St Theresa's Independent State Grammar School for Girls (and Boys)
The New Coalition Academy was a column in Private Eye that depicted the UK coalition government led by David Cameron and Nick Clegg as if they were in fact taking over a failing school. The first episode explained that "Brown's Comprehensive" had been replaced by the Academy, and the new motto is "Duo in Uno" (Latin for "Two in One"). From May 2015 the academy was renamed the "Cameron Free School", reflecting the Conservative majority government. In July 2016 the school was renamed "St Theresa's Independent State Grammar School for Girls (and Boys)". Following the 2017 General Election, the school incorporated the William III Orange Academy, in reference to the confidence and supply deal that the Democratic Unionist Party reached with the second ministry of Theresa May. Style It commonly includes a Headmaster's Message, though that is sometimes substituted by a message from the Deputy Head. The Deputy Head's Message is often cut short due to "insufficient space". Since 2016, the Deputy Head's Message has been replaced by The Bursar Writes..., this too is often cut short, however. "Pupils" are invariably referred to by their surname, for example Nick Ferrari is "Ferrari, N" and Danny Finkelstein is "Finkelstein, D" who contributes jokes. Sports events such as The Ashes are referenced through the school's sports teams (the First XI or First XV). Defence-related news is referenced through the school's Combined Cadet Force and the school submarine. Characters 2010–15 David Cameron is the Headmaster. Nick Clegg is the Deputy Headmaster. Miriam Clegg is the wife of the Deputy Headmaster who does not want her children to go to the Academy, but instead to private schools. George Osborne is the Bursar. Danny Alexander is his assistant. Vince Cable is the Head of Business Studies. John Bercow is the Head of the Debating Society. Rupert Murdoch is a school financier and Rebekah Brooks is his caretaker. Andy Coulson was a miscreant student who the Headmaster put on the school switchboard for a time. Anna Soubry teaches in the Military Studies department. Chris Grayling was the Careers Master who was promoted to become Head of Discipline. Boris Johnson is a personal friend of the Headmaster who is considered to be a potential Headmaster and therefore is constantly discredited by the Headmaster. Liam Fox was the head of the CCF, who got into trouble for allowing his personal friend Adam Werritty to appear in his classroom without authorisation. David Davis is a former member of staff who attempted to become Headmaster. Theresa May is Head of Discipline. Michael Gove is the Curriculum Director, often on the "naughty chair". Lord Coe is the Head of Physical Education who was charged with organising the Sports Day. Dennis Skinner is an old school retainer. Chris Huhne was the head of Environmental Studies who has resigned. He was in an affair with his secretary Carina Trimmingham. Ed Davey is the new head of Environmental Studies. Andrew Lansley is in charge of reorganising the Sanitorium who has now gone on leave.