But if I had done that, if I had given up writing, I would have lost my beloved vocation, so I knew that the task was that I had to find some way to gin up the inspiration to write the next book regardless of its inevitable negative outcome.
Mas se eu tivesse ido  e desistido de escrever, eu teria perdido minha querida vocação, e eu sabia que eu tinha que encontrar um jeito de arranjar inspiração para escrever o próximo livro, independentemente do inevitável  resultado negativo.