Mike: Ha!That's what they make you wear at Captain Sub?

Luke: No, I just like to dress like Popeye.

Mike: Look, when you get a new job, you do have to deal with difficult people.

Luke: You mean like the customers?

Mike: No, like your family.

Maggie: Ahoy, matey!

Jason: Permission a board!

Maggie: Let me take one more to send to Carol in London...

Mike: That's a great idea, Mom, then we can put a different address on it, and make her think we moved.

Ben: Thanks a lot, Captain Crunch.Dad woke me up this morning with the want ads.What do you need a job for anyway?

Maggie: Oh, I bet I know.He's saving for college.

Luke: But first, a custom Harley.

Jason: You're saving up to buy a Hog?

Chrissy: He gets a Hog?You won't even let me get a kitten.

Ben: Hey, Luke.What's in the bag?

Luke: It's just my official Captain Sub hat.

Maggie: Well put in on.I want to take a picture of the entire uniform.

Ben: No, really.

Maggie: Come on, they say the uniform makes the man.

Ben: In this case the uniform makes the sandwich.

Luke: Well, I'd better get going.My boss is driving me to work.

Jason: Your boss drives you to work?I'd like to get a job like that.

Luke: Well, they're looking for a counter person if you're available.

Jason: Ben, you hear that?Ben!Ben!

Jason: Hey, I got a tip for you Luke.You take advantage of this car-pooling opportunity to get to know your boss.

He probably could teach you a thing or two.

Jason: Stay back!Stay back!Hold it here everybody.I can handle this.

Kevin: Hey, Luke!Ready to rock'n roll?

Mike: So how was your first week at work?

Luke: Well, you're now looking at the new...assistant manager.

Mike: Another dumb hat, huh?

Luke: You should see the hat the restroom supervisor has to wear.

Maggie: Hey, Luke.Glad we caught you.We've noticed you've been keeping late hours.

Luke: Well, I work 'til 9:30.

Jason: Yeah, but you've been getting home after 11:00.

Luke: Well, well, Kevin thinks it's a good idea to unwind after work.

Jason: Ooooh, you listen to a guy who's only working at Captain Sub until he can get his criminal career off the ground?

Maggie: Well, you could ask Kevin to drop you off at home, and then he can go unwind wherever he wants.

Luke: I could...but, I don't want to.

Maggie: Well, then, Luke.We maybe should talk about you having a curfew.

Mike: Big mistake.

Jason: Luke, will you excuse us for a minute?

Luke: Stick up for me, and I'll slip you a hoagie.

Jason: I wish you wouldn't contradict us in front of Luke.

Mike: Dad, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.It's just that you were really cruising for trouble with that whole curfew thing.

Jason: Oh, we are?

Mike: Yeah, Dad, Luke is a different breed of horse.I mean...let's face it.

You're used to Carol, who pulls the plough, and Chrissy, who's still a pony, and Ben...well, he's pretty much a horse's patoot.

Mike: But Luke is like me; he's a wild mustang.

Maggie: Well, thank you Gabbie.

Mike: Look...my point is, is that you try to put a fence around Luke, he's just going to kick it over.

Maggie: Mike, where are you going with all this horse....

Jason: Maggie...

Maggie: ...analogy.

Mike: Don't give him a curfew, and he'll mosey on back to the barn as soon as he's sleepy.

Maggie: Need I remind you that we have successfully raised four children, and you had a curfew?

Mike: No, you had a curfew.I had an open window and a trellis.

Jason: Mike, we've got to run this house by our rules.Luke is a foster child here, and I see no reason why he shouldn't have a curfew.

Mike: Okay, all right, fine.You can run it up the flagpole, but I don't think he'll sit on it.

Jason: Luke!

Maggie: Okay, Luke, we want you in the house 10:00 on weekdays and 11:00 on weekends.

Luke: Okay.

Jason: Well, what do you know; the wacky old parents pulled it off.

Mike: Yeah, and Mr.Ed really talks.

Ben: Now, Chrissy...name the shape.

Chrissy: Square!

Ben: No, take your time, think rounder.

Chrissy: Square!

Ben: Think like, think like....a pie...or the moon.

Chrissy: Moon pie?

Chrissy: Sorry.I'm not doing so good, am I?

Ben: No, that's okay.You got two out of the last, uh, 25.

Maggie: What's up?You guys playing some kind of game?

Chrissy: Ben's testing to see if I have PMS.

Maggie: What?

Ben: Uh, ESP, mom.I'm doing an extra-credit report for Mr.Airhead's science class.

Maggie: Mr.Airheart, the teacher who's been giving you such a hard time all year?

Ben: Yeah.And if I don't get my average up to a B, he's not going to let me go on the class field trip to the Hayden Planetarium.

Maggie: Oh, well, Ben, your father and I'd be happy to take you to the planetarium.

Ben: Yes, but can you arrange for Sasha Sorotski to be sitting next to me in the dark... wearing a fuzzy sweater.

Maggie: Gotcha!

Mike: Ben said you guys wanted to talk to me?

Maggie: It's about Luke.

Jason: We're ready to admit we, uh.....

Mike: ...were wrong?

Jason: No.

Mike: Were very, very wrong?

Maggie: No, we're ready to admit that we need your help.

Mike: Well, I think you made the right decision.You want to catch a mustang, you gotta use a mustang.

So let me get this straight...what is it that you want me to tell him?

Jason: He's grounded!

Mike: No stinking way!

Mike: I hate it when you guys make sense.Okay, okay, I'll talk to him.

But if he's got a darn good reason for being late, I'm not giving him any punishment.

Mike: Luke's home.

Luke: Uh, hello.

Mike: Hey, Luke.It's 11:15.You know what that means?

Luke: I'm missing Arsenio!

Jason: Hey!You were supposed to be home by 10:00.

Mike: But I'm sure that he's got a darn good reason for being late.So, go ahead and give it to him.

Luke: Uh, I was at the arcade.We found a video machine with ten free games.

Mike: Well, okay, okay.You give me no choice.You're....

Maggie: ...grounded.

Mike: What she said.

Luke: What?But, well can it start Monday?There's a major party Friday night.

Mike: Okay, sure.

Maggie: Mike!You can't let him trade punishments.This isn't "Let's Make a Deal."

Mike: Although he's dressed for it.

Maggie: The grounding includes missing the party.

Luke: I don't know why you're treating me like a kid.I gotta be in bed by 11:00.I went three years with no bed.I've spent the night in Central Park.

I've survived gangs, m*rder, and Pia Zadora's outdoor concert.

Jason: Sorry, Luke, but this is for your own good.

Luke: Oh, man!This sucks nickels!

Mike: Good night.

Luke: Well, thanks a lot, Mike.

Mike: Hey, hey, hey.Don't look at me.You're the one who messed up, pal.Don't ever break curfew again...without at least coming up with an airtight alibi.

Ben: ...My bummed

Luke: Tell me about that.

Ben: What you bummed about?

Luke: There's a party out there, and I'm in here!

Ben: You're squawking about being grounded for a week?I was grounded for 1989.

Luke: So what are you bummed about?

Ben: Old Man Airhead threw my report out.He says ESP's a crock, not a science.

Thanks to him, someone else is gonna be picking sweater pills off of Sasha Sorotski.

Luke: That Airhead's a jerk.Somebody ought to fix him good.

Ben: I know; I'm gonna prove that ESP is real and that Chrissy has it.Next to her, the Amazing Creskin's gonna look only mildly interesting.

Jason: Come on, Maggie, or we'll miss the opening curtain.

Maggie: Jason, I have never seen you this excited about dinner theater.

Jason: Well, how many times do you get to see Marla Maples and Jessica Hahn in "The Odd Couple?"

Maggie: None, if you're lucky.Okay, we'll be at the Hayloft Dinner Theater.

Jason: See you, Luke.

Maggie: Good night, Luke.

Luke: Mike, you're back.You've gotta talk to your parents.

Mike: Why?

Luke: You've gotta talk them into letting me go to that party.

Mike: Luke, they made up their mind.What can I do?

Luke: Wait a minute.Aren't you the same Mike Seaver who convinced his parents that report cards were discontinued as a tree-saving measure?

Mike: I guess when you've got the talent, it is a crime not to use it.

Luke: They're in the kitchen.

Mike: Okay.All right.Silver-tongue is on the case.

Mike: Mom!Dad!Just the people I was looking for!

Jason: Oooh!Every time he uses that tone of voice, the little hairs on the back of my neck stiffen.

Maggie: What are you trying to charm us out of now, Mike?

Mike: Oh, no, no, no.This isn't for me.Uh, this is about Luke.

You see, I think that he's really l earned his lesson, and I think his grounding should end, oh, about now.

Jason: Hmm-hmm!

Maggie: Mike, we have to take a stand.

Jason: If we back down now, we're giving him permission to walk all over us.

Mike: Well, I can live with that.

Maggie: Well, we can't.Mike, when you got into the middle of this, you took on part of the responsibility for Luke.

Jason: Hey, you're the one who speaks mustang.Just tell him he's still confined to the paddock.Happy trails.

Maggie: Stick to your g*n.

Mike: I hope I sh**t myself in the foot.

Luke: Mike, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you springing me for this party.You're the best, the greatest, the king.

Mike: You can't go.

Luke: You're slime.Did you even ask, or are you on their side now?

Mike: Oh, come on, Luke.Don't be this way.Luke!Luke-ee!Luke-ster!Luke-inator!All right, all right, all right, you're tearing me apart.You can go.

Luke: Really?

Luke: Thank you, thank you.I didn't know if you'd come through or not.Yeah!

Luke: Well, you took a sh*t.

Mike: Remember, Luke, 11:00.

Maggie: I forgot the tickets.Your father thinks my subconscious doesn't want to go to the theater.He's wrong; my subconscious wants to blow up the theater.

Mike: That's funny, mom.You'd better hurry!

Maggie: Mike, you trying to get rid of me?

Mike: No, no, no, that's ridiculous.Shake a leg!

Maggie: What's that?

Mike: What's what?

Luke: Let's roll!

Maggie: How could you let him go?

Mike: I couldn't stand to see him mad at me.

Jason: Oh, come on.Kids don't like discipline.Remember when you planted Ben to see if he'd grow?We punished you; you got angry with us.

Mike: No, I didn't.

Maggie: Oh, yes you did.You lined your father's shorts with Ben-Gay.

Mike: Oh, right.I forgot.

Jason: I never will.

Maggie: Neither will I.

Mike: What are you guys so worried about?He promised me he'd be home by 11:00.

Maggie: Well, he wasn't supposed to go out at all until you got involved.

Mike: Mom, you were tired of him breaking the rules, so I just gave him one that he could live with.

Maggie: What do you think, Mike, that these rules are arbitrary?That we just pull them out of a hat?

Mike: Well, I've never actually seen the hat.

Maggie: Ooh!

Jason: We're wasting our time.You will understand one day, Mike, when you have kids of your own.

Chrissy: I got it memorized.

First card's square, then circle, then star, rectangle, triangle, wavy lines, red if you touch your ear, green if you pick your nose.

Ben: Touch my nose!You've got to remember, honey, this is really important.

Chrissy: I know...Sasha sweater super-nervous.

Ben: Chrissy, if we pull this off, I'll play tea-party with you every day this month.

Ben: Mr.Airheart, what a pleasure.

Airheart: Seaver, if this little demonstration of yours doesn't produce some quantifiable results, not only will you be barred from the field trip,

you'll be lucky to get a passing grade in my class.

Ben: Mr.Airheart, we've had a rocky relationship.

Airheart: Hah!

Ben: Why don't we bury the hatchet?

Chrissy: Pleased to meet you Mr.Airhead.

Airheart: Hmm?

Ben: If you'll just sit over here, we'll begin.

Ben: Chrissy?You ready?

Chrissy: Square.

Ben: No, honey, we haven't started yet.

Chrissy: Circle.

Ben: Hey, what do you know!The first two are correct!Goosepimples, goosepimples.

Airheart: Excuse me, Carnac, but before you proceed, do you mind if I see those cards?

Airheart: I promise I'll return them.(shuffling cards) Now you may begin.

Ben: Okay, Chrissy, I want you to make your mind a total blank.

Airheart: She's related to you; that shouldn't be difficult.

Ben: Now, Chrissy, I want you to guess what's on these cards.You have no idea how much I want you to guess what's on these cards.

Chrissy: A rectangle.

Ben: That's right!

Airheart: Huhn!

Ben: Okay.

Chrissy: A triangle.

Ben: How the heck!I mean, good girl.

Airheart: Can you see through this?

Chrissy: Nope!Let's go faster.

Chrissy: Diamond...star...square...circle...red circle...

Airheart: This, this, this is astonishing!

Ben: You're telling me!I mean, if she starts bending spoons, I'm outta here.

Airheart: Look, I don't know what you two are up to, but this has got to be some kind of a trick.

Ben: Sir, you shuffled the cards yourself.

Airheart: I, uh, I don't understand this.

Ben: Sir, I worked very hard on setting up this experiment.We both know I'm not a bad student, and I deserve a B.I also deserve to go on that field trip.

Airheart: Oh, why not.Why, I've never seen a student work so hard to get to the planetarium.

Ben: Astronomy is my life!

Airheart: Sasha Sorotski isn't so bad either.

Ben: Chrissy, you actually guessed what I was holding up?

Chrissy: Are you kidding?What do I look like, a mind-reader?

Ben: Well, then, what's the difference between this time and last time?

Chrissy: Last time I couldn't see the reflection in your glasses.

Ben: So, these tea parties; do I sit next to Mr.Teddybear, or by you?

Chrissy: By me.

Mike: Ok, ok.10:59, He'll be home by 11:00.Luke's a responsible kid.I can set my watch by the Luke-meister.

TV Announcer: It's 11:00, do you know where your children are?

Mike: Oh, that little two-faced twerp!What, does he think these rules are just arbitrary, like I pull them out of some hat锛?

TV Announcer: Two lanes of the Long Island Expressway have been temporarily closed, due to an overturned chicken truck.Guess you'd better steer clear.

Offering biscuits and gravy.

Mike: Chickens!I'd hate to be caught in that mess.

Mike: How bad is it?

Nurse: Code F!Code F!

Mike: Well, what does that mean?

Doctor: I'll have to do a feather-ectomy.There's hope, he's a plucky little guy.Nurse!

Nurse: Yes, doctor.

Doctor: Tweezers

Nurse: Tweezers.

Mike: Luke, Luke!Can you hear me?Are you all right?

Luke: (spitting) Is that you, Mike?

Mike: Yeah, yeah, it's me.I'm right here.

Luke: Why didn't you stop me from going to the party?

Mike: What is it?

Doctor: I'll have to call in a specialist.Nurse!

Nurse: Yes, doctor.

Doctor: Get Colonel Sanders on the phone.

Nurse: Colonel Sanders is d*ad, sir.

Doctor: Oh-oh!

Mike: Oh come on, what kind of trouble could he possibly get into?I mean, it's not like he's wild.

Pool Player: It's kinda late, Brower, shouldn't you be getting home?

Luke: (laughing) My guardian's the perfect sap!I've got him trained like a cocker spaniel.

Pool Player: (laughing) It's nice to have a pet.

Luke: Hey, bartender!Another round of root-beer floats!And leave the bottle!

Mike: I knew it!Gosh, mom was right!There's no telling what could happen after 11:00.He could run wild.

He could break the law.He could take up a life of crime.

Priest: My son, do you have any last confessions?

Luke: I liked Ishtar.

Priest: That'll cost you.Is there anyone you'd like me to contact?

Luke: Call Mike Seaver.Thanks to him, I ran wild, broke curfew, and took up a life of crime.How come suddenly there's an echo?

Priest: We only use it on the important words.Well, the chair is waiting.Let's get cookin'.Sorry.

Mike: He liked Ishtar?

Mike: Luke, Luke!Do you have any idea what time it is?

Luke: Hey, I guess I blew it with that curfew thing, but at least I b*at your parent home.

Mike: Hey, forget about my parents.You've got to answer to me.

Luke: Mike!Mike-ee!Mike-a-maniac!

Mike: Hey, don't you Mike-a-maniac me!You're grounded.

Luke: What?

Mike: For one month.

Luke: You're kidding!

Mike: No, I'm not kidding.Do you have any idea what you put me through tonight?I mean, I'm imagining that you're d*ad.

Wondering if I'm ever gonna see you again.

Luke: Hey, I didn't do anything you haven't done a million times.

Listen to me!Next thing you know, I'll be wearing white shoes and my belt up around my nipples.

Jason: That's it, Luke.You're grounded, and this time we mean business.

Maggie: Two weeks.

Mike: Hey, hey, I grounded him for a month.

Jason: A month?Isn't that a little severe?

Mike: Dad, please.Do not undermine me in front of the K-I-D.

Now listen, mister, I want you to march up to your room, and think about what you've done.I'm serious.And wipe that look off your face.

Luke: Phew!

Maggie: Mike, don't you want to reconsider?You were a little rough on him.

Mike: You'll understand when you have kids.

Maggie: Shh!Don't tell Mike, but I brought you up a little extra dessert.

Luke: Thanks!

Maggie: I'm still working on him to give you time off for good behavior.

Luke: Thanks!

Jason: Hi, Luke.Where's Mike?

Luke: Uh, I haven't seen him.

Jason: Good.So, uh, I know he said no more TV, but...

Luke: TV!

Jason: Shh!Just put it away.Put it away.I was never here.

Luke: Great, you're spying on me.

Mike: Luke, it's time you learned something from being grounded.

Luke: Boy, you don't let up.What, are you measuring the window for bars?

Luke: But this is your punishment.

Mike: I know.And if you say anything, you're grounded.Let's go!

Luke: Mike!
{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x16 - Vicious Cycle"}