Scene opens to Seth staring at Ryan intently, holding up a candy cane and a menorah. 

Seth: So, what's it going to be, huh? You want your menorah or a 

candy cane, hmm? Christmas or Hanukkah? 

Ryan: Um… I'm not- 

Seth: Ah! Don't worry about it buddy, because in this house, you 

don't have to choose. Allow me to introduce to you a little 

something that I like to call… Chrismukkah. 

Ryan: Chrismukkah? 

Seth: That's right. It's the new holiday, Ryan, and it's sweeping 

the nation. 

Sandy and Kirsten walk in, carrying a Christmas tree. 

Sandy: Hey fellows. We go the tree. 

Seth: Or atleast the living room. 

Sandy: Guys, a little help? 

Ryan walks over to help Sandy. 

Seth: I saved a spot for you right there. Put your muscle into it. 

Excellent. To the right a little. To the right, don't hurt it. Those 

needles are brittle. That's perfect. (Starts clapping) You guys… you 

guys… "A+". "A+". I love the holidays. I love them all. 

Kirsten: We didn't really know how to raise Seth. 

Seth: Yeah, so I raised myself, and in doing so, I created the 

greatest super holiday known to mankind, drawing on the best that 

Christianity and Judaism have to offer. 

Ryan: And you call it Chrismukkah. 

Seth: (He gasps) Just hearing you say it makes me feel all festive. 

Allow me to elaborate. 

He walks over to Sandy. 

Seth: You see, for my father here, a poor struggling Jew growing up 

in the Bronx, well, Christmas meant Chinese food and a movie. 

He now walks over to Kirsten. 

Seth: And for my mom over here – WASPy McWASP – well, it meant a 

tree, it meant stockings and all the trimmings. Isn't that right? 

Sandy: We're very proud. 

Kirsten: I'm not a WASP. 

Seth: Sure, you're not. Other highlights include eight days of 

presents followed by one day of many presents. So, what do you think? 

Ryan: Uh, sounds great for you guys. 

Sandy: For you, too. 

Seth: Hey, dip a toe in the Chrismukkah pool. There's room for all 

of us. 

Kirsten: Isn't there something in the Atwood family tradition that 

you would like to incorporate into Seth's uber holiday? 

Ryan: Atwood and holidays is not a good combination. 

Sandy: What did you guys do? 

Ryan: No, seriously, thanks, but uh… 

Seth: Come on, man. There's got to be something. 

Ryan: My holiday memories pretty much consist of my mom drunk and me 

getting my ass kicked. 

Seth and Kirsten fall silent. 

Sandy: Well, this year will be entirely different. 

Kirsten: New memories. It'll be great. 

Ryan: Yeah. Well, whatever you want me to do, I'll do. 

Seth: That's the spirit. Come here. 

Seth holds his arms open for a hug as Ryan walks right past him. 

Seth: Oy, humbug. 

Kirsten: It's a big holiday for anyone. 

Sandy: Yeah, I'm still wrapping my head around it. Just give him 

some time. 

Kirsten: Why don't we trim the tree? 

Seth: You know what, you guys? Soon, Ryan will learn the magic of 

Chrismukkah. Worry not. I will convert him. 

Seth closes his eyes and rings a little bell. 

Opening credits. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Open to Seth sitting on a bed in the pool house, surrounded by 

wrapping paper and other things. Ryan walks in. 

Ryan: I was in the shower for five minutes. How did this place turn 

into Santa's workshop? 

Seth: I see someone took down the wreath I hung on the door. 

Ryan: It fell. What are you wrapping? 

Seth: Two Seth Cohen starter packs. We got Death cab, we got Bright 

Eyes, we got The Shins, we got Cavelier and Klay, and we got 

Goonies. It's not just for kids, Ryan. It's not. I don't care what 

they tell you. Summer and Anna are going to love them both equally. 

Ryan: You're getting Summer and Anna the same thing? 

Seth: Yes, I am. Sometimes I'm so crafty, I surprise myself. 

Ryan: No good can come of this. You know that, right? 

Seth: Uh, nope, I don't. 

Ryan: You're going to have to choose, man. 

Seth: Hey, not on Chrismukkah I don't, okay? There's no choosing in 

Chrismukkah. 

Ryan: Well, you didn't get me anything, right? 

Seth: No. 

Seth turns away from Ryan and starts whistling tunelessly. Ryan 

gives him a look. 

Seth: Come on, man. Lighten up. 

Ryan continues to look at him. 

Seth: Okay, fine. Stay dark. Dark works, too. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Kirsten is writing on a notepad in the kitchen as Ryan and Seth walk 

in, the latter of the two whistling. 

Kirsten: Oh, Ryan, what is your show size? 

Ryan: Why? 

Kirsten: No reason. 

Seth: Mother, might that be a Chrismukkah list? 

Kirsten: No. Why do you ask? 

Seth: Okay. Let me just see it then, real fast. 

Kirsten: It's work. 

Seth: Okay, I love your work. It fascinates me. 

Ryan: I thought you guys said no gifts. 

Kirsten: Well, we did, as in no gifts for us. 

Sandy walks in, having just finished talking on his cell phone. 

Sandy: Well, Chrismukkah's ruined. 

Seth: Ah! Don't even say it, man. Come on. Chrismukkah is 

unruinable. It's got twice the resistance of any normal holiday. 

Sandy: Your father just refused out latest settlement offer. He 

wants to go to trial. 

Kirsten: That's not what he said yesterday. He said that if you met 

his offer… 

Sandy: Yeah, well as of this morning, Ebenezer Scrooge decides he 

wants to go to court, which means I'm going to have to spend the 

holidays going through file boxes and preparing for trail. With 

Rachel out of town… 

Kirsten: Chrismukkah is ruined. Sooner or later, we will get through 

a holiday around here. 

Seth: Stop it, right now, okay? Don't give up on the miracle that is 

Chrismukkah. What is happening to you…? You'll see. You'll see, too. 

You'll all see. You'll all see. 

He sips at his drink. 

Ryan: You're really starting to scare me. 

Seth: I'm okay with that. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Jimmy comes bounding down the stairs to where Marissa is in the 

living room. 

Jimmy: Okey dokey, here we go. Which tie? What are you thinking? 

This one? All right? Or… 

He holds each tie up to him. 

Marissa: Uh, the second one, definitely. 

Jimmy: All right. 

He starts to put on the tie. 

Marissa: So, you have a job interview today? 

Jimmy: Well, it's just a meet-and-greet. Who knows what will come of 

it, but we've got to dress for success, right? Look, I'm working on 

it, kiddo. I'll find a job. I know there's a lot of extra pressure 

around the holidays. 

Marissa: There doesn't have to be any extra pressure because there 

doesn't have to be any holidays. Really. 

Jimmy: What are you talking about? 

Marissa: We can skip Christmas. I mean, it's not like it's not going 

to happen again next year, and holidays just make people depressed. 

Jimmy: Are you? Depressed? I mean you were supposed to go to therapy 

after Mexico, and you never really… 

Marissa: I'm great. I'm just saying. 

Jimmy: Ok, good, because we're not skipping Christmas. Come on. I'm 

going to find a job, we're going to figure out a way to make this 

whole thing work, and we're going to have lots to celebrate about, 

okay? Come on, skipping Christmas. You sure about this tie? 

Marissa: Yeah, definitely. You look great. 

He walks upstairs. 

Jimmy: Skipping Christmas – what are you, the Grinch? 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Ryan and Seth are walking through the halls of school together. 

Ryan: So, Summer and Anna are both coming to this party. 

Seth: Yeah, but neither one's my date. 

Ryan: And they know? 

Seth: Oh yeah. They both know that. Come on, man, relax. Look, it's 

a big party, okay? You might be all doom and gloom, but me, check it 

out: I'm snowflakes. I'm latkes. Chrismukkah is coming. 

Ryan: And when Chrismukkah ends? 

Seth: (He gasps) I hate when Chrismukkah ends. 

Summer: Cohen. Hi, Ryan. Um, I wanted to know what the deal was for 

tonight – if you were driving… 

Anna: Hey, Seth. So, what time are you thinking for tonight? (She 

sees Summer.) Oh. Hey, Summer. 

Summer: Hey, Anna. 

Seth: You guys. I was thinking we should all probably meet there. 

How about that? At whatever time you so choose to get there, by 

whatever means. 

Summer: Sounds great. 

Anna: Yeah, perfect. 

Both girls walk away. 

Ryan: You better pray for a Chrismukkah miracle. 

Ryan walks away. 

Seth: I've got Jesus and Moses on my side, man. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

We look down from the top of a white Christmas tree to see Julie 

standing by. Caleb's house. Julie is giving the guys orders on how 

the tree should look when Kirsten walks up to stand beside her. 

Julie: Hey, Kirsten. What do you think? 

Kirsten: It's really something. 

Julie: You don't like it? 

Kirsten: It's not that. It's just that… my mom used to put the 

Christmas tree in the foyer. It's just a tradition that we have. 

Julie: Yeah, Caleb told me. But then I thought you know what? The 

holidays are hard enough. Your father doesn't need to be reminded of 

the past. Caleb needs to enjoy this Christmas. Oh, and did Caleb 

tell you we need to borrow your office? We're doing the Santa thing 

for the kids, and we need a holding area for the elves. What are you 

doing here? Your father said you were working from home. 

Kirsten: He did? He's just full of surprises. 

She walks away. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Caleb and Kirsten walk into a room. 

Caleb: I changed my mind. If the land trust can come up with $200 

million, then surely they can come up with $300 million. 

Kirsten: I just… I thought this was over. 

Caleb: You can always get a little more blood out of the stone. 

Kirsten: But the stone is my husband. 

Caleb: Well, I was thinking we could spend the holidays working. 

Kirsten: That sounds good. You have fun. 

Caleb: What are you talking about? 

Kirsten: I'm going to do something that I haven't done in… ever. I'm 

taking Christmas vacation. 

Caleb: Don't be ridiculous, Kiki. You hate sitting around the house. 

Kirsten: Well, not as much as I hate fighting with you. So you spend 

the next two weeks buried in legal documents. I'm going to be 

wrapping gifts. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Marissa and Ryan walk through a hall at school, up to Marissa's 

locker. 

Marissa: I hate Christmas. 

Ryan: Yeah, well Christmukkah's not much better. You don't want to 

know. Yeah, but holidays make what's bad even worse. 

Marissa: I just wish my dad would drop the act. I don't need it. And 

I don't need Christmas. 

Ryan: Who do you have to spend it with? 

Marissa: Christmas Eve with my dad, Christmas day with my mom. Plus, 

she's making me go to this stupid Newport Group holiday party 

tonight. 

Ryan: The Cohen's are going too, so… 

Marissa: So, at least we'll be miserable together. 

Ryan: Deal? 

Marissa: Deal. So, am I seeing you after school? 

Ryan: I got some stuff to do… some shopping. South Coast Plaza. 

Marissa: You're going to South Coast Plaza? Alone? I don't think 

you're ready for that. No, I think you need a seasoned expert to 

protect you. 

Ryan: Well, you know someone? 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Marissa and Ryan travel up the escalator and they make their way 

around the mall, going into various shops. Marissa tries on lipstick 

and shoes, while Ryan looks at a watch at the glass counter. 

Ryan: So no luck, huh? 

Marissa: There's a 99-cent store down the street. I guess I can't 

really afford this place anymore. 

Ryan: Then why did we come? 

Marissa: I know it sounds stupid, but I like it here. Everything is 

so perfect. You walk around feeling like all your problems can be 

solved by the right nail polish or a new pair of shoes. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Marissa and Ryan walk through the parking garage to Marissa's car. 

When she gets to the driver's side, a security guard grabs her arm. 

Guard: Miss. I'm going to have to ask to see your purse. 

Ryan: What are you doing? 

Guard: I can't let you leave the premises. If you don't hand over 

your purse right now, you'll give me no choice but to call the 

police. 

Ryan: Why don't you just back off, all right? 

Marissa: Ryan, it's okay. 

Ryan: No, it's not. 

Guard: Your purse. Now. 

She slowly hands her purse to him. He empties it out on the hood of 

her car, and a cell phone, watch, earrings, and a few other things 

fall out. Ryan looks to Marissa, who nervously looks back at him. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Two presents sit on the table in front of Kirsten, who is looking 

over some papers from work. 

Seth: Hey, what are you doing? Working from home? 

Kirsten: I'm on vacation. 

Seth: Ah, yes, clearly. 

Kirsten: I find reviewing end-of-the-year accounts to be very 

relaxing. 

Seth: I hope that's a recessive gene. 

Kirsten: You should be so lucky. Look, I haven't taken a vacation in 

a while, and I'm… easing into it. 

Seth: Oh, yeah. I don't judge, okay? I only mock. 

Kirsten: That you get from your father. 

Seth: Oh, my God. They're coming in? 

He checks his eyebrows. 

Seth: Oh, that's… I got you. (He sees the presents) What are those? 

Kirsten: They came for Ryan from his mom and his brother. 

Seth: You know what he said about the holidays? When he talks like 

that, I have… I have no idea what to say. 

Kirsten: Me, neither. You just have to be yourself. 

Seth: Yeah, ‘cause that always works so well. 

Kirsten: Well, being a family is hard under any circumstance. 

Creating a new one —that's got to feel weird sometimes. 

Seth: Well, feeling weird is right in my… 

Kirsten studies something on a sheet of paper. 

Seth: What? What is it? Is Grandpa going crazy with the company 

credit card again? What is it this time? Hookers? A little blow, 

perhaps? Grandpa likes to dance with you, white lady. 

Kirsten: (Smiling) What are you talking about? 

Seth: I don't know. What is it? 

Kirsten: Hopefully, it's nothing. You should go get ready, ‘cause we 

have to be there soon. 

Seth: I'll go put on my face. 

He walks away. Kirsten takes out her phone and dials a number. 

Kirsten: Hi. This is Kirsten Cohen from the Newport Group. My father 

ordered a survey of the Balboa Heights, and I've lost my copy, and I 

really need to see the document, so I'm wondering if it's possible 

for you to fax it over to me. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Jimmy and Marissa are sitting in their living room, talking. Julie 

walks through the front door, angry. 

Julie: I cannot believe this. Marissa. 

Jimmy: Julie. 

Julie: Look, I have to host the most important event of my 

professional career tonight. 

Jimmy: Well, atleast your priorities are in order. 

Julie: You know, it's amazing how all these calamities keep 

happening under your watch, Jimmy. 

Jimmy: Oh, so I'm to blame for this one, too? 

Julie: Where do you think she learned to steal? 

Marissa: Okay, stop it. I'm the one who stole, remember? I'm the one 

to blame, not Dad. 

Jimmy: Look, we're lucky the store is not pressing charges. Okay? 

Now, Marissa and I were just trying to decide what an appropriate 

punishment… 

Julie: Oh, really? Well, way to rule with the iron fist, Stalin, but 

it's not up to her. No car, no allowance, no weekends. 

Marissa: So I can stay home tonight? 

Julie: Starting tomorrow. I won't have my party ruined by your 

little sticky fingers. Look, sweetie, I know that this time of year 

makes everything bad seem worse, but why did you do this? 

Marissa: I thought it would be… Look, I wasn't… it was stupid. 

Julie: Well, I called the therapist on the way over here. 

Marissa: Mom. 

Jimmy: She's right, kiddo. Therapy was part of the deal of you 

moving in here. 

Marissa: Okay, look, I've been doing way better since Mexico. 4.0 

first quarter, Charity League, Social Chair… 

Julie: I've scheduled you an appointment tomorrow morning with Dr. 

Milano. He's supposed to be great. 

Marissa: I'm sorry, but I can handle it. This. I… I won't do it 

again, I promise. 

Julie: Honey, I love you. But I don't believe you. 

Jimmy: You might actually find it helpful. 

Marissa: Yeah. Whatever. I need to get ready. 

She walks toward the stairs. 

Marissa: And Mom, you have your big party to throw. I'm sure you 

don't want to keep Caleb waiting. 

She goes upstairs. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Seth knocks on the door of the pool house, where Ryan is just 

finishing getting dressed. 

Seth: Hey. What's up, man? You're back. So, that's pretty cool, 

right? Your mom and brother got you something. 

Ryan: Yeah, except now I have a total of eight gifts to buy, and I 

only saved enough for one. 

Seth: Ryan, that sort of reminds me of the story of Hanukkah, dude. 

Check it out. The lamp. You know what? I think you get the gist. How 

was the mall? 

Ryan: Weird. 

Seth: Yes. You've really painted a picture for me. I feel like I was 

there. 

Ryan: Marissa picked up a few things without paying for them. 

Seth: What, as in… 

Ryan: Shoplifting. 

Seth's mouth opens in shock. 

Ryan: Yeah. 

Seth: Yeah, that's weird. 

Ryan: It's that time of year, and with everything that's going on 

with her family… 

Seth: Yeah, no, no. I'm sure it's got to be hard for her. 

Ryan: Yeah. I just wish there was something I could do or say. 

Seth: Um… Oh, I got you something. 

Ryan: No, no, no. We had an agreement. 

Seth: Yeah, but this is different. This is a requirement. 

Seth pulls out a red stocking with Ryan's name on it in white 

letters. 

Seth: I know, it's a bit minty, but uh… you know, we all have one, 

so we just thought... 

Ryan: No. That's cool. 

Seth: Well, good. Maybe it'll meet a kinder fate than your wreath 

did, but if not, we still wanted you to have it. 

Ryan: (Smiling slightly) Thanks. 

Seth: All right. I'm going to go make magic happen. I feel like my 

hair is working for me tonight. 

Seth leaves the room as Ryan continues to stare at his stocking. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Kirsten is sitting at a desk in her bedroom, with a sheet of paper 

and a flute of champagne before her. She's already dressed for the 

party as Sandy comes jogging in. 

Sandy: I'm late. I know, I know. I'll hurry. 

He kisses her on the forehead and proceeds to get dressed for the 

party himself. 

Sandy: So, you're not going to believe this, but your father and I 

reached a settlement today. He gouged me a little. Well, you know, 

he gouged me a lot. 

Kirsten: He asked you for more money? 

Sandy: Oh, just $250 million. But we closed the deal, and he claims 

that he did it because of you. 

Kirsten: Is that what he told you? 

Sandy: And it seems your little vacation today really h*t him hard. 

Because he says he wants to spend the holidays as a family. You 

know, maybe… maybe he's changing. Or maybe he is a truly fantastic 

liar. What's wrong? 

Kirsten: I found something today. And I don't know if I can give it 

to you, but I don't know if I can't. 

Sandy: Okay, well… 

Kirsten: He's going to know that I gave this to you. And he's going 

to have every right to f*re me. 

She pushes the paper closer to him and he takes it and reads it. 

Sandy: You have got to be kidding me. This changes everything. 

Kirsten: And I'm going to have to learn how to relax, because I'm 

going to have a lot of free time. 

Sandy: I'm sorry, honey. 

Kirsten: Not as sorry as he's going to be. 

Sandy: You still want to go to the party? 

Kirsten: I wouldn't miss it for the world. 

She leaves as he sits down and stares at the paper. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Seth comes down the stairs as the doorbell rings. He answers it. 

Seth: Anna. Hey. 

Anna: Mistletoe. 

She holds up a piece of mistletoe and kisses him on the cheek. 

Seth: Oh. Oh, that's very festive of you. Uh, I thought we were 

meeting there. I'm going with my parents. 

Anna: Well, I was thinking maybe we could go together. 

Seth: I would love to do that. You know I would. But don't you think 

that would violate our little Geneva Convention of dating we have 

going on? ‘Cause I told Summer that, you know, I'd meet both of you 

there. 

Anna: Well, how is Summer ever going to know? 

The doorbell rings again and Seth answers it. 

Summer: Mistletoe. What is she doing here? 

Anna: What are you doing here? 

Summer: I thought we had a deal, Cohen. 

Anna: Which you clearly violated. 

Summer: As did you. 

Seth: She's got a point. 

Anna: You're on her side? 

Seth: No. There are no sides, you guys. There's only um… rides with 

my parents. We'll all go together. Hmm? 

Anna: Fine. 

Summer: Fine. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Seth, Summer, and Anna all sit on the couch, Seth stuck in the 

middle, all three clearly uncomfortable. 

Anna: So, I have a gift for you. I'll give it to you later. 

Summer: I have a present for you, too, also. I'll give it to you 

later. 

Seth: (To Summer) I can't wait. (To Anna) For either. (To Summer) 

For both. 

Sandy: Seth, you ready? Come on. Let's go. 

Sandy and Kirsten walk in to see the three on the couch. 

Kirsten: Hi, Summer. Anna. 

Sandy: Ladies. (To Kirsten) Oh, this is going to be some party. 

Kirsten: Mm-hmm. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Ryan is standing behind Marissa, helping her with her necklace. 

Ryan: You know, maybe this is not such a bad idea. 

Marissa: What does that mean? 

Ryan: It'll be good to have someone to talk to. 

Marissa: You're someone. I can't talk to you? 

Ryan: You can talk to me. It's just… 

Marissa: What? I need the help of a trained professional because I 

stole a lipstick? 

Ryan: It's not about the lipstick. 

Marissa: Well, I guess I don't really see what it's about. 

Ryan: I guess you do what you want. 

Marissa: I will. If no one's making my parents go to therapy, then 

no one's making me. You know, I'm the only normal one in this 

family. Sorry. Hey, you know, I think I left my wrap upstairs. Could 

you grab it for me? I just need to grab my purse. 

Ryan: Sure. 

He leaves to get her wrap. She goes into a cabinet and takes a 

bottle of alcohol out, stuffing it into her purse. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, Anna, and Summer make their way into the 

party. Sandy and Kirsten leave to go talk to someone they know as a 

server walks up. 

Server: Mushroom-leek crescent? Crab and brie phyllo? 

Seth: Come on, buddy. Change it up a little bit. 

Server: Enjoy the party. 

The server walks away. 

Anna: Come on, Seth. I'm going this way. 

Seth: Oh. 

Summer: Oh, well, I'm going this way. 

She points in the opposite direction as Anna. 

Seth: Oh, you guys are? I'm going to go look for Ryan. 

Seth walks forward and away from the girls. Summer and Anna scoff at 

each other and walk away. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Julie: Kirsten. Sandy. Welcome. 

Caleb: Hey, Kiki. 

Kirsten: Hey. 

Caleb: Good to see you. Did Simon give you our good news? 

Kirsten: He did. 

Sandy: I actually need to follow up on a few things with you, Cal. 

If you don't mind… 

Caleb: Come, Sanford. It's a party. Think back on your Berkley days. 

Maybe you can smoke the tree. 

Caleb walks away. 

Sandy: (He chuckles) Smoke the tree. Funny. I'm going to nail him 

now. 

Kirsten: Uh-huh. 

Sandy walks off toward Caleb. 

Julie: So, what do you think? 

Kirsten: About? 

Julie: The party. You haven't said anything. Do you like it? I mean, 

I know how you feel about the tree, but if you can get past that… 

Kirsten: It's great. 

Julie: And what did Caleb think? I mean, has he said anything to you? 

Kirsten: I haven't had a chance to talk to him. 

Julie: I just want this to be a party that he'll never forget. 

Kirsten: I think you have a sh*t. 

Kirsten walks away. 

CUT TO: Marissa standing by herself, Ryan walks over and joins her 

Ryan: you ok? 

Marissa: yeah, why? 

Ryan: I don't know today's ben kinda intense an I know you don't really wanna be here 

Marissa: I wanna be where you are, (smiles) an your here so (kisses him) 

Julie: (walks over) ah Marissa, oh you wore the chenille how pretty, Ryan (to Marissa) you haven't said hello to Caleb yet 

Marissa: yeah that's because he was talking to other people mom and I didn't wanna interrupt him 

Julie: well he's ready now so 

Marissa: I'm not! 

Julie: Marissa 

Marissa: mom! 

Julie: you are a guest at this party 

Marissa: only because you made me come here 

Julie: you are in enough trouble already young lady 

Marissa: well then I guess I've got nothin'a lose 

Julie: so this is the way its gonna be with us from now on 

Marissa: I don't know, I'll ask my shrink!... you know what I'm gonna go to the bathroom (walks away) 

Julie: I hate the holidays 

Ryan: right there with ya 

(they both drink their drinks) 

CUT TO: Caleb standing by himself, Sandy goes over to him 

Sandy: Caleb, you got time to talk? 

Caleb: nope 

Sandy: ah come on, make some (pulls out the paper from earlier and gives it to him) 

Caleb: what is this (reads) 

Sandy: it's a geological survey of the heights which you commissioned and you somehow mysteriously failed to turn over to my office 

Caleb: I haven't got time for this 

Sandy: oh I think you do, allow me to summarise what you know already. the heights are size- malogically unsound, the whole area is uninsurable it's worthless 

Caleb: as is your theory 

Sandy: there's no way you would have gotten the building permit...and you knew that 

Caleb: what'd you want Sandy 

Sandy: I wanna buy back the heights...for a dollar 

Caleb: (laughs) you cannot be serious 

Sandy: (puts the dollar in Caleb's hand) Merry Christmas (walks away) 

CUT TO: Seth & Anna sitting by some water 

Anna: huh, so... are you ready for your present? 

Seth: yeah alright I'm ready, hand me the keys ill figure out how to drive a stick eventually 

Anna: very funny Seth, always have to ruin the mood 

Seth: it's what I do 

Anna: ready 

Seth: mmhmm 

(Anna hands him a comic, Seth takes it and you see that it is a handmade comic that says ' the ADVENTURES of SETH COHEN and Capt. Oats!' and there is a drawing of Captains Oats, and Seth - Seth has his mouth open, and Anna is nervously waiting to hear wether he likes it) 

Seth: the adventures of Seth Cohen & Captain Oats (makes fist) volume 1 confidence (smiles) you made this 

Anna: no I bought it on eBay 

Seth: I can't believe you did this, this is amazing (Anna smiles) (reads) hey this Seth in the story seems really handsome and awesome 

Anna: I guess I took some liberties 

Seth: you dumbed him down a little bit 

(they both laugh, and then notice Summer standing on the other side of the way by herself, Anna's smile goes) 

Seth: this is fantastic 

Anna: (smiles) thanks 

(Seth has a huge smile on his face still reading his present) 

CUT TO: Kirsten & Jimmy dancing together 

Jimmy: so hows Seth doin 

Kirsten: he's fine I think, i think it's hard to tell with him sometimes, why? 

Jimmy: well does he ever do things that sort of... make you question yourself as a-as a parent 

Kirsten: well there was the model home and Tijuana and a thing with the range rover and an IMAX movie that I didn't quite buy 

Jimmy: but there kids I mean they-they do...stuff they get in trouble right 

Kirsten: well our parents would've had a heart att*ck if they knew half the things that we did (laughs) 

Jimmy: ah come on we were good kids...we were, weren't we? 

Kirsten: we were good kids 

Jimmy: yeah 

Kirsten: an we have good kids 

CUT TO: Marissa locking herself in the bathroom. she puts her glass down, goes through her bag and pulls out a bottle of alcohol. she pours some of it into her drink, moves her fringe out of her eyes, then takes 2 big gulps while frowning, puts her fist up to her mouth after swallowing then smiles. she moves her fringe again, looks in the mirror and smiles then takes another gulp 

CUT TO: Seth & Summer in a room alone. It's dark 

Seth: ok Summer but hang on for a second, what are we doing here because Anna just went to get drinks so she's gonna be back in like one second 

Summer: shh-shh c'mere 

Seth: wha 

Summer: jus c'mere (pushes him onto a couch) 

Seth: ok 

Summer: stay there (walks away and laughs a little. she turns the light on and turns to face him) I hear you like comic books Cohen 

Seth: (smiling & nodding) this is true 

(Summer unzips her black dress) 

Summer: Merry Christmas 

(You see Seth with his mouth wide open, then the camera pans to show that Summer is dressed as wonder woman, complete with gold lasso) 

Seth: (mouth open) good-lord I think I'm gonna pass out 

Summer: (throwing the rope over his head) your not going... anywhere (pulls him to her) 

Seth: ok (they kiss for a second) 

Summer: (feels the comic and pulls it out) what's this? 

Seth: uh-uh that's uh-uh that's Anna's present, she made it for me 

Summer: she made it 

Seth: (nods) yeah 

Summer: (looking) its amazing 

Seth: yeah I know but hey, your presents amazing to ok, it's really amazing 

(Anna comes in) 

Anna: hey there you (mouth open) are 

Seth: hey Anna Summer was just giving me her gift, its cool 

Anna: (to Summer) your wonder woman 

Summer: (embarrassed) yeah, so 

Anna: I mean you look...amazing...is that my story? 

(Summer gives it back to Seth) 

Anna: oh my god... I made you a comic book what am I eight 

Summer: (getting dressed) way to go wonder whore 

Seth: hey wonder woman's not a whore ok, stop 

Summer: (to Anna) what're we doing? 

Anna: I don't know this is ridiculous 

Seth: hold up you guys one second please ok lets not-lets not-lets not have one speed bump derail the whole train ok lets not throw the baby out with the bath water lets not...let's make some more metaphors 

Summer: look I'm not into talking about like feelings or whatever... (sincerely) but I like you, ok an so does she, if we don't put an end to this soon 

Anna: someone's gonna get hurt 

Summer: you gotta choose Cohen 

(Anna & Summer both leave the room, and turn the light out leaving Seth alone in the dark) 

CUT TO: Ryan by himself, Marissa grabs his head and kisses him 

Marissa: (tipsy) did you miss me? c'mon lets dance (grabs him by his tie) 

Ryan: no you know how I feel about dancing 

Marissa: (laughing) you know how I don't care, c'mon it's a party 

Ryan: yeah an office party 

Marissa: I thought you wanted to have fun, don't make me make you have fun (kisses him) 

Ryan: uh I'm guessin that's not eggnog 

Marissa: so what, c'mon if you don't wanna dance we could just get outta here 

Ryan: uhh I didn't see you with a cocktail 

Marissa: well...maybe I brought my own (shakes the bottle) want some 

Ryan: what's goin on with you today? 

Marissa: huh what's the big deal, you drink 

Ryan: not alone in the bathroom 

Marissa: I'm just having fun 

Ryan: right, the first night I met you, you were having fun passed out in your drive way, a couple weeks later it was an alley in Mexico, its like- just like my mom all over again 

Marissa: ugh shut up 

Ryan: we're gettin outta here 

Marissa: no I am (turns back) enjoy the party 

Ryan: hey (grabs her arm) you can't drive 

Marissa: get your hands offa me, I have enough people in my life telling me what to do...see ya (walks away) 

CUT TO: Marissa getting in her car, Ryan is running after her 

Ryan: (trying to get in the passenger side that's locked) hey come on let me drive 

Marissa: get away from me! (starts to move the car) 

Ryan: hey, hey (stands in front) 

Marissa: (brakes) I'm fine 

(Ryan wont move so Marissa puts it in reverse and backs into a car. she puts her head on the steering wheel, upset. Ryan walks over to her door) 

CUT TO: Caleb & Sandy making an announcement to a huge crowd 

Caleb: and so effective immediately I'm transferring the title of the heights to the Balboa land trust for the very reasonable price of one dollar (clapping) and I couldn't have done it without the help of my son-in-law Sandy Cohen 

Sandy: oh thanks Cal but I can't take credit for this you did this all on your own. to Caleb Nichol the most generous man in Newport Beach (toasts) 

Caleb: thanks...happy Chanukah Sandy (walks away, Sandy follows) 

CUT TO: Ryan and Marissa in the car. they both aren't speaking. Marissa pulls the bottle out of her bag 

Ryan: (looks over and sees) (sighs) great 

Marissa: what you're driving now 

Ryan: yeah because you're drunk 

Marissa: I'm not (Ryan looks at her angry) fine 

(Marissa tries to put the lid on and it drops on the floor) 

Marissa: sh**t (looking) mm where is it 

Ryan: come on put it away 

Marissa: I'm trying 

Ryan: I'm still on probation 

Marissa: I SAID I'm trying (still looking) 

(the sound of a siren, and flashing lights) 

Ryan: (sigh) of course this is happening 

(Marissa leans down and puts the open bottle between her feet, then does up her seatbelt. Ryan pulls the car over) 

Officer: happy holidays, license registration...you got a broken tail light do you know that 

Ryan: (handing over papers) it just happened, we're gonna get it fixed 

Officer: (shines the torch) you kids haven't ben drinkin? 

Ryan: no sir 

Officer: everything alright here miss 

Marissa: (puts her hand over her eyes because of the torch) yeah fine, thanks 

Office: miss would you please- (he gets a message over the radio) copy that, I've got a call I need to get to, I'm gonna let you go with just a warning for that tail light, you get that fixed, drive straight home 

Ryan: yes sir 

(Officer drives off. Ryan sits there for a second then he undoes his seat belt and gets out. slams his door and goes around the front of the car to Marissa's side. opens her door grabs the bottle and throws it out hard. you hear it smash. he slams Marissa's door, then opens it and slams it again and again) 

Marissa: (crying) stop ok your scaring me 

Ryan: GOOD, you're scarin me! (walks to the front of the car) there's drinking, crying, cops well then it mus be Christmas 

(Marissa gets out and goes over to him) 

Ryan: I left this behind, I am not doing it again 

Marissa: (crying) (softly) ok (sniffs) ok (takes his hand) 

CUT TO: Cohen's kitchen the next morning - Ryan is eating breakfast and Seth comes in 

Seth: well the ladies laid down the law its over 

Ryan: what're you gonna do 

Seth: (hands out) I have no idea, I don't know no female has ever really offered me a-uh-uh a choice perse, I really only know how to handle rejection... and ridicule I have a really good handle on ridicule. how was your night? 

Ryan: (sigh) Marissa got drunk and we got pulled over by the cops with an open container of Vodka 

Seth: hey, that Marissa she's really making life interesting for you 

Ryan: yep, we got in a fight 

Seth: what about the cop 

Ryan: got a radio call (swallows) let us off with a warning for a busted tail light...now you see why I hate Christmas 

Seth: hang on a second Ryan um it seems to me that what we have here is a Chrismukkah --miracle (looking up) thankyou (excited) think about this for a second the old Ryan Atwood what woulda happened (Ryan frowns, listening) he woulda got busted, for sure but this time ya had Jesus workin for ya right and then you also had Moses workin together the super team fightin for you to keep you safe and give you a second chance (smiles) touched by an angel...that's nice, its got a good ring to it, I believe my faith has ben restored uh I should go get ready, Anna will be here soon 

Ryan: what're you gonna tell her? 

Seth: I'm sure the words will come 

CUT TO: Seth & Anna in the back yard. this scene also cuts to Seth & Summer 

Seth: alright, I just think that considering everything, oh actually wait hang on let me actually try another approach um... (Summer) I think your awesome and your hillarious an-an your caliente (Anna) an I think y'know your extremely witty an your wise and I kinda can't believe I'm actually gonna say this but um I just I think we should be friends (Summer) and I want you to have this (hands her present) 

Summer: I don't wanna be your friend (hands present back) 

Anna: I don't wanna be your friend (hands present back) 

Seth: (now sitting) you can never have too many copies of the Goonies (sigh, puts his head on his chest) 

CUT TO: inside the Cohen house (doorbell) Kirsten goes to answer it 

Caleb: (walking in) it was corporate espionage I coulda had you fired even sued you for breach of confidentiality 

Kirsten: dad you were extorting the county, putting the company at huge risks sooner or later this was gonna come out and then what 

Caleb: when you found that report y-you could of shown me 

Kirsten: you could of shown me when it started, I'm sorry but I just didn't see any other way 

Caleb: it was dishonest, calculating and ruthless. Kiki... we just might make a real estate mogul out of you yet 

Kirsten: well that's something to look forward to 

Caleb: hmm (touches the tree) your moms ornaments, tree looks nice 

Kirsten: there may be a gift under there for you (Caleb raises his eyebrows) maybe 

CUT TO: Sandy coming into the pool house, Ryan is on his way out 

Sandy: hey where you goin, we were thinkin about gettin a movie 

Ryan: uh Marissa's spose to go see a therapist this morning 

Sandy: ohh she's goin through alot 

Ryan: yeah I thought I'd go with her 

Sandy: yeah you could...or uh not. y'know Marissa's gonna have to figure this out by herself an you gotta let her...your here with us now you don't have to be the parent anymore 

Ryan: (half smile) movie huh 

Sandy: yeah but it's my pick (walking out with Ryan) the selection of a movie is something of an art 

CUT TO: Marissa going into the therapist's office. She walks in and sits down, she is fidgety and doesn't want to be there. she flicks through a magazine, looks at her watch, puts the magazine down, rubs her hands on her legs then picks up her jacket and stands 

Oliver: I came here three times before I actually walked through that door...(looking up) I know you, you go to Harbor right 

Marissa: (still standing) Marissa Cooper, hi 

Oliver: yeah you're the girl at school who organises things, parties and stuff right 

Marissa: (sitting) social chair is what that's called (they look at each other for a bit) you go to Harbor? 

Oliver: no, no I go to Pacific...Oliver Trask (Marissa doesn't say anything and avoids eye contact) for a social chair (laughs) well I don't find you to be very social at all, we're gonna have to talk to somebody about a recall 

Marisa: this is...a psychiatrist's office, it's kind of embarrassing 

Oliver: yeah-yeah your right, this is totally embarrassing...so lets suggest the obvious an move on...what's wrong with you (Marissa looks at him) (sits forward) what is wrong-with you 

Marissa: well if I knew I wouldn't be here 

Oliver: ...you're not an alcoholic...yet, you've od'ed at least once pills I'd say, muscle relaxants definitely (Marissa looks at him, Oliver raises his eyebrows) 

Marissa: pain K*llers 

Oliver: you didn't really wanna hurt yourself, Kurt Cobain yeah he wanted to hurt himself 

Marissa: (half smiles) you know coming here wasn't my idea 

Oliver: (shrugs) maybe not but you wouldn't be here if you didn't wanna be...you wanna know why you are the way you are 

(Marissa smiles at him, not quite sure how to take him. a door opens and someone walks out) 

Oliver: that's you, I'm waitin on the next door (Marissa stands, looking nervous again) see you next week 

(Marissa smiles and looks not as nervous as she walks passed) 

CUT TO: Seth lying on the couch. Ryan comes in 

Ryan: how'd it go with the girls? 

Seth: (grabs present from the table) Seth Cohen starter pack 

Ryan: I think I'm passed that now (holds up his stocking) 

Seth: (looking) is that what I think it is 

Ryan: yeah, figured I'd hang it 

Seth: (sitting up, excited) alright man another Chrismukkah convert, nice, I never doubted it for a second (standing) check it out I already put the hook up just in case 

(Ryan walks over to it. Kirsten and Sandy come through the front door) 

Kirsten: hey 

Sandy: alright what'll it be, fiddler on the roof, it's a wonderful life or my selection Silvester Stalones over the top 

Seth: (scoffs) isn't that the arm wrestling movie 

Sandy: (imitating sly) arm wrestling classic 

Seth: oh hey uh Merry Chrismukkah you guys (gives a starter pack to Kirsten & Sandy) 

Sandy: oh
{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "01x13 - \"The Best Chrismukkah Ever\""}