Original Air Date on January 11th, 2007

Linda Lake: I need 11 copies of each by tomorrow morning, and before my macchiato goes arctic. Assistants just don't have the stamina they used to have.

Chloe: Uh, excuse me, miss Lake, with all due respect, I'm not an assistant. I'm a reporter.

Linda Lake: Of course you are. Unfortunately, Sullivan, what matters is that I can see Gotham from my new office, and you ... oh, well, you, hon, you work below sea level.

Chloe: At the risk of heresy, I would rather be snorkeling for the rest of my life than destroy a man's career based on rumor.

Linda Lake: I only print the truth, and if you haven't noticed, I print it on page 1, section B every week.

[ The scene shifts to the streets below the Daily Planet. Linda Lake is walking on the sidewalk, talking on her cell phone.]

Linda Lake: Ron, I know for a fact this guy is on steroids. He's a juicer. I can smell the slow-roasting ink of tomorrow's headline. Well, you said you wanted someone with their finger on the pulse of the city. Well, I just h*t an artery.

[ The baseball player, Mike Dawson, appears on the street in front of her, looking enraged.]

Linda Lake: Well, if it isn't the steroid stallion ... what? Don't you have some muscle-cocktail mixing to do?

Mike Dawson: You ruined my life! And you don't even care, do you?

Linda Lake: Oh, please. If you didn't want to get red-rovered by the Meteor's lineup, maybe you should have reconsidered jamming that needle into your tush.

Mike Dawson: You're pretty quick to get high and mighty.

Linda Lake: I think those aminos are going to your head.

Mike Dawson: And I think you've destroyed enough lives. I'm not gonna let you destroy any more.

[ Linda turns to run and after a moment, Dawson follows. When he catches up to her, he only sees a puddle of water draining slowly into the decorative fountain in front of the building. He walks up to the fountain and looks into the water, and the water explodes up at him, pulling him in. He struggles against it, but can't escape.]

Chloe: So I'm guessing you didn't ditch prime time on your social calendar to come and help me research the dwindling pigeon population.

Lana: Chloe, Lex proposed.

Chloe: And?

Lana: And I haven't given him an answer yet.

Chloe: I'm sure that's going over well.

Lana: Lex and I are in a really great place right now, but when I actually heard those words, there was something that wouldn't let me say yes.

Chloe: Something like Clark?

Lana: When I was with Clark, I would have said yes without hesitating. I thought that chapter of my life was over.

Chloe: Lana ... I think that you need to stop reading between the lines and actually talk to Clark before you're going to be able to close this book on him forever. Let's go.

[ As they leave, the water in the water cooler stirs.]

Jimmy: ScoopGirl?

Lois: Hotshot485? You've got to be kidding me.

Jimmy: I'm not the one up all night tooling the internet for Green Arrow pics. Don't you have a boyfriend?

Lois: Do you have the photos?

Jimmy: You got the cash?

Lois: I don't get it. Of all the photographers in Metropolis, how is it that you end up with the first sh*ts of our merry archer?

Jimmy: I have my connections.

Lois: No. Really.

Jimmy: Oh, well, guy doesn't get out of the su1c1de slums much, so I just hung out there for a few weeks ... in my car with my pepper spray and the doors locked.

Lois: This is it? A bunch of arms and legs? Nice work, hotshot. I mean, you didn't even manage to catch one sh*t of his face. All these tell me about Green Arrow is that he needs a band-aid.

Jimmy: Well, at least you got a good look at that.

Clark: Hey, Chloe.

[ As Clark walks up to Chloe, she is reading the morning's gossip column, detailing her exact conversation with Lana from the night before.]

Chloe: Have you seen the Daily Planet this morning?

Clark: No.

Chloe: Okay. God, I can't let you read this in the paper. Lex proposed to Lana.

Clark: What did she say?

Chloe: She hasn't given him an answer.

Clark: It says here it's because of me. Is this true? Chloe? I know better ... look, I know better. You know, I've tried so hard to let Lana go that ... if she marries Lex, there's no going back. Is it true?

Chloe: I would double down on the fact that Lana's still in love with you.

Clark: I can't let her do this.

Chloe: Whoa, Clark. Wait a minute. I-it's a lot more complicated now.

Clark: What could be more complicated than living your life with regrets?

Chloe: [ Sighs ]

[ Lex brings Lana breakfast in bed, with a copy of the Daily Planet on the breakfast tray.]

Lana: You didn't have to do that.

Lex: I was feeling alone waiting for your answer. I didn't realize I had so much company.

[ Lana sees the headlines from the article about her.]

Lana: I don't know what to say.

Lex: Then let me. "When I was with Clark, I would have said yes without hesitating." You know, the worst part of waiting ... was dwelling on all the reasons why you might be stalling. At least now I know.

Lana: Lex, I'm sorry.

[ Lana's cell phone rings, with a call from Chloe.]

Assistant: Mr. Luthor, you have a guest.

[ Lex leaves Lana in her room, as she sends the call to her voice mail. Lex meets Clark in the study.]

Clark: They said Lana was here.

Lex: She was. But I'm afraid you just missed her.

Clark: I'll come back later.

Lex: So you really think you can convince her? You think you can talk her out of making the biggest mistake of her life by marrying me?

Clark: We both know that you swept in after ...

Lex: After you crushed her?

Clark: You knew she was vulnerable, and you played her until she thought she was in love with you.

Lex: If you really see Lana as that naive, you obviously don't think as much of her as I do.

Clark: It must be eating at you that she's hesitating ... wondering why she hasn't given you an answer.

Lex: I guess it would ... if I didn't know what the answer was going to be. You see, I highly doubt she'll say no, Clark ... now that she's carrying my child.

Chloe: So you're telling me you think that Metropolis' most worshiped meathead was m*rder?

Jimmy: Hey, now, that's my childhood hero you're talking smack about, and the one baseball card I still can't manage to snag.

Chloe: Still?

Jimmy: Yeah. It's an investment.

Chloe: So, why the homicide hunch on this guy?

Jimmy: The obit writer left me Dawson's file to scan his photo. Preliminary investigation is calling it su1c1de, but how's a guy who's larger than life drown in 2 feet of water?

Chloe: Well, his career was over. And Lake was right ... the coroner's report says that Dawson was juiced up on muscle mixers.

Jimmy: Chloe, you're going to tell me that someone on a 'roid rage is going to lie down in a koi pond and call it a day?

Linda Lake: You said you'd have it ready by today.

Interior Decorator: Well, that was before you added the zen waterfall. I have to get approval.

Linda Lake: Approval? Oh, please. This pulp rag lives or dies by my column. Now, you get it done by today, or you're going to be decorating bathrooms in strip malls. Ugh! [ She yells at the construction crew in her office. ] Get out!

Linda Lake: Hmm. Mr. Luthor. Now, there's only one reason a celebrity pays me a house call.

[ Chuckles]

Lex: Right to the point. Since you have a unique way of exhuming even the most carefully buried secrets, I have a little freelance assignment for you.

Linda Lake: I quit doing freelance when I quit fetching lattes for pudgy-fingered newsroom vultures.

Lex: Well, I'll let you decide what it's worth to you. Fill in whatever number you want. Just get me anything you can on Clark Kent and Lana Lang.

Lois: Ahh. Okay, how long do I have to do this for?

Oliver: What was it that you said, huh? Yoga is glorified stretching with chants.

Lois: Little bit different perspective from down here.

Oliver: Well, this is a good way to strengthen your core, trust me. Whoa! Oh!

Lois: I didn't realize that my core was in question.

Oliver: You really want to keep talking?

Lois: No.

[ They kiss and she takes off his shirt, exposing a huge gash on his upper arm. When she sees it, she remembers the picture of Green Arrow from Jimmy, with a bloody gash in the same place.]

Oliver: Hey. Oh, it's a scratch. Don't worry about it.

Lois: A scratch, huh?

Oliver: Mm-hmm.

Lois: How did that happen?

Oliver: Um, it was a fencing accident.

Lois: With a real blade?

Oliver: Uh, you know, the tip snapped off and caught me. Trust me, it looks worse than it feels, okay? I promise.

Lois: Thank you for all of the chakra reorganizing, but I have to go.

Oliver: Well, I mean, uh ...

[ Lois runs out of the apartment.]

Lois: Goodbye.

[ As she rides the elevator down, she checks her photos to be sure of what she's seen.]

Lois: Smallville, sorry about the article. It's bad enough to have a broken heart, but to have it splashed all over the newspapers ...

Clark: I guess that's what reporters do, don't they?

Lois: Okay, I think that little zinger just ricocheted off of Linda Lake and h*t me.

Clark: Look, I'm sorry. People keep secrets for a reason.

Lois: I don't know. If you ask me, I think a secret is just a big loophole in the whole "thou shall not lie" clause.

Clark: There's just no gray area with you, is there?

Lois: Not when someone I thought I knew better than anyone has been keeping the biggest secret of all.

Clark: What are you talking about?

Lois: What would you do if one day you realized someone close to you had a serious hero complex?

[ Clark looks at her uneasily, unsure where this is going.]

Clark: Hero complex?

Lois: Hiding his true identity from everyone he supposedly cares about. You can't tell me you wouldn't find something wrong with that.

Clark: Who exactly are we talking about?

Lois: Green arrow, A.K.A. Oliver Queen.

Clark: [ Relieved ] Oliver.

Lois: Jimmy snapped photos of Green Arrow getting slashed in the arm exactly where Ollie's arm is cut. Plus, the time printed on the photos is exactly the same time Ollie disappeared on me that same night.

Clark: When are you planning to unload this theory on Oliver?

Lois: I need proof first ... definitive proof. That's where I thought you might come in handy.

[ Chloe walks into her apartment and Clark is there with Lois' Green Arrow pictures.]

Chloe: [ Exhales sharply ] I swear I'm losing my scare reflex because of you.

Clark: Lois asked me to ...

Chloe: Oh, please, Clark. Are you going to tell me why you're digging in Lois' purse, snoop dogg? Wait. Let me guess. You're covering for the new pledge of your hero fraternity.

Clark: Last time Lois said she had a lead on the Green Arrow, she was just bluffing. Now she says Jimmy has sh*ts that will help I.D. him.

Chloe: Jimmy? He's moonlighting for Lois?

Clark: I guess we all have secrets to keep. You should know that better than anyone right now. You knew that Lana was pregnant, didn't you?

Chloe: You had that coming, you know?

[ They separate and Clark looks at her very intensely.]

Clark: For the record ... I prefer "intergalactic traveler" over "alien from another planet."

[ Chloe chuckles at this, unable to stay mad at him. In the bathroom, the water recedes, then swirls to form Linda Lake, listening at the door.]

Chloe: Hey! Hey. Thanks for finally returning one of my phone calls.

Lana: How much does Lana Lang's personal life boost newspaper sales these days?

Chloe: Okay. I was expecting that. But to be honest, I was kind of hoping you'd give me the benefit of the doubt. I guess there's a shortage of those today.

Lana: That article recites our conversation verbatim.

Chloe: Do you honestly think I would betray you like that, Lana?

Lana: What other explanation is there?

Chloe: I'm not sure, but the Lana Lang I know would at least give me a chance to find one.

Lana: After Clark, I guess I'm so jaded, I don't even know what to expect from my friends anymore.

Chloe: So I take it the conversation didn't go so well.

Lana: Conversation?

Chloe: Clark left the talon to go talk to you.

Lana: About what?

Chloe: Well ... I don't ... I should just put a bag over my head that says, "if you want to keep a secret, don't tell me."

Lana: What did he want to say?

Chloe: You two need to O.K. Corral it on your own, because I've been blamed for putting words in people's mouths enough for one day.

Lana: I'm sorry I didn't trust you. I just ... I don't understand how every intimate detail of my life is being leaked into Linda Lake's column.

Chloe: From what I found out, her reconnaissance techniques aren't exactly from the journalist's code of ethics. I think it's time we turn the tables on our little resident voyeur.

Lois: Hey, I got your call. What's the 911?

Clark: I've been thinking. Maybe your Oliver theory isn't so far out there. And if he is the Green Arrow, you deserve to know the truth.

Lois: Really? Because I've been doing some thinking of my own, and ... maybe I don't want to know. I went through all the articles on Green Arrow's crimes, and what if we just got off on the wrong foot? I mean, the whole "rob from the rich to give to the poor" thing, that wins him some points, right?

Clark: Are you feeling okay?

Lois: No! I'm not all right, Clark. I think I'm in love with Oliver. I don't know how you ever let Lana go if you felt this way. Because I swear, the guy could tell me he was from Mars right now, and I would find a way to dismiss it as an endearing quirk.

Clark: Lois, you're like a pit bull on a pant leg. You're never going to let this go until you know for sure.

Lois: I hate that you know me like that. But I can't just pull a Lois and ambush him. What if I'm wrong?

Clark: What if you never need to confront him?

Lois: Hmm.

Lois: Isn't this exciting? Our first group movie night. I mean, don't you just love spontaneity?

[ Elevator dings]

Lois: Let me get it. Clark, come on in. Let me get your jacket.

Clark: Thanks for having me over. Lois, looks like you went all out.

Lois: Well, it's not a party until you ... oh, no. I can't believe I did that. You can't have cocktails without ice. Don't worry. Yours will be virgin.

Oliver: I'll run to the corner. I can grab it.

Lois: No, no, I got it! My party, my bad.

Oliver: Think she suspects anything?

Clark: I think she's a little preoccupied.

Oliver: Then it's showtime.

[ Oliver opens his hidden Green Arrow room.]

[ Lois is down in an alley and calls Oliver on her cell phone, obviously faking being chased.]

Lois: Oliver, they're chasing me. I don't know how many there are. 10, maybe. I shouldn't have cut down the alley. [ She bangs her cell phone on the dumpster. ] Oh, my God! Oliver! Help me! [ Lois bangs her cell phone on the side of a dumpster again for effect, and it breaks in her hand. ] Oh. Good one, Lois.

[ As she turns, three thugs emerge out of the shadows.]

Thug: Need some help?

[ Jimmy jumps out from behind some boxes and ambushes the first thug as Lois is grabbed by the other two.]

Jimmy: Ow! You didn't tell me they were going to be real thugs!

Lois: Well, they kind of made an impromptu appearance.

Jimmy: Aah!

Lois: Get off! Get off of me!

[ The Green Arrow appears suddenly and throws one of the thugs across the alley, then pulls an arrow but the other two thugs are already running away. Lois sees this and believes she has the proof she needs that Oliver is the Green Arrow.]

Lois: Your secret's safe with me, Oliver.

[ Jimmy is madly taking pictures as Lois kisses the Gree Arrow passionately. After a moment, she realizes she's not kissing Oliver at all.]

Lois: You're, uh ...

[ Oliver appears next to them, still wearing his street clothes.]

Oliver: That's a hell of a thank-you.

[ Lois realizes her mistake and slaps the Green Arrow, turning sheepishly to Oliver. The Green Arrow uses this distraction to leave, disappearing in the blink of an eye. As he does, Jimmy gets a final sh*t of Green Arrow's exit. All of them turn in awe of the amazing quick exit by the Green Arrow.]

Oliver: [ Gloating ] Did you just call him "Oliver"?

Lois: It was just a hunch.

[ Clark stops around the corner and removes the Green Arrow hood, with a flushed, embarrassed but fairly exhilarated look on his face.]

[ Chloe is sitting at Linda Lake's desk at the Planet, setting up a hidden video feed, with Lana on the other end of the video link.]

Chloe: All right, Lana. Are you ready for your close-up?

Lana: I can't believe this is so easy.

Chloe: Okay. How are my pearly megapixels looking?

Lana: Crystal clear. Since we're eavesdropping, can you find out what else she has on Lex and me?

Chloe: Yeah, sure. Do a little recon while we're at it.

[ Chloe pulls up Linda's latest article, which reveals that Clark is not from Earth. Lana can only see the look on Chloe's face.]

Lana: Chloe, what is it?

Chloe: Oh, Clark.

[ Linda appears in the doorway.]

Linda Lake: Like tomorrow's headline? And here I thought your hatred was just professional jealousy. Who knew you were covering such a scandalous secret?

Chloe: You're actually going to stake your reputation on this tabloid garbage that's not even fit for the Inquisitor? Nobody's going to believe you.

Linda Lake: Oh, of course they will. I have a very trustworthy source ... you. And no doubt, if anyone goes looking for proof, well, I think they're going to find it. But I must say, I am impressed. Here you were, sitting on a story that could have earned you a major headline, and you chose to protect your friend instead.

Chloe: Not a hard decision to make when you actually care about someone.

[ As they are speaking, they circle the desk, with Linda sitting down in her chair, in view of the video feed that Lana is still watching. Chloe notices a hammer from the construction crew sitting nearby.]

Linda Lake: It's values like that that keep your career in the basement. Don't you just love the internet? [ Chuckles ] Do you know with just one touch of a button, I can be on every major talk show? And everyone at YouTube will know that your farm-boy friend is really an ...

[ As she says this, Chloe picks up the hammer and slams it down on the computer, severing the video feed. Sparks fly and Linda jumps up from her chair.]

Linda Lake: ... Alien.

Chloe: I have a feeling your credibility might be at stake when you're locked up for Mike Dawson's m*rder.

Linda Lake: Mike Dawson drowned. Do your homework. It's in every police report.

Chloe: These police aren't from Smallville. You remember Smallville, don't you? You were a rookie reporter for KSCW who went for the second meteor shower. Moth got a little too close to the flame, and your news van took a nose dive into crater Lake. My guess is you walked out withsome sort of special ability. From what I found out, Mike Dawson wasn't your first victim, was he?

Linda Lake: Nobody likes an overachiever.

[ Linda lunges and grabs a nail g*n and Chloe bolts for the door, a shower of sawdust flying behind her as the nails fly. Chloe makes it to the elevator but Linda runs in close behind her, pointing the nail g*n.]

Linda Lake: Hey, sullivan!

[ Linda pulls the trigger but the nail g*n is empty. Behind Chloe , the elevator doors open and she stumbles into the elevator, hitting the button for the first floor. The doors close before Linda can reach her.]

[ Once outside, Chloe runs across the street but when she stops on the sidewalk, she notices a pool of water forming under her feet and when she turns around, Linda is there. ]

Linda Lake: You want to rise above sea level, you better sharpen those teeth!

[They fight viciously, neither one gaining the upper hand. They wrestle each other to the ground and as Linda gets up she pulls a light out of the ground that has a huge stake at the end. She rushes Chloe but Chloe falls backward, throwing Linda behind her with her legs and into the street. As Linda flies into the street, she is struck by an oncoming car and bursts into a shower of water. Lana is driving the car and screams as she hits Linda, screaching to a halt.]

Lana: Oh, my God! She came out of nowhere!

Chloe: It's okay. She's gone now.

[ Very slowly, the water on the hood of Lana's car drains down onto the ground, then flows into the storm drains nearby.]

Jimmy: Whoo! Yes!

Chloe: Hey, how are the secret adventures of Lois and Jimmy?

Jimmy: Busted, huh?

Chloe: Oh, my God. What happened to your face?

Jimmy: Oh, you should see the other guy. Who did that to you?

Chloe: You can put your dueling p*stol away. It was just a workplace scuffle. You were right about Lake.

Jimmy: Looks like we're 2 for 2 tonight, huh? I want you to be the first one to take a look at this. Check it out ... Green Arrow. I got real pictures of him ... face and all. And this one's not yet rated.

Chloe: Oh. I feel dirty.

Jimmy: Think about how Oliver feels. Lois and Clark put this whole scheme together because they thought Oliver was Green Arrow. Then Ppow! ... poor sucker comes around the corner, catches her sucking lip with leather daddy. This ... this is the real money sh*t. Get ready to meet the Green Arrow.

[ Jimmy brings up his final image of Green Arrow, just as he was leaving. The image is empty with no sign of the Green Arrow.]

Jimmy: No. No, no, no, no. This is not happening. I had his face in the cross hairs! How could he be there one second, and then just gone like the '90s?

Chloe: Gone as in faster than a thousandth-of-a-second shutter speed?

[ Chloe realizes that this means that it was Clark in the Green Arrow costume, and the smile on her face says that she's figured that it must have been Oliver that Clark was trying to protect with this little ruse.]

Jimmy: [ Sighs ] Yeah. Weird. Always thought he was supercool. I didn't realize he was superhuman.

Chloe: Clark.

Clark: What's going on?

Chloe: Uh, Lois was just telling me about her exciting night last night.

Lois: Yeah, I don't know where you disappeared to last night, Smallville, but it turns out I was wrong about Oliver.

[ As Chloe is speaking to Clark, its clear that she is doing all she can to let him know that she knows all about his covering for Oliver/Green Arrow, and her delight is obvious.]

Chloe: He's not the Green Arrow! Can you believe that? Luckily Oliver showed up when our hero was still around, but it looks like you were way off base about him. And the craziest part is he chucked a guy across an alley, right?

Lois: Oh, yeah.

Chloe: And then supersped away. I mean, who does that?

[ She looks directly at Clark, the huge smile on her face telling him all he needs to know - he's busted.]

Clark: Hmm. It's a good thing Oliver showed up when he did. Then you know for sure.

Chloe: Oh, she knew before he showed up.

Clark: You did?

Chloe: Ask her how.

Clark: How?

Lois: I kissed him.

Chloe: Isn't that romantic? Oh, I'm sorry, Lois. Finish the story. [ Clark starts to interrupt, but Chloe can't wait to see Clark squirm through this part of the story and stops him before he can interrupt further. ] This is the best part.

Lois: Well, he was holding me in his arms. And Ollie's a good kisser ... don't get me wrong ... but that Green Arrow, he could teach Ollie a thing or two.

Chloe: Hey. You took off early last night. You okay?

Lana: I just keep running what happened through my head.

Chloe: Lana, you can't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault.

Lana: That part I'm pretty clear on.

Chloe: Look, nobody wanted to see her die, but if you hadn't come when you did, it would have been my obit on the front page. Maybe. Of section D. Anyway, um, thank you again.

Lana: How do you do that? Just brush it under the rug as if nothing happened?

Chloe: Lana, Linda wasn't the first freak of nature who went psycho.

Lana: No. I mean whatever it is you're protecting about Clark.

Chloe: I don't know what you're talking about.

Lana: Yes, you do. Some secret about a farm boy made you take a hammer to her computer before I could hear the rest. Come on, Chloe. I'm not that naive. Whatever it is you two have been hiding, do you really expect me to keep looking the other way?

Chloe: Linda was grasping at straws. She's always desperate for her next story. You know that better than anyone. Lana ... I would never do anything to hurt you.

Lana: That's what Clark always says.

Lana: Sorry that you had to find out like this.

Clark: It's okay. You don't have to tell me every little detail of your life anymore.

Lana: Clark, we both know that a proposal is more than a little detail. And as messed up as it is ... you were the first person that I wanted to tell.

Clark: Is that supposed to make me feel better?

Lana: Clark, you said that you didn't love me anymore, and I tried to cut everything off, but I'm not made that way. Even if we're not talking, you are still a part of my life, and I'm not trying to deny it anymore. I'm trying to put it into perspective.

Clark: I guess we both need to do that.

Lana: Chloe said that you came by to talk to me. What was it about? Whatever secret Chloe is helping you to protect, Clark ... please, just once ... just trust me.

[ Lana is begging Clark with her eyes, for that one bit of honesty and trust he's never been able to give her. Clark is struggling with what to do, but finally can't give in.]

Clark: It doesn't matter now.

[ He turns away from her, but she stops him, putting her hand on his arm.]

Lana: Clark, don't do that.

Clark: I know about the baby. Lex told me. Everything's changed.

Lana: Even the fact that you told me that you look back at the past and regret it every day? Has that changed, too? I guess that I can't ask you to see me the same way.

[ She turns to leave, walking down the steps when Clark stops her.]

Clark: Lana. I hope Lex makes you very happy.

Lex: A million dollars for your thoughts. Sorry. My comic timing is the first to go after my nerves. You know, in all my life, I've ... I've never made an offer when I was afraid of the answer. Till now.

Lana: You've been so patient.

Lex: Doesn't feel like it.

Lana: I went to see Clark.

Lex: And?

Lana: And I love him. I love both of you. And maybe I always will. Lex, I couldn't say yes to you knowing that I might look back with regrets. You deserve better than that.

Lex: Lana, with the life I've led, I go to bed praying every night that I don't get what I deserve. You get bitter ... and vengeful. And then you meet someone who's so good ... that she might be the one person who could learn to love you. I would wait forever for that.

Lana: You don't have to. I'm done looking back. I have someone right in front of me who I know trusts me ... and who lets me see sides of him no one else does.

Lex: So just for clarification ...

Lana: Yes, Lex Luthor. I will marry you.
{"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "06x10 - Hydro"}