Opening Credits

Ben Savage: (Voiceover) Previously on Boy Meets World…

[sh*ts from scene in Angela & Rachel’s dorm]

Rachel: I am banning you from this dorm.

Shawn: Can she do that?

Rachel: I just did.

Cory: You are gonna be sorry, home-wrecker.

[Cut to later, Rachel’s car is in the dorm. Rachel and Angela Scream]

[Cut to later, in student café]

Rachel: I hope you know this means w*r.

[Cut to later, in Feeny’s classroom. Honey falls on Cory, Topanga, and Shawn’s head. They’re alone in the room.]

[Cut to later, in student café. Rachel has just seen her picture]

Rachel: How could you?

[Cut to later, in student café]

Angela: (To Shawn) I’m not talking to you.

Topanga: (To Shawn) I’m not talking to you, either.

[Cut to outside the café]

Angela: (To Cory) I’m not talking to you.

Topanga: (To Cory) I’m not talking to you, either.

Angela: (To Topanga) And I’m not talking to you.

Topanga: (To Angela) And I’m not talking to you!

[Cut to inside café]

Eric: I knew this was gonna happen.

[SCENE - Feeny’s classroom. Feeny and Eric are standing in front of the room, while Jack, Rachel, Shawn, Cory, Angela, and Topanga sit at the desks. The eight are the only people in the room]

Feeny: (To the six in desks) And so my precious little jackals, here’s the bottom line: No one leaves this room until you have healed every relationship in this group. No matter how long it takes.

Eric: Not matter how long!

Feeny: (To Eric) Shut up.

Eric: (To six) Shut up, jackals!

Topanga: (Stands) How can you possibly keep us here against our will?

Feeny: A minus.

Topanga: (Sits) Well played, old man.

Feeny: (To six) I know this group as well as anyone living. And I will not have it falling apart. Not now.

Cory: So what if we can’t fix things?

Feeny: Well then you will go through life without each other.

Eric: No… (Feeny meanders to his desk) (To six) C’mon, guys. We can do this, we’re all adults, here.

Cory: (Points to Rachel) She started it.

Rachel: (Points to Shawn) He parked in my spot.

Shawn: (Points to Rachel) She overreacted.

Rachel: (Points to Cory) They took apart my car!

Cory: (Points to Rachel) She glued my pants!

Jack: This isn’t about any of that.

Feeny: What is it about?

Angela: It’s about they’re jerks.

Jack: It’s about that these friendships aren’t what we thought they were.

Cory: Okay. Boo-hoo to the both of yous.

Topanga: Cory!

Cory: No, this is crazy! We pull a couple of pranks and suddenly we’re not friends anymore?

Shawn: What kind of friends were we?

Rachel: Not. Not friends.

Cory: Okay, fine, we’re not friends today. I’ll see ya tomorrow. (To Feeny) I mean, Mr. Feeny, why are you keeping us locked up here?

Feeny: Because I care about you.

Eric: He cares about us. And I care about us, too. We’ve been friends all our lives.

Jack: No, no we haven’t. That’s the point.

Angela: Some of us have been friend all our lives…

Rachel: …and some of us haven’t. It’s an exclusive club and we’re not in it.

Cory: (Turns to Rachel) Rachel, what are you making this such a big deal, for?

Angela: (Stands) Because it is a big deal!

Shawn: Angela, don’t blow this up.

Angela: No, it’s too late, Shawn, it’s blown.

Jack: (Stands and takes a few steps forward) Alright, y’know what? Look, we’re not talking about that, alright? Rachel and Angela and myself, we feel like we’re outsiders, here.

Shawn: (Stands) Okay, look, first of all, Angela’s my girlfriend, okay? And I love her. Second of all, you’re my brother, so I’m forced to like you. (Angela sits, aggravated)

Rachel: So what am I?

Shawn: What are you?

Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you made it really clear who everybody else is. Brothers, brothers, boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife. You all have this really strong bond between you, I mean, what’s the strong bond between us?

Topanga: You think husband and wife is a strong bond? I wasn’t even a part of their stupid team.

Cory: Topanga, will ya pipe down with that, please?

Topanga: Ah, tell it to your boyfriend. (Turns away)

Shawn: (Puts his hand on Cory’s shoulder) (To Cory) Remember what I told you, stand up to her.

Topanga: Unbelievable. (To Feeny) Everybody is coming apart and they get closer? (To Cory) I am your wife, nimrod!

Rachel: (Stands) I wasn’t talking about them, Topanga, and I wasn’t talking about you, either! For once in all the time that we’ve known each other I was talking about me. And I was talking about how I feel.

Feeny: How do you feel, Rachel?

Rachel: (Walks forward) I feel… like I don’t fit in with these people. And I don’t think I ever have. (Makes for the exit, Eric stops her)

Eric: No, no, no, Rachel, no, no, look. There’re some bad feeling here and we’re gonna work ‘em out right now!

Feeny: I agree. (Stands) And what we’re going to do is what they do in Miss Templeton’s kindergarten class. We’re going to take a piece of ruled paper and we’re going to write down what we like about each other. That’s what we’re going to do, children.

Eric: (Takes a piece of paper) Right now.

Cory: (Mimicking Topanga) “I’m your wife, nimrod.” Do you know what it’s like to have that voice in your head all day long? (Taps temples three times) No wonder I turn to him. (Gestures to Shawn, then looks up at him) (Topanga turns away)

Eric: Come on, guys, Rachel’s leaving here, just write down how we feel about each other.

Topanga: Oh, fine. Look at him side with Shawn. His lovah!

Cory: Oh very tasteful, honey. (To Shawn) Did you hear that Shawn?

Topanga: Shawn! His lovah!

Shawn: Shut up, Yoko! (Rachel exits)

Eric: Guys, Rachel left!

Jack: (To Angela) Y’know, that’s perfect, right? Even though it’s supposed to be about all of us, it always comes back to them. (Gestures to Cory, Topanga, and Shawn)

Angela: Mm-hmm, it’s never gonna change.

Eric: Why didn’t you write anything down, huh? Well shouldn’t somebody go after her?

-Commercial Break-

[SCENE – Feeny’s Classroom. Continued from earlier, a little bit of time has passed]

Feeny: Can we please leave?

Eric: No, we can’t leave, I brought you here to help us, Feeny.

Feeny: Eric, I would be happy to assist you in any project regarding these people, if it stood a chance of succeeding. This one don’t.

Eric: You’re giving up on us?

Feeny: Yep.

Eric: (To six, now five) Did you guys hear that? Mr. Feeny’s given up on us, he’s never done that before.

Shawn: You are making way too much out of this.

Cory: It’s just stupid little fights that no one’s gonna remember after next week.

Feeny: That may be, Mr. Matthews. But it’s been my experience that stupid little fights have a way of escalating into stupid big fights, which can change the course of your future.

Cory: We just wanna get out of here now. The future will take care of itself.

Feeny: Alright. If that’s the way you feel about it… You’re all dismissed. (They get up to leave)

Eric: Wait, no, no you’re not. No, stay there. Come one, guys, we gotta work this out.

[Cut to the hallway. Jack comes out first and walks away. Angela’s next, then Shawn, followed by Topanga and Cory]

Shawn: (To Angela) Hey. Hey! You wanna go for a walk or something?

Angela: I just wanna be by myself right now. (Exits)

Cory: Hey, Shawn? You can talk with us if you want.

Topanga: Cory, don’t you think it’s important that you and I talk right now?

Cory: Well Shawn can talk with us, too.

Topanga: Fine. If you want to talk to Shawn, why don’t I just find something else to do?

Cory: Topanga, come on. Is it gonna be you versus Shawn for the rest of our lives?

Topanga: Why don’t you tell me? (Steps back, leans against an alcove wall)

Cory: (To Shawn) Look, she’s my wife, okay? And there’s a lot of good that comes with that. (Looks over at Topanga, who waves) I’m hoping. So just give me a few days to find it and I’ll get back to you.

Shawn: You’re really gonna listen to her, huh?

Cory: I just want peace for one freakin’ second, Shawn.

Shawn: Come on. You’re gonna let her come between the greatest friendship of all time?

Cory: I just need some time.

Shawn: Okay. You take all the time you want. (Exits)

[SCENE – Student café. It is six years later. Cory and Topanga enter. Topanga looks about the same, but Cory is wearing a tie and glasses]

Cory: Topanga, I don’t even know what we’re doing, here. We clearly have nothing to say to these people.

Topanga: Cory, we’re not here for them. We’re here out of respect to Mr. Feeny.

Cory: Yeah, but I don’t know what I’m going to say to anybody.

Topanga: You’re going to say “Hi! How are you doing? It’s so good to see you!” They’re gonna smile superficially and say the same thing back to you.

Cory: And then we can go home to the baby?

Topanga: Yes. (Arm and arm, they walk into the party)

[Pan to above the door. There is a banner that reads: Happy Retirement George Feeny. Beloved Teacher 1964-2006]

-Commercial Break-

[SCENE - Student café. It is Mr. Feeny’s retirement in 2006. Cory and Topanga run into Angela]

Topanga: Hi.

Angela: Hi.

Cory: Hi.

Topanga: You look great.

Angela: So do you.

Cory: So do I. (They look at him funny) It’s a joke, I was jus making a small joke.

Angela: Well it’s funny.

Cory: I’m glad you enjoyed it. (Angela laughs uncomfortably, then stops abruptly) Yeah, well, if you’ll excuse me I’m just, uh (clears throat), I’m incredibly thirsty I’m going to go get some… a glass of liquor.

Topanga: Large? I’ll take a large. (Cory walks away and runs into Jack at the snack table. Jack is wearing a nice suit)

Cory & Jack: Oh, hi! (Pause) How ya doing? (Pause) Good to see you. (Pause) Whatcha up to?

Cory: Yeah, we’ve been reading about you in the newspapers.

Jack: Yeah.

Cory: Yeah… We’re very proud of you.

Jack: Yeah.

Cory: What’s it like to have that kind of money?

Jack: (Long pause) Good. How your, uhhhm…?

Cory: Oh, great, it’s going great. Y’know, always a little busy around the tax season. (Long, uncomfortable pause) Say, you hear the one about the CPA and the penguin?

Jack: Excuse me. (Turns, to someone else) Hey! (Walks away)

[Cut over to Topanga and Angela]

Angela: Oh, let me guess, in less than a year you were made partner in the most prestigious law firm in Connecticut.

Topanga: No, it was heading that way, but then we had little Beverly Glen and I took some time off for her. (Shows Angela a picture)

Angela: Aw, she’s beautiful, Topanga!

Topanga: Thanks, Angela. I may never go back to work again.

Cory: (Arriving with drinks) Oh, she’s going back. (Gives Topanga a drink and points seriously as he walks away)

Angela: I thought about you so many times.

Topanga: Why didn’t you call?

Angela: Why didn’t you?

Topanga: I thought about it, y’know, life goes by. (Takes a piece of food from a waiter walking around)

Angela: Yeah, it does.

[The camera follows the waiter to Feeny and Shawn, who are talking. Shawn looks very artsy with a beret and a goatee]

Feeny: (Takes a piece of food) I want you to know that I’ve collected all of your articles from Rolling Stone.

Shawn: Oh, thanks.

Feeny: Quite the world traveler, huh?

Shawn: Yeah, I get around.

Feeny: So, is there anybody special in your life?

Shawn: No, not yet.

Feeny: Any prospects?

Shawn: Not yet.

Feeny: Are you happy?

Shawn: Not yet.

Feeny: Well, I really look forward to your correspondence, Shawn. Please, don’t stop writing me.

Shawn: I won’t. So, do you ever hear from Cory Matthews? Are he and Topanga doing alright?

Feeny: Why don’t you ask he, he’s right behind you. (Points)

Cory: Hey, Shawn.

Shawn: (Turns around) Cory.

Cory: How you doing? (Holds out hand)

Shawn: Okay. I’m okay. (Shakes Cory’s hand) How are you?

Cory: I’m good.

Shawn: Good.

Feeny: Good.

Cory: How ya doing, Mr. Feeny?

Feeny: I’m fine, Mr. Matthews, how’s the baby?

Shawn: You had a baby?

Cory: Yeah. A couple of months ago, a little girl.

Shawn: You’re the father?

Cory: (Blinks repeatedly and uncomfortably) I am. We’re very happy.

Shawn: Do you have any pictures?

Topanga: (Walks over with Angela) I brought the pictures.

Shawn: Topanga. (Long pause) Angela…

Angela: Hi, Shawn, uh, long time.

Shawn: Yeah. So how are you, what’re you doing?

Angela: I’m a writer.

Shawn: You’re kidding.

Angela: I do freelance pieces for a bunch of magazines.

Feeny: She sends them to me. (Walks away)

Shawn: I bet they’re great.

Angela: Thanks.

Shawn: So, did you ever get married? Or anything?

Angela: No, I never got married, you know, with all the traveling I do and…

Shawn: Yeah, no, no, I understand. (Sips wine)

Angela: Yeah, well (sips wine) it’s so good to see you guys, oh my God. (Puts wine down) You know what, I gotta go, though. Y’know, I really gotta catch a plane or… something… (She and Shawn stare longingly at each other, then she exits)

Cory: (Shawn is staring at the door) So you both write for magazines.

Topanga: You always had so much in common.

Cory: And I didn’t even know they were in the same profession.

Shawn: (Staring at door) She wrote a beautiful piece about Costa Rican rain forests.

Cory: So why didn’t tell her that?

Shawn: I don’t know. (Turns to Cory) Why haven’t you and I spoken in seven years? (Cory laughs as if to say “Don’t know”) You guys happy?

Topanga: Yeah, we are. We have a very nice life.

Shawn: Good friends?

Cory: (Looks to Topanga, shrugging & nodding) Yeah, yeah, y’know, we’re okay. You?

Shawn: Well, it’s tough, y’know, all the traveling I do.

Cory: Yeah.

Shawn: Yeah.

Cory: (After long pause) Say, you hear the one about the accountant and the penguin?

Shawn: Excuse me… (Holds up finger and walks away. He passes Jack. They stop) It’s been a long time.

Jack: Yeah. Maybe we should keep it that way.

Shawn: Yeah. Why don’t we. (Walks away)

Jack: (Puts down champagne, and exits, passing Eric. Eric has a long, long beard, is carrying a staff and a huge book, and is dressed as a shepherd) (To Eric) How ya doin’? (Exits)

Eric: Fine, my son.

Jack: (Runs back in) Eric?

Eric: No, not Eric, not anymore.

Jack: Uh-huh. (Fixes suit lapel) It’s fine, it’s just fine. (Exits. Reenters running) Okay, what is your name now?

Eric: My name… is PlaysWithSquirrels.

Jack: (shrugs) Perfect. Even more insane.

Eric: Insane? If giving away all your worldly possessions, renouncing society, and learning how to purify and drink your own urine is insane than well… Yes, color me insane.

Jack: See you later buddy. (Exits)

Eric: I have something for you.

Jack: (Exasperated, leans against window behind Eric on his nose) (Reenters) I’m a wealthy man. I am a captain of industry. What is this power you have over me?

Eric: (Shrugs, making “I don’t know”-ish sound) Here, read this. (Hands him big book)

Jack: Aw, what is it?

Eric: It’s Mi Manifesto. All of us hermits have one. (Takes lollypop hanging in his beard, takes a long suck, then returns it to his beard and covers it in hair)

Jack: (Reading cover) The Secret of Life by PlaysWithSquirrels. (To room) Okay, everybody, I’ve got the secret of life, here, if you wanna know.

Eric: (Spots Feeny, starts the Feeny call) FEE-NAY! FEE-HEE-HEE… (Starts coughing) Oh, ho-o, I can’t do it, anymore.

Feeny: (To Eric) Mr. Matthews?

Eric: Mr. Squirrels.

Cory: Eric?

Eric: PlaysWith.

Feeny: Okay, the party’s over. I’ll see you at my funeral.

Eric: No, no, no, no, no. Where’s Angela?

Shawn: She was here. She left.

Eric: Too painful to be in the same room with the man she should have married?

Shawn: What?

Cory: (To Topanga, quietly) Don’t tell him that we have a daughter.

Eric: I have a niche?

Feeny: (Correcting him) Niece.

Eric: Niece? (Mimics taking a swig of alcohol while Feeny isn’t looking) Where’s Rachel?

Cory: Yeah, where is Rachel?

Shawn: Does anyone know whatever happened to her?

Rachel: (Walks over. She’s dressed in a denim skirt and cowboy boots. She speaks in a Southern accent) I hear she moved to Texas.

Topanga: Rachel?

Rachel: Wanted to see if there was anything left between me and my old boyfriend.

Jack: You mean the one you broke up with when you moved here?

Rachel: Yep, that’s the one.

Jack: Well, was there anything left?

Rachel: A little. I married him.

Cory: Congratulations.

Topanga: You have any kids?

Rachel: Yeah. Two little ones. Little Cory and little Topanga.

Cory: (Surprised) Oh, really?

Rachel: No, what’re you, joking?

Cory: (Fake laugh) Well, married, life is great, isn’t it?

Rachel: We’re divorced.

Cory: Oh…

Shawn: What happened?

Rachel: He parked in my spot. (They all break into uncomfortable laughter) Yeah, well, I’ve been watching you all and I can’t believe none of y’all are friends anymore. I mean, I thought you guys would be together forever.

Jack: Yeah, but ever since that little argument we had in the classroom…

Rachel: What do you mean, over me? You guys aren’t friends any more because of me?

Jack: Well, I guess it had something to do with that.

Rachel: Wow. Wait, so you all didn’t make up after I left and live happily ever after?

Cory: Well, our marriage counselor says we’re doing fine.

Topanga: (Through gritted teeth, to Cory) Quiet.

Rachel: Wow. I thought nothing could keep you guys apart.

Shawn: Neither did I, but I guess something did.

Cory: I guess we’re just weren’t as strong as we thought we were.

Topanga: Or as smart as we thought.

Eric: I married a moose. (Takes out picture from his beard and shows it too Feeny. Shawn, Jack, and Rachel lean in and take a look) We don’t need counseling.

Feeny: (Referring to Mi Manifesto) So, Mr. Squirrels, you’ve written something there, have you?

Eric: Oh, yes. I’ve been by myself for the past seven years I’ve put together a compendium of all my knowledge! Everything I know is in Mi Manifesto. Read it, Jack.

Cory: Eric, that thing is like 3000 pages long.

Jack: (Looking through book) Nope, 3000 blank pages. (Flips to first page) Only the first one has writing on it.

Topanga: What does it say?

Jack: Well, uh… (Reading) “Lose one friend. Lose all friends. Lose yourself.”

Shawn: (To Eric) So why are all the other pages blank?

Eric: Nothing else seemed important.

Feeny: You were always my most interesting student, Mr. Squirrels.

Cory: Y’know, I wish we had known that then.

Topanga: Do you think we would have listened?

Shawn: (Looking at door) (To self) I blew it. I let her go.

Cory: (Answering Topanga’s question) Well I don’t know, but I guess we’ll never know now, huh?

[Cut to back Feeny’s classroom earlier, in the present day. It is a wavy transfer where the picture gets ripples. Cory, Topanga, Shawn, Angela, Jack, Eric, and Feeny are all there. Rachel has already left.]

Eric: You guys, Rachel just left. Why didn’t anyone write anything down? (Exits into hallway, picks up Rachel)

Rachel: Eric. Eric! (Eric picks up Rachel)

Eric: C’mon! I’m strong… (Rachel shrieks)

Rachel: Eric! Eric! (Eric lays Rachel on the classroom floor and sits her down so she can’t move. Eric, what are you doing? Eric?

Eric: Look. If there’s bad feelings here then we have to work them out because that’s what friends should do! (To Rachel) Now, look, I wrote something, Rachel. (Grabs paper from podium) Please… Just read it before you go anywhere. (Holds paper in front of her face)

Rachel: (Reading) Lose one friend. Lose all friends. Lose yourself.

Cory: We’re not gonna lose our friends. (Looks around questioningly) Are we?

Eric: We might. I mean, what if Mr. Feeny’s right? What if we can’t fix this? What if this is the last time that we’re all together? Is that a chance you’re willing to take?

Angela: (Gets up) Rachel. You’re my roommate. And I care about you.

Rachel: You do?

Angela: Yeah.

Rachel: (They hug and don’t stop) Oh, Angela. (Eric joins the hug)

Jack: (Gets up and walks towards the three huggers) Rachel, just because we’re not in love anymore doesn’t mean I want to lose you as a friend. I don’t want to lose any of you guys. (Joins the hug)

Topanga: (Gets up) Oh, Rachel, I just wanted so bad to be a part of that team. But I guess I never will be, it’s always gonna be Cory and Shawn. (Joins the hug) I give up.

Shawn: (Gets up) Topanga, don’t give up. Come on. You’re his wife, I’m just his best friend. You should be with him all the time.

Topanga: All the time? Like, so if you weren’t around I’d be with Cory all the time?

Shawn: Well, yeah. Till death do you part, right? That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? (Topanga grabs his ankle and pulls him into the group hug) Whoa, hey!

Topanga: You are very important to my life, Shawn. (Pats his knee)

Cory: You guys got room for me?

Topanga: Yep, we got the perfect spot.

Shawn: Right between me and the wife. (Lets him in the hug between him and Topanga)

All: (Happily) Hey!!

Cory: Alright, Mr. Feeny? You’re up.

All: (Feeny calls become chanting) Feeny! Feeny! Feeny!

Feeny: Class dismissed! (The group gets up from the floor and starts going after Feeny, attempting to hug him. Feeny crawls onto his desk to escape)

-End-
{"type": "series", "show": "Boy Meets World", "episode": "07x16 - Seven the Hard Way (Part 2)"}