Fiction’s Best Baldies

It's not just a haircut, it's a lifestyle.

That's right, my friends. Kyle Kriner here, and today, I'd like to applaud these amazing fictional characters for their bold choice in hairstyle. Even though the only choice they made was to not have any, it's still pretty cool. Some of them didn't even get to decide whether they were bald or not, so maybe I'm really applauding their ability to make it work. I don't know, I just thought it would be cool to talk about bald people. And no, Britney Spears doesn't count. Sorry to disappoint.

Tommy Pickles

He may be bald by default, but Tommy Pickles has one of the most recognizable heads in fiction. Not to mention his signature blue tee and diaper. He also is known to wield baby bottles full of formula. He is the bravest, most inspirational daredevil baby there is. Those of us who grew up in the nineties looked up to Tommy, even though he was just a toddler. Just goes to show, age ain't nothin but a number, I guess.

Lex Luthor

He's practically a symbol of greed and power. The most well known, iconic, megalomaniac in comic book lore. The all-powerful Lex Luthor. He's been portrayed a few different ways over the years. Gene Hackman with a tupee, the President of the United States, a young man from Smallville. But one thing is for sure…He's bald. Or at least he always winds up that way. We can thank an artist from the early days of Lex's inception for goofing up and making him bald by accident. Without him, we wouldn't have what may be the most notorious baldie in fiction.

Mr. Clean

He's pretty much the poster child for bald guys. What do you call your friend after he gets his hair cut off?? Or who do you call the bald guy on the other basketball team who's kicking your butt up and down the court? Yup, Mr. Clean. It's an age old insult, but I see it as more of a homage to the guy who is the most wholesome, hardworking, and family friendly bald guy we know of. I mean, just look at him, the guy's a stud. I'm tempted to shave my head right now.

Captain Jean Luc Picard

Could I really avoid this one? I mean, who do you think of when you talk about Star Trek characters? After Kirk, Spock, and maybe Wil Weaton? Of course you talk about Picard. He was one of the most honorable space captains on TV, and that deverves something. We've had so many different Star Trek series and movies given to us over the years, and it all becomes a bit much. But when you see that bald head in the captain's seat, everything seems right in the galaxy.

Charlie Brown

Ok, so he has a little thread of hair on top, but that hardly counts. I'd say he still qualifies as bald. I'm gonna cut him a break here, because he goes through so much as it is. He's the biggest underdog there is, and he represents how so many of us really feel. Some may call him negative, or a sad sack, but I empathize with him on every level. It's tough being Charlie Brown. Hell, sometimes we just can't kick that football. But it's not the end of the world.