Narrator: Last time on Growing Pains...

Jason: It's time for another Seaver family meeting and none of you's going anywhere.

Ben: Dad wanted a family vacation.

Jason: Takes your breath away, doesn't it? So what's it gonna be folks, Florida, or...

Ben: Maui! Maui! He thought we were all excited about the idea.

Mike: Maui would be okay!

Ben: But, there was trouble ahead. Oh boy, oh boy oh boy, a shark! Mom had to work on a story.

Jason: That explains why you've been too tired to socialize.

Carol: Yea, I love history too!

Ben: Carol found there was another fish in the sea, while Mike enjoyed the local culture.

Malia: Look like someone's joined my tour without paying.

Mike: Hey, how'd you spot me?

Malia: Aloha, Mike. Did you remember to bring your trunks?

Mike: Hey, I haven't been able to think about anything else.

Ben: So tonight, let's see what happens to our vacation in Maui.

Mike: Uh, where are you taking me?

Malia: Someplace neat. Come on. Come on.

Mike: Uh, well you know, there's d*ad people here.

Malia: Sure. My great grandfather, his father, my great aunt Loki.

Mike: Yeah, well, you know I'm sure they're very nice people. Uh, polite, well behaved.

Malia: Just follow me.

Mike: Look, where are we going?

Malia: To heaven.

Mike: Exactly how do you mean that?

Mike: Wow!

Malia: This is my beach.

Mike: You own this?

Malia: Everybody owns this.

Mike: Oh yeah, you know that's kind of like a state park. See, we got those in Long Island. But there's so many people and all the graffiti all over the place. This is a great beach, you know, I mean, you got sand and shells, the works.

Malia: Why are you so nervous?

Mike: I'm not, I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous.

Malia: Is it because you haven't spent much time alone with me?

Mike: Um, what're you kidding? I mean, well, yea, I guess you can say that I haven't spent nearly enough time with you.

Malia: It's ok, I like that. Usually boys from the mainland talk to me like they know everything and I know nothing just because I spent my whole life here.

Mike: Oh well, trust me, I know less than any guy you ever met.

Malia: I sense that about you.

Mike: You know, I sense something about you too. From the moment you said Aloha.

Malia: I can say it again. Aloha Mike.

Mike: Aloha, Malia. Oh wait a minute, what are you doing?

Malia: I'm going swimming. You did say you brought your trunks, didn't you?

Mike: Oh, uh, right.

Jason: What's this?

Waiter: This is a hollowed out pineapple with booze in it. What did you think it was, a thermonuclear device?

Jason: I didn't order that.

Waiter: But the lady in the front corner sent it.

Jason: I'm married.

Waiter: A blonde twinkie over there. Oh right, here she comes.

Maggie: Hi, good looking. I'm Roxy.

Jason: I'm Raul.

Waiter: I'm Ted.

Jason: Can I buy you one of those?

Maggie: Anytime.

Jason: So do you, um, live here?

Maggie: Of course not, this is a hotel. Get in the game. No, no, actually I am here visiting with my family.

Jason: Are you really? Me too.

Maggie: But I'm afraid I behaved a little selfishly and, uh, stupidly towards my husband. And all he wanted was just to have his family all together.

Jason: Sounds like a hell of a guy.

Maggie: Oh, he is.

Jason: Well, it's no exaggeration to say that he's married to a pretty terrific lady.

Maggie: Why thank you, sir.

Jason: You are more than welcome.

Maggie: Boy I wish that my husband were as easy to talk to as you are, Raul.

Jason: Really? If he were here right now what would you say to him?

Maggie: I'd say Jason, I just wanted the last part of my story and from this moment on I'm here for some family fun.

Jason: ...The room service. Send it right to your room. You can eat it in your underwear.

Waiter: Whoops.

Malia: This is a typical old-fashioned native home.

Mike: Oh, uh nice.

Malia: You like it?

Mike: Yea, yea. Uh, do you know these people?

Malia: I live here.

Mike: Oh, I love it. Oh, it's nice.

Malia: So what time does your family expect you back?

Mike: Uhh, hey, what family?

Malia's Mom: Malia!

Malia: [Hawaiian] That's my grandmother.

Mike: You live with your grandmother?

Malia: And my grandfather, and my mother, and my father, and my uncle

Mike: Oh gosh, you live with all these people?

Malia: Uh huh.

Mike: Oh well, bet you can't wait to move out of here.

Malia: Why would I want to do that?

Mike: Well because, you know, you never have any privacy, you probably don't have a life of your own.

Malia: Well it wouldn't be any fun without my family.

Child: Aloha, hi!

Mike: Oh hi! You didn't tell me you had a little sister.

Malia: No, this is my daughter. Lena, this is Mike. He came all the way from the mainland to visit us. Mike, this is Lena.

Mike: How's it going?

Jason: Oh wait, gotta check on the kids. SHHH.

Maggie: Sorry.

Jason: Go go go.

Maggie: Ben's asleep and Mike's still out. Oh, we should wake her up.

Carol: Bobby! You were supposed to call me every Oh, oh I'm sorry, hold on a sec, mom it's for you. If Bobby calls tell him I'm out, tell him I'll be out tomorrow too, tell him I've got plans. Big plans.

Jason: Good night.

Maggie: Hello? Susan, hi. No, no, no, no, I can hear you just fine. Good. What? My story went national? Oh, you're kidding this is fabulous. Once in a lifetime is right! What other interview? Uh huh. Well ok, ok. When do they need it by? Uh huh. Day after tomorrow? Oh, Susan, that means I'd have to come back right now. Well I know its important, I know it's important, ok, ok, hold on. Honey?

My story went national? Oh, you're kidding this is fabulous. Once in a lifetime is right!

What other interview?

Uh huh. Well ok, ok. When do they need it by?

Uh huh. Day after tomorrow? Oh, Susan, that means I'd have to come back right now.

Well I know its important, I know it's important, ok, ok, hold on. Honey?

Jason: Aloha.

TV: Maui the perfect place for the ideal family vacation.

Jason: Yeah, right. Early night tonight, Mike?

Mike: Yeah, it sure was.

Jason: What happened?

Mike: Ah, forget it, Dad, you wouldn't understand.

Jason: Well try me, what's it about?

Mike: Women.

Jason: Yeah, you're right, I probably wouldn't understand.

Mike: See Dad, I went out with this girl and she was beautiful,

she was gorgeous, she was perfect Dad,

and the only thing is she turned out to be not a girl.

Jason: What?

Mike: She, she was a woman.

Jason: Well how old was this woman?

Mike: Seventeen.

Jason: Oh, she's a girl.

Mike: No, Dad, she has a girl.

Jason: She has a girl.

Mike: This girl/woman, Malia, she has a kid!

Jason: Well this girl/woman with a kid Mike,

does she also happen to have a husband, too?

Mike: Well, not anymore.

Jason: Well define not anymore?

Mike: Well see, she got married really young and this dude turned out to be one of those guys who just wanted to party and mess around all the time. You know, one of those guys only thinks about himself, you know the type.

Jason: Kind of, yeah.

Mike: Yea, well, Dad, seeing Malia standing there with her little girl was weird.

Jason: Why?

Mike: Dad in all the dating I've done which, let's face it, is considerable,

usually the only kid involved is me.

Jason: Well, what you're realizing Mike is that every girl you date is a person;

she's always going to be somebody's daughter, or sister.

Mike: Or mother.

Ben: Hey Carol!

Carol: Stop yelling, Ben.

Ben: Mom and Dad wanted to check and see if you wanted to go with us take Mom to the airport.

Carol: What?

Ben: Are you coming to the airport or not?

Carol: No! I said goodbye already.

Ben: You know Carol, you'll get a better tan if you wait until the sun finishes coming up.

Hey Carol, look, it's Hadley. What a coinkydink, eh, Carol?

Hadley: Hi!

Carol: Hi!

Hadley: So you weren't busy this morning?

Carol: Oh, gee, was it this morning you said that this was your day off when the hotel let you use the guests with the pool? Uh, the pool with the guests.

Jason: Well, okay then. Ben, can you point that thing somewhere else please?

Ben: Ah, this is where the mushy stuff starts anyway.

Maggie: Oh honey, I'm so sorry.

Jason: Sorry.

Maggie: This is where the mushy stuff starts.

Jason: (mumbling)

Maggie: Me too. And I'm really sorry I'm so needed at the paper.

Jackie: It's not your fault you're so successful.

Maggie: Are you serious?

Jason: So what are you going to be missing for a couple days of relaxing in the sun?

Big lu'au that I made reservations for? Me? I'm kidding. I'm fine. I know someday we're going to have a family vacation together.

I'm kidding. I'm fine. I know someday we're going to have a family vacation together.

Maggie: I'm sure we will.

Ben: Hey Dad, you want to go horseback riding with me?

Jason: Well I don't know Ben, the last time I went horseback riding

Ben: Hey Dad! Look it's Bobby!

Bobby: Hey Dr. Seaver! Hey Ben!

Jason: What are you doing here?

Bobby: I came to surprise Carol.

Ben: Dad, quick you gotta buy me some more video tape.

Tour guide: [Japanese] Bye bye! Bye bye!

Malia: Are you trying to join my tour without paying again?

Mike: I don't know what I'm trying to do.

Malia: I sensed that about you.

Carol: Well, that's fundamentally true.

But it's generally conceded that the Roman Empire fell when the intelligentsia shifted its priorities from concern of the welfare of the empire to totally selfish and hedonistic pleasures.

Hadley: Tell me about it.

Carol: Ben, what are you doing here?

Ben: Now!

Bobby: Yo, Carol!

Carol: Bobby!

Ben: Is that it? Is that the best you guys can do?

Bobby: Oh, so this is what's been going on behind my back, huh?

Carol: It is not, I've spent seven days waiting for that phone to ring which it never once did.

Bobby: That's because I was working overtime saving money time to come here and surprise you.

Hadley: Hi, I'm Hadley Barnes.

Bobby: Hi, I'm really steamed.

Carol: Bobby!

Ben: Hey you guys, say cheese!

Jason: Hello, yea, this is Dr. Seaver, I had a reservation for five for your lu'au tonight and,

uh, I have to cancel that.

Yeah, I'm sorry, too.

Well, who knows where the kids are and my wife had to go back to her job.

So. Reporter. So, anyway, just cancel it, Ok? Thank you.

Ben: Dad, dad, the horseback riding was fantastic!

You should have come!

I got this really neat horse that looked like the black stallion only it's butt was white!

Jason: Well, yeah...

Ben: So what time's the lu'au? I mean, what do they do there? Do they have a lot of food? Tell me! Tell me!

Jason: You're quite a guy Ben

Ben: Why, what'd I do?

Jason: Well, you are the eternal optimist.

Ben: You mean I need glasses?

Jason: I mean you and I are going to go to that Lu'au and we're going to have a great time so you go get changed, ok?

Yes, Dr. Seaver. I just canceled that reservation for five to the Lu'au and I'd like to reinstate it for two please.

No, no, no, she didn't come back.

What they do is they take a pig and they stuff an apple in its mouth and they put him in the ground and they roast it.

Ben: While it's still alive?

Jason: No, no, see

Ben: Hey Dad, there's Bobby!

Jason: Yo, Bobby! Why don't you come and join us for the Lu'au?

Bobby: Oh, you don't have to be nice to me just because Carol cut my heart out and stomped on it.

Jason: Nothing personal Bobby, all the women in our family tree treat men that way. Ah, Seaver Party?

Waiter: Uh, yes, party of two, I remember.

Jason: Well, there will be three now.

Ben: Yeah, my sisters sulking and my brother disappeared again and my Mom flew home.

Waiter: I heard she's a reporter. Table for three.

Ben: All right! I'm going to be able to get real close to the hula girls!

Jason: That'll be perfect, thank you.

Carol: What's he doing in my seat?

Jason: Carol, we didn't know you were coming.

Carol: Well, uh, I'm certainly not going to let him ruin my vacation.

Jason: Well, we have a table for four.

Bobby: I can go.

Carol: It's up to you.

Jason: Four of you, eh

Man: I was waiting for the younger gentleman respond.

Jason: You stay.

Man: This way.

Bobby: So?

Carol: So?

Bobby: Where's your boyfriend?

Carol: Hadley is not my boyfriend, we were merely discussing the fall of Rome.

Bobby: Carol, that man was greasing your back.

Carol: Don't make it something gross!

Bobby: Oh, me? Look, I might be slow compared to you but I know what I saw.

I saw a guy coming on to you.

Now you're so beautiful and smart maybe you're used to that but I'm not.

Carol: Beautiful?

Bobby: I was always afraid of losing you. I never thought it would be so soon.

Carol: You afraid of losing me?

Bobby: Why wouldn't I?

Carol: I don't know, I always thought that I was

you're absolutely right, Bobby, honey.

Jason: Enjoy the lu'au.

Mike: Hey everybody, it's Luna, Malia's little girl.

Everyone: Hi!

Mike: Yeah, see her Mom has to work, and, uh, she's going to meet us a little bit later.

Come on, don't play with the silver ware. Hey, you gotta keep your eye on her all the time. Hey Luna, no!

Jason: Waiter! Excuse me, I hate to say it, but I think we're going to need uh.

Waiter: Why don't you just take that table over there, it seats up to twelve.

Jason: Oh, yea, thank you.

Mike: Hey come on Luna, help play with the sand! We're over here, come on!

Jason: Mike, I thought you weren't ready for women with kids.

Mike: Yeah, well you know, I was thinking about what you said about there being more to girls than just the way they look.

Jason: You thought that?

Mike: Yeah! You know, I figured that everyone eventually ends up with women with kids, can't be that bad, can it?

Jason: Well, Mike, you know being part of a family isn't always easy but it's always.

Mike: Luna, no!

Jason: Interesting.

Maggie: Hi handsome.

Jason: Married. What?

Ben: Mom.

Maggie: Before you say a word, when I changed planes in Oahu, I called Susan at the paper and I told her that my family was just as important as my career.

Jason: You're here!

Maggie: Jason, have you been listening to me?

Jason: You told Susan that?

Maggie: Honey, are you one question off?

Jason: Of course I'm listening. So, the story can wait?

Maggie: No, she didn't say that.

Jason: Who?

Maggie: Susan.

Jason: What?

Maggie: She didn't say the story could wait. She said if I didn't realize how much the paper was counting on me then there was no reason for me to hurry back.

Jason: You're here!

Maggie: Yes! I quit!

Jason: You quit! Your job? No, honey, you got to call her back.

Maggie: Ok.

Jason: Ok, what?

Maggie: No, I'm kidding.

Jason: Kidding about quitting or kidding about calling?

Maggie: No, I did quit my job and I'm not calling anyone.

Jason: You're unemployed; I don't think that's good. You know, maybe you should.

Maggie: Oh, Jason, shut up. Finding another job is easier than finding another family.

Ben: It wasn't me.

(sing ,People are playing.)
{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "03x02 - Aloha: Part 2"}