ACT I. Scene I.

An orchard before Leonato's house.

[Enter Leonato (Governor of Messina), Hero (his Daughter), and
Beatrice (his Niece), with a Messenger.]

Leon.
I learn in this letter that Don Pedro of Arragon comes this
night to Messina.

Mess.
He is very near by this. He was not three leagues off when I left
him.

Leon.
How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?

Mess.
But few of any sort, and none of name.

Leon.
A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home full
numbers. I find here that Don Pedro hath bestowed much honour on
a young Florentine called Claudio.

Mess.
Much deserv'd on his part, and equally rememb'red by Don Pedro.
He hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age, doing in the
figure of a lamb the feats of a lion. He hath indeed better
bett'red expectation than you must expect of me to tell you how.

Leon.
He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much glad of it.

Mess.
I have already delivered him letters, and there appears much joy
in him; even so much that joy could not show itself modest enough
without a badge of bitterness.

Leon.
Did he break out into tears?

Mess.
In great measure.

Leon.
A kind overflow of kindness. There are no faces truer than those
that are so wash'd. How much better is it to weep at joy than to
joy at weeping!

Beat.
I pray you, is Signior Mountanto return'd from the wars or no?

Mess.
I know none of that name, lady. There was none such in the army
of any sort.

Leon.
What is he that you ask for, niece?

Hero.
My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.

Mess.
O, he's return'd, and as pleasant as ever he was.

Beat.
He set up his bills here in Messina and challeng'd Cupid at the
flight, and my uncle's fool, reading the challenge, subscrib'd
for Cupid and challeng'd him at the burbolt. I pray you, how many
hath he kill'd and eaten in these wars? But how many hath he
kill'd? For indeed I promised to eat all of his killing.

Leon.
Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much; but he'll be
meet with you, I doubt it not.

Mess.
He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.

Beat.
You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it. He is a very
valiant trencherman; he hath an excellent stomach.

Mess.
And a good soldier too, lady.

Beat.
And a good soldier to a lady; but what is he to a lord?

Mess.
A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuff'd with all honourable
virtues.

Beat.
It is so indeed. He is no less than a stuff'd man; but for the
stuffing--well, we are all mortal.

Leon.
You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind of merry war
betwixt Signior Benedick and her. They never meet but there's a
skirmish of wit between them.

Beat.
Alas, he gets nothing by that! In our last conflict four of his
five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man govern'd
with one; so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let
him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse; for
it is all the wealth that he hath left to be known a reasonable
creature. Who is his companion now? He hath every month a new
sworn brother.

Mess.
Is't possible?

Beat.
Very easily possible. He wears his faith but as the fashion of
his hat; it ever changes with the next block.

Mess.
I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.

Beat.
No. An he were, I would burn my study. But I pray you, who is his
companion? Is there no young squarer now that will make a voyage
with him to the devil?

Mess.
He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.

Beat.
O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease! He is sooner caught
than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad.  God help
the noble Claudio! If he have caught the Benedick, it will cost
him a thousand pound ere 'a be cured.

Mess.
I will hold friends with you, lady.

Beat.
Do, good friend.

Leon.
You will never run mad, niece.

Beat.
No, not till a hot January.

Mess.
Don Pedro is approach'd.

[Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, Balthasar, and John the
Bastard.]

 Pedro.
Good Signior Leonato, are you come to meet your trouble?  The
fashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.

Leon.
Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your Grace; for
trouble being gone, comfort should remain; but when you depart
from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.

Pedro.
You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this is your
daughter.

Leon.
Her mother hath many times told me so.

Bene.
Were you in doubt, sir, that you ask'd her?

Leon.
Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.

Pedro.
You have it full, Benedick. We may guess by this what you are,
being a man. Truly the lady fathers herself. Be happy, lady; for
you are like an honourable father.

Bene.
If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not have his head on
her shoulders for all Messina, as like him as she is.

Beat.
I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick.
Nobody marks you.

Bene.
What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?

Beat.
Is it possible Disdain should die while she hath such meet food
to feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to
disdain if you come in her presence.

Bene.
Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all
ladies, only you excepted; and I would I could find in my heart
that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none.

Beat.
A dear happiness to women! They would else have been troubled
with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood, I am of
your humour for that. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow
than a man swear he loves me.

Bene.
God keep your ladyship still in that mind! So some gentleman or
other shall scape a predestinate scratch'd face.

Beat.
Scratching could not make it worse an 'twere such a face as yours
were.

Bene.
Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

Beat.
A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

Bene.
I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a
continuer. But keep your way, a God's name! I have done.

Beat.
You always end with a jade's trick. I know you of old.

Pedro.
That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio and Signior
Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath invited you all. I tell him
we shall stay here at the least a month, and he heartly prays
some occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is no
hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

Leon.
If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn. [To Don John]
Let me bid you welcome, my lord. Being reconciled to the Prince
your brother, I owe you all duty.

John.
I thank you. I am not of many words, but I thank you.

Leon.
Please it your Grace lead on?

Pedro.
Your hand, Leonato. We will go together.

[Exeunt. Manent Benedick and Claudio.]

Claud.
Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato?

Bene.
I noted her not, but I look'd on her.

Claud.
Is she not a modest young lady?

Bene.
Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for my simple
true judgment? or would you have me speak after my custom, as
being a professed tyrant to their sex?

Claud.
No. I pray thee speak in sober judgment.

Bene.
Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high praise, too
brown for a fair praise, and too little for a great praise.  Only
this commendation I can afford her, that were she other   than
she is, she were unhandsome, and being no other but as she is, I
do not like her.

Claud.
Thou thinkest I am in sport. I pray thee tell me truly how thou
lik'st her.

Bene.
Would you buy her, that you enquire after her?

Claud.
Can the world buy such a jewel?

Bene.
Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this with a sad
brow? or do you play the flouting Jack, to tell us Cupid is a
good hare-finder and Vulcan a rare carpenter? Come, in what key
shall a man take you to go in the song?

Claud.
In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I look'd on.

Bene.
I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no such matter.
There's her cousin, an she were not possess'd with a fury,exceeds
her as much in beauty as the first of May doth the last of
December. But I hope you have no intent to turn husband, have
you?

Claud.
I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the contrary, if
Hero would be my wife.

Bene.
Is't come to this? In faith, hath not the world one man but he
will wear his cap with suspicion? Shall I never see a bachelor of
threescore again? Go to, i' faith! An thou wilt
needs thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh
away  Sundays.

[Enter Don Pedro.]

Look! Don Pedro is returned to seek you.

Pedro.
What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to
Leonato's?

Bene.
I would your Grace would constrain me to tell.

Pedro.
I charge thee on thy allegiance.

Bene.
You hear, Count Claudio. I can be secret as a dumb man, I would
have you think so; but, on my allegiance--mark you this-on my
allegiance! he is in love. With who? Now that is your Grace's
part. Mark how short his answer is: With Hero, Leonato's short
daughter.

Claud.
If this were so, so were it utt'red.

Bene.
Like the old tale, my lord: 'It is not so, nor 'twas not so; but
indeed, God forbid it should be so!'

Claud.
If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it should be
otherwise.

Pedro.
Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.

Claud.
You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.

Pedro.
By my troth, I speak my thought.

Claud.
And, in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.

Bene.
And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.

Claud.
That I love her, I feel.

Pedro.
That she is worthy, I know.

Bene.
That I neither feel how she should be loved, nor know how she
should be worthy, is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me.

I will die in it at the stake.

Pedro.
Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite of beauty.

Claud.
And never could maintain his part but in the force of his will.

Bene.
That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up, I
likewise give her most humble thanks; but that I will have a
rechate winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible
baldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them
the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust
none; and the fine is (for the which I may go the finer), I will
live a bachelor.

Pedro.
I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.

Bene.
With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord; not with
love. Prove that ever I lose more blood with love than I will get
again with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen
and hang me up at the door of a brothel house for the sign of
blind Cupid.

Pedro.
Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt prove a
notable argument.

Bene.
If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me; and he
that hits me, let him be clapp'd on the shoulder and call'd Adam.

Pedro.
Well, as time shall try.  'In time the savage bull doth bear the
yoke.'

Bene.
The savage bull may; but if ever the sensible Benedick bear it,
pluck off the bull's horns and set them in my forehead, and let
me be vilely painted, and in such great letters as they
write 'Here is good horse to hire,' let them signify under my
sign 'Here you may see Benedick the married man.'

Claud.
If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.

Pedro.
Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in Venice, thou wilt
quake for this shortly.

Bene.
I look for an earthquake too then.

Pedro.
Well, you will temporize with the hours. In the meantime, good
Signior Benedick, repair to Leonato's, commend me to him and tell
him I will not fail him at supper; for indeed he hath made great
preparation.

Bene.
I have almost matter enough in me for such an embassage; and so I
commit you--

Claud.
To the tuition of God. From my house--if I had it--

Pedro.
The sixth of July. Your loving friend, Benedick.

Bene.
Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your discourse is sometime
guarded with fragments, and the guards are but slightly basted on
neither. Ere you flout old ends any further, examine your
conscience. And so I leave you.                  [Exit.]

Claud.
My liege, your Highness now may do me good.

Pedro.
My love is thine to teach. Teach it but how,
    And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn
    Any hard lesson that may do thee good.

Claud.
Hath Leonato any son, my lord?

Pedro.
No child but Hero; she's his only heir.
    Dost thou affect her, Claudio?

Claud.
O my lord,
When you went onward on this ended action,
I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye,
That lik'd, but had a rougher task in hand
Than to drive liking to the name of love;
But now I am return'd and that war-thoughts
Have left their places vacant, in their rooms
Come thronging soft and delicate desires,
All prompting me how fair young Hero is,
Saying I lik'd her ere I went to wars.

Pedro.
Thou wilt be like a lover presently
And tire the hearer with a book of words.
If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it,
And I will break with her and with her father,
And thou shalt have her. Wast not to this end
That thou began'st to twist so fine a story?

Claud.
How sweetly you do minister to love,
That know love's grief by his complexion!
But lest my liking might too sudden seem,
I would have salv'd it with a longer treatise.

Pedro.
What need the bridge much broader than the flood?
The fairest grant is the necessity.
Look, what will serve is fit. 'Tis once, thou lovest,
And I will fit thee with the remedy.
I know we shall have revelling to-night.
I will assume thy part in some disguise
And tell fair Hero I am Claudio,
And in her bosom I'll unclasp my heart
And take her hearing prisoner with the force
And strong encounter of my amorous tale.
Then after to her father will I break,
And the conclusion is, she shall be thine.
In practice let us put it presently.                 [Exeunt.]

Leonato, the governor of Messina, is hanging around his house with his daughter, Hero and his niece, Beatrice. Leonato chats with a messenger about some news: Don Pedro, the Prince of Arragon and friend of Leonato, has just finished up some battling and is on his way to stay at Leonato's house this very evening. Leonato learns the battle wasn't terribly bloody, but it did give one young man a chance to distinguish himself as valiant beyond his years. The Messenger tells Leonato he's already delivered letters of honor to Claudio's uncle, who lives in Messina. The uncle was so proud he burst into tears. Leonato is pleased. He says it's better to cry because you're happy than to be happy because you're crying. Um...okay. We guess he's saying people that enjoy being miserable are, well...miserable. Beatrice, Leonato's niece, then inquires after a certain Signior Mountanto, better known as Benedick. Beatrice gives us a bit of a veiled back-story: she claims Benedick came to Messina and challenged Cupid to an archery contest . Beatrice goes on to say that Benedick came to Messina and challenged Cupid to an archery contest, but that her uncle's jester took on Benedick's challenge in place of Cupid and used toy arrows. Translation: no one fell in love with Benedick that day. Beatrice is possibly alluding to some previous relationship she and Benedick had that clearly didn't work out, since both of them are so hell-bent on never being in love. There's some more bantering at poor Benedick's expense, and Leonato makes clear that the war of wits between Beatrice and Benedick is an ongoing battle. Beatrice disses Benedick some more, saying that he doesn't have wits, plural, he just has one wit left after their last encounter, and it's barely enough to make him more clever than his horse. She then starts in on the fact that Benedick tends to have a new best friend in every one of his endeavors. She wonders who the poor dude is that's been taken into Benedick's confidence this time. It turns out to be Claudio, the young man who recently distinguished himself in battle. Beatrice jokes that catching Benedick is like catching a disease--and it's something that will never happen to her. Just then, Don Pedro, Prince of Arragon, enters with Claudio, Benedick, an attendant named Balthasar, and Don Pedro's illegitimate brother, Don John. Don Pedro and Leonato banter and are generally happy to see each other, which is more than we can say for Beatrice and Benedick. Benedick declares all ladies love him and sadly, he loves no ladies. Beatrice thinks his lack of love is God's gift to women, and she declares that, like Benedick, she has no intention of ever falling in love. You'd think that was settled, but Beatrice isn't done yet. As Benedick gracelessly drops out of the verbal sparring, Beatrice declares he's played a jade's trick . Beatrice declares she's not surprised by his lame falling off, as she's known him a while. Don Pedro announces that Leonato has invited him, Claudio, and Benedick to stay with Leonato for at least a month, which will be ample time for drama to develop. Leonato also personally welcomes Don John, who seems to have recently reconciled with his brother Don Pedro. Benedick is left alone with Claudio as the others wander off, led by Leonato and Don Pedro. The young Claudio reveals that he's been smitten by Leonato's daughter, Hero. Benedick, ever full of taunts, wonders that Claudio could be so bent on marriage, especially as Benedick thinks Hero's cousin, Beatrice, is wading around in the more attractive end of the gene pool. Don Pedro then returns, wondering what secret Claudio and Benedick have been sharing. Benedick, entrusted with the knowledge of Claudio's secret crush, immediately reveals to Don Pedro that Claudio has fallen for the Hero. Benedick thinks Hero is short. Don Pedro thinks Claudio's interest in Hero is wonderful news, but Benedick takes the love-declaration as another chance to rail on women. Benedick says he's grateful to his mother for giving birth to him and raising him. Since he's not a complete woman-hater, he'd never want to hurt a woman by distrusting her. Therefore he'll never get into a relationship with a women where trust is required . Don Pedro is certain that before he dies, Benedick will be pale with love, but Benedick quibbles. He says he'll be made pale by anger, sickness, or hunger, but never by love. In Shakespeare's day, people thought that sighs of love made a person lose blood, while alcohol increased the blood supply. Benedick says if he should ever lose more blood from love than he could get again by drinking, then Don Pedro can poke out his eyes with a lovesick poet's pen and hang him up as a blind Cupid sign outside of a brothel . Benedick goes on some more about how he'll never wear cuckold's horns. Don Pedro promises Benedick will eat his words and fall in love after all, unless Cupid is too busy in Venice. Don Pedro dismisses the prattling Benedick. This leaves Claudio to speak earnestly with Don Pedro, who, unlike Benedick, doesn't take Claudio's romance as a good occasion to mock and belittle him. Claudio seems nervous about revealing his love to Hero, but Don Pedro can help him out here. Claudio begins to reveal his history with the girl. Claudio admits he noticed Hero before he went off to war, but at the time, the upcoming battle was a higher priority than love. Now that he's back, thoughts of love have replaced his bloodlust. Still, Claudio worries that if he begins to woo her, it will seem like he fell in love too quickly and she might not take him seriously. Don Pedro agrees to help Claudio secure his fast-action love. He'll let Hero and Leonato know about Claudio's affections, but it has to be revealed in an unnecessarily complicated way that's prone to disaster... or else this wouldn't be a Shakespeare comedy. There's a masquerade ball planned for that very night, and Don Pedro plans to wear a disguise and woo Hero, pretending to be Claudio. Don Pedro promises his tale of love will be so wonderful and compelling that Hero won't have a choice but to fall in love. Clearly, this is a fool-proof plan. Don Pedro will also let Leonato know about Claudio's intentions to marry Hero. All Claudio's really got to do is... absolutely nothing. Don Pedro promises Claudio will have Hero .

nd in such great letters as they write "Here is good horse to hire" let them signify under my sign "Here you may see Benedick, the married man." Act I, scene i In the Italian town of Messina, the wealthy and kindly Leonato prepares to welcome home some soldier friends who are returning from a battle. These friends include Don Pedro of Aragon, a highly respected nobleman, and a brave young soldier named Claudio, who has won much honor in the fighting. Leonato's young daughter, Hero, and her cousin, Beatrice, accompany him. Beatrice asks about the health of another soldier in Don Pedro's army, a man named Signor Benedick. Beatrice cleverly mocks and insults Benedick. A messenger from Don Pedro defends Benedick as an honorable and virtuous man, but Leonato explains that Beatrice and Benedick carry on a "merry war" of wits with one another, trading jibes whenever they meet. Beatrice confirms this statement, noting that in their most recent conflict, "four of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man governed with one" . Don Pedro arrives at Leonato's house with his two friends, Claudio and Benedick, and they are joyfully welcomed. Also accompanying Don Pedro is his quiet, sullen, illegitimate brother, Don John "the Bastard," with whom Don Pedro has recently become friendly after a period of mutual hostility. While Leonato and Don Pedro have a private talk, Beatrice and Benedick take up their war of wits. In an extremely fast-paced exchange of barbs, they insult one another's looks, intelligence, and personality. When Benedick tells Beatrice proudly that he has never loved a woman and never will, Beatrice responds that women everywhere ought to rejoice. Don Pedro tells Benedick, Claudio, and Don John that Leonato has invited them all to stay with him for a month, and that Don Pedro has accepted. Everyone goes off together except Claudio and Benedick. Claudio shyly asks Benedick what he thinks of Hero, announcing that he has fallen in love with her. Benedick jokingly plays down Hero's beauty, teasing Claudio for thinking about becoming a tame husband. But when Don Pedro returns to look for his friends, Benedick tells him Claudio's secret, and Don Pedro approves highly of the match. Since Claudio is shy and Leonato is Don Pedro's close friend, Don Pedro proposes a trick: at the costume ball to be held that night, Don Pedro will disguise himself as Claudio and declare his love to Hero. He will then talk with Leonato, her father, which should enable Claudio to win Hero without difficulty. Full of plans and excitement, the three friends head off to get ready for the ball.

This opening scene introduces all of the major characters, as well as the play's setting--Leonato's welcoming, friendly house in Messina. Don Pedro and the others are just returning from a war in which they have been victorious, seemingly setting the stage for a relaxed, happy comedy in which the main characters fall in love and have fun together. While the play opens with a strong feeling of joy and calm, the harmony of Messina is certainly to be disturbed later on. Beatrice and Benedick are perhaps Shakespeare's most famously witty characters; neither ever lets the other say anything without countering it with a pun or criticism. One notable characteristic of their attacks upon each other is their ability to extend a metaphor throughout lines of dialogue. When Benedick calls Beatrice a "rare parrot-teacher," Beatrice responds, "A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours" . Benedick continues the reference to animals in his response, saying, "I would my horse had the speed of your tongue" . It is as if each anticipates the other's response. Though their insults are biting, their ability to maintain such clever, interconnected sparring seems to illustrate the existence of a strong bond between them. Beatrice and Benedick have courted in the past, and Beatrice's viciousness stems from the fact that Benedick previously abandoned her. When she insists that Benedick "set up his bills here in Messina and challenged Cupid at the flight, and my uncle's fool, reading the challenge, subscribed for Cupid," she describes a "battle" of love between herself and Benedick that she has lost . The result is what Leonato describes as "a kind of merry war betwixt Sir Benedick and . They never meet but there's a skirmish of wit between them" . Another purpose of the dialogue between Benedick and Beatrice, as well as that among Benedick, Claudio, and Don Pedro, is to explore the complex relationships between men and women. Both Benedick and Beatrice claim to scorn love. As Benedick says to Beatrice, "t is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted. And I would I could find it in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none" . Benedick thus sets himself up as an unattainable object of desire. With her mocking reply that "I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me," Beatrice similarly puts herself out of reach . Both at this point appear certain that they will never fall in love or marry. Benedick's disdain for matrimony arises again when he realizes that Claudio is seriously contemplating asking Hero for her hand in marriage. Until this point, all the soldiers have exhibited a kind of macho pride in being bachelors, but Claudio now seems happy to find himself falling in love, and Don Pedro rejoices in his young friend's decision. Benedick alone swears, "I will live a bachelor" . Don Pedro's teasing rejoinder, "I shall see thee ere I die look pale with love. . . . 'In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke,' " suggests his belief that love does conquer all, even those as stubborn as Benedick .


Scene II.

A room in Leonato's house.

[Enter [at one door] Leonato and [at another door, Antonio] an
old man, brother to Leonato.]

Leon.
How now, brother? Where is my cousin your son? Hath he provided
this music?

Ant.
He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell you strange
news that you yet dreamt not of.

Leon.
Are they good?

Ant.
As the event stamps them; but they have a good cover, they show
well outward. The Prince and Count Claudio, walking in a
thick-pleached alley in mine orchard, were thus much overheard by
a man of mine: the Prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my

  niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge it this night in a
dance, and if he found her accordant, he meant to take the
present time by the top and instantly break with you of it.

Leon.
Hath the fellow any wit that told you this?

Ant.
A good sharp fellow. I will send for him, and question him
yourself.

Leon.
No, no. We will hold it as a dream till it appear itself; but I
will acquaint my daughter withal, that she may be the better
prepared for an answer, if peradventure this be true. Go you and
tell her of it.                              [Exit Antonio.]

[Enter Antonio's Son with a Musician, and others.]

[To the Son] Cousin, you know what you have to do.

 --[To the Musician] O, I cry you mercy, friend. Go you with me,
and I will use your skill.--Good cousin, have a care this busy
time.                                                [Exeunt.]

Leonato chats with his brother, Antonio, who is nearly bursting with gossip. Antonio reports that one of his men overheard Don Pedro and Claudio talking in the enclosed garden area. Antonio reports that his man heard Don Pedro declare his love for Hero, and his intention to reveal his love for Hero that night. If Hero accepts Don Pedro's love, then Don Pedro will tell Leonato right away, so they can be married, or something. Leonato decides he'll spring this news on Hero, so she can be prepared to deliver an answer.

Inside his house, Leonato runs into his elder brother, Antonio. Antonio says that a servant of his overheard Don Pedro talking with Claudio outside. The servant thinks that he overheard Don Pedro professing his love for Hero and that he means to tell her that very night, during the dance, and then ask Leonato himself for Hero's hand in marriage. Obviously, Antonio has misheard the truth: Claudio, not Don Pedro, loves Hero. Nevertheless, the only part of the conversation Antonio has intercepted is that Don Pedro will woo Hero that evening. Leonato's prudent reply is that he will not consider the rumor to be true until his daughter is actually courted. But he declares that he will tell Hero about it, so that she may think about what she wants to say in response to Don Pedro, should this bit of information prove true

Act I, scenes ii-iii  Overhearing, plotting, and misunderstanding occur frequently in Much Ado About Nothing, as characters constantly eavesdrop or spy on other characters. Occasionally they learn the truth, but more often they misunderstand what they see or hear, or they are tricked into believing what other people want them to believe. In these scenes, Antonio's servant and Don John's associate both overhear the same conversation between Don Pedro and Claudio, but only Borachio understands it correctly, while Antonio's servant  misunderstand. He carries this incorrect information onward, first to Leonato and then to Hero. It appears that Don John has no strong motive for the villainy he commits and that his actions are inspired by a bad nature, something he acknowledges fully: "though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am a plain-dealing villain" . Yet, the fact that Don John is Don Pedro's bastard brother--that he is of a much lower station than Don Pedro and possesses little chance of rising in society because of his bastard birth--suggests that there is more to his behavior than his evil character. He most likely resents Don Pedro, the most powerful figure in the play's social hierarchy, for claiming the authority and social superiority of a legitimate heir. His jealousy of his brother's success is most likely what drives him to wreak havoc on Claudio and Don Pedro. His insistence on honesty in this scene might appear admirable, but he lies to many people later on, casting his statements here about being harmless into doubt. To understand Don John's claim of natural evil, we should remember that he stands in a very difficult position. As the illegitimate brother  of Don Pedro, Don John is labeled "the Bastard." Illegitimate sons of noblemen found themselves in a tricky position in Renaissance England. Often, their fathers acknowledged them and gave them money and an education, but they could never be their fathers' real heirs, and they were often excluded from polite society and looked upon with disdain. In plays, bastard sons were sometimes admired for their individualism, enterprise, and courage, but in Shakespeare's works, their anger about their unfair exclusion often inspires them to villainy. Like Edmund in Shakespeare's tragedy King Lear, Don John seems to be a villain at least in part because he is a bastard, and like Edmund he is determined to cross his legitimate brother in any way that he can. In Much Ado About Nothing, Don John is in the difficult position of having to behave well and court favor with his more powerful brother, Don Pedro, while at the same time being excluded from the privileges Don Pedro enjoys because of his illegitimacy. Don John is bitter about the restrictions imposed upon him: "I am trusted with a muzzle, and enfranchised with a clog. Therefore I have decreed not to sing in my cage" . He complains, in essence, that he is not trusted at all and not given any freedom; he rails against the constraints of his role, refusing to "sing" in his "cage," or make the best of things. Instead, he seems to want to take out his frustrations by manipulating and hurting other people for his own amusement. Don John's claim that he hates Claudio because he is jealous of Claudio's friendship with his brother seems questionable; it seems more likely that Don John simply hates anyone happy and well liked and thus wants to exact a more general revenge upon the world.


Scene III.

Another room in Leonato's house.

[Enter Sir John the Bastard and Conrade, his companion.]

Con.
What the goodyear, my lord! Why are you thus out of measure sad?

John.
There is no measure in the occasion that breeds; therefore the
sadness is without limit.

Con.
You should hear reason.

John.
And when I have heard it, what blessings brings it?

Con.
If not a present remedy, at least a patient sufferance.

John.
I wonder that thou (being, as thou say'st thou art, born under
Saturn) goest about to apply a moral medicine to a mortifying
mischief. I cannot hide what I am: I must be sad when I have
cause, and smile at no man's jests; eat when I have stomach, and
wait for no man's leisure; sleep when I am drowsy, and tend on no
man's business; laugh when I am merry, and claw no man in his
humour.

Con.
Yea, but you must not make the full show of this till you may do
it without controlment. You have of late stood out against your
brother, and he hath ta'en you newly into his grace, where it is
impossible you should take true root but by the fair weather that
you make yourself. It is needful that you frame the season for
your own harvest.

John.
I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace, and
it better fits my blood to be disdain'd of all than to fashion a
carriage to rob love from any. In this, though I cannot   be said
to be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am a
plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with a muzzle and
enfranchis'd with a clog; therefore I have decreed not to
sing in my cage. If I had my mouth, I would bite; if I had my
liberty, I would do my liking. In the meantime let me be that I
am, and seek not to alter me.

Con.
Can you make no use of your discontent?

John.
I make all use of it, for I use it only.

[Enter Borachio.]

Who comes here? What news, Borachio?

Bora.
I came yonder from a great supper. The Prince your brother is
royally entertain'd by Leonato, and I can give you intelligence
of an intended marriage.

John.
Will it serve for any model to build mischief on?  What is he for
a fool that betroths himself to unquietness?

Bora.
Marry, it is your brother's right hand.

John.
Who? the most exquisite Claudio?

Bora.
Even he.

John.
A proper squire! And who? and who? which way looks he?

Bora.
Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.

John.
A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?

Bora.
Being entertain'd for a perfumer, as I was smoking a musty room,
comes me the Prince and Claudio, hand in hand in sad conference.
I whipt me behind the arras and there heard it agreed upon that
the Prince should woo Hero for himself, and having obtain'd her,
give her to Count Claudio.

John.
Come, come, let us thither. This may prove food to my
displeasure. That young start-up hath all the glory of my
overthrow. If I can cross him any way, I bless myself every way.
You are both sure, and will assist me?

Con.
To the death, my lord.

John.
Let us to the great supper. Their cheer is the greater that I am
subdued. Would the cook were o' my mind! Shall we go prove what's
to be done?

Bora.
We'll wait upon your lordship.
                                [Exeunt.]

Don John meets with Conrade . Don John is being a his usual negative self, and Conrade tries to placate him with platitudes. Don John wonders how Conrade can be a regular Charlie of the Chipper Brigade when he's supposed to be born under Saturn . Don John doesn't bother with silver linings; when he's cranky, he's not going to hide it. Don John says he eats only when he's hungry, sleeps only when he's drowsy, and isn't going dance like he's some clown when he's not feeling like a dancing clown. Conrade's pretty serious though, and says Don John has to get his attitude in check, because he's still treading on delicate ground. Don John only recently reconciled with his brother, Don Pedro, but the reconciliation is worthless if Don John can't get it together and stop acting like a villain. Like any good villain, Don John points out that he acts like a villain because he is a villain, and he doesn't care whether he's hated. Then he strokes his standard villain-issued white cat. Don John notes that while he seems to be in the good graces of his brother, he's actually more like a muzzled dog tied to a block than a trusted guy. Don John doesn't deny, though, that his brother's precautions are reasonable ones, as he would like to do some mischief as soon as he gets the chance. In the meantime, Don John isn't going to join the "Vote For Don Pedro" squad, no matter how much people try to convince him it's a good idea. Borachio enters and delivers to Don John news of an impending marriage. Borachio was perfuming a smelly room by burning some incense when he heard Claudio and Don Pedro approach, deep in conversation. Borachio got the gist of the conversation correctly about Don Pedro's plan to court Hero on Claudio's behalf. This is kind of a Tarantino approach to the wooing of Hero, which we now see is the focus of approximately eight million schemes from her dad, Don John, and of course Claudio and Don Pedro. Don John is elated to hear news of this little plan between Don Pedro and Claudio, especially as he blames Claudio for playing a large part in overthrowing him in a vaguely-mentioned rebellion. The men exit, plotting their mischief, though we think Shakespeare may be gearing up with a lot of sardoodledom .

Elsewhere in the house, Don John converses with his servant, Conrad. Conrad asks Don John why he appears angry and melancholy. Don John replies that he is naturally depressed and somber; he lacks the skills--or the willpower--to change his face to suit other people. Conrad reminds Don John that Don Pedro has only very recently started to be friendly with him again, and if Don John wants to remain on good terms with his powerful brother, he ought to show a more cheerful face. But, bitter that he must depend both socially and economically on his much more successful and highly ranked brother, Don John bristles at having to conform to Don Pedro's expectations. Borachio, another of Don John's servants, enters to tell Don John that he has overheard rumors of the upcoming marriage between Claudio and Hero. Borachio, like Leonato's servant, has also overheard Don Pedro and Claudio making plans, but Borachio correctly understands what he has heard. He realizes that Don Pedro plans to court Hero in order to give her to Claudio. Don John, who hates Claudio for being so well loved and respected, decides to try to use this information to make trouble for Claudio. Conrad and Borachio swear to help him


ACT II. Scene I.

A hall in Leonato's house.

[Enter Leonato, [Antonio] his Brother, Hero his Daughter, and
Beatrice his Niece, and a Kinsman; [also Margaret and Ursula.]

Leon.
Was not Count John here at supper?

Ant.
I saw him not.

Beat.
How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I am
heart-burn'd an hour after.

Hero.
He is of a very melancholy disposition.

Beat.
He were an excellent man that were made just in the midway
between him and Benedick. The one is too like an image and says
nothing, and the other too like my lady's eldest son,
evermore tattling.

Leon.
Then half Signior Benedick's tongue in Count John's mouth, and
half Count John's melancholy in Signior Benedick's face--

Beat.
With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money enough in his
purse, such a man would win any woman in the world--if 'a could
get her good will.

Leon.
By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if thou be
so shrewd of thy tongue.

Ant.
In faith, she's too curst.

Beat.
Too curst is more than curst. I shall lessen God's sending that
way, for it is said, 'God sends a curst cow short horns,' but to
a cow too curst he sends none.

Leon.
So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.

Beat.
Just, if he send me no husband; for the which blessing I am at
him upon my knees every morning and evening. Lord, I could not
endure a husband with a beard on his face. I had rather lie in
the woollen!

Leon.
You may light on a husband that hath no beard.

Beat.
What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel and make him
my waiting gentlewoman? He that hath a beard is more than a
youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man; and he that
is more than a youth is not for me; and he that is less than a
man, I am not for him. Therefore I will even take sixpence in
earnest of the berrord and lead his apes into hell.

Leon.
Well then, go you into hell?

Beat.
No; but to the gate, and there will the devil meet me like an old
cuckold with horns on his head, and say 'Get you to heaven,
Beatrice, get you to heaven. Here's no place for you maids.'  So
deliver I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter--for the heavens.
He shows me where the bachelors sit, and there live we as merry
as the day is long.

Ant.
[to Hero] Well, niece, I trust you will be rul'd by your father.

Beat.
Yes faith. It is my cousin's duty to make cursy and say, 'Father,
as it please you.' But yet for all that, cousin, let him be a
handsome fellow, or else make another cursy, and say,
'Father, as it please me.'

Leon.
Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.

Beat.
Not till God make men of some other metal than earth.  Would it
not grieve a woman to be overmaster'd with a piece of valiant
dust? to make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl?
No, uncle, I'll none. Adam's sons are my brethren, and truly I
hold it a sin to match in my kinred.

Leon.
Daughter, remember what I told you. If the Prince do solicit you
in that kind, you know your answer.

Beat.
The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not wooed in
good time. If the Prince be too important, tell him there is
measure in everything, and so dance out the answer. For, hear me,
Hero: wooing, wedding, and repenting is as a Scotch jig, a
measure, and a cinque-pace: the first suit is hot and hasty like
a Scotch jig--and full as fantastical; the wedding, mannerly
modest, as a measure, full of state and ancientry; and then comes
Repentance and with his bad legs falls into the cinque-pace
faster and faster, till he sink into his grave.

Leon.
Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.

Beat.
I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by daylight.

Leon.
The revellers are ent'ring, brother. Make good room.

                                             [Exit Antonio.]

[Enter, [masked,] Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, and Balthasar.
   With them enter Antonio, also masked. After them enter
   Don John [and Borachio (without masks), who stand aside
             and look on during the dance.]

Pedro.
Lady, will you walk a bout with your friend?

Hero.
So you walk softly and look sweetly and say nothing, I am yours
for the walk; and especially when I walk away.

Pedro.
With me in your company?

Hero.
I may say so when I please.

Pedro.
And when please you to say so?

Hero.
When I like your favour, for God defend the lute should be like
the case!

Pedro.
My visor is Philemon's roof; within the house is Jove.

Hero.
Why then, your visor should be thatch'd.

Pedro.
Speak low if you speak love.         [Takes her aside.]

Balth.
Well, I would you did like me.

Marg.
So would not I for your own sake, for I have many ill qualities.

Balth.
Which is one?

Marg.
I say my prayers aloud.

Balth.
I love you the better. The hearers may cry Amen.

Marg.
God match me with a good dancer!

Balth.
Amen.

Marg.
And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is done!
Answer, clerk.

Balth.
No more words. The clerk is answered.

                                          [Takes her aside.]

Urs.
I know you well enough. You are Signior Antonio.

Ant.
At a word, I am not.

Urs.
I know you by the waggling of your head.

Ant.
 To tell you true, I counterfeit him.

Urs.
You could never do him so ill-well unless you were the very man.
Here's his dry hand up and down. You are he, you are he!

Ant.
At a word, I am not.

Urs.
Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your excellent wit?
Can virtue hide itself? Go to, mum you are he. Graces will
appear, and there's an end.   [ They step aside.]

Beat.
Will you not tell me who told you so?

Bene.
No, you shall pardon me.

Beat.
Nor will you not tell me who you are?

Bene.
Not now.

Beat.
That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit out of the
'Hundred Merry Tales.' Well, this was Signior Benedick that said
so.

Bene.
What's he?

Beat.
I am sure you know him well enough.

Bene.
Not I, believe me.

Beat.
Did he never make you laugh?

Bene.
I pray you, what is he?

Beat.
Why, he is the Prince's jester, a very dull fool. Only his gift
is in devising impossible slanders. None but libertines delight
in him; and the commendation is not in his wit, but
in his villany; for he both pleases men and angers them, and then
they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in the fleet.  I
would he had boarded me.

Bene.
When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you say.

Beat.
Do, do. He'll but break a comparison or two on me; which
peradventure, not marked or not laugh'd at, strikes him into
melancholy; and then there's a partridge wing saved, for the
fool will eat no supper that night.
                                                    [Music.]
We must follow the leaders.

Bene.
In every good thing.

Beat.
Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next
turning.

    [Dance. Exeunt (all but Don John, Borachio, and Claudio].

John.
Sure my brother is amorous on Hero and hath withdrawn her father
to break with him about it. The ladies follow her and but one
visor remains.

Bora.
And that is Claudio. I know him by his bearing.

John.
Are you not Signior Benedick?

Claud.
You know me well. I am he.

John.
Signior, you are very near my brother in his love. He is
enamour'd on Hero. I pray you dissuade him from her; she is no
equal for his birth. You may do the part of an honest man in it.

Claud.
How know you he loves her?

John.
I heard him swear his affection.

Bora.
So did I too, and he swore he would marry her tonight.

John.
Come, let us to the banquet.

                                      [Exeunt. Manet Claudio.]

Claud.
Thus answer I in name of Benedick
But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.
                                                  [Unmasks.]
'Tis certain so. The Prince wooes for himself.
Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love.
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues;
Let every eye negotiate for itself
And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch
Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
This is an accident of hourly proof,
Which I mistrusted not. Farewell therefore Hero!
              [Enter Benedick [unmasked]].

Bene.
Count Claudio?

Claud.
Yea, the same.

Bene.
Come, will you go with me?

Claud.
Whither?

Bene.
Even to the next willow, about your own business, County.  What
fashion will you wear the garland of? about your neck, like an
usurer's chain? or under your arm, like a lieutenant's scarf?
You must wear it one way, for the Prince hath got your Hero.

Claud.
I wish him joy of her.

Bene.
Why, that's spoken like an honest drovier. So they sell bullocks.
But did you think the Prince would have served you thus?

Claud.
I pray you leave me.

Bene.
Ho! now you strike like the blind man! 'Twas the boy that stole
your meat, and you'll beat the post.

Claud.
If it will not be, I'll leave you.
               [Exit.]

Bene.
Alas, poor hurt fowl! now will he creep into sedges. But, that my
Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The Prince's fool!
Ha! it may be I go under that title because I am merry. Yea, but
so I am apt to do myself wrong. I am not so reputed. It is the
base (though bitter) disposition of Beatrice that puts the world
into her person and so gives me out.  Well, I'll be revenged as I
may.

                         [Enter Don Pedro.]

Pedro.
Now, signior, where's the Count? Did you see him?

Bene.
Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame, I found him
here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren. I told him, and I
think I told him true, that your Grace had got the good will of
this young lady, and I off'red him my company to a willow tree,
either to make him a garland, as being forsaken, or to bind him
up a rod, as being worthy to be whipt.

Pedro.
To be whipt? What's his fault?

Bene.
The flat transgression of a schoolboy who, being overjoyed with
finding a bird's nest, shows it his companion, and he steals it.

Pedro.
Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The transgression is in
the stealer.

Bene.
Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, and the garland
too; for the garland he might have worn himself, and the rod he
might have bestowed on you, who, as I take it, have stol'n his
bird's nest.

Pedro.
I will but teach them to sing and restore them to the owner.

Bene.
If their singing answer your saying, by my faith you say
honestly.

Pedro.
The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you. The gentleman that
danc'd with her told her she is much wrong'd by you.

Bene.
O, she misus'd me past the endurance of a block! An oak but with
one green leaf on it would have answered her; my very visor began
to assume life and scold with her. She told me, not thinking I
had been myself, that I was the Prince's jester, that I was
duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest with such
impossible conveyance upon me that I stood like a man at a mark,
with a whole army shooting at me. She speaks poniards, and every

  word stabs. If her breath were as terrible as her terminations,
there were no living near her; she would infect to the North
Star. I would not marry her though she were endowed with all that
Adam had left him before he transgress'd. She would have made
Hercules have turn'd spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make
the fire too. Come, talk not of her. You shall find her the
infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some scholar would
conjure her, for certainly, while she is here, a man may live as
quiet in hell as in a sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose,
because they would go thither; so indeed all disquiet, horror,
and perturbation follows her.

                    [Enter Claudio and Beatrice, Leonato, Hero.]

Pedro.
Look, here she comes.

Bene.
Will your Grace command me any service to the world's end? I will
go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes that you can
devise to send me on; I will fetch you a toothpicker now from the
furthest inch of Asia; bring you the length of Prester John's
foot; fetch you a hair off the great Cham's beard; do you any
embassage to the Pygmies--rather than hold three words'
conference with this harpy. You have no employment for me?

Pedro.
None, but to desire your good company.

Bene.
O God, sir, here's a dish I love not! I cannot endure my Lady
Tongue.
[Exit.]

Pedro.
Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of Signior Benedick.

Beat.
Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile, and I gave him use for
it--a double heart for his single one. Marry, once before he won
it of me with false dice; therefore your Grace may well say I
have lost it.

Pedro.
You have put him down, lady; you have put him down.

Beat.
So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I should prove the
mother of fools. I have brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me
to seek.

Pedro.
Why, how now, Count? Wherefore are you sad?

Claud.
Not sad, my lord.

Pedro.
How then? sick?

Claud.
Neither, my lord.

Beat.
The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well; but
civil count--civil as an orange, and something of that jealous
complexion.

Pedro.
I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true; though I'll be
sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false. Here, Claudio, I have
wooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won. I have broke with    her
father, and his good will obtained. Name the day of marriage, and
God give thee joy!

Leon.
Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes.  His
Grace hath made the match, and all grace say Amen to it!

Beat.
Speak, Count, 'tis your cue.

Claud.
Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were but little happy
if I could say how much. Lady, as you are mine, I am yours.  I
give away myself for you and dote upon the exchange.

Beat.
Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss and
let not him speak neither.

Pedro.
In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.

Beat.
Yea, my lord; I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on the windy side
of care. My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart.

Claud.
And so she doth, cousin.

Beat.
Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes every one to the world but I,
and I am sunburnt. I may sit in a corner and cry 'Heigh-ho for a
husband!'

Pedro.
Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.

Beat.
I would rather have one of your father's getting. Hath your Grace
ne'er a brother like you? Your father got excellent husbands, if
a maid could come by them.

Pedro.
Will you have me, lady?

Beat.
No, my lord, unless I might have another for working days: your
Grace is too costly to wear every day. But I beseech your Grace
pardon me. I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.

Pedro.
Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you,
for out o' question you were born in a merry hour.

Beat.
No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a star
danc'd, and under that was I born. Cousins, God give you joy!

Leon.
Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?

Beat.
I cry you mercy, uncle, By your Grace's pardon.
            [Exit.]

Pedro.
By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.

Leon.
There's little of the melancholy element in her, my lord.  She is
never sad but when she sleeps, and not ever sad then; for I have
heard my daughter say she hath often dreamt of
unhappiness and wak'd herself with laughing.

Pedro.
She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.

Leon.
O, by no means! She mocks all her wooers out of suit.

Pedro.
She were an excellent wife for Benedick.

Leon.
O Lord, my lord! if they were but a week married, they would talk
themselves mad.

Pedro.
County Claudio, when mean you to go to church?

Claud.
To-morrow, my lord. Time goes on crutches till love have all his
rites.

Leon.
Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just sevennight;
and a time too brief too, to have all things answer my mind.

Pedro.
Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing; but I warrant
thee, Claudio, the time shall not go dully by us.  I will in the
interim undertake one of Hercules' labours,
which is, to bring Signior Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a
mountain of affection th' one with th' other. I would fain have
it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it if you three will
but minister such assistance as I shall give you direction.

Leon.
My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights' watchings.

Claud.
And I, my lord.

Pedro.
And you too, gentle Hero?

Hero.
I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a good
husband.

Pedro.
And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that I know.  Thus
far can I praise him: he is of a noble strain, of approved
valour, and confirm'd honesty. I will teach you how to humour
your cousin, that she shall fall in love with Benedick; and I,
[to Leonato and Claudio] with your two helps, will so practise on
Benedick that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy
stomach, he shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this,
Cupid is no longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we are
the only love-gods. Go in with me, and I will tell you my drift.

                                      [Exeunt.]

Leonato, Antonio, Beatrice, Hero, and attendants have finished dinner and are preparing for the postprandial masquerade ball. Leonato notes that the sour Don John wasn't at dinner, and Beatrice hijacks the conversation, as usual, to talk about Benedick, because she really, really doesn't care about him--and a good way to show it is to talk about him all the time. Beatrice says if a man could be halfway between Don John's quietness and Benedick's constant chatter, and rich, and handsome, he could have any woman in the world. The subject then becomes whether Beatrice will ever get a man, because she's saucy. Beatrice points out that any man God would send her might as well come with his pair of cuckold's horns attached. She's got a roving eye. Anyway, she says she's too picky to get a man: she thinks men with beards are too old and itchy, and men without beards might as well dress up in her women's clothes. Beatrice says she isn't too bothered by being single. Her uncle, Leonato, then unhelpfully adds that perhaps she'll go to hell, which was rumored to be the destination for old maids. Beatrice says the devil, who wears horns like a cuckold, would be sure to send her up to heaven once she got to hell. When she gets to heaven, Beatrice is sure she'll be directed up to where all the bachelors hang out. This anti-marriage banter goes on for a while, when talk finally turns to Hero's impending marriage. Leonato still thinks that Don Pedro, and not Claudio, will be the one to try and court Hero, because of the information he got from Antonio's servant. It's clear that Leonato has already given Hero a good talking to about what her answer should be if Don Pedro proposes marriage to her. Beatrice adds the helpful advice that "wooing, wedding, and repenting" correspond to three different kinds of dances. Wooing is like a Scotch jig--fast and fun. The process of wedding is a slow, stately affair, and the state of being married requires the liveliest dance of all, because one regrets the decision to marry and backtracks on fast legs all the way into the grave. The masked party goers enter and break up the talk about Hero's marriage. Everyone breaks off into pairs, with the men masked and the women guessing at each other's identities. A disguised Don Pedro pairs with Hero, flirtatiously talking of love. Then Borachio snuggles up to Margaret . Margaret says to Borachio that one of her chief failings is that she says her prayers aloud. Borachio basically says, "The better to answer your prayers, my dear." Their conversation tends toward the raunchy side. Ursula is paired off with the playful Antonio . This warm-your-heart moment is interrupted by Benedick and Beatrice, who have been paired together. Beatrice's mystery partner has been sharing a not-so-flattering claim he heard about her: that she gets all of her wit straight out of a bad joke book. She says, "Oh, you must have heard that from Benedick. That sounds like something he'd say." Benedick, who won't reveal his identity, pretends not to know who she's talking about, so Beatrice launches into a description of him. She refers to him as a fool whose main talent is coming up with outrageous insults. She says he's good at making people laugh at the expense of others, which both amuses and angers them. She then adds that she knows he's here somewhere and she wishes he'd had the courage to match wits with her directly. Benedick, still hiding behind his mask, says if he sees this guy, he'll tell him what she said. Go ahead, Beatrice tells him. Benedick will try to make a joke out of it, but if no one laughs, he'll get pouty because he's an attention monger. After a bit of dancing, we're spared any more thinly-veiled love talk by Beatrice about Benedick. Instead, we get to witness Don John's villainy. Don John and his fellow villains recognize Claudio by the way he carries himself, and saunter over to him, ready to spill poison in his ear. The men approach, knowing full well that the disguised man is Claudio, but asking coyly if he's Benedick. Claudio wanders into the trap, declares himself to be Benedick, and then hears the awful suggestion from Don John that Don Pedro is actually in love with Hero. In fact, Don John says he's heard Don Pedro swear his affection for the girl, and his intention to marry her that very night. He leaves Claudio, saying that as a good friend, "Benedick" should dissuade Don Pedro from his wooing Hero. Claudio trusts Don John's villainy, and believes that Don Pedro is courting Hero for himself. Claudio says he should've known friendship couldn't withstand love. He would've talked to Hero himself, but he hadn't suspected Don Pedro. He admits he'll suffer for his mistake. Thus Claudio says goodbye to Hero, thinking he's lost her to Don Pedro. Also, he's not willing to fight for his love, because he's lame. Benedick enters with ample salt to rub in young Claudio's new wound. He teases that Claudio will have to wear a garland of willow because Don Pedro has stolen away Hero. Claudio, heartbroken, has no patience to jest with Benedick, and quickly leaves. Next we find out that Beatrice and Benedick should probably get along very well, as they share a common interest: thinking and talking about Benedick. Benedick rankles at the tongue-lashing he received from Beatrice while he was her disguised dance partner. He decides he brings this kind of censure on himself, as he probably isn't taken too seriously because he acts so silly all the time. Still, this is only Beatrice's opinion, and he reasons it might not be shared by the whole world. Don Pedro breaks up Benedick's intimate thoughts about himself. Don Pedro is looking for Claudio, and has found Benedick instead. Benedick explains that Claudio mourns because Don Pedro seems to have stolen his Hero. Don Pedro, who's more sensible than the whole lot of idiots, says he was simply going through with the plan, and that he has secured Hero for Claudio. With that matter cleared up, there's some more patter about how much Beatrice and Benedick hate each other, and how Benedick wouldn't marry the girl if she were Eve before the Fall. With Beatrice on earth, he says, hell seems a sanctuary. Just then Beatrice approaches with Claudio, Leonato, and Hero. Benedick begs to be excused. He'd rather bring back a toothpick from the farthest corner of Asia than deal with Beatrice. Getting no sympathy from Don Pedro, Benedick rushes off. Don Pedro notes his hasty departure, and Beatrice once again alludes to some relationship it seems they had in the past. All attention then turns to Claudio, who is sulking around looking generally morose, despite claiming to be neither sad nor sick. Beatrice teases that he looks civil as an orange Claudio won't confess what's wrong, so Don Pedro announces he has wooed Hero, but wooed her in Claudio's name. Good news! Hero has accepted Claudio, Leonato has agreed to the marriage, and now they just need to call a wedding planner and get registered at Bed Bath and Beyond. Claudio claims he's struck dumb by his happiness, and Hero is quiet too, so naturally they move on to making out--a good problem-solver when young couples actually have nothing to talk about. Beatrice, who encourages all the kissing, is applauded by Don Pedro, who notes that she's rather merry for being an embittered old maid. Don Pedro says he could get Beatrice a husband if she wanted one. Beatrice responds that she quite likes the children of Don Pedro's father. She inquires whether Don Pedro's father maybe has any other sons. We call this leading Don Pedro on. Don Pedro takes the bait, and basically says, "Well... you could marry me..." and Beatrice says, "No thanks! Bye!" Actually Beatrice sticks around for a bit to say that she's too full of silliness to marry someone as serious and lovely as Don Pedro. So she puts him down easy. Don Pedro says he wouldn't have Beatrice any other way, as she's best when she's silly. He says she must've been born during a merry hour. Beatrice counters that her mother actually cried as she was giving birth to her, but a star danced, and then Beatrice was born. Beatrice is sent off by Leonato to tend to some woman-stuff. Leonato and Don Pedro chat about how Beatrice is a wonderful, warm girl, though she mocks all of her suitors into oblivion, and it seems she will never marry. Don Pedro wonders what man could handle Beatrice's wit, and declares then and there that Benedick should marry Beatrice . Don Pedro asks when Claudio means to marry Hero, and Claudio essentially replies: "Tomorrow isn't even soon enough." Leonato tells Claudio to hold his horses. The wedding will be in a week, and even that's not enough time for Leonato to properly interrogate Claudio, but so be it. Don Pedro, ever the peacemaker, says the week will go by quickly because they'll all be having so much fun with a new little scheme. He knows how to work on Benedick, and can teach the girls how to work on Beatrice. All in all, Don Pedro plans to get Benedick and Beatrice to fall in love, and he'd appreciate a little help from everyone. Leonato, Claudio, and Hero agree to manipulate and deceive their respective friends into falling in love with each other.

e that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him.    Act II, scene i While Hero, Beatrice, Leonato, and Antonio wait for the evening's masked ball to begin, Hero and Beatrice discuss their idea of the perfect man--a happy medium between Don John, who never talks, and Benedick, who engages himself in constant banter. This exchange leads into a conversation about whether or not Beatrice will ever get a husband, and Beatrice laughingly claims that she will not. Leonato and Antonio also remind Hero about their belief that Don Pedro plans to propose to her that evening. The other partygoers enter, and the men put on masks. Supposedly, the women now cannot tell who the men are. The music begins, and the dancers pair off and hold conversations while they dance. Don Pedro's musician, Balthasar, dances with Hero's servant Margaret and old Antonio dances with Hero's other servant, Ursula. Meanwhile, Don Pedro dances with Hero and begins to flirt with her. Benedick dances with Beatrice, who either does not recognize him or pretends not to. She insults Benedick thoroughly to her dancing partner, saying that while Benedick thinks that he is witty others find him completely boring. The music leads many of the dancers away into corners of the stage, creating various couplings. Don John, who has seen his brother Don Pedro courting Hero, decides to make Claudio jealous by making him think that Don Pedro has decided to win and keep Hero for himself instead of giving her to Claudio as he had promised. Pretending not to recognize Claudio behind his mask, Don John addresses him as if he were Benedick, mentioning to him that, contrary to their plan, Don Pedro actually courts Hero for himself and means to marry her that very night. Claudio believes Don John, and, when the real Benedick enters a few moments later, the angry and miserable Claudio rushes out. But when Don Pedro comes in along with Hero and Leonato, Benedick learns that Don Pedro has been true to his word after all; he has courted and won Hero for Claudio, not for himself, just as he promised. Benedick still remains bitter about the nasty things Beatrice said to him during the dance, so when Beatrice approaches with Claudio, he begs Don Pedro to send him on some extremely arduous errand rather than be forced to endure her company. Don Pedro laughingly insists that he stay, but Benedick leaves anyway. When Claudio returns, Don Pedro tells him that Hero has agreed to marry him , and Leonato supports him. Claudio, overwhelmed, can barely speak, but he and Hero privately make their promises to one another. Beatrice half-seriously remarks that she will never have a husband, and Don Pedro offers himself to her. Beatrice, comparing him to fancy clothes, replies that she wishes she could have him but that he would be too lavish and valuable for her to wear every day. After Beatrice and Benedick leave, Leonato and Claudio discuss when Claudio will marry Hero. Claudio wants the wedding to occur the next day, but Leonato decides on the coming Monday, only a week away. Claudio regrets that the wait will be so long, but Don Pedro comes up with a good way to pass the time: with the help of all his friends, he will design a plan to get Beatrice and Benedick to stop arguing and fall in love with one another. He secures the promises of Leonato, Claudio, and Hero to help him in the plan he will devise.

Analysis This long scene resolves the first of the play's important questions: whether Claudio will receive Hero's consent to love and marry her. When the two lovers are finally brought together, Claudio is too overwhelmed with joy to profess his love in elevated language, saying to Hero simply, "Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were but little happy if I could say how much" . While Claudio can find few words to express his joy, Hero can find none. Indeed, it is Beatrice who formalizes Hero's return of Claudio's love, commenting to Claudio, "My cousin  tells him  in his ear that he is in her heart" . We never hear Hero's acceptance of Claudio, but nonetheless we know what occurs. These two quiet characters--Claudio and Hero--seem well matched, and Claudio's addressing of Beatrice as "cousin" confirms that he will soon marry into her family . Nonetheless, a troubling element of Claudio's character comes to light in this scene. Don John's attempt to thwart the match has come to nothing; although he does manage to trick Claudio into believing that Don Pedro has betrayed him and is going to marry Hero himself, Claudio learns the truth before anything bad can happen. But here we see that Claudio is prone to making rash decisions. He is very quick to believe that his friend has betrayed him, not even questioning Don John's claims. Acknowledging that Don Pedro seems to be wooing Hero for himself, Claudio declares that Friendship is constant . . .Save in the office and affairs of love.. . .. . . Farewell, therefore, Hero. Claudio's readiness to believe that his friend would betray him is disturbing, and Don John's plotting coupled with Claudio's gullibility ominously foreshadows worse things to follow. Beatrice and Benedick continue their "merry war" of wits with one another, but it seems to veer off course and turn into a much more hurtful competition. This time, Beatrice gets the better of Benedick while Benedick cannot defend himself. Dancing with him during the ball, while masked, she insults Benedick by mocking his "wittiness" and declaring his jokes boring. Beatrice's jabs at Benedick are psychologically astute. We see how apt her comments are when Benedick cannot stop repeating her words to himself later in the scene. Moreover, the fact that Benedick begs Don Pedro frantically to let him leave so he will not have to talk to Beatrice suggests that he finds her company not simply annoying but also damaging. Though Beatrice repeats in this scene her intention never to marry, her attitude seems a little changed. A certain wistfulness marks her words as she watches the betrothal of Hero to Claudio: "Good Lord, for alliance! There goes everyone to the world but I, and I am sunburnt. I may sit in a corner and cry 'Heigh-ho for a husband!'" . Beatrice jests, as always, but it is hard to tell how seriously she takes this matter. Don Pedro's sudden offer of himself to her in marriage also seems both lighthearted and serious, and Beatrice's gentle rejection of him compels us to wonder whether she really does want to get married.


Scene II.

A hall in Leonato's house.

[Enter [Don] John and Borachio.]

John.
It is so. The Count Claudio shall marry the daughter of Leonato.

Bora.
Yea, my lord; but I can cross it.

John.
Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be med'cinable to me.  I
am sick in displeasure to him, and whatsoever comes athwart his
affection ranges evenly with mine. How canst thou cross this
marriage?

Bora.
Not honestly, my lord, but so covertly that no dishonesty shall
appear in me.

John.
Show me briefly how.

Bora.
I think I told your lordship, a year since, how much I am in the
favour of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman to Hero.

John.
I remember.

Bora.
I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night, appoint her to
look out at her lady's chamber window.

John.
What life is in that to be the death of this marriage?

Bora.
The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you to the Prince
your brother; spare not to tell him that he hath wronged his
honour in marrying the renowned Claudio (whose estimation do you
mightily hold up) to a contaminated stale, such a one as Hero.

John.
What proof shall I make of that?

Bora.
Proof enough to misuse the Prince, to vex Claudio, to undo Hero,
and kill Leonato. Look you for any other issue?

John.
Only to despite them I will endeavour anything.

Bora.
Go then; find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and the Count
Claudio alone; tell them that you know that Hero loves me; intend
a kind of zeal both to the Prince and Claudio, as--in love of
your brother's honour, who hath made this match, and his friend's

 reputation, who is thus like to be cozen'd with the semblance of
a maid--that you have discover'd thus. They will scarcely believe
this without trial. Offer them instances; which shall bear no
less likelihood than to see me at her chamber window, hear me
call Margaret Hero, hear Margaret term me Claudio; and bring them
to see this the very night before the intended wedding (for in
the meantime I will so fashion the matter that Hero shall be
absent) and there shall appear such seeming truth of Hero's
disloyalty that jealousy shall be call'd assurance and all the
preparation overthrown.

John.
Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put it in
practice. Be cunning in the working this, and thy fee is a
thousand ducats.

Bora.
Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning shall not shame
me.

John.
I will presently go learn their day of marriage.

                                        [Exeunt.]

Don John and Borachio are freshly sulky over the news of Hero's wedding to Claudio. Borachio says he's figured out a simple and fool-proof way to ruin the marriage, which would make Don John really happy. Borachio reminds Don John of Hero's attendant, Margaret, who he's apparently been messing around with for some time. Borachio talks vaguely of a plan to have Margaret stand in Hero's window. Don John, however, is slightly confused about how exactly this is a foolproof plan to ruin weddings and lives. Borachio's got it all planned out: all Don John has to do is go to Don Pedro and announce that he's discovered Hero is actually in love with Borachio. He'll need to pretend to be apologetic that Claudio's future marriage is ruined, as is Don Pedro's reputation as a matchmaker and an honorable man. Don John can insist he's only telling Don Pedro out of love. Surely, Don Pedro will require proof of this slander, and that's where big deception comes in. The night before the wedding, Don John should bring Don Pedro and Claudio to Hero's window. Borachio will have contrived to make Hero absent, and Margaret will stand in silhouette by the Hero's window, appearing to be Hero. There, Borachio himself will be making love to Margaret while calling her "Hero." The men will witness this, and it will seem like solid visual proof that Hero is cheating on Claudio. That should be enough to ruin the wedding. Don John promises Borachio a thousand ducats in payment for this scheming, and the two men part to set their plan in action.

The bitter and wicked Don John has learned of the upcoming marriage of Claudio and Hero, and he wishes that he could find a way to prevent it. Don John's servant Borachio devises a plan. Borachio is currently the lover of one of Hero's serving women, Margaret. He suggests that Don John go to Claudio and Don Pedro and tell them that Hero is not a virgin but a whore, a woman who has willingly corrupted her own innocence before her marriage and at the same time chosen to be unfaithful to the man she loves. In order to prove this accusation, Don John will bring Don Pedro and Claudio below the window of Hero's room on the night before the wedding, where they should hide and watch. On the balcony outside Hero's room, Borachio will make love to Margaret--whom he will have convinced to dress up in Hero's clothing. The watchers will then see a woman who resembles Hero making love with Borachio, and will thus believe Don John's claim that Hero has been false to Claudio. Very pleased with the plan, Don John promises Borachio a large reward if he can pull it off and prevent the planned wedding

Act II, scenes ii-iii  Don John's malice resurfaces in Act II, scene ii, as we see him plotting to split Hero and Claudio. Once again, we must wonder about his motives, as his desire to hurt others so badly is inconsistent with his claim to be a low-grade villain. Borachio's statement that his plan, if it succeeds, is sure "to misuse the Prince, to vex Claudio, to undo Hero, and kill Leonato" makes it clear that Don John's schemes have some darker purpose in mind . In the Renaissance, the virginity of an upper-class woman at the time of her marriage carried a great deal of importance for not only her own reputation but also for that of her family and her prospective husband. Adultery, unchaste behavior, or premarital sex in a noblewoman could be a fighting matter--one that could spur a parent to disown or even kill a daughter, a betrayed husband to murder his wife or rival, or a defender to challenge a woman's accuser to a duel to the death in order to clear her name. If the entire community were to believe Hero unchaste, then her honor, name, and reputation would suffer permanently; Claudio would suffer considerably more than simple vexation; and the stress might well "kill" Leonato. This plot is far more than a merely troublesome game. Meanwhile, a different kind of trick occurs in the garden, as Leonato, Claudio, and Don Pedro work together to try to convince Benedick that Beatrice is in love with him. Benedick, of course, unknowingly finds himself caught in the position of being the one deceived. He believes that he is eavesdropping upon his friends, but, because they are aware of his presence, they deliberately speak louder so that he will hear them. It is not difficult to imagine the speakers--Leonato, Don Pedro, and Claudio--trying hard to stifle their laughter as they speak in serious voices of Beatrice falling upon her knees, weeping, tearing her hair, and crying, "'O sweet Benedick, God give me patience'" . Don Pedro understands Benedick's psychology so precisely that his trick works on his friend just as he hoped it would--upon hearing that Beatrice is in love with him and that other people think he will be foolish enough to turn her down, Benedick realizes that it is not so difficult for him to find it in his heart to love Beatrice after all. In a speech memorable for both its humor and its emotional glimpse into Benedick's genuinely generous and compassionate heart, Benedick decides that there is no shame in changing his mind about marriage, and declares, "I will be horribly in love with her. . . . The world must be peopled. When I said I could die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married" . By the time Beatrice herself appears to order him in to dinner, Benedick is so far gone that he is able to reinterpret all her words and actions as professions of her love for him--doubtless a hilarious scene for the audience, since Beatrice is hostile to Benedick, and the audience knows that she is not at all in love with him. But the buoyant Benedick can hardly wait to "go get her picture"--that is, to go and get a miniature portrait of her . Later on, Benedick even tries his hand at writing a sonnet to Beatrice. Sonnets and miniature portraits were the typical accoutrements of the Renaissance lover, male or female. By carrying around these objects, Benedick becomes a cliche of Renaissance courtship.


Scene III.

Leonato's orchard.

[Enter Benedick alone.]

Bene.
Boy!

              [Enter Boy.]

Boy.
Signior?

Bene.
In my chamber window lies a book. Bring it hither to me in he
orchard.

Boy.
I am here already, sir.

Bene.
I know that, but I would have thee hence and here again.
 (Exit Boy.) I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much
another man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviours to love,
will, after he hath laugh'd at such shallow follies in others,
become the argument of his own scorn by falling in love; and such
a man is Claudio. I have known when there was no music with him
but the drum and the fife; and now had he rather hear the tabor
and the pipe. I have known when he would have walk'd ten mile
afoot to see a good armour; and now will he lie ten nights awake
carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to speak plain
and to the purpose, like an honest man and a soldier; and now is
he turn'd orthography; his words are a very fantastical
banquet--just so many strange dishes. May I be so converted and
see with these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not. I will not be
sworn but love may transform me to an oyster; but I'll take my
oath on it, till he have made an oyster of me he shall never make
me such a fool. One woman is fair, yet I am well; another is
wise, yet I am well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till
all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace.
Rich she
shall be, that's certain; wise, or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll
never cheapen her; fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or come
not near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good discourse, an
excellent musician, and her hair shall be of what colour it
please God. Ha, the Prince and Monsieur Love! I will hide me in
the arbour.                                         [Hides.]

[Enter Don Pedro, Leonato, Claudio.]

                  [Music within.]

Pedro.
Come, shall we hear this music?

Claud.
Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is,
As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony!

Pedro.
See you where Benedick hath hid himself?

Claud.
O, very well, my lord. The music ended,
We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.

[Enter Balthasar with Music.]

Pedro.
Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song again.

Balth.
O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice
To slander music any more than once.

Pedro.
It is the witness still of excellency
To put a strange face on his own perfection.
I pray thee sing, and let me woo no more.

Balth.
Because you talk of wooing, I will sing,
Since many a wooer doth commence his suit
To her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes,
Yet will he swear he loves.

Pedro.
Nay, pray thee come;
Or if thou wilt hold longer argument,
Do it in notes.

Balth.
Note this before my notes:
There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting.

Pedro.
Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks!
Note notes, forsooth, and nothing!                  [Music.]

Bene.
[aside] Now divine air! Now is his soul ravish'd! Is it not
strange that sheep's guts should hale souls out of men's bodies?
Well, a horn for my money, when all's done.

                                          [Balthasar sings.]

                  The Song.

    Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more!
      Men were deceivers ever,
    One foot in sea, and one on shore;
      To one thing constant never.
        Then sigh not so,
        But let them go,
      And be you blithe and bonny,
    Converting all your sounds of woe
      Into Hey nonny, nonny.
    Sing no more ditties, sing no moe,
      Of dumps so dull and heavy!
    The fraud of men was ever so,
      Since summer first was leavy.
        Then sigh not so, &c.
Pedro.
By my troth, a good song.

Balth.
And an ill singer, my lord.

Pedro.
Ha, no, no, faith! Thou sing'st well enough for a shift.

Bene.
[aside] An he had been a dog that should have howl'd thus, they
would have hang'd him; and I pray God his bad voice bode no
mischief. I had as live have heard the night raven, come what
plague could have come after it.

Pedro.
Yea, marry. Dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee get us some
excellent music; for to-morrow night we would have it at the Lady
Hero's chamber window.

Balth.
The best I can, my lord.

Pedro.
Do so. Farewell.

                    [Exit Balthasar [with Musicians.]

Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of to-day? that
your niece Beatrice was in love with Signior Benedick?

Claud.
O, ay!-[Aside to Pedro] Stalk on, stalk on; the fowl sits. --I
did never think that lady would have loved any man.

Leon.
No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she should so dote on
Signior Benedick, whom she hath in all outward behaviours seem'd
ever to abhor.

Bene.
[aside] Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner?

Leon.
By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think of it, but that
she loves him with an enraged affection. It is past the infinite
of thought.

Pedro.
May be she doth but counterfeit.

Claud.
Faith, like enough.

Leon.
O God, counterfeit? There was never counterfeit of passion came
so near the life of passion as she discovers it.

Pedro.
Why, what effects of passion shows she?

Claud.
[aside] Bait the hook well! This fish will bite.

Leon.
What effects, my lord? She will sit you--you heard my daughter
tell you how.

Claud.
She did indeed.

Pedro.
How, how, I pray you? You amaze me. I would have thought her
spirit had been invincible against all assaults of affection.

Leon.
I would have sworn it had, my lord--especially against Benedick.

Bene.
[aside] I should think this a gull but that the white-bearded
fellow speaks it. Knavery cannot, sure, hide himself in such
reverence.

Claud.
[aside] He hath ta'en th' infection. Hold it up.

Pedro.
Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?

Leon.
No, and swears she never will. That's her torment.

Claud.
'Tis true indeed. So your daughter says. 'Shall I,' says she,
'that have so oft encount'red him with scorn, write to him that I
love him?'"

Leon.
This says she now when she is beginning to write to him; for
she'll be up twenty times a night, and there will she sit in her
smock till she have writ a sheet of paper. My daughter tells us
all.

Claud.
Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a pretty jest your
daughter told us of.

Leon.
O, when she had writ it, and was reading it over, she found
'Benedick' and 'Beatrice' between the sheet?

Claud.
That.

Leon.
O, she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence, rail'd at
herself that she should be so immodest to write to one that she
knew would flout her. 'I measure him,' says she, 'by my own
spirit; for I should flout him if he writ to me. Yea, though I
love him, I should.'

Claud.
Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her heart,
tears her hair, prays, curses--'O sweet Benedick! God give me
patience!'

Leon.
She doth indeed; my daughter says so. And the ecstasy hath so
much overborne her that my daughter is sometime afeard she will
do a desperate outrage to herself. It is very true.

Pedro.
It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other, if she will
not discover it.

Claud.
To what end? He would make but a sport of it and torment the poor
lady worse.

Pedro.
An he should, it were an alms to hang him! She's an excellent
sweet lady, and (out of all suspicion) she is virtuous.

Claud.
And she is exceeding wise.

Pedro.
In everything but in loving Benedick.

Leon.
O, my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender a body, we
have ten proofs to one that blood hath the victory. I am sorry
for her, as I have just cause, being her uncle and her
guardian.

Pedro.
I would she had bestowed this dotage on me. I would have daff'd
all other respects and made her half myself. I pray you tell
Benedick of it and hear what 'a will say.

Leon.
Were it good, think you?

Claud.
Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says she will die if he
love her not, and she will die ere she make her love known, and
she will die, if he woo her, rather than she will bate one
breath of her accustomed crossness.

Pedro.
She doth well. If she should make tender of her love, 'tis very
possible he'll scorn it; for the man (as you know all) hath a
contemptible spirit.

Claud.
He is a very proper man.

Pedro.
He hath indeed a good outward happiness.

Claud.
Before God! and in my mind, very wise.

Pedro.
He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit.

Claud.
And I take him to be valiant.

Pedro.
As Hector, I assure you; and in the managing of quarrels you may
say he is wise, for either he avoids them with great discretion,
or undertakes them with a most Christianlike fear.

Leon.
If he do fear God, 'a must necessarily keep peace. If he break
the peace, he ought to enter into a quarrel with fear and
trembling.

Pedro.
And so will he do; for the man doth fear God, howsoever it seems
not in him by some large jests he will make. Well, I am sorry for
your niece. Shall we go seek Benedick and tell him of her love?

Claud.
Never tell him, my lord. Let her wear it out with good counsel.

Leon.
Nay, that's impossible; she may wear her heart out first.

Pedro.
Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter. Let it cool
the while. I love Benedick well, and I could wish he would
modestly examine himself to see how much he is unworthy so good a
lady.

Leon.
My lord, will you walk? Dinner is ready.

                                           [They walk away.]

Claud.
If he dote on her upon this, I will never trust my expectation.

Pedro.
Let there be the same net spread for her, and that must your
daughter and her gentlewomen carry. The sport will be, when they
hold one an opinion of another's dotage, and no such matter.
That's the scene that I would see, which will be merely a dumb
show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.

                   [Exeunt Don Pedro, Claudio, and Leonato.]

            [Benedick advances from the arbour.]

Bene.
This can be no trick. The conference was sadly borne; they have
the truth of this from Hero; they seem to pity the lady.  It
seems her affections have their full bent. Love me? Why, it must
be requited. I hear how I am censur'd. They say I will bear
myself proudly if I perceive the love come from her. They say too
that she will rather die than give any sign of affection. I did
never think to marry. I must not seem proud. Happy are they that
hear their detractions and can put them to mending. They say the
lady is fair--'tis a truth, I can bear them witness; and
virtuous--'tis so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving
me--by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor no great
argument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love with her. I
may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me
because I have railed so long against marriage. But doth not the
appetite alters? A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot
endure in his age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper
bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No,
the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I
did not think I should live till I were married.

            [Enter Beatrice.]

Here comes Beatrice. By this day, she's a fair lady! I do spy
some marks of love in her.

Beat.
Against my will I am sent to bid You come in to dinner.

Bene.
Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.

Beat.
I took no more pains for those thanks than you take pains to
thank me. If it had been painful, I would not have come.

Bene.
You take pleasure then in the message?

Beat.
Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knives point, and choke
a daw withal. You have no stomach, signior. Fare you well.
[Exit.]

Bene.
Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.'
There's a double meaning in that. 'I took no more pains for those
thanks than you took pains to thank me.' That's as much as to
say, 'Any pains that I take for you is as easy as thanks.' If I
do not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not love her, I
am a Jew. I will go get her picture.                   [Exit.]

Benedick is about to take a walk in Leonato's garden . He laments that he remembers a time when Claudio was a solider instead a lovesick guy that sighs all the time. Claudio used to speak plain and straight, but now his words are flowery and fawning. Benedick wonders if love could ever transform him so tremendously . Benedick lists off all of the impossible qualities a girl would need for him to want her. If a woman had all of his specified qualities together, which is kind of a tall order, he wouldn't mind what color her hair was. Seeing Don Pedro and Claudio approach with Leonato and Balthasar, Benedick runs and hides. The men see Benedick hide, and Claudio notes Benedick's hiding place. Now they'll go have a loud and manipulative conversation right by Benedick's hiding spot. Don Pedro asks Balthasar to sing a song. Balthasar's all "Oh I can't sing so well," so everyone else can say, "No! You're the best singer in the world!" Balthasar notes that he's like a suitor who will approach a girl thinking she doesn't deserve him, but then he'll go on and try to woo her anyway, and even declare he loves her. As Balthasar sings, Benedick mocks him from behind his tree. When he's done, Benedick says that if a dog had made that kind of noise, someone would have hanged it. Prince Don Pedro sends Balthasar away to seek out some really good music for tomorrow night so they can play it outside Hero's window. Then Leonato, Don Pedro, and Claudio have a super-obvious conversation meant to make Benedick fall in love with Beatrice. The discussion essentially amounts to the fact that Beatrice is in love with Benedick, though she seems to hate him outwardly. They say they've heard all this news from Hero, who Beatrice confides in. Benedick is surprised, but definitely interested in this news. Prince Don Pedro keeps saying he can't believe it, but Leonato insists it's true. Claudio quietly notes that Benedick is totally buying their act. It's time to reel him in. Don Pedro asks if Beatrice has told Benedick how she feels and Leonato says no, and she never will. She worries that he wouldn't believe her if she seemed to switch suddenly from hating him so completely to loving him so fervently. And so, she is tormented. Things are so bad that Hero worries Beatrice might even hurt herself--that's how deeply tormented she is by her secret love for Benedick. It seems that Beatrice's love for Benedick will kill her in one of the three ways: 1) she'll die if he doesn't love her; 2) she'll die before ever revealing her love to him; or 3) she'll die if he woos her, because it would kill her to be a gentle wooed maid instead of her usual biting self. The talk then turns to whether they should tell Benedick about Beatrice's secret love for him. They all loudly declare that this is a bad idea, because Benedick is too proud to hear about Beatrice's love without scorning her. Next, the men take some time to praise Benedick, saying what a noble, brave, and witty man he is. The Prince asks one more time if maybe they should tell him, but Leonato says no way. They should just let it go, and maybe she'll eventually get over him. Prince Don Pedro says okay, but gee. Benedick is such a good guy. I hate to see him let such a worthy woman slip away. Certain that their task is done, they go off to dinner, snickering to themselves. When they're out of earshot of Benedick, Don Pedro says that they've got to get the girls to perform the same trick on Beatrice. Don Pedro delights in thinking of the time when Benedick and Beatrice will face each other; they'll both be struck speechless by feelings completely opposite to their professed anti-loving natures. Their usual witty word play will become like watching mimes. They plot to send Beatrice to call Benedick into dinner, because that will be hilariously awkward. Benedick, who had been listening to Don Pedro & Co.'s conversation, didn't realize that he was supposed to be listening. He seems shocked by what he heard. He says he would believe the whole conversation was a trick, except the old, venerable Leonato participated in the conversation, so it must've been legitimate. Anyway, Benedick heard his friend's criticism that he seemed proud, and says this is a great opportunity to improve himself. In fact, Benedick says to himself, Beatrice is a great girl. If her greatest foolishness is to love him, then he can love her in return. He's certain he'll endure some teasing for changing his opinion on marriage so abruptly, but people change over time. And besides, the world has to be populated. Beatrice was sent to call Benedick to dinner, so she approaches. Benedick already imagines that he sees signs of love for him written all over her. The two have a strange little exchange. Benedick is all flattery and kindness and Beatrice is confused about his change in attitude toward her. She excuses herself, and Benedick misinterprets the brief interaction, mistaking "she's trying to escape from me" for "she clearly likes me." Benedick declares he'll love Beatrice, because to not love her would make him stingy, although he uses a racial slur to communicate that idea. Thanks, Shakespeare.

Meanwhile, ignorant of the evil that Don John stealthily plots, Benedick's friends enact their own benign trick to get Benedick and Beatrice to fall in love. They know that Benedick is currently wandering around in the garden, wondering aloud to himself how, although he knows that love makes men into idiots, any intelligent man can fall in love. He ponders how Claudio can have turned from a plain-speaking, practical soldier into a moony-eyed lover. Benedick thinks it unlikely that he himself will ever become a lover. Suddenly, Benedick hears Don Pedro, Claudio, and Leonato approaching, and he decides to hide among the trees in the arbor and eavesdrop. Don Pedro and Claudio, noticing him there, confer quietly with each other and decide it's time to put their scheme into effect. They begin to talk loudly, pretending that they have just learned that Beatrice has fallen in love with Benedick. Benedick, hidden in the arbor, asks himself in shock whether this can possibly be true. But Don Pedro, Leonato, and Claudio embellish the story, talking about how passionately Beatrice adores Benedick, and how they are afraid that her passion will drive her insane or spur her to suicide. She dares not tell Benedick, they say, for fear that he would make fun of her for it--since everyone knows what his mocking personality would do. They all agree that Benedick would be a fool to turn her away, for he currently seems unworthy of so fine a woman as Beatrice. The others go in to have dinner, and the amazed Benedick, emerging from the arbor, plunges himself into profound thought. Don Pedro's plan has worked: Benedick decides that he will "take pity" upon the beautiful, witty, and virtuous Beatrice by loving her in return. He has changed his mind, and far from wanting to remain an eternal bachelor, he now desires to win and marry Beatrice. Beatrice appears, having been sent out to fetch Benedick in to dinner. She deals as scornfully as usual with him, but he treats her with unusual flattery and courtesy. Confused and suspicious, Beatrice mocks him again before departing, but the infatuated Benedick interprets her words as containing hidden messages of love, and he happily runs off to have a portrait made of her so that he can carry it around with him