THE TWIN DILEMMA

BY: ANTHONY STEVEN

Part Three

Original Air Date: 29 March 1984
Running time: 24:27

(The Doctor appears. A bit.)

PERI: Did you see that?

LT HUGO LANG: I think so.

PERI: Do Doctor, I ahhh are you here?

LT HUGO LANG: What in heaven's name is going on? You're flesh and blood at least.

PERI: Leave me alone.

DOCTOR: Oh, that stupid girl's watch. How I hate these h*t or miss performances.

PERI: Doctor, thank heavens, whatever happened?

DOCTOR: Your watch stopped. I overcompensated, ended up in the wrong time zone. Ten seconds into your future.

PERI: I thought you’d been k*lled.

DOCTOR: You cared?

PERI: Of course I did.

DOCTOR: You know I'll never understand the people of earth. I have spent the day using, abusing, even tried to k*ll you. If you'd behaved as I have, I should have been pleased at your demise.

PERI: It's called compassion, Doctor. It's the difference that remains between us.

DOCTOR: Earthlings.

LT HUGO LANG: Would someone like to tell me what is going on?

DOCTOR: Ah, Corporal Lang, how are you?

LT HUGO LANG: Lieutenant. I was fine, I'm not sure any more. My ship.

DOCTOR: You were lucky to escape, no one else did.

PERI: I'm sorry. What went wrong?

LT HUGO LANG: I don't know, the controls seized, after that I don't remember anything til I came to in here. What is this place, who are you?

PERI: I'm Peri, and this is the Doctor. He saved your life.

DOCTOR: And we did not abduct the twins.

LT HUGO LANG: Twins, what do you know about them?

DOCTOR: Never mind about that now, look, do put that thing away will you? If you ever hope to see them again your only chance is to come with us.

LT HUGO LANG: Where to?

DOCTOR At a guess, Jaconda.

LT HUGO LANG: All right, you don't leave me any choice, do you?

DOCTOR: Not really.

(On Jaconda.)

ROMULUS: He was your friend.

REMUS: That girl did you no harm.

ROMULUS: You've left them there to die.

AZMAEL: They will survive. Now if you don't mind.

REMUS: And your name isn't Edgeworth

ROMULUS It's Azmael.

AZMAEL: Yes, yes, I agree, a small deception, now be patient and sensible.

DRAK: Master.

AZMAEL: What is it?

DRAK: That blip on the scanner.

AZMAEL: Yes. Very far ahead.

DRAK: We're on the same course.

AZMAEL: Oh, some merchant man. No concern of ours.

NOMA: They will not survive.

AZMAEL I don’t understand.

NOMA: The safe house. I set it to self destruct.

AZMAEL: You madman, I gave no orders!

NOMA: That is perfectly correct.

AZMAEL: But it's m*rder! Why, Noma, why?

NOMA: It is what the lord Mestor would have wished.

(Back to the TARDIS.)

PERI: But why would he want to k*ll us?

DOCTOR: I don't know.

PERI: And if he's going to Jaconda, why stop off Titan Three?

LT HUGO LANG: Oh, that was just to put us off the scent.

DOCTOR: No no no no no. No, no. No no nononono. No, consider what we know. Azmael, or whatever he happens to call himself needs the genius of the twins, he crosses galaxies to possess their minds. He says he's no longer master of his planet, but he wants to save his people. And that I cannot help him to do so. Even if he does believe such unimaginable rubbish he must be faced by some unimaginable disaster which has unhinged his mind. Well. We shall soon discover what it is.

(On Jaconda.)

MESTOR: Who is this creature?

CHAMBERLAIN: A porter from the royal hatcheries, Master.

MESTOR: What is his crime?

CHAMBERLAIN: After routine search following his tour of duty, he was found to have this concealed on his person.

MESTOR: What does it contain?

CHAMBERLAIN: Vegetables from the royal hatcheries, Master

MESTOR: The penalty is death. Have you anything to say?

PRISONER: Mercy, great Master, mercy! My family is starving.

MESTOR: Many are starving, it is no difference. Now your family will have to starve without your company. Stand aside, guards. You will suffer the maximum penalty – death by embolism.

PRISONER: No, no not that. sh**t me! Ah! Aaaaaagghh!

MESTOR: Cold storage. ** CLAP ON! ** The carcass may be of use to our slaves if this famine continues. Azmael will soon be here?

CHAMBERLAIN: Yes, Master.

MESTOR: When he arrives, have him escorted to his laboratory with the earthlings. I will see him there.

(On the surface. The TARDIS materializes.)

DOCTOR: Haaaa. Jaconda the beautiful.

PERI: You call this beautiful? Doctor, it's absolutely ghastly!

DOCTOR: Oh no. It should not be true. The giant gastropods.

LT HUGO LANG: What are you talking about?

DOCTOR: Half humanoid, half slug, part of Jacondan mythology.

PERI: So?

DOCTOR: Well, just look around you, look at the devastation.

PERI: Gastropods did this?

DOCTOR What else?

PERI: Are you sure your mind isn’t wandering again?

DOCTOR: Of course not. So, it wasn't a myth after all. Somewhere somehow their seed survived. Now they have returned.

LT HUGO LANG: Nonsense.

DOCTOR: You think so?

LT HUGO LANG: Well of course it is.

DOCTOR: I wish I could agree with you. This was once a forest grove. Look at the trees! No trace of foliage. The very bark stripped of the trunks. And the soil! Barren. Nothing but these telltale tracks. The slime trails of the giant gastropods. I fear the evidence is quite conclusive.

PERI: Doctor. You're beginning to scare me.

DOCTOR: I'm beginning to scare myself, Peri.

PERI: Now what?

DOCTOR: Into the TARDIS. I must think.

(On the freighter.)

AZMAEL: Freighter to Jaconda control. Freight to Jaconda control.

FLIGHT CONTROLLER: Receiving you freighter.

AZMAEL: Approaching re-entry, permission to touch down at omega intersection.

FLIGHT CONTROLLER: You are clear to approach.

AZMAEL: Thank you control.

FLIGHT CONTROLLER: On arrival report to palace. Transport will be waiting. Out.

(In the TARDIS.)

PERI: What are you gonna do?

DOCTOR: Panic at any moment.

LT HUGO LANG: Where is Edgeworth likely to have taken the twins?

DOCTOR: The palace.

LT HUGO LANG: Well shouldn't we go there?

DOCTOR: And be k*lled?

LT HUGO LANG: Just give me directions and I'll go alone, if you're afraid.

DOCTOR: Me, afraid?

LT HUGO LANG Well, aren't you?

DOCTOR: You have a nasty habit of pinpointing the truth, young man.

PERI: We we we can't let him go alone!

DOCTOR Watch me.

PERI: Well you know what's out there, he doesn't!

DOCTOR: Well then let him go to the palace, and he'll know as much as I do.

PERI: Oh Doctor you must help.

DOCTOR: Is this another attempt to teach me compassion?

LT HUGO LANG: Just tell me where it is and I'll be happy to go alone.

DOCTOR: It's all right for you! You're young, strong, fit of limb.You're confident in your mission,your energy's boundless, you're highly motivated to success. You even have a g*n to enforce your will upon others. Look at me, I'm old, lacking in vigour, my mind's in a turmoil, I no longer know if I'm coming, have gone or even been. I'm falling to pieces! I no longer even have any clothes sense!

PERI: Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself!

DOCTOR: Self pity is all I have left.

PERI: You've got the TARDIS. You still know how to operate it. Take the Lieutenant to the palace!

LT HUGO LANG: Now, if you please.

DOCTOR: As you wish.

(Underground.)

PERI: That's the seediest looking stately home I've ever seen.

DOCTOR: Well you didn't expect me to materialise in the throne room.

LT HUGO LANG: Where are the twins likely to be?

DOCTOR: Anywhere.

LT HUGO LANG: Well, I won’t find them waiting around here.

DOCTOR: I'll come with you.

LT HUGO LANG: No need, thank you for bringing me here.

DOCTOR: You didn't give me much choice! Now look, Sergeant –

PERI: Lieutenant.

DOCTOR AND LT HUGO LANG Lieutenant.

DOCTOR: Don't be smug with me. Now I've already explained my condition, I may be behaving like a manic barometer, but don't shrug off help when it's offered. You can't afford to.

LT HUGO LANG: I thank you for your offer, but frankly I find you unreliable.

DOCTOR: So is most currency. Doesn't stop people from spending money wisely.

PERI: The Doctor might be useful.

LT HUGO LANG: Well, all right. But if you become unstable again, Doctor, I won't hesitate to k*ll you.

(After the freighter lands.)

ROMULUS: Where are you taking us?

AZMAEL: You'll see.

REMUS: Why do you like to play the man of mystery?

ROMULUS: It's a role you play very badly.

REMUS It's so blatantly transparent.

AZMAEL: Continue to provoke me and the matter that contains your genius will finish up as so much animal fodder!

(Back to the Doctor.)

DOCTOR: Hideous. Utterly hideous!

PERI: Are you sure this is the right place?

DOCTOR: Hm? Absolutely. Azmael showed me once. This passage leads to the center of the palace. Used to be an underground bolthole in times of danger. Ah, seems to be clear. Shall we go?

PERI: I just hope you don’t get us lost.

(To Azmael.)

DOCTOR: Oh, definite possibility that.

AZMAEL: This is where I work. The palace laboratory.

CHAMBERLAIN: Greetings.

ROMULUS What's in there?

AZMAEL: Eggs. You're looking at Lord Mestor's incubator. The future citizens of Jaconda.

REMUS: They're gastropod eggs.

CHAMBERLAIN: Such knowledge.

ROMULUS: Who is this?

AZMAEL: One of Lord Mestor's lackeys.

CHAMBERLAIN: Not quite, Azmael. I am a humble servant of the Lord Mestor. I am his Chamberlain. Welcome to the planet Jaconda. I will inform the Lord Mestor of your safe arrival.

AZMAEL: If you must, do so.

CHAMBERLAIN: It's my duty, he's commanded me.

AZMAEL: Well hurry then. And you too, Noma.

NOMA: No I must remain, I too have been commanded.

AZMAEL: One day you will discover for yourselves that treason is universal. Let it not concern you now. And don't be afraid of what lies in store for us.

(Back to the Doctor.)

DOCTOR: This way. Come along. Ah, there they are. I don't know how old they are, but they tell the whole story. The Queen of Jaconda offended the sun god. This way. He inflicted a terrible revenge. He sent a creature, half humanoid, half slug. This creature's offspring were numberless. They ravaged the planet, the population starved. When he saw what he'd done the sun god relented. He sent a drought which destroyed the slugs. The people of Jaconda survived. That's the story as Azmael related it.

PERI: Now what do you think?

DOCTOR: It was more truth than myth. I think some dormant eggs survived.

PERI: For how long?

DOCTOR: Too long, it seems. Shut off the torch. Listen.

PERI: What is it?

DOCTOR: The sound of giant slugs.

LT HUGO LANG: What a stench!

DOCTOR: Their gastric tracts. Rotting vegetables.

PERI: Or rotting flesh.

LT HUGO LANG: Doctor.

DOCTOR: Whatever is it now?

LT HUGO LANG: I'm ... I'm stuck!

DOCTOR: Oh no, I should have thought of that! Their slime trails harden like concrete, only far faster.

LT HUGO LANG: Well never mind that, just get me out of it, you!

DOCTOR: Easier said than done.

PERI Well we can't leave him here.

LT HUGO LANG: Maybe if I turn my g*n down low I can melt the stuff.

DOCTOR: Oh, if you like, but try not to burn your feet off.

(To Azmael.)

MESTOR: So these are your prodigies. They seem quite insignificant.

AZMAEL: Their brains are not.

MESTOR: We shall see. Have you told them why we need them?

AZMAEL: Not in detail. So far they've simply worked to orders.

MESTOR: I suggest that you do tell them. If they know that our purpose is benevolent, they may prove to be less intransigent.

AZMAEL: Very well.

MESTOR: How far advanced are you?

AZMAEL: We need another day.

MESTOR: Very well, I will leave you.

AZMAEL: Mestor. Do not monitor my thoughts.

MESTOR: Why not?

AZMAEL: It interferes with my concentration.

MESTOR: They may be treasonable thoughts.

AZMAEL: There can be no treason without fellow conspirators, and aI have none. You control the minds of all my most faithful subjects.

MESTOR: I do not trust you.

AZMAEL: A mistake, Mestor. The last hope for my people is the success of this undertaking. I wouldn't allow my personal loathing for you to interfere with that.

MESTOR: Very well.

AZMAEL: Remove Noma, too.

NOMA: Master.

MESTOR: Until your work is done.

AZMAEL: They don't trust you, either, that's why they've left you here, to see the measure of your treachery.

DRAK: But I'm not a traitor.

AZMAEL: True, but I believe they think you are my friend.

DRAK: I would value your friendship.

AZMAEL It could cost you your life.

DRAK: I could think of worse reasons for dying.

AZMAEL: Thank you. Now. Pay attention. That is our sun, that is Jaconda. Those are two lesser planets. Now I once ruled Jaconda, but now Mestor has usurped me. His kind takes all and gives nothing, there is nothing left for my people.

REMUS: What are we supposed to do?

AZMAEL: Help me to provide the only possible solution.

ROMULUS: You’d better tell us what it is.

AZMAEL: We need new sources of supply. And we're going to bring those two planets into orbit around Jaconda.

TWINS: What?

AZMAEL: Oh yes. And then they will have the same atmospheres and climates, they will be the larders of Jaconda. Everything is in readiness. All we lack is what you two possess, that mathematical delicacy that will s*ab those two planets in their new orbit.

(Back to the Doctor.)

DOCTOR: Now, let me see. We follow this passage to the end, flight of steps up to the palace hall, doorway at the left just up at the top. Yes, that's it. Private doorway into the back of his laboratory. That's where he's bound to be.

PERI: Who?

DOCTOR: What?

PERI: Who will be there?

DOCTOR: Me. Once I can get away from this fool. Will you hurry up?

LT HUGO LANG: I'm doing the best I can.

DOCTOR: Well it's not good enough! Look what you've done you stupid girl, you've ruined everything!

PERI: It wasn't my fault!

DOCTOR: Of course it was your fault, sheer carelessness! Switching off that torch when you did, don't argue with me!

PERI: I will! I'm not letting a manic depressive paranoid personality like you shut me up!

DOCTOR: Manic depressive! Me!

PERI: Well can't you hear yourself? You're having another of your fits!

DOCTOR: Right that's it, I'm off!

LT HUGO LANG Calm down, Doctor!

DOCTOR: Calm down? Calm da, calm down? The fate of a whole planet hanging in the balance and he tells me to calm down.

LT HUGO LANG: Look, I'll be free in a moment.

DOCTOR: Oh, fend for yourselves!

PERI Oh, Doctor!

LT HUGO LANG: Don’t waste your breath, we'll manage.

(Back to Azmael.)

AZMAEL: Everything is controlled from this panel. When the information you provide has been fed into the computer, we shall operate this switch.

REMUS: What happens if we refuse to help?

AZMAEL: Then I shall have to k*ll you! I've already told you that this is the only way we can save my people.

ROMULUS: Aren’t you forgetting the consequence of what you're asking!

AZMAEL: Look, everything has been considered, how many times must I tell you!

REMUS: He's mad.

REMUS: Quite mad.

ROMULUS: Azmael! Edgeworth!

DOCTOR (OUTSIDE): We won't do it!

TWINS: You'll do as I tell you!

AZMAEL: Still bullying children, eh?

(He enters.)

DOCTOR: Villain! m*rder!

DOCTOR: Doctor!

AZMAEL: (shouts something)

DOCTOR: That's enough, Doctor!

AZMAEL: 

DOCTOR: I apologize. However I still would like to know why you tried to m*rder us.

DRAK: He didn't.

ROMULUS: He didn't know.

REMUS: It was Noma.

AZMAEL: Look, I can’t believe it. How did you escape?

DOCTOR: That doesn't matter now. I think you better tell me what’s going on here.

(Back to Peri.)

PERI: Pity about your boot.

LT HUGO LANG: Never mind. Where to now?

PERI: Find the Doctor.

LT HUGO LANG: Right.

(To Mestor.)

PERI: No! No! Hugo! No! No! No! No!

MESTOR: Who are these aliens on Titan Three?

NOMA: A Time Lord and an earth girl.

MESTOR: And Azmael would have let them live?

NOMA: Yes.

MESTOR: But now he knows them to be d*ad.

NOMA: He does, I told him so.

MESTOR: You have done well, Noma.

NOMA: No more than is my duty.

MESTOR: What have we here?

NOMA: Impossible! She must have died!

MESTOR: Is this the earth girl you say you k*lled? It seems you have not done so well after all. Where did you find her?

JACONDAN GUARD: In a passage underneath the palace.

MESTOR: Alone?

JACONDAN GUARD: There was another with her. We left him half d*ad.

MESTOR: This is a dangerous complication. Fetch him to me. At once! At once!

(To Azmael and Doctor.)

AZMAEL: That is the plan. Now what is your opinion?

DOCTOR: You really intend to put it into operation? You know what'll happen, don't you?

ROMULUS: We've already told him.

AZMAEL The risks must be taken.

DOCTOR: This is not a risk, Azmael, this is doomsday! One tiny error in your calculation you'll blow a small hole in the universe.

LT HUGO LANG: Doctor! Doctor, they've got Peri!

DOCTOR: Peri? Peri!

AZMAEL: Stop him!

DOCTOR: No, leave me, I must go to her!

AZMAEL: And tell Mestor everything and condemn my plan to certain death?

DOCTOR: But I must help her!

AZMAEL: No, Doctor, if necessary she must die.

DOCTOR: No. Peri!
{"type": "series", "show": "Doctor Who", "episode": "21x23 - The Twin Dilemma - part 3"}