Franky's bedroom. 

FRANKY: Hey, what are you looking at? Come here.

FRANKY'S DAD 1: All set, tiger? That's the last of the boxes. 

FRANKY'S DAD 2: Serrano and Reblochon sandwich, just in case the cafeteria isn't... Now, where's that smile?

FRANKY'S DAD 1: You off, Franky? Franky?

FRANKY'S DAD 2: New start, remember? Just try to blend in.

FRANKY'S DAD 1: And don't take any crap this time.

FRANKY: Bye, Dads.

In the street. 

BOY 1: What the f*ck is that? Is that a batty or a lezzer?

BOY 2: Let's check it out!

BOY 1: We're BS5, get me?

FRANKY: So?

BOY 1: Yo. You deaf? Yeah, get it, bitch. Oh, my days!

BOY 2: You got dropped by a batty lezzer! 

BOY 1: Shut the f*ck up! Come on, boys. Let's get 'er.

BOY 2: Get him!

BOY 1: She went up here. There. Stop her.

FRANKY: Shit, shit, shit.

BOY 1: You're so iced. 

FRANKY: Screw you! 

BOY 1: Get her! Oi!

BOY 2: Ouch. Ouch. 

BOY 1: Batty's getting away.

Front of the school. 

FRANKY: Out of my way! f*ck, f*ck, f*ck. Get out of my way! Move! Move, move!

NICK: You OK, babe?

TEENAGER 1: What the f*ck happened to my bike?

TEENAGER 2: Mangled to shit, mate.

FRANKY: Sorry. I'm really, really sorry. The, er... The brakes were f*cked.

GRACE: Wow.

MINI: Has the circus come to town or what?

At school. 

DOUG: Uh, uh. In you go.

FRANKY: I'm, uh, I'm Franky. Er, Fitzgerald? It's my first day.

DOUG: F... F...Fitz. Oh! The last-minute transfer. Francesca? Your first period is Sports Foundation, so...

FRANKY: What? But, I haven't got kit...

DOUG: Franky, my dear, I don't give a damn! And I've got just the thing, my own contribution...

In the cloakroom. 

MINI: Er, excuse me. I was just wondering, are you, like, in fancy dress, or is that look an actual, like, choice?

FRANKY: What?

MINI: Oh, my God, what the hell are those? Problem? Earth to Oddness, what are you staring at?

FRANKY: f*cking hell.

MINI: See you on the field, stud. Try not to run me over next time. See ya.

GRACE: Bye.

On the sports ground. 

GIRL 1: Move! You muppet.

MINI: p*ssy. Coming through, bitch!

MINI: Ahh! Take that! Nobody does that to me, OK?!

SPORT TEACHER: Oi, oi, oi! Hey! Shake hands and heal, ladies. Come on, shake. Nothing to see, girls. Play on.

MINI: Better watch your f*cking back, or you're d*ad meat... bruv.

In the canteen. 

RICH: Scooter Girl! Now we're even Steven.

ALO: Hey, short stuff, what's up?

FRANKY: Nothing, just some nightmare girl.

RICH: So who is this chick that brings on the sweats?

FRANKY: Think her name's Mini.

BOYS: She's f*cked.

FRANKY: Why?

ALO: Meet Anita. Mini's last slay. She wore the same outfit on first day of college. Not pretty.

RICH: If Roundview was a medieval village, I'd strap that witch to a ducking stool.

ALO: Save us your Middle Ages wet dream, Rich!

RICH: She's probably got gills under her armpits.

MINI: Ahem! 

ALO: Ladies! How's it hanging?

MINI: Cowshit and Bullshit. f*ck off, now. Those dicks are death. Avoid. Haven't seen you around Bristol. How come you started so late?

FRANKY: I 've like... moved here.

LIV: From where?

FRANKY: Oxford.

MINI: Understandable, but why?

FRANKY: If you're gonna start shit, can you just get it over with now, because I had enough grief before...

MINI: Start shit?

LIV: What grief?

GRACE: Before, like, Oxford, or past-life before? I had a dream two Sundays ago that I was a sl*ve, on a plantation in Jamaica...

GIRLS: Shut up, Grace.

MINI: No hard feelings. Again. I'm Mini.

LIV: Liv.

GRACE: Grace. Hello!

FRANKY: Franky.

MINI: You know, you are pretty f*cking...

GRACE: Badass.

MINI: Yes, you are. So, Franky Badass... fancy hanging out later?

FRANKY: No. Er, I mean, no thanks.

MINI: Are you say not cheap thing ? 

FRANKY: No, I'm sure it smells lovely.

MINI: Not alternative enough for you?

FRANKY: I... I just... I got to, um... I've got go home after college.

GRACE: See you later!

MINI: Don't be gay, Gracey.

LIV: What was that about?

FRANKY: New start, yeah? New start.

LITERATURE TEACHER: Ah, newbie. School's out.

FRANKY: I, uh, had a stomach ache.

LITERATURE TEACHER: Oh, you got proof? Stool photos, shit like that?

FRANKY: Er, no.

LITERATURE TEACHER: Copy what's on the board. Present tomorrow. You're first. 

In the street. 

FRANKY: All right?

GRACE: Oh, great!

LIV: It's not brutal, Mini. It'd be rude not to. Franky ? 

FRANKY: Nice one.

MINI: Welcome to our world!

GRACE: Come on, Franky.

GRACE: Peek-a-boo, Mini-moo!

LIV: Franky's seriously got the funk.

MINI: So, Franky, I'm having a party tomorrow night and er, was wondering...like to come?

FRANKY: That'd be... yeah, that'd be cool!

MINI: Excellent. Oh, but what are you going to wear? Cos we need, well, the situation sorted out first. No offence!

In a make-up shop. 

MINI: Oh, my gosh. You've never worn make-up before, have you?

FRANKY: No. 

LIV: What about with your girls in Oxford?

FRANKY: I didn't have none.

MINI: No friends?

FRANKY: No, I had a mate, a best mate, Dean, but he went young offenders.

GRACE: That is so f*cking cool!

MINI: I won't bite.

LIV: Look it's just to try. OK? Some eyeshadow won't hurt.

MINI: Ah, beautiful.

LIV: You've totally got, like, "f*ck me" eyes, girl. Totally "f*ck me sideways" eyes.

MINI: When you've finished licking her out... We've got outfits to sort!

MINI: This will be perfect for you, Franks!

FRANKY: I look like a f*cking twat.

MINI: What, like me, you mean?

FRANKY: No, no, it's just...

LIV: You look...

GRACE: Like a punky butterfly!

MINI: So, it's a sort of that. 

FRANKY: What is?

MINI: What you're wearing to my party, butterfly. Minus the wife-beater and, um, shorts, naturally.

FRANKY: f*cking hell.

MINI: Hurry up !

LIV: Knock yourself out. Got the eye make-up for you - enjoy.

GRACE: Peg it!

LIV: That was so sick, Franky!

GRACE: You OK, Mins?

MINI: Fine. I mean, apart from securing a Crimewatch spot with thieves, abso-f*cking-lutely!

FRANKY: I'm kind of near here, so I'll see you guys.

FRANKY'S DAD 1: Franky?

LIV: Is that your dad?

FRANKY'S DAD 1: Franky?

GRACE: And who's that with him?

FRANKY: My other dad. I'm, er... I'm adopted.

GRACE: Oh! Like Annie. I totally love her.

FRANKY'S DAD 1: I can't stand the bitch. Are they, er, troubling you?

FRANKY: No, I'm fine.

MINI: We're Franky's new friends!

FRANKY'S DAD 1: Friends?

FRANKY'S DAD 2: Friends?

FRANKY'S DAD 1: Girl...

FRANKY'S DAD 2: ..friends?

Franky's house. 

MINI: Was Franky, like, bridesmaid?

FRANKY'S DAD 1: Oh, no, we've only been blessed with her for two years.

FRANKY'S DAD 2: Ta-daah!

FRANKY'S DAD 1: My man's a Chef de Partie.

FRANKY'S DAD 2: Franky? Anyone else?

LIV: Mmm, this is sex!

MINI: So you actually made it, Jeff?

FRANKY'S DAD 1: At four this f*cking morning.

FRANKY'S DAD 2: I couldn't sleep. Franky's first day.

FRANKY'S DAD 1: Should have phoned after college. Had us worried sick.

MINI: Sorry. Totally my fault. Franks was trying stuff to wear to my party.

FRANKY'S DAD 2: Party? That's f*cking brill! Franky's going to a party, Geoff. What did you try on, darling?

MINI: We got her make-up, necklace and this. She looked oh-my-God amazing. You so have to wear it.

FRANKY'S DAD 1: Franky?

FRANKY'S DAD 2: Er, sorry. She's still a bit fragile.

MINI: That, erm, grief in Oxford, right?

FRANKY'S DAD 2: You... you know about that?

MINI: Yeah, Franks told us everything. Really tough, huh?

FRANKY'S DAD 2: Yeah, it was. Sorry, I need to check on dinner. I'll be back in two shakes.

MINI: They got married in an army uniform. Twisted or what?

GRACE: Mini, that's naughty!

MINI: What the f*ck?

LIV: Oh, my God, she's been fraped!

GRACE: Come on, Mini, this isn't fair!

MINI: Yeah, but look at that one!

FRANKY'S DAD 1: We do not lock doors in this family.

FRANKY: It's the toilet.

FRANKY'S DAD 1: Well, I haven't heard any lavatorial what-have-yous whatsoever, clever clogs. Chin up. Your mates await!

FRANKY'S DAD 2: What the hell are you doing looking at those?

MINI: It just came on when Grace brushed past it. We're really, really sorry. We're friends.

FRANKY'S DAD 2: This is not fair. She had a really shit time at the last school.

MINI: We were just looking.

FRANKY'S DAD 2: I don't care, this was a real...

FRANKY: What the f*ck?! I can't believe you looked at them! Please don't say anything. Please, promise. Promise me!

LIV: Yeah, Franky, we promise.

GRACE: Yes, Franky, of course.

MINI: Cross our hearts.

GIRLS: Bye.

FRANKY: Dicksplash!

FRANKY'S DAD 2: Geoff, did you hear that? She just called her dad "dicksplash".

FRANKY'S DAD 1: Franky, only I can call Geoff that. 

FRANKY'S DAD 2: Great, gold star for discipline.

FRANKY'S DAD 1: I was aiming for levity. You need to start trusting. No person is an island. You're going to have to make an effort this time.

FRANKY: f*ck off.

FRANKY'S DAD 2: Freeze. You are not ducking brekkie again.

FRANKY: Trick or treat?

FRANKY'S DAD 1: Oh, bloody Nora.

FRANKY: Don't take the piss, all right.

FRANKY'S DAD 2: You've just been a bit over-zealous, that's all. Here, let me. When I was your age, I bough myself a Sergio Tacchini tracksuit and a sovereign ring for every finger.

FRANKY: You wore sovereigns?

FRANKY'S DAD 2: I even had a Playboy one. I didn't get any more shit off the estate after that, but I developed so much testosterone, I didn't know what to do. So I joined the TA.

FRANKY'S DAD 1: And when our eyes met across the as*ault course, he just couldn't deny me.

At school. 

LIV: f*ck me, Franky.

GRACE: Pretty please with sugar on top. Adoring the new you.

LIV: Yeah, it's well original, Franks.

MINI: What's it called. Lidl La Roux?

GRACE: Mini...

MINI: I'm sorry, but you can't come to my soiree like that.

FRANKY: Why?

MINI: Cos... Cos I mean, it looks like she's been g*ng-r*ped by clowns! What about that gorge dress I got you?

FRANKY: I don't think it's...

MINI: Soz, don't speak mumble. What?

FRANKY: It isn't right.

MINI: Why not? Come on, why not?

FRANKY: Do I look like a bulimic f*cking Barbie? Shit. I'm sorry.

MINI: Fine. It's fine. See you guys in class. Nick.

In classroom. 

LITERATURE TEACHER: And it was my cell-mate, Peter, who taught me to read and it really helped block out the flashbacks from that... gruesome night. Who's this?

ALO: Your mum?

LITERATURE TEACHER: No. This is my mum, sandwiched between Dickens and Nabokov. This is the original punk - Charlotte f*cking Bronte! This is my ID. Do you get me? Yeah? Good. Now, I asked you to prepare and discuss to the class whether choice truly shapes us. Thank you, Richard, please resume picking your hole. Oi. Fresh meat. You're up.

LITERATURE TEACHER: No. f*ck is good. f*ck is poetic expression for the unsayable soul. Carry on.

FRANKY: Right. Yeah. So, um... f*cking. Erm... Yeah. Basically if... If you can, like, choose your identity cos... I tried today and now I feel, kind of, less like me and I mean I'm not exactly over the moon about being me in the first place, but now... Now I think... I kind of like it less than trying not to be me. Um, cos I just want to, like, just be.

GRACE: Yes, we can!

LITERATURE TEACHER: Well done, Fitzgerald, you just took a big dump on the grave of Jean-Paul Sartre.

NICK: Sorry, Sir. Rugger practice, like, over-ran and shit.

LITERATURE TEACHER: Your turn to pick up the soap, was it?

NICK: We use shower gel in the free world, Sir.

LITERATURE TEACHER: Sit the f*ck down, meatheads. Next up...

FRANKY: What's the big joke?

ALO: You... Franks.

MINI: Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. I thought something like this might happen. That's why I tried to help.

FRANKY: You promised.

LIV: Oh, Franks...

GRACE: Franky...

MINI: Looks like someone won't be coming to my party. Shame. What?

FRANKY: f*ck you! f*ck you all! 

FRANKY: f*ck you, you bitches! f*ck! You! Go! Go away, please! I said, "go away"!

MATTY: Is it real?

FRANKY: Do you want to find out? It's a re-drilled replica. It sh**t b*ll*ts, OK?

MATTY: b*ll*ts for bitches?

FRANKY: What?

MATTY: Is this how you have fun?

FRANKY: Can you just leave me alone? Go on, then. I don't have to take this shit any more.

MATTY: No, you don't. Bang. You're beautiful.

FRANKY: No. No, I'm not. I'm... I'm a no-good shit magnet. I'm... I'm nothing.

MATTY: So why do I see a...glorious f*cking head-f*cked thing?

FRANKY: Who are you? Don't...

MATTY: See you around. Remember to aim straight for the heart next time.

Franky's bedroom. 

GRACE: This is amazing! Is it like Wallace & Gromit? 

FRANKY: After the apocalypse. How did you get in?

GRACE: Your dad let me. The old one. He's lovely.

FRANKY: So...you've come to take the piss some more?

GRACE: No, Franky. I came to say sorry.

FRANKY: Sorry ? For f*cking my life up? Again? 

GRACE: That wasn't me, it was Nick. Mini's boyfriend?

FRANKY: Doing her dirty work.

GRACE: She's really sorry, Franky.

FRANKY: Bollocks.

GRACE: She is. I know she is. Deep down. She just... doesn't know it yet. We really like you, Franky. Me, Liv and um...

FRANKY: Have a great party.

GRACE: I'm sorry you won't be going, Franky.

FRANKY: Yeah. So am I. What do you think? Yeah. Me too. Let's go. Now. Now.

In the street. 

ALO: We don't have an invite, dude.

RICH: f*ck it, just be cool! Evening, me lovely.

WOMAN: Don't think so, boys.

ALO: She's only a little chicken.

RICH: Rush on three. One, two...

WOMAN: Don't f*ck, lads.

BOYS: All right! All right!

ALO: Cor, you look sharp, Franks! I could go gay for you, I reck. 

RICH: She's a girl, you dick.

ALO: You all right, little 'un? Franky!

RICH: Come on. Fancy a spliff?

FRANKY: Thanks.

WOMAN: You'll look like a nun at a brothel in there.

At the party. 

FRANKY: Mini.

MINI: Franky, what the hell are you doing here?

FRANKY: I came because you, uh, you invited me.

MINI: Well, now I'm uh-uh-un-inviting you, Cinder-fella, so...leave.

FRANKY: I don't want...to. No, I'm staying. I'm...I'm not going anywhere.

MINI: F-R-E-A-K. Now what does that spell? Let me see, oh, yeah, you. No wonder the girls at your old school went ape shit on your arse. I mean, just, just look at you, standing there like some...

FRANKY: Cuntless d*ke-alike no-breed stutter-f*ck spako lamo shit-headed w*nk*r magnet Oliver Twist-ed thimble-titted loser-loner fugly bastard? I think you're great. A billion miles better than this, this bollocks place. And I really feel...that, that we could be mates... f*cking awesome mates.

MINI: They're not your mates. They're my mates. We only let you tag along with us for jokes.

FRANKY: That's not true. Is it, Grace? That's not true.

MINI: Speak up, Gracey.

GRACE: Mini, please.

FRANKY: We had laughs, Liv, didn't we?

MINI: Must've been tripping, Frankenstein. Now get the f*ck out of my party. That bad-mouthed lesbo's like shit on my f*cking stiletto.

LIV: Seriously, Mins, this isn't Year 11 any more.

MINI: Where the f*ck is Grace?

ALO: I take it madam had a delightful eventide. Shit.

GRACE: Franky! Come back!

FRANKY: Oi! What the f*ck? Get off me! Stop! Agh, what are you doing?! Can you f*cking put me down already? This isn't funny. f*cking hell, Rich, I'm gonna be sick.

At the swimming pool.

ALO: Right. Are we ready, yeah?

FRANKY: What the f*ck?

GRACE: Welcome to Bristol, Franky. This is my favourite place.

FRANKY: Cheers. You f*ck!

RICH: Come on, come on!

GRACE: Come on, Franky, get in now!

FRANKY: I'm freezing...
{"type": "series", "show": "Skins", "episode": "5x01 - Frankie"}