Original Air Date on April 23rd, 2009

This still needs final proofreading

Previously on "Smallville" ... 

Clark Kent, the unassuming journalist ... steps out of the shadow into his red and blue, creating two completely separate identities?

Doctor: No more than three tablets a day. They can be highly addictive.

And you're sure this is it.

This is where I belong.

Watchtower is officially online.

Davis: There is something about being around you that seems to calm the m*rder inside. I want you to stay with me.

Lois: Without a doubt, I'm officially a true believer in this red-and-blue superdude. I won't stop until I land the first worldwide interview.

Clark: Good luck with that.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Man: If you're not a member of the press society, you won't be on my list.

Lois: Check again. "Lois Lane." I've written a hundred stories for the Daily Planet. I'm sure you've heard of it.

Man: It I've heard of. You ... not so much. Again, I'm sorry.

Lois: Thank you. Okay, obviously there's been some sort of mistake. It's not like I squeezed into five-inch booted heels for my health.

Man: Miss lane, there's simply nothing I can do.

Lois: Actually, there is. You can tell Edward R. Murrow that he can kiss this cub reporter's sweet little ass.

Chloe: Lois!

Lois: [ Sighs ] Chloe, thanks for coming. The gargoyle at the gate was letting in everyone but me.

Chloe: Come on. My car's parked around the corner.

Lois: [ Sighs ] That was the event for journalistic achievement, and Lois Lane isn't even a "plus one."

Chloe: Lois, you're an amazing reporter.

Lois: Uh, correction ... was an amazing reporter. You're only as good as your last story, and I wrote mine so long ago it was practically with a feather pen. I need that news splash ... the pregnant man or an impeached president ... or, better yet, a rendezvous with a superhero.

Chloe: I thought you gave up on the costumed crusaders after The Red-Blue Blur ignored your open letter begging for an interview.

Lois: Can you blame the guy? What was I thinking? If you want your first interview with a rock star, you don't start with Springsteen.

Chloe: [ Chuckles ] I had idea you we such a groupie of the red, bold, and blue.

Lois: Well, who isn't? The man has reinvented the American hero. Think about it. He saves people. He's mysterious, completely unavailable. What part of that doesn't scream "Lois Lane"?!

Chloe: God, you seriously have a crush on him, don't you?

Lois: I respect his heroism, professionally. But even when I did lower the bar and tried to slum a Green Arrow interview, it turns out Mr. Emerald Chaps is another closet case when it comes to publicity.

Chloe: Lois, they wear costumes because they don't want publicity. Now, hurry up. I'm parked illegally.

Lois: Ugh. Hold on. These heels are silent K*llers.

[ Inhales sharply ]

Chloe: No!

[ Man grunts ]

Man: Just give me the keys.

[ Grunts ] Ugh! Ohh!

[ Engine turns over ]

[ Tires screech ]

This one's for your friend. Ohh, g ...

[ Breathing heavily ]

Man: Who the hell are you, some sort of superhero?

Lois: You bet I am. Call me Stiletto.

Chloe: I know, Davis. I was sidetracked. I'll be home in like 20 minutes. You're still in the basement, right?

Doctor: Miss Sullivan? You took a pretty hard h*t to the head. You should stick around for observation.

Chloe: I'm fine, thanks.

Doctor: It's my professional advice that ...

Chloe: I appreciate that, but I do have to go.

Clark: Chloe, is this what it takes to get a call back from you these days? Are you okay?

Chloe: Yeah, thanks for coming. Sorry about being the invisible best friend lately.

Clark: Where have you been?

Chloe: Um, Watchtower. [ Chuckles ] Just when I thought I'd h*t my fill of, uh, high-maintenance men, I take a job from Oliver.

Clark: I thought he was off the grid.

Chloe: He's in Syria, sort of incommunicado with the rest of the world, which is why I'm glad you're here. My laptop was in my backseat when the carjacker peeled away. I've been using it to update my Watchtower databases from home.

Clark: Chloe, those files contain details nearly every operation.

Chloe: Hence the panicky flare with everything I've been saying. And before you bite my head off, I admit ... I know ... I never should have taken it home.

Clark: Just tell me it was encrypted.

Chloe: But not un-hackable.

Clark: Okay, I'll find your computer. Did you get a good look at the mugger?

Chloe: I got a good look at the asphalt after he h*t me. But there was another witness. When I came to in the ambulance, Lois was raving about some mysterious heroine who swept in and saved the day ... Stiletto?

Clark: Must be some kind of Kn*fe expert. Where is Lois, anyway?

Chloe: [ Chuckles ] There may be a new superhero in town. Where do you think she is?

Lois: Page 10! Why don't you just bury my Stiletto sighting with the classifieds while you're at it?

Editor: The next time you pull me from a press-society banquet, at least get me a story with a picture.

Lois: Something tells me Stiletto's got a bad case of camera shy. She's not posing for a head sh*t.

Editor: Get her in action on the street.

Lois: Sure, no problem. I'll just ask to see her schedule of upcoming saves.

Editor: Wh ... did I misjudge you, Lane? I thought your game was all about the power of persuasion. Get the picture!

Clark: Lois. Chloe told me about the att*ck. She said you mentioned someone named Stiletto?

Lois: [ Sighs ] Ence Smallville. Tomorrow you can drool over her with the rest of the world. I'm fine, by the way. Thanks for asking. It's not every day that a superhero entrusts me with her phone number.

Clark: She gave you her number?

Lois: Sorry. My eyes only, Smallville.

Clark: Lois, this carjacker took Chloe's computer. It has all her !sis client information on it. If this Stiletto was the last person to see this guy, I need to talk to her.

Lois: Look, if you want to help Chloe, why don't you go downtown and talk to the thug they did catch? Maybe Stiletto left enough teeth in his mouth for him to rat out his buddy.

Bruno: [ Sniffing ] Rye whiskey, double.

Right away, Mr. Manheim.

Hey, ugly. The boss wants to see you, and he doesn't look very happy.

[ Sighs heavily ] I bet he's not ... Mr. Businessman.

Jimmy: Hey, uh, real quick ... sorry. [ Exhales sharply ] look, uh, I-I know I just started, but I was wondering if I could, uh, get an advance on today's pay? Yeah. Just had some ... stuff ... Come up.

I'll talk to Ricky. But this is the last time.

Jimmy: [ Sighs ] [ Sniffs ] I was hoping, at the very least, A.J. was arrested for a Dolce & Gabbana.

Somebody clocked us. We had to get out of there, Mr. Milano.

Ron: Bruno, I'm trying to pull us out of the streets. We finally cracked the metallic tint with those green rocks from Smallville. We can make all the money in the world, and you're out there snatching purses.

Bruno: It's not about the door prize. It's about reminding people we're the ones who own this town, not some cape-wearing circus freaks.

Ron: Yeah. Between the gash on your mug and A.J.'s shiner, you two clowns are real intimidating.

How can you just sit back and let these vigilantes take over the streets, our streets?!

Ron: Enough! We are done with petty street crime! We are a business now!

Bruno: Yeah, you're ... you're right, boss. Maybe it's time for Bruno Manheim to climb that corporate ladder.

[ Silenced g*n ]

[ Breathes deeply ] Next we say good night to the wannabe heroes, starting with Stiletto. That one's personal.

Jimmy: Lois? [ Sighs ] Lois, come I cat be late for wo what are you doing?

Lois: Picking up your rebound.

Jimmy: Lois. I'm, uh ... I'm really flattered, but I just broke up with Chloe.

Lois: Ew. No. I mean rebound your career. Nothing numbs the pain of a breakup like good, old-fashioned work.

Jimmy: Look, I'm not here to be saved. You mentioned 100 bucks. Now, what do you want me to sh**t?

Lois: [ Sighs heavily ] Metropolis' newest superhero. Incoming. Meet ... Stiletto. I was gonna sew an "S" into the chest. Is that tacky?

Jimmy: Lois ... you're not serious.

Lois: Well, not about the whole "cleaning up the streets" part, obviously. But ... I sort of quoted Stiletto in one of my articles, and my editor said that I need a photo to get a page one.

Jimmy: Well, I guess I didn't see the ant asterisk above "Lois Lane's Rules to Reporting" that said "or just make it up."

Lois: Hey, unlike you, some of us haven't gotten our up-close-and-personal with The Red-Blue Blur yet. Now.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Jimmy: You know, look, I know that you're dying for a story with the guy, but he doesn't talk to anybody. No offense, but ... why's he gonna talk to you?

Lois: Exactly. The Red-Blue Blur might not talk to me at first, but a fellow superhero like Stiletto might just get his attention long enough to pitch the writing prowess of the great Lois Lane. Ready?

Jimmy: [ Exhales sharply ]

[ Mera shutter clicking ]

Jimmy: Hey, well, good luck with that. Last I checked, he's kind of invisible.

Lois: But crime in this city isn't. And when that police scanner goes off, The Red-Blue Blur is never far behind. E-mail those photos to my editor. I'm off to talk to a real hero.

Clark: Chloe, it turns out Lois' superfriend may be our only hope in getting your laptop back. According to met P.D., Stiletto's take posted bail before they ever got him behind bars.

Chloe: Well, I haven't been able to find any more leads on Stiletto's whereabouts, but you might want to take a look at this.

[ Keys clacking ]

Clark: "Bluretto"?

[ Computer beeps ]

Chloe: you know you've made it when you have your own fansite. And it looks like your fans are doing a little matchmaking. "No one understands a hero's life of solitude better than a fellow cape"?

[ Chuckles ] "These two lonely hearts belong together." Who thinks this stuff up?

Chloe: Are they that far off the mark?

Clark: Look, Chloe, romance is the last thing on my mind right now.

Chloe: I know, but let's face it, you thought you found your superpowered soul mate in Lana, and I haven't heard you say a word about her since she left.

Clark: That's because I have you.

Chloe: [ Chuckles ] Come on, Clark. I know I haven't been the most reliable sidekick lately, and Oliver and his g*ng are M.I.A. Having someone on speed dial who knows what it's like to lead a double life might not be such a bad thing.

Clark: My double life and I are just fine. I'd rather focus on finding Stiletto and getting your computer back.

Chloe: Okay. But bold as she may be, I seriously doubt we're gonna be able to call her out by putting a spike heel over a klieg light.

[ Keys clacking ]

[ Static, police-radio chatter ]

Lois: Isn't it almost your bedtime, Smallville?

Clark: Just finishing up some work while I'm still motivated.

Lois: [ Sighs ] Slow night.

Clark: I'm good if you want to go. If The Red-Blue Blur calls, I'll be sure to patch him through.

Lois: Oh, that's right, because your idea of being a hero is making sure there's still paper in the fax machine.

Clark: Just doing my job.

Lois: Well, you're wasting your midnight oil because, between the two of us, the editor is only counting the empty coffee cups on my desk.

Clark: And that's because you're in the big leagues and I'm still just a copy boy?

Lois: No, because you're doing way better than anyone expected!

Woman: Attention, downtown unit ...

silent alarm at Riverside Jewelry on Fifth and Water, handle code 1038.

Clark: Well, I better go feed Shelby.

Lois: [ Exhales sharply ] I should h*t the gym.

[ Air whooshes ]

Jimmy: I know I'm late. I, uh, I got caught up in a little project.

Are you taking pictures of the sunset, bar boy?

Jimmy: [ Chuckling ] This is a ce tele-macro zoom.

[ Chuckles ]

Used to be a ... journalist, didn't you? What are you doing here?

Now, this is interesting. Blondie looks a lot different when she's sweating.

[ Both chuckle ]

Adorable.

Jimmy: Give me my camera back.

Unh-unh-unh.

[ Camera beeps ]

what's going on here? Do you know her?

Jimmy: Her? Yeah. No. That's just a fluke.

[ Exhales sharply ] Where is she? You having a hard time hearing me?

[ Chuckles ] I said, "Where is she?"

[ Breathing heavily ]

Where's Stiletto?

Jimmy: I have no idea. Look, I don't know where she is.

What is wrong with you? It's like you want me to k*ll you.

[ Grunts ]

Who's the hero now?

Way to go. Now he's out.

Bruno: Ah, he's worthless. But it seems everyone is in on Stiletto. Get Ricky to hack into that stolen laptop. In the meantime, I want you to go right to the source. Let's see what else we can squeeze out of blondie.

[ Alarm blaring ]

[ Material squeaking ]

Lois: Wonderful. Very stealth, Lois. [ Inhales sharply ] Ugh. Next time, I call myself "Nike." [ Sighs heavily ] He b*at me here. Hello? Are you here?

Clark: Are you The Stiletto?

Lois: [ Exhales sharply ] Can I just say it's an honor?

Clark: Lois?

Lois: [ Exhales softly ] [ British accent ] Lois? Who's Lois? I'm Stiletto. I should get back to my cave.

Clark: Lois, you could have a bag over your head, and I'd still know it's you.

Lois: [ Sighs ] [ Normal voice ] Go figure. I want The Red-Blue Blur. I get the exact opposite.

Clark: What do you think you're doing?

Lois: What are you doing? You're supposed to be feeding Shelby. Seriously, is there any woman in your life you haven't stood up?

Clark: I saw the way you looked at that scanner, and I know how much you want this superhero story. So I came here to make sure you were okay. You're obviously not if you're impersonating The Stiletto.

Lois: Okay, first off, it's just "Stiletto." There's no "the." And second, I'm not impersonating anyone. I am Stiletto.

Clark: You made up a fake hero so you could write her story?

Lois: Yeah.

[ Siren wailing ]

Lois: Stiletto's only the beginning, Clark. These heels could kick open some major doors for me. What if Stiletto could help me land a one-on-one with The Red-Blue Blur?

Clark: Oh, this Blur, he [Sighs] He avoids reporters for a reason. What would you say to him no one else already has?

Lois: I wouldn't say anything, Clark. I'd listen.

Clark: What if he's not looking for a best friend?

Lois: Superpowered or not, every Fred needs a Barney. Unless it's based on a lie.

Clark: Besides, it could be dangerous. Eventually you'll find yourself in a situation you can't Stiletto yourself out of.

Lois: Stiletto kicked ass last night. You should have seen the guy I sent downtown.

Clark: I couldn't ... by the time I got there, attorney named Moynihan already got him off before I could talk to him about Chloe's car.

Lois: Chris Moynihan? He represents Ron Milano.

Clark: The biggest crime boss in Metropolis.

Lois: Then let's go save the world. I'm in the market for a sidekick anyway. Just don't slow me down.

Clark: I'll find Milano on my own. You're gonna do everything you can to make sure your Stiletto story doesn't get published.

[ Gasps ]

[ Glass shatters ]

Did you know your transmission slips a bit in third?

Chloe: What are you doing here?

What do you know about Stiletto?

Chloe: Stiletto? I don't know who you're talking about. Let me go! No! Ugh!

[ Breathing heavily ]

you do not want to lie to me.

Chloe: I swear to God I don't know who Stiletto is. I never saw her.

Okay, sweetheart, but if you do, I'd like to leave a message.

Chloe: [ Gasping ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Creature growling ]

[ Screaming intensifies ]

[ Bones crunch, screaming stops ]

Lois: Hello to you, too. Expecting Freddy Krueger?

Chloe: What are you doing here? I thought you were tracking down Stiletto.

Lois: Well, the story broke a proverbial heel. It's not happening.

Chloe: Oh. Bummer. Oh, well. I mean, it is Friday night. There's bound to be a tequila sh**t out on this town with your name on it.

Lois: Why don't you go out, you know, have fun I'm not actually here to hang, but 10-4 on the loud-and-clear un-vitation.

Chloe: [ Sighs ] Jimmy's not answering his phone, and I was just wondering if perhaps you knew ... where my ex was?

Lois: I thought that's what Facebook updates were for. Why are you even looking for him?

Chloe: I needed his help photographing something, and now I need his help burning the evidence.

Lois: Fine. You know what? Surprise! I'm Stiletto.

Chloe: Lois. Oh, my God, you did this for a story, didn't you?

Lois: [ Sighs ] Okay. Clark's diatribe is still ringing in my ears. I don't need it in Surround Sound. I get it. I messed up.

Lois: [ Sighs ] You've never gotten in over your head?

Chloe: Actually, Lois, um ... can I tell you something?

Lois: Sure.

Chloe: Jimmy should be at the Ace of Clubs. [ Chuckles ] I really need to remove him from my Facebook friends, don't I?

Lois: Yeah.

Chloe: [ Chuckles lightly ]

Lois: Thanks, Chloe. And ... thank you for understanding.

Chloe: Anytime, Lois.

[ Door closes ]

Ricky: Hey, Bruno, check this out. I just unlocked a whole mess of files.

Who the hell are these guys?

[ Groans ] Ugh! [ Coughs ]

[ Breathing heavily ] Jimmy?

[ Groans ]

Jimmy. Ugh!

[ Breathing heavily ] How the hell did you get back here?

[ Groaning ]

[ Fighting in distance ]

Bruno: Do you know who you're talking to? Do you know who I am? You want to mess with me?

You want to mess with me? You want to push me? You want to push me, punk? Ugh!

Oh, my God.

Ricky: Hey, come on, Bruno! Back up, man! You're gonna k*ll him!

Seriously? Ohh.

[ Breathing heavily ] Clark Kent of the Daily Planet. Looks like you reporters think you got a little story here.

Oh, that's it.

[ Breathing heavily] Wow, that's far. If you want, I can tell you how it ends.

Come on, Lois.

[ Glass shatters ]

Lois: Ugh! That worked. Jimmy.

Stiletto has no idea what she just stepped in.

[ Groans ] Lois [ g*n ]

Clark!

[ g*n cocks ]

Lois: Clark! Hang in there. You're gonna be just fine. Oh, my god. Dial 911. Why did you do that, Clark? You didn't need to be some kind of hero.

Clark: [ Straining ] Lois.. you have to get me out of here.

Lois: [ Sobbing ] Okay. Okay. The medics are on their way. You're gonna be fine.

Clark: [ Grunts softly ] [ Exhales sharply ] [ Breathes shakily ]

Lois: [ Sobbing ]

Lois: [ Exhales softly ] Nothing like a double-frosted bear claw to ease the pain of a flesh wound, right? Oh, and I, uh, didn't know whether you wanted your copies single-sided or double, so I did both, and then I thought, "Hmm, three-holed or no-holed?" And I didn't know, so I did both, which is why there's ... so many.

Clark: Lois, you didn't have to do all this. But thank you. [ Groaning ] Looks like you got your cover story after all.

Lois: [ Chuckles ] I guess.

Clark: You guess? The last time your name was above the fold, you held a Champagne toast. Is there something about this article that's still bothering you?

Lois: Fine, I admit it. Sometimes the Lois "Fast" Lane ambition ramps into cruise control and gets away from me.

Clark: Those mob guys would still be on the street if you hadn't come to my rescue.

Lois: [ Chuckles ] Your rescue. Yeah, right. You're the one with the ... Smallville, if you hadn't been there to ...

Clark: You're welcome, Lois. I hope this means that Stiletto's hanging up her heels for good.

Lois: Gladly. Those heels were giving my blisters blisters. Besides, if Manheim had better aim, you'd be d*ad. And it was really sweet of you to, you know, throw yourself in there, but I never should have put you in danger. It's not like you save lives for a living.

Clark: No, there's only one Red-Blue Blur.

Lois: [ Chuckles ] Honestly, I don't envy the guy. After walking a mile in Stiletto's shoes, I was reminded that I am not cut out for that life of solitude.

Clark: I didn't know there was room for introspection underneath that costume.

Lois: Wow. Look who got grazed by a funny b*llet. [ Sighs ] You weren't gonna eat this, were you?

Man: Hey, man. Didn't think I'd be hearing from you again.

Jimmy: Yeah, well, let's just get this over with, okay?

Man: You're the one that said he was strapped for cash.

Jimmy: Well, I guess things change.

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Door opens ]

Chloe: Hey, Clark! Thank you. I never thought it would feel so good to be reunited with a bunch of silicone microchips.

Clark: I grabbed it before the police arrived. So hopefully Manheim wasn't able to pull any files off it.

Chloe: Well, rest assured, Tony Soprano, Jr. Is my last close call. I am done traveling with all of my techno treasures in one basket.

Clark: Are you expecting company?

Chloe: Uh, no.

[

Chuckles ] Turns out that my body's natural reaction to stress is to bake undigestible amounts of food.

Clark: Really? After all the near-apocalypses we've been through, I've never seen more than a chocolate-chip cookie come out of that oven. Are you okay?

Chloe: It's ... I mean, you almost died yesterday ... for my computer.

Clark: [ Chuckles ] Chloe, you made an honest mistake. I'm fine. I know you better than that. This is not about a computer. What's wrong?

Chloe: Nothing. Really, I'm fine. Look, I apologize for being a little off my game lately. It's just that after my divorce and Brainiac and now playing Watchtower to a bunch of needy superheroes, I forget that I need to be all smiles all the time.

Clark: Chloe, no one expects you to bounce back from everything you've been through. I just want you to know I'm here for you if you need me.

Chloe: I know. But right now I really just need a little bit of space ... not a supersave, okay? [ Chuckles weakly ]

[ Door open, closes ]

[ Vehicle departing ]

Lois: When am I gonna learn that a wild-goose chase for a story usually ends with a rotten egg?

[ Telephone ringing ]

Lois: Hello?

Clark: [ Mechanically altered voice ] Is this Lois Lane, the reporter?

Lois: Who wants to know?

Clark: This is The Red-Blue Blur.

Lois: [ Scoffs ] Yeah, right. How do I know you're not some deep throat wannabe with a lot of time on his creepy hands?

[ Air whooshes ]

Clark: Look down. [ Normal voice ] I received your letter, Miss Lane.

Lois: Call me Lois ... if you want. And while we're at it, do you want to weigh in on the whole "Red-Blue Blur" thing? Because it's kind of a mouthful on this end.

Clark: I think there's probably a better name out there, and if there's anyone who'll find it, it's you, Miss Lane.

Lois: I'll put my best men on it. And by "men," I mean me because I work in the basement and employ pretty much no one, unless you count my intern. I'm sorry. I'm rambling.

Clark: [ Chuckles ] You're nervous.

Lois: Can you read my mind? [ Scoffs ] Who am I kidding? It's Saturday night, and I hightailed it down here because I have one obsession right now, and it's you. And when you didn't respond to my skywriting, I just ...

Clark: [ Mechanically altered voice ] it was a nice ony the between you and me, I could use a little work on that subtle thing. You know there's nothing wrong with taking your job seriously.

Lois: There is when you don't know who you'd be without it.

Clark: Something tells me you know yourself better than you think. Lois, you're a great reporter ... all on your own. You don't need a hero or some gimmick to make a headline.

Lois: Thanks. My editor would k*ll me, but ... I don't want this story. What I've really been wondering is ... what is it that you need? I mean, you've dedicated your life to a city full of strangers. And I'm not saying that I know what it's like to be a hero, but ... even the fastest blur in the world can't outrun loneliness. I guess what I'm saying is ... if you ever want to talk ... totally off the record ... I'm only a phone call away.

Clark: I'll keep that in mind. And, Lois ... when I'm ready to tell the world my secret, you'll be the first to know.

[ Click, dial tone ]

[ Chuckles ]
{"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "08x19 - Stiletto"}