Principal: Attention, attention please.I am the principal, Lewis Dewitt.For the benefit of those of you who haven't bothered to attend the single PTA meeting in the past four years.

Ben: No, no hold it.My mom won't miss Mike's graduation from the world, and now she is darn in that bathroom again.

Carol: I annoy ya Ben!

Ben: It's not my mom's fault.She's pregnant and I mean you see Dad.

Principal: Never mind.

Jason: We've arrived late and created scenes.

Maggie: We are not going to create scenes.Why is everyone staring at us?

Jason: That's your imagination.

Principal: I'm sure you all recognized Maggie Malone from the channel 19 news.

Ben: Here is four seats if we can get the old lady to move.

Carol: Go.Go.Let's go.

Maggie: Take them quickly.

Jason: Ben, stop yelling.Excuse me, would you like moving down.My wife loves to seat down on the aisle.

The old lady: We heard.

Principal: comfy?

Maggie: Yes.

Principal: Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today in the Elizabeth Long Devil Memorial Auditorium to pay tribute to the Dewey High School class of 1998.And here are your hooters, standing tall and proud.

Maggie: He did it.My baby, I truly did it.

Jason: Mike, you actually made it through high school.

Carol: Wow, did it.I didn't think that, I don't want to jinx this.

Ben: I hate this weenie suit.

Principal: Thank you, Mr.Buzzard; the hooter madrigals have never sounded sweeter.And I wish you well at your new school.I would like to present you the student body president Richard s*ab.

Boner s*ab: Principal Dewitt, vice principal Han Doy, Mr.Verssucio and the attention.Past hooters, future hooters, carried hooters, welcome.Full score and several years ago, we attended.....

Maggie: And my baby is graduating.Where did the years go?

Boner s*ab: And resulting millennium.

Jason: Turn your head just a little.All right, both of you Smile.

Maggie: Mike is only a week old.do you really think that..?

Jason: Ah!Maggie, he was smiling perfectly.Don't talk.

Maggie: You are going to have to be a little patient with your Daddy's never been a father before.

Jason: Maggie, say cheese, Mikey.

Maggie: Hurry, Jason.

Jason: I want to get just the right expression.On his little... Oh, Maggie, you yawned.

Maggie: I am sorry Jason!Oh baby, I am sorry to put you through this.

Jason: All right, I got lots of more films.You know, he was smiling perfectly in every sh*t.

Maggie: Oh, Jason, he was not.

Jason: He is a smiler, and takes after his Mom.

Maggie: Sweetheart, babies his age do not smile.

Jason: No, why didn't it look like he was smiling in every sh*t.

Maggie: He has gas.

Jason: Mike, like I said he takes after his Mom.

Maggie: Oh, Jason, he is.

Jason: Oh just a little joke.Just to get the right expression.

Maggie: Oh, Jason, there is a baby in our room.

Jason: Call the police.

Maggie: Here comes Mommy.

Jason: Honey, only you were breast-feeding, boy I sure like to help you out here.

Maggie: Yeah, right.Kick me a little Republican can you?Oh, you are walking.Oh, aren't you some thing?Wait till I tell your daddy when he gets home.Maggie to TV: You better!

Jason: Oh, he's.

Maggie: Great.

Boner s*ab: Ask not what will your school can do for you, ask what your school can do for your country.Thank you.

Carol: Mom, It wasn't that great a speech...

Maggie: What speech?

Jason: What the hell am Iapplauding for?It doesn't matter.My son is graduating.

Jason: Hey, Mikey, Mikey.What are you doing?

Mike: Reading.

Mike: I'm sorry.

Jason: Ok, then.You come up here sitting on daddy's knees, because I am going to read you a story.

Mike: No.

Jason: Yeah, come on, I want you to see what the wonderful worlds there are in the exciting books.

Jason: Hush....You're gonna wake up Carol.

Mike: No.

Jason: Mike, come on, what have you got against books?

Mike: I hate them.I want to play.

Jason: wait, But you are going to need books.You know for your education.So you can...

Mike: No, I'm not going to school.I decide.

Jason: Ok, what are you going to earn a living when you grow up?

Mike: Play.

Jason: Come on, Mike, you are going to love your first day at school.

Carol: I wish I was old enough to go to school.

Mike: Shut up, Carol.

Carol: No.

Mike: Yes.

Carol: No.

Mike: Yes.

Jason: Hey, hey, hey, kids, kids.

Maggie: Mike, You see how much fun it is!

Mike: That's what you said when we went to the dentist!

Jason: Oh ho, ho, ho, Look, there is another little boy just your age.He is all dressed up for school.He looks so happy.

Maggie: Come on.Mike you're gonna miss the bus.

Mike: Daddy, Mommy, could you let me go to the bus by myself.I don't want to look like a weed.

Maggie: Oh, you have to cross the street.And I just...

Jason: Oh, sure, Mikey.Yeah!

Maggie: Well, Ok, Mikey.Have a great first day.He will be ok.

Jason: Be fine.

Carol: Yeah, right.

Boner s*ab: Hi!

Mike: Hi!

Boner s*ab: What's your name?

Mike: Mikey Seaver.

Boner s*ab: I am Dickey s*ab.

Mike: Dickey, that's a pretty stupid name.

Boner s*ab: Yeah, yeah, it is.I hate it.

Mike: Mr.Bon?Bonny?Bon?Boner?Yeah, from now on your name is Boner.

Boner s*ab: But all the names tagged on my underwear say Dickey.Well-it works Michael.

Mike: Yea, we did it, Boner.

Boner s*ab : Boner.I like that.I don't care what's on my underwear.

Mike: Daddy!

Jason: Mikey, how's my boy?How was the school?

Mike: Boy, I missed you today.I thought about you all the time.

Jason: Oh.How was the school today?

Mike: I must have the best dad on earth.

Jason: How was the school?

Mike: I love you daddy.

Jason: Mike, come on, and I was asking how.Oh, I love you too.

Maggie: Hi, Honey.

Jason: Oh, Hi, sweet heart.

Maggie: Hi, Mikey, did you tell you dad about your report card?

Mike: Er, Oh.

Jason: Oh!

Mike: just about to ..

Maggie: Well, Go ahead, Mike.

Mike: I love you, Mommy.

Maggie: Look that won't work on us sweet heart.We are not stupid.

Mike: It worked on daddy.

Principal: Thank you for that.A stirring song.Stirring ending.Hahahaha!I see, there is no reason to prolong this.I keep our nervous graduates in suspense.Hahaha!Estelle, the diplomas!

Mike: This is it.

Jason: This is it.

Maggie: This is it.

Carol: This is it.

Ben: I am hungry.

The old lady: If he thinks he is getting this, he almost is crazy.

Mike: I didn't do it.I didn't touch the woman, I swear.

Marshall: I do with the best I can.

Principal: How would you survive if you had to get a real job.Why don't we have Mr.Buzzard heral the choirs to do another little ditty for us

Estelle: Here.

Principal: Thank you!Mr.Buzzeard.Thank you.Okey Dokey.Where were we?All right, yes, the diplomas.Class, I'll be calling your names in alphabetical, order.Edward?Cornelius, Diza.Get down, you Mr.Mike and Bonner: Cornelius.

Principal: Zaff?Then you sit down, Mr..Estelle, Estelle, I thought these were in alphabetical order!?.

Estelle: I know you did.

Principal: This is just great.Mr.Zaff, What are you in need of a great invitation?

Carol: This is a perfect graduation for Mike.

Ben: Why?

Carol: Because it stinks.

Ben: Carol, You got something stuck between your teeth.

Carol: What?

Ben: it's really ugly.

Carol: There is nothing in between my teeth.

Ben: So there is nothing in between your ears either.

Carol: Fine, defend Mike.What's this?For Carol, personal.P-u-r-s-i-n-a-l.

Carol: That's Mike.

Mike: Ok, sucker, you owe me 50 bucks plus interest from July 4th 1976, Mike.

Carol: July 4th 1976?

Mike: That's what I said.

Maggie: Honey, look at the tall ships.

Jason: Oh Well.That's beautiful.

Mike: See, Mommy.Dad is rightWe don't need color.

Jason: Thanks, Mikey.

Mike: I want to go watch too.

Carol: ha...

Maggie: Leave him alone Carol.Your brother has a lot of catching up to do this summer.

Jason: Come on, MikeyRead this line.

Mike: I hate this book.

Jason: Oh honey, How do you know it?You haven't even read it yet.

Mike: I heard about it.I'll just wait for the movie.

Jason: Mike?

Mike: Ok, Ok.Don't help me.s, s.

Jason: Maggie, did you hear her?

Maggie: I heard, she could read.Four years old, she can read.

Jason: It's a miracle.

Maggie: It's fantastic.

Jason: Oh, a little genius.

Maggie: Oh, I've got to go to call Mom and dad.

Jason: Oh, I've got to take the recorder.

Carol: Turn the page.I want to see how it comes out.

Mike: Always got to make me feel bad, don't you?

Carol: yeah.

Mike: Big deal.So what if you can read?It does not mean nothing.

Carol: Sure, it does.It means I am smart, and you are stupid.You'll not even gonna to graduate.

Mike: I bet you fifty bucks, I do.

Carol: Ok, sucker.

Mike: What does graduate mean?Ok, sucker you owe me fifty bucks and interest from July 4th 1976.Mike.

Mike: What?

The family: What?

Principal: Should read Mike Kilmer.Jeez!

Mike: He did that on purpose.

Boner s*ab: Mike, wanna see my diploma?

Mike: Oh, sure.

Boner: It's me.

Mike: You have a Boner on the diploma?

Bonner: Yea, it cost extra.

Mike: Boner was fine when we were kids.It's gotta be a pretty stupid name.

Bonner: Yeah?Yes, it is.I hate it.

Mike: Yeah, Richard is not that bad.Or, hey, hey what about Rick?

Boner: Rick s*ab?Yea, they're gonna love it.Of course my Mom is gonna have to change all the tags on my underwear.

Ben: Hello, Pony, can you hear me?Can you hear me?Now we are trapped by them on the four sides.Make them three.Where are you?t*nk!Oh no I touched a grenade!h*t it George O.Willis!Kabooey!

Jason: It's your brother's graduation.Will you please stop exploding.

Principal: And that's our last diploma.That concludes our graduation ceremony.

Mike: no.

The family: No.

Mike: That can't be all of them.There 's gotta be one more?

Principal: Estelle, Hehehehe.Yes, I stepped on it.

Estelle: You said it.

Principal: Michael Alan Seaver.

Principal: Michael Alan Seaver.

Mike: Yes.

Jason: Enjoying yourself?

Mike: Yea.I am just relaxing, Dad.

Jason: Yes, good.Oh, you had better get to bed, school tomorrow?Gotcha!

Mike: Well, yeah, now it's kinda hard getting used to the idea that all that junk is behind me now.

Jason: Well, don't.

Mike: What?

Mike: Dad?

Jason: Gotcha again!Well, this is fun.

Mike: Yes, it's a real hoot.

Jason: The truth is you worked very hard.And you deserve a rest.

Mike: That's right.

Jason: This is your time now, relax and kick back, have some fun.

Mike: Yes.

Jason: Especially since the summer session of Alf Landen Junior collage starts in about three weeks.

Mike: No, no, no, no.You didn't get me that time, dad.

Jason: Well, That time I was not joking.

Mike: You are joking.

Jason: No.

Jason: What?

Mike: Well, Boner and I have been listed in the marines.

Jason: Mike, Well, wait a minute.

Mike: Got ya!
{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x26 - Graduation Day"}