Air Date: May 6, 2010

Teaser

INT. SERENITY VALLEY CONVALESCENT HOME

CELESTE

Dr. Green, how was your trip?

Dr. GREEN

Oh, very productive. And how are we tonight, Celeste, my favorite patient? The nurse says you can't sleep.

CELESTE

Oh, I just feel worse and worse.

Dr. GREEN

Well, that's because you're suffering from a combination of the common cold...Dengue fever...and a nasty, nasty case of Japanese encephalitis.

CELESTE

What are you...I'm sorry. I --

Dr. GREEN

Oh, you heard me. Oh, and look at that. You never had chicken pox as a child. Oh, this is gonna be fascinating.

CELESTE

But I --h-how could I...have all those diseases at once?

Dr. GREEN

Well, it's a proprietary blend. I mix it up in a petri dish --The petri dish being...You.

Try and relax. It'll be all right.

CELESTE

Are you...Gonna c-cure me?

Dr. GREEN

No. You're going to die. In four, three...two...

( Celeste vomits green goop onto Dr. Green and dies)

Dr. GREEN

Interesting.

ACT 1

INT. Bobby's HOUSE

Dean: What the hell is wrong with you?

Sam: Dean --

Dean: ...no, don't "Dean" me. I mean, you -- you have had some stupid ideas in the past,

But this --(to Bobby) d-did you know about this?

Bobby: What?

Dean: About Sam's genius plan to cram the devil down his throat.

(Bobby nods)

Dean: Well, thanks for the heads up!

Bobby: Hey, this ain't about me.

Dean: You can't do this.

Sam: That's the consensus.

Dean: All right. Awesome. Then, end of discussion.

(Dean's phone rings)

This isn't over. Hello?

Castiel: Dean?

Dean: Cass?

Sam: Is he okay?

Dean: We all thought you were d*ad. Where the hell are you, man?

(cut to Castiel in a hospital bed)

Castiel: A hospital.

Dean: Are you okay?

Castiel

No.

Dean: You want to elaborate?

Castiel

I just woke up here. The Doctors were fairly surprised. They thought I was brain-d*ad.

Dean: S-so, a hospital?

Castiel

Apparently, after Van Nuys, I suddenly appeared, bloody and unconscious, on a shrimping boat off Delacroix. I'm told it upset the sailors.

Dean: Uh, well, I got to tell you, man -- You're just in time. We figured out a way to pop Satan's box.

Castiel

How?

Dean: It's a long story, but, look --we're going after Pestilence now. So if you want to zap over here...

Castiel

I can't "zap" anywhere.

Dean: What do you mean?

Castiel

You could say my batteries are -- are drained.

Dean: What do you mean? You're out of angel mojo?

Castiel

I'm saying that I am thirsty and my head aches. I have a bug bite that itches no

matter how much I scratch it, and I'm saying that I'm just incredibly...

Dean: Human. Wow. Sorry.

Castiel

Well, my point is -- I can't go anywhere without money for...an airplane ride. And food. And more pain medication, ideally.

Dean: All right. Well, look, no worries. Uh, Bobby's here. He'll wire you the cash.

Castiel: Dean, wait.

Bobby: I will?

Castiel

You said "no" to Michael. I owe you an apology.

Dean: Cass...I-it's okay.

Castiel

You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be.

Dean: Thank you. I appreciate that.

Castiel

You're welcome.

EXT. Bobby's YARD

(Sam & Dean get into the Impala)

Bobby: Be careful.

(Sam & Dean leave in the Impala)

EXT. SERENITY VALLEY CONVALESCENT HOME

(Sam & Dean watch the home from the Impala)

Dean: So this is Dr. Evil's lair, huh?

Sam: It's kind of more depressing than evil.

Dean: It's like a four-color brochure for dying young. Of course, to Pestilence, it's

probably Dollywood in there.

Sam: Great. A whole building full of people. We don't know who's human, who's demon, and who's pestilence. So what do we do?

Dean: Hang on.

INT. SERENITY VALLEY CONVALESCENT HOME

Dean: Hey. Hi. Uh, I'm looking for my Nana. Uh, her name is Eunice Kennedy.

SECURITY Guard

Go around front and see the nurse.

Dean: You mind just helping me out, sir? Uh, she's about, uh, about that small and gray hair, wears diapers.

(Dean knocks out security guard)

Sam: Eunice Kennedy?

Dean: That's the beauty about improv, Sammy. You never know what's gonna come out of your mouth.

Sam: So, what are --(Sam sees Dean drifting off to sleep and taps his arm) Hey. What are we even looking for?

Dean: Well, he's Pestilence, so he probably looks sick.

Sam: Everybody looks sick. (pointing at distortion on the monitor) Hey.

Dean: Oh, now we're talking.

INT. CELESTE's ROOM

CELESTE

Dr. Green, how was your trip?

Dr. GREEN

Oh, very productive. And how are we tonight, Celeste, my favorite patient?

Demon Nurse

Sir...The Winchesters are here. We should go.

Dr. GREEN

Are you kidding me?

Demon Nurse

They have a track record with horsemen.

Dr. GREEN

You mean my brothers. What they did to my brothers. No. The only reasonable thing to do here is to...take it out of their healthy young asses.

Demon Nurse

We're under strict orders not to k*ll the vessels.

Dr. GREEN

Oh, if Satan wants them so bad, (yelling) he can glue them back together!

(beckoning nurse closer) Come. Come. Now then.

Doctor: Page me if she's dying.

(Doctor vomits and falls to the floor, the nurse next to him breaks out in spots and starts gasping)

(Sam and Dean round the corner and find the bodies of the Doctor and nurse. Sam coughs up blood)

Sam: Ugh...Must be getting close.

Dean: You think?

(Dean starts to sink to the floor)

Sam: Dean?(Sam tries to help Dean , but stumbles and Dean falls to the floor) Get up.

Demon Nurse

The Doctor will see you now.

Dr. GREEN / PESTILENCE

Sam. Dean. (Sam holds his Kn*fe up, but then keels over and falls to the floor) Come right in.

ACT 2

INT. SERENITY VALLEY CONVALESCENT HOME

PESTILENCE

Hmm. You boys don't look well. It might be the, uh, Scarlet fever. Or, uh, the meningitis. Oh! Or the syphilis. That's no fun. However you feel right now? It's gonna get so very, very much worse. Questions? Disease gets a bad rap, don't you think? For being filthy.

Chaotic. Uh, but, really, t-that just describes people who get sick. Disease itself... Very...Pure...Single-minded. Bacteria have one purpose --divide and conquer. (Pestilence steps on Dean's hand) That's why, in the end...It always wins. So, you've got to wonder why God pours all his love into something so messy...And weak.It's ridiculous. All I can do is show him he's wrong, one epidemic at a time. Now... On a scale of 1 to 10, how's your pain?

(Door opens, Castiel enters)

Dean: Cass.

PESTILENCE

How'd you get here?

Castiel: I took a bus. Don't worry, I --(Castiel falls to the floor, coughing)

PESTILENCE

Well, look at that. An occupied vessel, but powerless. Oh, that's fascinating. There's not a speck of angel in you, is there?

(Castiel grabs Sam's Kn*fe and cuts off Pestilence's ring finger and pinky finger)

PESTILENCE

Oh!

Castiel: Maybe just a speck.

PESTILENCE

It doesn't matter. It's too late.

INT. Bobby's HOUSE

Bobby: Well, it's nice to actually score a home run for once, ain't it? What?

Sam: Last thing Pestilence said. "it's too late."

Bobby: He get specific?

Sam: No.

Dean: We're just a little freaked out that he might have left a b*mb somewhere. So please tell us you have actual good news.

Bobby: Chicago's about to be wiped off the map. Storm of the millennium. Sets off a daisy chain of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die.

Dean: Huh.

Castiel: I don't understand your definition of good news.

Bobby: Well...Death, the horseman -- he's gonna be there. And if we can stop him before he kick-starts this storm, get his ring back --

Dean: Yeah, you make it sound so easy.

Bobby: Hell, I'm just trying to put a spin on it.

Sam: Well...Bobby, h-how'd you put all this together, anyways?

Bobby: I had, you know...Help.

CROWLEY

Don't be so modest. I barely helped at all. Hello, boys. Pleasure, et cetera. Go ahead. Tell them. There's no shame in it.

Sam: Bobby? Tell us what?

Bobby: World's gonna end. Seems stupid to get all precious over one little...Soul.

Dean: You sold your soul?

CROWLEY

Oh, more like pawned it. I fully intend to give it back.

Dean: Well, then give it back!

CROWLEY

I will.

Dean: Now!

Sam: Did you kiss him?

Dean: Sam!

Sam: Just wondering.

Bobby: No! (Crowley holds out his phone which has a picture of him and Bobby kissing on it)

Why'd you take a picture?

CROWLEY

Why do you have to use tongue?

Dean: All right. You know what? I'm sick of this. Give him his soul back now.

CROWLEY

I'm sorry. I can't.

Dean: Can't or won't?

CROWLEY

I won't, all right? It's insurance.

Dean: What are you talking about?

CROWLEY

You k*ll demons. Gigantor over there has a temper issue about it. But you won't k*ll me... As long as I have that soul in the deposit box.

Bobby: You son of a bitch.

CROWLEY

I'll return it. After all this is over, and I can walk safely away. Do we all understand each other?

EXT. Bobby's YARD

Dean: Let me guess. We're about to have a talk.

Sam: Look, Dean, um...For the record...I agree with you. About me. You think I'm too weak

to take on Lucifer. Well, so do I. Believe me, I know exactly how screwed up I am. You, Bobby, Cass...I'm the least of any of you.

Dean: Oh, Sam...

Sam: No, it's true. It is. But...I'm also all we got. If there was another way...But I don't think

there is. There's just me. So I don't know what else to do. Except just try t-to do what's got to be done.

CROWLEY

And...Scene. There's something you need to see. (hands newspaper to Sam)

Sam: (reads from newspaper) Niveus pharmaceuticals is rushing delivery of its new swine-flu vaccine to "stem the tide of the unprecedented outbreak." Uh, shipments leave Wednesday.

CROWLEY

Niveus pharmaceuticals. Get it? You two are lucky you have your looks. Your demon lover, Brady? V.P. of distribution, Niveus. Ah, yes, that the sound of the abacus clacking? We all caught up?

Dean: So, pestilence

Sam: ...was spreading swine flu.

Dean: Yeah, but not just for giggles. That was step one. Step two is the vaccine. And you think --

CROWLEY

I know. I'll stake my reputation -- That vaccine is chock-full of grade-a, farm-fresh croatoan virus.

Sam: Simultaneous, countrywide distribution. It's quite a plan.

CROWLEY

They don't get to be horsemen for nothing. So, you boys better stock up on...Well, everything. This time next Thursday, we'll all be living in zombieland.

EXT. CHICAGO

('Oh Death' plays as Death is shown exiting his car and walking down the sidewalk. A man walking towards Death is texting and not looking up- he bumps into Death)

Man: Watch where you're walking, pal.

( Death brushes off his shoulder and behind him, the man falls to the ground and dies)

EXT. Bobby's YARD

Bobby: What's your problem?

Castiel: This is what they mean by "the 11th hour," right?

Bobby: Pretty much.

Castiel

Well, it's the 11th hour, and I am useless. All I have is this. ( Castiel waves a g*n What am I even supposed to do with it?

Bobby: Point it and sh**t.

Castiel

What I used to be --

Bobby: Are you really gonna bitch --to me? Quit pining for the varsity years...And load the damn truck.

Dean: All right, well...Good luck stopping the whole zombie apocalypse.

Sam: Yeah. Good luck k*lling Death.

Dean: Yeah.

Sam: Remember when we used to just...hunt wendigos? How simple things were?

Dean: Not really.

Sam: Well, um...(Sam pulls out Ruby's Kn*fe)...You might need this.

CROWLEY

Keep it. (Crowley hands Dean a small scythe) Dean's covered. Death's own. Kills, golly, demons and angels and reapers and, rumor has it, the very thing itself.

Castiel: How did you get that?

CROWLEY

Hello --king of the crossroads. So, shall we? Bobby, you just gonna sit there?

Bobby: No, I'm gonna riverdance.

CROWLEY

I suppose if you want to impress the ladies. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Really wasted that crossroads deal. Fact -- you get more if you phrase it properly. So, I took the liberty of adding a teeny little sub-a clause on your behalf. What can I say? I'm an altruist. Just gonna sit there?

(Bobby gets out of his wheelchair)

Bobby: Son of a bitch.

CROWLEY

Yes, I know. Completely worth your soul. I'm a hell of a guy.

Bobby: Thanks.

CROWLEY

This is getting maudlin. Can we go?

INT. Bobby's VAN

Castiel: "Yes" to Lucifer. Then jump in the hole. It's an interesting plan.

Bobby: That's a word for it.

Sam: So? Go ahead and tell me it's the worst plan you ever heard.

Castiel

Of course. I am happy to say that if that's what you want to hear. But it's not what I think.

Sam: Really?

Castiel

You and Dean have a habit of exceeding my expectations. He resisted Michael. Maybe you could resist Lucifer but there are things that you would need to know.

Sam: Like?

Castiel

Michael has found another vessel.

Sam: What?

Castiel

It's your brother Adam. You must have considered it.

Sam: We were trying not to.

Castiel

Sam...If you say yes to Lucifer and then fail...This fight will happen. And the collateral... It'll be immense. There's also the demon blood.

Sam: What? What are you talking about?

Castiel

To take in Lucifer, it would be more than you've ever drunk.

Sam: But...Why?

Castiel

It strengthens the vessel. Keeps it from exploding.

Sam: But the guy he's in now --

Castiel

He's drinking gallons.

Bobby: And how is that not the worst plan you ever heard?

EXT. NIVEUS PHARMACEUTICALS WAREHOUSE

INT. Bobby's VAN

Bobby: Yup, they're loading up hotshots of Croatoan in the trucks. Okay. First truck don't leave for an hour. We get in, we plant the c-4 every 25 feet, then we pull the f*re alarm.

Castiel: That truck is leaving.

Bobby: Balls! Okay, new plan.

INT. NIVEUS PHARMACEUTICALS WAREHOUSE

Demon 1

It's the Winchesters.

Demon 2

Well, then, let's bake them up a little treat.

WAREHOUSE EMPLOYEE

Help!

Bobby: Side door!

WAREHOUSE EMPLOYEE

Help me, please! Help!

Sam: Get back! (Sam sh**t through the door lock, the door opens)

Bobby: Go. Come on. Go.

(Sam and Bobby see a whole pack of Croatoan infected people attacking someone, they take aim)

ACT 3

(Sam and Bobby sh**t down the Croatoan infected)

WAREHOUSE EMPLOYEE

Help me! Please! Help!

Sam: There's still people here. (Sam starts to move further into the warehouse)

Bobby: Sam, no!

Sam: Wait here. (Sam hands Bobby his Kn*fe)

Bobby: Damn.

EXT. CHICAGO

CROWLEY

Hey, let's stop for pizza.

Dean: Are you kidding?

CROWLEY

Just heard it was good. That's all. Up ahead. Big, ugly building. Ground zero. Horseman's s*ab, if you will. He's in there.

Dean: How do you know?

CROWLEY

Have you met me? 'cause I know. Also, the block is squirming with reapers. I'll be right back. (Crowley disappears and reappears again) Boy, is my face red. Death's not in there.

Dean: You want to cut the cute and get to the part where you tell me where he is?

CROWLEY

Sorry. I don't know.

Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. You don't know?

CROWLEY

Signs pointed. I-I'm just as shocked as you.

Dean: Bobby sold his soul for this!

CROWLEY

Relax. All deals are soul back or store credit. We'll catch Death in the next doomed city.

Dean: Millions, Crowley. Millions of people are about to die any minute.

CROWLEY

True. So I strongly suggest we get out of here.

INT. NIVEUS PHARMACEUTICALS WAREHOUSE

(Sam kills a Croatoan infected attacking a warehouse employee)

Sam: You okay?

(Sam takes the employee to Bobby who is holding off other Croatoan infected)

Bobby: Go! Go!

INT. Impala

Dean: So, what? Call in a b*mb thr*at? 1,000 b*mb thr*at? I mean, how the hell am I supposed to get three million people out of Chicago in the next 10 minutes?

(Crowley has disappeared)

Dean: Come on! (Crowley speaks to Dean from across the street in front of a pizzeria)

What? I can't hear you!

CROWLEY

I said I found him. Death --he's in there.

Dean: You coming or...(Crowley has disappeared)...Not.

INT. NIVEUS PHARMACEUTICALS WAREHOUSE

Bobby: Go! Go!

Sam: All clear.

Bobby: Sam!

(Sam is att*cked by a Croatoan infected, Castiel sh**t him with his g*n)

Castiel: Actually, these things can be useful.

Bobby: Can we commit our act of domestic terrorism already? Let's go.

INT. PIZZERIA

(as Dean approaches Death, the scythe heats up, Dean drops it and it reappears on the table Death is sitting at)

DEATH

Thanks for returning that. Join me, Dean. The pizza's delicious. Sit down. Took you long enough to find me. I've been wanting to talk to you.

Dean: I got to say --I have mixed feelings about that. S-so is this the part where...where you k*ll me?

DEATH

You have an inflated sense of your importance. To a thing like me, a thing like you, well...Think how you'd feel if a bacterium sat at your table and started to get snarky. This is one little planet in one tiny solar system in a galaxy that's barely out of its diapers. I'm old, Dean. Very old. So I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you. (Death gestures to the pizza) Eat. (Dean takes a bite of the pizza) Good, isn't it?

Dean: Well, I got to ask. How old are you?

DEATH

As old as God. Maybe older. Neither of us can remember anymore. Life, death, chicken, egg. Regardless -- at the end, I'll reap him, too.

Dean: God? You'll reap God?

DEATH

Oh, yes. God will die, too, Dean.

Dean: Well, this is way above my pay grade.

DEATH

Just a bit.

Dean: So, then why am I still breathing, sitting here with you? Uh...w-what do you want?

DEATH

The leash around my neck --off. Lucifer has me bound to him. Some unseemly little spell. He has me where he wants, when he wants. That's why I couldn't go to you. I had to wait for you to catch up. He made me his w*apon. Hurricanes, floods, raising the d*ad. I'm more powerful than you can process, and I'm enslaved to a bratty child with a temper tantrum.

Dean: And you think...I can unbind you?

DEATH

There's your ridiculous bravado again. Of course you can't. But you can help me take the b*ll*ts out of Lucifer's g*n. I understand you want this. ( Death holds up his ring)

Dean: Yeah.

DEATH

I'm inclined to give it to you.

Dean: To give it to me?

DEATH

That's what I said.

Dean: But what about...

DEATH

Chicago? I suppose it can stay. I like the pizza. There are conditions.

Dean: Okay. Like?

DEATH

You have to do whatever it takes to put Lucifer in his cell.

Dean: Of course.

DEATH

Whatever it takes.

Dean: That's the plan.

DEATH

No. No plan. Not yet. Your brother. He's the one that can stop Lucifer. The only one.

Dean: What, you think --

DEATH

I know. So, I need a promise. You're going to let your brother jump right into that fiery pit. Well, do I have your word?

Dean: Okay, yeah. Yes.

DEATH

That had better be "yes," Dean. You know you can't cheat death. Now, would you like

the instruction manual?

FINAL ACT

Bobby's YARD

Dean: Well, how'd it go at the Rockettes audition?

Bobby: Well, high kicks -- fair. Boobs need work. I walked up and down stairs all night for no damn reason. I'm sore. Feels so good, I'm scared it's a dream. But then I remember that

the world's dying bloody, so, drink? (Bobby hands Dean a beer)

Dean: Check it out. ( Dean shows Bobby how the rings link together)

Bobby: Hmm. Oh. So death told you how to operate those? The whole deal?

Dean: Yeah. It's nuts. Of course, I got bigger problems now.

Bobby: Really? Like?

Dean: What do you think Death does to people who lie to his face?

Bobby: Nothing good.

Dean: Yeah.

Bobby: What'd you say?

Dean: That I was cool with Sam driving the bus on the whole Lucifer plan.

Bobby: So Death thinks Sam ought to say yes, huh?

Dean: I don't know. Yeah.

Bobby: Hmm.

Dean: But, I mean, of course he'd say that. He works for Lucifer.

Bobby: Against his will, I thought he said.

Dean: Well, I'd say, take his sob story with a fat grain of salt. I mean, he is Death.

Bobby: Exactly. He's Death. Think of the kind of bird's-eye view.

Dean: Seriously?

Bobby: I'm just saying --

Dean: well, don't. I mean, what happened to you being against this?

Bobby: Look, I'm not saying Sam ain't an ass-full of character defects. But...

Dean: But what?

Bobby: Back at Niveus? I watched that kid pull one civilian out after another. Must have saved 10 people. Never stopped. Never slowed down. We're hard on him, Dean. We've always been. But in the meantime... He's been running into burning buildings since he was, what, 12?

Dean: Pretty much.

Bobby: Look, Sam's got a...Darkness in him. I'm not saying he don't. But he's got a hell of a lot

of good in him, too.

Dean: I know.

Bobby: Then you know Sam will b*at the devil...Or die trying. That's the best we could ask for. So I got to ask, Dean. What exactly are you afraid of? Losing? Or losing your brother?
{"type": "series", "show": "Supernatural", "episode": "05x21 - Two Minutes to Midnight"}