THE TWISTED BONES IN THE MELTED TRUCK

ACT ONE

(The sun is rising over the trees, panning over to a white truck stopped on the side of the road. Through the windshield, a man - d*ad - is seen in the driver's seat. A spark is seen behind him, turning into a full-fledged f*re and then a massive expl*si*n.)

INT. BOOTH'S APARTMENT - DAY

(BOOTH and HANNAH are in the bedroom, getting ready for the day.)

HANNAH: My editor wants me to tie my story of inner-city crime in DC with federal cutbacks to law enforcement.

BOOTH: Ah, all right, gotta love that, huh? More money for us. Tell you what, maybe the bureau could get me a computer that doesn't run on coal.

(Booth walks towards the washroom.)

HANNAH: I'm gonna ambush Senator Jankow today. He chairs a committee.

(Booth leans against the doorway to look back at Hannah, who is wearing a see-through lace blouse.)

BOOTH: You go like that, he'll tell you anything you want to know.

(Hannah chuckles, turns around and accidentally trips. A framed picture of Booth and PARKER falls to the ground and the glass breaks. Hannah picks it up and sits on the bed.)

HANNAH: Oh god. I'm sorry.

(Booth sits down beside her.)

BOOTH: Don't worry about it. It's okay.

HANNAH: I told you I'm not very good with kids.

BOOTH: You're great with everybody, okay? And I'll tell you what, Parker can't wait to meet you.

HANNAH: Really?

BOOTH: Yeah, really.

HANNAH: I'd feel more comfortable if he was a crooked senator. I know how to deal with that.

(Booth's cellphone rings.)

BOOTH: Oh, work. (He answers) Booth. Oh yeah, okay. I'm on my way. (Hangs up the phone and picks up his suit jacket from the bed) 'K, gotta go. Got a case. (He kisses Hannah and points to the frame) Don't worry about that, all right?

EXT. CRIME SCENE - DAY

(f*re fighters and police are working to free the body from the melted truck. Booth and BRENNAN are speaking with the ARSON INVESTIGATOR. )

ARSON INVESTIGATOR: Call came in at six a.m. Passing motorist called 911, said she saw a ball of f*re on the side of the road.

BRENNAN: Where's the point of ignition?

ARSON INVESTIGATOR: There is none.

BRENNAN: As an arson investigator, you should know that every f*re has a point of ignition.

ARSON INVESTIGATOR: Not if it was h*t by an asteroid.

BRENNAN: Even an asteroid with the diameter as small as five metres would leave a huge crater. (Points to the ground) There's no crater.

ARSON INVESTIGATOR: (To Booth) She serious?

BOOTH: Always. (To Brennan) Bones, that was a joke, 'k? The whole asteroid thing was a joke.

BRENNAN: Oh! That's amusing because it's such an absurd theory. (She punches the arson investigator on the shoulder) Good one.

BOOTH: Check this out, Bones. VIN plate. Digits are missing.

BRENNAN: I'll give it to Angela, see what she can do. (To the arson investigator) This white powder. I assume it's residue from f*re ret*rd used to control the blaze although (continues with a smile) it could be the remnants of a highly localized blizzard. (Laughs while the arson investigator and Booth look at her strangely) The likelihood of a blizzard is even more remote than an asteroid hitting the Earth. Do you get it?

ARSON INVESTIGATOR: (Ignores Brennan's joke) It's not ret*rd. By the time the f*re fighters arrived on scene, the blaze had b*rned itself out.

BRENNAN: Then I'll need to bag the powder for Hodgins to analyse.

(The f*re fighters finally manage to remove the roof of the truck to reveal the bones of the victim.)

BRENNAN: Oh.

BOOTH: Wow, this is a first. Melted bones.

BRENNAN: No, not possible. Bones don't melt.

BOOTH: You know, usually I defer all things bones to you but, you know, I've cooked with a lot of cheese. That is melting.

INT. JEFFERSONIAN - FORENSIC PLATFORM

(CAM is looking at x-rays while Brennan is inspecting the body. HODGINS enters.)

HODGINS: Woah, look at that!

BRENNAN: You're excited about the decedent, Dr. Hodgins?

HODGINS: Sure! Booth said the dude melted into the truck.

CAM: At this point, we haven't been able to determine gender.

BRENNAN: And bones don't melt, Dr. Hodgins. The melting process represents a change of state from a solid to a liquid, an impossibility with bones.

HODGINS: I know but they sure appear to be melted.

CAM: But how? I haven't seen a f*re hot enough to do this.

BRENNAN: (Hands Hodgins a bag of the white powder) Found at the scene. A light dusting over most of the wreckage. It could give us cause of death.

CAM: I think I found that.

(Cam walks over to the bones and points to a b*llet lodged into one of the bones.)

BRENNAN: Oh.

HODGINS: A b*llet.

CAM: We presumed the victim died in a f*re.

BRENNAN: But he was sh*t in the chest.

HODGINS: Melted. (Brennan gives him a look) Sorry, but I don't know any other word for it.

OPENING CREDITS

ACT TWO

INT. JEFFERSONIAN - FORENSIC PLATFORM

(DAISY and Cam are wearing protective gear while Cam is spraying the bones with liquid nitrogen.)

DAISY: I can do this! It was my idea to remove the bones with liquid nitrogen and the FBI is giving me the psych evaluation so I can get security clearance to work unsupervised.

CAM: But, you don't have that clearance yet and this is very expensive equipment, which I am responsible for.

DAISY: You just think it's cool.

CAM: Maybe.

DAISY: Careful not to saturate any particular section. Too much nitric oxide can cause the bones to fracture.

CAM: I know, Ms. Wick.

DAISY: Is the psych evaluation intimidating? I mean, was it difficult for you to pass it?

CAM: Perhaps you could focus on how we're going to identify the victim.

DAISY: There's no flesh so that rules out fingerprints and since the skull appears melted, we can discount facial reconstruction and dental comparisons. Maybe I could think a little clearer if I was using the equipment? (Cam gives her a look) Please? I already have the gear on.

CAM: (Sighs) Okay. Just once. (She hands Daisy the nozzle) But, be careful!

DAISY: Since you've become a mom, you're a lot less trusting. (Daisy squeals as the spray starts)

INT. JEFFERSONIAN - ANGELA'S OFFICE

(ANGELA has the truck's plates on the Angelatron while video conferring with Booth, who is in his office at the FBI.)

ANGELA: So, I've been working on the VIN number.

BOOTH: Oh, good. I hope.

ANGELA: Yeah, well, I etched it with hydrochloric acid, cupric chloride, and distilled water.

BOOTH: Yada yada yada. Okay, say something that's gonna make me happy.

ANGELA: Well, a little happy, a little sad. I was able to restore the last four digits but that's it.

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - BOOTH'S OFFICE

BOOTH: Well, based on the truck's rear axle, it was a nine-inch Dana Spicer model - American-made pick-up from '94 to '02.

ANGELA: Yada yada.

BOOTH: Well, with your four numbers, I should be able to get a match from the DMV. Thanks for making me happy.

ANGELA: You got it.

(Booth closes the conversation. SWEETS has entered his office.)

BOOTH: Do you ever knock?

SWEETS: I got a message you wanted to see me.

BOOTH: Yeah, actually. Have a seat. (Sweets sits.) I need your professional opinion on a personal matter.

SWEETS: This is a rare moment. Is it about Dr. Brennan and Hannah?

BOOTH: No. Sorry to disappoint.

SWEETS: Okay. Sorry. Shouldn't have jumped the g*n. Go ahead.

BOOTH: It's about Parker. Parker didn't like Hannah.

SWEETS: Oh.

BOOTH: Yeah, right?

SWEETS: I understand your concern. When did they meet?

BOOTH: No, they haven't, you know, he stays with me on the weekends when she's not around. He knows that we're dating so last weekend, at breakfast, I ask him if he wants some chocolate milk. He looks at me, he goes, "Daddy, I hate your new girlfriend".

SWEETS: Did you ask him why?

BOOTH: No, I didn't, it was awkward. He went back to watching cartoons. I mean, the point is, like, they have to meet sometime, right?

SWEETS: Well, yeah, if your relationship with Hannah is serious then -

BOOTH: - It is serious.

SWEETS: I wasn't questioning that -

BOOTH: - It sounded like you were.

SWEETS: No, I wasn't.

BOOTH: Well, it's serious.

SWEETS: Then they have to meet. Parker could be angry because he senses how much Hannah means to you and feels that you don't want him to meet her.

BOOTH: But I do, I just want it to be right. I want it to be a perfect time.

SWEETS: Right, do you think there is such a thing?

BOOTH: Enough with the questions, all right? Just earn your coin and tell me what to do.

SWEETS: Accept that you're entering a situation where the outcome is uncertain. The only thing certain is your love for your son and his trust in you. If you trust him as much and trust Hannah, then, it might take a little time but I think the three of you should be fine.

BOOTH: Fine. (Sweets smiles. Booth points a finger at him.) If you're wrong about this, you're paying.

INT. JEFFERSONIAN

(Daisy and Hodgins are walking onto the forensic platform)

DAISY: That white powder is magnesium oxide, isn't it?

HODGINS: (He swipes his access card) Yeah, how did you know?

DAISY: As you saw, the victim's bones appeared to have melted which is not possible.

HODGINS: Right, because...

DAISY and HODGINS: (Simultaneously) ... bones don't melt.

DAISY: Exactly. But, magnesium burns hot and fast. If the bones were exposed to a magnesium f*re, which b*rned between 15 and 45 minutes, at a temperature of 500 degrees Celsius then -

HODGINS: ... the biogenetic composition and structure of the bone mineral would have crystallized and the bones would appear as if they had melted!

(They walk off the forensic platform after Hodgins notes something down on a clipboard)

DAISY: Yes. Although, I thought of it first, if anyone from the FBI should ask.

(They continue walking into...)

INT. JEFFERSONIAN - OOKEY ROOM

HODGINS: Really? But for magnesium to ignite, it needs to be wet first. So, last night, when the mass spec identified magnesium, I checked the meteorological charts (he pulls up the information on the computer) a light rain fell last night in the vicinity where the body was found and I believe I thought of that first but then, I am King of the Lab and you? You are my serf.

INT. JESSE'S CHOPPER SHOP

(Booth is walking through the shop. He turns off RANDY SIMINOFF'S equipment to catch his attention.)

RANDY SIMINOFF: (Takes off welding helmut) What the -

BOOTH: (Flashes his badge) FBI. Looking for Jesse Wilson.

RANDY SIMINOFF: Jesse's in the back.

BOOTH: (Gestures to a garbage bin) Any chance those are magnesium scraps?

RANDY SIMINOFF: Yeah, we use cast magnesium discs in the wheels, why?

BOOTH: I don't know. Just got a thing for magnesium, that's all.

(Booth continues walking. Stops when he sees JESSE WILSON.)

BOOTH: (Flashes his badge) Jesse Wilson?

JESSE WILSON: Yeah.

BOOTH: FBI, Agent Booth.

JESSE WILSON: Can I help you?

BOOTH: Yeah, you missing a truck, Jesse?

JESSE WILSON: No.

BOOTH: Well, we found a burnt truck registered to your company's name with a d*ad body in the driver's seat with a b*llet in his chest.

JESSE WILSON: Was the truck haulin' magnesium?

BOOTH: And if it was?

JESSE WILSON: Then the driver was George Lyford, an employee. Didn't show up this morning. He's d*ad?

BOOTH: As d*ad as d*ad could be.

JESSE WILSON: Poor bastard was having money problems. So, I gave him those mag scraps so he could make a few extra bucks at the recycling plant.

BOOTH: Magnesium, that's expensive stuff. You just gave it to him, just like that, 'cause you're a nice guy?

JESSE WILSON: Yeah, we've been friends since high school. Never done anything for a friend in need?

BOOTH: That tattoo you have on your inside forearm - that military?

JESSE WILSON: Yeah. Patton's Third Army. My granddaddy k*lled a bunch of n*zi in World w*r II. He was a real hero.

BOOTH: Right. He teach you how to f*re a g*n? Your friend, George, there, he was k*lled by a 9 mm slug. I checked the registry and you own a German Luger - nine millimetre. They used those g*n in WWII, right?

JESSE WILSON: I don't like your implication.

BOOTH: I can only imagine, I mean, you see your old friend stealing your magnesium and loading it into your truck. You follow him and -

JESSE WILSON: - I gave him those scraps 'cause his wife was raggin' on him to bring in more money. Now, ou can either arrest me or you get the hell out of my shop.

BOOTH: Right.

(Booth leaves.)

INT. JEFFERSONIAN - BONE ROOM

(Daisy is examining the bones. Brennan walks in and clears her throat.)

DAISY: I was looking at the b*llet trauma again. Our initial presumption was not correct. The b*llet was not cause of death.

BRENNAN: Your evidence, Ms. Wick.

DAISY: Well, on the x-ray, it appeared the b*llet was embedded quite deeply into the sternum. But, after my excellent observation that magnesium caused the bones to crystallize and thus only appear to be melted, I re-examined the point of entry.

(Daisy enlarges the x-ray on the screen.)

BRENNAN: The b*llet only penetrated a few millimetres.

DAISY: Not enough to cause death or even incapacitation.

BRENNAN: So, the bone warped around the b*llet because of the extreme heat of the magnesium f*re. Very good.

DAISY: I know. You'll put in a good word for me with the FBI, won't you? For my clearance?

BRENNAN: It's a psych evaluation. I'm of no value when it comes to that.

DAISY: That's true.

BRENNAN: So, if the b*llet didn't k*ll him, how did it get there?

DAISY: Perhaps it was sh*t from a great distance so the impact wasn't sufficient to be fatal?

(Cam enters.)

CAM: Booth talked to the owner of the truck, Jesse Wilson. Wilson ID'd the victim as George Lyford.

BRENNAN: We'll get Lyford's medical records and confirm.

CAM: Wilson claims the victim had been fighting with his wife about money. One week ago, the wife took out an insurance policy on George's life.

DAISY: Oh my god. The wife totally torched him! (Brennan gives her a look.) I was just trying to go with my gut. It's an FBI thing.

ACT THREE

INT. HIGH SCHOOL

(Booth and Brennan are standing outside KATHY LYFORD'S classroom, where she has detention duty.)

BOOTH: That's Kathy Lyford, the victim's wife. She has detention duty for another hour, so...

BRENNAN: I was once placed in detention for calling my science teacher a fool.

BOOTH: You can't do that, Bones.

BRENNAN: Booth, he was trying to teach quantum mechanics without even a rudimentary understanding of Planck's constant. What would you have called him?

BOOTH: You have every right. I didn't know the details, I'm sorry.

(Kathy Lyford looks up from her desk and sees Booth and Brennan through the window. Booth holds up his badge and taps the glass.)

BOOTH: FBI. I need to talk to you for one second. (Randy Siminoff turns around in his seat. He turns to Brennan.) Woah, do you see that kid right there in the red hat? I saw him at the chopper shop. I tell you what, when I talk to Kathy out here, you go in there and talk to him.

BRENNAN: No. Teenagers are dull-witted and very difficult to talk to.

BOOTH: Sorry, Bones, but you're all I got, okay? I can't go in there and question him - you know, I need a parent or an advocate but you're not law enforcement (whispers the last part because Kathy Lyford is making her way out) so you can ask anything that you want.

(Kathy Lyford opens the door.)

KATHY LYFORD: Can I help you guys?

BOOTH: Yeah, (shows his badge) FBI. We just have to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind.

KATHY LYFORD: Of course.

(Kathy Lyford and Booth leave and Brennan enters the classroom.)

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM

(Seated are RANDY SIMINOFF, PAUL LINOTO, JILL MACINTOSH, and AMBER FLAIRE. Amber is sitting on Randy's lap.)

JILL MACINTOSH: You the sub?

BRENNAN: No. I'm a forensic anthropologist. And, for the record, I'm totally against detention as a form of juvenile punishment.

PAUL LINOTO: Yeah, if I wanna smoke, it's none of Big Brother's business.

BRENNAN: Oh, your big brother attends this school.

PAUL LINOTO: I'm talking about the teachers. We have rights. I take American History so I know.

JILL MACINTOSH: They try to control everything we do, you know, like we're still kids or something.

BRENNAN: You are certainly not kids. You've probably been menstruating for several years. In many primitive cultures, you'd be responsible for children of your own by now.

JILL MACINTOSH: Hm. You're cool.

BRENNAN: I am?

AMBER FLAIRE: Yeah, maybe you can help get me out of here. I don't even know why I'm here in the first place.

JILL MACINTOSH: You cheated on the chem. test.

AMBER FLAIRE: I'm from a broken home. That's gotta count for something.

BRENNAN: Well, what about you, sir? (She points to Randy) Why are you here?

(Randy scoffs.)

AMBER FLAIRE: Randy doesn't talk much.

PAUL LINOTO: The dude downloaded p*rn on the library computer.

AMBER FLAIRE: You're a little horn dog, aren't you? You know, I have a better way to make you unzip your pants.

(Amber rips open the zipper of his jeans. He pushes her off.)

RANDY SIMINOFF: Damn it, Amber!

(The other students laugh.)

BRENNAN: As adolescents, your decision-making process is compromised by hormonal changes. You can hardly be held accountable for your behaviour. (To Randy) You work repairing motorcycles, don't you?

(Randy gets up and leaves without answering.)

AMBER FLAIRE: Told you he didn't like to talk.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY

KATHY LYFORD: (Crying) Are you sure it's George?

BOOTH: Yeah, I'm sure.

KATHY LYFORD: Okay, I gotta go. I should call his parents.

(She starts to walk off but Booth stops her.)

BOOTH: Kathy, uh, last week - you took out a real expensive life insurance policy on your husband.

KATHY LYFORD: So?

BOOTH: I think you know what I'm suggesting here.

KATHY LYFORD: Wait. That - that policy was George's idea. Okay? We've been trying to have a baby and if something happened to him, he wanted to make sure that we were okay.

BOOTH: Your husband didn't come home last night; you don't find that odd?

KATHY LYFORD: I was on a field trip with my students in Mt. Vernon. I wasn't even going to see him until tonight.

BOOTH: I see.

KATHY LYFORD: I had no reason to believe he was missing, okay? I love my husband. I will - I will do anything to help your investigation.

BOOTH: Good. I'd like you to come along with me for further questioning.

KATHY LYFORD: Fine.

INT. JEFFERSONIAN - BONE ROOM

(Daisy and Hodgins are discussing the victim.)

DAISY: I extracted the b*llet from the victim's sternum. I assumed he was sh*t.

HODGINS: Logical assumption.

DAISY: But, there are no striations on it.

HODGINS: Which means it wasn't fired from a g*n.

DAISY: So, how would it have wound up embedded in his chest?

HODGINS: You suggesting I conduct an experiment?

DAISY: My idea, so, you have to let me help, right? (Sees the look Hodgins gives her and adds) Your highness.

(Hodgins smiles and starts to walk out.)

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - BOOTH'S OFFICE

(Booth is sitting at his desk and Hannah walks in.)

HANNAH: Hey. (Shows him the picture she dropped, now in a new frame) I hope the frame's okay.

(Booth gets up)

BOOTH: Look at that. That's great.

HANNAH: You two look so much alike and the world is better for it.

(Hannah hands him the picture)

BOOTH: I want you to meet him.

HANNAH: (Surprised) You sure?

BOOTH: You don't wanna meet him?

HANNAH: Of course. But -

BOOTH: - What?

HANNAH: When I told you I wasn't very good with kids... that's true. I don't wanna mess anything up between you and your son.

BOOTH: Look, I love you, all right? He's gonna love you, too. (He walks around his desk to stand in front of Hannah) And don't think of him as a kid; just think of him as a short guy who's not allowed to drink.

HANNAH: What if he hates me?

BOOTH: That's impossible.

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION ROOM

(Sweets is talking to Kathy Lyford)

KATHY LYFORD: Look, I already told that Booth guy that George and I were in debt. Why do I have to keep going through this?

SWEETS: Well, the FBI feels that I could provide a different perspective.

KATHY LYFORD: You're a shrink. You guys make things up. I don't have to say anything, you know

SWEETS: I know but cooperating would certainly help your situation. So, you and your husband, you fought over money.

KATHY LYFORD: Like any couple, sure.

SWEETS: These are, uh, credit card statements (he holds up some papers) from the past year. I see you liked buying things off infomercials.

KATHY LYFORD: Well, you can get good deals on TV because they buy in bulk.

SWEETS: Gotcha. You also like online auctions... oh! I see you bought Star Wars trading cards.

KATHY LYFORD: Yeah. Growing up, me and my brothers were all fans of 'The Force'.

SWEETS: I understand. I'm a Star Warrior, myself. (He clears his throat and imitates C3PO) 'Don't you call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease'.

KATHY LYFORD: Excuse me?

SWEETS: C3PO. I sounded just like him. From Star Wars? That's, like, the most quoted line in the movie.

KATHY LYFORD: Yeah, of course.

SWEETS: Can you explain to me why you spent $500 on a Jedi Knight trading card with a red border when it's value was less than a dollar?

KATHY LYFORD: I don't know. I guess I made a mistake.

SWEETS: What about the, uh, Clone Wars card you bought last month? Again, you spent $500 but you could probably find it right now online for fifty cents.

KATHY LYFORD: Look, when I get stressed, I shop. You don't have to make it into a big deal.

SWEETS: I'm not making this into anything it's not. I assure you.

KATHY LYFORD: Okay.

EXT. STREET - DAY

(Booth and Brennan are walking towards the Royal Diner.)

BOOTH: So, Hannah's gonna meet Parker tomorrow.

BRENNAN: You don't sound happy about that.

BOOTH: No, I am, it's gonna be great. It's gonna be really good - I just, I'm a little worried, you know.

BRENNAN: Because your loyalty lies with Parker and if he doesn't accept Hannah, you may lose the woman you love.

BOOTH: It's not that simple, Bones.

BRENNAN: I suppose not. You could send him off to boarding school; that's what the English have done for many generations.

BOOTH: Boarding school? I'm not sending him to boarding school.

BRENNAN: Then, I wouldn't worry if I were you.

BOOTH: No?

BRENNAN: Won't do you any good. If your relationship falls apart, worrying won't salvage it.

BOOTH: Oh, thanks, Bones. I appreciate it.

BRENNAN: Of course.

(Sweets runs across the street to catch up to Booth and Brennan. They enter the diner together.)

SWEETS: Kathy Lyford spent thousands of dollars buying Star Wars trading cards online.

BOOTH: So? I had an aunt who spent every last dime on old-fashioned cookie jars. What's this have to do with our case?

(They sit down at the counter and pick up menus.)

SWEETS: Yeah, but there are hundreds of online merchants that sell Star Wars trading cards. Kathy bought all of her cards from the same person at grossly inflated prices.

BOOTH: So you're thinking that she was somehow laundering money through that online merchant?

(Sweets nods.)

BRENNAN: So, she was paying inflated prices for relatively worthless merchandise.

SWEETS: Yeah, that's exactly what I'm thinking. Kathy bought all of her cards from a seller named Vader649.

BOOTH: I'll tell you what. I'll get a subpoena for the identity of this Vader649. Good work, Sweets (Booth punches him on the shoulder).

SWEETS: Yeah, it was, wasn't it? Job well done. Well, you know...

INT. JEFFERSONIAN - OOKEY ROOM

(Daisy and Hodgins are setting up the experiment.)

HODGINS: 9 mm b*llet is on the magnesium. Now, I can see if the f*re would be enough to set it off.

DAISY: Proving that he was sh*t by amm*nit*on that was stored in the car.

HODGINS: Yeah, which would explain the lack of striations.

DAISY: A simple yet elegant thesis.

HODGINS: Now, the mist simulates a light rain (he sprays water onto the magnesium strip) because water is needed to ignite the magnesium.

DAISY: And, although the magnesium can be ignited by heat from the rising sun, I'll use these burners to save us some time.

HODGINS: Here. (Hands daisy protective goggles) Given the fluorescent spectrometry of magnesium, you're gonna need those. All right. Any second now.

DAISY: Let's crank these suckers up.

(Daisy turns up the burners and seconds later, the b*llet goes off.)

HODGINS: Ow!

DAISY: (Turns off the burners) Oh, are you okay?

HODGINS: You sh*t me!

DAISY: Well, technically, no. The b*llet is in the backstop. You were struck by the b*llet casing because we failed to account for Newton's Third Law of Motion: "For every action, there's..."

HODGINS: "...an equal and opposite reaction." I know. Now, can you please go get me a first aid kit?!

DAISY: Oh, yes, of course! (She starts to run off but then turns around) Dr. Hodgins! Our experiment was a success, wasn't it? (She slaps him on his arm... the same one that got sh*t)

HODGINS: Ow! Go!

FBI HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION ROOM

(Sweets is interrogating Paul Linoto. A child advocate, MS. HANOVER, is sitting beside him.)

SWEETS: Paul, we know that you're Vader649.

PAUL LINOTO: So? Is there a law against using that screen name?

SWEETS: No, I'm actually more interested in the fact that you were suspended for fighting, bullying -

MS. HANOVER: - As his advocate, I have to object, Dr. Sweets.

SWEETS: Okay, I assure you that I am as concerned with Paul's welfare as you are. If he's in trouble, he needs help.

PAUL LINOTO: I didn't do anything wrong.

SWEETS: You've been selling Star Wars cards to your teacher, haven't you?

PAUL LINOTO: Yeah. Capitalism is king, right?

SWEETS: Well, she's been paying you a lot more than they were worth. A lot more. Over $3000 on worthless cards. Mrs. Lyford was paying you for something else, wasn't she?

MS. HANOVER: Don't answer that.

SWEETS: If he can offer an explanation, it could help him 'cause right now the FBI thinks that Mrs. Lyford paid you to k*ll her husband.

MS. HANOVER: Paul, not another word.

ACT FOUR

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION ROOM

(Sweets is interrogating Kathy Lyford, again.)

SWEETS: You were paying Paul Linoto $500 a month for worthless trading cards. Now, I don't wanna make this more than it is but it looks pretty bad without any help from me.

KATHY LYFORD: Okay, look, I admit that I was paying him for something. I couldn't afford the cash and it was a way to charge it.

SWEETS: The FBI thinks that you were charging $500 a month, on your credit card, as payment for Paul to m*rder your husband so you could get a nice payout from his life insurance policy.

KATHY LYFORD: God, no, I wouldn't do that, no.

SWEETS: No? Okay. Why were you paying him?

KATHY LYFORD: I was having an affair, okay? Paul caught us together and he was blackmailing me. He said I had to pay him $500 a month or he was gonna tell my husband.

SWEETS: It's amazing how complicated deceitful relationships can get, isn't it? I'll need to know who you were sleeping with.

KATHY LYFORD: Is that really necessary? I mean, it's just gonna hurt more people.

SWEETS: If you didn't m*rder your husband, yeah, it's very necessary.

KATHY LYFORD: He's one of my students. His name is Randy Siminoff. George got him a job working at Jesse's Chopper Shop.

SWEETS: He's a student? How old is he?

KATHY LYFORD: 17. Look, I know it was stupid. Are you gonna file charges against me?

SWEETS: That's up to the D.A.

KATHY LYFORD: I loved my husband, Dr. Sweets. Me and Randy just sort of happened but I am a good teacher.

SWEETS: No. No, actually, you're not. Does Randy love you?

KATHY LYFORD: I don't know. I don't...

SWEETS: He's young, Mrs. Lyford. Too young to deal with the situation you put him in. You know, it's possible he thought if he k*lled your husband, you two could be together more permanently.

KATHY LYFORD: God. I...

SWEETS: Yeah. You're really not a good teacher at all.

(Sweets gets up and leaves.)

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - SWEETS' OFFICE

(Sweets is on his computer when there is a knock at the door.)

SWEETS: Yup.

DAISY: Hi Lance.

SWEETS: I thought you were my three o'clock. You know, I have a patient coming.

DAISY: I'll be quick. I'm having my psych evaluation later.

SWEETS: I know. I normally do them but I recused myself.

DAISY: Because we still have feelings?

SWEETS: Yes.

DAISY: That's nice.

SWEETS: I know.

DAISY: The feelings. Not the recusing.

SWEETS: It's only ethical for me to recuse myself.

DAISY: No. It's hurtful, too.

SWEETS: What're you driving at, Miss Daisy?

DAISY: What's on the test, Lance?

SWEETS: No. I can't tell you that.

DAISY: But you know I'm brilliant at my job and you know that people have a tendency to... misjudge me.

SWEETS: Yeah.

DAISY: Because they don't know me like you do. And it wouldn't be fair for me to lose my security clearance because of that. (She steps closer to him and places her hands on his shoulder) Lancelot doesn't want Miss Daisy to lose the job she loves, does he?

SWEETS: No, of course not but, you know, it wouldn't be ethical for me to help you.

DAISY: Okay.

SWEETS: Okay?

(She kisses him.)

DAISY: I'll probably find another job....

SWEETS: Ohh.

DAISY: ...somewhere. Probably.

SWEETS: Ohh. (Sighs) Okay, we can discuss the test but I'm not gonna give you the answers.

DAISY: Oh, Lancelot!

(They kiss but pull away when there is a sudden knock at the door.)

SWEETS: Oh, so thank you. Okay, that'll be it for today. I, uh, I will schedule our next appointment soon?

DAISY: Yes, doctor. Thank you, doctor.

SWEETS: You're welcome, patient.

(Daisy leaves and closes the door behind her. Sweets sits down with his next patient.)

SWEETS: So, Agent Coors, I hope, uh, the books I gave you on multiple personality disorder helped. (The agent shrugs) Okay.

INT. JEFFERSONIAN - ANGELA'S OFFICE

(Angela has the x-ray of the twisted bones up on the Angelatron. She is speaking with Brennan.)

ANGELA: So, after I scanned in all the bones, I remembered Girolamo Cardano.

BRENNAN: The 16th century Italian mathematician and anatomist?

ANGELA: Yeah, that's the guy. He developed a series of mathematical equations to describe the skeletal system. So, programming the equations into the computer, I was able to reconstruct the skeletal system - the same way a forensic architect could reconstruct a collapsed building.

BRENNAN: You straightened out the bones?

ANGELA: I sure did. Check this out.

(Angela presses a button and the twisted bones on the screen become straightened out again!)

BRENNAN: Amazing.

ANGELA: Now, there are marks on the victim's ileum.

BRENNAN: I don't believe an injury at that location would be fatal. But, a nicked mandible could be, especially if the carotid was transected. The victim would've bled out.

ANGELA: And we'd have cause of death.

BRENNAN: Based on the wound tract which narrows to a point, we're looking at a Kn*fe.

ANGELA: So, he was s*ab.

BRENNAN: Daisy will need to find the actual warped bone so she can swab the wound for trace from the m*rder w*apon.

ANGELA: No problem. (Angela twists the bones back to the original configuration and locates where the bone actually is.) That's the one.

EXT. PARK - DAY

(Booth, Parker, and Hannah sit in uncomfortable silence on the park bench. Parker is bouncing a basketball on the spot.)

BOOTH: Okay, oh! (He grabs the basketball away from Parker) So, uh, hey Hannah here was in a real, live camel race. Why don't you tell him all about it.

HANNAH: I almost won but the camel stopped right before the finish line. He decided to take a nap. Right there. On the racetrack.

BOOTH: That's funny, isn't it?

PARKER: Can I go sh**t some baskets? (He takes the ball back from Booth)

BOOTH: No, you can't sh**t some baskets right now. Listen, hey, tell her about your science fair at school. He came in second.

PARKER: Do I have to?

BOOTH: Yeah, tell her about the volcano you made. It was so cool! We built that-

HANNAH: (Interrupts) Seeley, can I talk to you for a sec?

BOOTH: Yeah.

(Hannah and Booth take a few steps away.)

HANNAH: (Sighs) This isn't working.

BOOTH: All right, just give him a minute. He just needs time to warm-up.

HANNAH: Give me a few minutes. Alone. Look, I'm taking your advice. He's just a short guy who can't drink.

BOOTH: Look, I didn't want this to be...

HANNAH: I'm a journalist. I've cracked tougher nuts than Parker.

BOOTH: Right.

HANNAH: 'Kay?

(The two of them walk back to Parker.)

BOOTH: All right, tell you what, I gotta go get my phone from the car, okay? Stay here with Hannah.

(Hannah sits down and Parker immediately scoots further away from her.)

HANNAH: You don't know who I am so you don't trust me. Maybe you hate me a little. Or even a lot. I might be trying to steal your dad. Wouldn't it be better if you knew for sure what was going on? So you have a real reason to hate me? So, here I am. Just ask me anything you want, anything at all.

PARKER: (After a pause) Were you really on a camel?

HANNAH: Yes.

PARKER: Do you sleep with my dad?

HANNAH: Yes.

PARKER: If you got married, what would I have to call you?

HANNAH: Hannah. That's my name.

PARKER: Would you have kids?

HANNAH: No. There are children already in this world who need good homes. If I decided to have a child, I'd adopt one of those kids.

PARKER: That's a good answer.

HANNAH: I thought so, too.

PARKER: Do you like dogs or cats?

HANNAH: Dogs.

PARKER: Burgers or hotdogs?

HANNAH: Both.

PARKER: What's your favourite ice cream?

HANNAH: Chocolate.

PARKER: I like strawberry. (A b*at, then) Do you have any questions for me?

HANNAH: What's your middle name?

PARKER: Matthew.

HANNAH: Would you ever wanna ride a camel?

PARKER: Sure. I'm a kid.

HANNAH: What's your favourite TV show?

PARKER: The Wizards of Waverly Place. When the dad married the mom, he had to give up his magical powers. I would never give up my magical powers for a girl.

HANNAH: I don't blame you. (She moves a little closer to Parker and this time, he doesn't move away) Why didn't you win first place in your science fair?

PARKER: 'Cause Ben Bradley cheated and his dad did his entire project for him. They used a potato to turn on a light bulb.

HANNAH: Creep.

PARKER: Totally.

HANNAH: (About the basketball) Can I see that? (Parker tosses it to her) How do I do that... spin-y thing? (She attempts to twirl the ball on her finger)

PARKER: Wait, no.

HANNAH: Aw. How's that?

PARKER: You have to spin it faster.

(Parker shows Hannah and Booth smiles as he watches from afar.)

ACT FIVE

INT. BOOTH'S CAR - DAY

(Booth and Brennan are driving to the high school.)

BRENNAN: I didn't get Randy Siminoff to talk before but now that I know that he has a preference for more mature, teacher types, perhaps I can charm him.

BOOTH: Hey, hey, hey, no and no.

BRENNAN: You don't think that I would appeal to him?

BOOTH: What? No, of course you would.

BRENNAN: Thank you.

BOOTH: Yeah.

BRENNAN: Because I'm cool, you know. The delinquents told me that and Parker said I was too - when I did the cannonball into the pool, do you remember that?

BOOTH: Yes, I do, I do. You drenched my meatball sandwich, how could I forget.

(They laugh.)

BRENNAN: How did it go with Hannah and Parker, by the way? Did they meet?

BOOTH: Yeah, yeah, it was good. I mean, I'm telling you, she really is amazing with him.

BRENNAN: Why wouldn't she be? Everyone loves her.

BOOTH: Right? Yeah, I think it's gonna work out.

BRENNAN: I'm glad. The three of you can come over and swim any time you like.

BOOTH: Okay.

BRENNAN: I know how much Parker loves the pool.

BOOTH: Great, thanks.

(Super awkward looks and silence follows.)

BRENNAN: So, how are we gonna get Randy to talk?

BOOTH: Ah, we might not have to yet.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY

(Students are lining the hall as Booth and Brennan open Randy Siminoff's locker.)

BOOTH: Since there's no right to privacy on campus, we have the authority to look in his locker. Maybe there's a journal or some kind of note.

(Brennan puts on some gloves and starts to r*fle through the locker.)

BRENNAN: Well, there's this. (She brandishes a Kn*fe)

(Students murmur and Randy Siminoff rushes at Paul Linoto.)

BOOTH: Hey, hey! (Booth holds Randy back) All right, Bones, let's call the child advocate. She's got a new client.

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - SWEETS' OFFICE

(Sweets and Daisy are sitting on the couch.)

SWEETS: Okay, the way it works is that in these psychological tests, there are a number of crucial questions.

DAISY: Crucial, yes.

SWEETS: The rest hardly matter. Now, the computer looks at the questions to see if any of the answers set off alarm bells.

DAISY: Your abilities are so wide-ranging with your insights and applicable real-world know-how.

SWEETS: Now, I'm not gonna give you any of the answers. We don't wanna cheat.

DAISY: No.

SWEETS: Just forewarned is forearmed.

DAISY: Absolutely.

SWEETS: Okay. For example, if one of the questions were to be: What is your favourite colour?

DAISY: Oh! Anything in the 630 to 740 nanometre range.

SWEETS: Which would be...

DAISY: Red! (Sweets shakes his head) Red is bad. (Sweets nods) What's good?

SWEETS: Cheating, Daisy.

DAISY: Um, something in the 520 to 570 nanometre range? (Sweets shrugs) That's green.

SWEETS: Green! Okay, good, green is good. All right, next question: What is your favourite number?

DAISY: (Shrugs) Either of Feigenbaum's constants.

SWEETS: Try to think of an actual recognizable number between one and ten.

DAISY: No, in that case, the question should be: What's your favourite numeral.

SWEETS: Two. Say two.

DAISY: We're cheating now?

SWEETS: Yeah. Are you in a committed, monogamous relationship?

DAISY: Yes.

SWEETS: Good.

DAISY: That wasn't on the test, was it? You just wanna know if I'm faithful.

SWEETS: No, it was on the test but I'm glad.

DAISY: You know why your name is Sweets?

SWEETS: Why?

DAISY: Because you're so sweet.

SWEETS: Aw.

(She leans over to kiss him and her eyes look down at the paper.)

SWEETS: (Breaks the kiss and pulls the test away) Are you trying to cheat?

DAISY: It was a glance, that's all! I... but... next question.

(Sweets' cellphone rings.)

SWEETS: Hold on. (Checks his phone) Sorry, Agent Booth needs me.

DAISY: Sure! I'll wait here, look over the questions.

SWEETS: No, you don't need to. You'll be fine.

DAISY: But...

SWEETS: Trust me, Miss Daisy. You'll be fine.

(He gets up to leave.)

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION ROOM

(Sweets is interrogating Randy Siminoff with Ms. Hanover, the child advocate.)

RANDY SIMINOFF: Yeah, I was having sex with Mrs. Lyford but it was - it was no big deal.

SWEETS: While your peers might think that having sex with an adult is a kind of a victory, it's still abusive and the psychological damage can be significant.

MS. HANOVER: Dr. Sweets, where is this going?

SWEETS: As his child advocate, I think you would know, Ms. Hanover. Studies show that as the relationship fails, the student often feels powerless and angry. Look, Agent Booth found a Kn*fe in your locker. George Lyford was k*lled with a Kn*fe.

RANDY SIMINOFF: I brought it to school to pry open a dude's locker and shove in a d*ad trout. It was a prank. He started it when he put pepper spray in my gym shorts.

SWEETS: Okay. Okay, let's get back to you and your teacher. Now, you claim it was just sex. You had no deeper feelings for her?

RANDY SIMINOFF: That's right.

SWEETS: But we have your cellphone records, Randy. You and Mrs. Lyford talked an average of two hours a day for the past three months. That doesn't sound like just sex.

RANDY SIMINOFF: Okay, so I love her. I mean, why is that so crazy? She loves me, too. I could feel it. But, I didn't k*ll anyone, okay? I didn't have to. She would've left him.

MS. HANOVER: Randy. Stop talking.

SWEETS: Now, I understand that you're here to protect him but we need to know where Randy was two nights ago when George Lyford was k*lled.

RANDY SIMINOFF: Home. Like every night.

SWEETS: All right. Was anyone home with you?

RANDY SIMINOFF: I live with my aunt but she works nights. (Shakes his head) She loves me, okay? I know that. She would've left him.

INT. JEFFERSONIAN - OOKEY ROOM

(Hodgins is showing Brennan results on his computer.)

HODGINS: I got the swab results back. S.E.M. analysis says the m*rder w*apon was a Kn*fe made of carbon steel.

BRENNAN: Which means it was forged prior to 1964.

HODGINS: It also means that the Kn*fe you found in Randy's locker was not the m*rder w*apon. The Kn*fe that s*ab our victim was laminated in silver.

BRENNAN: Why would you laminate a blade in silver? It's a soft metal.

HODGINS: That's right. No one uses silver to laminate a blade... unless it's the Damascus blade.

BRENNAN: You said that with a great dramatic flourish, please continue.

HODGINS: h*tler had 30 Damascus blades hand-forged as presents for his top commanders. (He brings up pictures on the computer) Now, those knives were coveted by American GIs. Some of them were taken as souvenirs by soldiers in Patton's Third Army.

BRENNAN: The owner of the Chopper Shop had a grandfather who served in Patton's -

HODGINS with BRENNAN: (Simultaneously) - Third Army.

HODGINS: Yeah, I know. The m*rder w*apon must've belonged to Jesse Wilson.

ACT SIX

INT. JESSE'S CHOPPER SHOP

(Booth is talking to Jesse Wilson.)

JESSE WILSON: What's this about? I told you about George, I helped.

BOOTH: Right, I appreciate that. Now, maybe you can explain why George Lyford was k*lled with your Kn*fe.

JESSE WILSON: Woah, slow down. You said George was sh*t. He was s*ab to death?

BOOTH: s*ab, that's right. Patton's Third Army - grandfather brought back a Kn*fe from n*zi Germany, didn't he?

JESSE WILSON: Yeah, it was awesome but it was stolen from my shop.

BOOTH: That's pretty valuable to just leave lying around here, huh?

JESSE WILSON: Valuable? I didn't know. I left it with the other stuff: the helmets, metals, badges... it's all gone now. The n*zi stuff, a bunch of my tools, and some chopper parts all jacked from my shop.

BOOTH: When was that? Yesterday?

JESSE WILSON: No. Six months ago. I filed a police report. I always suspected Randy's girlfriend but I didn't have any proof.

BOOTH: Randy had a girlfriend.

JESSE WILSON: (Shrugs) On again, off again. She's trouble. After the stuff was jacked, she didn't come around so much.

BOOTH: Hm.

INT. JEFFERSONIAN - BONE ROOM

(Brennan is examining the bones on the exam table. Daisy walks in, excited.)

DAISY: I've been approved! I passed my psychological evaluation.

BRENNAN: An absurd and useless requirement.

DAISY: I agree. But, when seen through Lance's eyes, psychology can be fascinating.

BRENNAN: When asked what my favourite colour was, I responded something in the 520 to 570 nanometre range. (Laughs) They were baffled. Fools.

DAISY: I agree but I'm glad I made the cut. I could be working here forever now.

BRENNAN: Then, be useful. I'm examining the right ileum which, due to demineralization is now located where we'd normally find the ischial tuberosity.

DAISY: Why are you examining the ileum?

BRENNAN: (They walk over to look at the blown-up picture on the computer screen) Angela identified some faint impressions on the bone. They appear to be a sequence of dash marks. Upon further investigation, I realized there is a second sequence that converges with the first.

DAISY: You think those marks are probative?

BRENNAN: Not sure. (Prints out the picture on the screen) To the naked eye, these marks appear to be random (She takes a marker and starts to draw on the picture) but if I extrapolate like so... what could possibly form this shape on the ileum?

DAISY: May I? I'm authorized to work on my own now.

BRENNAN: Of course.

DAISY: (She turns the picture upside down) Dr. Brennan, it's a zipper!

BRENNAN: (Moves Daisy away to see for herself) An open zipper and the teeth are bent. It's been ripped open - I saw someone do this just yesterday. Very good work, Ms. Wick.

DAISY: (Smiles) Well, that's what happens when you have the faith of the FBI behind you.

(Sweets walk in and holds up Daisy's security badge.)

SWEETS: Hi, I asked if I could deliver your ID card myself.

DAISY: (Knocks over a tray in her excitement) Oh! (She runs over to hug Sweets)

SWEETS: Congratulations.

(Sweets and Daisy are about to kiss but then look over to see Brennan's disapproving look. They hug instead.)

DAISY: (Pointing to the tray) I'll clean that up.

SWEETS: Put it on!

DAISY: Okay!

EXT. CRIME SCENE - DAY

(Booth, Brennan, Ms. Hanover, and Amber Flaire are looking at the melted truck.)

MS. HANOVER: What are we doing out here, Agent Booth?

BOOTH: Amber said she would do anything in order to cooperate with the investigation so we thought we would bring her here to the crime scene so she could explain some things.

AMBER FLAIRE: Explain what?

BRENNAN: We know it was you, Amber. We know you k*lled George Lyford.

AMBER FLAIRE: That's crazy.

BOOTH: We also know that you pawned some stolen tools from Jesse's Chopper Shop, you know, pawn shops - they keep records, too.

AMBER FLAIRE: Well, Jesse cut Randy's pay so I figured out a way to make up the difference.

BOOTH: Because he was your boyfriend?

AMBER FLAIRE: So?

BOOTH: You know, you didn't pawn everything, though, because we found this in your bedroom.

BRENNAN: That's the m*rder w*apon, Amber.

AMBER FLAIRE: He tried to r*pe me. That's why George drove me out here.

BOOTH: No, you had the Kn*fe on you because you thought George would be angry enough to k*ll his wife.

BRENNAN: That way, you could have Randy back but George wouldn't help you.

BOOTH: So, you thought you could get revenge on Mrs. Lyford by having sex with her husband.

BRENNAN: His zipper was ripped open the same way you ripped Randy's zipper in detention.

BOOTH: George didn't want to have sex with you, Randy dumped you, George pushed you away so you just went bonkers and s*ab him with the Kn*fe.

AMBER FLAIRE: Even if you can prove it, I'll be out in a year, tops. I'm just a kid from a broken home.

INT. ROYAL DINER - NIGHT

(Booth and Brennan are sitting at a table, eating and talking.)

BRENNAN: So, what's going to happen with the teacher?

BOOTH: The D.A.'s gonna press charges, she'll do time.

BRENNAN: Really?

BOOTH: Yeah, and then whatever you do, don't start telling me how natural it is what she did because the women in the Ramalamadingdong tribe liked to sleep with teenaged boys.

BRENNAN: I wasn't. I think it's just that the teacher pay for her actions, no matter what other societies may accept. Although, I have no knowledge of the Ramalamadingdong tribe.

BOOTH: Chief Shoobop-Shoobop invented rock-and-roll. (He smiles)

BRENNAN: (Smiling) Oh, a joke! Very funny. Perhaps your chief knows Chief Polyphony of the Gavotte tribe. He invented Baroque music that always starts on the third b*at of the bar.

(Brennan laughs and then so does Booth when he sees that Hannah and Parker have arrived. Parker is laughing, too.)

BOOTH: There they are. Come on, kid.

PARKER: Dad, we went to the zoo. They had camel rides.

HANNAH: I was sure he'd ridden one before. He could be a jockey.

BOOTH: The zoo, huh? What happened to just going to get ice cream?

HANNAH: Yeah, yeah at the zoo.

PARKER: We saw a lion pee for, like, ten minutes.

BOOTH: Wow.

BRENNAN: That would be physically impossible. An adult lion's bladder, when full, can hold approximately 1500 mL of urine. The bladder would completely empty in 37.5 seconds.

PARKER: She says weird stuff like that all the time. She's cool.

(Brennan smiles.)

HANNAH: Yes. We're friends, actually.

PARKER: She knows everything. Watch this. What animal farts the most?

BOOTH: Hey, hey, hey.

(Hannah laughs.)

BRENNAN: The termite because of their diet and digestive process, they produce as much methane gas as human industry but you can't hear them.

PARKER: Isn't she cool?

HANNAH: Very.

PARKER: We can go to her house and go swim. She can do a cannonball.

HANNAH: Oh.

PARKER: Hannah can come, can't she?

BRENNAN: Sure. (Hannah and Brennan trade smiles.)

BOOTH: Hey, kid. Hey, a little chocolate ice cream on the chin there, kid? (He tries to wipe it off of Parker)

PARKER: (Smiling) Yeah, it's my new favourite flavour.

BOOTH: Wow. (To Hannah) You're amazing.

HANNAH: (Mouths) Thank you.

(Booth and Hannah hold hands. Brennan sees and there's a look.)

END.
{"type": "series", "show": "Bones", "episode": "06x08 - The Twisted Bones in the Melted Truck"}