"The Boneless Bride in the River"

Episode 2x16

Written By: Gary Glasberg

Directed by: Tony Wharmby

Transcribed by: tracie

Disclaimer: The characters, plot lines, quotes, etc. included here are owned by Hart Hanson, all rights reserved. This transcript is not authorized or endorsed by Hart Hanson or Fox.

TEASER

(Open - Brennan and Booth arrive at the crime scene - a River)

BRENNAN: I'm supposed to be on vacation? You know, spending time with Sully.

BOOTH: Oh, that's a good lesson for Sully then, huh? Next time he actually takes you 'away' on vacation, you should go away. You know, leave town.

BRENNAN: Ha! You had a vacation and never left town.

BOOTH: It wasn't a vacation, it was a suspension.

BRENNAN: Plus compulsory therapy...

BOOTH: Dude, don't' knock therapy, okay. Dr. Wyatt has help me realized that there are certain pressures that build up on the job and I need creative ways -

BRENNAN: (Interrupting) We do everything together -

BOOTH: ..of dealing with them.

BRENNAN: What? What exactly do you have to contend with on the job that I don't?

BOOTH: (laughs) You Bones. You don't have to contend with you.

AGENT CHARLIE: So we've got a trunk. Looks like it's been wrapped with chains. Battered up pretty good. Most likely came thought the sluice ways upstream in Maryland.

BRENNAN: Is it locked?

AGENT CHARLIE: Not anymore, it isn't.

BOOTH: Is there a body in there?

AGENT CHARLIE: Sort of. (He opens the box to reveal what appears to be a flattened d*ad woman) Beats the hell out of me what the deal is with this one.

BRENNAN: Head looks flat. Like the skulls been totally pulverized.

AGENT CHARLIE: Maybe she got run over by a steam roller?

BOOTH: Whoa. What are you saying, that she was k*lled by Wile E. Coyote?

BRENNAN: Okay, I want the whole kip and canoodle transported to the Jeffersonian.

BOOTH: Kit and caboodle.

RBENNAN: Whatever.

BOOTH: Why don't we just wrap this up fast so we can get you back on your 'vacation'.

BRENNAN: (sarcastically) Thank you. I'd appreciate that.

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Autopsy Room- Zack and Angela are standing around the body while Cam examines it.)

ANGELA: You have GOT to be kidding..

CAM: What's with the tone?

ANGELA: You want me to take this - face - and build a skull for it?

CAM: Can you do it?

ANGELA: No.

ZACK: You're always taking skulls and putting on faces. Can't you simply reverse the process?

ANGELA: No.

CAM: Why not?

ANGELA: Because I am a human being. (they all look at each other) Is she missing every bone in her body?

CAM: Her skeleton was removed.

ANGELA: (she cringes) Oh. Alright. Leaving the third circle of Hell. But before I go, I think she's Asian.

CAM: Don't base that on skin tone. She was boiled which is why we could only get partial finger prints.

ANGELA: I'm not going off skin tone. I'm going off her hair.

ZACK: I have an idea for the face, if you can remove the head from the rest of the skin sack.

ANGELA: Please, God. I am not out of earshot yet.

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Brennan's Office)

CAM: The victim was boiled and a number of incisions were made from the top of the skull, around her right ear and down her right side. Then from the left foot, along the outside of the body, to her left hip.

BRENNAN: Someone with medical training?

CAM: Definitely not. An untrained hand, but a very sharp instrument.

BOOTH:(looking queasy) Boiled?

CAM: The entire skeletal structure removed. Then the skin was sewn back around the organs.

BRENNAN: It doesn't fit any kind of ritual k*lling I've ever heard or read about.

CAM: The organs are damaged, due to the clumsy cutting, but everything's there. Except the brain and the eyes.

BOOTH: Oh, God.

BRENNAN: It must have been difficult to remove all those smaller bones - like the phalanges.

CAM: Well, it's all gone. I didn't even find one bone.

(Hodgins enters)

HODGINS: The algae in the trunk is Cyanobacteria called Microcystis aeruginosa (Brennan gets up from her chair and heads towards the door) the size of the...scum colony indicates 8 days submersion....Dr. Brennan? (she stops and turns back towards him) Have I offended you in some way?

BRENNAN: Dr. Saroyan said no bones, so you know what that means? I'm back on vacation. No bones, no Bones. (she turns to head out, but stops and turns back) I was the second "bones".

CAM: Very witty.

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Room)

ZACK: Essentially, all we have to do is fill the empty head.

HODGINS: Like a balloon.

ZACK: Which is literally what we did.

CAM: Oh, no. You did not.

HODGINS: Put a bladder inside the head and inflate it very slowly. (head starts to inflate)

CAM: This is..it's....absolutely... HODGINS: Brilliant?

CAM: Useless. You need the exact shape of the skull to get a likeness. Not just a....this is...turn that off.

ANGELA: Oh. My. God. You guys are perverse CAM: Dr. Brennan was right. Bone people, should only do bone things.

ACT ONE

(Cut to: Marina - day - Brennan is on the docks approaching "Dreamer")

BRENNAN: Hello.

SULLY: Hey. Dr. Brennan!

BRENNAN: Agent Sullivan, I presume.

SULLY: So, what do ya think?

BRENNAN: I think you're very dirty.

SULLY: Ooooh...

BRENNAN: (points to cheek) You've got something SULLY: Oh. Oh. Uh, Come on aboard, here. So, I didn't think I'd see you for a couple of days.

BRENNAN: I know it's strange, but I actually rather spend time with you than work.

SULLY: Well, I'm flattered.

BRENNAN: So, um, you renting it?

SULLY: Well, uh, thinking about buying her.

BRENNAN: Wow. Can you afford it?

SULLY: Well, If I liquidate everything and borrow heavily? Not at all.

BRENNAN: So you'd - you'd live on it?

SULLY: Her. Ya know, live on Her. But before I commit, I want to spend the night on her with you.

BRENNAN: What would that prove?

SULLY: Call it sexual feng shui BRENNAN: I don't think that's a real thing..

SULLY: If it doesn't work for us, I don't want this boat - (Brennan cuts him off by kissing him) Wow. Apparently, you do think it's a real thing.

(she kisses him again and the scene fades out)

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Autopsy Room)

CAM: I can't find anything on how to estimate the height of a body without bones. Does the skin stretch or contract without a skeleton?

ZACK: Uh, boiled leather, immersed in water, would tend to stretch then contract as it dries. Maybe the principle applies.

CAM: I'm finding bruising on the torso. I'll subject the tissue to reflectent spectroscopy to get a rough idea of when the blows were sustained and whether they were fatal.

ZACK: Dr. Sayroyan? The face debacle taught me a lesson. I'm strictly a bone guy, like Dr. Brennan.

CAM: Which is exactly why I called for you, Bone Boy.

(Cam give a metal tray to Zack with a piece of bone on it)

ZACK: A patella?

CAM: Yes. X-rays showed it was lodged in the fatty tissue of the leg.

ZACK: A bone! Something we can work with.

CAM: It's just a knee cap, Zack. Don't get too excited.

ZACK: To you it's a knee cap. To Dr. Brennan? It's the best part of a human being.

CAM: Good to know.

(Zack takes the tray and leaves)

(Cut to: Marina - day - noises are coming from inside the boat as Booth approaches)

BOOTH: Hey? (laughter is emitted from below deck) Ahoy the boat?

SULLY: Booth?

BOOTH: Yeah. I need Bones. Permission to come aboard or what? (he makes his way on deck as Sully's head pops out from the cabin)

SULLY: Hey. Man. Uh, Is this important?

BOOTH: Yeah. We got a bone.

SULLY: Tell me about it.

BOOTH: It's from the boneless girl..

(Brennan appears from the cabin)

BRENNAN: Uh, what kind of bone?

(Booth looks at the two of them as they look back at him, disheveled)

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Lab)

BRENNAN: (pointing to the screen) Here and here (she points to the screen)

ZACK: Frontal spurring.

BOOTH: Mhmm. What's that mean?

BRENNAN: Zack?

ZACK: A lot of time spent on the knees.

BOOTH: Oh. She's either a nun or a prost*tute.

ZACK: No. The tendon attachments on the inside of the patella also suggest squatting. Which is not nun like behavior.

BRENNAN: You didn't need to interrupt my vacation for this, you know.

BOOTH: Well, you know. You said to call if a bone showed up and this is a bone.

ZACK: The density of secondary osteon structures, suggest the victim was in her early 20's at the time of her death.

BRENNAN: See, Zack is capable. You don't need me. (they all look at the computer monitor) An interesting shape.

ZACK: Square rather than triangular. Classic nail-patella syndrome.

BRENNAN: It's a genetic defect. Also known as Falling's disease.

BOOTH: Falling's disease. Right. What's that?

ZACK: Angela said the victims hair suggested Asian.

BRENNAN: Our victim may have grown up in a non industrialized, rural environment.

BOOTH: Well, early 20's, Asian, rural area? I'll check with immigration.

BRENNAN: Zack will do an osteological profile on the bone, see if we can focus geographically, while I get back on vacation. (Booth looks like a lost puppy as he watches her walk away)

ZACK: Wow. Dr. Brennan really likes that boat.

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Angela's Office - Angela is going through faces in the Homeland Security Database)

BOOTH: I thought you said you couldn't make a face.

ANGELA: Did you hear about Zack and Hodgins and the balloon in the head?

BOOTH: Ha. Was it as bad as it sounds?

ANGELA: Yes. The least I could do was try to get her a face, poor woman. So, a boat, hmm?

BOOTH: Oh, Sully? Yeah. Hmph. Last month, he wanted to live in a tree house.

ANGELA: Hm. He's like me.

BOOTH: Yeah. (he pauses and thinks) Ya know, I don't see that.

ANGELA: Well, he's not really made for all this m*rder and corpses and empty eye sockets crap. He's a romantic.

BOOTH: Unlike me?

ANGELA: No. You're a romantic of a narrow kind. You live to catch bad guys. Sully lives wide. Hey, I got a h*t off the Homeland Security Database.

BOOTH: Li Ling Fan.

ANGELA: Yeah, she's here on a fiancée visa from mainland China.

BOOTH: Well, the fingerprints, it's a match. Print this up for me.

ANGELA: Yeah, this is the victim.

BOOTH: Okay, I'll got visit her fiancée tomorrow...and I, I live wide too. Far and wide. Alright? There's nothing wider than Seeley Booth.

ANGELA: Okay then. My Bad.

(Cut to: Drew Harper's House)

HARPER: Ling Fan is d*ad. Are you certain?

BOOTH: When was the last time you saw you're wife, Mr. Harper?

HARPER: Fan wasn't my wife.

BOOTH: Well, she immigrated here on a fiancée visa and you're listed as, uh, the fiancée.

HARPER: We called it off. Mutual thing.

BOOTH: Well, you see, I - I don't believe that. I mean, a poor girl from China travels thousands of miles away from her family to be with the man that she loves. Not like she has many options. So uh, when was the last time you saw her?

HARPER: About a month ago. How did she die?

BOOTH: Yeah, we're still, uh, we're still looking into that.

HARPER: Foul play, right? I mean the FBI wouldn't be asking so many questions if it was an accident.

BOOTH: So you, uh, you get off on all this uh - Asian stuff, huh? Martial Arts, w*apon..

HARPER: I've dedicated my life to it.

BOOTH: She had some bruising, your fiancée.

HARPER: I don't know anything about that.

BOOTH: These uh, w*apon here, are they uh, genuine?

HARPER: Knock offs. I can't afford the real thing.

BOOTH: Really? Since when does a fence, worry about affording things? Details, like a criminal record, they tend to uh, come up during m*rder investigation.

HARPER: m*rder?

BOOTH: Homicide. See, I've, uh, dedicated my life to it.

(Harper springs up and jumps out the window as Booth chases him onto the roof)

Booth: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

(he watches as Harper flies off the building to the street below)

BOOTH: Hey!

ACT TWO

(Cut to: Marina - day)

BRENNAN: I've been on Arab dhows about this size, but I don't think I could handle one all by myself.

SULLY: This is a lot more high tech than a dhow.

BRENNAN: Why...why didn't you ask me to go out with you? I'm a good sailor.

SULLY: Well, ya know, I've got to be able to handle her by myself. I'd much rather have a crew, you in fact, but what if you got conked on the head and ran off with a pirate?

(Brennan laughs as booth appears behind them)

BOOTH: Ahoy the boat.

BRENNAN: (annoyed, scoffs) Booth.

SULLY: Don't tell me. You found another bone.

BOOTH: Well, I got this uh, Chinese book that needs translating. Maybe you, uh, got someone at the Jeffersonian we could, uh, talk to..

BRENNAN: No. I'm on vacation.

SULLY: Well, he'll just keep showing up. Might as well pitch in and get the case solved.

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Lab - Professor Shi Jon Chen )

PROF. CHEN: It's a ledger for buying and selling w*apon.

BOOTH: Illegal w*apon.

PROF. CHEN: Hm. One entry refers to this. (he points to a sword) It's a Jian, double edge sword.(he continues reading) A dergu....this fellow's not Chinese, correct?

SULLY: How can you tell?

PROF. CHEN: His characters are labored, overly formal.

BRENNAN: Professor Shi Jon Chen is a highly respected cultural anthropologist who specializes..

BOOTH: Yeah. He's one of you. Yep. I get it.

PROF. CHEN: You definitely didn't get all the w*apon, including this - the Xing Shuang - Flying Horse - a very rare, ornate, dagger.

BRENNAN: So what do you think, Jon Chen?

PROF. CHEN: Obviously, he has a fetishistic slant towards all things Asian. A mail order bride would have been a thing to him, like these w*apon.

BRENNAN: What about the ritualistic removal of the bones? Could it be Minghun.

PROF. CHEN: No. Definitely not.

BOOTH: What's that, huh?

PROF. CHEN: It's an ancient belief, in rural China, that if a young, unmarried male dies - his family should rebury his bones with the bones of a woman.

BRENNAN: A bride for the afterlife.

SULLY: Like a burriage or a marrial.

BOOTH: Deading?

(Sully & Booth laugh while Prof. Chen seems to be less than amused.)

PROF. CHEN: But, I've never heard of anyone committing m*rder to get these bones.

BOOTH: Well, then. We should, ah, pursue this avenue of investigation.

BRENNAN: If you come across a Minghun, in which the origin of the bride's bones is unclear? You let us know.

PROF. CHEN: Of course (he hands the book to Brennan and leaves)

BOOTH: Alright, Sully, look. I want you to look into buying one of those ancient Chinese w*apon. Leaping... Donkey?

BRENNAN: Flying Horse?

BOOTH: Yeah, whatever. See if Harper surfaces long enough to, uh, make the sale.

(Cut to: Booth & Brennan in Booth's car - driving )

BOOTH: Homeland Security says the fiancée visa was, ah, expedited by a lawyer on a retainer into a smaller bride agency here in town called "The Perfect Wife"

BRENNAN: Well, that sounds archaic.

BOOTH: Well, ya know, in therapy I learned that superlatives like 'perfect' are, uh, meaningless.

BRENNAN: Not in science. A perfect number is a number who's divisors add up to itself as in one plus two plus three equals six.

BOOTH: Well, in therapy I learned that definitive statements are by their very nature, wrong.

BRENNAN: Isn't the statement, '"definitive statements are by their very nature, wrong" defintive and, thus, wrong?

BOOTH: You hate psychology!

BRENNAN: You haven't said anything to change my mind.

BOOTH: You know, this is exactly why I sometimes do think like sh**t up an ice-cream truck.

BRENNAN: Well, it's a good thing you had therapy.

BOOTH: You know, we talked about you in therapy.

BRENNAN: You did?

BOOTH: mmhmm.

BRENNAN: What did you say?

BOOTH: Well, you know, since it was, uh, my therapy, I don't have to share details. Sorry!

(Cut to: FBI / Interrogation Room - Booth and Brennan sit with Jackie Burrows, owner of the Perfect Wife, bridal agency)

BOOTH: So you specialize in bringing brides over from Russia, Romania, China & Thailand?

JACKIE: I've had over 500 marriages since I opened shop. I match the happy couple using an empirical system of reciprocal attributes.

BRENNAN: You can't match humans empirically because the variables number in the tens of thousands.

JACKIE: I never recommend a match with less than 200 points of compatible commonality.

BRENNAN: Tens of thousands is way more than 200.

BOOTH: That's great. Were Drew Harper and Miss Fan -

BRENNAN (interrupting): Miss Ling.

JACKIE: In Chinese nomenclature the last names first..

BRENNAN: ..and the first name is last.

BOOTH: Great. We're they a good match.

JACKIE: Sadly, I'm sorry to say, in the end, no. They decided not to marry.

BRENNAN: Wha- What happened to Miss Ling after that?

JACKIE: On a fiancée visa, the couple has 90 days to marry and if they don't, the bride is required to return to her country of origin. So, if Ling Phan is missing, it's probably because she went back home.

BOOTH: Miss Fan is-

(Brennanclears her throat, obviously annoyed and interrupts Booth)

BOOTH: Li Ling Fan is d*ad, Miss Burrows. She was beaten.

BRENNAN: Drew Harper may have k*lled her. Did that possibility show up in your 200 points?

JACKIE (visibly shaken): Um, this is my background check on Drew Harper. You'll find that my screening process exceeds the minimum set by the Marriage Broker Act.

BOOTH: Thank you, Miss Burrows. You can leave.

(Jackie leaves)

BOOTH: Well, Harper provided a completely false background.

BRENNAN: Is that possible?

BOOTH: A career criminal, fence? I mean, yeah. He can bring himself a whole identity based on false documents. I'm telling ya, this is definitely not a match made in heaven.

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Brennan's Office)

PROF. CHEN: I've been worming my way into observing the ceremony first hand, for two months. Through the grooms family.

BOOTH: That'd be the d*ad groom.

PROF. CHEN: Yes. Overtures are always made by the grooms family. Now I hear they will pay $25,000 for a bride.

BOOTH: That would be the d*ad bride..

BRENNAN: Booth. You're being very judgmental.

BOOTH: I apologize. I just think it's a little - (Brennan glares at him)

PROF. CHEN: Apparently, they found our bride.

BOOTH: Well, who is she..was she? You know, because she..she's d*ad.

PROF. CHEN: My sources don't know anything about the bride.

BRENNAN: Well, who got the $25,000?

PROF. CHEN: Most likely, the brides family.

BOOTH: Most likely?

BRENNAN: My understanding is that before the Minghun, the bones are spread throughout the family members and then brought together for the reburial ceremony.

PROF. CHEN: That's correct.

BRENNAN: If you could get me a sample of one of the bones. Could check the DNA, see if it Li Ling Fan?

BOOTH: Do you know where any of these bones are, Professor Chen?

PROF. CHEN: I might know where maybe one bone is being kept.

BRENNAN: If you could get me to a place where I could just look at the bone, you're subjects will never know I was there.

PROF. CHEN: Alright. But you'll have to pretend to be....my girlfriend. (Booth smirks. Prof. Chen then turns to Booth) ..and her brother.

BRENNAN (scoffs): Yeah, right.

(Cut to: House of Mei Zhang - a relative with the d*ad son's bones)

MEI ZHANG: (in Mandarin) You should have given me more warning that you would be bringing guests into my home.

BRENNAN: What did she say?

PROF. CHEN: Just hospitality stuff.

MEI ZHANG: (in Mandarin) The young woman, she seems very nice and she is very beautiful, but your family would much prefer you find a girl more suitable.

BOOTH: I don't need to speak Chinese to get that. She don't think Bones is good for you.

BRENNAN: You just made that up!

PROF. CHEN: Ah, Nailed on the head.

BOOTH: Ha.

PROF. CHEN: (to Mei Zhang in Mandarin) Perhaps some more biscuits?

(Before heading into the other room, Mei Zhang goes over to Booth and pinches his cheek)

MEI ZHANG: He is... You are very handsome. I've said, Caucasians don't usually look very prosperous but he has very special characteristics.

PROF. CHEN: She said your face has character.

BOOTH: Yeah, well all the older ladies say they like me.

(Brennan gets up and looks on the mantle)

BOOTH (whispering): Bones, what are you doing? Bones. Bones!

BRENNAN (looking through the pots): These are traditional storage pots.

PROF. CHEN: Please, Dr. Brennan. Whatever you find you promised not to disturb it.

BRENNAN: No. I promised not to disrupt your study. Oh!

(She finds the bone she was looking for and throws it towards Booth)

BOOTH: Whoa, what is this? Is that human?

BRENNAN: It's an ilium. Part of the hip bone.

BOOTH: Ah. What am I supposed to do with this?

PROF. CHEN: Dr. Brennan. Quickly, put it back.

(She reaches in her bag and pulls out a replacement bone and puts it back into it's box right as Mei Zhang re-enters the room)

MEI ZHANG (to Prof. Chen in Mandarin): What is she doing?!

BRENNAN (in Mandarin): Your pots are very beautifully made.

BOOTH: Did Bones just speak Chinese?

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Bone Room )

BRENNAN: Definitely human. No sign of any cut marks.

BOOTH: Well, is it Li Ling Fan?

BRENNAN: No. It's male.

CAM: So what? You got a part of the groom instead of a piece of the bride?

BOOTH: Bones stole it.

BRENNAN: Uh, not stole: swapped.

BOOTH: From an old Chinese lady's mantle.

BRENNAN: I brought a bunch of chimpanzee bones and pulled the old ah, switchamacallit.

BOOTH: Switcheraroo.

CAM: Whatchamacallit.

BOOTH: Two different things.

BRENNAN: These anomalies...whoever this was died of cancer. I'll get Zack to find the details, but this is definitely not Li Ling Fan.

BOOTH: Maybe it's the groom?

CAM: Makes sense. Especially if this is a - d*ad people bone marriage thing.

(There is a knock on the doorway - it's Sully)

SULLY: Uh, Temperance? Hey, um, ya got a sec?

BRENNAN: Excuse me.

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Cat Walk - Sully dangles a set of keys in front of Brennan)

BRENNAN: You bought the boat.

SULLY: Finalized this morning.

BRENNAN: Wait. Sailboats have keys?

SULLY: Well, no. Not, not really. These are the keys to the marina but ya know, it's symbolic.

BRENNAN: Congratulations.

SULLY: So I'm gonna tell you something and I want you to think about it a while before you answer.

BRENNAN: Okay.

SULLY: Well, you say okay, but it takes you microseconds to think things though. So this time I'd appreciate it if you, ah, took a breath 'cause - it's big.

BRENNAN: What is it?

SULLY: I'm headed south, in the boat to the Caribbean.

BRENNAN: When?

SULLY: When this case is done.

BRENNAN: You quit the FBI?

SULLY: No. No, not yet. I'll take a couple of months to get used to the boat. Ya know, really check it out and then I'll start running charters - probably for the Turks & Cacaos which is -

BRENNAN: Your..You're really talking a lot.

SULLY: I know. And I haven't even gotten to the main part. Which is, um, I really, really want you to come with me.

BRENNAN: You do.

SULLY: I do. (he moves closer to her) Look, take a sabbatical. There's more to life than, than corpses and m*rder. You know, we do this job for too long, we get warped. I, I can feel it happening already and maybe you can too. Let - Let's run away together. (Brennan just looks at him and gives no reply) Well, ya know. Think about it. (she still doesn't say anything) Wanna hug? (she takes a step back) Okay, no. God, that's, that's a lot - lot to process, so just, ya know, I don't know, ya know let me know when you think that maybe - (she falls into him and hugs him, both seem to not want to let the other one go.) Okay.

**ACT THREE**

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Angela's Office )

ZACK: Stage three sarcoma, M1 metastasis.

ANGELA: Like Brennan said, caner.

ZACK: Yes. Most likely it spread from prostate or testicular cancer.

ANGELA: So it's definitely a guy.

ZACK: If this is the groom, then he's Chinese. And according to Dr. Shi, most likely related, in some way, to the old lady - who kept him in a pot.

ANGELA: Which should be enough to identify him through hospital records.

(Zack leaves as Cam enters)

CAM: None of Harper's w*apon show any sign of being used to dissect a human being. No protein residue even under ALS.

ANGELA: Is there any way to tell what kind of blade was used on the skin?

CAM: Only that it was sharp and straight edged but I did find evidence of toxicity damage to the kidney.

ANGELA: Wait? The victim was poisoned? (Cam nods.) I thought she was beaten to death.

CAM: Well, the bruising could have been a result of Falling's disease. Toxicology identified the toxin as a root called lei gong teng. In small doses, it's an anti-inflammatory. In large - it has another name. Loosely translates as "walk seven steps and die". I'll have Booth check out Chinese herbalists.

(As Cam exits, Brennan enters from another door)

ANGELA: Want me to bring you up to date?

BRENNAN: No. (she sits down - looking distraught) I want you to tell me what to do.

ANGELA: About what?

BRENNAN: Sully wants me to run off with him.

ANGELA: Go.

BRENNAN: For a year.

ANGELA: Go.

BRENNAN: He wants to run a charter boat around the Caribbean.

ANGELA: Go.

BRENNAN: He says I should take a sabbatical.

ANGELA: Go. What is the downside? He's a great guy. This is a great idea.

BRENNAN: I'll miss you guys.

ANGELA: Oh, we'll meet you in Barbados. Look. You have been working every day since I met you. It's time to let another part of yourself out into the sun. With a bare chested man and a tropical breeze.

(Brennan and Angela laugh - Zack re-enters the room)

ZACK: William Cheng. Single. Age 27. Died 2 years ago of metastasizing prostate cancer. Great nephew of Mei Zheng.

ANGELA: (looking at his picture) He looks nice.

BRENNAN: (takes the file) Booth will want to talk to his parents. Fine out where they got the female bones in case it's Li Ling Fan.

ANGELA: Listen to me, Brennan. Go. They'll still be m*rder and mayhem when you get back.

(Cut to: FBI - Observation Room - Brennan & Shi Jon Chen watch as Booth questions two relatives of William Chang)

PROF. CHEN: They're going to know this information came from me. You ruined my study.

BRENNAN: They won't know for sure it was you. Their son's bones are spread all over the city.

PROF. CHEN: They let me in on something very precious to them and now this. I broke the first rule of anthropology - minimize your affect on the study.

BRENNAN: Do you really believe that your study is more important than catching a m*rder?

PROF. CHEN: You used to be dedicated to a much larger, timeless, truth. Now you're just a tool for those who have smaller concerns.

(Prof. Chen leaves Brennan alone. She is stunned.)

(Cut to: FBI - Interrogation Room)

BOOTH: You buried your son, William, three years ago. My condolences. (neither parent says anything.) We have, uh, come into possession of one of his bones. You have no idea how this happened? (both parents still say nothing) Maybe you're planning on reburying your son with the bones of a younger woman to provide him love and company in the after life? (both parents continue to remain silent) Well, you see we need to know who this woman is because it's possible that she's a m*rder victim. (still nothing) You wouldn't want that, would you? (they remain silent - Booth sighs) Okay, well you give me no choice but to get an order of exhumation.

(Cut to: Graveyard. Booth & Brennan watch as the casket is exhumed)

BRENNAN: Sully bought that boat.

BOOTH: Yeah? Ha. Next thing you know he'll be shipwrecked on some island talking to a volleyball.

BRENNAN: He's leaving for the Caribbean.

BOOTH: Really. (she nods) Look, I'm - I'm sorry, Bones. I - I know that the two of you were kinda hittin' it off -

BRENNAN: He wants me to go with him.

BOOTH: (looks a bit thrown) Oh. Oh..yeah...

BRENNAN: He - he says I should take a year off, a sabbatical. He says it'll be fun.

BOOTH: Yeah, it would be.

BRENNAN: But you just said he'd be shipwrecked with a volleyball.

BOOTH: Well, he's got you. He doesn't need the volleyball.

BRENNAN: You think I should go?

BOOTH: (he takes a moment) Yeah. (it's obvious that he wants to say no) Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know it's, uh, one year out of your life, huh? I mean a persons gotta - live wide. And this is kinda narrow.

(The excavator hits the casket- makes a crunching noise)

BOOTH: Oh. The coffin already?

BRENNAN: It can't be. We're only two feet down.

BOOTH: Oh, easy! Careful!

(The coffin is opened up and money comes flying out of it)

BOOTH: Is this fake money?

(Brennan looks down into the coffin)

BRENNNA: There's no body in this coffin.

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Platform)

HODGINS: There was a body in here. It was removed.

BOOTH: What's with the fake money?

BRENNAN: Chinese tradition. Send a loved one off to the after life well funded - at least symbolically. How long ago was the body removed?

HODGINS: This little darling, this Phaenicia sericata, also known as the common green bottle fly. Now William Chang was buried in January, 3 years ago. Since the green bottle fly is only active in the summer months, I contend he was dug up last July or August. Which allowed maggots to be laid in casket to feast on...

BOOTH: Okay, I got it.

HODGINS: Oh, I can be a lot more specific..

BOOTH: No. No, ya know, "dug up last summer and distributed to the family" is specific enough for the FBI.

HODGINS: He would have decomposed quickly. Buried in a pine box. Improperly sealed. Buried only two feet below the surface. Chang should sue that mortuary.

BRENNAN: Because of the shallow burial?

HODGINS: Yeah, and the decomp seepage into the fake money is um, au naturale.

BOOTH: What does that mean?

BRENNAN: The body was not embalmed.

BOOTH: Alright, none of this is helping us solve the mystery of what happened to Li Ling Fan.

BRENNAN: The funeral home was in on it. They wanted the body to decompose as quickly as possible.

HODGINS: Full service mortuary. They perform funerals AND weddings for d*ad people.

(Cut to: FBI - Booth's Office - Booth & Brennan speak with Joseph Han & his grandson, Nelson Han)

NELSON HAN: Mortuary records show that we buried William Chang in a lead-lined casket. If you found another casket -

BOOTH: Pine box. It was a pine box.

JOSEPH HAN: Obviously, Mr. Chang was dug up and reburied.

BRENNAN: Who embalmed William Chang?

JOSEPH HAN: The records show that, ah, my grandson and I had that honor.

BRENNAN: You're lying.

BOOTH: William Chang was never embalmed.

JOSEPH HAN: But you yourself said there was nothing but fake money in the casket. So how can you tell?

BRENNAN: We can tell from the residue left in the empty casket.

JOSEPH HAN: (he says something to his grandson in mandarin then - ) I'm sorry, but we can not help you.

BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mr. - Mr. Han. Please. Sit down. Please just..(the two men sit) Here's what I think, okay. I think that you have some old Chinese traditions alive which are illegal in this country -

BRENNAN: The minghun reburial ceremony.

BOOTH: Well, I'm not concerned about - what I care about is if the bride was m*rder.

JOSEPH HAN: m*rder?

BRENNAN: Our understanding is that Mr. Chang's family paid $25,000 for her bones.

BOOTH: And people have k*lled for much less. So, uh, what part of that , uh, 25 grand came to you?

NELSON HAN: Did the Chang's admit to paying that money?

BRENNAN: No.

BOOTH: We found a cash withdrawal that they can't explain.

JOSEPH HAN: But you are not even certain that William Cheng's minghun bride is this - m*rder woman?

BOOTH: No, sir.

BRENNAN: But we can't know for sure that it isn't her without looking at the bones.

JOSEPH HAN: If the bride were not this m*rder woman, would you allow the ceremony to proceed?

NELSON HAN: Grandfather!

BOOTH: What ceremony?

(Cut to: Graveyard. They watch as people - including Mei Zhang - place items in the casket for the minghun)

BRENNAN: (to onlookers) We're very sorry to disturb you..

BOOTH: (to onlookers) FBI. I need to see the coffin. (the people start to move out of the way) We're sorry. (to Brennan) Take a look, Bones. Take a look.

BRENNAN: Okay.. (she looks inside) Indications of cancer. I believe this is William Chang. Here's the chimpanzee ilium that I left.

BOOTH: What about the girl?

BRENNAN: Lots of score marks on the bones, congruent with flesh being removed from the skeleton with blades. I believe this is Li Ling Fan.

(They look around - but everyone has left)

BOOTH: Where is everybody? I guess we really broke up the party? Huh?

**ACT FOUR**

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Platform)

ZACK: Positive I.D. On both sets of remains. William Chang and Li Ling Fan.

ANGELA: Wow. They kinda go together.

CAM: Because they're deceased?

ANGELA: Yeah. But more than that. They're exactly same level of hotness.

CAM: Which is zero because they're skeletons.

ZACK: The cut on the skeletal structure by the removal of soft tissue match the implements the FBI confiscated from the mortuary.

ANGELA: She was ill, and he was ill. It's really too bad they never actually met.

CAM: The mortician's lawyer advised him to clam up. The Chang's now say the $25,000 was used to pay off a family debt.

ANGELA: You ever think they're spirits actually did meet and are working to get their bones together her on the psychical plane?

CAM: You mean like we're possessed and doing their bidding?

ANGELA: (sighs) You know what you people lack? Whimsy. It's a genuine handicap.

CAM: Ther are four mortician's working at that mortuary and a half a dozen assistants.

ZACK: Any one of them could've removed the bones and sank the skin in the river. Personally, I would have cremated the remaining skin and organs.

CAM: No crematorium at that mortuary.

ANGELA: I am gonna draw them a wedding picture.

CAM: Okay. Well, you do that. We should find out who poisoned the victim and arrest him for m*rder.

ZACK: Probably the, uh, bouncing, flying mail order husband. (he turns back to Angela) Does that count as whimsy?

ANGELA: Well, you're handicapped, Zack. Someone really needs to throw a telethon for you.

(Cut to: Booth and Brennan in a car watching as Sully prepares to meet Harper in the alley)

BRENNAN: How did Sully find Harper so quickly?

BOOTH: He didn't say. You know, Sully's a nice guy.

BRENNAN: You sound condescending.

BOOTH: I'm just trying to be nice, okay? I'm complementing the fact that you got a good one this time.

BRENNAN: Thereby implying I'm incapable of making my own judgments.

BOOTH: The physicist who couldn't tie his shoes? Oh, the former professor who was, uh, jealous of your own success. Should I stop?

BRENNAN: Yes -

BOOTH: Oh, the guy that you found on the Internet and ended up being some kind of recruiter for a cult. Oh, and this is my favorite - the guy who cut off his own brother's head because he thought he was possessed by a witch.

BRENNAN: You made your point.

BOOTH: Look I'm just saying a guy who wants to take you away from all of this on a sailboat - that's a step up.

BRENNAN: Condescending.

(Harper approaches Sully)

BOOTH: That's our guy.

BRENNAN: Okay, So when do we take him off?

BOOTH: Down. We take him down when Sully puts his cap in his back pocket.

(Sully put his cap in his back pocket)

BOOTH: Now. Freeze!

(Harper throws Sully over his shoulder and takes off running)

BOOTH: Freeze! Harper! Geez, I told you he was fast.

BRENNAN: (leaving over Sully) Are you okay?

SULLY: Yeah.

BOOTH: Great. Great. Fine. Sully, you chase him. I'll head him off, Okay?

SULLY: Okay, okay, okay.

(he and Brennan start to chase after Harper. While climbing up the fence in the alley - )

SULLY: Have you thought about my offer?

BRENNAN: Yes.

SULLY: What do you think?

BRENNAN: This is not the time to discuss it.

(They land on the other side of the fence and continue to give chase - Harper keeps alluding them)

SULLY: The guy must be on meth.

BRENNAN: Martial arts.

SULLY: FBI! Freeze right there! (Harper grabs onto something and starts swinging over their heads and escape their capture) I said freeze! Freeze! Damn it! (They start chasing him again and then climbs up a f*re escape) What is he, on wires?

(Harper looks down at them and smiles. He thinks he's going to get away until Booth sneaks up behind him and hits him and knocks him down )

BOOTH: He ain't bouncing around anymore now, is he? (Sully and Brennan look up at Booth) See that?

HARPER: I did not k*ll Ling Fan.

BOOTH: Ah, then why did you keep running away, huh?

HARPER: I'm a criminal, you're police.

SULLY: Ling Fan didn't know anyone, that makes you a good suspect.

BRENNAN: Sell her bones for $25,000.

SULLY: Make up for the loss.

HARPER: What loss?

BOOTH: You paid $25,000 to The Perfect Wife Agency to bring her over. Probably another eight grand for the round trip ticket.

SULLY: That's a lot of Kn*fe sales.

HARPER: You people got it completely wrong. Chick doesn't work out, you get a full refund or a swap. I took the money back guarantee.

BRENNAN: Really?

SULLY: Oops.

HARPER: I didn't lose a cent. It's the mail-order agency that's out all that dough.

BRENNAN: What was wrong with her?

HARPER: What?

BRENNAN: Why did you send Ling Fan back?

HARPER: Chick was defective, man. I'm a very active person. She moved slow, like an old lady. (to Booth) You meet the Flying Horse.

BOOTH: Yeah.

HARPER: That is a very good item. Maybe you still want to buy it? I'm gonna need bail money.

(Cut to: FBI / Interrogation Room - Booth is interrogating Jackie Burrows while Sully and Brennan watch from the observation room.)

BOOTH: So you wanna know what your first mistake was?

JACKIE: Thinking you wouldn't find out about the refund?

BOOTH: No. Your first mistake was k*lling Ling Fan. Your second mistake was keeping the poison the you used in your refrigerator. The third mistake was thinking that once we had you that the grandson at the mortuary, Nelson Han, that he wouldn't cooperate. I mean not only did he -

(Sully walks over and turns off the speakers)

SULLY: You know, Booth, uh, is a really good guy.

BRENNAN: He says the same about you.

SULLY: Really? 'Cause I figured he was the one talking you out of going with me.

BRENNAN: No. He told me to go. Angela did too. Everyone thinks it's a great idea.

SULLY: Everyone except you. But you're not gonna go, are you? (She shakes her head no) Why, Brennan? Sailing around warm oceans with someone who loves you? Please. Tell me what is holding you here. Look. I don't - I don't want to sound conceited but, um, I think I'm worth the risk.

BRENNAN: You are. You definitely are.

SULLY: Alright, well, you're the logical one. What's your thinking?

BRENNAN: Rationally- (Brennan exhales) Rationally thinking, I want to go. And I know I should go but...I can't.

SULLY: What you're doing, it's important. But it's not important enough to be your whole life.

(He kisses her and then turns and walks out the door - leaving Brennan alone. She wipes a tear away from her eye as Booth - still in the interrogation room - gives her the thumbs up and leads Jackie out - they got their guy.)

(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Brennan walks up on the platform and sees the skeletons of William Chang and Li Ling Fan laid out - side by side. She pauses to look at them - obviously affected - then heads over to the 'wedding picture' that Angela painted for them and picks it up - tears start to form in her eye again)

(Cut to: The Marina - Sully, on his boat, looks back at Brennan - who is on the docks - and waves. She watches as he goes and waves goodbye back to him. Tears well up in her eyes - saying goodbye to him is hard for her - she really did care about him. As the camera pans, it reveals the name of Sully's boat "Temperance". Brennan turns to head home - only to see Booth on the docks behind her)

BRENNAN: What are you doing here?

BOOTH: I'm waving goodbye. See? (he waves)

BRENNAN: What do you want?

BOOTH: Breakfast.

BRENNAN: I'm not hungry.

BOOTH: Oh, come on, huh? What are ya gonna vomit when we come across one of those, uh, horrific cases?

BRENNAN: I don't vomit.

BOOTH: Give it time, Bones, okay? Give it time. Everything happens eventually.

BRENNAN: Everything?

BOOTH: All the stuff, okay, that you think never happens - it happens. You just gotta be ready for it.

(Camera pans out as the two of them continue to walk up the dock together)

(Fade to Black)
{"type": "series", "show": "Bones", "episode": "02x16 - The Boneless Bride in the River"}