PART THREE

Written by Marc Platt

Original air date: 18 October, 1989
Run time: 24:17

Entrance hall

Josiah: Control, quintessence of wickedness, corruption incarnate.

The Doctor: Thank you for trusting me, Control.

Control: My half agreeing done. You desiring, in the darkness you shall find it.

Josiah: Don't let it out!

Control: Too late!

The Doctor: Light?

Josiah: Light!

The Doctor: Josiah, come back! Er, how do you do? I'm the Doctor. This is my friend Ace, and I hope you slept well.

Mackenzie: What the devil is that thing?

Ace: It's an angel, stupid.

The Doctor: That's just it's shape here on Earth. It's called Light, and it's come to survey life here.

Ace: It was crashed out in the stone spaceship in the basement.

The Doctor: And while it slept, the survey got out of control.

Control: Control is me.

The Doctor: And the survey is Josiah.

Ace: And now Light's come to sort out the muddle.

The Doctor: That was my idea.

Mackenzie: And who are you?

The Doctor: I wouldn't want to confuse you.

Control: Remember our agreement, Doctor. You promised Control freeness.

Light: Control?

Control: Now! Tell it now!

Light: How long have I been asleep, and why have I naturalised in this form?

The Doctor: No, Light. Don't!

The Doctor: That was unnecessary.

Light: Wasteful. None of the w*apon work.

The Doctor: Josiah, withdraw with your people.

Josiah: Withdraw!

The Doctor: We'll talk.

Light: Nothing leaves until I have explanations.

Drawing room

The Doctor: How many more times, Light? This is Earth. I mean, why don't you check the instruments in your spaceship? Where has he got to now?

Ace: How does Light move so fast?

The Doctor: He travels at the speed of thought.

Light: Earth. Why mention that wretched planet to me?

Ace: If you don't like it, then bog off.

Light: I once spent centuries faithfully cataloguing all the species there, every organism from the smallest bacteria to the largest ichthyosaur. But no sooner had I finished than it all started changing. New species, new sub-species, evolution running amok. I had to start amending my entries. Oh, the task is endless.

The Doctor: That's life.

Light: Control.

Light: How many more millennia must I suffer your company? Is this Earth? Well?

Control: Control wants her freeness. Be a lady-like. Doctor promised.

Light: It is not his to give.

Ace: Did you promise, Professor?

The Doctor: Things ran away with themselves.

Control: Control too run away.

The Doctor: Light, Light, give her a break. She's not your real troublemaker.

Light: You are interfering.

The Doctor: Yes, just like you, only I didn't get caught napping. Why don't you forget the survey, Light, and go!

Ace: Has he gone?

The Doctor: No.

Attic

Josiah: Nothing will delay my plans for the Empire. With luck, Light and the Doctor will be at each other's throats before they even notice. Mrs Pritchard will organise dinner.

Pritchard: Very good, sir.

Josiah: Gwendoline, it's time for Miss Ace to leave us.

Gwendoline: I'm sure she'll enjoy Java, Uncle, once she gets there.

Josiah: Not as much as you'll enjoy sending her, my dear.

Josiah: And Redvers Fenn-Cooper?

Redvers: Redvers kicked over his traces and lost himself in the bush. Lord knows if he'll ever find his way out again.

Josiah: And your other quest, Redvers?

Redvers: I can't recall. The heat haze is dazzling.

Josiah: I need you, Redvers. Stay out of trouble. We have a royal appointment to keep.

Corridor

Control: Control's new world.

Redvers: You like them? You take. Now we trade words.

Entrance hall

Light: No. This is not Earth. It cannot be.

Light: Come here, child. I need your assistance.

Corridor

Ace: What was that?

The Doctor: Just our imaginations.

Ace: No sign of Control. It's weird. It feels like this whole place is coming alive.

The Doctor: Yes. It's the energy from Light's ship. Invigorating, isn't it?

Ace: No.

The Doctor: What does it remind you of? All right, all right, all right. What happened here in a hundred years time is none of my business.

Ace: I thought this was a haunted house.

The Doctor: It is.

Ace: I was only thirteen.

The Doctor: Of course.

Ace: I got frightened, that's all.

The Doctor: The TARDIS key. You can always wait for me there.

Ace: That's the easy way out.

The Doctor: Well, come on, then.

Ace: Doctor, have you ever had one of those nightmares where you couldn't move? Doctor?

Ace: You're all d*ad! You're all d*ad! It wasn't my fault! I'm not guilty! I couldn't help it!

Gwendoline: Ace, my dear, I want you to come away. Come away with me to Java.

Entrance hall

Mackenzie: Ah, Lady Pritchard. I've been wanting a word with you. Perhaps we can sort this business out over a pot of tea.

Pritchard: Dispose of that specimen immediately.

Corridor

Ace: You're a right little vicious Victorian, aren't you.

Bedroom

Redvers: The handsomest woman Redvers ever saw was daughter to an N'Taba chief, but she had a bone through her nose and ate her cousin for breakfast.

Control: Will Control be ladylike? Want so much.

Redvers: Once this hunt is over, I'll make you the finest ladylike in the Empire.

The Doctor: Having fun, Control?

Control: You! You come taking away Control's freeness.

The Doctor: Control, I've come to help you and to ask you for your help.

Control: No help. It's mine. You won't take it.

The Doctor: No, Control, don't!

The Doctor: Come back! Bah. You won't get far!

Redvers: Of course, if she was a real lady, I wouldn't be in her boudoir.

The Doctor: Oh, things are getting out of control. Even I can't play this many games at once.

Redvers: Then help me. Help me with my hunt.

The Doctor: I haven't got time, Redvers.

Redvers: But I'm hunting the rarest creature in the world. The crowned Saxe-Coburg. Look.

The Doctor: Really? And who's sponsoring the expedition, Josiah Samuel Smith?

Redvers: When I find it, I shall sh**t it.

Corridor

Gwendoline: Come on, Ace. I don't want to hurt you. It'll, it'll be painless.

Redvers: The crowned Saxe-Coburg isn't easy to discover.

The Doctor: A good hunter always knows the signs, like a royal invitation to Buckingham Palace, perhaps. Why else do you think Josiah has kept you alive so long, Redvers?

Redvers: Will you join my expedition, Doctor?

The Doctor: Not yet. I've got to find Ace.

Redver's room

Gwendoline: Come here, you little brat.

Ace: Get off me, you! Control, help me!

Drawing room

Light: I wanted to see how it works, so I dismantled it. I need another specimen.

Nimrod: Sir, you are Light. Long ago, my people worshipped you as the Burning One.

Light: I know you. I took you up as the last specimen of the extinct Neanderthal race from Earth.

Nimrod: Yes, sir.

Light: At least they knew when to stop evolving. Who released you from your quarantine cubicle?

Nimrod: Mister Josiah, sir. I am in his service.

Light: Look at these microbes. They're evolving even as I speak. My entire catalogue of the planet is worthless. Centuries of work wasted.

Mackenzie: Ah. Perhaps one of you can tell me where I can find the Doctor. This place is like a madhouse.

Light: We don't want things to change. We make sure that they cannot.

Bedroom

Ace: Control?

Control: Leave alone. Go away.

Ace: Am I still ratkin? It's all right. I didn't mean it.

Control: Hate world. Hate freeness. It bites. Ran away into big empty nothing. Sky flew away to nothing. Want to hide from big open emptiness world.

Ace: It's this house. When you're a kid you smash things you hate, but what do I do if it keeps coming back?

Control: World only changing for him. Now he's Josiah. Big man now, leaving Control behind. Control no ladylike.

Ace: Oh, cut the whinging, Control. You want to fight back. You've got to b*at Josiah at his own game.

Ace: Go on, try again. The rain in Spain falls mainly down the drain.

Control: The rain-ah, in Spain-ah, falls mainly...

Gwendoline: There you are, Ace, my dear.

Ace: Control, help me!

Control: New game play. Control go next.

Redvers: The natives restless tonight.

Gwendoline: Let me go! Let me go!

The Doctor: Gwendoline, who does this remind you of?

The Doctor: Severe trauma. I could forgive her arranging those little trips to Java...

Redvers: She was hypnotised, Doctor.

The Doctor: If she didn't enjoy them so much.

Ace: Professor, Control's got a few things to show Josiah.

Control: No longer hiding.

The Doctor: Good. Just in time for dinner.

Dining room

The Doctor: Good evening, Josiah. Don't have the soup.

Josiah: Get that creature out of here. Get it out.

Ace: Go on, Control. Knock 'em d*ad.

Control: Control has her freeness now, squire.

Josiah: What's this? Where's Gwendoline?

Control: Better orf without you, guv'nor.

Josiah: You win this move, Doctor, but I will not suffer that creature at my table.

Redvers: That, sir, is no way to speak in front of a ladylike.

Ace: Oi, Jungle Jim, I'm here too, you know.

Control: No one hurting Control. Not in gutter now.

The Doctor: Who was it said Earthmen never invite their ancestors round to dinner?

The Doctor: Oh, which reminds me. Lady Pritchard, have you seen this?

The Doctor: It belongs to your daughter Gwendoline. And there's a portrait of you in there, you see? Very nice likeness. You and Sir George must have been very happy before the cuckoo inv*de your nest.

Pritchard: Gwendoline. Oh, oh, Gwendoline.

Josiah: Mrs Pritchard, you're not dismissed.

Redvers: Let her alone, sir. The lioness always protects her cubs.

The Doctor: No soup, Ace.

Josiah: There's no way out of his for you, Doctor.

The Doctor: I knew it was a trap as soon as I walked in to it. Unfortunately, your guest of honour seems to have let you down.

Josiah: Light will come.

Attic

Light: It's still changing, seething. Every plain and crevice crawls with life, but I recognise the stench of its over-ripe infested carcase.

Bedroom

Pritchard: Gwendoline?

Gwendoline: Mama?

Pritchard: Oh, Gwendoline.

Gwendoline: Mama!

Pritchard: Oh, my dear. Oh, my dear. Oh, we were so happy once. Do you remember riding down to the village with your father, the dogs running behind, barking? And then he went away, to Java. You sent him.

Gwendoline: Mama, I thought you were lost.

Pritchard: Oh, I am, my dear. We both are.

Gwendoline: Oh, Mama, what have we done?

Light: You changed. Like the rest of this verminous planet, you adapted to your situation to survive.

Light: Well, you'll never change again.

Nimrod: They never harmed you.

Light: I've decided Earth's future. We must collect items from the ship. Follow me.

Dining room

The Doctor: Josiah, tell me about your plan to assassinate Queen Victoria.

Ace: You what?

Josiah: Who have you been talking to?

The Doctor: Myself, mostly. But you're not really empire material, are you? I mean, your background's a bit dodgy. And light wouldn't be amused.

Ace: Neither will Queen Vic.

Josiah: The British Empire's an anarchic mess. There's no clear directive from the throne, mo discipline. Result? Confusion, wastage. I can provide a new order. Wealth, prosperity.

The Doctor: Confusion, wastage, tyranny, burnt toast, till all the atlas is pink.

The Doctor: But it isn't your invitation to Buckingham Palace. Redvers?

Redvers: I am allowed to take a guest.

Control: Control proper ladylike now. Out to dinner. Take Control meeting Queen lady.

Josiah: Redvers, we agreed. We hunt the crowned Saxe-Coburg together.

Redvers: I gave up on Redvers long ago. All he ever talks about is himself. Here, Control.

Control: It's mine, or I burn it.

Josiah: You basest creatures. You dare to defy me? I'm a man of property!

Control: Then I burn whole house up.

Josiah: No!

Ace: No, Control, don't do it! Please don't do it! That's what I did!

The Doctor: In 1983? Ace, you didn't tell me that.

Ace: You're not my probation officer. You don't have to know everything.

The Doctor: Ace.

Ace: It was the house. It was full of evil and hate left by him. So I burnt the house down. I had to.

Control: It is wickedness.

Josiah: No!

The Doctor: He only wanted to take over an Empire. At least he didn't want to destroy the world.

The Doctor: Light, I think I've solved your problem for you.

Light: There's only one solution to Earth. I was going to reduce it to this.

Ace: Oh, no.

The Doctor: So you started with Inspector MacKenzie.

Josiah: The cream of Scotland Yard.

The Doctor: Primordial soup, the most precious substance in the universe, from which all life springs.

Light: Merely sugars, proteins and amino acids. But it will soon start to evolve again, so I'm going to stop the change here. All organic life will be eradicated in the firestorm. And when this world is destroyed, no more change, no more evolution, no more life. No more amendments to my catalogue.

The Doctor: But you evolve too, Light.

Light: Nonsense!

The Doctor: Of course you do. You change, adapt, all the time. Your attitude, your place, your mind. I mean, look at you now. You're no longer your original shape. And I don't think much about your catalogue. It's full of gaps.

Light: All organic life is recorded.

The Doctor: What about the gryphons, the basilisks?

Entrance hall

The Doctor: You missed the dragons, the bandersnatches. Then there are the slithy toves and the crowned Saxe-Coburg.

Light: Where are these items?

The Doctor: I can't think how you missed them. You have to complete the catalogue before you can destroy all life here.

Light: Control?

The Doctor: She's no use to you now. She's evolved as well.

Light: No! All slipping away.

The Doctor: All is change, all is movement. Tell me, Light, haven't you just changed your location?

Light: Not yet.

The Doctor: What's the matter, Light, changed your mind?

Light: You are endlessly agitating, unceasingly mischievous. Will you never stop?

The Doctor: I suppose I could. It would make a change.

Light: Nimrod! I can rely on you. Assist me now.

Nimrod: I'm sorry, sir. My allegiance is to this planet, my birthright.

Light: Argh! Everything is changing. All in flux. Nothing remains the same.

The Doctor: Even remains change. It's this planet. It can't help itself.

Light: I will not change. I'll wake up soon. No change. d*ad.

The Doctor: Subject for catalogue. File under Imagination comma lack of.

Nimrod: Excuse me, sir, but Light instigated the firestorm programme sometime prior to dinner.

The Doctor: Ah.

Ace: What does that mean?

The Doctor: A very big expl*si*n, very soon.

Cellar

Ace: How do we stop it? Same as before?

The Doctor: Ace, don't touch that.

Ace: It'll nuke Earth.

The Doctor: Look.

Ace: Fine time to watch a video.

The Doctor: How does this ship travel?

Ace: Speed of thought. It's alive.

The Doctor: Yes. Light's gone. The ship survives, along with a new crew.

Josiah: Turn off the power, Doctor.

Ace: Get off, scumbag!

Josiah: I'll have my empire yet.

The Doctor: Josiah, the ship doesn't want you to.

Redvers: There's a place for you here, old chap.

Control: Stop that immediately. Get back where you belong.

The Doctor: There go the rungs in his evolutionary ladder.

Ace: Go on, then. Evolve your way out of that one.

Josiah: No way out now. No changing.

Control: You are the most unhappy creature. I shall look after you.

Ace: They swapped over.

Nimrod: We have our work to do, sir. Entries and amendments to revise to complete the catalogue.

Ace: No nukes, then? Isn't it going to explode?

The Doctor: Explode or fly. I mean, after all, it is a spaceship.

Nimrod: The energy will be redeployed for our departure, sir.

Redvers: Redvers has the whole universe to explore for his catalogue. New horizons, wondrous beasts, light years from Zanzibar.

Control: Doctor, something tells me you are not in our catalogue, nor will you ever be.

The Doctor: You're busy. Must fly.

Ace: Bye, bye.

The Doctor: Come on.

Redvers: Bye.

Lift

Ace: We've got to get clear for the take-off.

The Doctor: Take off? They've gone, like a passing thought. As long as their minds don't wander.

Entrance hall

The Doctor: He's dispersed.

Ace: For ever?

The Doctor: The house will remember. Just the ghost of an evil memory lingering. A dark secret after the candle is out.

Ace: I felt it here in a hundred years time.

The Doctor: An evil older than time itself.

Ace: So I burnt the house down.

The Doctor: Any regrets?

Ace: Yes.

The Doctor: Yes?

Ace: I wish I'd blown it up instead.

The Doctor: Wicked.
{"type": "series", "show": "Doctor Who", "episode": "26x07 - Ghost Light - part 3"}