Rosa: Hey, everybody.  

I got your text.

What's the big emergency?  

Jake: We need to talk about

Captain Holt's love life.  

Rosa [ groans]

Jake; Come on,  

you've missed being dragged  

into your coworkers'

personal lives, admit it.  

Rosa: It's true, I have. What's going on?  

Jake: Captain Holt is in pain,

and we need to help him  

- get back together with Kevin.

Amy: No, we don't.   

Holt is a very private person.

We shouldn't get involved.   

Jake: Okay, you guys probably

don't know this,   

but my parents got divorced

when I was a kid,   

and it really messed me up.   

All: Yeah, we know.

- Oh, my God.   

Jake: What, do I talk about it a lot?   

It doesn't matter. The point is,   

we can't let that happen

to Daddy Holt and Daddy Kevin.   

Rosa: So we're just dispensing

with subtext now?   

Jake: Yes, this workplace is

my family... was that not clear?   

Holt is my dad,

you're my mean older sister,   

Amy's my mom.   

Amy: What?

Jake: What did I say?   

Amy: You said, "Amy is my mom."

Jake: Nobody said anything!   

We don't have time for this, Amy.   

Now, who's gonna help me

Parent Trap Holt and Kevin?   

Seriously?   

Nobody's on board with my scheme?   

Is it because I called it a scheme?   

I can say something different.   

Nobody's on board with my stratagem?   

Amy:  No.

Sculls: Sorry, Jakey.   

Amy; Look, Holt just needs us

to be there for him.   

Help him take his mind off of Kevin.   

Terry: He's always inviting us

to his lake house   

to go bird watching, but we never do it   

because it's, you know, birdwatching.   

- We could finally go.

Amy; He would love that.   

Jake: Wow, s*ab in the back by my own mom.   

Amy: What?

Jake: Wife! I said wife!   

Why do you keep not hearing me?   

Whatever! Let's just do Terry's plan.   

[upbeat music] 

♪ 

Jake: You know, I thought it over,   

and I gotta hand it to you guys:   

this trip is actually

a really great idea.   

Terry: This is surprising.   

You're usually a lot more petulant   

when we don't go along

with your schemes.   

Jake: Stratagems.

And I've grown up a lot, Terry.   

Terry: Uh, you do know   

there's no phone reception

at the lake house.   

Jake: No!   

How am I gonna catch Pokémon?

It doesn't matter.   

It's a community event weekend, so...   

Rosa: Hey.

Amy: Hey!   

Rosa: How long is the drive up there?   

I wanna time my edible   

so it kicks in right when we arrive.   

- What?

Amy: Nothing.   

It's cool. I'm not gonna tell anybody.   

I'm not a narc.   

Rosa: All right, you can tell people.   

Amy: Good, because I'm a narc.

Rosa: I'm not a cop anymore,   

and I have a prescription

for anxiety, so it's legal.   

It'll be good for when

all the drama starts.   

Amy: Why do you think

there's gonna be drama?   

Rosa: Oh, no, you're right. Whenever we go on   

one of these group trips

everything's totally normal   

and there's never any big conflict.   

Anyway, I'm just gonna pop one

of these right now   

- for no reason.

Amy: I'm not looking.   

[light music] 

Holt: Welcome to the Lake House.   

Terry; Where's the lake?

I didn't see it on the way in.   

Holt: That's because there's no lake up here.   

Terry: But you said it was a lake house.   

Holt: No, we called it The Lake House.   

It was once owned by Kirsopp Lake,   

the scholar of textual

criticism who wrote   

"Dated Greek Manuscripts

to the Year 1200     ."   

Jake: Yeah, Terry, it's obviously

named after Kirsopp Lake.   

No one else was confused about that.   

Hey, I'm gonna take Mac in,   

and then I'll come back for the stuff.   

Amy: Okay.

Jake: Yeah.   

Amy: Let's see, Pack 'n Play, baby monitor,   

white noise machine, sleep sack...   

Boyle: Whoa, that's a lot of gear.   

Amy: Yeah, it's our first time

away from home with him,   

and he's such a terrible sleeper.   

Boyle: Well, at least you're doing

the smart thing   

and asking for my help.   

Amy: That is not what's happening.

Boyle: Oh, I'm an expert, Amy.   

I basically raised

ten nieces and nephews.   

I've done it all:

bottled, swaddled, and coddled.   

Let's just say   

you're definitely gonna want

my nip tips.    

Tips that nip a problem in the bud.    

Amy: Why don't you just say tips?    

Boyle: Just the tips. Interesting.    

Amy: Oh, come on, man.    

Scully: Oh, hey, Captain Holt,

do you have the Wi-Fi network?    

I need to Facetime with Hitchcock.    

Holt: Oh, there's no internet

at the Lake House.    

Scully: Then I'm alone.

Terry: We're all here.    

Scully: So you'll do the   64-round tournament    

Hitchcock and I designed to determine    

the best flavor of potato chip?    

Holt: No, that sounds like hell.    

 Now, let me give you all a tour.    

This is the sitting room.    

We considered referring to it

as a living room,    

but decided against it.    

Jake: Fascinating!    

Holt: This is the TV room.    

Or it was before we got rid of the TV.    

Now it is also a sitting room.    

Jake: Two sitting rooms?    

Holt: Now this... this is why

we bought the place.    

The master sitting room.    

Jake: Wow, look at all this seating!    

Terry: Jake, can I talk to you for a second?    

What's going on? There is no way    

you are this enthusiastic

about too many sitting rooms    

and lake houses

that aren't lake houses.    

Jake: I'm just trying to be there

for Captain Holt.    

I understand that the weekend's

not about me.    

Terry: Nope. You're up to something.    

Jake: I'm up to nothing, Terrence,    

and frankly,

I resent the implication...    

Kevin: Hello?    

Jake: Okay, I'm up to something, Terrence.    

Kevin: Hello?    

Jake: I messed with Holt and

Kevin's shared calendar.    

You know me so well!    

Jake: Oh, Kevin, what a surprise!    

Kevin: Why are you all in my house?    

Jake: Raymond?    

Holt: Kevin? What are you doing here?    

[laughing]    

Rosa: Ha, my edibles just kicked in.    

[laughing]    

Jake: What did Kevin say? Is everything okay?    

Holt: No.    

We just had a knock-down,

drag-out fight.    

My calendar had the Lake House as free.    

Kevin; Strange, Mine had it as unoccupied.    

Holt : Well, it seems we're at an impasse.    

Kevin : I would call it more of a deadlock.    

Holt: He gets in such good zingers.    

He's tired from driving,    

so he's staying the night

and going back in the morning.    

Jake: Well, that could be good.    

Maybe you guys can spend

some time together.    

Holt: We've agreed to keep our distance    

and issue a verbal warning    

anytime one of us

is about to enter the room.    

Raymond Holt entering the kitchen!    

Amy: Jake, this is bad.    

Holt: Raymond Holt entering

the second sitting room.    

Jake: Okay, just give it a sh*t.    

They're already separated,

it can't get any worse.    

Rosa: It's a really good point.

Jake: Thank you, Rosa.    

Amy: She's high as hell.    

Rosa: That's also a really good point.    

Jake: Damn it, Rosa!    

Charles, what about you?

You're my best friend.    

You support me in everything I do.    

Boyle: Oh, maybe the fact

that I'm not on board    

is a sign that it's a really bad idea.    

Jake: No, you've changed somehow,

that's the only explanation.    

Guys, come on,

I've got a great plan here.    

- No one wants in?

Terry:  Absolutely not!    

_    

Terry: Tell me the plan. I want in.    

Jake: What? You do?    

Terry: Yeah. Terry loves love.    

Jake: Then why didn't you

back me up in there?    

Terry: Because Terry also loves hedging.    

Jake: Terry loves hedging? That's new.    

Terry: No, it's classic Terry.    

Look, I always play both sides

till the last possible minute,    

everyone knows that.    

Jake: That's not fair.

Everyone's so hard on me.    

I want a public show of support

for my plan.    

Terry: Can't do it. Look, I don't know    

what's so tough for you

to understand here.    

I love the scheme,

I wanna be a part of it,    

but I think it's gonna fail,    

and I don't want people

to think I was a part of it.    

Jake: Fine, I'll take what I can get.    

Terry: Yes!    

Amy: Damn it, these blackout curtains    

don't keep the light out. Ugh!    

You screwed me on this,

Shannon from Buy Buy Baby!    

Boyle: You know, Amy,

Mac's issues with sleeping    

might not be the light in the room,    

it might be the darkness in your heart.    

Amy: Excuse me?

Boyle: Sorry, that was mean.    

I was trying to be poetic.    

It's important to be mindful    

of your energy

when you're with an infant.    

Trust me, I'm sort of a natural mother.    

Amy: Yeah, natural mother[bleep].    

Rosa [laughs]    

Amy: How long have you been there?    

Rosa: Oh, man, I have no idea.    

Jake: Hey, were you followed?

Terry: Nope.    

I promise, they have no idea

I'm working with you.    

Boyle: Terry, have you seen Jake?    

Terry: Uh, no.    

That idiot's probably off

working his dumb plan.    

He's so stupid.    

You know, the only reason

Holt and I haven't fired him    

is that we're worried

that he'll k*ll himself.    

Jake: Seems a little excessive.

Terry: I told you.    

I don't wanna be tied to this plan.    

Look, I'm out on a ledge for you,    

and Terry hates ledges.    

Jake: Wait, so you love hedges

but hate ledges?    

You're just making this up as you go.    

Terry: No, I'm not. Name one time    

you've ever seen me

happy out on a ledge.    

Jake: I can't think of an example

on the spot...    

Terry: Because Terry hates ledges.    

- Now, come on, tell me the plan.

Jake: Fine.    

Step one was getting them

here together.    

Step two, reignite the passion.    

You'll handle Captain Holt. 

Terry: Sir, you have something on your pants.    

Holt; Huh, I've sat in some sap, like a sap.    

Terry: At least you have

a sense of humor about it.    

Holt: Not intentionally. I was upset    

and stumbled into accidental wordplay.    

Jake: Meanwhile, I will take care of Kevin.[/i]    

Kevin: Kevin Cozner, entering the kitchen.    

Jake: Oh, hey there, Kev.    

I was just grabbing a bite to eat.    

- Can I offer you something?

Kevin: Well, I shouldn't,    

but today's been a fiasco,

so what the hell.    

I'll have a snack of some water.    

Jake: What Kevin won't know[/i]    

is that he will be drinking

from a dribble cup. 

Kevin: Oh, dear.    

Jake: And you said I was crazy to buy stock    

in Spencer's Gifts.    

Terry: How does you buying one novelty cup    

help the company's stock price?    

Jake: It boosts confidence in the marketplace.    

You just don't know anything

about business, Terry!    

Terry: Okay, so we've ruined their outfits.    

Why will that "reignite the passion"?    

Jake: Because it will force them to change    

into clothes which I will have

carefully placed 

at the top of their suitcases. 

Thus changing them both

into a couple of thirst traps.    

Kevin: Kevin Cozner, preparing to

descend the master stairca...    

Holt: Oh, I see you've changed

into your... mock turtleneck.    

Kevin: And you into your... exercise shorts.    

Terry: I feel dirty. You feel dirty?    

Jake: I do. And I love it.    

[baby crying]    

Scully: Oh, hey, Amy. Starting round three.    

You wanna try New Mexico-style

Chile Verde?    

Amy: Uh, my hands are kind

of full here, Scully.    

Scully:  I can toss it to you.

Mac: Wha...    

Amy: Scully, don't throw chips at my baby!    

Gosh. [sighs]    

Ugh. Shh, shh, shh.    

[sighs] I can't believe

what I'm about to do.    

- Charles, I need your help.

Boyle: I'm not gonna gloat.    

I'm just happy

he's getting the care he needs.    

Amy: Okay, you might wanna be

a little less cocky    

until after you actually get him down.    

Because, you know,

some babies are just fussy    

and there's nothing that anyone can...    

Oh, my God, is he asleep?    

Boyle: [whispering] So can I be cocky now?    

Jake: Step three: a romantic picnic.    

The perfect gill net

for our trout to swim into.    

Terry:  Huh?

Jake: Sorry.    

I've been watching that

survivalist show "Alone."    

It's really helped with my metaphors.    

Terry: You think they'll agree

to have a picnic?    

They won't even be

in the same room together.    

Jake: It's not like we have

an unbaited gill net, Terry.    

What's your plan? Forage for berries?    

Jake [laughs] You wouldn't last

two days in the Arctic, man.    

Terry: What are we doing now?    

Jake: We're getting Holt and Kevin

back together!    

Now for Operation Corn Crake.    

Hey, Kevin, I have a question.    

Terry; Is the corn crake an important bird?    

Kevin: Yes.    

: They're among the rarest species    

in the northeastern United States.    

Holt: A veritable holy grail    

within the bird watching community.    

BOTH: Oh, wow!    

Jake: I only ask because...    

Terry: I read that one was spotted    

in the woods near here.    

BOTH: Grab your binoculars.

We're going birding.    

Jake: Yeah, we are.    

Kevin: We're pretty far north

for a corn crake.    

Where did you hear of this sighting?    

Jake: Oh, on the birdwatching app    

that Captain Holt

recommended I download.    

You know how he is about birding.    

I guess you guys have that

in common, huh?    

Kevin: Hardly... Raymond is an

adequate birdwatcher at best.    

He once confused a pileated woodpecker    

with a downy woodpecker.    

Jake: Yeah.    

Pileated bootdecker

and a pileated jecker.    

Holt: Huh.    

Holt: [sighs] It's nowhere.    

Terry: Uh, maybe you could flush out

the corn crake    

by doing its mating call?    

Holt: I don't know why a corn crake

would make such a call    

three months after its rooting season,    

but I suppose it can't hurt to try.    

[imitates bird squawking]    

Kevin: Hold on. That call.    

That's the call a corn crake

makes when it wants to root.    

I'll respond. [clears throat]    

[imitates bird call]    

[imitates bird call]    

This way.    

[light music] 

[whispering]

Boyle: Oh, and do you need the shades?    

No, you don't,

'cause you're already asleep.    

Amy: He forgot the sleep sack!

And Mac doesn't even care!    

I can't watch this.    

[whispering] Yes! Wow!    

[quirky music] 

♪ 

Uh... oh, no, no, no, no.    

Oh!    

I think I just locked Mac in his room.    

- What do I do?

Rosa: Oh, sorry, man.    

I think the second edible

just kicked in.    

This is a little too much for me.    

Also, this is not the vibe

I was looking for.    

Boyle: No, no, no, Ro-ro, Ro-ro.    

I need your help.    

Rosa: No, no, no. Adios, amigo.    

[huffs]    

[imitates bird call]    

Kevin: Oh. You are not a corn crake.    

But you heard the call?    

Kevin: Yes, it was... majestic.    

Jake: Well, look what we caught

in our gill net,    

a couple of fresh, fatty trout.    

That'll last us the next five days.    

More if we eat the egg sac.    

Terry: Jake, the picnic.    

It attracted bees!    

Jake: Ack. Oh.    

Oh, God, they're everywhere!    

[screams] Get away!    

Quick, everyone form a wall around me!    

Kevin: Peralta.

Jake: I'm sorry, Kevin.    

It's just I'm very allergic.    

If I get stung,

I have a terrible reaction.    

Kevin: Kind of like this?

Jake: Oh, my...    

No, that's much worse,

I just get a scratchy throat.    

Why didn't you cower behind someone?    

All right, we should be good.    

I think the swarm is gone.    

Kevin: I think I was only stung once.    

How do I look?    

Jake: Good, good, very good.

Terry: Normal, very normal.    

Holt: Stop it.    

Kevin doesn't like to be lied to.    

- You're disgusting to look at.

Kevin: Thank you, Raymond.    

I have an EpiPen back at the house.    

Would you call someone

to have them bring it?    

Terry: There's no reception.

I'll just run back.    

I haven't done cardio in 20 years.    

How hard can it be?    

It's immediately awful!    

Jake: Here, while we wait,

you could try putting this    

chilled bottle of champagne

against your eyes.    

- It might help.

Holt: Peralta, why is there    

a romantic picnic sitting

in this remote clearing?    

You set this whole thing up,

didn't you?    

Jake: Nuh-uh.

Holt: You've manipulated us    

into spending time together.    

Jake: Nuh-uh.    

Holt: Is that your entire defense? "Nuh-uh"?    

Jake: Uh-huh.    

Okay, fine, all right? Yes.    

But only because I care about you.    

And by the way, you should really make    

your shared calendar

less easy to access.    

Holt: You got into our calendar?

Jake: Yeah, you already knew that.    

You said I set the whole thing up.    

Holt: I was talking about the picnic.    

What were you talking about?    

Jake: Nuh-uh.    

Kevin: You tricked us into coming    

to the Lake House at the same time.    

You did a "Das Doppelte Lottchen."    

Jake: What? I don't know what that is.    

Holt "Das Doppelte Lottchen"!

Jake: I'm only half.    

Holt: It's a German novel

about a set of twins    

who try to reunite

their estranged parents.    

Jake: That's the "Parent Trap"!    

I knew my stratagem had classy origins.    

Holt: Peralta, this is my personal life.    

You've crossed a line.    

- I'm leaving.

Kevin : So am I.    

Jake: Oh, no, wait, Kevin...

- [grunts]    

Boyle: Are there tools in here?

You see a saw anywhere?    

Rosa: I told you to stay away, Charles.    

I'm not into your energy.    

Boyle: Amy!    

Hi! Hi, Amy!    

Amy: Hi.    

Look, I just wanted to say thank you    

for getting Mac to sleep.    

I was being really stubborn earlier,    

and I guess what I'm trying to say    

is can I please have your nip tips?    

Boyle: You don't want my nip tips,

those crusty old things.    

Rosa: Oh, God, I can't be here for this.    

Oh, my mouth is so dry. It's all bad.    

Amy: What's all bad?

Rosa: I can't tell you, Amy.    

What can't you tell me?    

Rosa: It's too real. I need to leave.    

Damn it, I was looking

for somewhere to be alone.    

Scully: Sorry, I came out here

looking for a signal    

to call Hitchcock, but no luck.    

I can take my chips and go.    

Rosa: Wait, you have chips?    

- You could stay.

Scully; Oh.    

Jake: So we got off to a bad start

there with the bees    

and Kevin rolling down the hill,    

and then, of course,

the second swarm of bees,    

but we're good now, right?    

Can you guys hear me?    

You keep moving away from me

for some reason.    

Kevin: Ugh, I wish a bee would sting

me in both ears right now    

so they'd seal shut as well.    

Jake: What was that? I couldn't hear you!    

I'll just assume you said,

"Keep going."    

Anyways, yeah, I just figured    

if I could get you guys together,    

I could create a magical moment.    

But of course, we now know

that magic doesn't exist.    

Holt: Shh!    

It's a corn crake.    

Kevin Oh, no, I can't believe it.    

I finally spot a corn crake,

and my eyes are swollen shut.    

Jake: It's okay, Kevin.

I'll describe it to you.    

Okay, have you ever seen a duck?    

Holt: Peralta, I got this.

- Oh, okay.    

The beak color is Pantone  46 85 C.    

Kevin: Mm.    

The wing is Pantone 2322  C

spotted with  4515 C.    

Kevin: Ooh.    

Holt: The tail is Pantone 7525    C

with bands of  419  C.    

Kevin: Oh, my, my.    

Holt: Oh, Kevin, the throat...    

Pantone   7528 C.    

Kevin: Oh, Raymond.    

Jake: Those are some hot Pantones.    

Rosa: Okay, Barbecue.

- Mm-hmm.    

Rosa: Sweet Maui Onion,    

and the surprising underdog, Original.    

Scully; I think I'm ready to crown a Chipeon.    

Rosa: Chipeon? That's good.    

Scully; Yeah, I came up with it

because I misspoke.    

[laughing]    

[laughs]    

Amy: [sighs] Can I join you?    

Mac's never been asleep this long,    

and I don't know

what to do with myself.    

Rosa: Charles locked your kid in the room.    

Amy: What?

Rosa: You made me say it.    

If I didn't, you would've

stayed here and ruined this    

good thing I got going

with Scully and his chips.    

Amy: Wait, Mac is locked in a room?    

Rosa: Oh, my...    

Amy : Charles!

Boyle: Amy!    

I was just doing a little handiwork,    

you know, fixing up the old house.    

Amy: I know you locked my son in there.    

Boyle: I'm sorry. I tried everything.    

Maybe he'll be happy

growing up in that room.    

Amy: Oh, shut up, Charles!    

I'll get him out. Move.    

Boyle: I'm telling you, it's impossible.    

Amy: Not for his mother.    

[screams, grunts]    

[baby crying]    

Boyle: Wow!    

Terry: Sorry that took me so long.    

I cramped up halfway and then

crawled for a little while.    

Maybe I should think

about slimming down.    

Jake: No, it's actually good

you didn't make it back.    

Terry: Oh, thank you for saying that.    

Look, I can't change my body,

it defines me.    

Jake: No, no, no, we really saw a corn crake.    

Holt had to describe it to Kevin,    

and now he's leading him,

by the hand, out of the woods.    

The Parent Trap worked!

I can't wait to tell the squad.    

Terry: Wait, wait, let me give Kevin

the EpiPen,    

and then we can tell them together.    

Jake: Okay, whoa, whoa.

Pump the brakes there, Sonic.    

Terry: What?

Jake: Sonic the Hedgehog.    

You've been hogging that hedge

while I was out on a ledge.    

No, you didn't have to deal with anyone    

saying it was a bad idea,    

so you don't get the credit either.    

This was  100 % all me, Dr. Robotnik.    

Terry: Who?

Jake: Sonic's archnemesis!    

You never played a video game

or watched a movie, Terry?    

Get a life, dude!    

They were being

so sweet with each other    

and holding hands, it was amazing.    

They're totally back in love.    

Holt: Peralta, I need to ask you something.    

Jake: Let me guess. Will I be the best man    

at a last-minute vow renewal

ceremony that will serve    

as an emotional capper

to this magical weekend?    

Holt: No, I need you to move your car.    

Kevin has decided to leave immediately.    

Kevin: Kevin Cozner leaving the Lake House.    

[light music] 

♪ 

Terry: This was  100 % all Jake.    

Jake: Oh, Terry.    

Boyle: Amy, will you please pass

the mini crab cakes?    

Amy: Are you sure you can be trusted    

with something so small and delicate?    

Boyle: I can tell you're upset,

but you should know    

that I was locked in a room

for  16 days as a child,    

and I turned out just fine.    

Amy: No, you didn't. You're a freak!    

Jake: Okay, I'm staying out of this one.    

Holt: Shocking... I didn't realize

you were capable    

of staying out of anything.    

Scully: We have an announcement.    

We're here to crown the winner

of this year's    

Great Tournament of Chips. Rosa?    

Rosa: The Chipeon is... Smoky Bacon Chicken.    

Amy: She's so high.

Jake: Yeah.    

Sounds pretty good, though.    

Rosa: Ugh, you guys are duds.

Scully and I are gonna bounce.    

Jake: Oh, sir, that's a dribble cup.    

You're dripping on yourself.    

Holt: Am I?    

Jake: Okay. Look, I'm really sorry.    

Holt: No need to apologize.    

Your Das Doppelte Lottchen

scheme worked.    

You manufactured

a perfect romantic moment,    

and I allowed myself to imagine,

as Kevin held my hand,    

that he still felt something for me.    

When we came back,

I walked him to his room,    

and just as I was working up

the courage to ask him to stay,    

he said    

we shouldn't spend

any more time together.    

Well, at least now I know

that my marriage is over.    

So thank you, Peralta.    

Raymond Holt leaving the living room.    

[light music] 

Jake: Hey, crazy what a good mood Mac is in.    

Amy: You mean given the fact that    

he was locked in a prison by Charles?    

Jake: How long did he sleep?    

Amy: You mean before he was

rescued from the prison    

he was locked in by Charles?    

Jake: I guess.    

Amy: Three hours.    

Jake: Whoa. What did Charles do?    

Amy: You mean besides...

- BOTH: Locking him in a prison.    

Jake: Got it. I'll stop asking.    

Well, whatever he did,    

- I'm loving his mood.

Amy: Whatever.    

Jake:I still can't believe

my scheme didn't work.    

I mean, we saw a corn crake

and everything.    

Amy: I know. What are the odds?    

Jake: Right? I have to say,    

I don't see what the big deal

is all about.    

This is what they actually look like.    

Amy: Oh, that is not an attractive bird.    

Jake: I know! It's like a dumb duck!    

And this is what its call sounds like.    

[bird calling] 

Amy: Oh, it's horrible!

It sounds like a Taser.    

Jake: No. It's wonderful.    

I have to go!    

Sir?    

Holt: What are you doing here, Peralta?    

Jake: I wanna prove to you

that you're wrong to think    

that Kevin doesn't have

feelings for you anymore.    

Holt: Okay. What is he doing here?    

Jake: Oh, I wanna prove to him    

that he was wrong for hedging all day.    

But that's our own separate

thing, so you can ignore it.    

Sir, listen.

I think Kevin wanted to stay.    

The only reason he left    

is 'cause he didn't know how you felt.    

Holt: Why would you think that?

He's made no effort whatsoever.    

Jake: Or has he? Did you know that    

Kevin is better at bird calls than you?    

Holt: Oh, a strange, hurtful non sequitur.    

Jake: Now, who made

the first corn crake call?    

Holt: I believe I did.

Jake: Correct.    

Kevin and I heard you,

and he responded.    

But get this, sir.

You made the wrong call.    

This is what a rooting

corn crake sounds like.    

[bird calling] 

Jake: The call you made

was for a scarlet warbler.    

- A trash bird.

Holt: Okay, so you made your point.    

I'm a trash man

who only knows trash birds.    

Jake: No, that is not my point.    

My point is, Kevin knew

it wasn't a corn crake,    

but he went to it anyway.    

Terry: Because he was going to you,

not the bird!    

He still loves you! Our plan worked!    

Jake: Our plan?

Terry: Yeah!    

 Terry is off the hedge

and on the ledge!    

Holt: Well, that means a lot,

coming from you Jeffords,    

given how much you hate ledges.    

Jake: People don't know

about Terry hating ledges!    

This is new!    

Boyle: Hey, Amy, I wanted to give you this.    

I made Mac a truffle squash puree.    

I'm not trying to show you

how to do anything,    

I'm just trying to apologize.    

Amy: It's okay, Charles.    

I actually learned something

from you yesterday.    

Mac has trouble sleeping

because I bother him too much.    

When he was locked in that room

no one could check on him,    

and it was the longest nap

he's ever taken.    

So thank you for the mousse.    

Boyle: I can't believe you actually took it.    

Amy: Of course I took it.    

You locked my baby in a room, Charles.    

You're gonna be cooking for him

until he goes to college, okay?    

Boyle: Okay.

Amy: Great, thanks.    

Jake: How's it going, sir? You look chipper.    

Holt: Yes, well, I called Kevin and told him    

I still have feelings for him,

and he said he felt the same.    

So we begin

couples counseling next week.    

Terry: That's great, sir. I'm so glad.    

Looks like Captain Holt caught

a fatty trout in his gill net.    

Jake: You watched "Alone"?

Terry: Every single episode.    

Terry has not slept!    

Scully: Hey, Rosa, you wanna take

a couple days off,    

drive to Buffalo, see the warehouse    

where Sweet Maui Onion chips

are imported to?    

Unless you don't wanna hang out    

'cause you're not stoned anymore.    

Rosa: Actually, Buffalo sounds kind of cool.    

Scully: Seriously?    

That's just not the weed talking?    

Rosa: Oh, no, I'm not high at all anymore.    

Oh, no, I was so high.    

Scully: Good news. While you were asleep,    

we finally got cell reception.    

Hitchcock: What's up, cucks?[/i]    

So how did everybody lose their V-card? 

I'll go first. 

Rosa: Amy was right. Drugs are bad.
{"type": "series", "show": "Brooklyn Nine-Nine", "episode": "08x02 - The Lake House"}