Ben: See you later dad, I'm going to the movies with Kenny.

Jason: Ben what did I tell you to do the last time you and I had a serious talk

Ben: Hmm wait till I'm married.

Jason: No!!Rake the leaves.

Ben: Oh come on dad, Handy man Bob is guaranteed to be the bloodiest horra movie of all time, you don't barff you don't pay.

Jason: You have seen it five times.

Ben: Ah not without barffing.

Jason: Great.Sweetheart where have you been, mary the tire king opened it's doors an hour ago .

Maggie: I was picking up a vacuum cleaners to test for my column.

Jason: Come on everybody who get to the tire store before noon, gets free lug nuts .

Maggie: Maybe we should put on fake mustaches and go back twice .

Jason: Come on Ben I want you to take these vacuum back for your mother and rake the leaves .

Ben: Carry the boxes, rake the leaves, sweep the beach, maybe you would like the house moved a little bit to the left too.

Kenny: Hey Ben let's jam, we don't want to miss handy man bob hot grooving that old lady to her rocker .

Ben: I can't my dads making me rake these stupid leaves.

Kenny: So use one of those, move the holes from the intake to the exhaust and it's a blower.

Ben: I can't touch my moms' vacuums, they're for a column.

Kenny: To bad cause you're going to miss the part where handy man bob blow the interlation up that guys nose .

Ben: Oh God I love that seen, but no .

Kenny: OK.But I'll save you a sit in case you get smart .

Ben: Use it as a blower, I could do that, it would be wrong.Blow hart two Ben's revenge, take that you crunchy little leaves, ha ha ha look at them run.

Uh huh the queens fear rode, want a taste of this your majesty.You can roll queeny but you can not hide.Oops.

Ben: Ok let's not panic, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, maybe mom will understand.

Maggie: This is my career you're messing with, your grounded till your 20.

Ben: Maybe I better tell dad, he's not so emotional.

Jason: Ben I'm going to break your neck .

Ben: Would you hurry it up, my folks will be home anytime second.

Kenny: Don't be bugging, precision work takes time.

Ben: You still mad at me for jaragging you out of the movie.

Kenny: Yea right in the middle of my favorite seen where handy man bob strips and vanishes the mayor, don't, plug it in.

Ben: Alright.

Kenny: Great, and for future reference the tornado vac is not used as a floatation device .

Ben: Oh no, it's my folks quick, help me get it back in the box .

Maggie: I can't believe you bought four factories of regular tires.

Jason: Maggie a little shimmy is perfect natural of new tires .

Maggie: Jason the rear view mirror fell of.Hi guys .

Jason: Hey Ben you did a great job in the yard .

Ben: Thanks, Kenny grabbed a rake and pitched in .

Jason: How?We only have one rake .

Ben: We made another .

Jason: You made a rake?

Ben: Technically Kenny made it, he was a boy scout .

Kenny: Yea I got my mirth badge in rake making .

Jason: Hey I gotta see this rake .

Ben: No, I mean you can't .

Kenny: Biodegradable.

Ben: Yea, and it's gone now, well Kenny has to leave and I have to make sure he does.

Maggie: A rake making mirth badge?Don't you find that just a little bit suspicious .

Jason: Maggie we left Ben alone here, the house is still standing, there are no police helicopters circling above, I say we came out ahead.

Luke: Mick I need to talk you got a second?

Mike: Yea sure.

Luke: Well it's kinda private.

Mike: Hey Carol, get out .

Carol: No way, I'm studying and all my books are here.

Mike I could give you a witty verbal retort you wouldn't understand, so let me put it in terms you're capable of comprehending .

Mike: Alright Luck my boy so tell me what's the problem

Luke: Well, there is this girl at school named Suez Maxwell and I think kinda sort of like her .

Mike: Yea, kinda sort of, what does that mean?

Luke: Well she makes me sweat in places I didn't know I had glands .

Mike: Well then there is a choice you either go out with her or dehydrate .

Luke: I can't ask her out .

Mike: Well why not, what's the problem?

Luke: Me ah, I've never had a date before .

Mike: Really you've never.

Luke: Yea that's right I'm 15 and I never had a date, when you live on the streets you don't go out, you are out .

Mike: But so what, I mean, Ben says you're a pretty popular guy on campus.

Luke: Sure, if I'm just hanging, but if I go out with Suez I'll have to talk about myself.

"know Suez I think I'll missed the homecoming dance, I believe that was the night I was looking through the dumpster for shoes".

Mike: Now listen, girls are fragile creators anyway, so if you think that she's not ready to hear the whole story then don't tell it to her .

Luke: Well how do I get around it?

Mike: Keep bring the conversation back to her, unlike guys girls love to talk about themselves .

Carol: Excuse me, I beg to defer, I am nothing like that and further more I would never.

Mike: See what I mean.

Luke: Mike I really like Suez .

Mike: Well then do yourself a favor go call her.

Luke: Now?

Mike: No!when she celebrate her 15th birthday .

Carol: Girls are fragile creators.Mike you know absolutely nothing about relationships .

Mike: Oh well I know I have Kate and you have air .

Carol: Listen socket head all I know is if he follows your advice he's going to get hurt .

Luke: Mike, she said yes, we're going to the hooky dooky frozen yogurt parley.

Mike: Alright, when?

Luke: I'll be right back .

Chrissysie: Here is daddy bl*wing ball, be careful it's heavy.

Maggie: Good honey, because the people who make this tornado vac claim it can pick one up.

Ben: Hey hey, so you're testing out that brand new, never used before tornado vac.

Maggie: Uh huh, ok everybody watch your feet, sweetheart put it out here ok one, two, three.

Ben: Oh oh.

Maggie: I knew it, one more fraudulent claim exposed by Maggie Malone, consumer watch dog.

Ben: Well that's a dumb test, when was the last time you said, gee I better vacuum this carpet is full of bl*wing balls.

Maggie: Ben this may seem like a joke to you but my column is very serious business, when a manufacture lies to a consumer it is my job to tell the consumer the truth no matter who gets hurt, ok Chrissysie dump this ash on the test carpet.

Ben: Great.

Maggie: I knew it this is a over price piece of junk and I'm going to say so in my column .

Ben: Couldn't tornado vac get mad and sue you?

Maggie: Let them, I'm just telling the truth and the truth makes me invincible, in fact I dare them to sue me for every penny we've got .

Ben: Get Kenny now

Suez: Sorry about tonight, that's the last time I make Ben recommend a movie, never look at a belt sander the same way again, so tell me about yourself.

Luke: Myself?

Suez: Yea where were you before do we hi.

Luke: I was on this sea.

Suez: On the sea.

Luke: Aww yea, my dad owes a yacht .

Suez: Wow yacht, how big is it?

Luke: Well you know the usual size for a yacht.

Suez: Like 50ft .

Luke: Bingo and it's a real beauty but it's not as beautiful as your hair which is shiny as the napkin dispenser.

Suez: You know this is so amazing we have a lot in common .

Luke: We do?

Suez: My dad was on the Americans cup team, so I started sailing before I could walk .

Luke: I...I did not know that .

Suez: Have you ever been Regina?

Luke: No.I was race party running.

Suez: That's boat race.

Luke: I looking you make my heart race.

Suez: You don't know one thing about sailing do you?

Luke: With floats.

Suez: That's what I though, why are you lying to me?

Luke: Because of who I really am, have you ever heard of the country of Malgravia?

Suez: No.

Luke: Well what if I tell you you were looking at the crowned prince in exile.

Suez: I'd say goodnight sweet prince.

Chrissy: I hate Teddy Bowen, he threw my jacket in the mud.

Maggie: Well I sounds to me that he likes you .

Chrissysy: If he likes me anymore I'm going to look like the swap thing.

Maggie: Tell you what, let me put this in to soak and then you can help me test the tornado vac.

Chrissysy: Oh no!

Maggie: No chirsy, I return the first machine and got a brand new one to test.

Chrissy: I'd like to help but I think I'm due for a nap .

Ben: Good it's still here, Kenny yesterday this thing wouldn't pick up dust.you've got to give it some juice .

Kenny: No problem, ok see that panel over there that says "do not open".

Ben: Yea .

Kenny: Open it, and you see that spring that says "do not touch".

Ben: Ahww.

Kenny: Don't touch it, one minor adjustment and I can double the power .

Ben: Mom!

Maggie: I thought you guy were going to the mall?

Ben: We were going to but Kenny got hungry to we decided to have some milk and cookies and clean up everything without a tract,

which explains the empty sink, goodbye Kenny.

Mom you know Kenny was telling me there was a lot of electrical stuff that can make an appliance act weird,

I think we should give the tornado vac a second chance .

Maggie: I couldn't agree with you more Ben, I'm going to go test it right now

Ben: "I must never use this power for evil".

Mike: Luke, look you shouldn't have lied.

Luke: You're the one who told me not to tell her the whole story .

Mike: I didn't say anything about your birthright to the Malgravian thrown .

Luke: That's it I'm done, I'm going to give up this dating thing live by myself and learn to Weddle and spit .

Carol: I knew it he's crushed, told you so ha ha ha.Sorry .

Maggie: Jason!Jason, Jason, stop this thing , stop it .

Jason: Hold on, I'm stronger than you.

Maggie: Get this thing out of my house.Oh I had to divert it was heading for the straits I couldn't let it get Chrissyy .

Mike: Man that thing tried to k*ll us .

Ben: Come on Mike don't exaggerate.

Maggie: No mikes right yesterday I couldn't get it to suck up a dust bunny today it has nuclear capabilities, well have I got to review the right,

this may have started out as business but now it's personal.

Jason: Oh ho now you come home, where were you when I needed help fixing the living room wall.

Mike: Oh well I was driving around the block till I knew you were finished, I didn't want your work to get in the way of my conversation.

Jason: What conversation?

Mike: The one I'm trying to have of you quit changing the subject, dad I think I gave Luke some bad advice.

Jason: You bad advice?

Mike: Yea, he lied to girl .

Jason: And you told him to .

Mike: No, no, he did it all on his own, the kids gifted, dad see look taught that is this certain girl knew about his pass days on the streets she would never want to go out with him.

Jason: And your advice was?

Mike: Well I told him he could skip that part if he wanted, dad I thought I was sparing him .

Jason: Mike, Luke doesn't need sparing from his pass that's who he is, just like running scams and taking advantage of people is part of who you are .

Mike: But dad I'm damn proud of that .

Jason: And Luke could be proud of the young man that he is becoming, he just has to realize that he can accepted for himself.

Maggie: Ben, what are you doing home, I though you were going to eat lunch in the cafeteria?

Ben: Can we talk mom?

Maggie: Sure honey, what about?

Ben: I'm scum, I'm slime, I'm saved, door bell.

Douglas: Maggie Marlon you stepford wife.

Maggie: Douglas Stan you low rat blue garn, Ben this is my editor at the paper and Doug this is my son Ben.

Douglas: Ben, so you're the one that sleeps with the doll.

Ben: Mom!

Maggie: Doug that was ten years ago .

Ben: It wasn't a doll, it was an action figure .

Maggie: So what's up Doug I faxed you my vacuum piece, you liked it?

Douglas: I loved it, it's biting it's insightful, it's death.

Maggie: What?

Douglas: I'm going to have to k*ll it .

Ben: Alright.

Maggie: Douglas Stan talk fast .

Douglas: Tornado vac is a subsidiary of gem core.Which is wholly own and operated by misuesirou publications .

Maggie: Which means?

Douglas: They own our paper and our pututies.

Maggie: And for that you've going to infringe on my first amendment rights.

Douglas: You got nine more, listen Maggie I'm sorry, in my honest opinion there isn't a newspaper in this town that would print this,

look I got to run to replace this I got to sober up the guy that writes dear aunt mable.

Luke: So let me get this straight, not only you get this sudden craving for pineapple yogurt, but you have to have somebody watch you eat it .

Mike: Alright Luke I'll level with you I want to talk about Suez, you got of on the wrong foot with her .

Luke: No kidding, if I could just go back and re-live those few minutes wit her I would take it all back, make up a much better lie.

Mike: The truth Luke, I'll bet she ready for it.

Luke: What does it matter, I'm never going to see her again.

Suez: I got a note from the Malgravian secret police .

Luke: Excuse me, the Malgravian secret police?

Mike: Well before you can tell them the truth you got to get their attention.Alright now listen you said you wanted another change, well here you go .

Luke: Ah, Suez I want to start over .

Suez: Why did you make up all those wild stories.

Luke: Well because I like you, I wanted you to like me to, but the truth is I'm not the prince of anything,

I don't own a yacht and I didn't climb Mount Everest

Suez: You didn't say you climb Everest.

Luke: Oh, you are before the chance.

Suez: I'd like to like you but I don't even know you.

Luke: Well up until a few months ago I was homeless.

Suez: Oh come on .

Luke: No I mean it, I was living on the streets.I'm sorry if that disgust you but that's the way it is .

Suez: Where did you sleep when you were on the streets?

Luke: Different places, if you want to know the truth it's a long story .

Suez: I've got time .

Luke: When I first moved to the city....

Lucy: This courageous woman Maggie Marlon dares to speak out against the heartless cooperation Pedaling death door to door,

today on the Lucy Snyder segment channel 19 news live at 5.

Camera man: And we're clear.

Ben: Hey mom you mind if ah...what's going on?

Maggie: Well Ben, my tornado vac story maybe to hot for the newspapers but it's not for channel 19, I'm telling my story live at 5.

Kenny: Mrs.Snyder the consumer's best friend .

Lucy: Yea kid, that's me.Ok so who do you have to kiss around here to get some coffee?

Maggie: Well I've got some bruing in the kitchen.

Lucy: I don't drink de-cafe .

Maggie: Oh pity.

Ben: Kenny you got to get this machine back to normal before my mother humiliates herself and we're sued for every penny we've got .

Kenny: I'm on it .

Camera man: Hey.

Kenny: I'm in the union .

Maggie: Kenny what are you doing?

Ben: Oh mom.

Maggie: Look no Ben not now.

Ben: Look no mom I think you have to hear this now .

Maggie: You did what?

Kenny: Bingo.

Camera man : In 5, 4, 3, 2

Lucy: Thank you Art and Coney, our story today is the heroine tell of a kind hardworking decent working housewife who find herself a pone of a profit

mongered cooperation Maggie tell me Lucy Snyder about that tragic day you brought that tornado vac into your home take your time .

Maggie: Well I hardly know what to say .

Lucy: Oh that's ok because I care , we're live dear talk to me now .

Maggie: Well, The tornado vac has a 3.5 horse power engine and finger tip controls .

Lucy: Didn't you say it almost sucked up your baby, I mean isn't there more you can share with us .

Maggie: Well Lucy as a customer report I wanted to see if the tornado vac could pick up a bowling ball as it claimed .

Lucy: Well I just hope the manufactures for tornado vac are watching .

Maggie: Lucy, oh it did it, it can pick up a bowling ball it did it .

Lucy: But you said it was dangerous?

Maggie: Only to dirt, watch this little puppy suck up sandy mat, it's like it was never there .

Lucy: But I bet they really doud you on the price.

Maggie: Are you kidding?It's only $199.95 you can't afford to be without one.

Lucy: Well that's all the time we have for today .

Maggie: And it has an attachment for drapes.

Lucy: Back to you Art and Coney.

Maggie: It that lint on your shoulders?

Lucy: Stay away from me.

Camera man: And we're clear.

Maggie: Hold it Mr.'s.

Maggie: Goodbye Kenny.

Kenny: For once I would like to be the one to decide when I go home, now is good.

Ben: Mom don't you think that the person who finally did the right thing and told the truth shouldn't get punished .

Maggie: No Ben but I do think the punishment should fit the crime.

Ben: What kind of punishment?
{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "07x09 - The Big Fix"}