[Outside fancy restaurant. Dad (Ken) and son (Carnell) exit]

Ken: [laughs] I ought to have this framed, my last bill from  Princeton.

Carnell: And I thought we were celebrating the fact that I  actually graduated.

Ken: I always knew you'd be able to graduate, what I didn’t  know was whether I would be able to pay for it. Your mom,  uh, she’d be so proud of you.

Carnell: You always say that.

Ken: I’m so proud of you. Always was.

Carnell: Come on dad you gonna cry.

Ken: [laughs] You wanna be embarrassed?

[Son shakes his head in mock denial]

Ken: You got it.

[Gives his son a big hug]

Ken: Look, uh, don’t party too hard tonight, your  grandmother wants a picture of you getting that sheepskin,  and it’d be nice if you didn’t look completely hung-over.

Carnell: Ooh, no, don’t worry, I’ve had enough alcohol in  the past week to last me another four years.

Ken: Good. I think.

[Carnell laughs]

[Cut to a party, where Carnell is downing a ton of beers.  Loud music is playing in the background. A huge party is  going one, and everyone is chugging the booze.]

Kid: 12.55!

Carnell: [cheers and stands up, slapping hands with the  people around him] You are the man! [bear hugs a friend,  Taddy]

Taddy: Tell me something I don’t know.

[Carnell is then shocked, and backs away from his friend]

Carnell: Ow! Ow, OW! Hey that’s not funny man.

Taddy: What?

Carnell: Yeah right, you shocked me.

Taddy: With what? I got nothing.

[Carnell is shocked again, and this time there is no one  around that could have caused it. The people around him  start backing away, and looking on in horror. ]

Kid 2: Yo dude, check it out.

Carnell: All right whoever’s doing that better cut it out!

[He is shocked again, and this time we get a CGI of the  shocks traveling down his spine.]

Carnell: What the hell's going on?

Girl: Maybe there’s a short somewhere, the floor’s covered  with beer.

Kid: No the outlets are [unintelligible], plus he’s got  rubber-soled shoes on.

[Carnell is shocked again. This time it knocks him to the  floor.]

Kid: Somebody call 911!

[Carnell is writhing on the floor, being shocked over and  over.]

[Opens with a hospital room where Wilson is checking out  Carnell. Ken is standing off to the side. Carnell is still  being shocked repeatedly]

[Cut to Wilson writing on the whiteboard in the conference  room in that unintelligible doctor's scrawl while the  ducklings try to make out what he's writing]

Wilson: Patient experiences shock-like sensations, as well  as headaches, nausea, and drowsiness. 

Chase: Shocks?

Wilson: Excruciatingly painful shocks.  ER docs referred him  to a neurologist, who referred him to five other doctors in  the last seven days.

Cameron: Shocks could be L'Hermitte's Sign, early symptom of  MS.

Wilson: No, MRI showed no white matter lesions, and the  shocks aren’t accompanied by neck flexing.

[House strides in, wearing a leather jacket, jeans, and a  red t-shirt]

House: Good morning!

Foreman: It’s almost noon.

House: Really? That must be why I’m so hungry. Who’s up for  lunch?

Cameron: What’s with the jacket?

House: [poses] It keeps me warm, and cool. How does it know?

Wilson: We're discussing your new patient.

House: Must be a boring discussion, considering that I  haven’t accepted a new patient.

Wilson: You accepted him the moment I loaned you five grand.

House: Ohh, wait, wait, when I said I’d do anything for the  money, obviously I didn’t mean it.

Wilson: You’re gonna like this. Kid’s getting shocked every  few minutes.

Cameron: Why would you need five thousand dollars?

Chase: Bad night at poker, or great night with a hooker?

House: Thank you for saving me the trouble of deflecting  that personal question with a joke.  [Chase smiles, and  House turns to Wilson] College student? Nitrous oxide is fun  at parties. Cause the shocks, and drinking 'til you puke  every night can cause everything else. Give him some B12.

Wilson: Been there done that, also ruled out cancer, MS,  pyridoxine toxicity, and all the popular neuropathies.

House: [sighs] Cervical spondylosis?

Wilson: Doesn’t explain the low white count.

House: He’s black, I’m assuming he’s not just really dirty,  but is of African descent. Which means he’d have a lower  white count.

Wilson: Not this low.

House: He’s a wrestler, probably uses diuretics to cut  weight, can also cause low white count.

Wilson: Not this low.

House: [Mockingly] Not this low. Tieshets(??).

Wilson: No skin lesions.

House: Cervical herpes osteomyelitis?

Wilson: No external outbreak.

House: Something’s missing.  Find out what it is. [Tosses  the chart on the table in front of the ducklings.]

Foreman: Uh, I don’t even know what that means.

House: Well figure it out, find it out, and then find me,  I’ll be at lunch.

[House walks out the door]

[Cut to the son’s hospital room. Cameron is there with Ken]

Ken: No ideas?

Cameron: Lots of ideas, too many ideas, that’s why so many  tests. Have you used any recreational drugs?

[Carnell looks up at Ken]

Ken: What? I’m gonna get mad at you for getting stoned? Not  today. Not here.

Carnell: Um, well at Christmas, one of the guys had some  Ecstasy. It was...[Gets shocked and screams] Son of a bitch.

[Cut to lab, Foreman and Chase are there]

Foreman: ANA is negative for lupus, again.

Chase: House wants more information, not the same  information done over again.

Foreman: [mocks] Find what’s missing. For all we know the  kid is dying, and he’s giving us riddles?

Cameron: Did a more detailed history, went back three  generations.

Foreman: And?

Cameron: His mom died in a car accident, his mom’s mom had  arthritis, and his mom’s mom’s dad served in an all black  t*nk battalion in Gapettion.

Foreman: Fascinating. If it’s not a tumor it has to be MS.

Chase: Wilson already ruled out [interrupted]

Foreman: MRI can’t rule out MS 100% of the time.

Cameron: MS doesn’t explain the low white count.

Foreman: Alcoholism does. On admission his BAC was 2.0,  liver enzymes off the chart.

Cameron: It was graduation weekend. He barely drank in the  weeks before that and he didn’t drink at all during his  wrestling season.

Foreman: IF you believe him.

Cameron: I did a tox screen!

Chase: It doesn’t matter if she believes him or not. It’s  already in the chart. We’re supposed to find out what’s  missing.

[Cut to the parking lot, where a sports bike is parked. It’s  scraped up on the one side. Pan around and House and Wilson  are revealed to be standing near it, looking at the bike.]

Wilson: Well this, this is perfect.

House: Invite me to diner Thursday night. [Wilson looks  blankly at him] Come on we haven’t had a nice meal together  since, oh…

Wilson: Yesterday when I loaned you five thousand dollars to  buy a new car.

[Points at the bike]

House: [tosses his cane up in the air and catches it near  the top, then hands it over to Wilson] My treat. [House  limps over to the bike]

Wilson: Two-wheeled vehicles that travel 150 miles an hour  don’t really go well with crippled, irresponsible, drug  addicts.

House: Actually two-wheeled vehicles that go 180 miles an  hour do not go well with healthy responsible architects who  don’t know how to separate breaking and turning. [While he  is saying this, House is lifting his right leg over the  bike, and settling down onto the seat.] Good news is, it  brings the price right down.

Wilson: You’re taking it back.

House:[Mock whining] Moooom! How about we talk about this  over dinner.

Wilson: Forget dinner, you’re gonna k*ll yourself!

Chase: Nice bike!

[See the ducklings walking over]

House: Thank you. See that’s how you do it, compliments,  dinner.

Cameron: What do you do with your cane?

House: If he buys me dinner, he’ll find out. [House takes  his cane back from Wilson and twirls it, then clicks it into  place on the side of the bike. A special holder is there for  that purpose.] Evil Kineval had the same setup.

Cameron: And he broke every bone in his body.

Foreman: We went though all the imaging studies, and re-did  blood cultures.

[House turns on the bike, and gently revs the engine]

House: I don’t want hand-me-downs. I want brand new stuff.

Foreman: Well there’s nothing [House revs the engine louder]  There’s nothing…[House revs the engine again.]

House: Sorry I didn’t catch that last part!

[Chase is laughing]

Foreman: There’s nothing [Engine revs again, Foreman gives  up and stops speaking and House stops revving the engine.  Everyone including Wilson starts to smile, Foreman tries  again] There's nothing else we can do.

House: You checked the police report?

Foreman: On what?

House: On his mom's car accident.

Cameron: It was 15 years ago, the kid wasn't even in the car

House: She veered off a straight dry road in broad daylight.  That doesn't seem odd to you?

Foreman: She probably got distracted changing radio stations  or something.

House: That's what the police thought. Of course, they  didn't know that she has a family member who is frequently  incapacitated by shock-like sensations

Cameron: Genetic component seems unlikely

House: It's interesting. Type 2 neurofibromatosis could  cause the shocks.

Foreman: You knew this was missing?

House: [shrugs] I knew something was missing. Maybe this,  maybe something else. Get a DNA analysis of the long arm of  chromosome 22

[Ducklings nod and walk back to the hospital. House revs up  the engine of the bike and then turns it off, turning to  Wilson]

House: You'd rather have dinner with your wife?

Wilson: Yes, I would. If she were speaking to me.

House: [smiles] Unlike her, I could make it worth your while  [leers]

Wilson: Fine.

House: Should I drive?

Wilson: Uhh...no. And I'm not letting you in my car until I  see your wallet

(Cut to Foreman and Cameron in Carnell's room)

Foreman: NF2. It's an inherited disease [he sticks a long  cotton bud to swab the inside of Carnell's cheek] Could  cause abnormal growths in the cranial nerves. It would  explain the shocks and other symptoms

Cameron: DNA analysis will show whether your son has the  specific chromosome mutation which causes the disease

Ken: But if it's inherited, that means someone else in our  family would have it

Foreman: We think your wife may have had it

Ken: No, she never had any sort of health problems

Cameron: No odd-looking freckles? Nodules in the iris?

Ken: Nothing. I mean, why would you think she was sick?

Cameron: We think it may have been what caused her car  accident

Carnell: Wait, wait... what do you mean? My mom's car was  h*t by a drunk driver.

Foreman: That's not what the police report indicated

[Ken looking very guilty]

Carnell: Well, then you must have gotten the wrong report

Ken: No. They didn't. [sighs] When you started driving, I  umm...

Carnell: Wha... you lied about how mom died?

Ken: I figured if her death could somehow mean something to  you--

Carnell: How's lying about it mean something?! How could you  use her like that, dad? Her death?

Ken: I was just trying to protect you.

Carnell: What else isn't true? She wasn't a teacher? You  just wanted me to read?

Foreman: What's that smell?

Cameron: [sniffs] I don't smell...

Foreman: [pulls down Carnell's blankets, he's literally  pooped himself] We're going to need a nurse

Carnell: What the hell?

Cameron: It's ok, we'll take care of it

Ken: You didn't feel anything?

Carnell: No.

Foreman: [takes out his pen and pushes the point against  Carnell's big toe] You feel that?

Carnell: Yeah

Cameron: But you didn't feel any of this?

Carnell: No.

(Cut to the conference room)

Foreman: Sphincter paralysis plus shocks equals Miller  Fisher syndrome

Chase: Not if you had the stool sample which was negative  for botulinism ((this is what the House website says Chase  says, and I can't make out what Chase actually says in the  ep))

House: He lied to his son about how his mom died? [takes a  vicodin]

Cameron: He was just protecting him

House: Manipulating him.

Cameron: It's what parents do.

House: They lie to us because they love us. Who's getting  teary?

Foreman: Mom's death is irrelevant. DNA revealed no NF2  markers or any other inherited disease. Apparently, she  really did fall asleep at the wheel.

House: SO, what exactly are we talking about here? A little  peeker, or did the prairie dog actually come out to play?

Cameron: Excuse me?

House: Are we talking expl*sive?

Cameron: The haemacel was negative for blood, and I wouldn't  say he actually exploded. More like... gushed?

[the phone starts ringing, House walks over to pick it up]

House: Good, now we're getting somewhere [checks the caller  ID]

Foreman: Yeah? Where?

House: I have no idea [picks up the phone] Hello?

Foreman: Of course! The riddles.

House: Hi mom! Look, err, I have a business dinner on  thursday night, I can't get out of it. I know, I really I  wanted to see you too. Uhh, actually, can I call you back?  I'm in a meeting right now. Okay, thanks. [The ducklings  look confused and startled, House puts down the phone]

Cameron: Who was that?

House: Angelina Jolie. I call her mom. Who thinks that's  sexy? [turns back to the whiteboard] So, expl*sive or  gushing...

Cameron: She never calls you, is everything okay?

House: Great, yeah. My dad's taking her to Europe, they got  a nine-hour layover in Newark on thursday. If it's  gastrointestinal...

Cameron: You lied to avoid seeing your own mom.

House: Are you kidding? I can't lie to my mom. [Cameron's  look clearly says that's obviously bullshit] Seriously, I  can't! Wilson's invited me to dinner. It'd be rude to stand  up a guy who just loaned me 5 grand. [Cameron looks shocked]

Foreman: Transverse myelitis. Could cause numbness, a**l  sphincter dysfunction, and the shocks.

House: Thank you for taking no interest in my mother. But  that begs the question, what caused the tranverse myelitis?

Foreman: Well, we've ruled out cancer and MS, leaves  infection

Cameron: If there's infection there'd be a fever

Chase: And his blood and CSF cultures are all negative

Foreman: Maybe the infection's gone but the memory remains

House: Molecular mimicry. Nice. Okay, get an immunoglobulin  level and an electrophoresis

[Ducklings walk out]

House: [talking to the symptoms on the whiteboard] You're  good my friend, I'm sure we'll meet again.

(Cut to the Ducklings walking down the hallway)

Cameron: You really think that was his mom on the phone?

Chase: Probably. Don't know why he'd lie about that.

Foreman: Who cares?

Cameron: You're not the least bit curious what his parents  are like?

Foreman: I'm sure his mom's a piece of work! Only a mother  could do that much damage.

Chase: My bet's he was born the way he is. Probably  tormented his parents, not the other way around

Foreman: Yeah he was either a fast runner or one hell of a  fighter. [to Cameron, who's walking to another door away  from where the Ducklings were probably supposed to go to do  the tests] Where are you going?

Cameron: You guys can handle the tests, right?

(Cut to Cameron talking to Wilson in his office)

Cameron: Is there something important that you and House  need to discuss over dinner?

Wilson: Other than the sky-rocketing interest rates on  personal loans? You know this is the fourth time I've loaned  him money? Not lunch money. Money money.

Cameron: House's parents... they have a layover in Newark  thursday evening.

Wilson: [throws his pen on to the table and sighs] I'm  cancelling dinner

Cameron: No. Thought maybe you could just invite a few more  people.

(Cut to Chase performing a lumbar puncture on Carnell)

Foreman: An infectious agent's molecular structure can  resemble the spinal cord's. When the immune system att*cks  the infection, it ends up attacking the spinal cords as  well.

Ken: So he has an infection?

Carnell: Just said I don't

Foreman: If the infection is gone, it goes right on  attacking because the spinal cord is still there

Ken: Is there a treatment?

Chase: Depends on what the original infection was. [To  Carnell] All right, you're done. You need to lay flat after  a lumbar puncture for about an hour.

Carnell: I feel like I'm going to throw up. Hey dad, can you  uhh, can you get me a coke please?

Ken: Yeah, that usually helps

[Carnell's rolling his eyes]

Chase: You're done

[Carnell rolls over back on to his back]

Foreman: If you're nauseous [he brings a small metal bowl to  put under Carnell's mouth]

Carnell: [waves it away] No, I'm not nauseous, I just wanted  him out of here

Chase: He's your dad, he's going to be around

Carnell: Yeah, I know. It's not that it's...

(Cut to House facepalmming while sitting at the table in the  conference room with Chase and Foreman)

House: Are these people completely incapable of telling the  truth to each other?

Chase: He went to Jamaica with his friends.

House: [sighs] No wonder he lied. Children aren't supposed  to have good times.

Foreman: One of his friends flew them down. Carnell's dad  has this thing about him accepting stuff from rich friends.  Wants him to remember who he is, where he came from.

[Cameron suddenly walks in]

House: Where have you been?

Cameron: Making dinner plans. What's up?

House: The boys have uncovered the shocking fact that the  patient has a crappy relationship with his dad.

Cameron: They seem to actually care

House: Well I don't. There's only one reason any kid with a  plane flies to Jamaica.

Foreman: It wasn't for marijuana. He doesn't do anything but  drink

House: He say that to you or his paps?

Cameron: Tox screen was negative for THC

House: [thoughtful] Spring break was over a month ago, even  pot would have washed out by now

Foreman: Even if he'd smoked, no way marijuana causes  tranverse myelitis

House: True. But the stuff they put on it does.

Chase: Pesticides.

Foreman: Why would he come clean about the trip but lie  about smoking pot?

Chase: Well you wouldn't necessarily have to smoke to get  pesticide poisoning. He could have eaten fruit that had been  sprayed or been exposed to his skin on a hike.

House: Or he could have smoked it. A lot of it. And then  lied about it because that's what this family does. Start  him on IV of pralidoxime. 2 grams per litre and then 1 gram  every eight hours until you see some improvement.

Foreman: You have no evidence to support a poisoning  diagnosis.

House: Which is why it's gonna be so cool when I turn out to  be right.

[Ducklings start to walk out]

House: Cameron, who were you making dinner plans with?

Cameron: [looking very innocent] No one. [House doesn't look  convinced]

(Cut to House walking up to Wilson's car in the outdoors car  park at night)

House: You bastard! [Wilson turns around and sees House] You  invited my parents to dinner.

Wilson: Geez Cameron's got a big mouth!

House: Hah! Not as big as yours!

Wilson: Hey! You used me to avoid seeing your parents.

House: Well what do you care?

Wilson: I don't, I just thought it might be interesting to  find out why.

House: You could have just asked.

Wilson: You would have lied!

House: And you would have believed me! Which would have kept  us both happy. [Wilson looks utterly confused] You want your  money back? Is this what this is about?

Wilson: No! [pause] Wait, what... have you got the money?

[House rests his cane against the car and digs in his  pockets for something]

Wilson: If you have the money then why did you need the  loan?

House: I didn't. [takes out his chequebook and starts  writing a cheque] Just wanted to see if you could give it to  me. I've been borrowing increasing amounts ever since you  lent me 40 dollars a year ago. A little experiment to see  where you draw the line.

Wilson: [dumbfounded] You're [splutters] you're trying to...  objectively measure how much I value our friendship?!

House: Hey, it's 5 grand. You've got nothing to be ashamed  of. [tears the cheque out of his chequebook] So what do you  say? One little phone call and one big cheque?

Wilson: [takes the cheque and puts it in his wallet] Fine.  Thanks. Now, be a grown-up and either tell mommy and daddy  you don't want to see them, or I'm picking you up at 7 for  dinner [gets into his car]

House: [shocked] What do you mean? You just said that--

Wilson: I lied. I've been lying to you in increasing amounts  ever since I told you you looked good unshaved, a year ago.  It's a little experiment, you know, see where you draw the  line [closes the car door and starts his car up]

(Cut to hospital next morning)

Cuddy: How's the patient?

Foreman: Haven't been in yet today.

Cuddy: As long as he hasn't gotten any worse. We're treating  him for pesticide poisoning without any proof it was  pesticides. I'm going to have hell of a time explaining that  to our lawyer.

Foreman: I told House not to--

[They walk into Carnell's room. He's sitting up guzzling his  breakfast]

Cuddy: Wow!

Foreman: [aside to Cuddy] Lawyer's not going to believe  this.

Ken: [laughing] He's got his appetite back! Whatever you did  is working.

(House walking down the corridor with Cuddy)

House: He's healthy, so all is forgiven. Now I'm feeling  nauseous.

Cuddy: [looking at Carnell's files] He is not healthy.  Nausea and diarrhoea were not his only symptoms!

House: The shocks have also decreased

Cuddy: But not disappeared.

House: And he's out of the diaper, which is good news for  everyone.

Cuddy: What about his low white count?

House: The little buggers need time to grow. Don't worry,  our wrestling Rastafarian will be back on his feet and  sneaking around behind pap's back again in no time. [the  phone in his office starts ringing, House picks it up] Yeah.  [pause] Check it again. I'll be right there. [puts down the  phone]

Cuddy: What happened?

House: Apparently I can save money by switching to another  long-distance carrier.

Cuddy: Oh I was right, wasn't I?

House: Oh yeah, it's always about you isn't it?

(Cut to House walking into Carnell's room)

Cameron: He has the chills and his temperature's spiking.  It's nearly 106

[Carnell is shaking and sweating all over. House walks over  to check Carnell's pupils and pulse]

Ken: What's that mean? I mean... what's happening?

House: You want the truth? Or you want me to make something  up to protect you? We think a drunk driver broke into his  room.

Ken: [angry] What's happening to my son!

House: The truth is... I have no idea.

(Cut to House writing FEVER on the whiteboard and  underlining it)

House: There's the fever that Cameron was looking for

Cameron: We knew if it was myelitis there had to be an  "itis". This must be the infection that set it off.

House: Yeah, except in this universe, effect follows cause.  I've complained about it, but--

Cameron: Maybe the tests were wrong

House: No, the tests were right. Yesterday he had no fever,  no infection.

Chase: So he just happened to catch a bug while he was here?  That's all this is?

House: Yeah. Because his white blood cell count was down he  was vulnerable, because it's really down it might k*ll him.  That's ALL this is. Is he still pooping his pants?

Chase: He just started again.

House: Again?

Chase: It stopped when he was getting better.

House: He was feeling better, he was never getting better.

Foreman: So, all we have to answer is what causes a  22-year-old kid to become immuno-compromised with GI  involvement AND shocks.

Chase: And to stop and start for no apparent reason.

Cameron: And we need to find an answer before this infection  kills him.

House: That would be the ideal. You [points to Chase]  intravenous broad spectrum antibiotics. You [points to  Foreman] get a cervical thoracic and lumbar T2-weighted fast  spin echo MRIs, and you [points to Cameron] track down all  those Richie Riches who went to Jamaica. See if any of them  have got the shocks, the trots or the hots. Hots is the...  fever

[All the Ducklings leave on their various errands]

(Cut to the Ducklings exiting the elevator together)

Cameron: You guys gonna join us for dinner thursday?

Chase: Umm... gotta do my laundry.

Cameron: You're not curious?

Chase: I'm curious about crocs but I don't stick my head in  their mouths

Foreman: I'm out too. What? House is a freak! There's no  virus that causes that, no DNA mutation. You're going to  have one dinner with two people, sixty minutes. Most of it  spent chewing and talking about the weather. Unless they say  something like "do you prefer the chardonnay or the  merlot? And oh, we kept Greg locked in the closet for 17  years" [Cameron laughs, Chase smiles], you're not going to  learn anything.

Cameron: Okay.

(Cut to Carnell's room)

Cameron: We'd like to talk to some of your friends, see if  they have any similar symptoms

Ken: The doctors in the ER already asked me that.

Cameron: We understand, but they didn't have all the  information that we have now.

Ken: What kind of information?

Cameron: Would you mind if I spoke with Carnell alone for a  minute?

Ken: Is this bad news?

Cameron: No. It's just confidential.

Ken: Why is something suddenly confidential? I mean, if you  know something about my son, I need to know what's going on.

Cameron: I'm sorry, I have to insist.

Ken: I'm his father. And if I'm going to take care of him, I  need to know the truth.

Carnell: Dad... she wants to know who I went to Jamaica  with.

Ken: You've never been to Jamaica!

Carnell: Taddy's dad flew a bunch of us down over Spring  break.

Ken: You told me you had two papers to write over the break.

Carnell: 'Cause I didn't want to come home and work my ass  off. I wanted an actual break. Don't wanna break for once. I  shouldn't have lied to you.

Ken: No, what you should have done is come home instead of  partying with your

rich friends.

Cameron: I'm sorry, we need those names.

(Cut to Cuddy entering her office, House follows her in)

Cuddy: What do you want?

House: To apologise. [Cuddy smiles, not trusting House one  bit] I realise that

my attention to the clinic has been  somewhat lax of late and I want to make amends. How about  tomorrow night, I take the night shift?

Cuddy: The clinic's closed at night

House: Yeah but I'm sure there's plenty of things to be  done, there's charts to be reviewed, supplies inventoried--

Cuddy: Dinners avoided?

House: You're going too?

Cuddy: I love their cod salad.

House: Gimme a reason to get out of this, and I'll tell you  who started the rumour about you being a transsexual.

Cuddy: There is no such rumour.

House: There will be, unless you get me out of this dinner.

Cuddy: No one's making you do this, House, just do what  everybody else does, lie to them.

House: You lie to your mother?

Cuddy: Only since I was twelve!

House: My mom's a human polygraph. My dad's taking her to  Vegas, not the Louvre.

Cuddy: Trust me, your mom would much rather think you have a  business meeting than you hate her.

House: I don't hate her. I hate him.

(Cut to Cameron talking to Taddy in an office at night)

Taddy: We all had headaches, nausea, vomiting. You know, we  figured it was connected to the massive amounts of drinking.  What, you think what happened to Carnell had something to do  with the trip?

Cameron: Don't know, you haven't had any unexplained pain or  strange feelings since you got back?

Taddy: Nope, except for a little Leslie's foot I'm fine.

Cameron: Can I see it?

Taddy: See what?

Cameron: Your feet. There's a common parasite in Jamaica  that can resemble foot fungus.

Taddy: [uncomfortable] It's not really my feet. You know, I  figured fungus is fungus. It's my groin.

Cameron: I'm going to need to take a look at that.

Taddy: Now?

Cameron: Unless you want to come down to the hospital with  me.

Taddy: No, no, I can't. I mean, I just started two days ago,  we're right in the middle of a big mer--

Cameron: Then drop your pants.

[Taddy slowly gets up and drops his pants, Cameron bends  down with her latex gloves on and takes a look. Suddenly, an  older guy opens the door]

Older guy: Riley I need the-- What the hell's going on here?

Taddy: She's a doctor!

Cameron: I'm a doctor, he has a rash and a friend of his  is--

Older guy: Right, well, as soon as she's done treating your  rash, I need the numbers on deport technology.

Taddy: Yes sir.

Older guy: And err... doctor why don't you leave a card on  your way out?

[Cameron gapes in shock and sighs]

(Cut to the hospital, next morning)

Cameron: Except for one guy with a rash, no one else on the  trip has any health issues.

Wilson: What kind of rash?

Cameron: I don't know. I took some scrapings, it doesn't  appear to be ringworm.

House: What did it look like? Aside from not ringworm.

Cameron: Basically like diaper rash. He's been working  around the clock, said he hasn't changed his clothes in  three days.

Chase: Kaposi's sarcoma could look like diaper rash.

Wilson: Any discolouration around the edges?

House: Get him in here, we all wanna take a look.

Foreman: Even if it is Kaposi's it's not related. Our  patient doesn't have any skin symptoms and we've already  ruled out cancer.

House: What are the odds of two friends who've just returned  from a trip outside the country coming down with  unexplained, but unrelated illnesses? Get him in here.

Cameron: He won't come. Just started a new job after  graduation, they're working on some big merger.

House: Tell him his friend's life hangs in the balance.

Cameron: That's what I told him the first time. Still wound  up driving into Manhattan.

House: Tell him his life hangs in the balance. Tell him the  rash is flesh-eating and the next course in the menu is his  frank and beans.

(Cut to Cameron talking to Cuddy in the hallway)

Cameron: Where's Stacy?

Cuddy: Err... speaking at a Conference in Baltimore, why  what do you need?

Cameron: Can I ask an opinion on a patient? House wants me  to lie to the kid to get him in here.

Cuddy: Well then you'll be the one getting the (supina?)

Cameron: Well we do need to diagnosis his friend.

Cuddy: Take the test to the kid.

Cameron: There is no test, House just wants to look at it.

Cuddy: Then take House to "it".

Cameron: Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Cuddy: Tell House his parents called. Said they were coming  in early. He'll go anywhere just to avoid them [walks into  her office]

Cameron: So it's ok to lie to House but not to a patient.

Cuddy: [smug] Yep!

[Cameron's beeper starts beeping]

(Cut to Carnell screaming in pain)

Foreman: What's wrong?

Ken: His stomach's getting a lot worse

Chase: It's rigid! [CGI of Carnell's intestines] He's  bleeding into his abdomen.

Cameron: [rushing in] What's going on?

Foreman: We need a surgeon and an OR, stat!

Cameron: On it! [picks up the phone by the bedside]

Ken: Try to hang in there, Carnell

(Cut to the OR, House and Ducklings looking on from the  observation deck)

Chase: The infection caused a perforation in his sigmoid  colon. It's repairable.

Foreman: But it means the antibiotics aren't working.

House: Double the dose. And add tygacil to the list.

Foreman: Soon as he's out of surgery.

House: Where's Richie Rich?

Cameron: He said he can't leave work.

House: Yeah, you told me that 2 hours ago.

Cameron: I'm not going to lie.

House: Why, 'cause it's wrong? Or because you're a coward?

Cameron: Hmm, tough choice.

House: You've been wasting 2 hours of the kid's time. Is  that deeply and unforgivably morally wrong? No. Because it's  not a waste of his time. Unless we're wrong, unless his  condition has got nothing to do with his friend's. You're  just afraid of being wrong.

Cameron: Your parents called. [House looks a little stunned]  They had to catch an earli--

Cuddy: [suddenly walks in] You don't have to lie to him,  kid's on his way here.

Cameron: He got off work?

Cuddy: Yeah, by vomiting blood. Ambulance is 10 minutes out.

(Camera zooms downs the hallway to Cameron standing arms  crossed and House pulling on a pair of latex gloves)

[Paramedics wheel Taddy in on a gurney]

House: You Taddy?

Taddy: What?

[Cameron pauses the paramedics]

House: Love the name. If I ever have a dog... take off his  pants.

Taddy: [to Cameron] Hey.

House: Don't talk to her, listen to me

Paramedic: He's vomited in excess of 3 units of blood, he  needs to be admitted before--

House: You wanted to be a doctor, maybe you should have  buckled down a little more in high school [takes a pair of  scissors and starts cutting up Taddy's pants]

Paramedic: Bite me.

Taddy: What are you doing?

House: Exactly how close were you and Carnell?

Taddy: Not so close.

House: Spend a lot of time together in Jamaica? Share a  room?

Taddy: Wait, you don't think... look, we're not gay.

House: Not saying you're gay, I'm saying you had sex. [tears  the pants open and starts inspecting the rash near Taddy's  groin. Fortunately, Taddy's still got his briefs on]

Taddy: Look we're not gay, we hardly even hung out.

House: Right, so you just flew him down to Jamaica because  he won a contest.

Taddy: No he's in my frat, all right? Between school and  wrestling, and going home every break to work in his  father's junkyard, Carnell didn't have any time to hang out  with anybody.

House: It's not fungus.

Cameron: I already told you that.

House: There's no pustules, it's not Staph... [suddenly  looks up at Taddy] His dad's what?

Taddy: His dad owns a scrap metal salvage yard. Carnell  worked there during breaks.

[House suddenly abandons the scissors and quickly walks  away]

(Cut to House sweeping the curtains aside with his cane in  the recovery room. Carnell is still unconscious, Ken is  stroking his son's head]

House: You lied.

Ken: What are you talking about?

House: Oh, yeah, problems with this family, probably need  more specifics. You told us you owned a construction  company, not a salvage yard.

Ken: I know the way things work, the better my job, the  better my son gets

treated.

House: Right. That's why I'm mad. 'Cause we wasted all that  filet mignon on you. Did your kid find anything unusual the  last time he worked for you?

Ken: No.

House: Braided wire, metal weights, lead canister, maybe  just a lid. Probably used it as a door stop or paperweight.

Ken: Why would he wanna-- [stops mid sentence, long pause]

House: Okay, here it comes

Ken: I gave him an early graduation gift, old plumb I found.  Looks like a fishing weight. Put it on a keychain so he'd  always remember where he came from.

House: So he can lie about it later. Where's the keychain?

Ken: I don't know. He never used it, just kept it as a good  luck charm.

House: Kept it where?

Ken: I don't know! Why? Why does it matter?

[House walks out, the Ducklings are standing together  waiting for House]

House: Where are the kid's clothes?

Cameron: In the bureau back in his regular room?

House: [gestures at Chase and Foreman] You two get it to  radiology.

Foreman: His clothes?

House: The bureau. Don't open it. [they rush off, he turns  to Cameron] You come with me.

(Cut to the Radiology room, Cameron's observing from behind  the mirror in another room a House walks in alone with a  small box. Foreman and Chase carry the bureau in and set it  on the floor)

House: Set it down there. Now get out of here, this thing is  radioactive. [he takes an instrument to measure  radioactivity out of the small box and turns it on. Chase  runs out]

Foreman: The chances of radiation causing CNS symptoms?

[The instrument makes a noise immediately after it's turned  on. House exchanges a look with Foreman. House opens up the  first drawer, the noise from the instrument becomes even  louder]

Foreman: Woah.

[House takes out a bag with a keychain attached to one of  the zips, the instrument indicates that the metal weight  attached to the key chain is of radioactive material]

House: Call the boys in the lead pajamas. [Foreman runs out]

(Cut to the Conference room)

Foreman: The measurements weren't high enough to cause  Central Nervous System damage.

Chase: It might not have caused nerve damage, but it  definitely destroyed his immune system.

House: And caused tumours.

Cameron: We don't know that. None of the MRIs showed  anything.

House: Do a PET scan. Check his cervical spine. It's not  going to be good news.

(Cut to hospital at night)

Foreman: Mr Hall... it's not good news.

[Carnell is unconscious and using a gas mask to breathe,  Foreman is talking to Ken]

Foreman: The piece of metal that you gave Carnell was from  an industrial device used to test wells. People aren't  supposed to just dump radioactive material...

Ken: But they do. [sighs] So what now? I mean, what do you  do?

Foreman: Anyone who's had contact with the source will have  to immediately get treatment for radiation sickness. Taddy  carried it on his lap on the flight--

Ken: So there is a treatment?

Foreman: Transfusions. And then we try to get the fluids and  electrolytes balanced. Carnell... he's had much more  exposure. The equivalent of about 70,000 chest X-rays. His  ability to create white blood cells has been completely  destroyed.

Ken: That's why he... he... can't fight off this infection?

Foreman: He's going to need a bone marrow transplant. And we  did a... we did another PET scan. There's a cavernous  angioma within his spinal cord, it's a tumour. That's what’s  been causing the shocks and CNS symptoms.

Ken: [looks like he's about on the edge of breaking down but  only just managing to keep himself together] He has a tumour  inside of his spinal cord?

Foreman: Yeah. The cord is... is made of strands put  together. Sort of like a kite string. The surgeon should be  able to pull the strands apart and excise the tumour, but  surgery on someone who is as hemopoetically compromised as  your son is... it's extremely risky.

Ken: [with tears in his eyes, his voice raw from keeping the  tears back] And uh... if you don't do this surgery... I  mean...

Foreman: The tumour could cause his breathing to stop.  Possibly his heart as well. There's no way you could have  known. [Foreman watches Ken trying to deal with his emotions  while Cameron and Chase start moving Carnell's bed to take  him to another room] You're going to have to come with us,  you need to start treatment yourself.

Ken: No, no no no, I can start my treatment later...

Foreman: But he can't. He needs to be in a sterile isolation  room to prevent further infections.

(Cut to House in his office looking at Carnell's chart)

[The office door opens and House's parents walk in, House  looks surprised]

House: Mom.

Mom: We're early.

House: [gets up and hugs her] It's great to see you.

Mom: [teases him] Oh Greg, don't lie.

[House looks up at his father with an uncomfortable look on  his face]

Mom: We came at a bad time, didn't we?

House: Actually, yeah. I uh... I have to take a rain check.

Dad: Aww, plans have been made. Wilson made 'em.

House: I asked him to cancel. I'm dealing with kind of a  complicated case right now, so...

Dad: Well, we'll just come back when things aren't so out of  control.

House: My team is busy.

Mom: You don't want to see us?

House: Mom, don't make me feel guilty.

Mom: No no, of course not! Sorry.

House: I've got a patient who's probably going to die of  radiation poisoning.

Dad: So that means you can't eat? Come on, let's grab a bite  in the cafeteria.

Mom: I'll buy you a ruben.

House: Well I guess I've got time for a sandwich.

Mom: [smiles] Good!

[Cameron walks in]

House: Yeah?

Cameron: I just wanted to let you know that Carnell's  prepped for surgery.

House: Thank you.

[She walks in and introduces herself to House's parents and  shakes their hands]

Cameron: Hi, I'm Allison Cameron. I work with your son.

Dad: Greg's told us all about you.

Cameron: Really?

[House and Dad share a look]

Dad: New, huh?

House: Nope. Just gullible.

Dad: I'm sorry, I was just making fun of my son, not of you.

Mom: We're just about to go get something to eat, would you  care to join us?

[Cameron checks for House's reaction, he obviously is NOT in  favour of the idea]

Cameron: You don't have a lot of time with your son. Maybe  another time.

[Cameron leaves]

(Cut to Carnell in surgery)

Surgeon: Do you like the Beatles?

Chase: They're all right.

Surgeon: My 12-year-old just turned me back on to them.  McCartney's gotta have more money than God.

[While the whole conversation's going on, the Surgeon is  taking out the last of Carnell's tumour]

Surgeon: Think that's all of it. Reverse him. How's he  doing?

[Chase runs a pair of scissors down Carnell's foot which  moves a little in response]

Chase: Looks pretty good down here.

Surgeon: Do I rock or what?

[As if on cue, alarms start ringing]

Nurse: His pressure's dropping!

Surgeon: Give him another two units.

Nurse: I did already!

Chase: His heart rate's falling, he's haemorrhaging.

(Cut to House and parents eating in the hospital cafeteria)

[Cameron is observing this from the door secretly. Foreman  walks up behind her]

Foreman: They're talking about mom's last trip to the  dentist. Grown children talking to their parents, nothing  gets talked about. Trust me, you're not missing anything.

(Cut closer to the action at the table)

Dad: So, besides work, what you been up to?

House: Not much.

Dad: You always say that. Not much.

[Briefly see Cameron walking away]

House: It's always the answer.

Dad: Any new babes you might want to tell me about?

Mom: Leave him alone, John.

House: Got a new motorcycle. Might have seen it out front,  it's orange with a gigantic scrape.

Dad: Is it the one in the handicap parking?

House: Yeah. Looks like crap, but it drives great.

Mom: You'll be careful, right? [House nods]

Dad: Last I checked, you still have two legs.

House: Actually, three [holds up his cane]

Dad: [doesn't look amused] You know what your problem is,  Greg?

House: Shifting gears?

Dad: You just don't know how lucky you are.

[Father and son stare at each other]

Dad: Where's the head?

[House points to the back]

House: [turns to his mother] Well, good thing we got that  cleared up

Mom: Oh he was just trying to help.

House: I don't need help.

Mom: I know. You're absolutely perfect just the way you are.

[House and Mom share a smile]

(Cut to Ken sitting in an armchair, probably undergoing  treatment himself)

[Wilson walks in with a cup of coffee for Ken]

Ken: Thank you. So how much longer do you think he'll be in  surgery?

Wilson: It's hard to say.

Ken: Hmm [nods, then starts to laugh]. You know he just  started school when Anne died? I was a mess. Still adjusting  to being a parent, much less a single parent. You know I  used to put cold pancakes in his lunchbox [chuckles]. I  mean, that was the only thing that I could make that he  would eat.

Wilson: You did ok, he's a good kid.

[Chase walks in wearing scrubs]

Ken: Hey. So... how is he?

Chase: Well, the surgeon has removed the tumour without  damaging the spinal cord, but the infection has caused  another intestinal perforation. We stopped the bleeding, but  his white count keeps falling.

Ken: Okay.. um...  so what now? Another drug? Antibiotics?  What? [he looks

towards Wilson who doesn't answer, then  looks back at Chase]

Chase: I'm sorry. The reality is, no matter what we give  him, it's unlikely he's going to be able to fight off the  infections.

[The realisation suddenly hits Ken. He looks at Wilson who  looks down at the floor, Ken is speechless and he nods  slowly as tears spring to his eyes]

Ken: Okay, okay.

(Cut to House playing on his game boy)

[Cameron walks in]

Cameron: The father and the friend are responding well to  treatment. Things aren't looking so good for Carnell.

House: [sprawled out on an arm chair and one leg on a foot  rest] Thank you. For not eating. [He gives her a look that  looks thankful but also uncomfortable with the situation]

Cameron: It was none of my business.

House: [nods] They seem perfectly pleasant don't they? They  are. He was a marine pilot. She was a housewife. Married 47  years. They had one child. Mom was just like everyone else,  nice enough, great sense of humour, hates confrontation. My  dad's just like you. Not the caring 'til your eyes pop out  part, just the insane moral compass that won't let you lie  to anybody about anything. It's a great quality for boy  scouts and police witnesses. Crappy quality for a dad.

(Cut to Ken sitting down next to Carnell who's just woken  up)

Ken: Hey, how're you doing?

Carnell: I'm hanging in there.

Ken: [sighs] I'm sorry I lied to you about mom.

Carnell: I'm sorry I lied to you too.

Ken: There was nothing good that came out of her dying.

Carnell: I'm not mad. I know why you did it, it worked. I  never drink and drive.

[Ken pats his son awkwardly on the shoulder]

Carnell: I'm scared, dad.

Ken: Come on, there's nothing to be scared of. You're going  to be just fine.

Carnell: Don't play me. I wanna know the truth.

Ken: I'm telling you the truth. You're going to be fine. I  swear.

Carnell: I love you, dad.

Ken: I love you too.

[House's reflection can be seen on the glass as Ken kisses  his son's hand. He's watching father and son then walks  away]

(Cut to Wilson and Cameron walking in the car park at night)

Cameron: Why does he hate seeing his parents? So his dad  tells the truth, he can't handle that?

Wilson: He hates being a disappointment.

Cameron: He's a doctor, world famous! How disappointed can  they be?

Wilson: You know what I figure is worse than watching your  son become crippled? Watching him be miserable.

(House with his leather jacket and helmet turning on his  motorcycle in the same car park Wilson and Cameron were  walking in. He revs up the bike, put on his gloves and flips  the plastic cover of his helmet down before riding off. The  camera pans in on the Handicap Parking Only sign where  House's motorcycle was parked)
{"type": "series", "show": "House", "episode": "02x05 - Daddy's Boy"}