Carol: So, maybe I didn't go to the party because I had something else to do.Maybe I had more fun last night than any teenager should be allowed to have.

Debbie: Yea, anyway, it was the greatest party I have ever been to and you missed it!

Carol: You're just saying it was a great party cause some guy probably asked you to dance.

Debbie: Yea.Rick Levin.

Friend: Hi Carol.Hi Deb.

Debbie: I was just telling Carol what she missed last night!

Friend: Absolutely the worst party I have ever been to!

Debbie: What?

Friend: The only guy who asked me to dance the entire night was that wimp, Rick Levin.

Debbie: You don't think he's a fox?

Friend: The man has no self-esteem.He'll dance with anybody.

Carol: Speaking of last night, I spent the entire evening with Bobby.

Debbie: So?

Friend: Big deal.So you were studying.

Carol: Oh, yea.Sure, ok.We were studying.Believe that.

Friend: What are you saying?

Carol: Well, I really shouldn't say anymore.

Debbie and Friend: Carol!

Carol: Well, let's just say that it was hard to read by the light of the dashboard of his car, which by the way, was parked out on Old Johnson Rd.

Coach Luvok: Good morning, people.Class, I woke up this morning with a renewed interest in the teaching profession.It came to me in my sleep.I'd planned a discussion period on the Great Gatsby assignment.A frank, open exchange of perceptions.And then I thought, Nah.'Pop quiz!

Carol: A quiz?

Friend: Carol, quick!Tell me what the Great Gatsby's about!

Carol: I don't know!

Friend: Come on, Carol!You always know!You're always prepared!

Carol: I told you, I didn't study.

Debbie: Well, why not?

Carol: Because I was making out with Bobby!

Jason: No, no, no, no.Thank you, Grace.You've worked very hard.I just guided you, offered some observations and insights.

Grace: Well, I wouldn't have been able to Oh.I just realized by not coming here, I'm gonna save a hundred dollars every week.

Jason: Well, I'm not in this primarily for the money, you know.I like helping people.

Grace: So maybe you could give me all my money back.

Jason: What're you, crazy?Bad choice of words.

TV: Chad, touching you now is just as exciting as it was on our wedding night.

Jason: Ben, what're you doing?

Ben: Unwinding after a hard day.

Jason: Well, unwind outside!

Ben: But, Dad!

Jason: Go!

TV: Dawn, I have to tell you.I am not Chad!I'm his twin brother!That's right!You've married the wrong man!

Mike: Hey, Dad!

Jason: Hi, son.Ben left this on.

Mike: Hey, Dad.Remember how you told me if I studied really hard and applied myself I'd get dynamite grades?

Jason: Yea.

Mike: Well, you were so right!Look at this.A C minus.

Jason: Well, congratulations, Mike.Must feel great to finally not be the guy with the lowest grade in class.

Mike: Well, I didn't say that.

Carol: Thank God, you're here.

Mike: You talkin' to me?

Carol: I need your help.I need to know how to live with being a failure.

Mike: Oh, get out of my way.

Carol: Mike, I flunked a test.

Mike: Yea, right.

Carol: My perfect record is blemished.

Mike: Blemished?Oh, no, no.You're setting me up for some kind of zit joke, right?

Carol: No, I'm serious.I got an F.

Mike: Let me see it.

Carol: Well, I don't have the test back yet.But all the while I was taking it, I didn't know one single answer.

Mike: So, we're talking an official F here?

Carol: Yes!

Mike: I can count on this.

Carol: Oh, what am I talking to you for?This is absolutely the worst thing that could ever happen.

Mike: Not really.

Carol: You got a better grade than I did?

Mike: Hey, don't worry Carol.You don't have to tell Mom and Dad you went belly up.I will.

Carol: Mike.Mom an Dad could seriously be hurt by this.They're not young people.

Mike: Well, maybe you should've thought of that before you came in here spilling your guts out to me.I mean, did you really expect me to keep such great news private?I mean, come on, Carol!This is Mike Seaver you're dealing with here!

Maggie: Hi Benny!

Ben: Hi.She's here!

Maggie: What's this about?

Carol: Mom, sit down.Dad!

Maggie: What's this about?

Carol: Just sit.

Maggie: Can I take off my coat first?

Carol: If you hurry.Leave, Ben.This isn't for your ears.

Ben: What about that dollar you owe me?

Carol: It's in my wallet, hidden upstairs

Ben: I know where it is.

Maggie: Honey, what is this?

Jason: I don't know.What's the big announcement you wanted to make?

Maggie: Oh my goodness!

Jason: Honey.

Maggie: I just want to know, does this have anything to do with going steady with Bobby?

Carol: Yes.

Maggie: Yes?

Carol: I've made a terrible mistake.

Jason: Oh my goodness.

Maggie: I knew going steady was wrong.

Jason: Honey, we've talked about boys.

Maggie: I blame myself.

Jason: No, I'm just as much to blame as you.

Maggie: When did this happen?

Carol: Today in English class.

Jason: What?

Maggie: In English class?Jason!

Jason: Wait a minute.We talking about the same thing?

Carol: Well, what are you talking about?

Jason: No, what are you talking about?

Carol: Well, my English quiz.I didn't study because I was out with Bobby.

Maggie: Boy, you really had us going there.

Carol: What did you think I meant?

Jason: Nothing I ever want to talk about again.

Maggie: Now, honey.What's the problem?

Carol: This is absolutely the worst day of my academic life.I flunked my English quiz.I wasn't prepared and I spoiled my perfect record.

Maggie: Sweetheart, don't be so hard on yourself.

Mike: If I might jump in here with some happy news.

Carol: But Dad, I've never flunked anything.

Mike: Uh, Mom.Is this where you put the grades you're so proud of or is it the freezer side?

Carol: But, don't you see?I was!I was your 4.0 daughter.You both call me that.

Mike: Speaking of C, I think you'll get a real kick out of this.

Maggie: Carol, you didn't study and you got one bad grade.

Jason: It's one out of hundreds, honey.It's infinitesimal.

Maggie: We don't care about one grade.We care about how you do overall.

Carol: Yea, you're right.I mean, one grade isn't anything to get too excited about.Speaking of which, I believe Mike has some news.

Coach Luvok: Has it ever occurred to you people how many trees had to be m*rder to make these sheets of paper?Well, it occurred to me last night when I graded them.How do you people live with yourselves?

Carol: I would just like to apologize for my performance yesterday and just say that it will never happen again.I'm ashamed.Thank you.

Coach Luvok: What the heck are you doing?If you have to apologize for your grade then Horowitz over there has to shampoo my pit bull.

Carol: What?

Coach Luvok: Here you go, Seaver.As for the rest of you, you disgust me!

Carol: I actually got an A plus!

Friend: Spare me the dramatics!

Carol: No, look at this!

Carol: I don't know, I guess, I must have read Gatsby in elementary school and forgot.Maybe I don't have to read it.Maybe I just know everything.

Friend: Yea, well, maybe the dashboard light in Bobby's car is a lot brighter than you said.If you've ever been in his car.

Debbie: Yeah!

TV: You say I married the wrong man, but your forgot one thing!Your strawberry birthmark right there!

Mike: Dad!

Jason: Yo, Mike!How was school today?

Mike: Good.How was your soap opera?Great.

Carol: Isn't it a fantastic day, Dad?

Jason: Hey, you're in a fine mood.

Carol: I don't mind being related to Mike today.Mike!

Mike: What?

Carol: I have something to show you!

Mike: Yea, I got something to show you, too.

Carol: Mike, get down here!

Mike: This better be important.

Carol: Mike, I got my test back today.

Mike: Oh, yea?

Carol: Just seeing that grade in writing reminded me of what I am.

Mike: Remind me.

Carol: I just can't.

Carol: A plus!Read it and weep!

Mike: What?

Carol: My perfect record isn't blemished!Which is more than I can say for your face.

Mike: Oh, look.

Carol: Yea, well, some people don't have to study.

Mike: Let me see that.The psychological ramifications of Gatsby's predicament are more interesting within the subtext than any within the text itself.What is this supposed to mean?

Carol: It means A plus!

Mike: Wait a minute.Look, you know, you just double talked your way through this.The same as I do.

Carol: I did not.

Mike: Ok, look, Carol.I may not know much, but I know that psychological ramifications doesn't answer anything.

Carol: Yea, well.Yea, well, you can't even spell psychological.

Mike: So?I can spell fertilizer.

Carol: Give me my test back.

Mike: Oh, certainly.Oh, certainly.I'm sure you're gonna wanna file that with all the rest of your bogus A pluses.

Carol: And what's that supposed to mean?

Mike: Well, if that one's phony then all rest of them could be, too.

Carol: Yea, well, I've earned every grade that I've ever gotten.

Mike: Oh, yea?Then why are you sweating?

Carol: I'm not sweating!I'm glistening!I'm glistening like a pig.

Ben: Carol, are you being punished for something?

Carol: No, why?

Ben: Well, you've been up here since dinner.And you didn't even eat your dessert.

Carol: Oh, I'm just up here thinking about my whole sham of a life and what it means.That I'm not really Carol the Brain after all.That my life is a meaningless void.

Ben: So, you don't want your dessert?

Carol: Life is so simple for you isn't it, Ben?

Ben: Depends on whether or not you want your dessert.

Carol: Go ahead.You can have it.

Ben: Thanks!

Carol: Ben, I'm glad you're as simple as you are.

Ben: Thanks.

Carol: At least I know you won't change how you feel about me when word gets out that I'm not who I seem.

Ben: Who are you?

Carol: Somebody who's been living a lie.Somebody who's really tired of it.Someone who's ready for the truth.Do you understand?

Ben: Just tell me.Were you lying when you said I could have your dessert?

Jason: Anybody home?

Maggie: I'm here, Jason.

Jason: Whoa!You're home early today!

TV: You see, Fawn, that hospital nurse was none other than your mother!

Maggie: What'd you say?

Jason: Uh, why are you home so early?

TV: And she was the very same nurse who switched us at birth!

Maggie: I should turn this off.

Jason: No!I mean, if you want to watch that stuff.Go ahead.

Maggie: Oh, thanks, honey.It's not often I get home early enough to see it.

Jason: You are home early today.

Maggie: Do you mind if I turn this down?

Jason: Huh?I don't watch these things.

Maggie: Mr.Luvok.

Jason: Where's Carol?

Coach Luvok: Ah, in there cooling out.

Maggie: Cooling out?

Coach Luvok: Ah, don't worry.I got the screwdriver away from her.

Jason: What screwdriver?

Coach Luvok: I suggest we stay in control here.

Jason: Well, I suggest you tell us what's going on.

Jason: Mr.Luvok

Coach Luvok: You can call me Coach.

Maggie: Mr.Luvok, we just...

Jason: Uh, Coach.You said something about vandalism?

Maggie: Jason, it's her name.

Jason: What'd she say when you caught her?

Coach Luvok: Well, she said, And by the truth, shall ye be set free.

Maggie: What does that mean?

Coach Luvok: Well, it means that a person can be a prisoner of their own lie is and the only way.

Maggie: What did Carol mean?

Coach Luvok: Ah, heck.I don't know.Women never make sense to me, you know what I mean?Oh, yea and another thing, she comes to me today in class and tries to get me to change her A plus into a F.

Maggie: You mean her F into an A plus.

Coach Luvok: No, I don't.

Jason: Well, that doesn't make any sense.

Coach Luvok: What did I just say?

Maggie: Well, then, why did she tell us she got a F?I know.You don't know because you don't understand women.

Coach Luvok: Bingo!

Maggie: Can we see her now before I lose my temper?

Coach Luvok: Sure, sure.Hey, uh, what's she mad at me for?

Jason: If you have to ask the question, you won't understand the answer.

Coach Luvok: Now I see where Carol gets it from.

Carol: Hey, I might as well tell you.I mean, you're gonna find out anyway, right?The Carol Seaver you've always known, the one who gets the perfect grades, well she's a mirage, ok?Case closed.

Jason: No, no, no, no, no.

Maggie: Honey, does this have anything to do with that test you flunked?

Carol: Yes.

Maggie: I thought so.Sweetheart, grades don't mean anything.

Carol: Tell me about it.

Maggie: You can't let one dinky little quiz throw you.

Carol: One quiz?Mom, I've been through my files.Ten years of work, everything I've ever written, thought, or spake.

Maggie: All straight A's, I believe.

Carol: I thought you just said, grades didn't matter.

Maggie: I didn't.

Jason: You did.

Maggie: Well, you're the mental health professional.Do something.

Jason: Alright, Carol.Go with that.

Maggie: Oh, good.

Carol: I mean, all those A's, all that perfect work.It wasn't perfect after all!It doesn't prove a thing!

Jason: Well, why do you think your teacher gave you all those A's?

Carol: For the same reason they give Mike D's.Because it's expected.Teachers know Carol Seaver gets A's.I mean, I can turn in a blank sheet of paper and get an A for being succinct.

Jason: Well, how do you think you got that reputation in the first place?

Carol: For having the best sand pile in kindergarten?I don't know.All I do know is that I can't even fail when I admit to the teacher that I didn't study because I was making out with Bobby.

Maggie: What?

Carol: But then why bring him into this already tense situation?Look, I won't cause you any more trouble.Let me just go to my next class and collect my next A.

Jason: Why?

Carol: What do you mean why?

Jason: Well, since the thing that's been driving you all these years is getting good grades and since you've now figured out that they're worthless, why waste your time?Why even bother going to school where, God forbid, you could learn something?

Carol: Good point.Let's go home.

Jason: That should've worked.

Carol: Ok, Ben.You can have my dessert.

Mike: He already ate it.

Carol: Mike, I'm not in a good mood.

Mike: Eh, it's ok.You never are.

Carol: Mike, what do you want?

Mike: Um, well, I just came in here and wanted to say that I think it's wrong for Dad to punish you like this.

Carol: Well, Dad didn't punish me.He just sent me up here to think.

Mike: Sounds like punishment to me.

Carol: For you, thinking is punishment.

Mike: Hey, an insult!You know, I can tell you're feeling a lot better, Carol.

Carol: Mike, what do you want?

Mike: Well, I don't know, I guess I just got kind of bored with just Ben to kick around, and I sorta felt bad for you, and missed having you to harass.

Carol: That's sweet.

Mike: And you know, I think you're right.

Carol: About what?

Carol: Wait!

Mike: What?

Carol: What did you just say?

Mike: Whoa!

Carol: Before that.

Mike: Uh, Volvo's.

Carol: Before that.

Mike: I forgot.

Carol: You said that when we're adults no one would care about the kind of grades we got in school.They'd only care about the kind of person we are.

Mike: I said that?

Carol: So, the more we learn the more we become enriched as people!

Mike: No, I know I didn't say that!

Carol: Of course!Education not only shapes how other people see us but how we see ourselves.It's not about learning facts, it's not about grades, it's not about being perfect, it's about being somebody worth knowing.

Mike: Uh-huh.

Carol: I better like myself, since I'm gonna be with me all my life, right?

Mike: Right.

Carol: That's worth going to school for!That's better than grades!That's worth studying for until you drop!That's it!Thank you, Mike!Mom!Dad!

Mike: Should've known she'd miss the point.

Maggie: So, you're saying that by sending Carol to her room to think last night, you solved her problem?

Jason: Well, I think it's obvious that my suggestions got Carol on the road to Why?Do you think I'm taking too much credit?

Maggie: Oh, I didn't say that.

Jason: Oh, ok.Well, it certainly sounded as maybe

Ben: Hey!Who the heck ate Carol's dessert?

Maggie: Carol.She's feeling like herself again, she even got her appetite back.

Ben: I liked it better when her life was a meaningless void.
{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x12 - The Scarlet Letter"}