Jason: We're not going to get anywhere until we get past your denial of the problem.

Patient: What problem?

Jason: You see that's...

Patient: Isn't it odd the only people who say I have a problem are my wife, my kids, my boss and those fair weather friends of mine.

Jason: Well, what does that tell you?

Patient: That they got a problem.

Jason: Alright, see you next week, then.

Patient: Sure, but I don't know why.

Answering Machine: Maggie, it's Bill, at the New York Times.I'm afraid you're over-qualified for an entry-level position.Thanks, anyway!

Jason: Who needs the New York Times, you're just a fish wrapper.

Answering Machine: This is Velva at Channel 19 News, Mr.Sivelevich is confirming your interview at 3 pm tomorrow.

Jason: TV News, not bad Maggie.

Answering Machine: This is Velva again, I'm sorry, we have to cancel that interview.

Jason: Fools, that's why you're in TV News.

Answering Machine: Maggie, this is Susan again.How about returning your old boss's calls?I've got something you'll be very interested in.

Jason: Alriiiiight.Hey, how did the interview go?

Maggie: Well, the editor talked to me for a solid hour.

Jason: Well, it sounds as if he liked what he heard.Sounds like a smart guy.

Maggie: He didn't hire me.

Jason: He's scum!

Maggie: Jason, if I hear one more rejection today I'm going to scream.Any messages?

Jason: Yeah, well, yes, yes.

Maggie: Jason?

Jason: Bill, Bill called from the New York Times you came so close.You came very very close.And uh, Channel 19 called.

Maggie: Oh did they confirm my interview?

jason: Yes and no.

Maggie: What?

Jason: Well, they had to cancel.

Maggie: So he's turning me down before he meets me.Nice, save everybody's time.

Jason: No, no, no, he just got busy today.Something about a member of Congress and twin strippers.I didn't get the details.

Maggie: Jason you're so sick.

Jason: Yeah.Anyway, I saved the best for the last.Wait 'til you here, Susan called and she has something...

Maggie: I'll be very interested in.I know, she's been calling for a solid week.

Jason: Well, you see this is a good thing.

Maggie: No, it isn't.

Jason: No it isn't, no.That's why I saved it for the last.

Maggie: Jason she probably wants me to come crawling back to my old job, hat in hand, virtually admitting it was a mistake to quit in the first place.

Jason: Well at least call Channel 19, reset that interview.

Maggie: Oh Jason, what's the point?

Jason: Honey, you're just confused.You're thinking here you are out of work, you made a mistake about quitting that job, you're feeling a little over the hill, but there's another hill Maggie, there's another, there's a huge hill, a mountain bigger when she thinks about that she'll feel better.

Carol: I can't believe you wanted me to scrunch down in the floor of you car all the way home.

Mike: And I can't believe you wouldn't do it.I have an image to maintain.

Ben: Yeah, did you hear me complaining?

Carol: Oh well, maybe I could just wear a bag over my head.

Mike: That's not a bad idea, cut some little eyeholes.

Jason: Guys!

Carol: Mom!

Jason: Mom has enough on her mind, don't give her any more head aches.She's been having a rough time these days and you all know why.

Ben: Why?

Mike: Well, 'cause Mom's been b*mb out on the job market and she feels like dog meat.

Ben: I didn't know that.

Carol: Ben, where have you been?

Ben: On the floor of Mike's car.Why would Mom feel bad about not working?

Mike: You know, now that you mention it Benny I don't know why Mom went back to work in the first place.I mean, she's got a pretty good job just hanging out here at home.You know, I mean, I wish some guy had come along and married me and pay my bills, and buy me pretty dresses, you know what I mean.

Carol: I should have known you two wouldn't understand.I mean how could you?

Mike: Hey look if you're so smart why don't you tell us why Mom needs to get a job?

Carol: Okay, to feel vital.To be a productive, self-reliant clock in the machinery of society.To forge her own identity.

Mike: Just like I thought, she doesn't have a clue.

Jason: Honey, you coming to bed soon?

Maggie: Oh, in a minute sweetheart I have to finish re-typing my resume.

Jason: Well, it looked fine to me before.

Maggie: Are you kidding?It finally dawned on me what was wrong with it.

Jason: What?

Maggie: Well, it's obvious.Any fool can see it.

Jason: I don't see it.

Maggie: My name.It's in all capital letters.

Jason: So?

Maggie: Well don't you think that's kind of self-important?

Maggie: Well, why do you think I haven't been hired?

Jason: Well now that's an excellent question Maggie.That's the essential question here I think our time would be very productively spent if we just thought about that for a while and discussed all the possible reasons.

Maggie: Maybe I should triple space this.

Jason: No, no, no, honey, forget the typing!Now deal with the question here.Why do you think you haven't been hired?

Maggie: Possibly some men are intimidated by a talented, sexy blonde.

Jason: Do you believe that?

Maggie: I'd like to.

Jason: I think you've losing your perspective.

Maggie: No I'm losing my mind.All I want is a job where I feel needed.

Ben: Carol was right!How could that be?

Maggie: Look, I'll be up in a few minutes, okay?

Jason: Ok.

Maggie: I love you.

Jason: Love you too.

Ben: Mom?

Maggie: Benny, what are you doing up?

Ben: I was worried about you.

Maggie: Oh, you were?

Ben: Mom, I just want you to know that I'll love you even if no one on earth will hire you.

Maggie: Why thank you, Benjamin.

Ben: Mom you don't need a job to feel good, I mean I've never had a job and I feel great.

Maggie: You know, I've never looked at it that way.

Ben: You should, I mean, I eat, I watch TV, I do my homework.Sometimes I don't even do my homework.

Maggie: Sounds very nice.

Ben: It is.So, are you done worrying now?

Maggie: Well, let's put it this way, Ben.I'm very glad we had this talk.

Ben: You know, you'd feel even better if we split a wedge of pie.

Maggie: Not bad.Here's your breakfast Michael.

Mike: What am I supposed to do with this?

Maggie: Eat it.

Mike: Pardon me?

Maggie: Eat, sit.Enjoy.

Mike: Oh, hot breakfast.What an interesting idea.

Carol: Morning!

Maggie: How you want them Carol, scrambled, over easy, or sunny side up?

Carol: Oh, I usually just have juice.

Maggie: Not anymore.

Carol: What's going on?

Mike: Oh she's lost her mind, pass the syrup.

Ben: Morning!

Maggie: Hi Benny, pancakes or eggs?Sausage or ham?

Ben: Sure!

Jason: Morning.

Maggie: And now that we're all together.I have an announcement to make.I had an enlightening talk last night with a very wise man.And he helped me realize that I've put too much importance on this job hunt, and it's getting in the way of more important things.So I've decided to just be happy taking care of the family I love.

Mike: You got any more flap jacks?

Carol: You're a pig.

Jason: Honey, I'm so glad you had that talk with that very wise man.And he loves you very much.

Ben: Yeah, even if you didn't give him a piece of pie.

Jason: Huh?

Maggie: So let's get this house in order.I've got a list here of chores that have been neglected for a very long time.

Mike: This is some kind of joke, right?

Maggie: No, Mike, if I'm going to be home I'm going to do a good job.

Carol: Ok, who's the wise guy who spoke to Mom last night.

Jason: Well your Mom's right.Everyone has to pull their own weight.

Maggie: Well thank you sweetheart, I rented you a Rota tiller.It'll be delivered this afternoon.

Jason: Oh boy.

Maggie: Oh that's your bus, Ben.Mike, Carol, you should go, you'll be late.Don't forget your lunches.

Mike: Mom, I'm only going to be gone for one day.

Jason: This was completely unprofessional, I'm very sorry, I had a very big, an enormous breakfast that I didn't even wanted, with sausages, I had pancakes.Anyway, I'm sorry, I'll see you next week and uh, no charge for this session obviously.

Patient: Obviously.

Jason: Oh no.

Maggie: Oh, you spoiled the surprise!

Jason: Maggie, we have to have a calm, rational, talk.

Maggie: Ok.

Jason: Get a job!

Maggie: What?

Jason: I'm sorry, it's my stomach talking, not my head.

Maggie: You don't like my cape con medley?

Jason: No it's just that, I really don't think that you're nearly happy being at home as you seem to be.

Maggie: Oh, of course I'm happy Jason, well look!Three different cheeses.

Jason: I'm very flattered that you took my advice last night.

Maggie: Well, no, no, no, I didn't take your advice, I took Ben's.

Jason: Ben's?The very wise man was Ben?

Maggie: Well he made a lot of sense, he said I didn't need a job to be happy.

Jason: Oh what does he know about jobs, Maggie?He's eleven years old, he's never worked a day in his life.

Maggie: Well that was his point.You know he's just made it easier for me to accept the fact that there was simply no jobs out there for me.

Jason: Honey, the only think keeping you out of the job market is pride.

Maggie: What?

Jason: Pride, honey!There is a job out there for you.

Maggie: Jason I followed up on every single lead.

Jason: Except one.How many times has Susan called?

Maggie: Yeah, about my old job.

Jason: Right, what was wrong with your old job.

Maggie: Well, I'll tell you, it...

Jason: I'm waiting.

Maggie: Well, it uh.

Jason: Admit it!Honey, you loved your old job, and you found it very rewarding for three years.

Maggie: Yeah, but...

Jason: And you were good at it, Maggie.

Maggie: I was pretty good at it, wasn't I?

Maggie: Gee, I wonder what little Ben would advise.

Maggie: Hello old desk, hello old chair.Hi.I'm back.

Susan: Maggie!

Maggie: Well Susan, I figured to heck with my pride I owe it to you to hear what you have to say but if you feel it's something I'd want then it's good enough for me and you know how I hate to dicker, so, I'll take it.

Susan: You got it.Here.

Maggie: What?

Susan: You left this in your desk.Actually Carinne's desk now, she said it was junk and just wanted to toss it but I said no, these are Maggie's memories.

Maggie: You mean what you've been calling me about all week is this junk?

Mike: The sooner I get done with Mom's chores, the sooner I'm outta here.

Ben: I wouldn't have cheered Mom up if I would've known it would lead to this.

Mike: Perfect.Hey!

Ben: Sorry!

Mike: Oh, you're sorry.That makes it okay?

Carol: Ben!I need your Ah!Who left the fertilizer right in the middle of the walk way?

Ben: Want me to hose you off?

Carol: I'll hose you off!

Mike: This whole situation stinks.

Ben: Not the situation.

Mike: Guys, we have to get Mom a job, fast.

Carol: Volunteer work, anything.

Mike: Shhh, here she comes.

Carol: Hi Mom!

Mike: Yo, Mom!

Maggie: Hi.

Jason: Honey, back already?

Maggie: Oh Jason, they didn't want me.They just wanted me to pick up what was left of my career and it all fit in a little box, which I'm going to put in the attic with the other junk.

Jason: It's ok, baby.

Maggie: Oh, I am not a baby, I'm a grown up.Oh, Jason.Well, who needs a stupid job anyway?Not me.I can be very happy being the best wife and mother in the entire state of New York.

Jason: Baby stop, honey, come on, you don't have to be super Mom.You don't have to be super reporter, you don't have to be super anything.You just have to be Maggie.Who I happen to love very much by the way.

Maggie: So you're not disappointed in me.

Jason: Of course not, hey, if you're happy being at home then I'm happy.

Maggie: You don't seem happy.

Jason: I'm happy.

Maggie: You're not.

Jason: I am!

Maggie: You're not.

Jason: I am!

Maggie: Ok, I believe you.

Jason: Ok.

Maggie: Fine.So, home it is then.

Jason: Yes.

Maggie: It's settled then.

Jason: Good.

Maggie: And I'm happy, too.

Jason: Good.

Maggie: Are you sure you're not disappointed in me?

Jason: Absolutely.

Maggie: Good.

Jason: Fine.The only way I'd be disappointed in you is if you were choosing home because you were afraid of more rejection.

Maggie: Uh huh.

Jason: But since that isn't the case here then I say bully.I mean, unless you want the increased self-esteem that comes with having your own career then I say forget sending the resume, forget the interviews, especially the one with Channel 19 in forty-five minutes.Enjoy your decision to stay at home.Wallow in the warmth of your family, clinging unto your bosom.

Maggie: He is disappointed in me.

Ben: Mom?

Maggie: Yes, Ben?

Ben: I'd like to talk.Mom you remember everything I said last night about you not needing a job to feel good?

Maggie: Uh huh.

Ben: It was a total lie.Thank you for your time.

Lady: Thank you, yes ma'am, we're all communists here at News 19.Uh huh, that's why the news comes out like that.Yeah, uh huh, thank you for calling.

Maggie: Excuse me, I'm here to see Mr.Sivlevich.But if he's busy that's fine, I'll just leave.Who needs more rejection?

Lady: Pardon?

Maggie: No.I'll wait.

Maggie: I swear, I've been back and forth on this so many times I don't know what I want anymore.

Lady: News room, hurry.

Maggie: No, I do know what I want.

Lady: You do?

Maggie: Heck, I know who I am.

Lady: Who the hell are you?

Maggie: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Shauna Scaw!

Lady: Well, you have the very same name as our anchor woman.

Maggie: No no no, I'm Maggie Seaver.

Lady: Oh, well, you're not a nut, you have an appointment.

Police: Freeze!

Lady: Just testing.Right this way.Mr.Sivlevich, Maggie Seaver.

Maggie: Mr.Sivlevich, thank you.

Sivlevich: Have you ever worked in a TV news before?

Maggie: No.

Mr.Sivelevich: Radio?

Maggie: Afraid not.

Sivlevich: Broadcast experience?

Maggie: Zilch.

Mr.Sivelevich: You sound like anchor material.Just a little news record joke.

Maggie: A joke?You're making a joke?

Mr.Sivelevich: You didn't find it amusing?

Maggie: Well, not particularly.And you know why?I have just gone through 27 turndowns for job interviews.It stopped being amusing around 15.

Mr.Sivelevich: Where are you going?

Maggie: Ok, you really want to go through this job interview?Let's start with my resume.You'll see two years as a researcher at Newsweek.Fourteen years as a house wife and three years at a neighborhood paper and you're going say she's not ready for TV.

Sivlevich: Excuse me, you are trying to get this job right?

Maggie: Sure, but if I'm not under-qualified then I am over-qualified or I'm too old, or my name is all in capital letters.But you know what Mr.Sivlevich, it doesn't matter because somebody will hire me.I know that now, I learned that from my family but you probably don't give a hoot about them either.Good day!

Sivlevich: Wait a minute!I get my chance to hire you!I read your stuff, I like it, that's why you're here, that's how it works.

Maggie: Ok, make it quick.

Sivlevich: Ok, now here's the deal.I got this writing job open because the guy that had it before quit to go to a bigger market.I need someone who knows who they are, who'll do a good job, and who will stick around here for a while.Shauna Small needs somebody good writing for her so that she doesn't, god forbid, start ad-libbing again.Follow me?

Maggie: Not really, see

Mr.Sivelevich: Now we do local news for Long Island, we have won six awards by the way.And if all Shauna has her baby next month during ratings sweep the way she's supposed to we can pick up a couple of points and I won't have to jerk my kid out of USC.What do you think?

Maggie: I hear it's a great school.

Mr.Sivelevich: About the job?

Maggie: It sounds very exciting.

Mr.Sivelevich: Do you want the job or not?

Maggie: Well, of course I do.

Mr.Sivelevich: Well, you're hired.

Maggie: Ok.

Mr.Sivelevich: Ok, now get out of here and have Thelma show you around.

Maggie: Fine!I'm what?

Mr.Sivelevich: Hired.You know, you work for us.We pay you.Starting now.

Maggie: You mean you, you want me?

Mr.Sivelevich: Oh to the core of my very soul!Alright!Now what do you think?

Maggie: Oh gosh, I think Oh!I think, your anchor woman just went into labor!

Mr.Sivelevich: She looks good.

Mike: Who the heck ever heard of spring-cleaning in the fall?

Carol: Well, in some parts of the world it is spring.

Mike: Well, why don't you find out where and go there?

Jason: Come on, you guys can wash up for dinner now.

Ben: We're probably going out to celebrate Mom's new job.

Jason: Well that would be nice Ben, but we gotta let her know, even if it didn't work out, that we're behind her whether she's working or not working, right?

Ben: Hello, Ben Seaver, how may I help you?Mom, hold did it?Ok, bye.

Jason: What'd she say Ben?

Ben: She says she wants us to turn on Channel 19 immediately.

TV: So far all your house cleaning needs it's Butler in a Bucket.

Mike: Oh funny, Mom, really funny.

Jason: What else did she say?

Maggie on TV: Today Channel 19 experienced some growing pains of its own.Anchorwoman Shauna Small gave birth late this afternoon to a bouncy baby girl which many of you may have seen live right here on News 19 and oh, we are very sorry about that.

Jason: She got a job on the air.Maggie on TV: And as you may have noticed I'm a new addition, too.Um, I've just joined News 19 as a news writer but while Shauna's on maternity leave Dr.Claus is anchoring, Ricardo's doing the weather, and somehow, I've ended up on the air.But Shauna will be back because she's needed just as much here as she is at home and that's something that we all need to hear once in a while even if we do have the best family on earth.For News 19, I'm Maggie Malone.

Maggie on TV: And as you may have noticed I'm a new addition, too.Um, I've just joined News 19 as a news writer but while Shauna's on maternity leave Dr.Claus is anchoring, Ricardo's doing the weather, and somehow, I've ended up on the air.But Shauna will be back because she's needed just as much here as she is at home and that's something that we all need to hear once in a while even if we do have the best family on earth.For News 19, I'm Maggie Malone.

Mike: Is this great or what?

Jason: It's my Maggie.Malone?
{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x04 - Not Necessarily the News"}