[The scene opens inside a busy restaurant. Nadia, a waitress, is clearing a dirty table. A couple sits in a nearby booth]

Wife: Excuse me, waitress?

Nadia: (looking up at the customer) I'm afraid the teriyaki chicken's no longer on the menu.

[The customer looks confused. Nadia pick up the tray of dirty dishes and goes over to their table]

Nadia: Oh, I'm sorry. That's what you had last time.

Wife: We've never been here before.

Nadia: I definitely remember you.

Henry (Husband): No, we never get up north. We're just up to see a friend of ours who moved here last summer.

Nadia: (speaking to the wife) Your hair was lighter. You had little round glasses.

Henry: (to his wife) Sounds like you.

Wife: Henry, don't play along. It's a gimmick, for tips. (to Nadia) Could we get some water?

[Flashbacks of the last time Nadia saw the wife run through her head)

Nadia: It was last August. Saturday, the 14th. You were wearing a blue dress with polka dots. Your eyes were puffy, like you'd been crying.

Henry: The 14th is Darren's birthday. You said he had to cancel his party 'cause his old girlfriend showed up. They got into a huge fight.

Wife: Henry…

Henry: I knew it. Damn it. Ever since that ski trip when the two of you disappeared.

Nadia: I'll go… get your water.

[Nadia stops, then falls face down, dropping the tray of dishes on the floor where they shatter. A young policeman who is sitting at the counter rushed to her aid]

Policeman: Are you all right? Are you okay?

[The policeman turns Nadia over onto her back, revealing multiple cuts from the broken glassware]

Nadia: I can't move my legs!

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene opens on the lit face of House in a dark room]

House: Picture a door. Unlocked with the key of the mind. Two medical cases, both more fascinating than the last.

Masters: That actually makes no logical sense.

[House turns the flashlight onto Master’s face. She squints and grimaces from the bright light in her eyes.]

House: This is not a door to logical sense. Also, shut up. (shining the light back onto his own face) Case number one. 33-year-old woman named…

[House flips the switch on a light table, revealing the entire team gathered in the radiology viewing room. There are multiple copies of the patient’s file sitting in the middle of the light table. They all take one. House continues]

House: Something I can't remember. You'll see the irony in a second. Presenting with temporary paralysis, high CK levels, and a perfect memory.

[House flips another switch, which turns on all the viewing lights on the walls, revealing multiple brain scans]

Chase: How perfect is perfect?

House: Perfectly perfect. Hyperthymesia. Complete recall of every moment of every day since puberty. All 7,600,049 of them. It's cool, huh? One of only a handful of recorded cases.

Foreman: So we have two symptoms: Temporary leg paralysis and elevated CK.

House: Obviously you're not suffering from the same condition 'cause you've already forgotten my dramatic voiceover. There's a third symptom.

Foreman: Her memory's unrelated.

Masters: Why? It's a strange medical phenomenon—

Foreman: Hyperthymesia is known to manifest in adolescence.

House: Yeah, in the whole five documented cases.

Foreman: To be related, it would mean 20 years between symptoms. Plus, I don't know of any diseases that cause great memory, only ones that destroy it. MRI showed no evidence of stroke or tumor, so probably a toxin.

Taub: She's a waitress. They're no strangers to botulism or alcoholism. We should search the diner and where she lives.

House: Or you could search her brain. You know, where her memory lives. Save the gas. (to Taub and Foreman) You two check her home. (to Chase and Masters) You two get a complete patient history. We'll see who gets an answer first.

Taub: You said there's a second case?

House: Oh! Yeah. Thanks.

[House turns on another light screen revealing the PPTH PR poster of Taub. Taub groans]

House: The case of the 45-year-old doctor who just failed his pathology recertification exam and is going to lose his board certification and get fired.

Foreman: How'd you fail it? You spend half your life in the lab.

Taub: I was recovering from the flu. I'm retaking it next week. It's not an issue.

House: Normally, I'd let Darwinism run its course. But Cuddy's in a big tizzy about her poster boy getting canned. So, how are we gonna get the short guy off the short bus?

Masters: What about a tutor?

Taub: I don't need a tutor.

House: Tutor it is. Choose your poison. Chase, if you prefer pounding Aussie beers and commiserating over the suckiness of divorce. Masters, if you want nervous energy, flash cards, and obnoxious pieces of arcane trivia. Foreman, if you need to be berated by a humorless hard-ass.

Taub: Foreman.

House: Interesting. You must be more worried than you look.

[Cut to House interrupting Wilson as he is finishing up with an elderly female patient in a clinic exam room]

House: I need a consult, Dr. Wilson.

Wilson: (handing the patient a prescription) So call me in a week if it still itches.

Patient: Thank you. And be sure to give Sarah a kiss for me.

Wilson: Will do.

[Wilson leaves the exam room and joins House]

House: Who's Sarah?

Wilson: Her granddaughter, I think. Early stages of dementia. What's the consult?

House: I need your medical opinion on what bar we're gonna h*t for happy hour tonight to kick off the official end to your three-month pity party over Sam.

[Wilson drops off the patient file at the main desk]

Wilson: I can't tonight.

House: Because of Sarah?

Wilson: Yes, because of my senile patient's granddaughter. You caught me. I'm busy! (Wilson leaves)

[House turns back to the clinic, and approaches Cuddy who is standing at the main desk]

House: Who's Sarah? Wilson's friend.

Cuddy: My computer crashed. Lost my database of his acquaintances.

House: Or you're both lying to me.

Cuddy: I know nothing about Wilson having a friend named Sarah. Satisfied? (she leaves)

House: Nooo.

[Cut to Foreman and Taub searching Nadia’s apartment]

Foreman: (reading a prescription bottle label) What are the eight types of vomitus?

Taub: I could show you four right now if you ask me one more review question.

Foreman: Hey, you picked me. You said you wanted a hard-ass.

Taub: No, House said that. I pretended to agree to get him off my back. I picked you because I wanted the guy who doesn't like getting involved in other people's problems.

[Taub pauses to look at two framed jigsaw puzzles mounted on the wall of Nadia’s living room]

Foreman: (looking in the refrigerator) Yes, I thought you'd want to skip the massive public humiliation of getting fired.

Taub: (pausing by a full shelf of unfinished jigsaw puzzles) By treating me like I'm an imbecile? I'm totally fine. I aced my first pathology boards.

Foreman: Medicine has come a long way in the last hundred years.

[Foreman examines the contents of Nadia’s kitchen wastebasket]

Taub: You know… I heard of a guy, who knew a guy, who could get the exam ahead of time. (Foreman looks at him) It was something I heard.

Foreman: Patient's file said she lost some weight on a new diet, right?

Taub: Yeah, she went vegan.

Foreman: (holding up an empty box from the trash) Are laxatives vegan?

[Cut to House searching the glove compartment of a car. His phone rings and he answers, putting it on speaker phone as he continues the search]

House: Hello?

Foreman: (calling from House’s office) Where are you?

House: In the parking garage, searching Wilson's car.

Taub: We have an answer. Magnesium poisoning.

Foreman: We found a pretty large stash of laxatives. Abuse can lead to hypermagnesemia.

[House is now outside Wilson’s car, looking in the trunk]

House: I admit that's… impressively outside-the-box thinking. (spotting something in the trunk) Hmm.

[House pulls a baggy of green plant material out of the trunk, opens it, and sniffs it]

Foreman: House. You still there, House?

[House takes a pinch of the substance and tastes it]

Taub: Everything okay?

House: No. For a second I thought Wilson might have a drug problem. Turns out it's much, much worse.

Taub: Okay… Uh, so we push fluids and wait for her kidneys to clear the hypermagnesemia?

[House pulls a medical kit, which includes syringes, out of Wilson’s trunk]

House: You'll be waiting a long time since that's not what she has. Her BP and respiratory rate are normal. While you two were so busy being impressively outside the box, you missed the actual box. Chase and Masters done yet?

[Cut to Nadia’s hospital room. Chase is cleaning and bandaging the cuts on Nadia’s legs while Masters takes a history]

Nadia: Two light beers, November 16th. One really bad glass of Pinot on the 17th. Uh, nothing from the 18th.

Masters: Shouldn't you be working for NASA or something?

Nadia: You mean why am I just a waitress?

Masters: No, I didn't mean… I'm sorry, I-I-I-I…

Nadia: It's okay. Remembering something is not the same as understanding it. I'm not a genius. I love my job. I'm great at it. Keeps my mind busy.

[House enters the room and tosses a plastic bag onto a hospital table before approaching Nadia]

House: Hi. I'm Dr. House. You are not pooping. Question is, are you also a klutz?

Nadia: Uh… I guess I'm no clumsier than most people.

House: What are you guessing for? You've got a perfect memory. I was told there'd be numbers, dates, fireworks.

Nadia: What do you want to know?

House: Let's go back to 2008. How many trips, stumbles, falls did you have?

Nadia: (seeing flashbacks in her mind) Eleven.

House: This really works. Cool. How 'bout 2009?

Nadia: Twelve.

House: Even cooler. Last year?

Nadia: Twenty.

Chase: That's a big spike in discoordination.

House: If you add the constipation, it's early onset Parkinson's. Give her a full neuro exam, and start her on levodopa. (House leaves)

[Cut to Wilson entering his condo. House is leaning on the kitchen counter beside a cardboard box]

Wilson: Oh, I'm so surprised you broke into my apartment without telling me. What is this?

House: An intervention. (holding up the baggie he found in Wilson’s trunk) Exhibit A. A baggie filled with nepeta cataria, also known as…

Wilson: (taking off his coat and looking at the box) That had better not be what I think it is.

House: If you mean your new junkie girlfriend, then yes.

[Wilson picks up the box, revealing a white Persian cat underneath. The cat meows]

Wilson: House…

Wilson: (picking up the cat) Okay, fine. I got a cat. Release the Kraken.

House: I don't think you appreciate the severity of your situation. You are rapidly approaching an end-stage male spinsterism.

[A beeper sounds and looking at an electronic device, which he pulls from his pocket, Wilson heads toward the refrigerator]

House: That cat, that diabetic cat that you're sh**ting up with Insulin and buying dime bags of catnip for, that means you've given up on ever finding anyone.

Wilson: Don't you think you're completely overreacting?

House: If I'm completely overreacting, why'd you lie to me?

Wilson: Um, because I knew you would completely overreact.

House: Its name's Sarah. Cats aren't named that, women are. What the Freud is that about?

Wilson: Look, I didn't name her. My neighbor did. She died, and I felt bad. Sarah would have been destroyed at the shelter.

[As House rants, Wilson has taken the insulin from the refrigerator and injected the cat with a dose]

House: Aww, who would want a cat that croaks if you're not home twice a day to sh**t it up? It's like having your own button on Lost. (holding up a plastic bag) You know, I'm pretty sure that there is a river nearby.

Wilson: I'm keeping her.

[Cut to Nadia’s room. Masters has one hand on each of Nadia’s shoulders]

Masters: Okay, shrug your shoulders and don't let me push them down. So I have to ask, uh… is there a trick you use? Mnemonics? Meditation?

[Masters looks at Nadia’s eyes]

Nadia: No, no tricks. I don't even try, really. It's just there. Is my memory gonna go away… with the Parkinson's?

Foreman: It's quite possible. But we still have a lot of tests to do before we have a definitive diagnosis.

Nadia: Well, here's hoping for cancer.

[A woman holding flowers appears in the doorway]

Elena: Nadia? Your boss called me. Sorry, um… I'm Elena, Nadia's older sister.

Nadia: You don't have to be here.

Elena: But I'd like to pretend you'd visit me if I were in a hospital.

Nadia: You brought daisies.

Elena: They're your favorite.

Nadia: No, they're my least favorite. I was stung in the face six times by — (she stops) Oh, God.

Elena: What's wrong?

Nadia: My heart.

Foreman: Fast, wide-complex rhythm. Get the paddles.

[Cut to the diagnostics conference room. House is playing cat’s cradle with a loop of string as the team discusses Nadia’s case]

Chase: Cardiac involvement rules out Parkinson's.

Foreman: We're back to transient paralysis and high CK, plus arrhythmia.

House: Masters, when you finally blossom into a woman, would you ever sleep with a man who had a cat?

Masters: Sure.

House: Wrong, the answer is no. Slut. Any of you ever had a cat? (they all nod “no”) Any of you ever had sex? (they all nod “yes”) I think, as your people say, quod erat demonstrandum.

Chase: An excess of catecholamine could set off an arrhythmia.

Foreman: It's not a pheo. Her blood pressure's fine.

Masters: Maybe we're missing the obvious. The heart could be behind everything. If it's not pumping effectively, the muscles shut down, CK elevates, coordination suffers. Why are you asking about cats?

House: Curiosity. (tossing the string on the table) Can we focus here?

Masters: Uh, her heart problems started when Nadia saw her sister. Stress-induced arrhythmia could be caused by long QT syndrome.

Taub: Her sister was barely in the room five minutes.

Masters: She said they'd been estranged for over six years. That's a lot of tension.

House: Run a stress test to confirm long QT.

Chase: It'll have to be drug-induced. Treadmill will pull her stitches.

House: Drugs are never the answer. If we want her heart to go crazy, there's something simpler and safer. Use the sister.

[Cut to House bursting into Cuddy’s office]

House: You lied to me.

Cuddy: (sitting at her desk) No. I said I didn't know anything about Wilson having a friend named Sarah. Under House rules, that is not a lie. He's lonely. That cat is a nice way for him to get some affection.

House: That's not the kind of putty tat he needs to be getting it from. He needs a putty tat he can tap.

Cuddy: Why is it so important to you?

House: After divorce number two, he fell into a committed relationship with a three-legged Siamese. He stopped answering his phone, redecorated his place like Grey Gardens. He wasn't able to come back to humanity until a window was left suspiciously and heroically open. How that cat opened the window, I will never know.

Cuddy: He just needs more time. Leave him and the cat alone.

House: (as he leaves her office) I won't if you will.

[Cut to Chase and Masters running the stress test on Nadia. They watch from a control room as Elena talks to her sister]

Elena: Sorry about the daisies. I always get it confused if you love or hate them.

Nadia: Do you want to know exactly how many times told you that I hate them?

Elena: I didn't do it on purpose.

Chase: Her heart rate isn't moving. The sister stress pot needs stirring.

Masters: You want me to start a fight? No.

Chase: Just agitate a little. Use something from the history. You're not lying to them. In fact, you'd be telling the truth, and serving their medical needs.

[Masters sighs and goes into the room with Nadia and Elena]

Masters: You haven't seen each other in a while, huh? (to Elena) I heard the story about the time you h*t Nadia with the car. It must have been pretty scary.

Elena: Why would you tell them that?

Nadia: They asked about broken bones.

Elena: I swear that I checked my mirror.

Nadia: You know that's a lie. You knew I was getting the mail, and you just didn't care enough to check! Just like you didn't care that you ruined my 23rd birthday!

Elena: Nadia, don't start!

Nadia: You started by coming here, acting like you give a crap.

Elena: Here we go again! I'm such a monster because I brought daisies.

[The monitoring equipment starts beeping. Masters looks at Chase who looks up in confirmation]

Masters: (to Elena) You-you need to leave right now.

Elena: Well is she gonna be ok?

Nadia: Elena, get out!

[Elena leaves. Chase gives Masters a hearty thumbs-up as she prepares to treat Nadia’s arythmia]

[Cut to Taub entering his hotel room. Foreman is waiting for him]

Foreman: You said you'd be ten minutes.

Taub: I couldn't decide on the cheese.

Foreman: When are you getting an apartment? Or at least a storage room?

Taub: (putting something into the microwave) I'll get to it. I like it here. They have video on demand.

Foreman: I pulled a practice test.

Taub: I hate practice tests. Hey, I never saw The Usual Suspects. You wanna check it out before we start?

Foreman: What are you doing? You've got three days.

Taub: Why is everyone's first assumption I'm gonna fail this stupid test?

Foreman: Maybe, because you did.

Taub: I was recovering from the flu.

Foreman: I don't care if you were dying from ebola. You shouldn't have gotten less than a 70. You're nothing but excuses and distractions.

Taub: Well it's a nice match with your condescension and superiority.

Foreman: Enjoy the movie. Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze. (he gathers up the test materials an leaves)

[Cut to Elena sitting outside Nadia’s room. Masters approaches]

Elena: How is she?

Masters: We started her on a beta blocker. It should keep her heart rhythm under control. She'll be fine while we run more tests.

Elena: Did you hear that she banned me from her room? I know I'm not perfect, but she's… Oh, she can be such a bitch. She never ever, ever lets anything go. Look, tell Nadia she doesn't need to worry about seeing me again.

[Elena gathers her things and prepares to leave]

Masters: (stopping her) I started the fight. We needed her heart rate to rise, so I provoked you.

Elena: You can't play with people like that.

Masters: Maybe if I explain to Nadia—

Elena: No, it doesn't matter! It's just one more fight for her to remember. Guess you're both bitches.

[Elena walks away leaving Masters standing in the hallway. Chase comes out of Nadia’s room]

Chase: Masters.

[Masters follows Chase into the room]

Chase: Smell her breath. (Masters leans in close to Nadia) (to Nadia) Breathe out.

[Nadia exhales]

Masters: Ammonia.

Nadia: What is it?

Masters: I think your kidneys are shutting down.

[Cut to the diagnostics conference room, where the team, minus House, is running a new differential]

Taub: Failing kidneys puts the heart back on the list as a symptom.

Chase: Maybe she went vegan because she lost the taste for protein. It could be Amyloidosis.

[House enters and hangs his cane on the coat rack. He is carrying a stack of papers]

Masters: We would have seen a stiff heart on the nuclear study. But autoimmune could account for multiple organ systems and paralysis.

[House starts flipping the papers, one page at a time, onto the table in front of Foreman]

Taub: There are a number that'd fit. Guillain-Barre, polymyositis…

Foreman: MS, polyarteritis nodosa—

Masters: SLE.

Foreman: (to House) Why are you giving me these?

House: Because, while they're off running all these tests, you will be submitting the insurance forms.

Foreman: There's an entire department for that.

House: Exactly. The Foreman department. Of which you are the foreman, Foreman. I know you got the time. A little Wallaby told me that you recently vacated your post as Taub's savior.

Chase: He asked.

Taub: You're worse than Masters.

Masters: How's this my fault?

Foreman: He doesn't need a tutor. He needs Ritalin and a babysitter.

House: Consider the forms incentive. Taub doesn't pass, he'll become a permanent part of your life.

[House picks up his cane and goes to the head of the table]

Taub: This isn't really about Cuddy, is it? It's about you. You don't want to lose me. I think you care.

House: Don't think you can disgust me into pulling Foreman off you. Pulse the patient with steroids for the autoimmune. Start her on dialysis for the kidney failure. Treat the Taub with insults and small slaps for the obstinacy, and start him on studying for the brain failure. (House gets up and goes into his office)

[Cut to Wilson at his condo. He is on the phone and holding the Sarah as he prepares to give her a sh*t of insulin]

Wilson: No, that's not gonna work. I have a haircut at 4 o'clock. I'll be in the offi—(he sneezes) I'll be in the office in about 20 minutes. (he sneezes again) Yeah, okay.

[Wilson puts down the phone and then looks down at Sarah]

[Cut to House sitting behind his desk. Wilson walks in]

Wilson: (pointing at House) You planted something in my apartment to make me think I'm allergic to Sarah.

House: (removing his glasses) Paranoia is the first sign of toxoplasma gondii, the parasite linked to crazy cat lady disease.

Wilson: I'm not paranoid. I'm allergic to ragweed and dandelion. I'm not allergic to cats. You're trying to gaslight me.

House: Maybe your subconscious is afraid that you're gonna die alone. And it just comes out as gibberish and sneezing. Prove that I'm overreacting. Boys' night out. Good Time Charlie's. They just changed their slogan to, "where the trashiest ladies

get trashed."

Wilson: You do see the hypocrisy in all this, don't you? Until recently, your lifestyle of choice was self-exile.

House: But I never had a cat. Why don't you pick me up at 8:00? (Wilson leaves)

[Cut to Nadia’s room, where Chase is hooking her up to the dialysis machine]

Chase: You're gonna need another round of steroids. In the meantime, I'll start your dialysis. So I heard Elena might be coming back.

[Nadia puts the cup she has been drinking from down on the bed table, very carefully turning it so that the seam of the cup faces away from her]

Nadia: You think I was… too hard on her?

Chase: Well, we all hold our grudges.

Nadia: It's not a grudge. It's common sense. It's simple math. She's hurt me more than she's helped me. Most people edit their memories. They add small, little lies so they don't have to face the truth. My memories remain the same. My truth never changes, because… my truth is the truth.

Chase: So no one ever gets forgiven? Sounds like a lonely way to live.

Nadia: No, I-I do forgive. As long as the good things they do… outweigh— (she pauses) I can't-I can't breathe.

[Chase turns off the machine and reaches for some medicine to help Nadia breath]

[Cut to Foreman and Taub entering Foreman’s apartment. Taub has a suitcase]

Taub: Huh.

Foreman: What?

Taub: Nothing, I just… always pictured your place with shag carpet. Like kind of a… Mod Squad vibe. Not because of the black thing. I always thought you were more of…

Foreman: You're limited to this room and Marcus's old room.

Taub: Where's Marcus?

Foreman: He tells me he's working with our Uncle in Florida.

Taub: He tells you?

Foreman: You don't look at or touch anything that doesn't belong to you, including food. You will study and you will sleep. And you will not leave my sight until the exam.

Taub: Great, I'll be back bright and early tomorrow, and—

Foreman: This is no longer just about your future. It's about mine too. You fail, and I will k*ll you.

[Cut back to Nadia’s room. Masters and House have joined Chase]

Chase: Respiratory distress means we were wrong about autoimmune.

Masters: Could be pulmonary edema from renal failure.

[House pulls aside Nadia’s gown to reveal a rash on her legs]

House: Pulmonary edema doesn't give you hives. 

Chase: You think this is an allergic reaction? It can't be. We pumped her full of steroids.

[House picks up a dialysis filter sitting by the machine]

House: It can be. If it was a really, really bad one.

[He opens the filter packaging and, taking the filter out of the container, rubs it along Nadia’s forearm. A rash instantly appears on her skin]

House: I have good news and bad news. The good news is I was right about you having some autoimmune disease. You're just allergic to the dialysis.

Nadia: But if I can't have dialysis and my kidneys are failing, won't that mean I'll die?

House: Well, you figured out the bad news.

[Cut to Chase, Masters, and House walking down a hospital corridor. Chase and Masters are in front talking. House is trailing behind]

Masters: What do we do?

Chase: We look for another case. Even if you're right about autoimmune, we now don't have time to prove it. The transplant board will never give her a kidney.

Masters: Maybe we could go around them, get a relative to donate.

Chase: Which relative? The sister who walked away and told you she was never coming back?

Masters: We caused this, you know. They were estranged, but we made it worse.

Chase: That relationship was broken long before we got there. Nadia literally keeps score. She tallies everything. (They stop and Chase turns to include House in the conversation) She decided Elena's done more bad things to her than good, doesn't deserve her affection.

House: I'm sure she's right. Unlike everybody else in the world, her memory seems to let her keep a pure and objective view of people in relationships. There's no petty

emotions or agendas fogging the windshield. Why is that so wrong?

Masters: 'Cause it's making her die alone of kidney failure in room 205?

House: Not necessarily. Nadia's sister's not like her. I'm sure she's got plenty of subjective emotions we can exploit. Why don't you go channel your guilt, see if you can get her to cough up a kidney?

Masters: Me? I'm not good at that type of thing. Someone else should go.

House: Someone else didn't screw this up.

Masters: I didn't!

House: You were just obeying orders. Right? Go fix this.

Masters: Wha— (House leaves)

[Cut to Masters talking to Elena in her home]

Masters: I didn't mean to make you hate her. And… now that her kidneys have failed, I-I've always been a book and equations person. People are problematic, and… random and messy. Um, and with sisters… I mean, I had a cousin who I was close to, and when our menstrual cycles synced, it was like gladiator school—

Elena: Do you want me to donate a kidney to my sister?

Masters: Yes.

Elena: Okay.

Masters: Really? It might not fix your relationship. Uh, probably shouldn't have said that.

[Cut to Taub and Foreman playing a video game at Foreman’s apartment]

Foreman: Your left, on your left.

Taub: Stop whining already. I was getting a sn*per.

Foreman: Five minutes left in the break.

Taub: But the next level's just past the cooling t*nk.

Foreman: That was the deal. We take this break, you do a practice test.

[There is a long pause as they continue to play the game]

Taub: I-I didn't have the flu. I just… choked.

[Foreman stops the video game and puts down his controller]

Foreman: You make life and death decisions every day. You work for House. You're under constant pressure, and you never choke.

Taub: I got a perfect score on my first pathology boards. I kept thinking, whatever my score is now, it's going to be a measure of the distance between me and the man

I used to be.

Foreman: You gotta stop psyching yourself out.

Taub: Well, the last test was before I lost my wife and my home, so I'm sure the next one will go much better.

[They resume the video game]

Foreman: Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night, and I can't sleep for hours, 'cause I'm worried I got the diagnosis wrong. These things work out.

[Cut to Chase opening Nadia’s hospital room door]

Chase: We found a donor. It's your sister. Just thought you should know. (He closes the door and leaves)

[Cut to the OR, where surgeons are taking a kidney from Elena and transplanting it into Nadia]

[Cut to post-op. Chase is trying to rouse Nadia]

Chase: Nadia, can you hear me? You're coming out of your anesthesia. You're gonna feel a bit groggy. You did great. Everything's looking good. Nadia, come on now, open your eyes.

[Nadia seizes]

Chase: (to a nurse) Three milligrams of lorazepam, and I'm going to need suction.

[Cut to House, Chase, and Masters entering the diagnostics conference room]

Chase: Seizures mean the steroids aren't working.

Masters: And we got the tests back. We were wrong. It's not autoimmune.

Chase: Could be acute porphyria.

Masters: No abdominal pain.

House: Did the patient thank her sister?

Chase: No. Not yet, at least.

House: See if she will.

Masters: What are you trying to find out?

House: If she's telling the truth. She claims she objectively sees reality. Weighing the good and bad in people. If that's true, I don't care how many times her sister borrowed her scrunchie without asking, a free kidney ought to trump all the bad stuff.

Masters: And if it doesn't?

House: That means she sucks like the rest of us.

Chase: We haven't considered her blood. Clots could h*t her leg, heart, kidney, and brain.

House: Factor 5 leiden. Easiest to treat if we're right. Start her on heparin. And ask for the thank you. (Chase nods and he and Masters leave)

[Cut to Foreman and Taub still at Foreman’s apartment. Taub has just completed a practice test]

Taub: How'd I do?

Foreman: Great.

Taub: Great? How great? How many did I miss?

Foreman: It's not about the numbers. (Taub grabs the results) Don't…

Taub: (angrily) 54%?

Foreman: Th-they make the practice tests harder than the actual exam.

Taub: Oh, my God, now I'm choking in your living room. This isn't gonna work.

[Taub pulls out his phone]

Foreman: Who are you calling?

Taub: I found the guy. He can sell me a copy of the test. (Foreman grabs the phone from Taub) I know it's cheating, and I suck as a person. But… the test is tomorrow morning.

Foreman: It's not about the cheating. It's about your confidence. You steal that test, and you'll never get it back.

Taub: I can't handle failing at one more thing in my life.

Foreman: You're a good doctor. I've seen what you're capable of. You're fast, you're decisive, and you're bold. And those are not the qualities of someone who needs to steal a test. There's nothing on it that you don't already know. You just need to know that you know it.

Taub: Keep talking.

Foreman: We need you on the team. So we're gonna sit here and take another practice test and we're gonna keep taking them until you've kicked its ass! You can do this! You feel me?

Taub: Yeah.

[Cut to a closeup of Foreman. Behind him, in what is clearly not a good neighborhood, Taub exchanges an envelope of cash for the test. Taub looks into the test envelope as he walks back to where Foreman is standing]

Taub: I feel like we just buried a hooker in the desert.

Foreman: There'll definitely be another time to rise up and turn things around. You'll come back from it.

Taub: Next time. (They get into the car)

[Cut to Chase changing Nadia’s IV bag]

Chase: How are you feeling?

Nadia: N-not any better.

Chase: It'll take some time for the clots to resolve. Your sister's recovering well. If you're really adding up the good and bad…

Nadia: Can I see her?

[Cut to Good Time Charlies nightclub. House is labeling each female who walks by]

House: Too fat. Too thin. Too desperate. Not desperate enough. (to Wilson) Come on, you can insult them too.

Wilson: I'd rather not.

House: If you objectify them now, you'll feel more comfortable when you… tie them to a table in your basement later. Or whatever.

Wilson: Okay. (trying to participate) Um… Too armpit fatty.

[The woman Wilson is judging walks past another woman whom House spots immediately]

House: Whoa! Too hot.

Wilson: I actually know her. She's the new barista at my coffee shop. She's getting her Masters in finance.

House: Brains and boobs. The mother lode.

Wilson: Total moron as a barista, though. Every drink I order ends up with

whipped cream on it. Even when I say no whip.

House: Girlfriend, that means she's into you.

Wilson: Okay.

[Wilson approaches the woman and starts a conversation as House improvises a running commentary of what he imagines Wilson is saying to her]

House: Hi, there. Wilson, James Wilson. I'm a doctor. I'm hoping that's enough to close, because I'm also a social moron. And I have a cat.

[Wilson says something to the woman and they get up to leave, walking past House on the way. Wilson stops to speak briefly to House]

Wilson: She said my coffee is not the only thing she'd like to put whipped cream on.

House: Yeah, but is she interested?

[Wilson opens the door for the woman. House surveys the crowd and then calls out to the bartender]

House: Bartender! Champagne for everyone!

[The crowd cheers and heads toward the bar. House grins and leaves the nightclub]

[Cut to Chase wheeling Nadia into Elena’s hospital room]

Elena: Hi.

Nadia: Hi. Thank you. For saving my life.

Elena: I love you, you know.

Nadia: I was thinking about those times we went up to Spofford Lake in the summer. Whenever we took out the canoe, you'd tie up my life vest for me. In the afternoon, sneak me into the lodge so we could steal popsicles.

Elena: Maybe we could go back. I could drive us up there. We could get a cabin and — And maybe rent a canoe. Oh, wow, I haven't… thought of Spofford in…

[As Elena talks, Nadia is remembering the time Elena h*t her while backing up the car. She closes her eyes and lowers her head]

Elena: Nadia… are you okay?

Nadia: (unable to keep up the pretense) Elena, I'm sorry! I can't do this!

[Chase takes the wheelchair and pushes Nadia out of the room]

Nadia: (out in the hallway) Can you stop? Just stop pushing me for a minute.

Chase: I understand now why you stuck yourself in that diner, away from friends, away from family. You can't forgive anyone. I don't think you weigh anything. I think you're like a lot of people. You focus on the bad memories instead of the good.

Nadia: I don't have a choice.

[Chase notices that Nadia’s left hand is rotating rather erratically]

Chase: Nadia, put your hand in your lap for a moment.

Nadia: (looking down at her hand (I'm not doing that.

Chase: I know. It's an involuntary movement called choreia.

Nadia: What does it mean?

Chase: It means, we still don't know what's wrong with you.

[Cut to Cuddy’s bedroom. House is lying backwards on the bed, bouncing a rubber ball against the wall. Cuddy comes up behind him, wrapped in a towel, still wet from her shower, and dripping water onto his face. He stops bouncing the ball, which she takes from him]

Cuddy: Thank you.

[House wipes the water from his eyes. Cuddy walks around and settles onto the bed facing House]

House: Do you know if that… O.R. nurse that Wilson liked ever broke up with her boyfriend?

Cuddy: I thought your Wilson fetish was over.

House: I'm putting together a second string in case things don't go well with the well-breasted barista.

Cuddy: You've gotta let that guy alone.

House: He's not supposed to be alone.

Cuddy: Is that what this is about? You feel guilty because Wilson's the one that's alone and not you? You still don't think you deserve this.

House: Have you met me?

Cuddy: Your happiness doesn't take his away. It's okay to enjoy it.

[House’s phone rings. Cuddy takes it off the nightstand and hands it to him]

House: (answering the phone) Yeah.

[Chase, Foreman, and Masters are gathered in the diagnostics conference room all talking to House on the phone]

Foreman: Choreia. Rules out the clotting disorder. Means we're back to square one.

Masters: If it's h*t her brain, that could mean she doesn't have long.

House: So then the question becomes, will the sister show up at the funeral?

Chase: She tried to reconcile, but the bad memories crowded out the good, and she ran.

House: Nobody's perfect. What else? (None of them answer) Come on, the woman has all the information we need. She's a bottomless diagnostic library.

Masters: Maybe we're missing something from the apartment. Some lifestyle thing.

Foreman: Yeah, it's all muscle strain from doing her hundreds of Jigsaw puzzles. We should do another MRI. A brain hemorrhage would—

House: Hey. How many puzzles?

Foreman: Okay, I was exaggerating. Dozens. 

House: Do a peripheral blood smear. Look for acanthocytes. I'll be right in.

[Cut to House peaking into Nadia’s room]

House: Remember me? Just kidding. (He and Chase enter the room) So… jigsaw puzzles.

Nadia: Um, I find them calming.

House: You ever left one unfinished?

[Chase puts Nadia’s file down on the bed table, rotating her drinking cup a few inches. She reaches up and repositions the cup]

Nadia: No, that would drive me crazy.

House: Speaking of…

[House reaches out and rotates the cup. Nadia again repositions it. He rotates it again and she gets upset]

Nadia: Why are you doing that?

House: More important question is, why are you?

[She again repositions the cup]

Nadia: It's just a habit.

House: It's a habit that compels you in an obsessive way, that's so bad, it's a disorder.

Nadia: I don't have OCD.

Chase: Each brain with OCD has its own way of filtering it. Some people wash their hands and hoard TV Guides. You do puzzles and hoard memories.

House: So what we thought was a gift… is just you literally obsessing over your own life.

Nadia: That's why I can't stop the memories, even when I try. But everything else? My kidneys?

House: Memory was just a symptom of a symptom of a larger disease. You have McLeod syndrome. It's a rare genetic disorder that affects the nervous system, the blood. And can cause… (He reaches for her cup again, but she stops him before he can move it) OCD.

Nadia: Am I gonna die?

Chase: It can't be cured. But your various symptoms can be managed with medication. Best-case scenario, you can live another 20 years.

House: If it's any solace, everybody dies alone. (Nadia glares at him) It probably isn't.

[Cut to Foreman’s apartment. Taub is packing his briefcase as Foreman enters]

Foreman: How'd it go?

Taub: Well, it's hard to choke when you have all the answers.

Foreman: Look at it this way. It's better to suck at taking one test than to suck at saving people's lives.

{Foreman notices that his small TV has been replaced with a much larger one]

Foreman: Wow.

Taub: Uh, Rachel thought it was too big, and I can't keep it in my hotel room.

Foreman: You're giving it to me?

Taub: I couldn't stand the thought of you having company over with that other TV. It's embarrassing.

Foreman: Thanks.

Taub: Thank you.

[Taub picks up his briefcase and his suitcase, and prepares to leave]

Foreman: (stopping him) Hey, look, um… I have the room. You could stay, if you wanted to. Just until you find your new place. Who else am I gonna play Savageskate with?

Taub: We could do that online from separate houses.

Foreman: Will you shut up?

Taub: Okay. (He puts his luggage down, prepared to stay)

[Cut to Nadia’s room. She is out of bed and sitting in a chair. Chase enters]

Chase: How you feeling?

Nadia: Much better.

Chase: I don't believe what House said. I'm not sure even House believes it anymore. (He sits down on the bed) You said you didn't have a choice to be the way you are. Now you do. (pulling a pill bottle from his pocket) These are SSRIs. They've been effective in treating OCD.

Nadia: You mean lose my memory?

Chase: Not lose it entirely. It'll just become more like anyone else's.

Nadia: My memory… is the only thing, that has ever, made me special.

Chase: Maybe so. But if you want to be special… you're gonna have to be alone.

[Chase puts the bottle of pills on the table and leaves]

[Cut to Wilson entering his condo. As he walks into the living room he is startled by a white mouse on the floor]

Wilson: Ohh!

[He runs toward the kitchen, tosses his briefcase on the dining table, and grabbing up a frying pan, moves slowly back into the living room. The mouse startles him again as it runs across the rug]

Wilson: Ohh!

[House, carrying Sarah, appears behind him]

House: Hey.

Wilson: (startled yet again) Aah!

House: Those are for Sarah.

Wilson: (relaxing) Are they poisoned?

House: Poi— you and your paranoia. Now, if you'll excuse me…

[House puts Sarah down on the counter, then reaches down and pulls a plant out of the floor register]

House: I really should find a better place to store my ragweed.

[House pops open the kitchen trash can and tosses in the ragweed]

Wilson: It's a very nice gesture, but it's still in the apartment.

[House takes the ragweed out of the trash can and limps over to the window. He opens the window and throws the ragweed out into the night. He turns as sees Sarah standing at the edge of the counter. He gestures to the cat, trying to get her to jump out the window. Sarah ignores him. House shuts the window and Sarah jumps to the floor]

House: So… I wanna hear all the dirty, dairy-specific details of your night with java the slut.

Wilson: All right. First of all, all real. Second… a true connoisseur of the dark arts of… (He stops lying) I flaked. I walked her to her car and said good night. I will get back into it, I — you just need to give me a little more time.

House: I'll give you ten days.

Wilson: Fine.

[Sarah squalls. Wilson and House turn to see her devouring one of the mice. They both grimace]

House: Ooh!

[The song How to Fight Loneliness by Wilco plays through a final montage]

[Elena, alone in her bed at PPTH]

♪♫ how to fight loneliness ♪♫

[Nadia, staring at the bottle of antidepressants that Chase gave her]

♪♫ smile all the time ♪♫

♪♫ shine your teeth till meaningless ♪♫

[Nadia takes a pill from the bottle and swallows it}

♪♫ and sharpen them with lies ♪♫

[Taub hurrying into Foreman’s living room from the kitchen with two beers. He hands one to Foreman, sits on the couch next to him, and picking up his game controller, they resume their game]

♪♫ and whatever's going down ♪♫

[Wilson lying on his couch, stroking Sarah as she lies on his chest]

♪♫ will follow you around ♪♫

[House and Cuddy in her bed. She rolls over in her sleep to snuggle up to House, who is still awake]

♪♫ thats's how you fight loneliness ♪♫

♪♫ you laugh at every joke ♪♫

[House strokes her arm and finally closes his eyes]

THE END
{"type": "series", "show": "House", "episode": "07x12 - You Must Remember This"}