MUSIC IN:

(SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP)

TONY: Lieutenant Lara Hill. Stop number forty six on the boredom express.

ZIVA: Cheer up. This could be fun.

TONY: If I wanted to knock on doors all day, I would have joined UPS.

ZIVA: Trust me. Brown is not your most flattering color.

TONY: You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?

ZIVA: We're looking for a mole in the Pentagon, Tony. Espionage just so happens to be one of my specialties.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

TONY: We're interviewing code geeks. They're not even sure there is a mole.

ZIVA: Don't you find it a bit coincidental that every time the Navy breaks a Venezuelan code, it changes almost instantly?

(SFX: TONY YAWNS)

ZIVA: All right. I'm trying the back door.

CUT TO:

EXT. BACK YARD - DAY

(SFX: GATE OPENS)

TONY: Relax, Ziva David. We're dealing with a Naval Officer. Not Doctor Evil.

ZIVA: Well, she didn't show up for work or her interview with us. No one has been able to reach her by phone.

TONY: She probably overslept.

ZIVA: I believe in being prepared.

TONY: So do Boy Scouts. Why didn't you bring Webelos McGee with you?

ZIVA: I tried. He was busy.

TONY: I've got an idea. How about if I shove you right through here? Huh?

(F/X: CAT SCAMPERS FROM THE HOUSE)

(SFX: ZIVA LAUGHS)

ZIVA: Don't tell me you're afraid of a little p*ssy - cat, Tony?

TONY: (b*at) It looks like blood.

(MUSIC UP AND OUT)

(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/ SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT)

MUSIC IN:

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

"UNTOUCHABLE"

TONY: I knew something was wrong the minute I got out of the car, Probie. Instinct. Pure and simple. Either you got it or you don't.

MCGEE: Yeah, well I heard you squealed like a little squirrel when the cat jumped out at you.

TONY: I was saving this for Ziva, but since you volunteered... find the little beast. Got blood on his paws. It's evidence.

MCGEE: I'm allergic to cats.

TONY: Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea. Try holding your breath.

DUCKY: Our Lieutenant suffered a single g*n wound, Jethro, to the right temple...

GIBBS: Through and through.

DUCKY: Yeah.

GIBBS: Impacted here. Round's still in the book, Duck.

DUCKY: Sadly, one less reader in the world.

JIMMY: Who committed su1c1de. Or maybe she was just cleaning her g*n too close to her head.

GIBBS: DiNozzo.

TONY: NCIS investigates all suicides as homicides until proven otherwise, Palmer.

JIMMY: Got it.

GIBBS: T.O.D., Duck?

DUCKY: Nine, nine thirty this morning. What time was her interview scheduled for today?

GIBBS: Ten hundred.

ZIVA: Gibbs.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

ZIVA: I found it taped underneath the bureau.

GIBBS: Hundreds and fifties. Non-sequential. Maybe fifty, sixty grand.

TONY: Looks like we found our mole, Boss. Knew she was cornered. No way out. NCIS closing in.

ZIVA: She could have run, Tony. su1c1de is only for when you know you're going to be captured.

TONY: For you, maybe. This doesn't exactly look like the bedroom of a hardcore super secret agent chick.

ZIVA: I have stuffed animals. Okay, I was twelve. But still, I mean...

GIBBS: She could have been coerced.

ZIVA: To be a mole?

TONY: He means to k*ll herself.

GIBBS: I mean both, DiNozzo. How many suicides you know make their beds before they off themselves?

TONY: Want me to inform Lieutenant Hill's Command about her death, Boss?

GIBBS: Nope.

TONY: He wants to tell him himself. That way he can gauge the response.

GIBBS: DiNozzo.

TONY: On your six, Boss.

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

GIBBS: Get the couch, bookcase, and carpets to Abby.

TONY: Oh. On it.

GIBBS: McGee!

MCGEE: Yeah, Boss?

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - DAY

(SFX: MCGEE SNEEZES)

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE CHASES THE CAT)

MCGEE: He's really quick, Boss.

TONY: (INTO PHONE) All right, I'll hold. McGee, you go that way. I'll go this way. We'll corner the guy. You've got to be very careful with animals. They're... tricky.

(SFX: CAT B.G.)

GIBBS: Hey!

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAT WALKS INTO THE CARRIER)

TONY: Or you can just do that.

GIBBS: With me. We're going to the Pentagon.

MCGEE: Cryptology unit?

GIBBS: I need you to translate.

TONY: He needs you to speak the geek for him, McGeekle.

GIBBS: DiNozzo, find a home for that thing!

(SFX: CAT B.G.)

CUT TO:

INT. CRYPTO UNIT - DAY

(SFX: VOICES B.G.)

DORN: Agent Gibbs. I understand you've got an investigation to run, but I'd appreciate a courtesy call before you show up here to interview any more of my people.

GIBBS: We're not here to interview your people today, Captain Dorn.

DORN: What happened?

GIBBS: Lieutenant Hill.

DORN: Well, what? She didn't show up for her interview at NCIS today?

GIBBS: Nope.

DORN: Well, if she's running late, I can tell you there's a good reason. She's one of my--

MCGEE: We know the reason.

GIBBS: She's d*ad.

DORN: How?

MCGEE: Appears to be su1c1de.

DORN: Let's continue this conversation in my office.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE - DAY

DORN: These... cryptographers. They're not like us. Their lives are by patterns and numbers. To tell you the truth, I don't understand half of it. But they're pretty tightly wound and Lieutenant Hill was no different.

GIBBS: You're saying she was suicidal?

DORN: I'm saying that she was withdrawn. She was socially awkward, had obsessive-compulsive traits.

MCGEE: Well none of that was in her medical record.

DORN: No, and it wouldn't be! These people are recruited based on their abilities, and sometimes it's a thin line between genius and...

GIBBS: Insanity.

DORN: Look, a lot of these people tend to be naturally paranoid, and this mole hunt hasn't helped. My entire section's on edge.

GIBBS: They should be.

DORN: If there's a leak, I am telling you right now it is not coming from my people.

MCGEE: We found sixty thousand dollars hidden in Lieutenant Hill's home.

GIBBS: She ended up d*ad instead of attending the interview she had today. What does that tell you?

DORN: (INTO PHONE) Lieutenant Hall?

HALL: (FILTERED) Sir?

DORN: (INTO PHONE) We are now in lockdown. I want all the work secured and the section restricted to quarters until further notice.

HALL: Yes, Sir. (V.O./OVER INTERCOM) Attention! Initiate emergency Plan Alpha. Shut down your systems and secure classified material. When complete, report to your quarters until further notice.

DORN: Okay. What now?

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

TONY: Hey, buddy. Look what I got! Who found your favorite little carrot toy? Come here. Come here. Here. Yeah. Good kitty. (SFX: CAT MEOWS B.G.)

(SFX: CAT SCREECHES/ HISSES)

TONY: Yah!

(SFX: LAUGHTER)

TONY: You think that's funny, Probies? Huh? Did I hear a little chuckle back here in the peanut gallery? Is that it? You want to know how the blood got there? Hm? You think that's funny? I'll tell you how it got there. Garfield over there. We found that animal feasting on this woman's face. Doctor Mallard thinks that this kitty cat is rabid. Me? I'm of the opinion that it's a man eater. He likes the taste of human flesh. It starts with the cheeks. Then it moves to the lips. Soft lips. Then it works on the tongue a little bit until it's just a little nub. A lot of blood in the tongue. Guys, there was blood spewing from this poor woman's maw. Get a kick out of this now? You think this is funny, Chuckle Head. That's what it was feasting on when we found it. It took four tranquilizers and three--

ZIVA: That's very dramatic, Tony. Can we get back to work now?

TONY: You heard the lady, probies. And careful with that because it is evidence. (LAUGHS) I never get tired of it. What'd you find out?

ZIVA: The neighbors were at work. The woman next door - she was actually there, but she didn't hear anything.

TONY: I wish I had a neighbor like that. The old bat that lives next to me complains every time I bring a date home. Want to know why?

ZIVA: Shouting of, "No means no!?"

TONY: Huh. That's a good one, but not even close.

ZIVA: I was actually kidding.

TONY: Oh.

ZIVA: I have the same problem at my place, Tony.

TONY: Really? You have a surround system too?

ZIVA: No. I'm what you Americans like to call a screamer, yes?

(SFX: ZIVA CHUCKLES)

(PHONE RINGS)

TONY: Answer it.

ZIVA: Well, what do you want me to say?

TONY: I don't know. Scream something.

HILL: (RECORDED VOICE) This is Lara. Leave a message.

BOB: (V.O./FILTERED) Hi, Miss Hill. This is Bob calling with a special offer.

TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hello, this is Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. You called a crime scene. We're wiretapping this phone, so please be advised that we will be contacting you at your home.

BOB: (V.O./FILTERED) My home?

TONY: (INTO PHONE) Anytime day or night. Probably during the weekend, early in the morning.

BOB: (V.O./FILTERED) All right.

TONY: That was fun. Telemarketers. You can't escape them even when you're d*ad.

ZIVA: Ooh, speaking about escape?

TONY: Nobody move!

CUT TO:

INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY

DUCKY: To assume is to make an enemy of exactitude, Mister Palmer.

JIMMY: Because it makes an ass out of you and me?

DUCKY: Is this the best time for an attempt at humor?

JIMMY: Um, no.

DUCKY: We must strive for excellence, Mister Palmer. Go the extra mile.

JIMMY: I understand.

DUCKY: Do you now? Oh, that's good. What exactly was your assumption?

JIMMY: Well, the Instant g*n Residue Test came back positive.

DUCKY: Yeah.

JIMMY: She had a p*stol in her hand. She has a hole in her head. It would seem reasonable to conclude su1c1de, Sir.

DUCKY: There's nothing reasonable about a lovely young girl like this taking her life in such a grotesque fashion. It's true firearms are the most common instrument of su1c1de. However, women tend to avoid the proximity of the face when pulling the trigger. Vanity, Mister Palmer. Simple vanity.

JIMMY: We're not finished with the external exam, are we, Sir?

DUCKY: Well, you're not. You're so sure that the cause of death was su1c1de. Why don't you work out how you would prove it?

JIMMY: You want me to...

DUCKY: Finish the external exam. Clean, measure - you know, the usual. You think you can do that?

JIMMY: Absolutely, Doctor!

DUCKY: Then work through the procedure, item by item. Make whatever notes you can.

JIMMY: Right. Oh, thank you, Doctor.

DUCKY: Have her ready for autopsy two o'clock tomorrow.

JIMMY: Yeah.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

TONY: That's why I never had pets.

ZIVA: You've never had any pets?

TONY: Well, I had sea monkeys once.

ZIVA: What's a sea monkey?

TONY: Basically brine shrimp swimming around in green water. I know. I thought the same thing.

ZIVA: What happened to them?

TONY: My mother got their sea castles confused with her mint julep.

ZIVA: Your mother drank your monkeys?

TONY: It was the seventies.

GIBBS: It explains a lot, DiNozzo.

GIBBS: Hey boss? I went through Lieutenant Hill's background.

ZIVA: Her phone records, credit card bills, personal habits. There's no discernible patterns.

TONY: Yet. She's a cryptographer, Ziva. We could be dealing with a real pro here, Boss.

GIBBS: Well, DiNozzo, if she was a pro, she wouldn't have k*lled herself.

MCGEE: (V.O.) You should have heard the guy, Abby.

CUT TO:

INT. GARAGE - DAY

MCGEE: I mean, just because you (ON CAMERA) have an aptitude for math and science, it does not make them some kind of suicidal freak.

ABBY: A little higher, McGee.

MCGEE: Is that what people think about us?

GIBBS: Ask me later, McGee. Oh, this better be work related.

ABBY: Oh, it is. And you're just in time for the show and tell portion. McGee, if you will. So Lieutenant Hill sits down on the couch, puts the g*n to her head, and bang! I said "bang," McGee.

MCGEE: Bang.

ABBY: I matched the b*llet found in the book to the Kahr nine-millimeter in the victim's hand. Looks like a su1c1de, right?

GIBBS: Except.

ABBY: When a w*apon is used at this close of range, there's extensive blood splatter from the exit wound. But blow-back also creates a fine mist of blood which lands here. Imperceptible to the human eye, but not to the magic of modern science. You're still d*ad, McGee.

GIBBS: And?

ABBY: Two steps away... voila!

GIBBS: Footprints.

ABBY: Exactly. Which means....

GIBBS: Somebody else was in the room.

(MUSIC UP AND OUT)

MUSIC IN:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT

TONY: No evidence of forced entry. No bruises or marks to show that she was forced to pull the trigger or unconscious when she died. All we have is this... the Rorschach test from hell.

ZIVA: You believe Abby may be mistaken?

TONY: Well, I believe it's going to be tough to prove the su1c1de was faked when all you got is two partial footprints.

ZIVA: She could have been drugged. The k*ller could have placed the p*stol in her hand and pulled the trigger.

TONY: The initial tox screens all came back negative.

ZIVA: Some narcotics are hard to trace. And as for no evidence of forced entry, we could be dealing with a trained assassin.

TONY: Or she knew her k*ller, Ziva. Probie, it's about time! I'm starving like Lee Marvin!

MCGEE: Well, then you shouldn't have sent me for the world's greatest barbecue because I had to wait in line for an hour.

TONY: It will be worth it.

MCGEE: You're welcome. Hey, Boss. Did you want something too, because, well, it's just that you never order.... I can... I can go back. I'll go back.

GIBBS: Sit down. No one has earned dinner yet!

ZIVA: I agree, though I doubt this qualifies as dinner. In fact, I'm not even sure what this is. A Sea monkey?

TONY: Goat. I'm pretty sure it's kosher.

ZIVA: Maybe. But... still disgusting.

GIBBS: There is a mole in the Pentagon and our only lead lies d*ad on a slab in Autopsy. I want answers!

MCGEE: Boss? We ran the serial number on the m*rder w*apon found in Hill's apartment. We just got a match. Purchased six months ago by this woman.

ZIVA: Lieutenant Keira Napleton? We just...

TONY: Interviewed her last week. She's in the same crypto unit as Hill.

ZIVA: Looks like we didn't do such a good job.

TONY: We'll bring her in.

GIBBS: DiNozzo!

TONY: We'll bring her in now. We'll eat dinner later.

GIBBS: (CHEWING) Good goat.

MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM

(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)

GIBBS: I'm Special Agent Gibbs.

NAPLETON: Keira Nap - I mean, Lieutenant Keira Napleton, Sir. Middle name, IngBall. Family name on my father's side. Most people would find it --

GIBBS: You're not here because of a middle name, Lieutenant.

CUT TO:

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM

ZIVA: This woman is a total turd! (b*at) A geek, yes?

TONY: The term is nerd.

ZIVA: Whatever. I'm just saying it's hard to picture her as a k*ller.

TONY: Remember the time that we Super Glued McGeek's face to his desk?

ZIVA: (CHUCKLES) Yes. That's a good point.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM

NAPLETON: Am I to assume I'm in some form of legal trouble? I only ask because no one has informed me of my Article Thirty One rights yet, Sir.

GIBBS: Want me to read them to you?

NAPLETON: Actually I have them memorized.

GIBBS: Good. That'll save time.

NAPLETON: I was interviewed by NCIS, Sir. I am not a... a traitor to my country.

GIBBS: Hm? What about her?

NAPLETON: You think Lara was the mole?

GIBBS: Tell me about her.

NAPLETON: Well, she was Catholic, liked to play softball. Her left leg was longer than her right.

GIBBS: I'm more interested in her being d*ad, Lieutenant!

NAPLETON: I don't know, Sir. Perhaps she was depressed?

GIBBS: Enough to blow her head off?

NAPLETON: She... she sh*t herself?!

GIBBS: With this.

CUT TO:

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM

GIBBS: (FILTERED) A Kahr nine millimeter. Yours. What was that doing at her house?

NAPLETON: (FILTERED) The real estate market being what it is--

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM

NAPLETON: ... Being what it is and the forecasted projections over the next several--

GIBBS: Lieutenant!

NAPLETON: I have orders for Norfolk, Sir. So I sold my townhouse. Lara let me stay with her until I shipped out.

GIBBS: Convenient.

NAPLETON: Most people would think so, but the commute really wasn't that much better...

GIBBS: Meaning, she wasn't alone when the trigger was pulled.

NAPLETON: You think I was .... I was there with her? Sir, if I was...I would have stopped her.

GIBBS: Where were you?

NAPLETON: At... I was at Alphonse's last night. My boyfriend.

CUT TO:

INT. OBSERVATION ROOM

NAPLETON: (FILTERED) I went straight to work from his house.

TONY: I don't believe it.

ZIVA: She appears to be telling the truth.

TONY: No, I mean the part about her having a boyfriend.

ZIVA: Oh.

TONY: Come on.

CUT TO:

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM

GIBBS: I need his number and address.

NAPLETON: I would appreciate it if you kept this quiet, Agent Gibbs. My parents... they still think I'm a virgin.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

DORN: How much longer is this going to take, Agent McGee?

MCGEE: Ah, hard to say, Captain. Agent Gibbs doesn't like to be interrupted during interrogation.

DORN: It's almost zero two in the morning.

GIBBS: Oh, we're just getting started here, Skipper.

DORN: Agent Gibbs, do you think Lieutenant Napleton's the mole?

GIBBS: She's staying here until we check her alibi.

DORN: Alibi? For what?

GIBBS: It's too soon to say.

DORN: Well, we have another problem now. Our security may have been compromised.

GIBBS: May have?

DORN: After you left today, I conducted a thorough inventory of our section. Every piece of technology was scrutinized. Do you know what this is?

MCGEE: Oh, it's...

GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Oh, yeah. That's one of those... uh... memory doodah things for a computer.

DORN:

DORN: Yeah, basically we use it to transfer data between terminals. At the end of the night they're checked in. They're kept in a vault.

(CONT.) They never leave the section. I found this today in its proper place. The only problem is... someone took the memory cartridge out.

GIBBS: Who has access to the vault?

DORN: Two people. Lieutenant Hill and Lieutenant Napleton.

GIBBS: What was on it?

DORN: Could be anything. It holds over two gigs of information.

GIBBS: McGee, bag it. Get a hold of Ziva and Tony. Tell them we're heading out.

MCGEE: I got it. Ah, where to, Boss?

GIBBS: To look for the other doo-dah that goes inside that one.

MCGEE: On it.

DORN: Agent Gibbs, this is my fault. I've already offered my resignation to the Admiral.

GIBBS: Don't fall on your sword yet, Captain. Like I said, we're just getting started here.

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

MCGEE: The flashcard could be anywhere. If you find it, though, try not to touch the contacts.

ZIVA: Mossad training does not include food service.

(SFX: MCGEE COUGHS)

MCGEE: This thing hasn't been cleaned in years.

TONY: It's a heating duct, McGee. Nobody cleans heating ducts... except for you guys.

ZIVA: Oh, god! It smells like it's been here for a month!

MCGEE: That's exactly why I don't have a roommate.

GIBBS: Roommates are never a good idea.

MCGEE: Did you ever have one, Boss?

GIBBS: Three, McGee. They're called wives.

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/ALL SEARCH THE KITCHEN CABINETS/HOUSE FOR THE CHIP)

(PASSAGE OF TIME)

(SFX: ZIVA SNORES)

GIBBS: Pack up. I found it. It looks like they're putting decoder rings in cereal boxes again. (b*at) What?

TONY: Ah, it's a little before our time, Boss.

CUT TO:

INT. LAB - DAY

ZIVA: Find anything, Abby?

ABBY: I pulled a partial print off the flashcard. I'm running it now. Rough night?

ZIVA: Is there any other kind with Gibbs?

ABBY: It could be worse. It could be Saturday.

ZIVA: It is Saturday, Abby.

ABBY: See? It just got worse. Thanks.

TONY: Do you have any Super Glue, Abs?

GIBBS: What did I tell you about that, DiNozzo?

TONY: His skin might not grow back.

GIBBS: What do we have?

ABBY: The partial print didn't match anyone in the crypto unit, so I'm running it through AFIS and other databases.

GIBBS: McGee.

MCGEE: Uh... I dumped the contents of the flashcard. It's encrypted so we're going to need someone from the crypto section to have access to their codes.

GIBBS: Captain Dorn is coming in later.

ABBY: Well, not so fast, Gibbs. I got a h*t. It's from the Office of Foreign Missions.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

TONY: Name's Simon Roca. He's the Protocol Officer at the Embassy of Venezuela.

ZIVA: He's got an apartment in the Watergate. Been on station since last June.

TONY: Well, if Lara Hill was selling code, Roca could be the source of the money we found.

TONY: k*lled her because he was afraid she wouldn't hold up under questioning.

MCGEE: We bringing him in?

GIBBS: We can't.

MCGEE: Can't? He m*rder a Naval Officer, Boss!

TONY: He has a license to k*ll, McGee.

ZIVA: He's got full diplomatic immunity.

(MUSIC UP AND OUT)

FADE IN:

INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) What can the State Department do for NCIS at seven thirty on a Saturday, Agent Gibbs?

GIBBS: I've got a d*ad Naval Officer who might be a mole. Evidence connects her to a foreign diplomat.

LEVINSON: What country?

GIBBS: Venezuela. His name is Simon Roca.

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Bad choice. Pick another.

GIBBS: I want to question him.

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) You are aware of our current relations with Venezuela.

GIBBS: They are about to get worse.

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) They've already accused us of meddling in their internal affairs. The Venezuelan Petroleum Minister has thr*at to cut off future oil shipments and to close their refineries in the U.S.

GIBBS: Sounds like a real headache. What time can I question him?

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) The man has diplomatic immunity, Agent Gibbs.

GIBBS: The man's a foreign intelligence officer who m*rder a Navy Lieutenant.

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) You have proof of this?

GIBBS: Her death was made to look like a su1c1de.

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Meaning you can't prove it.

GIBBS: His prints were found on classified Pentagon hardware recovered from the d*ad woman's home.

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) The Vienna Convention exists for a reason, Agent Gibbs. If you can prove he committed m*rder, I mean, prove.

GIBBS: By the time I prove it, Roca will have left the country.

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Then we take your proof to the Secretary, and if she signs off on it? We then ask Venezuelan Foreign Mission to waive his immunity. Not very likely.

GIBBS: And he walks for m*rder?

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) I don't make the rules, Agent Gibbs. I do, however, expect you to follow them. Until we give you permission, you can't question Roca. Where's he going? Gibbs! Gibbs!

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

(MUSIC OVER ACTION)

MCGEE: Hey, Boss!

TONY: Nice try, Probie. Power nap, Boss. Doorman at the Watergate hasn't seen Roca for the past two days. He's probably holed up inside their embassy.

GIBBS: Take Ziva. Find out. You can't question him.

TONY: Gonna be awful hard to get answers if I can't ask questions.

GIBBS: DiNozzo, if it was easy, I would send Joe the Janitor.

ZIVA: Customs hasn't checked his passport in the last twenty four hours. He's most likely still in country.

MCGEE: Not for long. The Venezuelan Embassy booked a private jet this morning out of Loudoun County Airport.

GIBBS: (b*at) To leave when, McGee?

MCGEE: Sorry. Ah, today. Simon Roca's name is listed as a passenger.

GIBBS: We need to tie Roca to Lieutenant Hill's m*rder before he boards that plane. Go! Go! How do we prove the Lieutenant's death wasn't a su1c1de?

ABBY: In a day?

GIBBS: Abby, I think she was unconscious when it happened.

ABBY: If Ducky can examine the brain tissue and send me a sample, I might be able to prove that.

GIBBS: Yeah, do it.

ABBY: Um... Ducky doesn't get in until noon. Do you want me to call him or do you want the pleasure?

CUT TO:

INT. NCIS SEDAN - DAY

ZIVA: You know, I've been thinking, Tony. Remember when we were locked in that container and you told me you used to take piano lessons? Well, I think you should start again. I could teach you. Who knows, maybe it could be fun. Tony! Ha. But I'm sure you'd make a lousy student anyway.

TONY: (b*at) Do it and die, Amadeus.

ZIVA: I thought you were asleep.

TONY: You thought wrong. I was meditating.

ZIVA: About?

TONY: When you said you were a screamer, you did mean...

ZIVA: I did. Ooh, we've got company.

(SFX: KNOCK ON WINDOW)

LYON: This is a restricted zone. You can't park here.

TONY: NCIS. We are looking for Venezuelan Protocol Officer Simon Roca.

LYON: Ah, Don Juan. We give them nicknames. Helps relieve the boredom. People seem to think Secret Service is like Clint Eastwood, protecting the President.

TONY: Yeah, in the Line of f*re. It's a good movie.

LYON: Yeah, I wish it were that exciting. How do you like NCIS?

TONY: It has its moments.

LYON: Good hours?

ZIVA: You asked on the wrong day. Is Roca in or not?

LYON: As a matter of fact, he is, which is unusual.

TONY: Why is that?

LYON: I've been here over a year, Don Juan's never spent the night before. Day guy logged him in at eleven sixteen a.m. yesterday.

TONY: Looks pretty refreshed to me.

ZIVA: (V.O.) Who is that with him?

LYON: That's Don Juan's driver. Looks like they're getting ready to go for a ride.

TONY: All right, thanks.

LYON: (V.O.) You bet.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

(PHONE RINGS)

GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.

TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Hey, Boss. Roca's inside the embassy.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)

(SCENE CUT)

TONY: (INTO PHONE) Looks like he's taking sanctuary until his flight.

(SCENE CUT)

GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Stay on station and set up a video link to MTAC. I want to know when he moves.

(SCENE CUT)

TONY: (INTO PHONE) On it. (TO ZIVA) You weren't planning on sleeping, were you?(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)

ZIVA: Not unless you're planning on taking a shower anytime soon.

TONY: What's that supposed to mean?

CUT TO:

INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY

JIMMY: I don't know about this, Abby. Doctor Mallard won't even let me sit in his chair without supervision.

ABBY: That's because you mess with the height adjustments, Jimmy. You... can... do this.

JIMMY: This is not a good idea.

ABBY: We don't have time to wait for Ducky on this, okay? What comes first? The saw?

JIMMY: Careful, okay? These are all in a very specific order.

ABBY: Stop being so Palmer, Jimmy.

JIMMY: All right. I will need a scalpel.

ABBY: Jimmy, are you really going to do this, or am I?

JIMMY: I'll do it.

DUCKY: What exactly are you two doing?

JIMMY: Oh, Doctor Mallard! I uh... um... the thing is, I... she made me do it!

DUCKY: Well, everything seems to be in order. Why don't you begin, Mister Palmer, while I get changed?

JIMMY: You're... you're not mad?

DUCKY: Work cannot stop, Mister Palmer, because my mother's nurse elects to abandon us on a Saturday morning. I applaud your initiative.

ABBY: So what'd you do with your mom?

VICTORIA: Donald! You promised me we were going for a ride!(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)

DUCKY: We did go for a ride, Mother.

VICTORIA: Oh, well very well. You drive too fast, Donald. Is that our housekeeper?

DUCKY: Mother, Mrs. Leary left for Ireland ten years ago.

JIMMY: Hello, Mrs. Mallard!

VICTORIA: Oh. Ask the boy to pour me a drink.

DUCKY: We're not at home, Mother. And Jimmy is not a servant.

VICTORIA: Very well. I shall do it myself.

DUCKY: Abby, would you do me a favor? I mean, just until we finish?

VICTORIA: Oh, have you seen....

ABBY: Of course. Mrs. Mallard? Would you like to see my mass spectrometer?

VICTORIA: What a charming young lady. Of course I would, my dear. What is a mass speedometer? Does it move very fast?

ABBY: Well...(SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED)

CUT TO:

INT. NCIS SEDAN - DAY

TONY: Can I ask you a question?

ZIVA: Yes.

TONY: You really think I smell?

ZIVA: I was just kidding.

(SFX: FLATULENCE)

TONY: What about now?

ZIVA: You are disgusting. You do that again and I'll sh**t you. Got it? Oh!

TONY: Start the car.

ZIVA: What good is that going to do when you're still in it?!

(SFX: CAR ENGINE STARTS)

TONY: It's Roca's car.

ZIVA: (INTO RADIO) Gibbs, Roca's leaving.

CUT TO:

INT. MTAC - DAY

MCGEE: Boss, the private jet he booked is refueled and standing by. The diplomat's car's considered foreign soil. It's as sovereign as the embassy.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR - DAY

TONY: What do we do?

CUT TO:

INT. MTAC - DAY

GIBBS: Delay him.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR - MOVING

TONY: Okay, here we go.(SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH)

CUT TO:

INT. LAB - DAY

VICTORIA: Hippopotamus amphibious. The river horse. I once swam with them while I was on safari in Kenya. Oh, dear. My apologies.

(SFX: FLATULENCE)

ABBY: Oh, no. That's Bert, the hippo. He's supposed to do that.

VICTORIA: Really? How delightful! Reminds me of my bagpipe-playing days. Did you know that without those longshoremen tattoos and that dog collar, you are the exact spitting image of my sister Gloria?(SFX: FLATULENCE)

ABBY: Thank you.

VICTORIA: I hated her. She once tried to sleep with my late husband while he was still alive.

(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)

DUCKY: Mother! I'm sure Abigail doesn't want to hear any more of our family troubles.

ABBY: It's fine, Ducky. We're having a good time.

DUCKY: Brain tissue. I need a full rundown on that.

VICTORIA: Donald, did you sleep with her?

DUCKY: Mother, please!

VICTORIA: Honestly, it's about time I had some grandchildren. He isn't getting any younger. You need to move fast.

CUT TO:

INT. SEDAN - MOVING

TONY: How exactly does Gibbs expect us to delay him?

ZIVA: I have a plan. Buckle your seatbelt.

TONY: What?

ZIVA: Buckle.

(MUSIC OVER ACTION)

(SFX: TIRES SCREECH)

TONY: Come on, look out! Look out! Look out!

(MUSIC OVER ACTION)

(SFX: CAR CRASH)

ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) I'm really sorry.

It's all my fault.

ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) I'm really sorry. It's all my fault.

(ZIVA AND TONY LOOK INSIDE THE CAR)

(MUSIC UP AND OUT)

MUSIC IN:

INT. MTAC - DAY

MCGEE: Boss, this was recorded five minutes ago. It looks like Roca managed to avoid Tony and Ziva.

GIBBS: You think, McGee?

MCGEE: His plane is scheduled to depart within the hour. I guess we can't win them all. I mean, he--

GIBBS: The plane hasn't left yet. Delay it.

MCGEE: How exactly?

GIBBS: Call the control tower. Tell them there's a possible security risk, make something up!

MCGEE: Can we do that?

GIBBS: I don't know, McGee! Can you?

TECHNICIAN: Feed from the State Department is coming in, Sir.

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) What the hell were your people thinking, Agent Gibbs? That was a diplomatic vehicle they rammed.

GIBBS: You told us that we couldn't question Roca. He wasn't in the vehicle. What's the problem?

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) You don't understand the implications this'll--

GIBBS: Are you worried about insurance? NCIS has excellent coverage.

LEVINSON: You're straining an already tenuous situation...

GIBBS: We both know that Roca is no diplomat. He's a foreign spy operating on American soil.

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Then prove it!

GIBBS: Give me permission to take him into custody. If it helps, tell your people that he may have documents vital to our national security.

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) All right. I'm going to start the paperwork from this end.

GIBBS: How long?

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) If I fast track the request... maybe a week.

MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Thank you very much. (TO GIBBS) Okay, I called the control tower, convinced them to re-screen all the passengers. It's uh... a small airport. It'll delay them an hour or two at the most.

GIBBS: Roca is on a private jet right now. He's leaving the country.

LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Well, then the best I can do is lodge a formal complaint with the embassy and bar him from returning to the States.

GIBBS: He's not coming back, Levinson! He is getting away with m*rder.

(SFX: WARNING HORNS/BUZZERS B.G.)

TECHNICIAN: Someone's trying to gain access into MTAC with an unauthorized code, Sir!

MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:

INT. CORRIDOR - DAY

GIBBS: Hello?

VICTORIA: This thing must be broken. I can't see anyone dancing in there.

TECHNICIAN: Sir?

GIBBS: We're clear. It's okay.

TECHNICIAN: Should I get State back?

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

GIBBS: For what? Ah, Mrs. Mallard, are you looking for your son?

VICTORIA: Young man, have we met before?

GIBBS: Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Ma'am.

VICTORIA: Of the Southampton Gibbses?

GIBBS: Why don't we see if we can't find Doctor Mallard, all right?

VICTORIA: You're very handsome, Matthew. Are you... are you married?(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED)

CUT TO:

INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY

JIMMY: I'm so sorry, Doctor Mallard. I just turned my back for a second.

DUCKY: Not to worry, Jimmy. I lose her all the time.

JIMMY: She's really fast for her age.

DUCKY: Yes, I'll call security.

(SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN)

VICTORIA: (V.O.) Yes, you may find it hard to believe, (ON CAMERA) but Donald was the cutest child. He had long, curly blond hair. Everybody thought he was a girl until he was twelve... when his voice changed.

DUCKY: Mister Palmer, will you chain my mother to the chair while I tell Agent Gibbs what I found?

VICTORIA: I'm still waiting for that drink, Leonard!

DUCKY: I'm certain the sh*t to Lieutenant Hill's head was peri-mortem based on the lack of tissue reaction in her brain. When she was sh*t, she was unconscious.

GIBBS: How'd she get that way?

DUCKY: This is the Lieutenant's head and neck. The left superior carotid artery is narrowed. Restricted blood flow.

GIBBS: Choke-hold.

DUCKY: Slight pressure for ten seconds will render a victim unconscious and leaves no external bruising. I gave Abby some brain tissue samples to check for CO two levels.

GIBBS: Any way to tie Roca to it?

DUCKY: Well, he didn't leave any prints on her skin. There's a chance that some of the samples we took from her body could have his DNA. But then we don't have his DNA for comparison. And with diplomatic immunity?

GIBBS: His plane leaves in two hours. Find me something.

VICTORIA: Matthew, I'll be expecting your call. I can't remember my number, but you'll get it from Donald.

CUT TO:

INT. LAB - DAY

MCGEE: I've tried everything.

DORN: Yeah, it's encrypted, and we change the codes everyday. Can you extract anything that looks like a date?

MCGEE: I can try.

DORN: You know, Lieutenant Hill could barely drive her own car. I find it hard to believe that she could be a mole.

MCGEE: That's probably why she was so successful at it.

DORN: Yeah. Not exactly the way I wanted to end my Naval career. Asleep at the damn switch.

GIBBS: What was on that do-dad thing?

MCGEE: Can't tell yet, Boss.

DORN: I need to get one of my people down here to decode it. Are you still holding Lieutenant Napleton?

GIBBS: Yeah.

DORN: Well, if you've cleared her, I could sure use her help. What? Do you think she's involved?

GIBBS: We're investigating treason, Skipper. Right now I suspect everyone.

DORN: Well, if Hill wasn't the mole, why'd she blow her brains out?

GIBBS: She didn't. She had help. We found a fingerprint on that flash chip thing. Probably the person who did it.

DORN: Napleton?

TONY: The Protocol Officer from the Venezuelan embassy.

CUT TO:

INT. LAB - DAY

ABBY: Before you ask? No, I haven't found any physical evidence linking Simon Roca to the Lieutenant's m*rder yet.

GIBBS: That can wait, Abs. I need you to do something else for me. It'll only take a few minutes.

ABBY: I could go faster if I had another one of these.

GIBBS: Too much caffeine is not good for you, Abby. I need you to check this cereal box for GSR.

ABBY: Why?

GIBBS: Because I don't think Lieutenant Hill put the chip in there.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY

ZIVA: I'm begging you, please.

TONY: No. No way. I don't care how nice you are, how much you bribe me, or how much you thr*at me. I'm not filling out the paperwork.

ZIVA: It's not the filing of the accident report I object to. I'd prefer if you said you were driving the car.

TONY: Well, that would be lying, and lying is bad.

ZIVA: (SHOUTS) Will you just listen to me!?

TONY: (b*at) I'm listening.

ZIVA: You're right. I'm sorry. I've been at NCIS for a short while. And it would look very bad to have another accident in my dossier.

TONY: Another accident?

ZIVA: I've had some... difficulties.

TONY: Some indicates more than one. How many?

ZIVA: Is that really important? (b*at) Three. But the second was not my fault. Now are you going to help me? Yes or no?

TONY: Well, that depends. What's in it for me?

ZIVA: Hm. (LONG b*at) Anything you want.

TONY: Anything?

GIBBS: Hey! Button your shirt.

TONY: Hey boss, she came into my space and then she...

GIBBS: (OVERLAP) I don't care. Roca's at the damn airport.

TONY: Yeah, that's my fault, Boss. I take full responsibility. I shouldn't have let Ziva drive.

GIBBS: It doesn't fit.

TONY: I know. I talked to my tailor about that. He says the double pointed bespoke tailoring is... but you mean Simon Roca.

GIBBS: He's got diplomatic immunity, DiNozzo. He knows we can't stop him from leaving this country.

ZIVA: So why the shell game with his car? In fact, how did he even know we were on to him?

(PHONE RINGS)

GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. On my way.

(GIBBS HITS TONY)

TONY: What was that for?

GIBBS: Blackmailing your partner.

MCGEE: Boss, the flashcard data is too corrupted to read.

DORN: I'm going to take a copy back to the Pentagon and have my people--

GIBBS: It's too late. Our "person of interest" just got clearance for take off. You want to see the guy who k*lled your Lieutenant get away? Come on.

(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS WALKS TO THE STAIRS)

ABBY: Gibbs, come here! You were right!

GIBBS: DiNozzo! David! McGee! You waiting for an invitation?

CUT TO:

INT. MTAC - DAY

DORN: Just like that? He gets a free pass?

MCGEE: When a foreign diplomat is accused of espionage, all we can do is ask him to leave the country.

GIBBS: Roca's doing it on his own.

DORN: Yeah, but if he could walk at any time, why did he m*rder my Lieutenant?

ZIVA: Without her testimony? Hard to prove a case against him.

DORN: So ... so that's it? There's nothing we can do?

GIBBS: No, I didn't say that, Skip. We can still arrest her m*rder. Outside of my team, only two people know how Lieutenant Hill died. Napleton and the person who k*lled her. How'd you know she sh*t herself?

DORN: Uh... uh... Napleton told me.

GIBBS: No, she's been in isolation since she found out.

MCGEE: And you were the one who told us about the missing flashcard.

ZIVA: The only thing tying Roca to the case? Convenient, yes?

TONY: Holing up inside the embassy, huh? Booking private planes? You wanted us to focus on Roca.

DORN: But Lieutenant Hill stole that flashcard!

GIBBS: There was g*n residue on the outside of the cereal box we found it in. The flashcard was put there by the k*ller after he sh*t her. She was framed.

DORN: No. Napleton. Napleton could have--

GIBBS: Her alibi checked out, Dorn.

ZIVA: I'm impressed. The diplomat takes the blame. We get our mole. And your cover remains intact, Captain. I'll have to remember that one.

TONY: You could just rent No Way Out.

GIBBS: I'll take it from here. You three go home. Get some rest. Good job. (TO DORN) That resignation you offered the Admiral earlier, I've got a feeling he's going to accept it.

(FADE OUT)

(ENDING CREDITS UP AND OUT)

(MUSIC UP OVER ENDING CREDITS AND OUT)
{"type": "series", "show": "NCIS", "episode": "03x20 - Untouchable"}