(whooping) Keeping Up  

with the Kardashians...

SCOTT: That does look pretty  

serious. KHLOE: But for a lot of  

people.

My mom has that old-school  

mentality where she thinks I

should be sitting on the  

couch...

KRIS: Want to go watch TV?  

KHLOE: Just eating food.

KRIS (laughing): This is your  

lucky day.

KHLOE: I can't eat eight  

dozen donuts.

KHLOE: What is this?   

KIM: A mortician book.

I'm just, like, so curious what   

the process is.

AMBER: The next room is gonna   

be us doing some makeup

together... on a person.   

KIM: That's d*ad? MARIO: Kim?   

KRIS: Scott's going to Miami.

He invited Corey to go with him.   

He's like a different person

these days.   

KHLOE: Is he?

COREY: Man, this boy.   

He know I was flying there, and

he did not surface.   

KIM: Wait. You flew out just

for him?   

KRIS: You don't just (bleep)

up a little bit.   

You (bleep) up. ♪ ♪   

KENDALL: I'm really excited

to break stuff.   

KOURTNEY: If you get your

rage out here, you're living a   

good life. (Man laughs)   

KENDALL: Are we ready?   

KOURTNEY: Hi. Mmm.   

I have this crazy outfit.

YOUNES: What?   

What do you mean?

Give me a kiss.   

KOURTNEY: What?

YOUNES: Okay, no kiss.   

(Kourtney laughs)   

MAN: Those are all your w*apon.   

KENDALL: We're breaking that?

MAN: Yeah.   

KENDALL: That's so fun.

KOURTNEY: I'll go first.   

(Kourtney and Kendall shriek)

Oh, my God, it didn't even...   

KENDALL: Oh, my God...

KOURTNEY (laughing): It   

didn't even break.

(Kendall laughs)   

KENDALL: Try it again.

KOURTNEY: Okay.   

(Kendall shrieks)

(Kourtney laughs)   

KENDALL: This is for sure

gonna break it. It's metal.   

KOURTNEY: Do it.

KENDALL: Is it weird that I'm   

really scared?

KOURTNEY: Kendall, what kind   

of h*t is that?

KENDALL: It's gonna be so   

loud. KOURTNEY: That's the worst   

thing I've ever seen.

Why didn't it shatter?   

(both laugh)

Why didn't it shatter?!   

KENDALL: This is so crazy.

KOURTNEY: Wait.   

Wait. Look. Let's do this.

(glass breaking)   

KENDALL: Cheers.

(Kourtney screams)   

(both screaming)   

(Kourtney yells, laughs)   

(Kendall screams)

KOURTNEY: Do you want to do   

this one again? KENDALL: Yeah.   

At the same time, you and I

could, like, h*t it.   

One, two, three. (Screaming)   

(laughter)

That's some tough glass.   

(Kourtney laughs) ♪ ♪   

KIM: Chrissy is having her

birthday party tonight.   

She's like, "I'm so sober right

now, and it's driving me crazy."   

I'm so bored."

KHLOE: I feel her on that.   

It's so boring. It sucks.

KOURTNEY: I'm pretty sober,   

and life, when you can actually

remember things, is really   

great.

Like, sex is better sober.   

KHLOE: No, it's not.

KOURTNEY: Yeah, it is.   

KHLOE: Sex is so much more

fun when you have drunk sex.   

KOURTNEY: No, it's not.

Don't you want to remember the   

good stuff?

KHLOE: How drunk are you?   

Are you, like, belligerent?

KOURTNEY: Yeah.   

KHLOE: I'm just saying, take

the edge off.   

Being drunk adds value to

everything else in life.   

(Kim laughs) (Kourtney laughs)   

KIM: So my friend just went

to a funeral, and was saying it   

was, like, an open casket, and

she was saying how the person   

looked just, like, different.

I feel really bad that, like,   

someone would just be remembered

just not really looking like   

themselves. ]] KHLOE: I agree.   

KOURTNEY: But that's what

you're thinking about when   

someone passes?

KHLOE: Yeah, when someone   

dies, and you see them...

KIM: I mean, I think, like,   

you got to...

KHLOE: And you're like,   

"God, they looked really at

peace, they look so beautiful.   

I feel good seeing them leave

like that."   

KIM: Like, you feel, like,

"Okay, it's fine.   

Like, they're at peace."

KHLOE: I don't remember if.   

Dad had an open casket.

KOURTNEY: No.   

KIM: His casket wasn't even

there.   

It was just a picture, because

I had to stand up and talk.   

I remember that his casket was

already at the grave site about   

to be, like... KOURTNEY: Buried?   

KIM: Just waiting for us.

And I was just thinking, like,   

"Who is this person that does

the makeup?"   

Like, it's obviously the

morticians.   

My Girl? ]] KIM: Yeah.   

Jamie Lee

Curtis... she came, and he was   

the mortician, and she did the

makeup.   

You could be the Jamie Lee

Curtis of morticians.   

KIM: I know death is such a

morbid topic, but I am, like,   

obsessed.

I just want to prepare myself   

for when that time comes, and I

also try to not make it such a   

morbid, scary thing.

I hope I don't die soon, but I'm   

gonna ask Kanye if he wants to

be cryogenically frozen so he    

can just be in our house in a

freezer.    

I'm putting in my will that I

have to always have my hair done    

if I'm, like, not... talking

myself, or, like... okay?    

Death is a natural part of life.

Like, I am totally at peace with    

my father's passing, and I just

want the same thing for other    

people.

So to remember someone not    

really looking like themselves...

I would hate for that to be the    

case.

What do they do if someone has    

hair extensions in?

KOURTNEY: I'm sure they take    

it out. KHLOE: No, they don't.    

KIM: What if they're all

taped in?    

KOURTNEY: Oh, oh. I'm sure

they leave it, yeah.    

KHLOE: Your hair gets...

disintegrated anyway.    

KOURTNEY: Okay, guys, I

really don't want to talk about    

this. It's actually making me    

uncomfortable. ]] KHLOE: Why?    

KOURTNEY: I don't know.

KHLOE: It's life and death,    

it just happens.

KOURTNEY: It just is.    

KHLOE: Okay. ♪ ♪    

KRIS: Look how cute we are.

KHLOE: Mm, very cute.    

It's still developing.

KRIS: I know. Okay.    

"Mommy..."

KHLOE: I wish I had your    

handwriting. It's so good.    

KRIS: Thank you.

So how are you feeling?    

KHLOE: I'm, like, so scared,

nervous, excited.    

It's, like, a million things.

Are you supposed to be all those    

things? KRIS: Yes, definitely.    

KHLOE: Okay. Like, I'm

allowed to be scared?    

'Cause I am... Like, it's so...

KRIS: Yeah, it's scary.    

Wait till it's this big.

It's so crazy.    

KHLOE: It's really freaking

me out.    

KRIS: What are your cravings?

KHLOE: I don't really have    

any right now.

I mean, frozen yogurt is    

literally the only thing I care

about.    

KRIS: You don't have any

cravings?    

KHLOE: Not really.

KRIS: When you're pregnant,    

you just have to lose control

and indulge.    

Back in the day, when I was

pregnant, I was one who probably    

gave in to my cravings from time

to time.    

Well, probably every day.

I would enjoy lasagna and French    

bread, and, I mean, I just went

for it.    

This is one of the best times of

your life.    

It's so amazing. ]] KHLOE: Mm.    

KRIS: And I'll be right there

with you, kid.    

I'll be right there with you.

KHLOE: What's that new thing    

you're doing?

KRIS: I don't know.    

KHLOE: Okay.

KRIS: You little cutie!    

KHLOE: You could do that.

I don't know what this thing is.    

(both laugh) ♪ ♪    

KRIS: Hey. Hello. SCOTT: Hello.    

KRIS: Who knew you had a pool

table?    

I don't come over here enough.

SCOTT: I do have a pool    

table.

KRIS: Like, I feel like I'm    

disconnected, right?

SCOTT: If you were connected,    

you would know that I'm gonna

take on an actual career in    

developing properties.

KRIS: What?!    

SCOTT: Which is amazing.

KRIS: High five!    

SCOTT: High five.

KRIS: Congratulations.    

SCOTT: Over the past couple

years, I decided to start trying    

to buy houses that I thought had

potential and fix them up in the    

way I thought they would look

best.    

We're changing the front and the

color.    

It makes it much more

contemporary.    

We'll decorate the exterior.

We need to fill up a  ,   -foot    

house.

I like these marble tables.    

That could be cool.

I just have a passion for    

flipping houses, so being able

to make an actual career out of    

that is very cool and exciting.

So, as of now, I have, like,    

three or four different houses

that we're gonna remodel inside    

and out. ]] KRIS: Wow.    

SCOTT: You know, it's cool.

It's just, like, I've always    

wanted something that I was

passionate about, and I finally    

found it a couple years ago.

But now, it's, like, I get to at    

least showcase it.

KRIS: This is a whole nother    

level for you.

SCOTT: Yeah, it's great.    

KRIS: I think what people

don't realize is how creative    

you are and how my entire family

leans on you for our design    

advice from time to time.

SCOTT: Nobody tell anybody.    

KRIS: And art and everything.

SCOTT: I would love you to be    

a business partner on it.

KRIS: Do I get a check?    

SCOTT: I think that you would

have to negotiate with... but...    

KRIS: I'm just kidding.

I would love to do it.    

SCOTT: You know there's

nobody else that I would trust    

that I know that could look over

everything.    

KRIS: Yeah. Give me a little

hug.    

SCOTT: Oh. ]] KRIS: A little    

congratulations hug.

I'm very proud of you, very.    

And that wonderful lipstick you

better tell your girlfriend    

about that I just got on your

hoodie.    

Sorry about that.

SCOTT: It's okay.    

I'll say I was at the strip club

earlier.    

KRIS: Oh, yeah, okay.

At noon. At noon.    

SCOTT: Well, they... they got

a great buffet.    

(Kris laughs) ♪ ♪    

MELISSA: Straight arms.

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.    

KIM: Ooh, I see your belly

today!    

KHLOE: What? Don't say that!

KIM: No, it's cute.    

I just never saw it.

MELISSA: Eight, nine...    

Okay, go. Five with me. Five...    

KHLOE: Ever since I found out

that I was pregnant, my workouts    

have been adjusted to how I feel

every day.    

MELISSA: Knees up.

KIM: Should she be doing    

abs? MELISSA: Yeah, she can do    

abs. KHLOE: I definitely don't    

push myself too extreme.

I do things in moderation and    

everything is approved by my

doctor.    

See you tomorrow. Depending.    

MELISSA: Yeah, just let me know.    

KHLOE: I will.

MELISSA: All right.    

(Kim yawns)

KIM: You look amazing.    

KHLOE: Thank you.

KIM: How much weight have you    

gained? ]] KHLOE:    pounds.    

KIM: That is nothing.

At five months, I was, like,       

in. ]] KHLOE: No, you weren't.    

KIM: I gained   , so I had to

have at least h*t    by then.    

KHLOE: I woke up this morning

and I was like, I feel so,    

like... swollen or bloated or I

don't know.    

I'm two pounds heavier than I

was on Saturday.    

KIM: You'll just fluctuate.

You just can't, like, stress    

about it. KHLOE: I kind of am.    

What I'm scared about is the

doctor that I've talked... like,    

since Tristan and I are both big

and, like, his mom has had.    

C-sections 'cause all of her

kids are big and, most likely,    

I'm gonna have a big baby.

If I need to have a C-section,    

we'll do whatever I have to deal

with that.    

She wants me to gain a

reasonable amount of weight, but    

nothing too crazy.

ALIABADI: But I don't want    

you to gain more than, um...

I mean, ideally, if you could do    

eight pounds,    weeks.

KHLOE: Okay.    

ALIABADI: Your partner is

tall and big and I'm just    

worried if you gain too much

weight, you're gonna have a...    

KHLOE: A huge baby.

ALIABADI: Mm-hmm.    

KHLOE: I would really love to

avoid having a C-section.    

I would like to do this as

naturally as possible.    

My whole family delivered

vaginally and I just kind of    

want to do the same.

Having a C-section, you know,    

it's really hard on your body.

Cutting through your abdomen and    

your uterus, I just don't think

that sounds like an easy    

process.

KIM: You're freaked out about    

it, but, like, it is what it is.

You can't really stress it,    

honestly.

KHLOE: I don't know, it's    

just scary.

KRIS: What are you doing    

here? ]] KIM: I'm gonna do your    

makeup. ]] KRIS: Why?    

KIM: Because I'm a mortician.

♪ ♪    

KRIS: Bah! (Kim screams)    

KHLOE: Weighing myself.

ALIABADI: The biggest health    

concern is I don't want to

deliver a big baby. (Laughs)    

KHLOE: I don't want to gain

"X" amount of pounds.    

I am so nervous.    

♪ ♪

SCOTT: What are you making?    

KRIS: Sausage and peppers.

SCOTT: Oh, the ol' sausage.    

KRIS: Haven't made this in a

really long time.    

Oh! Scott! Geez.

KHLOE: Scott, get out of    

here, go sit down.

SCOTT: You know, I'm trying    

to help out.

KHLOE: Who else is coming    

over to eat all those?

'Cause this is crazy.    

KRIS: Well, most of this is

for you.    

SCOTT: Are you gonna invite

all the neighbors over?    

KRIS: Yeah. ]] SCOTT: Wow.    

That does look pretty serious.

KHLOE: It's great, but for,    

like, a lot of people.

SCOTT: That can feed a    

country.

KHLOE: My mom is making the    

heaviest pasta dish, with so

much oil and just butter and    

crap everywhere.

I'm not having three pieces of    

bread.

KRIS: It's fine, you're gonna    

be fine.

KHLOE: Eating like this is    

not gonna help me prevent having

a C-section.    

This is so good, Mom, thank you.

KRIS: Do you like it?    

KHLOE: But you know I can't

eat all this.    

SCOTT: Me, neither.

KRIS: Of course you can eat    

all that.

You want some for dinner?    

KHLOE: I can't have so many

carbs.    

KRIS: Carbs?    

I think, growing up, Khloe was

always conscious of her weight.    

(Khloe trilling)

(Khloe speaks indistinctly)    

CAITLYN: Don't you think you

should lose a few pounds?    

KRIS: Khloe has worked so

hard for the last couple years,    

really getting in shape and

being healthy and... she's never    

looked better, so I think she's

a little bit scared about what's    

gonna happen after baby.

But being pregnant is a    

beautiful thing and the last

thing she should be worried    

about is gaining a lot of

weight.    

SCOTT: Can we give the dog a

little sausage?    

KHLOE: Mm-hmm.

You're feeding her from a fork?    

SCOTT: Yeah.

KHLOE: That's disgusting.    

KRIS: Ooh. KHLOE: That's nasty.    

SCOTT: He eats like a person.

KHLOE: Oh, my gosh.    

SCOTT: This dog is a human. ♪ ♪    

SCOTT: The Cor-ster.

COREY: What's up?    

SCOTT: Yo, you're always

trying to go behind my back when    

you get the ski stuff going on.

COREY: Well, you know I've    

been practicing, man, so I got

the (bleep).    

SCOTT: You've been

practicing. Where?    

You know Ben.

COREY: Whaddup, man?    

BENNY: What's up, man.

COREY: What's going on?    

Y'all good?

SCOTT: Have you been skiing,    

like, on the low without

everybody knowing?    

COREY: That's all I did all

last spring.    

In '  , I'm probably gonna go

skiing at least    times.    

SCOTT: What?

COREY: I went skiing    times    

last year.

SCOTT: You went skiing       

times?

COREY:    times, eight days a    

piece. SCOTT: Are you, like, a    

full-blown expert now?

COREY: I'm decent.    

I-I can't wait to get back to

the mountain.    

SCOTT: Oh, this guy.

What the...?    

Are you wearing tights?

COREY: Oh, I got a crazy    

wardrobe. ]] SCOTT: Stop.    

COREY: All colors... that's

why I'm trying to get boots to    

match... I need at least three

pair of boots.    

SCOTT: By the way, it's not

like... it's not like rapper    

(bleep), like, you got to have

multiple pairs of sneakers.    

COREY: I match 'em with my

outfits.    

SCOTT: You're not serious.

COREY: I'm serious.    

I go into hardcore training

tomorrow.    

SCOTT: I'm not a skier like

that.    

I just go for, like, the chicken

nuggets and chicken fingers in    

the lodge.

Corey and I have definitely been    

spending more time together,

which is nice.    

We have more in common than I

thought.    

COREY: We also got to back on

our hiking, for real for real.    

SCOTT: We do.

We should be hiking to be in the    

season for the skiing.

COREY: That's what my point    

is. ]] SCOTT: And we should look    

good for Art Basel. COREY: Yeah.    

SCOTT: Art Basel happens

once a year in Miami.    

It's basically just a showcase

of a ton of different artists.    

There's a lot of pop-ups and

galleries.    

It's a perfect time for me to

start looking into new art that    

I can put in some of my new

houses.    

I want to h*t as much as we can

h*t.    

COREY: When we go out, I know

who to call.    

SCOTT: Corey has a lot of

connections in the art world, so    

it'll be cool 'cause he's gonna

set up some meetings for when    

we're in Miami.

What's gonna go on here?    

Oh, wow, you got a serious

stance.    

Look at him go.

All right, h*t him with a little    

speed.

COREY: That... Hey, watch the    

thing, watch the thing.

Hey, this kid is (bleep) with    

the thing.

(Scott and Benny laughing)    

SCOTT: This thing's gonna

fall apart.    

COREY: He gonna (bleep).

And then he gonna walk out, so    

if I was y'all, I'd stop him.

(Scott laughing)    

Don't (bleep) with Scott or

nothing.    

SCOTT: That's classic. ♪ ♪    

KHLOE: What are these shirts?

I never go through this stuff.    

I don't wear this (bleep).

KIM: (gasps) It says how to    

do makeup on a young child.

Like, where to apply the blush.    

What?

KHLOE: What the hell is that?    

"Creating a head bandage"?

What is this?    

KIM: This is, like, a

mortician book.    

I've been, like, fascinated

with, like, ooh...!    

KHLOE: What was that?

KIM: But I think that I want    

to take it a step further

and, like, meet with a    

mortician. ]] KHLOE: Okay.    

KIM: I'm just, like, so

curious what the process is.    

I'm gonna call Mario and see if

he'll go with me.    

MARIO: Hello? ]] KIM: Hey.    

MARIO: Hey. How are you?

KIM: Wait, I got a mor... a    

mortician book.

It's so fascinating.    

Their whole thing is, like,

color correcting.    

MARIO: Oh, my God, will you

send me pictures of that?    

I want to get that book.

KIM: Yeah, no, you're-you're    

literally gonna want this book.

No, Mario and I are fascinated.    

KHLOE: The book is about

death and m*rder.    

Hi, Mario.

KIM: No, it's not about    

m*rder, you idiot.

It's about makeup for d*ad    

people.

KHLOE: I just saw "how to sew"    

"up your skull" in one of the

chapters.    

Sometimes Kim is so ridiculous.

I mean, she gets obsessed.    

But as bizarre as this is, Kim

knows makeup like the back of    

her hand.

This is her whole world.    

So this isn't something so

farfetched to me, coming from.    

Kim. MARIO: Oh, my God, I love    

you... my plane's taking off.

I got to go.    

KIM: Okay, we got to go to

mortuary school.    

When you come in town.

MARIO: Send me pictures of    

that. ]] KIM: Okay, bye.    

MARIO: Send me pictures of that.    

KIM: Bye.

KHLOE: (laughs) You guys are    

such freaks.

"Okay." (rushed stammer)    

Like, you guys are so crazy. ♪ ♪    

KHLOE: Hi, Mom.

KRIS: Hey. I'm just having a    

little lunch.

KHLOE: You're putting wasabi    

straight on your thing?

KRIS: Oh, honey, you bet I    

am. ]] KHLOE: Oh, my God.    

KRIS: Oh, it's everything.

Mm-hmm.    

KHLOE: That's wild.

KRIS: Mm-hmm.    

Mmm.

I just found out that Scott's    

going to Miami. KHLOE: For what?    

KRIS: For Art Basel. KHLOE: Hmm.    

KRIS: It's really cute,

because he invited Corey to go    

with him. ]] KHLOE: Mm-hmm.    

KRIS: Corey loves art, and he

loves the whole Art Basel scene.    

So it's like two peas in a pod.

KHLOE: That's so nice.    

KRIS: I am, like, very

pro-Scott right now.    

He's getting up early in the

morning, working all day,    

excited about life.

He's like a different person    

these days. ]] KHLOE: Is he?    

KRIS: Yeah.

KHLOE: Normally, if Scott    

were to go to Miami, it would be

a red flag.    

But Scott is making some really

good improvements in his life.    

And he's a natural at flipping

houses.    

So I think this is really, like,

a good use of his time.    

KRIS: I have my two personal

scouts going to Art Basel to    

check it out.

KHLOE: That's nice.    

KRIS: So I'm excited. Yeah.    

KHLOE (whispers): Wow.

KRIS: You have to be into    

what we're all into to get

really excited about this.    

KHLOE: Are you art-shaming me

again?    

KRIS: No, I'm not trying to

art-shame you.    

I'm just saying that different

people are interested in    

different things.

KHLOE: That's a very true    

statement.

KRIS: I think hormones make    

you cranky. ♪ ♪    

SCOTT: We're Basel-ing!

(Virgil laughing)    

♪ ♪    

SCOTT: What up, boy?

ALEC MONOPOLY: Oh, (bleep).    

What up, bro?

Thank you for coming.    

SCOTT: It's very cool stuff.

ALEC: Oh, thank you.    

SCOTT: When one doesn't sell,

I'm just gonna take it.    

(laughing)

Art Basel's pretty cool.    

PAPI: We're going to Komodo.

Just a quick snack.    

Couple of rolls.

SCOTT: Let's go.    

I have my friends here from New

York.    

Corey was supposed to fly with

me, but he got caught up and had    

to do some work at home.

When he gets here, we have plans    

to network and meet artists and

owners of different galleries,    

just so I can, you know, create

relationships.    

I'm very excited about it.

Do you see yourself ever not    

having a beard? ]] PAPI: No.    

SCOTT: Me neither.

PAPI: Not anymore.    

SCOTT: I don't think I'll

shave ever again.    

(Papi laughs)

Yo, by the way, we're going into    

business and we're starting

right away.    

PAPI: No way! That's amazing!    

SCOTT: Most people, they're

sourcing out everything.    

For me, I'm gonna be the buyer,

I'm the seller, and I'm actually    

furnishing my own place.

PAPI: Wow!    

SCOTT: I get to, like, kind

of finally show the world that I    

actually do work. PAPI: Right.    

SCOTT: Not just, like,

appearances and social media and    

events.

I want to take it, like, one    

step further... build my own

furniture.    

Even, like, coming out with my

own branding.    

PAPI: Right.

SCOTT: Like a modern-day.    

Martha Stewart. (Papi laughs)    

I feel like I probably come

across to the world a little bit    

different than I really am.

And I'm not saying a lot of the    

things that you've seen are not

exactly    % true, because they    

are.

But I definitely think there's a    

lot of people that maybe

underestimate me, and I'm    

excited that I do have this

now, to show that I am    

professional when I need to be.    

AMBER: The next room is gonna

be us doing some makeup    

together. MARIO: On who?    

AMBER: On a person.

KIM: That's d*ad?    

AMBER: You'll find out when

we go in.    

KRIS: When you (bleep) up,

you don't just (bleep) up a    

little bit, you (bleep) up.

If you're gonna go do Art Basel,    

then go do Art Basel.

Don't do Art Basel and pretend    

like it's spring break.    

♪ ♪    

KIM: I feel like I know

makeup very, very well.    

And before I even go to a

professional, I wanted to test    

it out on my mom.    

KRIS: What are you doing here?    

I just got out of the shower.

KIM: Perfect.    

KRIS: What are you doing?

KIM: Please lay down.    

Obviously, my mom's not, like, a

substitute for a d*ad body, but    

I just am so used to only doing

makeup on myself, I needed    

someone to test it out on.

I'm gonna do your makeup.    

KRIS: Why?

KIM: Because I'm a mortician.    

KRIS: You're a mortician.

KIM: And I need, I need to    

practice. ]] KRIS: I'm not d*ad.    

I know I look pretty bad, but I

just got out of the shower.    

KIM: But I need to practice.

Can I just practice on you?    

KRIS: Are you okay?

KIM: You can relax and just    

chill and you're getting your

makeup done.    

KRIS: Are you really gonna do

my makeup? Okay.    

KIM: Yeah, I'll do you your

makeup for the day.    

KRIS: Kim is always trying

something new, but being a    

mortician is interesting.

Who knew that her love of makeup    

would take her this far?

KIM: What's your favorite    

look these days?

What would you want to go out    

in?

Not, like, to the store, but go    

out-out, like, to the grave.

KRIS: Perfect skin.    

Nude lip, I learned that from

you.    

KIM: Okay.

Look... Well, close your eyes.    

KRIS: Oh.

I just wanted to see how hard    

this would be.

KRIS: Are you practicing to    

do mine when I pass away?

KIM: No, just in general.    

Okay, I was gonna say this might

feel a little cold, but you're    

d*ad, so it doesn't matter.

KRIS: Doing makeup on a    

living person is completely

different, just so you know.    

KIM: You're really talking

too much for a d*ad person.    

KRIS: You're really creepy.

KIM: Your skin's great.    

Oh, you're playing the game now.

KRIS: Bah!    

(Kim screams)

KIM (laughing): Mom.    

(Kris laughs) Oh, my...    

Oh, my God, you really scared

me.    

I almost peed my pants. ♪ ♪    

KRIS: Oh. KIM: A little mist.    

And you are done. Here.    

KRIS: Good job, Kim. Thank you.    

KIM: I'm into it.

KRIS: Me, too. Thank you.    

♪ ♪    

PRODUCER: So, the situation

is we heard that Scott was out    

super late last night, and that

he is d*ad asleep.    

Have you heard from him?

Do you know what his plans are?    

COREY: He gonna... He gonna be

jacked up for a while.    

MAN: Yeah, well...

COREY: I don't know how,    

you know what I'm saying?

That's Scott.    

PRODUCER: Yeah. All right.

COREY: Scott Disick.    

♪ ♪    

KRIS: Hello! KHLOE: Hey, Mom.    

KRIS: I brought you a surprise!    

KHLOE: Oh...

KRIS: This is your lucky day!    

KHLOE: Are you... okay?

KRIS: Yeah. It's Krispy Kreme.    

Day!

To celebrate the pregnancy of.    

Khloe Kardashian!

KHLOE: I can't eat eight    

dozen donuts. KRIS: Just smell.    

KRIS and KHLOE: Mmm.

KHLOE: They do smell pretty    

good. ]] KRIS: I know.    

KHLOE: I remember, back when

my mom was pregnant, she and.    

Bruce almost got a divorce

because Bruce would not pull    

over to get her two dozen

donuts.    

He was like, "You don't need

them, Kris."    

And they were screaming at each

other.    

He finally got her these stupid

donuts.    

And when I tell you she ate

every (bleep) donut, she ate    

every (bleep) donut.

That's just not who I am.    

That's just disgusting.

KRIS: I want you to remember    

that I had six kids.

KHLOE: Mm-hmm.    

KRIS: And after my fourth

child, I never looked better.    

I gained and lost and gained and

lost and gained and lost, and    

had the time of my life.

And I was healthy, and I was    

happy.

KHLOE: If I want a donut or    

cookies, I'll eat them.

I'm not depriving myself.    

Everything I'm doing is

instructed by my doctor.    

I would love to avoid a

C-section, if possible.    

But if my baby turns out to be

really big, I'm gonna have to    

get a C-section.

KRIS: But I just want you to    

feel good about yourself and be

able to let your hair down a    

little bit and say...

KHLOE: But listen...    

KRIS: "I'm gonna have a

bowl of pasta," or "I'm gonna    

eat lasagna tonight or have a

donut."    

KHLOE: Can I speak?

I'm not doing anything that's    

unhealthy.

I don't think anything I have    

to say is registering.

My mom has that old-school    

mentality where she thinks I

should be sitting on the couch,    

just eating food.

KRIS: I feel a lot better    

knowing you're gonna have some

Krispy Kremes to keep you    

company while I'm gone.

KHLOE: If I don't have the    

same experience as my mom,

then she thinks something's    

wrong with me, which blows my

mind.    

It's so frustrating.    

KRIS: This is a lot.

You should not be doing this    

pregnant.

You might hurt yourself.    

KHLOE: "Are you sure you

should be doing this?"    

Or "Do you feel okay?"

not be doing that,    

Khloe. Lay down.

You shouldn't be walking."    

It's just so extreme.

COREY: When I got there to do    

the whole day of art, man, this

boy did not show up.    

(Kris gasps)

KRIS: He missed the whole    

thing?

COREY: Yeah. But he missed    

out on a good, really good-ass

day.    

♪ ♪    

KRIS: Morning!

KHLOE: Oh, my God, what are    

you doing here?

KRIS: I came to help you work    

out. KHLOE: What? Mom, I told...    

KRIS: Wait, come here, I got

to show you something important.    

KHLOE: Show me.

What are you doing?    

KRIS: Here.

I'm just up here with you.    

KHLOE: Okay, well, there's

room for one.    

KRIS: Okay. Ooh.

Slow it down a little bit.    

This is very fast. Hi.

KHLOE: It was faster, that    

was my cooldown. KRIS: Hi. Hi.    

What are you doing?

KHLOE: What are you doing?    

I don't like your...

KRIS: Huh? My energy?    

KHLOE: No, I love your energy.    

KRIS: I just had a-a laser.

(laughs)    

(whoops) Oh, my God. (Laughs)    

This is a lot.

You should not be doing this    

pregnant.

You might hurt yourself.    

Even though Khloe's expecting,

she works out like a    

professional athlete.

KHLOE: I want to be healthy.    

KRIS: Oh, no, honey, you're

taking a break.    

I don't want Khloe to go into

early labor because she's    

working out and exerting herself

so much.    

KHLOE: No. We can't do it...

KRIS: Okay. (Laughs)    

You're so serious.

What are you doing?    

KHLOE: Mom, you're...

KRIS: What are you doing?    

(howling) ]] KHLOE: Stop!    

What if I fell? ]] KRIS: What?    

KHLOE: You can't make me...

KRIS: Why don't you sit down    

and you won't fall. KHLOE: What?    

KRIS: Sit down...

KHLOE: I absolutely love my    

mom, but she's a psychopath.

KRIS: Want to go watch TV?    

KHLOE: No. KRIS: Are you sure?    

Want to go for a swim?

KHLOE: No.    

KRIS: Come on, there's so

much to do here.    

KHLOE: Mom, stop. KRIS: Okay.    

KHLOE: "Are you sure you

should be doing this?"    

Or "Do you feel okay?

You should not be doing that",    

Khloe... oh, my God, when I was

pregnant...    

You just got to lay down and

just eat all day.    

"Just lay down.

You shouldn't be walking."    

It's just so extreme.

Enough is enough.    

You haven't been to one of my

doctor's appointments.    

If you were, Dr. A says it's

good to work out.    

I'm doing what my doctor says.

KRIS: I want to go to one.    

KHLOE: Don't. ]] KRIS: Okay?    

KHLOE: Okay. KRIS: Let's go.    

Come on, I'm starving.

I'm shaking.    

Look at me shaking, I'm so

hungry.    

(chuckles) I'm shaking.    

KHLOE: Mom. ]] KRIS: What?    

♪ ♪    

KIM: Hi.

AMBER: How are you? Come in.    

KIM: Yeah. This is Mario.

AMBER: Hi.    

MARIO: Hey, I'm Mario.

How are you? Nice to meet you.    

AMBER: Nice to meet you. Hi.

KIM: So, wait... so this is,    

like, a mortuary.

AMBER: Yes. You're in an    

actual-actual mortuary.

KIM: So, this is where people    

come when they die. AMBER: Yes.    

KIM: I've been dying...

No pun intended.    

I've been dying to know the

tricks of the trade and, like,    

what concealer morticians use.

So, Mario found this mortician    

so we can learn everything.

AMBER: If you have someone    

that you haven't embalmed, you

can just place them under    

refrigeration.

I've had people that've been    

d*ad for, like,    days.

KIM: How do you embalm    

someone? (Amber chuckles)    

AMBER: Embalming is,

essentially, making an incision    

here, it's pulling up the

artery, it's opening it up, it's    

putting an arterial tube in

it...    

It's pushing embalming fluid

through your body.    

So you're flushing out all of

the blood, because the blood is    

what starts the decomposition

process.    

MARIO: I always wondered

about this, too.    

Like, let's say, God forbid,

that she passes away.    

Like, what if her eyeball or

something opens? Like...    

AMBER: So, it's essentially a

contact lens that has little    

pebbly things on it, and so,

when I take a body, I open the    

eyelid, I put that on, and then

you put the eyelid over it, and    

essentially, it holds the eyelid

down, so her eyelids aren't    

gonna be popping up.

MARIO: What?    

KIM: My stomach is turning.

I thought I was totally fine,    

and all of a sudden, I'm like,

"Oh, my God, I might throw up."    

AMBER: Um...

KIM: Can we sit down?    

AMBER: Yeah.    

KIM: What training is

involved in this?    

AMBER: So I went to

Mortuary School.    

Um, it's a three-semester

program.    

You learn basic things, like

stuff that you already know,    

like the color wheel and what

cancels out other colors.    

And then, you'll build facial

features.    

We would get clay, and we would

learn how to a build a nose,    

and... ]] KIM: Why?    

AMBER: Um, because if someone

gets in a car accident, um, you    

can basically rebuild their

facial features from wax.    

KIM: Like, what if someone's,

like, sh*t in the head?    

AMBER: It's easier to fix

than it sounds like.    

Like, if it's just a simple

g*n wound, it's just taking    

filler or wax and just putting

it in, and then just, um,    

cosmetize it. ]] KIM: Wow.    

AMBER: So, what we're going

to do, when we go into the next    

room, um...

MARIO: What's in the next    

room? ]] KIM: I don't know.    

AMBER: The next room is gonna

be us doing some makeup    

together. ]] MARIO: On who?    

AMBER: On a person.

KIM: That's d*ad?    

AMBER: You'll find out when

we go in.    

KIM: We definitely asked for

the authentic experience, but    

I'm starting to rethink this.

AMBER: Those are for you.    

KIM: Okay, cool.

Are we gonna walk in to a d*ad    

body laying on the table?

I'm just freaking out.    

AMBER: All right, are you

guys ready?    

Yeah? Excited?

MARIO: Oh, my God, my heart's    

beating so fast right now. Kim.    

KHLOE: I am about to have a

checkup with Dr. A, and I am    

bringing my mom, so she can hear

it with her own ears and see it    

with her own eyes.

She wants me to gain    pounds.    

KRIS: No, I don't.

KHLOE: Oh. Don't lie now.    

KRIS: I do not want you to

gain    pounds.    

ALIABADI: Okay, we...    

AMBER: All right, are you

guys ready? Yeah? Excited?    

MARIO: Oh, my God, my heart's

beating so fast right now.    

Oh, my God. Kim. Kim?    

Kim? ]] KIM: It's fine.    

Well, she's breathing.

MARIO: Huh?    

KIM: She's breathing.

Is she gonna say hi?    

I mean, she's breathing, so...

she's not d*ad.    

AMBER: Right. (Chuckles)

KIM: So...    

AMBER: But she's gonna be

our... she's... she's method.    

She's gonna be our d*ad body.

KIM: Hi, thank you for doing    

this for us. ]] MARIO: Hello.    

AMBER: So one of the things

that, um, you'll always get is    

you'll get pictures of the

decedent.    

And so, this is gonna kind of

tell me what I should work with.    

KIM: We have the same color on.    

Literally, the same exact color.

It's beautiful.    

AMBER: And, actually, it's

funny, too, 'cause I bought this    

especially for it and that was...

She's already, she's good to go.    

So this is, like, some color

correction for her.    

MARIO: How would you color

correct the blueness here?    

AMBER: So blue, I would maybe

start by putting some yellow    

over it. ]] MARIO: Yellow?    

AMBER: Yeah, I'd put yellow

here, put some yellow here.    

MARIO: So could we use, like,

highlighter to make her skin    

glow? ]] AMBER: Mm-hmm.    

KIM: So where are you gonna

put the highlighter, her cheek?    

MARIO: Just, like, on her

cheeks so it makes it glow a    

little bit.

So use the peach and I'll use    

the peach on your under-eyes.

Use it here, like on her...    

under-eyes a little bit.

KIM: So, would you use it    

directly? ]] AMBER: Yeah. Yeah.    

MARIO: I'll do one side and

you do the other side.    

Here, mix these two.

But put more of the lighter one.    

KIM: Keep going.

I'll just be your assistant for    

the day. Has anyone ever moved?    

AMBER: (laughs) No. KIM: No?    

AMBER: No.

MARIO: She needs a little bit    

of eyebrow.

KIM: And then we can put    

some, like, bronzer on top.

I could really see this as a    

career for you.

I think you can handle it.    

(laughs) ]] MARIO: I don't know,    

Kimberly.

I wouldn't be able to get, like,    

Instagram pictures or, like, red

carpet photos or anything.    

KIM: All right, I know this

is, like, way too heavy for me    

to ever really take on, but I've

learned so much being here and    

I'm really grateful for the

experience, and I'm really glad    

that Mario came along, 'cause

now I know that if... when the    

day comes, that I'll be in good

hands.    

AMBER: Yeah, that's pretty

much...    

KIM: That's amazing. Beautiful.    

♪ ♪    

KRIS: Hey, guys. KIM: Hi, Mom.    

If you ever don't want this rug,

I'll take it for the baby's    

room. ]] KRIS: Okay.    

KIM: Cute. Thank you.    

KRIS: How long has it been

since you saw Corey?    

KIM: I just saw Corey right

before he left for Miami.    

KRIS: How was Miami?

COREY: First, I was late.    

So me and Scott didn't get to

hang out and do the different    

events like we wanted to.

But when I got there to do the    

most important part that we

prepared for weeks, to go do the    

whole day of art, man, this boy

did not show up.    

KRIS: (gasps) He missed the

whole thing?    

COREY: Well, he knew I was

flying there and he did not...    

KIM: Wait, you flew out just

for him?    

COREY: Yeah.

And when I got there, I didn't    

see him at all or talk to him,

so I didn't see he was (bleep)    

up, he might have wanted to just

spend quality time with his    

girl, but I saw online...

KIM: But I saw it online.    

COREY: That, you know, he

had a wild night.    

But he missed out on a really

good-ass day.    

KRIS: I was really excited

about Scott's trip to Miami    

because I thought he would get

so much done and it would be    

really productive.

It's really upsetting.    

For his reputation, for my

reputation, and just for his    

future in general.

He needs to step up and I worry    

about if this is a pattern or

not.    

I just can't even. ]] KIM: Yeah.    

KRIS: Yeah.

COREY: I shortened the trip    

by two days.

I didn't want to stay there    

because there was nothing left

but partying.    

I didn't need that.

He didn't need that.    

I think with him, it's all about

his company.    

His company bring out the best

or the worst in him.    

He's never been (bleep) up with

me.    

KRIS: Yeah. ♪ ♪    

SCOTT: Kris? ]] KRIS: Yeah.    

SCOTT: I was in the

neighborhood, so I figured I'd    

stop over and say hi.

KRIS: Yeah?    

Coming over intentionally to say

hello to me, and see if she's    

pissed at me because I...

SCOTT: Also that.    

KRIS: Misbehaved in Miami.

SCOTT: It wasn't so much    

"misbehaved."

KRIS: It was to go away, and    

go to Art Basel, and go look at

art...    

SCOTT: Eh, I looked at some

art...    

KRIS: For the rest of your life.    

SCOTT: On my phone.

KRIS: But you invited Corey    

to come to Art Basel...

SCOTT: I did.    

KRIS: So you could look at

pieces for your home, and then,    

you bailed.

If you're gonna go do Art Basel,    

then, go do Art Basel.

Don't do Art Basel and pretend    

like it's spring break.

SCOTT: I didn't think it was    

the worst thing to be able to go

away for a few days and chill.    

KRIS: But when you (bleep)

up, you don't just (bleep) up a    

little bit, you (bleep) up.

Sometimes, these little    

setbacks, you know, can cost you

dearly.    

I get excited when you invite me

to be a part of your project.    

I want to do that. SCOTT: Yeah.    

KRIS: But I want to believe

that you're in    %.    

I don't want to be excited to be

doing this with my partner who's.    

M.I.A. in Miami somewhere.

Get it?    

SCOTT: Yeah. This is crazy.    

As much as I understand that I

need to be responsible, I don't    

know when I ever said that I

can't go out.    

I'm doing my best in life, but

I still like to have fun when    

I can.

I went out late, I slept in.    

I don't really feel the whole

world should be crashing down on    

me. When I asked Kris to be a    

business partner, I didn't ask

for a high school principal.    

KRIS: I want to make sure

that you are serious.    

Okay.    

♪ ♪    

SCOTT: I didn't think it was

the worst thing to be able to go    

away for a few days and chill.

KRIS: But when you... (bleep)    

up, you don't just (bleep) up a

little bit.    

You (bleep) up.    

SCOTT: Yeah, but I really

haven't been.    

KRIS: Sometimes these little

setbacks, you know, can cost you    

dearly.

SCOTT: Man, it's rough out    

here. KRIS: Listen, if somebody    

isn't the voice of reason...

SCOTT: No, listen.    

KRIS: Who else is gonna be?    

SCOTT: I have nobody else...

to watch out for me, other than    

you.

So I appreciate it, even though    

it's hard sometimes.

KRIS: So I might bitch at you    

from time to time...

SCOTT: I'll take it.    

KRIS: And make you feel

uncomfortable or awkward, but if    

I'm not gonna do it and tell you

what my observation is, I'm just    

here to make you the best that

you can be.    

And that's all I care about.

You know, the best dad, the best    

friend, the best son...

SCOTT: Yeah. I agree.    

KRIS: The best everything.

SCOTT: I love that.    

KRIS: And you've got that in

you all the time.    

And you just have to realize how

amazing you are.    

SCOTT: For the longest time,

I've been going to Kris for    

advice on... pretty much every

single thing.    

But even though I do want her to

be a business partner, she needs    

to realize that I really am in

a different place in my life and    

I can have fun, still hold down

a job, a relationship, a life,    

a family and all these different

things, and it's not just all    

fun and games and things of that

nature.    

I'm a good boy.

KRIS: You are such a good    

little boy.

SCOTT: Oh, little baby, he's    

been good! (Kris chuckles)    

♪ ♪    

KRIS: I used to tell you to

go to massage school.    

KHLOE: I know.

KRIS: Because I thought you    

had such good hands.

KHLOE: I do.    

Well, everyone, like, when I

give them a massage.    

Even when I, like, rubbed you

for a second, you're like, "Oh!"    

KRIS: Okay. ]] KHLOE: Oh.    

KRIS: While we're talking,

might as well make it good.    

No, I know, it's like if you

have a gift, like, this is a    

gift.

KHLOE: Yeah, but I don't...    

KRIS: You could go to massage

school and have a backup plan.    

KHLOE: I... I'm good.

KRIS: At least you could pay    

the bills.

KHLOE: Well, I'm paying my    

bills right now. It's good.

ALIABADI: You guys are early!    

Hi. KHLOE: I am about to have a    

checkup with Dr. A, and I am

bringing my mom so she can hear    

it with her own ears and see it

with her own eyes... all of what.    

Dr. A has to tell me.

Weighing myself.    

ALIABADI: Let's do it.

And take your shoes off, yeah.    

KHLOE: I am so nervous.

I mean, I don't want to gain "X"    

amount of pounds.

And if I can avoid a C-section,    

that's my goal.    

(machine beeps)

ALIABADI: So you gained       

pounds in    weeks.

It's not bad.    

KRIS:    pounds? That's it?

KHLOE: No, but will you tell    

my mom the health concerns?

She wants me to gain    pounds.    

KRIS: No, I don't.

KHLOE: Oh, don't lie now.    

KRIS: I do not want you to

gain    pounds.    

KHLOE: Okay, wait.

KRIS:   . I gained   .    

ALIABADI: No. No.

KRIS: No? So,   .    

ALIABADI: Yes.    pounds.

KHLOE: I'm the one who's been    

telling you she said between   

to   .    

ALIABADI: Yes.

KHLOE: And you said, "Oh",    

no."

ALIABADI: The biggest health    

concern for me is I don't want

to deliver a big baby. (Laughs)    

KHLOE: Yeah, and for my

vagina or C-section or whatever.    

ALIABADI: Hopefully it'll be

long and skinny.    

KHLOE: Yeah. (Laughter)    

Like Kendall. ]] KRIS: Yeah.    

ALIABADI: But, honestly,

you've done so well with your    

weight, so just keep up the

good work.    

KRIS: I am breathing a huge

sigh of relief.    

Khloe is the smartest girl and

will always take care of herself    

and her baby.

So I'm gonna step back and show    

her that I trust her.

ALIABADI: So this is the    

little, cute head.

KHLOE: Oh, that's a big head.    

KRIS: Aw. (Baby's heart beating)    

ALIABADI: There's the heartbeat.    

KRIS: I used to love that sound.    

ALIABADI: On the Doppler?

KRIS: Yeah.    

ALIABADI: It looks beautiful,

and it measures perfectly.    

KHLOE: Dr. A tells me that

I'm on track for natural birth,    

so I'm super excited about that.

And it's a testament to how    

active I've been, and that I've

just been aware of the things    

I'm putting into my body.

I think my mom hearing it    

directly from Dr. A is just

really crucial for her to get it    

through her head that this is

not me just making up random    

information.

So I'm happy that my mom is    

here. ALIABADI: All these little    

girls, I love it. KRIS: I know.    

KHLOE: So many.

ALIABADI: Girls are the best.    

KHLOE: I only have    more

weeks left?    

So scary. ]] ALIABADI: Halfway.    

KRIS: We're coming to Cleveland.    

KHLOE: Yup.

KIM: On the next episode...    

KHLOE: I'm not leaving the

premises.    

KIM: That's ridiculous.

Operation "Teach Khloe not to"    

"give a (bleep)" is underway.

KHLOE: Watch this.    

(silly string spraying)

KIM: She's coming! Khloe!    

We haven't resolved anything

with Kourtney.    

KOURTNEY: She's just so

bitchy and entitled.    

KENDALL: She told me she's

going out of town with the kids    

for the holidays. ]] KIM: What?    

KOURTNEY: I just can't handle

another big fight.    

KIM: Speaking of the devil.
{"type": "series", "show": "Keeping Up With the Kardashians", "episode": "15x03 - Drop d*ad Gorgeous"}