INT. TARDIS - DAY

Repeat of 3.13. The Tardis in flight. The Doctor walks around the console when a ship's horn is heard and something crashes into the Tardis. Deep in thought. And then... expl*si*n! . The Doctor's showered with debris! He's on the floor. Coughing. Smoke in the air. He waves his hand to clear the air, looking up. Gobsmacked. He looks up to see the bow of an ocean liner has broken through the wall.

DOCTOR: What?! (coughs) What?! (Finds a life preserver that reads "Titanic"). What?!

The Doctor gets up, and, using various controls on the console, closes the Tardis, pushing out the ship. He then materializes it within the Titanic.

DOCTOR: What?!

He steps out and looks around, seemingly in a supply closet. He closes the Tardis door, wipes his hands together and steps out of the room.

INT. SMALL CUPBOARD - NIGHT

Tiny, dark linen cupboard, just big enough for... The Tardis materialises. The Doctor comes out, still brushing himself down. Pats the Tardis, to make sure it's okay. Then opens the cupboard door, steps out.

INT. TITANIC RECEPTION, DECK 22 - CONTINUOUS

We see him again in a wood-panelled room decorated with potted palms and Christmas decorations. People dressed in early 20th century dress mill about as waiters pass hors d'oeuvres and champagne. The band is playing a sedate version of "Jingle Bells". The Doctor approaches two golden angels garbed in white. They move mechanically and he realizes they're robots. He wanders to the window and looks out.

DOCTOR (drawn out): Right.

EXT. NIGHT

MAN OVER PA: Attention all passengers. The Titanic is now in orbit above Sol 3, also known as Earth. Population: Human.

As the man is speaking, we see a spaceship modelled to look like the Titanic in space above the Earth.

PA: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Christmas.

OPENING TITLES

INT. BRIDGE - NIGHT

Quiet and dark. On the bridge, the crew is in period uniform and the equipment is a mix of period and futuristic.

CAPTAIN HARDAKER: Orbit nice and steady. Good work, Mr Cavill. And maintain position.

CAPTAIN HARDAKER (CON'T) (more relaxed): Now then, gentlemen, according to the traditions of the planet below, Christmas is a time of celebration. I think you might be entitled to a tot of rum. Just the one. Off you go, (Three crewmembers salute with a "Sir"). I'll keep watch.

CAVILL: Sir.

Salutes and leaves. The youngest member, Midshipman Frame, pauses at the door before closing it and facing the Captain.

CAPTAIN (CON'T): And you, what was it...?

FRAME: Midshipman Frame, sir. Only just qualified, sir. First trip out!

CAPTAIN: Then you can stand down, Midshipman.

FRAME: Uh, but, uh... regulations say the bridge has to be staffed by two crewmembers at any one time, sir.

CAPTAIN: Well said. Very good! (Frame walks to a bank of instruments). It should be nice and quiet. It's only a Level 5 planet down below. They don't even know we're here. "Silent Night", I believe they call it. A silent night.

And they stand together, on duty.

INT. TITANIC RECEPTION, DECK 22 - DAY

A video of a bald man with a thin moustache sitting behind a desk. This is Max Capricorn.

CAPRICORN: Max Capricorn Cruiseliners-the fastest, the farthest, the best. And I should know because my name is Max.

Gold tooth glints.

INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE ENTERTAINMENT LOUNGE - NIGHT

Pulling out, Max Capricorn looped on a wall-screen. The screen reverts to the cruise line logo. The Doctor, in a dinner jacket, watches as he fiddles with his tie. The Doctor walks towards reception.

INT. ENTERTAINMENT LOUNGE - NIGHT

Christmas decorations, tables and booths with guests, milling around; dotted about, heavenly host, standing perfectly still; then a dance floor, couples dancing, then a stage, with singer and band, performing " Winter Wonderland ".

Crowd Replication, all having a good time.

The Doctor strolls through, looking round... His POV: Bannakaffalatta, dancing away. His POV: another table, Morvin and Foon, a large pair, tucking into buffet. They like their food. For some reason, they're dressed as cowboy and cowgirl.

STEWARD: Merry Christmas, sir.

DOCTOR: Merry Christmas.

Once inside the same room from earlier, the Doctor mingles. He passes another man, Rickston Slade, talking into a futuristic mobile.

RICKSTON: It's not a holiday for me, not while I've still got my vone. Now do as I say and sell.

Walks off. The Doctor approaches a robotic angel.

DOCTOR: Evening. Passenger 57. Terrible memory. Remind me. Uh, you would be...

Its voice is calm, posh, neutral, movements smooth and controlled, rather than robotic.

HOST: Information: Heavenly Host supplying tourist information.

DOCTOR: Good, so, um... tell me, cos I'm an idiot, where are we from?

HOST: Information: The Titanic is " en route " from the planet Sto in the Cassavalian Belt. The purpose of the cruise is to experience primitive cultures.

DOCTOR: Titanic. Um... who... thought of the name?

HOST: Information: it was chosen as the most famous vessel of the planet Earth.

DOCTOR: Did they tell you why it was famous?

HOST: Information: all designations are chosen by Mr Max Capricorn, president of Max- Max- Max...

Host keeps repeating the name becoming higher in pitch. He's broken, stuck, jerks his head with every " Max ".

DOCTOR: Ooh, bit of a glitch.

Reaches into his pocket. He's about to sonic the Host, but three stewards rush in.

CHIEF STEWARD (hurries over): Sir, we can handle this. (Waves to others for assistance. Two other stewards arrive and switch off the host, taking it away). Software problem, that's all. Leave it with us, sir. Merry Christmas.

He presses a button on the back of the Host's neck. It snaps rigid, upright, a statue, topples to the side-one Steward catches its torso, the other picks up its legs, and they carry it out, like a dummy. All fast and discreet. Chief Steward walks with them, mutters to Stewards, angry.

CHIEF STEWARD: That's another one down. What's going on with these things?

The chief steward has brought the host down to what is the Host storage and repair room.

CHIEF STEWARD (to chief engineer): That's eight of them now on the blink. One woman, she asked the Host to fix her necklace. It almost broke her neck... in First Class.

CHIEF ENGINEER: I've been over the robotics. Nothing. It's like somebody's got into them. Some kind of bug. (A forklift comes by with Host parts on it). Whoa, wait, wait, wait. Over there, Bay 15.

CHIEF STEWARD: Tell you what. If you can't fix them, throw them overboard.

The chief steward and chief engineer walk off in opposite directions. The host moves its head.

In Reception, the Doctor witnesses a waitress, Astrid Peth, drop her tray of drinks after bumping into Rickston.

RICKSTON: For Tov's sake, look where you're going! This jacket's a genuine Earth antique.

ASTRID: I'm sorry, sir.

Gets down to pick up broken glass.

RICKSTON: You'll be sorry when it comes off your wages, sweetheart. (walks off, on vone). Staffed by idiots. No wonder Max Capricorn is going down the drain.

Storms off.

DOCTOR (coming to help her): Careful. There we go.

ASTRID: Thank you, sir. I can manage.

DOCTOR: I never said you couldn't. I'm the Doctor, by the way.

ASTRID: Astrid, sir. Astrid Peth.

DOCTOR: Nice to meet you, Astrid Peth. Merry Christmas.

ASTRID (surprised): Merry Christmas, sir.

DOCTOR: Just "Doctor", not "sir".

ASTRID: You enjoying the cruise?

DOCTOR: Um... Yeah, I suppose. I don't know. It doesn't quite work, a cruise on your own.

ASTRID (standing): You're not with anyone?

DOCTOR (standing): No, no. Just me. Just, uh... used to be but, uh... No. What about you? Long way from home, Planet Sto.

ASTRID: Doesn't feel that different. I spent three years working at the spaceport diner, travelled all the way here... and I'm still waiting on tables.

Walks away.

DOCTOR (following): No shore leave?

ASTRID (clears table by window): We're not allowed. They can't afford the insurance. I just wanted to try it, just once.

Saying that, standing, both going to the window. Earth below them. Romantic image, the two framed against the spacescape.

ASTRID: Never stood on another world. I used to watch the ships heading off to the stars and I always dreamt of... It sounds daft.

DOCTOR: You dreamt of another sky. New sun, new air, new life. A whole universe teeming with life. Why stand still when there're all that life out there?

ASTRID: ... yeah. (She's a bit dazzled. Hold, then break the moment). So... you travel a lot?

DOCTOR: All the time. Just for fun. Well, that's the plan. Never quite works. Must be rich, though. Haven't got a penny. (whispers) Stowaway.

ASTRID: Kidding.

DOCTOR: Seriously.

ASTRID: No!

DOCTOR: Oh, yeah.

ASTRID (laughing): How did you get on board?

DOCTOR: Accident. I've got this, sort of, ship thing. I was just rebuilding her. Left the defences down, bumped into the Titanic. Here I am. Bit of a party, I thought "Why not?"

ASTRID: I should report you.

DOCTOR: Go on then.

ASTRID: I'll get you a drink... (whispers) on the house.

Walks away.

INT. HOST STORAGE, DECK 31 - NIGHT 10

The damaged, d*ad Host from sc.9 is slammed up against a wall. Chief steward stands back. Big signage, Deck 31. The area is full of deactivated Host, some with wires running into the walls as though recharging, others in pieces, a disconnected Host head on a table, etc. This is Below Decks, all pipes and steam and oil. He goes over to an engineer, who's giving hand-signals, " forward " to a fork lift truck, which has two deactivated Host stacked up on its scoop, horizontally, like dummies.

CHIEF STEWARD: That's eight of them now, on the blink. One woman, she asked the Host to fix her necklace, it almost broke her neck. In First Class!

ENGINEER: I've been over the robotics. Nothing. Like something's got into them, some sort of bug. (To the truck): Ok, park'em in Bay 15.

The Fork lift truck turns.

CHIEF STEWARD: Tell you what, if you can't fix them... Throw them overboard.

He walks away, the Engineer goes over to the truck. Pause. Closer on the deactivated Host, closer... And it slowly turns its head to watch the Chief Steward go. d*ad black eyes.

INT. ENTERTAINMENT LOUNGE - NIGHT

The singer starts "Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day", the dance floor livens up.

Astrid passes a group of first-class passengers, glamorous people, cruel, who are laughing and pointing at a heavyset couple, Morvin and Foon Van Hoff, dressed in purple country-western outfits sitting and eating a basket of chicken wings. With dignity.

MORVIN (to Foon): Just ignore 'em.

The Doctor slides in to join them.

DOCTOR (sits at their table): Something's tickled them.

FOON: They told us it was fancy dress. Very funny, I'm sure.

MORVIN: They're just pickin' on us because we haven't paid. We won our tickets in a competition.

FOON: I had to name the five husbands of Joofie Crystalle in "By the Light of the Asteroid". Did you ever watch...

DOCTOR: Is that the one with the twins?

FOON: That's it. Oh, it's marvelous.

MORVIN: Probably not good enough for that lot. (Motions to laughing crowd). They think we should be in steerage.

DOCTOR (reaches into pocket): Can't have that, can we?

The Doctor holds the sonic screwdriver at his side and aims behind him. The champagne on the table pops its cork, spraying all over those at the table. Morvin and Foon hooting.

FOON: Did... Did you do that?

DOCTOR: Maybe.

Puts screwdriver away.

FOON: We like you.

MORVIN: We do. (reaches out his hand to the Doctor). I'm Morvin van Hoff. (shakes hands). This is my good woman, Foon.

DOCTOR (shakes Foon's hand): Foon. Hello, I'm the Doctor.

FOON: Ooh, I'm gonna need a Doctor by the time I'm finished with this buffet. Have a buffalo wing. They must be enormous, these buffalo, so many wings.

The Doctor takes a buffalo wing.

PA: Attention please. Shore leave tickets Red 6-7 now activated. Red 6-7.

FOON (takes out ticket): Red 6-7. That's us. (stands). Are you Red 6-7?

DOCTOR: Might as well be.

MORVIN: Come on. (puts arm around Foon). We're going to Earth.

INT. TITANIC RECEPTION, DECK 22 - NIGHT

Frame is examining the panels.

FRAME: Seems to be power diverted to deck 31, sir. It flared up then it stopped.

CAPTAIN: Nothing to worry about. She's an old ship, full of aches and pains.

FRAME: Picking up a meteoroid shower portside, bearing West 56 North 2.

CAPTAIN: Pretty standard in this part of space. Miles away.

FRAME: We could probably see it, sir.

Frame looks through binoculars and sees the meteors with burning tails.

* * *

An older man, Mr Copper, dressed in a tweed suit holds up a red sign bearing "6-7".

COPPER: Red 6-7. Red 6-7. This way, fast as you can.

The Van Hoffs rush over, the Doctor following. Astrid approaches.

ASTRID: I got you that drink.

DOCTOR: And I got you a treat. Come on.

Takes tray from here and sets it on a table.

COPPER: Red 6-7 departing shortly.

DOCTOR (holds up psychic paper): Red 6-7 plus one.

COPPER: Uh, quickly, sir, and please take two teleport bracelets if you would.

ASTRID (whispers): I'll get the sack.

DOCTOR (hands her a bracelet): Brand new sky.

COPPER: To repeat, I am Mr Copper, the ship's historian, and I shall be taking you to old London town in the country of U.K. ruled over by good King Wenceslas. Now human beings worshipped the great god Santa, a creature with fearsome claws, and his wife Mary. And every Christmas Eve the people of U.K. go to w*r with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner... like savages.

DOCTOR: Excuse me, sorry, sorry, but, um... where did you get all this from?

COPPER: Well, I have a first class degree in Earthonomics. Now stand by...

BANNAKAFFALATTA (high pitch): And me! And me! Red 6-7!

The owner of the voice is a small red-skinned alien with short spikes along his head.

COPPER: Well, take a bracelet, sir?

DOCTOR: Uh, but, um, hold on, hold on. What was your name?

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Bannakaffalatta.

DOCTOR: Ok, Bannakaffalatta. But it's Christmas Eve down there. Late-night shopping, tons of people. He's like a walking conker. No offence, but you'll cause a riot 'cause the streets are going to be packed with shoppers and parties...

The group is teleported down to Earth and arrive on an empty street.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT 13

Teleport glow, The Doctor, Astrid, Mr Copper, Morvin and Foon, Bannakaffalatta and the four guests appear.

DOCTOR (looks around): Oh.

COPPER: Now, spending money. I have a credit card in Earth currency if you want to buy trinkets or, uh, stockings or the local delicacy, which is known as "beef" but don't stray too far, it could be dangerous. Any day now they start boxing.

While Mr Copper is talking, the Doctor looks around, confused by the empty street. Astrid is in awe.

DOCTOR: It should be full. It should be busy. Something's wrong.

ASTRID: But it's beautiful.

DOCTOR: Really? Do you think so? It's just a street. The pyramids are beautiful, and New Zealand...

ASTRID: But it's a different planet. I'm standing on a different planet. Th- there's concrete... and shops, alien shops, real alien shops! Look, no stars in the sky. And it smells. It stinks! (gasps). This is amazing! Thank you!

Hugs the Doctor.

DOCTOR: Yeah? Come on then, let's have a look.

The Doctor and Astrid cross the street to a newsagent's booth. Inside is an older man, Wilf Noble, bundled in winter clothes.

DOCTOR: Hello there! Sorry, uh, obvious question, but where's everybody gone?

WILF: Oh-ho, scared!

DOCTOR: Right, yes. Scared of what?

WILF: Where have you been living? London at Christmas? Not safe, is it?

DOCTOR: Why?

WILF: Well, it's them, up above (points skywards). Look, Christmas before last we had that big bloody spaceship, everyone standing on a roof. (points at his small TV that is showing a clip). And then last year, that Christmas Star electrocuting all over the place, draining the Thames.

ASTRID: This place is amazing.

WILF: And this year, Lord knows what. So everybody's scarpered, gone to the country. All except me... and Her Majesty.

Stands proudly and looks at TV.

INT. BACKGROUND TBC - DAY

TELEVISION REPORTER: Her Majesty the Queen has confirmed that she will be staying in Buckingham Palace throughout the festive season to show the people of London, and the world, that there's nothing to fear.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT

WILF: God bless her! (salutes) We stand vigil.

DOCTOR: Well, between you and me, I think her Majesty's got it right. Far as I know, this year, nothing to worry about.

The Doctor and Astrid are teleported back to the ship leaving Wilf standing there, mouth open.

WILF (falls into his seat): Then again...

INT. TITANIC RECEPTION, DECK 22 - NIGHT

The group arrives back in Reception on the Titanic.

DOCTOR (annoyed): I was in mid-sentence.

COPPER: Yes, I'm sorry about that. A bit of a problem. If I could have your bracelets...

CHIEF STEWARD (joins them): Apologies, ladies and gentlemen, Bannakaffalatta, we seem to have suffered a slight power fluctuation. If you'd like to return to the festivities. And on behalf of Max Capricorn Cruiseliners, free drinks will be provided.The ticket holders depart.

ASTRID (to Doctor): That was the best, the best!

Leaves. The Doctor approaches the chief steward.

DOCTOR: What sort of power fluctuation?

INT. BRIDGE - NIGHT

Frame is still watching the meteoroids.

FRAME: That's a bit odd, sir, the meteoroids are changing course. Still, we can put the shields up to maximum just in case.

CAPTAIN: As you were, Midshipman.

Frame looks to see the captain pushing buttons on an instrument panel.

FRAME: Sir? You're magnetizing the hull, sir. It's drawing the meteors in.

COMPUTER: Port turning Earthside.

FRAME: I take it that's deliberate.

COMPUTER: Port turning Earthside.

FRAME: Bit of a light show for the guests.

CAPTAIN: Something like that.

* * *

The Van Hoffs are eating at their table, the chief steward warily eyes the host, Rickston is winning at roulette, Bannakaffalatta is dancing and Astrid smiles at the Doctor while serving drinks. All the while, the band plays. The Doctor sees a framed screen showing a video loop of Max Capricorn.

CAPRICORN: ... and I should know because my name is Max.

The Doctor puts on his glasses and takes out his screwdriver, which he uses on the frame.

CAPRICORN: The fastest, the furthest, the best... my name is Max.

The Doctor opens the frame and changes some settings until the screen shows the Titanic and her immediate surroundings. He sees the shields are offline. He peers out the window and sees the meteors approaching.

On the bridge, the communications whistle sounds.

DOCTOR (over comms): Is that the bridge? I need to talk to the captain. You've got a meteoroid storm coming in West 0 by North 2.

CAPTAIN: Who is this?

* * *

DOCTOR: Never mind that. Your shields are down. Check your scanners, Captain. You've got meteoroids coming in and now shielding!

* * *

CAPTAIN: You have no authorization. You will clear the comms at once.

* * *

DOCTOR: Yeah? Just look starboard!

Two stewards come to escort the Doctor out of reception.

CHIEF STEWARD: Come with me, sir.

FRAME: But he's right, sir. The shields have been taken offline.

Goes to an instrument panel.

CAPTAIN: Step away from there.

FRAME: But we have to re-energize them.

CAPTAIN: I said step away, Midshipman.

Frame looks up to see the captain holding a g*n on him.

The Doctor is led away through Reception, still arguing.

DOCTOR: You've got a rock storm heading for this ship and the shields are down!

In space we see the meteoroids heading towards the ship.

CAPTAIN: They promised me old men.

FRAME: I'm sorry, sir?

CAPTAIN: On the crew. Sea dogs, men who'd had their time. Not boys.

In Reception, the Doctor breaks from the stewards and runs to the stage where the band is playing.

DOCTOR: Everyone, listen to me! This is an emergency! Get to the lifeb...

A host covers the Doctor's mouth and pulls him away. Astrid, the Van Hoffs and Bannakaffalatta look on in surprise.

FRAME: I'm sorry, sir. It's my duty!

Frame reaches for the panel and the captain fires.

The Doctor is taken out of the room more forcibly this time. He passes a small gathering, one of which is Rickston.

DOCTOR: Look out the windows!

Astrid, Rickston and the Van Hoffs slowly go to the windows. Bannakaffalatta excuses himself from a conversation.

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Him, friend.

Rickston looks out a window and sees the meteoroids. The stewards are dragging the Doctor out.

DOCTOR: If you don't believe me, check the shields yourself!

ASTRID: Sir, I can vouch for him!

MORVIN: Look, Steward, he's just had a bit too much to drink.

COPPER: Sir, something seems to have gone wrong. All the teleports are down.

CHIEF STEWARD: Not now!

A small piece of rock breaks through a window and lands at Rickston's feet.

COMPUTER: Oxygen membrane holding. Oxygen membrane holding.

Rickston turns to host.

RICKSTON: You there. Has anyone checked the external shielding?

HOST: Information: you are all going to die.

The captain stands at the wheel. Frame lies on the floor, still alive but bleeding from a wound in his side. Sonar shows the meteoroids getting closer.

RICKSTON (to a steward): Where's the Chief Steward?

STEWARD (points): That way, sir.

Rickston rushes off.

The chief steward is taking the Doctor through maintenance corridors. Astrid, Mr Copper, Bannakaffalatta and the Van Hoffs follow them.

DOCTOR: The shields are down, we are going to get h*t.

Everyone begins talking at once.

FRAME: You're going to k*ll us.

CAPTAIN: I'm dying already. Six months. And they offered me so much money... for my family.

Rickston catches up to the others.

RICKSTON: Oi! Steward! I'm telling you the shields are down!

DOCTOR: Listen to him! Listen to him!

We see Capricorn's video intercut with a couple watching from a window and the bridge.

CAPRICORN: Max Capricorn.

* * *

WOMAN (looks out window): Darling, come and have a look at this.

* * *

CAPRICORN: Fastest...

* * *

The captain is at the wheel.

COMPUTER: Red Alert. Red Alert.

* * *

MAN: Cheers.

* * *

Three meteoroids head straight for the ship.

* * *

CAPRICORN: The furthest....

* * *

Frame is lying on the floor, whimpering.

* * *

CAPRICORN: The best.

The meteoroids strike the side of the ship and everyone throughout the ship is thrown to the floor. On Deck 31, the chief engineer calls for help.

CHIEF ENGINEER: Bert! Bert! (looks at Host). Help me! Help!

A beam falls on him.

The Doctor protects Astrid as they are thrown to the floor.

On Deck 31, the host form a line.

In the maintenance area, the Doctor is the first to stand. He shushes everyone and listens.

DOCTOR: It's stopping.

The Titanic creaks and groans as bits of it float off in space.

DOCTOR (helps Astrid stand): You all right?

ASTRID: I think so.

DOCTOR: Bad name for a ship. Either that or this suit is really unlucky.

The Doctor kneels to examine one of the stewards. The man is d*ad. Max Capricorn's voice can be heard.

CAPRICORN: My name is Max. My name is Max. My name is Max.

CHIEF STEWARD: Ev... everyone... Ladies and gentlemen, Bannakaffalatta, I must apologize on behalf of Max Capricorn Cruiseliners. We seem to have had a small collision.

The Doctor finds a comms panel, the source of Capricorn's voice.

MORVIN (indignant): Small?

RICKSTON: You know how much I paid for my ticket?

CHIEF STEWARD: If I could have silence, ladies, gentlemen...

They ignore him and continue arguing.

CHIEF STEWARD: Quiet! (they stop). Thank you. I... I'm sure Max Capricorn Cruiseliners will be able to reimburse you for any inconvenience. But first I would point out that we are very much alive.

ASTRID (to Mr Copper): Are you all right?

Helps dab the cut on his head. The Doctor walks over to the others.

CHIEF STEWARD: She is, after all, a fine, sturdy ship. If you could all stay here while I ascertain the exact nature of the... the situation.

Goes to open a hatch.

DOCTOR: Don't open it!

The hatch opens and the chief steward is sucked out into space by the vacuum. Everyone grabs hold of any piping near them. The Doctor goes over to the comms and uses the sonic screwdriver on the computer to replace the shield.

COMPUTER: Oxygen shield s*ab.

DOCTOR: Everyone all right? Astrid?

ASTRID (panting): Yeah.

DOCTOR: Foon? Morvin? Mr Copper? Bannakaffalatta?

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Yes.

DOCTOR: You, what was your name?

RICKSTON: Ah, Rickston Slade.

DOCTOR: You all right?

RICKSTON: No thanks to that idiot.

ASTRID: The steward just died.

RICKSTON: Then he's a d*ad idiot.

Astrid gasps and takes a step towards Rickston.

DOCTOR: All right, calm down. Just stay still, all of you. Hold on.

Walks to hatch opening.

ASTRID (joining him): What happened? How come the shields were down?

DOCTOR: I don't think it was an accident.

Astrid looks out into space and sees bodies among the flotsam and jetsam floating above Earth.

ASTRID: How many d*ad?

DOCTOR: We're alive, just focus on that. I will get you out of here, Astrid. I promise. Look at me. I promise. (she nods). Good. Now (looks around) if we can get to Reception, I've got a spaceship tucked away. We can all get on board... (looks outside) Oh.

ASTRID: What is it? What's wrong?

DOCTOR: That's my spaceship over there.

ASTRID: Where?

DOCTOR: There, that box. That little blue box.

The TARDIS floats in space.

ASTRID: That's a spaceship?

DOCTOR: Oi, don't knock it.

ASTRID: It's a bit small.

DOCTOR: A bit distant. Trouble is, once it's set adrift, it's programmed to lock onto the nearest centre of gravity and that would be... the Earth.

The Tardis heads down to Earth.

On Deck 31, the chief engineer is trapped under a beam.

CHIEF ENGINEER (to Host): Don't just stand there! Get this thing off me! Host, that's an order. Help me! That's your job, isn't it?

HOST (steps forward): Information: we now have only one function.

CHIEF ENGINEER: And what's that?

HOST: Information: to k*ll.

Reaches both hands to halo and removes it.

CHIEF ENGINEER: What are you doing? I'm ordering you... Stop it. Stop it right now!

The host throws the halo like a Frisbee towards the trapped man who screams.

The Doctor speaks into a comms device.

DOCTOR: Deck 22 to the bridge. Deck 22 to the bridge. Is there anyone there?

* * *

Frame moans, and clutching his side, reaches the comms.

FRAME: This is the bridge.

* * *

DOCTOR: Oh hello, sailor. Good to hear you. What's the situation up there?

* * *

FRAME: We've got air. The oxygen field is holding. But the captain... (looks to the captain's body buried under wreckage). He's d*ad. He did it. (voice breaks). I watched while he took down the shields. There was nothing I could do. I tried. I did try.

* * *

DOCTOR: All right. Just stay calm. Tell me your name. What's your name?

* * *

FRAME: Midshipman Frame.

* * *

DOCTOR: Nice to meet you, sir. What's the state of the engines?

* * *

FRAME: They're um... (he tries to see without moving). Hold on.

He pushes himself forward and groans.

* * *

DOCTOR: Have you been injured?

* * *

FRAME: I'm all right. Oh my vot. They're cycling down.

* * *

DOCTOR: That's a nuclear storm drive, yes?

* * *

FRAME: Yeah.

* * *

DOCTOR: The moment they're gone, we lose orbit.

* * *

FRAME: The planet.

* * *

DOCTOR: Oh yes. If we h*t the planet, the nuclear storm explodes and wipes out life on Earth. Midshipman, I need you to f*re up the engine containment field and feed it back into the core.

* * *

FRAME: This is never going to work.

DOCTOR (over comms): Trust me, it'll keep the engines going until I can get to the bridge.

The Doctor switches off the comms and faces the others.

FOON: We're going to die!

COPPER: Are you saying someone's done this on purpose?

ASTRID: We're just a cruise ship!

DOCTOR: Okay, okay. Tch, tch. First things first. One: we're going to climb through this ship. B... no... two: we're going to reach the bridge. Three or C: we're going to save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low Four or D or that little "iv" in brackets they use in footnotes... why. Right then, follow me.

RICKSTON: Hang on a minute. Who put you in charge and who the hell are you anyway?

DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord. I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm 903 years old and I'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion of the people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?

RICKSTON: No.

DOCTOR: In that case, allons-y!

The Doctor slowly pushes open a metal door that leads into a stairwell littered with debris and sparking cables.

DOCTOR: Careful. Follow me.

The Doctor goes ahead, clearing the way. Astrid follows then Mr Copper, Rickston and the Van Hoffs.

COPPER: Rather ironic when this is very much in the spirit of Christmas. It's a festival of v*olence. They say that human beings only survive depending on whether they've been good or bad. It's barbaric.

DOCTOR: Actually, that's not true. Christmas is a time of-of peace and thanksgiving and... what am I on about? Christmas is always like this. (Uncovers a dormant host). We've got a Host. Strength of ten. If we can mend it, we can use it to fix the rubble.

MORVIN: We can do robotics, both of us.

FOON: We worked on the milk market back on Sto. It's all robot staff.

DOCTOR: See if you can get it working. (To Astrid) Let's have a look.

Everyone but the Van Hoffs climbs the stairs and fine their path blocked by wreckage.

ASTRID: It's blocked.

DOCTOR: So what do we do?

ASTRID: We shift it.

DOCTOR: That's the attitude. Rickston, Mr Copper, and you, Bannakaffalatta... look, can I just call you Banna? It's gonna save a lot of time.

BANNAKAFFALATTA: No! Bannakaffalatta!

DOCTOR: All right then, Bannakaffalatta, there's a gap in the middle. See if you can get through.

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Easy. Good.

Squeezes through opening.

The ship lurches again sending loose debris falling in them.

RICKSTON: This whole thing could come crashing down any minute!

DOCTOR: Oh, Rickston, I forgot. Did you get our message?

RICKSTON: No. What message?

DOCTOR: Shut up!

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Bannakaffalatta made it.

ASTRID: I'm small enough, I can get through.

Makes her way through the hole.

DOCTOR: Careful.

ASTRID: I'm fine.

RICKSTON: Thing is, how are Mr and Mrs Fatso gonna get through this gap?

DOCTOR: We make the gap bigger. So start.

Hands him a piece of metal.

The Van Hoffs are working on the host. Having overheard Rickston, Foon starts crying.

MORVIN: Hey, hey! Come on, sweetheart. Don't listen to him.

FOON: No, but it's all my fault, though. The tickets.

MORVIN: We won them fair and square.

FOON: I know. I never told ya. I dialled the competition line 5000 times. That's 5000 credits. I might as well have paid for the tickets. I've been hiding the vone bill for months now.

MORVIN (shocked): 5000 credits? You spent 5000 credits?

FOON (nods ashamed): Don't hate me. (Morvin laughs). What's so funny?

MORVIN: 5000?

Laughs.

FOON: We'll never pay that off.

MORVIN: I know. We'll have to work 70 years you mad, bloody woman.

Laughs.

FOON: You're not cross?

MORVIN: Does it matter? Look at us. You drive me barmy. I don't half love you... Mrs van Hoff. Come here.

Hugs her. The Van Hoffs' laughter floats up to where the Doctor and Mr Copper are clearing debris while Rickston looks on.

RICKSTON: What happened? Did they find a donut?

ASTRID: I can clear it from this side. Just tell me if it starts moving. (Sees Bannakaffalatta lying down). Bannakaffalatta, what's wrong?

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Sshhh.

ASTRID: What is it?

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Can't say.

ASTRID (moves to his side): Are you hurt?

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Ashamed.

ASTRID: Of what?

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Poor Bannakaffalatta.

Lifts shirt to reveal cybernetic components.

ASTRID: You're a cyborg.

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Had accident long ago. Secret.

ASTRID: No, but everything's changed now. Cyborgs are getting equal rights. They passed a law back on Sto. You can even get married.

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Marry you?

ASTRID: Well, you can buy me a drink first. Come on. Let's recharge you. (presses a button on his torso) Just stay there for a bit.

Goes back to clearing.

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Tell no one.

ASTRID: I promise.

DOCTOR: What's going on up there?!

ASTRID: I think Bannakaffalatta and I just got engaged.

Frame is attempting to bandage himself when the comms whistle.

FRAME: This is the bridge.

* * *

A group of six men are waiting, huddled together in a cramped room.

MAN: This is Kitchen 5.

* * *

FRAME: How many of you are there?

* * *

MAN: Six of us, just about. Are we the only ones left alive, sir?

* * *

FRAME: No. There's more on Deck 19. Hold on, if I reverse the scanner... No, 50, 60 people still onboard ship. Hold on. I can see you. Kitchen Five, there you are. Listen, everyone's heading for the bridge. Don't go portside, there's no way. Can you make your way starboard?

* * *

MAN: We're stuck. The doors have sealed. We can't get out. (The wheel on the door turns). No, wait a minute. It's opening. There's someone on the other side. (the door opens to reveal four host). Host. We've got Host. The Host are still working.

* * *

FRAME: Oh, that's brilliant. Tell them to clear a path up to the bridge.

* * *

The host lift their hands and remove their halos.

* * *

FRAME: Did you get that? Kitchen Five report. Hello? Kitchen Five?

Screams come over the comms and the life signs vanish from the scanner.

MAN: It's the...

FRAME: Report!

MORVIN: Almost done!

DOCTOR: Good, good, good. (into comms) Mr Frame, how's things?

* * *

FRAME: Doctor, I've got life signs all over the ship but they're going out one by one.

* * *

DOCTOR: What is it? Are they losing air?

* * *

FRAME: No. One of them said it's the Host. It's something to do with the Host.

The Doctor looks to where the Van Hoffs are working just as the host resumes function.

MORVIN: It's working!

The Doctor rushes down. The host takes Morvin by the throat.

HOST: k*ll. k*ll. k*ll.

Keeps repeating.

DOCTOR: Turn it off!

Foon tries to shut it off.

FOON: I can't, Doctor!

DOCTOR (arrives): Go!

Foon backs away up the stairs. The Doctor uses the sonic screwdriver on the host.

DOCTOR: Lock! Double deadlock! (puts away screwdriver and uses his hands to pry Morvin free). Okay, go upstairs!

FOON: Run, darling, run!

HOST: Information: k*ll, k*ll, k*ll...

MORVIN: Foon! Foon!

DOCTOR: Rickston! Get them through!

RICKSTON: No chance!

Goes through the narrow opening himself.

COPPER: Rickston!

FOON: I'll never get through there.

COPPER: Yes, you can. Let me go first.

The host goes after the Doctor who runs up to the comms.

DOCTOR: It's the Host! They've gone berserk! Are you safe up there?

Frame turns to see host heading for the open door of the bridge.

HOST: k*ll. k*ll. k*ll.

Frame closes and locked the door just in time, catching the hand of one of the host.

Mr Copper and Astrid are helping Foon.

FOON: No, I'm stuck!

ASTRID: Come on, you can do it!

Mr Copper is using a metal pole as a lever to widen the space.

COPPER: It's going to collapse! (Foon makes it through). Rickston, vot damn it, help me!

RICKSTON: No... way.

DOCTOR: Morvin, get through!

Morvin is having a tougher time than Foon. The host is still following.

HOST: k*ll. k*ll. k*ll.

Keeps repeating. The Doctor comes up behind Morvin.

ASTRID: Doctor, he's stuck!

DOCTOR (puts his hands on Morvin's rear): Mr Van Hoff, I know we've only just met but you'll have to excuse me.

Shoves. Morvin makes it through.

ASTRID: That's it. We've got you. Doctor, come on, get through.

The Host is right behind the Doctor.

DOCTOR (turns to host): Information override! You will tell me the point of origin of your command structure!

COPPER (straining): I can't hold it!

HOST: Information: Deck 31.

DOCTOR: Thank you. (scrambles through hole). Let go!

Mr Copper releases his grip on the pole and the beam crashes onto the Host's head.

At the door, Frame turns to see the hand still moving. With a yelp, he turns a handle causing the door to fully close, cutting off the hand. He looks through the window in the door to see a line of host waiting.

The Doctor, Astrid, the Vaan Hoffs, Mr Copper and Rickston find themselves in another open room. Foon looks to a table.

FOON: Morvin, look, food.

RICKSTON (sarcastically): Oh great. Someone's happy.

MORVIN: Don't have any then.

The Doctor heads for the comms.

On the bridge, the comms whistles and the Doctor'svoice comes over.

DOCTOR: Mr Frame, you still there?

FRAME: Yes, sir, but I've got Host outside. I sealed the door.

* * *

DOCTOR: They've been programmed to k*ll. Why would anyone do that?

* * *

FRAME: That's not the only problem, Doctor. I had to use a maximum deadlock on the door, which means... No one can get in. I'm sealed off. Even if you can fix the Titanic, you can't get to the bridge.

* * *

DOCTOR: Yeah, right, fine. One problem at a time. What's on Deck 31?

* * *

FRAME: Um, that's down below. It's nothing. It's just the Host storage deck. That's where we keep the robots.

* * *

DOCTOR (looks at scanner): Well, what's that? (puts on glasses). See that panel? Black. It's registering nothing. No power, no heat, no light.

FRAME (over comms): Never seen it before.

DOCTOR: 100% shielded. What's down there?

* * *

FRAME: I'll try intensifying the scanner.

* * *

DOCTOR: Let me know if you find anything. (takes off glasses). And keep those engines going!

Astrid brings him some food.

ASTRID: Saved you some. You might be a Time King from?? but you need to eat.

DOCTOR: Yeah, thanks.

Takes food and sits.

ASTRID (sitting): So, you look good for 903.

DOCTOR (mouthful): You should see me in the mornings.

ASTRID: Okay.

They both realize what was said and look away from each other. Mr Copper joins them.

COPPER: Doctor, it must be well past midnight, Earth time. Christmas Day.

DOCTOR: So it is. Merry Christmas.

ASTRID: This Christmas thing, what's it all about?

DOCTOR: Long story. I should know, I was there. That didn't take long

COPPER: But if the planet's waking up, can't we signal them? They can send up a rocket or something.

DOCTOR: They don't have spaceships.

COPPER: No, I read about it. They have shuffles, space shuffles.

DOCTOR: Mr Copper, this degree in Earthonomics,... where's it from?

COPPER: Honestly?

DOCTOR: Just between us.

COPPER: Mrs Golightly's Happy Travelling University and Dry Cleaners.

Mops brow with hankie and sits.

ASTRID: You... you lied to the company... to get the job?

COPPER: I... I wasted my life on Sto. I was a travelling salesman, always on the road and I reached retirement with nothing to show for it. Not even a home. And Earth sounded so exotic.

DOCTOR: Hm, I suppose it is, yeah.

ASTRID: How come you know it so well?

DOCTOR: I was sort of... a few years ago, was sorta made... well, sort of homeless, and, um there was the Earth.

COPPER: Thing is, if we survive this, there will be police and all sorts of investigations. Now the minimum penalty for space-age fraud is ten years in jail. I'm an old man. Well, I won't survive ten years.

There is a banging on the door and the Doctor drops his food and rushes to the opposite door.

DOCTOR: A Host! Move! Come on!

The pounding continues on the door, which dents from the force. Astrid screams and they all follow the Doctor to the opposite side. The Doctor uses the sonic screwdriver on the door and it opens to reveal a space that runs the height of the ship. The only way across is a makeshift bridge, created by a fallen strut below which are the engines.

RICKSTON: Is that the only way across?

DOCTOR: On the other hand, it is a way across.

ASTRID: The engines are open.

DOCTOR: Nuclear storm drive. Soon as it stops, the Titanic falls.

MORVIN: But that thing, it'll never take our weight.

RICKSTON: You're going last, mate.

DOCTOR: It's nitrofine metal. It's stronger than it looks.

MORVIN: All the same, Rickston's right. Me and Foon should...

Steps on a weak piece of metal near the edge, the railing gives away and Morvin falls towards the engines with a scream.

FOON: Morvin!

The others watch in shock and horror.

RICKSTON: I told you! I told you!

COPPER: Just shut up! Shut up!

FOON (hysterical, to the Doctor): Bring him back! Can't you bring him back? Bring him back, Doctor!

DOCTOR: I'm sorry, I can't.

FOON: You promised me!

DOCTOR: I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

A group of host is marching through the halls towards them.

COPPER: Doctor, I rather think those things have got our scent.

RICKSTON: I'm not waiting.

Starts across the bridge.

DOCTOR: Careful! Take it slowly!

There's a rumbling as the ship rocks and Rickston is nearly knocked off.

RICKSTON: Vot help me.

DOCTOR: You're okay. One step at a time. Come on, you can do it.

HOST: k*ll. k*ll. k*ll.

Repeat.

COPPER: They're getting nearer!

DOCTOR (mutters): Seal us in.

Uses sonic screwdriver in the door.

COPPER: Leaving us trapped, wouldn't you say?

DOCTOR: Never say trapped, just inconveniently circumstanced.

COPPER: Oh.

Rickston is halfway across.

RICKSTON: I'm okay!

FOON (hopefully): Maybe he's all right. Maybe... Maybe there's a gravity curve down there or something. I don't know. Maybe he's unconscious.

ASTRID: I'm sorry, Foon. He's gone.

Hugs her.

FOON (crying): What am I going to do without him?

Rickston reaches the other side.

RICKSTON: Yes! Oh yes! Who's good?!

DOCTOR: Bannakaffalatta, you go next.

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Bannakaffalatta, small.

DOCTOR: Slowly!

The host are pounding on the door from the other side.

COPPER: They've found us!

DOCTOR: Astrid, get across right now.

ASTRID: What about you?

DOCTOR: Just do it. Go on. (Astrid starts across). Mr Copper, we can't wait. Don 't argue. (Mr Copper follows). Foon, you've got to get across right now.

FOON: What for? What am I gonna do without him?

RICKSTON: Doctor! The door's locked!

DOCTOR: Just think... what would he want, eh?

FOON: He don't want nothing, he's d*ad!

Sobs.

RICKSTON: Doctor, I can't open the door. We need the whirring key thing of yours!

DOCTOR: I can't leave her!

RICKSTON: She'll get us all k*lled if we can't get out!

DOCTOR: Mrs Van Hoff, I am coming back for you, all right?

Foon nods and the Doctor starts across. The metal creaks at the weight of the four of them.

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Too many people!

DOCTOR: Oi! Don't get spiky with me! Keep going!

ASTRID: It's gonna fall!

DOCTOR: It's just settling! Keep going!

It becomes quiet as the pounding stops.

ASTRID: They've stopped.

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Gone away?

DOCTOR: Why would they give up?

RICKSTON: Never mind that. Keep coming!

DOCTOR: Where have they gone? Where are the Host?

COPPER (looking up): I'm afraid... we forgot the tradition of Christmas that angels have wings! Points. Host are gliding down from above and encircle them.

HOST: Information: k*ll.

The host reach for their halos.

DOCTOR: Arm yourselves! All of you!

They all reach for pipes or bits of metal to defend themselves as the host throw their halos. They keep batting them away. One grazes the Doctor's arm and another Mr Copper's leg. Astrid falls to her knees.

ASTRID: I can't.

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Bannakaffalatta stop! Bannakaffalatta proud! Bannakaffalatta, cyborg!

Lifts shirt and discharges energy, disabling the host and all but one fall toward the engines. One falls onto the strut behind the Doctor.

DOCTOR: Electromagnetic pulse took out the robotics. Oh, Bannakaffalatta, that was brilliant!

Bannakaffalatta falls and Astrid goes to him.

ASTRID: He's used all his power!

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Did good?

ASTRID: You saved our lives.

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Bannakaffalatta happy.

ASTRID: We can recharge you, get you to a power point and just plug you in!

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Too late.

ASTRID: No, but... you gotta get me that drink, remember?

BANNAKAFFALATTA: Pretty girl.

Dies. Astrid goes to button his shirt when Mr Copper reaches for his power source.

COPPER: I'm sorry. Forgive me.

ASTRID: Leave him alone.

COPPER: It's the EMP transmitter. He-he'd want us to use it. (removes it). I used to sell these things. They'd always give me a bed for the night in the cyborg caravans. They're good people. But if we can recharge it, we can reuse it as a w*apon against the rest of the Host. Bannakaffalatta might have saved us all.

RICKSTON: Do you think? Try telling him that.

Points behind them. They turn to see the host that had landed on the bridge begin to move.

HOST: Information: reboot.

RICKSTON: Use the EMP!

COPPER: It's d*ad!

ASTRID: It's gotta have emergency...

Takes the EMP from Mr Copper. The Doctor confronts the host.

DOCTOR: No, no, no. Hold on. Override loophole security protocol... Ten! 666! Oh. 21, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Um, I dunno, 42! Uh, one!

HOST (stops mid-motion and stands passively): Information: state request.

DOCTOR: Good... right. You've been ordered to k*ll the survivors, but why?

HOST: Information: no witnesses.

DOCTOR: But this ship's gonna fall on the Earth and k*ll everyone. The human race have nothing to do with the Titanic so that contravenes your orders, yes?

HOST: Information: incorrect.

DOCTOR: But why do you want to destroy the Earth?

HOST: Information: it is the plan.

DOCTOR: What plan?

HOST: Information: protocol grants you only three questions. These three questions have been used.

DOCTOR: Well, you could have warned me.

HOST: Information: now you will die.

The host prepares to strike the Doctor with its halo when a lasso is thrown over its head and tightened around its body by Foon.

FOON: You're coming with me.

Foon closes her eyes and jumps over the side, pulling the host with her.

DOCTOR: Nooooo!

They all watch helpless as Foon falls to her death.

DOCTOR (determined): No more.

They make it out and into another set of maintenance halls.

DOCTOR: Right. Get up to Reception One. Once you're there, Mr Copper. You've got staff access to the computer. Try and find a way of transmitting an SOS. Astrid, you're in charge of this (holds out the EMP). Once it's powered up, it'll take out Hosts within fifty yards but then it needs sixty seconds to recharge. Got it? Rickston, take this (gives him the sonic screwdriver). I've preset it. Just hold down that button. It'll open doors. Do not lose it! You got that? Now go and open the next door. Go on! Go!

RICKSTON: All right!

Goes. The Doctor takes down First Aid kit and hands it to Mr Copper.

DOCTOR: Mr Copper, I need you fighting fit. Astrid, where's the power point?

ASTRID: Under the comms.

They run to the power point and the Doctor shows her how to recharge the EMP.

DOCTOR: When it's ready, that blue light comes on there.

ASTRID: You're talking as if you're not coming with us.

DOCTOR: There's something down on Deck 31. I'm gonna find out what it is.

ASTRID: What if you meet a Host?

DOCTOR: Well, then I'll just... have some fun, eh?

ASTRID: Sounds like you do this kind of thing all the time.

DOCTOR: Not by chance. All I do is travel. That's what I am, just a traveller. Imagine it. No tax, no bills, no boss, just the open sky.

ASTRID: I'm sort of... unemployed now and I was thinking the blue box is kinda small, but I could kinda squeeze in. Like a stowaway.

DOCTOR: It's not always safe.

ASTRID: So you need someone to take care of you. I've got no one back on Sto, no family, just me. So what do you think? Can I come with you?

DOCTOR (smiles): Yeah, I'd like that. Yes.

The ship lurches again and the Doctor stands and speaks into the comms.

DOCTOR: Mr Frame, you still with us?

* * *

Frame is at the wheel.

FRAME: It's the engines, sir. Final phase. There's nothing more I can do. We've got only eight minutes left!

* * *

DOCTOR: Don't worry, I'll get there.

* * *

FRAME: The bridge is sealed off!

* * *

DOCTOR: Yeah, yeah, working on it. I'll get there, Mr Frame, somehow. (The EMP is ready). All charged up? Mr Copper, look after her. Astrid, look after him. Rickston, um... look after yourself. And I'll see you again, promise.

Starts to leave.

ASTRID: Hold on! There's an old tradition on Planet Sto...

DOCTOR: I've really got to go.

ASTRID: Just wait a minute!

Grabs the First Aid kit from Mr Copper, sets it on the floor in front of the Doctor, stands on it and kisses him.

DOCTOR (bemused): Yeah, that's a very old tradition, yeah.

Runs off.

ASTRID: See you later!

DOCTOR (stops and turns): Oh, yes!

Leaves. The Doctor heads back the way they came while Astrid, Mr Copper and Rickston continue upward to Reception. Rickston opens a door with the sonic screwdriver and comes upon Host.

RICKSTON: Do it!

Astrid uses the EMP and the Host collapse. They stand stunned before cheering and laughing.

The Doctor runs into a small kitchen and is soon surrounded by four Host. He grabs a pot by the handle, prepared to use it as a w*apon.

DOCTOR: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Security protocol one! Do you hear me? One! One! (The Host stop advancing). Okay, that gives me three questions. Three questions to save my life, am I right?

HOST: Information: correct.

DOCTOR: No, that wasn't one of them. I didn't mean it. That's not fair. Can I start again?

HOST: Information: no.

DOCTOR: No, no! No, no, no. That wasn't one either. Blimey. One question left. One question. So, you've been given orders to k*ll the survivors but survivors must therefore be passengers or staff, but not me. I'm not a passenger. I'm not staff. Go on, scan me. You must have bio records. No such person on board. I don't exist therefore... you can't k*ll me. Therefore, I'm a stowaway and stowaways should be arrested and taken to the nearest figure of authority. And I reckon the nearest figure of authority is on Deck 31. Final question: am I right?

HOST: Information: correct.

DOCTOR: Brilliant. Take me to your leader. (smiles). I've always wanted to say that.

Astrid, Mr Copper and Rickston arrive in Reception. Astrid uses the EMP to take out the Host waiting there.

ASTRID: Rickston, seal the doors, make the room secure. Mr Copper, keep an eye on the Host. (gives him the EMP). I need to check the computer. We need that SOS. (The computer is down and she slams her fist in frustration. Turning, she sees the teleport bracelets. She calls the bridge). Bridge, this is Reception!

* * *

FRAME: Who's there?

* * *

ASTRID: Astrid Peth. I was with the Doctor. Tell me, can you divert power to the teleport system?

* * *

FRAME: No way. I'm using everything I got to keep the engines running.

* * *

ASTRID: It's just one trip. I need to get to Deck 31.

* * *

FRAME: And I'm telling you no.

* * *

ASTRID: Mr Frame... this is for the Doctor. He's gone down there on his own, and I... I can't just leave him. He's done everything he can to save us. It's time we did something to help him.

* * *

FRAME (shakes head): Giving you power.

* * *

Astrid turns on the teleport and grabs a bracelet.

ASTRID: Mr Copper, I'm gonna find him.

Puts bracelet on.

COPPER: Good luck.

Astrid teleports.

The Doctor is escorted to the Host storage facility on Deck 31. There is much structural damage as well as small fires.

DOCTOR: Now that is what you call a fixer-upper. Come on then, Host with the most, this ultimate authority of yours, who is it? (Two doors slide open behind him and he spins around). Ooh, that's clever. That's an omnistate impact chamber. Indestructible. You can survive anything in that, eh? (A vehicle starts wheeling out). Sit through a supernova or a shipwreck. Only one person can have the power and the money to hide themselves onboard like this and I should know, 'cause...

The vehicle is revealed to be a giant life-support system for Max Capricorn who is now just a head.

CAPRICORN: My name is Max.

Gold tooth glints.

DOCTOR: It really does that.

CAPRICORN: Who the hell is this?

DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor. Hello.

HOST: Information: stowaway.

DOCTOR: Well...

CAPRICORN: k*ll him.

DOCTOR: Oh, no, no! Wait, but you can't. Not now. Come on, Max... You've given me so much good material like... How to get ahead in business. See "head"? "Head in business"? No?

CAPRICORN: Oh, ho ho, the office joker. I like a funny man. No one's been funny with me for years.

DOCTOR: I can't think why.

CAPRICORN: 176 years of running the company have taken their toll.

DOCTOR: Yeah, but... nice wheels.

CAPRICORN: No, a life-support system in a society that despises cyborgs. I've had to hide away for years. Running the company by hologram. Host, situation report.

HOST: Information: Titanic is still in orbit.

CAPRICORN: Let me see. (He moves forward and the Doctor steps out of his way). We should have crashed by now. What's gone wrong? (goes to edge and looks down on engines). The engines are still running! They should have stopped!

DOCTOR: When they do, the Earth gets roasted. I don't understand. What's the Earth got to do with it?

CAPRICORN: This interview is terminated.

DOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no, no!

Astrid has arrived and peeks from around a corner.

DOCTOR: Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! I can work it out. It's like a task. I'm your apprentice. Just watch me. So... Business is failing and you wreck the ship so that makes things even worse. Oh yes! No. Yes. The business isn't failing, it's failed. Past tense.

CAPRICORN: My own board voted me out. s*ab me in the back.

DOCTOR: If you had a back. So...

Astrid moves closer unseen.

DOCTOR: You scupper the ship, wipe out any survivors in case anyone's rumbled you and the board find their shares halved in value. Oh, but that's not enough. No, 'cause if a Max Capricorn ship hits the Earth, it destroys an entire planet. Outrage back home. Scandal! The business is wiped out.

CAPRICORN: And... the whole board thrown in jail for mass m*rder.

DOCTOR: While you sit there, safe inside the impact chamber.

CAPRICORN: I have men waiting to retrieve me from the ruins and enough off-world accounts to retire me to the beaches of Pentaxico Two where the ladies, so I'm told, are very fond of... metal.

DOCTOR (indignant): So that's the plan. A retirement plan. 2000 on this ship, 6 billion underneath us, all of them slaughtered. And why? Because Max Capricorn is a loser.

CAPRICORN: I never lose.

DOCTOR: You can't even sink the Titanic.

CAPRICORN: Oh, but I can, Doctor. I can cancel the engines from here.

Alarms sound.

Up on the bridge, Frame hears the computer.

COMPUTER: Engines closing.

FRAME: No, no, no, no!

Rushes to instrument panels to try and stop it.

COMPUTER: Engines closing.

Mr Copper and Rickston are still in Reception.

RICKSTON: What's happening?

DOCTOR: You can't do this!

CAPRICORN: Host, hold him.

Two Host hold the Doctor by the arms and pull him away.

CAPRICORN: Not so clever now, Doctor. A shame we couldn't work together. You're rather good. All that banter yet not a word wasted. Time for me to retire. The Titanic is falling. The sky will burn. Let the Christmas inferno commence. Oh! Oh, Host! k*ll him.

The one Host not holding the Doctor removes his halo preparing to follow orders.

ASTRID (in forklift): Mr Capricorn! I resign.

Starts the forklift and rushes towards Capricorn.

DOCTOR: Astrid, don't!

Astrid lifts the front of Capricorn's life support just enough so the tires have no purchase. His rear tires have enough traction to cause a standoff. The Host who was about to k*ll the Doctor throws his halo at Astrid but misses, hitting something else.

DOCTOR: He's cut the break line!

Slow Motion - Astrid looks at the Doctor who mouths "No! " They stare meaningfully at each other before she turns back to Capricorn. She raises the fork higher, lifting Capricorn fully off the ground and steps on the gas. They both go over the edge.

DOCTOR: Astrid!

Runs to the edge and sees Astrid falling towards the engines, her hands reaching for him. Exterior sh*t of space.

COMPUTER: Titanic falling. Voyage terminated.

On the bridge, Frame takes the wheel trying to control the ship. In Reception, Rickston and Mr Copper hold on for dear life.

Slow Motion - The Doctor walks away as sparks fall behind him and fires burn - end Slow Motion. He holds his arms out to his sides and a Host stands on either side. The Doctor snaps his fingers and the Host hold his arms the fly upwards, gaining speed. With arms raised the break through the floor of the bridge causing Frame to shout.

COMPUTER: Deadlock broken.

DOCTOR (climbs through and stands): Ah, Midshipman Frame at last!

FRAME: Uh, but... but the Host!

DOCTOR: Controller d*ad they divert to the next highest authority and that's me.

FRAME: There's nothing we can do. There's no power. The ship's gonna fall.

Exterior sh*t.

COMPUTER: Titanic falling.

DOCTOR (takes wheel): What's your first name?

FRAME: Alonzo.

DOCTOR (looks at him surprised): You're kidding me.

FRAME (puzzled): What?

DOCTOR: That's something else I've always wanted to say. Allons-y Alonzo! Whoa!

The ship lurches dramatically as the Doctor tries to steer. They fall straight towards Earth's atmosphere and Frame screams. Outside, the Titanic begins to burn on entry. The Doctor fights the wheel.

In Reception, Mr Copper and Rickston cling to the furniture.

An alarm sounds on the bridge and the Doctor uses his foot to check. The computer shows the impact zone to be somewhere in London.

DOCTOR (sighs): Ah. (uses the comms to "dial out"). Hello, yes, um... could you get me Buckingham Palace?

NEWSCASTER: And as dawn rises over Great Britain, it seems that this year the city of London has escaped alien intervention. (vo.) The Queen has remained in residence in defiance of extraterrestrial att*ck.

DOCTOR: Listen to me! Security Code 771! Now get out of there!

The Queen rushes down a red-carpeted hallway, hair in curlers and wearing a dressing gown. A footman is carrying a corgi.

FOOTMAN: Open the door!

Wilf steps out of his kiosk and looks up at the sky.

WILF: Don't you dare, you aliens! Don't you dare!

COMPUTER: Engine active. Engine active.

The Doctor pulls back on the wheel sending Frame back against the wall. Straining and bent over backwards, the Doctor regains control. The ship barely misses Buckingham Palace. At the wheel, the Doctor gasps, unable to believe his luck.

In Reception, Mr Copper holds onto Rickston.

Outside Buckingham Palace, the Queen waves at the passing ship.

QUEEN: Thank you, Doctor! Thank you. Happy Christmas!

Once out of danger, the Doctor begins to enjoy steering and laughs.

In Reception, both Rickston and Mr Copper realize how close it was.

RICKSTON: Yes, oh yes.

Hugs Mr Copper.

Frame rings the ship's bell. Whoo-hoo! 

DOCTOR: Whoo-hoo-hoo!

The framed picture pf Capricorn sparks and falls to the floor. Sometime later, Frame is sitting on the floor and the Doctor joins him.

DOCTOR: Used the heat of re-entry to f*re up the secondary storm drive. Unsinkable, that's me.

FRAME: We made it.

DOCTOR: Not all of us. (pause). Teleport! (gets up). She was wearing a teleport bracelet!

Rushes out the door. Frame follows. The Doctor runs into Reception, his hand out.

DOCTOR: Rickston! Sonic! (Rickston throws it and he catches it). Mr Copper, the teleports, have they got emergency settings?

COPPER: I don't know. They should have.

DOCTOR: She fell, Mr Copper. She fell. What's the emergency code?

COPPER: Uh, let me see...

FRAME: What the hell are you doing?

DOCTOR: We can bring her back.

Begins to work on the teleport.

COPPER: If a passenger has an accident on shore leave and they're still wearing their teleport, their molecules are automatically suspended and held in stasis so that we can just trigger the shift.

DOCTOR (finishes): There!

Stands and turns around. A glowing, transparent Astrid appears.

ASTRID: I'm falling.

DOCTOR: Only halfway there. Come on.

Adjusts inner workings of the teleport.

ASTRID: I keep falling.

DOCTOR: Feed back the molecule grid, boost it with the restoration matrix. (teleport sparks). No, no, no, no! Need more phase containment.

COPPER: Doctor...

DOCTOR: No! If I can just link up the surface suspension...

COPPER: Doctor, she's gone.

DOCTOR: I just need to override the safety. I can do it.

COPPER: Doctor, let her go.

The Doctor turns to face Astrid's ghost-like figure. He kicks the teleport in frustration.

DOCTOR: I can do anything!

ASTRID: Stop me falling.

The Doctor walks towards her while the others watch. Mr Copper stands beside him.

COPPER: There's no enough left. The system was too badly damaged. She's just atoms, Doctor. An echo with the ghost of consciousness. She's stardust.

DOCTOR (walks closer): Astrid Peth... citizen of Sto... the woman who looked at the stars and dreamt of travelling. There's an old tradition. (leans down and kisses her). Now you can travel forever. (opens a window behind her with the sonic screwdriver and she turns into motes of light). You're not falling, Astrid, you're flying.

The lights go out the window leaving the Doctor, Rickston, Mr Copper and Frame. Exterior sh*t of the Titanic over Earth. In Reception, Frame updates the others.

FRAME: The engines have s*ab. We're holding steady till we get help and I've sent the SOS. A rescue ship should be here within twenty minutes. And they're digging out the records of Max Capricorn. It should be quite a story.

COPPER: They'll want to talk to all of us, I suppose.

FRAME: I'd have thought so, yeah.

Mr Copper wanders over to the Doctor who is staring straight ahead, his face expressionless.

COPPER: I think, uh, one or two inconvenient truths might come to light. Still, it's my own fault, and then years in jail is better than dying.

RICKSTON (comes over): Doctor... I never said... thank you. (hugs him). The funny thing is... I said Max Capricorn was falling apart. Just before the crash, I... sold all my shares, transferred them to his rivals. It's made me rich. What do you think of that?

The Doctor's look at this comment seems to say "How can you still be thinking of money after what just happened?" Rickston's vone rings.

RICKSTON: Salvain? Those shares, I want them triple-bonded and locked.

Voice fades as he walks away.

COPPER: Of all the people to survive, he's not the one you would have chosen, is he? But if you could choose, Doctor, if you decide who lives and who dies... (shrugs) that would make you a monster.

The Doctor looks at Mr Copper, curious at the insight.

DOCTOR (sighs): Mr Copper... (turns to teleport and takes two bracelets). I think you deserve one of these.

Mr Copper smiles and puts on a bracelet. Frame sees and mouths "Hey" as he stands. Mr Copper chuckles and the Doctor starts the machine. Before they disappear, Frame salutes and the Doctor salutes back, forefinger to the forehead.

* * *

Somewhere in an open space in London the TARDIS is waiting. The Doctor and Mr Copper walk across in what appears to be falling snow.

COPPER: So, Great Britain is part of, uh, "Europee" and just across the British Channel you've got Great France and Great Germany.

DOCTOR: No, no, it's just... it's just France and Germany. Only Britain is great.

COPPER: Oh, and they're all at w*r with the continent of Ham-erica?

DOCTOR: No, well... not yet, uh... could argue that one. (arrives at the TARDIS). There she is. (pats it). Survive anything.

COPPER: You know, between you and me, I don't even thing this snow is real. I think this is the ballast from the Titanic's salvage entering the atmosphere.

DOCTOR (looking up): Yeah. One of these days it might snow for real.

COPPER: So, I- I suppose you'll be off.

DOCTOR: The open sky.

COPPER: And, uh, what about me?

DOCTOR: I travel alone. It's best that way.

COPPER: What- what am I supposed to do?

DOCTOR: Give me that credit card.

COPPER (hands it over): Well, it's just petty cash, spending money. It's all done by computer. I... I didn't really know the currency so I thought a million might cover it.

DOCTOR: A million? Pounds?

COPPER: That enough for trinkets?

DOCTOR: Mr Copper, a million pounds is worth 50 million credits.

COPPER: How much?

DOCTOR (ment*lly calculating): 50 million and 56.

COPPER: I... I've got money!

DOCTOR: Yes, you have.

Hands back card.

COPPER: Oh my word. Oh my vot! Oh my goodness me! I... Ya-ha!

DOCTOR: It's all yours Planet Earth. Now that's a retirement plan. But just you be careful, though.

COPPER: I will. I will. Oh, I will.

DOCTOR: No interfering. I don't want any trouble. Just... just have a nice life.

COPPER: But I can have a house, a proper house, with a garden, and-and a door, and... Oh, Doctor, I will made you proud. (hugs the Doctor). And- and I can have a kitchen with chairs, and windows, and lace...

Skips off laughing.

DOCTOR (pauses unlocking the TARDIS): Um, where are you going?

COPPER (chuckles): Why, I have no idea!

DOCTOR: No, me neither.

Unlocks TARDIS.

COPPER: But, Doctor... I won't forget her.

At the door, the Doctor nods, looks up at the sky and sees a blue streak of light zigzag across. He looks back at Mr Copper skipping away.

DOCTOR: Merry Christmas, Mr Copper.

Steps inside and the TARDIS dematerialises.

END

In memory of Verity Lambert (1935 - 2007).
{"type": "series", "show": "Doctor Who Special", "episode": "2007-12-25 - Voyage of the Damned"}