Opening Credits

[SCENE – Cory & Shawn’s dorm. It is still empty, as Cory & Shawn have yet to unpack. Cory is talking to Shawn, each sitting on their respective beds]

Cory: We’re putting Topanga’s parents back together.

Shawn: Cory, I know you think we can do anything, but we can’t.

Cory: Why not? (Stands) Shawnie, do you honestly believe there is something the two of us can’t do?

Shawn: I don’t want to get into this with you right now, I just don’t want to go to Pittsburgh, okay? It’s cold. It’s flu season. There’s steel all over the place.

Cory: What’s the problem, Shawnie?

Shawn: These are adults. It’s not like we can just go, “Hey, Debbie likes you…”

(Enter Topanga and Angela)

Topanga: (solemnly) We just wanted to come by and get the rest of our stuff. We’re in the apartment now, you know.

Cory: Why do you need to be so somber?

Topanga: Cory, the only relationship I believed in more than ours is d*ad. And I’m not somber.

Cory: I want you to turn that frown… upside down. (Grins)

Topanga: Stop it.

Shawn: (Stands) Yeah, Cory, don’t.

Cory: Don’t what? Don’t be the only one of us that knows the four of us should be together? Well I’m gonna fix you. (Points to Topanga) And I’m gonna fix you (points to Angela) and I’m gonna fix you. (Points to Shawn) And then I’m gonna take a bath.

Topanga: Goodbye.

Cory: Goodbye, mopey. (Makes constrained-smile face)

Topanga: Don’t make fun of me! Insensitive jerk. (exits)

Cory: (Happily) And she’s gonna be Misses Insensitive Jerk.

Angela: Shawn.

Shawn: Angela.

Cory: (To self) Okay, here’s like an hour out of my life.

Angela: (To Shawn) I can’t be in a relationship right now.

Shawn: Fine. You know what, that’s absolutely fine. But this is you. And if you walk out that door I’m just gonna forget that you ever existed. (Angela eyes Shawn oddly, then slowly exits) (Turns to Cory) I’ll do anything to get her back.

Cory: Let’s ride. (He & Shawn exit)

[SCENE – The girls’ dorm, which now belongs to Jack and Eric. It is decorated in all sorts of girly stuff, like Hello Kitty plush dolls, pink pillows, and a big Backstreet Boys poster above the far bed. Eric & Jack sit on that bed, looking depressed.]

Eric: (Forced) This place is perfect for us I like it.

Jack: (Lying) I’m glad we gave up our apartment.

Eric: (Stands) Bachelor pad. (Leans against wall near BSB poster)

Jack: Masculine kingdom.

Eric: Yep. (Sighs) That is one big frickin’ picture of the Backstreet Boys.

Jack: (Stands, faces Eric) The BSB… rocks. (Eric looks at him incredulously) I’m just trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

Eric: I’m a loser. I want my apartment back, (Through gritted teeth) this place is for girls!

Jack: (Holds up nail polish) Look! Nail polish!

Eric: (Excitedly) Oh, oh, do me! First me hands, and then me feets!

Jack: Alright, y’know what? You need to calm down.

Eric: Y’know something, you’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry. (Inhales) We gotta get our apartment back, man.

Jack: You’re right man.

Eric: I can’t spend another second in this place.

Jack: Why not?

Eric: Because the cute one’s lookin’ at me. (Nods towards BSB poster)

Jack: You think Howie’s the cute one? I thought Nick was the cute one. (Eric leaves, opening the door. Jack follows) Howie’s the one with the hat.

[SCENE – Student café. Jack and Eric, having sought advice from Feeny, are sitting at a table with him. Feeny closes a book]

Feeny: Alright, boys, whaddya got for me?

Eric: We got bullies, man. Big, vicious bullies.

Jack: What do we do?

Feeny: I’ll tell you what you do, you stand up to them.

Jack: Even if they’re gir–

Eric: (Interrupting) –rillas? Even if they’re gorillas, big banana-eating gorillas?

Feeny: By definition, bullies will back down. Whether they’re banana-eating gorillas or three cute little co-eds who have made a mockery of your name.

Jack: Oh no, my name’s mockery!

Eric: How did you know that?

Feeny: Dude, you’re the laughing stock of the college.

Eric: (Turns to see the whole room laughing and pointing, turns back to Jack) Jack, everybody’s laughing at you! (laughs) …look at his hair and… (laughs) …the shirt… (Continues laughing, then falls out of his chair)

[SCENE – Hallway outside Jed’s apartment in Pittsburgh. Cory & Shawn enter]

Shawn: Cory, before we actually start interfering with these people’s lives, don’t you think we should find out why they actually split up in the first place?

Cory: It’s insignificant, Shawnie. It’s unimportant. Okay, this is mister and misses Lawrence. We’ve known these people all our lives. They’re in love with each other and they do not want to split up. Trust me, I once caught him grabbing her tushy and going, “A-ooga!” (Pumps arm) (Knocks on door)

Shawn: I don’t want to go in there.

Cory: Shawn, do you want to be back with Topangela or not?

Shawn: Topangela?

Cory: I’m just trying to save time, here.

Shawn: Topanga’s father has always hated me, he once threw a rock at my head.

(Jed answers the door)

Jed: Cory, you’re a long way from Philadelphia, aren’t you?

Cory: I’m here to save your life.

Jed: (Coldly) Hunter…

Cory: (Quietly, to Shawn) Wow…

Shawn: Told ya.

(They enter Jed’s apartment, which is a mess.)

Jed: Ah, this is what’s known as a “transitional place,” boys. Uh, sorry for the mess.

Cory: Well, I hope you don’t mind my saying this, but, uh, this is a real pity.

Shawn: Whoa, man. It’s a human tragedy, huh Cor? (Quiet sidebar) Too much? (Cory shakes his head)

Jed: Cory, why are you here?

Cory: I’m here because I want you to leave this place and go back to your lovely home.

Jed: Listen, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but my wife and I are better off without each other.

Cory: No, no you’re not. Listen, Mr. Lawrence, I have known you two my entire life. Alright, I know how much you love each other. (Hesitates) I saw you go “A-ooga!” (Pumps arm)

Jed: You saw that?

Cory: Yes I did.

Jed: You didn’t see “honk, honk,” did ya?

Cory: (Shakes head) No, no…

Jed: Listen, thanks for coming, guys, but I’ll be just fine.

Cory: Dirty dishes and wrinkled shirts is fine? (Jed looks at Cory surprised) I mean, what do you got here, Mr. Lawrence? You got ESPN and a six pack, you got nothing.

Jed: Cory, what gives you the right to talk to me like that?

Cory: (Prudently) Love. That I believe in its power and in its purpose and that somehow… you’ve forgotten. So I guess that gives me the right to remind you.

Jed: You got a lot of confidence, Cory. (Sits in recliner)

Cory: Well, you know, to tell you the truth, it’s not just for you, actually, Shawn and I really miss Topangela. (Jed looks at him curiously) Time, I’m just trying to save time.

Shawn: Why don’t you like me? Is it because growing up you thought I was a little hood?

Jed: No, it’s because of the time I went down into the basement and caught you making out with Topanga.

Cory: Oh, see Shawn (Turns to Shawn abruptly) WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?!

Jed: I’m kidding, Cory. (Swats him with newspaper) It was always you in the basement.

Cory: Heh-he… It was always me in the basement. (Nudges Shawn) I spent many happy years in that basement. (Bitterly) Didn’t get nothin’! (Jed stands)

Shawn: So? Why don’t you like me?

Jed: Because I always thought it was gonna be you in the basement with Topanga! Hunter, I was scared of you. (Through laughter) When… actually… I should’ve been scared of… (Shawn laughs, too. Cory looks indignant) You turned out to be a good kid, Hunter. I was wrong. Maybe I’m wrong about a lot of things.

Cory: I want you to see your wife again.

Jed: (Shakes head) I can’t.

Cory: Can’t you please just see your wife again?

Jed: I can’t!

Cory: Look, don’t you feel that you owe her that much?

Jed: Cory! She kicked me out!

[SCENE – Rhiannon’s house. Cory & Shawn are there, talking to her while she waters a plant.]

Rhiannon: Cory, we’re done.

Cory: If you love somebody, how can you be done?

Rhiannon: You’re young, you don’t understand what happens when people fall out of love.

Cory: No, no. See, I don’t believe that. You’re angry at each other. Okay, like my parents get. But then, they remember that they love each other, and everything’s okay again.

Rhiannon: Cory, we’re not your parents. We’re different people in a different situation.

Cory: Do you understand that your daughter doesn’t even believe in love anymore because she thinks that you don’t?

Rhiannon: (Turns and faces Cory closely) Cory, if you and Topanga truly love each other, you’ll be fine.

Cory: Look, I want you to be fine. Okay? Now, will you see your husband, please?

Rhiannon: (Thinks) No. (Walks past Cory)

Cory: Will you see your husband, please?

Rhiannon: No!

Cory: Will you see your husband, please?

Rhiannon: Oh, man!

Shawn: You think he’s backing down? He’s not backing down.

Cory: Look, he’ll come over here, okay? And everything will be good again, don’t you want everything to be good again?

Rhiannon: Yes! I want everything to be good again. (Shrugs) It’s just not as easy as that.

Cory: Yes, it is. Look, I know you two. Okay, I know how much you love each other.

Rhiannon: Cory, why are you doing this?

Cory: I don’t know, I guess I’m paying you back for the two thousand peanut butter and jelly sandwiches you made me.

Rhiannon: He really wants to see me? You’re not just saying that because you think it’s right?

Cory: (Shawn looks at him judgingly) I would never do that.

[SCENE – Rachel, Topanga, and Angela’s apartment. Jack and Eric are there, standing over them.]

Eric: We want our apartment back and we want it back now!

Jack: You’re bullies is all you are and I, for one, have never backed down from a bully.

Rachel: (She, with Topanga and Angela, is painting her toenails) I really respect that, Jack.

Angela: (Baby tone) You guys are such strong men, what strong men.

Topanga: Can I offer a slight suggestion? (Stands)

Eric: of course you may.

Topanga: How about we settle this right now? (Walks over to Eric & Jack) How about we kick your squirrelly butts right now? Do you guys have any idea what is going on in my life right now? Do you have any idea how much anger I have inside of me?

Jack: (To Eric, shrugging) A lot? (Eric shrugs)

Topanga: Steel cage match, tag team. Whoever lives gets this apartment.

Eric: (Mock laughter) Ha! Ha! Ha!

Jack: Let me get this…

Eric: Ha!

Jack: …straight.

Eric: You three… girly girls…

Jack: …want to wrestle us, uh, manly me? (Flexes biceps)

Eric: (To Jack) Do the thing with the arms, do the thing. (Sees his bulging biceps) Look at that.

Jack: Just a little…

Eric: Boom!

Angela: Are you sure about this, Topanga?

(Topanga grabs a soda can, gives a kung fu w*r cry, the crushed the can against her forehead. Unimpressed, Eric pats Jack’s chest and grabs a can himself.)

Jack: (Confidently) Okay…

Eric: (Says some fake Japanese to be intimidated, then rams the can into head head. It doesn’t crush) Oh… (Falls on the floor)

Jack: It’s supposed to be an empty can, Eric!

[SCENE - Rachel, Topanga, and Angela’s apartment. Angela and Rachel set the table down upstairs while Topanga throws the rolled-up rug aside. Eric & Jack watch]

Topanga: Let’s go. Bring it on!

Eric: (To Jack) Dude, what did Cory do to her?

Jack: (Angela & Rachel come down the steps & stand next to Topanga) Wait, wait, wait. Wait. How are we supposed to wrestle… without a referee? Huh, huh?

Eric: Yep, he’s right, we can’t do this. (They begin to bicker) There’s no way to think about this. There’s no possible way to do it. How are we gonna do it, without a referee!?

(The door is suddenly busted down by Mankind, who looks around, confused.)

Mankind: Where am I?

[Cut to later. Side by side (by side), Topanga, Rachel, and Angela are loosening up. A bell sounds]

Jack: It’s nice to meet you, Mankind. (Shakes his hand)

Mankind: You having a nice day?

Eric: Nice to meet you, governor. (Shakes Mankind’s hand)

Mankind: Good luck.

Eric: Thank you so much for refereeing, this shouldn’t take too long.

Mankind: Okay, the rules are simple. There will be absolutely no: touching the girls above the belts.

Eric: Oh, no…

Jack: So, wait, hang on a second…

Mankind: And none of this! (Knees Eric in the stomach, he yelps) There’ll be none of… (Picks Eric up by the neck, he yells) And there will be absolutely none of this! (Picks Eric up and flips him onto the couch, he falls onto the floor)

Jack: Sounds good.

Mankind: Alright, let’s bring it! (Pumps fist, bell dings)

(Rachel walks to Jack, stepping on Eric as she does so. He lets out a gurgled moan. Rachel throws a punch, and Jack catches it)

Jack: Rachel, I can’t fight you. You’re too sweet.

Rachel: Oh, Jack, that’s really sweet of you.

Mankind: That is sweet.

Jack: (Turns to Mankind, with his back to Rachel) Oh, thank you.

(Rachel jumps on Jack’s back. Jack yells. Rachel bangs Jack’s face into a pile of sandwiches on the counter, then abruptly stops, waving her hand.)

Rachel: I broke a nail. Angela! (Runs over and tags Angela)

Mankind: We’ve got a tag.

Angela: (To Jack, who’s cupping his mouth) Oh my God, are you okay? (Jack says something muffled (think Kenny from South Park) and looks scared. Letting out another kung fu w*r cry, Angela grabs Jack’s neck and throws him into the counter)

Jack: Whoa! (Angela tags Topanga) (Jacks, waving his arm, slowly walks toward Eric, who in on the couch)

Eric: No. No, don’t tag me. Don’t tag me. (Moves away, but Jack tags him)

Mankind: Oh, for crying out loud! (Grabs Jack by the neck and Eric by the nose and pulls them up in front of the girls. They scream in pain) Get in there and wrestle! (The girls approach menacingly)

Eric: (Holding Jack) Jack, I don’t know where to grab, all I see are girly parts.

Mankind: Don’t touch those!

Jack: Alright, there’ three of them, this is unfair!

Eric: Yeah!

Mankind: The only things that is not fair is this! (Knees Eric’s stomach, Eric groans) And this! (Throws Eric into the banister, which breaks. Eric yells)

Jack: (Claps hands) Okay, bring it on.

Eric: (On ground, pitifully) This apartment is ours!

(Topanga picks up Eric and wraps her arm around his neck, punching his stomach with the other hand. She then throws him over the counter. Rachel and Angela are double-teaming Jack, with Rachel twisting his arm and Angela grabbing and pulling at his nose. Topanga then drags Eric across the floor by his hair, then joins Jack on the couch after Angela threw him there. Rachel begins kicking Eric in the side.)

Mankind: Do you want me to ring the bell? (The bell dings, Rachel, Angela, and Topanga jump up excitedly. Eric and Jack cower on the floor) And your winners are… (Points to the girls) The apartment is yours! (The girls cheer, Angela and Topanga exchange high fives)

[SCENE – Rhiannon’s house. Cory and Shawn are there. Rhiannon opens the door, Jed is there.]

Rhiannon: Hi, Jed.

Jed: Hi, Rhiannon. (Uncomfortably) What’s up?

Cory: (To self) “What’s up”? Are you kidding me?

Jed: Can I come in?

Rhiannon: Please. (She lets him in then shuts the door)

Jed: So, um, how are you?

Rhiannon: I’m okay, I guess.

Cory: (To self) Oh, nobody in the world knows how to do anything right.

Jed: Hey, Shawn!

Shawn: (Stands) Mr. Lawrence.

Jed: (Jokingly) Who’s in the basement?

Shawn: (Jokingly) Not me, not me.

Jed: Hey, Cory.

Cory: (Quietly, points to Rhiannon) Her, talk to her…

Rhiannon: Cory told me that you wanted to see me.

Jed: He did? He told me the same thing. (They both look to Cory)

Cory: Well, hey, it’s just important that you’re here together, right?

Jed: Well, we should be able to be together, no matter what went on between us.

Rhiannon: You think so?

Cory: (Sidebar with Shawn) Shawnie, they’re talking.

Jed: Rhiannon, I just want you to know that I would never trade the years that we had.

Cory: (Quietly with Shawn) That is so beautiful. That’s right from the soul. You didn’t think we were gonna pull this off, did you?

Jed: And in time, I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Cory: (Still to Shawn) Bam! There it is, forgiveness. Forgiveness is everything.

Shawn: Forgive him for what?

Cory: Who cares? Shh!

Rhiannon: Is that what you came here to say? That you want me to forgive you?

Jed: I don’t want you to hate me anymore!

Rhiannon: Well, what do you want me to say, Jed? I don’t hate you, I… (Stops herself, fixes hair uncomfortably) Wow… Because of our life together and the beautiful child that we’ve made…

Cory: (Whispers to Shawn) Topanga.

Rhiannon: I will try as hard as I can to forgive you.

Cory: Oh my gosh.

Shawn: (In disbelief) You did it.

Cory: I did it. I really did it, Shawnie.

Rhiannon: And I hope you find happiness with Marie.

Shawn: (With Cory, looks shocked) Oh, no…

Cory: Who’s Marie?

Rhiannon: Marie is the woman that he loves now.

Cory: (To Jed) How could you do that?

Jed: I’m sorry, Cory.

Cory: How could you love any other woman but this woman? (Gestures to Rhiannon, who is opening the door) What is wrong with this woman? (Moves Rhiannon in front of Jed’s path to the door)

Jed: Cory, please… (exits)

Rhiannon: (shuts the door) Cory, um, these things happen.

Cory: Why?

Rhiannon: I don’t know. (Starts to leave)

Cory: Wait… wait a minute. Love can’t just die.

Rhiannon: It can, Cory. It did. I’m just so sorry that you had to find out like this. Cory, please don’t tell Topanga, I don’t want her to hate her father. (Exits) (Cory looks traumatized)

Shawn: Cor…

Cory: Yeah?

Shawn: What if we don’t know anything?

[SCENE – Feeny’s classroom. The class is milling about, with Topanga talking to Angela, as Cory and Shawn enter.]

Shawn: (To Cory) Okay, there they are. What are we doing here, Cory? (Cory starts walking towards Topanga & Angela, Shawn follows) Wherever we go, I’m following your lead, okay? There they are. What are we doing?

Topanga: (To Cory & Shawn) Hey. How was your weekend?

Shawn: Boring, uneventful. We, uh, we stayed here in Philly. Local. Stayed in town…

Cory: We went to Pittsburgh.

Shawn: Oh, yeah…

Topanga: Why would you go to Pittsburgh?

Shawn: Steel. We needed to find some g-g-girders?

Cory: We went to talk to your parents.

Shawn: Oh, yeah… (Eyes Cory confusedly)

Topanga: (Agitated) You went to talk to my parents without talking to me first?

Shawn: Hey, Topanga, it wasn’t that big of a…

Topanga: (Interrupting Shawn, to Cory) Did you there to fix everything?

Shawn: Hey!

Topanga: (To Cory, angrily) Huh? Is that what you did, Superman?

Shawn: Hey, hey! Knock it off! Look, Cory traveled a hundred miles on a Greyhound bus and found your parents to try to put them back together for you. For you! And he was brilliant.

Topanga: He was?

Shawn: He made some unbelievable moves. “Will you see your wife, please?” “Will you take your husband back, please?” He was good, Topanga. (Turns to Cory) You were good. (Steps back)

Topanga: Were you?

Cory: I wanted to be.

Topanga: What does that mean?

Cory: I failed. I failed horribly. I don’t think your parents are gonna get back together.

Topanga: I don’t, either. I just… I just don’t understand what could’ve happened between them. I mean, they were so in love.

Cory: I know.

Topanga: Do you have any idea what could’ve happened to them?

Cory: (Thinks, Shawn looks at him for his answer) No. I don’t know, y’know, sometimes… (shrugs) things just happen. But you are right. Everything I believed was wrong. Sometimes, love just dies. Topanga, look… (Topanga abruptly turns and sits in her desk, ending the conversation)

(enter Feeny)

Feeny: Good morning. (Cory & Shawn take their seats)

Shawn: (To Cory) Now what?

Cory: Now it’s over.

Feeny: (Looking in a book) (To class) If you will open your books to page 48, please…

Shawn: (To Cory, quietly) Don’t say that. You’ve never said that before.

Cory: Yeah, well I’ve never believed it before, either.

Feeny: (To class) We’ll turn our attention to the Cold w*r. (Cory and Topanga slowly turn to face each other. Then, sadly, Topanga looks down)

[TAG – Eric and Jack are trying to redecorate the dorm. Jack is holding up a wallpaper book against the wall, as Eric gives his opinion. For some reason, Mankind is on the opposite bed.]

Eric: No! No flowers, how many times do I gotta tell you! We gotta pick wallpaper that says we’re men!

Jack: (Flips the page) Ooh, teddy bears?

Eric: (Excitedly) Yeah! Yeah, yeah, teddy bears! (Turns to Mankind) Hey, what do you think, Mankind?

Mankind: (Holding a Hello Kitty doll) I think the first thing you’ve got to do is take down that poster (stands, dropping doll) because the cute guy is staring at me. (Glares at poster) I hate being stared at.

(Eric looks at his feet, Jack can’t stop staring)

Jack: Oh, no. I can’t stop looking at him.

Eric: (Still looking at feet) Dude, don’t look at him.

Jack: Can’t help it. He has leather straps on his face.

Mankind: It’s time that you met, Mr. Socko. (Takes a socks from his waistband and puts it on his hand)

Jack: Great, great. I love meeting new people. (Mankind crams his hand, with a sock on it, in Jack’s mouth. He then lays him onto the bed.)

Eric: (Pulls Mankind away from him) Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! That’s my friend! Nobody does that to my friend. You know what? You’re a bully. You too, Mr. Socko. You know something, I’m gonna stand up to you, just like Feeny told me to. And then you’re both gonna back down. You know why? ‘Cause you are a bully by definition.

Mankind: Would you like to fly through the air or go through the wall?

Eric: (Thinks) Mmmmm… Air, please. (Mankind picks him up and launches him upwards) Woo-hoo!

END OF EPISODE
{"type": "series", "show": "Boy Meets World", "episode": "07x02 - For Love and Apartments (Part 2)"}