into this primitive Planet of the Apes netherworld. I was, in fact, wrong. It was just me and my shriveled manhood in the cold Colorado night ranting about saving the Earth or some bullshit illusion of grandeur that I was experiencing. I ran in front of a car and slammed my hands on the hood. I started yelling some psycho babble about saving the Earth or something. <br> <br> So, then I was detained by either some members of elusive past generations or government officials who were indefinitely going to send me to the looney bin forever. I cannot recall this part of the night accurately, but I can subjectively. I thought they were stopping me because I had committed the crime of being human. I repeatedly raved, “is being human a crime?”, “there’s no crime against being human!”. I thought that they were testing me. They weren’t. They were actually very amiable enforcers of the law dealing with some raving, naked asshole college kid. I did not comprehend this until later. <br> <br> This part of the night becomes very blurry to me. I couldn’t decide whether these people wanted to show me the care tips of taking responsibility for the Earth or whether they wanted to put me away in the slammer. I remember trying to escape the terrible grip of the government. I lashed out. I smashed my bare feet through the window of the cop car. I tried to lunge out and gashed my shoulder. I remember screaming, “it’s our fucking generation!”. I was convinced that the government was impounding me right after the Earth had been passed ceremoniously to our generation. How fucking wrong was I? I was quickly forced to the ground, naked, face-first and lifted onto a stretcher against my maniacal, belligerent and probably comical protest. <br> <br> It was then that my hellish, Kafka-esque introspective nightmare began. I saw that there were big government officials in front of me. Their eyes stayed within menacing shades of red. Their tongues seemed to snake out at me. They began injecting me with strange fluids. Lethal injection: it was the best option I tried to transform into pure, white energy. I hoped for death. Better than the torture that would indefinitely await. I was handcuffed and bleeding. I saw the Christlike parallels. Stigmata. The needles reminded me of morphine injections reserved for was casualties. The broken glass dug into my wrists and back, They began to elevate my stretcher. I was going to be crucified. Fuck, oh dear. <br> <br> I must of been a real pain in the ass for the nurses, screaming bloody murder and convulsing like a loony. I heard the words, “psychiatric evaluation”, tossed around by some of the government folks. I was going to the sanitarium. I was getting booted out of school. I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep or to be euthanised. I laid in the hospital bed, hooked up to an IV, tubes up my nose, heart monitor going. Colors changed with great intensity, continually, every few seconds. I confronted the scenarios that I had not only probably severed all of my interpersonal relations with everybody in my life, was facing possible expulsion, was indefinitely facing disorderly conduct and indecent exposure charges, a possible eternity in a mental ward, but that I had left a group of friends on the same substance in the mountains. Now, that’s alot to lay on an acid-addled consciencous I bawled for at least 4 hours. I’m sure the medical staff were laughing most of the time. I would have been. <br> <br> As it turns out, my dignity and blood were the only major donations made to the Downward Spiral on this faithful night. Nobody hates me, except possibly the officers and nurses involved in my detainment. My parents are none too pleased, but haven’t severed communication with me. Well, I haven’t talked to me girlfriend yet and don’t have a phone right now, so I may have spoken too soon. Gossip spreads quickly. I’m sure there are alot of campus sewing circles that my name will be circulating in. <br> <br> So, the night could have gone alot worse. I could be in jail right now being some leviathin monster’s bitch. I’m going do as much as humanly possible to eliminate the tarnish of this one erratic act on my comprehensive educational career, as I pride myself implicitly as being level-headed and mild mannered most of the time. I can’t really change the past, so I am considering this night a learning experience. <br> <br> Why am I writing about this? I feel like shit. I feel that the only way to satisfactorily purge my heavy conscious is to sit down and write, stream of thought, about the night. My face aches. My body is covered with meaty gashes, scrapes and tread marks from multiple IVs. I will be paying for the window of the police vehicle. I will be going to court and paying expenses. I am in such a depressive state right now that the only way I could fall asleep would be to write. I regret this night, but am glad to have survived it, that no one was injured and that the only major devastation lied solely on my ample medical bills. <br> <br> I also wrote this to clarify any rumors, which tend to ruminate quickly among the shit-stirring sewing circles which I truly and utterly despise. I did not sexually assault anybody, as did another student who took off his clothes on LSD. I shudder at the mere comparison between our infringements of the law. Our intentions were, obviously, completely different. Even mine, in my hallucinatory fugue, were fairly pure and ideological as opposed to vulgar, wanton, carnal. I can’t really give a rational reason for my actions, apart from the fact that I was on LSD. I hope to be charged sparsely with infringements of the law, but expect the worse, as I have to take responsibility for my actions ridiculous actions. As the nurses say, I made a mistake and was just “weird'. <br> <br> I can honestly say that this night was the worst of my life, the saving grace only being that I was not arrested and put into a holding cell for my disorderly conduct. I am hoping for the best and plan to partake in extensive community service, which I am apt to, in bettering myself and controlling my modes of thought. This is the first time that I’ve had a run in with the law, and I plan to make it the last. I was entirely out of sorts that night and I think half the campus will be letting me know about it all over again, come sunrise. I made a number of mistakes and now will have to endure the repercussions. I will take this experience as a learning experience and learn to better myself as a person through it. I would like to state that I have no moral objections to public nudity, even if it is near freezing outside. My unruly behavior was inexcusable and will be problematic for me in the ensuing months. Save to say, covered in stigma, currently colorblind and pounding headache, that I have successfully vanquished my curiousity regarding the potency of acid and have no desire in imbibing in such mind-altering drugs ever again and feel intensely at my uncharacteristic outburst. <br> <br> “You’re phone is fucked!” My roommate laments. <br> <br> Did I? Yeah. I did. Well, maybe the SIM card is salvageable. Some night.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 66968</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 28, 2008</td><td>Views: 32,476</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=66968&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=66968&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Bad Trips (6), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The topic of LSD vs. shrooms is common, and I hope to enlighten some by sharing my personal observations. <br> <br> I think that the notion of LSD being 'more intense' is because shrooms are more expensive per dose on the street. Large doses of either are capable of severely fucking one up. The drugs' effects are easier to differentiate at lower doses for me, because once I hit a certain point with either drug, proper recollection and scientific comparison is very difficult. Based on my friends' experiences, I think individual brain chemistry plays a huge role in which drug a person perceives as more intense. I think given their rumored lower intensity, shorter-acting and more 'natural' effects (a label which is often based on the origin of the chemical instead of the effects themselves), shrooms are more often used in group-nature contexts which, while not necessarily altering perception of one's trip, do contribute to the drug's social reputation, and associatively, its comparison to LSD. <br> <br> People comment most often on shrooms' shorter duration, more 'organic' visuals and often a pattern of internal questioning and attempted answering. Probably because shrooms leaves the body faster than LSD, I undergo a faster come-down and may feel that I have more cognitive work to do as I enter sobriety. In other words, I mean that because the sober mindset arrives faster and with less warning, generally users are more occupied with the task of explaining what just happened to their sober self. <br> <br> Likewise, people most often mention LSD's looong duration, more 'artificial' imagery and a buzz of mental activity that is perhaps more readily steered by context. My friends do not report having 'lost' something as often as with shrooms upon completion of the trip, nor do I. For me, things seem more stable on LSD, as my effects do not come and go but are fairly constant. I feel my overall curve as it comes up and goes down, but never individual effects coming and going like on shrooms, 2c-i or MDMA. In this more stable, drawn-out state I find it easier to think as I have more confidence that changes in my mindset have less to do with the chemical interaction and more with how I am thinking. That said, this can flip around for me in a second if the context changes (i.e. parents appear). On one hand, LSD could be said to be more intense because it lasts longer and is more moldable, its intensity mapped to set/setting more. On the other, shrooms could be said to change faster chemically and leave the user slightly less in-control in the sense that the high curve passes faster. 'Intensity' is subjective. <br> <br> For me visually, the drugs both distort surfaces and geometry but in slightly different ways. Both drugs' visuals will tend to play off the base pattern that you are looking at, so a regularly-spiky ceiling (the kind that pops balloons) may produce sharper concentric patterns while a more organic garage floor will produce more ebbing, rolling distortions in the oil and grime. When characterizing one's visual character, I think many users try to apply all-encompassing characteristics (i.e. 'shrooms is more root-like, acid is sharper) and do not comment on how both drugs' vast arsenal of visual tricks can only come out by looking at a variety of surfaces. The fact that each drug produces visuals out of a blueprint image makes comparing them without keeping one surface as control very difficult. <br> <br> How do the two drugs treat the same surface? For me, a spiky ceiling on LSD will produce rapid-moving spikes in various directions while also breathing and changing in brightness, with intermittent waves of the entire spectrum fluttering over all. On a higher dose, the particles of the ceiling will be swimming around and the entire room will be pulsing in RGB-type color with high contrast. On shrooms, the same ceiling will likely appear to be dripping and will probably not be altering in brightness or fluttering spectrums of color as much, though there will also be spiky geometry mixed with breathing and ebbing. On shrooms, my color distortions appear as a blurring of color lines and a crossing of one color into the next, and at higher doses overtones of sepia and primary colors but not with the same relative intensity or range as LSD. Shrooms plays more with existing colors, LSD injects more of its own. <br> <br> Overall to me, the visuals of the two are similar with LSD being more likely to 'pinch' and distort faces, and the color spectrum more apparent. Shrooms is more rolling in its distortions and subtle in color. What one sees in the mirror is going to be more-or-less similar, indicative of similar serotonin action and chemical similarity (acid is technically not a tryptamine but is shaped like one). Their closed-eye capabilities are hard to compare but both are arguably not as powerful in this area as say 2c-i or 2cb. Which is more 'intense' visually? I think this is quite subjective as I have heard mixed preferences. <br> <br> I am curious if others have noticed similar visual observations, or whether this has been a product of my subjective reality. I will never know the exact answer, unfortunately I cannot occupy anothers' brain.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 52117</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 15, 2008</td><td>Views: 134,034</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=52117&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=52117&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Mushrooms (39) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Not Applicable (38)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">210 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I should probably start by stating that I have read many reports of people experiencing HPPD after having used LSD only one time. I am not certain how many times it took for me to develop HPPD, nor am I certain if it was LSD. From age 15 to 23, I was a psychonaut - a proud psychonaught. I have eaten more acid than I could every count, but far more than 100 trips. I have taken AMT countless times. MDMA was one of my favorite substances. And of course I was a pothead for the entire time, smoking pounds of cannabis over the years. <br> <br> Over the last 2 years, with the last 6 months excluded, I really started getting into LSD. I would take it almost weekly if it were available, with gradually increasing dosages. I must admit that I first noticed some of the HPPD effects back then, but believed them to be effects which were short lived and which would go away once I stopped using. <br> <br> After eating about 15 hits one night, I finally had the 'bad trip' - truly an experience from Hell which I do not feel comfortable enough talking about even to this day. For that is not the purpose of this submission. The trip got me off drugs, which I am somewhat grateful for. <br> <br> The thing is, the visuals never stopped. Text would move slightly, I can still read, but I have to blink continually to stay focused. Faces morph - slightly, but noticeably. There are halos around objects. And occasionaly I see white spots which move slowly in every conceivable dimension. I have heard many people say that they experience such an effect at night. Almost all of my visuals come in during the day, with full daylight. <br> <br> My vision is whack. And it was been 6 months since I have touched any psychedelic, and weeks since I have smoked weed. Until recently, I would have said it was worth it. But I am not so sure anymore. It may be hard to understand, but I have read that many people forget that their vision was ever normal. I understand that thought. I think what really turned me on to the fact that I was not seeing normal was when I tripped with an old friend some months ago. He pointed out that his vision had not yet returned to normal, that he was still seeing color spots and some shifting of images. He also was understandably amazed by the visual element of the trip. I was not, and looking back, I think the first real obvious sign that I was suffering from HPPD is when a low amount of psychedelics did not really make me hallucinate even though my friends were. It may be that I was hallucinating, just not more so than normal. I sort of habituated to the vision issues. But I remember the first time I hallucinated I could not believe that stationary items could move. And geometric patterns on walls which bore a solid color were intriguing and awesome. At this point, I think it would be awesome to just see a damned wall. <br> <br> But I do want to point something out for all those who suffer from HHPD. I do not think its right to say we are always tripping. Tripping is a state of mind which involves hallucinating. I am not tripping. I can think and act normally. I do not have insanely intense random thoughts and I am able to concentrate. I do not have escapes from reality where I cannot tell what is real. I do not think of HPPD as a flashback because I never feel like I am tripping, but I am continually 24/7 hallucinating - albeit slightly - similar to the effects of a mild acid trip. But I do have a significant visual impairment. And I am only 24. I of course wonder if it gets worse or better over time, but I am too young to know that personally.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 72627</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 29, 2008</td><td>Views: 33,403</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=72627&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=72627&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Retrospective / Summary (11), Not Applicable (38)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 14:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">190 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This trip is the one that showed me the way. It has since proven to be but a glimpse of the doorway to enlightenment. The date of experience is February 15, 2005. <br> <br> <br> <br> I dosed at 8:00pm. My mindset going is was incredibly calm. It was probably due to the amount of time I spent meditating in the last 4 months prior to the experience. Anyways, after dosing, I got into bed and just lay there. Complete silence. It was the first time I have ever tried tripping in complete, silent darkness. About 15 minutes in I started feeling the initial mind whirl that I always get coming up on acid. I felt incredibly drawn into everything. By now I had turned on the light and was vividly staring at a stopwatch that I had been using. Things continued on, and I called up to my buddy via the 2 way radio, just to say 'What's up'. At this point, I felt incredibly light, like my skin was evaporating into the air. At that same moment, I said to myself 'Here we go' for I knew what lay just beyond the hour. <br> <br> I as I continued to lay in my bed, (t+ 0:30) I got incredibly bored just sitting there, so I said 'Fuck it, I'm gettin' up.” By now, I was totally feeling the effects of this 'wondrous molecule' as I so eloquently put it in my inebriated state. I got out of bed, turned on my main overhead light, and looked at the amazing display I had created for this very purpose. The room was covered in multiple pattern sheets. I hung them like drapes from the ceiling, boxing off an area with my bookshelves, and weight set (which I covered with its own blanket, a Canadian flag with a pot leaf replacing the traditional maple), which became a cool area in of itself. <br> <br> Anyway, back to the room, I covered everything with blankets and floral sheets: the floor, my dresser, everything except my nightstand. On top of my dresser, I had some really cool looking plants, which really looked like fractals even when sober. It was the coolest looking room I have ever seen. My bed was a haven of blankets and pillows. I was in heaven at this point. Just taking it all in. <br> <br> I started feeling a little anxious as I approached the hour and a half mark. Now this is just a rough estimate of what time it could have been. I removed all source of time, except for that of my stopwatch, which I had conveniently placed out of sight. I remembered all my previous acid trips, but not just those, “There’s this feeling, that, like, I’ve done this a million times before… an infinite number of times before” which gave me a sense of great calm. I felt connected with a force far greater than that of which my mind could conceive. Then it hit me. To truly know it, is not to know it… <br> <br> I had to play guitar. I came out of my room, turned everything on, and just wailed! I have a looper that I can record a progression, then I just jam over it. As I continued to play, I looked up at this poster of Jimi Hendrix, and it looked like he was smiling and nodding his head at me. It made me shiver. I was playing exactly what came into my head without any effort. My fingers could fly up and down the neck, at speeds I couldn’t comprehend sober. Any note, melody, chord, or sound could be produced at will. I merged what I was thinking, with what I was sensing, and I was the sound. I became the vibrations in space that created this, like one big ass Super-string (for those familiar with the string theory in quantum physics). <br> <br> I remember at one point, I could see the fields of sound coming out of the amp. Each frequency was seen as a different color, and I could change the note feeding back by simply moving my finger, and walking into another field of visual sound. These fields were everywhere, a beauty beyond compare. It was like a massive collage of sound, layering infinitely on top of each other. I played for a little while longer, then, just like that, felt it was time to stop. I put the guitar down, powered off, gave a nod to my Hendrix poster, then proceeded back into my room. <br> <br> That is when “I” disappeared. I felt this wave of energy flowing through me, it was the eternal life force that is all consciousness. There was an immediate connection to all beings, “I” was now simply a letter to identify my body. It had no connection to my true self. At this point, there was no difference to what I was seeing with my eyes open, vs. closed. So I decided to head upstairs to converse with my buddy. In previous trips, where I have encountered non-tripping people, it really brings me back to reality, but for some reason, he was just as much a part of the trip as the plants, or the wall for example. <br> <br> “It's funny, when I hear this, I feel that all of a sudden, I’m everybody that’s going to hear this, and also the voice speaking it, AT THE EXACT SAME TIME!” <br> <br> My buddy had a fire lit, which I found quite amazing. I kept staring into the fire, and I would become the fire. I am sure a lot of you know what I am talking about. <br> <br> As time went on, I saw vision after vision, just constantly flowing. I knew I was totally emerged in the experience at this point, and just started walking around slowly, contemplating life and existence. I got this vision of a graph. I related the graph to awareness being brought into nothingness, or the zero point. Then I started attaching words to this, and BOOM, it hit me. When I analyzed my experience I would always start spinning in my head, pure chaos at its finest. But when I just felt my experience, not attaching any thought, opinion, idea, or any other construct of the rationalizing human mind, I became everything and nothing at the exact same moment. There was no experience to be felt, for I was the experience, and to feel it, would imply knowing I was feeling it, and “knowing” is a function of the human brain. I became the same as everything around me. I simply did not exist. <br> <br> “I am the wave…” I felt that everything was flowing, moving, and eternally changing and I was part of it all. Every time I gained self-awareness, it simply felt like I was me, coasting on a wave, which would instantly cast me back into the realm of nothingness. I wondered around in this ego-less state for what seemed like hours. At one point I remember thinking that it must have been at least 8 hours into the trip, but upon further inspection, <br> <br> “It's only quarter to twelve! Holy Shit!” <br> <br> I figured I’d better get back downstairs. I headed downstairs, and lay in bed for a minute or two, but I was far to energized to stay there. I got out and began just wandering around. I went upstairs, and just started walking around my house, in a constant circle. Through my living room, then past the kitchen table, into the hallway, past the bathroom, back into the living room. I did all this incredibly slowly. Taking about 5 minutes to make one rotation. Once I had been around about 10 times, I realized that I was just walking and observing, which instantly reminded me of my Zen practice, and Kinhin (walking meditation). As I continued to walk around, I recognized the fact that there was no internal dialogue. If there was, I was not aware of it. I was just one big antenna, receiving every bit of information at the exact same moment in time. RIGHT NOW! <br> <br> “It’s all sensation, just, sensation. Just feel. Don’t analyze the feelings, just feel. That’s it. Anything else is just purely… itself. Feel…Sensation cannot be expressed in any way shape or form. It can only be perceived…” <br> <br> I don’t know when I said this. It was sometime during my kinhin practice. I continued doing this for quite sometime, not sure how long though. But at least another hour. I have no idea, I can’t really remember much about the next few hours, other than incredible feelings of my own omnipresence. Details are lost. But the sensation I remember, was this ultimate calm. Everything was perfect. It was the most blissful experience of my life. <br> <br> “Zen is the practice of everything and nothingness, being sensation, yet being beyond sensation… I understand. Some would call this enlightenment. Others would just call it words. Beautiful… Zen practice, is Zen practice. It is after all, a practice. It’s not about understanding… Understanding is great and all, but understanding is something that we apply to it. You cannot know, to know is to not know. It goes beyond the sense of wonder, because the sense of wonder in itself, is just that. A sense of wonder” and to apply anything to a sense, is the mind at work. <br> <br> There was a point, where I could perceive an infinite number of dimensions. Both spatial and temporal. Like for every single perceiving being in the universe, there was another dimension of existence, and I was aware of all of them. I remember seeing all this again relating to a graph. It was like a cube. But there was also a vision of time as a spatial dimension, constantly unfolding to reveal a more, different reality. I remember seeing fractals everywhere as well. Everything was a fractal. Time, was a fractal. It didn’t matter what I looked at, it would become a fractal. <br> <br> The last thing I have recorded is “All those shit meanings, that don't mean shit” I have no clue to what I was referring to, but I figured it necessary to get down. Ah well. The rest of the night is a big blur of events. I remember dicing up some gingerroot and making some ginger tea, and I don’t know what else happened. I remember after my buddy had gone to bed, I was sitting upstairs, this was like 10:00 am now, and I just kept smoking joint after joint, but due to the nature of my trip, I just couldn’t reclaim my ego. For I felt doing so would be ignorant. Then I smoked a joint, and realized that I am in fact a separate physical being (for now anyway) and that life is about feeling, interacting, and most importantly of all, loving. Every moment, just love. Not any one or any thing, but just for the sake of love in itself. <br> <br> There was not one difficult moment. Every time something unpleasant would come up, Instead of trying to drop it, I just marveled at the fact that this was going on. I remained selfless for who knows how long, because I remember waking up, in my own bed, like I had actually taken the time to get ready to sleep. I have no recollection of this whatsoever, just that I finally regained my ego after waking up. The last time I do remember (probably right before I went to bed) is 8:00pm Thursday, exactly 24 hours after dosing. I had no concept of it being Thursday however, I simply know it didn’t just disappear. <br> <br> I woke up at 4:00am Friday morning, got out of bed, and realized that “I” was back. I rolled up a joint, threw on “I Robot” which I thought would be the perfect movie for right then, and it was, it put me in a massively introspective mode. I cooked up some burritos, then chilled. I watched another movie (Cellular, horrible IMHO) and went back to bed at 9:00am or so. I got up again at 2:00pm Friday, smoked a joint, and thought to myself, “Where the hell did Thursday go?” I remember Wednesday, and then waking up on Friday morning, but Thursday is nowhere to be found. I gave a little chuckle, and with a flick of my lighter, lit up another joint.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 53392</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 14, 2008</td><td>Views: 19,030</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=53392&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=53392&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Music Discussion (22), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 10:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/salvia/">Salvia divinorum</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(extract - 10x)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I had taken two hits of acid around 2 PM that afternoon, which yielded a decent not particularly notable journey (although all trips are fairly memorable). I have eaten ten-strips of Lucy in one sitting or over the course of a few days with little problems and no bad trips. I’m not even sure what a “bad” trip is. I only see trips as challenging, with some more daunting than others. That’s the acid test one must pass when, and if one does pass, they almost always come out that much stronger in a sense. This experience is the closest thing I ever have had to a “bad” trip, but I still can’t label it as such. This was an eye opening, shit-your-pants ego destruction fling. And it wasn’t entirely the acid’s doing. It was the Green Goddess who kicked it off. And she wasn’t happy to see me this time around. <br> <br> I waited until midnight, the witching hour, to smoke the remaining apple flavored Salvia 10X I had. By this time I was slowly coming down off the blotter, but going to sleep was still way out of the question. I took some time to meditate before the journey. Well, really to brace myself for the mindfuck I knew was coming. I had never introduced Lucy to Sally before, and was quite unsure of the consequences, despite reading D.M. Turner’s literature on the matter. I got myself pumped up and ready to go, and took the first massive rip out of my bowl. I managed to take the enormous pack in one huge pull, resulting in a lung buster cloud of smoke. While I was holding it in, I got the last minute jitters, knowing full well that I was in for a crazy ride. This always happen when I smoke salvia, despite having done it countless times in addition to developing a respectful relationship with La Madre de las Hojas herself. <br> <br> I was in dark of my living room. All was still and quiet. I pulled a blanket over my head to further reduce any interference from the moonlight outside the window. In the dark abyss of my blanket I began to see the first few textile patterns form before my eyes. “Here it comes!” I anxiously thought. “Just give yourself over, accept her, don’t resist” was my final sober thought. My body began to feel the Salvia spinning effect come on. I exhaled after 30 seconds. <br> <br> There was no transition from the initial patterns. NONE. I was slammed into the hyper-real salvia dimension. Bewildered and totally disoriented with amnesia as to what I had just done to get to this alien world of alternating brick patterns in (every color at once). It resembled something from Super Mario World, but entirely unique in its own. Then those unintelligible voices I always hear began their chants. I can always understand them during the journey, but can only remember the gist of what is said when I return to this plane. At first they said something like “welcome back”, and then they began to get annoyed. “Get in your spot” they shouted, or something to that effect. “You know what you have to do” “Get back to work” (This expression has been a motif of several trips I've had) I saw the entities saying these things. There were the classic “gingerbread people” (or the “patrol” as I have dubbed them), as well as more intimidating, larger creatures who seemed to “supervise” the lesser being and were also bossing me around. They were the aggressive force bossing me around. <br> <br> I suddenly found myself becoming a bowling alley. They were using me as their lanes. I would switch views from being an alien bowling lane, like the view of the ball coming straight for me, right down the middle. Then this view shifted to me being in the middle of some darkened slot of some sort. I have been in a toaster with the three little pigs during a past trip (no lie), but I quickly realized I was in some other device. It dawned on me that I was underneath the cover of a piano, right on top of the mallets that strike the notes when they keys are pressed. I was shot out of this contraption when a note was struck, and found myself back at the landscape I had first been transported to. The entities scattered in fear. Now there was a terrifying presence before me. It was HER! Lady Salvia herself. No loving embraces or mystic secrets to be shared this time. She was hideous and awesome in appearance; the closest thing I can relate it to is the Chiquita Banana Lady, except with gnarled, green skin, rough, green wooden hands, and instead of a fruit basket on her head, it was a two-dimensional top of a leafy tree with branches sticking out in all directions. A real witch indeed (had the 'witching hour' timing of the trip psychologically influenced her appearence). <br> <br> Her expression was one of incredible fury and petulance. I was scared beyond belief. She approached me in a menacing strut. She spoke in that tongue only intelligible in Salvia space. This time I understood her clearly, and her intentions. “You know why I’m here; now it’s your time.” She was there to take me away. Permanently. She reached out for me, and cast a spell. I then was above a hollow plastic doll that looked nothing like me, but I knew it was me. Each piece of the doll-me was being lifted up and destroyed; imagine pulling files out a filing cabinet in a rapid motion. Each segment was being ripped out faster and faster. I was terrified. This was it, my last moments! I then got a view from inside the me-doll. There was other “me-s” inside, but from other dimensions. They were being sucked up with segmentation of the hollow doll, screaming and pleading for their life. There were two more segments to be ripped out before my turn came. I turned to run, but I saw her looking IN the doll, her face full of malice and anticipation. Her bony hand reached for me, but I managed to run through the doll and escape. <br> <br> I ripped the blanket off of me, and in the darkness of the living room, I stumbled and fumbled my way around furniture, trying to run for my life. I turned around, and guess who was there? She was still in the living room, reaching out to grab me! She literally chased me in my living room for a few seconds, which seemed like 5 minutes of a horror movie, until she dissolved into the darkness. She could only briefly sustain a metaphysical form in this dimension. Before she was completely gone, she telepathically sent me a message “I’ll be back and I’m waiting for you.” I ran upstairs and locked my door. I knew death was inevitable. But she did not appear again that night, and I slowly drifted off to sleep, digesting what had just happened. This was a terrifying experience, but it taught me to re-learn how to respect salvia all over again. It was much more intense than my first few salvia encounters, and much more eye opening in many aspects. It made me think about my life, all the rotten things I have done, and instilled in me the values of “carpe diem” and “memento mori”, and as the AC DC song Hell’s Bells goes “your only young but your gonna die.” <br> <br> Combing two hits of LSD with salvia is a VERY potent combination. It may have “only” been 10x salvia, but the experience was 10x X 10!(And that's for someone who can have a second 'A' trip on the S-A-L-V-I-A scale of intensity by smoking natural leaf!) If you learn anything from this report, let it be that Salvia is a plant and personality that MUST be respected and treated accordingly. Intention and deference are everything. Use it wisely, and you may benefit from it greatly. Use it with acid, and buckle up tight! <br> <br> One more thing I would like to note; I don’t plan on using Salvia anytime soon. I feel it’s necessary to give it some time to let “her” cool off, and then try to re-establish our relationship. This may have been just the wake-up call I needed.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 67528</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 18, 2009</td><td>Views: 22,263</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=67528&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=67528&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Salvia divinorum (44) : Difficult Experiences (5), Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 9:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The Heart of Christmas, the Beat of the Beast That Drives Us. <br> <br> It was Christmas break and I was returning home to Portland, the City of Roses. Since I was returning from Eugene, the culture shock would be nonexistent. Portland, at least the west side of the river where I grew up, is littered with coffee shops filled with ironic, sweatshirt-wearing indie rockers. Or pretend indie rockers, but it doesn’t really matter. They mix with the hippies who sold out and started running more corporate businesses. Portland is a liberal colony, and I was planning on being very liberal with my pursuits. <br> <br> It had been immensely boring the past week; I was growing tired of the green glow from my Xbox 360. I had been out and about with friends, but nothing interesting had happened in a long time. Of course, in my experience, when things are not interesting is when they’re great (like a day at the beach where all you do is relax and enjoy), but since I have not had a nice boring year yet, I am not accustomed to a lack of action. Yes, it would be time for sightseeing, but since I didn’t need to see anything in the City it would have to be of a different nature. I made the phone call and a childhood acquaintance picked up. He was at work and he could arrange the sightseeing around 12 p.m. I was going to take substance ‘A’ in hopes of gaining some insight or intuition that would allow me to make drastic changes in my life and perhaps lead to world domination, but I digress. Mere boredom was more of a primary factor than anything else. <br> <br> I met the man at 12 outside his office, which was conveniently located near my house. The problem was that his supply of “A” was on the other side of the river. Under the cover of night, away from my parents’ prying skepticism, I borrowed the car and helped him grab his movie collection from his old house and finally returned home. I was feeling somewhat apprehensive about doing the substance with this individual and was wishy-washy in my intent that night. This is, of course, a great character trait, and my friend was taking it like a true champ. Under constant peer pressure assault for the entire two hours that picking up substance “A” took, I finally relented when my friend had imbibed it and freaked out when I told him I didn’t want to join in his experience. The catch was that he freaked out in a public street and eyes were on me despite the late night hour. So I did what any rational person would do; I acquiesced his request so he would shut up and not blow our cover, the poor fool. I felt bad, and forced into a strange situation. <br> <br> The restaurant I had worked at was open till 3, so we decided to go and allow the drug to kick in. Three “cougars” (slang for older 'horny' woman, the word changes every 10 years or so) descended upon me, so I thoughtfully reverted to childhood boyish antics. Unfortunately, this seemed to interest them even more, but finally my lack of commitment shook off the leader of the group, a completely-wasted 28 year-old blonde woman. Now was no time for sex; I was starting to lose basic functioning abilities. My ex co-workers were all veterans themselves save one; she was a rookie. <br> <br> Drunks piled in and out, and I slowly began to notice that the restaurant I used to work in was filled with all sorts of terrible dark things. A plastic rat figurine creepily perched on a speaker overlooking the whole place; a clay snake with the head of Richard Nixon; a Superman figurines hanging from the ceiling with a condom taped to their backs; Wonder Woman mid-coitus with Spider-man by the bathroom; and the Queen of England with a Nazi Swastika imprinted on her face and horns added to her head above the entrance to the kitchen. My ability to speak sentences understood by human beings was slowly decaying and confused looks flashed upon my ex co-workers' faces. It didn’t matter. The male ex co-worker, not the rookie, understood. The awkwardness never settled in, and in retrospect the place I worked was full of interesting people. A real stepping stone into a future career in the restaurant business if I chose to take it, but such things took a backseat to a college degree. <br> <br> The night itself was not particularly interesting or unique, but I played some good guitar and enjoyed Radiohead’s “In Rainbows” in a whole new light. City of God was watched and then my friend and I parted ways. <br> <br> By then it was 7 in the morning. Sleep would not come to me. My mind was racing and my desire to accomplish something while I was conscious overwhelmed me. Lyrics to an album were quickly written down and 8 tracks later it was finished. Around 9 a.m., I called my best friend and said nothing other than to meet me in Pioneer Courthouse Square. He agreed and then fell back asleep, but at that point it was too late and I was in transit to the Square. It was the heat of Christmas shopping season, and although the main effects of the drug had worn off, my new perceptive abilities hadn’t changed. Under its influence, I started to notice all sorts of strange things about the people that I had filtered out before, and Portland is strange as it is. Everyone looked to be twisted in some way. Indecision, amidst the consumers flushed and in lines, deciding what to buy. The madness of the Christmas shopping was an intense sporting event for the women in packs, and the men were no different. There is a campaign called “Keep Portland Weird.” I’m not sure how a campaign like that could ever be successful on such loosely-defined terms. <br> <br> I texted my other best friend in the peak of the drug's wrath, with the incoherent demand: “come Portland now kthxbai.” I did not expect to see him as he lived far away and was working for UPS, which of course was very busy at the time. At the Square, I played my guitar while my fingers froze and I bitterly waited for my best friend to show up. I ran into members of my college community in various states of Christmas shopping panic. The happy marketed outlook of the holidays was stricken from the eye of every soul. A collective chaos had descended upon the citizens, presumably due to the late date; procrastinators were abundant. <br> <br> A panhandler came up to me demanding to play my guitar; I looked at him, decided he posed no threat, and in the spirit of the season let him have it. He sat down and began playing “Stairway to Heaven,” one of my least favorite songs for reasons I cannot understand. The song fills me with a terrible sadness. The panhandlers' skill quickly deteriorated after the intro bit, which is my least favorite part, adding to my contempt. The panhandler looked at me intensely and I looked back. He gave me the guitar adding 'Do you have a hat?' <br> <br> 'No...wait why?!?' <br> <br> 'We could make some money. Here I'll go get a hat, actually come with me' <br> <br> This, strangely, for an odd second, was appealing. I stood up and wiped my nose. My contact lens began attempting to remove itself from my eye and I countered its intent with unorthodox blinking. The panhandler looked at me while I struggled, waiting impatiently. He moved his arm in a 'follow me' motion, and I complied. <br> <br> 'Alright so first we gotta ask someone for a hat, or steal one. There's bound to be some silly Christmas hats around unattended and you could make some money with your guitar playing, and when you got tired I could play,' the panhandler reasoned. <br> <br> 'Uhm I don't know man. I'm just waiting here for my friend. He should be here any minute.' I began to want no part in this panhandler's design. Stealing is not something I condone, especially in the Christmas season. Making a quick buck to help score some heroin or crack was not in my Christmas plans. I glanced at the homeless panhandler's eyes. Yes he was definitely on something. I guessed an upper due to his disregard for social norms. A certain confidence exuded from his deluded state. I was sure of it. <br> <br> 'Come on it'll be easy. HEY! YOU Sir.” The panhandler approached a stranger with a Christmas hat on, “Which way is Forest Park!?' At this point I quickly left saying 'Nah man it’s alright, but I got to go.' The panhandler glared at me and I saw him move on to someone else as the stranger quickly removed himself from the homeless man's presence. I circled the Square just long enough to make sure the panhandler would forget about me, and returned to the amphitheatre. Bitterness began to exude from me. The idea of this season of giving and brotherhood began to take a backseat to mistrust of my fellow man. Fate had tried to warn me; my contact's loosening must have been an act of God to alert me to the panhandler's schemes. Or my still-dilated pupils. I couldn't be sure. <br> <br> A girl approached me, demanding I play in the amphitheatre, and I reasoned with her that I wasn’t skilled enough and my fingers were too cold. After some small chat she wandered away only to circle around me and the rest of the amphitheatre’s inhabitants (one vagabond homeless man and one older woman waiting for someone) for what seemed like some time. I was pleasant with her the whole time, again testing the spirit of the season, but my pleasant polite indifference fueled her and led her to engage in conversation multiple times. But I could not be trifled with; I was on a mission; I had ideas. <br> <br> What were these ideas? I couldn't be sure, but for a second I thought I had discovered some horrible truth about the situation I was in. A sleep-deprived coma became my state, but completely alert and aware, just lacking the ability to remember any of it in any real coherent sense. Two hours after the initial phone call my friend arrived. The moment I entered the car, he took one look at me and said “What did you do last night?” After I turned to make eye contact with him, he grinned and his question was answered. “How did you know?” I asked, but he merely waved his hand away and responded with “Can you get more?!!” Rodriguez apparently understood the desire to go sight seeing. <br> <br> This delightful unexpected proposition put me into a crisis situation: Do I do it all over again, this time doubling my dose and try to make it the rest of the day, or do I thank my friend for showing up and then promptly pass out in his car? I decided to do it for scientific reasons and because living hard is something I had never really tried before. For science. I made the call and my friend was awake and we went to go meet him by my house at his new apartment. 2x was applied and 1x for my friend, and I started to think I had made a very, very bad decision. Such thoughts are not good for the mind when encountering an altered state. Happy thoughts, use with force, into existence: prime rib sandwiches, Philly cheese steaks; I was starving! I hadn't eaten in over 12 hours, or had I? I distinctly remembered breakfast with my mother with her only comment being 'You’re funnier than usual.' She had no idea. <br> <br> Suddenly I got a call from my other best friend Smedly. He was coming to visit me and was already at my house. I was walking a fine line and I knew it, but no changes would occur for hopefully an hour, and maybe he wouldn't notice substance ‘A’s effect. He was not the adventurous sort yet, but a yearning for the unknown was definitely there, for we would not have been best friends otherwise, I'm sure of that. Rodriguez and I were walking on our way to Subway when we encountered him. 'I need to get a present for Syd (his girlfriend of 3 years)' he explained. I recommended the chocolate shop, but first Subway. He agreed. Rodriguez said 'I'll pay for your sandwich Phil, but you have to pay me back in some other lifetime.' I considered the implications. <br> <br> I was terrified. <br> <br> Maybe some caffeine was necessary. <br> <br> Lots of it. <br> <br> Jesus. <br> <br> 'Honey oat bread please' <br> <br> Something had changed. The tense. The atmosphere. The Subway store. <br> <br> My childhood acquaintance who had supplied this nightmare is accompanying us to Subway. He decides to take off for business purposes and Smedly becomes severely confused about his whereabouts. I try to explain to him that we couldn't be sure he existed in the first place. This explanation doesn’t settle so I propose: 'He clicked his shoes and vanished back home!' This rouses a good laugh and Smedly relaxes, but he will not be denied. 'No, Seriously where did he go!!?' 'How can you be sure he was there?!!' Rodriguez supports my hypothesis and the subject is changed. It would be very difficult to prevent Smedly from knowing. So far it had been a smashing success, but the lack of sleep and the nightmarish beginning only meant one thing. The trip had begun. <br> <br> I stare at my Subway sandwich with animosity that it does not deserve. I am very tired and nauseated, and feel like a balloon is trying to escape my esophagus. Smedly wants to go, and I wrap up the sandwich and take it with me. As we walk to the chocolate shop, I ask God if he would be so kind as to turn all the sidewalks into conveyor belts like at the airport. Solar power could run the damn things, with a Nazi-engineered weapon that magnifies sunlight to pinpoint the solar energy. God disagrees, and I trudge onwards slowly, feeling a descending sense of doom and despair. Rodriguez seems to be settling into the experience and is looking around every which way, while Smedly talks about some cool sound project or movie idea. However, words seem to appear in one ear and then leave my other ear straight into Rodriguezs; we can’t understand Smedly, but keep up the facade for we are in the middle of a public street. It is going well as long as the gesticulations continue to deceive. <br> <br> We arrive at the chocolate shop and Smedly eagerly runs inside. I follow him and the moment I walk into the store, I swallow the gum I had been chewing. The nausea escalates and I feel like I am going to die. I turn around and rush outside and sit on the chairs outside frantically looking for a trash can or coffin. Smedly, unperturbed by my mysterious fleeing, buys his girlfriend the box of chocolates he had been planning on. Rodriguez comes outside and looks at me. We both laugh. <br> <br> 'I think that it’s kicked in!' I exclaim. <br> <br> 'Definitely, there are some weird uneven people out.' Rodriguez replies. <br> <br> 'This was a bad idea man. I feel awful, definitely like I'm done for. Tired. Going to puke--maybe.' <br> <br> Rodriguez looks at me with haughty insolence. This rouses a good-natured grin upon my face that washed out as the bad waves of exhaustion and nausea crashed back again, stronger and not settling for less. <br> <br> 'You better not die on me.' A smile spreads as a goofy higher-pitched tone emerges from Rodriguez: ' Wai-T we'll just get some CoffeE.' <br> <br> 'Hey guys, got Syd her gift. Why'd you leave Phil?!' Smedly says, as he exits the shop. <br> <br> 'I swallowed my gum, give me a second I need to rest, bad vibrations you see, ominous dry heaving could be around the corner at any se--I contained the urge to vomit, there was no trashcan close enough--just give me a minute.' <br> <br> 'Alright, that's fine. We'll sit here then.' Smedly sits down as does Rodriguez and they watch as people go by. Rodriguez's brow is furrowed, awash in angst and waves of worry for my wellbeing, but it could also be the terrible drug that causes this perceived commiseration. Smedly looks thoughtfully at his box of chocolates and raises his eyes up to the sky. My eyes follow his and I noticed it is very overcast, but bright nonetheless. Two stragglers, shoppers in the Christmas spree of panic, hurry by. <br> <br> The first shopper says, 'What a hellish Christmas.' The second shopper replies, 'It isn't going to snow in this city and Santa won't come on his sleigh.' <br> <br> Words billow up inside of me and for a second I am not sure if I am going to actually vomit all over the white table where we are sitting, or speak. 'He'll COME on the last SLEIGH FROM HELL!' I exclaim to the passing shoppers. Of course, there were no shoppers, by the time the words left my mouth, they were down the street. If they had even existed. Had I heard that? <br> <br> Rodriguez looked unsettled and Smedly looked like a tabby cat that had been rubbed the wrong way. It was becoming apparent that a change in scenery was necessary, if not for my mind, but for my life to continue. I had never felt so terrible and so sleepy and yet so awake. It was very much like a lucid dream, but stuck within the confines of some nightmarish reality. Perhaps this is what those bad trips are I keep hearing about, but I remain optimistic that it would turn out, and stare blankly with no expression at Smedly while the thoughts work their way through. Smedly blinks. This is his most notable tell to the vigilant poker face inspector, who might mistakenly think Smedly is bluffing, when he merely blinks. Often. <br> <br> 'Hey there's a Wolf's Cameras nearby!' Smedly looks away from my blank face and up the road towards the Plaid Pantry. Sure enough a Wolf's Cameras sign is there. Rodriguez gets up and explains he is going to the Pantry for a personal mission. I stare at my right hand and find a Subway sandwich there, deciding I had all the rations I need for the day's undertaking. I follow Smedly into the camera store. <br> <br> Once I step inside the store, I feel instantly less nauseated, but am overcome by the geometric patterns of the building’s lights dancing on the display case. I was in a mad house with display mirrors and odd light fixtures designed to fill my mind with panic, and the two women behind the counter did not suspect a thing. Smedly calmly states that he'd like to see a particular model of Canon camera. Confusion settles upon the women's faces, and my bemused, irritated and somewhat scared appearance forces Smedly into action as four female eyes examine me. 'I would like to see this one.' he points at the camera. 'Oh of course.' said the woman and she hands him what appears to be a thousand-plus dollar camera. Her co-worker glances at me again with a raised eyebrow and looks quizzically at Smedly who blinks again. <br> <br> Suddenly I feel my left leg give out. I swoop toward the ground and recover, awkwardly driving the store's inhabitant’s eyes upon me. Shit. If I stand still I'm going to collapse, CURSE taking this on no sleep, Fuck the science of things. Keep the mind active or else. I could kill for a cigarette, but do not possess the motor skills. The woman was looking at me, getting nervous. I would have to start talking to assuage her fears. To calm her down. 'We're photographers, see,' I lie. 'Really,' the woman retorts a little on edge. 'I just want to check it out feel it, compare it to the camera I already own,' said Smedly, ignoring my blatant lie. He is wise in the ways of the world, but unaware of it nonetheless. I mentally thank him for getting the attention off me, but the two women's eyes came vying back filled with mistrust and loathing. We weren't there to buy anything and we weren't there to pick up the girls. To the women, we were wasted time. 'Check the flash, gamma reduction, you know Smedly the fundamentals! How does this camera compare pixel-wise to my friend here's”—Smedly finishes the sentence for me with the Canon model number. <br> <br> 'I don't know I just open the case and sell them. I know nothing about them,' the woman explains. She is another victim of the quick hiring policies of the Christmas system of business. My attention shifts to Smedly, who has a look on his face that says this excursion is doomed. Out of the corner of my eye, a street freak was looming and had entered the shop. As he enters, a strange smell secretes through the camera shop and I fight back the dry heaves. Now there are three non-customers and the shop keeps are getting afraid. The street freak shuffles about, his rank odor giving him an aura of stench so powerful that no adjective could describe it. It was time to leave. 'The camera's NO GOOD! Shoddy shutters and the like—goodbye!' I rush outside. Smedly follows. The street freak comes out and chuckles as he walks away. The smell was bad, but the fresh outside air provides relief, a cool and rushing sensation. <br> <br> 'That felt very weird. That street freak who entered was sketching me out,' Smedly said, still oblivious to my mental maladies. <br> <br> 'He knew too much,' I explain, but did not explain at the same time. Yes, that street freak had seemed uncomfortably keen on viewing my face. The dilated pupils must have given me away, hopefully he wouldn't perform any acts of vigilante justice on the unkempt youth today during the Christmas season. <br> <br> 'What!? You are making no sense Phil. The display case sure had a large number of cameras,' Smedly says as he shifts his gaze. 'Rodriguez is coming.' <br> <br> Rodriguez was leaving the Pantry with a big silly grin on his face. The Cheshire cat had competition now. 'I got cigarettes,' Rodriguez proudly proclaims. 'You smoke?' Smedly asks. <br> <br> 'I don't know, I just bought them for today.' <br> <br> 'This is why you are my best friend,' I interject, overjoyed at a possible wake-me-up. 'Both of you, now please tell me one of you has a lighter.' <br> <br> 'Haha here you go.' Rodriguez extended the torch, a beacon of hope in a dreary nightmare. 'I never thought I'd say this, but cigarettes are saving my life today!' I exhale and a rush of wakefulness fights back the overbearing hellish feeling of doom that had previously descended upon me. <br> <br> 'How so?! What have you been talking about? I'm so confused. I didn't know you smoke!' Smedly shoots off rapid fire. I look at my best friend and realize that the middle of a Plaid Pantry parking lot was not the place to discuss theology of the drug user. 'Let's go to Urban Outfitters, I'll explain later.' This seems to settle Smedly for now, but there is one issue of importance before we descend into what is going to be a very packed store. <br> <br> 'Hey guys, one thing before we go. Do I look presentable?! My contact keeps trying to fall out my eye and my nose is runny, but I look fine right?” I ask the group. Rodriguez smiles and says that I look the same as I always look. Smedly stares at me for a second and then calmly explains, 'Phil, you never look presentable.' This rouses laughter from the two fools and I shrug. There was nothing I can do for the poor bastards. If I’m not looking normal and presentable at all, at any time, then it is a mystery to me as to why they would chill around me in the first place. Details though, minor details. Time to force the legs to move, look around and enjoy the Christmas spirit in a whole new light. I notice several souls in various states of Christmas stress. The stressful vibes on the common people's faces intensify as we enter the densely packed Urban Outfitters. <br> <br> Gripping the large handle, I pull open the door as heat radiates from the building. My runny nose has intensified, a most unpleasant result of the dry air, but I cannot be certain. People are popping into perception. People of all ages are everywhere. A group of three moves past us, and I begin to wonder if my 'not being presentable' will become a problem. The thought is dismissed as silly and not important as we slowly move our way from the women's floor to ascend to the platform in the middle (male section) of the stairs, pushing people pleasantly aside as we climb. There is an assortment of gadgets and silly accessories like fuzzy slippers that any straight male I knew would never wear. I felt the slippers. The soft fuzzy feeling I expected quickly became disgust as I jerked my hand back. The slippers were sticky. I rubbed whatever horrible thing that had eaten my supposed soft–feeling slippers on the first thing I see, a polka dotted t-shirt. <br> <br> Questioning how male this store’s male section is, I turn my gaze to a strange-looking book with an arch nemesis: George W. Bush, on the cover. Smedly and Rodriguez are scampering about, digging into the doodads and tacky objects like I am. We are out of our element here. It is unbearably hot. I open the book and stare at the abstract art that permeates every page. It is entrancing. For a moment that feels like a decade, my mind discerns what the repeating background art is. Che Guevara and George Bush in a compromising position. 'Hey you guys check this out, how rad is that?!' I sniffle and say. <br> <br> Smedly examines the book thoroughly and thumbs through it in half the time it took me. He then re-opens it at about the halfway point, his hands on both covers as he states, 'It's pretty cool, I guess.' At this moment Rodriguez turns his attention to the book and stares at it. His large pupils are mesmerized by the page. He looks at me. I raise my eyebrows and glance at another abstract artist’s interpretation of George W. doing a Nazi salute with an endless array of swastikas in the background. A horrifying truth begins attempting to correlate Hitler to George in my mind, echoing at the edge of consciousness. This book is filled with ingenious design. As Rodriguez and I cannot even take our eyes off the page, the pages turn by Smedly's hand. Another hypnotizing image consumes Rodriguez and I, as thousands of George Bush’s fill the page, in a pattern similar to the four-paneled Beatles album cover. Only this time there is no musical creativity behind the picture, and what remains is an artist's ghostly ode to a completely differently-layered type of mind. <br> <br> A vision then comes to me, flooding my minds eye with a future America: consumerism at its peak, large corporations raking in the cash, subduing the buyers with bigger buildings. The American dream of two cars in every house destroyed, giving way to the corporate American dream. I see four large buildings each with a neon sign taking up a four different blocks. The buildings rise into the night sky as I glance down upon them from the heavens. Wal-Mart glows in blue, K-Mart in red, Disney in black-white neon, and U.S. Government in red, white, and blue. My view from the heavens quickly returns to Newton's laws as I see my point of view fall rapidly down to the sidewalk, on the intersection of this future hell, looking in the windows as my neck cranes up looking at the bland buildings blur into the night sky. <br> <br> I enter the store and a directory flashes into my mind. 'Find your healthcare needs, 4th floor. Starbucks, 1st floor second building to your right. Military, 5th floor, Women's undergarments, aisle 6.' Each building is filled with the same thing. There is no existence outside these stores. Everything you could ever want or need is within them. Apartments trapped between floors. No more real estate. Socialism, disguised under an illusion of choice. My mind ascends up the building, adjacent stores as each store’s layout proves the same. At the top floor, there is a sky-bridge connecting each of the four buildings to one another. A large fat man smiles from his desk, and on the other side of this room, across from the desk, was a screen filled with an image of the same disturbing image of a fat man, just with a slightly different toned tweed suit. This was America's future if run by the major corporations. I was sure of it. <br> <br> The loud snap of the book closing brings me back to reality. 'There's nothing I want here.' said Smedly. Rodriguez looks at me, his eyes wide. 'Pretty cool book, huh,' I say to him. 'Yeah, that was pretty abstract art,' he replies. 'Let's go then Smedly, Rodriguez, to Starbucks for I need fuel, we will find one soon enough as there are three within ten blocks that will take us back to around my house.' I propose with shudders coursing through me. 'Alright Phil, sounds good let's go to the one with the plush chairs,' responds Smedly. 'An excellent idea,' says Rodriguez. As we turn to leave a group of people follow us, and by the time we leave the store, we leave as ten. Our crowd disperses as we move down the sidewalk, I ponder the strange vision. Starbucks' number was at five within my neighborhood. The remnants of a Blockbuster from last year had recently converted to the coffee cause. Strange tidings, paranoia, as they open stores close to one another in this overpopulated neighborhood. <br> <br> Two homeless citizens huddle together in one of the bus-stops littering every two blocks. None of the frenzied frantic shoppers spare them a dime. I ridicule my changeless pockets as we march down 23rd avenue. We decide to stop at a novelty store, but inside there are too many people and Rodriguez leaves. I find a 'Ministry of Silly Walks” t-shirt and show it to Smedly. He smiles and we both re-enact the silliest walk we can remember from the sketch. This drew a few eyes, but everyone is busy and locked in-to a shopping frenzy, so our antics are ignored. We conclude we are done with this silly shop and proceed outside. Rodriguez is there smoking a cigarette and the adventure continues as we pass an inadequate Starbucks, one without comfy chairs for lounging. <br> <br> We venture down the avenue and walk through the crowds gathering around the streetcar. My stepfather was very involved in bringing the street car to the City, but I would argue, thinking that the era I live in is one with scientifically feasible jet-packs. An awful thought enters my head. What if I encounter my parents walking along the avenue?!? This hadn't occurred yet, so the terrible idea was fresh and powerful. We arrive at the Starbucks, which is a place my mother frequently visits, and I dart for the comfy chairs. Rodriguez looks at me with a worried face, for he would have to order the drinks; I had beaten him in. The girl behind the counter was exceptionally attractive, so my friend’s fate would not be entirely negative. Smedly gets a chia tea, as he enters first, and comes to sit down. The challenge of ordering drinks is overcome by Rodriguez and he comes with two in hand. <br> <br> 'You get me something?' I ask. <br> <br> 'Yes, a Carmel macchiato,' Rodriguez replies. <br> <br> 'Excellent, I can't wait for the caffeine to kick in.' <br> <br> 'Phil you want to go to your house?' Smedly asks. This was a question I had hoped would never come up, and I try to look grim as I sip my coffee. <br> <br> 'Let's see a movie!' Rodriguez summons up a perfect response. I telepathically send him “thanks,” but there is no need. He is one step ahead of me already, and is nodding before the message is sent. <br> <br> 'Yea, my house is lame, we are facing some unusual circumstances. The outside world is far more interesting at the present moment; my house is filled with nothing to do.' I inform my friend. <br> <br> 'Into the Wild looks pretty good.' Rodriguez suggests. <br> <br> 'I'm down, what else is there?' Smedly implores. <br> <br> 'Golden Compass, Charlie Wilson's War”--'No thanks!' Smedly adds and I agree wholeheartedly—“Juno, Atonement,' Rodriguez lists them off. Strangely, Into the Wild seems like the only good choice on the list. There is unanimous agreement. 'My financial situation is not good. I don't know if I have enough cash for the movie,' I say, examining my destitute status and empty wallet. <br> <br> 'I'll cover it. Just pay me back later,' Rodriguez states. <br> <br> 'Alright, where is the movie going to be?' I question. <br> <br> 'Pioneer Courthouse Square,' Rodriguez informs. <br> <br> I look at him with mounting skepticism. I would be returning to that crowded cesspool of Portland's strange, weird, and busy landmark. <br> <br> 'The Square?!? Are you sure?! I guess we could take the streetcar. First I have to go to the bathroom.' <br> <br> 'Yes, that sounds like a good idea, we can ride for free,' Smedly says. <br> <br> I stand up and walk toward the bathroom. A man is sitting about 6 feet from us, busily typing some career-defining paper, or so it appears, for he looks intently focused. I pass him and continue on towards the bathroom and as I approach the door, a man exits looking most uncomfortable. My head follows him as he passes me, but his eyes do not waver, determined to find whatever destination brings him away from his experience in the bathroom. I put my hands on the door and push it, opening into a scene with a dirty man at the sink, intently focused on something, and making strange grunting and intense sniffing noises. A wave of absolute terror comes over me and I do not look at the man again, bolting for the urinal. <br> <br> Great, some man in the depths of some drug experience is behind me and going to shank me at any second! The fear overwhelms me. I can't pee. Focus, dammit! Use your enhanced imagination abilities to work Niagra Falls past the fear. It works, and I let it flow. I slowly turn my head, ready to face the monster in my mind. Ignore this horrible drug, he is most likely just fixing his teeth. My eyes look at a mirror—reflection of a man using a straw to snort cocaine. In a public restroom, at a public Starbucks, in my neighborhood. We share a moment, me and this man. A fragment of time, of deep understanding, a strange rising feeling in the depth of my soul. He knows I am impaired, and he is scared. My pupils are ginormous, and his right blue jean leg is holding him on the sink, closer to the mirror, closer to the cocaine. My contact tries to jump out and I blink awkwardly. I turn and flee the bathroom as he sniffs again. Outside I zip my fly and apply my belt, and rush to the comfort fifteen feet away. My friends look at me with amusement and smiles. I return the smiles with a frown and sit down, only to stand quickly and say 'Let's go! I'm ready to leave.' I grab my coffee and walk out the door. <br> <br> As I leave the Starbucks, I take the moment alone outside to gather myself. I am shaken by the encounter in the restroom. A travesty, a terror, a freak like myself was trying to enhance the holidays, but with a different poison. The entourage assembles outside and as we walk to the streetcar, I try to explain the monster in the restroom. My friends agree that it would be an uncomfortable situation and the moment is lost as we board the streetcar. <br> <br> The streetcar never checks for tickets, and we take advantage of this and ride for free. It is a packed car, white on the inside with grey paneling, and I, now aware of my large pupils, sit down in the only single seat. My friend drops a cigarette during the ride, and a large black man mutters, bringing it to my attention. I look at him thankfully as he pounds his chest, acknowledging and understanding without a word being said. This form of communication is appealing and advanced, but impossible to duplicate without such prior understanding. I turn and hand Rodriguez the cigarette, and he asks me where it came from. I tell him a guy in the other section called out, but he did not hear it and doubts me. <br> <br> 'Where do we go when we get off the street car?' Smedly asks, a perfectly logical question that had yet to occur to me. 'Uhm, I can't remember right now, but we'll figure it out when we get off,' I reply. 'Alright, where do we get off and how many stops are left? Smedly counters. 'Uhhhh....' I have no idea. Looking at the map provided by the streetcar provides little help. Surely there is some solution to his question. But a solution fails me. 'We'll find out when we get there.' I say hoping that will suffice, but Smedly would not be satisfied. 'Hmmm, that does not bode well for our future endeavors,' he sagely states. <br> <br> I look at my friend, my best friend of many years. He is wise beyond what I, and he, can imagine. We must find the solution to his question in order to make it to the mall. The distance between words and reality is starting to increase. It appears the peak is at least one hour away. At that point, we should be in the audience of Into The Wild. The thought settles my mind and my soul. An intense movie like Apocalypto would not be viewed this time around, not on this experience. Intensity is already around anyone and everyone, angrily advancing through the shops. Instead, a more pleasant flick involving a man who decides to throw away all his worldly possessions, and go into the wild. <br> <br> Throwing away all possessions at a time like Christmas was unfathomable. The buying of future possessions is what keeps this season alive. No more do we practice arcane pagan rituals of saying what we are thankful for at the time of humanity’s supposed savior's birth. At least, not at the families I visited. The majority, 70%, was not even as heavily practicing as my own. The heavy moral consequences were weighing on my mind. A distraction from Smedly's important question to be sure, but what was the most important question? What was more important? The implications of everyone I had seen, ignoring their fellow man, and frantically buying strange and 'fad' items. What was I witnessing? I was not sure anymore, of anything, much less where I was. <br> <br> Rodriguez quickly straightens up and looks around, I take a quick look at my pants pockets, and Smedly looks at the passengers around him. We are currently passing the Pearl, the booming business/residential district. Despite my years in this part of town, the terrible triumphant drug has effectively rendered my terrible sense of direction null. I am lost. I look at the upcoming stops. Jefferson Street. I always liked that president. Yes, it will have to do. I turn my eyes and look at Smedly, 'We will get off here, at Jefferson.' I inform him. 'Alright, how far is the mall from there?' He retaliates. 'Smedly, to be honest, I haven't been to this part of downtown in awhile, and I can't remember.' Smedly looks at me quizzically. He doesn't know yet, he does not suspect. He trusts me. <br> <br> The stop arrives at that exact moment and I jump off. Smedly grabs Rodriguez, who is starting to succumb to the drugs almighty wrath. His scanning eyes are black orbs, and he nods as I ponder the situation. We all look around us at the scene. I start walking in a random direction, confident that a solution will present itself. Sure enough, about two blocks later we encounter three street musicians, twenty shoppers, and two homeless people. I smile, for we are not even into the heart of downtown. A metaphor was growing within my mind: Christmas, the season of giving, was currently being consumed by some sort of beast. The beast of consumerism? The beast of greed? The beast of bastardized Santa outfits being worn by 1/6 of the people we pass? I was not yet sure of what type of beast it was, but it was littering the City’s streets. I explain this hypothesis to my friends: <br> <br> “Well Smedly, Rodriguez, we are walking at a good clip and should arrive at the mall soon. Take notice of the large number of people, all possessed with the desire to give, two days before the giving's proper time.” <br> <br> 'What's your point?' Smedly candidly counters. <br> <br> 'My point my friend, is we are about to enter a monster at the mall. If for any strange reason I myself or our friend Rodriguez here, should raise up our arms, and turn and flee, please just meet us back at the Square which we should... be passing shortly. I'm not sure what we may encounter in there, but I do know that it may be terrifying, a quirky fear of mass claustrophobia magnified by the masses.' I end my monologue to Rodriguez's agreeing smile, and Smedly's doubting stare. <br> <br> 'Flee the mall? Why would we do that?!' He asks. The words come out to me wrongly as, 'Freeeeee the MAAallL? We should DO that.' Naturally I do not respond and eye him suspiciously, so he asks again. <br> <br> 'Oh sorry, well, uhm, you see Smedly nothing about today is normal. You see, well...' I had no idea how to proceed with the sentence. It fell off a cliff in my mind as I stare at a Santa citizen chugging a bottle of Jack Daniels. Dear God, this city is filled with chaos. Soon they'll be breeding. What will happen then? Images of different Santas, some large, some fat, some strapped with vodka, dancing about in a drunken Christmas orgy, engaging in sinful satanic rites, gluttony . . .these thoughts take over my consciousness. We have now entered the Square. I now notice, strange I had not before, a giant Christmas tree smothered in dancing lights and ornaments, reflecting the flickering image. I need something to snap me out of this, this horrible funk. <br> <br> 'Smedly, what Phil is trying to say, is we may not want to go through the mall at all.' Rodriguez says, understanding and absorbing the fear. <br> <br> 'What about the movie?!' Smedly is clearly confused. <br> <br> 'We must see the movie! Screw the Satanic Santas, Fuck the panhandlers, I'm ready to enter this hellhole!' I cry. <br> <br> A pause among our group. Rodriguez looks at me, his mouth is slightly askew with a downward tilt, and he says 'I do not know if I can do this. Let's smoke another cigarette before we go in.' We all try to walk faster, to get past the crowds, but I trip and wipe my nose, disturbing the pedestrians. 'What are you about!' the old lady pushing the stroller cries, and I respond with 'sorry about that, just trying to pass, enjoy the holidays...ho ho ho.' I adjust the cigarette lighting it. 'Just passing through, don't mind us,' Rodriguez politically pontificates, and the old lady smiles. What we are about would never be possible to explain, and why she asked consumes me. <br> <br> 'What, you guys really don't like the mall or something huh?' Smedly asks us, but does not expect a reply. I can see it in his eyes, he assumes that it is his fault he doesn't understand. Or so I suspect. Doubt on both sides must be settling in. Scrutiny. <br> <br> 'Apparently, you haven't considered everything,' I say, adding: 'expect the unexpected.' The cigarette adds relief, another snap of energy fighting back the cold and nose drip. Morale must remain high or the mall will be unbearable. Right as Smedly is about to ask me what I mean by everything a man in a white bunny suit walks up the Square's brick stairs. He is wearing a black star emblem eye patch. Did I just see that? Smedly's mouth drops affirming my suspicion as another bunny figure pops out behind a crowd, and another from behind the tree. This one has a different eye patch. They are gathering their forces. 'Quick! Into the mall!' I shout, and dart in as we enter the entrance, redundant as it may seem. We move past the crowd gathered around a silver statue man. His eyes follow us, haunting my reality. As I turn my head, a man juggling five golden balls, comes into my vision and I step aside, tossing my finished cigarette. Jesus, we have not even opened the doors and already we are sucked into the madness of sensory overload. My senses were heightened enough, or so I thought. <br> <br> The two large glass doors open, and the first thing I notice is that the Sharper Image is not a sharper image at all as snow hits my eye. Snow?!? Here?!? What the hell? There is snow everywhere. People are everywhere too. The Urban Outfitters was a populated puddle with tadpoles, compared to the algae-infested lake of people filling the mall. I sneeze a snowflake that does not melt, but sticks to my clothes. Fake snow, an enemy I had not considered. This is sheer madness! Christmas songs beat to chatter that rises, but never seems to fall. There are more people in this mall than there were people in the Square. I stand there, thinking these thoughts while Rodriguez is pressed against me and Smedly behind me. Football tactics would have to be used to traverse the terrain. Madden moves. <br> <br> Why was I here? The movie! Of course! It resides on the top floor, but before that goal could be achieved, we'd have to work our way through the chaos. 'I'm dreaaaaaaming of a white Christmas' bellows, but babies bawling add an adverse negative connotation to my ear. 'I want I WANT I WANT!' passes my left ear and I feel the fear rising in me. I want to get out of here. I break free of a cluster of people and gasping, I grab the escalator handle. Smedly has passed Rodriguez now, and is four people and five steps behind me. My fear of heights jumps to my attention so I look up. There, at the top of the mall, the apex of the architecture, lies a fake snow machine pelting out white flakes that harass everyone. I see Rodriguez struggling to break through, but finally he does and he smiles, apparently avoiding any semblance of the fear consuming me, as he rides the escalator. He likes heights. How many more of these were there? I look up. Two more. There is no movie theatre on the top floor as I had remembered, we must be in the wrong section of the mall. Stiff-arming my way through two jovial Santas I spin move past a group of five, and creep onto the next escalator. <br> <br> I stare over the edge, trying to fight the urge to jump off, screaming 'Damn you, Pioneer Courthouse Square Mall, Damn you for ruining order, the pristine condition of prior Christmas.' But I know it's not the mall's fault. It is just a building after all. I don't want to die, not to make this point, not now. Into the Wild will provide relief, the great outdoors, images of nature not defiled by 'tickle me Elmo's' and Nintendo Wii's. Fake snow gets in my eye, and my contact decides at that moment to try to jump out again. My contact adds to the ante of chaos. Curse this decision, the science of things is a science I no longer want to understand. I stumble and fall, but Smedly’s hand catches me. I mumble thanks and look at him trying to point and explain where the movie theatre is. 'WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!' is his reply. Rodriguez is catching up to us, but this floor is louder then the last. <br> <br> The beat of the beast that drives us rears its ugly head as a small army of Mexicans, Koreans, and other melting-pot families converge on our location bustling with boxes of gifts. Five children forming a pentagram outline scream 'I want to see Santa,' as a drunk man in a Santa outfit stumbles to a bench. 'You can't see this Santa, he is not the real one,' a mother replies. The Santa burps. Two of the children start to cry, the other three join in realizing that Santa, may not appear as he seems on the hallmark cards that sit on top of their boxes. 'YOU TOLD ME Santa was real!' they wail, a zooming, piercing sound that fades out thankfully, as I climb the next escalator. I peer over the edge and my heart leaps into my throat. My contact tries to escape and begins to fall out of my eye, but a blink and a finger poking it stop it. This of course hurts, and I cry out, but stop to sneeze again, shedding fake snow onto the handle of the escalator. We have reached the top floor. Thank God, and his son Jesus, there's a sky bridge leading to the next part of the mall! <br> <br> On the top floor, there is an Electronics Boutique, filled to the brim with gamers of all ages. Inside, parents too confused to know the difference between a game and a game console scream for verification above the racket as employees' faces fluster. Maybe we do practice the arcane pagan rituals, I begin to consider. Just replace praying, with spraying, fake snow, so that the people do not know, what hinders them, the beast of greed within. Yes greed, or the need, to bring Christmas to the lead, of buyer's impulse decisions. Do I buy the collector's edition game with the sexgunsrapetheftfun4 on the cover, so my son can gloat like no other, or do I buy some other game, for a different console, the right console, this is driving me insane, goes the prayers refrain. But I do not remain. I no longer want to hear, what it is that these buyers fear. <br> <br> I must get out of this madness. I walk across the circular floor determined to arrive at the surprisingly sparse sky bridge. Smedly has gotten ahead of me, and is looking out the window, and Rodriguez is not far behind me. I walk up, grab the silver handrail, and peer over the railing at the streets below. Thankfully, within this haven, there is no snow. 'Come on, let's press to the movie. It should be at the end of this sky bridge.' As the words leave my mouth I decide now is the time to explain to Smedly, what exactly causes my weird mannerisms. 'Smedly before we continue, Rodriguez and I took substance ‘A’ before you arrived, because we didn't know you were coming.' I feel no weight lifted from my chest. The ball had moved into Smedly's court, and I wasn't sure where he would dribble. <br> <br> 'Seriously?! This whole time?!?' His voice rises and I prepare for condemnation. Rodriguez pulls the draw-strings on his hood. 'Man, if you hadn't told me, I would never have known.' The words leave his lips and bounce off my mind’s wall, hitting me with stupefying surprise. 'I couldn't tell at all. You guys were acting completely normal.' He finishes this startling thought, and a long moment of silence passes between us. Completely normal does not even begin to describe what I have seen. Fuck it. Along with not being presentable, Rodriguez and I must always appear as if on drugs. The peripeteia of our unusual circumstances begins to dawn upon me. <br> <br> Oh well, at least honesty is being achieved in this dishonest location. <br> <br> Rodriguez starts to laugh, a chirping sound that echoes off the sky bridge wall as my laughter joins in. Smedly does not understand the ridiculousness of the situation, but he joins in and he is right in doing so. We are alone, the three of us, on this abandoned sky bridge; as if in another world, but 15 feet away, the beat of the Christmas beast continues to bellow. We have conquered him, for now, for on the other side of the sky bridge lies a vast and barely populated movie theater. Sanctuary. What we consume will provide us with food for thought. This is what our Christmas hath brought. Anticlimactic I suppose, but what the truth is . . . who knows?<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 72107</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 13, 2008</td><td>Views: 21,389</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=72107&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=72107&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Some background: <br> <br> Having read extensively on the web and in lots of other books about every aspect of LSD's effects, and also having talked to a lot of people who used it successfully to solve problems and become better people made me more confident in taking it. I had spent a lot of time thinking and learning about what I was taking, why, and what the potential ramifications would be. Had I not done this, I know this first trip would’ve been nowhere near as good as it was, even at the worst moments, and definitely would not have reached the bliss it did. <br> <br> I had wanted to try acid for a very long time. It’s probably a good thing that I waited, as I used to have some heavy emotional problems and also lots of self-esteem issues. I had been working on being more positive for a while, but I felt like the setbacks I had been encountering in school had made it difficult. I'm a first-semester college student who just moved out, and while it's only been about 2 months on my own it's been a hell of a ride. I had just tried mushrooms a few weeks ago, and while I liked them, I decided I was ready for something more intense. That's why when an acquaintance from high school approached me in front of a building on campus and told me he had a tab of acid he would give to me, I damn near cried with happiness. On that day I had pink eye and bronchitis, so I hadn't gone to my early class, and I ended up skipping my second class to drive with him to his house and pick up the tab. <br> <br> We talked about a lot of things on the way and also on the way back: what we planned to do with ourselves in the future, our previous experiences with drugs. When I told him that I had never done acid before, it seemed for a minute like he was considering not giving it to me. He cautioned me quite a bit, warning me that acid was nothing like mushrooms in terms of visuals and mind-fucking. He also informed me that this tab was triple-dipped, which I think may have been a fib. I think instead of this scaring me off, it made me want to eat it immediately. This was around 2:00 in the afternoon. <br> <br> I basically made no attempts at preparation other than lining up a sober sitter and taking a shower. I was cocky and figured that my strength of personality would be enough to keep me safe while I tripped. I wondered if I would be able to put in my eye drops for the pink eye by myself, I wondered if I would know where I was. In retrospect, for all the reverence I give the drug, I wish I had waited for a more special night to take it for the first time. Pink eye + acid make for some really icky sensations and visuals. While I had been told to only take half a tab, I definitely was not going to listen - I wanted to detach myself from reality completely for a while, which I had not been able to do with mushrooms. <br> <br> My sitter (C.) had some things to attend to, and we agreed that I would take it at 6 and meet her outside my dormitory building. So I decided to go with some guys to pick up some pot and drive around for a while. We ended up sitting in a parking lot for a long time waiting for the guy to show up, and I realized it was 5:30 already. Anxious to take it, I asked the boys how long it would take to kick in, and they all told me it would be about an hour before I felt any effects. I thought 'Oh, hell, it wasn't the plan to take it this early, but I won't feel anything for an hour anyway.' I placed the tab under my tongue and then swished it around for a while. I thought it would be a long time until I felt anything. <br> <br> This was not the case. On the way back to town, smoking a few bowls after the deal had been made, I definitely noticed some strange (but exciting!) things happening. Mostly it was in the way I felt physically - my body sort of felt like a smear on a flat surface, my jaw felt funny. They were playing some sort of weird music that wasn't really my taste, but it sounded the way I imagine the jungle does at night. I think at this point, I was not equipped to respond to questions very well. They all wanted to go to a place in the woods by a river, and while I knew C. would be waiting for me back at the campus, they were too tempting - 'Do you want to go back or do you want to frolic in nature for a while?' <br> <br> It was sitting on the rocks on the side of the river that I first noticed some different things happening - things looking different, the water sounding so much louder but also so much more musical. I looked to the other side and decided there was a monkey with a sniper rifle sitting in the grass. I think it was actually a log. This was where I learned how important it is to have good people around you while you're tripping, too. I had met all the people I was with just two months prior to this. Two of the people I was with have anger and depression problems, and they were unpleasant to look at and talk to - they were primitive, animal-like, croaking and misshapen. <br> <br> Climbing back up the bank to get out of there, I looked at some moss. The tiny plants were growing and squirming, and I had to laugh. Natural things were another highlight of the trip: whether it was the grass, trees, sky, water: it was all so much more interesting and satisfying to look at than artificial things. From there it went downhill for a while. These people, who had not been prepared to baby sit me this night, let me follow them to get some food. We sat around and I realized that I was becoming very uncomfortable. I wouldn't allow myself to be negative, and tried to convince myself that I was having fun, but it was nothing amazing. <br> <br> Then I ran into a boy I knew outside the building. K., the guy that had given it to me, had procured it from this other guy, who I'll call B. I informed B that I was tripping for the first time, partially thanks to him, and he beamed and told me he was going to take me for a ride. Every time he said the word “tripping” it seemed so bizarre. He said the word a couple times and I thought about it: what if I wasn’t actually tripping? I decided that it was possible that this was all a conspiracy: B. was just a salesman. He must’ve given me this little piece of paper because he knew that I wanted to try LSD, and what I was experiencing was just the placebo effect. He wanted me to tell everyone that his “acid” was good, sell it to everyone, and take over the world from there. This was a scary thought, overwhelming, sad, but I remained composed. It became apparent that this was not the placebo effect when he handed me a light-up egg that changed colors and put on some techno music in his car driving down the highway. It was joyous. I cradled the egg in my hands and thought about it, how it worked, how beautiful it was. B tried talking to me, but was understanding when I found words inadequate. <br> <br> When I got back, my other friends invited me to go smoke some more pot with them. I accepted somehow, and we went to a clearing by a bridge. It was there that I started thinking about everything, nothing, and what I was supposed to do with my life. When you think about it, you are the same as the screen you are reading this on, and the chair you’re sitting in, the food you eat, the water you drink. Atoms swap electrons, which are moving all the time, and the electrons never touch - everything in the universe is basically made out of the same material, and held together with vibrations. I contemplated this, and tried to wrap my head around it. It was hysterical. <br> <br> When we got back to the parking lot, we needed to wait for a bus to take us back to the dorms. Everyone waited at the bus stop while I tried to give my cigarette to the red button on the emergency phone nearby. I got frustrated when it wouldn’t accept, and started kicking it. I thought… what stops me from kicking things more often? I have this power as a human being to kick things, why don’t I use it? I wondered if freaking out completely was the best and truest way to live life - since everything is basically the same, and also connected, maybe violence would be the best way to stimulate the rest of the universe and other human beings. <br> <br> Then, my friend G. (an experienced tripper) began to talk to me about things, and the thoughts and fragments of thoughts I had been having began to make more sense. He talked to me about enjoying the hell out of things, and about how LSD is so good for contemplation because it makes you like a child, you notice everything more. I think that the best thing that he said was after we encountered a trash can knocked over on the sidewalk… “If all destruction was turned into creation, things would be SO COOL.” <br> <br> This was just what I needed. I prepared to better myself the rest of my life: to be calm even when things are disappointing, to be positive. I realized that kicking things whenever I felt like it would make me physically free, but only for a while, and that the best way to be mentally and spiritually free was to help, to create, to love, to learn. I resolved to stop smoking, and while that failed the next day, I did a great job at cutting back. Until that day, I had smoked cigarettes every day since I was 12 and smoked roughly a pack a day since I turned 18. Since then, I have smoked about 4 cigarettes total, and it’s getting easier to envision my life without them. <br> <br> I had felt lonely at college, but watching people follow me and try to take care of me, offer me their beds to sleep in and their words to soothe me was the most amazing thing once I realized it. I saw that while maybe I’m not bosom-buddy close to anyone in this college environment yet, they have love in their hearts for me and I just have to be there and ready to accept it. Talking to him, I felt everything in me settle down, as if everything in me had moved too fast up until that point and that was the source of my nervousness, my bad habits. <br> <br> LSD did make me like a child. I was able to work through the problems I’ve had since I was a kid - I was given another chance to grow up. I can’t say how long this pervasive sense of relief and perfection will last, but I know that the perspective I gained will help me deal with setbacks in the future much differently and in more constructive ways. I plan on tripping again tomorrow, in the sunshine. This time though, my friends will on the same stuff, I can’t wait.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 56654</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 19, 2008</td><td>Views: 24,783</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=56654&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=56654&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">115 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> After a very mild and unexciting acid experience about 3 months earlier, I was not expecting anything close to what happened. I had purchased 4 tabs from a friend so that I could take more if 1 tab was not strong enough. I was supposed to meet a friend in a couple of hours and thought I had some time to kill so I found the tabs and took one. <br> <br> At first, I was watching this asinine TV show about people running into things and acting like idiots. It called Americas Funniest Videos. Normally I would leave the tv on while doing something else, but suddenly this became the funniest thing I had ever seen. I started to laugh my ass off uncontrollably at every video and could not stop even when my roomate came in. One thing that made it very uncomfortable was that I had not warned my roomates beforehand that I had taken acid and found it very difficult to explain once I was on it, so I just kept trying to avoid them, but that was very hard considering how small our apartment is. Also considering I would keep staring at them and smile which they probably found to be very creepy. <br> <br> So I was watching the television show, still partly in reality, thinking that this acid must be the mild kind without any hallucinations. Then my eyes settled on the fan that was rotating. There was a light source emanating from the center and the colors became like water, swirling and melting from blue to light blue to white. I was surprised that I was hallucinating and stood up and the entire room became wavy and I felt a bit motion sick. I hobbled to the bathroom with my arms out in front of me and looked in the mirror. I could see my face and it was huge. My flesh was sort of moving around, I felt like I was in an illustration like Scanner Darkly or Waking Life. That is actually the best explanation of what everything around me turned into. I then accidently locked myself in the bathroom and did not know how to get out. I did not want to bother my roomates or freak them out so I stayed in the bathroom for what felt like an hour and thought maybe I would have to climb out the window. I tried with the doorknob again and finally it turned and I was back in the room. <br> <br> In my mind, I thought I was going on a journey, which I guess I was, and started to pack my backpack with the supplies, laptop, camera, pencils, sketchbook, ipod, ipod speaker, jacket and brought it all to my bed. I spread everything out and opened my laptop and started playing Thelonius Monk. It was the most amazingly beautiful music I had ever heard. I sat on my bed and stared out the window at the condominiums across the street and it was so unexplainable beautiful and the lighting was incredible. Prior to this experience I had felt uncreative and uninspired living in New York because of the superficiality, my school, and the city, but at that moment I realized that the creativity and potential was inside me and all of us and I could find wonder in everything if I looked for it. I realize this all sounds incredibly cliche, but I felt so inspired and all these self revelations were coming to me and I was completely happy and at peace with myself and my abilities. I think I stared at the condominiums for about 5 hours. I cannot really remember my thoughts then, but I remember seeing the most beautiful lights and colors and patterns everywhere and the music was amazing. I also remember thinking that I could never go back to my old life again. That this had completely changed my life and I could never go back knowing what I knew now and thought I understood. <br> <br> Then my laptop died and without music it became less pleasurable. I had also turned my phone to silent because I did not think I could handle talking to anyone. The friend I was supposed to meet had called and when I listened to the voicemail, I started to laugh happily and felt his presence with me. I had opened my window and the cold air was coming into my room, but every time I would shiver, waves of euphoria would flow through my body and I would look at the the lightshow and feel incredibly at peace and happy. Then I realized that I had my ipod with me and started playing Comets on Fire. It was the most intense music I had ever listened to. I went from Comets on Fire, to Volcano, to Velvet Underground, to Blue Cheer, to Jefferson Airplane, to the Wipers. I thought they must have all been on acid when they wrote the music, because it was just too perfect. <br> <br> Time was totally random. I took it at 12 pm and the next time I checked my watch it was 5 pm and dark. The darkness totally intensified the available light. I could not get up and turn on the lights in the room, mostly because I became scared of my roomates and was afraid they would call the police for some reason. At the peak of the acid I was scared, and there was no one to console me except myself. I told myself that it was a journey and that it would eventually end, which helped. So I took out my notebook and started to draw with the light from my cellphone. I believe I did this for like 4 hours. Every pen stroke would light up and then go dark. <br> <br> This made me very happy to draw. Everything I drew felt like some sort of revelation and it felt like anything was possible. I felt so sure and so capable, like I had found the inner artist in myself. I felt like I had realized my potential. I felt like I was underestimating myself previously and wondered how I could not see the wonder in everything. I remember saying to myself 'why did you not realize the blinds before? they are amazing! The highlights and the shadows alone would make a great painting! I've never realized how wonderful the blinds are!' I pretty much thought shit like this about everything including the dresser. <br> <br> Every once in a while I would have to get up to go to the bathroom and it was extremely uncomfortable because I did not want to see anyone. I wanted everyone I knew to be with me and experience this new world, and was very sad that they could not see what I was seeing. I was in another universe/dimension and at some point could not distinguish between reality and the trip. I thought the trip had become reality and that I would never go back. Around 10 pm, I was tired, my eyes were tired, and the trip would not end. I sort of wanted it to end, and was uncomfortable because I had been laying in my bed for 10-11 hours at that point without food, water, or any interaction. I could not go outside because of my roomates and did not want to talk to anyone. <br> <br> It ended around 3 in the morning, and I waited until my roomates were in bed and I went to the bathroom and ate some food and sat on the couch for a while. I then realized that there was writing all over my body and could not remember when or how it got there. One thing that was written was 'The laughing mocks me', I have no idea what that means. I also looked at my notebook and it looked like another person had written all over it. I finally went to sleep for about 4 hours and had to wake up at 9 to go to class. I felt totally out of it. I could not interact with anyone, and felt like I was not stable and could not hold anything. I could not really focus on anything and my eyes kept darting from one person to the next. But I felt like a different person. I was totally sure and at peace with myself. I did not wear any makeup or care, because I felt like I had transcended all of that. I realize this sounds very cliche and retarded, but I felt like I could finally see the beauty and potential of every human being. How much potential I had. How limited we all are. <br> <br> I knew though that I could never do acid in my apartment again. I had to do it where there is a bigger space and a canvas set up with art supplies. I would want to do it alone I think, I do not think I could handle someone else tripping out next to me. I couldn't do it without music either. Yesterday when I was off of it, but still had some feelings left, I wanted to get back to reality, and never thought I would get back there, but now I am back in reality and I want to experience it again. I probably will do half a tab next time. LSD took me to someplace I could never conceive of and showed me how far I can push my senses. It was a really intense experience, and words can never explain what happened. I did not even try to explain it to anyone afterwards because I couldn't.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 57959</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 24, 2009</td><td>Views: 27,698</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=57959&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=57959&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Mystical Experiences (9), Music Discussion (22), Hangover / Days After (46), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 drops</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">175 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> To say that I have tasted the purity of reason is an understatement. The human mind is certainly a beautiful product of evolution. The world is full of amazing processes and cycles, and to even begin to understand some of these is an incredible experience, one which will surely change my life forever. Like many people before me, I have always been intrigued by the subconscious, that which is the very fabric of our dreams, that which explains our actions to an extreme amount of detail, and of course that which frees us from the everyday worries that we are faced with in this society. And whatever actions I chose to take in the past, it all culminated to a single day, which will forever be imprinted in my head as 'the best goddamn day of my life'. <br> <br> It all started one day, when a friend tells me that he is able to obtain a vial containing liquid d-lysergic acid diethylamide or 'LSD'. This was joyous to me, simply because LSD had provided me with amazing and fun experiences in the past, and this time it could be repeated with LSD in a form that was both pure and potent. Needless to say a few friends and I purchased a bottle, and we each took a total of four drops of this mystical substance. <br> <br> I was not new to psychedelics at this stage of my life, having dabbled in Mushrooms, LSD, Salvia Divinorum and Morning Glory seeds. So it was surprising for me that I had difficulty at the beginning of this voyage in that I did not have any hold over the experience. This was by far the highest dose of LSD (considering how diluted earlier doses were, in comparison) I have ever taken, and that was quite evident in the initial body load. We made the decision to go somewhere out in nature, after having noticed the amazing visual changes that come with an acid trip in the home we had dropped it in. Seeing nature has proven to be very successful at 'saving' the experience in the past. Sure enough, we were still uncomfortably vulnerable to everything around us, but somehow we found solace in our own thoughts. We began debating about various topics, such as what it meant to be human, what it meant to think, and what everything else meant to us. We were surely an odd looking group of people walking in strange ways around a church playground, but this did not bother us all that much. Near dusk, we sat on a curb, as we talked about life. At this point, everything I knew about the 'self' began to dissolve. Slowly but surely, our egos melded into the immense cosmic energy that enveloped us. <br> <br> The sunset came right as the dissolution of our egos was completed. A spectacle of color blending into air, and air blending into color. Never before had I seen something so moving, so inspiring, so true. I could nearly taste the colors in the sky, needless to say I truly understood The Beatles when they sang about 'marmalade skies'. It felt as if we had been under the influence of the substance for days, however it was only six in the afternoon, and had only been four hours since we noticed the initial effects of the drug. All of these overwhelming emotions of abiding joy and happiness indicated that we were getting into a lot more than we bargained for, and we were about to find why. <br> <br> The confusing reactions of the people around us eventually became nothing more than a cue for us to leave said playground. The walk back to the house was surely a fast one, since I have little recollection of it, surely it was unimportant compared to other events that happened that day. We arrived and we put on some music and relaxed, still talking about the miracle we had witnessed. At this point it was as if all of our egos were combined into a cloud of consciousness that rested directly on top of us. A person in the group could say something, and that thought would be completely understood by everybody in the group. One could say just one word and everyone would be able to follow a slew of topics and intents behind it. <br> <br> We had been thinking and talking the whole time, debating some of life's greatest mysteries. The house had been painted an intense orange color and the majority of the objects in the bathroom had the same intense color to them. This covered everything and everybody in ever-flowing hues of orange. The air in the room seemed liquid, I could move my hand and it would ripple out the image behind it, leaving trails of my hand in the air. There was about three or four moths inside the room, and their flight patterns were quite evident with the semi-viscous liquid properties the room had taken. They seemed to fly in predictable patterns, that of sine and cosine waves super-imposed on each other, it was quite mind-boggling to see this manifest visually before us. Music had taken amazing properties as well, every note resonated with freedom, with idealistic rebellion. One could put a song into geometric shapes in our head, or taste a certain instrument. <br> <br> The liberation of our senses was at its peak, and we quickly concluded we were children, seeking the best of tastes, the most intense colors, the most comfortable sensations. My friend had developed an affinity to a penny, he then misplaced this penny, and I gave him a different penny to be the place-holder for his new-found friend. This attempt was of course deemed unacceptable, not even a quarter would be suffice. This was by far one of the most abstract interactions I have had with this person, I truly could not figure out what made that certain penny so valuable, and neither could he. We were truly immersed in a playground for perception. The walls would breathe, the lights would pulsate and our minds were free of judgment, we were in pure bliss. <br> <br> As much fun as we were having playing with our little lava lamp of a house, it was time to go outside again. During a trip, even if one place seems entirely comfortable, I like to go out and explore my surroundings if I can. Stretch myself. The purpose was to see the lights of the city from the top of the south hills in our city, and we made our way there. The world was drowned in obscurity, and the lights of passing cars felt like immense beams of photons to our eyes. We had noticed that most of the people in the neighborhood still had Christmas lights set up, which made our walk very aesthetically pleasing. The hill seemed to continue into infinity, much like the staircase at the top of the castle in Super Mario 64. <br> <br> We walked and debated philosophical questions, and the more we reasoned, the more we realized the horrors of our own society. We even referred to the unenlightened people as 'the others', not in a condescending way, but in the fact that they wouldn't understand us just as we didn't understand the society they had created for us. Trees with spirals of soft light around them were our companions in our journey to the top of the hill. As time passed, the air was invaded with the densest fog I have ever witnessed, I could truly see the direction of certain sources of light, much like a laser would in a room that has a smoke machine in place. After an eternity of walking and debating, we realized the top of the hill was in private property, this presented us with another problem. Was man really so vain as to claim 'property' (let alone 'privatize' it!) of a piece of the earth? Have we really become to attached to possessions as to say that it is okay to keep part of the planet all for oneself? Of course, after asking these questions to ourselves, we trespassed. <br> <br> We could not see the city lights in any way we managed, the fog was too dense. We were kind of tired, we surely walked over a mile up this hill, and that was on an empty stomach. We could not rest there, however, the ground was wet and the air was cold. All we could simply do, was look up. Just like some sort of divine intervention, the fog cleared, the clouds dissipated, and the moon was revealed. My mind began racing with thoughts, with feelings, with truth. Eternal energy was a concept hard to dismiss at this point, were were truly touched by something else. It was our monolith, our apex of human evolution, we could understand the way the universe worked, the reason for seasons, the direction of air, the ever-fractal nature of the cosmos. We were one, not just with ourselves, but with every object in the universe. With every fabric of our being, was the way of the heavens manifested upon us. We were not simply humans anymore, we concluded, we were enlightened. <br> <br> The walk back must have been twice as long as the walk there, somehow, we ended up far away from our host house. We managed to walk back, safely, and with extreme peace in our hearts. Once we were away from major streets, and were in a familiar neighborhood, we decided to run. Running was so liberating, we could choose any pattern of movement, and we feel the air in our faces, and it felt fantastic. We ran all the way to the house like children, in complete amazement, in everlasting joy. Time dilation was extremely present. It was as if our new existence was conceived at the consumption of the four drops from heaven, and nine months later, at the top of that hill, we were born. We were born because for the first time in our lives, we were simply us. We had overridden the set of standards society had implanted in us as children, we had set flight after breaking open the cage of consciousness, we had broken free of our chains and gotten out of the cave that Plato describes in his famous allegory. We were free, and there was nothing the world could do about it. <br> <br> We spent the remaining part of the experience coming up with ways to change society, and we concluded that the only possible way was to inspire people to break their head open, to destroy this horrible machine from the inside out. As we concluded, war was insecurity, it was fear, it was ignorance, the very aspects that governed everybody in our society, and we decided to fight back. As the night passed on, we went out for one last taste of the outside world, and headed on to a different playground. We arrived, as the dawn turned the clouds in the sky into chocolate. And we absorbed it all, we breathe in, we live, we transcend. We walked back, and a black cat started to follow us. It was as if it knew that we weren't going to harm it, I got on my knees to pet the cat. The sound of a purring cat was as beautiful as the sound of a baby's laughter, or the wind flowing through the leaves, I cried on the inside. The cat seemed to want to join us inside the house, we decided not to let it become part of our world, we learned to let go, and we closed the door on its innocent eyes, it did not seem to mind. <br> <br> As we fell in and out of consciousness, it had been roughly twenty hours since the beginning of it all, we smoked a little cannabis to help us go to sleep, as we had to go back to our normal lives in the morning. The learning we did that day, was pure wisdom. The morning came, the room was not liquid, the walls had stop breathing, the lights were back to normal, but we were still simply ourselves.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 59616</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Aug 22, 2009</td><td>Views: 14,541</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=59616&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=59616&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Mystical Experiences (9), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">170 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The Year 1999 was the year of my very first 'astro-plane' LSD experience. I became what many call an 'adventurer of the unknown', a 'cliff-rider', 'ledge-walker'. I had experienced perception-shifted inducers before, in small doses, but not to this extent with LSD. Mushrooms, sure, but not with LSD. <br> <br> I knew this girl, who was already graduated, had a kid, but also had a nasty habit with needles. This nasty habit was so strong that it consumed her life. One night she informed me that she had received some interested LSD with pyramids on it. I, as I had been fascinated with perception shifting 'alterations' for a few years now, was enthralled to aquire these from her. When I asked what it would cost, she said 'Just come out with me tonight on this run, and you can have it for free'. Well, how was I to turn that down? A visceral, mystical experience that would be 'given' to me for a little bit of my time? <br> <br> Well, needless to say, where she took me was a stomach-turning affair. Lets just say that needle-fiends, or even worse, needle-fiends that peddle their wares don't make for a fun companion, even if it was for only a few hours. It was at about midnight when she finally dropped me off at home. I was very disgusted with her, but kept it to myself, after all I could relate with her (her being a human being and me understanding the lure that freedom, ease of pain and thirst for ultimate knowledge). In my pocket, four hits of LSD wrapped in tin foil. I eagerly raced to my basement bedroom and unwrapped the foil. Four, cleanly cut squares lay before me, each revealing either a full or partial dark blue/black pyramid that bore an eye in the center. Intrigued, I prepared myself for a long journey. Closing my door, getting comfortable and dimming the lights, I put on some ambient music and dosed. <br> <br> Amazing LSD, that is not in droplet form, takes a while to begin. At least in me it does. Of course, the initial muscle weirdness and odd taste begins almost instantly, mostly from the anticipation I believe. I laid in bed and stared up at my popcorn-like ceiling. I had four candles lit, two on the left side of my room, and two on the right side. I had Aphex Twin's 'Ambient' playing softly in the background. At this point, I would like to mention that I still lived with my parents. I was in high school after all. One of the odd things about living at home and having a deep interest in perception-altering things, is that I never knew when my parents might come to check up on me, which is what my father did. <br> <br> It had been about one hour since I dosed, I was starting to feel the initial effects, when my father opened my door. He wanted to see how I was, he wanted to talk. So we talked. He had no idea what was about to transpire in my bedroom. During our friendly little chat, I could feel a welling deep inside me, pulsating and dancing to the music I had playing in the background. I was staring at the ceiling as I was talking to my father, and I started to notice the odd fractal and flower petal patterns that I always see on LSD. It was beginning. My stomach got the usual 'empty' feeling I get when the experience kicks off. Its like there is a hole in me, a huge one. But not in a bad way. Maybe it was the feeling of becoming very light, of becoming light itself. This is where I faked being tired so that I could be alone. I knew that in a few minutes, I would not even be able to look into my fathers eyes, I would be in another world. <br> <br> My room was only lit by candlelight, and my body felt like it was racing faster than sound. The fractal patterns and flower petal shapes spilled onto my breathing walls and my swirling carpet, swaying and slithering around like snakes. I loved this part of the experience. I giggled with glee. The candles flames danced and created the most wonderful, yet frightful shapes all over my room. I grew antsy and could not lie down any longer, I had to pace around. As I got out of my bed, I felt like I immersed myself in water, in a huge ocean. It was very thick, yet smooth. I could feel pressure on my chest, like waves crashing onto me, and my arms and legs had much difficulty moving around. My whole body tingled and pulsated. I started swaying and sort of dancing in a trance to the ambient music, which turned into shapes inside me. I must have danced like that for a long time, yet only a half an hour had passed. <br> <br> I then decided that I wanted the dark. I blew out the candles, which spilt wax all over the place, and basked in the oddly smelling candle smoke that seemed to fill the darkness. The stereo lights were the only source of illumination, and with it I could see the smoke, as if it was plastic, heavily moving through the air. Once I was immersed in the darkness, I was thrust into another world. A world almost like my bedroom, but vastly different. I got the urge to speak, and I spoke. But every time I said something, it echoed repeatedly, over and over again, like a cycle. I remember feeling that this was very interesting. I must have spoken every word I could muster, just so I could hear it cycle around my room. It was in this precise moment, that I realized that words have power. They are tangible and really heavy things. I watched as my words bounced off of my breathing walls. My words were never harsh, so they bounced lightly and floated through the air. <br> <br> At this time, the epiphanies and out-of-this-world Deja-vus began. Those realizations of the world, everything in it and my life. My choices, what I needed to do, what I needed to accomplish. Feelings, my feelings, alien feelings surged through me. Visions rattled in front of me. I lost my body and became no-thing, maybe a source of dark light. I floated around my room, which became a grid-like cube. I watched as everything in our known rational world, and everything outside of our rational world was placed somewhere on this grid. I could see it all. I danced around the planets and stars, played with every animal I had ever seen, and bathed in an endless ocean of energy that envigorated me. <br> <br> The next thing I remember was that I was in/on my bed. I couldn't tell because my body was gone still. Something caught my attention, the grid-like world dissolved and I saw a mirror. My bedroom mirror. In its reflection, I could see this teddy bear that a girl had given me, it danced around and spoke to itself. It even made angry, almost menacing faces/gestures at me. I got scared, which made me laugh to myself, and I stuck my tongue out at it and made raspberry sounds. Then, I got this sudden urge to push my face up against my mirror. I wanted to touch this mirror, smell it, pass through it. In its reflection I could see what looked like my bedroom, but it was somehow different. I wanted so badly to stick my arm inside the mirror, but I was taken aback by an image that began to materialize. I saw towering sky scrapers, those found in big cities, toppling, crumbling and being destroyed. I could literally see this right before me, in the mirror. I remember feeling that the world was ending. That humanity was to pay for our disgressions and our harm to all living things that we feel are 'inferior'. 'This was it' I felt. It turned around and behind me more building were crumbling, as if massive giants brought to their knees. <br> <br> I saw flying beings swooping down from the blackened sky, doing things I could not see, or things that were so far beyond that I had never seen them before. These were not angels, but dragon-lizard like beings. They looked at me and told me, without words, that they were ancient and far older than anything humans had ever known of. They were not dinosaurs or anything like that. I asked them where they were from, not in words, yet they would not tell me. I sensed that they were deeply linked to Earth somehow. They were not like the dragons from story books, more ancient, and more 'real'. Terrifying. I thought they wanted to hurt me and I felt massive fear. It was then that my body came back. I felt it weigh me down and slump me onto my bed. The fear welled up so great that I cowered on my bed. <br> <br> I noticed then that the music had changed, I could hear clanging industrial music playing, that of a Nine Inch Nails remix song. I saw the world ending to the beat of this song. Buildings turned to rubble, massive holes punched into the cities, people dying everywhere. Massive pits of dead bodies and skeletons. <br> <br> I could not remember what had happened after that, but my bedroom was back, and I did not feel the fear anymore. I way laying on my stomach, staring at the darkness. The images were still in my head, and I really wanted to know who those lizard-dragon type beings were and what relation they had to earth. Yet, everything dissolved and I was on a new train of feelings. I had discovered my physical body again and began exploring the sensation of my body. I rolled and squirmed around on the carpet, and played with my hands, my hair. I watched the wonderful fractal patterns dance around my room, and in my eyelids. <br> <br> I could tell that the LSD was taking its course. The peaks were done, all that was left was the coming down. <br> <br> And this is the part that I dread the most, especially with LSD that is 'dirty'. Don't get me wrong, this was great LSD, but in terms of purity, it felt like the 'bottom barrel' left-overs. Strycnine heaven! My body ached, like it had been turned inside out and back in again. My head reeled from twisting visions and flower petal designs that over took my room. This is when I glanced at my alarm clock, which I had forgotten existed (I forgot about time itself), and noticed that I would have to go to school in about 4 hours! I panicked, but then realized that I would come down before then. <br> <br> The last hours of my experience were of a calm and resting nature. Pretty soon I was tired, worn out, like I had experienced too much in one night. Its a usual feeling after an intense trip. Like I have traversed many worlds in the span of a moment. When the sun was shining and it was about 7am, I got ready for school and tried to eat some cereal. I stared into my bowl, watching the milk and thinking about what I had seen on my journey. I felt like I knew a forbidden secret (a feeling that is most prevalent during my perception-shifting experiences), some hidden knowledge or wisdom that the rest of the world did not. Thats when I realized that those who take perception shifters are walking the path of the shaman. It is the shamans task to explore the unknown, learn the vast secrets of the universe and bring them back to our dimension. <br> <br> This turned out to be my very first 'intense' LSD experience, but it would not be the most intense, or my last.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1999</td><td width="90">ExpID: 60279</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Aug 13, 2009</td><td>Views: 16,416</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=60279&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=60279&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 bowls</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">7 bowls</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis - Hash</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The events that follow were after I consumed 3 hits of unbelivably strong acid. <br> <br> Yesterday I had the craziest trip of my life, it started by running through miles of woods with no idea where we were going, it didn't matter, we were free, sprinting through the woods like tribesman with no care in the world, the sun was peaking through the canopy and I was with two of my best friends one of whom was being introduced to the world of psychadelics. I felt like an animal, I didn't have to think where each step would go my mind would see an area of terrain and would instinctually make sure that I made the right step, I was galloping at full speed wisping in and out of the brush winding in and out of trees hurdling over logs nature was one with me and I was one with nature. <br> <br> While we ran we were singing and yelling what sounded like tribal chants creating waves of vibrations that intertwined with the nature of the forest with the consciousness of all. There was positive archaic nature energy all around my 2 friends and I it was as if we had energy fields and we meshed with the forest, one of my favorite parts was climbing a 15 foot tree and overlooking the entire canopy and the ground watching the life emerge beneath the leaves it was as if everything was alive and thriving. My friends and I at one point hugged this gigantic near 100 foot tree for about 3 minutes meshing with the ancient energy of this tree. <br> <br> As we were running and chanting with not a care in the world I was trying to explain my ideas of consciousness, the universal oneness of everything and the duality that exists in everything. It seemed as if my linguistic ability had evolved, everything flowed together with a rhythm, my mind was on point. Every word was connatated with a feeling and a visual, I was trying to describe to my friends the pure radiant light of empathy and love and inter-connectedness with everything. As I described it, it felt like the feeling was re-emerging into all three of us, the sea of infinite pure radiant energy was showing its true nature to us. I explained the duality in everything, night and day, sun and moon, up and down, left and right, awake and asleep, conscious and unconscious, life and death, the paridox of everything. <br> <br> I told them to imagine the 5 chakras as a life force that flowed from the abdomen through the spine as an open flow of energy to the crown chakra and I explained the colors connated with the chakras and the feelings associated with those colors. I told them to imagine this life force flowing to the crown chakra and out of the body through the pineal gland into the sea of light, how I let go of individualistic, materialistic desire, to free myself of negativity, to focus on the pure light. <br> <br> After about three hours of running through the forest we decided it was time to head back. We finally made our way out of the woods and through campus back to the apartment. When we were discussing the trip, the woods and life we felt like there was some sort of telepathy between us, we could finish each others sentances. We could read each others body langauges, there was no avoiding truth, a negative feeling was seen just as it was, there was no avoiding truth, truth was translucent for all to see. We turned on some loud surround sound music and just veged out feeling the vibration of the music consume us. <br> <br> About an hour of hanging in the apartment 2 more people showed up as well as a dealer with more acid and the 2 new people consumed hits and the dealer talked to us about how he ate 20 hits and wouldn't think twice about eating an entire sheet. To me this was insane and there was a negative energy about him, he didn't seem to be observing the beauty of things or to be looking for introspective psycho-analysis he seemed to be escaping his life and he looked as if his brain was mangled. He had a dull facial expression and signs of sorrow in his eyes. <br> <br> After the new people entered the apartment things started to go south for me, it seemed as one of the people who had entered the apartment had a very negative aura. Every time I was close to him its as if his aura was feeding on mine, my entire body would get hot and I felt as if something was ripping at me and trying to tear me apart. I was not the only one to feel this, my friend J also felt as I did, he looked at me multiple times and he didn't even have to say anything, he felt it to. The only thing on my mind at this point was to remove myself from the negative energy and to return back to nature. <br> <br> I left the apartment and sat on the stoop to smoke a cigaret with J. Both he and I were mystified at how there was this very negative energy surrounding and consuming P. I have been friends with P for a long time but there was something about him that wasn't right. J had a great positive aura and our energies meshed to form an even better energy. I was starting to enjoy my trip again when P exited the apartment and came outside with us. Instantly this hot horrible energy was consuming me, my mouth was dry and I felt this overwhelming feel of dread the only thing on my mind was to get away from P. J and I would walk away from him and P would follow not understanding what the problem was and we didn't want to tell him because most people won't react very well if you tell them they have an extremely negative aura about them and we don't want to be near it. Especially when he just consumed 3 hits of acid so that he could trip with us. <br> <br> After a while it seemed as if P gave up and returned back to the apartment to hangout with Z and the others. J and I were trying to decide what to do because we couldn't be with this negative energy, it was creating this awful feeling of dread and all I wanted to do was leave. We went inside to borrow someone's phone and as we enter I was instantly confronted with this wave of unbearably hot energy flowing throughout this dark apartment with surround sound death metal and P grotesqley chewing this brownie. He wasn't talking of positive he was seeing the negative in everything, gorging himself and being demeaning while listening to hardcore death metal. This honestly freaked me out beyond belief I have never been confronted with such a negative, hot, awful energy it was as if was pure evil and trying to wrap himself around me and deplete my positive energy. I was not going to let this happen I immidiately left the apartment. <br> <br> J and I started to trip each other out with the negative energy and the only thing we could talk about was getting a ride out of here and going to his roomates birthday party, we ended up walking around the neighborhood and talking about the negative energy and positive vs. negative. This is when J also started to turn negative he wanted to return the house and his aura was repelling mine, this freaked me out to another degree, I asked him if he wanted to be good and he started to walk away from me. He started to head toward the negative energy in the apartment so I took off the other way. This is when I started to go apeshit. <br> <br> I entered this unbelievable headtrip the only thing I wanted to do was bathe myself in the pure sea of light, to escape the constraints of the physical world. I wanted to have full dissolution of the ego. All I could think about was God and being closer to him, I wanted to join back with the universe and God and all the good entities of the cosmos. I started to sing in this loud archaic voice expressing my love for the omnipotent, praising the universe, crying out for the negative, I was consumed by this unbelivable powerful primordial energy that was exploding within me. At this time the blades of grass turned into millions, the frame of apartments shifted and intertwined, it was getting dark and reality seemed to be like a carnival. I saw this gigantic white light and knew that I had to go near it I had to enter into the light it was the only thing to do to escape the negativity all around me. As I got closer to the light I felt this strong urge to merge with it, to become one with it, to cease to exist to leave the physical realm. This is when my head slammed into the light post and I was knocked unconscious. <br> <br> When I woke up there were cops and paramedics all around me, I felt as if I was watching my body. I thought this was it, I thought I was dead. There was 4 police officers and a few paramedics huddled around me asking me all these questions. I thought these were the gatekeepers. I thought that I was only able to see them now because I was dead. I thought they were here to either take me to hell or to take me to heaven (this isn't necessarily the catholic or any version of heaven or hell it was just the negative or the positive). They asked me all these questions and at this point my pupils had to be quarters, I was peaking off of 3 hits of very very strong acid and had been smoking hash and pot all night. <br> <br> They thought I was drunk but I certainly wasn't drunk, they asked me if I had been smoking crystal or doing heroin or tripping or smoking crack, I eventually must of uttered the words that I was tripping on acid because they eventually found out. I kept asking if they were the good people, and at this point it gets a little fuzzy and I honestly think they thought the situation to be quite humorous and weren't doing anything to make me any more calm. They put handcuffs on me extremely tight and kept shining a light in my eyes and saying wierd stuff. I thought that the gatekeepers had decided that I was not good, that I was a bad person so they must take me to hell. At this point I started to struggle I tried to run away and I nearly succeeded as I was tripping balls and I'm in pretty good physical shape, the three male police officers ended up restraining me and throwing me in the back of the car. <br> <br> The entire ride to the police station is extremely extremely fuzzy, the police officer didn't say a word the entire time and It didn't even click that I was being taken to jail. What my mind kept telling me is I was dead, and I was being sent to hell because the primordial energy force had decided I was bad. This freaked me the fuck out. I also didn't realize that in my pocket was about 20g of hash and a bowl, I wouldn't find this out till the next morning. <br> <br> After pulling into the police station I was pretty much in and out of awareness. I remember them putting the jump suit on me and laying on the concrete ground. Eventually I was lead to a cell and they told me to walk in, I entered and then realized (in my mind) that this was a hell cell, I had to do anything I possibly could to get myself out of there. So before he shut the door I ran out, he put me back in the cell but I ran out again. I was not going to go willingly into this hell cell, there was no way. Eventually he managed to get the helldoor shut and I was locked in this concrete room with a not even foot by foot window on the cell door. There was dirt and sticky shit all over the metal bench and beds. And a metal toilet with brown dirt and rings all over it. <br> <br> At this point I nearly went insane, as far as I knew I was in hell, locked away in this room forever, it was hot in the cell, there was constant running water that dripped as if it was chinese water torture. There were all kinds of people that I couldn't see (in my mind hell beings) that were coughing and weezing and banging on the doors and then I hurd blood curdling screams (I think this was auditory hallucinations from the barely audible TV that seemed to be somewhere off in the distance). So peaking in a nasty jail cell with water dripping and screams and pounding while believing I was in hell freaked me the fuck out. <br> <br> The only thought in my mind was to call out to god and the universe and beg for mercy to plead with the life force to let me out. Everyone I had ever encountered in my life was visualized I tried to picture my interactions with them good and bad. I felt that I had lived a good life, always trying to think about others and to treat people with respect, I loved people, I loved my girlfriend I tried to do anything I could to help my Mom I just didn't understand why I had been sent to hell. I started to sing I love God, I am sorry for all the negative I have done, I want to be with you (this sounds a bit corny but think about what you would do if you were locked in a jail cell peaking on 3 hits of strong acid and thought that you were in hell and hallucinating people screaming) and I was singing it in the best most passionate primordial voice I could. I did this for hours (these people probably thought I lost my fucking marbles but they didn't understand what was going through my head). <br> <br> At one point I stopped singing and started to look at this small mirror and my faced was completely flushed, hair was going in 9 diferent directions, pupils were quarters and my face was morphing into all kinds of evil things. This took me to another level, I thought this meant I truly was evil, that God was right, and that I deserved to be tortured and stuck here forever without food or water. I believed that if I drank out of the faucet that I would start to weeze like the other people (I think they were weezing because they were cigaret smokers for 20 years and smoked meth). One more thing I did to confirm that I was in hell was check the tag on my jumpsuit and it seemed as if the maker of the jumpsuit was a primordial joke. It said made by Bob Barker (I thought Bob Barker from price is right this was just done as a joke by the evil force) and underneath that it said tumble dry (I thought hell and dryness... obviously that was the washing directions but I didn't understand at the time). <br> <br> Eventually I started to come down and was wondering if I was really in Hell or if it was just a jail cell, at this point recalling the gatekeeper encounter it was so funny. I wouldn't figure out everything till I talked to people who watched me get arrested and until I talked with the cops. Eventually I got a cop to talk to me for 15 minutes because I told her I was going insane, I thought god sent me to hell and I didn't understand what I had done. She told me I was in jail and I would be let out in about 12 hours. This instantly made me come down and I felt 300% better, I thanked her for giving me a minute and telling me what had happened and what was going on. She proceeded to tell me drugs ruin lives and she knows of people who did drugs one time and became addicted yada yada yada drugs are bad. <br> <br> The rest of the night was uneventful and was spent pacing the cell and meditating on everything that had happened. The next morning I bailed myself out and was let out, I learned that I was charged with Drug paraphanalia, and disorderly conduct for trying to run away. What I thought was quite humorous is I wasn't charged for the hash and it was left in my pants pocket. I walked to McDonalds ordered some food and told the guy at the register what happened he offered to drive me back to my college and I payed him in hash for the ride. Craziest night of my life, will never ever do acid again.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 72910</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Aug 31, 2009</td><td>Views: 36,592</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=72910&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=72910&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Police / Customs (60) : Bad Trips (6), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 drop</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">11 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> After much deliberation, i eventually took it, one drop- the sweetest sugar cube id tasted. A lot of people had been telling how good it was, the certain batch that is, they said something about 250. I couldn’t tell you what they meant. They were right though… <br> <br> I was expecting a nasty flavour. i was by no means relaxed, id smoked a joint previously and found myself wrought with paranoia, i delayed taking acid for a while, until the feeling subdued. it was an acid party, although, there were only 3 people i was aware had took it, myself included. The party had a relaxed vibe, some dub playing very loudly. The paranoia - which soon died - was replaced as the acid began to rise, with a feeling of being extremely stoned, possibly because id been smoking funk. To my surprise, i was very relaxed. i had noticed id become isolated, people busied themselves around, but i didn’t mind. i was told that this would happen, that id get introspective. The bass was the first visual i noticed. i could see it in the slates of the roof 'breathing', the speakers themselves seemed to smile as they gently affected everything around. Colours pulsated, movements glided and elongated. <br> <br> I found myself with a constant smile, and was very appreciative of the others company, those that had done acid, because i felt at home with the feeling, in control. a friend who was not present at the party came to collect me (we had planned a smoke in his village), but before we went i felt an overwhelming urge to walk, though i didn’t know where. We went to the park. It was at this point i started to feel a cramp in my stomach, it was uncomfortable. i remember feeling that somehow this cramp was the source of my 'power', the ability to see all the beauty i had overlooked for so long. Luckily, the cramp lasted for only 10 or so minutes, about 2 hours after taking the acid. The car ride was delightful, the rain in particular was a source of great amusement and wonder, though i couldn’t explain to you why. Id had this feeling earlier in the park, and it prevailed throughout the trip, at a loss for words, possibly because they don’t exist. Id felt a connection, something, between me and my friend. i couldn’t begin to describe what. i tried very hard to no avail. Whatever it was though, it made me happy. <br> <br> Anyway, i carefully avoided his dad when we got to his house, though i couldn’t escape without having to reply to his question. this was possibly the most uncomfortable i felt though the trip, i was wholly aware that only i understood the coherence of my words, the exited my mouth with little meaning but stayed in my head with resolute potency. i think i blagged it, I avoided eye contact and thought very hard about the conventional meaning of the word I was about to use. Words lost their meaning. Things just were, they didn’t need to be explained but felt. I said something about revision and hurried off. Shortly after, we went for our smoke. the rain was a pleasure, the darkness of the looming clouds, black, was quickly brightened by a minutes gaze. it seemed as though the sun shone wherever i looked, intensely, but only where i looked. I could chase the darkness out of the fields with a simple trace of the eye, I could chase the darkness out of me, I was so content to stand in the rain. <br> <br> Leaves and trees unfurled in to symmetrical displays of colour and movement, they looked like fractals. Thoughts seared through my head like a dream, they seemed to echo and build upon each other in layers. I never once felt like my mind was out of control. The grass moved like water, the horizon bobbed gently, it looked as though i was by the shore. It looked like a pastel landscape. i kept on feeling the nameless emotions and connections, contradictions made perfect sense. i never did understand the line in strawberry fields forever 'i mean it must be high or low', but it makes perfect sense now. That is why words fail, there are so many semantics, pragmatics, contexts in play, the only way they can be described or manifested is in the indescribable feeling itself. <br> <br> I felt like i had been tripping for most of the day, though i didn’t have a watch so i didn’t know. i rolled a cigarette, but smoking felt too comfortable, the smoke went down unfelt, i threw it away. I told myself I was never going to smoke again, though, I still do. it struck me how little i had eaten and drunk all day, next to nothing, yet i had no appetite for either. I played with a friends mobile phone, it felt natural. I remember saying the phone was like eyelashes. I couldn’t feel my thumbs, the phone just felt like part of my body. This set off a wave of thought, all the technology that’s assimilated so quickly, the relationship that now exists between man and machine, the boundaries of both merging forever closer. i rolled another cigarette (i dont know why), and during this another friend joined us. They were obviously curious about how i was feeling, what it was like etc. Words, yet again, failed me. i told them that, visually, it was “cool”. i remarked that the tobacco looked like living moss, it just glowed in the rizla and made symmetrical patterns. <br> <br> One friend said they wouldn’t like that, or something along those lines. at this point, it looked as though the tobacco moved more akin to little caterpillars or maggots, and started crawling up my fingers. i was able to shake this off, however i was took back by the change in vibe i felt. i had managed to feel comfortable again. i warned my friends not to doubt anything i said, to keep the conversation normal. They did this well. The only other disconcerting feeling was i felt like i was going mad. i was sitting on a swing in the rain, and it struck me that my thoughts were obviously peculiar, but they were crystal clear despite the fact they could never materialise beyond my mouth, my words came out muddled and nonsensical. <br> <br> I felt like I was perceiving things from too many angles and that my delirious happiness from earlier in the day was me slowly going mad. I also grew worried that I would become addicted to LSD, despite never having tried it previously. I hated the idea that I would need it to ever feel the almost universal connection I felt. Again, this feeling went after i relaxed, but it was a frightening thought. We went home shortly after and watched sin city. This seemed to drain the hallucinations out of me, the film looked bloody fantastic, the best id ever seen it. Afterwards, i felt tired, like after a heavy smoke, but was restless. i lay there in bed, eyes wide, and waited until i could sleep. i took about 2 hours. <br> <br> I highly recommend acid. i knew little about it, all i knew was pretty much the public perception. it was a completely different experience to what I was expecting. it was spiritual and deeply eye opening, if only i could remember all the thoughts i had, if only i could convey the ones i remember. I would recommend staying with people on a similar wavelength, in hindsight I should have stayed put at the party. Though, I was fine and comfortable with my friends. Only when they questioned my reality, comparing it to theirs, did I start to unnerve. As I mentioned, I was able to correct any issues. The only negative effect that I could gather was the restlessness when it came to sleep, but it was worth it.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 63617</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 3, 2010</td><td>Views: 36,019</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=63617&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=63617&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Various (28), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">200 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I had been doing psychedelics for about a year before this. My first trip, on LSD, changed my life. I went from a lazy but intelligent bum who didn't care too much about school to an incredibly motivated student overnight. That being my first trip, and it having such a profoundly positive effect on me, LSD has been my favorite drug ever since. I've tried a few other psychedelics - shrooms, 2-CE, and salvia - but they've only ever just been fun and didn't really have any profound effect on my life. Subsequent acid trips weren't as life-altering, but I had never had a bad trip. I had never tripped incredibly hard, either. That would change this day. <br> <br> My friends and I had just acquired some blotter paper that was supposed to be extremely potent. I've had very weak acid before (my first trip was on 7 hits of some pathetically weak stuff), and thought I had very strong acid, but I was wrong. My friends and I all decided to take two hits. One of my friends had tried it earlier in the week and said that we were in for a crazy ride. <br> <br> 15 minutes after dropping, I started to feel the effects. That's much quicker than acid usually works for me - I'm usually the slow one that doesn't experience anything for an hour and half. My friend offers me some weed. I'm not a huge fan of weed, but it has always enhanced my trips in the past, so I figure why not. I should mention that weed affects me differently than most people - just getting moderately high makes me start tripping while on no other drugs, and smoking while tripping usually more than doubles the intensity of the trip. <br> <br> After smoking, all the patterns around the house start becoming much more intense and apparent. I had only dropped like 30 minutes earlier, and this was usually something I didn't start seeing until a good two hours after dropping. I go into my friend's room and we chill for a good 10-15 minutes. My friend owns a sitar, and every single note I played on it sent an orgasmic feeling running up and down my spine. I notice that the room is starting to look like a forest. That was sort of weird - I had never tripped so hard that the room transformed. Eventually, the entire room was a forest, with my friends sitting on what looked like tree stumps, and the sitar looked like a bamboo tree. I could still play it like an instrument, but this was starting to creep me out. <br> <br> Next, a movie was put into the TV. I can't recall the name of it, but it's a rotoscope film about a post-apocalyptic future where everyone is hooked on drugs. I hadn't seen it before, but the intro was very unsettling. Some guy wakes up covered in insects, and he is jittery and afraid. I start to have irrational thoughts - what if I'M covered in insects?! My heart starts racing faster and faster. I can hear it pounding in my chest. I pull out my phone and see that it hasn't even been an hour since I dropped. Realizing that this is the start of a bad trip, I decide to try and do something about it. I start thinking that I should call the hospital. I open up my phone and start to dial 911, but luckily I stop myself and decide to see if I can calm myself down by heading to my room. <br> <br> I leave the room and walk down the hallway. Another one of my sober friends grabs me and brings me into his room. He shows me a picture of some sort of angel shaped cloud on his computer, and I think that the angel is coming out of the screen and I just run out of the room wordlessly, doubtlessly confusing him (he didn't know that I was tripping). I continued down the hallway, and it felt like the entire hallway was collapsing on me. The ceiling, floor, and walls were all curved inwards. As I walked down the hallway, parts of my vision began to look like fireflies, popping in and out of existence. I thought that this was pretty cool, but my heart was still pounding in my chest. That was the only sound I heard. <br> <br> I get to my room and spend a minute or two pacing back and forth. I still had some of my wits about me, so I tried to calm myself down by just thinking. That wasn't working, so I left my room and visited a very experienced psychonaut friend of mine down the hallway, who was sober. I asked him what to do if I was having a bad trip. He had never had a bad trip, but he told me to just try to calm down and remember all the fun trips I had had. I told him that I wanted to go to the hospital, and he said that that wouldn't do anything. They would just strap me down and I'd have to wait there until the trip was over, which would doubtlessly be even more miserable. For some reason, the fact that the hospital couldn't help me calmed me down a tiny bit. I was on my own - I had to calm myself down. <br> <br> I was sitting down on his couch, but the entire world was wavering and shifting - sort of like going back and forth over an entire image with the blur tool in photoshop. The only colors I saw were dismal greys and blues. I thought the couch was going to lift up off the ground. My heart was still pounding, but I was still managing to keep my wits about me. Part of me was telling myself that there was nothing to be worried about - I was just sitting on a couch, and nothing was happening around me. My subconscious was panicking for no reason. I nervously glance at my phone over and over. Minutes seemed like days. <br> <br> Another psychedelic-experienced but sober friend of mine comes into the room. He has had a bad trip before, and starts relating to me very well. This isn't helping very much, but I notice that my mind is starting to drift away from reality. I felt like I was going to pass out from the unbelievably intense anxiety I was feeling, and this was very soothing to me. I definitely wanted to pass out. As I feel like I'm drifting out of consciousness, I start tripping far beyond what I knew tripping could be like. Rivers of beautiful color started rushing past my head, strange green tentacles with eyeballs began growing out of the floor, and the world itself was dissolving. <br> <br> The next thing I remember is floating on my back in a warm yellow colored river. It is calm and serene, and I have no idea who I am or where I am. That was OK, though. I am floating towards an amazing mansion made out of red light. The sky is made out of shimmering green and blue jewels. Instead of grass, the ground is just a translucent green color. My worries and anxieties were completely gone. <br> <br> Next, my dream world shifts. All I see is a very expensive looking leatherbound book, floating in a sea of color. The book opens, and the golden pages fill with words. I can read the words, but I do not know their meaning. Very slowly, meaning comes back into the world. I start to understand the words. I feel like I'm very young again, learning to read for the first time. I realize that I'm reading my own biography. I then realize that I've completely forgotten who I am. The panic starts again. I fear that I've completely lost my mind. I don't remember taking a drug - I don't even remember what a drug is. I start feeling as though I've gone completely insane. <br> <br> This panic attack isn't nearly as strong as the earlier one. Instead, I feel a mad scramble to memorize what is written in my biography so that I can remember who I was. In the book is my name, my major, where I go to school, the names of some of my friends... They all look completely foreign to me. Moreover, my biography is telling me that I took something called 'LSD', a drug that makes the world seem crazy. I have no idea what LSD is, or what drugs are. My entire universe still consists of this book floating in a sea of color. <br> <br> After a few minutes of this, reality starts leaking back into my head. I realize that the book I was holding is actually a piece of paper my friend gave me, because I had been sitting on the couch asking who I was. He tells me to just keep reading the paper over and over, and I'll start to remember all of it. He calms my mind by describing to me exactly how I feel - that I've gone insane and forgotten that I've taken a drug. He tells me that the same thing has happened to him before, and he is still here. He tells me that I had just been sitting on the couch for the past half hour, and I'm just fine. <br> <br> I still feel like I need to memorize the facts on the paper, since I don't remember who anyone is or what anything is. I do need to pee really bad, though. I carry my piece of paper with me to the bathroom so that I don't forget who I am. After peeing, I come back to the room and notice that the paper is gone. This is very frightening to me, since I see losing the paper as a metaphor for losing myself. My friend quickly runs and brings it back to me. This soothes me. <br> <br> After some talking, I am pulled out of the pit of despair and begin having an amazing trip. I start to remember who I am, and everything seems new again. I feel like I have been reborn. My entire psyche was pulled apart and then rebuilt, and I have survived. The world seems fresh and interesting. The rest of the day was spent in absolute euphoria, as I gleefully enjoyed every sensation as though it was brand new again. <br> <br> Overall, the trip was definitely a positive experience. Being pulled out of absolute misery by my friends made me appreciate friendship on a whole new level. Even bad trips can be an opportunity for growth. That being said, my next trip was pretty much a train wreck. It wasn't a bad trip in the normal sense, it was just an entire day of feeling very physically unpleasant followed by a week of snappiness. It's taken a couple of months for my mind to return to almost-normal, and I've been avoiding psychedelics in the interim until I feel completely ready to head back down the rabbit hole.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 78253</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 23, 2010</td><td>Views: 18,108</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=78253&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=78253&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Relationships (44), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Okay, so I guess you could say that I used to be quite the psychonaut. I was no stranger to doing drugs. At the time, I had already done acid probably about a hundred times, and I had eaten up to ten hits before and been just fine. I think that just goes to show how our minds react to psychedelics in different ways, without our control. I will say that I think that I learned a lot from acid, but I will also say that I also screwed my mind and soul up for the rest of my life. Ever since this horrible night, I have not been the same. It is something that I still think about and try to figure out to this day, even though there is nothing to figure out. <br> <br> So anyway, it started out like many other Fridays for me, I went to school and by the end of the day, I had scored 2 hits acid from this chick that I knew usually had quality products. She called it white fluff, but to me, it just looked like the regular old white blotter that was so popular in s. fla. in the mid-90's. So after school, I went home, dropped off my backpack and proceeded to the bus stop where I would ride the city bus to my friends house about 30 miles away like I did every weekend. While I was on the bus, I decided to drop the acid. It was about a half-hour ride to the mall, where I had to transfer to another bus. It was while sitting at the mall, waiting for the bus that I noticed it taking effect. I was looking out into the parking lot and I saw some cars begin to stretch and bend. Ahhh, now that's what I was waiting for. <br> <br> So the bus arrived and I hopped on, still feeling pretty mellow. For the next 20 minutes or so, it was rather mild, I could hear everyone on the bus talking, and I would hear everything they were saying. It was not until I got to my destination bus stop that it really hit me. As I stepped off the bus, as soon as I walked out into the late afternoon sun, it was like walking into another world. Colors were radiating from everything. Cars driving by had trails that seemed to go on forever. Now I knew I was finally tripping. As I was walking to my friend V's house, my mind was racing, going from one thing to another, all kinds of crazy thoughts manifesting themselves, which I knew was normal, I had been there before. Then all of a sudden, I found myself saying, 'No, I’m not going to go on a bad trip tonight.' I had never had a thought like this while tripping, and it kind of alarmed me, but I tried to put it away and think of something else. <br> <br> I got to V's house and no one was home. I decided to wait, because I knew they would be home soon. I sat in a lounge chair on the side of his house and watched the colors swirl and bend and spiral into infinity. I felt strange, quite different, like something big was about to happen, and I didn't know why. <br> <br> He finally got home and he had just come from the dentist and was all fucked up on vicodin, talking slowly, and to me, in my acid drenched mind, he was slurring his speach and I couldn't understand what the hell he was saying. We went inside began watching tv. The show that was on that night was called Strange Luck, and this particular episode was about this little black cube that everyone wanted, but when they got it, all kinds of bad things would happen to them. Needless to say, this was not the right show to watch. <br> <br> I asked V to smoke a bowl with me, thinking it would calm me down. Boy was I wrong. With every toke I took, the world got more and more unnoticable. I had to get up to get something to drink, and on my way to the fridge, I thought I noticed that every move I was making, every step I took, was exactly what was happening on the tv. I began to think that v was fucking with me. I knew he was really good with computers and I began thinking he was some sort of computer wizard and he had me in some sort of virtual reality computer game. This is when it all started going WAY downhill. <br> <br> V could see I was getting a little edgy, so he asked if I wanted to go to Bo's house down the street (Bo was an older guy in his late 20's at the time and he was our mentor in these areas). I said yes, because I knew he would know how to make it all better. We walked outside and into the street, as soon as we began walking in the direction of bo's house, this huge pickup truck drove by us and for some reason, it really freaked me out. I looked down at the ground and I could see the ground moving by under my feet, but when I looked up, I was not moving, I felt I was going nowhere. At this point I could tell that I could not distinguish reality. I looked a V and grabbed hold of him to make sure he was real, I told him to just take me back to V's house over and over again (I thought he was a cop and he was leading me into a trap). I guess I kind of scared him and he though I was going to hit him, so he turned and took off. <br> <br> So here I am, in the middle of the street, out of my mind, and my best friend/cop/narc just went running back to his house. At this point I have no idea where I am, nothing looks familiar, and begin to think I’m dreaming, some sort of nightmare. So I ran over to the side of some stranger’s house and laid down in the grass, thinking that if I went to sleep, I would wake up in my bed, and it would all be over. <br> <br> Boy was I wrong. As I was laying in the grass, I could actually feel hands coming up from the ground trying to pull me down. I thought that these were demons and they were trying to pull me into hell. I could hear this strange music, sounded like out of tune violin strings mixed with fingernails running down a chalkboard. I got up and went and sat down on the curb in front of these people's house. I thought I had finally lost my mind. I could see myself locked up in the looney bin, with a straight jacket and all. It was at this time that the people whose house I was sitting in front of came home. They drove up and I immediatly walked up to their car and asked them to roll their windows down. I could see the look in their faces and they were terrified. Understandable I suppose. I told them I had taken too much acid and I needed to go to the hospital. I asked them to call 911 and my mom. <br> <br> So I’m standing outside their house as they go inside, completly flipping out. I gave them my phone # and they called my mom. I heard them say that I could come inside and talk to my mom. I got on the phone and was screaming to my mom 'Mom, I have no idea what’s going on!! I can't tell what’s real and what’s not!!' She asked me if one of the girls were there (one of the girls that had called her) and I took this to mean that I was in a whore house and my mother knew these people and she was a prostitute. I dropped the phone and just began screaming and crying because I had no idea what was going on. I thought my mom was a prostitute, that I had been abducted by aliens and this was some kind terrible mind experiment, and somehow I was set up to all this. <br> <br> Just then I notice lights flashing outside and I hear a voice on a megaphone saying come outside now. I replied that I didn't know where the door was, and I didn't. The voice said to follow the voice. So I did and it lead me outside. As soon as I walked out the door, there were what looked like 20 cops standing there, all with their guns pointed at me screaming 'GET ON THE GROUND RIGHT NOW!!!!' I was happy to reply and I dropped to the ground. They cuffed me and threw me into an ambulance. <br> <br> As soon as I was thrown into the ambulance I began to feel like everything was going to be ok. I was still on a trip, and I was scared as shit, but I knew that I was going somewhere safe. In the ambulance, a cop was in there asking me all kinds of questions which I didn't understand. I could hear him, understood the words he was saying, but I had no idea what he was saying. Very strange. All I could see was his head floating around the ambulance in a white fuzz. For most of the trip to the hospital, I just laid there staring at everyone who tried to talk to me. I didn't say a word and I couldn’t understand why so many people were inside the ambulance, even tho all I could see was one face at a time, floating around in space. <br> <br> I arrived at the hospital and they must have shot me up with something because I all of a sudden felt like I was floating on a cloud and I was very calm. My mom made everything better, even tho I still thought she was a prostitute and she looked like a zombie, my mom made me realize that everything was going to be okay. I stayed at the hospital I guess until my pupils stop dilating because they were shining that damn light in my face every 2 minutes it seemed like. On the ride home, as I was finally coming to, I asked my mom if any of it was real. I was somewhat back to normal now, but everything I went through still seemed so real. <br> <br> I was not right for some months afterward. It took me years to get to the point where I didn't think about it every day. I still to this day, wonder if there really was something deeper to what happened to me that night. I still wonder if I was part of some sort of experiment, simply because it was so real, and I still remember everything clearly, as if it happened yesterday. <br> <br> I do know, however, that this is the nature of psychedelics. We start the journey in search of some sort of deeper knowledge, to open our minds, or to have a spiritual experience, only to find ourselves opening pandora's box, and unleashing our worst nightmares into reality. I did acid a couple times afterward, but every time, I had to fight to stay sane. It was a struggle just to keep myself from going over the edge. I finally decided that it was not worth the mental pain anymore and stopped. I haven't done acid in 9 years now, and although I still find myself wanting to catch a glimpse of the beauty that I once knew, I am always reminded of the horrible nightmare of that fateful night.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1995</td><td width="90">ExpID: 64518</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 30, 2010</td><td>Views: 48,380</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=64518&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=64518&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Bad Trips (6), Post Trip Problems (8), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1/3 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2/3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">215 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> After taking LSD for the first time, I experienced incredible insight into the way the world around me and the people in it functioned - with that insight came the ability to recognize things as either 'safe' or 'unsafe': 'unsafe' resulted in heart-pounding anxiety and paranoia, while 'safe' allowed me to relax and enjoy the amplified sensations. I also had a pair of sunglasses with me, which I found that I could use to help tone things when the experience got too intense. <br> <br> The single dose took about 45 minutes to take effect, ramped up for the next hour or so, peaked and stayed constant for maybe another three or four hours, followed by a prolonged cooldown period, during which I was extremely jittery, almost as though I had taken a massive dose of caffeine with no breakfast after pulling an all-nighter. <br> <br> I had spent the last two days camping out at a big three-day music festival, and Monday was the finale. Although I had come alone, I met and got along great with my neighbors - there were thousands of us, camping next to our cars in a huge grassy field, and I was stationed at the end of a row, with a carload of four guys from the States next to me. We had gotten acquainted with a group of girls from Canada over the course of the festival, as well as encountering a small crowd of music enthusiasts from Montana while we wandered around looking for a party to join on the previous night. <br> <br> Early Monday afternoon, before we headed out of the campsite to the festival grounds, we settled an argument about the availability of psychedelics via one guy yelling, 'Does anyone have any shrooms, ecstasy, or acid?' Immediately, a rasta-attired fellow approached us, and $10 later, I had a little square piece of paper in a ziplock bag stuffed into the breast pocket of my jacket. <br> <br> The finale acts were an incredible electronic duo from Texas called Ghostland Observatory, and the incredible Flaming Lips. Their performances overlapped, which was disappointing, since I wanted to see both. However, I decided to favor the underdogs and catch the Ghostland show first, then go to see the last part of the Flaming Lips' gig. Ghostland's show was purportedly updated visual-wise since the last time I had seen them nearly a year ago - more lights, smoke, and lasers, all of which I figured would play well with the acid. <br> <br> This was my first time taking acid, so I figured I'd start with a little, 1/3 of the tab, and see what happened, then go from there - in retrospect this was a good plan, but I didn't stick to it. I knew it took LSD a little while to kick in, but after half an hour, nothing was happening - when the music started, I was still sober but the visuals and music onstage were ramping up, so I thought, 'oh, what the hell,' and put the remaining 2/3 in my mouth. <br> <br> Towards the end of the set, I suddenly realized that the acid has definitely kicked in. The audio had gone from 'good' (according to my usual appreciation of good electronic music) to 'heart-wrenching' - and I recognized my panting breath, racing heart, constant blinking, tingling skin, and roller-coaster-style awareness of changing gravity as the physical reaction to intense emotions. <br> <br> Once I realized what was happening, the revelations started coming - that Ghostland's set was like a sex ritual, not in the ancient sense of rituals, but in the modern technological sense, aided by synthesizers and lights, transforming the lead singer into a sex god on the stage in front of us. He became a god as I watched, literally an idol on a pillar, completely untouchable and unreachable, brilliant, mind-boggling, streaming pure beams of sex from behind his body, posing and glowering down at us, his subjects. This personification of sex wasn't remotely human, it was alien, and had nothing to do with the physical act of intercourse. It's tough to articulate how powerful this transformation was. <br> <br> Finally, the set was over, and I managed to find my way away from the darkened stage, through the crowds of sweaty people, and across the field to the other stage where the Lips were wrapping up their performance. By this time, all light sources were haloed in rainbows, similar to what you'd see through a multifaceted prism. One of my favorite songs started as I got there - 'Do You Realize?' If you haven't heard it, it's a beautiful song, with lyrics like, 'Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die? And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know you realize that life goes fast, it's hard to make the good things last...' <br> <br> My acid-fueled insight suggested that despite the lead singer Wayne's overall beneficent and compassionate attitude towards us (and all of humanity), it was all a farce - in reality, he was an ego-maniac who wanted to test how far his fans would go to make him happy. At the end of the show, he was taken up into a UFO which hovered over the stage, then took off, leaving us happy and worn out down in the pit below the stage. (The UFO was not, in fact, a hallucination - look up 'UFO Show' for more info on the production, I'm sure it would've been impressive even were I sober.) <br> <br> After the Flaming Lips were finished, my surroundings changed - the lasers, disco balls, coloured lights, and music dissolved, replaced by the dark environment of the emptying festival grounds at midnight. There were people all around me, and we were all trying to get out of there so we could go back to our campsites or hotel rooms. We were like zombie cattle - a herd of reluctant undead. It didn't help that some people were moo-ing (pretty sure this was real). It was dark, and I was mainly just following the other people - but every once in a while, I would catch myself mindlessly marching along with the herd, and I would stop, throw myself out of the mob, and catch my breath, trying to figure out how far I had already walked. It was a long walk back to the campsite, and the paths were fenced with flimsy wire fences, maybe a meter or so tall. <br> <br> Bizarrely, some people started singing 'Happy Birthday' to the lead singer of the Flaming Lips... 'Happy Birthday, dear Wayne...' In a rush of deja-vu, I realized I had heard or read somewhere that it was a traditional thing for Lips fans to do after a show. It sort of fed in to my theory that he was just playing with us, testing the extent of our devotion. I felt like a secret agent - I liked the Flaming Lips, they're good to listen to, and the show was amazing, but I hadn't sworn loyalty to Wayne. So I tried to be inconspicuous - I was afraid that someone might find me out. <br> <br> I also realized, in another bout of deja-vu, that the herd-mentality of the exhausted (and in more then a few cases, high as a kite) concert-goers was being expertly manipulated - we weren't really trekking to the campsite, we were being led in a huge circle, facilitated by the nondescript terrain and arbitrary fence system, as event staff moved buildings and landmarks around to make it seem like we were making progress when in fact we were caught in a huge loop. Eventually, the whole flood of people would pour back down to the stage, surprised and thrilled at being so easily led, where the show would end for real. I didn't want that to happen to me - I couldn't stand the thought of being messed with like that. I also knew/remembered (all this deja-vu was false, I'm pretty sure, since I can't figure out where I would've gotten any of this information from prior to this experience) that there were security guards dressed as monsters that were supposed to keep us on the path that Wayne intended us to walk. <br> <br> Luckily for me, there were some people who must have reached similar conclusions - or maybe the people in front of them weren't moving quickly enough. In any case, they pushed down the wire fencing, and I followed them over the wall and in to the grassy meadow on the other side. I wasn't too far from my campsite (due to the fact that I had really been walking the right direction all the time, and the Flaming Lips' lead singer hadn't been cleverly manipulating our route) so after a few agonizing seconds of searching for landmarks, I found my way back to my car. <br> <br> By that time, I had realized that I was in danger - not only since I had broken off from the herd, but also because there were small gangs of people wandering around, and in the dark, in my present state, I'd be pretty vulnerable should they decide to do anything to me. Remember how I mentioned categorizing things into 'safe' and 'unsafe'? My car was definitely safe, an impenetrable fortress, and the outside world was unsafe, scary and full of shadowy figures lurching around. I got inside the car, locked the doors, and sat shaking, my heart racing, breathing fast, each breath tasting crisp and pure, as though it were my first after spending an hour in a sauna, or after coming up from a deep dive. <br> <br> Now that I was safe, I decided to relax - I put the key in my car, and turned it just short of ignition, so that the electronics would turn on. I had an extremely scary moment where I was tempted to start the car, but realized that I was in no condition to drive, so I quickly took the keys out and threw them on the floor. I decided to listen to music that I had composed over the last few years - all electronic, some more dancey or trancey, some more ambient. I experienced my music in a completely new way - the songs had become emotional roller-coaster rides that took me up and down and upside down, as I alternately white-knuckled the steering wheel and lay back in the fully-reclined front seat, my pulse pounding behind my widened eyes. <br> <br> Although the car itself was normal, I began to notice that the droplets of water beading up on the windshield were not - they were crystalline, splitting and growing in precise fractal patterns, like ferns poking out of the ground. They were tough to look at for very long, in the same way that the sky can be too bright to look at, even if the sun is currently behind a cloud. My sunglasses helped. However, occasionally something would go wrong with the fractal growth, and the droplets would begin forming demonic faces, sneering wickedly and baring their teeth at me. They weren't detailed, they were more like stereotypical smiley emoticons, but I knew they were still dangerous. They might've been on the outside of the car, on the windshield, but it wasn't safe to let them stay and grow for too long. Luckily, the windshield wipers reset the field, and turned all the raindrops in to nice safe fractal patterns again. <br> <br> After nearly an hour of gut-wrenching musical experiences, I realized that even though things were scary outside, I had to go out, to leave my fortress and see what the world was like. I shakily exited the car, taking my flashlight and coat with me, and immediately knew that it had been the right decision. It was pitch dark out, although the campground was punctuated by occasional light sources, either from the people camping there, or along the main road and over bathroom areas. My first stop was the tent of one of my neighbors - two of the guys were stuffed in to a little tent along with two of the Canadian girls. They were happy to see me - they had noticed me in the car but decided not to do anything, which I appreciated, since it might've really freaked me out to have people from the outside knocking on my windows. I tried to sit and talk for a while, but I felt really restless - I heard groups of people talking as they passed on the road, and I realized that I had exchanged my previous fortress of solitude for another of only slightly less lonely properties. I knew where I had to go - I had to find the group of people from Montana that were having the drum circle on the previous night. <br> <br> I tried to to bring the others with me, but only one of the Canadian girls would go - she was with me when we left, but somehow got lost along the way. I didn't really mind. I deliberately walked past my intended destination the first time, wanting to do some exploring. There were smaller groups of people scattered across the campsite, last bastions of parties as the rest of the people went to sleep before the trip home the next morning. There was one completely drunken frat boy style party going on at the end of the road, near the exit to the campgrounds - drunken orgies, people singing to pop music, belching and whistling, groaning, 'Join us! Join us!' at people like myself who walked past. They definitely weren't safe - they were the frat party from hell, and possibly demonic, though I thought that their true shapes might be discernible in certain light, or after they were drunk enough. I'm not sure if they were related to the demonic faces on my windshield. I stayed away from their party. <br> <br> After a bit of wandering, I ended up at the drum circle campsite - they'd set up one of those picnic shelters, a couple meters square with a rain-fly draped from the top, making a nice little enclosed space. This was an incredibly safe space - safer then my car, even, since the people here were nice, and we could protect each other if we needed to. We talked about the shows we'd seen, I gave an abbreviated account of my revelations concerning Ghostland and the Lips, we cracked and fiddled with glow sticks (which left distinct trails of light that faded after a second or so when they moved), snacked on oreos and fritos and passed around a big fancy bottle of tequila. <br> <br> We had a few visitors periodically as the night progressed towards morning. A couple of Latinos in their 20s wanted to buy drugs but we turned them away, although I knew there was weed and shrooms to be had - it hadn't occurred to me at the time that it might've been racist to do so, but I wasn't the one with the drugs, so it wasn't my consideration. Eventually, another guy game by - a little older, in his thirties maybe, completely wasted and strung-out on booze and shrooms and who knows what else, maybe acid and weed as well, really really fucked up by any reasonable definition of the term. He ranted about the futility of life, told us he lived in the (not a) lobster shack, that he was running for president (and we were all voting for him), that he was completely lost and didn't know who he was or where he was going, and that he was trying to find more shrooms. We didn't have anything for him either, and eventually he discovered a baggy in his pocket, which he dumped into his mouth and lurched off. <br> <br> While we were entertaining our guests, one of the guys there was molding his glow sticks (which were the drinking-straw-sized variety) into elaborate accessories - roman gladiator-style helmets, antennae and fangs, bondage straps, and weird tribal tattoos. Eventually, one broke, and we were all a little freaked out by the burst of glowing fluid that splashed on the ground between us. It was non-toxic, though, so we didn't worry too much about it. The sun was starting to come up when I finally decided that I'd had enough and was ready to get some rest - I had come down from the main part of the trip nice and gently in the presence of nice people, and I thanked them profusely before leaving. I made it back to my campsite (after using the portapotty that looked the 'safest'), got into my tent, crawled into my sleeping bag and tried to go to sleep. <br> <br> I had become an absolute insomniac. I could not even get close to being asleep. Patterns of colour and light swirled behind my eyes if they were closed, and space seemed to bend when they were open - at some point, I looked at my hand (classic thing to do when you're high), and saw a terrible withered thing, barely recognizable as my own. But the look was only a veneer - I knew it was really my own hand underneath the wrinkled skin and spotted complexion. It was my 'aged hand', and its fingers stretched out unrealy, beckoning a few inches from my face. I was sobering up enough to realize that I was just freaking myself out doing that, so I stopped - after a while, I decided to try masturbating. To my disappointment, nothing special happened, just a normal orgasm. I lay with my eyes closed afterward, tossing and turning, until nearly eleven in the morning. <br> <br> Finally, I gave up on sleeping, and decided that I just had to get out of there and get home. I hadn't slept at all, and though the visual effects had disappeared, I was still extremely jittery, though that could've just as easily been from exhaustion and nervousness as from coming down off the trip. I packed up all my stuff, and felt bad that I was leaving before my neighbors awoke, so wrote out a quick note and stuck it under their windshield wipers before embarking. The drive home was a little harrowing at first, until I either woke up enough to focus or slipped into my 'freeway mindset', and the 250 mile trip home took me about four hours. When I got home, I didn't even unpack - I sent a text message saying I was back to my housemates (who were at work since it was Tuesday) and crashed in my bed, where I slept for nearly 20 hours before waking, feeling surprisingly refreshed, all things considered. <br> <br> In conclusion, the experience of LSD was good for me - I plan to listen to all of my future compositions on acid before I finalize them, and will definitely be using it for future concerts and possibly beach trips as well.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 72529</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: May 25, 2010</td><td>Views: 43,123</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=72529&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=72529&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td><a href="/experiences/exp.cgi?A=ShowAuthor&ID=389"><img src="/experiences/images/authors/author_id_389_logo.jpg" alt="author logo" align="right" border="0"></a> </td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Before you begin reading this story, there are certain aspects of my life that you must understand: first, this was my first encounter with LSD and MDMA; second, I am writing about this experience after experimenting with LSD four additional times following this trip; third, prior to this occurrence I have limited my drug use to what I will call more ‘organic’ methods (i.e. ganja and mushrooms). My subscription to this school of thought has changed into a quasi-I’ll-do-this-but-not-that-for-x-and-y-reasons which will become clear later. Finally, I shared this journey with a dear friend (we shall call him R) who has explored his mind with both MDMA and LSD on various occasions. <br> <br> Let us now investigate how these drugs came into our possession (an aspect of this story which unintentionally brought the MDMA into our space). While preparing for our journey, R and I planned on taking two tabs of LSD each; after calling up R’s friend, we were enlightened to the fact that he had both LSD and MDMA in his possession. Because I had only planned on experiencing LSD once, I agreed to try both. We met R’s friend and picked up 4 tabs and 4 pills in total. In hopes of experiencing these drugs to their full potential (which I will later realize was a naive assertion), R and I headed to New York City where we would attend the last sets of a music festival and a DJ set/after party and then ultimately crash at my apartment. <br> <br> Before heading to the events, we made a pit stop at my apartment where we would prepare and consume our newfound delights. R cut up the tabs and we placed them under our tongues. The time was approximately 8:30PM. We continued to get ready to leave—approximately 30 minutes after taking the tabs we ingested one MDMA pill each. It should be noted that throughout the onset of both drugs we smoked approximately .5 gram of ganja from a vaporizer. To pass the time, I opened my computer and selected an eclectic selection of music (Mr. Oizo, Franz List, Flying Lotus, Animal Collective). Approximately 20 minutes passed and I looked over at R. His pupils were extremely dilated and he expressed odd sensations throughout his body. My pupils remained at a normal size; my body felt completely normal, although I became aware of various instruments and sounds in the music which I had never before noticed. I was enjoying this already. <br> <br> R continued to revel in his newfound high as the intense sensations of the MDMA and visual hallucinations from the LSD crept into his body and mind. During this period I was overcome by an intense chill and slight nausea. I was quite aware of what I had just ingested, and I thus allowed these feelings to enter my body. I knew if I was to attack or suppress the feelings I would lead myself down a dark path which would only lead to a bad trip. I put my nausea on a pedestal and reveled in the power of such a silly feeling. Without notice, R turned off the lights in hopes of changing the mood. It worked—this is when my experience began to truly sprout. I turned up the music and closed my eyes for a moment. Just as I did this, I felt a pleasant energy growing inside me. <br> <br> This energy continued to develop as a wave of happiness and joy fell over my presence. The energy felt like a candle glowing in a dark room where its light filled the room with a subtle glow of serenity. As I examined this feeling R suggested that we dance in the darkness. As the words rolled off his tongue there was nothing I would have rather been doing. I jumped out of my seat and began a trance-like dance to Ratatat. As R and I danced, I felt my emotions follow the buildup of the song (Cherry). <br> <br> As we reached the climax of the song I closed my eyes as the energy inside me intensified. Finally, as the song exploded my body was filled with a raw, beautiful feeling which can only be described with one word: ecstasy. I now understood why the drug was given its name. In effect, I was gripped by feelings of pure, unadulterated bliss and happiness. The music rippled through every molecule in my body as I swayed back and forth. Each sound wave brought new feeling and emotion into my heart. R and I continued to dance as I focused on this amazing feeling that had taken hold of my body. At 10:15PM we decided that we should probably get ready to go. R turned on the light and I walked over to the computer. <br> <br> I noticed that I had a difficult time focusing on the pulsating words of my music library. My attention shifted towards my recently bookmarked websites as I attempted to pull up some art to feast my eyes upon. As the picture (artwork by Alex Grey) appeared in front of my eyes, I was intrigued by a feeling that it was actually alive. The painting grabbed my attention and sucked me deep into its consciousness. While I had previously ‘tripped’ on mushrooms, I had never witnessed such an event. The hallucinations began to intensify as I lost myself in the pulsating colors. I found myself creating the story of the image in my head as I walked through its journey in our world. I thought: who really created this image? No man alone could create something so powerful. God must have been involved. The image raised itself from the screen and came to me. I could do nothing but chuckle. I felt humbled by this artist’s talent. To this day (1 mushroom and four LSD experiences later), I have yet to experience art in such a way. By in large, this was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I continued to stare at the image until I was brought back to reality by R. <br> <br> R expressed a desire to leave and I expressed a longing to stay for a bit longer to enjoy the artwork. To appease us both, he said we could stay longer if we ingested the second MDMA pill. I agreed. As R prepared our second dosing, I began to feel an odd quirk in my jaw. I noticed that as I was speaking my bottom lip/jaw would shift to the right. While not alarming, I was certainly intrigued. I began to discuss the many feelings I was experiencing with R as they continued to blossom inside me. During my examination of the ongoing shifts in my demeanor, I noticed that my trip was about to take a new direction. <br> <br> My general behavior shifted dramatically as I had an increasing desire to sit and speak with R for no other reason than to discuss varying matters in our lives and how they relate to the world around us. This desire quickly grew into an obsession—I was unwilling to do anything but sit and open our minds to this new portal which I was previously blind to. Before I fully discuss this part of our trip, I must give you a disclaimer: many of the ‘actualizations’ that R and I experienced during this part of our trip are specific to R and I. Thus, I will refrain from discussing them all. I will however say that I have never had such an enlightening experience in my life. <br> <br> While my mood continued to shift, I could feel my body reacting to the oncoming experience. Aside from the quirk in my jaw, parts of my body began to feel foreign. I’ve discussed this feeling with R on numerous occasions and I have come to the conclusion that my movements and general demeanor were extremely passionate and unrefined—in effect, my unreserved movements directly reflected whatever emotion or feeling I was attempting to express. After a final back-and-forth regarding the second pill, we each ingested the MDMA and began on a spiritual journey into the depths of our minds. <br> <br> Despite our original agreement, R continued to plague me about leaving so we could go to the party and smoke a cigarette outside. I told him that I would allow him to smoke the cigarette inside if he just permitted me to sit with my thoughts for a moment. R sat across the table from me as he quietly enjoyed his cigarette. When he was finished, he set it on the table in front of me. As he did this I felt drawn to the butt of the cigarette. I picked it up in my hand and held it between my pointer finger and thumb. As I held the cigarette I began to feel a strange force transfer from the cigarette to my body. <br> <br> I looked at R as I expressed this odd sensation. With a puzzled look, R said: “What are you talking about dude?” I replied: “R, I don’t know how to fully describe this feeling, but this cigarette is extremely powerful.” Once again, we looked at each other and were at a loss for words. All of a sudden, I realized that the more that R and I interacted, the more intense the force from the cigarette felt. Instead of relating this, I asked R why he enjoyed smoking cigarettes so much. Instead of being authentic, R declared that he enjoyed smoking them because “they get me more fucked up.” I knew he was telling a half-truth. After a short confrontation, R became a bit annoyed at my prodding. I then noticed that I was squeezing the cigarette tightly as my body rocked back and forth. As I observed my peculiar movements, I had a realization concerning R’s metaphysical relationship to finding his ‘next high’ and constantly wishing he was somewhere he wasn’t. While I thought this over, I was subconsciously crushing the cigarette until I was left with just the fibers and glue of the filter. <br> <br> I stood up and walked over to R and asked him to sit down on the couch with me. As we sat on the chair I took his hands and grasped them as tightly as I could. He returned the gesture—while gritting my teeth and sliding my jaw to the side, I passionately posed a rhetorical question: “Why can’t we appreciate the space we are in right now? Why do we have to smoke more weed? Smoke more cigarettes? Is there some objectifiable feeling that warrants such selfish desires?” We stood up and started squeezing each other’s hand with even more force than just moments ago. My voice and demeanor became more ferocious as I continued speaking. “Unless we can appreciate the moment we are in right now, we will never be able to appreciate the next cigarette or next pull of weed because we are always yearning for what’s next, no matter how satisfied we may or may not be! Instead of actually living, we are constantly preoccupied with what we have convinced ourselves will make us live ‘more.’ The only result of such an absurd mindset is that we end up not living at all.” R and I continued our back and forth for a few moments until I finally felt satisfied with my short tirade. <br> <br> R and I sat back and ingested what had just happened. It quickly became apparent that our plans for the night were about to change—the goal of tonight no longer was to ‘trip balls’ and have a good time at a music festival—instead, R and I were about to take a journey that would transform our lives forever. While attempting to digest this reality, I realized that I had to urinate. I got up from the couch and meandered over to the bathroom, often stopping to observe the newfound intricacies of my surroundings. After relieving myself, I turned on the faucet to wash my hands. Although the water was gushing out of the sink, I felt as if I could feel each individual droplet of water slide off the palms of my hands. It was delightful and intriguing at the same time. I splashed the water on my face, accompanied by a refreshing and slippery sensation over my eyes and cheeks. <br> <br> After this delightful encounter with water, I looked up into the mirror. At first, I was most intrigued by the angularity of my jaw—something which I had never noticed. My cheeks were quite flush and my facial hair was extremely pronounced. I studied this for a moment until I looked into my eyes. Expecting to be greeted by two dilated pupils, I was instead alarmed to find that my left eye was almost completely closed. As a side note, I must mention that I have a severe astigmatism in my left eye—a struggle I have dealt with my entire life. When I am extremely tired I can look in the mirror and notice a slight dip in my left eyelid, but never anything as extreme as what I had just witnessed. At the time, R refrained from informing me as to not alarm or frighten me. <br> <br> As I gazed at myself in the mirror, I realized why this was occurring. This experience was not about looking at the pretty visuals—instead, I felt as if I had been employed by an external force to look inwards instead of outwards. Although I felt that I had partially had this realization, this solidified my original hypothesis. I have also theorized (in retrospect), that perhaps my left eye closed and my third eye opened. I continued to stare at myself as I leaned closer into the mirror in hopes of studying the eye that remained open. Before I discuss this eye, I must first mention that I have witnessed my own dilated pupils before in their own definitive glory. However, as I looked into my eye I noticed something different; not only was my pupil the size of a small coin, but it seemed to contain an entire new dimension. I looked deep into my pupil and it seemed to go on forever. There were no objects to allow me to perceive the actual depth of what I was witnessing, but I had a feeling of infinite space. <br> <br> This sensation of immeasurable space quickly translated itself into limitless potential. I realized that my sight (up until this point) had simply become a distraction to my life goals. I have often noticed that my physical and mental bodies have been deeply distracted by the more tangible realities of my surroundings. Instead of appreciating the spiritual importance of every object, I see what is in front of me, I study it for its physical properties, then attempt to move on. I then told myself that never again would I be so quick to judge anything I encountered—whether that is a human, an object, or otherworldly force. Instead, as I stood in front of the mirror, I made a vow to do my best to retract myself from my own distracting obsession with the more tangible. <br> <br> While I came to grips with my new reality, I noticed that I had been in the bathroom for quite some time. I exited the bathroom, briefly looked at the clock (11:20PM) and found R patiently waiting for my return. I sat at the computer and lowered the music. It was at this point that I had another realization: it was acceptable for me to use drugs that didn’t necessarily grow from the ground. While I had no intention of abusing them, I became aware that these substances were just as significant to personal growth as some of the plants I had ingested. It was ridiculous for me to bar them from my body, let alone judge those who used these substances. While I still refrain from using purely feel-good drugs, I have come to the conclusion that LSD and similar substances can be used without the threat of entirely ruining my spiritual connection with the earth. <br> <br> What happened next was much to my expectation: R and I sat and spoke for a continuous 5.5-6 hours until the intense effects of the LSD subsided. Within this time frame, subjects of varying subject matters were discussed. These included: our relationship with drugs (I had smoked ganja almost every day for a few months), our familial relationships, ego battles, and many other subjects that we felt were holding us back from fully appreciating and engaging in life. The issues that we discussed were not fully resolved, but they have allowed R and me to point our emotions and mental capacities in a new direction. For this, I am eternally grateful. <br> <br> At some point R and I went outside—colors were extremely pronounced, but the rain and cold were holding me back from fully enjoying the experience. By 7:30AM the ‘trip’ was over. I fell asleep around 8AM and woke up at 12PM. I was certainly still feeling the afterglow and my brain felt somewhat out of place in my head. This feeling continued until 3PM that afternoon. While not an entirely pleasant feeling, it was not uncomfortable. <br> <br> Throughout the day I was filled with feelings of intense love and joy. After returning home, I attended a family gathering at my family’s house. There was no place I would have rather been. Here, I found myself connecting to my family on an entirely new level. I was much more engaged in our conversations and I had a deeper concern for everyone’s well being. This afterglow lasted through most of the next day and continually subsided throughout the week. I will never be the same. Peace and love.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 80128</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 11, 2010</td><td>Views: 29,847</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=80128&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=80128&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It’s not easy to be a psychedelic. Put yourself in their shoes (shoes???) for a moment and reflect on your situation: On one side, you have adherents claiming that you are the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge, while your detractors argue that you merely imitate states of psychosis and that your so-called revelations are flimsy ideas that fade within a day or so. I recently had to listen to someone rehash the later opinion, and I was forced to bite my tongue before it lashed out like a mother bear barreling to the defense of her cubs. So I conserved my energy and decided to defend psychedelics through this more neutral avenue. There are two points in particular that I need to focus on: <br> <br> 1) Yes, you can have that one trip from which you never return (as long as you do things right afterwards). <br> <br> 2) The benefits of psychedelics are far-reaching, long-lasting, and potentially life and world changing. <br> <br> It may seem that I am a little too fired up about this, so it'll probably help if I explain why that's the case. Without psychedelics (and MDMA and marijuana), I would still be a depressed, neurotic, scared little boy who's afraid of himself and the world. In all honesty, I would’ve been dead at my own hands. This subject could easily get me off topic (for instance, writing about how the drugs merely were catalysts for my own brain to bring on these changes) so let me try to stay within the lines that I’ve laid out for myself. <br> <br> I will never forget my first trip that started everything....So close your eyes for a second and............no, bad idea, keep them open and keep reading........so just picture this: It's the fall of '04, and I'm at my first festival, seeing Phish's last show up in Coventry, VT. I had to get through hell just to arrive. Sitting in traffic for over 30 hours with the most brain-dead people on the planet tested my patience beyond its limits, and when they ended up trying to find a different way in (when every source insisted that there was only one route) I jumped out of the VW bus (cuz, Yeah man, like we're hippies and stuff cuz we smoke pot all the time and drive a VW) and prepared for whatever may lay in store. <br> <br> I had also gone through emotional hell over a longer period of time. I was a dreamer and a seeker, like so many others on spaceship Earth, looking for answers to those never-ending questions that being alive poses to an inquiring mind: Who am I? What am I doing with my life? But the most vexing question of all, was always, Why? Why am I alive? Why is there something rather than nothing? Why this? Why that? Why? Why? Why? This line of questioning led to the biggest mind-ache of all, because all conventional avenues for its answers were unsatisfying to me. Asking, “Why?” doesn’t fall within the empirical range of science, and despite a lot of searching, conventional religion offered absolutely nothing satisfying, only simplistic and false crutches to lean upon. <br> <br> Up to this point, I had experimented with marijuana and mushrooms, but they hadn’t provided that mystical insight that I was searching for. From the various sources that I had read, LSD seemed to be the substance that could potentially take me to where I wanted to go. I bought my first dose from a woman named Jane. I can’t remember any detail about her physically, except that her pupils were dilated like eclipsed moons. She was flying on the white on white blotter tabs that she was selling, and seeing her ecstatic look caused excitement to brew up within me. Once she found out that this was going to be my first experience with LSD, her energy intensified, and with a beatific smile, she dropped three hits under my yearning tongue. At the time, I couldn’t understand why she was so excited to dose me, but I can clearly see it now: she knew the doors it was going to open and she was making it happen. That’s quite a special feeing for a human to experience. <br> <br> The first couple hours of the trip were interesting, but uneventful. Earlier that day, I had run into the people I abandoned earlier, and knowing that I needed a ride home, I quickly made my amends with offers of the drugs that I had procured. So I met back up with them and went to an ATM to get $500, with which I could buy an entire sheet from Jane. The diesel-powered lights were otherworldly, and as I looked away from them, a massive mandala appeared before my eyes. ‘Holy shit, it’s working!’ We hitched a ride on the back of a pickup truck, and it was such an adventure. <br> <br> Time was losing all meaning. I tried to express this, but no one understood what I was saying, and this disconnection made me keep my mouth shut for a bit. Once we got back to our campsite, one of them walked with me to the general direction where I found Jane earlier. I quickly realized that in my altered state of mind, I would never find her. But I was hearing something that I never heard before and I ran to the source of it, assuring my companion that I would be fine alone. It was not just music that I was hearing; it was pure mystical truth being channeled through trancey beats, swirling guitar solos and bouncing bass lines. <br> <br> Before this night, I had always been unable to dance, due to unfounded worries about how stupid I might look to others watching. But without the slightest hesitation, I found my body moving to the sounds of Umelt. It felt like I was under a spell from a source beyond and much greater than myself (which it undoubtably was). I let go of my petty ego and all its fears. Once that happened, insights flashed through my mind at a kaleidoscopic pace. Each crash of the cymbal brought new revelations. Contradictions resolved themselves into formless unity. I wanted to grab the mic and shout, “This is the moment poets write about! This is why we’re alive!” But fortunately I had some sense of social normalcy, and that potentially awkward situation was avoided. <br> <br> A couple of endless hours later, the show ended and I made my way back to my tent. Avoiding a wandering spunion who offered two rolls if I let him sleep in my tent (he was too fucked up to find his), I washed up at a public faucet. Purple hues on the wood panel in front of me came alive, and I was dancing to music inside my head. I laughed at myself and laid down inside my tent. The visuals were all very sexual. Everything was connected to each other, and there was so much sucking and sharing of energy. Fighting off the paranoid thoughts of people trying to come into my tent, I somehow fell into a deep sleep. <br> <br> I woke up early, and excitedly ran over to my companions to try to tell them about my night. I tried to relate what happened, but they didn’t understand. Saying that “I’ll never be the same!” only elicited a response of, “That’s bomb, man.” I started talking to a neighbor who was sitting inside his car and he knew exactly what I was trying to convey. On LSD, “You can understand life”, he said to me. I practically jumped for joy! ‘This happens to other people too! So it’s got to be real!’ But, a wandering drug dealer offering multiple chemicals shifted my attention, and that’s where I can probably end my account of that night. <br> <br> No, things did not change instantly. I went back home and life returned to normal. Soon enough, I was still the same unhappy person that I had always been. But it is not possible to revolutionize yourself after one trip. At the very least, it opened up the path for me, revealing that, yes, there are answers out there. But they’re not to be found in any established philosophy or religion, for it’s inside of all of us, and we just need to find the right way to bring it out. Without that trip, my hopeless outlook on life would’ve never ceased. I would’ve soon gave up on finding any answers, and at the heartbreak of the pointlessness of existence, I would have killed myself. That trip allowed me to open up to the mystery and wonder of the universe. Questions such as Why? lost their importance. I saw that there is no reason for anything. No divine plan behind our lives - they just ARE, and that’s the whole beauty of it. <br> <br> Nothing has ever been the same since that trip. The way I experience Life on a daily basis was forever altered. My appreciation and the pure joy I experience from being alive can not be put into words. But let me quickly try: the way that I can look at a two-inch crystal and see a mountain chain, or my desire to transform myself and the world, or the way a certain woman can bring tears of joy to my eyes at the very thought of her, all of these and countless others are directly due to the influence of psychedelics. <br> <br> To all the dreamers out there, let me say this: Close that book. Then, open your mind because all the answers you seek are already within you. You just have to be silent enough to hear it. Because only then will you be able to devour the voice of God.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 76922</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 23, 2010</td><td>Views: 13,635</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=76922&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=76922&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Mystical Experiences (9), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> First, a little background. I am not your typical psychonaut, well, at least not stereotypical. I am a high technology major in University; I’d like to consider myself relatively well adjusted, and relatively safe in most of my endeavors. Prior to this experience, I had done no other drug other than ganja, I found the concept of psychoactive substances frightening, and didn't consider myself ready for the experience. <br> <br> This past summer, a good friend who I had lived with in a Dorm that year contacted me about going to a rave, a music festival really. On a sparsely populated island legendary in the area for the open-minded populace, and frequent drug use. I agreed to go, as did three of my other good friends. <br> <br> We went to this festival, a three day affair, the previous week I had been preparing myself for it, reading all I possibly could about LSD. Bolstered by my newfound knowledge, I arrived to the event, and set up camp. Being as that this was a three day affair, we agreed that we should plan our trip. That night we partied, enjoyed the good music, didn’t really sleep, but had a good time. The next morning, we all awoke and started to make preparations, we agreed to eat these little sugar cubes a friend had acquired, liquid locally produced, pack a bag with supplies, and then set off down the beach. We ate the sugar cubes, all joked nervously, packed a bag with water, pot, and a camera and set out. There were four of us, only one had tripped before, we really had no idea what we were in for. <br> <br> About 45 minutes later, the rocks started to sparkle. We where walking down the beach, enjoying the beautiful weather, when we started to point out the beauty of the stones, their place, their job, their perfection. At this point, we knew it was starting to kick in. <br> <br> Tripping steadily, we ducked into the forest, a likely sheltered wooded path providing the perfect venue in which to experience our newfound expanded perception. I felt truly alive, I had embarked on this trip to try to find something I didn’t know I was missing, it quickly became evident that my truth was lying just beyond the horizon. <br> <br> The forest was beautiful, more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen before in my life. Plants were not just plants... they where an extension of the planet’s beauty. Bees buzzed with a purpose, not simply diving and weaving aimlessly, but traveling with duty. Realizing most of the plants around us actually stinging nettle (think poison ivy… but Canadian) we returned to the beach, rounding the corner to possibly the most confusing situation we could have. <br> <br> There stood, on the beach, a cabin. Keep in mind, this is NOT a city. This is a beach that requires 20 minutes of off-road travel to simply reach, electricity ending 30 or 40 kilometers back up the island. And here lies a cabin. Approaching the building warily, I felt like we weren’t ready for it. Like it was not our place, it was not the right time for this building, however, we entered cautiously. The cabin was furnished, not only with the standard couches, but a television, vcr, and stack of movies, quickly becoming apparent that a generator was required for full operation. Relics of past trips lie all around us. Here a picture, there a stack of beer cans, carved in the wood of the walls lie the reminders of previous adventures. Walking over to a side table, I picked up a curious scrap of paper, yellowed with time, it read: <br> <br> Would you rather step in quicksand? <br> Or spend your entire life <br> Avoiding it <br> <br> This rang deep. Deeper than three lines should, looking at each other in wonder, we decided that we needed to keep moving. The empty place seemed too large for us, seemed too hard to comprehend. Hoisting our bag of tricks high, we left, staring back at the tiny house, wondering what other secrets it held. <br> <br> By this time, in the hot sun, we had finished two bottles of water, having no pockets due to shorts; I tied the empty containers to the corners of a bright green bandanna, letting it hang from a belt loop. Suddenly I felt the need to complete it, picking up a stone; I tied a third corner off, a bright red lighter completing the fourth. Holding my creation aloft I placed it upon my friend’s head, and there he stood dubbed: Captain Acid Hat. <br> <br> Onward Captain Acid Hat and his band ventured, walking down the pristine beach, leaping from rock to rock, enjoying the experience of having our senses unleashed. <br> <br> Here we diverge from pure narrative and into theory. When experiencing such emotions, I pondered, what could possibly cause such a shift in reality? Was Captain Acid Hat’s amazing adventure simply fantasy? Were we all experiencing random synapses firing that caused the plants to seem so alive, the bees to seem so committed, and the water to sparkle like the light of a thousand suns? Or was it something else, deeper. <br> <br> Spiritual? Unlikely. I am a man of technology, I entertain few delusions of theology, in fact, one of my greatest fears was the possibility of experiencing a spiritual vision, what if I’m wrong? What if I’m faced with the reality of a Christian theology? How would I deal with my entire worldview being shattered? No, this was more. Spirituality was minor in the world I experienced, where there a god he would be humbled by the beauty present in everyday things. <br> <br> My theory is this: To assume and assert that our five senses represent the culmination of the universes experience is not only arrogant, but dead wrong. It has frequently been suggested by far smarter men than I that we exist in a tiny bubble of reality, our brains are wired through evolution to handle only so much input, so much feeling. But we take it all in, our eyes see everything, our eyes see radio waves, our eyes see other crossing dimensions, our eyes take in everything that exists, but our brain filters it out. <br> <br> LSD is not a harsh chemical, it is not a brutal taskmaster, forcing me into an altered state of consciousness, it’s a switch, flicking it opened my mind, and I believe, reduces the filters placed between me and reality. For the first time, when I looked at those sparking rocks, I saw them for what they were, without the muddling filters of my brain blocking it. <br> <br> But back to the story. <br> <br> Rounding another bend, we spied the end of our journey. The beach ended, curved up into a rocky bluff, impossible to climb in our state, but affording an amazing vantage point, shaded as it was by the thick tree cover on the hill. We made camp, opened our bag of tricks, and started to talk. About everything, about life, about our experience, we related it quite strongly to simply being stoned out of our gourds, the lot of us surprised at how gentle it was. Our minds were not addled nor chained, we could think, we could talk, hell, I’m sure that given the right motivation we could dance, had we not other, more important things on our minds. <br> <br> Packing a bowl took an hour and a half, but we didn’t notice, the slow process of grinding passed between us all, rotating seemingly in an organized pattern. Three members of the group would engage in deep discussion while the fourth would be off on their own, watching the water, or the trees, or the rocks, or the weed, never really becoming detached, simply orbiting, it reminded me a lot of a solar system. <br> <br> We discussed the note from the cabin, it’s significance, possible theories for it’s meaning and the place it was found in. We evolved, we became stronger, and on that beach, sitting in the shade, staring and trying to comprehend a tugboat moving across the strait, I found what I was looking for, the missing piece to my life. To a stranger it is unexplainable, but rest assured, I needed to find it. <br> <br> The sun rose in the sky, becoming mighty at its zenith, and started to descend as the afternoon wore on. Our shade retreated, becoming brighter and brighter, until our cool perch became hot. We decided it was time to head back to the camp. Walking back to the cabin, I noticed the only downside to the entire weekend, in my eagerness to set out, I had forgotten to apply sunscreen to my left arm, the skin was bright red and obviously sunburned. I took captain acid hat back, drenched it in seawater, and placed it over my arm, tying it tight and keeping the sun off it. <br> <br> We once again reached the cabin. But now it was different, it wasn’t hostile, it was inviting. It had judged us, and finding us worthy, became a happy place to be. It became our cabin, our place of refuge from the sun, we explored it, laughed at it’s jokes, it’s quirks, doubling up in hilarity as we discovered the foil packets arranged on the table contained dried magic mushrooms, we left them, had no need of them. <br> <br> We packed a bowl, and then I stood, looking over to the tv that couldn’t possibly turn on, spying a drawing on top of it. It was beautiful, simply patterns in crayon, and on the back. Tripping in the cabin, lots of love, john and Marcy, new years 2006. I realized we needed to leave our mark, looking back at my friends, laughing on the old dusty couch, it came to me: <br> <br> You will never know what you’re seeking <br> Until you find it. <br> <br> -July 2008 <br> <br> Placing the note down, we smoked a bowl and decided to set back, braving the unforgiving sun once again to arrive home, the music of the stage reached us first, bounced over the water, and we started to see tents again, people. Interacting with humans again was peculiar, I felt enlightened, strengthened. <br> <br> We discovered (much to our delight) that the beach we tred upon was actually a nude beach, and the tanned flesh of dozens of beauties lounged about, smiling to ourselves we made our way back to our campsite, to bottles of water, and the end to a wonderful experience. <br> <br> LSD Changed my life. It wasn’t huge, I didn’t drop my major and live in the forest, nor did I freak out and swear it off forever, I simply realized how I’d been going about things wrong. I am a changed man due to this wonderful chemical, and a stronger human being from that beach.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 74690</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 15, 2010</td><td>Views: 24,672</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=74690&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=74690&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> I have lived in the bay area my entire life. However, I did not understand how lucky I was for many years to live in such an amazing region until I went on a mandatory family reunion with my parents to the city of Bumfuck, Texas. One single grocery store. One single cinema. No grassy parks with waterfalls and miniature forests in sight. An incredibly diverse selection of restaraunts, ranging from a 'Couldn't Pass a Safety Inspection' Chinese Buffet to a rundown Wendy's. Jesus Christ, how could anybody stand to live in anywhere but the hometown of yours truly? The towering skyscrapers, the supercharged bustle and humdrum of the city at all hours of the day, the car alarms and street music and honking horns and snippets of conversation that penetrate every silent orifice of San Francisco. I love everything about it. <br> <br> I was very much destined to be a bike messenger upon my graduation from high school. I was smart enough to go to college but not motivated enough to continue to endure the tedious nausea of schoolwork, too much of an adrenaline junkie to work in an office job but too tied down to big cities to become a mountain climber or a parachutist, and too self conscious about being overweight to be a couch potato but too lazy to become a marathon runner. I lived and breathed cycling throughout my high school career, among other activities such as fruitlessly searching clubs for men desperate enough to fuck me and speed-smoking the elevators of multi-million dollar buildings. The game involves walking into an expensive hotel or office building with just enough of an air of confidence so that the security doesn't bother me, then busting my piece and herb out in the nearest elevator and hotboxing it as much as I can before some prick on a security camera finds me and attempts to arrest me. At this point, the game digresses to a combination of 'Tag' and 'Hide and Go Seek'. <br> <br> So, after graduating from the hell hole that was my high school, I spent the following summer as a dishboy and sandwich maker in a sub shop in downtown San Francisco, until the day that my friend managed to score a job as a bike messenger. They still needed somebody else to fill an empty position. The pay was shit, but so was my sub shop job, so I got myself intentionally fired after spraying my prick of a manager with the dish washing hose and signed on as a bike messenger at a place that I don't care to name. For those of you hicks that live in small towns that dot the barren wasteland known to the rest of us as 'The Middle Third of the United States' and have no idea how big cities work, I'll teach you how bike messengers keep their jobs. <br> <br> In big cities, cars are fucking everywhere. It's a wonder people still buy them, because they move at approximately the same speed as tortoises with arthritis, are goddamn expensive, and you use up more of your gas tank waiting at stop lights then you do actually driving. And because some people in big cities need packages transported from Point A to Point B in a very short amount of time (faster than the tortoises with arthritis can carry them) these people pay us an exorbitant amount of money to us, bike messengers, to bust our asses to transport said packages from Point A to Point B in a very short amount of time. Then, the company that hires us takes a small finder's fee (approximately 90% of our wages) and gives us our pittance sum of cash that we get for risking our lives on a daily basis. <br> <br> For those of you that have never biked in a big city, the only way I can describe it to you is a combination of FUCKING INCREDIBLE and GODDAMN FUCKING SCARY, with a hint of BALLS TO THE WALL AWESOME. Cars and pedestrians alike in San Fransisco hate us cyclists, and for good reason. Given the option to actually wait for stop lights to turn green, or for pedestrians to move their fat fucking asses out of the way, most of us just wave our dicks in the wind and masturbate all over conventional traffic laws. If any of you reading this are the towelhead taxi drivers who regularly leave your car horns honking for upwards of ten seconds when I cut you off, or the morbidly obese whales that scream insulting obsceneties at me when I bike past because I scared you so much you almost choked on your 'McWarning: May contain meat' hamburgers, guess what? Up yours too buddy, I'm trying to make a living doing my job, and if it involves me cutting you off and generally fucking you over, better your ass then mine. <br> <br> Combine this sort of attitude with a religious devotion to psychedelic drugs, which I've maintained since the summer in between my junior and senior years of high school, and you get my life. My DOC is easily acid, because of it's duration, trippiness, cost effectiveness, and the fact that I've got an amazing connect who never runs out and sells me 100 dose vials for $200. I can dose three to five times a week and still make enough money to pay enough of the rent that my roommates don't give a shit. My drug history involves LSD, DMT, psilocybin mushrooms, too many 2C-x's to count (not to mention a few DOx's and #-xxx-DMT's), mescaline, salvia, MDMA, and a few odd stimulants thrown in there for fun. I have tried Adderal and cocaine before, both are terrible drugs and should be erased from the face of the Earth. Fuck stimulants! <br> <br> Now, it's clear to most people that doing a job like mine while being righteously skull-fucked on a ten strip of acid is a goddamn terrible idea. Yes, you are absolutely right. Without a doubt, I would NEVER recommend to anybody doing what I do on a daily basis. It hasn't ever stopped me, but it's still a goddamn terrible idea. Like the good doctor said, 'I wouldn't recommend... drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.' <br> <br> To describe the experience of putting my life in the hands of the San Fransisco Traffic God's while the sky melds together in an amalgous orgasm of blue and magenta and while cars leave such profoundly solid tracers behind them that I can't tell whether they're limousines or not is, essentially, impossible. The experience is just fucking ludicrous. I've been bombing hills at 35 miles an hour before only to have taxi cars open their doors in front of me with only ten feet to brake. I've been within inches of been piledrived by several ton cars in direct oncoming traffic. On one occasion, the quick release on my primary brakes snapped while I hauled ass down one of the steepest streets in the city (which is really saying something, if you've ever been to San Fransisco before), forcing me to simultaneously wedge my foot between my front wheel and my front forks to slow myself down while navigating my bike through two massive four way intersections. I was a half second away from getting anally raped between a bright silver Hummer and a half lime-green/half hot-pink sedan. I suspect that this was not the actual colour of the vehicle. <br> <br> To do what I do, I have to be paying attention 100% of the time. My peripheral vision and reflexes are my best friends. Acid is not a drug that lends itself to fast reflexes, however; it feels like I have ADHD on higher doses of psychedelics. 'Oh boy, look at that beautiful tree! Gee, don't you just love nature? Holy fuck, the sky! Goddamn, that cloud just turned into two ninjas fighting each other! I love you sky, you're so blue and beautiful.' On my early days of trip-cycling, I would occasionally find myself zoning out for short periods of time, too interested in the patterns on the asphalt below me or the height of the skyscrapers above me to remember that I was in a life or death situation. These sorts of distractions usually ended like this: 'Jesus, look at the floral designs on the pavement, doesn't that just look HOOOOOONK SQUEEEEEEAL FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK A CAR!!' I haven't had one of those moments in over two years. To be honest, it only happened once or twice. But one or two times of trusting some fuck you've never met before to be paying attention to the road and not his Blackberry or the radio is one or two times two many. <br> <br> I've since gotten used to getting my shit together on acid. To be honest, though, it's pretty effectively kept me from ever being able to relax on psychedelics, even if I'm not on my bike. When trip-cycling, I have to devote every ounce of my mental capacity to keep my mind on the road and my reflexes. It's a combination of letting my mind trust myself so completely that I don't have to think about hitting that brake fast enough to avoid that taxi door or turning my wheel just enough that I neither plow into that pedestrian OR get clotheslined by that pole, and forcing my mind to be on the edge constantly. <br> <br> I instantly go into this survival mode when taking psychedelics now, and I can't seem to rewire my brain to just let myself go and relax, even if I'm just sitting on my couch at home tripping. Cause when I'm trip-cycling, I can't mess up or I die. No slipups, no fuckups, no mistakes. I get one chance to make that turn perfectly, and I'm dead if I don't. Making decisions like these for six or eight hours straight on a daily basis leaves me so fucking burned out that it's a wonder I manage to wake up in the morning. I put everything I've got, every last fucking percent into every single moment for more than half my waking day, and I'm supposed to just wake up in the morning and do it all over again for months on end? It baffles me that I do it, but I do, and my body has been forced to adjust. <br> <br> I've never gotten seriously injured biking before, which is a goddamn miracle. I've crashed a few times before, and I'd hazard a guess that the number of times in was my fault and the number of times it was somebody else's is about equal. No broken bones, no fractured spines, no cracked skulls, nothing. A goddamn miracle. If you ask me, some scrapes and bruises and a snapped spoke or two isn't much to pay for a life like mine. Someday, my miracle is gonna run out though. <br> <br> I figure that I've got two choices in life right now: I fuck up and die with my head in two and my brains splattered across the street (or at least get so injured that I scare myself away from ever cycling again, which is definitively possible considering how mentally scarring getting in a serious life-threatening accident on acid could be) or I somehow manage to survive being a trip-cycling messenger for long enough that I get older and wiser and figure out that what I'm doing is fucking stupid and I retire. Then, I have to live with the ramifications of dosing large amounts of psychedelics up to five times a week for multiples years on end. I'll be just like one of those burned out hippies on Haight and Ashbury that can't finish a sentence, mumbling to themselves about UFO's and how cheap weed used to be. Oh well; fuck it. It's fun while it lasts, and in a life like mine, some people live and others eat shit and die.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 84954</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 24</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 31, 2010</td><td>Views: 81,293</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=84954&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=84954&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Not Applicable (38), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> “The best results come when you fuck someone you really love, during the acid trip. That’s when the nervous system is most open, most unconditioned, and ready to take a completely new imprint.” <br> - Timothy Leary <br> <br> Background: I am a male, at the time of this experience I was 24 years old and weighed 125 pounds. I take no medications but use marijuana and yerba mate on a daily basis. My partner is female, at the time of this experience she was 19 years old and weighed 135 pounds. She takes no medications but uses yerba mate on a daily basis. Both of us are experienced with a variety of psychedelic drugs. This was one of our first and most fondly remembered acid trips together. <br> <br> The experience: The trip was off to a rocky start. Halloween, and some drunk-and-rowdy types came over to visit just minutes after the four of us had put three blotters each of Sacramental LSD under our tongues. My partner got sucked downstairs, into a whirlwind of thrashing guitars and bongos played, without much rhythm. My roommate Star and I winced at the percussion, saying “I think I’m staying up here, man!” Star and a friend who wasn’t on acid were deep into discussion about art. The acid was beginning to kick in, gently, slowly. Sitting on the deck, I admired the wispy clouds blowing over the night sky, and watched the other two smoke. It’s funny, thinking about how much time I’ve spent hanging out with smokers waiting for them to get their fix. I like not smoking. If I get cold before the ciggie is finished, then I can go inside! <br> <br> I donned my white labcoat, and ventured downstairs. There was something comforting and familiar about the garment. Stained yellow and brown pockets, but otherwise crisp and white. Just wearing it provokes me to think within a scientific framework. Suddenly, I’m not just getting a snack from the kitchen. Now I am performing a perceptual test, in cutting an apple whilst ignoring the low-vibration drunks. I wander around the house, feeding slices of apple to people. “Control group: People not on LSD! How would you describe this apple?” My control group told me is was sour, and crisp. Those subjects on LSD were in agreement, though perhaps perceiving the taste of the apple more vividly. Our senses had been heightened by the drug. <br> <br> Star’s room is high-energy. Brightly lit and warm, dominated by earthy red tones, playing rock music at high volume, filled with intense crystals and involving conversation. I found myself jittery and anxious, not being in my comfort space. Retreat! Retreat to my own room which is the antithesis of Star’s. Calm, cool and dimly lit with a salt lamp (AKA psychedelic-safe light). I flopped on the bed with the requisite fuzzy blue blanket. Ahh, that’s better! My partner came up and joined me. <br> <br> With LSD I find it is easy to be distracted by worldly things and stay on the surface of the experience. If I had chosen, like Star, to involve myself in conversation and other normal activities too much, it would be easy to ignore the effects of the drug. I have programmed myself so well that, for instance, I can go down to breakfast whilst coming up on eight hits of acid, and no one will even notice! The “breakfast” program still runs smoothly, no matter how high I am. In such a case, the trip becomes about having attention placed on our conditions reflexes and responses. High on acid, and watching the program run. As long as I am clear with my intent, everyday words and actions can be carried out as usual. Though it can be hard to maintain, and not burst into giggles at the hilarity of the situation. <br> <br> Instead of getting involved in wordly things like Star, I was sitting with chill ambient music, in dim lighting, paying attention to what I was experiencing. Sitting close with my partner and feeling the psychedelic shift. The experience changed; I was no longer the water-strider rippling the pond’s surface. No, a big trout came up from the depths and snatched me. I was pulled down, immersed now fully in the experience. To me, this is a difference between mushrooms and LSD. An eigth of mushrooms will always immerse me fully into the experience. With LSD, I have to choose to engage, and give the drug something to work with. That’s when it becomes deep. My partner and I sat facing with legs around each other, forehead to forehead. Third eye lined up with third eye. Consciously choosing to open, and let the energy flow. I chose to open my mind fully and unconditionally to hers. There are no barriers between us. We started to cycle energy, pulling it up through the core and flowing back-and-forth from eye to eye. Up and out through the crown, then back down to be recycled, grounded and pulled up once again. A vortex spiralling up through us, a bio-electromagnetic energy field surrounding us and pushing at the edges of the room. <br> <br> The door was open, and whenever someone would walk by or speak from outside I would feel and see in my mind’s eye a protective network of energy sparkling in front of the door. It is all about vibrations, the vibrations we choose to pay attention to. Vibrations from outside were nothing more than distractions, to be dampened and then ignored. It was our own shared vibration that was being amplified. I pondered what it would be like, to sit this way for six or eight hours in a chaotic environment, focussing one’s attention on nothing but the other person. Not letting your attention flicker from that connection to the other, not even for a second. Now that would be a profound exercise in trust, dedication and love. <br> <br> There came a point of openness where I could touch her essence directly with mine. Her mind, her soul, her spiritual light body... Her essence was earthy, dark and animalistic. Moving with a fluid motion, like a young colt or water acting within earth. Like a school of fish, capable of evaporating and fleeing with speed, should she be startled. Her essence was simultaneously shy and warmly welcoming, half drawing away then opening back up again invitingly. She was touching my own essence, gently, gently. It was beautiful. I realized that this is the level on which I interact with various DMT entities. When seeing the essence of an entity, nothing can be hidden. The energetics of that person, warm and welcoming or tricky and malevolent, is immediately obvious. I’d never before touched another human’s essence, this was new territory. <br> <br> “You are beautiful, on all levels, and no matter which way I take you apart!” I say. <br> <br> “Yes, and you are beautiful too!” She replied. <br> <br> “Even on a cellular level, each cell has a DNA blueprint to make you, and it is perfect, and it is beautiful...” Touching her essence made me think about what it is like when other beings touch my essence. I, too, was one of these tricky human things. You never know what you are going to get, with a human essence. So animalistic, tricky and shifty like animals can be. Trained to have instinctive and sometimes dangerous reactions. Some of us are so open and loving, others are quite the opposite. Be cautious, when interacting with humans on the energetic plane! <br> <br> Different sensations about my partner flooded me. I felt a strong water aspect. Deep blue waves of the ocean, lapping against grey rocky islands covered in green trees. A heron, standing in the shallows to fish. The heron (earth) acting within the waves (water). The way she moves her body, precisely and delicately, is like a heron. Turn the heron inside out and you get the colt, the essence, the spiritual energy body. Flowing water, acting within earth. As below, so above. Water and earth, earth and water, working together. Grounded but surrendering to the flow of life. <br> <br> The two of us exploded outwards. No longer confined to our bodies, now the body was just a central point, one where we localized or focused our consciousness. Our edges ran far out, the lotus petals blooming and unfolding far beyond the edges of the house. We had become expansive. Now we lay, with me on top of her, so that all our chakra centres were in alignment. Our total mind-body organisms were synching up, on all levels. I felt myself opening up to every aspect of our relation to each other. To the totality of what we experience together and teach each other. In my mind’s eye I saw a channel from head-to-toe through my body, being filled with green glowing light as we continued the energetic exchange. <br> <br> “Would you like to make love?” I ask her. <br> <br> “I would love to make love!” Came the enthusiastic reply. We shut the door, shed our clothes. Align our bodies and chakras again. A little foreplay, feeling the energy flow very distinctly. Feeling her response vividly, with each touch of my fingers. We are as one. One plus one, makes one... but with the power of three. Magic. She is tight as I push, penetrating... a little cry escapes us both. <br> <br> We made love differently than ever before. Neither feels towards the normal back-and-forth of penis in vagina. No. My lingam pushes deeper, seeking inwards. Feeling clearly each shift of her yoni’s smooth muscle tissue. In this state of heightened awareness, my partner feels vividly all the muscles in her body. She moves her legs in rhythmic stretching patterns, causing cycles and patterns of pressure applied to my penis. The energy between us continues to build, and build. I guess this is what tantra is about. Sacred love. Experiencing the divine by raising the vibration between us. <br> <br> Fondly beseeching, my <br> Mouth murmured worship <br> Breath, heavy. Skin, fire. <br> Please, <br> Spread her labia open. <br> Half perilous penis deeply <br> Closetted herein pink vagina. <br> Let me come in your naked ecstasy! <br> <br> Eventually our tantric acrobatics stimulated me to orgasm. So intertwined within her that she feels every pulse just as clearly as I do. Release, release, release! In the quiet moments after I open my eyes. Everything is covered in buzzing fractal patternings now, whereas before my visuals had been very light. No wonder, though! That kind of sexual release had blown me wide open. I was very, very aware of the energy flow and expression in everything. Now lying cuddled up, there was a curious feeling in my mind. My mind was like a blank slate, I had turned off the usual internal chatter. My mind was silent and empty of thoughts, open to whatever would impinge on it. My attention seemed to focus on a distant point past everything I could see. I didn’t look at things, as much as I looked through them. Focussing past the material surface, to the essence. I began to get a few thoughts, information that seemed to come from nowhere in particular, but which felt extremely vivid and real to me. Archetypical information which held a feeling of trueness. Thinking a lot about jaguars. I saw the soft footfalls of the cat stalking through the jungle, and heard the moist, breathy growl of its voice. I saw the pyramid at Teotihuacan, vividly as though I had lived during ancient times. <br> <br> I remember as a child vacationing with my parents. While visiting Teotihuacan, we were walking up some stairs inside one of the buildings, and I knew before I got there that I would see a golden jaguar statue at the top. I was having a serious déjà vu, though too young to know what it was. When we got to the top everything was as I remembered, except that the jaguar’s eyes did not glow a fiery-red as in my vision. The jaguar again. The jaguar was here at Teotihuacan. I embodied the jaguar. Holding my partner close, I felt my arms covered with spotted yellow and black fur. I became the jaguar. The jaguar was the totem animal of shamans. It was a role I could choose to take on. The jaguar. Woah. Woah. My monkey mind screamed in confusion, afraid of the implications. <br> <br> My partner feels the fear go through me, my body becoming rigid. There is a scared look in my eye. I try my best to explain what I am experiencing and downloading. Having indulged in fear, I am now shut out of the experience. There are no more cosmic downloads or past life regressions after this point in the trip. When my mind recoiled from what I was seeing, in shock and horror, meant that I had seen all I was ready to accept tonight. All I can do is accept these kind of experiences at face value. I don’t have to believe that what I saw was “true” or “real”, but I have to at least accept that I had the experience. I’ve tried denying experiences before, and it was very distressful. The monkey mind does not like having the rug pulled from under its feet. <br> <br> The rest of the trip was smooth and comfortable. We lay together, talking openly and enjoying as the acid began to come down. It was a very contented and clear-headed state, in contrast to our last experience which was a combination of LSD (at a lower dose) and MDMA. Taking the LSD on its own was a much less frenzied and chaotic experience. More focussed, more aware. Less sensual surface, more deep energetic connection. We smoked a little joint to soften the edges. We exchanged massages and made love a couple more times, as couples are wont to do. Using the same techniques as last time, deep tantric muscle movements rather than the old innie-outie. <br> <br> Around five in the morning... fully satisfied but still tripping and unable to sleep. We arose and reconnected with our roommates. The drunk-and-rowdy types were gone. I had my intention set on making everybody a nice strong cup of yerba mate, and some oatmeal with superfoods (gogi berries, blueberries, raw almonds, raw mulberries, maca flour, raw cacao nibs) and a little cane sugar to taste. It is a meal that is quite easy to digest and bland, but not too bland. Nothing that would offend the psychedelic and up-all-night mentality. Food with a high amount of nutrients, vitamins and minerals, antioxidants and so on. <br> <br> Despite the yerba mate, cacao and whatnot, I was very sleepy after breakfast. I went to bed and my partner joined me soon after. I had very vivid and interesting dreams that night. I can’t remember the details, but in the dream world I ate another three hits of acid. Actually one blotter fell into my mouth, accidentally somehow, and then we consciously chose to eat the second two. In my dream-land, those tabs of LSD seemed to get me high, too! <br> <br> Tim Leary cautioned that one should choose a partner carefully if one is going to make love with them while high on LSD. You can’t just go out to the bar, pick someone up, and expect to have a good experience taking LSD and making love with them. The nervous system under LSD is opened up so much, it is important to me to feel a real loving connection there. What can be experienced then is the essence of tantra, feeling the energy flow back and forth between each other, and amplifying that sensation. <br> <br> My partner wrote a poem based on her experiences of the night, which she wishes to share: <br> <br> 'As I sit silent, away from you, you come into my mind. Caressing me gently with your limitless body. Stroking my heart with soft sand, holding my hand. Unwinding my mind, intertwining to the divine, into the forest we slip, deep, dark, unknown guided by light, you gently lead me to the unfolding lotus. Kissing me with blue petals of love. <br> <br> I open my eyes as your mouth passionately bites my neck, taking me up the tree of life, tall and strong. I grip to stay hold but loose all tension making the dark forest fractal with light. Fairies and elves begin to play games, passing me around as if I were a dancing pixie. Filling the sky with magical loving hearts, exploding rainbows full of life. Passion bites again gripping me higher and higher up the tree of life, as I see above and beyond everything. <br> <br> I fall limitlessly into bliss, soft luscious lips kiss as I bite to see if it’s all real. Something solid comes into my mind, an eye. Complex and divine, which line should I follow down into your mind, it glides like ice into a crystal cave, reflecting only light, sparkles, beauty of the night, expressed through a once solid object. But soon all boundaries had disappeared, I float through the crystal cave, unlocking the flame, healing the pain. <br> <br> I jump to see what I fall into next… a misty morning where I lie on the beach moon still in reach, nothing needing to be preached. A beautiful creature, black as night, a panther, it seems to be. I breathe as it attacks me slowly and gently showing me the ocean, deep, deep, deep. I relax, it pulses and sends me wisdom in and throughout, like a quartz crystal, grounded, aware, so sure of its power. But as a panther only jumping the prey ready to take on its heat. <br> <br> Like a fire I burn, sparks flying everywhere, my hand moves to touch something soft, a body naked nothing to restrict its beauty. As I breathe, and breathe again feeling myself coming back to my body, my eyes open to a limitless beauty. I see you, as I sit silent, wide open heart, ready to bleed and let everyone see the panther that came inside me and left me open to breathe, to flow. <br> <br> Gently, softly as you touched my soul.' <br> <br> Thanks for reading <br> Love<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 80897</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 24</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Sep 23, 2010</td><td>Views: 24,186</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=80897&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=80897&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Sex Discussion (14), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(tea)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I’ve taken LSD dozens of times, and have almost always had extremely positive, insightful experiences with it. However, last spring I made the mistake of taking way too much acid while home alone. The experience still haunts me, and thus it’s the one I’m compelled to write about. I’d rather bury it forever, but I know I’ll never forget; it still preoccupies me daily. <br> <br> My husband Dan and I had recently moved to a new house in the mountains. It was Dan who introduced me to psychedelics many years ago, and we had a good supply on hand, but lately Dan had soured on the idea of tripping, suspecting that the stress of his new job would feed into a bad mindset. Meanwhile, I had been building up the idea of a solo trip as a way to treat myself to a glorious experience of our new home. Dan didn’t like the idea of me tripping without him and had framed it as an issue of trust, so I simply intended to hide it from him. That was my first big mistake. <br> <br> Dan left for work at 8:30 a.m., and shortly thereafter I brewed a lysergic tea by squeezing out the remains of an old bottle into warm water. Our dealer Benjamin had given me one of his nearly-spent bottles, and I thought I had already squeezed it dry. I anticipated, at most, one or two doses’ worth of acid to be left when I submersed the bottle into my tea. That was my second big mistake. <br> <br> I drank the tea, and within mere minutes my heart began surging, my body jittering, and visual phenomena deepening and throbbing. These were much swifter, stronger effects than I’d ever experienced, so I knew with sudden dread that I was in for a long, wild ride. <br> <br> Fear made a catastrophic jumping-off point for the trip. At first I tried to busy myself cleaning up the house, to keep active, but panic swamped me, along with deep feelings of guilt. I staged a mental dialogue with Dan, attempting to explain my whimsical dosage: “I want experiences all to myself sometimes! I don’t like feeling controlled!” But my own words sounded like hollow lies, because I could see that Dan was right about LSD not being something to trifle with whimsically, or seize greedily, or lie about. I began to sob, seeing myself as a snake, a liar, a self-deluded creature of the darkness. <br> <br> “You can’t hide from the eyes of God,” I began weeping, collapsing onto the floor. I’m not at all religious, yet for a while I kept wailing that: “You can’t hide from the eyes of God.” <br> <br> Then my mind started to slip into incomprehension, with syllables cycling senselessly in my ears: “Abwor-shuh-throl Rech-uh-sli Boppoli, Abwor-shuh-throl Rech-uh-sli Boppoli.” I thought I should call Benjamin, my dealer back in Oregon, just wanting to hear one voice of sanity. I called his cell, and when he asked “how are you,” I answered, “Actually, I’m scared. I’m calling you because you seem like the kind of guy who knows what’s going on. I took too much of the stuff you gave me, and I feel like I’m losing my mind...” <br> <br> He was very kind, and said all the right things to calm me down for a few minutes. I felt better, until it occurred to me that cell phone conversations are easily tapped, and for all I knew he could be under surveillance. I may have just wrecked our lives! But I didn’t know how to speak this fear safely on the phone, so I just started saying “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” before hanging up. <br> <br> Then things began getting stranger. I stripped naked, and heard a voice say, “Psychedelic drugs are all part of the universal ecosystem’s experiment in consciousness.” I thought, I knew it, and felt momentary comfort. <br> <br> But the voices were only beginning. A distinct auditory group-voice began chanting to me. First it said “Welcome! You made it; we’ve been expecting you,” and I knew that these were the voices of all the other acid-heads who had broken on through to the other side. THIS was where acid brought you, to a collective consciousness, the cross-planetary experiment! People who had only ever taken a little acid only caught glimpses. I laughed in bliss, and cried, “I’m here! I see now!” <br> <br> But then the voices started saying, “We keep TELLING you, and you keep FORGETTING...” <br> <br> What? What was I forgetting? I suddenly sensed that I was mentally retarded, and all of society had evolved without me; I had been living in blighted ignorance for years. I was allowed to keep living, because this was a just society that pitied me, but I was neglecting my responsibilities to the universe – and only sometimes were they important, but THIS WAS ONE OF THOSE TIMES. <br> <br> “We keep TELLING you, and you keep FORGETTING...” <br> <br> Forgetting what? Forgetting to treat acid reverently? Forgetting that it’s best taken in honesty and with other people? Forgetting how to calm down and be an evolved person? Or were there things I needed to do? <br> <br> I couldn’t calm down; I was running upstairs and down, throwing clothes out of my closet and back in again, putting on clothes and then stripping them off instantly. I vomited first into one toilet, then into another, and sprinted around the house, as the syllables kept cycling “Abwor-shuh-throl Rech-uh-sli Boppoli.” Downstairs in the dark hallway I wailed, “I feel like I’m LOSING my MIND!” <br> <br> Buzzes, beeps, knocking, sirens, telephones ringing. What were these sounds? I realized I was holding my cell phone, and tried to answer it, desperately wailing, “Hello?!” <br> <br> “You’re caught in the grip of the time-matrix,” the voices said. “But it’s only one mode of experience.” <br> <br> I envisioned my friend Joe, whom I hadn’t seen in years but had recently found on Facebook, saying the word “TIME.” In reality it was the punchline to a joke he made years ago, but I suddenly understood that the whole reason he’d reappeared in my life recently, or at all, was to show me that time is false. He, and my friend Pam, and other people with whom I’d recently reconnected, had all been planted in this mock-up of existence; they weren’t real except to show me that time wasn’t real... <br> “Your family members are just place-holders; THIS is your reality. You’re not real to your family, either; you’re a shell to them, and they’ll never see your mind.” <br> <br> Buzzz! Beep! Clang-clang! Brrring! <br> <br> “Your parents are trying desperately to reach you, but you can’t answer the phone...” <br> <br> I envisioned myself strapped down in a mental ward as my heartbroken parents wept for my lost mind. Brrrring! They were trying to reach me! I desperately picked up every phone in the house, screaming, “HELLO?” But I heard nothing, only the voices saying, “We keep TELLING you, and you keep FORGETTING...” <br> <br> Because I’m retarded! They keep telling me how to live, and I keep forgetting, because I’m mentally disabled! Everyone else lives in an evolved way, while I keep dragging the Collective Consciousness into my own psychological muck, because I’m a mentally retarded drain on the Cosmic Society! That must mean there’s still something I need to do... <br> <br> I started watering the plants obsessively, changing my cats’ food and water bowls, sensing that my task had something to do with tending for other lifeforms. But I was running out of time... time? <br> <br> “Look,” said a male voice, “normally your time is your own, and you can waste it if you want. But NOW is a point when TIME REALLY MATTERS. There are many people depending on you RIGHT NOW. We NEED you to do this NOW.” <br> <br> Do what? I was retarded; I didn’t even know what he was talking about! But I suddenly knew that all eyes were on me. People were watching me, listening to me… how? The cell phone! I was still holding it; I must have dialed someone! Word got out and spread instantly; now everyone knows I’m insane and retarded! <br> <br> A roaring in the sky, a helicopter: oh my god, they called the authorities. They could not only hear me on the phone, but see me from the sky. This story would make the news! My life would never be the same! <br> <br> The male voice was insistent. “I know you keep forgetting, and have to keep being reminded. But this is IMPORTANT. Every second you waste causes GREAT HARM.” <br> <br> “What do you want me to DO?” I screamed. “You keep reminding me! And I keep forgetting!” <br> <br> Tend... give... create, was kind of the group-mind answer. I looked at my cats, who were staring at me with scared wide eyes. I suddenly had the crazy idea that the police/news helicopter outside thought I was holding the cats hostage. Feline hostage crisis! If only I could talk to my husband; he could help me clear this up! “Dan,” I moaned. “I’m sorry, Dan; Dan, I love you.” <br> <br> Then Dan’s voice sounded in my ears: “I didn’t expect you to do this, certainly not on such a grand scale. But now that it’s done, try to take the higher path. Every moment of your life is an opportunity to create and give.” And I sensed that he knew; he had been to the other side, but he had to let me figure this out for myself. <br> <br> I went to the upstairs window and told the helicopter/cell phone/group-mind, “This is all a universal experiment in collective consciousness. No one ever talks about it, but it’s time we talk about it! The trips we have; the glimpses we get; the matrixes of reality!” <br> <br> And then I sensed how I was a player in the universe’s grand stage play, amnesiac as ever, unprepared but learning, maybe even a prophet now. Sometimes you played one role, sometimes another, sometimes all in the same hour. Sometimes you were a dark, grasping, gaping hole of pure need – which I associated with my dark downstairs – and sometimes you were a wise, giving fountain of light and love, which I associated with my sun-lit upstairs and its distant mountain views. Anyone could play either role at any time, and psychedelics helped us empathize with the needy ones and taste the gratifying bliss of being one of the strong ones, as well. Sometimes you’re down there and sometimes you’re up here. The voices told me, “Oh well, it keeps life interesting. It’s all part of the gaian mind.” <br> <br> So I started to feel more peaceful, but was still utterly confused. I was thinking things like, “I was on live TV and the whole world now knows I’m an acid-head, but at least they no longer think I’m holding my cats hostage.” And, “Will I get arrested for taking psychedelics and involving the police?” Then, “No, psychedelics are legal! How could they not be, when they’re what the reality game is about? It makes no sense for them to be illegal.” <br> <br> So I started wondering, “Why did I think they were illegal?” And I saw all of my life and experiences that had led up to me meeting Benjamin and acquiring the dregs of his acid-bottle as having been set up for me by the Collective, intentionally stage-set. It was all planned! All of the elements had been knowingly placed for me to create this moment of un-knowing. But what did it mean? <br> <br> Every question I asked, the voices had an answer for. “The telephone you keep hearing, that’s your life calling. You can choose to reach out and connect to the universe, or you can let the ringing drive you mad.” And the thing about time: “It’s not the only matrix. Things across time are well connected, and simultaneous things are still worlds apart.” <br> <br> The peak of the trip lasted until about 5:00, at which point I very suddenly came down enough to realize how much of it had been a fantasia. In reality I had made no phone calls after my initial call to Benjamin; there had been no police or TV news presence; this had all been a madly dramatic projection of my own psychology. I sensed sanity returning and whimpered, “Oh, thank god thank god thank god.” <br> <br> I was so humbled by this trip that I still haven’t talked about it to Dan. I’d like to someday, since I still feel bad for having eluded his trust in me. I still hope Benjamin’s phone wasn’t tapped. And now, every day, my own house’s interior sights still trigger visceral memories of that trip; I am condemned to remember. <br> <br> If I may conclude with a bit of dogmatism, the moral of this story is to know your dose. And please be honest with your loved ones and yourself.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 81564</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 32</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 12, 2010</td><td>Views: 22,959</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=81564&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=81564&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Entities / Beings (37), Overdose (29), Bad Trips (6), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gel tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">220 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> 12:42 <br> <br> Two hits of acid, reportedly weak ones, consumed. mm, gelatinthings. They taste funny. I thought they were friggin' plastic at first! I was like... 'durrh? How's this supposed to work???' Then it dissolved. <br> <br> 1:05 <br> <br> I'm hungry. I think I will nibble on something. <br> <br> 1:15 <br> <br> Yay! Mama's homemade rice gruel! With shreds of chicken and scallops! <br> <br> 1:23 <br> <br> Something is... off. I feel different, though I am at a loss to describe exactly how. It is as if I'm me, but I'm not me. I suppose the philosophical implications are that either I am undergoing a change in state of mind or I am undergoing a change in dimensional occupation. Somehow, I like thinking about the change in dimensional occupation. Why? Because this dimension sucks ass. <br> <br> 1:33 <br> <br> Why am I choosing these strange, non-rounded times to write my entries, now? I don't know. I'm noticing a rather definite change in the space around me and the method in which it is being processed through my head. I mean, everything's still there and where it should be, it's just the relative identification my mind has with is... drifting somewhere. Wait, that was terrible. It's... changing. Yes. No. Argh. <br> <br> 1:37 <br> <br> Motion is as it is supposed to be, but my ultimate perception of it is defying explanation. In techie terms, the end user is misreading the EULA (End User License Agreement), the lawyer defining it is a pothead, and the lawyer that wrote it is probably a crackhead. Yeah. The telephone game at its finest. 'Mm-mm good!' turns into 'O RLY?' by the time I hear the last guy say it. Besides that, my initial impressions are good. Amusing. Why bother to do something if it does not serve a purpose, yes? When the purpose is fun, it is technically devoid of meaning and, simultaneously, full of it. With that in mind, is there anything that is truly devoid of meaning? Any given action we have. Even if we consider the seemingly pointless and shallow actions of, say, Paris Hilton (may she burn forever). Is any of it truly meaningless? Purpose in purposelessness. Intriguing concept, is it not? I could probably write of this for days, but I shall not bore you. <br> <br> 1:55 <br> <br> As the effects intensify, I am forced to grin at the possible futility of logging my experience. The very basis of all of my perception is being altered in what seems to be a systematic desynchronization of interneural communication. The keyboard seems to shift with every mental waver, but it does not. My muscle memory retains its integrity, and allows me to type with barely a blink of effort. I've been noticing a mild tremor or jitteriness in just about every skeletal muscle group I know about. The last time this occurred, Ecstasy had worked on me for the first time (details later, I suppose). I would say the trembling is anticipatory, but that does not seem to be the case. Rather, it appears to be a reflexive adrenal outburst in response to an unknown (and possibly dangerous) situation. Rest assured I am fully alert, though I cannot promise the integrity of my feedback on... anything, really. <br> <br> 2:02 <br> <br> The computer screen appears to have turned a mild, but no less dazzling array of colors. The text appearing onscreen is practically meaningless. I hardly want to look at it. Far more fascinating are my fingers, which dance a song unheard of in any human land in any human tongue. <br> <br> What I am appearing to experience is a complete and utter defiance of every physical law I was told was fundamentally irrefutable. Obviously, these people have never done acid in their lives. <br> <br> 2:08 <br> <br> I think I'm still making sense, but I am... not entirely sure of this anymore. I made one statement with the perception of two... states. Think Gollum from Lord of the Rings, except as a coin flipping so fast I can barely identify which side is where. Fascinating. This idea is... somehow a revelation to me. The image of a coin... It's all in my head, too... <br> <br> 2:15 <br> <br> I was completely and utterly enthralled and entertained by nothing. I spent a few minutes just laughing. I think after a few seconds, I was laughing at the fact that I was laughing. Because laughing is infectious... and I cannot deny that when someone bursts out laughing for no apparent reason, that in and of itself, is worthy of a laugh. May laughter consume our world, then! <br> <br> ...no. It doesn't work that way. Though I may wear a silly smile on my face, I harbor a bitterness towards mankind many people will never know, and that is probably for the better. <br> <br> What upsets me is not the pointlessness of it all-- no. I already have that internal debate as to whether or not anything is truly pointless or meaningless. What upsets me about mankind is the needlessness of it. Let me say that again. <br> <br> Needlessness. <br> <br> Call it a vicious appraisal, call it contempt for the greater good, call it what you like... but the things that man has suffered at the hands of man... the things that animals have suffered at the hands of man... <br> <br> There was never any need for it. <br> <br> Never. <br> <br> Needless violence. The only violence one need engage in is the violence requisite of ensuring one's own survival. Anything past that is as I've said: needless. <br> <br> Beyond survival. Let's discuss that. What does that mean? It means... more than I need to do to survive. It means... I'm kinda full, but I'd like to have a little more. <br> <br> The violence involved in the rise of all these great empires which we are so quick to revere is all invariably condemnable by man's own standards. Man's own standards. That's the punchline. That's the fucking punchline. All these heroes... they were born in strife and made by horror, not this brazen glory we paint them in... not these ridiculous renderings of marble, gold, and brass... <br> <br> How much glory could I possibly bestow Jesus Christ in that tiny little gold necklace of mine? How much love can I possibly depict in one gesture that I would so rightfully call myself a child of God, that I truly know his intentions and can speak his mind? <br> <br> 2:25 <br> <br> ...I digress. It seems I've lost myself in a little swirl of anger. Yes, that happens sometimes. Then again, I am here for the trip, so to speak. I suppose... you're all my passengers-- you being whoever is reading this, of course. <br> <br> This involuntary trembling-- this shivering... it needs to stop. It's rather unnerving. I have a good idea what is causing it, though I can't say it is of much relief. <br> <br> 2:30 <br> <br> I'm noticing more and more during this experience that I am susceptible to suggestion. ...being a bitter person at heart is one thing, but bringing it up is fuelling the fire. Ha. I probably make no sense. I'm forced to laugh at myself. I'm forced to smile at the preposterous nature of all of this writing-- all of these letters all neatly lined up like they're marching into a slaughterhouse. Mmm... meat... Lots of little letter-lambs... <br> <br> --what the fuck is wrong with me? Really, what is all this? Obviously, speaking as someone who is not within the experience, I would say 'dude... you're tripping. It happens.' when what I should really say is: 'Obviously, you.' <br> <br> Now that's the fucking trick, isn't it? The best of comebacks are spawned by their point of origin. It makes sense, right now, I swear! You're staring at this like 'WTF, mate? Why the fuck am I still reading this bullshit?' <br> <br> Why? BECAUSE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE SECRETS OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA <br> <br> Guess what? There aren't any! Because if I know about it, it's not a fucking secret anymore, is it? But if I don't know about it, then my lack of knowledge of its existence really makes that question moot, doesn't it? <br> <br> HA! <br> <br> Expansion of the mind, this is... Strange (a word that has been appearing a lot), but... I lost my train of thought. Nevermind. It'll come back to me eventually. Like a snake. rar. <br> <br> 2:40 <br> <br> Oh, yes. Acid is definitely an expansion of the mind, and should be used with that purpose in-hand. Needlessly (there's that word again) 'expanding my mind' is ultimately pointless, though the fun involved in it is not. Oh, the decadence of considering needless brain-expansion for fun... It makes me want to put on a brilliant peacock-array of feathers in blue, purple, and green... and vomit. <br> <br> See, that is what has been upsetting me about mankind. Needlessness. Yes, back to beating on that old, dead horse... Whatever. <br> <br> Bottom. <br> <br> Fragment mind. <br> <br> Unsure. <br> <br> Fear? Should I intentionally invoke fear? Dare I? <br> <br> 2:50 <br> <br> ...Incredibly fascinating. I've found that by digging into my own head I can weave virtual realities and simulated experiences that essentially feel as real as the things I touch to send out this message. <br> <br> Death. It is many of our ultimate fears. In some cultures, it is a phenomenon to be embraced. In others, such as our arguably more narcissistic and hedonistic American society, it is the ugliest of the ugly. We daren't touch it with a ten foot pole. <br> <br> As someone who's felt the movement of his hand one too many times... I find it as another unknown... another infinity to explore, much like this one, though attempting to write about it might be a little difficult once I know what it really is like. <br> <br> I've dug into my own head and explored some of my fears-- darkness and what it portends. It seems silly to most, but my great issue was the simple fact that I have 'seen' shit without drugs... for years. <br> <br> It doesn't help a child's natural fears of the nonexistant beasts beyond the shadows waiting for a barely noticable soul to cross by its macrocosmic path to be consumed. Am I making any sense anymore? I understand that I am not trying to, and this is all... quite hilarious... I must sound like some pretentious goth doing the basement troll thing. Rarrarr. <br> <br> 3:00 <br> <br> This is driving me MAD! I am attempting to pursue my darkness, but I am simultaneously avoiding it for fear of my life. Why? If I am my own darkness, then what is there to fear but that which one instills upon themselves? Does that theoretically mean fear is a moot point? Hmm... ... ... ... With that in mind, what need is there for any aggressive action? It all seems so ludicrous. <br> <br> All these technologies we develop to kill each other. It really is enough to make me burst out laughing at the hopelessmess of it all. This computer you sit at evolved from a machine that projected the trajectory of a battleship's multi-ton explosive shell so that we humans could put it where it would do the most damage. The irony of the origins of our information superhighway. <br> <br> And this journal seems to reflect such bitterness.... why? In a way, that in and of itself is pointless. The bitterness at the actions of man. I need not punish myself for foul deeds of others, yet philosophically, we all cut off our noses to spite our faces. That is-- some of us would forsake our conveniences so that we can feel better about ourselves. All these concepts... they are so ludicrous, but as humans, we are so attached to these ideas... these... models... <br> <br> 3:10 <br> <br> Fear. It produces a very distinct 'burning knot' sensation in one's chest. Confronting it feels like fire through the very heart of you. Right now, it is difficult for me to explore, since I am easily distracted. The things that would typically make me cringe--things like rotting veins of flesh on my body-- I can see them when I close my eyes... but I don't feel fear when I see them because I am aware that I am controlling them. It would be redundant to fear the product of one's own mind, but if that were the intention, would that mean I was unsuccessful? Or not entirely, as I continue to flip-flop about this like a dying fish? The images are funny-- hardly fearful. <br> <br> You're probably asking, 'why fear? Why do you -want- to feel fear? Right now, of all times? Are you FUCKING NUTS?' Yeah, I guess that's your answer. <br> <br> I'm trying to come up with the most terrifying means by which my existence would consume itself... but to no avail. Odd. <br> <br> Is it because I want to be able to feel real fear without being in real danger? What is this human obsession with being close to that? Because we can barely touch it, perhaps.... <br> <br> ... <br> <br> ... <br> <br> I might be thinking too much... <br> <br> ...Oh my god it hasn't been ten minutes. <br> <br> Revelation two seconds into pissing: <br> <br> Remember, the key is to embrace my mind rather than eviscerate it. <br> <br> 6:39 <br> <br> I know I've had a good trip when all the muscles I've used for fucking have officially been labelled 'overused'. The lovely headswimming details of which, I'm afraid, I must deprive you all... but for the record... this has been a definitively positive experience. <br> <br> Well, I suppose images of anthropomorphized drugs swimming in pools of liquid of questionable origin will have to suffice. <br> <br> Without any surprise, I must note this powerful hallucingen's near-miraculous qualities in the right hands while simultaneously remarking on the immutable truth of the following quote: 'with the ability to help comes the ability to harm'. <br> <br> Anything involving the mind can be thought of as a jigsaw puzzle. All the pieces are there. I just have to pick out the pieces and arrange them myself. Just as this drug can make a mind whole again, it has the ability to completely shatter one. It doesn't really matter whether that happens by my own hands or someone else's, the potential to go in either direction is still there.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 65797</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 9, 2010</td><td>Views: 238,451</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=65797&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=65797&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">150 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">50 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This report contains the first time I combined LSD and ketamine, it was written a few months after the experience, when I was trying to catch up on my trip reports: I keep a personal database, to make sure I never forget my experiences. I decided to translate this report from dutch to english because of the combination I used this specific trip. <br> <br> I was at the time an 18 year old female. I'm experienced with all substances used here, it was my 20th LSD trip, 3rd time combining nitrous oxide with LSD and my first time combining ketamine with LSD, although I had done it sober once or twice before. Concerning the cannabis; I've been smoking that daily for years; I don't even think it made a difference to the trip, that is probably worth mentioning. <br> <br> The date was: 28th of March 2009, the location a psy trance rave in a squatted village just outside of Amsterdam and my company where my boyfriend, Ri, who wasn't tripping this time and good friend At who also took LSD and a similair dose. <br> <br> Set and Setting: <br> <br> The event was three days before my birthday and I wasn't planning on having a party of my own; instead I would celebrate it on the psy trance party with a few friends who would come along. In the end only two people came a long and only one of them would trip with me. The people joining me were my boyfriend Ri; who decided not to trip because he wanted his first LSD trip to be indoors and not on a party (that happened a month later and he's my standard tripping buddy now-a-days) and good friend At who also took a similair dose of LSD. Even though we were a small group on a large party I was sure it would be fun enough. <br> <br> The trip: <br> <br> Seeing we had already arrived quite late at the Village we decided to start the trip right away. There was a chill out called 'the gnome house' in dutch and we decided to take the LSD there. It turned out rather full but we saw some people I knew from a dutch drug related forum so we joined them. It was already eleven pm so I got out my LSD. I had this specific blotter tested at a lab where they test your drugs for substance, purity and strength anonymously (they are in every major dutch city) and I had these hits tested at around 100 ug of LSD. I took 1.5 of them. My friend also took his dose and we got offered a balloon of nitrous right at that time by the dutch forum people; which we gladly accepted. Of course the come-up hadn’t started yet, 3 minutes after taking the LSD, but nitrous is fun while sober too, just not nearly as impressive; mostly a physical buzz for me. <br> <br> After sitting there and chatting for a while some space opened up in the back of the chill out area so we moved ourselves to that location. Now a bit later in to the come up, around +0.20 maybe we decided to do some nitrous again. This time it seemed to speed up the come-up; colours went from normal to extremely warm and bright and the first swirling patterns formed in the wall right in front of me. The visuals kept building up from that point and during that time At took out his huge green laser pen and some random people at the party were looking at it. It also drew the attention of some weird person who started commenting to At about his 'gadgets' and 'materialism' and kept asking him very assumptious questions about his personality, which was rather unpleasant. Ri told At not to be bothered by it and At looked a little sad. I didn’t care for joining this conversation as I don’t like talking to people who assume things about other people without having a clue about their personality; it did stop At from playing with his laser, which was a shame because it caused some nice green visuals. <br> <br> With At still looking a mix of surprised and sad it was time for a good distraction though so we did what we usually do when tripping in that specific location: go for a walk around the village. Ri, even though he wasn't tripping, decided to walk with us for company. The visuals got interesting during this walk, the first part is stone, and then there’s a long part that is grass, with water on both sides. If I looked up the stars moved around forming different patterns each time, as if star signs were drawn on them and stars kept appearing and disappearing and it felt like I could see the depth and farness much better then normally. The ground was covered in mostly bright green with bright purple patterns very typical for LSD (they look the same every trip) that moved rythmicly and the plants moved rythmicly in similair patterns. From time to time they started changing shape to more abstract patterns until they completely lost their plant like appearance and looked like huge 3D patterns and then they’d change back to plants with patterns floating in front of them instead of the patterns being the plants, this would switch every now and then. A bit further down that path I got the same visual for the 4th time in 4 different trips. Its like walking into nothing, the path appeared to be not there with not only water on both sides but right in front of me as well. <br> <br> The colourful but dark path was interesting, but not interesting enough to keep us there so we went back to the party. I’m not intirely sure what happened here, but it was probably not too interesting. At some point anymore, probably +1.30 in time I went into the church with Ri to dance for a bit. I probably forgot to mention the main dancing area is a squatted church; very richly decorated with projections, black light art, a bar and a great sound system that is even more impressive due to the church’s accoustics. Walking in there was a very surreal experience, as always on these type of parties. Everything shifted around eachother and turned very square, people’s faces floated in to other people’s faces and in to the space in between it, sound seemed to echo a lot and everything kept moving around in these square forms. The music, from what I can remember of it, seemed good so we danced for a while. Depending on what I thought and felt the visuals added to that, and because I was very engaged in the dancing, the visuals would be very random. After a while we realised we hadn’t seen At for a while, and that we had been dancing for quite long; and I always enjoy trying to find people on parties so we decided to go look for him. <br> <br> Finding him proved easy; he was on the path we had walked earlier and told us he was very happy we found him because appearantly he had this odd mindloop where both sides would be endless and he couldn’t get off; well we were more aware of the endings of the path so we took him off and brought him to the fire outside of the church. The lights looked melting and there were turning and fractal like patterns on the ground. I decided now that the trip was fully active (+2.00) it would be a good idea to do some nitrous again. We chose an object to sit on with few of the church. The first thing I noticed when inhaling was the fact the sound seemed to be turned inside out; just completely inside out, then it shifted again, but I’m not sure what direction / dimention it was pulled in, but it sounded fascinating. I was at the same time staring at Ri’s face and all of the normal LSD patterns took the shape of his face and like a kaleidoscope it took over my intire vision. <br> <br> Unfortunately the sound of whippits draws hippies like musqito’s, so in no time we were surrounded by people who wanted some. Lucky for them our forum-friend had plenty to share and was appearantly selling them there, so we redirected them. Around this point in time we had run out of our own nitrous; so we decided to ask the forum friend for some whippits as well. She gave me two for free, which gave me enough to do one last round with my company. While asking for the patterns the air there felt thick from the nitrous and the forum friend had a huge sedated smile on her face; funny to look at. <br> <br> We decided we should do the last nitrous on an interesting location and chose a weird climbable object on the path we had walked earlier. We climbed on it and even though it looked small we easily fit on it with the three of us. At was worried he’d fall off while doing the nitrous but we assured him it was large enough. A nice detail, mostly for me, is that the village cat came to visit us there, one year prior to this on my 12th lsd trip I had seen the same cat often in that path again, so that was a little bit of nostalgia. This time I mostly noticed ‘the cat had a nice pattern on her fur’. While filling the balloons, which was after all the reason we climbed the object, the plants around me were swirling and growing upwards in a sort of repetative pattern and completely unexpectedly huge fractal flowers grew out of it. Beautiful, but not even a fraction of what I’d see with the nitrous. <br> <br> After inhaling the balloon I felt like in a wind tunnel, or just flying forward really, really fast. The wind pulled everything into straight lines with one very tiny point in the center of my vision still looking normal, which made it appear I was flying there. When the nitrous feeling started to fade the plants reappeared and started growing fractal flowers on the rythm of the music coming from the party again. I remember feeling a bit sad for Ri because he wasn’t tripping and his nitrous wasn’t interesting. I decided this thing we were sitting on was fun enough to smoke a joint there so we did that and after that climbed off. Appearantly at that time At’s keys fell on the ground and we had to go look for them under the weird object. It was dark and wet and completely covered in visuals so I couldn’t make out the keys at all. The better I tried to look the less ‘reality’ I would see left; it was bright green, glowing, shifting, moving, curling and patterning and I definatly couldn’t see any keys. Even ‘sober’ Ri couldn’t see them. <br> <br> Right then things turned even more annoying for At, but even more hilarious for us. Because it had been my birthday, he baked a pie. That on itself was a good idea. Putting the pie in tin foil in the pockets of his trousers however where a much worse idea. Appearantly the tin foil had ripped and his pockets were filled with pie. He then pulled out his laser pen and said in the saddest voice (reminding of a young child who’s ice cream fell off the cone) ‘there’s pie in my laser’. I had to run a few meters further just to laugh really hard. I realised how nasty this situation was for him, but just the fact there was pie on all his stuff made it a little too funny. <br> <br> None of what happened in between here is overly relevant; not the most interesting visuals I had, not the most relevant conversations.. so I’ll skip to the ketamine part. I had the idea for a while to combine it, and this trip would be just the setting to try. I layed down a very small amount on a tiny mirror I have. I have no clue how much, but most likely around 30-50 mg. This was well before tolerance and all those things; so the effects hit me fast and hard. The first thing I noticed what that fysical laws of nature were gone. Nothing made sense. Distance was extremely relative and kept changing constantly. I also felt sedated and less aware of my body and the typical phyiscal ketamine effects (I like them a lot personally). The second thing I noticed, after the relativety of distance, was the taste of the drip. This was well before I started liking the taste of ketamine (yes, I like it now) so I said in a loud voice ‘ew, gross’, and some stranger said ‘well that isn’t a very friendly commend’, so I replied ‘ketamine drip’, and that persons face turned understanding and said ‘ooh, ok, then its ok.’. <br> <br> After a while the chill out where I had taken the ketamine seemed less ideal, and a bit boring, so I decided I had to go dance. Ri joined me on the dance floor and I took some ketamine of my key (I later weighted this amount, my key holds 30-60 mg of ketamine), I think I took this amount 3 or 4 times within 10 minutes without paying much attention and what happened was completely amazing. First of all ‘standing’ and ‘dancing’ became increasingly difficult. Distances turned even more insane and people would completely change location and shift, the world was litteraly spinning around me, nothing made sense and remained on its place, above was no longer above and left certainly wasn’t left anymore. <br> <br> If I’d come too close to Ri’s head it’d melt in to mine, and thanks the LSD still being visually very active his head would split in two and half of it would attach itself to my head. If I stepped back his head would shift back to the normal place. Reality would rimple like it was the survace of water, or everything was painted on a sheet. Distance and movement were completely un-understandable, but somehow I was still dancing. We went outside after about 30 minutes, I assume, and someone else wanted ketamine. Seeing as the intensity went down a little bit I decided to take some more and there was someone else who wanted some so I shared. <br> <br> The moment that extra bit hit me everything started to wave and rimple again and my arms seemed to stretch into infinity if I’d put them to the sides. Then if I’d look down it would feel as if I folded double. When we were walking and I looked down I saw 6 pair of legs and had a hard time making out which were mine, I finally recognized my outfit and decided the ones somewhere in the middle must be mine. Walking did become really heavy and difficult now so I figured sitting down was probably a little safer. I did feel very good, mentally and physically, just a bit too sedated to walk. <br> <br> Mentally I felt very far away from the world. I sat near the fire, where I sat down, for maybe an hour. Still occasionally melting into Ri, which was very pleasant, the world didn’t feel so far away and cold at the times that happened. The ketamine by the way never eliminated the normal colourful LSD visuals, that kept comming up, it just took all laws of nature out of them making them very strange, and very random, and distance, up, down, right, left, movement all very strange and unpredictable. After the ketamine wore off I decided that a 2-3 hour binge was enough, and I usually stop the ketamine because of the cold removed mental feeling; which I like, but after a while feeling alive sounds fun too. After the ketamine wore off the LSD comedown had started (it was 8 in the morning already) and the visuals weren’t as interesting anymore. Much of the same, but just less intense, so I’ll leave the report at this. <br> <br> Summary: <br> <br> Now one year later, 12 trips further, of which 11 also had the LSD + nitrous combination and at least 8 also contained ketamine moments I can say this was a pioneer trip for me; it showed me new combinations and the beauty and intensity that comes with combining psychedelics with dissociatives. Nitrous has lost its fun and innosence since this day for me, but ketamine is still as fun as it always was. I’ll see if I can be bothered to translate more reports, as this was the first of many times of a combination I really grew to love.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 84139</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 9, 2010</td><td>Views: 18,403</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=84139&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=84139&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40), Ketamine (31) : Combinations (3), Rave / Dance Event (18)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 3:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/salvia/">Salvia divinorum</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(leaves)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This was the most intense and the best acid trip I've ever had, and I'd tell you all about it, but there are plenty of trip reports based on LSD alone, so I'll just write the pertinant information- the trip after I smoked Salvia divinorum. <br> <br> I took three hits of LSD (my friend had done the same earlier in the day) and had a wonderful experience while peaking. However, about 3 hours into the trip, the peak ended, and I was very disappointed. The intense visuals had entirely disappeared. My friend told me to smoke marijuana to get them back, but I had a drug test in 3 days so that wasn't an option. Instead, I went to my car and pulled out a bag of natural strength salvia divinorum (usually way too weak to smoke by itself) and brought it inside. <br> <br> We turned off the lights, the only illumination left was coming off the computer screen and a static tv. Some really terrible rap music was playing, I like hippie music, so this didn’t thrill me. My friend (who was more sober at this point) packed some salvia into a bowl of a sophisticated bong (diffuser stems, all kinds of crap) and lit up. I remember being fascinated by the strange, green smoke that was filling up the chamber. He took a HUGE hit and immediately began coughing terribly. He vomited into a garbage can and said, “That was the weirdest puke I’ve ever taken” (for this kid, that’s saying something) and added, “Smoke this shit if you want to, I’m sticking to pot.” He packed a bowl of salvia for me, and helped me work the bong, since he’s a much more experienced smoker. I took just one hit of this natural strength salvia, enough that it was a little uncomfortable, and held it for as long as I could… <br> <br> I was laughing, uncontrollably and for no reason. My friend was laughing too. I just stared into his face, and he stared back, with a strange glow around his face and pitch darkness everywhere else. Suddenly it wasn’t a face anymore- just a personality, a spirit- the only physical manifestation he had was a devious smile and yellow eyes, think Cheshire Cat. Things became extremely abstract- everything in the universe disappeared except for our roaring laughter, my mind, my friend’s personality, and a frightening droning in the background. <br> <br> Things flickered- some memories flashed by, though I can’t remember details at all, and it seemed only to last for milliseconds. Now I was really scared. I was stuck. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t stop laughing. My friend’s face was becoming more and more evil. I felt like my consciousness was being shot back and forth between my mind and the location of my friend’s personality at light speed. It seemed this loop had lasted for years… When would it end? I was sure I was stuck in this perpetual nightmare fore eternity… <br> <br> I used all my willpower and shook myself out of the trance. The room came back, and it was hard to tear my gaze from my friends face, which had normalized, somewhat. The terrible rap music was still playing. “Holy shit” I muttered. “I almost got stuck in a loop forever.” <br> <br> “How?” my friend asked. I tried to explain it, but it was just impossible. <br> <br> “Do you remember all of that?” I asked. <br> <br> “Remember what?” he replied. <br> <br> “All of what just happened… Holy shit, I can’t believe I came out of that. What happened?” <br> <br> “You just kind of stared at me, and kept laughing, and then you…” <br> <br> But I couldn’t hear him anymore. I was petrified. The music was terrible, it had to stop. <br> <br> “Stop it, man. Turn off the music. Turn it off! The trip’s getting bad, it’s getting real bad…” The music stopped, but it just made things worse. The entire universe was immersed in a petrifying silence. He went and turned on the lights. There were terrible, intense hallucinations in my peripheral vision. I was really scared, scared that I’d never return to reality. I started thinking about my uncle, who was schizophrenic, about all the psychedelics I’d done and how stupid I was for pushing it… <br> <br> The room flashed into hell. My friend had an expression of torment on his face, he was preying on my agony. Flames were licking his eyes. He started to say something to me, something terrible… I couldn’t control any part of the trip, and nothing seemed to resemble reality at all. I told myself I was hallucinating, I knew my best friend could not possibly be evil… I used all my energy and willpower to shake away the setting, to imagine my friend as he really was. <br> <br> The room came back, but it still had frightening aspects. “I’m scared,” I kept saying. “I’m questioning my sanity. Logan, Logan come here I need you!” And my friend ran to help me. My peripheral vision was the worst of everything- it seemed like I had a permanent frame around my eyes. I go scared I’d see that way forever. I couldn’t tell what was part of my body- It seemed like dressers, blankets, everything was part of me somehow. When I moved my arm it pixilated- little bits of matter just floated in space. I started thinking that the molecular structure of the universe was crumbling… It seemed like every bit of matter was somehow physically a part of me. I hated it. I kept questioning my sanity, wondering if I’d ever perceive things the same way again… <br> <br> More people came into the room, since I was making such a scene. “This is a bad trip, man. This is really bad… I gotta fix it.” All three trip sitters were really nice, but all three of them were on something, so I couldn’t tell what was part of reality and what wasn’t. I tried to calm myself down, I had become the feeling of panic. They told me the first step was to just chill, so I lay down. They put a blanket over me, and I just hated that sensation. I threw it off. I kept telling myself that the salvia trip was over, it only lasts a few minutes, I was fine… But I wasn’t fine. I was sure the drugs were no longer affecting me and I was in a psychosis, but I kept telling myself it wasn’t true. <br> <br> “What’s making the trip bad?” They asked me. It was hard for me to put it in words. “It needs to be happy… The trip’s not happy, its terrified… I keep getting stuck in loops man, so many loops…” and my mind was flooded with paradoxical things. The oroborous (a snake eating its own tail), the existence of God, molecular structure… I kept praying, praying over and over and asking God to forgive me for tampering with my mind. I then noticed that they were doing things to try and make me happier. <br> <br> “This is a really happy bag,” one kid said. “This is the happiest bag I’ve ever seen.” I looked into it and it was filled with candy, toys, colors, everything a 3 year old kid would be enthralled with. But I didn’t like it, there was something wrong with it. Then he held up a soft bear. “This is the softest thing I’ve ever felt. Look how amazing this guy is. Wouldn’t it be awesome if these things were real and our size? And they’d just walk around and smoke pot with us?” But I didn’t like that either. Their pet black cat came in and I started petting it, talking to it, trying anything to calm down. <br> <br> “Funyun?” one friend kept saying. Any time I looked at him, that’s all he would say. I was sure I was stuck in a loop of the past, like when a record gets stuck and repeats over and over… Another kid was drawing on the wall. He was stoned out of his mind, and any time I looked at him I was reminded of a mental institution. He kept saying the same things, looking at me with the same disturbing smile. All these loops… Everything was repeating itself, and I hated it. <br> <br> I looked to my best friend, Logan, and any time I looked at him floods of memories and emotions would rush passed my eyes, and I suddenly knew that I could never trip with him again, because we had existed together on so many levels, and that was part of what was triggering this psychotic reaction. Any time I asked Logan a question, he would just repeat it, in a different tone. All he seemed to do was echo me. Any time I wanted some sense of direction or a glimpse of reality he would just lead me in circles. <br> <br> “Are you hungry?” Logan asked, and I said yes, anything that might help me grip reality. He brought me a microwaved burrito. It was really strange eating it- it was half warm and half cold, and very spicy. My body just felt weirder after that. “I’m questioning my sanity.” I repeated. “Am I stuck this way?” <br> <br> “No,” Logan replied. “No, look at me. You’re not crazy. I’ve seen crazy people. You’re talking completely normal. This happens to everybody. You’ve been tripping only 4 hours and this stuff lasts about 12… You just weren’t expecting the salvia reaction.” <br> <br> But no matter how much he told me, deep down, I just couldn’t believe him. He recommended we go outside, but the darkness just made things worse. I still had frightening things going on in my peripheral vision, and I still couldn’t grasp the concept of matter and what was my actual physical property. I hated salvia- I hated it so much. I thought maybe if I destroyed it it would end the trip… I started talking about how evil it was, how it was of the devil. I told myself I’d never have to take acid again, even though I loved it, because I didn’t want to end up this way again, not even for an instant. I definitely would never smoke salvia again, it was something man was not supposed to play with. <br> <br> It seemed like hours since I had smoked the salvia. I was sure this bad trip would have ended by now. I told Logan, I told him we had to end the trip now. “Do you want some downers?” he asked. But I couldn’t, I had a drug test coming up. “We’ll just give you a sleeping pill. It won’t show up. It’s lunesta or something.” Suddenly I was very relieved. I would just go to sleep and wake up in the morning completely sane. Suddenly my entire existence was dependent on that one sleeping pill. <br> <br> I tried to be patient, but when my friends still hadn’t given me one I got really panicky. I almost started crying. He told me they belonged to his mom, and he couldn’t just tell her that his friend was freaking out and needed to be pacified. Tears were in my eyes. “Please,” I begged, “It’s really important.” He tried again, but in vain. I accepted that I wasn’t going to get one. I was still very unhappy and scared, and this was obvious. <br> <br> “Wanna play Mario?” Logan asked. “That’s happy.” I told him sure, anything. But it wouldn’t work, so he put in Mega Man instead. This was a SNES, and with my whole difficulty with matter at the time it was near impossible to differentiate myself from the controller from the game and everything just sort of blended into one environment. I kept dying, but was always relieved when I could just play the level again. I got a little less scared. But then the loops started again. I kept fighting the same robots. I kept playing the same sequence over and over. Was I psychotic? “Didn’t I just fight this guy?” I asked. “Didn’t I do this already?” But nobody answered, there was no help in sight. <br> <br> “I need to be grounded.” I said. “I just want to be grounded and to know what’s real.” I wished for dinner with my parents. I wished for times I played with my sister as a kid. I wished for watching the History Channel and for school and wished for anything that was routine and I knew was real. <br> <br> I handed off the controller to somebody else. Logan offered me a Mountain Dew. I said sure, and decided to use this as a placebo. “If you could just pass that over here,” I said, “and allow the good tripping to begin.” Logan laughed. Anything weird that happened I just dismissed, I just told myself it was the drugs and I’d come out of it eventually. After a while, the scary peripheral hallucinations stopped completely. I felt more and more normal. But any time I thought back and tried to review the events that had taken place, I’d get confused and toss myself into a bad trip again. With my willpower and with time I floated back to reality, and started making rational decisions again. I managed to fall asleep, and when I woke up I felt like I was glowing, but was indeed completely sane. <br> <br> This entire salvia experience lasted only about a half hour, my friends say. It seemed an eternity to me. Unless I feel like going into psychosis or astral exile, I won’t smoke salvia while acid tripping ever again. If I had done it while peaking, I think I’d be in a mental institution right now. I’m glad I did smoke the salvia, because it taught me a lot and certainly defined the trip, but I definitely wouldn’t do it again.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 66148</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 29, 2010</td><td>Views: 21,980</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=66148&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=66148&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Salvia divinorum (44) : Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Relationships (44), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> So a few months ago, I went to P-town (A city about 45 minutes from where I live) to visit an old friend (J). I went with my friend (C) who I never really felt completely comfortable with but am in complete denial of (mistake 1). I don't know why. Anyway we were staying with her dad. <br> <br> One of the nights, me, C, & J got way drunk. The next morning we all woke up completely hung over (mistake 2). We decided to go into town after moping around C's dad's house. We went to J's place because he had a few errands to run. That's where I met J's friend A. I have social anxiety so I wasn't feeling very comfortable with A, but I was trying my hardest to! Making small talk and whatnot.. But I was too hung-over to concentrate on anything. I don’t think C liked A very much. <br> <br> Once J was done, we went to a secluded area and smoked some pot. I don’t know how much, probably like 6-7 bowls. This was about normal for me. Then we each got a little blotter piece with 3 hits of good LSD on it. I tricked myself into thinking 'oh what the hay, I’ll be fine” So I made the call, and put the piece of paper under my tongue, and we left. (Biggest mistake.) <br> <br> When we left, I was still feeling pretty normal (well normal as I get..) But soon, A kept trying to talk to me and C but C wasn't talking at all and I felt a huge social indifference and couldn't really handle it so I just ended up not talking too. A didn't understand why me and C weren't talking to him. I think he took it offensively but I meant no harm, I'm just shy and scared of being social and what others are thinking. So him being frustrating by us made me feel even worse. I tried speaking a few times but just couldn’t do it. So I stared at the trees and focused on how pretty nature is, the whole time. While J listened to music on mini loud speakers.. I tried catching up with him to listen to music, but felt bad about leaving C back with A. So I really didn’t know what to do! So I just walked alone. <br> <br> Well we walked for a good 20-30 before we got to the bus to take us to our destination. The bus ride was about 10 minutes. We got to our destination which was a secluded park where all the stoners sit and toke up. When we got there, there were 2 other people already sitting under a tree, tripping on acid. So we all just sat in a circle. By that time, I was starting to feel it. But I was scared from feeling social contractions, and anxieties. I wanted to be alone. I got really cold, and decided to just look at the sky. The clouds starting to turn into animals and looked fuzzy. That made me happier, but being cold distracted me. The sun was going away. <br> <br> I remember sitting up and my phone ringing, it was my cousin (also my best friend). That made me smile, so I picked up. She was drunk, and walking back home. She said she was really scared because she was really intoxicated and had to face my uncle. I told her I was tripping and that everything was going to be okay but it really freaked me out. Once I hung up my mom called. I got really scared but calmed myself down quickly. I remember I didn’t feel very comfortable. Not comfortable at all, actually. And everyone could tell. Which made me feel worse. I remember C was like “Emily you look like you’re mom” which REALLY tripped me out. My mom has schizophrenia, and depression, and a bunch of other shit. I never want to be like her. You’d know what I’m talking about if you knew me. <br> <br> So J & A were trying to calm me down, the other people had left and that made me feel better. I was shivering cold, and kept complaining about it. So we all huddled together in a little tiny circle, with all of our knee’s touching, around all of J’s stuff. I don’t remember if I wanted them to do that or something. They kept trying to get me to focus on things. But the only thing I could focus on was myself. Then the strong visuals came in and I went in and out of feeling really good to feeling horrible. <br> <br> I felt like the four of us created a house. A house with warmth. Then these two other people showed up and wanted to sit and smoke some bowls with us. So I had to move to let them in our house. That upsetted me. I was the door, and I was letting all the warmth out for these strangers. They had big ugly scary faces and for some reason I just did not like them. We started smoking bowls and all I remember was people kept telling me to pass the pipe, because I kept forgetting I had it. And C was doing the same thing which lead into this weird mind connection thing with her. After those people left, a bunch of new people showed up. I didn’t like that either! Everyone that formed my little “house” were all cartoons. And all those other people that showed up were all normal looking. I couldn’t focus on them at all. <br> <br> Then I went through this trip inside my head. I couldn’t focus on anything going on outside of my head. I went through my whole life inside my head, and felt as if I was “cursed” with something. My trip was my whole entire life and throughout my whole entire life I was not able to speak ever again. I was stuck in my head for eternity, and at the end of my life I was allowed to SCREAM finally. So, while I thought I wasn’t talking apparently I was repeating things like “hello? Hello? Hello?” A lot of desperate hellos. And “Is anybody there? Where are you? I am an elbow.” And then a lot of more hellos. Weird things like that. <br> <br> Then.. I don’t know how long it had been, I don’t know what I did throughout that whole time but suddenly I came into consciousness again, while we were walking down a path and I apparently just screamed. Then said “I’m done! It’s over I’m done!” Then stopped talking again. I was a ghost. That’s when I had an out of body experience. I remember watching myself and everyone walk down this path and I kept telling myself to go back because I had left my sanity at the park in a box! But I just kept walking, I was dead and could not do anything about it. I wanted to go back so badly, and go receive it. Then I came to acceptance that I had lost my sanity and will never have it back. <br> <br> Suddenly I awoke, not knowing where I was or anything that had happened besides what had happened in my head. We were at a playground, and I was sitting alone while everyone else was playing on stuff and having fun. I sat there for a long time contemplating if I was dead or not. Until somebody talked to me. I was hesitant to answer because I didn’t know if I was imagining them or not. <br> <br> Then we left to go get on the bus. While we were waiting for the bus, and everyone else already came out of their trip completely, everything still looked like a painting. A tried talking to me again, tried talking to me about a lot of things but I still was completely unresponsive. All I would say was “..yeah” and couldn’t concentrate on anything he was saying. It probably looked like I didn’t care. Me and C got on the bus and I remember looking at her and she still looked like a cartoon. That scared me. We got back to her dad’s house and I didn’t know what to do. I sat in bed and couldn’t sleep all night. Got up, and felt like I was on crack. I was scared and nothing felt normal. Everything felt weird in a bad way. <br> <br> Everything has felt weird in a bad way ever since, and I completely regret doing that. <br> I’m severely depressed ever since. Everything has gotten so much worse. I isolate myself in my room. My whole personality reflects my trip. J & A don’t talk to me anymore, I don’t even know how they feel about me. I don’t talk very much anymore. I feel unable to communicate a lot. It’s hard for me to feel relaxed. I can’t smoke pot any more, I feel completely and utterly psychotic when I do. I can’t get comfortable and everything I do feels extremely weird and I can’t describe it. I get anxieties and shake and feel nauseous. I pretty much fucked myself up.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 65728</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 1, 2011</td><td>Views: 40,316</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=65728&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=65728&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Bad Trips (6), Post Trip Problems (8), Health Problems (27)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>