Scene: Walter’s Car

Walter: Skyler, I'm so...Marie. Oh, Christ, Marie. How...oh, God. Oh, thank God. Is she beautiful? I'm staring at brake lights on the 40. Some accident up ahead. Christ. Today of all days, huh? No, let her rest. I'll be there as soon as I can. 

Scene: Hospital

Walter: Excuse me. Skyler White? Skyler, I'm so sorry. I'm just...are you okay? 

Skyler: Meet your daughter. 

Walter: Hi, there, girl. Hi, there, Holly. 

Ted: Congratulations, Walt. 

Walter: I'm sorry, I didn't see you here. 

Skyler: Ted drove me here. Thank God. I mean, this little bundle of joy of ours was practically on rails. Halfway here I thought he was gonna have to pull over and deliver her himself. 

Walter: Then, I'm glad it didn't come to that. 

Ted: No problem at all. Well, let me get out of your way here so you two can, you three, can be alone, okay? Listen, take it easy, Sky. 

Skyler: I really, I can't begin to thank you. 

Ted: Don't think anything of it. It's my pleasure. Congratulations again. She's beautiful. I'll talk to you soon. Take care. 

Walter: Are you okay? Is everything okay? 

Skyler: Everything's okay. I just wish you'd been here. 

Walter: Where's everyone else? 

Skyler: Downstairs. Hank and Marie took Junior for dinner. He has been such a trooper. He even changed his first diaper. 

Walter: Did he? Honey, is there anything that I can do for you? Anything at all? 

Skyler: Actually, yes. I left my overnight bag at home this morning. I think you get it in your head, "C-section." You know? But I'm just so glad the way it all worked out. Doing it natural instead. It just couldn't have gone any better. 

Walter: Good. Let me go get your things. And I'll get my stuff, too, okay? I'll spend the night. 

Scene: Jesse’s Apartment

Jane: Dad. I was in the shower. I overslept. I'm running late, but I'll be there. Baby, I gotta go. Somebody broke in. 

Jesse: Okay. No! Come on. Damn. Oh, God. Oh, Christ. 

Scene: Narcotics Anonymous

Guy: This week was tough. Toughest yet. You know why? I knew this day was coming. My birthday. 

Counselor: Your re-birthday? 

Guy: Yeah, and as it got closer, it got worse. I was scared shitless I wouldn't make it. I really didn't think I would. Called in sick three days in a row. I know my boss was pissed. I guess I don't really care. I just didn't want to see anybody. You guys know how that is. All it'd take is one friend and I'd be out rippin' and runnin' again. But I made it. I really made it. I got one year clean to the day. 

Scene: Restaurant

Donald: You look tired. Your eyes are kind of red. You getting enough sleep? 

Jane: Actually, no. I'm working on this really complex new tat. A guy wants his whole back done up. Him on his chopper, flames all around. I keep showing him the design and he keeps asking for changes, like, "Give me more muscles. Give me more flames." And I'm like, "A, this ain't the Sistine Chapel. And B, I have enough trouble working around your zits." 

Donald: I really wish you wouldn't work at that place. You need to avoid those types of... 

Jane: I know and I do. It's mostly college kids and airmen from Kirtland. It's actually really corporate. So, how's your job? 

Donald: Oh, you know. Same old, same old. Doing backup training on my days off. God, they're hiring anybody now. No experience at all. It's scary. You seeing anyone? 

Jane: No. You? 

Donald: What about that guy next door? 

Jane: What do you mean? 

Donald: Well, he seemed to have some expectation of you introducing me to him. 

Jane: He knows you own the place. Dad, he's our tenant. End of story. Why would I get involved with a tenant? 

Scene: White Residence

Marie: Isn't she beautiful? I just think she's the most beautiful baby ever. And why not? Good stock. 

Walter Jr: I'll get it. Nobody's there. 

Walter: b*at ya! Hello? 

Jesse: Yo, it’s me. 

Walter: Oh, hi, Carmen. Just Carmen. 

Jesse: Come on. Hurry up. 

Walter: So you heard? Good news. She's just so beautiful. Well, Holly. 7 pounds, 3 ounces. Everybody is doing just fine. You junkie imbecile! What are you calling this number for? 

Jesse: I am trying to tell you, man. Last night, somebody broke in my place, yo. I got robbed. 

Walter: What? 

Jesse: Somebody, they got all of our stuff. All of it. You get me, Mr. White? The blue stuff. It's, like, uncanny. They knew exactly where to look! I mean, say something, man! Yell at me or something! Come on! God! 

Marie: Hank, come on! People are starving to death out here! 

Hank: All right, all right. Had to get a beer. All right, guys. Here we go. We got mild, medium and muy caliente. I got dibs on the breast. 

Walter: Los Pollos Hermanos? 

Hank: Yeah, seriously. You gotta try it. This joint gives KFC a run for their money. 

Marie: That baby's hungry. 

Skyler: Give me that baby. Aw, sweetie. Come on. 

Jeez, Sky. Not at the table. We're eating. 

Marie: Hank, it's only a breast. 

Hank: It's my sister-in-law's breast. 

Marie: You are so provincial. 

Skyler: Remember the day when you were talking to me about child-proofing? What are you thinking? A fence or a cover? 

Walter: Actually, I was thinking more of an alarm system. They've got these new systems out there, "sonar systems" that would do anything that falls into it, it sets the alarm off. 

Skyler: That sounds expensive. Well, yeah, but for the baby, I mean... 

Hank: Why don't you let Marie and I get that for you guys? 

Marie: Absolutely. 

Skyler: No, please. I'll be back at work soon. We'll take care of it. 

Walter: Back at work soon? 

Skyler: Since you're scheduled for surgery, I just thought it might be a good idea to have some money coming in. 

Walter: Skyler, we need to think about what's best for the baby. And I think having her mother around for at least the first few years. Money-wise, we'll manage. I promise you that. 

Hank: What? You guys got a printing press in the garage churning out 50s? 

Walter Jr: I wish. Mom's even talking about me getting a job. 

Skyler: That's right. Everybody pitches in. 

Scene: Later that night

Walter: I'll get her. I'll get her. Good girl. That's a good girl. My little girl, huh? Do you want to see something? Come here. Oh. I know, I know. You want to see what your daddy did for you? 

Scene: Basement

Walter: Let me show you. Here. Come here. Want to see? That's right. Daddy did that. Daddy did that for you. 

Scene: Walter’s Classroom

Jesse: This place looks exactly the same. Why don't you have computers and shit? It's the 20th century. 

Walter: What the hell are you doing here? 

Jesse: You took the stash! I heard all those phone messages and I figured it out. 

Walter: You figured it out? Congratulations, Einstein. 

Jesse: You left me to freak out all day long, like I dropped the ball! And you were the one who took it! 

Walter: Shut up. You lower your voice. "Like" you dropped the ball? When have you ever not dropped the ball, Jesse? Blasted out of your mind on whatever the hell that was. What was that? Heroin? Jesus. 

Jesse: I was on my day off, man. What I do on my day off... 

Walter: Your day off? We were on-call, you junkie. On-call for the biggest deal of our lives. And I just managed to pull it off by the skin of my teeth, no thanks to you. You made me miss the birth of my daughter. Son of a bitch. 

Jesse: How much? 

Walter: How much what? 

Jesse: How much did you get for the deal? 

Walter: $1.2 million.

Jesse: 600,000 each?

Walter: 480,000. Saul's cut is 20%. 

Jesse: So, where's my money? What? 

Walter: You are joking, right? If I gave you that money, you would be d*ad inside of a week. 

Jesse: Look, I'm off the heroin. I didn't even like it anyway. It made me sick. And the meth. You know, I can take it or leave it. I'm clean, Mr. White. For real. 

Walter: Prove it. Pee in that. 

Jesse: How gay are you? Seriously. 

Walter: Pee in it. They're selling testing kits at the drug stores. If you are clean, I will give you every last dime. No, huh? Well, I guess, until then, you'll just have to depend on the kindness of strangers to get high. That and your little junkie girlfriend. 

Scene: White Residence

Marie: Not on her tummy, Walt. 

Walter: I'm not putting her on her tummy. I'll put her on her side. Do you want to hold her back? Just in case she decides to do a little spit-up, I'll roll up a nice clean towel like this and put it under. 

Marie: Hammacher Schlemmer makes a proper one of those. It's hypo-allergenic. 

Walter: I think a towel will do. What is it? 

Skyler: Your son. He's just unbelievable. Come see what he did. 

Walter Jr: I told you it's not ready yet. 

Skyler: Honey, just show it to them. 

Walter: My God, son. That's wonderful. 

Marie: This is beautiful. SaveWalterWhite.com. Well, I, for one, am telling everybody. 

Walter: Wait a minute. You're not asking for money, are you, son? 

Walter Jr: That's the whole idea. Louis helped me set up a PayPal account and everything. 

Walter: But we can't ask for money. I appreciate it. I really do. 

Skyler: This was all his idea. He worked so hard on it. Just let him help. You can't ask him to take it down. It'll crush him. 

Walter: Skyler, it's charity. 

Skyler: Why do you say that like it's some sort of dirty word? 

Scene: Saul’s Office

Walter: This is insane. I have so much cash on-hand that I actually count it by weighing it on my bathroom scale. And yet, I can't spend it. I can't tell my family about it. All of whom think that I am right on the edge of bankruptcy. It's insane. 

Saul: Well, I guess that's why gangsters had molls. 

Walter: What? 

Saul: g*n molls. Haven't you ever seen White Heat? 

Walter: I've seen White Heat, but I don't see how that pertains. 

Saul: Maybe you need a moll more than you need a wife who you can't trust with your secrets. What good is money that doesn't spend? If a tree falls in the forest...You get the point. So communicating is out? 

Walter: Out. 

Saul: Well, let's see. What else is there? There's always, "Hey, I found a big bag of money down by the railroad tracks." Works for me. Uncle Murray. "Oh, many is the happy memory of Uncle Murray bouncing me on his knee. We lost track of the old pervert years ago, but what do you know? He kicked it and left me millions." 

Walter: It cannot be blind luck or some imaginary relative who saves us. I earned that money, me. And now my son created his own website "SaveWalterWhite. com" soliciting anonymous donations. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? 

Saul: Yeah, look at that. It's got PayPal and everything. 

Walter: Cyber-begging. That's all that is. Just rattling a little tin cup to the entire world. Yeah, there's no deep-seated issues there. 

Saul: I'm looking at the answer here. It's staring me in the face. Do I have to spell it out for you?  

Walter: No, I know. You're thinking that I should be funneling my money into my son's website, but absolutely not, no. I am not going to have my family think that some mystery benefactor saved us. 

Saul: Not some mystery benefactor, singular. That would raise too many questions. However stay with me here: Zombies. I got a guy who knows this guy who knows this Rain Man-type. He lives with his mother in her basement in Belarus. So good luck extraditing his fat Russian ass. Wait. He's a hacker-cr*cker extraordinaire. This guy can hijack random desktops all around the world, turn 'em into zombies that do his bidding. For instance, he can make it so, 20 or 30,000 little donations come in from all over the U.S. and Canada. all paid in-full, nice and neat, untraceable, from the good-hearted people of the world to Mr. Walter H. White, Cancer Saint. I'm getting a warm and fuzzy feeling just thinking about it. 

Scene: Jesse’s Apartment

Jesse: He's an assh*le, that's what. Always judging me. 

Jane: Not too much. 

Jesse: I mean, like, who's he, right? I mean, first off, I taught him. He's always acting like I'm his indentured servant. 

Jane: Now the cotton. 

Jesse: Needle? 

Jane: I don't understand why you need him. 

Jesse: Exactly. My point exactly. 

Jane: Flat against your skin so it doesn't wiggle around too much. How much does he owe you, anyway? 

Jesse: 480.

Jane: Well, hell, I'd be mad, too, if somebody owed me 500 bucks. 

Jesse: No. 480,000. 

Jane: What? What? 

Jesse: Thousand. 

Jane: Not on your back, baby. In case you throw up. On your side. Sleep on your side. 

Scene: Narcotics Anonymous

Guy: She's all like, "Don't preach to me." And I'm like, "Baby, I'm not preaching to you. I'm talking about basic survival, you know? I'm conversing about life and death." I mean, this here, what we've been doing. Hell, Becky knows. 

Scene: Jesse’s Apartment

Jane: Dad? I overslept. I'm on my way. Dad? Dad, wait. It's not what it looks like. Dad, just wait. Let me talk to you for one second. Come on! Stop it! Don't touch him, Dad! 

Donald: Son of a bitch. 

Jane: Dad, let him go! 

Jesse: Get away from me, man. Back off. Back off! 

Jane: Everybody just calm down! 

Jesse: What's with you, yo? Huh? 'Cause I'll seriously bust you up. 

Donald: You miserable little smackhead. Get the hell out! 

Jesse: Hey, I pay my rent, bitch! I got civil rights! 

Jane: Jesse, come on. Please, no. Come on. 

Jesse: I pay my rent. 

Donald: You're going back to rehab. Today. Now. 

Jane: Look, as it so happens, we were just, we were just talking about that and I was gonna tell you, okay? If you would just let me. 

Donald: You have been clean for 18 months, Jane. Why? Why do you do it? 

Jane: I backslid, okay? Like, what? What, you think I'm proud of this? Like, I do it on purpose? 

Donald: Lying to me, shacking up and using with this scumbag, this loser! 

Jesse: It takes one to know one! 

Jane: His name is Jesse, and you don't know the first thing about him. We talk about rehab every night. It's his idea. 

Donald: You talk about rehab? Well, gee, isn't that wonderful? 

Jane: Thank you for not being judgmental 'Cause that's exactly what I need, to be judged all the time! 

Donald: You know what you need? I'll tell you exactly. 

Jane: What are you doing? What are you doing? 

Donald: I am calling the police. 

Jesse: Come on! 

Jane: Dad, don't. 

Donald: I have tried ten years of love and understanding. Maybe what it takes is you drying out in a jail cell. I would like to report drug use in a building that I own. No. It's on-going. 

Jane: Daddy. 

Donald: It's illegal activity. I'd like to talk to somebody. Would you connect me, please? 

Jane: Fine, we'll go to rehab. 

Donald: I could care less about him going to rehab. I want you in rehab. 

Jane: Okay. I'll go first thing tomorrow. 

Donald: Not tomorrow. Today. 

Jane: I have to call into work. I have to stock the newspaper. The last time I went to rehab, all my houseplants died because you didn't water them, so. Please? I'll go. Tomorrow. 

Donald: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Tomorrow. 

Jesse: You meant all that? 

Jane: I don't know. I just think if we had enough money, nobody could make us do anything. 

White Residence

Walter: Just let it ring. 

Skyler: No, I'm gonna go see who it is. 

Walter: It's okay, Holly. 

Skyler: Good luck with that. But I'm sure he'd be glad to write some...actually, here he is right now. So hold on a second. 

Walter: What? 

Skyler: It's one of your one of your old students. He wants a letter of recommendation. 

Walter: Honey, I think the baby is getting hungry. This is Walter White. I'm sorry. I'm having a little trouble recalling. 

Jane: It's Jane. You know, of Jesse and Jane. Jesse's "junkie girlfriend." 

Walter: Oh, of course. It really has been a long time. 

Jane: Jesus. Get somewhere you can talk. 

Walter: Sure. Yes. I am looking into that as we speak. How the hell did you get this number? Did Jesse give it to you? 

Jane: All Jesse wants is what's coming to him. No more, no less. 

Walter: What are you talking about? He told you about the money. 

Jane: He told me everything. 

Walter: So, what is this? Some kind of blackmail or something? 

Jane: This is me telling you to do right by Jesse and bring him what you owe him. I don't call that blackmail. I call that getting off your ass, and being a decent human being. 

Walter: Well, I call it blackmail. Dialing my number. Talking to my wife. And what's your end of this? How much heroin does a half a million dollars buy? For your information, I am holding Jesse's money for him, he will receive every last dollar of it. He will. Not you. At a time when I see fit. But I will not contribute to his overdose. Now, you tell him, if he gets clean, ff you both get clean… 

Jane: You know what? I take that back. This is blackmail. Because what I know about you; High school teacher turned drug dealer with a brother-in-law in the DEA. That'd make one hell of a story. National news, I'll bet. Do right by Jesse tonight or I will burn you to the ground. 

Walter: Shit. 

Scene: Jesse’s Apartment

Jane: He's a high school teacher. What's he gonna do? Give you a B-minus? Send you outside to clap the erasers? 

Jesse: You wouldn't really go to the cops, would you? 

Jane: We won't have to. He'll pay. 

Jesse: What if he doesn't? 

Jane: Jesse, it's your money. You're in the right here. He's in the wrong. He's not stupid. He'll pay. What is it, really? You don't want your half a million dollars? You wanna renounce your earthly possessions and become a monk? 

Jesse: It's just, I'm not the kind of dude who rolls. And by extension, neither are you. I mean, he's my partner. 

Jane: I'm your partner. 

Scene: White Residence

Skyler: Close your eyes and go to sleep. Hush little baby don’t you cry. Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird. If that mockingbird won't sing Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring. If that diamond ring turns brass Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass. So hush, little baby Don't you cry Daddy loves you and so do I. She's finally asleep. What are you doing? Learning about elephants? Honey, we're out of diapers. Would you mind going out? 

Scene: Jesse’s Apartment

Walter: Jesse. Not you. Nice job wearing the pants. How do I know she'll keep quiet? 

Jane: I guess you don't. 

Jesse: You'll never hear from either of us again. 

Walter: You're not seeing straight, Jesse. You are making a mistake. 

Jane: Do you know what this is? 

Jesse: It's a whole lot of cheddar. 

Jane: This is freedom. This is saying, "I can go anywhere I want. I can be anybody." Who do you want to be? Where do you want to go? South America? Europe? Australia? 

Jesse: Is New Zealand part of Australia? 

Jane: New Zealand is New Zealand. 

Jesse: Right on. New Zealand. That's where they made Lord of the Rings. I say we just move there, yo. I mean, you can do your art. Right? Like, you can paint the local castles and shit. And I can be a bush pilot. 

Jane: New Zealand. I can get behind that. But I guess I'm good anywhere as long as it's the two of us. But first we gotta get clean. And not because anybody's telling us to. We do this for us, right? 

Jesse: Absolutely. For us. 

Jane: All this here, we're not gonna just sh**t this up our arms. We're not. 

Jesse: Hell, no. We're better than that. We're way better than that. 

Jane: I say we flush what we've got left and we start tonight. 

Jesse: We can do that. Definitely. 

Scene: Bar

Bartender: Excuse me. What can I get you? 

Walter: Give me a Fat Tire draft, please. Damn it. Hey, honey. No. I don't know what to tell you. Three stores I've been to so far, and not one of them have it in stock. Do they have to be diapers for newborns? What if we went up a size and just kind of...All right. No, I understand. All right. I'll just keep looking. I'm pulling into Wal-Mart now, so. 

Donald: Well played. They found water on Mars. 

Walter: They have indeed. 

Donald: Don't exactly know what to do with that information, but God bless 'em, they found it. 

Walter: Actually, they theoretically can separate the hydrogen from the oxygen and process that into providing fuel for man's space flights. Ostensibly turning Mars into a giant gas station. So, it's a...we live in an amazing time. 

Donald: To water on Mars. 

Walter: To water on Mars. 

Donald: So, what'd you have? Girl or boy? 

Walter: A little girl. 

Donald: That's nice. Congratulations. I have a daughter. 

Walter: How old? 

Donald: Old enough to know better. 

Walter: You have other kids? 

Donald: Just the one. 

Walter: I've got a 16-year-old boy. Well, he's almost 16. There's a spread. But he helps out, though. He's even changing some diapers now, so, it's more than I managed to do when I was his age. 

Donald: Kids today grow up faster, I think. 

Walter: Maybe so. So, any advice? Having a daughter. Any advice? 

Donald: Not really. Just love them. Just I mean, they are who they are. 

Walter: I've got this nephew. This nephew who is I mean, he's an adult. But you can't infantilize them, you can't live their life for them. But still, I mean, there is that frustration. God, that frustration that goes along with, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do know what is best for you, so listen." But of course, they don't. What do you do with someone like that? 

Donald: Family. 

Walter: Family. 

Donald: You can't give up on them. Never. I mean, what else is there? 

Scene: Jesse’s Apartment

Walter: Jesse, it's me! I just want to talk. Jesse? Wake up. Wake up. Oh no.
{"type": "series", "show": "Breaking Bad", "episode": "2x12 - Phoenix"}