[Morning, Wilson and House are talking at House's apartment/home.]

Wilson: My offer's withdrawn; you can walk to work.

House: Got it, you're morally outraged. Now can we get through this part? 'Cause the next part's awesome. [He takes a bite of toast.]

Wilson: How do you rationalize something like this? You broke into Stacy's therapist's office--

House: Borrowed a key

Wilson: --and stole her treatment notes!

House: Nope! I made copies. Mark is, and I quote [Wilson groans.] "Withdrawn, passive-aggressive, won't communicate, like he resents me because I can walk."

Wilson: I don't want to hear this.

House: Dishes in the sink, toilet seat up. Meanwhile, she can't stop thinking about [Walks up to Wilson and shows him the notes.] I can't read that, is she obsessed with a Grey Horse? Or me?

[Wilson takes a look at the notes reluctantly.]

Wilson: It says she thinks you're an annoying jerk. [Throws the notes on to a table.]

House: It's a pet name. [Picks the notes back up.] Here's the kicker. [Shows the notes to Wilson again; Wilson reads it again with interest this time.]

Wilson: They're not having sex? [House and Wilson share a look.]

[Cut to House and Wilson walking out the door.]

House: Doctor cleared him, but no liftoff. She's frustrated so she's doc-blocking me. Paperwork, seminars, meddling with my patients

Wilson: Great, now you've got the proof you need. Just take those personal psych records to Cuddy, that'll show her Stacy's out of control. [House turns away, looking for something.] You ignoring me?

House: While looking for my newspaper, efficient huh?

Kalvin: Over here! [Camera pans to a young man leaning against the back of Wilson's car reading House's newspaper.]

House: [Sighs.] Dr Wilson, I want you to meet my stalker

Kalvin: Your waiting room sucks.

House: I am not treating you.

Kalvin: What, because you're a closet-case? [He gives House and Wilson a pointed look.]

Wilson: Err... we're not... err... together.

House: [Turns around to give Wilson a look.] He is so self-loathing. [Grabs the newspaper from Kalvin.] Well, we've got to go now, so maybe see you after work--

Kalvin: No, no, no! Ah... [Pushes his file into House's hands.] nobody can figure out what's wrong with me.

House: [Doesn't bother to look at the file.] Well your shirt is gaping at the collar, means you lost weight, you're flushed, that's fever, and you're short of breath. And finally there's the KS lesion on your face; means you're HIV positive, you've progressed to full-blown AIDS. So you're sick because your immune system is sh*t and someone sneezed on you. [Shoves file back to Kalvin.] Can I be excused now?

Kalvin: Brilliant, but, [Grabs the end of House's cane.] my immune system is fine.

House: Your concentration camp physique begs to differ. Get your T-cell count re-checked.

Kalvin: I've already done that.

[House and Kalvin start pulling at both ends of the cane trying to stop each other.]

Wilson: They test for T-cell lymphoma?

Kalvin: It was negative.

House: All of this will be fascinating to an HIV specialist. Now let go of my cane before it becomes your new boyfriend.

Kalvin: Honey, I will marry it if you would look at my file.

House: Congress says you can't, so...

[They continue pulling at the cane until House suddenly lets go. Kalvin falls back against Wilson's car, tripping the alarm. He looks like he's in shock and can't breathe as he starts falling to the sidewalk. Wilson rushes up to Kalvin and checks his pupil.]

House: I didn't touch him. [He's intrigued.]

Wilson: He's going into anaphylactic shock.

(Cuddy's office)

Cuddy: Go see Stacy.

House: We gave him epi, he's fine.

Cuddy: You need a lawyer, go see Stacy. You h*t a patient.

House: Four words, two mistakes. He's not a patient, and I didn't h*t him.

Cuddy: Of course you didn't, go see Stacy.

House: I didn't cause the anaphylaxis. It's probably one of his HIV meds abacavir.

Cuddy: I'll pass that along; make sure the ER takes him off it. Go see Stacy.

(Cut to Stacy's kitchen)

Stacy: You have to treat him.

House: Medically, this case is a snooze-fest. AIDS plus infection.

Stacy: You don't treat him he charges you with as*ault.

House: Just 'cause he says I h*t him doesn't make it true. Watch, [Looks up at the ceiling.] I am surrounded by naked cheerleaders [Nothing happens.] See? [Stacy hands him a mug of coffee.] Although I like my chances of some action this morning.

Stacy: I forgot Wednesday was hooker day. This could've waited!

House: You make me meet you at your house. Your husband is conveniently absent.

Stacy: Mark's at physio, I'm stuck waiting for the exterminator. [House gives a questioning look.] I saw a rat last night.

House: Well, I'm surprised your feet are touching the floor.

Stacy: I barely slept.

House: [Takes off his jacket.] What was Mark up to? Memory serves, quick climb up Mt. Gregory, and you dozed through a seal hunt. Clubbing, shrieking. [Walks to the sink and starts washing the dishes.]

Stacy: What're you doing?

House: Sorry, it's driving me nuts.

Stacy: You hate washing dishes.

House: People change. I could make sure you'd sleep like a baby tonight.

Stacy: Rather take care of that myself. [Walks up to the sink to help House.]

House: I was referring to the rat.

Stacy: Trenton Pests is sending a guy.

[Suddenly in the middle of the domestic bliss--]

Mark: What's going on?

[House drops everything and turns around looking rather guilty.]

House: It's not what you think. I know it looks like we're cleaning dishes, but actually we're having sex.

Stacy: We're working.

Mark: Wow, wish I'd become a doctor. Place would be spotless. [Smirks and wheelchairs himself away.]

Stacy: Take ten minutes, cure the guy, and stop whining. [Walks after Mark.]

(Cut to House walking into the conference room)

House: I give you Kalvin Ryan; so flamboyant in person, so boring on paper. Obviously got an opportunistic infection, probably TB or PCP.

Foreman: Have you read his file?

House: I started, but I found the characters two-dimensional.

Foreman: He went to a HIV clinic last week. Tested negative for TB, PCP, MAC, CMV, HSV. It's not an infection.

[The ducklings follow House into his office.]

House: HIV clinic. So few patients, so much money; [Sorts his mail.] re-do the tests.

Cameron: The results make sense. Kalvin's T-cells are at 200.That's strong enough to fight infection.

House: Fine, parasite.

Chase: Nope, stool sample was negative.

Cameron: Two months ago, he was down to 30 T-cells, then he changed his meds, his immune system rebounds, his viral load drops, everything's getting better but he's getting sicker.

Foreman: Face it; this might be an interesting case.

House: What if his immune system is too strong?

Cameron: An auto-immune disease? With HIV, that's impossible.

House: His new HIV meds kicked his system out of a sound sleep. It wakes up hungry, cranky, spoiling for a fight. When it doesn't find an active infection, starts attacking the harmless remnants of old infections. Immune reconstitution syndrome.

Foreman: His meds made him so much better, he made himself sick. Sounds pretty--

House: BORING! This is so not interesting. Chest X-ray and find the old infections, start him on steroids.

[Ducklings walk out; House gives up on the mail and dumps all of it into the trash can.]

(Cut to House and Wilson searching for meds in a room stocked to the shelves with them.)

Wilson: If you're wrong, steroids will t*nk his immune system. He'll get worse.

House: Now THAT would be interesting. Where's the coumadin?

Wilson: If your patient's got a blood problem then blood thinners aren't exactly--

House: It's for Stacy's rat; death by anti-coagulation. [He reaches for a bottle.]

Wilson: Trying to win Stacy back by k*lling an animal... very caveman.

House: I don't want her back. I just want her to admit her feelings for me. I go to Cuddy, Cuddy fires her or re-assigns her. Either way, I'm happy.

Wilson: [Pinches the bridge of his nose.] If you want her back, either tell her, or, better yet, shut up, and cry yourself to sleep like everybody else.

House: [Picks up the phone.] Hi, this is Mark Warner, 1724 Spring Street. Listen, you don't need to send that guy down, we caught him. No, you should send the bill to Princeton-Plainsboro hospital. Attn: Dr James Wilson, yeah. [Puts down the phone; Wilson nods thoughtfully and rather acceptingly but also seems to have been left speechless.]

(Cut to Cameron and Chase with Kalvin)

Cameron: [Hand under the blanket.] Your lymph nodes aren't swollen. That's good.

Kalvin: Maybe Dr Chase should check.

Chase: Sorry mate, [Injecting something into the IV bag] hands full.

Kalvin: He's too pretty to be straight. You ever done any modeling?

Chase: Does anyone actually fall for that line?

Kalvin: Everyday. Why do you think I became a photographer? I'm guessing you guys didn't think about dating on career day. [Chase smiles at Cameron.]

Cameron: I love my job.

Kalvin: Really? You seem more the 'find it exceptionally satisfying' type.

Cameron: I'm not sure there's a difference. Your mom died of diabetes. How's your dad's health?

Kalvin: Last I heard he had cirrhosis. Love, is love, satisfying is 'social validation, fun can wait'.

Cameron: I have fun.

Chase: Yeah, she's got some scheduled for February. Last you heard? Your father?

Kalvin: He threw me out when I was 16. It's just as well; I got tired of getting BB g*n for my birthday when I'd asked for a Barbie.

Chase: Dads can be real sweethearts.

Kalvin: Mmm, sensitive, AND cute.

Cameron: He's cute.

(Cut to Stacy's attic)

Stacy: It ran into that heating vent right there.

House: Hopefully Mark's anger will go away eventually.

Stacy: He's not angry, just doesn't like you. Nothing unique there.

House: Didn't seem really wild about you, either.

Stacy: He's fine with me.

House: He's angry. Said so in group.

Stacy: Of course he's angry; he's looking at months of painful physio.

House: [Smells a ball of cheese he brought wrapped in foil.] He's mad at you.

Stacy: There's no way he said that.

House: [Sighs.] No, but it's true. He resents you for being able to walk. Been there. I resented you for hell of a long time.

Stacy: Past tense?

[They stare at each other. House's cell phone starts to ring. He doesn't pick it up. House and Stacy keep staring at each other.]

Stacy: Might be the hospital. [She walks out.]

House: [Picks up the cell phone.] What!?

[Ducklings are sitting in House's office; the phone in the office is on speaker.]

Foreman: Bad time? Where are you?

House: At your girlfriend's place. Ignore the moaning and squeaking.

Chase: His lungs are too scarred to tell which infection triggered the immune reconstitution.

House: He a smoker?

Cameron: Yes, and possibly more than cigarettes. His tox screen came back positive for recreational drugs.

House: Not surprising. Not medically relevant.

Foreman: His heart looks a little enlarged.

House: That's a typical side-effect of AZT. What are Kalvin's most recent infections?

Chase: Toxo, CMV and PCP.

[House looks up to find the rat a few feet away from him, squeaking and handling a ball of cheese.]

House: [Whispers into the phone.] Well let's assume it's one of those. Give him Ganciclovir for the CMV...

Foreman: Whoa, we can hardly hear you. Where are you?

House: In a closet. Your girlfriend's other boyfriend showed up. Ganciclovir for the CMV, Sulfadiazine for the Toxo, Bactrim for PCP. Gotta go. It's k*lling time. [Puts down the phone.]

[He slowly reaches for his cane on the floor, and then slowly raises it ready to take out the rat when suddenly the rat turns his head in a very awkward-looking 90 degree twist. House's head slowly turns the same way, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Such a cute scene!]

(Cut to the hospital)

Cameron: Your tox screen came back positive for--

Kalvin: Crystal meth aaand ecstasy.

Cameron: Recreational drugs are dangerous to begin with, but for someone with HIV...

Kalvin: I didn't mistake them for vitamins. I'm a PNP boy. Party and Play. Drugs and sex. [Starts coughing.] You don't approve?

Cameron: Does the sex include condoms?

Kalvin: If he's negative, sure. If he's positive, [Shrugs.] why put on a raincoat if you're already wet?

Cameron: You could get hepatitis or another strain of HIV.

Kalvin: Or I could get h*t by a bus.

Cameron: AIDS isn't a death sentence anymore.

Kalvin: I don't want to have any regrets. [Starts coughing again.]

Cameron: How long have you been coughing?

Kalvin: [Sighs.] About an hour or so. [Coughs.]

Cameron: [Pours him some water.] Try to take a deep breath.

[Kalvin checks the hand he's been using to cover his mouth]

Cameron: What is it?

Kalvin: I think its blood. [He starts coughing again and splatters blood on Cameron's face.]

(Cut to Cameron with another strange doctor)

Doctor: I recommend post-exposure prophylaxis. Your chances of conversion are slim, but I'd like to put you on three antiviral medications; finavir, zidovudine and lamivudine. There are side-effects - headache, nausea, vivid dreaming. You'll be tested for HIV in 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months... [His voice starts to fade away as the background music becomes louder.]

(Cut to House's office)

[House is bouncing a blue ball against a wall.]

House: Very interesting.

Foreman: He coughs infected blood in Cameron's eyes and mouth, that's interesting?

House: The coughing part, not the in Cameron part. New symptom, blood vessel ruptured in his lung.

Chase: I closed the tear.

House: Well it takes immune reconstitution off the table. What's it put on the table? [Chase and Foreman are silent.] Its ok, she's not here. You can skip the nice guy acts.

Foreman: You know some human beings are actually capable of human feelings.

House: My giving a damn or not is not going to change what happened.

Chase: Could be Kaposi's Syndrome.

House: No edema, no blood in urine.

Foreman: KS on his face could mean KS in his lungs, with bleeding from the lesions.

Chase: I would have seen them when I repaired the tear in his lung. Wegener's granulomatosis?

[Cameron walks in, she's in scrubs.]

Cameron: Wegener's would have responded to the steroids.

Chase: Maybe you should go home, take the rest of the day. [He puts a hand on her shoulder, she shrugs it off.]

Cameron: I'm fine.

[House looks at them speculatively.]

House: Oh this is good, he's pretending to care, you're pretending not to.

Cameron: I think we should reconsider drugs. Kalvin uses crystal meth.

House: Concerned enough about his health to stalk me while indulging in deadly street drugs. [Takes a vicodin.] Study in contradictions. Interesting. Still not medically relevant.

Cameron: It could be, if his drugs were tainted. They cook meth with battery acid, lye, lantern fuel...

House: Find Kalvin's pills, test for toxins [Ducklings start to walk out.] Foreman, you're with me.

[Foreman follows House out of the office.]

House: I need a consult on another case.

Foreman: You have another case?

House: It's a hip-pocket deal. Patient presents with a distinct neck tilt.

Foreman: Wry Neck. Is he an athlete?

House: He's a regular runner.

Foreman: Any pain associated with movement.

House: None that he's complained of [They reach a vending machine, House gestures for Foreman to hand him some coins which Foreman does automatically.]

Foreman: Best case scenario, an infection in the ear or lungs; worst case, brain stem tumor. Should do an MRI, CAT scan, full work-up.

House: Uhh... I don't think so [Gets his drink from the vending machine.] No insurance.

(Cut to Cameron and Chase searching Kalvin's hotel room)

Cameron: [Closes a drawer next to his bed.] No drugs in here. I'll take the bathroom.

Chase: How about a drink after work? Take your mind off what happened. [Silence.] Cameron?

Cameron: I might have HIV, a drink's not going to wash it away.

Chase: [Searching the wardrobe.] There's like zero chance of you contracting the virus.

Cameron: Big difference between 'like zero' and 'zero'.

Chase: What did the infection control guy tell you?

Cameron: He was very reassuring, kept reminding me that the hospital covers all my medical costs. Apparently forgot to mention that if I do test positive, that they'll pass it on to legal and legal will dig up any dirt they can trying to prove that I'm a drug user or tramp, and that's why I have HIV.

Chase: It's not like they're going to find anything, right?

Cameron: Right.

Chase: [Finds something.] Check this out.

(Cut to Cameron and Chase walking after House as he's on his way to clinic)

Chase: Kalvin's a photographer. The broken bulbs were props. Glass is from 1930's fluorescent.

Cameron: Some of the bulbs have date stamps.

Chase: Pre-World w*r II fluorescent bulbs contained large amounts of beryllium. Beryllium dust inflames the lungs, they get rigid, patient can't breathe. [House gives him a questioning look.] My father co-authored a paper on acute berylliosis.

House: Phew! For a moment there I thought you were smart. Cameron, get a biopsy of Calvin's lung tissue. Run a spectrographic analysis.

Chase: I can handle it.

House: No reason to risk exposing the entire team. Then who would I torment?

[Cameron walks off.]

(Cut to Cameron performing the biopsy)

Kalvin: I'm sorry. About what happened.

Cameron: It's best not to talk. You're going to feel a sharp pinch. This actually is going to grab a piece of your lung.

[She inserts a metal instrument in; CGI shows it grabbing lung tissue.]

Kalvin: What were you guys looking for at my hotel?

Cameron: Your drugs. Thought maybe you'd used toxic meth. We'll know if you're exposed to beryllium in a few hours.

Kalvin: Well if you're still curious, it's in my bag over there on the chair.

Cameron: You brought drugs into the hospital?! Glad I wasted my time at your hotel.

Kalvin: I told you I used; you didn't ask me for a sample. You're not pissed about this, you're mad because I coughed blood on you.

Cameron: That was an accident.

Kalvin: Oh, would you stop being nice! It's useless and worse, it's boring. Get angry! I had one stupid night, I end up with HIV, do you have any idea how pissed off I was?

Cameron: This wasn't your fault.

(Cut to Stacy's attic)

Stacy: [Rushes in to find House sitting in the middle of her attic.] You broke into my house?

House: Well I had to, Mark isn't here.

Stacy: He has physio.

House: Oh really? How's he doing?

Stacy: What happened with all the cheese?

House: I had to get rid of it before Steve McQueen ate any coumadin. I named your rat. [Stacy gives a look of disbelief.] Steve's tilting his head. Any neurologist will tell you that suggests an infection or brain stem tumor.

Stacy: Death cures both those things.

House: Well we can't k*ll him. If it's an infection, it could be caused by something in your house, something that could affect you guys [He scrapes something off the floor and goes to sit beside Stacy]. Smell this, [Stacy sniffs it.] does it smell like urine?

Stacy: Oh! [She turns away in disgust.]

House: [Sniffs it.] You missing any asparagus? Ok, stuff these. [He hands her a bottle of antibiotics.] He doesn't get better, then it's a tumor.

Stacy: Then what? Chemo?

House: Steve McQueen without hair? [Shakes his head.] It's a blessing he died young. [They both smile.]

[Stacy's cell phone rings.]

Stacy: Hello. Oh, hi honey. I'm sorry I missed you, yeah, I came home. Alright, I'll see you in a few minutes, okay, bye hon.

[House quickly walks out of the attic and is gone by the time Stacy looks for him. He walks past the toilet and lifts the toilet seat up with his cane.]

(Cut to the hospital)

[Alarms are beeping.]

Kalvin: Chest hurts!

[Foreman and Cameron rush in with scrubs on.]

Foreman: Heart rate's a hundred and climbing, could be an allergic reaction.

Cameron: Neck veins are out; must be pericardial effusion. [Checks with her stethoscope] No wheezing.

[Kalvin looks like he can hardly breathe.]

Foreman: Tear in his lungs must have re-opened.

Cameron: Kalvin, you're bleeding into the area around your heart.

Kalvin: I'm dying? I can't breathe!

Cameron: The blood's crushing your heart, once we remove it, you'll be fine.

Kalvin: If I die, please... tell my dad--

Cameron: You're not going to die.

Kalvin: --tell... him... sorry. [He slips into unconsciousness.]

[Foreman takes a big syringe and starts trying to suck out the liquid around his heart but it's clear and not red.]

Cameron: Where's the blood? It's clear.

Foreman: Only one other thing could cause this; a tumor in his heart.

(Cut to House, Wilson and Ducklings in the conference room.)

Wilson: CT confirmed a mass in Kalvin's heart and several smaller ones in his lungs.

Foreman: That's why his heart's enlarged, not the AZT.

Wilson: [Looking at Cameron.] You ok?

House: She's fine, probably getting bored with the question. Masses in the heart and lungs, what kind of cancer are we looking at?

Cameron: They may not be cancerous.

Wilson: This is classic Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma; HIV positive patient with a primary heart mass.

Cameron: It could be sarcoidosis.

Chase: His lung tissue is negative.

Cameron: Lymphoma's a death sentence, sarcoidosis is treatable.

House: So's an ear infection, but since he didn't test positive for that either...

Cameron: I wanna do the Kveim-Siltzbach test.

House: [Splutters.] Do you have any idea how much paperwork Cuddy is going to need signed? [Cameron doesn't budge; House seems to like that idea a lot.] Do it.

[Everyone leaves. Cameron is still gathering her stuff.]

House: So... how is the patient's father?

Cameron: Uh...

House: 'Tell my dad I'm sorry?' Might as well wave the red flag at a bull.

Cameron: He's not coming.

House: Well it's not a tragedy, dad doesn't want to see him, he doesn't want to see the dad. You're the only one who wants them together.

Cameron: He asked!

House: He thought he was dying. Dying people lie too. Wish they'd work less, they'd been nicer, they'd opened orphanages for kittens. If you really want to do something, you do it; you don't save it for sound byte.

Cameron: What did you say when you thought you were dying?

House: [Pregnant pause.] On the other hand, [Cameron sighs, not getting an answer as usual.] his dad tossed him out. So what's our guy want to apologize for?

Cameron: Everybody has regrets.

(Cut to Cameron performing a test)

Cameron: If the growths in your lungs and heart are sarcoid, your body will recognize this material and we'll see a reaction on your arm. [Injects something; probably prednisone.] Did you really want to see your dad?

Kalvin: Did you call him? [Cameron shakes her head.] Thanks. He would have come, try to straighten me out. How are you holding up?

Cameron: I'm fine.

Kalvin: Convincing. What did you do with my drugs?

Cameron: The lab disposes of them after analysis.

Kalvin: Too bad. They could have done you some good.

Cameron: Not really my thing.

Kalvin: You know I hope you don't have it, but getting HIV might have been the best thing that ever happened to me. I used to be a good boy. Never wanted to piss anybody off... playing by the rules makes everybody else happy. Now I'm happy. [He and Cameron share a smile.]

(Cut to Wilson in House's office at night)

Wilson: So you just show up every time he's at physio?

House: 'Course not! Also when he's at group therapy, or out for dinner with friends.

Wilson: And when she happens to mention to Mark that you dropped by?

House: You tell your wife everything?

Wilson: It's a... process. [Sighs.] But Stacy doesn't have any reason to hide this from Mark. [Follows House out of the office.] As far as she knows, Mark's okay with you being there.

House: My bet is she mentions me to Mark as little as possible, 'cause she thinks that he thinks that she still has feelings for me. And you know why she thinks that?

Wilson: Because she still has feelings for you? [Deadpan voice.]

House: If you're right, she did tell him, and I don't get through the door tonight. But if I'm right... [House gets into the elevator, the door closes.]

(Cut to Stacy's attic at night. House and Stacy are lying next to each other looking very comfortable, waiting for Steve McQueen to walk into the mousetrap)

Stacy: So how long do we stay here?

House: 'Til something happens.

Stacy: He's not going to come out with us right here.

House: We are downwind, and he seems to have hearing loss.

Stacy: He's not blind.

House: Steve McQueen does not run from danger. Antibiotics on the other hand... [He picks a pill up from the floor.]

Stacy: He ate around the pill? Smart!

House: Admit it, you like him.

Stacy: He's alright... for a rat.

House: You wanna now how cool he is? His urine showed traces of hydrogen cyanide, formaldehyde, lead. He's a smoker. Your husband's been lighting up; which is particularly stupid, it could cause his AIP to...

Stacy: Okay, I blow my smoke into the vents so Mark doesn't know.

House: I always knew.

Stacy: Bluffing!

House: You started two weeks after my surgery. Menthols, then lights after a month.

Stacy: Why didn't you say anything?

House: 'Cause it helped me monitor your misery level. One trip outside was a good day, upwards of six you were in hell.

Stacy: You could have asked me how I was!

House: I already knew. Sorry you were miserable.

Stacy: Sorry I caused you so much pain.

[Long silent pause as they stare at each, when suddenly there's a clang. Camera pans in to see Steve trapped in a metal cage.]

(Cut to Chase)

[Chase knocking at a door of an apartment in a long hallway. There's music blasting from inside the room. The door opens to reveal Cameron with badly disheveled hair.]

Chase: Glad you changed your mind about that drink.

Cameron: Come on in.

Chase: You should get changed, there's this new place on campus that looks... [Cameron pushes him up against the wall and kisses him. Chase looks very confused but kisses her back.] Are you high?

Cameron: Uh huh. [She strips off Chase's jacket, he doesn't really fight her.]

Chase: I thought you disposed of the drugs.

Cameron: Not all of it. [They start stripping each other.]

Chase: Uhh, slow down... your pupils are dilated! You're not... [She yanks his shirt off.]

Cameron: Come on Chase; don't turn into a good guy on me now.

[They continue kissing.]

(Cut to the hospital)

[Cameron walks into the elevator the next morning, hair still disheveled, looking very pale, and wearing a beret. House uses his cane to open the door again just as it's about to close, and walks in with Steve in his cage.]

House: You're late... and hung over. [Looks carefully at Cameron.] Or maybe not.

Cameron: Why do you have a rat?

House: Jealous?

[The elevator reaches their floor; Cameron rushes out before him to Kalvin shouting at someone. House and Cameron rush in to see.]

Kalvin: Out of my room!

Dad: Don't you dare put this on me!

Kalvin: I'm not going to grovel, dad!

Dad: That's not what I'm asking for.

Kalvin: Like hell it isn't! [At Cameron.] You said you didn't call!

[Cameron's speechless.]

House: Don't mind me. Just here for the show.

Dad: Yeah well, there's not going to be any.

[He tries to walk out but House blocks the door with his cane.]

House: What happened to the big apology? Yesterday he was all 'Daddy, I'm so sowwy.'

Kalvin: This is none of your business.

House: You should have thought of that before you stalked me. Now I'm interested. [To the dad.] So what's he got to apologize for? You're the one who tossed him out.

Dad: Now why would I do that?

House: I don't know. 'Cause it's tough to brag to your hunting buddies that your son knows all the words of The Wiz.

Dad: That's a lie!

House: 42nd Street? Much easier to just get drunk and b*at him. Explains his hating you; [Dad is facepalming.] also your cirrhosis. Also why the more I talk, the more you sweat. What it doesn't explain, is why he's gotta apologize to you. [To Kalvin.] Residual guilt for sharing your special toy with other boys?

Kalvin: Just leave it alone.

House: Just want to leave the bigot with some peace of mind after you're gone?

Dad: Look, this has got nothing, and I mean nothing to do with him being gay! Now Kal brought this on himself, with what he did to his mother!

House: He steal her signature look?

Dad: No. No, he k*lled her.

(Cut to House and Ducklings in the conference room)

[Cameron with a very bad hair day looking like she hasn't slept in days is being stared at by the others.]

Cameron: Kalvin lied!

House: Yeah, that certainly is shocking.

Cameron: [Pacing and talking very fast.] Mom's kidneys were failing, she needed a transplant, they tested Kalvin, he was a match. He was also positive for HIV, mom never found a qualified donor, she dies.

House: Tragic tale. Undercut slightly by the rapid f*re delivery and constant movement. Too much coffee this morning?

Chase: He didn't k*ll her. Our bodies aren't donor farms for our parents.

Foreman: It's not 1980. We know how HIV is transmitted! If Kalvin got HIV through unprotected sex, dad has every right to be pissed!

Cameron: So you always use a condom?

Foreman: Uhh... yeah!

House: Brother's on the down-low got to

Foreman: Huh, not ready for any Foreman Juniors yet.

Cameron: [To House.] You?

House: Working girls are sticklers. You're not going to poll Chase? [She looks at him sharply.]

Chase: I'm not an idiot.

House: Obviously not. Who doesn't sleep with a drugged out colleague when they have a chance? [He gives Cameron and Chase a pointed look that plainly speaks of levels of satisfaction for finding out; Foreman looks surprised, but grins.]

Cameron: Where's Wilson?

House: We got the result for the Kveim test. [Shakes his head slightly. Cameron sighs.]

(Cut to Kalvin's room)

Kalvin: So... I have cancer?

Wilson: In all likelihood, yeah. Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.

Kalvin: And I am... dying?

Wilson: We need to biopsy the tumor. It's near your aorta so... getting that sample carries serious risks.

Kalvin: Is my dad still here?

Wilson: He hasn't been in?

[Kalvin shakes his head.]

Wilson: We'll inject a dye around your heart to make the tumor visible on the CT. [Cut to dad sitting by the wall of water. Wilson continues as a voice over.] Then a surgeon inserts a guide wire, runs it up into your heart where he takes a small piece of that tumor so we can look at it under the microscope.

(Cut to Cameron and Chase in the locker room in the staff room)

Chase: Ativan. It'll help settle you down. [He hands her some pills which she takes.]

Cameron: Why are you so calm?

Chase: Not coming off meth helps. Last night probably shouldn't happen again.

Cameron: Do you think I want it to?

Chase: When two people have had sex, unless it sucks, if they can do it again, they're gonna do it again. And that's when things get complicated. And it didn't suck. [Chase walks out.]

(Cut to House and Wilson walking together down a corridor)

Wilson: So now you've got to drum up another excuse to be around the love of your life. Could h*t another patient.

House: Nyah, don't like to repeat myself. People will say I'm formulaic.

Wilson: Well that rules out letting the rat go so you can catch him again.

House: I can't do that, Steve needs two weeks antibiotics and a smoke-free environment. Cigarettes aggravated his infection.

Wilson: The rat is actually sick? That thing could infect the entire hospital!

House: Steve's infection is not contagious to humans. I'm an idiot. How did I miss micoplasmosis? Was that the kid's father?

Wilson: Yeah. Remember the black death? Started with rats

House: What's he doing in the hallway? His kid getting his biopsy already?

Wilson: He just won't go in the room. Who knows what else he has - parasites? Bacterial infection?

House: Kid doesn't have parasites.

Wilson: Not the kid, the rat!

House: Was he still sweating?

Wilson: Rats only sweat through their tails.

House: Not the rat, the dad! [Wilson doesn't have an answer. House starts walking back towards the dad.] Where are they from?

Wilson: Err... Montana. What's going on?

House: You were right, it's a parasite. Cancel the biopsy. It'll k*ll him. [Bangs his cane against the glass wall of the room the dad is in.] Hey daddy, come with me!

Dad: Yeah, uhh... I'm not going in there.

House: Your son asked to talk to you.

Kalvin: [As dad walks in.] Why is he here?

House: [Slides the door closed.] He wanted to talk to you.

Dad: [Makes a noise as he suddenly realizes that House lied to him.]

House: Did you two use to hunt together? Foxes. Did you k*ll foxes?

Dad: It's Montana.

House: [Walks towards Kalvin.] Those masses in your chest are not tumors. They're parasitic cysts from a bug called echinococcus. Touch a d*ad fox, they jump aboard, they can hunker down for decades -- growing, spawning, shopping, putting on plays.

Kalvin: I've been tested for parasites.

House: Okay, it's cancer. You happy? The cysts isolate the parasites, keeping them from showing up in stool samples, even in blood tests, cardiac--

Dad: All right, you don't need me for this.

House: But you've got the same things in your liver.

Dad: I have cirrhosis.

House: Liver cysts have identical symptoms with one addition, fever. Now liver cysts we can test for. Your diagnosis could confirm Kalvin's. So, option A, we draw some blood--

Dad: No, look, you're not touching me.

House: You see, this is why I need you here. I want you to tell your son that you won't take a simple painless blood test to save his life.

Dad: [To Kalvin.] You err... never expressed a shred of regret for what happened to your mother.

Kalvin: Geez, dad...

Dad: If you'd have worn a damn rubber, you'd have been fine; could have saved her life. You wouldn't be lying here!

House: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it! You're really mad at him for k*lling himself and for destroying everything you love. I don't have time for this, are you going to apologize?

Kalvin: I'm living my life the way I want.

House: [To the dad.] Are you going to give me some blood?

Dad: Look, if he doesn't give a damn then neither do I!

House: Okay. Option B. Why did your wife k*ll herself? Did she hate you?

Kalvin: She was a diabetic!

Dad: You know you don't know a thing about my Suzanne.

House: Either Suzanne wanted to die, or she was both fat AND stupid. Used a Twinkie instead of a g*n. And girls with big appetites, well they just can't get enough - of anything!

Kalvin: Shut up!

House: Probably nibbled on every devil dog in the county!

Dad: SHUT UP!

House: Just in case I'm not making myself clear, I don't mean the delicious snack...

Dad: [Punches House, forcing House to reel back against the window.] You son of a bitch! Yeah? Come on!

House: [Pats his jaw very calmly.] Thank you, means I can do this [Uses the head of his cane to whack the father exactly where his liver is situated.] We're going to need some epi in here, stat!

Kalvin: Are you out of your mind?!

House: You said you didn't care. [House uses his cane to push the dad back against the wall by pushing it against his neck.] Notice how you can't breathe? [The father sounds like he's choking/wheezing/going into shock.] Now either that's the cane, or I just ruptured one of those liver cysts we were chatting about and you've gone into anaphylactic shock, exactly the same as your son did when he accidentally tripped against my friend's car. I'm just SO excited to find out which! [House takes his cane off and the father slips to the floor clutching at his middle section.] I'm gonna schedule surgery.

(sh*ts of Kalvin and his dad both in surgery)

(House is playing with a toy bird in Cuddy's office)

House: Two successful surgeries, two lives saved. I'm over my quota. Can I have next week off?

[Cuddy stops him from playing with the toy bird and snatches it away from him.]

Cuddy: Two family members as*ault.

House: It was self defense.

Cuddy: You baited him.

House: You're right. I was asking for it. The low-cut blouse, the 'Do-Me' pumps.

Cuddy: You flooded his gut with a parasite, he could sue. Go see Stacy.

House: Okay. [Gets up to leave.]

Cuddy: That's it? Okay? No name-calling? No squawking? No rending of garments?

House: I like this T-shirt.

[Cuddy looking very thoughtful and suspicious as House leaves her office.]

(Cut to Cameron in Kalvin's room at night)

Cameron: You lied to me.

Kalvin: If this is about my mom...

Cameron: This is about your lonely, miserable life.

Kalvin: I'm not miserable. And as long as there's a gay bar around, I'm never lonely.

Cameron: You haven't had a single visitor except for your dad. Drugs are great, HIV freed you, your dad hates you, you're so happy. Everything's a lie! You blame yourself for your mom's death. You're not trying to have fun, you're trying to self-destruct. You wanna k*ll yourself? Fine, but stop recruiting!

(Cut to House peeking into Stacy's office)

Stacy: Heard you h*t another patient.

House: Yeah, sure. Why not? He h*t me first.

Stacy: Cuddy didn't mention that. Let me see. [She comes around the desk to look at his jaw.]

House: I'm the doctor.

Stacy: My concern is purely legal. [Pats the skin where he got punched.] Looks okay, does it hurt?

House: A little.

Stacy: You need some ice. [She goes to fetch some from the little fridge in the corner.]

House: There's no way that Mark doesn't know; [Stacy turns around.] about the smoking.

Stacy: He would have said something. [She applies some ice wrapped in a cloth to the purpling area where he got punched.]

House: Then he hasn't been near you in months.

Stacy: We're fine.

House: Can't be easy.

Stacy: Stop squirming.

House: Why would you lie about this?

Stacy: I'm not lying.

House: I don't care if you're sleeping with him or not, but you're not, so...

Stacy: I am. [Stops trying to put the ice on the bruise.]

House: You're lying.

Stacy: You know when I have sex? You can smell that on me too? The only people who know about what's going on between me and Mark are me and Mark.

House: I just know you.

Stacy: And I know you. You're confident, arrogant, but you're never certain unless there's a reason to be certain. One other person knew, I told you I was seeing Dr Harper. You can easily get into her office, you read my file. [House doesn't deny it.] You read my file? [She now sounds like she's about to break into tears.] The dishes, the concern, the, oh, acting like a human being? You have... This whole time you've been manipulating me?

House: You knew I had an angle the moment I poured soap on to a scrub brush. [Stacy walks back behind her desk.] You could have thrown me out, or ignored me, or found another exterminator. You didn't even tell Mark that I kept coming by. You LET this happen because you wanna be with me.

Stacy: [Nods.] I don't anymore. Get out.

(Music starts, montage of scenes. Kalvin is helped to his dad's bedside by a nurse.)

Kalvin: I'm sorry.

(Cameron looks on the scene from outside the door.)

(Stacy and Mark are watching TV at their house. Stacy pulls Mark's arm around her shoulder, Mark looks a little stand-offish but reluctantly smiles at the gesture.)

(Chase is washing his face in the bathroom and stares at himself in the mirror, observing a bite mark on his lip, probably from the wild night with Cameron.)

(Cameron is similarly looking at herself in a mirror after looking at a bottle of pills prescribed to her. She marks another X on her calendar. The camera pans down to reveal another date in red pen saying "HIV TEST" circled in red.)

(House is watching TV on his own couch with a glass of what is probably scotch or brandy. Camera pans to his coffee table where Steve is in a cage running on a training wheel.)
{"type": "series", "show": "House", "episode": "02x07 - Hunting"}