(Rainbow Dash grunts)

(thud)

Rainbow Dash: Woo-hoo!

Applejack: Hoo-wee!

Applejack: Not a bad pitch fer a pony

who works with her head in th'clouds.

Rainbow Dash: Oh yeah? Think you can do better, cowgirl?

Applejack: I know I can.

Oh, for Pete's sake...

Rainbow Dash: (gloating) Ha, looks like this pegasus

can pitch better than the workhorse.

(Applejack winces)

The object of the game is to get the CLOSEST to the stake.

Applejack: All right, all right. Ya got another throw there, pony girl.

(Rainbow Dash grunts)

(distant crash)

Applejack: Wow, Rainbow. You couldn't h*t a barn

door with that kind of a throw.

Rainbow Dash: (dismissive) Yeah, yeah. I still have

the closest throw, "Applesmack." [Applejack] (kicks horseshoe)

Just try and b*at it.

(Applejack grunts)

(metallic clink)

Applejack: YEE-HAW! It's a ringer!

That's how we do it down here on th'farm.

Rainbow Dash: (in denial) I lost.

Applejack: Now, don't feel bad, Rainbow. It's all in good fun.

Rainbow Dash: (brooding) I HATE losing.

Applejack: Besides, yer a mighty good athlete. I'm just better. (chuckles to self)

Rainbow Dash: All right, Applejack. You think YOU'RE

the top athlete in all of Ponyville?

Applejack: (boastful) Well, I WAS gonna say in all of

Equestria, but that might be gildin' the lily.

Rainbow Dash: ...And I think I'M the top athlete. So...let's prove it.

Applejack: Prove what...?

Rainbow Dash: I challenge you to an Iron Pony competition.

A series of athletic contests to decide who's the best...once and for all.

Applejack: ...You know what, Rainbow? Yer ON.

(both spit on hooves)

(brohoof)

(theme song begins) My Little Pony, My Little Pony, ah, ah, ah, ah,

(My Little Pony) Twilight: I used to wonder what friendship could be

(My Little Pony) Until you all shared its magic with me

Rainbow Dash: Big adventure

Pinkie Pie: Tons of fun

Rarity: A beautiful heart

Applejack: Faithful and strong

Fluttershy: Sharing kindness

Twilight: It's an easy feat

All: And magic makes it all complete, yeah

(My Little Pony) Do you know, you're all my very best friends

(Rainbow Dash grunts and stretches)

Applejack: See, we've set up a bunch of

events t'see which one of us is-

Rainbow Dash: (straining) The most athletic pony ever! (grunts)

Twilight: ...And I'm here to...?

Rainbow Dash: Uh...I dunno. Why IS she here?

Applejack: T'be our judge and keep score.

Rainbow Dash: Right. SOMEPONY'S gotta record my awesomeness for the history books!

(Rainbow Dash grunts)

Spike: (projecting voice) Hello, everypony, and welcome to the First Annual Iron Pony Competition!

Twilight: Uh, Spike? Who are you talking to?

Spike: Uh...them!

Let the games BEGIN!

(ponies cheer)

Twilight: Ready...set...go! (zoom)

(Applejack gasps)

(barrel wobbles)

Applejack: Dagnabbit.

Twilight: Time, Spike?

Spike: 17 seconds.

Applejack: Yer kiddin'! That breaks my record from last year's rodeo!

Spike: But...you get a five second penalty for nudging the barrel.

Applejack: (sighs, kicks rock) Nuts'n'shrews.

Still, that's 22 seconds. Not too shabby.

Hey. Don't be nervous. Remember, it's all in good fun.

Now git on up there.

Twilight: Ready, set, go!

Applejack: Whoo! That was some fancy hoofwork there, Rainbow.

Rainbow Dash: (panting)

Thanks, but I couldn't have been as fast as you.

Applejack: What was the time on that, Spike?

Spike: 18 seconds!

Applejack: 18 seconds?! Rainbow, are you sure you're not secretly a rodeo pony?

Twilight: Rainbow Dash wins the barrel weave!

Rainbow Dash: Can't believe I won!

Applejack: Yeah, well,

don't you go gettin' used to it.

(Rainbow Dash kicks target, bell rings, ponies cheer)

Applejack: Mighty respectable, (spits) but lemme show ya how it's REALLY done.

(Applejack grunts, shatters target, bell dings)

(ponies cheer, bell whooshes as it flies through air)

Applejack: Years of applebuckin'. (kicks tree)

(apples thud to the tune of Shave and a Haircut, bell dings)

(Granny Smith cheers feebly, Applebloom cheers loudly)

Big Mac: Ee-yup.

Spike: (with dread) Why me...?!

Twilight: GO!

Spike: Whoa! Whoooa! Whooooa!

Whoa! WHOOOOOA! (crashes)

Spike: ...Ouch.

Rainbow Dash: Ready for another pony ride?

Spike: (fearfully) No...

Twilight: GO!

(Spike mimics jackhammer, screams)

Twilight: Rainbow Dash wins the bronco buck!

Spike: (crashes, grunts) And I lose...

(ponies cheer, rope whooshes through air)

(Applejack's rope twirls rapidly and consistently)

(Spike yelps, grunts)

Spike: How do I get roped into these things?!

Rainbow Dash: (grunting) ...Does this count?

(Applejack grunts repeatedly, crashes to ground)

(ponies cheer)

(Rainbow Dash grunts)

(thud, Rainbow Dash raspberries)

(projectile whizzes through air, thud, ponies cheer)

(Applejack grunts, yelps)

(Rainbow Dash grunts, Applejack kicks)

(ponies gasp, Fluttershy gasps, number crashes into board)

Spike: (projecting voice) Fillies and gentlecolts!

At the halfway point, our competitors are tied at 5 and 5!

(poof)

Twilight: Who are you talking to?!

Spike: THEM!

(Twilight gasps)

(crowd cheering)

Twilight: 95...96...97...

(Applejack straining)

98...

(Rainbow Dash straining)

99...

(both straining)

...a hundred!

Rainbow Dash: Yes!

(Applejack crashes to ground, grunts)

(bell dings)

Applejack: (to self) Be a good sport, Applejack...

(Applejack grunts)

(Rainbow Dash grunts)

(Rainbow Dash gasps)

(brakes squeal)

(bell dings)

(chickens clucking)

(chicks chirping)

(mud sloshing)

(Applejack gasps)

Twilight: All right, you two. This is the final event.

Give it all you've got.

(Applejack straining, Rainbow Dash grunts)

Spike: (projecting voice) Looks like the workhorse might come out ahead in this one!

(Applejack grunts)

Applejack: (mouth full) That's not fair! Y'can'd use yer wings t'help ya win!

Rainbow Dash: (mouth full) Huh?!

Applejack: (mouth full, accusatory) You're cheadin'!

Rainbow Dash: (mouth full) I can'd understand you wid dat rope in your mouth!

Applejack: I said...uh oh.

(Applejack grunts, ponies cheer)

Rainbow Dash: WOO-HOO!

I win by a landslide.

Or..."mudslide," in your case.

(Rainbow Dash chuckles)

I AM THE IRON PONY!

Applejack: Only 'cuz ya cheated!

Rainbow Dash: What?!

Applejack: You used your wingpower to help you win over half those contests!

Rainbow Dash: (dismissive) Sounds like sour apples to me.

Applejack: Are you sayin' you DIDN'T use yer wings?

Rainbow Dash: (hesitantly) Well...no...

(defensively) But you never said I COULDN'T use my wings!

Applejack: I didn't think I NEEDED t'tell ya t'play FAIR!

Rainbow Dash: (indignant) I still would have won even without my wings!

Applejack: (scoffs) Prove it!

Rainbow Dash: Gladly. How?

Applejack: Tomorrow's the annual Runnin' of the Leaves.

I challenge you t'race me in it.

Rainbow Dash: (dismissive scoff) Easy-shmeasy.

Applejack: Hold on!

(Rainbow Dash grunts)

There is one condition.

The point is to RUN, so no wings allowed.

Rainbow Dash: No wings? (Applejack grunts) No problem!

(Applejack spits into hoof)

(Rainbow Dash spits into hoof)

(brohoof)

(Rainbow Dash raspberries)

(both chuckle then abruptly stop)

Spike: Twilight, hurry up! We're gonna be late for the race!

Twilight: Why are YOU so excited about the race?

It's only for ponies.

Spike: Yeah, but I'm hoping I can be the announcer again.

Just listen: Fillies and gentlecolts,

Spike: (drowned out) Welcome to the annual running-

Pinkie Pie: (amplified)

Welcome to the annual Running of the Leaves!

This is Pinkie Pie, your official eye in the sky announcer!

Twilight: Sorry, Spike. I guess that job's already taken.

Pinkie Pie: As everypony knows, the running is

a very important tradition, for without it,

the autumn leaves of Equestria would never fall.

So get ready, ponies. The Running of the Leaves will begin in five minutes!

(ponies chattering and stretching)

(Applejack grunting)

Rainbow Dash: (gloating) Pardon me. Excuse me. Make way for the Iron Pony.

Applejack: The "Iron PHONY," y'mean.

Rainbow Dash: So, Applejack, you ready to win SECOND place?

Applejack: I'm ready to run a good, CLEAN race.

Rainbow Dash: Yeah, yeah.

Applejack: You are NOT allowed to use yer wings!

Rainbow Dash: I could win this race with both wings tied behind my back.

(Applejack strains, rope tightens)

Applejack: Trussed up like a turkey.

Well, a turkey who can't fly, that is.

Rainbow Dash: Very funny.

Applejack: At least now we know we're racin' fair'n'square.

Spike: Um...Pinkie Pie?

(trumpets playing Call to Post)

Pinkie Pie: Hey, Spike! What's up?

(trumpets playing Call to Post)

Oh wait, it's me! I'm up!

(giggles)

Spike: Uh, yeah...I know you're doing the announcing today and stuff, and...

I'm sure you're gonna do a great job and all but...

Spike: I was just wondering...

Pinkie Pie: (sweetly) What?

Spike: (dejected) Aw...forget it...

Pinkie Pie: Spike! Would you like to be my co-reporter?

We could comment on the action TOGETHER!

Spike: We could?!

Pinkie Pie: Climb on up!

(poof)

Applejack: Twilight?! What in tarnation are you doin' up here?

Twilight: I'm racing!

(Rainbow Dash bursts into uncontrollable laughter)

Rainbow Dash: (derisively) Good one, Twilight!

(Rainbow Dash laughing)

Twilight: I'm not joking.

Rainbow Dash: What?! You're not an ATHLETE, you're a...

well...you're an egghead.

Twilight: I am not an "egghead!" I am well-read.

Rainbow Dash: (whispers) Egghead!

Applejack: (snickers) But...have you ever run a race?

(Rainbow Dash and Applejack snickering)

Twilight: Well...no. But I do know a lot about running!

Rainbow Dash: And you know this from...?

(Rainbow Dash and Applejack snickering)

Twilight: Books! I've read several on the subject.

Rainbow Dash: (bursts out laughing) What'd you read?! "The Egghead's Guide to Running?"

(stammering from laughter) Did...did...did you stretch out your eye muscles to warm up?

(guffawing, crying while laughing) Get it?! "Eye muscles?!"

Twilight: Scoff if you must, Rainbow.

But the Running of the Leaves is a Ponyville tradition,

and since I'm here to learn, I've decided I shall experience it myself.

Applejack: Well, I think that's just dandy, Twilight.

Good luck.

(Applejack snickers)

Rainbow Dash: Yeah...see you at the finish line.

...tomorrow.

(Rainbow Dash and Applejack laugh)

Pinkie Pie: All right, ponies! ARE YOU READY?

Spike: Get set!

(drumroll)

(bell rings)

Pinkie Pie: Aaaand they're off!

Welcome to the official coverage of the Running of the Leaves!

You know, Spike, despite its name, the leaves

don't do any of the actual running.

No, that's left to "My Little Ponies."

Spike: (dumbstruck) Why...yes, Pinkie. It's the running of the

ponies that causes the leaves to fall!

Pinkie Pie: Ugh. Those lazy, LAZY leaves.

But this year, the run is about more than the weather.

It's about the race to the finish and the

two runners who want to win it:

Applejack and Rainbow Dash.

Spike: You know, Pinkie, these two ponies have a bit

of a grudge match they're trying to settle.

Trying to prove who's the most athletic.

Pinkie Pie: Yes, and "grudge" rhymes with "fudge."

Spike: Yes, it...does...what?

Pinkie Pie: And I like fudge.

But if I eat too much fudge, I get

a pudge, and then I can't budge.

Spike: (confused silence) So...no fudge...?

Pinkie Pie: Oh, no thanks. I had a big breakfast.

Let's check in with our two competitive ponies, Applejack and Rainbow Dash!

(rapid, racetrack announcer style) Having come fast out of the gate,

Applejack and Rainbow Dash are evenly matched running neck-and-neck.

But what's this? Applejack is making a move; she's now ahead by a nose.

But Rainbow Dash won't let Applejack have it and takes the lead!

SHE'S ahead by half a nose!

Or maybe three-quarters of a nose.

No, about 63.7% of a nose!

(sheepishly) ...Roughly speaking.

Applejack sees this move and pushes forth with her strong workhorse legs,

slinking ahead by 350 noses!

Applejack: (under breath) Not so easy without wings, is it?

Rainbow Dash: (to self) Come on, Rainbow! Show 'em a little "Dash!"

Spike: Ho-hooold yer horses, Pinkie!

Rainbow Dash is catching up to the frontrunner, Applejack!

Pinkie Pie: What an UPSET! I thought Applejack had this in the bag!

Rainbow Dash: You didn't think I was gonna

let you off THAT easy, did you?!

(hoof catches on rock)

Applejack: Whooooa! (crashes into ground)

(approaching rumble)

(rumble fades into distance)

Applejack: (panting) I don't believe it.

Twilight: I know! It's beautiful, isn't it?

Applejack: (exasperated) Not the SCENERY, Twilight!

Rainbow Dash just tripped me!

Twilight: She did not.

Applejack: She did too!

Twilight: She did not, and if you slowed down

and looked where you're going, like me,

you'd see that you tripped over a rock!

Applejack: What?! Aw, hayseed!

Now I got a lotta ground t'make up to catch Rainbow!

Twilight: (cheerily) Just be careful!

(Rainbow Dash sighs softly)

Applejack: See you at the finish line!

Spike: I don't believe it!

After a huge setback, Applejack is back at the front of the pack!

Pinkie Pie: (rapid, chaotic) She's the head of the pack, all right!

The pick of the litter! THE CAT'S PAJAMAS!

Oh, wait...why would Applejack take some poor kitty's PJ's?

That's not very sporting of her!

Spike: (confused) Ooookay...let's get back to the race.

Rainbow Dash: Not so fast, Applejack! This race isn't over yet!

Applejack: It is for you. Heh.

Rainbow Dash: (trips) Whoooa! (crashes into ground and grunts)

(racers rumble past)

Rainbow Dash: (scoffs) I don't believe it.

Applejack tripped me!

Twilight: Don't you ponies ever look where you're going?

You tripped on a stump. See?

Rainbow Dash: Oh, I see. A big cheater is what I see.

Twilight: Rainbow, Applejack would never cheat. It was just an accident.

Rainbow Dash: (sarcastic) Sure it was.

(false sincerity) I mean, yeah, I'm sure it was.

Twilight: Remember, Rainbow. This is just a game.

Rainbow Dash: (under breath) Yes, but the rules have

changed, and two can play at that game.

(waterfall flowing)

Pinkie Pie: Welcome back, Ponyvillians! It's me, Pinkie Pie!

Spike: And Spike.

Looks like Rainbow's doing her best to catch up.

Pinkie Pie: I'm not sure how ketchup [catch up]

is gonna help her in this contest.

Now, in a hot dog eating contest, it

can make them doggies nice and slippery,

but personally I prefer mustard. How about you, Spike?

Spike: (hesitantly) Uh...I like...pickles?

Pinkie Pie: Aaaand it looks like Applejack has found HERSELF

in quite a "pickle" as Rainbow overtakes her!

Rainbow Dash: (taunting) Look Ma, no wings!

Spike: As the racers enter Equestria's Whitetail Wood,

Rainbow Dash is back in the lead.

(Rainbow Dash chuckles, grabs branch)

(Applejack gasps, branch snaps back and impacts, Applejack grunts and crashes into ground)

Applejack: (spits) Hey! Rainbow!

(Rainbow Dash blows raspberry)

Applejack: (gasps) Why, that little cheater did that on purpose! It's ON.

(branch creaks, snaps forward)

Rainbow Dash: (to self) Nice one, Rainbow.

Applejack: Later!

(Applejack whooshes past, Rainbow Dash growls in frustration)

(bees buzzing)

(Applejack kicks tree)

(bees buzzing)

(Rainbow Dash gasps, screams)

(Rainbow Dash grunts)

(bees buzzing)

(Rainbow Dash spins sign around)

(Rainbow Dash guffaws, racers rumble past)

Twilight: Oh, my! Whitetail Wood is just lovely!

(Rainbow Dash frantically flips sign around)

Twilight: Hey, Rainbow. Shouldn't you be up ahead?

Rainbow Dash: (chuckles) I'm sure to win now.

Twilight: ...Except that all the other racers just passed you.

Rainbow Dash: Oh, horse apples...SEE YA!

Pinkie Pie: Applejack? What are you doing up here?

Spike: There aren't even any trees!

Applejack: Er, no, but the signs pointed this way...

...Rainbow.

Mind givin' me a lift?

Rainbow Dash: What the hay?! You said no flying!

Applejack: No, I said no wings.

Pinkie Pie: I must say, Spike, that this has been the

most interesting Running of the Leaves in Equestria's history!

Spike: (under breath, into microphone) With the most interesting announcing...

(Applejack kicks bucket, metallic thuds, sap pours out)

Pinkie Pie: But it's not the running that's been fascinating.

It's the LACK of running!

(Rainbow Dash grunts, sap stretches)

(racers rumble past)

(sap stretching, Rainbow Dash straining)

(Rainbow Dash screams)

(sap tensing)

(sap snaps back, breaks off, Rainbow Dash whooshes)

Applejack: (spinning) Whooooooa!

Rainbow Dash: (spinning) Whoooa!

(both screaming, crash into cliff face)

(rock cracking)

(both yelp)

(rock scrapes cliff face, both scream)

Twilight: Forgive me, girls. I know I'm not an athlete,

but shouldn't the Running of the Leaves actually involve running?

Rainbow Dash: Y'know...I think Twilight's right.

Applejack: Y'do?

Rainbow Dash: Yeah. If you wanna b*at me, you'd better...RUUUN!

Pinkie Pie: (rapid announcer voice) Once again, Applejack and Rainbow Dash are neck-and-neck,

jockeying for position.

Applejack inches ahead, now Rainbow, it's Applejack, it's Rainbow Dash, it's Applejack-

(ponies cheering)

(Applejack grunts)

Spike: Oh no she di'int!

(Rainbow Dash grunts)

Pinkie Pie: Oh yes she di'id!

(Applejack grunts)

Applejack: Cut it out!

Rainbow Dash: No, YOU cut it out!

Applejack: You started it.

Rainbow Dash: And now, I'm gonna finish it!

Applejack: Oh no you won't! (chomps tail)

(Rainbow Dash grunts)

Rainbow Dash: Oh yes I will!

(Applejack grunts)

(Applejack chomps rope)

Rainbow Dash: That's it! All bets are off!

Applejack: Oh no you DON'T!

(both grunt)

(crash)

(both scuffling and grunting)

Pinkie Pie: It's Applejack, it's Rainbow Dash, it's Applejack, it's Rainbow Dash-

(both crash)

Rainbow Dash: (pants) I won!

Applejack: No, I won!

Rainbow Dash: I won!

Spike: You tied!

Both: TIED?!

Applejack: For first...?

Pinkie Pie: For last!

Applejack: Last?!

Rainbow Dash: Then...who won?!

Both: YOU?!

Twilight: Oh, no. But I did get 5th place,

which is rather good considering I've never run a race before.

Applejack: What?! How's that even possible?

Rainbow Dash: You ran so slow! And you looked at the scenery!

Twilight: Exactly! I paced myself, just like my book said.

Then at the end, when all the other ponies were worn out,

(ponies moan)

I sprinted to the finish.

Rainbow Dash: I don't believe it. TWILIGHT b*at us!

Twilight: Well, with all your horsing around, it was quite easy.

Applejack: (sighs) Yer right, Twilight.

Our behavior was just terrible.

Rainbow Dash: We weren't very good sports.

(ponies gasp)

Celestia: Sounds to me like an important lesson was learned.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash: Princess Celestia?!

Applejack: What're you doin' here?

Celestia: Fall is one of my favorite seasons, so I

came to celebrate the Running of the Leaves.

Applejack: I'm sorry ya had t'see us bein' such poor sports, Princess.

Celestia: That's all right, Applejack. Anypony can get

swept up in the excitement of competition.

Twilight: It's important to remember that the friendship

is always more important than the competition.

Celestia: Exactly, Twilight.

Now, unfortunately, because the two of you were busy

tricking each other instead of shaking down leaves,

many of the lovely trees in Equestria are still covered.

Applejack: Why, Princess, I bet we can knock those leaves down fer ya lickety-split.

Whaddya say, friend? Wanna go fer another run?

Rainbow Dash: I'd love to stretch my legs.

(ending theme begins) My Little Pony

My Little Pony

(instrumental)

My Little Pony, friends
{"type": "series", "show": "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", "episode": "01x13 - Fall Weather Friends"}