A FUnnie look at the loony residents of the Democratic Underground aka DUmmies in particular and the Leftwing Blogosphere in general.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Pied Piper Pitt Performs Endless "Penitence" At DUmmie Canossa

Pied Piper Pitt has returned to DUmmieland in an act of overlong "penitence" that is deeply in need of a Cliff Notes version. In case you're curious about the reference to Canossa in the title, let me explain. In the year 1077, Pope Gregory VII excommunicated the Holy Roman Emperor Henry IV for appointing his own Bishop in Germany. As a result, Henry IV's noblemen refused to obey him unless the excommunication were lifted. Therefore Henry IV appeared outside the gates of the castle of Canossa where the Pope was staying in the most famous act of penitence in history. For three days (24 business hours), Henry IV stood barefoot at the gate of Canossa in the snow wearing only a simple hair-shirt, waiting for the Pope to forgive him. When the Pope finally granted an audience to Henry IV inside the castle, as depicted in the painting above, he lifted the excommunication. The reason why I put "Penitence" in quotes is because it was as phony as Pied Piper Pitt's penitence. Three years later the same Pope again excommunicated Henry IV for returning to his old ways but it was too late. Henry IV repaid the favor of the first lifting of his excommunication by deposing Gregory IV and replacing him with another Pope (who would go down in history as an anti-Pope). In much the same way, Pitt's "pentinence" is as phony as Henry IV's as we read through it in this DUmmie THREAD with the OVERLONG title of, "Back stories and apologies, of sorts...or perhaps an apologia...let's see where this goes..." So let us now watch Pied Piper Pitt pulling off a non-stop act of contrition in Bolshevik Red every bit as phony as that of the Emperor in the Snow while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that Brevity is NOT the Soul of Pitt, is in the [brackets]:

Back stories and apologies, of sorts...or perhaps an apologia...let's see where this goes...

[It goes on and on and on and on...without end...]

Greetings!

[Greetings! I am ready for my insominia treatment.]

As it has been a while since I posted, I'm going to introduce myself, so any of the new folks reading this aren't buried under an avalanche of DU-insider nonsense.

[Instead we are about to be buried under an avalanche of Pitt nonsense.]

My name is Will, and I've been a DUer since 2001. I was here for the tax cut crap, the faith-based crap, and the nomination of, and eventual approval of, John Ashcroft as Attorney General.

[My name is Will, and I am an alcoho---Oops! That's another Pitt speech.]

When the US military planes got bunted out of the sky by the Chinese fighter planes, I was here. When George W. made sure the captured airmen, languishing in China, all had Bibles to keep them company, while he quietly kissed Chinese asses to keep us out of a war we'd surely lose (because China ownes a ton of our debt and can end our economy in a day if they so choose), I was here.

[When George W. partied with the anti-Christ, I was here. I was here for you, man! ME! PIED PIPER PITT!!!]

I was here when the US submarine, piloted by the civilian political hack donor, destroyed the Japanese fishing boat...

[Stand by for an AVALANCHE of "I was here" prattle...]

...and that, friends, was God displaying a sense of irony: the guy at the helm was there because he funded the establishment of the USS Missouri as a museum, and the Missouri was where the Japanese surrendered in WWII...

[The Japanese surrender ceremony took less time than Pitt's "penitence" speech.]

...because as near as I can tell, He (being God) caused a US nuclear submarine to wreck a Japanese boat on the Pacific Ocean, said ocean being the largest representation of infinity on the planet...

[Reverend Pitt delivering the Sermon on the Run.]

...and the submarine that killed Japanese sailors was piloted by a rookie looking to preserve the boat where the Japanese surrendered in 1945...and so here we have a US sub piloted by a Missouri booster destroying a Japanese vessel in a body of water millions of square miles in width and breadth...and this was an accident?

[And this totally IRRELEVANT anecdote has to do with your DUmmieland return HOW? Apparently self-editing isn't one of Pied Piper Pitt's literary skills.]

Let's all give it up for God, the King of Comedians. He's here all week...try the veal!

[Try the DELETE button to edit out the IRRELEVANT nonsense.]

...anyway...

[Uh-oh. Pitt's just winding up.]

I was here for all the early in-fighting, the stuff that seems quaint by comarison to what happens around here nowadays. Back then, the name "Nader" was good for 392 posts in a thread. You didn't have to put anything in the OP. You just had to write "Nader" in the subject line, maybe put a --->

[Again this has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING. And what is truely FRIGHTENING I have just scrolled down to see that there are still DOZENS of paragraphs left to this Pitt Post. SHEESH! Couldn't you have saved us the agony and just posted the Cliff Notes version, Pitt?]

Getting published on the DU main page was as exciting, and as much of an honor, back then as it is now. The first essay I ever got published here was about the Voters Rights march in DC way way way way back in May of 2001. Remember that? Remember when stolen elections were the worst thing we had to worry about?

[Was that Voters Rights March ANOTHER Day in Which Everything Finally Changed?]

I wrote: "At the bottom, the Voter Rights March was about protecting the basic American right to vote, and about ensuring that all the votes which are cast are counted fairly and equally. If this seems like a reactionary and foolish platform, bear in mind that by the end of this day, May 19th, I would meet a dozen people from Florida who believed their votes had not been counted. The hurt and anger in their eyes was fresh and electric; after 157 days they had not 'gotten over it,' and were I to make a bet, I would confidently put money on the idea that they never, ever would."

[Not only is Pitt torturing us with this overlong post he is also torturing us with his Golden Oldies Overlong Posts.]

Ah, the simpler days...

[Those Were the Days My Friend,

I Thought Your Posts Would Never End...]

Do you remember the first truly kick-ass five-star stop-the-presses post you ever put up here? I do. Still got it in my back pocket. I wrote an essay titled God Sees the Freepers for American Politics Journal...and super-duper old-schooler couchpatater put up a thread to take note of it...and look how cute and tiny we were! Oh God...sffreeways, whyzayker, Johnyawl, Hamlette, zan, geniph, comsymp, JJ, enki23...*sigh*

[LOL! Pitt actually carries his posts around in his pocket? I bet he shows it around to the Bukowski's Barflies and the Newton Schoolgirls.]

...anyway...

[You said that before but as a segue to yet more irrelevant nonsense like now.]

I was here when James Jeffords woke up on the wrong side of the bed one fine day and flipped the Senate to the Democrats for the first time since 1994...and I was here for all the hopes that were created by that historically bold move...and I watched the Democratic leadership not know what to do with their newfound power...

[BACK to the "I was here" shtick. I am envisioning an Energizer BUnnie going over and over and over again: "I was here... I was here... I was here..."]

...and I was here when Enron shit the bed, when everyone came to know the umbilical ties between that doomstruck corporation and George W.'s political fortunes...when the required Enron investigation went nowhere...

[I was here when John F. Kerry was here before he wasn't here.]

...because Joe Lieberman was chairing the controlling committee (thanks to Jeffords, Lieberman got to be a committee chairman), and since Lieberman had taken phattt (that's triple-t phatt) Enron dollars, he wasn't about to let an investigation into Enron, Congressional donations from the aforementioned, and the White House's umbilical ties to the aforementioned, get rolling for real...so there was a lot of talk...and no follow-through...and after a few calendar pages, I was here when the Democrats lost the Senate again in 2002.

[It goes on and on and on and on and...]

Bill Grieder wrote about the wretched Enron Democrats phenomenon brilliantly for The Nation, and you can read about it all here. I suggest those who give their love, cash, respect and fealty to the Democrats, without reservation or condition, should read that article twice and then submit a book report.

[...on and on and on and...]

I was here when there actually was an "Underground" on DemocraticUnderground. In those days - for any of you who don't know the back story - we were all scared to death. No one could quite believe what had happened in Florida...and DC, when that SCOTUS confab got done on December 12, 2000. Yeah, I remember the day. It was raining in Boston that night. I wrote an article for a webside that doesn't even exist anymore titled "Not My President" the night that decision came down. I finished it with the words, "Never forgive. Never forget."

[...on and on and on and...]

So we were all feeling like we were on the run - and this was before 9/11, mind you - and I found this website, run by three guys brave enough to rock a DU banner along the parade route during the counter-inaugural demonstration for George W.'s first swearing-in. These three guys (Skinner, Elad, and EarlG) (!!!) busted out this forum in January of 2001, and only a few brave souls dared to speak the truth out loud here. The three guys, who have since morphed into "The Admins", had a bare-bones version of this site running, and had a special forum called "The Underground" going at the bottom of the forum stack.

[If I remember my history correctly, Emperor Henry IV both fasted AND maintained SILENCE while waiting at the gate of Canossa Castle. Too much to expect of Pitt.]

It's funny, thinking about it now. There is no way - NO WAY - those three poor bastards, who had no idea what they were getting into with this thing, could ever get away with having a private "Underground" invitation-only section of this forum today. If you asked them, they'd say it was a bad idea to begin with - exclusivity, etc. - but what did they know back then?

[For you folks of the Mormon persuasion who have never visited a bar before, you are now experiencing what it is like to sit next to an incoherent drunk who just WON'T shut up as he rambles on and on and on about NOTHING in particular.]

It was all scary mayhem in the winter/spring of 2001. Given the GOP right-wing crazy-ass hammer that was about to come down on us all, it seemed wise at the time to have a password-protected nest for the warriors to talk...unencumbered by interpretations/distortions/attacks from the outside internet world...which, some may recall, was dominated by Freeper assholes, who had figured out the effectiveness of this medium way before we on the Left did.

[It was a dark and stormy night in 2001. My fingers were tapping endlessly about nothing at the keyboard. Words signifying nothing flowing from my besotted mind. Words and words and words that went on and on and on unto the End of Time...]

Those asshats Freeped the screaming dog out of this place for days and weeks and months, relentlessly, and almost drove this site out of existence...but the "Underground" forum was where the resistance could be organized, and the bastards were beaten back. If you can get to the archives of "Old DU," you can read it and see it for yourselves. It was epic.

I was not here for those first few weeks of mayhem, and sadly, most of the DUers who stayed here and fought the good fight back in those days are gone now...and if any of you happen to read this, I tip my hat to you, and genuflect, and bow and scrape, because you made this place live and survive and thrive, and you know who you are.

[Pitt is still light years away from making any kind of point...or reaching a merciful conclusion.]

(If you like DU, say a quiet thank-you to those fighters, who were here when posting on DU was a blood-sport...and, it bears noting, when Skinner and Elad and EarlG hung in and fought in the trenches along with the best of them...thankfully, they have the place so excellently patrolled by mods that they have been able to sheath their swords)

[Pitt redefining DUmmieland as a fantasy battleground.]

People here back then really, truly felt like they were working an "underground" back then. (Sidebar: after 9/11, we were all worried that the whole internet would get shut down in some draconian recinding-of-posse-commitatus lockdown, and so I organized a collection of email addresses in the event DU went down, so we could all keep in touch. Yeah, it was that important, and that scary, back then)

[Don't worry. We called off the posse because we didn't want to miss out on the laughs generated inadvertently by DUmmieland.]

Nowadays - thankfully, and due in no small part to the admins, writers, and forum members here - we have no shortage of people today who feel/think/know that something has gone berzerkely wrong with this country. Back then, when the television was chanting the mantra - "This is an orderly transition of power...this is an orderly transition of power...everything is fine, all is well...this is an orderly transition of power..." - most of what you'd call the "old-schoolers" here felt like we were going insane.

[Back in our day, us "old-schoolers" had to carry our laptops 20 miles thru the snow every morning.]

Can this be happening?

[Could this be ENDING? Unfortunately, Pitt is just starting to wind up.]

Did we really just witness a broad-daylight election theft?

[Did we really just witness a fall-down drunk at Bukowski's?]

No one around me thinks this is worth raising hell about...oh my God...we just lost the country...

[And we wish you would lose the bottle.]

...and then we found this forum, and spoke our darkest fears, and were greeted with welcoming arms (more often than not, those arms belonged to Crewleader, who is and will always be the best of us, period and end of file), and we got to talk about how horrifically messed up things were. We felt like we weren't alone. It was a balm that is, so many terrible days hence, hard to describe. But it was real. It stood us up. It gave us courage. It fortified us. It reminded us that we had allies, and strength, and a reason to fight.

[If Pitt eventually gets to the point he wants to make, nobody will be able to make it there awake.]

A good example of the darkness back then comes to mind...

[A good example of an endless speech comes to mind...]

Remember the day the anniversarry of Roe v. Wade came, not too many days after the inauguration, and the anti-choicers held their march in DC? Before 2001, their march was angry, frustrated, thwarted, pissed, and thank God (or Buddha or Yahweh or Vishnu or simple good Fate) for that. But on that rainy day in 2001, they marched on the White House with signs waving and banners flying, and they did so with soaring and shouted joy, because they knew they had an ally at 1600 Pennsylvania...

[It was a dark and stormy night in 2001. God or Yahweh or Vishnu or simple good Fate marched on the White House...or was it Dunkin' Donuts? No matter, this ramble is going nowhere at all...]

...and we here knew it, too, and we despaired. And we congregated here...and watched...and waited for the ram...

[...ble. You waited for the ramble.]

...and some of us went "Underground."

[I wish this tedious speech about NOTHING would go Underground. It need to be buried.]

It was totally dumb, in retrospect. You posted here a while, wrote for the front page maybe (that was my in), and they'd invite you "Underground" after they decided you weren't a Freeper mole or a maniac. If you got tapped to join, your login and password would allow you into the "Underground" forum (much the way the mods get access to the moderator forum by logging in these days).

[So how does this work, Will? Do you take a swig from the gin bottle every time you finish a paragraph?]

It was, for the most part, a secret place to organize a coordinated defense of the forum when the Freeps would stage an assault. People would get together to tag-team kamikaze Freeps, like that "L" guy - "Lothar" or something, I can't remember his name - who were always here looking for trouble. The "L" guy I can't remember was always in what you'd now call the "Gun Dungeon." We'd coordinate battle plans and drive them out.

[I just realized. If these Pitt paragraphs were posted in reverse order, they would still have the same level of clarity...namely NONE.]

(his name was lonster...I just remembered...oh lonster, you old meat puppet...)

[You old Temporary Sock Puppet...]

I was actually the one who got the "Underground" shut down (who brought the cool kid, right?). Somehow, we got a Freeper infiltrator down there...someone who knew someone who knew someone who left their computer on while logged on to DU (I assume, or seem to recall, but it doesn't really matter), and a Freep clicked through and then posted on FR, "Hey look, I'm in 'The Underground,'" and posted a few copy-and-paste lines from inside there to prove it...and someone forwarded me the FR link, and I went goofy. Totally barmy.

[That goofy and totally barmy part is totally believable.]

I posted a thread in GD: "EVERYONE GET DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW," because we Undergrounders called the Underground "downstairs" when we were in the regular forums, and in the Underground I posted a thread titled "There is a Freeper in the Underground," and linked to the evidence, and we were so cute and tiny, and it was so deadly serious, like someone was dirty-dicking the crown jewels or something...and the admins figured out what happened and shut the Underground down forever.

[Right now I am picturing Pitt rambling all this nonsense from a psychiatrist's couch and the shrink is writing on his notepad: "Just plain NUTS!!!"]

It was disappointing, back then.

[It's disappointing RIGHT NOW that you're not even close to terminating this unending pointless ramble.]

It is kinda funny, looking at everything I've written so far, to remember what passed for "disappointments" back then. Bush v. Gore was a disappointment...and the fact that no Senator backed the Congressional Black Caucus to challenge that result was a disappointment...and the Dems geeking up the Enron investigation was a disappointment...and the approval of Ashcroft was a disappointment...and the passage of those tax cuts was a disappointment...

[ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....]

...and then...

[...and then...another Pitt post in the form of a multi-volume novel.]

I was here on Tuesday, September 11th, 2001. I was teaching high school back then, writing on the side, no books or nothing, and the massive, throbbing, world-eating ego I am so widely credited with enjoying today existed merely as a wee kernel, an acorn, some potential energy looking for a kinetic kick. I sat in a basement office in a small high school, getting ready to teach Journalism I, then Journalism II, then Freshman English, then I got lunch, then back to teaching Grammar, and then Sophomore English, and that was supposed to be it for the day. An easy day, for the most part. I had my first two periods free that day, and was in early, and was surfing the web for my daily dose of data before the kids came flooding in.

[Sept. 11, 2001. Was that the day you asked a student to touch "My Pet Goat?"]

I remember being excited. You see, Newsweek had just previewed a kick-ass edition where they were going to blatantly and explicitly call the 2000 election results into question, and were going right to SCOTUS to do so. We got word about it on Monday the 10th. It was supposed to come out on September 11th.

[The students also remember that you got excited.]

We were PSYCHED. All of us. It was a DU Block Party on the 10th. We were organizing mass purchases of that edition of Newsweek, we were gaming up for a full-court-press...

[Pitt was gaming up for a full-court conviction...]

I don't know how many of you remember this, but George and the crew were in deep, smelly poo as summer waned into fall back in 2001. Serious, stinky poo. The tax cuts were being ripped by spectrum-wide pundits, the faith-based nonsense was getting laughed around the block, and W. was looking every inch the hopeless rube we've known him for so long to be. They might as well have written "One-Term Dunce, Just Like Papa" on his forehead.

[Actually I'm now starting to see a point of sorts in this endless off-the-point Pitt posting. Before he gets to what he should have gotten to at the get-go, Pitt wants to ingratiate himself with the DUmmies by rambling endlessly about how much he hates the EVIL Bush Regime. Too bad for him that few of the DUmmies can stay away for his interminable ingratiations.]

He was meat.

[Reading this is a feat.]

On September 3rd, 2001, I wrote an essay titled "Late to the Party," about the press and the Democrats finally having some hard public words for this bonehead, for another website that doesn't exist anymore. I said this at the end: "As for Mr. Bush, he is about to learn a lesson that Bill Clinton once eloquently described: never make enemies with people who buy ink by the barrel."

["See everybody! I HATE Bush just as much as you do so please don't flame me for lying to you with the phony Hoaxmas story?]

Things were looking up.

[I'm looking down...at dozens more Pitt paragraphs.]

Once upon a time, someone here on DU posted a comprehensive list of all the headlines of all the editorials - all dated September 10, 2001 - that were attacking Bush et al, in all the newspapers across the country, for his stupid and/or reckless and/or unconstitutional and/or did-I-mention-stupid policy initiatives to date. It was a long, long, long, long list.

[Once upon a time, Goldilocks touch the pet goat of the Temporary Sock Puppet...]

I'll say it again: he was meat. One-termer-train-wreck-road-kill-deer-in-headlights-oh-God-thud meat meat meat on the hood ornament. Over and done, mistake erased, do-over extraordinare. We had all worked here to get the truth and wisdom out there, even in our cute and tiny state of affairs here on DU, and that Newsweek article (plus everything else) was going to be sunshine on our faces. We felt justifiably proud to have helped move the pile towards the truth.

I saw the first thread posted in LBN - "A plane has hit the World Trade Center" - and tried to get on CNN.com, and couldn't. Too busy. It was early, classes had just started, and I pelted upstairs to get a TV going in the library with the words from the third poster in that LBN thread - "This looks like terrorism, folks" - floating in my eyes. You can find that one in the archives, too. Bring some Pepto Bismol.

[How about bringing some Tylenol for the headache I'm getting from reading the Pitt Post Without End?]

The long and short of it: on the non-computer side, I had to deal with a building full of kids who were looking to me for answers: "My mom works in the Prudential building, will she be OK?" and "Is this World War II, Mr. Pitt?" and "My dad had a meeting at the World Trade Center today, can I be excused to use the phone in the principal's office?" and "What's that sound, Mr. Pitt?" when the incredible roar vibrated the ceiling during Journalism II, and that question I could answer, because the roar was familiar from the 1999 All Star Game at Fenway Park when the fighters blasted over the ballpark and set car alarms off in my neighborhood, and so I said, "That's the sound of F-16 fighters circling the city, remember when they did the fly-by during the All Star Game, so we're OK here, everything's fine, everything's fine, fine, fine..."

[The long and long of it (no short here) is that Pitt in typical fashion places himself at the CENTER of attention.]

On the computer side, DU and LBN were basically the only sites that were accessible. I lost my brains. Completely. Between the kids looking for me to explain what was happening, my own fears for the girlfriend working in the tall building downtown whom I couldn't reach because the phones were jammed, the raw blow of watching those buildings fold up on the fuzzy-screened TVs in the library, the casualty guestimates flying around because tens of thousands of people worked in those buildings and if they were all on time to work that day they were all dead, the wide and varied reports of additional attacks - "Car bomb on the Washington Mall!!11" - and the blunt horror of what was unfolding, I was simply unable to cope.

[I'm unable to cope with the fact that you are not even CLOSE to dealing with Hoaxmas in this Post Without End.]

I pulled that day, in fact, what may stand as my first and, arguably, most formidable Full F*ckup on DU. I posted a thread stating flatly that we all had to stand behind the President during this time. Bigass bold-lettered post. It seemed the thing to do, given what was happening. I don't know about you, but politics took a back seat to thinking about rescuing survivors and going down to the hospital to give blood...and some of the hard truths about what was really going on were still out there in the fog, and all I was thinkiing was "Gotta get through this," and so there was that post.

[Was that another multi-volume novel-length post?]

You can dig it out of the archives if you want a good laugh. Boy, did I get my ass kicked. The only redeeming moment for me in that one was a post by an Admin - Elad, I think, or maybe Skinner - backing me up and saying yeah, this is right, we're all Americans today, let's do what we must.

[Yeah, researchers have nothing better to do than to spend hours digging up another one of your ENDLESS posts.]

Funny. Or not.

[Not.]

The best man that day, for your information, was Khephra, who is no longer with us. Kheph was someone who started here kind of meekly, feeling his way, but eventually became the Main Man in LBN. He was on disability and couldn't work, and so his work was to be informed and to inform.

[Wasn't that the same Kephra who was pissed off at you for betraying Dennis Kucinich by acting as his Press Secretary while secretly feeding insider info to the Kerry campaign?]

I got a chance to step into his information nexus out in Indiana before he died; he had three televisions set to CNN, MSNBC and C-SPAN, plus his computer with half a dozen news screens open, and he was basically the guy every cubicle rat on DU thanked God for. He posted every tidbit of everything, gave minute-by-minute breakdowns of Senate debates on C-SPAN...and on 9/11, he was the guy who gave the rest of us the information we needed to keep from eating our own heads off.

[He was basically a guy without a life.]

What to say since then? How do you quantify before-and-after? How do you measure the depths of the disappointments and horrors that have come since then?

[How about saying "Bye-bye?" Or is that too much to hope for?]

And, of course, what does any of this have to do with a thread titled "An apology, of sorts..."

[Absolutely NOTHING!]

Simply this.

[NOTHING!!!]

I have been here for a long time. I started here exactly like just about everyone else: I staggered in the front door, found a roomful of like-minded people, and said "Oh thank God." I used this place to vent, to unwind, to get unhinged, to get informed, to inform where and when I could, to sharpen my debating skills, to void my bladder on the occasional invading Freep...but at the beginning and the end, I posted here to be with and to plan with and to commiserate with people who saw the same writing on the wall I did.

[I think you voided your bladder on your diaper because you just can't take a break from this ENDLESS post.]

That was the whole purpose of the place from the get-go.

[How about if I set my Snooze Alarm to wake me up if you ever get around to making a POINT?]

Somewhere in the last couple of years, I became a name. I worked very hard to make that happen, to be sure. 18 hours a day, 350,000 miles across to and from pretty much every state in the nation...hell, we all started here wanting to do something about what was happening, and I did my small part to take up that call, and in the process managed to become a writer and a speaker that others looked to. I wouldn't be doing *any* of this, probably, if it wasn't for DU. I decided to try to do something, and managed to work myself into a position where I could.

[Somewhere in the last couple of years, I posted over and over and over again endless thread after endless thread until my long-winded rep travelled throughout the Web. I became a name. I was SOMEBODY. I WAS A SUPERSTAR!!!]

While I was here, I did a few other things. I posted a lot, and not always well. I can spin the written word sharply enough, and sometimes used that ability to throw unnecessary and ill-advised beat-downs on people I disgreed with. I got involved in the 2004-election-primaries brawls with a will - pardon the pun - and was too often rude and obnoxious and short-tempered and foolish. I made a fair number of enemies, many of whom had (and have) a legitimate beef.

[Trust me, Pitt. You write NOTHING sharply. It is ALL just dull UNENDING tedium.]

The sticky part came when I forgot that I could no longer be "just another DUer" and couldn't let fly whenever I chose. You know what I mean, because if you've spent any time here, you've done this. Yes, you have. You get angry about the news, the state of things, some Democratic failure to act, and maybe you get a glass of wine into you, and you flame away on the keyboard...and then come back the next day hoping nobody remembers or gives a damn that you were throwing haymakers and acting the fool.

[I could no longer be "just another DUer" because I'm BETTER than the rest of you. You get a glass of wine or two or three or four into you and you flame away on the keyboard...without stop...and then you come back the next day hoping nobody remembers that you aren't even close to finishing your post.]

Once upon a time, I could do that. I did. Nowadays, though, I flip out here and it becomes a thing. I can't come here and vent and be an asshole, as is a standard DUer-in-GD-don't-deny-it-you-know-it's-true-you-ve-done-it-a-dozen-times practice. I miss being able to do that...but so much for that noise. As the Good Doctor said, buy the ticket, take the ride.

[I can't come here and be a mere peon anymore. I have risen to the level of a major deity.]

The stickier wicket, aw hell, let's be honest and call it the stickiest wicket, came when I posted the truthout story that Karl Rove had been indicted. Another thread in big block letters.

[FINALLY!!! We had to wade thru umpteen paragraphs of pure tedium to get to a point you should have made within the first couple of paragraphs.]

For clarity: Truthout stands by this story, today as yesterday, as described on the blog page. Period, end of file. I am not speaking for them in any official capacity, because this is a personal thread, but I can read the TO blog as clearly as you can. If you want more than that, consult an astrologist, or talk to someone besides me. Read the first sentence of this paragraph again if further clarity is required on the basic premise.

[For clarity: I am standing by the complete absurd Hoaxmas story.]

I am not going to engage in any back-and-forth about how TO handled and/or reported the story, and if you're looking for that brawl, look elsewhere. TO stands by the story, and that's where it's at, period. The truth will out when Fitz is ready to share.

[I will make no attempt to defend the Hoaxmas story because I have no facts to prove it. Therefore I will go into a turtle-in-the-shell mode should anybody challenges me on Hoaxmas.]

I am writing this to address my own behavior on this forum when the story first came out, because my behavior deserves both an explanation and some apologies.

[How about an apology for torturing with this tedious post that seems to have no end...or point?]

One thing, before I get into this, about my silence regarding this issue and my absence here over the last weeks. The Rove story is the biggest story Truthout has ever handled, and there was a lot of attention on us. A lot lot lot. I learned, from hard experience, that really basic comments here would wind up on 200 blogs in 0.000004 seconds.

[At the 0.000005 second mark you embarrassed the Michigan Democrats and humiliated Hillary when they stood up and cheered the Fitzmas story, little knowing that it was really Hoaxmas.]

The choice: a) Keep posting on DU and excruciatingly measure every word, syllable and letter to make sure I'm not saying anything that can be taken out of context, twisted, manipulated, or simply misunderstood...or b) Keep my mouth shut and not complicate an already-complicated situation.

[On May 13, you stated as a FACT that Karl Rove had ALREADY been indicted on May 12. How could that be taken out of context or misunderstood?]

I chose "B," which, for those of you who have spent a lot of electrons posting about how appalling it is that your questions didn't get answered, is the answer you get. I owe an apology to the DUers who have been forced to slog past all the threads along this particular line. I wish it could have been different, but that would have been irresponsible. I hope you understand.

[Pied Piper Pitt performing a Partial Birth Apology.]

Moving on...

[How about moving OFF this post?]

I wrote this long history of my own involvement on DU because it has to do with the night I flipped out here several weeks ago. Like I've said, and as evidenced by the stories above, I've been here a while. I wish I could say that every moment I've spent here, and every post I've made, has been good and clear and solid and righteous...but I can't say that, because it isn't true. I've made plenty of messes, and more than a few enemies.

[Emphasis on "LONG."]

...and all of that came out in technicolor after I posted the Rove story.

[It was pretty black & white when you posted that Karl Rove had ALREADY been indicted on May 12. No Ifs, Ands, or Butts (except for the Butt on the photocopy machine extending your 24 business hours time frame).]

Here's the thing, and you can winkle out these threads yourself: On the day I posted the story, and several times afterwards, I said it was good and fine and appropriate for people to reserve judgment. To wait for further proof. To wait for backup. I knew what I knew, and had (and continue to have) 100% confidence in the veracity of the report, but for reasons of source confidentiality etc., I could only say "Here's the story" and wait.

Over the first 48 hours after the report was posted, there were three different kinds of posts: the people who said "Wheeee, right on!", the people who were going to wait for further proof...and the people who set about making the whole thing personal.

[Make that 48 BUSINESS hours.]

Personal. Ugly. Awful.

[Ridiculous. Stupid. Hilarious.]

I put all the stuff above about my time here into this post so I could maybe give folks a basic idea of how awful it was when the attack dogs were loosed on me. I couldn't believe it. These were not people who wanted the story to be true and were angry when confirmation didn't come. These were people who started, right out of the gate, attacking me and Leopold and truthout as liars and bullshit artists. It was immediate, and extreme, and very personal.

[You put all the unending utterly meaningless stuff above about your time here in a pathetic attempt to ingratiate yourself again with the DUmmies. It won't work because NOBODY could stay awake through that TEDIUM.]

I have a lot of those threads and posts bookmarked, but I'm not going to hang them up here, because I do not want this thread to get tagged as a "call out." Let's just be clear about this: a lot of the people throwing that wretched stuff around disguised themseves as "just asking questions" when they got challenged for their attacks.

[How about if get this thread tagged as a "sleep in?"]

Bullshit. They know it was (and remains) bullshit, and so do I, and so do any discerning readers. That whole carnival was about nothing more or less than settling old scores. It was a bloodletting, plain and simple. Sadly, the best (meaning the worst) posts were deleted by the mods.

[So much for Pitt's Partial Birth Apology. Killed in the cradle.]

Sure, I earned this to a large degree, and admit that to my own shame...but I'll freely admit my own shock at how it all rolled out. This is what happened: A couple of days after the story was posted, I logged on again and read yet another barrage of incredibly vile attacks...

[Vile attacks that asked for PROOF that Rove had ALREADY been indicted.]

...and I lost my temper.

[Like telling DUmmie symbolman to take his challenge to your about the Hoaxmas story and shove it up his ass?]

I lost my temper and posted a bunch of incredibly stupid crap, subsequently deleted or locked, all of which I regret putting up here.

[Not to worry, Pitt. Before it could be tossed down the DUmmie Memory Hall, it was copied and PASTED at the Daily Kos:]

When this story pans out, and all the little fish try to swim home, I am going to say "Sorry, you had the chance to stand with an ally, and instead, decided to say 'I find it very hard not to be skeptical.'"

You could have asked. I would have gladly explained the inside sourcing that I cannot reveal publicly. I would have told you. Happily. I would have explained how Joseph Wilson independently verified a half dozen other sources, none of whom are connected. We had a guy **deleted**.

I'd have told you, had you asked, because you are owed that much. But sadly, no. You threw me and Jason and truthout under the bus. Publicly, because you do not have the COURAGE to stand with someone who has stood with you. You couldn't even do it silently.

This was a wheat-from-the-chaff moment, and you failed. You spend a good deal of time talking about standing strong, but you publicly fucked one man who has stood stronger for you more than any other. Name for me please the New York Times and international best-selling book, translated into twelve languages, that thanks you and your site above anything else. First and foremost.

There is one. Only one. Mine. Before my own mother, I thanked you.

Yeah, yeah, we're 'ballsy' if we're right. But you made it 100% clear that you don't think we are. You could have asked. I'd have let you in. But no, you decided to cover your own ass.

You're in the wrong business.

I am disgusted.

You are no better than the cretins who have taken control of your site.

I lost my temper. There's no way to sugar-coat it. I couldn't believe this place I had spent so much time in could turn on a dime and dole out so many hurtful, personally hurtful, deeply hurtful, statements. I flipped out. I can't take it back, erase it, smooth it over. I blew my stack and vented my spleen. Once upon a time I could do that safely...but then again, once upon a time I could log on to DU and not see 15 GD threads attacking my character, so...selah.

[Once upon a time I could do that when I was still a mere mortal.]

In my subsequent lurking, I've read a bunch of comments from people who seem to think they are owed an apology. Here we come to the nub.

[No the Partial Birth Apology did not live thru birth.]

First and foremost, I apologize to the community in general for doing something that generated a whole blizzard of threads which detracted from the main mission. It was, simply, stupid.

[First and foremost, thank you for that utterly meaningless non-apology.]

I have already apologized to Skinner, and he accepted my apology, so that's that.

[Skinner as Pope Gregory VII with Pitt as Emperorer Henry IV waiting outside Canossa Castle in the snow for the excommunication to be lifted.]

Getting to some specifics: I put up a post on my flip-out night that got locked, in which I made a variety of declarations about "moles" and "cretins" and "f*ckwits." Subsequent interpretations of this thread apparently augered towards the idea that I was attacking people who doubted the story, attacking people who were waiting for further confirmation.

[Flip-out Night = Happy Hour at Bukowski's.]

Not true.

[I wish the fact that I snoozed this far into your post were not true.]

As I stated many times in many threads on this matter, doubt is good and sane and totally understandable, especially under those circumstances. Those of you who thought and/or think that those insults were aimed at you, because you doubted and wanted further confirmation, are the ones to whom an apology is owed.

[Another meaningless apology.]

I am sorry. I did not intend to single you out, I did not want to single you out, I was not attacking you, and those of you who doubted and wanted further confirmation were not not not the intended targets of that post. I cannot emphasize enough my full belief that no one should ever, under any circumstances, dog you out for doubting and waiting for official word on that story. Least of all me.

[Henry IV also "apologized" to the Pope and then later went ahead and stabbed him in the back.]

I accept the full responsibility for this, because clearly, I did not write my intent and meaning in a way that was clear. I apologize for any sense you may have gotten from me that doubt, waiting for confirmation, or anything else along these lines, was anything other than totally appropriate.

[Is it too much to expect you to APOLOGIZE for perpetrating a PHONY story based on NOTHING?]

Now...as for the "cretins" and "f*ckwits" who made this whole experience brutally personal, who inspired the thread that has been much ballyhooed, you know who you are, you know that you were the intended target of that post, and you get absolutely, positively no apologies from me in this or any other life. Hammerhead sharks could take feeding-frenzy lessons from you...which makes me wonder to what degree you need hobbies beyond this online life. Seriously.

[Pied Piper Pitt in the process of strangling his Partial Birth Apology.]

I felt bad about that specific post for a while...and then I was angry for a while...and then I got out and did some activism, and tried to make a difference in the real world, and I felt better. I got some distance. I have not always been at my best on this board, and I have made some enemies, but no one deserves the kind of poison that got hurled my way, and that sucks...but you know what?

[Pied Piper Pitt morphing into a "progressive" Hulk.]

You know what?

[Said the drunk at the bar who just couldn't stop...]

I forgive you. You can't help it. For whatever myriad reasons I don't ever want to know about, you are how you are, and that's how it is...and yeah, you're going to be a drag-anchor on the movement every second you're involved, because like the hammerhead shark, you cannot resist the scent of blood, even if it is the blood of your own kind, and that sucks...but a) it is what it is, and b) we will prevail even with you trying to drag the rest of us down into the wacky behavioral sink God saw fit to drop you into, because we are collectively better than that...

[Pitt as Jesus: "Father Forgive them for they know not what they do."]

...so it's cool. You're the kind of online people that give online people a bad name, and you've always been here, and you'll always be here, and bravery is cheap when there's only a keyboard and a monitor to confront, and you don't have to look someone in the eye when you write the kind of vile stuff you'd never have the guts to say face to face, and sometimes I have sadly tap-danced near the edge of whatever abyss you float in, to my shame...

[Nice tap dance on the Mental Abyss you are about to fall into, Pitt.]

...but I am not like you. Above and beyond all the other differences between you and me, there is this: The first day I signed on here, before I was anything more than an anonymous high school teacher, when I had the chance to be another anonymous screen-name and nothing more, I had to decide what to call myself here. It was 2001, and the deal had gone down, and we had a lot of work to do, and I had decided that come hell or high water, I was going to do my part.

[...but I am not like you. I am BETTER!]

I signed up as WilliamPitt, the name my parents gave me on my first day on the planet.

[The Day in Which Everything Finally Changed.]

I can certainly be a bastard, an asshole, a jerk, name the perjorative and at some point I have qualified for it, but I sign my real name to everything I do, for good or ill. I have it in the back of my mind that this kind of self-generated accountability is worth something in this wild-west online hoohah. When I do good, I do so under my real name. When I blow it, I do so under my real name. The swings are pretty wide and wild, and maybe if I were another anonymous "BushSux2008" name out there, it wouldn't be so nuts.

[It would suffice to just call you long winded.]

But that doesn't feel right to me. If I attack you, if I insult you, if I make a fool of myself, my real name will be right there. My name will be there when I apologize for it. My name, my real name, will always be there. I'm never going to do this whole mess the right way all the time, or even half the time, but the least I can do is sign my name to what I do. I always have. I always will.

I hope those of you who deserve an apology will accept what I've offered. I meant it sincerely. I hope those of you who don't deserve an apology but somehow expect one can maybe someday escape whatever lonesome shabby reality you currently writhe in...and as for the rest of you, I simply hope all this made sense.

[You slime must EARN my apology before I can bestow it. Grovel before Emperor Pitt!]

I've been here a long time, and have been here pretty much through everything this place has seen and endured...and now, I can say I know what it is like when the attention of this place becomes fixed and personal. Pretty much the full experience.

[The worst thing this place has endured is your TEDIOUS rambling post with no meaning.]

I hope it makes sense when I say I sometimes forget that I can't just pop off and take comfort from the venting. That used to be a great balm. I'm going to be flying a little bit more under the radar from this point on, not out of any hard feelings, but because beyond anything else, I've simply learned that I can't just be a DUer anymore.

[You call this monster post "flying under the radar?"]

I have, frankly, lost the thread on this post about seventeen times so far, so I am going to post it and see what happens. Resist the temptation to read into this too deeply...or at least, please try not to be insulted by whatever portions I failed to nail down or make clear or whatever. There is a small group I am disgusted by (as, hopefully, are you), but the majority of you deserve my apologies and my thanks. I hope I got that part right.

[You have, frankly, lost the thread on this post over a hundred times so far.]

Jesus. I've been here a while.

[Is the gin wearing off yet?]

I'll be lurking.

[I'll be sending the fact that I lurked throught this entire TEDIOUS post WITHOUT END to either the Guiness Book of Records or Ripley's Believe It Or Not. And now on to the DUmmie reaction...although I doubted that any of them stayed awake for Pitt's FULL post.]

long, but given what you have to say, how could it not be?

[long, but given who it was that posted it, how could it not be?]

damn that was long

[And TEDIOUS.]

And whenever you do hear something new on the Fitz deal, or TO is ready to go public, or whatever, remember to give us the first heads up.

[And whever you hear something about the Titanic sailing into New York harbor, remember to give us the heads up.]

I, me, me, me, I, I, me, I, I, I, me, me, me, I, I,"Somewhere in the last couple of years, I became a name."

I'd like to know your motivation for posting this.I won't be snarky, but you do seem to have a need for attention, which is fully understandable given your career choice. You could have just said "sorry", or not anything at all.

[Right now the latter appears to have been the preferable option.]

a mini-novel!

[A multi-volume novel!]

Learn to stop treating people the way you do, and all this long-winded apologizing wouldn't be necessary.

[Emphasis AGAIN on long-winded.]

How many long-winded apologies is this, now? I'm aggravated because if anyone else treated people the way Pitt does, they would have been laughed off DU many apologies ago. I'm sick of "cult of personality" crap like this, but I guess it's human nature. There will always be new people for him to alienate.

[Drink the sacred Kool-Aid of the Cult of Pitt!]

How many more days is left in the 24 business hours?

[It depends on whether you deduct the Photocopy-My-Butt time.]

Wow! Six thousand, one hundred fifty-seven word and ten pageswith 10 point Verdana font and one half inch margins all around!

[I think "Shane" was less lengthy and made a LOT more sense.]

Was all that necessary? I could care less about the fact someone lost their temper and insulted other anonymous posters in a political chat room. What really pissed off readers was the continues indifference and insistance that a story was right, when it was clearly wrong. Treat your readers like they are intelligent and they come back for more. Treat them like they are 3 year olds, by insulting their intelligence, and your actions shall dictate the outcome. All some are looking for is an admission that the story was wrong. Journalists, newspapers, news programs, editors, authors and bloggers issue corrections all of the time. It's professional, it's the right thing to do, and it's not a lot to ask for in return for reading the material. Instead we get a sermon from The Church of Me.

[Reverend Will Pitt of the Church of Me presents his Sermon. Duration: 24 Business Hours.]

And the apology for the TO article is where again??Nowhere. Many of us, including me, attack Leopold and the TO article for being false a hundred ways from Sunday. Did I find ONE word in your post that said WE APOLOGIZE for the May 12th date?? Here's a good start: "It apears the May 12th date may have been in error, or our sources may have been incorrect." Or, "After further investigation we found that Patrick Fitzgerald was NOT at Patton-Boggs office that Friday, like we were led to believe." Instead, I get "trust us" and "thanks for standing by us" crap that is supposed to pass as "updates." Not good enough. The buck stops THERE, Will, not with any synopsis of your DU history, not with any autobiography nor any shots at the keyboard warriors who hit below where you think your belt is. They live on all boards, and the list of people who they torment goes way beyond you, and goes to a degree that I hope you never experience. As for me, I am not a big fan of ego, and I rarely fawn, so don't expect any hosannas. Don't expect personal attacks, either, but also realize that apologies work once, maybe twice - after that the emperor does indeed lose his clothes. Give me answers, you get my respect and my admiration.. Give me pablum about a story that sits two steps away from BatBoy written by a reporter who resume should be set on fire and you get neither. That's about it.

[It looks like all Will did was serve up a large helping of pablum. And OVERLARGE helping of pablum.]

Good God, Pitt. How many "I's" are in this essay?

[That narcissitic ooze was chock full o' "I's."]

Public Masturbation Is Illegal In Some States

[A warrant is already out for Pitt's arrest.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I have a VERY SPECIAL offer for my DUmmie FUnnies fans. It is a product I have been using myself and fully endorse: the amazing HELICOPTER KITE. This helicopter kite flies like a helicopter. You can make it go hundreds of feet into the air or hover it just a couple of feet off the ground. The propellor rotation is done entirely by windpower. Please check out the VIDEO of the INCREDIBLE helicopter kite. Not only was the helicopter kite aerodynamically designed but it is also MADE IN THE USA! The helicopter kites have a LIFETIME warranty so all defective or broken parts will be replaced. Your purchase of the helicopter kite will not only provide you with lots of FUn this summer but it will also help keep the DUmmie FUnnies going. So take a look at the VIDEO and be AMAZED!

Oh dear Gosh was that boring. I read, about a fifth of that stuff and found it pure rambling. I suspect he was half-way, if not completely, drunk or high when this was written. Honestly, this narcissistic person thinks he's charismatic but he's just pure plain ass boring. I couldn't even read five percent of that. I don't think the DUmmies read it either. ;)

PJ, you nailed it to the wall. I salute your patience, or resistance to contagious narcolepsy, in wading through that verbal landfill. Does that stupid bastard think he's getting paid by the word? It would fit with his journalistic delusions, I suppose.And just how exclusive does he really think DU is in this egomaniacal delusional system? It's well-known that there are massive numbers of moles there, many of whom have carefully crafted enough insane posts to become senior flaming moonbats (to all outward appearances).His tap needs a new seal, it's drivelling.

"I feel the need to pour gasoline on myself and light it. This dude is beyond therapy."

That about summed it up for me. Luckily, I had Canadian Club to help me through this post...it's a perfect post mortem for a dumbass we’ve been happily watching self destruct for quite a while now…thanks to PJ and the Dummie Funnies!!

Ohoh, my hard drive is making clacking noises, I think Pitt may have killed my computer….Bastard!!

"I got through about half of Pitt's "Apology", before I passed out from boredom."

I think that's the idea -- Pitt gets to say that he "apologized" while sparing himself the humiliation of having anybody actually read a statement in which he kinda sorta admits to doing something wrong.

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About Me

I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being who materializes once every 5000 years in a Las Vegas hotel suite. My greatest goal in my eternal life is to spend 6 months on a small tropical island with Mary Matalin doing nothing but pitching a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert) deal with her. If you happen to be Mary Matalin, please contact me at:
pjcomix@gmail.com. If you are anybody else, you can contact me there too. Remember, if you are a book publisher, please feel free to embarrass me with an extravagant book advance.