PART TWO

Written by Stephen Wyatt

Original air date: 21 December, 1988
Run time: 24:20

Outside the Circus

The Doctor: Listen, they're having a good time in there.

Ace: Don't you hear it?

The Doctor: Hear what?

Ace: That screaming.

The Doctor: I can't hear anything.

Ace: I was sure I heard...

The Doctor: Oh, you're just making excuses because you don't like circuses.

Ace: No. No, it's not that.

The Doctor: Well, are we going in or aren't we?

Ticket office

Clown: Two more.

Morgana: Right.

Outside the Circus

Ace: I did hear it, that screaming.

The Doctor: But not now.

The Doctor: So we can go in?

Ace: Yeah, okay.

The Doctor: Your enthusiasm's overwhelming.

Ticket office

Morgana: Welcome one and all to the Psychic Circus.

The Doctor: Ace, you promised. I'm the Doctor and this is Ace. I must apologise for my young friend.

Morgana: Oh, it is no problem. All of us around here believe in letting our feelings hang out. I mean, there is no point in getting uptight, now is there?

Ace: I don't believe this.

Morgana: That is why we got into circuses in the first place.

The Doctor: We?

Morgana: The founder members of the Psychic Circus.

The Doctor: Ah, I see.

Morgana: We were really into personal expression and the Circus gave us a chance to develop ourselves by expressing our individual skills.

The Doctor: I wonder if you've a special skill, if I might enquire.

Morgana: Fortune telling. Would you like to see the future?

The Doctor: Not just yet.

The Doctor: The Psychic Circus has grown into quite a sizeable operation, by the looks of it.

Morgana: The greatest show in the galaxy.

The Doctor: Quite so, yes. My, you have travelled, haven't you? The planet Othris, the Boriatic Wastes, Marpesia and the Grand Pagoda of Cinethon.

Morgana: Yes, we used to have a great time in the old days, going from planet to planet. But we've really got settled in here since...

The Doctor: Since?

Morgana: Well, you have to hang up your travelling shoes and stop wandering sooner or later, don't you?

The Doctor: So I've been told. Personally, I just keep on wandering.

Ringmaster (O.C.): Will you please take your seats, thank you.

The Doctor: Ace?

Ace: Yes, Professor?

The Doctor: Well, are we going in or aren't we?

Morgana: You're sure you want to go in?

The Doctor: Yes, that's why we came here in the first place.

Morgana: Look, I don't know how to put this, but...

Morgana: Of course, go right in. Do your own thing. Enjoy yourselves.

The Doctor: Thank you. Oh, tickets. We forgot to buy some tickets.

Morgana: Tickets?

The Doctor: To go in.

Clown: Ha ha! You're in already.

The Doctor: Oh. Sounds as if you're doing really good business.

Clown: This way, please.

Big Top

Ace: Professor.

The Doctor: Yes?

Ace: I can't see a thing.

The Doctor: Neither can I.

Ace: And the cheering's stopped.

The Doctor: Perhaps we're between performances. Let's see if we can find a seat.

Ace: Found somewhere to sit, Professor?

The Doctor: That's one way of looking at it, if we could see. Over here.

Ace: What?

The Doctor: I said, over here.

The Doctor: In a moment our eyes'll get used to the darkness.

Ace: Assuming there's anything worth seeing.

The Doctor: Listen.

Girl: Daddy. Daddy.

Dad: What?

Girl: I want an ice cream.

Dad: You've already had one.

Girl: But Daddy.

Dad: I told you once and I'm not going to tell you again. Now shut up and eat your popcorn.

The Doctor: We're not alone.

Ace: Yeah, but it looks like it's just us and them. What a con. I mean, where's Mags and the Captain?

The Doctor: Perhaps they haven't arrived yet. Who knows? Anyway, I'm going to have an ice cream.

Mom: They should be starting up again soon. Have a crisp, Father.

The Doctor: Greetings. Not many in today, are there. Are you regulars or is this your first visit, too? Let me introduce myself. I'm...

The Doctor: Oh, thank you very much. Delicious.

Ace: Professor. Professor, it's starting.

The Doctor: Well, it's been a pleasure.

The Doctor: Remarkable.

Ace: If you like this sort of thing.

The Doctor: No, no, I mean the memorial stones. Do you see them? Look.

Ringmaster: Now welcome folks, I mean that from the heart, because the Greatest Show is about to start. It's happening right here before your very eyes and one thing's for sure, you're in for quite a surprise. But then, nothing's quite as it seems to be at the Greatest Show in the Galaxy.

Ringmaster: Now welcome folks, we've got a brand new act. He's a real find and no doubt that's a fact. He'll entertain you, he'll make you stare, and our great new act is seated over there!

The Doctor: Oh, thank you, but...

Ringmaster: Come on, Doctor. Don't be shy.

The Doctor: Well, I'm not really sure that I should.

Ringmaster: Oh, no false modesty. We know you're good.

The Doctor: Well, this is most unexpected. Are you sure you want me?

Ringmaster: There's no mistake, Doc. Come on in. Feel free.

Ace: Don't go, Professor.

The Doctor: Why, what harm could it do?

Ringmaster: Exactly. But the decision's up to you.

Ace: No, Doctor!

The Doctor: Well, you certainly didn't waste any time. I had expected to see what the opposition was up to before I put myself forward for the talent contest.

The Doctor: But since you insist.

Ringmaster: Oh, we do, but no doubt you'd like to get yourself prepared first.

The Doctor: Well, yes, I...

Ringmaster: Let me show you and your charming assistant to your dressing room.

The Doctor: Oh, thank you very much. Ace!

Clown: Where did you find that earring?

Ace: Are you a robot too?

Clown: No.

Ace: Pity.

Clown: So tell me where you found it.

Clown: After her.

Backstage

Ringmaster: Right this way, Doctor.

The Doctor: Thank you very much, but where's Ace? I don't think she...

Ringmaster: Oh, she'll be coming.

Captain (O.C.): Iniphitus, where the Galvanic Catastrophods are not what they were.

Captain: No, but they're still worth a look if you're doing a tour of the southern nebula and have an eon or two to spare. You. Well, well.

The Doctor: Captain Cook, I presume. So you had arrived after all.

Captain: But of course. Come and join us, Doctor. It's one big happy family here, eh, Nord?

Nord: Except when you're gassing on.

The Doctor: Well, I don't really think I...

Captain: Nonsense, we're having a ball here.

The Doctor: Very well then. Mags. Do sit down, Doctor.

The Doctor: Thank you very much.

Captain: Yes, there we are. Comfy?

The Doctor: Yes.

Captain: That's the spirit.

Cage

Captain: Anything the matter, old chap?

The Doctor: It's a trap! I've fallen into a trap! I've fallen for it.

Captain: Yes, I know, old boy. Never mind. Have some tea. A very similar thing happened to me once, you know.

The Doctor: Why?

Captain: Why what?

The Doctor: Why let me be trapped? It's so pointless. I could have saved you, Nord and Mags.

Captain: I wouldn't be too sure about that, Doctor. These circus chappies are pretty smart customers for all their let it all hang out mumbo jumbo.

Mags: Maybe we could have escaped if we'd made a break for it there and then. If only you'd...

Captain: Now, now, Mags. No use in getting upset, and that's an order.

The Doctor: What about you? I mean, why didn't you speak up?

The Doctor: What kind of answer's that?

Captain: Save your energy, Doctor. You'll soon see why. Anyway, all of us in here have developed a survival philosophy, which is why we welcomed you in.

The Doctor: What is all this, then? I thought there was a talent contest going on.

Captain: Well, yes, but in a way it's more like a survival of the fittest.

Captain: Oh, that's Deadbeat. Yes, he does odd jobs about the place, makes the tea for me, things like that. Don't bother too much about him, though. Fellow's mind's completely gone.

Deadbeat: Gone. Gone. Oh really gone. All really gone down the road again.

Ticket office

Ringmaster: Well?

Morgana: We have to talk.

Cage

Nord: Get out of it! I hate your sort, cos I'm Nord, see? The toughest infernal extraterrestrial there is.

The Doctor: What a fool I've been.

Captain: Frankly, old chap, I have to agree.

The Doctor: I should have listened to Ace.

Captain: Number one rule of the intergalactic explorer, Doctor. If you hear somebody talking about good vibes and letting it all hang out, run a mile.

Mags: We didn't.

Captain: That's beside the point.

The Doctor: What happens in there?

Captain: In where?

The Doctor: In the ring, during the talent contest.

Captain: Something pretty nasty.

Ringmaster (O.C.): Next contestant ready, please.

Captain: Oh, here, Nord.

Nord: What?

Captain: Remember our agreement?

Nord: Eh? Oh, yeah, course.

Captain: Well, heads, heads or tails?

Nord: Tails.

Captain: Heads.

Nord: So?

Captain: You're on next.

Nord: I ain't going on next!

Captain: But we all agreed, didn't we, Mags?

Captain: Good girl.

Captain: He's next, I believe.

Clown: Get him ready.

The Doctor: You were lucky, Captain.

Captain: Not really. I got a whole set of these silly little nick-nacks from some bug-eyed monster when I was on the planet Leophantos.

Captain: Like I said, Doctor. Every man for himself here.

The Doctor: What am I supposed to do with these?

Captain: Practise juggling, I suppose. Your chances of survival in the ring are better, of course, if you keep them entertained.

The Doctor: Why, do they let you out again?

Captain: No, but you last longer.

Outside the Circus

Whizzkid: All right?

Ticket office

Morgana: Just think of all those tickets we've sold. Does that make you feel good? It wasn't always like this, was it. Not before we came to this dreadful place. We used to have fun. We were free spirits then.

Ringmaster: We are now.

Morgana: You think so? It feels more like we're part of a machine.

Ringmaster: Look, we're not leaving, if that's what you mean.

Morgana: We must!

Ringmaster: You keep saying that, but you haven't gone, have you?

Morgana: I tried, but...

Ringmaster: Listen, just as long as they keep on coming, and they will, no doubt of that, we are a success. Don't you understand? An intergalactic success. Now, the others, they couldn't take the pace, that's all. Bellboy, Deadbeat, Flowerchild, the rest. Don't you understand? They wanted to live in the past, the old lazy way. Not us. We'll make the Psychic Circus known everywhere.

Morgana: Known for what?

Ringmaster: Well?

Clown: That new pair worry me. The girl that escaped had one of Flowerchild's earrings.

Ringmaster: Have they found the girl?

Clown: Not yet, but she can't have gone far. I'll search for her myself.

Ringmaster: Yeah, you do that. Make sure you find her.

Morgana: And Bellboy?

Clown: Let's hope he's learned his lesson, shall we? We'd better get him back to work. Bellboy made them all. Bellboy can repair them.

Morgana: But will he ever be able to...

Whizzkid: Hello. This is the Psychic Circus, isn't it?

Morgana: Yes, that's right.

Whizzkid: Oh great! I've come halfway across the southern nebula to be here. I want to enter the talent contest. I know all about the Psychic Circus, you see. In fact, I'm your greatest fan.

Cage

Nord: I'll show you. Easy. Easy!

The Doctor: It frightens you, doesn't it, Mags?

Mags: Oh, he'll be fine. Just like the other one was.

The Doctor: You saw what happened in there?

Mags: So?

The Doctor: Aren't you going to tell me about it?

Mags: See for yourself!

Captain: Don't bother Mags, Doctor, will you? You have to be careful with these rare specimens.

The Doctor: What do you mean?

Captain: You'll see.

Workshop

Ace: Look, I'm trying to help you, but you're not making it very easy. Can't you at least tell me what...

Ace: Great. Don't tell them, will you?

Clown: Learnt your lesson, eh, Bellboy? No more running away now. Good, because I've got some important repair work for you to do. The Conductor's been damaged. That girl must be somewhere.

Big Top

Ringmaster: A man of might is Nord. And now he'll go for broke by making all you laugh with his most favourite joke.

Nord: Eh? What, do a gag? Like a joke? Yeah, well, I'm coming down like on the Psychic Circus tonight on the way...

Cage

The Doctor: Is this what you saw before?

Mags: Not exactly, but just as bad.

The Doctor: Would you let something like that happen to you?

Mags: Would you?

Ticket office

Whizzkid: It must be awfully exciting working for the Psychic Circus, Morgana. Particularly when you did your tour of the Boreatic Wastes. I think that most of your admirers would agree with me that that was one of your finest ever gigs. Well, in so far as you can tell from the posters...

Morgana: Would you like to be getting along inside?

Whizzkid: You mean I can go in, just like that?

Morgana: Yes. Go right now, please.

Whizzkid: Oh wow!

Cage

Captain: Mags.

Mags: What?

Captain: It's not going to work. I remember when I was on the baleful plains of Grolon, I...

Mags: I don't care.

The Doctor: Ready?

The Doctor: I believe I'm on first.

Mags: No, I'm ahead of you.

The Doctor: No, you're not.

Mags: No, I am.

The Doctor: I insist on going out first.

Mags: Oh no, you don't.

The Doctor: Oh yes, I do!

Big Top

Ringmaster: Now listen folks, we have a great new act. He's a real find, there's no doubt that's a fact. He'll entertain you, he'll make you stare, and our great new act is seated over there!

Mom: I hope he's better than the last one.

Dad: Couldn't be much worse.

Girl: Mum, Mum.

Mom: Shut up and eat your popcorn.

Cage

The Doctor: Look, I insist in going on first.

Mags: I told you, I am.

The Doctor: I am!

The Doctor: Join the club. Captain?

Captain: No thanks, old boy. I'll sit this one out. Goodbye, Mags.

Mags: Bye, Captain.

Outside the workshop

Clown: That'll do. Take it back to the bus.

Clown: Let me entertain you.

Big Top

Whizzkid: Well, I have to say it's a real thrill for me to be here at the Psychic Circus. I've collected all your posters, you know.

Cage

Ringmaster: Have you now?

Whizzkid: From all your venues. And also I've got some very interesting...

Backstage

Ringmaster (O.C.): Oh Doctor, oh Doctor, have no fear. Calling the Doctor. There's no escape. Repeat, there is no escape.

Mags: Won't they take no for an answer?

The Doctor: No. Oh, we should have made straight away for the open air, I suppose.

Mags: Look.

The Doctor: How extraordinary. They're just like the stones in the Big Top. Fascinating. I wonder how long they've been here?

Mags: Maybe they were always here.

The Doctor: That thought had occurred to me. Let's investigate.

Mags: Oh! Can you see it?

The Doctor: See what?

Mags: That moon sign.

The Doctor: The moon? Why does it frighten you? Tell me.

Mags: Don't ask. Just lets get out of here.

Workshop

Ace: Pasty face.

Clown: Don't like clowns, eh? After some time in here, you'll tell me what I want to know.

Ace: Is any one there? Come on, you don't scare me.

Stone chamber

Mags: It's weird. I don't understand.

The Doctor: Oh, nasty little booby trap, that. That is, if it is a booby trap. Still, there's certainly no way forward.

Mags: Is it a well?

The Doctor: One way to find out.

The Doctor: That eye, I've seen it before. Of course, it was on the kites at the entrance hall. Fascinating. Somehow, somewhere down there is the answer to all that's going on at the Psychic Circus.

Captain: Ahem. Awfully sorry to butt in like this, old boy, but I'm afraid you're wanted. You're the next one due on in the ring.
{"type": "series", "show": "Doctor Who", "episode": "25x12 - The Greatest Show in the Galaxy - part 2"}