PLANET OF f*re

BY: PETER GRIMWADE

Part One

Original Air Date: 23 February 1984
Running time: 24:26

AMYAND: Come on, Roskal.

ROSKAL: It's no good, I can't make it.

AMYAND: Give me your hand.

ROSKAL: No. Amyand, I'm afraid.

AMYAND: So am I. We've come this far. We can't turn back now. Come on, just a short climb then we can see into the heart of the mountain. The others are depending on us.

TIMANOV: Since my father's time, unbelievers have been sent to the flames.

MALKON: That was barbaric.

TIMANOV: Yes, a little overzealous, perhaps. In those days, people didn't tolerate dissenters as they do now.

MALKON: But the unbelievers are harmless.

TIMANOV: Yes, but it's still a wise precaution to send the occasional free-thinker to the flames. Encourages faith in our traditions.

MALKON: I could never order a burning.

TIMANOV: When the time comes, you will be given the strength. It can be a rewarding experience for those consumed in the flames. Unbelievers are such, such unhappy souls.

MALKON: Is it not sometimes good to doubt, Timanov?

TIMANOV: Malkon, for our people to survive we must have faith, and never more so than at this moment. Logar is testing us. We must not seem to be wanting.

ROSKAL: I can't breathe. My feet are burning.

AMYAND: Timanov says Logar is benevolent. Perhaps he's waiting with a cool drink and new shoes.

ROSKAL: How can you joke?

AMYAND: Keep going. It's now or never, Roskal.

AMYAND: There's nothing there!

ROSKAL: Not even a machine.

AMYAND: Logar's a myth.

CURT: Be careful. Do you wish to achieve what the sea could not? These items are fragile.

CURT: Howard?

FOSTER: Sure isn't Greek.

CURT: Neither is it Roman.

FOSTER: You're right. The metal's modern. Must be some kind of alloy. Do you recognise the logo?

CURT: No.

FOSTER: I'll get one of the crew to take it to the police.

CURT: Yes, but first we must get the statue safely ashore. I won't be happy until it's safely in the workshop at the museum.

TIMANOV: Only Logar could create a place of such beauty.

MALKON: Then why is he now trying to destroy the planet?

TIMANOV: The ways of the gods are complex. Why with his own hands did he build such a place? You're his Chosen One.

MALKON: I don't know.

TIMANOV: Same with the Day of f*re. But why does he test us in this way?

MALKON: I only wish I had your faith.

TIMANOV: Accept. Accept what you see and hear and feel all around you, and the faith will come.

MALKON: Perhaps. But I don't think I will ever understand why this makes me special.

TIMANOV: The sign of Logar. You are the Chosen One. The people of Sarn expect your leadership.

MALKON: But why? Why the importance of this mark?

TIMANOV: Tradition! You were found on the slopes of the volcano. But you know all this. How many times must I tell you?

MALKON: I know only that I am confused. What of the memories and strange dreams that I have?

TIMANOV: I keep forgetting how very young you still are. Come, we must hurry. One day, it'll all be clear to you.

DOCTOR: Daleks. I sometimes think those mutated misfits will terrorise the universe for the rest of time.

TURLOUGH: Doctor, you're becoming obsessed.

DOCTOR: Yes, obsessed and depressed.

TURLOUGH: You miss Tegan?

DOCTOR: Well, we were together a long time.

DOCTOR: Kamelion!

KAMELION: Help me! Pain.

TURLOUGH: He's connected to the TARDIS databank.

DOCTOR: No, no, no. No, we need to stop the spasming. Go and programme an alpha rhythm on the computer. It should calm him.

KAMELION: Help me, Doctor.

DOCTOR: It's all right, Kamelion. Help's on its way.

KAMELION: Point of contact. Point of contact will be made. Contact me.

DOCTOR: Contact who? What's happening?

TURLOUGH: Doctor, we're picking up a distress signal. Oh, no.

KAMELION: I apologise for that hysterical display, Doctor. For a moment there was confusion.

TURLOUGH: A Trion ship.

TURLOUGH: How's Kamelion?

DOCTOR: The spasming's stopped and he's fully conscious. I just wish I

DOCTOR: What have you done?

TURLOUGH: We were picking up some sort of random emission, and I, I thought it might be interfering with Kamelion.

DOCTOR: And why have you reset the coordinates?

TURLOUGH: I haven't.

DOCTOR: Someone has.

TURLOUGH: Kamelion's plugged into the computer. He must have computerised the signals we heard.

PERI: Hi.

FOSTER: What are you doing here? I thought you were going sight-seeing with your mother.

PERI: No, she's taken up with that Mrs van Geysingham from the hotel, and I'm not spending all afternoon exploring a Cro-Magnon cave with some octogenarian from Miami Beach. Hey, what's this? Looks like Elton John.

FOSTER: It's Eros, if you really want to know.

PERI: The god of love and fertility.

FOSTER: That's right. Beautiful, isn't he? A personification of natural forces in an anthropomorphic deity. In the same pantheon, Hephaestus rules f*re, Poseidon the sea and earthquakes.

PERI: Howard, do you have to talk at me like it was the Albuquerque Women's League or something?

FOSTER: I'm sorry. If you're not interested, then I

PERI: I am interested. I just don't like being lectured, that's all.

FOSTER: I must get on. I've got a great deal to do.

PERI: Sure.

CURT: Howard, I've got to go and find out what's happened to the transport.

FOSTER: Okay. Look, Peri, I'm really sorry I don't have the time to talk.

PERI: It's all right. I only came out to say hello and goodbye.

FOSTER: Goodbye? What are you talking about?

PERI: This island, Howard. I'm bored out of my mind.

FOSTER: How can you be bored, for heaven's sakes?

PERI: Look, I've met a couple of really nice English guys and I'm going with them to Morocco.

FOSTER: Morocco? But you're due back at college in the fall.

PERI: In three months time.

FOSTER: But what about your work, your ecology project, your reading schedule? You've got exams coming up. Come on, Peri. No way are you going to north Africa.

PERI: I'm not a child. You can't stop me.

FOSTER: Okay. So what are you going to use for money?

PERI: I've already cashed in my return ticket for New York. I leave for Morocco this afternoon.

FOSTER: You what? How do you expect to get home?

PERI: I'll get a job.

FOSTER: Oh, don't make me laugh.

PERI: Oh, stop playing the heavy step-father, Howard. You're not dressed for it.

FOSTER: Damn it, Peri.

PERI: Please, don't let's argue. I've made up my mind.

FOSTER: Okay, have it your own way.

PERI: I can go?

FOSTER: It's your life.

PERI: You mean it? I knew you'd understand.

FOSTER: There's just one thing. Reclaim your ticket to New York. I'm not having you stranded in Morocco. Your mother'd never forgive me.

PERI: But I

FOSTER: Don't say it. I'll advance you the money and you can pay me back out of your allowance.

PERI: That's great. You're marvellous.

FOSTER: I know. My money's on the boat. Once they've unloaded the dinghy, we'll go out there.

PERI: Thanks, Howard.

DOCTOR: Kamelion denies hearing any transmission. Did you get a precise fix on the signal?

TURLOUGH: It stopped. There wasn't time.

DOCTOR: Oh. Well, if it transmits again we'll get a fix on it with this.

FOSTER: Okay?

PERI: Yeah.

FOSTER: I'm a fool.

PERI: What's the matter?

FOSTER: I've left my wallet in the hotel.

PERI: I'll cable my address from Morocco. You could send the money to me there.

FOSTER: Sure, of course.

PERI: What's this?

FOSTER: I don't know.

PERI: It's never platinum.

FOSTER: It could be anything.

PERI: Hmm. How intriguing.

PERI: Oh, will it be long? I'd hate to miss my flight.

FOSTER: Don't worry.[/i]

FOSTER: Vamos. Sorry, Peri. You'll have to wait for the next trip.

PERI: Howard!

FOSTER: I'll send over another dinghy. Keep an eye on the ship, will you?

PERI: Get one of the crew to stay behind! I have to be at the airport in an hour!

FOSTER: Sorry, honey.

PERI: You're doing this deliberately!

FOSTER: As if I would.

PERI: I will not be treated like this!

FOSTER: Morocco's not going anywhere at the moment. You've got your whole life to see it.

PERI: Of all the low-down, cheap, rotten, sneaky. You won't get away with it, Howard! You hear me?

MALKON: Citizens of Sarn, you have all seen the smoke from the f*re mountain and felt the quaking ground. These signs tell us it is the Time of f*re. Logar, lord of f*re, is testing our faith.

SORASTA: Testing our common sense, you mean.

MALKON: The old men will tell you that soon Logar will send a sea of f*re from the heart of the mountain.

SORASTA: Then we must all leave this place.

MALKON: We must do nothing!

SORASTA: Nothing?

TIMANOV: If we have faith in Logar and are not found wanting, we will survive and prosper. And as a reward, the Outsider will come. There will be food and gifts we have forgotten existed.

AMYAND: No! It's a lie. Logar's a myth.

TIMANOV: Heretic. Unbeliever.

AMYAND: We have climbed the mountain.

TIMANOV: It is death to trespass on the mountain of f*re.

AMYAND: We've climbed the mountain and we're still alive. Logar doesn't exist.

CURT: These ropes aren't tight enough. Must I do everything myself?

CURT: And what do you want?

DOCTOR: A kouros, late Classical period. It's really rather fine. I'd hazard a guess by a pupil of Praxiteles.

TURLOUGH: Doctor, you're showing off.

CURT: I'm inclined to agree.

FOSTER: But a remarkably well-informed guess, sir.

DOCTOR: Hmm. It's a pity about the erosion, but the overall effect is not unattractive, like the marine Venus on Rhodes. Has this just been brought up from the seabed?

FOSTER: Earlier today. It's proving to be a very interesting wreck out in the bay. A real mixed bag, just like your English Mary Rose.

DOCTOR: Indeed. But more of a mixed bag than you realise.

CURT: And what does that mean?

DOCTOR: Er, nothing.

FOSTER: Oh, come on, Curt. No one's going to take your wreck away from you. Nice talking to you.

DOCTOR: Goodbye.

TURLOUGH: Do you think the divers disturbed something?

DOCTOR: Without a doubt. We'll need two readings to pinpoint the spot exactly.

TURLOUGH: You take one from here. It's quicker if I go back to the TARDIS.

DOCTOR: Yes, hurry. I don't know how long there'll be before the next emission.

PERI: Could be platinum.

KAMELION: Do not interfere. TARDIS will be taken to point of contact. I must obey. Find point of contact.

TURLOUGH: You're not taking the TARDIS anywhere, and you're not listening to any more messages from Trion. You're finished, Kamelion!

TURLOUGH: Earthlings.

PERI: Help!

SORASTA: This is your last chance, Timanov. If there's no sign, it's you who'll burn on the sacrificial altar.

TIMANOV: Logar! A sign!

TIMANOV: Thank you.

PERI: I think I'm going to die.

TURLOUGH: No, you're not.

TURLOUGH: Where did you find this?

PERI: Howard was such a pig. I needed the money.

TURLOUGH: Doctor

DOCTOR: The point of emission moved. It's odd. It's very odd indeed. You're soaking wet.

DOCTOR: A data core. Where did you find this?

TURLOUGH: On the shore.

DOCTOR: Hmm. Must be what was sending the signal. Now, with a little help from the TARDIS computer, we may find out exactly why Kamelion set the coordinates to come here.

PERI: I'm sorry, Howard. I didn't mean it. No, Howard. Please don't leave me alone. Don't, don't turn out the light.

PERI: Howard!

DOCTOR: Another moment and we'll know where the cylinder came from.

DOCTOR: Well, that shouldn't have happened. Ow!

DOCTOR: Did you do that?

TURLOUGH: No.

DOCTOR: The TARDIS has dematerialised.

K-FOSTER: Doctor, we meet again. This has to be the most amazing machine I've seen in my life.

DOCTOR: How did you get in here?

K-FOSTER: I saw your young friend here save Peri.

DOCTOR: Peri?

TURLOUGH: The girl.

DOCTOR: What girl?

TURLOUGH: I was going to explain.

PERI: What's happening?

TURLOUGH: That girl, Doctor.

K-FOSTER: How are you feeling, honey?

PERI: Howard? Am I still dreaming or will someone please tell me where I am?

TIMANOV: I called to Logar and the f*re lord has answered.

TIMANOV: I called to the spirit of the mountain and was answered. The spirit of the mountain demands sacrifice. To the burning with all unbelievers.

AMYAND: Coincidence.

TIMANOV: Even facing death, you remain blasphemous.

LOOKOUT: Timanov was right. The Outsider has come.

PERI: I feel sick. Can I go back to the hotel?

FOSTER: Haven't you heard a word the Doctor said? We're no longer on Lanzarote.

PERI: Then where are we?

DOCTOR: Er, I'm not sure yet, but I promise I'll get you back to Earth just as soon as I can.

PERI: What does he mean, back to Earth?

DOCTOR: Bleak, isn't it.

AMYAND: Stop! Only a Chosen One can order a burning. Well, Malkon?

TIMANOV: Decide.

MALKON: I don't know.

TIMANOV: Decide!

LOOKOUT: Malkon! He is here, with a sound of great wind, a shining light. The Outsider has come.

PERI: Do you really think we've left Earth?

K-FOSTER: The TARDIS is mine.

PERI: Sorry?

K-FOSTER: The TARDIS is mine.

PERI: What are you doing, Howard? Don't touch that!

K-FOSTER: I have succeeded. Contact has been made.

PERI: Who are you?

K-MASTER: I am the Master, and you will obey me.
{"type": "series", "show": "Doctor Who", "episode": "21x13 - Planet of f*re - part 1"}