Diplomat: How much longer to the embassy?

Driver: I believe it'll be around  minutes, sir.

Driver: Huh?

Driver: The brake's not working.

Diplomat: Hey, you! Up front! Look up front!

Member A: One of our diplomats perished in a car accident in Ostania.

Member A: But we believe it to be an assassination by the East's far-right political party.

Member A: They are plotting a w*r against our nation of Westalis.

Member A: We must do everything we can to figure out their plan.

Member B: Let's let him take care of it.

The best agent we have.

"Twilight."

Here's the goods I promised.

Proof that the foreign minister wears a toupee.

I even have the negatives.

Fake Edgar: Well done.

Fake Edgar: Now we can force him to resign.

Fake Edgar: I look forward to doing business with you again.

Edgar: Hey.

Edgar: How about you hand over the goods now?

Huh? Wha—But you just—

He got me!

Narrator: Code name:  Twilight.

Narrator: A spy.

Narrator: In an era in which the nations of the world were waging a fierce w*r

Narrator: of information just out of sight,

Narrator: this man survived that b*ttlefield by being

Narrator: a master of disguise, a man with a hundred faces.

Karen: So Daddy's been in such a bad mood lately because someone

Karen: stole his toupee pictures, or something.

Karen: What even? Ugh, I'm so mad.

Karen: Hello? Are you even listening, Robert?

Twilight: Hm? Yes, that's rather unfortunate.

Karen: So, Robert... Do you think one day we'll also—

Twilight: Karen, let's break up.

Karen: What?!

Twilight: I'm afraid I can't sense any intelligence in your conversations.

Twilight: Farewell. May you find happiness.

Karen: Hey, Robert! Wait! You can't just do that to me!

Karen: Robert!

Twilight: Sorry, Karen, but I have no further use for your family.

Twilight: As of tonight, I'm also done withthe mask known as Robert.

Twilight: Marriage? Conventional happiness?

Twilight: I got rid of those aspirations, as well as my identity, the day I became a spy.

Contact: Meow.

Twilight: Must be Cipher C.

Train Announcer: The train bound for Berlint is now departing from track .

Chief: Good day, or perhaps, good evening, Twilight.

Chief: Well done on your last mission.

Chief: Thanks to you, the minister lived another day, to the great benefit of our country.

Chief: Now, then, I have your next mission.

Chief: Your target is the leader of the National Unity Party, Donovan Desmond.

Chief: He is a great thr*at to the truce between the East and the West.

Chief: Your mission is to get close to him and probe any seditious activities.

Chief: In order to achieve this,

Chief: you will get married and have a child.

Twilight: Sorry, what?!

Chief: Desmond is an extremely cautious man who rarely appears in public.

Chief: He only appears at social gatherings held at the elite private school his son attends.

Chief: These events are informal get-togethers for the upper echelon of industrial and political leaders.

Chief: You will have your child enroll in this school

Chief: and infiltrate one of the social gatherings.

Chief: The enrollment deadline is drawing near, meaning you have one week to pull this off.

Twilight: You expect me to produce a child within seven days?!

Twilight: Please excuse me.

Chief: Operation Strix.

Chief: This operation is the key to maintaining peace between East and West...

Chief: and perhaps, the world.

Chief: Hero who casts no shadow,

Chief: the great deeds you and your fellow agents do shall never see the light of day.

Chief: You will never earn any medals nor make it into the papers.

Chief: Even so...

Chief: Never forget that everyone else's day-to-day lives are possible

Chief: because of your blood, sweat, and tears.

Twilight: Very well.

Twilight: I abandoned my identity when I became Twilight.

Twilight: I will play the part of a father with a child if I must,

Twilight: for the sake of a better world.

sign___OPERATION_STRIX,Sign: {\pos(,)\fad(,)}OPERATION {\fs}STRIX

Real estate agent: This is one of our single-family apartments.

Real estate agent: The unit comes furnished, includes central air conditioning and heating, and...

Real estate agent: Um... Sir?

Loid: No wiretaps detected, and there are securable escape routes.

Loid: I'll take it.

Real estate agent: Excellent, Mr. Forger. Now, if you'd sign these documents...

Loid: Loid Forger. Occupation:  psychiatrist.

Loid: That's my new life.

Loid: With a family I love and a happy home life...

Real estate agent: How nice that you and your family are moving into a new home.

Real estate agent: Do you have a boy or a girl?

Loid: Ah, well...

Loid: I'll be deciding on that soon.

Real estate agent: Huh?

Loid: What an absolute burden for a spy.

Orphanage Director: Huh? You wanna adopt?

Loid: Indeed. I heard that your orphanage was looking for candidates.

Loid: You see, my wife and I—

Orphanage Director: Yeah, sure. Take whichever one you want.

Orphanage Director: Come on in.

Loid: What a terrible environment.

Loid: But the shadier the establishment,

Loid: the more likely these children have complicated pasts,

Loid: so it'll be easier to alter their stories.

Loid: I can make this mission work if I have a child.

Loid: I would've preferred to handle it all on my own,

Loid: but I can't exactly disguise myself as a child,

Loid: no matter how skilled a spy I am.

Loid: Pardon me. If possible, I'd like a child who can read and write.

Orphanage Director: Well, in that case...

Orphanage director: Hey, Anya.

Orphanage Director: She's the smartest one we've got.

Orphanage Director: She don't talk much, but she's a good kid.

Orphanage Director: She's a creepy, disgusting little brat.

Orphanage Director: I'd be thrilled to get her outta my hair.

Orphanage Director: Go on. Say hello.

Loid: Er... Pardon me.

Loid: If I recall, the earliest age students can enter Eden College is six.

Loid: She definitely looks no older than four or five.

Anya: Six.

Anya: I'm six!

Orphanage Director: You're six years old?

Loid: But she's so small...

Loid: Hm? The paper?

Loid: A crossword puzzle?

Loid: That's probably too difficult for a child.

Loid: Of course, for myself, it's mere child's play.

Loid: One down is "homeostasis."

Loid: One across is "causal closure."

Loid: The one below that is "symplectomorphism."

Loid: She completed it? Seriously?

Loid: Such unbelievable intellect.

Loid: She should have no problem passing the entrance exam.

Loid: I'll take her.

Loid: As for the paperwork...

Orphanage Director: Don't worry about that. Just take her already.

Loid: My mission to end up with a child is a success.

Loid: Everything's going so well that it's making me nervous.

Loid: Are you okay with this?

Anya: A spy... mission...

Anya: So exciting!

Narrator: This little girl happened to be a telepath.

Narrator: Test Subject .

Narrator: She possessed the ability to read people's minds.

Narrator: She was unintentionally created in an experiment by a certain organization,

Narrator: and she later fled their facility.

Narrator: She has been wandering around looking for someone to take care of her.

Loid: Now, listen, little girl.

Anya: Anya.

Loid: Now, listen, Anya.

Loid: Starting today, you will be my daughter,

Loid: but if anyone asks, you've always been my daughter.

Loid: Got it?

Anya: Yep.

Loid: Make sure you address me as "Father."

Anya: Papa!

Loid: Very well.

Neighbor: Well, aren't you a cute little girl? Hello there.

Loid: We're the Forgers. We just moved in today.

Anya: I am Anya. I have been Papa's child for a very long time.

Loid: That wasn't necessary.

Loid: Come on, let's go inside.

Anya: This is Anya's house?

Loid: Yes.

Anya: A TV!

Loid: Go ahead and turn it on.

TV Announcer: Spy Wars, an adventure cartoon!

Anya: I like this show.

Loid: Of all things...

Bondman: A g*n with a sil*ncer?

Anya: So exciting.

Bondman: You're a professional!

Loid: First, I'll have to gather everything we'll need.

Bondman: I will be taking back that b*mb.

Loid: And I'll have to forge an ID for her.

Bondman: Anyone who gets in my way will regret it.

Loid: I'm going out for a bit.

Loid: Just sit there and watch your show.

Bondman: Out of my way!

Anya: An adventure!

Loid: I'm not going on an adventure. I'm just going shopping.

Anya: I want a p*stol with a sil*ncer!

Loid: Sure. Maybe if we can find one on sale.

Loid: To be a master spy,

Loid: one must act normal and never draw attention to themselves.

Loid: We must do everything we can to look like an ordinary family.

Anya: Papa! Save me!

Loid: Must you draw attention to yourself?

Old Lady: Now, now. You need to make sure you hold the little one's hand.

Old Lady: Here.

Loid: Having one hand tied up will make it difficult to prepare for an enemy ambush,

Loid: but no matter.

Anya: An enemy?!

Loid: What are you doing?

Anya: Hiding!

Loid: Did I do anything to make her want to hide from me?

Loid: Perhaps I held her hand too early. Does she hate me?

Loid: This isn't good.

Loid: I need to maintain a good relationship with her until the end of this mission.

Loid: I must know more about this creature.

Loid: It's basic diplomacy. Understanding the other party is the first step toward peace.

Anya: Understanding me will lead to world peace?!

Anya: I like peanuts.

Anya: And I don't like carrots.

Loid: Uh-huh...

Anya: But I really like crispy bacon from bakenries!

Loid: That's a "bakery." They do not sell bacon.

Anya: I'd like this, please.

Loid: That costs one dalc. You can't buy it with a ten-pent coin.

Loid: Is this girl actually stupid?

Loid: Was the crossword puzzle a fluke?

Loid: Maybe I can still go back and get another child—

Anya: Pwease don't get rid of me!

Loid: What's gotten into you?!

Passerby: What a terrible parent.

Anya: Pwease! I'm a good bargain!

Loid: What do I do?

Loid: I'll buy you some peanuts! Just stop crying!

Anya: Peanuts!

Anya: Papa, I'm tired.

Anya: Can't walk anymore...

Loid: What?

Loid: This isn't working... I just don't understand

Loid: this irrational behavior.

Loid: I need some manuals to help me understand it.

Loid: "The key to raising a child is trust."

Loid: "Rather than scolding them, try tounderstand things from their perspective."

Loid: "Children are not very good at putting how they're feeling into words,

sign___CHILDREARING,Sign: {\pos(,)}CHILDREARING

Loid: so try to understand them more."So no interrogating them, then?

sign___CHILDREARING,Sign: {\c&Hf&\fs\c&HA&\an}CHILDCARE

sign___CHILDREARING,Sign: {\an\bord}CHILDREARING

Loid: Do the parents of the world

Loid: normally carry out such difficult missions all the time?

Loid: "Nurture their self-esteem to give them a better future."

Loid: "By giving them the ability to think for themselves, their future..."

Loid: As soon as I'm done with this mission, I'm sending her back to the orphanage.

Loid: That's the extent of our relationship.

Anya: Don't wanna!

Anya: I don't wanna study!

Loid: I need to know how smart you are for this exam.

Anya: I don't need to study to do any tests.

Anya: If I just read other people's...

Anya: ...people's minds...

Loid: Are you planning on cheating? Listen.

Loid: If you don't get into this school...

Loid: ...my mission fails.

Loid: Fine, then.

Loid: I'm heading out.

Loid: You're not coming with me today.

Loid: No matter what.

Loid: You're staying home.

Loid: Hey!

Loid: I told you, you're not coming!

Loid: You there! Do you really think I don't see you?

Loid: There!

Loid: There!

Anya: Papa is so good at finding me.

Anya: It's so much fun!

Loid: Try and get out of that!

Franky: So that's why you're late?

Loid: In the end, I put up a barricade in front of the door and trapped her inside.

Franky: I'm praying that you don't get reported for child abuse.

Loid: Who knows what children are thinking?

Loid: Their method of always crying to get their way is truly annoying.

Franky: Hate to tell you this, Twilight, but crying is their job.

Franky: More importantly, here's what you asked for.

Franky: An application, ticket for the exam, and exam questions.

Franky: I went through hell getting these for you.

Loid: Thanks, Franky.

Loid: I think we can make things work if we have her memorize everything.

Franky: Oh, yeah. About your daughter...

Franky: I dug up some records on her past that the orphanage didn't have.

Franky: I couldn't find anything about her birth.

Franky: No info on her age or parents, either.

Franky: I could only find information from the last year,

Franky: but she's been adopted four times and returned each time.

Franky: She's also been to two other orphanages.

Loid: "Anya Williams, Anya Levski, Anya Roche"...

Franky: She changes names as much as you do.

Franky: You guys are perfect for each other.

Franky: Hey, I'm kidding. This is for your mission, right?

Franky: She may be a kid, but no good's gonna come out of getting too attached.

Loid: Thanks for the concern.

Franky: Hello? Where's my money?!

Franky: Damn it... Who knows what spies are thinking, either?

Anya: I'm so bored. Spies aren't like what I thought.

Anya: I just want to get the b*mb back.

Loid: I can't have her messing with my spy equipment, so I'll lock it up.

Loid: The code is , ...

Anya: ..., .

Anya: b*mb-b*mb! b*mb-b*mb!

Anya: b*mb-b*mb! b*mb-b*mb!

Anya: Ooh!

Anya: Secret messages!

Anya: Secrets, secrets...

Henchman A: Boss! We've intercepted a new message.

Edgar: Is it using the West's cipher?

Henchman A: No, it's just plain text.

Henchman A: It says... "Twilight here"...

Henchman A: Twilight here!

Henchman A: This is the frequency used by Western intelligence.

Henchman A: Oh, there's more. "Catch me if you can"...

Edgar: Hurry up and pinpoint where it's coming from!

Anya: Whew...

Loid: Now that you've found out I'm a spy, you'll have to disappear.

Anya: If he finds out I'm a telepath...

Anya: I'll have to leave.

flashback Researcher A: Anya, you mustn't tell anyone about your power.

Researcher B: It's time to study now, Anya.

Anya: But I wanna draw...

Researcher A: Don't bother with childish games.

Researcher A: We must use your power for the sake of world peace.

Researcher A: There's no time for tears, either.

Researcher A: Now, enough playing. Back to studying.

Loid: She'd better not have messed up the apartment.

Loid: Oh, right. I need to move this.

Loid: Who the hell are these guys?!

Loid: Anya!

Loid: Anya!

Loid: She's been kidnapped?

Loid: By whoever sent these thugs? But why?

Loid: I need to find her immediately. Calm down.

Loid: From the looks of it, I've been compromised.

Loid: I need to get to safety immediately.

Loid: As for Anya...

Loid: There are plenty of other children out there.

Loid: I'll start things over from square one and—

Edgar: So who the hell is this kid?

Edgar: Could she be Twilight's?

Henchman B: No idea. She was in the room where the message came from,

Henchman B: so we snatched her just in case.

Anya: Because of the transmission?

Henchman B: She was holed up inside the apartment with a barricade out front.

Edgar: Why out front?

Henchman B: Beats me.

Edgar: Well, no matter. We might be able to use her as a hostage

Edgar: in order to force Twilight to steal the toupee

Edgar: off of the foreign minister's head personally.

Henchman D: Boss, I think we should just give up on the toupee.

Edgar: Transparency is essential in government.

Edgar: Toupees are a no-go.

Anya: A p*stol with a sil*ncer...

Edgar: Also, the minister's a traitor who's been secretly backing the West.

Edgar: Anyone who advocates for a traitor is also a traitor.

Anya: A real bad guy...

Henchman G: Boss! Nguyen and his guys are back from the apartment!

Fake Nguyen: We captured him.

Edgar: Well done.

Fake Nguyen: Those weren't the moves of an amateur. He's the real deal.

Henchman E: Go rest over there.

Edgar: Now then, Twilight...

Edgar: Let's have you return the photographs you stole from me.

Edgar: Nguyen!

Henchman E: What's going on?! He was just—

Henchman C: The kid's gone!

Edgar: He got me again!

Loid: This was a mistake.

Loid: I risked everything by waltzing right into enemy territory.

Loid: I'm a failure as a spy.

Anya: Papa...

Anya: Pabwaaaaaah!

Fake Nguyen: Look, you're okay. I won't do anything.

Fake Nguyen: You don't have to be scared.

Anya: Pabwaaaaaah!

Loid: This is exactly why kids suck.

Loid: I see.

Loid: I think I figured out why I hate the sound of kids crying so much.

Loid: Because I end up remembering my own childhood.

Loid: No one reached out their hand to save me.

Loid: I felt alone, in despair, and so powerless that all I could do was cry.

Loid: I thought I'd abandoned that past, but on a subconscious level,

Loid: she was reminding me of me.

Loid: No, actually...

Fake Nguyen: Listen up, little girl.

Anya: Anya.

Fake Nguyen: Listen up, Anya.

Fake Nguyen: Me and my friends are pro tag players.

Fake Nguyen: Whenever we spot someone with potential, we immediately challenge them to a game.

Anya: Oh.

Anya: Papa is a liar.

Fake Nguyen: Now, listen.

Fake Nguyen: If you go straight down this street and turn right,

Fake Nguyen: you'll find a police station.

Fake Nguyen: If you can get this to a police officer, you win the game.

Fake Nguyen: Got it?

Loid: If you show them this, they'll put you in a better orphanage.

Loid: I'm not going to involve a kid in this mission.

Loid: I'll figure something out and rework the plan.

Anya: Pa—

Loid: All right, go! Hurry!

Loid: I'm a failure as a spy? No.

Loid: My mistake was putting that little girl in danger to begin with.

Loid: How could I forget?

Loid: To create a world where children won't have to cry...

Loid: That's why I became a spy.

Henchman B: Don't let that bastard get away!

Henchman E: We're gonna drag him out here and expose his face to—

Henchman B: A trap? When did he—

Henchman E: What is this? Flour?

Henchman C: T-Twilight?!

Henchman B: Don't sh**t! This whole place will blow!

Edgar: Wha—

Edgar: You've gotta be sh1tting me.

Loid: Turn around, and I'll k*ll you.

Edgar: Twilight...

Loid: Good day, or perhaps, good evening, Edgar.

Loid: How's Karen doing?

Edgar: How do you know my daughter's name?

Loid: Of course I know. That's what spies do.

Loid: I know her height, weight, shoe size,

Loid: her favorite foods, even how many moles are on her body.

Loid: Though it's nothing compared to your record, I know of her criminal activity, too.

Edgar: Absurd! My daughter would never—

Loid: Edgar.

Loid: I also know how much you care about your daughter.

Loid: So listen carefully.

Loid: If you wish for her to have any semblance of a normal life,

Loid: you'll leave me the hell alone.

Loid: If you understand, go home right now.

Loid: Anya!

Anya: Papa!

Anya: Papa!

Loid: What are you—I mean,

Loid: what are you doing outside the house?

Loid: I, uh, just happened to come here to shop,

Loid: but I guess they went out of business.

Anya: Papa is a huge liar.

Anya: I was playing tag with some old guys.

Loid: Oh, I see. Did you have fun?

Anya: It was a little scary.

Anya: I wanna go home.

Anya: To our home, Papa.

Loid: Are you sure?

Anya: If you leave me behind, I'm going to cry.

flashback Franky: She's been adopted four times and returned each time.

Loid: Anya Williams... Anya Levski...

Loid: Anya Roche.

Loid: I see.

Loid: Well, let's go home, then.

Loid: But that apartment is far too dangerous, so let's move.

Loid: I spotted a poisonous snake there yesterday.

Anya: I don't like snakes.

Anya: Papa is a huge liar...

Anya: But he's such a cool liar.

Anya: I wanna live in a castle.

Loid: We'll see if one's listed.

Loid: Once we get to our new home, you've got to study.

Anya: Gwak!

Loid: This time, you just have to memorize all the answers.

Loid: It'll be easy.

Invigilator: All right, begin!

Loid: I'm counting on you, Anya.

Loid: You can do it.

Child B: This is so hard!

Child C: I don't know any of these answers!

Child D: Um... eeny, meeny, miny, moe...

Child E: Mommy...

Loid: K-...

Loid: K-...

Loid: It's there! You passed!

Loid: You did it!

Anya: Did I do a good job?

Loid: You bet you did!

Loid: You—

Anya: Papa!

Loid: I relaxed for a second and all my pent-up exhaustion h*t me at once.

Anya: Papa! Don't leave me!

Loid: I... relaxed?

Anya: Papa! You're going to make me cry!

Anya: I promise to be a good girl!Just come back to me!

Loid: What the hell is going on with me?

Anya: Papa died.

Mailman: I've got some mail for you!

Mailman: Is this the Forger residence?

Anya: I'm Anya Forger.

Mailman: Could you give this to your mommy or daddy?

Anya: My mama doesn't exist.

Mailman: Oh, really? I'm sorry...

Anya: Papa! The mailman came.

Loid: What do you think you're doing?! Are you trying to k*ll me?!

Loid: I actually fell asleep in front of someone.

Loid: Unacceptable. I need to get a grip.

Anya: Mail!

Loid: It's a letter from Eden College.

Anya: What's the matter, Papa?

Loid: "The second phase of the admission process is a family interview."

Loid: "It is mandatory that the applicant attend with both parents."

Loid: "Absolutely no exceptions."

Anya: But Mama doesn't exist.

SECURE A WIFE
{"type": "series", "show": "Spy \u00d7 Family", "episode": "01x01 - Operation Strix"}