[Scene opens on a large commercial kitchen. Chef Anthony (dressed in the traditional white) is speaking to a group of students gathered around a table]

Chef Anthony: The trick to onions — cut them in half length-wise, but leave the roots on. Then make your vertical slices. (He demonstrates the proper method for cutting onions than turns to his assistant Dana, also dressed in white) Need a dozen. Think you can handle this?

Dana: A dozen is 12, right?

[She grabs an onion and starts chopping while Chef Anthony continues with his lesson]

Chef Anthony: (picking up some greens) Next, we add mustard greens — spicy, and they pack a nice punch. Plus, they're really good for you. Improve mental function, protect against rheumatoid arthritis. Even inhibit certain types of cancer. (to Dana) Are you going to chop those onions or give them a Thai massage?

[Dana is chopping the onions much more slowly than Anthony was]

Dana: Well, I guess a happy ending is out of the question.

[The other students laugh]

Chef Anthony: I don't recall adding making snide remarks to your list of duties.

Dana: Just taking initiative.

Chef Anthony: (picking up a bowl of mushrooms) Secret ingredient: Porcini mushrooms. You want to reconstitute them in bowl of water.

[sh*t of Dana pausing and looking rather ill]

You also want to hire an assistant who can stay focused for longer than 30 seconds. Why don't I hear you chopping?

Dana: (trying to keep it together) Just give me a second.

[Dana coughs onto the onions she has been chopping]

Chef Anthony: You're kidding me, right?

Dana: So sorry.

Chef Anthony: Are you okay? You want to sit down?

[Dana picks up a mixing bowl and looks at her reflection in the shiny metal]

Dana: My lips are blue. Cyanosis. (She puts down the bowl) Pain in my back and chest. Spontaneous pneumothorax.

[Dana is now having trouble breathing and is unsteady on her feet]

Chef Anthony: What are you talking about?

Dana: I'm a doctor.

Chef Anthony: You are?

Dana: And I need a doctor.

[Dana collapses to the floor]

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene opens in Thirteen’s apartment. Thirteen and Foreman are lying in her bed. Foreman is watching her sleep. She wakes up and smiles at him]

Foreman: You drool.

Thirteen: Shut up.

[Cut to Wilson washing dishes in his kitchen. He finishes up, turns off the water, dries his hands and glances at a dirty coffee cup still sitting on the counter. It has a lipstick print on the rim]

[Cut to House limping into work at PPTH. He stops in front of the elevators and reads the signs posted on them, which say, “Temporarily Out of Order.”]

[Cut to House working his way slowly, and painfully up the hospital stairwell. He enters the diagnostics conference room and sits down heavily, throwing his cane on the table. He is clearly out of breath. Taub and Thirteen are already there]

Taub: I know gas is expensive, but I could've given you a ride.

House: Elevator's broken.

Thirteen: It was fine when I came up from admitting.

[Thirteen holds up a file as House as reaches into his pants pocket for his Vicodin bottle]

Thirteen: Dana Miller, the cancer researcher. Spontaneous pneumothorax.

House: Awfully thin file.

Taub: She just got admitted.

[Thirteen tosses the file onto the table]

House: Lots of things can cause pneumothorax. Why don't we let eight or ten other doctors rule out the boring stuff?

Thirteen: We wanna take this case. She's maybe five or ten years away from curing retinoblastoma.

House: (popping what looks like more than one Vicodin pill) Which would make this case attractive to anyone who has some vested interest in people curing the incurable.

Foreman: She hasn't suffered from COPD. She doesn't smoke. She hasn't been scuba diving. O2 sats are low even after chest tube insertion.

[House is checking his own pulse]

Taub: Pneumothorax could be secondary to a bunch of things. Cystic fibrosis, lung cancer.

Thirteen: Or, to be slightly more optimistic, late-onset asthma triggered by an unknown allergen.

[Kutner walks in and takes off his coat]

Kutner: We have a case?

House: Did you just get to work?

Kutner: Am I in trouble?

House: Did you take the elevators up?

Kutner: Yes.

Thirteen: (to House) So, steroids for asthma?

House: Yeah. Do a CT looking for hyperinflation to confirm. (The team files out)

[Cut to Dana’s room. Taub and Thirteen are preparing to take Dana to radiology]

Dana: I thought my hospital was high-tech. I'd have to wait all day for a CT.

Thirteen: Dr. House gets a few perks.

Dana: He has his own scanner?

Thirteen: No, just very loose interpretations of hospital procedure.

Dana: I appreciate the extra effort, but —

Taub: Our gift to society. We want to get you back to work as soon as possible.

Dana: Well, I'm not working. At least not as a doctor I quit. I left eight months ago.

Thirteen: You mean, like, a sabbatical?

Dana: I had a uterine myoma. Benign. But it ruptured and I needed emergency surgery. I was lying there on the table thinking, "I can't die now. I haven't been happy yet."

Thirteen: Couldn't you just buy an overpriced German sports car, or have an affair?

Dana: My sports car is doing what I want when I want. Right now I'm learning how to run a kitchen from one of the best chefs in New York.

Taub: You're washing pots and smashing garlic?

Dana: Smashing garlic makes me happy. Before that it was eight years studying, 12 years in that lab. It was always what I was supposed to do, and never what I wanted to do. (Taub and Thirteen roll the bed toward the door)

[Cut to Cuddy’s office. She is sitting behind her desk watching something on her computer monitor. House enters; she beckons to him]

Cuddy: Come here. Look at this. Come here.

[He goes around her desk to see what she is looking at. On the monitor screen can be seen live video of Rachel, who is home with the nanny. She is playing with her blanket and making happy baby noises]

House: Adorable. Elevators keep crashing. Is Mercury in retrograde or what?

Cuddy: Elevators can be capricious. Sometimes it just seems like they're out to get you. She keeps playing with the blanket. Why would she do that?

House: (walking back around to the front of the desk) Why do you think the elevators would be out to get me?

Cuddy: I don't know. Maybe they wanted to take time off to spend with their little dumb waiter. But than they had to leave it at home with an elevator sitter, because you drove the replacement elevator to quitting because, you're incapable of listening to anybody but me. That's just a theory.

House: You're wrong. I don't even listen to you. Either do your job or go home. Leave me out of it.

[He turns to leave, but stops and looks back when she speaks again]

Cuddy: I am gonna do my job. It doesn't mean I have to do it happily. Doesn't mean I have to do it without resentment. And it definitely doesn't mean I have to do it without seeking vengeance on the person making me be here. Congratulations. You've officially dragged me down to your level.

[Rachel can be heard laughing in the background]

House: Okay.

[House leaves and the camera cuts briefly to the computer monitor where Rachel can be seen pulling the blanket over her head again]

[Cut to the main lobby. House heads toward the elevators, and ignoring the “out of order” sign, pushes the button. He sees a hospital custodian sitting on a bench near the elevator. The custodian is hiding behind a newspaper]

House: (to the custodian) Hey, blue.

[The custodian puts down the newspaper, crosses his arms across his chest, and glares at House. House gets on the elevator when it arrives, than turns and smiles at the custodian with great satisfaction]

[Cut to the diagnostics conference room, where House and the team are looking at Dana’s CT scan on a lightboard]

Taub: It’s not asthma. Lung volume is normal. She did have a uterine myoma removed eight months ago. Central line IV could have made a hole near the lung that slowly expanded.

Kutner: No pleural thickening. I can't believe she quit.

Foreman: People have the right to be happy.

Kutner: I saw a four-year-old with retinoblastoma on my oncology rotation. The cancer had eaten through her eye and into her brain.

Foreman: Horrible diseases exist. It doesn't mean people should give up recreational anything.

[House has wandered over to the head of the table, and is now sitting down]

Thirteen: Why not? Big picture — I don't care if Jonas Salk’s life is a miserable shell. I just want him to cure polio.

Foreman: You can't live your life "big picture." You've gotta look out for yourself and the people you care about.

Thirteen: Well, then, why are you a doctor? Why aren't you sitting by a pool in Fiji knocking back mai tais?

House: People act in their own self-interests. You're all here because you're happy to be here. Or at least because it's your best option.

Kutner: I'm here because I want to help people.

House: No, you're here because it makes you feel good to help people. Taub and Foreman are here because they've got no other viable choices. And Thirteen is desperate to make her life matter before it's over.

Taub: So... you're happy to be here?

House: Does it show?

Kutner: (looking at the scan again) Are those... increased interstitial markings?

Foreman: Could be pulmonary fibrosis.

House: Do a biopsy. (The team files out. House stops Foreman) Foreman. "You've got to look out for the people you care about." That wouldn't have anything to do with you screwing over your clinical trial by slipping Thirteen the real drug would it?

Foreman: You said that would be stupid.

House: Does she know? Because Jonas Salk would not approve.

Foreman: There's nothing to know. (He leaves)

[Cut to the GRC. Foreman is testing Thirteen’s memory by showing her pictures and than asking her to remember them a few minutes later]

Foreman: (Holding up a card with pictures of a train, a duck, and a piano) Got it? (Thirteen nods and he holds up another card of pictures) Good?

Thirteen: Yep.

Foreman: You okay?

Thirteen: Just a headache. I took some ibuprofen, but —

Foreman: Where's the pain, front or back?

Thirteen: Front. Why are there never any interesting pictures on these cards? They should make a dirty version.

Foreman: A sharp pain, or more of a throbbing —

Thirteen: Relax, it's not a side effect. People get headaches.

Foreman: True, but I can get you an MRI.

Thirteen: If I'm on the drug, it's been weeks. It's not like something's going to suddenly crop up now.

Foreman: Okay. First card.

Thirteen: Train, duck...

Foreman: You can't remember?

Thirteen: Piano. (She laughs)

[Cut to Dana’s hospital room. Taub is talking to Dana]

Taub: We need a biopsy to confirm —

Dana: You need an open-lung biopsy to confirm pulmonary fibrosis. That's invasive surgery. I'd be out of commission for weeks.

Taub: No offense, but you're not working. What does it matter if you spend a little time in bed?

Dana: Not working doesn't mean I don't have places to go. I've got my book group, piano lessons, cooking classes. They make me happy.

Taub: A warm apple fritter makes me happy. It doesn't fulfill me as a person.

Dana: And working here does?

Taub: If it didn't, I’d have found a way to go back to tucking tummies.

Dana: Well, good for you. If your job fulfills you and makes you happy, that's rare.

Taub: I didn't say I was happy. I loved being a plastic surgeon. The money, the life style, and in a lot of ways this job stinks. I'm making five bucks, I’m always annoyed... but —

Dana: You can look yourself in the mirror and think, "I did something worthwhile today."

Taub: Exactly.

Dana: That's important. And I do miss that. But it just wasn't enough anymore. (She pauses and feels the left side of her stomach) That doesn't feel right.

Taub: Sit up.

[She tries to sit up but falls back in pain]

Dana: Oh, that's weird. (Taub taps her stomach with his fingers and then turns to get a syringe out of a drawer) What is it? Ascites?

[Taub jams the needle into Dana’s stomach and pulls back on the plunger]

Dana: Ow!

Taub: Your belly's full of blood.

[Cut to House walking down the hall toward his office. The team is trailing behind him]

House: First her lung deflates, like me after a cold shower. Now her liver starts to bleed, like me after—

[He trips in the doorway of his office, falling flat on his face, and dropping his cane. He looks back toward the door. Foreman steps over the tripwire in the doorway and goes to House, picking up his cane and holding it steady so House can use it to get up. Taub squats down to examine the tripwire]

Foreman: You okay?

House: Great. Just practicing my clown college audition.

Taub: Someone set a trip wire. We were with the patient the whole time.

Thirteen: We were in the GRC.

House: Lung, liver, go.

[The rest of the team step over the tripwire and enter the office]

Kutner: Shouldn't you be obsessing over who did this to you?

House: Nope — anybody bother MRIing our patient's liver for tumors?

Taub: Uh, no tumors, no cysts, no clear etiology.

[Taub holds the MRI film out and Foreman takes it and looks at it. Thirteen is standing next to him. She turns to also look at the scan. House is watching Thirteen closely]

Taub: If you're not obsessing, you must have already figured it out.

House: Yes. So I'm obsessing about why you're not obsessing about why our patient's liver suddenly sprang a leak.

Foreman: There's a tiny spot on the caudate obe. Could be a granuloma. (He hands the MRI scan to House) Erodes into the hepatic artery, causes the bleed.

House: (looking at the scan) What caused the granuloma?

Thirteen: Blastomycosis. Could have been a symptomatic for months. It hits her lungs, we give her steroids. It blossoms and att*cks her liver.

House: Get a piece of her lung, stick it under a black light. If it glows, sick children who need her soufflés can breathe easier.

[Taub, Thirteen, and Kutner file out, all carefully stepping over the tripwire. House stops Foreman again]

House: Foreman.

Foreman: Again?

House: (sitting down behind his desk) You have a problem.

Foreman: I told you, I didn't —

House: Then you really have a problem. The way she turned her head to look at the MRI... I think she's losing her peripheral vision.

Foreman: Because she turned her head?

House: I'm happy for you. A love so deep you're ready to chuck your medical license to give her powerful, unproven drugs with dangerous side effects. I don't want to make any assumptions about your feelings for me, but I do have a birthday coming up.

[Foreman shakes his head and leaves, carefully stepping over the tripwire]

[Cut to a clinic exam room. House is sitting on the exam table, treating a scrape on his right knee, which it can be assumed he got when he fell. Wilson enters]

Wilson: I hear Cuddy's SEAL training finally came in handy. Should I be investing in a flak jacket?

House: You're safe.

Wilson: No carpet b*mb? No burning of Dresden to teach her a lesson? Well, since you're incapable of taking the high road, I assume there's some deeper, more long-term strategy in effect.

House: Cuddy's not playing games. She's not looking for leverage. She wants pure, unadulterated vengeance.

Wilson: And your counter-move is to let her have it?

House: The only time to strike back is when I want something. All I want now is to get things back to normal. Which I can't get by escalating. The only way to win this w*r is to lose it. Let her punch herself out.

[House finishes by putting on a bandaid and than rolls down the leg of his pants]

Wilson: Yeah, that makes sense too.

House: "Too"?

Wilson: I was thinking you actually feel guilty about taking her away from her baby. But your explanation's good too. It's completely inconsistent with your character, but whatever.

House: Oh, thank you, rationalization man. You have saved the village. You wanna eat? (He gets down off the exam table)

Wilson: (picking up the file from the exam table) You forgot your file. (He sees the name on the file) Dana Miller? The cancer researcher?

House: Not anymore. (House opens the door and exits)

[Cut to Dana’s hospital room. She is scratching her head. Wilson enters]

Wilson: Dr. Miller, I doubt if you'll remember me —

Dana: James Wilson, right? Chicago, the adenocarcinoma conference.

Wilson: Impressive. You want some cortisone for that itch?

Dana: Liver failure. Itching is one of the lovely side effects.

Wilson: Why did you quit?

Dana: Well, the worst thing is now every time I get sick, I have to listen to a dozen people judge me.

Wilson: Do you want me to congratulate you? I've got four kids in pede-onc right now who are gonna die. Three of them within a year, the other in a few days, probably.

Dana: Breakthroughs will happen. With or without me, someone will find the answer.

Wilson: Maybe. (He scoffs) I — I... I'm in the trenches. I'm — I'm doing triage as best I can. You had the chance to end the w*r. How is someone like me supposed to keep fighting when someone like you just... walked away?

Dana: When I left my job, a lot of people were furious with me. It was easier to be angry than to admit they weren't happy. That they were stuck in a rut somewhere in their lives, unable to move forward. What's your rut?

[Cut to the Taub’s bedroom. Taub and his wife are lying in bed watching TV. Taub keeps looking at Rachel]

Rachel: Okay, you're freaking me out.

Taub: Do you think we should have kids?

Rachel: (turning off the TV) We've had this conversation.

Taub: Ten years ago. Things change.

Rachel: On our third date I told you that I didn't want to have kids, and you said that you were okay with that.

Taub: I said it because I wanted to sleep with you. And then I fell in love with you. And I realized that I really could be okay with it. It wasn't like I had this burning desire to have children.

Rachel: God, have you been resenting me all this time? Is that why —

Taub: No. Of course not. I'm just... revisiting.

Rachel: (taking his hand in hers) This isn't a whim for me. It's not a decision that I made lightly.

Taub: Don't you ever wonder what it would be like?

Rachel: All the time. Just not enough to make me want to do it. I like our life. Are you okay? Can I turn the TV back on? (She turns the TV back on and snuggles up close to him)

[Short aerial sh*t of PPTH at night and then cut to Foreman walking into the lab where Thirteen is working. He holds his forefinger up in front of her face]

Foreman: Look straight ahead.

[Foreman moves his finger, first to the left side of her head, and than to the right]

Thirteen: Why didn't we do this test this morning?

Foreman: You see that?

Thirteen: No.

Foreman: Damn.

Thirteen: I'm losing my peripheral vision? (Foreman nods) I am on the drug. Does this mean you have to tell them and take me off it?

Foreman: No, and yes. As far as they're concerned, you're on the placebo. I found out last week. The trial was getting positive results... So I switched you.

Thirteen: So my headaches... I'll stop taking the drug, and everything should be fine.

Thirteen: (turning back to the test she was performing) Specimen's negative for blastomycosis.

Foreman: That's it?

Thirteen: (getting up to leave) I'll go give House the test results. You can tell the patient.

Foreman: Hey!

Thirteen: (She stops and looks at him) We've been dating for two weeks. You just broke trial protocol and risked your entire career to give me a drug we're not even sure will help me. I don't think I'm ready for that. (She leaves)

[Cut to Dana’s hospital room. It is dark and she is sleeping. Foreman enters]

Foreman: (turning on the light and waking her up) Dr. Miller? I'm sorry. The test was negative. So I'm gonna take you off — what happened to your head?

Dana: I don't know. I was sleeping. It's so itchy.

Foreman: (grabbing a tissue) You were scratching it in your sleep. (He dabs at the bloody spot on her head with the tissue) You scratched right through your skull. This is brain matter. Need some help in here!

[Cut to a hospital lobby area. Thirteen, Kutner, and Foreman are sitting. House is standing in front of the reception desk. Taub approaches]

Taub: I did a free flap closure to avoid any scarring. She was lucky — the scratching didn't cause any brain damage. But the first thing she said when we woke her up was, “It still itches.” (He sits down beside Kutner)

[House hangs his cane up on a rail above the reception desk, pulls his Vicodin bottle out of his pocket and opens it]

House: Itch receptors are only in the top two layers of skin. Which means she's not actually itchy, she just thinks she is.

Taub: So the problem's in her brain?

Thirteen: Thank God we have you here to interpret that for us. Sorry, I have a headache.

Kutner: Could be psychogenic. She made big, sudden change in her life. Could be the result of a mental imbalance.

Taub: She wants to do what she wants to do. What's crazy about that?

Kutner: Why do you have to quit to do it? If I want to do something, I do it. If you can figure out a balance, there's no burnout.

House: Thanks for the lesson, Deepak. The itching started yesterday, not eight months ago. Meningitis, encephalitis... (He snaps the Vicodin bottle shut and pops a/some pill/pills)

Taub: Those are diffuse processes. This is localized.

Foreman: Could be plaques. MS would explain, possibly the lungs.

Taub: So would a brain tumor.

House: Well, how 'bout we stop guessing and MRI her head instead?

[The team all get up and leave. House reaches up for his cane, but it is not there. He looks around, confused, than realizes what happened. He spots a bucket and a mop sitting by a pillar and has an idea]

[Cut to the doctors’ locker room. Thirteen is unlocking her locker. Foreman enters]

Foreman: You want to talk about your headaches?

Thirteen: Not particularly.

Foreman: You went off the drug, but the headaches are worse. You need an MRI.

Thirteen: (taking a pill bottle from her locker) The patient needs an MRI. If she had gangrene, would you be amputating my leg?

Foreman: Those pills have codeine in them? You're taking twice the indicated amount.

Thirteen: I've only been off the drug for 24 hours, so I think the bigger issue here is that I've been off you for 24 hours.

Foreman: You have worsening headaches, loss of peripheral vision, and a long history of pretending bad things aren't happening. You really think this is just about my hurt feelings?

[Cut to House entering Cuddy’s office pushing the mop bucket; using it for support, like a cane. Cuddy hears the squeaking and turns toward him]

Cuddy: I don't remember demoting you.

House: (pulling a folded up magazine from his hip pocket) I brought you something. The latest issue of “Parent” magazine. Really interesting column. Apparently, working moms are actually more engaged and attentive than stay-at-home moms. Something about personal fulfillment.

Cuddy: (grabbing the magazine from him) That's just a rationalization by working moms to justify not being with their kids. Which is fine, if that's what they want. It's not what I want. (looking at the magazine) And this is “Nurses Quarterly.”

House: The point is —

Cuddy: You're only here to get back at me by dumping dirty mop water on my carpet. Just get it over with so I can get back to work.

[House just looks at her than, using the mop and bucket like a cane again, wheels his way out of her office]

[Cut to Thirteen lying on the MRI bed. The bed is moving into the machine]

Foreman: (speaking from the control room) I'm sorry. I figured... only one of us needed to go out on a limb. I thought I could help you.

Thirteen: It's hard to have a conversation when I'm trying not to move.

[beeps]

Foreman: (looking at the monitor) Oh, God.

[Cut to the conference room. Taub and Kutner are sitting at the table. House enters, using a utilitarian hospital cane]

Taub: Patient's MRI was negative. No tumors, no lesions.

Kutner: Where's your cane?

House: (heading for his office) Where are your coworkers?

Taub: I paged them.

Kutner: It could still be psychogenic.

Taub: Technically, it can't still be that, because it never could be that. She scratched through her skull while she was sleeping. Unless she was having a dream about fleas —

House: (talking to Foreman who has just entered and taken his coat off the rack) Oh, hey, funny you should drop by. We were just talking about this patient of ours. Tell him the part about where two of her doctors don't show up — (Foreman opens the door to leave) Where are you going? (putting something in his jacket pocket and coming back into the conference room) (to Taub and Kutner) Polyneuropathy. It's not in the brain, it's in the nerves. It explains the itching, the lungs, the liver. Shock the affected area, reboot the nerve — she'll be fine.

House: (following Foreman out into the hallway) Foreman. How bad is she?

Foreman: (waiting for the elevator) She's got a tumor in her optic chiasm.

House: You don't need your coat treat a tumor.

Foreman: I'm going to the drug company.

House: To tell them that you compromised their trial, your ethics, and the patient's health? That's a great idea.

Foreman: They have records on hundreds of patients. I can ask them for access, find out if other patients developed tumors and how they were treated.

House: This drug inhibits cell death. I think I could take a wild guess at how I treat that.

Foreman: Stop taking it? Yeah. She tried that yesterday.

House: Oh, my God, it's been a whole day, and her brain tumor hasn't melted away? (The elevator arrives) If you get on that elevator, and it's only 'cause you're worried about getting to sleep tonight —

Foreman: (getting on the elevator) I want to be able to tell her this happened to other people, and they're fine now.

House: So tell her.

Foreman: I'm not gonna lie to her.

House: A little late for that. (House stops the elevator doors from closing) You need to wait. Because if this thing doesn't go away, she's gonna need you to still have a medical license.

[Cut to Thirteen’s apartment. Foreman enters]

Foreman: So I spoke with House. He thinks we should just —

Thirteen: (sitting on the sofa) My leg is bleeding.

Foreman: (squatting down to look at her leg) What happened?

Thirteen: I was going for the phone, and I fell over the table. I can't see.

Foreman: What do you mean?

Thirteen: (sounding scared) I can't see anything.

[Cut to Wilson’s office the next morning. House is asleep on the sofa when Wilson enters. He sighs and slams the door, waking House up]

Wilson: You gonna tip housekeeping?

House: (looking at his watch) Get it from Cuddy.

Wilson: Don't tell me — she b*rned your apartment to the ground.

House: (holding his leg and sitting up) Warmth would have been nice. No heat, no power. Apparently Mrs. House called the utilities and told them we were moving.

Wilson: (checking House’s cell phone which is lying on the table) You have 17 messages. (tossing the phone to House) And your non-involvement strategy doesn't seem to be working.

[Cut to the conference room where Kutner is trying to call House on the phone. House enters and heads directly for the kitchen area for coffee. Thirteen and Foreman are not there]

Taub: Hang up, he's here.

Kutner: We've been paging you all night.

House: By all means, let's discuss the failed attempts to contact me, not the reason behind them.

Taub: Patient started experiencing spinal shocks before the machine was turned on. L’Hermitte's sign.

House: Shocks without shock, an itch that won't stop. She needs Dr. Seuss. (He pops a Vicodin)

Kutner: L’Hermitte's sign could mean Behcet's, B-12 deficiency.

House: No sores, no anemia. Where's Foreman?

Taub: No idea.

Kutner: Could be another demyelinating disease. Why are you asking about Foreman and not Thirteen?

House: Because both questions are bound to have the same answer. Ebony and ivory are joined near the hip. Forget the brain. Look lower.

Kutner: The spinal tumor wouldn't explain the liver or the lungs.

Taub: But an aggressive spinal hemangioma could.

House: Go find it.

[Cut to Thirteen’s apartment. Thirteen is sitting in a chair. House enters]

House: You didn't answer the door.

Thirteen: Probably because I didn't want to talk to anyone. You can leave your stolen key on your way out.

House: I was looking for Foreman. I figured... (He pauses, noticing that she is not looking at him) You can't see. Where is he?

Thirteen: On his way to the drug company.

House: (grabbing the phone off a table) Tell him to come back. I'll dial.

Thirteen: If they can help.

House: You think that drug company has a magic tumor wand that no one else knows about? You need radiation, not ritual sacrifice.

[House had been dialing the phone, but he pauses the call and sits down beside Thirteen]

House: He asked for my advice before he switched you off the placebo. I told him to do it if he loved you.

Thirteen: He only thinks he loves me.

House: It's the same thing. Yes, he's an idiot. You didn't ask him to do anything. You're pissed off that he did. So let him torch his career to pay for his sins. Unless, you actually feel something for the idiot. In which case, you might want to tell him to turn around. (He hands the phone to Thirteen who connects the call)

[Short aerial sh*t of PPTH than cut to Wilson approaching Cuddy at the main desk in the clinic]

Wilson: You're hurting him.

Cuddy: Good, after all the stunts he's pulled on me.

Wilson: You're physically hurting him.

Cuddy: That's the point.

Wilson: What's the point? What do you think you're going to accomplish?

Cuddy: (handing a file to the duty nurse) House shouldn't be allowed to make people miserable without paying for it.

Wilson: You're not miserable!

Cuddy: You're telling me how I feel?

Wilson: You're here because you like this. You like working with him.

Cuddy: Wow, if only I'd known I was having fun, I wouldn't have canceled the bouncy house.

Wilson: f*re him, and go be home with your new baby.

Cuddy: I like what he does for this hospital.

Wilson: What he does is who he is. And the same goes for you.

[Cut to House and Foreman in an OR. Thirteen is lying on the OR table. She has been anesthetized. They are preparing to irradiate her tumor]

House: Slow down. Unless you want to radiate her heart instead of her brain. Of course, then your problems would actually all go away.

Foreman: Thanks. I'm not beating myself up enough already over this. Entering the left common carotid.

House: (watching the monitor) You broke the rules. Girlfriend went blind. You gotta be ready for losing to be one of the possibilities. You're at the carotid bifurcation.

Foreman: I knew that giving her the drug would be bad for me if I got caught. I never thought it would be bad for her. Nobody else was having adverse reactions.

House: You did it because you love her. Ironically, you never took her into consideration. Can't wait to see what you get her for your anniversary. Catheter's adjacent to the optic chiasm. We're in position. (Using tongs, he takes a small vile out of a box and hands it to Foreman) Nukey, nukey.

[Cut to Taub and Kutner doing a scan on Dana]

Kutner: What's going on with everyone today?

Taub: It involves House, Foreman, and Thirteen, which means it's either dumb, dangerous, or tragic, or a combination. I'm embracing my ignorance.

Kutner: (looking at the monitor) House was right about the hemangioma. Looks fixable.

Taub: (also looking at the monitor) What's that? Hemangiomas travel solo. This thing has brought a friend. Masses in her lungs and spine. One in her pericardium.

Kutner: They're everywhere.

[Cut to Taub, Kutner, and House viewing the scan results in the radiology viewing room]

Taub: Classic mesothelioma. It metastasized outward to the spine and muscles.

House: Ah, the irony of it. Maybe she wouldn't be sick at all if some other lazy cancer researcher hadn't gone home early.

Kutner: Where are Foreman and Thirteen?

House: Shouldn't you be saying, "Those weren't there when we scanned her two days ago?”

Taub: Mesothelioma shouldn't grow this fast.

House: Good rephrasing. Have Wilson do a biopsy to confirm.

Kutner: No. Something weird is going on. It involves our colleagues — we should know. You want us to treat the patient, tell us what's going on.

Taub: Actually, all he needs us to do is tell Wilson to do something. So... (He leaves)

Kutner: You always blab to watch people react. So not blabbing means you don't want us to react, which can't be good. Is Thirteen's headache not just a headache? If I check with Admitting, am I gonna find her name?

[Cut to Wilson performing the biopsy on Dana]

Wilson: A little pinch. I'm sorry about the other day. I... unloaded on you. And...

Dana: You're not sorry. You feel bad because mesothelioma means I'm dying. You're a good person. I appreciate the sentiment.

Wilson: I'm not apologizing because you're dying. I'm apologizing because you were right. I am stuck. My girlfriend died. She was the only person I've loved for a long time, and... I'm still living in her apartment. I'm surrounded by her things. I have left it all exactly where it was. I don't know how to get unstuck.

Dana: The only wrong thing is... to do nothing.

Wilson: (nodding) Yeah. (inserting the biopsy needle) All right.

Dana: That's not supposed to happen.

[Cut to Thirteen in a recovery room. Foreman and Kutner are with her]

Kutner: Have you thought about going to the drug company, see if they can help?

Foreman: I thought about it.

Thirteen: We need to give it more time. It's been half a day.

Kutner: This thing keeps growing, there's other stuff in your brain you might need later on.

Thirteen: If I were any other patient, you'd both be in the lounge, eating donuts.

Foreman: You're not any other patient.

Thirteen: Right. Any other patient, you don't feel guilty. But you don't get to torch your career to pay for your sins.

Foreman: House told you to say that, didn't he?

Thirteen: Does that make it any less true?

Foreman: You think he's right?

Kutner: Who cares? You're a hypocrite. You don't ask her if she wants to be on the drug, but when there's a chance you could help her get better, suddenly you're letting her call the sh*ts? That's not being noble. That's saving your own ass.

Thirteen: I'd feel worse if he destroyed his career.

[Cut to Taub, Wilson, and House talking in a hospital corridor]

Wilson: Mesothelioma doesn't bleed.

House: So what causes masses that do bleed?

Wilson: AVM's secondary to schistosomiasis.

Taub: She'd be crawling with worms. We'd have noticed it. Gorham's disease and Kasabach-Merritt can both cause super-aggressive vascular tumors. (His pager goes off and he reads it) Patient's heart just stopped. (He takes off toward Dana’s room)

House: So what causes that?

[Cut to Dana’s room. Kutner is there, machines are beeping]

Kutner: Cardiac tamponade. She's bleeding into her pericardium, smothering her heart. Syringe.

[Kutner inserts the syringe into Dana’s pericardium and pulls up on the plunger]

Kutner: BP’s going back up. It's working.

Taub: No, it's not — look.

[Alarms are going off and Dana is bleeding from her eyes and nose]

[Short aerial sh*t of PPTH at dusk, than cut to House, Taub, and Kutner walking toward the elevators]

Taub: We're transfusing platelets, FFP, everything to try to keep her s*ab. But we can barely keep up with the blood loss. At this rate, she could be d*ad by the end of the day.

Kutner: We need to resect the vascular tumors, stop the bleeding.

House: Too late — no surgeon's gonna touch her now.

Kutner: So we give up? Just let her bleed out?

House: Don't be silly. You know what that would do to our malpractice insurance rates? We go on the offensive. Cut off the invading army's supply line.

Taub: You're talking about embolization?

House: Cut off the arteries that feed blood to the tumors, they wither and die. (pushing the elevator button) Start with the ones in her lungs. If they get any bigger, she's gonna have a hard time breathing. So she'll have a hard time telling us she's d*ad.

Taub: You can't k*ll the tumors without also k*lling healthy tissue. If we wipe out 3/4 of her lungs...

[The elevator has arrived and House gets on]

House: Let's hope that running marathons wasn't on her happy list. (The elevator doors close)

[Cut to a hospital corridor. Cuddy is sitting on a bench outside the elevators, twirling House’s cane with her fingers. House gets off the elevator]

Cuddy: (holding out the cane) I found this. In the, uh, coat closet. Where I hid it.

House: (taking the cane and holding it up to talk to it) Thought I'd never see you again. Little, little Greg. Yeah, you heard me right!

[House puts the utility cane on a cart being pushed by an orderly and sits down on the bench beside Cuddy]

Cuddy: You are who you are. It's annoying, but... it's not your fault. It isn't about you. I… I… I'm sorry.

House: Because you were doing this job perfectly until the baby came along.

Cuddy: What? I'm apologizing. Can't you just accept my —

House: I accept. We gonna have to do this dance again in 28 days?

Cuddy: What the hell is wrong with you?

House: Yesterday, you hate me. Today, you're practically weeping on my shoulder. I can only assume that what I'm hearing is your aunt flow telling me...

[House has his epiphany. He gets up and limps back to the elevator, pushing the button. Cuddy follows him]

Cuddy: When I was being a jerk, you suddenly act human. But when I act human, you turn back into a jerk.

House: Guess our cycles aren't matched up yet.

Cuddy: This is your way of saying you accept my apology, isn't it?

House: Nope, this is my way of saying you were doing a crappy job before; you will do a slightly crappier job now. Everything keeps going. Nature of life. Nature of parenthood.

[The elevator arrives and House steps on, but Cuddy stops the doors from closing]

Cuddy: Or this whole thing is just an act. And you've gone back to the part you think you need to play.

House: You should go talk to Wilson. Rationalization Man needs a faithful side kick. Now, Rational Man needs to go save a life.

[Cuddy smiles at him and lets go of the elevator doors]

[Cut to House striding purposefully into Dana’s room and heading right for the waste can. He toes it open and peers in]

Taub: House. If you're looking for returnable bottles, Kutner’s already cleaned it out.

House: Damn! Oh, well. (Putting his cane in the waste can, he hooks an empty sanitary napkin box and holds it up) That means the only thing I'm gonna get out of this... Is a diagnosis. (He flips the box to Taub)

Kutner: So the nurses gave her pads instead of tampons. Is that diagnostically relevant?

House: Fact that the nurses had to give her anything is. Means she's bleeding from her uterus. (He goes over to the foot of the bed)

Taub: Women do that. It's perfectly natural. Not scary at all.

House: She menstruating and, she's bleeding everywhere. There's about a 3 or 4 in 28 chance it's a coincidence. Which leaves a much bigger chance that the diagnosis is ectopic endometriosis. She had a myoma eight months ago. Surgeons cut through her uterine wall. Every cut of the scalpel could have sent endometrial cells spilling out into her bloodstream. Some of them took up residence in her lungs, some in her liver, some in her spine. And like all horny little cells, they went forth and multiplied till they reached a critical mass. In the days leading up to her next period, when her uterus is supposed to swell, everything swelled. And when her uterus was supposed to bleed, everything bled. Yes, ladies, I am blaming her period. Granted, it's the worst period ever. Although, frankly, not by all that much. Cut out the masses, she'll be fine.

Taub: Can't do surgery until her cycle's over and she stops bleeding.

House: Well, let's hope she can hold out till then. In the meantime, get her a pint of cookie dough ice cream and a DVD of “Beaches”. (He leaves)

[Cut to Foreman standing in Thirteen’s hospital room, looking upset. He approaches the bed and takes Thirteen’s hand. She is asleep]

Foreman: I'm sorry.

[Foreman starts to leave, but Thirteen wakes up and looks at him]

Thirteen: Foreman? I can see you.

[He sits down on the bed and hugs her]

[Brief aerial sh*t of PPTH and than cut to Taub entering Dana’s hospital room]

Taub: How you feeling?

Dana: Relative to the last few days, awesome.

Taub: You almost died. For the second time in eight months.

Dana: I know.

Taub: How do you feel about your life choices this time?

Dana: I didn't lie there thinking "what if?"

Taub: I always worry, on my death bed I'll think, "I didn't do anything really important."

Dana: You're gonna spend one day of your life on your death bed. The other 25,000 are the ones we should be worrying about. Go to bed happy tonight.

[Cut to Foreman in the GRC, observing the drug trial participants. He pulls out his cell phone and dials]

Foreman: Dr. Schmidt. It's Eric Foreman. Uh, actually, the trial isn't going too well.

[Cut to the doctors’ locker room. Foreman is just sitting on a bench, looking discouraged. House enters]

House: You told them, didn't you? (Foreman nods) Well, you really had no choice... On account of being an idiot. They gonna pull the drug?

[House opens a locker and starts rummaging]

Foreman: I broke protocol. Her results are no longer admissible to the trial. They don't have to do anything. Anyone else gets a tumor, they'll put a warning on the label.

[House takes a wallet from a pocket, takes some cash from it]

House: Gonna keep your license?

Foreman: They'll come after me if I attempt to participate in any more trials.

House: That's very decent of them. (He puts the wallet back into the pocket) Well, good for me. (He closes the locker door) I'll see you tomorrow. (He puts the money in his pants pocket) And the next day. And the next day. (He moves toward the locker room door)

Foreman: That wasn't your locker, was it?

House: It's a lock-er room. How else are they gonna learn? (He leaves)

[The last scenes play out with a background of Joshua Radin singing “Brand New Day.”]

[Cut to the Taub’s bedroom. Rachel wakes up and sees Taub sitting in a chair across the room]

Rachel: Do you think you can't be happy without a kid?

Taub: I don't know. I know I can't be happy without you.

[Rachel gets out of bed and goes to snuggle up beside him in the chair]

[Cut to Foreman and Thirteen lying in Thirteen’s bed. Foreman is awake, just staring up at the ceiling. Thirteen wakes up and looks at him]

Thirteen: You snore.

Foreman: Shut up.

[Cut to Wilson washing a few dishes in his kitchen sink. It is a bright, sunny morning. He hesitates, than grabs Amber’s lipstick stained cup and washes it]

THE END
{"type": "series", "show": "House", "episode": "05x14 - The Greater Good"}