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nearly everything good. Further, I owe it to the gods that I was not |
hurried into any offence against any of them, though I had a disposition |
which, if opportunity had offered, might have led me to do something |
of this kind; but, through their favour, there never was such a concurrence |
of circumstances as put me to the trial. Further, I am thankful to |
the gods that I was not longer brought up with my grandfather's concubine, |
and that I preserved the flower of my youth, and that I did not make |
proof of my virility before the proper season, but even deferred the |
time; that I was subjected to a ruler and a father who was able to |
take away all pride from me, and to bring me to the knowledge that |
it is possible for a man to live in a palace without wanting either |
guards or embroidered dresses, or torches and statues, and such-like |
show; but that it is in such a man's power to bring himself very near |
to the fashion of a private person, without being for this reason |
either meaner in thought, or more remiss in action, with respect to |
the things which must be done for the public interest in a manner |
that befits a ruler. I thank the gods for giving me such a brother, |
who was able by his moral character to rouse me to vigilance over |
myself, and who, at the same time, pleased me by his respect and affection; |
that my children have not been stupid nor deformed in body; that I |
did not make more proficiency in rhetoric, poetry, and the other studies, |
in which I should perhaps have been completely engaged, if I had seen |
that I was making progress in them; that I made haste to place those |
who brought me up in the station of honour, which they seemed to desire, |
without putting them off with hope of my doing it some time after, |
because they were then still young; that I knew Apollonius, Rusticus, |
Maximus; that I received clear and frequent impressions about living |
according to nature, and what kind of a life that is, so that, so |
far as depended on the gods, and their gifts, and help, and inspirations, |
nothing hindered me from forthwith living according to nature, though |
I still fall short of it through my own fault, and through not observing |
the admonitions of the gods, and, I may almost say, their direct instructions; |
that my body has held out so long in such a kind of life; that I never |
touched either Benedicta or Theodotus, and that, after having fallen |
into amatory passions, I was cured; and, though I was often out of |
humour with Rusticus, I never did anything of which I had occasion |
to repent; that, though it was my mother's fate to die young, she |
spent the last years of her life with me; that, whenever I wished |
to help any man in his need, or on any other occasion, I was never |
told that I had not the means of doing it; and that to myself the |
same necessity never happened, to receive anything from another; that |
I have such a wife, so obedient, and so affectionate, and so simple; |
that I had abundance of good masters for my children; and that remedies |
have been shown to me by dreams, both others, and against bloodspitting |
and giddiness...; and that, when I had an inclination to philosophy, |
I did not fall into the hands of any sophist, and that I did not waste |
my time on writers of histories, or in the resolution of syllogisms, |
or occupy myself about the investigation of appearances in the heavens; |
for all these things require the help of the gods and fortune. |
Among the Quadi at the Granua. |
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BOOK TWO |
Begin the morning by saying to thyself, I shall meet with the busy-body, |
the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial. All these |
things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good |
and evil. But I who have seen the nature of the good that it is beautiful, |
and of the bad that it is ugly, and the nature of him who does wrong, |
that it is akin to me, not only of the same blood or seed, but that |
it participates in the same intelligence and the same portion of the |
divinity, I can neither be injured by any of them, for no one can |
fix on me what is ugly, nor can I be angry with my kinsman, nor hate |
him, For we are made for co-operation, like feet, like hands, like |
eyelids, like the rows of the upper and lower teeth. To act against |
one another then is contrary to nature; and it is acting against one |
another to be vexed and to turn away. |
Whatever this is that I am, it is a little flesh and breath, and the |
ruling part. Throw away thy books; no longer distract thyself: it |
is not allowed; but as if thou wast now dying, despise the flesh; |
it is blood and bones and a network, a contexture of nerves, veins, |
and arteries. See the breath also, what kind of a thing it is, air, |
and not always the same, but every moment sent out and again sucked |
in. The third then is the ruling part: consider thus: Thou art an |
old man; no longer let this be a slave, no longer be pulled by the |
strings like a puppet to unsocial movements, no longer either be dissatisfied |
with thy present lot, or shrink from the future. |
All that is from the gods is full of Providence. That which is from |
fortune is not separated from nature or without an interweaving and |
involution with the things which are ordered by Providence. From thence |
all things flow; and there is besides necessity, and that which is |
for the advantage of the whole universe, of which thou art a part. |
But that is good for every part of nature which the nature of the |
whole brings, and what serves to maintain this nature. Now the universe |
is preserved, as by the changes of the elements so by the changes |
of things compounded of the elements. Let these principles be enough |
for thee, let them always be fixed opinions. But cast away the thirst |
after books, that thou mayest not die murmuring, but cheerfully, truly, |
and from thy heart thankful to the gods. |
Remember how long thou hast been putting off these things, and how |
often thou hast received an opportunity from the gods, and yet dost |
not use it. Thou must now at last perceive of what universe thou art |
a part, and of what administrator of the universe thy existence is |
an efflux, and that a limit of time is fixed for thee, which if thou |
dost not use for clearing away the clouds from thy mind, it will go |