THE ARMAGEDDON FACTOR

BY: BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN

Part Six

Original Air Date: 24 February 1979
Running time:25:09

DRAX: Over here, Doctor!

DRAX: Doctor, over here! Look at that.

DOCTOR: You shrank the wrong man, Drax.

DRAX: No, I was aiming at you.

DOCTOR: Why didn't you shrink the mute? The TARDIS door's open.

DRAX: Right, I've got it. Now listen. One of us creates a diversion and you fly over there and shut the door.

DRAX: Nasty. Yeah, and we can't use the dimensional s*ab in here 'cos there's not enough room for when we get back to normal size. We'd just fill up the crack.

DOCTOR: Like putty.

DRAX: Do you mind? Yeah, you've got problems.

DOCTOR: Yes. The door's open so the Shadow can go in there and take the Key to Time. Romana can't help and the time loop must be at breaking point by now.

DOCTOR: When the countdown reaches zero, up goes Atrios, Zeos and all.

DRAX: Life presents a dismal picture, you might say.

DOCTOR: Yes, you might say that. And of course there's the Marshal.

DRAX: The Marshal? He's on our side.

DOCTOR: No.

DRAX: No. Oh well. Where's he fit in?

DOCTOR: He's in the time loop as well, making a rocket att*ck on Zeos. Unless, of course, Shapp and Merak get in contact with him.

DRAX: Where are they?

DOCTOR: Back on Atrios, I hope.

SHAPP: Atrios control to Marshal. Marshal? Come in, Marshal. Oh, it's useless. He either can't or won't answer. And this time loop device isn't going to hold things back for ever, is it.

MERAK: No, not unless the Doctor can find the sixth piece, and the sixth piece is somehow connected with Astra.

SHAPP: But she denies all knowledge of it?

MERAK: All conscious knowledge, yes. But if she's the only one who knows then secret, and if the knowledge is implanted, then it must have affected her, made her different in some slight way that might just show up in analysis.

SHAPP: Yes, but she's not here.

MERAK: But her records are, on your computer.

MARSHAL: f*re!

MARSHAL: f*re!

DRAX: Well, we've got one thing in our favour.

DOCTOR: Oh?

DRAX: Mobility.

DOCTOR: Mobility.

DRAX: Well, if we're only this high, we're practically invisible, aren't we?

DRAX: Except we daren't move.

DOCTOR: Yes. If the Shadow gets the five pieces from the TARDIS, which he undoubtedly will, it's up to us to get the sixth piece.

DRAX: Yeah, but you don't know what it looks like, do ya? I reckon you're banjaxed, my old son. End of the road. Finito.

DOCTOR: The Shadow said I'd already seen it. It must be Astra.

DRAX: Astra?

DOCTOR: She must have it. Let's see where this crack leads, shall we?

DRAX: It's better than getting the boot.

SHADOW: The Doctor has eluded me, but he has made his last mistake. See, the door is open! The Key to Time is mine! Enough! Bwahahahaha!

ROMANA: He thinks we're just going to stand by and let him walk away with everything we've worked for. Come on, let's get out of here.

ASTRA: In this place.

ROMANA: What?

ASTRA: My destiny is here, in this place. Not on Atrios, not on Zeos. Here.

ROMANA: Astra, listen. You're not under the Shadow's influence any more. Now, let's get out of here before he comes back.

ASTRA: No, I must stay. I am the sixth princess of the sixth dynasty of the sixth Royal House of Atrios.

ROMANA: Yes, yes, but we must get out of here before the Shadow comes back!

ASTRA: This is the time of my becoming, my transcendence.

ROMANA: What are you talking about?

ASTRA: Metamorphosis.

DRAX: Yeah, here we are. Right, now, there's the T junction. Right down to the dungeon, left onto the Shadow's lair.

DOCTOR: What? You mean there's a way in he doesn't know about?

DRAX: Well, it will be when it's finished, but a couple of midgets like us won't be much good on a pick and shovel, will we?

DOCTOR: No. No, no. no. But if we get K9 up there, we won't need a pick and shovel, will we. We can still give the Shadow a surprise.

DRAX: Well, let's normalise then, shall we?

DOCTOR: No, no, Drax, no. Small is lovely.

DRAX: Big is better, though, innit?

SHADOW: Now, the moment I have waited for! Open the door.

SHADOW: Light! Too much light! You, fetch me the Key. Hurry.

SHADOW: When the Key is mine, I shall dispel the light, and darkness and night shall reign.

SHADOW: Ah.

ASTRA: Destiny. My destiny is near.

ROMANA: Astra, remember you're the sixth princess of the sixth Royal House of the sixth dynasty.

ROMANA: And we're looking for the sixth segment of the Key to Time. Oh, you're in greater danger even than we imagined.

SHAPP: Have you found it?

MERAK: I think so, yes.

SHAPP: What is it?

MERAK: A molecular anomaly buried in the genetic structure of the Royal House of Atrios and passed from one generation to the next, until finally, Astra.

SHAPP: What's it mean?

MERAK: I imagine it means that her every living cell is part of this Key of Time, and that to save us, Astra must be destroyed. You see?

SHAPP: Hey, where are you going?

DOCTOR: Everything all right, K9?

K9: Affirmative.

DOCTOR: Control box in position?

K9: Control box in position.

DOCTOR: Batteries charged?

K9: Affirmative.

DOCTOR: Test the blaster, K9.

DRAX: Ow!

DOCTOR: Blaster working, K9?

K9: Affirmative.

DOCTOR: You all right, Drax?

DRAX: Just about. That bit gets hot.

DOCTOR: I'd sit somewhere else, if I were you. Ready, K9?

K9: Affirmative.

DOCTOR: Now remember, it's absolutely vital to convince the Shadow that you're still under his control. This whole plan depends on how well you can act. Got it?

K9: Affirmative, master.

DOCTOR: Keep it simple, K9.

K9: The Doctor and Drax have been eliminated.

DOCTOR: Okay, K9. Now forward. You're on.

K9: Master.

DOCTOR: Did you ever get to Troy, Drax? Little place in Asia Minor.

MERAK: The third planet. Show me.

SHADOW: The fulfillment of that for which I have waited since eternity began.

K9: Preparing for blasting.

SHADOW: You see, Princess, you cannot escape your destiny.

ASTRA: My destiny.

SHADOW: It is for this that you were born. The sixth child of the sixth generation of the sixth dynasty of Atrios. Born to be the sixth and final segment of the Key to Time. Come, Princess, prepare yourself.

ASTRA: I am ready.

SHADOW: Ah!

MERAK: Astra!

SHADOW: What is this?

K9: Apologies, master.

SHADOW: You mechanical idiot.

K9: But there is an intruder here.

SHADOW: I ordered her to eliminate him.

K9: It shall be done.

SHADOW: Wait. Where is the Doctor?

K9: Ahem. The Doctor and Drax have been eliminated.

SHADOW: Good. Then these two shall stay and witness my moment of glory, my apotheosis.

K9: (quietly) Master.

SHADOW: Mine at last!

K9: Now, master.

ROMANA: No, you'll break the time loop!

MERAK: Millions will die!

SHADOW: A small beginning. Bwahahahahaha!

DOCTOR: The s*ab, Drax, now!

SHADOW: You interfering fool. No one can resist the power of darkness!

DOCTOR: Quick, back to the TARDIS! Quick!

DRAX: You go on, Doctor. I'll hold them off.

DOCTOR: How will you get back?

DRAX: The transmat shaft. See you on the TARDIS.

SHADOW: Stop him! He must be stopped! Stop him!

DOCTOR: Good.

ROMANA: Come on, Merak.

DOCTOR: Come on, Romana. Merak, get inside!

MERAK: No!

DOCTOR: Quick, get inside, man!

MERAK: No, Doctor, I'm staying here.

DOCTOR: What!

MERAK: I'm staying here to look for Astra.

ROMANA: But what about the Shadow?

MERAK: Astra! Astra!

DOCTOR: No, Romana, come on.

DOCTOR: Set the coordinates for Zeos.

ROMANA: We're m*rder. First Astra and now Merak.

DOCTOR: Romana, it wasn't our idea to use the Royal House of Atrios as carriers, was it?

ROMANA: No, but what happened to Astra was our fault. We're just pawns here to do the Guardian's dirty work.

DOCTOR: I don't like it any more than you do, but it's done. Have you set those coordinates yet?

ROMANA: Is that all you can say? She was a living being, and now what is she? A component. And Merak thinks she's still alive. No power should have that right, not even the Guardians. We must do something!

DOCTOR: Well, you could start by setting the coordinates for Zeos.

ROMANA: Why?

DOCTOR: Romana, you get carried away. If you don't set those coordinates, millions of people will die and this time it really will be our fault. Have you forgotten the time loop?

ROMANA: No, I hadn't forgotten the time loop. Can't you put the new segment in?

DOCTOR: In less than a second?

DOCTOR: Quick, cutters. Cutters!

DRAX: Here, what a mess in here.

DOCTOR: Listen, Drax. Drax, don't just stand there. What colour?

DRAX: Green, I think.

DOCTOR: What?

DRAX: Well, it's a long time since I done it. Er.

ROMANA: Quickly, Drax.

DRAX: Just a minute. Don't fluster me.

ROMANA: Hurry!

DRAX: I've got a diagram somewhere.

DOCTOR: Drax!

ROMANA: Drax!

DOCTOR: Drax!

DRAX: Right.

ROMANA: Drax!

DOCTOR: Drax!

DRAX: Pyramid, green! I told you.

DRAX: Well, you didn't have to make such a mess of it all.

DOCTOR: Drax. You took your time. Where's K9?

DRAX: We found young Merak lying there d*ad to the world. Carrying him slowed us right down.

DOCTOR: Really. How is he?

DRAX: Well, he'll live.

ROMANA: Doctor.

DOCTOR: Yes.

ROMANA: Aren't we forgetting something?

DOCTOR: I don't think so.

ROMANA: The Marshal!

DOCTOR: What? The Marshal.

ROMANA: Come on!

DOCTOR: Quick!

MARSHAL: f*re!

MARSHAL: Taste the moment of victory. Any second now, beautiful mushrooms will blossom and burst.

MARSHAL: No! No, it's the wrong target!

SHADOW: Sire. Sire. I have failed. The Doctor has accomplished his purpose. He has the Key to Time. I have failed.

GUARDIAN: I expected no less of you, you whimpering wraith.

GUARDIAN: But your death is already encompassed in my designs, for now the Doctor shall release the Key to me, and chaos shall break upon the universe!

DOCTOR: What a sh*t, Marshal! Ha, ha, well sh*t!

ROMANA: Doctor, he h*t the planet of evil and he was aiming at Zeos!

DOCTOR: Well, I can't help what he was aiming at.

ROMANA: What did you do?

DOCTOR: A mere nothing. A mere deflective forcefield set up for a millisecond set up between the Marshal and Zeos, bounced the m*ssile smack onto the planet of evil.

ROMANA: Is that all?

DOCTOR: Yes.

DRAX: Well, he might have told us, mightn't he, dog? We was expecting to get blasted into infinity.

K9: Affirmative.

DOCTOR: Well, I'm sorry about that. I don't know what I'm apologising for. I just saved your lives! Can I drop you somewhere, Drax?

DRAX: No thanks. I've got a contract job on down there.

DOCTOR: Contract job? No armaments, I hope.

DRAX: No. Reconstruction, w*r damage, scrap and that. Me and the Marshal's going fifty-fifty.

ROMANA: You and the Marshal?

DRAX: Yeah, well, he's out of a job now, isn't he. I mean, no w*r, no job, so I took him on.

DOCTOR: When did you arrange this?

DRAX: In about half an hour's time, I should think.

DOCTOR: I see. Fifty-fifty?

DRAX: Well, sixty-forty, know what I mean?

DOCTOR: Ah.

DRAX: And if you ever want to get rid of that thing (the complete Key) just let me know, won't you.

DOCTOR: I'll let you know. Bye, bye, Drax.

DRAX: Right then. Bye all.

ROMANA: Goodbye.

DRAX: Remember me to Gallifrey.

DOCTOR: Bye, bye, Drax.

ROMANA: Goodbye.

ROMANA: Right, I'll set the coordinates for Gallifrey, shall I?

DOCTOR: Why Gallifrey?

ROMANA: Well, that's where we're going, isn't it?

DOCTOR: We have the power to do anything we like. Absolute power over every particle in the universe. Everything that has ever existed or ever will exist. As from this moment are you listening to me, Romana?

ROMANA: Yes, of course I'm listening.

DOCTOR: Because if you're not listening I can make you listen, because I can do anything.

DOCTOR: As from this moment there's no such thing as free will in the entire universe. There's only my will, because I possess the Key to Time!

ROMANA: Doctor, are you all right?

DOCTOR: (normal) Well of course I'm all right. But supposing I wasn't all right. This thing makes me feel in such a way I'd be very worried if I felt like that about someone else feeling like this about that. Do you understand?

ROMANA: Yes.

DOCTOR: What do you understand?

ROMANA: That the sooner we hand this over to the White Guardian

BOTH: The better!

GUARDIAN (on scanner): My congratulations to you, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Oh, thank you, sir, thank you.

GUARDIAN (on scanner): You performed your task with admirable dispatch. The universe has much to thank you for.

DOCTOR: Well, it was a pleasure, sir. Wasn't it a pleasure, Romana?

ROMANA: Doctor, that's not the President.

DOCTOR: What's the President got to do with it?

GUARDIAN (on scanner): I can change my form or shape at will, my dear child. I appeared to you as the President so as not to alarm you.

DOCTOR: Just be careful who you're talking to.

ROMANA: Sorry, I

GUARDIAN (on scanner): You have the Key to Time, Doctor?

DOCTOR: Ah. Oh, I have, I have indeed, sir. Do you like it?

GUARDIAN (on scanner): Do I like it? Yes, yes, I suppose you could say that I like it.

DOCTOR: Yes, we're very proud of it, sir. Aren't we, Romana, proud of it?

ROMANA: What? Oh, yes, yes.

DOCTOR: What happens now, sir? You said, if I remember in our first conversation, that once it was assembled it would stop the entire universe and enable you to restore the natural balances of good and evil throughout the whole of the universe.

GUARDIAN (on scanner): That is correct, Doctor. So, will you release the Key to me that I may do this?

DOCTOR: Certainly, sir, yes, certainly, of course. Key to Time, I command you. Could I ask you something, sir?

GUARDIAN (on scanner): Yes, Doctor?

DOCTOR: It's just that, well, the Key is already assembled, sir. I mean, couldn't you restore the balances now?

GUARDIAN (on scanner): Yes, Doctor, but I must have the Key for safe keeping. It is an awesomely powerful key.

DOCTOR: Oh yes, sir, yes, and mustn't be allowed to fall into the wrong hands. I quite understand, sir, yes. Key to Time, I command. What about the sixth segment?

GUARDIAN (on scanner): What about it, Doctor?

DOCTOR: Well, I mean, as you know, sir, the sixth segment was in fact a human being, and I mean, if the pieces are maintained in their present pattern it means that she'll be imprisoned forever, sir.

GUARDIAN (on scanner): That is, of course, regrettable.

DOCTOR: Very regrettable.

GUARDIAN (on scanner): But with the fate of the universe at stake.

DOCTOR: Quite. You can't be too careful. I quite understand. Key to Time, I command that you stay exactly where you are!

GUARDIAN (on scanner): Doctor! You have fully activated all the TARDIS' defences!

DOCTOR: We can't be too careful, can we? And it would be a terrible tragedy for the universe if it suddenly turned out that I was colour blind.

GUARDIAN (on scanner): Doctor, release the Key to me immediately!

DOCTOR: Unable to distinguish between the White Guardian and the Black Guardian.

ROMANA: Doctor, what do you mean?

DOCTOR: Look.

DOCTOR: Don't you see? The White Guardian would never have had such a callous disregard for human life.

ROMANA: Of course. Astra, the sixth segment. He would have dispersed it immediately.

GUARDIAN (on scanner): Doctor, you shall die for this!

DOCTOR: I think not. Remember, the Key to Time is still mine, rage all you like.

GUARDIAN (on scanner): I shall destroy you for this! I will disperse every particle of your being to the furthest reaches of eternity!

DOCTOR: Ah well, I wish I could stay and watch you try, but you know how it is. Places to go, people to see, things to do. Romana?

ROMANA: Yes?

DOCTOR: When I give the signal

ROMANA: Yes?

DOCTOR: Dematerialise.

DOCTOR: Now!

ASTRA: Hello, Merak.

MERAK: Astra? Astra, where are you?

ASTRA: I'm here.

MERAK: Astra.

DOCTOR: You see? I think of everything.

ROMANA: Doctor?

DOCTOR: Hmm?

ROMANA: What exactly have you done with the Key to Time?

DOCTOR: Key to Time? Oh, well, I just scattered it round through space and time.

ROMANA: I see. So where are we going?

DOCTOR: Going? I don't know.

ROMANA: You have absolutely no sense of responsibility whatsoever.

DOCTOR: What?

ROMANA: You're capricious, arrogant, self-opinionated, irrational and you don't even know where we're going.

DOCTOR: Exactly.

ROMANA: What?

DOCTOR: Well, if I knew where I was going, there'd be a chance the Black Guardian would, too.

ROMANA: Oh.

DOCTOR: Hence this new device.

ROMANA: What is it?

DOCTOR: Well, it's called a randomiser and it's fitted to the guidance system and operates under a very complex scientific principle called pot luck.

DOCTOR: Now no one knows where we're going. Not even the Black Guardian.

ROMANA: Not even us.
{"type": "series", "show": "Doctor Who", "episode": "16x26 - The Armageddon Factor - part 6"}