Chapter IV. In The Dark

Where was he running? "Where could she be except at Fyodor Pavlovitch's?
She must have run straight to him from Samsonov's, that was clear now. The
whole intrigue, the whole deceit was evident." ... It all rushed whirling
through his mind. He did not run to Marya Kondratyevna's. "There was no
need to go there ... not the slightest need ... he must raise no alarm ...
they would run and tell directly.... Marya Kondratyevna was clearly in the
plot, Smerdyakov too, he too, all had been bought over!"

He formed another plan of action: he ran a long way round Fyodor
Pavlovitch's house, crossing the lane, running down Dmitrovsky Street,
then over the little bridge, and so came straight to the deserted alley at
the back, which was empty and uninhabited, with, on one side the hurdle
fence of a neighbor's kitchen-garden, on the other the strong high fence,
that ran all round Fyodor Pavlovitch's garden. Here he chose a spot,
apparently the very place, where according to the tradition, he knew
Lizaveta had once climbed over it: "If she could climb over it," the
thought, God knows why, occurred to him, "surely I can." He did in fact
jump up, and instantly contrived to catch hold of the top of the fence.
Then he vigorously pulled himself up and sat astride on it. Close by, in
the garden stood the bath-house, but from the fence he could see the
lighted windows of the house too.

"Yes, the old man's bedroom is lighted up. She's there!" and he leapt from
the fence into the garden. Though he knew Grigory was ill and very likely
Smerdyakov, too, and that there was no one to hear him, he instinctively
hid himself, stood still, and began to listen. But there was dead silence
on all sides and, as though of design, complete stillness, not the
slightest breath of wind.

"And naught but the whispering silence," the line for some reason rose to
his mind. "If only no one heard me jump over the fence! I think not."
Standing still for a minute, he walked softly over the grass in the
garden, avoiding the trees and shrubs. He walked slowly, creeping
stealthily at every step, listening to his own footsteps. It took him five
minutes to reach the lighted window. He remembered that just under the
window there were several thick and high bushes of elder and whitebeam.
The door from the house into the garden on the left-hand side, was shut;
he had carefully looked on purpose to see, in passing. At last he reached
the bushes and hid behind them. He held his breath. "I must wait now," he
thought, "to reassure them, in case they heard my footsteps and are
listening ... if only I don't cough or sneeze."

He waited two minutes. His heart was beating violently, and, at moments,
he could scarcely breathe. "No, this throbbing at my heart won't stop," he
thought. "I can't wait any longer." He was standing behind a bush in the
shadow. The light of the window fell on the front part of the bush.

"How red the whitebeam berries are!" he murmured, not knowing why. Softly
and noiselessly, step by step, he approached the window, and raised
himself on tiptoe. All Fyodor Pavlovitch's bedroom lay open before him. It
was not a large room, and was divided in two parts by a red screen,
"Chinese," as Fyodor Pavlovitch used to call it. The word "Chinese"
flashed into Mitya's mind, "and behind the screen, is Grushenka," thought
Mitya. He began watching Fyodor Pavlovitch, who was wearing his new
striped-silk dressing-gown, which Mitya had never seen, and a silk cord
with tassels round the waist. A clean, dandified shirt of fine linen with
gold studs peeped out under the collar of the dressing-gown. On his head
Fyodor Pavlovitch had the same red bandage which Alyosha had seen.

"He has got himself up," thought Mitya.

His father was standing near the window, apparently lost in thought.
Suddenly he jerked up his head, listened a moment, and hearing nothing
went up to the table, poured out half a glass of brandy from a decanter
and drank it off. Then he uttered a deep sigh, again stood still a moment,
walked carelessly up to the looking-glass on the wall, with his right hand
raised the red bandage on his forehead a little, and began examining his
bruises and scars, which had not yet disappeared.

"He's alone," thought Mitya, "in all probability he's alone."

Fyodor Pavlovitch moved away from the looking-glass, turned suddenly to
the window and looked out. Mitya instantly slipped away into the shadow.

"She may be there behind the screen. Perhaps she's asleep by now," he
thought, with a pang at his heart. Fyodor Pavlovitch moved away from the
window. "He's looking for her out of the window, so she's not there. Why
should he stare out into the dark? He's wild with impatience." ... Mitya
slipped back at once, and fell to gazing in at the window again. The old
man was sitting down at the table, apparently disappointed. At last he put
his elbow on the table, and laid his right cheek against his hand. Mitya
watched him eagerly.

"He's alone, he's alone!" he repeated again. "If she were here, his face
would be different."

Strange to say, a queer, irrational vexation rose up in his heart that she
was not here. "It's not that she's not here," he explained to himself,
immediately, "but that I can't tell for certain whether she is or not."
Mitya remembered afterwards that his mind was at that moment exceptionally
clear, that he took in everything to the slightest detail, and missed no
point. But a feeling of misery, the misery of uncertainty and indecision,
was growing in his heart with every instant. "Is she here or not?" The
angry doubt filled his heart, and suddenly, making up his mind, he put out
his hand and softly knocked on the window frame. He knocked the signal the
old man had agreed upon with Smerdyakov, twice slowly and then three times
more quickly, the signal that meant "Grushenka is here!"

The old man started, jerked up his head, and, jumping up quickly, ran to
the window. Mitya slipped away into the shadow. Fyodor Pavlovitch opened
the window and thrust his whole head out.

"Grushenka, is it you? Is it you?" he said, in a sort of trembling half-
whisper. "Where are you, my angel, where are you?" He was fearfully
agitated and breathless.

"He's alone." Mitya decided.

"Where are you?" cried the old man again; and he thrust his head out
farther, thrust it out to the shoulders, gazing in all directions, right
and left. "Come here, I've a little present for you. Come, I'll show
you...."

"He means the three thousand," thought Mitya.

"But where are you? Are you at the door? I'll open it directly."

And the old man almost climbed out of the window, peering out to the
right, where there was a door into the garden, trying to see into the
darkness. In another second he would certainly have run out to open the
door without waiting for Grushenka's answer.

Mitya looked at him from the side without stirring. The old man's profile
that he loathed so, his pendent Adam's apple, his hooked nose, his lips
that smiled in greedy expectation, were all brightly lighted up by the
slanting lamplight falling on the left from the room. A horrible fury of
hatred suddenly surged up in Mitya's heart: "There he was, his rival, the
man who had tormented him, had ruined his life!" It was a rush of that
sudden, furious, revengeful anger of which he had spoken, as though
foreseeing it, to Alyosha, four days ago in the arbor, when, in answer to
Alyosha's question, "How can you say you'll kill our father?" "I don't
know, I don't know," he had said then. "Perhaps I shall not kill him,
perhaps I shall. I'm afraid he'll suddenly be so loathsome to me at that
moment. I hate his double chin, his nose, his eyes, his shameless grin. I
feel a personal repulsion. That's what I'm afraid of, that's what may be
too much for me." ... This personal repulsion was growing unendurable.
Mitya was beside himself, he suddenly pulled the brass pestle out of his
pocket.

                  -------------------------------------

"God was watching over me then," Mitya himself said afterwards. At that
very moment Grigory waked up on his bed of sickness. Earlier in the
evening he had undergone the treatment which Smerdyakov had described to
Ivan. He had rubbed himself all over with vodka mixed with a secret, very
strong decoction, had drunk what was left of the mixture while his wife
repeated a "certain prayer" over him, after which he had gone to bed.
Marfa Ignatyevna had tasted the stuff, too, and, being unused to strong
drink, slept like the dead beside her husband.

But Grigory waked up in the night, quite suddenly, and, after a moment's
reflection, though he immediately felt a sharp pain in his back, he sat up
in bed. Then he deliberated again, got up and dressed hurriedly. Perhaps
his conscience was uneasy at the thought of sleeping while the house was
unguarded "in such perilous times." Smerdyakov, exhausted by his fit, lay
motionless in the next room. Marfa Ignatyevna did not stir. "The stuff's
been too much for the woman," Grigory thought, glancing at her, and
groaning, he went out on the steps. No doubt he only intended to look out
from the steps, for he was hardly able to walk, the pain in his back and
his right leg was intolerable. But he suddenly remembered that he had not
locked the little gate into the garden that evening. He was the most
punctual and precise of men, a man who adhered to an unchangeable routine,
and habits that lasted for years. Limping and writhing with pain he went
down the steps and towards the garden. Yes, the gate stood wide open.
Mechanically he stepped into the garden. Perhaps he fancied something,
perhaps caught some sound, and, glancing to the left he saw his master's
window open. No one was looking out of it then.

"What's it open for? It's not summer now," thought Grigory, and suddenly,
at that very instant he caught a glimpse of something extraordinary before
him in the garden. Forty paces in front of him a man seemed to be running
in the dark, a sort of shadow was moving very fast.

"Good Lord!" cried Grigory beside himself, and forgetting the pain in his
back, he hurried to intercept the running figure. He took a short cut,
evidently he knew the garden better; the flying figure went towards the
bath-house, ran behind it and rushed to the garden fence. Grigory
followed, not losing sight of him, and ran, forgetting everything. He
reached the fence at the very moment the man was climbing over it. Grigory
cried out, beside himself, pounced on him, and clutched his leg in his two
hands.

Yes, his foreboding had not deceived him. He recognized him, it was he,
the "monster," the "parricide."

"Parricide!" the old man shouted so that the whole neighborhood could
hear, but he had not time to shout more, he fell at once, as though struck
by lightning.

Mitya jumped back into the garden and bent over the fallen man. In Mitya's
hands was a brass pestle, and he flung it mechanically in the grass. The
pestle fell two paces from Grigory, not in the grass but on the path, in a
most conspicuous place. For some seconds he examined the prostrate figure
before him. The old man's head was covered with blood. Mitya put out his
hand and began feeling it. He remembered afterwards clearly, that he had
been awfully anxious to make sure whether he had broken the old man's
skull, or simply stunned him with the pestle. But the blood was flowing
horribly; and in a moment Mitya's fingers were drenched with the hot
stream. He remembered taking out of his pocket the clean white
handkerchief with which he had provided himself for his visit to Madame
Hohlakov, and putting it to the old man's head, senselessly trying to wipe
the blood from his face and temples. But the handkerchief was instantly
soaked with blood.

"Good heavens! what am I doing it for?" thought Mitya, suddenly pulling
himself together. "If I have broken his skull, how can I find out now? And
what difference does it make now?" he added, hopelessly. "If I've killed
him, I've killed him.... You've come to grief, old man, so there you must
lie!" he said aloud. And suddenly turning to the fence, he vaulted over it
into the lane and fell to running--the handkerchief soaked with blood he
held, crushed up in his right fist, and as he ran he thrust it into the
back pocket of his coat. He ran headlong, and the few passers-by who met
him in the dark, in the streets, remembered afterwards that they had met a
man running that night. He flew back again to the widow Morozov's house.

Immediately after he had left it that evening, Fenya had rushed to the
chief porter, Nazar Ivanovitch, and besought him, for Christ's sake, "not
to let the captain in again to-day or to-morrow." Nazar Ivanovitch
promised, but went upstairs to his mistress who had suddenly sent for him,
and meeting his nephew, a boy of twenty, who had recently come from the
country, on the way up told him to take his place, but forgot to mention
"the captain." Mitya, running up to the gate, knocked. The lad instantly
recognized him, for Mitya had more than once tipped him. Opening the gate
at once, he let him in, and hastened to inform him with a good-humored
smile that "Agrafena Alexandrovna is not at home now, you know."

"Where is she then, Prohor?" asked Mitya, stopping short.

"She set off this evening, some two hours ago, with Timofey, to Mokroe."

"What for?" cried Mitya.

"That I can't say. To see some officer. Some one invited her and horses
were sent to fetch her."

Mitya left him, and ran like a madman to Fenya.

Suspicious that Grushenka may have headed off to his father's house, Dmitri goes there. He sneaks into his father's yard over a garden wall. From his post outside his father's bedroom window, Dmitri can see Fyodor, all dressed up, his head still in bandages from when Dmitri beat him up. To test whether Grushenka is there, Dmitri gives the secret tapping signal on the window. Fyodor immediately rushes to the window, calling for Grushenka. The narrative abruptly breaks off with Dmitri pulling the brass pestle from his pocket...and...Grigory wakes up. Suddenly we're seeing things from Grigory's point of view. Grigory remembers that the garden gate is still unlocked, so he goes off to lock it. He notices a man running and grabs his leg as the man tries to jump the wall. He feels a blow and falls unconscious. The narrative shifts back here to Dmitri's point of view, who throws the pestle onto the grass. Dmitri tries to stop the blood flowing from Grigory's head wound, but gives up and heads straight back to Grushenka's, where a servant's nephew tells him that she headed off to Mokroye a couple of hours ago.

In the Dark Enraged, Dmitri takes a brass pestle--a small club-shaped tool used for grinding powder--to use as a weapon and hurries to Fyodor Pavlovich's house, certain that Grushenka has gone to be with his father. But when he spies through the window, he sees that Fyodor Pavlovich is alone, and when he taps out Grushenka's secret signal, Fyodor Pavlovich rushes to the window. Dmitri concludes that Grushenka is not with his father. Grigory happens by at this moment and sees Dmitri sneaking around in the garden. He accosts him, and the men scuffle. Dmitri hits Grigory with the pestle, and Grigory falls to the ground, blood pooling beneath him. Dmitri, in a panic, tries to tend the wound, staining his clothes in the process. But then he throws the pestle into the darkness and flees the scene


Chapter V. A Sudden Resolution

She was sitting in the kitchen with her grandmother; they were both just
going to bed. Relying on Nazar Ivanovitch, they had not locked themselves
in. Mitya ran in, pounced on Fenya and seized her by the throat.

"Speak at once! Where is she? With whom is she now, at Mokroe?" he roared
furiously.

Both the women squealed.

"Aie! I'll tell you. Aie! Dmitri Fyodorovitch, darling, I'll tell you
everything directly, I won't hide anything," gabbled Fenya, frightened to
death; "she's gone to Mokroe, to her officer."

"What officer?" roared Mitya.

"To her officer, the same one she used to know, the one who threw her over
five years ago," cackled Fenya, as fast as she could speak.

Mitya withdrew the hands with which he was squeezing her throat. He stood
facing her, pale as death, unable to utter a word, but his eyes showed
that he realized it all, all, from the first word, and guessed the whole
position. Poor Fenya was not in a condition at that moment to observe
whether he understood or not. She remained sitting on the trunk as she had
been when he ran into the room, trembling all over, holding her hands out
before her as though trying to defend herself. She seemed to have grown
rigid in that position. Her wide-opened, scared eyes were fixed immovably
upon him. And to make matters worse, both his hands were smeared with
blood. On the way, as he ran, he must have touched his forehead with them,
wiping off the perspiration, so that on his forehead and his right cheek
were blood-stained patches. Fenya was on the verge of hysterics. The old
cook had jumped up and was staring at him like a mad woman, almost
unconscious with terror.

Mitya stood for a moment, then mechanically sank on to a chair next to
Fenya. He sat, not reflecting but, as it were, terror-stricken, benumbed.
Yet everything was clear as day: that officer, he knew about him, he knew
everything perfectly, he had known it from Grushenka herself, had known
that a letter had come from him a month before. So that for a month, for a
whole month, this had been going on, a secret from him, till the very
arrival of this new man, and he had never thought of him! But how could
he, how could he not have thought of him? Why was it he had forgotten this
officer, like that, forgotten him as soon as he heard of him? That was the
question that faced him like some monstrous thing. And he looked at this
monstrous thing with horror, growing cold with horror.

But suddenly, as gently and mildly as a gentle and affectionate child, he
began speaking to Fenya as though he had utterly forgotten how he had
scared and hurt her just now. He fell to questioning Fenya with an extreme
preciseness, astonishing in his position, and though the girl looked
wildly at his blood-stained hands, she, too, with wonderful readiness and
rapidity, answered every question as though eager to put the whole truth
and nothing but the truth before him. Little by little, even with a sort
of enjoyment, she began explaining every detail, not wanting to torment
him, but, as it were, eager to be of the utmost service to him. She
described the whole of that day, in great detail, the visit of Rakitin and
Alyosha, how she, Fenya, had stood on the watch, how the mistress had set
off, and how she had called out of the window to Alyosha to give him,
Mitya, her greetings, and to tell him "to remember for ever how she had
loved him for an hour."

Hearing of the message, Mitya suddenly smiled, and there was a flush of
color on his pale cheeks. At the same moment Fenya said to him, not a bit
afraid now to be inquisitive:

"Look at your hands, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. They're all over blood!"

"Yes," answered Mitya mechanically. He looked carelessly at his hands and
at once forgot them and Fenya's question.

He sank into silence again. Twenty minutes had passed since he had run in.
His first horror was over, but evidently some new fixed determination had
taken possession of him. He suddenly stood up, smiling dreamily.

"What has happened to you, sir?" said Fenya, pointing to his hands again.
She spoke compassionately, as though she felt very near to him now in his
grief. Mitya looked at his hands again.

"That's blood, Fenya," he said, looking at her with a strange expression.
"That's human blood, and my God! why was it shed? But ... Fenya ...
there's a fence here" (he looked at her as though setting her a riddle),
"a high fence, and terrible to look at. But at dawn to-morrow, when the
sun rises, Mitya will leap over that fence.... You don't understand what
fence, Fenya, and, never mind.... You'll hear to-morrow and understand ...
and now, good-by. I won't stand in her way. I'll step aside, I know how to
step aside. Live, my joy.... You loved me for an hour, remember Mityenka
Karamazov so for ever.... She always used to call me Mityenka, do you
remember?"

And with those words he went suddenly out of the kitchen. Fenya was almost
more frightened at this sudden departure than she had been when he ran in
and attacked her.

Just ten minutes later Dmitri went in to Pyotr Ilyitch Perhotin, the young
official with whom he had pawned his pistols. It was by now half-past
eight, and Pyotr Ilyitch had finished his evening tea, and had just put
his coat on again to go to the "Metropolis" to play billiards. Mitya
caught him coming out.

Seeing him with his face all smeared with blood, the young man uttered a
cry of surprise.

"Good heavens! What is the matter?"

"I've come for my pistols," said Mitya, "and brought you the money. And
thanks very much. I'm in a hurry, Pyotr Ilyitch, please make haste."

Pyotr Ilyitch grew more and more surprised; he suddenly caught sight of a
bundle of bank-notes in Mitya's hand, and what was more, he had walked in
holding the notes as no one walks in and no one carries money: he had them
in his right hand, and held them outstretched as if to show them.
Perhotin's servant-boy, who met Mitya in the passage, said afterwards that
he walked into the passage in the same way, with the money outstretched in
his hand, so he must have been carrying them like that even in the
streets. They were all rainbow-colored hundred-rouble notes, and the
fingers holding them were covered with blood.

When Pyotr Ilyitch was questioned later on as to the sum of money, he said
that it was difficult to judge at a glance, but that it might have been
two thousand, or perhaps three, but it was a big, "fat" bundle. "Dmitri
Fyodorovitch," so he testified afterwards, "seemed unlike himself, too;
not drunk, but, as it were, exalted, lost to everything, but at the same
time, as it were, absorbed, as though pondering and searching for
something and unable to come to a decision. He was in great haste,
answered abruptly and very strangely, and at moments seemed not at all
dejected but quite cheerful."

"But what _is_ the matter with you? What's wrong?" cried Pyotr Ilyitch,
looking wildly at his guest. "How is it that you're all covered with
blood? Have you had a fall? Look at yourself!"

He took him by the elbow and led him to the glass.

Seeing his blood-stained face, Mitya started and scowled wrathfully.

"Damnation! That's the last straw," he muttered angrily, hurriedly
changing the notes from his right hand to the left, and impulsively jerked
the handkerchief out of his pocket. But the handkerchief turned out to be
soaked with blood, too (it was the handkerchief he had used to wipe
Grigory's face). There was scarcely a white spot on it, and it had not
merely begun to dry, but had stiffened into a crumpled ball and could not
be pulled apart. Mitya threw it angrily on the floor.

"Oh, damn it!" he said. "Haven't you a rag of some sort ... to wipe my
face?"

"So you're only stained, not wounded? You'd better wash," said Pyotr
Ilyitch. "Here's a wash-stand. I'll pour you out some water."

"A wash-stand? That's all right ... but where am I to put this?"

With the strangest perplexity he indicated his bundle of hundred-rouble
notes, looking inquiringly at Pyotr Ilyitch as though it were for him to
decide what he, Mitya, was to do with his own money.

"In your pocket, or on the table here. They won't be lost."

"In my pocket? Yes, in my pocket. All right.... But, I say, that's all
nonsense," he cried, as though suddenly coming out of his absorption.
"Look here, let's first settle that business of the pistols. Give them
back to me. Here's your money ... because I am in great need of them ...
and I haven't a minute, a minute to spare."

And taking the topmost note from the bundle he held it out to Pyotr
Ilyitch.

"But I shan't have change enough. Haven't you less?"

"No," said Mitya, looking again at the bundle, and as though not trusting
his own words he turned over two or three of the topmost ones.

"No, they're all alike," he added, and again he looked inquiringly at
Pyotr Ilyitch.

"How have you grown so rich?" the latter asked. "Wait, I'll send my boy to
Plotnikov's, they close late--to see if they won't change it. Here, Misha!"
he called into the passage.

"To Plotnikov's shop--first-rate!" cried Mitya, as though struck by an
idea. "Misha," he turned to the boy as he came in, "look here, run to
Plotnikov's and tell them that Dmitri Fyodorovitch sends his greetings,
and will be there directly.... But listen, listen, tell them to have
champagne, three dozen bottles, ready before I come, and packed as it was
to take to Mokroe. I took four dozen with me then," he added (suddenly
addressing Pyotr Ilyitch); "they know all about it, don't you trouble,
Misha," he turned again to the boy. "Stay, listen; tell them to put in
cheese, Strasburg pies, smoked fish, ham, caviare, and everything,
everything they've got, up to a hundred roubles, or a hundred and twenty
as before.... But wait: don't let them forget dessert, sweets, pears,
water-melons, two or three or four--no, one melon's enough, and chocolate,
candy, toffee, fondants; in fact, everything I took to Mokroe before,
three hundred roubles' worth with the champagne ... let it be just the
same again. And remember, Misha, if you are called Misha--His name is
Misha, isn't it?" He turned to Pyotr Ilyitch again.

"Wait a minute," Protr Ilyitch intervened, listening and watching him
uneasily, "you'd better go yourself and tell them. He'll muddle it."

"He will, I see he will! Eh, Misha! Why, I was going to kiss you for the
commission.... If you don't make a mistake, there's ten roubles for you,
run along, make haste.... Champagne's the chief thing, let them bring up
champagne. And brandy, too, and red and white wine, and all I had then....
They know what I had then."

"But listen!" Pyotr Ilyitch interrupted with some impatience. "I say, let
him simply run and change the money and tell them not to close, and you go
and tell them.... Give him your note. Be off, Misha! Put your best leg
forward!"

Pyotr Ilyitch seemed to hurry Misha off on purpose, because the boy
remained standing with his mouth and eyes wide open, apparently
understanding little of Mitya's orders, gazing up with amazement and
terror at his blood-stained face and the trembling bloodstained fingers
that held the notes.

"Well, now come and wash," said Pyotr Ilyitch sternly. "Put the money on
the table or else in your pocket.... That's right, come along. But take
off your coat."

And beginning to help him off with his coat, he cried out again:

"Look, your coat's covered with blood, too!"

"That ... it's not the coat. It's only a little here on the sleeve.... And
that's only here where the handkerchief lay. It must have soaked through.
I must have sat on the handkerchief at Fenya's, and the blood's come
through," Mitya explained at once with a childlike unconsciousness that
was astounding. Pyotr Ilyitch listened, frowning.

"Well, you must have been up to something; you must have been fighting
with some one," he muttered.

They began to wash. Pyotr Ilyitch held the jug and poured out the water.
Mitya, in desperate haste, scarcely soaped his hands (they were trembling,
and Pyotr Ilyitch remembered it afterwards). But the young official
insisted on his soaping them thoroughly and rubbing them more. He seemed
to exercise more and more sway over Mitya, as time went on. It may be
noted in passing that he was a young man of sturdy character.

"Look, you haven't got your nails clean. Now rub your face; here, on your
temples, by your ear.... Will you go in that shirt? Where are you going?
Look, all the cuff of your right sleeve is covered with blood."

"Yes, it's all bloody," observed Mitya, looking at the cuff of his shirt.

"Then change your shirt."

"I haven't time. You see I'll ..." Mitya went on with the same confiding
ingenuousness, drying his face and hands on the towel, and putting on his
coat. "I'll turn it up at the wrist. It won't be seen under the coat....
You see!"

"Tell me now, what game have you been up to? Have you been fighting with
some one? In the tavern again, as before? Have you been beating that
captain again?" Pyotr Ilyitch asked him reproachfully. "Whom have you been
beating now ... or killing, perhaps?"

"Nonsense!" said Mitya.

"Why 'nonsense'?"

"Don't worry," said Mitya, and he suddenly laughed. "I smashed an old
woman in the market-place just now."

"Smashed? An old woman?"

"An old man!" cried Mitya, looking Pyotr Ilyitch straight in the face,
laughing, and shouting at him as though he were deaf.

"Confound it! An old woman, an old man.... Have you killed some one?"

"We made it up. We had a row--and made it up. In a place I know of. We
parted friends. A fool.... He's forgiven me.... He's sure to have forgiven
me by now ... if he had got up, he wouldn't have forgiven me"--Mitya
suddenly winked--"only damn him, you know, I say, Pyotr Ilyitch, damn him!
Don't worry about him! I don't want to just now!" Mitya snapped out,
resolutely.

"Whatever do you want to go picking quarrels with every one for? ... Just
as you did with that captain over some nonsense.... You've been fighting
and now you're rushing off on the spree--that's you all over! Three dozen
champagne--what do you want all that for?"

"Bravo! Now give me the pistols. Upon my honor I've no time now. I should
like to have a chat with you, my dear boy, but I haven't the time. And
there's no need, it's too late for talking. Where's my money? Where have I
put it?" he cried, thrusting his hands into his pockets.

"You put it on the table ... yourself.... Here it is. Had you forgotten?
Money's like dirt or water to you, it seems. Here are your pistols. It's
an odd thing, at six o'clock you pledged them for ten roubles, and now
you've got thousands. Two or three I should say."

"Three, you bet," laughed Mitya, stuffing the notes into the side-pocket
of his trousers.

"You'll lose it like that. Have you found a gold-mine?"

"The mines? The gold-mines?" Mitya shouted at the top of his voice and
went off into a roar of laughter. "Would you like to go to the mines,
Perhotin? There's a lady here who'll stump up three thousand for you, if
only you'll go. She did it for me, she's so awfully fond of gold-mines. Do
you know Madame Hohlakov?"

"I don't know her, but I've heard of her and seen her. Did she really give
you three thousand? Did she really?" said Pyotr Ilyitch, eyeing him
dubiously.

"As soon as the sun rises to-morrow, as soon as Phoebus, ever young, flies
upwards, praising and glorifying God, you go to her, this Madame Hohlakov,
and ask her whether she did stump up that three thousand or not. Try and
find out."

"I don't know on what terms you are ... since you say it so positively, I
suppose she did give it to you. You've got the money in your hand, but
instead of going to Siberia you're spending it all.... Where are you
really off to now, eh?"

"To Mokroe."

"To Mokroe? But it's night!"

"Once the lad had all, now the lad has naught," cried Mitya suddenly.

"How 'naught'? You say that with all those thousands!"

"I'm not talking about thousands. Damn thousands! I'm talking of the
female character.

    Fickle is the heart of woman
    Treacherous and full of vice;

I agree with Ulysses. That's what he says."

"I don't understand you!"

"Am I drunk?"

"Not drunk, but worse."

"I'm drunk in spirit, Pyotr Ilyitch, drunk in spirit! But that's enough!"

"What are you doing, loading the pistol?"

"I'm loading the pistol."

Unfastening the pistol-case, Mitya actually opened the powder horn, and
carefully sprinkled and rammed in the charge. Then he took the bullet and,
before inserting it, held it in two fingers in front of the candle.

"Why are you looking at the bullet?" asked Pyotr Ilyitch, watching him
with uneasy curiosity.

"Oh, a fancy. Why, if you meant to put that bullet in your brain, would
you look at it or not?"

"Why look at it?"

"It's going into my brain, so it's interesting to look and see what it's
like. But that's foolishness, a moment's foolishness. Now that's done," he
added, putting in the bullet and driving it home with the ramrod. "Pyotr
Ilyitch, my dear fellow, that's nonsense, all nonsense, and if only you
knew what nonsense! Give me a little piece of paper now."

"Here's some paper."

"No, a clean new piece, writing-paper. That's right."

And taking a pen from the table, Mitya rapidly wrote two lines, folded the
paper in four, and thrust it in his waistcoat pocket. He put the pistols
in the case, locked it up, and kept it in his hand. Then he looked at
Pyotr Ilyitch with a slow, thoughtful smile.

"Now, let's go."

"Where are we going? No, wait a minute.... Are you thinking of putting
that bullet in your brain, perhaps?" Pyotr Ilyitch asked uneasily.

"I was fooling about the bullet! I want to live. I love life! You may be
sure of that. I love golden-haired Phoebus and his warm light.... Dear
Pyotr Ilyitch, do you know how to step aside?"

"What do you mean by 'stepping aside'?"

"Making way. Making way for a dear creature, and for one I hate. And to
let the one I hate become dear--that's what making way means! And to say to
them: God bless you, go your way, pass on, while I--"

"While you--?"

"That's enough, let's go."

"Upon my word. I'll tell some one to prevent your going there," said Pyotr
Ilyitch, looking at him. "What are you going to Mokroe for, now?"

"There's a woman there, a woman. That's enough for you. You shut up."

"Listen, though you're such a savage I've always liked you.... I feel
anxious."

"Thanks, old fellow. I'm a savage you say. Savages, savages! That's what I
am always saying. Savages! Why, here's Misha! I was forgetting him."

Misha ran in, post-haste, with a handful of notes in change, and reported
that every one was in a bustle at the Plotnikovs'; "They're carrying down
the bottles, and the fish, and the tea; it will all be ready directly."
Mitya seized ten roubles and handed it to Pyotr Ilyitch, then tossed
another ten-rouble note to Misha.

"Don't dare to do such a thing!" cried Pyotr Ilyitch. "I won't have it in
my house, it's a bad, demoralizing habit. Put your money away. Here, put
it here, why waste it? It would come in handy to-morrow, and I dare say
you'll be coming to me to borrow ten roubles again. Why do you keep
putting the notes in your side-pocket? Ah, you'll lose them!"

"I say, my dear fellow, let's go to Mokroe together."

"What should I go for?"

"I say, let's open a bottle at once, and drink to life! I want to drink,
and especially to drink with you. I've never drunk with you, have I?"

"Very well, we can go to the 'Metropolis.' I was just going there."

"I haven't time for that. Let's drink at the Plotnikovs', in the back
room. Shall I ask you a riddle?"

"Ask away."

Mitya took the piece of paper out of his waistcoat pocket, unfolded it and
showed it. In a large, distinct hand was written: "I punish myself for my
whole life, my whole life I punish!"

"I will certainly speak to some one, I'll go at once," said Pyotr Ilyitch,
after reading the paper.

"You won't have time, dear boy, come and have a drink. March!"

Plotnikov's shop was at the corner of the street, next door but one to
Pyotr Ilyitch's. It was the largest grocery shop in our town, and by no
means a bad one, belonging to some rich merchants. They kept everything
that could be got in a Petersburg shop, grocery of all sort, wines
"bottled by the brothers Eliseyev," fruits, cigars, tea, coffee, sugar,
and so on. There were three shop-assistants and two errand boys always
employed. Though our part of the country had grown poorer, the landowners
had gone away, and trade had got worse, yet the grocery stores flourished
as before, every year with increasing prosperity; there were plenty of
purchasers for their goods.

They were awaiting Mitya with impatience in the shop. They had vivid
recollections of how he had bought, three or four weeks ago, wine and
goods of all sorts to the value of several hundred roubles, paid for in
cash (they would never have let him have anything on credit, of course).
They remembered that then, as now, he had had a bundle of hundred-rouble
notes in his hand, and had scattered them at random, without bargaining,
without reflecting, or caring to reflect what use so much wine and
provisions would be to him. The story was told all over the town that,
driving off then with Grushenka to Mokroe, he had "spent three thousand in
one night and the following day, and had come back from the spree without
a penny." He had picked up a whole troop of gypsies (encamped in our
neighborhood at the time), who for two days got money without stint out of
him while he was drunk, and drank expensive wine without stint. People
used to tell, laughing at Mitya, how he had given champagne to grimy-
handed peasants, and feasted the village women and girls on sweets and
Strasburg pies. Though to laugh at Mitya to his face was rather a risky
proceeding, there was much laughter behind his back, especially in the
tavern, at his own ingenuous public avowal that all he had got out of
Grushenka by this "escapade" was "permission to kiss her foot, and that
was the utmost she had allowed him."

By the time Mitya and Pyotr Ilyitch reached the shop, they found a cart
with three horses harnessed abreast with bells, and with Andrey, the
driver, ready waiting for Mitya at the entrance. In the shop they had
almost entirely finished packing one box of provisions, and were only
waiting for Mitya's arrival to nail it down and put it in the cart. Pyotr
Ilyitch was astounded.

"Where did this cart come from in such a hurry?" he asked Mitya.

"I met Andrey as I ran to you, and told him to drive straight here to the
shop. There's no time to lose. Last time I drove with Timofey, but Timofey
now has gone on before me with the witch. Shall we be very late, Andrey?"

"They'll only get there an hour at most before us, not even that maybe. I
got Timofey ready to start. I know how he'll go. Their pace won't be ours,
Dmitri Fyodorovitch. How could it be? They won't get there an hour
earlier!" Andrey, a lanky, red-haired, middle-aged driver, wearing a full-
skirted coat, and with a kaftan on his arm, replied warmly.

"Fifty roubles for vodka if we're only an hour behind them."

"I warrant the time, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. Ech, they won't be half an hour
before us, let alone an hour."

Though Mitya bustled about seeing after things, he gave his orders
strangely, as it were disconnectedly, and inconsecutively. He began a
sentence and forgot the end of it. Pyotr Ilyitch found himself obliged to
come to the rescue.

"Four hundred roubles' worth, not less than four hundred roubles' worth,
just as it was then," commanded Mitya. "Four dozen champagne, not a bottle
less."

"What do you want with so much? What's it for? Stay!" cried Pyotr Ilyitch.
"What's this box? What's in it? Surely there isn't four hundred roubles'
worth here?"

The officious shopmen began explaining with oily politeness that the first
box contained only half a dozen bottles of champagne, and only "the most
indispensable articles," such as savories, sweets, toffee, etc. But the
main part of the goods ordered would be packed and sent off, as on the
previous occasion, in a special cart also with three horses traveling at
full speed, so that it would arrive not more than an hour later than
Dmitri Fyodorovitch himself.

"Not more than an hour! Not more than an hour! And put in more toffee and
fondants. The girls there are so fond of it," Mitya insisted hotly.

"The fondants are all right. But what do you want with four dozen of
champagne? One would be enough," said Pyotr Ilyitch, almost angry. He
began bargaining, asking for a bill of the goods, and refused to be
satisfied. But he only succeeded in saving a hundred roubles. In the end
it was agreed that only three hundred roubles' worth should be sent.

"Well, you may go to the devil!" cried Pyotr Ilyitch, on second thoughts.
"What's it to do with me? Throw away your money, since it's cost you
nothing."

"This way, my economist, this way, don't be angry." Mitya drew him into a
room at the back of the shop. "They'll give us a bottle here directly.
We'll taste it. Ech, Pyotr Ilyitch, come along with me, for you're a nice
fellow, the sort I like."

Mitya sat down on a wicker chair, before a little table, covered with a
dirty dinner-napkin. Pyotr Ilyitch sat down opposite, and the champagne
soon appeared, and oysters were suggested to the gentlemen. "First-class
oysters, the last lot in."

"Hang the oysters. I don't eat them. And we don't need anything," cried
Pyotr Ilyitch, almost angrily.

"There's no time for oysters," said Mitya. "And I'm not hungry. Do you
know, friend," he said suddenly, with feeling, "I never have liked all
this disorder."

"Who does like it? Three dozen of champagne for peasants, upon my word,
that's enough to make any one angry!"

"That's not what I mean. I'm talking of a higher order. There's no order
in me, no higher order. But ... that's all over. There's no need to grieve
about it. It's too late, damn it! My whole life has been disorder, and one
must set it in order. Is that a pun, eh?"

"You're raving, not making puns!"

    "Glory be to God in Heaven,
    Glory be to God in me....

"That verse came from my heart once, it's not a verse, but a tear.... I
made it myself ... not while I was pulling the captain's beard,
though...."

"Why do you bring him in all of a sudden?"

"Why do I bring him in? Foolery! All things come to an end; all things are
made equal. That's the long and short of it."

"You know, I keep thinking of your pistols."

"That's all foolery, too! Drink, and don't be fanciful. I love life. I've
loved life too much, shamefully much. Enough! Let's drink to life, dear
boy, I propose the toast. Why am I pleased with myself? I'm a scoundrel,
but I'm satisfied with myself. And yet I'm tortured by the thought that
I'm a scoundrel, but satisfied with myself. I bless the creation. I'm
ready to bless God and His creation directly, but ... I must kill one
noxious insect for fear it should crawl and spoil life for others.... Let
us drink to life, dear brother. What can be more precious than life?
Nothing! To life, and to one queen of queens!"

"Let's drink to life and to your queen, too, if you like."

They drank a glass each. Although Mitya was excited and expansive, yet he
was melancholy, too. It was as though some heavy, overwhelming anxiety
were weighing upon him.

"Misha ... here's your Misha come! Misha, come here, my boy, drink this
glass to Phoebus, the golden-haired, of to-morrow morn...."

"What are you giving it him for?" cried Pyotr Ilyitch, irritably.

"Yes, yes, yes, let me! I want to!"

"E--ech!"

Misha emptied the glass, bowed, and ran out.

"He'll remember it afterwards," Mitya remarked. "Woman, I love woman! What
is woman? The queen of creation! My heart is sad, my heart is sad, Pyotr
Ilyitch. Do you remember Hamlet? 'I am very sorry, good Horatio! Alas,
poor Yorick!' Perhaps that's me, Yorick? Yes, I'm Yorick now, and a skull
afterwards."

Pyotr Ilyitch listened in silence. Mitya, too, was silent for a while.

"What dog's that you've got here?" he asked the shopman, casually,
noticing a pretty little lap-dog with dark eyes, sitting in the corner.

"It belongs to Varvara Alexyevna, the mistress," answered the clerk. "She
brought it and forgot it here. It must be taken back to her."

"I saw one like it ... in the regiment ..." murmured Mitya dreamily, "only
that one had its hind leg broken.... By the way, Pyotr Ilyitch, I wanted
to ask you: have you ever stolen anything in your life?"

"What a question!"

"Oh, I didn't mean anything. From somebody's pocket, you know. I don't
mean government money, every one steals that, and no doubt you do,
too...."

"You go to the devil."

"I'm talking of other people's money. Stealing straight out of a pocket?
Out of a purse, eh?"

"I stole twenty copecks from my mother when I was nine years old. I took
it off the table on the sly, and held it tight in my hand."

"Well, and what happened?"

"Oh, nothing. I kept it three days, then I felt ashamed, confessed, and
gave it back."

"And what then?"

"Naturally I was whipped. But why do you ask? Have you stolen something?"

"I have," said Mitya, winking slyly.

"What have you stolen?" inquired Pyotr Ilyitch curiously.

"I stole twenty copecks from my mother when I was nine years old, and gave
it back three days after."

As he said this, Mitya suddenly got up.

"Dmitri Fyodorovitch, won't you come now?" called Andrey from the door of
the shop.

"Are you ready? We'll come!" Mitya started. "A few more last words
and--Andrey, a glass of vodka at starting. Give him some brandy as well!
That box" (the one with the pistols) "put under my seat. Good-by, Pyotr
Ilyitch, don't remember evil against me."

"But you're coming back to-morrow?"

"Of course."

"Will you settle the little bill now?" cried the clerk, springing forward.

"Oh, yes, the bill. Of course."

He pulled the bundle of notes out of his pocket again, picked out three
hundred roubles, threw them on the counter, and ran hurriedly out of the
shop. Every one followed him out, bowing and wishing him good luck.
Andrey, coughing from the brandy he had just swallowed, jumped up on the
box. But Mitya was only just taking his seat when suddenly to his surprise
he saw Fenya before him. She ran up panting, clasped her hands before him
with a cry, and plumped down at his feet.

"Dmitri Fyodorovitch, dear good Dmitri Fyodorovitch, don't harm my
mistress. And it was I told you all about it.... And don't murder him, he
came first, he's hers! He'll marry Agrafena Alexandrovna now. That's why
he's come back from Siberia. Dmitri Fyodorovitch, dear, don't take a
fellow creature's life!"

"Tut--tut--tut! That's it, is it? So you're off there to make trouble!"
muttered Pyotr Ilyitch. "Now, it's all clear, as clear as daylight. Dmitri
Fyodorovitch, give me your pistols at once if you mean to behave like a
man," he shouted aloud to Mitya. "Do you hear, Dmitri?"

"The pistols? Wait a bit, brother, I'll throw them into the pool on the
road," answered Mitya. "Fenya, get up, don't kneel to me. Mitya won't hurt
any one, the silly fool won't hurt any one again. But I say, Fenya," he
shouted, after having taken his seat. "I hurt you just now, so forgive me
and have pity on me, forgive a scoundrel.... But it doesn't matter if you
don't. It's all the same now. Now then, Andrey, look alive, fly along full
speed!"

Andrey whipped up the horses, and the bells began ringing.

"Good-by, Pyotr Ilyitch! My last tear is for you!..."

"He's not drunk, but he keeps babbling like a lunatic," Pyotr Ilyitch
thought as he watched him go. He had half a mind to stay and see the cart
packed with the remaining wines and provisions, knowing that they would
deceive and defraud Mitya. But, suddenly feeling vexed with himself, he
turned away with a curse and went to the tavern to play billiards.

"He's a fool, though he's a good fellow," he muttered as he went. "I've
heard of that officer, Grushenka's former flame. Well, if he has turned
up.... Ech, those pistols! Damn it all! I'm not his nurse! Let them do
what they like! Besides, it'll all come to nothing. They're a set of
brawlers, that's all. They'll drink and fight, fight and make friends
again. They are not men who do anything real. What does he mean by 'I'm
stepping aside, I'm punishing myself?' It'll come to nothing! He's shouted
such phrases a thousand times, drunk, in the taverns. But now he's not
drunk. 'Drunk in spirit'--they're fond of fine phrases, the villains. Am I
his nurse? He must have been fighting, his face was all over blood. With
whom? I shall find out at the 'Metropolis.' And his handkerchief was
soaked in blood.... It's still lying on my floor.... Hang it!"

He reached the tavern in a bad humor and at once made up a game. The game
cheered him. He played a second game, and suddenly began telling one of
his partners that Dmitri Karamazov had come in for some cash
again--something like three thousand roubles, and had gone to Mokroe again
to spend it with Grushenka.... This news roused singular interest in his
listeners. They all spoke of it, not laughing, but with a strange gravity.
They left off playing.

"Three thousand? But where can he have got three thousand?"

Questions were asked. The story of Madame Hohlakov's present was received
with skepticism.

"Hasn't he robbed his old father?--that's the question."

"Three thousand! There's something odd about it."

"He boasted aloud that he would kill his father; we all heard him, here.
And it was three thousand he talked about ..."

Pyotr Ilyitch listened. All at once he became short and dry in his
answers. He said not a word about the blood on Mitya's face and hands,
though he had meant to speak of it at first.

They began a third game, and by degrees the talk about Mitya died away.
But by the end of the third game, Pyotr Ilyitch felt no more desire for
billiards; he laid down the cue, and without having supper as he had
intended, he walked out of the tavern. When he reached the market-place he
stood still in perplexity, wondering at himself. He realized that what he
wanted was to go to Fyodor Pavlovitch's and find out if anything had
happened there. "On account of some stupid nonsense--as it's sure to turn
out--am I going to wake up the household and make a scandal? Fooh! damn it,
is it my business to look after them?"

In a very bad humor he went straight home, and suddenly remembered Fenya.
"Damn it all! I ought to have questioned her just now," he thought with
vexation, "I should have heard everything." And the desire to speak to
her, and so find out, became so pressing and importunate that when he was
half-way home he turned abruptly and went towards the house where
Grushenka lodged. Going up to the gate he knocked. The sound of the knock
in the silence of the night sobered him and made him feel annoyed. And no
one answered him; every one in the house was asleep.

"And I shall be making a fuss!" he thought, with a feeling of positive
discomfort. But instead of going away altogether, he fell to knocking
again with all his might, filling the street with clamor.

"Not coming? Well, I will knock them up, I will!" he muttered at each
knock, fuming at himself, but at the same time he redoubled his knocks on
the gate.

Dmitri dashes into see Fenya to get the scoop on Grushenka. He frightens Fenya and her grandmother because of his bloodied appearance. She confirms that Grushenka is off to Mokroye. Dmitri then heads back to his friend Pyotr Ilyich Perkhotin, the young official he'd pawned his pistols to. He pays back the loan and gets his pistols back. Perkhotin is startled by how much money Dmitri seems to be flashing around all of a sudden. They send Perkhotin's servant out to the local store for some change, but Dmitri asks Perkhotin's servant to order lots of treats, as Dmitri is planning on wooing Grushenka again in Mokroye. Perkhotin helps Dmitri wash off the blood, all the while trying to get the story out of him, but Dmitri incoherently mumbles about gold mines and Madame Khokhlakov and punishment and theft. Still confused, Perkhotin accompanies Dmitri to Plotnikov's store, where Dmitri loads up a cart with goodies and sets off for Mokroye. Perkhotin is highly suspicious of Dmitri. He goes to the tavern to take his mind off things, but when he tells everyone about Dmitri's sudden wealth, they wonder if Dmitri's finally gotten around to killing his father. This concerns Perkhotin, so he decides to investigate and heads to Grushenka's house to get the story from her servant Fenya.

A Sudden Decision Dmitri storms back to Grushenka's house and forces the servants to tell him where Grushenka has gone. When he hears that she has joined her former lover, he is devastated. He realizes that she will never be his. Thinking that his life is meaningless without Grushenka, he decides to visit her one last time and then kill himself. Ten minutes later, Dmitri visits Perkhotin, a local official who, earlier that day, had taken Dmitri's pistols as collateral for a ten-ruble loan. To the official's astonishment, Dmitri now displays a large amount of cash, repays the loan, and takes his pistols back. Perkhotin follows Dmitri to a store, where, to Perkhotin's continuing puzzlement, Dmitri buys several hundred rubles' worth of food and wine. Perkhotin quizzically wonders what is happening. He asks himself where Dmitri got such a large amount of money and why Dmitri is covered with blood


Chapter VI. "I Am Coming, Too!"

But Dmitri Fyodorovitch was speeding along the road. It was a little more
than twenty versts to Mokroe, but Andrey's three horses galloped at such a
pace that the distance might be covered in an hour and a quarter. The
swift motion revived Mitya. The air was fresh and cool, there were big
stars shining in the sky. It was the very night, and perhaps the very
hour, in which Alyosha fell on the earth, and rapturously swore to love it
for ever and ever.

All was confusion, confusion, in Mitya's soul, but although many things
were goading his heart, at that moment his whole being was yearning for
her, his queen, to whom he was flying to look on her for the last time.
One thing I can say for certain; his heart did not waver for one instant.
I shall perhaps not be believed when I say that this jealous lover felt
not the slightest jealousy of this new rival, who seemed to have sprung
out of the earth. If any other had appeared on the scene, he would have
been jealous at once, and would perhaps have stained his fierce hands with
blood again. But as he flew through the night, he felt no envy, no
hostility even, for the man who had been her first lover.... It is true he
had not yet seen him.

"Here there was no room for dispute: it was her right and his; this was
her first love which, after five years, she had not forgotten; so she had
loved him only for those five years, and I, how do I come in? What right
have I? Step aside, Mitya, and make way! What am I now? Now everything is
over apart from the officer--even if he had not appeared, everything would
be over ..."

These words would roughly have expressed his feelings, if he had been
capable of reasoning. But he could not reason at that moment. His present
plan of action had arisen without reasoning. At Fenya's first words, it
had sprung from feeling, and been adopted in a flash, with all its
consequences. And yet, in spite of his resolution, there was confusion in
his soul, an agonizing confusion: his resolution did not give him peace.
There was so much behind that tortured him. And it seemed strange to him,
at moments, to think that he had written his own sentence of death with
pen and paper: "I punish myself," and the paper was lying there in his
pocket, ready; the pistol was loaded; he had already resolved how, next
morning, he would meet the first warm ray of "golden-haired Phoebus."

And yet he could not be quit of the past, of all that he had left behind
and that tortured him. He felt that miserably, and the thought of it sank
into his heart with despair. There was one moment when he felt an impulse
to stop Andrey, to jump out of the cart, to pull out his loaded pistol,
and to make an end of everything without waiting for the dawn. But that
moment flew by like a spark. The horses galloped on, "devouring space,"
and as he drew near his goal, again the thought of her, of her alone, took
more and more complete possession of his soul, chasing away the fearful
images that had been haunting it. Oh, how he longed to look upon her, if
only for a moment, if only from a distance!

"She's now with _him_," he thought, "now I shall see what she looks like
with him, her first love, and that's all I want." Never had this woman,
who was such a fateful influence in his life, aroused such love in his
breast, such new and unknown feeling, surprising even to himself, a
feeling tender to devoutness, to self-effacement before her! "I will
efface myself!" he said, in a rush of almost hysterical ecstasy.

They had been galloping nearly an hour. Mitya was silent, and though
Andrey was, as a rule, a talkative peasant, he did not utter a word,
either. He seemed afraid to talk, he only whipped up smartly his three
lean, but mettlesome, bay horses. Suddenly Mitya cried out in horrible
anxiety:

"Andrey! What if they're asleep?"

This thought fell upon him like a blow. It had not occurred to him before.

"It may well be that they're gone to bed, by now, Dmitri Fyodorovitch."

Mitya frowned as though in pain. Yes, indeed ... he was rushing there ...
with such feelings ... while they were asleep ... she was asleep, perhaps,
there too.... An angry feeling surged up in his heart.

"Drive on, Andrey! Whip them up! Look alive!" he cried, beside himself.

"But maybe they're not in bed!" Andrey went on after a pause. "Timofey
said they were a lot of them there--"

"At the station?"

"Not at the posting-station, but at Plastunov's, at the inn, where they
let out horses, too."

"I know. So you say there are a lot of them? How's that? Who are they?"
cried Mitya, greatly dismayed at this unexpected news.

"Well, Timofey was saying they're all gentlefolk. Two from our town--who
they are I can't say--and there are two others, strangers, maybe more
besides. I didn't ask particularly. They've set to playing cards, so
Timofey said."

"Cards?"

"So, maybe they're not in bed if they're at cards. It's most likely not
more than eleven."

"Quicker, Andrey! Quicker!" Mitya cried again, nervously.

"May I ask you something, sir?" said Andrey, after a pause. "Only I'm
afraid of angering you, sir."

"What is it?"

"Why, Fenya threw herself at your feet just now, and begged you not to
harm her mistress, and some one else, too ... so you see, sir-- It's I am
taking you there ... forgive me, sir, it's my conscience ... maybe it's
stupid of me to speak of it--"

Mitya suddenly seized him by the shoulders from behind.

"Are you a driver?" he asked frantically.

"Yes, sir."

"Then you know that one has to make way. What would you say to a driver
who wouldn't make way for any one, but would just drive on and crush
people? No, a driver mustn't run over people. One can't run over a man.
One can't spoil people's lives. And if you have spoilt a life--punish
yourself.... If only you've spoilt, if only you've ruined any one's
life--punish yourself and go away."

These phrases burst from Mitya almost hysterically. Though Andrey was
surprised at him, he kept up the conversation.

"That's right, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, you're quite right, one mustn't crush
or torment a man, or any kind of creature, for every creature is created
by God. Take a horse, for instance, for some folks, even among us drivers,
drive anyhow. Nothing will restrain them, they just force it along."

"To hell?" Mitya interrupted, and went off into his abrupt, short laugh.
"Andrey, simple soul," he seized him by the shoulders again, "tell me,
will Dmitri Fyodorovitch Karamazov go to hell, or not, what do you think?"

"I don't know, darling, it depends on you, for you are ... you see, sir,
when the Son of God was nailed on the Cross and died, He went straight
down to hell from the Cross, and set free all sinners that were in agony.
And the devil groaned, because he thought that he would get no more
sinners in hell. And God said to him, then, 'Don't groan, for you shall
have all the mighty of the earth, the rulers, the chief judges, and the
rich men, and shall be filled up as you have been in all the ages till I
come again.' Those were His very words ..."

"A peasant legend! Capital! Whip up the left, Andrey!"

"So you see, sir, who it is hell's for," said Andrey, whipping up the left
horse, "but you're like a little child ... that's how we look on you ...
and though you're hasty-tempered, sir, yet God will forgive you for your
kind heart."

"And you, do you forgive me, Andrey?"

"What should I forgive you for, sir? You've never done me any harm."

"No, for every one, for every one, you here alone, on the road, will you
forgive me for every one? Speak, simple peasant heart!"

"Oh, sir! I feel afraid of driving you, your talk is so strange."

But Mitya did not hear. He was frantically praying and muttering to
himself.

"Lord, receive me, with all my lawlessness, and do not condemn me. Let me
pass by Thy judgment ... do not condemn me, for I have condemned myself,
do not condemn me, for I love Thee, O Lord. I am a wretch, but I love
Thee. If Thou sendest me to hell, I shall love Thee there, and from there
I shall cry out that I love Thee for ever and ever.... But let me love to
the end.... Here and now for just five hours ... till the first light of
Thy day ... for I love the queen of my soul ... I love her and I cannot
help loving her. Thou seest my whole heart.... I shall gallop up, I shall
fall before her and say, 'You are right to pass on and leave me. Farewell
and forget your victim ... never fret yourself about me!' "

"Mokroe!" cried Andrey, pointing ahead with his whip.

Through the pale darkness of the night loomed a solid black mass of
buildings, flung down, as it were, in the vast plain. The village of
Mokroe numbered two thousand inhabitants, but at that hour all were
asleep, and only here and there a few lights still twinkled.

"Drive on, Andrey, I come!" Mitya exclaimed, feverishly.

"They're not asleep," said Andrey again, pointing with his whip to the
Plastunovs' inn, which was at the entrance to the village. The six
windows, looking on the street, were all brightly lighted up.

"They're not asleep," Mitya repeated joyously. "Quicker, Andrey! Gallop!
Drive up with a dash! Set the bells ringing! Let all know that I have
come. I'm coming! I'm coming, too!"

Andrey lashed his exhausted team into a gallop, drove with a dash and
pulled up his steaming, panting horses at the high flight of steps.

Mitya jumped out of the cart just as the innkeeper, on his way to bed,
peeped out from the steps curious to see who had arrived.

"Trifon Borissovitch, is that you?"

The innkeeper bent down, looked intently, ran down the steps, and rushed
up to the guest with obsequious delight.

"Dmitri Fyodorovitch, your honor! Do I see you again?"

Trifon Borissovitch was a thick-set, healthy peasant, of middle height,
with a rather fat face. His expression was severe and uncompromising,
especially with the peasants of Mokroe, but he had the power of assuming
the most obsequious countenance, when he had an inkling that it was to his
interest. He dressed in Russian style, with a shirt buttoning down on one
side, and a full-skirted coat. He had saved a good sum of money, but was
for ever dreaming of improving his position. More than half the peasants
were in his clutches, every one in the neighborhood was in debt to him.
From the neighboring landowners he bought and rented lands which were
worked by the peasants, in payment of debts which they could never shake
off. He was a widower, with four grown-up daughters. One of them was
already a widow and lived in the inn with her two children, his
grandchildren, and worked for him like a charwoman. Another of his
daughters was married to a petty official, and in one of the rooms of the
inn, on the wall could be seen, among the family photographs, a miniature
photograph of this official in uniform and official epaulettes. The two
younger daughters used to wear fashionable blue or green dresses, fitting
tight at the back, and with trains a yard long, on Church holidays or when
they went to pay visits. But next morning they would get up at dawn, as
usual, sweep out the rooms with a birch-broom, empty the slops, and clean
up after lodgers.

In spite of the thousands of roubles he had saved, Trifon Borissovitch was
very fond of emptying the pockets of a drunken guest, and remembering that
not a month ago he had, in twenty-four hours, made two if not three
hundred roubles out of Dmitri, when he had come on his escapade with
Grushenka, he met him now with eager welcome, scenting his prey the moment
Mitya drove up to the steps.

"Dmitri Fyodorovitch, dear sir, we see you once more!"

"Stay, Trifon Borissovitch," began Mitya, "first and foremost, where is
she?"

"Agrafena Alexandrovna?" The inn-keeper understood at once, looking
sharply into Mitya's face. "She's here, too ..."

"With whom? With whom?"

"Some strangers. One is an official gentleman, a Pole, to judge from his
speech. He sent the horses for her from here; and there's another with
him, a friend of his, or a fellow traveler, there's no telling. They're
dressed like civilians."

"Well, are they feasting? Have they money?"

"Poor sort of a feast! Nothing to boast of, Dmitri Fyodorovitch."

"Nothing to boast of? And who are the others?"

"They're two gentlemen from the town.... They've come back from Tcherny,
and are putting up here. One's quite a young gentleman, a relative of Mr.
Miuesov, he must be, but I've forgotten his name ... and I expect you know
the other, too, a gentleman called Maximov. He's been on a pilgrimage, so
he says, to the monastery in the town. He's traveling with this young
relation of Mr. Miuesov."

"Is that all?"

"Yes."

"Stay, listen, Trifon Borissovitch. Tell me the chief thing: What of her?
How is she?"

"Oh, she's only just come. She's sitting with them."

"Is she cheerful? Is she laughing?"

"No, I think she's not laughing much. She's sitting quite dull. She's
combing the young gentleman's hair."

"The Pole--the officer?"

"He's not young, and he's not an officer, either. Not him, sir. It's the
young gentleman that's Mr. Miuesov's relation ... I've forgotten his name."

"Kalganov."

"That's it, Kalganov!"

"All right. I'll see for myself. Are they playing cards?"

"They have been playing, but they've left off. They've been drinking tea,
the official gentleman asked for liqueurs."

"Stay, Trifon Borissovitch, stay, my good soul, I'll see for myself. Now
answer one more question: are the gypsies here?"

"You can't have the gypsies now, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. The authorities have
sent them away. But we've Jews that play the cymbals and the fiddle in the
village, so one might send for them. They'd come."

"Send for them. Certainly send for them!" cried Mitya. "And you can get
the girls together as you did then, Marya especially, Stepanida, too, and
Arina. Two hundred roubles for a chorus!"

"Oh, for a sum like that I can get all the village together, though by now
they're asleep. Are the peasants here worth such kindness, Dmitri
Fyodorovitch, or the girls either? To spend a sum like that on such
coarseness and rudeness! What's the good of giving a peasant a cigar to
smoke, the stinking ruffian! And the girls are all lousy. Besides, I'll
get my daughters up for nothing, let alone a sum like that. They've only
just gone to bed, I'll give them a kick and set them singing for you. You
gave the peasants champagne to drink the other day, e--ech!"

For all his pretended compassion for Mitya, Trifon Borissovitch had hidden
half a dozen bottles of champagne on that last occasion, and had picked up
a hundred-rouble note under the table, and it had remained in his
clutches.

"Trifon Borissovitch, I sent more than one thousand flying last time I was
here. Do you remember?"

"You did send it flying. I may well remember. You must have left three
thousand behind you."

"Well, I've come to do the same again, do you see?"

And he pulled out his roll of notes, and held them up before the
innkeeper's nose.

"Now, listen and remember. In an hour's time the wine will arrive,
savories, pies, and sweets--bring them all up at once. That box Andrey has
got is to be brought up at once, too. Open it, and hand champagne
immediately. And the girls, we must have the girls, Marya especially."

He turned to the cart and pulled out the box of pistols.

"Here, Andrey, let's settle. Here's fifteen roubles for the drive, and
fifty for vodka ... for your readiness, for your love.... Remember
Karamazov!"

"I'm afraid, sir," faltered Andrey. "Give me five roubles extra, but more
I won't take. Trifon Borissovitch, bear witness. Forgive my foolish words
..."

"What are you afraid of?" asked Mitya, scanning him. "Well, go to the
devil, if that's it!" he cried, flinging him five roubles. "Now, Trifon
Borissovitch, take me up quietly and let me first get a look at them, so
that they don't see me. Where are they? In the blue room?"

Trifon Borissovitch looked apprehensively at Mitya, but at once obediently
did his bidding. Leading him into the passage, he went himself into the
first large room, adjoining that in which the visitors were sitting, and
took the light away. Then he stealthily led Mitya in, and put him in a
corner in the dark, whence he could freely watch the company without being
seen. But Mitya did not look long, and, indeed, he could not see them, he
saw her, his heart throbbed violently, and all was dark before his eyes.

She was sitting sideways to the table in a low chair, and beside her, on
the sofa, was the pretty youth, Kalganov. She was holding his hand and
seemed to be laughing, while he, seeming vexed and not looking at her, was
saying something in a loud voice to Maximov, who sat the other side of the
table, facing Grushenka. Maximov was laughing violently at something. On
the sofa sat _he_, and on a chair by the sofa there was another stranger.
The one on the sofa was lolling backwards, smoking a pipe, and Mitya had
an impression of a stoutish, broad-faced, short little man, who was
apparently angry about something. His friend, the other stranger, struck
Mitya as extraordinarily tall, but he could make out nothing more. He
caught his breath. He could not bear it for a minute, he put the pistol-
case on a chest, and with a throbbing heart he walked, feeling cold all
over, straight into the blue room to face the company.

"Aie!" shrieked Grushenka, the first to notice him.

Dmitri hightails it off to Mokroye. He's eager to meet up with Grushenka, but at the same time he's seriously considering suicide. It doesn't help that the coachman seems to want to have a philosophical chat with him. With the loaded pistol in his pocket, Dmitri appears to plan on suicide at dawn. When he arrives at Mokroye, the innkeeper Trifon Borisich is pleased to see him, particularly as Dmitri spent so much money last time he was in town. Trifon leads Dmitri to the room where Grushenka, her officer, her officer's friend, and a couple of locals are sitting. Grushenka shrieks in surprise when she sees Dmitri.

Here I Come. Dmitri leaves Perkhotin and travels to the place where Grushenka and her lover, a Polish officer, are staying. Dmitri is in a frenzy, and raves to the coachman who drives him that he knows he will go to hell, but that, from the depths of hell, he will continue to love and praise God