PART THREE (THE MYSTERIOUS PLANET)

Written by Robert Holmes

Original air date: 20 September, 1986
Run time: 24:18

Tunnel entrance

Balazar: It's beautiful!

The Doctor: Hmm? Oh. Oh, I knew she wouldn't still be here. That girl can't obey an order.

Peri: Doctor!

Balazar: Who are they?

The Doctor: Peri! Hurry!

The Doctor: Back inside, quick.

The Doctor: In you go.

The Doctor: Come on!

Tunnel

Glitz: I always knew exercise was bad for you.

The Doctor: I shouldn't lie there if I was you. Not unless you want to be k*lled with a spear in your back.

Glitz: What? Did you do the job, my boy?

Dibber: Of course.

Underground station

The Doctor: We've got to get out of here!

Peri: But how?

The Doctor: This way.

The Doctor: Oh, no. Back.

Peri: Well, now what?

The Doctor: I don't know. I really think this could be the end!

Underground station

Balazar: I know him. It's Broken Tooth.

Glitz: Then why doesn't he f*re at you?

Balazar: Broken Tooth, it's Balazar!

The Doctor: f*re at the robot!

Balazar: The Immortal One.

Dibber: Squeeze the trigger, don't pull it.

Drathro's castle

Drathro: What is happening? Reactivate!

Humker: We are trying.

Tandrell: It doesn't respond.

Drathro: You must make it work. I must have the Doctor here. My black light system is failing.

Underground station

Balazar: I can't believe it. You're alive! They said you'd been culled.

Broken Tooth: I owe my life to Merdeen.

Balazar: I too.

The Doctor: Well, I hate to break up this happy reunion, but I have to find the aerial to Drathro's black light converter.

Dibber: No need to hurry. It's gone.

The Doctor: Gone? Where?

Dibber: I blew it up.

The Doctor: What?

Glitz: It'll put the L3 out of action.

The Doctor: More likely start a chain reaction. Drathro's black light system's highly unstable. bl*wing it up is about the worst thing you could have done. I have to shut the black light system down now.

Broken Tooth: You will all return to our village. Our queen has unfinished business with this person.

The Doctor: No!

Broken Tooth: You will come with us, and you will come quietly.

Glitz: And you had to tell him how to use the g*n.

Dibber: Oh.

Trial room

Inquisitor: Valeyard, are these unpleasant scenes necessary to your case? I find primitive physical v*olence distressing.

The Doctor: So do I, ma'am. Especially when I'm on the receiving end.

Valeyard: I too find it repugnant to witness, my lady, but the Doctor has a well-known predilection for v*olence.

The Doctor: That is a foul slur!

Inquisitor: Do not interrupt, Doctor.

The Doctor: I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm not given to v*olence as the Valeyard here suggests. Occasionally I might have to resort to a modicum of force...

Inquisitor: Please be silent.

The Doctor: As a means of self defence.

Inquisitor: Doctor, you will have ample opportunity to put your case at a later point.

The Doctor: But...

Inquisitor: Valeyard, I would appreciate it if these brutal and repetitious scenes are reduced to a minimum.

Valeyard: My lady, it is certainly not my wish to cause you any unnecessary affront, but the accused offences are such that a certain amount of graphic detail is unavoidable.

Inquisitor: Very well. Continue.

Subway

Grell: You seem lost.

Merdeen: Not I, although you seem to have mislaid your train, Grell.

Grell: Stealth is better achieved on foot. Especially when we hunt dark secrets.

Merdeen: I thought we hunted the Doctor.

Grell: Him too.

Drathro (O.C.): Merdeen.

Drathro's castle

Merdeen (on screen): Immortal?

Drathro: I have urgent work for Balazar, but I can not find him.

Subway

Merdeen: I will search for him at once.

Grell: Where are you going?

Merdeen: Continue your search for the Doctor.

Drathro's castle

Tandrell: I did it! I did it, I reactivated the robot.

Humker: I think you'll find that I did it.

Tandrell: I beg your pardon, I did it.

Humker: I did it.

Tandrell: I did!

Humker: I did!

Drathro: Silence! You drain my energy reserve with your constant infantile bickering.

Katryca's hut

Katryca: So, my hospitality was not to your liking?

Glitz: Just needed to step out for a breath of fresh air.

Katryca: And who is this?

The Doctor: Ah, how do you do? I am known as the Doctor. Now, there has been a terrible mistake. I shouldn't be here at all.

Katryca: Another star traveller?

The Doctor: Well, in a manner of speaking.

Katryca: And are you interested in the Great Totem of Haldren.

The Doctor: I beg your pardon?

Glitz: She means the light converter.

The Doctor: Ah, yes, indeed. Now how can you possibly have known that?

Katryca: Have you searched him for g*n?

Broken Tooth: He has none.

Katryca: That makes you very unusual for a star traveller who is interested in the Great Totem.

The Doctor: Well, I've come to repair it.

Katryca: Then you are very prompt, considering your friends have only recently damaged it.

The Doctor: Oh, these are not my friends. Well, with one...

The Doctor: And your Great Totem is not what it seems.

Katryca: Then please explain.

The Doctor: It's function is to convert ultraviolet rays to black light.

Katryca: Interesting, though I do not understand what you are saying.

The Doctor: Well, Drathro, er, the Immortal, depends on black light to function. He is a robot.

Katryca: Fascinating, since your friend just told me that it was a navigational beacon.

The Doctor: He lies.

Katryca: A common complaint among star travellers.

Glitz: I am not a liar!

Katryca: How shall I know who speaks the truth? All I am certain of is the gods are angered at your coming to our world. I shall read their wishes in the flames.

The Doctor: Er, I don't wish to appear discourteous, but I'd better get back to Drathro.

Katryca: Remain where you are!

The Doctor: You have no quarrel with us. They destroyed your beacon.

Katryca: You are a star traveller. Star travelling is forbidden by the gods. The underground dweller shall remain with our tribe. The others, remove from my sight.

Drathro's castle

Humker: All that unpleasant green.

Tandrell: It is vegetation.

Humker: Why was it not b*rned, Drathro?

Drathro: Only part of the planet was enveloped by f*re.

Humker: What is its function?

Drathro: It supports primitive life.

Tandrell: Primitive life is unnecessary.

Humker: So vegetation in unnecessary.

Tandrell: Syllogism is also unnecessary, Humker.

Humker: It was not a true syllogism, Tandrell. It contained only the major and minor premise.

Tandrell: Still unnecessary, like so much that you say.

Hut

Dibber: Thought we'd seen the last of this place.

The Doctor: Look, you've got to help us get out of here.

Balazar: I dare not, Doctor.

Broken Tooth: The queen will burn us in your place.

The Doctor: If I don't get out of here, we'll all burn.

Glitz: You're the Time Lord. Haven't you got a ring you can rub? A magic lamp? Something for these sort of emergencies?

The Doctor: Hardly. More your style I'd have thought. Anyway, what does bring you here?

Glitz: Purely a private enterprise, Doctor, to collect a few moldering files of no value except to scholars such as myself.

The Doctor: Oh, you're a scholarly philanthropist, are you?

Glitz: Exactly the description, Doctor.

The Doctor: That goes around bl*wing up black light converters.

Glitz: A small expediency if I am to endow a library on my home planet of Salostophus.

The Doctor: In the constellation of Andromeda?

Glitz: You know of it?

The Doctor: Hmm.

Peri: What we don't know is the name of this planet.

Glitz: You mean he hasn't told you? A man of your learning, Doctor? Tut tut. This, is Earth of course.

Peri: I said so, didn't I?

The Doctor: But it is in the wrong position.

Glitz: Only by a couple of light years.

Dibber: That's why the lost expedition missed.

The Doctor: What lost expedition?

Dibber: Andromeda bunged off these robots in a relief ship...

Glitz: Don't prattle, Dibber. All that was a long time ago.

Balazar: The word Earth is mentioned many times, by the great writer H M Stationery Office.

Dibber: Thought we'd seen the last of him as well.

Glitz: Shut up and stand in front of me where I can keep an eye on you.

The Doctor: Keep calm and stay still. It's looking for me, but I think it's confused.

Glitz: Well, can't you shake its hand or something?

The Doctor: How do you do? I am known as the Doctor.

Glitz: Now's our chance, Dibber.

Peri: We've got to help the Doctor!

Glitz: He'll be all right. He's in good hands. Come on!

Peri: No!

Katryca's hut

Katryca: Escaped? I told you to guard them!

Balazar: Well, the Immortal came and took them.

Broken Tooth: We both saw him, Katryca. He walked through the wall.

Katryca: Get the g*n!

Drathro's castle

Drathro: Habitations.

Tandrell: Only man makes habitations.

Drathro: All life perished in the f*re. If men now live on the surface, they must have come from my biosphere.

Tandrell: How can that be possible?

Humker: It is forbidden.

Tandrell: All work units obey you orders.

Drathro: Some must have escaped. Helped to escape. That is what has happened.

Humker: Is it important?

Drathro: They're out of control, outside the plan.

Tandrell: They're outlaws.

Drathro: Now my existence is thr*at. They have destroyed the source of my energy. Take measures, create a defensive system, identify and destroy the traitors.

Trial room

The Doctor: All this is irrelevant and hypothetical.

Valeyard: Background testimony.

The Doctor: What possible value does the Farmyard here think there is in listening to some half-incapacitated robot, and a couple of diminutive nit-wits who might as well be robots?

Inquisitor: You're allowing your disrespect to show again, Doctor.

The Doctor: I'm sorry, ma'am, but the question still stands.

Inquisitor: As prosecutor, the Valeyard has the right to include any evidence he considers to be relevant, provided he can justify its inclusion.

The Doctor: But any record relating to persons not in my presence must be sheer conjecture.

Valeyard: The accused is clearly ignorant of the latest methods of surveillance, my lady.

Inquisitor: This evidence is taken from the Matrix, a knowledge bank fed constantly by the experiences of all Time Lords, wherever they may be.

The Doctor: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, ma'am. I know that. My whole point is that I'm not.

Inquisitor: Not what?

The Doctor: Not part of the scenes being shown by the Scrapyard here. I'm sorry, Valeyard. Force of habit, I apologise.

Valeyard: Doctor, the experience of third parties can also be monitored and accessed if needed, as long as they are in the collection range of a TARDIS.

The Doctor: Oh. But my TARDIS is an old model. Are you telling me it's been bugged without my knowledge?

Inquisitor: Bugged?

Valeyard: It is a reference apparently to the new surveillance system, my lady. The expression derives from an Earth term.

Inquisitor: I see. I think we are wasting time on an unimportant issue. Continue the evidence, Valeyard.

Ravalox

Katryca: Stop, Immortal!

Peri: They'll k*ll the Doctor!

Glitz: We've all got to go sometime, Peri.

Peri: You're all heart!

Glitz: The supreme sacrifice. What a person. If I have time, I'll compose the eulogy for his funeral.

Drathro's castle

Drathro: They have g*n. From where?

Humker: g*n can be manufactured.

Tandrell: Though manufacturing requires advanced technology, Humker.

Humker: Yes, but the fact that they have g*n also means that they possess advanced technology.

Tandrell: False reasoning again, Humker. These are savages. Their g*n must have been supplied from without.

Drathro: The Doctor.

Humker: The L1 robot has ceased to function.

Tandrell: From the present data that we have, that would seem a logical presumption.

Humker: It is obvious. It has ceased transmitting signals.

Tandrell: I was replying to Drathro.

Drathro: The Doctor is from Gallifrey. He has been sent to recover the secrets left by the Sleepers. To do that, he has armed the outlaws. Therefore his intention is to ferment a rebellion against my authority.

Tandrell: (quietly) And with nothing left but power from the few backup storage cells he's quite likely to win.

Humker: Then what will happen to us?

Tandrell: I dread to think.

Subway

Merdeen: Are you following me?

Grell: Like you, I'm looking for a lost man. It simply occurred to me that it might prove more productive if we searched as a team.

Merdeen: What makes you think the Doctor and Balazar will be together?

Grell: Events.

Merdeen: Meaning?

Grell: I don't think the Immortal's orders are always carried out, especially when it comes to culling.

Merdeen: I always supervise the cullings myself.

Grell: I know.

Merdeen: Then what do you mean?

Grell: I think you send people outside.

Merdeen: Then they are destroyed by the f*re. Does it really matter how they die?

Grell: Depends whether you really believe that the surface of the planet still burns.

Merdeen: I believe what the Immortal tells me.

Grell: Then you are a liar. The Doctor is with Balazar, isn't he? And both of them have left the subways.

Merdeen: Then why does the Immortal instruct us to search for them?

Grell: I don't know. But I think we should talk about it. Unless you would prefer that I took my suspicion to the Immortal.

Ravalox

Balazar: Is the Immortal d*ad at last?

Katryca: The Immortal's reign is ended.

Broken Tooth: Katryca the Great One! Long live Queen Katryca!

Villagers: Long live Queen Katryca!

Balazar: Now the Immortal is d*ad, how shall men live?

Katryca: In the tribe of the Free we had no need of the Immortal. We shall live as we always lived, except now, the Immortal's secrets shall be ours.

Broken Tooth: How?

Katryca: Do you not see, Broken Tooth? They are ours for the taking.

Balazar: The Immortal's castle?

Katryca: Yes, Balazar. It is ours now. All the tools are metal. All the strange materials that bend and do not break, All the mysteries and treasures of our ancient forefathers that we shall learn to use again. Do you not agree?

Villagers: Yes!

Katryca: Then let us att*ck!

Peri: Doctor!

Peri: Oh, Doctor, please.

Glitz: He's a goner. You can tell by his colour.

Dibber: Definitely a stiff, Mister Glitz.

Peri: Help me get this thing off him.

Glitz: I shouldn't bother. He's probably got horrible injuries.

Dibber: Yeah, those ensign g*n can blow you to bits.

Glitz: Talking of g*n, Dibber, we need the heavy a*tillery. Which, if memory serves me, are hidden not a more than a million miles from this very spot.

Dibber: Good idea of mine to bring the multiblaster, eh, Mister Glitz?

Glitz: I'll teach that two-faced harridan and her ignorant peasants to trifle with Sabalom Glitz.

Dibber: But they've gone down the tunnel.

Glitz: So? We'll blow them out through the roof. That is, if the robot doesn't get them first.

Dibber: So let's fetch them, then.

Glitz: No, you fetch them, Dibber. I'll meet you at the entrance.

Dibber: But those multiblasters must weigh at least a hundred...

Glitz: Exactly. That is why I employ you to fetch and carry. Now, cut along, there's a good lad.

Peri: Doctor!

The Doctor: Keep your head down! Beware the hand! Keep your head down!

Peri: You're alive, I knew it.

The Doctor: Oh! My head hurts abominably, Sarah Jane. Where are we?

Peri: I'm not Sarah Jane, I'm Peri.

The Doctor: Eh?

Peri: And you're lying under the remains of a robot.

The Doctor: Yes, I remember now. Get this thing off me!

Peri: I've been trying to.

The Doctor: Where are Katryca and the others?

Peri: They've gone to the tunnels.

The Doctor: Eh? Why?

Peri: From what I could hear, now they've k*lled the Immortal, she's planning a takeover.

The Doctor: But this isn't the Immortal, this is just. How long have they been gone?

Peri: A few minutes.

The Doctor: I've got to get after them.

Peri: Why?

The Doctor: They've got to be stopped. The situation's worse than you imagine.

Peri: It always is.

Underground station

Katryca: How does the great door open?

Broken Tooth: You turn this.

Katryca: Then open it.

Katryca: Balazar, you and Broken Tooth have lived in this blackness. You will lead the way.

Broken Tooth: I know a tunnel that passes Marb Stati on and leads straight to the Immortal's castle.

Katryca: Then forward!

Drathro's castle

Humker: They look very fierce, Drathro.

Tandrell: Naturally. They live as wild creatures.

Humker: They are coming towards us.

Tandrell: Humker, you have a gift for the obvious.

Humker: Surely they will not att*ck us.

Tandrell: That is their intention.

Humker: I do not understand the logic. We have not harmed them.

Drathro: It is a rebellion.

Humker: What shall we do if they break in?

Drathro: I shall k*ll them.

Tandrell: Their g*n destroyed the L1, Drathro.

Drathro: My plating is stronger. My circuits are protected. Their g*n will k*ll only you.

Humker: But if we die, who will look after your research?

Drathro: The Doctor.

Subway

Broken Tooth: Halt. I fear the worst.

Katryca: What is wrong? We are lost?

Broken Tooth: Marb Station is back this way.

Balazar: It is forward, and from thence the home of the Immortal.

Katryca: We have no need for indecision in the tribe of the Free. Long we have waited for this moment. The Immortal is d*ad, and we shall plunder his castle. The spoils of triumph are ours. Now think, which is the way.

Balazar & Broken Tooth: This way.

Katryca: Am I to be surrounded by fools? We go forward.

Broken Tooth: But Katryca...

Katryca: Forward, I say. I have read it in the flames many times. We go forward.

Drathro's castle

Humker: That is not correct.

Tandrell: Clearly there is a mechanical defect, Humker.

Humker: An electronic malfunction.

Tandrell: Perhaps the Doctor caused the problem.

Humker: Have you seen this, Drathro?

Drathro: I do not need to observe, my condition tells me of the movement failure of the black light system.

Humker: What could have precipitated it?

Tandrell: There weren't any warning signs.

Drathro: The destruction of the converter's aerial.

Tandrell: Destruction?

Drathro: The service robot monitored the fact as it entered the village.

Tandrell: Can we repair it?

Drathro: No. Soon the black light system will collapse in upon itself, and we shall all cease to function.

Underground station

The Doctor: Trouble is, his refraction dipoles are worn out. Nothing for it now but to shut the black light system down.

Peri: That sounds easy enough.

The Doctor: Oh, it is, but if I shut the black light system down I must shut Drathro down as well. I can hardly see him agreeing to that.

Peri: Well, what happens if he won't let you?

The Doctor: Then the black light system will implode and destroy everything in these tunnels.

Peri: Oh great, so that's why we're going in, is it?

The Doctor: Peri, I can't let people die if there's a chance of saving them.

Outside the tunnel entrance

Glitz: You got the g*n, then.

Dibber: Well, it looks like it, Mister Glitz.

Glitz: I'll tell you something funny, Dibber. We was wrong about the Doctor. He's bunked off.

Dibber: He hasn't bunked off. He's gone down there.

Glitz: What?

Dibber: I saw them as I came up. He had Peri with him.

Glitz: So, he is after what we are.

Dibber: Well, could be.

Glitz: Course he is. I knew it all along. He's got no more interest in the scientific side of things than I have.

Dibber: Well, you didn't fool him, telling him you're a philatelist, did you, mister Glitz?

Glitz: Philanthropist, you ignorant dink. Didn't you learn nothing in that remand home?

Dibber: Well, whatever the word, he guessed that you weren't one.

Glitz: Don't I look like a philanthropist?

Dibber: Well, how do I know? I've never seen one.

Glitz: A philanthropist, my son, is someone who gives away all their grotzits out of the simple goodness of their heart.

Dibber: Oh, you mean they're stupid? Oh yeah, you probably do look like one, then.

Glitz: Get down that hole.

Glitz: Oh dear, they are heavy, aren't they.

Underground station

Glitz: Oh, please, Dibber!

Dibber: You always did despise muscle.

Glitz: Not at all, lad. Not when there are things to carry. Anyway, Dibber, if we should run into the Doctor again...

Dibber: We sh**t him.

Glitz: Not a bad idea lad. But whatever you do, don't open your big pie-hole and let him know that we're after the stuff.

Trial room

Valeyard: The remainder of that evidence has been excised, my lady.

Inquisitor: Excised? Why?

Valeyard: By order of the High Council.

Inquisitor: This is a judicial enquiry appointed by the High Council but independently conducted. It is my duty, Valeyard, to decide what evidence is relevant.

Valeyard: Of course, my lady. The High Council simply felt that certain areas of testimony should not be revealed.

Inquisitor: Why not?

Valeyard: Against the public interest, my lady.

Inquisitor: I cannot conduct a proper and searching enquiry without full access to the evidence.

Valeyard: Naturally, Inquisitor, their honours would be quite prepared to let you consider the full record in camera.

Inquisitor: And I think that would be unfair to the defendant. Do you wish to lodge an official objection at this stage, Doctor?

The Doctor: Well, I, er. No, ma'am. No, let the Valeyard here continue. Give him enough rope to hang himself, eh?

Inquisitor: As you wish. Proceed.

Marb Station

The Doctor: Hurry, Peri, there isn't much time.

Peri: Well, how long before this black light thing blows up?

The Doctor: There's no telling. We've got to get past Queen Katryca, into the castle and make that demented robot see sense.

Merdeen: So, you have returned.

The Doctor: Merdeen. Missed your train?

Merdeen: The train is noisy. We hunt by foot.

The Doctor: Oh. What are you hunting?

Merdeen: You!
{"type": "series", "show": "Doctor Who", "episode": "23x03 - The Trial of a Time Lord - part 3 (The Mysterious Planet)"}