The Time Warrior

By Robert Holmes

Episode Three

Broadcast December 29 1973
Duration: 23'30

1. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. PASSAGEWAY

(The Doctor rounds a corner and meets Irongron and Bloodaxe.)

DOCTOR: Ah! Good evening!

(He reaches out to shake Bloodaxe's hand. When Bloodaxe responds the Doctor knocks him into Irongron, causing them both to fall to the floor. The Doctor runs off. They scramble to their feet and give chase.)

IRONGRON: Get after him! Call the guards!

2. EXT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. COURTYARD

(The Doctor is being chased by several of Irongron's men. Sarah and Hal watch from a battlement above.)

HAL: They try to k*ll their wizard.

SARAH: Quick, we need him alive!

(Hal takes aim as the Doctor stumbles and falls. Irongron steps up to him.)

IRONGRON: He who strikes Irongron dies!

(Irongron lifts his axe over his head - but one of Hal's arrows knocks it from his hand.)

SARAH: Doctor! Up here!

(The Doctor runs out of the courtyard into a passageway...)

3. EXT. PASSAGEWAY

(...He blocks it with straw and sets f*re to it with a torch, preventing Irongron and his men from following. Irongron curses inaudibly.)

4. EXT. BATTLEMENT

(The Doctor meets up with Sarah and Hal.)

DOCTOR: Thank you Miss Smith; a most timely rescue.

SARAH: This isn't a rescue, Doctor - it's a capture. Let's get him out of here

(Two men grab the Doctor and bundle him off.)

5. INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP

(Linx, with his helmet on, returns to find the Doctor gone. After a quick look round, he leaves. Rubeish is revealed hiding at the back of the room. When Linx has gone, he busies himself grinding a piece of glass on a lathe, attempting to make himself a makeshift magnifying glass. He rubs it with his hankie and gives it a test, squinting through it.)

6. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL

(Irongron and Bloodaxe are sat drinking at the table. Meg hovers nearby with a flagon.)

IRONGRON: The fellow has the gall of a camel and the cunning of a fox!

BLOODAXE: Aye, you shall have your revenge, Captain. He'll be with Sir Edward now. And not even a rat'll come out of that castle tomorrow.

IRONGRON: By the stars, Bloodaxe, I swear I'll cut him up so fine not even a sparrow will fill its beak at one peck!

(Meg backs away as Linx enters. Then she leaves.)

LINX: One of my workers has disappeared. Order a search of your castle

IRONGRON: If you've lost one of your dumb, whey-faced ninnies, Linx, then look for him yourself. My men are at rest.

BLOODAXE: We march upon Sir Edward within the hour.

LINX: I insist upon a search, Irongron. The Doctor is of great value to me. And while he is at large, he could be dangerous.

BLOODAXE: The Doctor?

IRONGRON: Bother me now, little toad, and you will feel an axe in your skull!

BLOODAXE: Master, I heard someone call "Doctor" while we were at that fellow's heels.

IRONGRON: Is this Doctor a long shank rascal with a mighty nose?

LINX: That is how he would appear in human eyes.

IRONGRON: Then he is no longer here. Sir Edward sent raiders to my castle, captured him.

LINX: He has escaped!

7. INT. SIR EDWARD'S CASTLE

SARAH: Tell Sir Edward we're back

(A servant leaves to convey the message. The Doctor is stood with Sarah and Hal.)

SARAH: Now...

DOCTOR: You've been getting around, Sarah. Are you on visiting terms with all the local nobility?

SARAH: Doctor, let's get a few things straight, shall we?

DOCTOR: Oh dear. Well I'm afraid you're going to be awfully confused if you ask me to explain about the TARDIS.

SARAH: The TARDIS?

DOCTOR: Yes, my Police Box. You were a stowaway, I imagine.

SARAH: Yes, but we'll come to that later. Now then, why are you helping Irongron?

DOCTOR: My dear girl, I'm not helping him. Linx is. I'm trying to stop him.

SARAH: Linx?

DOCTOR: Yes, perhaps you're lucky enough not to have met him yet. Nasty, brutish and short just about sums him up.

SARAH: There was a strange looking knight with Irongron...

DOCTOR: Yes well, he'd have looked even stranger if he hadn't been wearing space armour. He comes from a planet where the surface gravity is many times than of earth.

SARAH: A man from the stars?

DOCTOR: Mmhmm.

SARAH: How do I know you're telling the truth?

DOCTOR: Because I never lie. Well, hardly ever. Ever heard of UNIT?

SARAH: You work for UNIT?

DOCTOR: In an advisory capacity, yes. Well, they asked me to look into this question of the missing scientists for them.

SARAH: But I thought you were responsible for that.

DOCTOR: My dear girl, I don't go around kidnapping scientists! No, Linx brought them here to staff his workshop. Now I've gotta find a way of sending them back to there own time.

(Lady Eleanor has entered, along with Sir Edward.)

ELEANOR: This is the magician?

SARAH: Er, yes. This is the Doctor.

EDWARD: You have done well, Sarah.

(The Doctor bows.)

DOCTOR: How do you do? It is a pleasure to be among the company of civilised people at last.

EDWARD: A courtly rogue.

ELEANOR: Is he willing to change his allegiance and serve Sir Edward instead of Irongron?

SARAH: Well he says he wasn't serving Irongron, and there is another stranger at the castle - someone called Linx.

DOCTOR: Yes, he's your enemy, I assure you - not me. We'd be well advised to join forces against him.

EDWARD: Does he speak truth?

SARAH: I'm not sure. I suppose I could've been wrong.

DOCTOR: That's a generous admission. Especially coming from one of the fair sex.

SARAH: Or he could just be changing sides to save his own skin.

ELEANOR: These wizards and warlocks were ever a treacherous breed. We'd best be wary of him.

EDWARD: I shall spare your life, if you cast your spells and incantations to help me against Irongron, Doctor. Refuse and you die.

DOCTOR: You offer a somewhat restricted choice, Sir Edward.

EDWARD: What is your answer?

DOCTOR: My services are at your disposal, Sir. Such as they are.

EDWARD: Good. Serve me straight, Doctor, and I shall reward you well.

HAL: Oh, master...

(Edward gestures for him to be silent.)

HAL: Oh but master, Irongron marches here before noon! We heard this said from his own mouth.

EDWARD: Then we are lost. We cannot stand against them.

DOCTOR: On the contrary, sir, I think we can.

EDWARD: But how? With a handful of men?

DOCTOR: Yes sir, with just a few men I think I can persuade Irongron that, er, we have a full garrison.

EDWARD: By the use of your magic.

DOCTOR: By creating an illusion anyway.

EDWARD: Your magic will have to be powerful indeed to discourage Irongron.

DOCTOR: It will be, sir.

8. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL

(Irongron is suiting up for the att*ck.)

BLOODAXE: The men are ready, captain.

IRONGRON: Good. Though for such an easy conquest as this, 'tis scarce worth strapping on armour! (they laugh) You and I alone, good Bloodaxe, could take that castle!

BLOODAXE: Indeed we could, captain.

IRONGRON: With Sir Edward's treasure I shall hire more men, and with Linx's w*apon to arm them, who shall stand against us?

(Linx enters.)

LINX: When does the fighting start, Irongron?

IRONGRON: In the time it takes to ride from here to Sir Edward's castle.

LINX: Then I shall come with you.

IRONGRON: What, you? Haha. Upon my oath, Bloodaxe, can you see that on a scaling ladder?

LINX: I have an interest in seeing the battle.

IRONGRON: Those eyes have thirst for blood. Well find our bold warrior a horse, Bloodaxe. Copme then!

(They all exit.)

9. INT. SIR EDWARD'S. A ROOM.

(The Doctor is stirring a bowl of yellow stuff with a napkin tucked under his chin. Sarah enters with a frame for one of the Doctor's dummy soldiers. Atop it is a cloth face and a helmet. She puts some more cloth on the table.)

SARAH: Here's a few more for you, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Thank you, Sarah.

SARAH: Lady Eleanor's got every serving wench in the castle sewing away like mad.

DOCTOR: I told you there'd be plenty of work for everybody, didn't I.

SARAH: Oh. Typically masculine arrangement, though. We do all the dirty work - you get all the fun.

DOCTOR: You don't think mixing this singularly noxious compound is fun, do you? How's the rest of it going?

SARAH: Not bad. I put Sir Edward in charge of painting the dummies' faces. He's turned out to be quite an artist. Once I'd set him on the right lines.

DOCTOR: Excellent. Glad I decided to let you stay.

SARAH: You decided?

DOCTOR: You know, was never much of a hand with a paint brush meself.

SARAH: No?

DOCTOR: No. Nor a palette Kn*fe for that matter. I'd like to study under one of the masters one day. Rembrandt preferably.

SARAH: Rembrandt?!

DOCTOR: Mmhmm.

SARAH: Can you... can you just go anywhere you like in that TARDIS?

DOCTOR: Yes, within reason.

SARAH: Then why are you staying here? Why don't you go somewhere safer?

DOCTOR: Because, my dear Sarah, I've got a job to do. One that involves the whole future of your species. Here, hold this will you?

(He hands her a bit of rope for her to hold while he cuts short lengths from it to tie up his bags of smoking mixture.)

SARAH: My species?

DOCTOR: Mmhmm.

SARAH: You're talking as if you weren't human.

DOCTOR: Yes, well the definition of the word "humanity" was always a rather a complex question, wasn't it.

SARAH: You know perfectly well what I mean; are you or aren't you?

DOCTOR: If you mean am I a native of the planet Terra, the answer is no, I'm not.

SARAH: Well, what are you then?

DOCTOR: Me? I'm a Timelord.

SARAH: A Timelord?

DOCTOR: Yes, that's right. And my people are very keen to stamp out unlicensed time travel. You can look upon them as galactic ticket inspectors if you like.

SARAH: Galactic ticket inspectors? Ooh, I could m*rder a cup of tea - you're serious, aren't you?

DOCTOR: About what I do, yes. Not necessarily the way I do it. For example, you know what this is?

SARAH: I've no idea.

DOCTOR: This is my own special smoking mixture, consisting of saltpetre, sulphur and fat. With a few little extras thrown in.

(We hear a sound.)

DOCTOR: Aha, that is Irongron. Battle is about to commence!

10. EXT. WOOD

(Irongron rides up, dismounts his horse, takes his axe from one of his men and joins Linx, who is studying the battlements, which are filled with the Doctor's dummies.)

IRONGRON: We've been tricked, Bloodaxe. That dolt of a prisoner swore that Edward had but a few old men to guard his castle!

BLOODAXE: My Lord of Salisbury must have sent him help

IRONGRON: The messenger to Salisbury died in our dungeon, these cannot be Salisbury's men.

LINX: Why do you wait? What will be your first method of att*ck?

IRONGRON: We don't att*ck, we return to my castle.

LINX: You fear to fight? The greater the odds, the greater the glory.

IRONGRON: I fear nothing, toadface! But there is little profit in butchered for naught.

BLOODAXE: Sir Edward holds his walls with too strong a force.

LINX: Then use your r*fles, sh**t them from the walls.

IRONGRON: r*fles?

LINX: The w*apon that I made for you.

IRONGRON: Ah, on my oath, Linx, when I am King, you shall be my champion!

11. EXT. BATTLEMENTS

(Pan across the battlements, showing more dummies than men. The Doctor has a small pile of smoking mixture b*mb in front of him and Sarah.)

SARAH: That's made them stop and think, anyway.

DOCTOR: I thought Linx would have to come along. Sontarans just can't resist getting involved in w*r.

SARAH: This must be very minor league stuff to him, surely?

DOCTOR: Oh yes, he's just like a little boy, stirring up the red ants and the black ants. This is something to keep him amused, to stop him from getting bored.

(A sh*t hits the wall behind them.)

SARAH: They've got g*n!

12. EXT. WOOD

(Irongron is holding the r*fle he has just fired.)

BLOODAXE: No man has fallen, captain!

IRONGRON: Your w*apon do not work, Linx!

(He throws it to the ground.)

LINX: You do not sh**t them straight!

(He is passed another r*fle. He sh**t straight through one of the dummies.)

LINX: Those figures are dummies.

IRONGRON: Bah! Your w*apon are useless!

LINX: They do not move or fall. They are not living men.

IRONGRON: I smell that fox of a Doctor behind this. Bring up the scaling ladders!

13. EXT. BATTLEMENTS

SARAH: Here they come, Doctor!

14. EXT. CASTLE WALLS

(Irongron's men bring up their scaling ladders, but the Doctor lights the fuse on his homemade b*mb and lobs them over the side where they explode with loud bangs and clouds of yellowish smoke. Irongron and his men retreat. One of Sir Edward's men fires an arrow at Irongron but it misses and sticks in a tree.)

IRONGRON: Away! Away!

15. EXT. BATTLEMENTS

(The Doctor and Sarah are looking out at Irongron's retreat.)

DOCTOR: Yes, well I think we'd better get back inside before that smoke rises, it's liable to hang around for quite some time.

SARAH: What was that stuff, Doctor? Some kind of gas?

DOCTOR: Gas? Good heavens, what on earth do you take me for? No, it was some sort of superior stink b*mb with a few bangs and flashes thrown in for good measure. No, it's quite harmless, I assure you, but...

(They can start to smell it. They hurry inside.)

16. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL

(Irongron and his men enter, spluttering and coughing.)

IRONGRON: Bring me wine! Wine, I say! Quench the dust from my throat and the stench from my nostrils.

(Meg is nearby with a tray of flagons from which they help themselves.)

IRONGRON: More, wench! More! Am I a sparrow to quench my thirst with a few scant drops?

(Pause as they drink.)

IRONGRON: Oooooh - Mice! A few loud noises, a few bad smells and you scatter like sheep!

BLOODAXE: It was sorcery, master, black devils' work - you said so yourself. Well, this wizard, the Doctor, he's gone and joined Sir Edward and he threw all the fires and the stenches o' hell itself at us!

IRONGRON: With poltroons like these, it were ill work to lay siege to a hen coop!

BLOODAXE: They do but need food and rest to recover their spirits, captain.

IRONGRON: We att*ck again tomorrow morning. I will take Sir Edward's castle or I will see every man of you perish in the attempt!
Chicken-hearted knaves! Begone from my sight!

(The men leave as Linx enters, carrying his helmet under his arm.)

LINX: Did I not see you yourself leading their retreat, captain?

IRONGRON: (picking up an axe) Taunt me not little toadface. Or by the stars I'll see if the colour of your blood is red like mortal man's.

LINX: You earth creatures give up too easily. I doubt you have the potential to make a truly military species.

IRONGRON: And you Linx, you claim to like w*r. I haven't seen you doing much this day.

LINX: I came only to observe. I should have known better than to look for interest in a struggle between primitives. thr*at me once more and I will destroy you.

(Irongron moves to att*ck but Linx easily swats him aside, leaving him sprawled and fearful on the tabletop.)

LINX: Primitives! Childish, squabbling primitives! It is well that I do not need to spend much more time among you.

(He leaves.)

17. EXT. SIR EDWARD'S CASTLE

(They are all sat down laughing as they have a meal. Sir Edward throws chicken bone over his shoulder. The Doctor does likewise, prompting a look from Sarah. A servant approaches the Doctor's cup with a jug.)

EDWARD: More wine, Doctor?

DOCTOR: No, thank you, no. Oh, well just perhaps just a little.

(The servant fills the Doctor's cup.)

EDWARD: Those knaves of Irongron's ran like rabbits! (laughter) Finest sight that ever I saw, Doctor. And all thanks to you and your wizardry.

DOCTOR: Well, we all played our part, Sir Edward.

EDWARD: Now your magic works for us, our troubles are over.

DOCTOR: Not quite, I'm afraid.

SARAH: The Doctor thinks Irongron's bound to att*ck again.

EDWARD: And you shall affright the knaves with more of your sorceries.

DOCTOR: Well it won't work indefinitely, I fear. This time we had the element of surprise. They won't be frightened off quite so easily again.

EDWARD: Then we've gained a respite, no more.

SARAH: Actually, the Doctor does have another idea.

ELEANOR: Then let us hear your counsel, Doctor. So far you have served us well.

DOCTOR: Well, there's one sure way to prevent Irongron from capturing your castle.

EDWARD: And that is?

DOCTOR: You must capture his.

EDWARD: You advise the impossible, Doctor, when they outnumber us so greatly.

(The Doctor has produced a piece of paper from his pocket. He looks at it and passes it to Lady Eleanor.)

DOCTOR: My Lady, are you familiar with these herbs and simples?

ELEANOR: Ragwort, henbane, love-in-a-mist, fennel, sesame. Most we have dried in the kitchens, the rest grow in the woods nearby.

DOCTOR: Excellent. I want to brew up a little draught.

ELEANOR: You mean to mix a magic potion to slay the dog?

DOCTOR: No, no not quite; just something to calm him down a little.

18. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL

(Irongron slams a t*nk down on the table. He and Bloodaxe have been drinking.)

IRONGRON: Ooh, I should have slain the filthy little toad there and then. I should have carved him up into callops on the spot.

BLOODAXE: Aye, captain, it puzzles me as to why you did not

IRONGRON: Aye, well 'tis a matter of high policy, d'you see? Above your understanding. Hmm? As yet we still need Linx's aid.
w*apon he has promised me - and by the stars, w*apon I shall have. Wonderful magical w*apon, that will crumble the castles of those that oppose me into dust. And then, and only then, shall Linx die by my hand!

(Pause.)

BLOODAXE: Oh, 'tis a cunning plan, captain.

IRONGRON: Aye, 'tis as well for you dolts that you have me to guide you. Huhhuh. There's more to w*r than hard strokes, my good Bloodaxe.

BLOODAXE: Aye, master, yours is indeed a towering intelligence.

(Irongron looks suspiciously at Bloodaxe.)

19. EXT. OUTSIDE IRONGRON'S CASTLE

(Two monks - the Doctor and Sarah in disguise - approach the gate of Irongron's castle where two guards stand on duty.)

GUARD: Hold, friar. What business have you here?

DOCTOR: (yokel voice) We, er, come to beg alms of the good captain Irongron. The fame of his charity is spread far and wide.

GUARD: You will find captain Irongron in the great hall. He is indeed a kindly and charitable man and his temper is most sweet and pleasant. Pass, friar.

DOCTOR: Heaven will reward you, my son. Come, brother.

(They walk in past the two guards.)

GUARD: It is to be hoped the two friars are fleet of foot, or the church will have two new martyrs ere long.

(They both laugh.)

20. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. CORRIDOR

(The Doctor and Sarah have removed their disguises. Sarah is now wearing a blue serving wench's dress. They hear someone coming and hide as Linx passes by carrying a box of r*fles. They watch him go.)

DOCTOR: Right, let's take a look at Linx's workshop.

21. INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP

(Linx's spaceship sits in the corner. The door opens and the Doctor and Sarah enter.)

SARAH: What's that?

DOCTOR: It's a Sontaran spaceship, to be precise, and tremendously powerful for its size, just like its owner. Here, give me your habit.

(Sarah passes it to him and he walks off with them both, dumping them nearby. One of the hypnotised scientists walks past.)

SARAH: What's wrong with him?

DOCTOR: Deep hypnosis.

RUBEISH: Ah, there you are, Doctor! Back again, eh?

SARAH: Professor Rubeish!

RUBEISH: What? Oh, it's you! Doctor, I knew this girl was involved. We should have reported her as I wanted.

DOCTOR: Yes, well I'm very glad we didn't. In a few hours that ship's going to be ready for takeoff.

RUBEISH: Yes, he's been working these people at a k*lling pace. Come over here.

(He leads them over to where one of the scientists lies on the floor.)

RUBEISH: Look. No sleep. Practically no food. They're starting to collapse like flies.

DOCTOR: I'm not surprised, he's suffering from near starvation.

SARAH: Oh we'll have to get them some food, Doctor, or at least a drink.

DOCTOR: There's no time for that.

SARAH: But they'll die if we don't.

DOCTOR: Sarah, listen to me. Linx's spaceship is just about ready for takeoff. And if that happens, there's going to be the most tremendous expl*si*n. Everybody in this castle will die.

22. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL

(Linx throws the box on the table.)

LINX: These are the w*apon I have promised you. Also a good supply of the projectiles that they use.

IRONGRON: Oh, my thanks good toadface, er, good Linx. More w*apon from the stars.

LINX: I shall complete the repairs of the improved fighting robot, if I have time before I leave.

IRONGRON: If you wish to leave then, you would do well to obey me.

LINX: Do you thr*at me? I leave when I am ready and that will be soon.

IRONGRON: And will you carry your starship on your back, good toad? You needed my knaves to bring it here, you will need them to take it hence.

LINX: Evidently you have no understanding of the forces involved in interstellar travel. I shall leave when I am ready. It would be foolish of you to attempt to stop me.

23. INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP

(The Doctor is sat on the floor, flashing a small torch light rhythmically into the eyes of one of the hypnotised scientists.)

RUBEISH: Doctor, what are you doing?

DOCTOR: Trying to break this hypnosis.

RUBEISH: It's very deep. Narcoleptic condition, eh?

DOCTOR: The brain can still receive signals, Professor. It might work.

RUBEISH: Even if it does, can't see what you intend.

DOCTOR: Don't you want to get back to the twentieth century?

RUBEISH: Steak and mushroom, lobster, chocolate truffles, oh dear me yes.

DOCTOR: Get these people to respond and send them back with Linx's osmic projector.

RUBEISH: Osmic projector?

DOCTOR: Yes, it's over there on the table.

SARAH: Why can't you just send them as they are?

DOCTOR: It's too risky with their minds in this state. The transition might damage them permanently.

SARAH: I've never heard so much gobbledegook in me life.

DOCTOR: Polka time!

RUBEISH: It's the b*at, look he's beginning to respond.

(The door opens and Linx enters. They all hide. He takes off his helmet and spots the scientists, exhausted on the floor. He removes a w*apon from his belt and points it at one of them.)

LINX: Up! Get back to work!

(One of them tries but collapses.)

LINX: Work. What's wrong with you? Get up or I will k*ll you!

(The Doctor pops up from his hiding place.)

DOCTOR: Leave him, Linx!

LINX: Aaah, how fortunate that you have returned, Doctor. My failure to destroy you was the one thing that marred the pleasure of my approaching departure from this miserable planet.

DOCTOR: Well, don't you want to know why I returned?

LINX: It is of no interest to me.

DOCTOR: I came here to offer you my help.

LINX: We're sworn enemies, Doctor. Why should you help me?

DOCTOR: Because I want something from you. If you will let me de-hypnotise people and send them home, and help me capture Irongron and his men, then I will assist you in the repairs to your spaceship. Well, the w*apon that you've made for Irongron you can leave here in the castle. When it's empty, you can take off, destroying castle and w*apon at the same time. Alright, commander Linx, what do you say?

LINX: You wish for my answer, Doctor?

DOCTOR: I do.

LINX: Then here it is.

(He raises his w*apon and fires it at the Doctor.)
{"type": "series", "show": "Doctor Who", "episode": "11x03 - The Time Warrior - part 3"}