(Scene starts with somebody's eye opening and the sound of a crying baby. The eye spots an alarm clock, it says 6:20)

[Brent gets out of bed, cut to scene of him washing his face already dressed, Kara carrying the baby walks over to him in the bathroom, he looks like he's about to throw up]

Kara: Honey? Are you alright?

Brent: Yeah. Yeah, just fighting off a stomach bug. I'll be fine. Did he sleep ok?

Kara: Great. As long as I was holding him. Can't wait for colic to be over. [she goes over to turn on the water in the bathtub] Oh shhh... come on Mikey, bathtub's coming. [she comforts the baby then turns back to Brent] He lifted his head yesterday. Take the day off, I mean you're sick anyway and you hardly ever see him. Or me.

Brent: I can't. I got a meeting with Crandall's kitchens; I think that deal's going to close.

Kara: They called about the car payment again. Its two months late.

Brent: We're going to be fine, honey. Enjoy your bath little man [he kisses the top of the baby's head and then kisses her]

[We see him walking down a flight of stairs unsteadily, leaning against the wall and then finally falling and vomiting all over the stairs. He comes back up to the home and puts down his briefcase]

Brent: You know honey; I don't think I'm going to go in. I'm coming down with something. Honey? Kara? [he goes into the bathroom where Kara is lying in the tub] Kara? [on closer inspection, her expression is blank, she's having a seizure] Kara! [he notices that the baby has fallen into the tub under the water, he immediately grabs the baby out] Mikey! Mikey! Kara! Mikey!

(Scene opens in the hospital, Chase rushes over to meet the EMTs bringing a crying Mikey in, followed by Kara)

EMT: 4-week old infant submerged in the bathtub. Don't know how long, non-responsive at the scene.

Chase: Obviously breathing now. Continue to blow by stat portable test.

EMT: Caucasian female, 32, catatonic seizure in the bathroom.

Kara: Where... where am I? [her neck is strapped so that she can't move her head]

[The EMTs lift the baby and Kara on to beds]

Brent: You're in the hospital, honey, you're in the hospital. Mikey's here and the doctor say he's going to be ok.

Chase: Hopefully. He needs to be checked out by the NICU.

Kara: What happened?

Brent: You passed out.

Kara: What?

Brent: Mikey fell.

Chase: Has your wife had a seizure before?

Brent: No.

Kara: I can't move my head, I want to see him!

Brent: He's right here, honey, he's ok, he's right here.

(Scene shifts to House and Wilson walking into the hospital together in the morning)

House: Tonight. L Word marathon.

Wilson: You watch the L Word?

House: On mute.

Wilson: I'll pass. [House looks confused] Dinner with Cuddy.

House: Still sucking up so she'll fund your play space for the chemo kids? They really ought to save their energy for other things. Like crying.

Wilson: She's the suck up. [they get into the lift]

House: She asked you?

Wilson: She's smart. She knows if she buys me enough alcohol, my defences just might be weakened.

House: Doesn't make sense. Unless she ran out of batteries.

Wilson: Hey, I'm recently single, she's single.

House: You're too nice for her to like you; she's not needy enough for you to like her. She's got an agenda, just not one that includes an appearance by 'little Jimmy'. I'll poll my peeps. [He goes into the conference room] How many of you think that Cuddy asked-- [only Cameron is there] or rather peep.

Cameron: Chase got a case in the ER; he wants us to take a look.

House: Unless Chase broke his neck falling off his polo pony, he had no reason to be in the ER.

Cameron: Cuddy put him on a 2-week NICU rotation. Patient had an unexplained seizure.

House: Seizures are cool to watch, boring to diagnose. What about Foreman? He needs to get his malingering butt back here.

Cameron: He almost died.

Foreman: Almost being the operative word [walking into the office].

Cameron: Hey. How are you doing? You look great. [Foreman rushes in to hug her... rather uncharacteristically]

Foreman: Thanks. I feel great.

House: Glad you're back. Cameron makes lousy coffee. Take mine black, the way I take my brain-damaged neurologists.

Foreman: Happy to help. [Cameron and House look suspicious at how chipper Foreman is]

Cameron: How are you coming along?

House: Tell her everything is great. Neither of us wants to deal with her guilt.

Cameron: I don't feel guilty.

House: Of course not, hell if people felt guilt every time they accidentally lobotomised a guy...

Cameron: I was trying to save his life.

House: Yeah, your heart was in the right place. [Foreman can't seem to figure out how to open a packet of coffee] It's just his brain that's not quite where it's supposed to be. [he grabs the packet out of Foreman's hands and tears it open with his teeth] Tell her everything's great.

Foreman: It's true. No more left-side right-side reversals, still some short-term memory loss and spatial processing problems but trying not to be too hard on myself.

House: Yeah, might pull a muscle.

Foreman: We have a case?

Cameron: Seizure that can't be explained by epilepsy. And accompanied by elevated calcium levels.

House: Still bored. Tell her why.

Foreman: Because seizure with mildly elevated calcium is diagnostically simple. It's either hyper parathyroid, cancer or calcium-mediated neurotoxicity. [he's puzzling over how to get the paper filter into the coffee machine]

House: Well done. But until you can remember how to make coffee, hands off the patients.

Cameron: House. All those reasons this case bores you, the ER has already ruled them out.

(Scene cuts to Chase checking on Mikey in the NICU)

Chase: [to a nurse] Lungs are clear, get an EEG, confirm that brain functions are ok.

House: Can we focus on the task at hand? Why did mommy twitch so hard she tossed the baby in with the bathwater?

Chase: You don't need me for this.

House: Of course I need you, we're a team.

Chase: Polyarteritis nodosa. Inflamed arteries in the brain cause seizures, inflamed arteries in the kidneys cause calcium build-up.

House: You're a moron; did you even look at the file? Kidney functions fine.

Cameron: Whipple's. [she makes it sound like wibbles]

House: What?

Cameron: Whipple's.

House: Test her. [she walks out] Cameron thinks it starts with a "w"; I'm thinking "v".

Chase: Dad vomited this morning, maybe they've both got strep.

House: Think you can do a strep throat culture without the swab ending up in the guy's poop chute?

Foreman: V for vasoconstriction.

House: Gotta be my guess.

Foreman: Excess calcium makes blood vessels in the brain clamp down, best case scenario, seizure; worst case, stroke.

House: Do a digital subtraction angiogram. Foreman can't tell up from down and Cameron's a girl - all that mechanical stuff.

Chase: Sorry, Cuddy says I'm stuck here.

(Scene shifts to Cuddy's office)

[She comes into the office carrying her bags. She puts her keys and handbag on the desk and takes a box of something out of a paper bag and turns on a lamp. She checks out the box with her back to the door--]

House: You're late. [he's lounging on the sofa next to the door and seems to have been there for quite some time]

Cuddy: And you are in my locked office. Again. [she hides the box in the handbag]

House: What you got there? Special panties for your date with Wilson?

Cuddy: It's not a date and it's none of your business.

House: It's not a date, it is business. And if it was business, you wouldn't say it was none of my business.

Cuddy: What do you want?

House: I want to talk about your date with Wilson.

Cuddy: It's not a date.

House: This is fun. Spring Chase from NICU and I'll shut up about your date.

Cuddy: NICU is short-staffed.

House: Have you suddenly lost the ability to lie? Nobody's quit NICU in two years. And if you're making up reasons, that means there is no reason. Which means he asked for the assignment, didn't he?

Cuddy: If Chase needs a break from you, he should take it.

House: Absolutely.

(Scene cuts to Cameron and Foreman testing Kara in the MRI machine)

Foreman: Both mom and dad are negative for strep.

Cameron: You'll be back playing with the big toys soon.

Foreman: Or not. Either way I'm fine.

Cameron: You don't have to say that.

Foreman: It's ok. I can always work in a research lab or teach.

Cameron: And you'd be ok with that?

Foreman: Why wouldn't I be?

Cameron: You were planning on pursuing grants of your own, running a department.

Foreman: I'm alive. Changing jobs, not making coffee... if that stuff bothers me now, I don't deserve this second chance.

(Scene cuts to Chase in the NICU with Brent)

Chase: They say that physical contact helps the healing process.

[Brent touches Mikey's hand and the baby stops being fretful]

(Scene cuts back and forth between Cameron checking Kara on the MRI machine and the NICU)

[Mikey's alarm starts beeping]

Brent: What's happening?

Chase: Your son's not getting enough oxygen, [to a nurse] take Mr Mason outside.

[Kara suddenly screams loudly in pain, her body bending upwards and blood starts spurting out from her vagina on to Cameron]

Chase: Lung's collapsed, he's not getting any air, I need an IV catheter!

[Kara continues screeching in pain]

Foreman: Another seizure?

Cameron: [puts her hand on Kara's chest] Her chest muscles aren't contracting, it's something else. Her whole back is spasming, two milligrams of diazepam, stat.

[Chase performs a needle thoracostomy on Mikey so he can start breathing again]

Nurse: He's ok.

Chase: His lung wouldn't have collapsed if he was ok.

[Kara still screeching, at this point only her feet and head are still on the bed surface, the rest of her body is bent upwards in pain]

Cameron: What the hell is happening?

Foreman: I have no idea.

(Scene cuts to Chase looking at an x-ray of Mikey's lungs)

House: So what causes seizures, hypercalcemia and the thing where mommy bends like Gumby?

Chase: A little busy here.

House: Oh oh, baby's lungs are going to conk out any minute. Probably want to deal with that.

Chase: I'll get right on it as soon as I finish indulging my boss.

House: Multi-task.

Chase: Chemical pneumonitis. Bubble bath got into the baby's lungs when he was underwater. Start him on prednisone; keep him on high FIO2 [to a nurse].

House: Let the indulging commence.

Chase: Lithium could cause all 3 of the mother's symptoms.

Cameron: No record she's on lithium.

Foreman: And tox screen was negative.

House: Lithium doesn't show on a basic tox screen, scarecrow.

Foreman: Myelogenous meningitis could also cover everything.

House: Rare complications of a rare blood cancer. You're not totally hopeless. Get an S-pep and an MRI for the myelogenous meningitis [to Cameron]. Search the patient's place for lithium [to Foreman]. Baby's lung problem is bacterial, not chemical, start ECMO [to Chase]. While you're searching for the lithium, take a water sample and check the pipes. You want me to write this down for you? [back to Chase] I ask you, he's almost dying, any excuse for not being fun?

[Chase follows House down the corridors]

Chase: I'm not putting that baby on ECMO, the chance of there being bacteria in bathwater--

House: Why don't you want to work for me? I'm nice, I'm fun at parties.

Chase: I'm not working NICU because of you. The baby's x-ray suggests a chemical pneumonitis.

House: Not to me. X-ray was too consolidated. So why are you down here? Hoping to expand your make out pool to include the preme to nine-year-old demographic?

Chase: I needed a break. From the patients. They lie to us all the time, Foreman almost died trying to save a drug-dealing cop. I just wanted to get away from that for a while.

House: What a complete load of crap. What am I a nurse you're trying to prep with this vulnerability thing?

Chase: ECMO could k*ll him.

House: You don't start him on ECMO and that infection could rampage through his body like pistons fans after a championship. But you do it your way. Nothing more honest than a d*ad baby [he gets into the lift]

(Scene cuts to Chase explaining to Brent outside the NICU)

Chase: ECMO stands for extracorporeal membrane oxygenation; basically we remove your son's blood--

Brent: All of his blood?

Chase: We run it through a machine which takes out carbon dioxide and adds oxygen. Then we re-warm the blood and run it back into his body. There is a significant risk of internal haemorrhaging and he may also suffer from--

Brent: You put him on antibiotics; won't that take care of the infection?

Chase: Not fast enough.

Brent: Are you sure this is Mikey's best sh*t?

Chase: Absolutely.

(Scene shifts to House dumping somebody's garbage all over Wilson's desk. Wilson looks a little bored by the outrageousness of it all)

[He curiously reaches over to pick up an empty envelope]

Wilson: Cuddy's trash?

House: Not anymore. Paid good money for it. [he finally finds the empty box that Cuddy was trying to hide that morning] Look at what she bought.

Wilson: Red clover.

House: What is red clover used for, Dr Wilson?

Wilson: Also used to treat asthma, psoriasis, joint pain...

House: She doesn't wheeze, flake or ache. And she didn't ask a pulmonologist or a dermatologist for dinner. She invited an oncologist. It's not a date, it's a consult.

[Cameron bursts in through the door]

Cameron: Mom's MRI was negative for masses, abscesses, there's no sign that she has myelogenous meningitis--

House: Fascinating, call me when we have--

Cameron: She has a subarachnoid bleed.

(Scene cuts to House and Cameron walking around the corner back into their conference room)

House: So why is our patient bleeding into her brain?

Cameron: Her blood workup shows her ProTime's elevated.

House: She's bleeding because she's not clotting. So why is she not clotting? [Foreman is in the room] What'd you bring us, daddy?

Foreman: The only mood altering drug was vodka, at the back of her drawer.

Cameron: Hiding booze is classic alcoholic behaviour, that'd explain the bleeding.

Foreman: What bleeding?

House: You don't remember? She bled all over you this morning [Foreman looks confused and a little distressed that House is suggesting something he can't remember]. Kidding. Idiots are fun; no wonder every village wants one.

Cameron: If she's an alcoholic, she would also be more prone to hypercalcemia.

Foreman: But tox screen was negative for alcohol.

House: Hey, it was your idea. Now it's even better. Mommy quits, she gets the DTs, it even explains the seizure.

Foreman: Also fits conversion disorder. They're deep in debt, he's working round the clock, they got a new baby - I think the seizure was a physical response to psychological stress.

House: Boozing mommy covers more symptoms. Put her in a nice Phenobarbital coma before the DTs k*ll her.

[Foreman shrugs and is about to walk out]

House: Where are you going?

Foreman: To put her in a phenocoma.

House: What if I'm wrong? What if daddy's the drunk?

Cameron: Do you want us to give her the pheno or not?

House: I want him to argue his point!

Foreman: I assume you considered the father and ruled him out.

House: What's that saying where you ASSume you become a pain in the ass to me?

Foreman: Why should I argue? You'd just overrule me.

House: Enough! Get a pony or a watermelon farm!

Cameron: House!

House: I need him to react; I need him to act like a human being. I need him to get over this boring, near-death rebirth.

Foreman: I have changed. It's not something you get over.

House: Nearly dying changes everything forever. For about 2 months. 2 months is too long, I need the guy I hired back now.

Foreman: No matter how much your misery loves company, it's not getting mine. I'll talk to the dad, Cameron can take the mom, we'll figure out if mom was a drinker.

House: Waste of time; put her in a coma before the DTs k*ll her.

[Foreman walks out, Cameron gives him a glare before walking out]

(Scene cuts to Cuddy and Wilson in a fancy restaurant for their "date")

Cuddy: So... is this a separation or...?

Wilson: Our lawyers have been hired, friends divvied up. Oddly she didn't fight me for House.

Cuddy: [laughs] At least there aren't kids involved. Just have each other to deal with.

Wilson: Hmm. If there had been kids, maybe we would have done more of that.

Cuddy: Do you want kids?

Wilson: Listen, is there anything in particular you wanted to... hospital business or...?

Cuddy: Catching up. I mean, you know... it's not like either one of us has anybody to run home to.

Wilson: No. [they continue eating, Cuddy looks uncomfortable]

(Scene cuts to Kara waking up out of her coma)

Cameron: How are you feeling?

Kara: Ok. A little groggy.

Cameron: There's somebody here to see you. [she steps aside to reveal Brent holding Mikey]

Brent: Hey Mikey, mommy's awake. [Kara sits up to hold the baby]

Kara: Oh Mikey, oh gosh, I was so scared! Oh... I love you [she kisses him] I love you so much, shh... [she turns to Brent] I'm sorry.

Brent: You don't have anything to be sorry about. You were sick.

(Scene cuts to Foreman and House at the nurse's station in front of Kara's room)

Foreman: Turns out she and her husband met in AA, obviously she slipped. Good call.

House: It wasn't hard considering my other choice was your stupid psych theory. [he reaches for his vicodin] Which was not stupid. I'm telling you, I'm going to drop the "N" b*mb if I have to.

Foreman: [pats House on the back] You're addicted to conflict.

House: Did they change the name?

Foreman: You could have handled this patient without dragging Chase in but the fact that he didn't want in k*lled you. [House looks into Kara's room, she's on her side facing away from the glass wall doing something] Just like the fact that you can't get a rise out of me.

House: [notices the empty baby crib at the end of Kara's bed] Where's the baby? [he throws his cane away and quickly runs (as well as a crippled man can at any rate) into Kara's room, Foreman hot on his heels]

[House pushes the baby crib away, swings around the end of Kara's bed and we can now see Kara is using the blankets and pillows to try and smother her baby. House rescues the baby while Foreman restrains Kara. House listens for Mikey's breathing]

House: No breath sounds, crash cart and epi, stat! [he starts giving the baby mouth-to-mouth] I told you your psych theory wasn't stupid.

(Scene cuts Brent watching Mikey from outside the NICU, Foreman is with him)

Foreman: Your son is s*ab but the lack of oxygen damaged his kidneys.

Brent: She must have rolled over on him by mistake.

Foreman: Mr Mason, I was there. Your wife tried to smother your son.

Brent: That's impossible. Kara would never hurt Mikey.

(Scene shifts to Cameron and Kara)

Kara: He knows. They said Mikey knows.

Cameron: You hear voices?

Kara: They wouldn't quit saying that Mikey would be better off if... they were right.

(Scene cuts back to the conference room)

Cameron: We've been trying to diagnose a seizure that didn't exist. She faked it when her husband caught her.

Foreman: I don't think she faked it.

Cameron: She just happened to seize right in the middle of drowning her child? Lucky break for the kid.

House: Hey, take it easy on Foreman. He's playing with one lobe tied behind his back.

Foreman: Postpartum psychosis makes her want to drown her kid, the internal conflict triggers a seizure.

House: You know what else might be a trigger? A physical illness. It's a wild idea, I know especially since she doesn't have any obviously physical symptoms like internal bleeding or excess calcium.

Foreman: I'll draw some blood, test for--

House: Ahhhh!! Jesus! You've done it again! Will you argue with me?! Drinkers don't eat right, explains the bleeding and the calcium, this might just be some crazy drunk and I'm telling you that she's about to die of myelogenous meningitis.

Cameron: We already tested for--

House: Exactly! It's an insane idea!

Foreman: Ok. What do you want me to do?

House: Have an original thought. In the meantime, stress her into having another seizure.

Foreman: We can't, she's on Haloperidol.

House: You also can't because it's dangerous and highly unethical, therefore, if you get caught, pretend you can't make coffee, mental defectives get tons of slack. [he sighs] Take her off the Haloperidol, hook her up to an EEG, flash some lights, make her pant, sh**t her up with a placebo. When she starts twitching, if the machine twitches along its real. If not, call the cops because she's a psycho k*ller.

[Foreman walks out, House walks into his office, Cameron follows]

Cameron: Stop pushing him.

House: Stop protecting him.

Cameron: He needs it.

House: Not if he wants to get better.

Cameron: He might not be able to get better.

House: Well then I need a new neurologist.

Cameron: He got sick doing his job.

House: Well if he got k*lled doing his job I wouldn't keep him on the payroll. I don't care how guilty you feel, or how touched you are by his reborn spirit.

Cameron: I'm not touched.

House: Then you're guilt-ridden.

Cameron: I'm not guilt-ridden!

House: Then you're pathetic!

Cameron: Right now I'm annoyed! Keeping him up all night in a seizure lab is not the way to advance his recovery, it's too much!

House: You're right, should stick around, make sure he doesn't screw up.

(Cut to Kara, Foreman and Cameron in the seizure lab)

Foreman: Kara, look directly into the light. [flashing lights] Keep looking. [to Cameron] Thought you'd be gone for the day.

Cameron: Thought I'd wait for the bone marrow biopsy results.

Foreman: House sent you to baby-sit me, didn't he?

Cameron: He asked me to wait for the results.

Foreman: Cameron, its fine.

Cameron: 'Course it is.

Foreman: Look, a few weeks ago you were upset that I didn't consider you a friend. Now you're upset that I'm happy?

Cameron: What can I say? Apparently I'm a bitch.

Foreman: Woah! [laughs] I didn't say that.

Cameron: It's annoying. Insisting every day of your life is a blessing is basically calling everyone else shallow. Gets old.

Foreman: Sorry.

Cameron: Oh, give it a rest.

(Scene cuts to House barging in on Wilson doing a test of some sort in the lab)

House: How was dinner?

Wilson: Cuddy did not mention cancer.

House: She lost her nerve.

Wilson: It was a date.

House: What are you doing?

Wilson: PCR test.

House: You're doing it yourself, in the middle of the night? On a spoon. Cuddy's spoon?

Wilson: I'm checking her saliva for cancer markers.

House: Yeah. I do that after all my dates too. People think you're the nice one.

Wilson: Why are you so worried about Cuddy?

House: You go first. You desperately want this to be a date.

Wilson: Because the alternative is cancer.

House: Just admit that you like her. She's smart, funny, got a zesty bod. I think it's great you can look beyond the fact she's the devil.

Wilson: I stole her spoon, you stole her garbage.

House: She's my boss. She gets sick, the hospital might replace her, especially if she dies. I'd have to learn how to manipulate someone new.

Wilson: Woah. I think I'm going to cry.

House: Find me when the results come in.

(Scene cuts to Chase and Brent in the NICU)

Chase: Mr Mason, because of the damage done to your son's kidneys, his potassium is climbing. It's causing irregular heartbeats. I'm doubling the meds and starting him on dialysis. Unless we get his potassium down, he's going to have a heart att*ck.

(Scene shifts back to the seizure lab)

Foreman: Kara, just another few minutes.

Cameron: Biopsy's back, she's negative for myelogenous meningitis.

Foreman: And she's not seizing. So we're wrong and House is wrong.

Cameron: You're ok with that? [alarms start beeping] She's seizing.

Foreman: She's not doing anything.

Cameron: Brain activity isn't accelerating, it's slowing down.

[Kara is grasping and sucking like as if she's a baby drinking milk from the mother's breasts]

(Scene cuts to conference room the next day)

Cameron: Muscle rigidity, involuntary grasping and sucking motions, she's in an encephalopathic delirium.

House: Hmm... a genuine physiological illness that rules out a few things. Like what I wonder?

Foreman: Postpartum psychosis and conversion disorder.

House: Thing about being a good loser, you're still a loser.

Foreman: Ouch.

Cameron: The delirium means her brain is shutting down, reverting to its most instinctual functions.

House: Since it's progressing, we can assume it's progressive. Which means it won't be long before the brain closes shop altogether. Ideas?

(Scene quickly cuts to the NICU, alarms are beeping)

Nurse: He's in vfib!

Chase: Potassium's still too high. No pulse, get him off the machine. [Nurse hands him paddles] Charge it up to 10. Clear!

Nurse: Still in vfib.

Chase: [hands the paddles back to her] Another amp of epi!

(Scene cuts back to the conference room)

House: Chase shouldn't be wasting his time in the NICU.

Foreman: Could be Wernicke's.

House: No, treatment for Wernicke's is thiamine; we gave her that together with the vino.

Cameron: Delirium points to lithium, I know we didn't find any but--

House: She had to be smuggling it in to be getting sicker.

Cameron: Whipple's causes encephalopathic delirium.

Foreman: Test was negative.

Cameron: The test could have been wrong.

House: Ideas are not soda cans, recycling sucks. Give me something new and shiny. Or go retro, take an old idea, shine it up, add a new symptom... encephalopathic delirium. Pellagra.

Foreman: She drinks. Alcoholics get pellagra. They eat lousy diets so no niacin.

House: He agrees with me, what a shock.

Foreman: But you're right, lack of niacin starves the brain, neurons shut down, causes seizures, encephalopathic delirium and psychosis.

[Chase enters the room]

Cameron: We give Kara niacin, she'll come out of her delirium and she'll be totally sane.

Chase: Don't think she's ever going to be sane again. Her son just died.

(Cut to Brent mourning in the NICU, cut to Foreman in Kara's room)

Foreman: How do you feel?

Kara: Err... my err... stomach kinda hurts.

Foreman: I need to ask you some questions, see how you're doing.

Kara: Mmhmm.

Foreman: Tell me your name?

Kara: Kara Mason, is my son here?

Foreman: When were you born?

Kara: Please, where is Michael? Is he ok?

Foreman: Do you hear any other voices besides mine?

Kara: No! Answer me!

Foreman: You've been suffering from delusions. They were caused by a vitamin deficiency, pellagra. Made you believe things that were not real.

Kara: Like the voices. I err... [she's starting to cry] remember doing things to Mikey... were those real?

Foreman: I'm afraid so.

Kara: So I...

Foreman: You tried to suffocate your son.

Kara: But I... you... you stopped me. And err... that... that other doctor, he got Mikey breathing...

Foreman: Your son's organs were damaged too severely. He passed away this morning.

Kara: [she finally breaks down altogether into grief] Oh nooo! No no no noooo! Noooo! Oh my god, no! Oh my god! [she leans over the side of the bed and suddenly vomits out a lot of blood]

(Cut to House and the ducklings in the conference room)

Foreman: Pellagra doesn't cause bloody vomit. She's still sick and getting worse.

[Chase is staring off into space]

House: So... what causes pellagra and crimson spew? [he bangs his cane on the glass wall in front of Chase, shocking him out of his mindless staring] d*ad baby, while sad, not our problem.

Chase: I should have given him more polystyrene.

House: You k*lled him, if you don't get over it, you're going to k*ll momma too.

Cameron: Her alcoholism caused the pellagra, maybe it also explains the vomiting. Gastritis.

Foreman: Gastritis meds aren't helping, which may confirm her story she only slipped once.

Cameron: You remove the drinking from the equation, internal bleeding, hypercalcemia, seizure and pellagra are all back in.

House: [looks at Chase who is still despondent] Chase, would you get your head out of the d*ad baby's butt and focus on the barely alive-- [he suddenly realises something] How much polystyrene did you give the kid?

Chase: One gram. His potassium just kept rising.

[House walks out]

(Cut to House walking in on Brent cradling the d*ad baby)

House: I need your son.

Brent: Who are you?

House: Your wife's doctor. Your son may have had the same condition she does.

Brent: My son didn't have a condition, she k*lled him.

House: If I biopsy her intestines, she'll bleed out. He obviously won't.

Brent: You're not using my son's body to help her.

House: Ok. How about trading him for a beer? Or maybe you're more of a whiskey guy. You didn't have strep or stomach bug the morning you came in, you puked because you were hung over. If she was a recovering drunk and slipping most of the time, you'd be right.

Brent: So I drink. You're acting like this is my fault.

House: People are going to feel sorry for you; they'll tell you that you can't anticipate the unthinkable well the fact is you can. It's just not all that pleasant.

Brent: Look, you don't know anything about how--

House: I know that people don't get crazy enough to k*ll someone without first being crazy enough for someone to notice. How many times did you go out for a drink because she was crying? How many times did you stay at work because you couldn't listen to her telling you what a bad mother she is? You were relieved. When she shut down. She just sat staring for hours at a time. She held the pillow over his head; you slept while she went nuts. Not exactly a draw but--

Brent: What is wrong with you? What kind of a person says those things now?

House: Let me do the test. It'll be one less thing for you to feel crappy about.

(Scene cuts to House walking back into his office)

[Chase broods in a chair but immediately tries to look occupied when House walks in]

House: Got a d*ad baby for you to biopsy.

Chase: Let Cameron do it.

House: Love working NICU? I can get you transferred.

Chase: I told you, I just wanted to trust patients.

House: You don't give a crap about patients. [Chase looks fed up and is about to walk out of the room] Your paycheck. [he holds it up out of the pile on his desk] You've been double-dipping. Taking your vacation time here while drawing a salary in NICU. Strange - rich boy doing all that for some extra cash.

Chase: [he tries to grab it from House but House pulls it out of his reach] I'm not rich.

House: But your dad was; now he's d*ad. If you're not rich that means that daddy cut you out. [he gives Chase the envelope]

Chase: I'm not rich.

House: Don't let it change you. And do the test.

(Scene cuts to Chase doing the biopsy on the d*ad baby, the song Over Yonder by the American Boy Choir plays over the scene)

[He starts by unwrapping the baby from the cloth]

Chase: God of compassion, take Michael into your arms, welcome him into paradise. There will be no sorrow, no weeping and no pain. Peace and joy forevermore. [whispers] I'm sorry. [he continues with the biopsy]

(Scene shifts to House playing with a yoyo in his office)

[Wilson walks in]

Wilson: It was a date. Cuddy's negative for all cancer markers. It was a date.

Chase: [walks in] Baby's intestines show slight villus atrophy.

[they all walk into the conference room]

Wilson: How would a baby have flattened villi?

House: He was being treated with polystyrene.

Foreman: Polystyrene shouldn't--

House: It didn't. Question is what do they use in the NICU to bind it together?

Cameron: Wheat gluten.

House: It's great stuff. Unless your body can't tolerate it.

Chase: The baby didn't have colic he had celiac disease?

House: Just like mom. Celiac can be triggered by all kinds of stress. Bills, childbirth, drunk husband. Every time she had a bowl of pasta or a slice of bread a slosh of soya sauce, her small intestine became more damaged, [CGI of the small intestines and the villi] less able to absorb the vitamins and minerals in her bloodstream. Her body couldn't absorb enough niacin, caused the pellagra. Didn't absorb vitamin K, caused the bleeding. And celiac is why the baby's meds didn't work. His body just couldn't absorb them. Switch mom to IV nutrition, its gluten free, that'll spruce her villi right up.

Cameron: No, celiac causes nutritional deprivation. Our patient has excess calcium.

House: [to Wilson] Tell them what causes excess calcium. With a chaser bloody vomit.

Wilson: Celiac patients are susceptible to cancer of the stomach lining. She has molt lymphoma.

House: Well, she's your patient now. [he looks back at the sheet Wilson gave him with the results of Cuddy's PCR test] And it wasn't a date.

(Scene cuts to House walking into Cuddy's office)

House: You don't have cancer.

Cuddy: You don't have dwarfism.

House: You have no proof of that. I on the other hand, have this. [he hands her the results sheet]

Cuddy: You ran a PCR on me without my consent?

House: Hey, it's good news.

Cuddy: Really? It's just hard to access because of this overwhelming sense of personal violation.

House: Deal with it on your own time. Bad news, oestrogen is too high.

Cuddy: No matter how many people you tell otherwise, I am and always have been a woman. Oestrogen is normal.

House: Not this much, not for at least for another week. That's when you ovulate.

Cuddy: You monitor my periods? Based on when I get bitchy or...?

House: Once a month, when you leave the kids cancer ward, your eyes glisten. About three days later, you break your ban on sugar and chow down a bucket of frozen yoghurt in the cafeteria, sprinkles included. Based on the last yoghurt sighting, you've got another week before you ovulate. You're on fertility meds. With red clover as an herbal booster. [Cuddy starts to look upset] And the dinner with Wilson was an audition. It's too bad he didn't land the gig. He would have had fun.

Cuddy: I was considering a donation, not a party.

House: So... when's our "dinner"? [with accompanying hand gestures]

[And the sound of Wilson's voice can be heard outside Cuddy's office talking to her assistant, about to walk in]

House: Oh he's going to be so disappointed.

Cuddy: Right. You two are going to have a lot of fun with this.

[the door opens]

Wilson: Your patient won't let me touch her.

(Scene cuts to House talking to Kara, sitting by her bedside)

Kara: I k*lled my son.

House: Is it my turn to say something obvious now? Oh I know, you were insane.

Kara: I did it. I chose to do it.

House: Yeah, like diabetics choose to not produce insulin. Listen, someone got sick, someone died. Happens every day. The only difference in this case is it wasn't the same someone.

Kara: I could have stopped. I didn't have to listen to those voices.

House: Spoken like a true sane person. This is not your fault. You're healthy now... except for the cancer.

Kara: Those voices felt as real to me as Michael's hand. Right here when he nursed. And... the smell of his hair...

House: You do not deserve to die.

Kara: Maybe. I don't want to live.

(Scene shifts to House walking out of Kara's room)

House: She said no.

Foreman: So we get her declared unstable, appoint a medical proxy.

House: She was unstable, now she's sane. She's entitled to refuse treatment.

Foreman: We have to change her mind, you can't just walk away.

House: Fine, go on in there and tell her that every day is a blessing! So you k*lled your baby, shake it off, think positive! At least you're alive. [he waits for a response] Hmm. Kinda hard to sell when you don't believe it huh? And you never believed it. You just wanted all that crap you went through to mean something, well it didn't mean anything, it never does. Welcome back.

Foreman: Why are you doing this to me? I was happy!

House: You were aspiring to be content.

Foreman: Don't give me a semantic argument. I was content with the way things were! That's what happiness is!

House: Yeah, if we're all just satisfied with what we have, what a beautiful world it would be. We'd all slowly starve to death in our own filth, but at least we'd be happy. Listen, I need your self-worth to hang on this job. I need you kicking ass here to be all that lets you rise above being miserable, if waking up in the morning is enough, I don't need you.

Foreman: I can live with that.

House: No you can't. Not anymore.

(Cut to Brent entering Kara's room)

Brent: If you got treatment then maybe we could... [long silent pause] When you see Mikey... tell him his dad says he's sorry.

(Cut to the elevator doors opening on the ground floor)

[Cuddy is met with Wilson and House walking out of the elevator. Bit of an odd moment as Cuddy gives House a look and House steps back to let Cuddy in first. Wilson notices the look and is immediately suspicious as Cuddy walks into the elevator and they walk out]

House: Hi.

Wilson: Bye.

House: Bye.

Cuddy: Bye.

[House wets his lips with his tongue as they walk out, Wilson looks shocked and grimaces before turning to face House - absolutely hilarious moment]

Wilson: Did you tell Cuddy that we tested her for cancer?

House: Yeah.

Wilson: And?

House: It wasn't a date. [Wilson narrows his eyes] Turned out she had some skin lesions, guess there was no genetic predisposition. [Wilson looks a little suspicious but lets it pass]

Wilson: You tivo The L Word?

(Episode ends with Foreman using cards of paper to try and memorise medical terms. He can't seem to remember them at all and throws them down in frustration. Cameron is watching from the doorway and then walks out. Foreman tries again and this time he smiles with success)
{"type": "series", "show": "House", "episode": "02x22 - Forever"}