Toni: Mike, I really had fun today.

Mike: Well I must say, today has gone pretty much the same for me too. So far. Knock on

wood. Alright, do you like card tricks?

Toni: They're my favorite.

Mike: Alright. Pick a card, any card. Ok. Alright. Now think of that card.

Toni: The whole card?

Mike: Yeah, the whole thing. Ok, now, was your card the ace of spades?

Toni: No.

Mike: Ok, what does that say?

Toni: It says...No way, you read my mind!

Mike: Yeah. And I can read your thought too. Shame on you.

Toni: Shame on you.

Mike: Julie!

Julie: Don't mind me.

Toni: Mike, who is this woman, and what's she doing with your shorts?

Mike: Ah, she's an employee. That will be all my good woman.

Julie: Mike, a word.

Mike: Later. You know you pay someone a salary and they think they own you.

Julie: Mike, you know you are not allowed to have girls in your room.

Toni: What are you, babe.

Julie: Dinner's on as soon as your mother gets home.

Toni: Mother?

Mike: Ah, listen. Toni, where were we?

Toni: Mike, I'm very sorry but I've got to leave.

Mike: Hey, no, no, no, no, Toni. Come on. Don't listen to Julie. I mean she's just someone that my paredts hired to take care

Toni: No, see. I just don't date guys who aren't allowed to have girls in their rooms. I have a reputation.

Mike: Toni, Toni, Toni. Come on. You just can't do this. Walking into my room. Turn off the lights .Start talking suggestive,and then just leave?

Toni: Mike, I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid.

Mike: Hey look Julie. Who the heck gave you permission to come barging up to my place any time you want. And who the heck gave you a key?

Julie: You did, right after you said "Julie, come up to my place any time you want".

Mike: Look, I withdraw that permission and you give me back my key. You know, you have no right to come barging into my, my uh...

Julie: Into your what?

Mike: Into my what what.

Julie: You're the one talking.

Mike: Yeah, well, well look. I'd appreciate it in the future if you'd keep your...

Julie: My what?

Mike: Your what what. Uh. Maybe I could finish if you'd stop interrupting me.

Julie: I haven't said a word. Look Mike. I'm just trying to do my job.

Mike: Well uh. Speaking of your job Julie, what time do you get out of here?

Julie: Pretty soon. Why?

Mike: Well, I bet I could make that right now. See I got a bit of pull with your...Uh mum!

Julie: My mum!

Maggie: Hey g*ng.

Julie: Hey Maggie. Dinner's on the stove.

Maggie: Oh great. Were you able to arrange that thing that I...Oh Mike. Could you go tell everybody that the dinner's ready?

Mike: Yeah. Sure.

Maggie: Now.

Mike: Oh yeah. Don't anybody go anyplace.

Maggie: So you can make the trip with us?

Julie: Yeah, it's fine.

Maggie: Oh great. I can't wait to tell the family, all at once as a surprise. Now I'm not ruining any weekend plans that you had am I?

Julie: Well, I had a date, but its no big deal. I can change it.

Maggie: Julie.

Julie: Maggie, believe me. Things weren't going anywhere with this guy. He already failed my little Willie test.

Maggie: Pardon me?

Julie: Oh, well Willie's my little baby brother. See I bring guys to my parents house to meet Willie, and if they start getting real uncomfortable and saying " hey, hey, hey. You're messing with my suit", then I know he's a waste of my time. But if he starts playing around with them and stuff, then I know I've got a...

Maggie: A keeper.

Julie: Exactly. Pretty nuts hu?

Maggie: No, it's pretty smart. In fact, could you mention that to Carol, and not make it sound like I said "can you mention that to Carol".

Julie: Sure. Now Chrissy's upstairs sleeping. I'm going to go home and pack and be back in an hour.

Maggie: Great. See you then.

Julie: Ok.

Mike: Did Julie leave?

Maggie: Uh hu.

Mike: Where did she go?

Maggie: Well as a matter of fact she...

Jason: Hi.

Maggie: Oh Hi everybody. Sit down, I have wonderful news.

Ben: Yeah, like Mike already told us. Dinner's on.

Maggie: No. It's even better than that. You know how we've been talking about doing a getaway family weekend? Well how does leaving tonight, for two days in Martha's vineyard sound?

Jason: Honey, you know how much those beech houses cost to rent?

Carol: So I get stuck watching Chrissy, while you guys have a great time.

Mike: Drop me a card.

Maggie: First of all Jason, my boss is letting us use his beach house, free of charge.

Jason: Free! Well, well, well, well. Hey, this sounds like fun, hey kids?

Maggie: Julie just told me that she can come with us and help out with Chrissy.

Carol: Oh great. I'm in.

Maggie: And Mike. Well, if you're not interested in a family weekend I don't...

Mike: Mum, mum. I live for family fun. Count me in.

Jason: So the fact that Julie's coming has nothing to do with your decision to go?

Mike: Julie going?

Julie: Shhh! She just fell asleep. Jason, if we leave now I think she'll sleep the whole way.

Jason: Let me see if Maggie's ready.

Julie: Ok.

Mike: Dad, listen, I'm ready now, and we got to take two cars anyway, so why don't I just take Chrissy.

Jason: Ok. Sure. Here's the address, and uh, why don't you take this map. Just incase.

Mike: Me get lost! Dad, dad, dad.

Jason: Mike, cut the macho stuff. Would you just take the map please?

Mike: Well no dad, I thought that maybe I should leave it for you.

Jason: Me get lost. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike.

Julie: Take it.

Maggie: Ben and Carol are still packing.

Jason: OK. Mike and Julie are going to h*t the road now so Chrissy can get some sleep.

Maggie: But I wanted the baby with us.

Jason: Maggie, lets let sleeping babies lie.

Maggie: Enough said.

Maggie: Jason, why is a four hour ride taking five hours?

Jason: It does not take five hours.

Maggie: Excuse me, four hours and fifty eight minutes. You promised if you couldn't find the cut off, you'd look at the map.

Jason: Well, I didn't mmnmmm.

Maggie: What?

Jason: I didn't bring the map.

Carol: He's kidding isn't he mum?

Jason: Carol, do I seem to be in a jocular mood to you?

Maggie: Of all the silly macho things to do.

Jason: Maggie, we're going to be just fine. I have a feeling...

Jason and Ben: We'll be there before we know it.

Jason: Yeah, we could have left you at Stinky's for the weekend.

Maggie: All of this could have been avoided if you just brought the stupid map.

Jason: Maggie, it wouldn't have made any difference if we brought the map. I mean obviously they've moved the sing for the cut off,The one that reads...

Ben: To the ferry boat landing.

Jason: See even Ben remembers.

Ben: Of course I remember. We just passed it.

Carol: Is this where you buy the ferry tickets to Martha's Vineyard?

Jason: You could have just "yes it is".

Ben: Can we get on the boat now?

Ticket man: Course son. Don't see why you'd want to. It doesn't pull out till the morning.

Maggie: What?

Jason: There's no other way to get on the island?

Ticket man: Or off the island for that matter. Unless you've got fins and a blow hole. Local joke.

Jason: I got a teenage son and he's trapped on that island with a nineteen year old blond.

Ticket man: Oh. What will become of him? Well, here we are. A living room, bedroom and indoor plumbing. With a flusher.

Julie: I'll get Chrissy settled upstairs.

Mike: I'm sorry, but you look so familiar.

Man: Maybe you met my twin brother. Chester. Runs the ferry from the mainland. I got the looks and the personality. He got the ferry.

Mike: Right, well my family is going to be coming up on the next ferry, so when does that get here?

Man: Tomorrow.

Mike: Pardon me?

Man: There's no way on or off this island till morning. Unless you've got fins and a blow hole. Ha ha ha. Local joke.

Julie: So we are stuck here all night, alone?

Man: Little lady. You and you're hubby....

Julie: He is not my husband.

Man: Well, makes no difference to me. I'm a liberal thinker. Not a prude like my brother. Good night.

Julie: Chrissy's all settles up there.

Mike: Well Julie, looks like it's just you and me tonight.

Julie: You, me and Chrissy.

Mike: Oh right. You me and Chrissy. Oh what will they think of next. These sleeping bags zip together.

Julie: Mike, I've got to tell you something.

Mike: Yes.

Julie: And this isn't easy.

Mike: Oh come on Julie. You can tell me, you can tell me anything.

Julie: Don't h*t on me tonight.

Mike: Almost anything.

Julie: I really didn't mean that the way that it sounded, but...

Mike: Julie, Julie, its fine. Its fine, uh, in fact I am very relieved. I was thinking how am I going to fight this poor girl off,who so obviously wants all of me.

(phone rings)

Mike: Uh hu hu. No touching. Hello.

Jason: Mike, it's me.

Mike: Hey, what the heck happened to you guys?

Jason: Well, we missed the last ferry, so we are here at the quote "Historic Whale Watch Inn". We are lucky enough to get the "there she blows" suite.

Mike: So, uh, are you guys doing ok?

Ben: Its going to be a while Carol. The fat guy from Ohio's still hogging the bathroom.

Jason: Never better. So how about you?

Mike: Yeah, things are looking good here.

Jason: Mike look. Just remember that Julie's there to look after Chrissy. Ok. And I do not, and I repeat, do not want you to think of her as a pretty girl you're stranded with all night on an island. Alright? You got to think of Julie as, uh, as your mother.

Mike: Dad, that's sick.

Ben: Come on, I'm dying out here.

Jason: Ben, tell your mother I've got mike on the phone.

Ben: I can't. I don't want to lose my sh*t if the fat guy gives up the can.

Jason: I'll get her. Mike, hold on will you.

Ben: You sly dog.

Mike: Hey, what are you talking about?

Ben: Oh come on, you bribed that ferry boat guy to cancel the last boat so you could make moves on Julie. Didn't you?

Mike: Well, uh. It is a bit chilly now, but I am expecting a warm front soon.

Ben: Here's mum. Sleep well.

Maggie: Hi Mike. How's my baby?

Mike: Please mum. I'm fine.

Maggie: I meant Chrissy.

Mike: Oh, oh, she's fine too.

Carol: Ahh!

Ben: You're not the fat guy from Ohio.

Carol: Hu!

Ben: Hey.

Maggie: Mike, I hope you are going to be a gentleman tonight.

Mike: Mum, when have I not been a gentleman?

Maggie: Ha ha ha. That's funny. Listen, I just want you to think of Julie as, well,

Mike: You?

Maggie: Mike, that's sick. But you get the idea. Ok, let me talk to Julie.

Mike: Ok. Hey Julie, it's my mum.

Julie: Hi.

Maggie: Hi Julie. Is my baby ok?

Julie: Well now that we got the ground rules down, I think he'll be just fine.

Maggie: He?

Julie: Just kidding. Chrissy is great.

Maggie: Great. Well thank you Julie. Bye bye.

Julie: Bye bye.

Jason: Honey, you look worried.

Maggie: Well it's just that it's my baby's first night alone.

Jason: With a girl. I know.

Maggie and Jason: That too.

Mike: Notice anything different?

Julie: You are wearing that silly smoking jacket.

Mike: Very observant. It's not mine though.

Julie: I didn't think so.

Mike: Alright Julie. Pick a card, any card and I will read your mind. Ok, was your card the ace of spades?

Julie: That's not it.

Mike: Ok, but the answer to my question is...

Julie: It's another card.

Mike: So the one word answer is...Forget it. I hate card tricks. You know Juice. Um...I,I,I really tespect a woman who's into the book thing. You know,I'm not the type of man who thinks of every woman as a mere play thing.

Julie: Just every other woman.

Mike: Julie, I'm surprised at you. You know I mean, hey, you act like I'm trying to put a move on you or something.

Julie: Mike, just be honest.

Mike: Honest?

Julie: Yeah, I like honest.

Mike: You like honest?

Julie: Very much.

Mike: Alright. I'll give you honest, I'll give you honest up the Wazoo. I mean, I think you are cute.

Julie: That's sweet. Mike. I think you are kind of cute too.

Mike: Really? Yeah. Well I also think, as long as this honesty deal is cooking, that we could possibly make a cute couple.

Julie: Mike, it takes me more to get interested in a guy than being really cute.

Mike: Oh, so now it's really cute. A minute ago you said kinda cute. It sounds to me like you are not being totally honest. I can't continue this conversation.

Julie: Ok. Mike, I do think you are attractive.

Mike: I believe you said really attractive.

Julie: But if people just went for people that they found really attractive, where would we be?

Mike: Exactly. I'm holding out for an ugly woman.

Julie: You're a pretty funny kid.

Mike: A kid. Hu. That's funny. You really meant that, didn't you?

Julie: Well yeah.

Mike: So I have absolutely no sh*t here, whatsoever? Oh fine. Fine, fine, fine. I was crazy to think that you'd think that I was...You probably think of me the same as you do Ben. Right? Yeah. And I wore a stupid smoking jacket and everything.

Julie: Mike. Mike, I didn't mean to insult you. Maybe it's just better if we don't talk.

Mike: So just to be totally clear, you have absolutely no attraction here what so ever?

Julie: I didn't say that.

Mike: So you admit, there is some kind of attraction?

Julie: Were you always like this as a child?

Mike: Yeah. Pretty much. Maybe a little shorter. What about you? I mean, were you like this when you were a child?

Julie: Oh no. When I was a little girl, I was very uptight.

Mike: You've come a long way.

Julie: Actually I have. I'll tell you something, I was so shy that I didn't have my first date until I was sixteen.

Mike: That's not so weird. I mean I didn't have my first date until I was...really?

Julie: It was hard for me to get to know any boys. We moved around a lot. See my dad was in the marines, and, gosh I've lived just about every place in the world where people don't even speak English. Maybe I did get asked out before I was sixteen. But I really never knew what they were saying.

Mike: So I decided to sign up to Alf Landen Junior college and see what happened.

Julie: But you are serious about wanting to give acting a try?

Mike: Yeah, I think so. I mean it was the only part of high school I was any good at. But, uh, the thought of actually doing it scares me to death. That's something I never told anybody.

Julie: Isn't this kind of neat. Just talking. Like friends, and not like, you know.

Mike: Yeah, it is. Who knew? So, uh, we were talking about the guys you were dating.

Julie: When were we doing that?

Mike: Hey look, if you are uncomfortable with the subject of who you are dating, then we can change the subject.

Julie: Fine.

Mike: So who's dating you?

Julie: Ok, I've been dating this guy.

Mike: There you go. I sit serious?

Julie: No.

Mike: No, he's probably not into this talking thing like I am.

Julie: Well what about you. Was that girl in your apartment your girlfriend?

Mike: Toni? Toni, no.

Julie: Why, is there something wrong with her?

Mike: No, there's nothing wrong with her, it's just that...I don't know, if I'm going to have a girlfriend,she's got to have...more.

Julie: Toni looked like she had plenty to me.

Mike: No, I don't mean more like that. I mean...

Julie: Mike, I like you when you don't know what to say next.

Mike: Well gosh. I don't know what to say next.

Julie: You know Mike, I guess I'm looking for more too.

Mike: Yeah. What?

Julie: Well, it's hard to put into words but I think I'll know him when I find him.

Mike: Yeah, I think I know what you mean. I've dated a lot of girls like Toni before, but, I don't know,lately it's getting tough.I mean,it's like ladt week, I went out with this incredibly hot babe at this srive in and I fell asleep. Please don't ever tell anybody that I told you that.

(baby's crying)

Mike: Julie! Alright, I'm coming Chrissy. I'm coming. Hey look, if you stop crying, I'll give you my car. How you doing Chrissy, hu? Hey,I think you'll like my car. It's a five speed.Driving stick. Good. You want your rattle? Here you go, Here you go. Hey come on. Hey hey hey. Hey hey we're the monkeys, people say we monkey around, I will keep on singing,because you're smiling now. Hey hey you're a baby,doo dee doo dee dii doo doo...Uh, hi.How long have you been, uh?

Julie: You were listening when I was telling your mum about my little Willie test yesterday.weren't you?

Mike: Hu?

Julie: No, you couldn't have been.

Mike: Uh, Julie. Why are you looking at me like that?

Julie: Cos you are not who I thought you were.

Mike: Yeah. Well who am I?

Julie: You are more.

Mike: Oh no. No no no no no. You're going to make me start thinking that I've got a sh*t again, and then you're going to tell em no. Right?

Julie: No.

Mike: Well then, a no no, or a no yes?

Julie: Yes.

Mike: Yes yes?

Julie: Shut up Mike. (kiss) This can't happen. I work for your parents.

Mike: Oh, oh! Well listen. You don't work on the weekends, do you?

Julie: But I'm older than you and when you were one I was twice as old as you.

Mike: Ah, yeah, but when you were ten, and I nine, you were only ten percent older than me.

Julie: Yeah, but...

Mike: And now that you are nineteen and I'm eighteen, that makes you only....Well the point is,I'm gaining on you.This way,I could maybe even pass you.

Julie: But, don't pass me Mike.

Mike: Maybe just catch up.

Julie: Chrissy needs changing.

Mike: Yeah.

Mike: Hey Julie...

Julie: Uh hu?

Mike: It was nice spending the night with you.

Julie: Michael Seaver, you really are neat.

Mike: I'm neat. Hey hey. Mumo, dadio. How's it going?

Maggie: Hi Mike. Where's Chrissy?

Mike: Uh, she's up in the room with Julie. Hey dad.

Jason: So mike. Did you sleep well?

Mike: Hardly at all. I mean, uh...Look dad. Dad. Nothing you are worried about happened, so you don't need to worry bout it.

Carol: Ben, I can't carry this all by myself.

Ben: Then get some help.

Mike: I'm going to go help the kids unload the car.

Jason: Hey mike. What's your angle?

Mike: No angle.

Jason: Maggie, Mike says nothing happened between him and Julie and I'm very confused.

Maggie: Why.

Jason: Cos I believe him.

Maggie: Jason, I don't see them together. They don't have much in common.

Jason: Well I can see the attraction in Freudian terms. You know men are often attracted to women who remind them of their mothers.

Maggie: Oh, you think Julie reminds him of me?

Jason: Yeah. Sure. She's blond, she's smart. She's cute. Not much of a sense of hu...Hu li li.
{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "04x10 - Mandingo"}