I’m incredibly grumpy this morning. Angry at everyone and no one in particular. Frustrated. Short-tempered.

It’s shame there’s not a gang of four year old boys in my apartment building, because I’d be the most enthusiastic adult growler and teeth gnasher they’d every played with.

We could have a fabulous monster or dinosaur simulation for hours, and it would be truly be a win-win for all. Expressing all that “raarrr” energy I have this morning would feel good. Plus there are only so many times and I can answer my husband’s “what’s up?”” with a wide-eyed hissing and my hands molded into grasping claws.

(Please understand, I’m not hissing at him. We’ve just found sometimes it’s easier to show each other just the kind of mood we’re in, rather than having to find words for it.)

What’s the cause of my malaise? Not sure. I think it’s a cocktail of hormones, resentment at a very overfull week, and some stinging experiences I had last week from which I haven’t quite recovered.

I’ve been through the “fix it” cravings this morning. I wanted a sugar-free vanilla half-caf latte to fix my mood. I wanted snapping at my family to fix it. I wanted a hot shower to fix it. I wanted getting back in the bed and cuddling with my husband to fix it.

And of course, none of those things did. A little caffeine did make things a little better. My husband’s hugs made it all seem less desperate, but my mood didn’t change much.

What Wants To Be Born?

Somewhere along the way this morning, I remembered a quote I came across recently in the twitterverse: “Frustration is often a really good sign that something is wanting to be born.” It’s from Cheryl Richardson, the fabulous advocate of self-care, and the life coach Oprah introduced to the world in the 90’s.

These words immediately resonated. I loved the spirit of them. I could see how, in the face of frustration, they’d turn my attention from the negative --what I felt frustrated about--to the positive—the alternative that I wanted.

Typically, when we feel frustrated, our focus and energies then get stuck in two areas:

The feeling of being frustrated

The circumstances or person that is frustrating us (and the blame, resentment, venting, and plotting that often comes with that)

Our minds and emotions go there, rather than to what we want, to the dream or desire that lies behind the frustration.

This is what Cheryl’s words highlighted for me: behind every frustration, there is a dream. There is a desire.

This morning, feeling frustrated, I tried to put this idea into practical application. I asked myself, “Tara, my dear, what is it that you are so grumpy/pissed/angry/frustrated about?”

I came up with a list of five things, including three different work experiences – all of which involved having committed myself to things that really weren’t worth the effort expended. I was also feeling frustrated around a financial situation, and I was still angry about a troubling experience I had had the previous week.

For each of those five, I asked myself, what do you want here? What, as Cheryl Richardson would say, was wanting to be born?

It was true: under each of my five frustrations I found something that was waiting, almost quietly, to be born. There were changes in me just emerging, and my external life hadn’t caught up to my new desires.

Underneath my work frustrations, for example, was a desire to become more selective and strategic about speaking engagements and writing articles. Underneath my frustration about a sexist experience I had had the previous week was a desire to get involved in some social change work around this issue of women’s (lack of) leadership in the Silicon Valley business world.

I often expect myself to be clear about what I want proactively – to sit down and dream it up. But my life doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes I learn what I want through frustration with what is. In that way, frustration can really be my ally and my oracle.

3 Simple Steps for Working With Frustration

If you want to use frustration constructively in your own life, and move through the frustration of frustration more rapidly, follow this simple process:

For each area of frustration, ask yourself, “What is the dream or desire behind this frustration? What wants to be born here?”

Turn your focus brainstorming, visioning, planning and action to create what you articulated in #2.

A little tip: Watch out that your list for #2 reflects things that are within your control. For example, if your dream/desire is “Susie (my critical boss) gives me regular recognition at work” you’ve set yourself up for a tough time bringing that into action.

Go deeper to identify the state of being or feeling you are seeking—that state of being you think the external change would cause. For example maybe what you want underneath that desire for Susie to change is that you, “feel recognized at work” or “feel confident and emotionally safe at work.” You can work on these in a number of ways – whether Susie changes or not. Get the idea?

I’d love to hear: how does all of this apply to frustrations you feel now? How do you utilize and move through frustration in your life?

The Feel-Good Friday posts I'm pointing to today wove themselves together in my mind even though they're from three different bloggers.

I wanted to give you a word or phrase that describes what ties them together - as a kind of subtitle for today's Feel-Good Friday post title. But - um - my logical brain doesn't want to play. I can't come up with any word or phrase that neatly captures all three of these. But there is one. I know it!

If YOUR logical brain is working today please holler if you can name the central theme in the three of these. In the meantime, trust me -- there's a theme:

Extremely entertaining musician and teacher Josh Urban (terri st cloud's oldest manchild and one of my adopted nephews) wrote a piece on creative inspiration that is (like Josh himself) very funny, as well as instructive. Here's an excerpt:

Inspiration is a topic that's integral to a multitude of topics, including, but not limited to,.........zzzzzz...

OK, let's try that again! Most of you reading this blog are artists of some sort, right? And art needs electricity, energy, and inspiration to really go BAM! and rip everyone's face off, metaphorically speaking, right?

Head on over to Josh's blog, The Doghouse, to read the rest of Go Fly a Kite.

Next is a great piece of writing from artist Rowena Murillo's warrior girl blog. The post is called Cardboard Pirate Sword Tutorial, or The Hero of Your Own Story. And the beauty of it is the way Rowena weaves inspiration through the tutorial -- it really is a tutorial on making a pirate sword (and who can't use another pirate sword?) - but it's also about (in Rowena's words): "... art and life and being a woman and owning our own stories".

p.s. Rowena's art ROCKS! I don't know Rowena, but I have a print of hers (so I kinda feel like I know her - grin) that grabs my heart and gives me perspective every time I look at it -- so I'm suggesting that - while you're reading her words you take some time to check out her art as well!

Then there's Gina Loree' Marks' Dear Jessica post on her Grace in Gravity blog. Gina's post is about believing in yourself - in your path, it's about trust, it's about certainty (and lack of certainty). And in summary Gina says (and I clapped when I read this):

we all have uncertainty when embarking upon such an important path. And anyone who says they don't are either full of it, or not paying attention.

Ok, I know you'll enjoy these and hopefully YOU'll see the central theme - but my brain's still off somewhere...

When I read my friend Tina's blog post the other day I was reminded of what touches my heart when I'm reading (or hearing) other people's words.

This is what, to use the word Tina chose, impacts me. This is what causes me to feel (to use more of Tina's words): when I reached the end - much like a great book or kickass concert or beach vacation - I didn't want it to be over. I wanted to hear more and learn more.

Tina Shirley, AKA The Little Yogini That Could, is just that - a little yogini. A little yogini who is currently recovering from surgery (due to fallout from a car accident), who writes about her recovery ups and downs with a superb attitude -- meaning: she doesn't ignore - or hide - the fact that she sometimes feels like shit, but she also doesn't set up housekeeping in the poo.

So, with Tina's ok, I'm sharing this encouraging post about how you can make an impact just by being yourself!!

~ ~ ~

Namaha by Tina M. Marks Shirley

...the "lesser known" Sanskrit word that means "not me" or "its not about me." It reflects the notion that we are not the ones in control. During those inevitable times when we feel lost or confused, don't know which way to turn, or when our best-made plans go awry, trust that all is as it should be and remember, Namaha~

Inhale: It's not about me. Namaha. Exhale: All is well. Namaha. Inhale: There is a greater plan. Namaha. Exhale: I have faith. Namaha.

Me and Namaha go way back. Yep. I confess. I've had a secret romance with Namaha for years. Namaha hides in my pocket like a handkerchief or worry stone or good luck charm. We are destined to go places, Namaha and me :)

So, I've been thinking alot about the direction of this blog. And, indeed, I think it has been and continues to serve its purpose. I am truly blessed with many people who genuinely care about my well-being and are interested in my progress.

For that, I am most grateful. But, can you imagine me trying to respond to all the emails and voice mails and text messages, especially given the snail's pace at which I'm currently um....hobbling (cuz, the word "moving" certainly doesn't fit at this time)? I'm already behind as it is! And it makes me feel terrible when I accidentally forget to respond to someone or thank someone. Cuz, that's just ME.

But everyone knows I'm ok now. And on my way. And God(dess) knows how long this could go on, right? I mean, realistically, a healing journey lasts a lifetime, does it not? And, I do recognize that people could get a little bored with hearing about my foot every day, no matter how much they love me.

Seriously, as much as YOU - my friends and family and students - are a part of me - my healing journey is much more about US, than it is about ME. And, I realize more and more every day, the ripple effects of my car accident and my surgery and so on and so on. Yeah, I realize more and more every day...it's not just about me.

Back to my contemplation. So, how do I go about establishing a boundary - a goal - a cutoff point - before this thing suddenly morphs into a wandering ivy?

That's what was on my mind the other day when I accidentally (or not) stumbled into a blog that had a tremendous impact on me. And, much like a small but very powerful, antithetical twister, it came - it went - and all that remains is residuum. Not even sure I could find the darn thing again if I wanted to; and yeah, I know, I should have bookmarked it.

The subject matter was a young woman's recovery from the Brostrom procedure (the same surgery I had) and a number of other procedures on her foot. Within these pages she chronicled her progress pre and post surgery for one year.

Keep in mind - there are innumerable like-type forums, websites, and blogs on the net. But, there was something about this one. There was something about her. She included pictures of herself. She included descriptions of her procedures.

She held nothing back - on good days and bad days and everything in between. At first glance I thought to myself....."a whole year? now, this is sure to get super boring!" But I gotta tell ya - even to my own surprise - I ended up reading every single post from beginning to end. It takes alot to keep my interest like that!

Yeah. I'd say she touched me. She had an impact on me. I found myself crying with her, hurting with her, taking baby steps with her, falling down with her, getting back up with her, and rejoicing with her.

And when I reached the end - much like a great book or kickass concert or beach vacation - I didn't want it to be over. I wanted to hear more and learn more. That, in my humble opinion, is impact. That is influence. That is how to leave a watermark. And THAT is what I wanna do.

*pause for breathing practice and neck stretches*

Given that her journal was dated several years ago and appeared to be left untouched since, I had to wonder - did she leave it there purposely for just such a person as Moi? Did she just get caught up in the rest of her active, post-surgery life (she's a runner, as I recall) and forget it was even there? Does she herself return to it occasionally, somewhat like an old diary from one's adolescence? I dunno. But I just wonder things like that :D

I kinda wish I could thank her - Ms. Nameless Inspiration O Mine. As absurd as it sounds, I feel like I know her. Like she's my younger sister or something. I can seriously see myself hugging her and patting her on the back and saying, "YOU GO, GIRL!" Funny...

*pause for spinal twists*

Where was I again? Oh yeah - Namaha :)

So, what I want to say is - I'm gonna keep writing this blog. Until I feel like it's "done" and has served it's purpose. It's purpose for my family and friends and students. It's purpose for me. And, who knows? Perhaps it's purpose for someone who accidentally bumps into it in the year 2013.

See...I am not the only Little Yogini That Could. There are many! Who?

The senior citizen who comes to my class even when their joints ache - he/she is a Little Yogini That Could.

My Cammie - she is a Little Yogini that Could.

The student who claimed "she would NEVER get her butt over her head for a shoulder stand" (you know who you are) - she is a Little Yogini That Could.

Mom - you are a Little Yogini That Could.

The lone, hesistant male, in a class full of females - he is a Little Yogi That Could.

Each and every one of you who live with chronic pain every day - you are a Little Yogini That Could.

You - you over there in that gorgeous triangle pose - you are a Little Yogini That Could.

You - tired Mommy, Wife, Student, Employee, and amazing Friend - yeah, you! You are a Little Yogini that Could.

The 5 year old little girl who is mute - she is a Little Yogini That Could.

Emanuel - still doing yoga at 92 years old and one month before he passed. Yes,Emanuel was definitely a Little Yogi That Could.

You get it, right? It's not about me. It's about US. And, for that reason, I will continue to do this. I will continue to allow myself to be a vessel and to in turn use this blog as my vehicle. (Pun intended - it look like the Honda's gonna be parked for a while). Cuz, this is my way. And those who are meant to come along for the ride WILL. Those who get bored WON'T. And I'm totally OK with that :)

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog post?? Oh, right - we haven't been having regularly scheduled blog posts, have we?

It's been review, revamp and re-organize time (stop laughing, I can too organize) around here as we get used to Manchild soaring and doing triple-loops around D.C. (lame metaphoric reference to Manchild's flight from the nest).

Ok, so we interrupt our interruption of sorta-Square-Peggishly scheduled blog posts to tell you about a book. An over-the-top hilarious book!

I was at Border's, picking up The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo to read for a bookclub meeting (this'll be my first visit to the bookclub and I figured it'd probably bode well for me if I'd actually read the book) when I saw Regretsy displayed at the check-out counter.

The colorful cover had the words: DIY meets WTF - and if that wasn't enough, on the back was written: Handmade? It looks like you made it with your feet. I was sold. Before opening it. And I've been in belt-tightening mode - so I was not even remotely looking for another book.

But I'm so glad I picked it up! I bellowed with laughter the whole time I was reading it. Really - I laughed so long and so hard and so snort-gasp-guffaw weirdishly that I think I attracted moose (lame reference to mating calls).

The author, April Winchell, spotlights products from Etsy that she loves. What makes it funny is that April loves: "the bizarre, the misguided, and the unintentionally hilarious." And her comments are high snark. Even the introduction is wildfunny. The book is an outgrowth of the regretsy site (and the site is a hoot - but if I had to make a choice I'd go with the book because there's more of April's writing - just saying).

Slightly-British Daughter and I argued discussed the issues brought up by a book that pokes fun (with a big stick!) at awful craft work. Real products put on the internet for all to see. We had opposing views (obviously, or it wouldn't have been much of a/n argument discussion).

But I think I'll save that (writing about the issues) for another post. If YOU've read the book I'd love to hear what you thought of it -- and your view on people taking humorous jabs at the craft work of others. If YOU haven't read the book - and you like to laugh hard enough to attract moose - run to the bookstore!!

Today - riding to the market with all the car windows open - this (video embedded above) song was playing full blast! Repeatedly!! I thought it would be a good idea to point (it IS Feel-Good Friday!!) to some great music today.Rocking music, fresh veggies in unbelievably gorgeous hues, spring sun and breezes, and a Phillies game tonight - tooooo wonderful!!I'd love to hear from YOU -- anything breathtakingly awesome you've seen (or heard) that you'd like to point to??

This is one of the "lost" interviews. I interviewed Noah back in April of 2008 (yea, I know!), but then I got to know him personally* and that got in the way of finishing the interview.

There was always more to add - whether it was his interest in Psychology (including the questions he asks that I hadn't even considered yet, his self-directed studies of 'what makes people tick') - or his freakish mechanical abilities (one anecdote: at a mutual friend's house he opened up and fixed the garbage disposal and then casually noted that he'd never used one before) - the advancement of his photography skills and business...there's always more to learn about Noah!

I decided to put Noah's interview up NOW - regardless of how many more facets of his diamond-like person are waiting to be discovered! Meet Noah Urban, AKA Yohan, Yo, or The Captain (he comes from a family of nick-namers)...

~ ~ ~ ~

How Do You See Yourself as a Square-Peg?

Well, almost everywhere - and that's how I want to be. I really enjoy it. l don't like following the beaten path...

My mom's been a big piece of that. She taught us how to think for ourselves.

Noah described himself as:

A geek - that would probably best describe me. I don't know how that happened. I don't think I started out as a geek, but suddenly I am one. Oh well, you can't win 'em all.

I don't like being associated with the geek crowd...There's definitely a down side to being a geek. They are normally social mitfits. Now I won't say I'm NOT one - but they kinda - they're not very cool people.

There's a whole society - the geek society...you wouldn't believe how much time is devoted to computer games. These brilliant people who could make the internet run or whatever - are spending all their time playing games.

You don't play computer games?

Ohnonono...never have and hopefully never will! The geek thing - it's not looking good for me {laugh}, but it all works out.

How Do You Maintain Your Square-Pegness (in a round-hole world)?

It's not hard for me.

It's part of the introvert in me. Being a Square-Peg is what's comfortable for me, I don't care if people think I'm bizarre or whatever.

Do people think you are bizarre?

{laughing}Well, you can sometimes see that in their face. I kinda enjoy it!

I asked Noah to talk about being an introvert:

I'm definitely an introvert. I like being by myself, doing my own thing.

People are nice - and I get out and about every once in awhile to shake the hermit thing off. But, for the most part, I'm most happy sitting with my work. I love my work. I don't have to deal with people very often - I get to select the people I work with.

Knowing that Noah was homeschooled, I asked him to talk about that:

I was homeschooled from day one. I've only taken two tests in my life: the SAT and the driver's test. I'm definitely not a product of the school society.

We talked about having seen many schooled kids who have a hard time talking with people outside their age range.

Yea,{laughing} and they don't hide that too well. I can talk to people to people older than me, younger than me...it doesn't make a difference to me. You are who you are.

What Has Been the Hardest For You as a Square-Peg?

Well, everything is a little tougher. The paved path is a little smoother to go down.

Hardest? There are very few people who I relate to.

Again, being an introvert I don't mind that really. It's just kinda like there aren't that many people that think like I do.

Right now I don't care. Later on I may - that's to be seen. That would be the part where I may see some problems. But, maybe I'm weeding out the people I wouldn't like anyway.

What Is Your Favorite Square-Peg Trait?

Being free to act like I want.

Have you ever seen "The A Team"? Remember Murdock? He's half crazy. I want to be Murdock.

...He doesn't care what other people think. And no one knows what to think of him! He's hilarious - always enjoying himself - doing what he wants to do. That's something I want to do... That's something to aspire to -

I want to be crazy {laughing}.

What Are Your Favorite Books?

I'm a huge Dickens fan. I love pretty much everything he wrote - Bleak House, Our Mutual Friend - and then tech books. But that's not the same.

~ ~ ~ ~

Noah and his family often talk about "building an empire". I asked Noah to tell us about the empire:

It started with Bone Sigh Arts {his mother's business} - she always said that. Each one of us in the house has a business - there are 5 businesses

We all work together - all helping each other out. Someone always needs help and the other people in the family always have the solution.

We've got our own network... {laughing} I'm usually the one who needs help..And all of our businesses are in different fields...We're growing together and pretty soon we'll be unstoppable.

It's been a long, long learning experience... When she {his mother, terri st cloud} first started I volunteered. I knew nothing...I got a book out of the library and started playing with it - it was cool! I started from that.

I was 14 or 15. Everything I learn opens up whole new areas I don't know anything about. I like it because I'll never stop exploring new areas.

Besides Noah's web and graphic design business, BFG Productions (Noah rebuilt the Square-Peg-People web site in June of 2009 - we're so grateful!), he and his brother Zakk co-created the "cutting edge web services" company Mazuzu.

I'm working on Mazuzu with Zakk. We want to develop tutorials and web services. When I wanted tutorials - I was trying to learn Flash - I found that there are very few good ones...either you have to pay or you go through blogs. I ended up going through lots of blogs - and even with my limited experience - I knew lots of 'em were wrong.

I said to Zakk: "Wouldn't it be nice to have a spot with good tutorials - good free info?" So it grew from that.

We've got our offices next to each other. He now has 4 22" flat screens hooked up. It looks like he's flying a plane. At one point he had 11 mointors hooked up. {laughing} He's a huge energy draw at our family. Everything is covered with sticky notes - with notes about the different things he's working on.

He started from back end - I started from the front end - with graphic design - now we're meeting in middle.

What I meant was: I don't often do the same thing the same way twice. And here we are at week four (which is TWO more than "twice") and I'm typing up another Feel-Good Friday post! Hurrah!

Today I want to point you to a really beautiful story. It involves 4 people (and ultimately more): my friend terri, who makes beautiful prints and cards that are featured in stores around the country (as well as on her site) , a shop owner, a self-professed "bone-sigh addict" who passed away and the best friend of the woman who died.

I'm not going to tell you the whole story - I couldn't begin to tell it the way ter does...But I can tell you that it will make you sigh (in a good way) - and appreciate the interweavings of life.

What I can share is the start of the story: my friend terri loves people - she becomes friends with lots of the shop owners who showcase her work.

One of the shop owners wrote ter recently to say that a favorite customer (whom terri knew because the woman had written her - and who called herself a "bone-sigh addict") had died unexpectedly.

True to her big heart - ter was touched and decided to make a bone-sigh to honor the woman. She started by wondering what the woman who died would say (here are the words from the resulting bone-sigh):

Ok, that's touching - very touching - and when terri shared it with the shop owner she was touched (me too!). It's very beautiful to note how people come into our lives (even if we don't get to know them very well) and leave an imprint. And from what ter and the shop owner say, Carol left a big mark!

But there's more! There's an extra twist at the end that gave me that connected feeling. You know that one where you just marvel at how stuff works together through no planning of our own? Serendipitous wonder!

Please listen to the story by going to ter's website, bonesigharts. Click on the Weekly recording button on the right side of the page* (under the picture like the one we've got at the top of the post here). The audio starts with a laugh, which is so ter! And I bet you'll wipe a (good) tear off your face at the end!!

Passing on that connection feeling seems like a great way to start the weekend - Enjoy!!

*Today is 4/9/10, so if you visit the site next week or next month you'll find the recording in the audio archives instead.

Picture and bone-sigh text (used with permission) from terri st.cloud at bonesigharts.com

Sounds like a band name, right? I considered (alternately) the title: "Technology Suck Rock", but that sounded too much like an activity - sigh. So here we are - stuck with a title that leaves me frustrated.

Perfect segue into this post...

Technology is sometimes f-ing frustrating. I'm not knocking it - I love technology (which is not to say that I "get" it, know how to use it, or can use it without creating disasters -- but that's another story).*

So, although I appreciate technology - am thrilled that (unlike when I was younger) we can have video calls with people we love (& please don't give me grief over tech terminology -- there's probably another word or phrase - a more appropriate word or phrase - for video yakking, but I don't know it and, sadly, won't remember it if you tell me - just saying...)

...and we can e-mail or chat or IM (though, for the record, I don't IM much) - and therefore communicate instantly (as opposed to waiting a week to 10 days for a response to a letter - like in the old days) - well, let's just say: it (technologically enhanced communication) sucks sometimes.

It rocks! And it sucks!!

Since Manchild went to DC (Wednesday - that's five days ago, but who's counting?) I've had the privilege of communicating with him a number of times. Let's not get into the meaning of the word "communicating" (like: does it count when you can literally SEE that the person you're communicating with is reading, and responding to, an IM from/to a third person. Oh wait, we weren't getting into that...).

And though I AM grateful (honestly!) for instant (or near-instant) communication, it is just not the same as being in the same room - in real life - pat-you-on-the-back or get a hug or listen-to-your-music-as-you-compose or can-I-bring-you-a-snack? or can-you-get-me-a-cup-of-tea? right there communication.

You know? I mean, are you with me on this? Is this a universal? A Square-Peg Tribe universal?

Do you think I might be a wee bit over-caffeinated right now? Do ya? Hmmm?

*This isn't the "another story" alluded to prior to the *asterisk* above - there are a lot of stories about my technology related klutziness, but I'll spare you (at least today). I just wanted to point you to this way cool, interesting TED talk by Stefana Broadbent called: How the Internet enables intimacy.

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