WHY did I just do that? and Why all the hate?
I have been trying to get over my “thing” about answering the phone. I usually don’t. It’s too much potential for surprise. But for the new year, I’ve been trying to answer it.
I’ve been asked out for coffee by a lass in my SZ group. The thing is… I admire her, but she makes me sad at the same time. Why did I answer the phone. I said I’d check my work and get back to her… Now I have to find a way out. I’m not up for the hate.
She joined up a bit a go and she’s getting better. She’s kicking this SZ and I’m really glad for her. Like many of people I’ve been reading about and a few I’ve met,; she would like to go into psych work to right the wrongs of therapist and pdocs she’s had to deal with.
I am very supportive of her. But lately she’s on this kick about hating “Normals” and if she goes into psych work… she doesn’t feel she should ever have to deal with “Normals”, and how much she doesn’t like “Normals”.
First… I’ve really never met a NORMAL. Sure, there are Non-Sz girls, but they have problems too… bipolar, ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, alcohol, drugs, cutting, PTSD, anorexia, on and on. Who is NORMAL?
Because my NORMAL kid sis is the one with the journal detailing my insurance information, my prescriptions, my allergy info, my basic medical information, blood type, my med mix, med reactions, my other doctors contact, my other emergency contacts, and on and on.
I’m just getting tired of all the “Normal” vs. Sz. Aren’t we all in this together? Why all the hate on the normals?
That is so unfortunate that she is approaching it this way. From what I have seen or read it is becoming a more acceptable to count on family input for treatment. She won’t be of much help to her patients with that approach. Maybe she is to early in treatment to understand that her own negativity is getting in the way. We are all in this together.
Just tell her you are not comfortable right now with pursuing a relationship outside of the group.
That sounds like a really toxic attitude and outlook on life. And it’s impossible to help others with that kind of negativity overtaking your mind.
I would definitely keep some distance between myself and anyone with this kind of attitude!
Situations like this are hard to deal with. If I were in the same place. Depending on my mood and carnival-quotient, I would probably either RSVP the invitation because ew, outside… or… attempt to discuss the ‘normal’ topic and explain like you did here about your sister as an example. I had something similar once a few years ago, I found out that an online pal was a racist, so I initiated a conversation about why, and tried my best to illustrate examples for why the stance was bogus. In the end, it did not change their mind, but it also did not harm the friendship. If a person is able to discuss it without becoming overwhelmed, or losing their cool, I think a discussion that clearly states your views is always a good thing. However, I know that there are lots of times in which I would not be able to do that without being a nervous wreck afterwards. I know there are other ways to deal with this, but these are just what I might do in a similar situation.
No matter how you end up handling the situation, I wholehearteedly agree with your view because it is the logical standpoint that acts in the best interest of everybody,I hope that you can find an equitable solution to this conundrum.
If a person is able to discuss it without becoming overwhelmed, or losing their cool, I think a discussion that clearly states your views is always a good thing. However, I know that there are lots of times in which I would not be able to do that without being a nervous wreck afterwards.
You’re quote is another factor to consider… Here on my sofa in the quiet morning with my feet up, I can discuss this very calmly and cool headed. I can be very objective. But if I was in public and this gal started in on “Non-SZ” hate… I know I would get my nose out of joint and things would get (as my sis says) “publicly complicated” very quickly. I might not be a gentleman for very long.
It may be a good idea to say no to the coffee meeting, it sounds like it would bother you quite a lot if you went and this subject went unaddressed as well, You don’t need any more stress than you already have to deal with.
I’m not sure what my therapist would suggest but I think BarbieBF’s suggestion is a very tactful way of saying no. I try to be when I can, but I often am not that tactful and end up standing people up out of indecision.
(what we don’t say out loud is, we have to move the car all the way back to our driveway.) She’ll then phone in a credit card to take care of her half of the bill. Or drop the cash off on the way out.
She might have had a bad experience or two where so called “normal” people treated her badly or made her feel crappy? Maybe you can talk to her about it. She does need to work with everybody though. normal and mentally ill people in that sense aren’t different. Some you like some you don’t.
I think barbie is right just tell her you are not interested in pursing a relationship outside of your group.
I have temporarily gotten into that hatred towards the “normies”. It isn’t true hate in my case, it was even people I used to like. Firstly, things in my brain just weren’t right. Mostly it was jealousy that I had to struggle to hard to do my job and function, and also I assume that every normal is ignorant and doesn’t understand. At work, I’d get angry and stressed and start to hate my favourite coworkers for dropping the ball or vanishing from the front line. It wasn’t really me, and I didn’t want to feel that way. I had the awareness, but not the control.
I agree with Barbie on the approach.
Sometimes, I answer the phone when I don’t feel like talking, and I’m snotty. “Why did I just answer that?” I have a rule now. Don’t feel pressured to answer the phone if it’s not a good time. Let it go to the machine and see who it is.
For me i try to fit in with the so called normals but never quite do. I don’t have a lot of people around me that are with mental health problems. A few drinkers but that’s about it. that’s why i like this forum so much!
I will say though that everyone has problems, illnesses, issues. they may not “hear or see things” but they still have problems. I don’t want to be judged by anyone for my issues so i’m not going to judge others.
I hope all goes well, J. I’ll send you positive vibes.
dark sith rounds up all the normals and gives them all a big hug !
A lot of therapists have obseved that schizophrenics tend to rapport with each other. Different theories are put forth on why that might be.
I was able to tell her I’m just not up for coffee. I know I won’t handle this negativity well.
this came to my mind talking about stereotyping normal versus schizophrenics. This student once went to a professor and asked him how he was doing. He said he liked this class but some other classes he didn’t agree with the how the professors taught. And he was like, " you learn as much from the ones you disagree with as the ones you agree with."
might not have said it as good but i think it’s a true statement. You probably learn more.
I use to hate “normals” too, it wasn’t so much as it was a dislike. I have to struggle with living a life and being as “normal” seeming as possible in front of everyday people and most are just like la di da i don’t care. I have to admit maybe it’s a jealousy thing. I try so hard to try not to give off a sign that i’m not “normal” and most people going to the store is a walk in the park.
I used to hold on to more anger against “normal” people. I am not as angry as I used to be. Sure many normal folks, and when I say normal I mean non SZ people, tend to judge us harshly. But now I know not every normal is going to do this. If they do view me in a negative light, it’s due to ignorance more than anything else. Now instead of feeling anger or resentment, i feel sorry for many of them, those that judge me. I sometimes feel like I am an Astronaut from another dimension or planet and I have lost my way onto this planet called Earth. The normals are alien to me. Just because they are aliens doesn’t make them good nor does it make them bad - just different than me. It’s not delusional thinking, just another way of looking at things.