TV: And coming up late tonight Steven Botchcoes cop Rock.

Maggie: Ok Chrissy, its time for us top leave.

Chrissy: Mum.Are you going to be home late, or am I going to have to miss Cop rock?

Maggie: Honey it's passed your bedtime.

Chrissy: But its breakthrough television.

Carol: Chrissy's in bed by eight thirty.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jason: So why are you complaining about babysitting?It's not like you had a date tonight.

Carol: Just go.

Ben: Well, I'm all done on doing the dishes on a night that's not even my turn.

Jason: That's good Ben.

Maggie: Thanks Ben.

Ben: May I have your recipe.

Jason: It won't do you any good.We're still going top parents night.

Ben: Is that tonight?

Jason: Oh, should I ground him now or later.

Ben: This isn't like all those times I go in trouble, way back, when was that?

Jason: Oh, lat semester.

Ben: Hey look, what I'm saying is that I'm more mature.

Maggie: Well,

Ben: Hey it doesn't count though, it wasn't milk.And just the other day I had gas and I kept it all to myself.

Maggie: Ben!

Ben: hey not completely to myself, but...

Maggie: Ok, look honey, we have noticed that you are more mature.You haven't gotten into any trouble for weeks, your grades are fine, and my guess is you've got all your teachers buffaloed.

Ben: You bet I do.

Jason: Let's roll Maggie.

Ben: Remember these are bitter people who don't make a lot of money.

Maggie: Well thank you for your time Mrs.Crockmyer.

Jason: Yes, I'm glad we got to talk.Its great to hear Ben's finally buckling down like that.

Teacher: Well I like teaching children and I like cutting up frogs.

Maggie: But isn't this an English class?

Teacher: Yes.

Maggie: Mrs.Crockmyer...

Jason: Wait, we're having a great night.That's the sixth teacher who's been glowing about Ben.

Maggie: They sure must have lowered their standards since mike went her.

Principal: Attention parents.This is your beloved principle Willis Dewitt.Next period is lunch.During this period you are welcome to come to my office to get your child's locker combination.So you can route through their personal belongings.

Maggie: Oh!

Jason: Maggie, we don't have to route through bens locker.

Maggie: Of course we don't have to.We get to.

Jason: Maggie.Ben wouldn't hide anything from us.

Maggie: Because he's such a good student?

Jason: No because he's not slick enough to get anything passed us.

Maggie: Oh Jason, are you going to stand here and do nothing?

Jason: No.I'm going to go to the boy's room and do something.

Man: Hey, look up.Um, hu, force of habit.

Jason: Men, men, men, men, men.How can we be expected to have our children follow our example if we ourselves don't set it?Come on, the surgeon generals report is a generation old.Isn't it time that we need light?

Man: No thanks.It's lit.

Jason: Boy this takes me back.I remember in my school, this is where you get your real education.Mr.little bites.Isn't that funny.

Man 2: No.I'm Mr.little.

Jason: I meant that it's ironic that they should say something so disrespectful and then still use the traditional expression of "good will Mr.".

Man: What kind of goof ball are you?

Jason: Psychiatrist.

Man: Uh hu.

Jason: Dr Seaver.

Ronda's Father: Dr Seaver!

Jason: Hello.

Ronda's Father: Ho.Hey, doctor Seaver.Hey!

Jason: Hey!

Ronda's Father: Hey mo.

Jason: Mo!

Ronda's Father: Mo Green.

Jason: Mo Green.

Ronda's Father: Ronda's dad.

Jason: That would be Ronda Green.

Ronda's Father: I know she is friends with Ben.Oh I love that knucklehead.

Jason: You do?

Ronda's father: If I didn't, how else could I put with him for six nights a week?

Jason: Six nights week?

Ronda's Father: Yeah, he's practically part of the family.

Jason: Ben Seaver?

Ronda's Father: Will you stop it, you're k*lling me.I'm going to compliment you.He's a great kid, and such a hard worker.Cleaning the garage, washing the dishes, fixing the plumbing.Was it you that taught him all about transmissions?

Jason: S E A V E R?

Ronda's Father: I don't know.I can't spell.I'm illiterate.I'm just so glad we're getting along because I wouldn't be surprised if one of these days, you and me were related.If you know what I mean?

Jason: What the hell are you talking about?

Ronda's Father: Ben and Ronda.Hey, now how come you're acting like you don't know what's going on when you threw them a big six-week anniversary party, hu?

Jason: Maggie!Come on in here, there's something I want you to hear.Ronda's Father: Oh, I love this guy.

Maggie: Well if he's been dating her for six weeks, why haven't we met her?

Jason: I don't know.

Maggie: And how could he sneak out of the house very night for six weeks?

Jason: I don't know.

Maggie: Jason, what do you know?

Jason: I know I don't like getting noogied.

Maggie: Where's Ben?

Carol: No good evening?No thank you for babysitting?No gratitude for my time?

Maggie: That's right.Where's Ben?

Carol: Don't know, don't care.

Maggie: Hu.With an attitude like that its no wonder that little Ben is sneaking around with this fourteen-year-old girl with pantyhose in his locker.

Carol: What?You think I have an attitude?Well hu!

Ben: Well, you guys must be really hungry after hearing all those great things about me.

Jason: Ben, I've never been more disappointed in you in my whole life.

Ben: Uh, hey, it wasn't my idea to Vaseline the toilet seats in the teachers lounge.

Maggie: Uh hu.

Ben: Hey they were going to throw out those dissected frogs anyway, so why could I use them?

Jason: Let me give you a hint Ben.Ni ni ni ni ni.

Ben: You know mo.

Jason: Mo than you think.

Ben: Well I guess there's no reason for me to say anything but goodnight.

Maggie: Don't count on it Mr.

Jason: Why haven't we met Ronda?

Maggie: Six weeks!

Jason: Part of the family.

Maggie: Fixing transmissions without permission.

Jason: Don't just sit there.Say something.

Ben: I really, really, really love you guys.

Jason: Uh hu.

Ben: Ok look.I'm dating this girl named Ronda.There, it's out in the open.I feel better.

Maggie: From the beginning Ben, and include all the lies, falsehood and deceptions.

Ben: Um...

Jason: I'm waiting for the old ripple dissolve Ben.

Ben: Well, it was during the first or second week of school.I'm not sure, but I know it was after my English class, because there was frog blood on my shoes.I was getting lunch from my locker when I saw her.

Ronda: That's the last time I wear white shoes to English class.

Ben: You're in my class?

Ronda: Yeah.I had no idea high school English would be like this.Do you want to go out to a movie?

Ben: Hu?

Ronda: Oh right.I'm Ronda Green, but you are probably busy so just forget I asked.

Ben: Wait, wait wait a minute.You're asking me out on a date?

Ronda: You're acting like it's never happened to you before.

Ben: Are you kidding?Usually it's groups of women asking me out.

Ronda: So, what night?

Ben: Any night.

Ronda: I'm free then too.

Ben: Ok, we'll work the details out after school.Behind the dumpster.

Ronda: The one that smells really bad?

Ben: I know it well.

Ronda: Oh and just so you don't worry, I'll pay for me.I'm not after your money.

Ben: I like your style.Dudes, dudes.Hey guys.What's happening?

Stinky: I started shaving today.

Ben: Yeah Stink, but your back doesn't count.So uh, what do you guys figure we're doing this weekend?

Friend: I don't know.I was going to stay home and let my big brother push me around.

Stinky: Will he push me too?

Ben: Sorry I can't join you guys but I got a date.

Friend: Ah, the circus is back in town.So Seaver, who did you ask out?

Ben: I didn't ask anybody out.She asked me.

Guys: No way!

Ben: You guys act like this has never happened to you before.

Stinky: I had a girl talk to me once.She said, "What smells in here?"

Friend: Yeah stinky, my brother will push you around.

Friend 2: Who asked you out?

Ben: Ronda Green.

Guys: Laughing.

Ben: What's so funny?

Friend 1: We thought you meant a real woman, like a cheerleader, or better.

Stinky: What's better than a cheerleader?

Friend 1: A gymnast.

Guys: Yeah!

Ben: You guys are just dumping on me because no one asked you out.

Friend 2: Bennie, Bennie, she's not on the A list.You go out with a girl who's not on the A list and you're finished.Your social life is over and you'll end up with a girl in band.

Stinky: I'm in band.

Friend 2: Nough said.

Ben: But she's paying her own way.

Friend 2: Well because she has to.

Friend 1: Bennie, Bennie, check the wall of truth.There is something disgusting and horrible about every girl on the A list, unfortunately you wont find anything p*rn about Ronda Green.

Ben: Stinky Sullivan is a hunk!

Stinky: I wrote that.Wait till the girls read it.

Friend 1: Think stinky.When will the girls be in this room?

Stinky: When they use the bathroom.

Friend 2: Bennie, look, you can go out with her if you want.But you might as well become a hall monitor.

Ben: Hall monitor.Me!I had to tell her that this date was off.

Ben: But how do you break a girls heart when she looks so cute holding her nose from the stench?I know, I'll phone her.Rhonda, before you get mad at me for not meeting you at the dumpster, I got to tell you something.The reason I cant go out with you this Friday is... because, I'm gay.Hey that will spare her feelings and keep me out of the army.

Mike: Hey Bennie.

Ben: Hi.

Mike: What are you doing?

Ben: Nothing.

Mike: Is your but making a phone call?

Ben: Mike, I'm a d*ad man.There's this girl who asked she s and me out not on the A list.And if I go out with her I'm in terrible trouble.I'm at the end of my rope.

Jason: Ben we want to know why you want to go out with this girl and you are telling us ridiculous stories about not wanting to go out with her.

Ben: I was just getting to that.

Jason: Well get to it.

Ben: Ok.Well that's when mike got involved.

Mike: Wow.

Jason: Wait a minute Mike.Get back here.

Mike: No, I'm not responsible for this little guy.I mean I don't even like him.Whatever he does, he does., I have no influence on his life what so ever.

Maggie: Mike, you better talk and talk now.What have you got to say?

Mike: I really, really, really love you guys.

Ben: Forget it mike.It's a tough room.

Mike: Ben, what are you all bent out of shape for?I mean look, lets face it, you are never going to date a girl on the A list.You'd be lucky to date a girl in band.

Ben: Mike, if you are going to say stuff like that, I might as well go talk to dad.

Mike: You're butts off the hook.

Ben: Thanks for nothing Mike.

Mike: Hey Ben.Look.Who ever told you that this girl was unworthy?

Ben: Veto, Harry and Stinky.

Mike: Ignore them.

Ben: You're telling me to ignore my friends?

Mike: No, I'm telling you to get some new friends.I mean think Bennie.Somehow, some girl finds you vaguely attractive, and you are about to turn her down!

Ben: Well,

Mike: Look, let me put it this way.Did Mr.Hailey say I'll wait for the next comet?

Maggie: Ben, it actually happened that way?

Ben: Yeah.

Jason: I don't know what to say.You really told him not to buckle to peer pressure?To stand up to his friends and do the right thing?

Mike: Yeah.And besides, if she's really desperate, the weenie might get lucky.

Jason: Get out Mike.

Ben: Well I've certainly learned my lesson.I'll never talk to mike again.

Maggie: Ben, the date.

Ben: Oh yeah.

Maggie: Ben!

Ben: I'm waiting for the ripple.

Cinema: I think we're lost Mindy.This maze is so confusing.We're never going to get out of here.

Ronda: Ben, you really like the fuzzy wuzzy bears?

Ben: Yeah, they're cool.

Ronda: Wouldn't it be more fun to go over to cinema four and see Wild At Heart?

Ben: No.Excessive sex and v*olence upsets me.v*olence anyway.

Cinema: I love you Windy bear.

Veto: There they are.Just like I said.

Harry: I can't believe it.

Children: Shhh!Quiet.

Ben: Oh!

Ronda: What's wrong?

Ben: Excuse me.I have to go to the bathroom.Pick up some raisonettes.What are you guys doing at a G rated movie?

Harry: What are you doing with Ronda Green?

Ben: She's here too.

Veto: Nice try Bennie.So you guys think that he should wear that hall monitor sash over his left shoulder or his right?

Ben: (in his mind) I was cornered.I was d*ad.My honor was at stake.So I lied.

Ben: You guys have got it all wrong about Ronda.She's the kinda girl who makes guys happy.If you know what I mean.I'd say more but there are little fuzzy bears on the screen.

Harry: but she looks so moral.

Ben: Look, I don't care what you guys think, cos I'm happy.Ha ha ha ha ha h a!

Ben: (in his mind) The next couple of hours were a blur.All I am sure of is by the time Ronda bought me that second chilidog later that night, we were going steady.I had no idea that one lie could spread so fast.It changed my life so much.People were looking at me.And they weren't laughing.

Kids: Applause.Bennie, Bennie!

Jason: So you are going out with a girl that you don't even like just to keep your friends fooled?

Jason: Alright, do you plan on marrying the girl, just to keep up the charade Ben?

Ben: No, see in three years I graduate.Then there's always the army.

Jason: You see this is really out there.

Ben: Hey, it's not all bad.Mrs.Green is a great cook.

Maggie: You eat dinner there too?

Ben: Yeah, but only after I eat dinner here first.

Jason: Ben!

Ben: Hey, it's their way of thanking me for doing all those chores.

Maggie: But that's another thing Ben.When was the last time you did a chore around here?

Ben: Its just I'm always so tired.

Jason: I guess so.

Ben: And about fixing his transmission, I got lucky.

Maggie: Well your luck just ran out Ben.

Jason: This cannot go on.

Ben: What did I do that was really wrong?

Maggie: Dating a girl we never met.

Jason: Going steady with a girl we haven't met.

Maggie: When you aren't allowed to go steady in the first place.

Jason: Sneaking out of this house forty two times without permission.

Maggie: Eating two dinners every night.

Ben: How's that wrong?

Maggie: It's wrong.It's just wrong.

Jason: And what about all the rumors you are starting about this girl?

Ben: You don't have to worry about the rumours dad.I made them up.

Jason: Ben has it occurred to you that you might be damaging this girls reputation?

Ben: I don't see how.She's on the A list now.

Jason: So what do you think you should do now?

Ben: I don't know.I know its not having dinner.(And so the next morning)Ronda's father: Here Robbie.Eh do we have a dog.

Ronda: No.

Ronda's father: If we did I'd call it Robbie.Ben, you knuckle head!How long have you been here?

Ben: Since dawn.

Ronda: Then why didn't you say something?We could have got an early start on digging the pool.

Ben: Mr.Green, is Ronda home?

Ronda: Yeah, but she's not much good with a shovel.Mighty handy with a pick axe though.Like I need to tell you.Ha ha ha ha.

Ben: Can I talk to her?

Ben: Um no, I cant I already ate.

Ronda: So.

Ben: (in his head) How am I going to explain this to her?Ok, I've got no choice.I've got to be honest.I'll tell her I'm not attracted to her, I never was attracted to her, and the only reason I'm dating her is because my friends believe my lies about her.

Ronda: (in her head) Oh, what's he doing here this early?This is the last straw.Today is the day I tell him that the only reason I went out with him was to get on the A list.

Ronda: Ben.

Ben: Ronda.

Ben and Ronda (in their heads): It's now or never.

Ben: Look I know I'm here early, I don't want breakfast.Do you want to break up?

Ronda: I'm not hungry either.Great, let's break up.

Ben: When?

Ronda: Now's good.

Ben: Ok, see you in school.

Ronda: See you in school.

Ben: (in his head) For the first time in six weeks, she's made me happy.

Ronda: (in her head) Me too.
{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x05 - Ben's Sure Thing"}