Jason: Maggie, if we don't leave now we are going to miss the start of that movie.

Maggie: I don't care.I'm just going to see Mel Gibson.

Jason: Remember Mike, Chrissy's bedtime is...

Mike: Hey!you told me it was in an hour.

Maggie: Right now.

Chrissy: You guys go.We'll work it out.

Jason: see you.Hey, when you get Chrissy to bed, look into cleaning up that kitchen.And we ave a few light bulbs out on the front porch that could use changing.And remember that floor sander up in the attic, if you...

Mike: Wow, wow.Dad, come on.I'm just babysitting here.

Jason: mike, you are being very well paid for the next four hours.

Mike: Well paid!Yeah, in Seaver credits.

Jason: Well if you don't do those chores, you are not going to get anything.

Chrissy: The light bulbs are changed.

Mike: Alright!Well then you just better get started on the kitchen.

Chrissy: I like it better when Carol baby-sits.

Ben: Yo.Hey, are you babysitting?

Mike: Yeah.

Ben: I was talking to Chrissy.

Chrissy: I like that.

Mike: Ah, you're laughing hu?

Ben: Yeah.

Mike: Well, mum and dad left me some strict orders for you.They want you to get in there and clean up the kitchen.And then, you know that floor sander in the attic?They want you to, to uh, to uh..

Ben: To what?

Mike: Hey, if I were you pal, I'd stop asking questions and just get to it.Alright!I got the big kid doing the chores and I got the little kid in bed.

Chrissy: I just wanted you to know, I'm a step ahead of you.

Mike: hey hey, com on in Eddie.

Eddie: Yo!

Eddie: So, Michael, what you got going this evening?

Mike: Well Eddie, I just happen to be babysitting.

Eddie: Ah.Then you wouldn't be interested in the promised land of available babes?

Mike: Wow, wow, wow.Eddie.What do you mean the promised land of available babes?

Eddie: Oh Michael, I have been to the mountain top and I have seen the other side.It is a place filled with beautiful women, passionate women, hungry women.Michael, it's a place where they treat men like red meat thrown into their cages.

Mike: Wait a minute, this isn't that place in New Jersey is it?

Eddie: Come on Mike.Let's go.

Mike: No, I can't.I told you Eddie, I'm babysitting.

Eddie: Ben's fourteen.He doesn't need a sitter.

Eddie: Another reason Ben will be fine.

Mike: I cannot go out with you until I find some other sucker to baby-sit.

Carol: I don't care how long it's been since my last date.I refuse to go out with a guy who burps hello.

Eddie: Hello.

Carol: Is that a fish joke?

Mike: No, I'm just saying that you are a decent person with great family values.

Carol: That's true.

Mike: Yeah and you are loyal to.You are the kind of girl who would drop everything just to baby-sit your baby sister.

Carol: You bet I would.

Mike: See you.

Ben: And dad says I never do anything around here.

Mike: Eddie.Where the heck are we?

Eddie: heaven.

Mike: Eddie, who are these people?

Eddie: Parents without mates.

Mike: I'm leaving.

Lady: Edward, oh hi!How was Europe?

Eddie: Excellent.

Lady: Oh great.

Eddie: Here's a piece of the wall.

Lady: Oh thank you.

Eddie: I got it from the parking lot.She's so happy.

Mike: Eddie, look all I'm saying is that this is just not my idea...

Girl: Excuse me.Is this thirty six C?

Eddie: thirty six C.

Mike: yeah, yeah it is.

Leader: Alright Ladies and gentlemen.Shall we begin?

Eddie: See you Mike.

Mike: I think I may stay for a minute or two.

Leader: I see we have some newcomers this evening.Do you want to tell us your name and how you became a single parent?

Mike and Girl: Oh see I...

Mike: I thought you...

Girl: I didn't know...

Mike: No please, ladies first.

Girl: This is all a little new to name.So if it's ok for everyone, I'd just like to listen for a while.

Leader: That is more than ok.Yes.

Mike: She didn't give her name.

Girl; I'm Rachel.

Everyone: Hi Rachel.

Mike: Great, I'm Mike.

Everyone: Hi Mike.

Lady 2: He said he loved kids, but when things started getting serious, he said "Natalie, I'm gone".

Eddie: (Crying) Please, you're tearing me up.

Mike: I don't know.I just met him in the hall.

Leader: I see we are just about out of time, and I want to thank you all for coming this evening.Goodnight.

Rachel: Thanks.

Mike: You're welcome.

Rachel: I'm really glad I came tonight.

Mike: Oh me too.Me too.I'm Mike.

Rachel: You've said that several times.

Mike: I just want to let you know it hasn't changed.Ah, so, uh, uh, you feel like going out?Maybe getting something to eat?

Rachel: Me?

Mike: Yeah, I mean it's only nine thirty.

Rachel: What about my babysitter?

Mike: Oh, ok, but I'd rather go out with you.

Rachel: I have to cool off.

Mike: Oh what a coincidence.So cool out here.

Rachel: Boy, does this alley bring back memories for me.Oh, back in Veterinary High, this is how me and my friends used to sneak into Al's.

Mike: Wow, wo, wait a minute.You went to Veterinary?I went to Dewey.

Rachel: Oh.Rivals.

Mike: I know.I know.

Rachel: Oh, this is going to sound dumb, but I feel like a carefree college kid tonight.

Mike: Yeah, yeah.I can be reminded of that too.

Rachel: Yeah, the last time I went dancing was Judith's third birthday.And it was the Hockey Cokey.

Mike: Oh yeah.Who's Judith?

Rachel: Oh my daughter.

Mike: You have a daughter?Oh yeah right.I thought you d\said you had a son.

Rachel: No, you have a son.

Mike: That's right.I do.

Rachel: For a minute there I forgot we both had kids.

Mike: And I want to thank you for reminding me.

Rachel: What's your son's name?

Rachel: What does the E stand for?

Rachel: I wish I could laugh about my ex that way.Mike, I had a lovely time.

Mike: What do you mean had?Come on, it's only twelve thirty.

Rachel: Twelve thirty!

Mike: Yeah.What's wrong?

Rachel: I told my sitter I'd be home by eleven.

Mike: Just sneak in.Ah Rachel.When can I see you again?

Rachel: Um, are you going to the picnic tomorrow?

Mike: Ah, I've been planning on it for weeks.What picnic?

Rachel: The parents without mates picnic.

Mike: Oh right.

Rachel: You'll have a chance to meet my Judith and I can't wait to meet your Chris.

Mike: Neither can I.

Jason: And you didn't think Ben sanding away a quarter of an inch of linoleum floor was a little odd?

Maggie: Carol, how could you let this happen?

Carol: Wait a minute.Who did you put in charge?

Jason: Mike.

Carol: And who sanded the floor?

Maggie: Ben.

Carol: So how did this become my fault?

Jason: Carol, you are the most dependable child we have.We rely on you.You rarely let us down.That's why it's so disappointing when something like this happens.

Carol: Oh great.He gets to go out and have fun and I get to sit here and be yelled at by you two and I didn't even do anything.

Mike: Well that just may be the problem young lady.

Chrissy: How's that Mike?

Mike: No, no, no, no.Here, take the wheel.Alright, now who's your daddy?

Chrissy: You are dad.

Mike: There you do, alright, I got it.Alright, very good.Are you a boy or a girl?

Chrissy: Today I'm a boy.

Chrissy: I'm a boy.I'm a boy.I'm a boy.

Mike: I hope I'm not doing serious damage here.Ok, there's only one more thing.Your middle name is Elvis.

Chrissy: You mean the King?

Mike: Com eon, come on, come on.Stop giggling.Let's go Chris.Here we go, here we go.

Chrissy: I think I broke a nail.

Mike: Boys don't care about broken nails.

Chrissy: I don't either.

Rachel: you know, if I ever got married again and had another child, I think I'd like a boy.

Chrissy: I'm a boy.

Rachel: Yes sweetheart, I know that.

Chrissy: It's the truth.

Kid: mike let's play.

Mike: Ok.

Chrissy: Yeah.

Mike: I'm always up for a little play.Let's go, let's go.Alright look, yesterday you felt like a college kid, today you are going to feel like a four year old, and by third date, you are going to be in diapers.

Rachel: I can't wait.

Mike: Are you ready guys?

Chrissy: Ready.

Mike: Ok.Here we go.One, two, three.

Rachel: Um, speaking of a third date, I was wondering if maybe.....

Mike: Oh no.Ah look, I can explain everything.

Ben: Daddy, daddy, daddy.

Lady: That's your son?

Eddie: Yeah, he's big like his mother.

Rachel: Mike, you were saying?

Rachel: Oh I was saying, speaking of a third date, um, I was just wondering if you weren't busy tonight and you could get a sitter,

Mike: That wouldn't be a problem.

Rachel: So how about coming to my house for dinner tonight?

Mike: So you cook too?

Rachel: No.

Mike: I would love to.

Rachel: Yeah.

Mike: Yeah, I would love to.

Rachel: I'm probably making a big mistake telling you this, but I feel safe with you.

Mike: You do?

Rachel: Uh hu.I haven't met anybody in a long time that I can trust.

Ben: What a great daddy.I gave me twenty dollars for the ice cream truck.

Rachel: I want my change young man.Or you won't sit for a week.You got that pus bag?

Mike: No I'm serious.She says she trusts me.

Eddie: Michael, trust is the second most important thing a woman can give you, because without it you can't get the first

Mike: Eddie, come on man.She's been hurt before.

Eddie: Not your fault.

Mike: Eddie, she's got a little girl.

Eddie: Alright Mike.I see what you are getting at.You feel it was a mistake for you to go to Parents Without Mates last night.And you are right.

Mike: Ok.

Eddie: You should have gone to parents without brains.

Mike: Yeah.

Ben: Eddie, I saw your car downstairs.Here is your change form the ice cream money.

Eddie: Thirty seven cents!You wasted my twenty dollars on ice cream?

Ben: No.On a new CD.

Eddie: Oh no no, no.Don't give me that.I'm not made of money.

Ben: Well dad, you should have thought of that before you brought me into this world.

Eddie: Yeah fungus.

Mike: I'm talking to you too.

Eddie: Oh, hey, fine.I've got some news that could cheer you up, but you're making me leave.

Mike: No, alright, alright, what is it.

Eddie: Ok.You know my girlfriend Natalie?

Mike: Yeah.

Eddie: Well I just found out that she's got a daughter my own age.I think we are talking letters to Penthouse here.

Mike: get out.Get out.

Jason: It's tacky enough.

Maggie: No comment.Jason, wouldn't it be easier if we had this professionally installed?

Jason: Maggie, those guys get three, four hundred dollars.

Maggie: Ben move.

Ben: I can't.

Jason: Come on.I'm trying to lay linoleum in here.

Ben: Then what did you guys have Eddie: sand the floor for?

Mike: What's that?

Ben: Oh, my new cd.

Maggie: Where did you get the money to buy this?

Ben: Uh, money.

Jason: You don't have any money Ben.

Ben: Did I say I bought it?I meant I stole it.

Jason: Mike!Mike!

Mike: Yeah.

Jason: Where's that slime ball Eddie?Eddie?

Mike: Ah he just left.Why?Is something the matter?

Jason: After what Ben told me Eddie did, a lot.

Mike: Eddie did something?

Mike: I can.Did Ben say anything else?

Jason: Isn't that enough?

Mike: It is for me.

Jason: How's Ben supposed to learn to respect women when there is an example like that around?I'm just glad that he still looks up to you Mike.I mean you have really done some hair brain things in you life, but you've never done anything as hurtful and scummy as that.

Mike: Don't you think you are being a little strong dad?

Jason: How else would you describe it Mike?When somebody takes advantage of somebody at there weakest moment like that?

Mike: I never really thought of it like that.And I'm sure Eddie never really thought it through either.

Jason: That's nice of you mike.Sticking up for your friend like that.I'm just glad that I don't have a son who would do something like that.

Rachel: Mike, you're early.

Mike: Hi.Rachel, there's some things that I've been thinking about and there's some thing I really need to talk to you about and I don't think it should wait.

Rachel's mother: Rach, I can't find Jude's penguin.This has to be him.

Rachel: Yep.Mum, this is Mike Seaver.Mike this is my mother Betty.

Rachel's mother: My pleasure.

Rachel: excuse me.I'll just get Judith's penguin.

Mother: You don't look so goofy to me.

Mike: Oh, well she told you about that.

Rachel: You remember Mike.

Judith: Remember!We were talking about him all day.

Mother: We should go.We are going to have such fun.Say goodnight.

Rachel: Bye mum.

Mother: Bye.

Judith: Bye mummy.Bye Mike.

Mother: We're off.

Rachel: So Mike, what was it that couldn't wait?

Mike: Ah, maybe it can wait.

Rachel: Ok, I'll go get my appetizers.

Mike: No, it can't wait.

Rachel: Ok.

Mike: Get your appetizers.

Rachel: Ok.

Mike: No.

Rachel: can I uh, get you something to drink?

Mike: Look Rachel, I'm not who I said I was.I've never been married.

Rachel: Never been married!

Mike: No.

Rachel: It's ok.

Mike: It is.

Mike: Look, my son is a girl.

Rachel: Pardon.

Rachel: The guy who works for the CIA?

Mike: Yeah, that's the one.Look, he thought it would be a good idea if the two of us went down to the Parents Without Mates meeting, to meet some girls.So I went.I'm not a father.I guess I'm not much of anything.Rachel, come on.Say something.

Rachel: You lied to me.

Mike: Look, I...

Rachel: No.I thought you were different.

Rachel: Yeah well nobody means to hurt anybody, but it still happens.Doesn't it?

Mike: Look, the easiest thing in the world for me to have done tonight would have been to not show up here.You know, but the only reason I am standing here acting like a complete fool is, is because you mean something to me.You mean a lot to me.I mean I really do care about you Rachel and, I mean, can we just start over?Please.What do you say?My name's Mike Seaver and I'm not a father.

Mike: Thanks a lot dad.For nothing.

Jason: What's wrong Mike?Come here.Sit.

Mike: You want to know what's wrong?Ok, I'll tell you what's wrong.Eddie's mad at me.

Jason: He is?

Mike: Yes, because I told him how angry you were.

Jason: And?

Mike: And, well he decided to go over to this girl_s house in person, and tell her that he was lying to her and that he really didn't have children and ask for her forgiveness.It was really hard for him dad, because he was about to walk out the door, but he didn't.I mean he really wanted to start over with this girl with a clean slate.Because he really likes her.

Jason: What happened?

Mike: She kicked him out.

Jason: Poor Eddie.

Mike: I mean what else could he have done?I mean it should have worked out ok.

Jason: Well you got to tell him Mike, you know, sometimes there are things in the adult world that cannot be fixed.But don't let Eddie doubt for one minute that he did the right thing.

Mike: Yeah.Goodnight.

Jason: Oh Mike.Something else you can tell Eddie for me.

Mike: Yeah.

Jason: I'm very proud he's my son.
{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x04 - Daddy Mike"}