Sachi: Oh, sorry.

Yamazaki: No, I wasn't paying attention either.

Sachi: Your bag...

Sachi: I'm so sorry.

Sachi: Were there any eggs inside?

Yamazaki: It's okay.

Yamazaki: There wasn't anything important inside.

Yamazaki: Really, don't worry about it.

Yamazaki: Bye.

Sachi: Ah, please wait!

Sachi: You forgot this.

Yamazaki: Oh, thank you.

Sachi: So...

Sachi: Do you like anpan?

 Meals Should Be Balanced

Yamazaki: I don't.

Yamazaki: Anpan and milk.

Yamazaki: This is how I run a stakeout.

Yamazaki: I don't eat anything else until it's over.

Yamazaki: Basically, it's an offering to the gods.

Yamazaki: I personally can't stand it, but the god of stakeouts is a big fan, so that's that.

Yamazaki: A truth that has been shown in police dramas around the world.

Yamazaki: For the success of this stakeout,

Yamazaki: I must suppress my desire to eat curry, katsudon, and yakiniku,

Yamazaki: and munch on anpan instead.

Hijikata: You're not supposed to come into contact with the target.

Hijikata: And you're supposed to be an inspector?

Yamazaki: Do you realize how weird it is to stake out a stakeout?

Yamazaki: You should have volunteered if you have nothing better to do.

Hijikata: Don't get so upset.

Hijikata: I see that you're only eating anpan again.

Hijikata: You can be superstitious if you want,

Hijikata: but you won't last long if you aren't eating right.

Ramen: Sorry about the wait.

Hijikata: Oh, thanks.

Yamazaki: Don't even bother, Vice Chief.

Yamazaki: I don't need ramen!

Yamazaki: Well, if you insist, I suppose I don't have a choice.

Yamazaki: An order from you is absolute.

Hijikata: Huh? What'd you say?

Yamazaki: Nothing.

Hijikata: So how would you describe this Sachi Narasaki?

Yamazaki: She seems to be a nice person,

Yamazaki: going by the five days I've been watching her.

Yamazaki: I find it hard to believe that she's the older sister of a brutal Joi t*rror1st.

Hijikata: Oh?

Hijikata: If you look at Sogo,

Hijikata: one sibling tends to be more responsible when the other is anything but.

Yamazaki: Vice Chief, you're a little too close...

Yamazaki: And what about Donbei?

Hijikata: He's been running around like crazy.

Hijikata: Apparently, he stole money from his fellow t*rrorists.

Hijikata: They're trying to chase him down.

Hijikata: His only option is to run to his sister.

Yamazaki: I can't say that I like the idea of using his sister as bait.

Hijikata: Do you like the idea of letting her brother run wild?

Hijikata: Besides, what if the Joi who are chasing Donbei decide to use her as bait...

Hijikata: We'll use his sister as bait to wipe them all out.

Hijikata: Leave the dirty work to us.

Hijikata: Yamazaki, I'm giving you a different mission.

Hijikata: Protect the girl.

Yamazaki: Sagaru Yamazaki's Observation Report:

 Week   of Living on Anpan

Yamazaki: I've been living on anpan for an entire week now.

Yamazaki: What I'd give for a bowl of miso soup.

Yamazaki: The girl hasn't made a move yet.

Yamazaki: Sachi Narasaki.

Yamazaki: Owner of the bar Nonbei.

Yamazaki: The story is that she's a dutiful daughter

Yamazaki: who's been running her father's business by herself since he died four years ago.

Yamazaki: On the other hand, her brother Donbei is notorious for being a nasty villain.

Yamazaki: He regularly came to his sister for money after she took over the bar.

Yamazaki: A dutiful daughter under duress,

Yamazaki: the younger brother who continues to put her in danger,

Yamazaki: and the t*rrorists who are after them.

Yamazaki: My mission is to monitor the Joi t*rrorists,

Yamazaki: while protecting the girl.

Yamazaki: I, Sagaru Yamazaki, Shinsengumi inspector, vow to protect her!

Yamazaki: And with my newfound determination, I once again munch on anpan.

Yamazaki: Day   of living on anpan.

Yamazaki: When I went to the supermarket yesterday,

Yamazaki: I could hear people whispering, "Anpanman is here! No kidding!" in the back,

 Nonbei

Yamazaki: but the girl hasn't made a move yet.

Yamazaki: Her customers are all regulars.

Yamazaki: Every day is the same.

Yamazaki: I can only hope that her peaceful life lasts forever.

Yamazaki: As I begin to forget my purpose here,

Yamazaki: I once again munch on anpan.

Yamazaki: Day    of living on anpan.

Yamazaki: I've just realized that it's been days since I've talked to anyone.

Yamazaki: The last words I spoke were, "No, put it in one bag," three days ago,

Yamazaki: but the girl hasn't made a move yet.

Yamazaki: For a moment, I almost thought that she was looking at me,

 Nonbei

Yamazaki: but it must have been my imagination.

Yamazaki: As I try to pull myself together,

Yamazaki: I once again munch on anpan.

Yamazaki: But I could only finish half of it.

Yamazaki: Day    of living on anpan.

Yamazaki: When I went to the convenience store,

Yamazaki: people started whispering, "The one-bag guy is here!"

Yamazaki: "He's gonna buy anpan and milk!"

Yamazaki: "In one bag!" and stuff,

 Nonbei

Yamazaki: but the girl hasn't made a move yet.

Yamazaki: What do I do if nothing happens?

Yamazaki: As I attempt to ignore those doubts,

Yamazaki: I once again munch on anpan.

Yamazaki: And then I throw it all up.

Yamazaki: Day    of living on anpan.

Yamazaki: It's been so long since I last spoke that I was wondering if my voice still worked,

Yamazaki: so I screamed at the top of my lungs and the guy next door replied,

Guy: "Shut up!"

Yamazaki: while banging on the wall, which had me jumping up and down with joy

Yamazaki: over the fact that I actually held a conversation,

Yamazaki: but the girl still hasn't made a move yet.

Yamazaki: She just smiles day after day.

Yamazaki: There are more exciting ways to live.

Yamazaki: Such as harboring a fugitive younger brother.

Yamazaki: And with that thought, I once again...

Yamazaki: ...smash anpan against the wall.

Yamazaki: Day    of living on anpan.

Yamazaki: Give me a break already.

Yamazaki: When is her younger brother going to show up?

Yamazaki: When will I be released from this anpan curse?

Guy: Shut up!

Yamazaki: Hurry, younger brother!

Yamazaki: Save me from the endless anpan!

Yamazaki: As I make a wish from the bottom of my heart,

Yamazaki: I sparking the anpan into the sky!

Yamazaki: Day    of living on anpan.

Yamazaki: I sparking the anpan into the supermarket clerk!

Yamazaki: Day    of living on anpan.

Yamazaki: I sparking the anpan into the convenience store clerk!

Yamazaki: Day    of living on anpan.

Yamazaki: I sparking the anpan into the vice chief!

Yamazaki: Day    of living on anpan.

Yamazaki: I wake up and discover that I have no memory of the past few days.

Yamazaki: However, despite all the change I've gone through,

Yamazaki: the girl hasn't made a move yet.

Yamazaki: Like always, she scatters anpan on the road,

Anpan

Yamazaki: and puts the anpan above the entrance.

Yamazaki: And then at anpan-night,

Yamazaki: she anpans the anpan and anpans.

Yamazaki: Anpanning the anpan to anpan the anpan and anpanny anpan, anpan, anpan...

 Day    of Living on Anpan

 ANPAN

Yamazaki: Day    of living on anpan.

Yamazaki: When I woke up, I was standing in an unfamiliar place, covered in anko.

Yamazaki: Who gives a damn about the mission or girl?!

Yamazaki: I refuse to take another bite of anpan!

Yamazaki: I couldn't take it anymore.

Yamazaki: I no longer cared.

Yamazaki: I headed back to the room to pack up and leave.

Yamazaki: But there I found...

Sachi: I didn't realize we were neighbors.

Sachi: You'll ruin your health if you only eat anpan.

Sachi: Here are some leftover meat and potatoes if you don't mind.

Sachi: Thank you for watching over me.

Sachi: From Nonbei.

Yamazaki: The tears wouldn't stop...

Yamazaki: I don't know when she realized I was watching her.

Yamazaki: I don't know how much she actually knew.

Yamazaki: One thing was clear...

Yamazaki: I wasn't worthy of her gratitude.

Yamazaki: Since I was ready to abandon her because of my stupid superstition...

Yamazaki: That day, I turned against the god of stakeouts.

 Greater Edo Hospital

Yamazaki: Day   of meat and potatoes.

Yamazaki: I woke up...

Yamazaki: ...to find myself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling.

Yamazaki: And the vice chief with a disgusted look on his face.

Yamazaki: Vice Chief, where am I?

Hijikata: The hospital.

Yamazaki: Huh?

Yamazaki: What happened to me?

Yamazaki: What about Sachi-san? Her brother?

Yamazaki: What happened to them?

Hijikata: They got away.

Yamazaki: What?

Hijikata: They took the money and ran.

Hijikata: Yamazaki...

Hijikata: We were tricked by the girl.

Yamazaki: The siblings were working together to steal money from the Joi.

Yamazaki: The sister noticed my presence immediately,

Yamazaki: so she spent an entire month acting to fool me.

Yamazaki: And once I fell apart,

Yamazaki: she used the pretense of kindness to poison me.

Hijikata: Women are damn scary.

Hijikata: Hiding under layer after layer of makeup.

Hijikata: Do we ever get a chance to see their real faces?

Hijikata: Well, she still served as the perfect bait.

Hijikata: We rounded up all the ruffians who were trailing her.

Hijikata: That more than makes up for the two who got away.

Hijikata: We were able to freely move around because you were there.

Ramen: Sorry about the wait.

Hijikata: Yamazaki, you did a good job.

Yamazaki: Vice Chief, this isn't like you.

Yamazaki: Are you trying to make me feel better?

Yamazaki: It's not like I'm depressed or anything.

Yamazaki: I'm used to being fooled by women and failing missions.

Yamazaki: But I was hoping that...

Yamazaki: ...I could at least lose on my own terms.

Hijikata: I guess that you aren't in the mood for ramen.

Yamazaki: Can I ask for a favor?

Donbei: It really worked, Sis.

Donbei: We have enough money to fool around for a while.

Donbei: What are you going to spend it on?

Sachi: You're such an idiot.

Sachi: Money isn't meant for fooling around.

Sachi: Money is used to earn more money.

Donbei: Come on...

Donbei: What's wrong, Sis?

Sachi: Well, I had a feeling that someone was watching us...

Donbei: Please...

Donbei: Are your senses sh*t after spending all that time with that Shinsengumi failure?

Yamazaki: Oh, sorry.

Donbei: Watch where you're going, fool!

Donbei: Are you okay, Sis?

Yamazaki: I'm so sorry.

Yamazaki: I'm in a hurry to get to the festival.

 Anpan

Donbei: Festival?

Donbei: Where is this festival, eh?

Yamazaki: Right here. The Yamazaki Spring Bread Festival.

Yamazaki: Day    of the Yamazaki Bread Festival.

Sachi: Y-You really like anpan, huh...

Yamazaki: I don't.

Yamazaki: And so, I once again munch on anpan.

Otae: Sure.

Otae: I happen to be a fan of baseball.

Otae: I'd be happy to accompany you.

Kondo: I knew it...

Kondo: You don't want to come with me.

Otae: Um, I said that I'd be happy to accompany you.

Kondo: Of course...

Kondo: Happy to accompany me...

Kondo: Happy?

Kondo: Huh? What'd you just say?

Otae: I said that I'd be happy to watch the baseball game with you.

Kondo: Ho... Ho...

Kondo: Home run!

Otae: Um, you destroyed the tickets.

 We Are All Warriors in the Battle Against Fate

Kondo: A true man isn't measured by high education, high income, or height.

Kondo: The three Hs mean nothing.

Kondo: The only H you need is the H for the hair on your ass.

Kondo: One ass hair and constant persistence is all it takes to penetrate that giant wall.

Kondo: Well, you girly men probably wouldn't understand.

Okita: He's not really girly, he just eats shit.

Hijikata: Shut your trap, you sick bastard.

Okita: This must be a trap.

Okita: As a fellow sadist, I can guess what's in her mind.

Kondo: Shut up!

Kondo: Don't let jealousy cloud your judgment, Benny, 'kay?

Okita: BENNIE K?

Okita: I don't listen to them.

Kondo: The rain dripping from the roof can carve a hole in stone after enough time!

Kondo: My relentless rain of love has finally spread open her tightly shut legs!

Hijikata: Your metaphors are too obscene.

Kondo: Did she say anything else?

Kondo: No.

Kondo: She'll be waiting in front of the station at one on Sunday.

Kondo: And she told me to stop following her around after this.

Kondo: And to never visit her business again.

Kondo: Well, we'll be in a relationship now.

Kondo: So that won't be needed anymore.

Okita: Isn't she telling you to completely forget about her after indulging you one last time?

Kondo: Shut up!  'Kay, Hayashiya?

Okita: His name is Pa Hayashiya.

Kondo: If this is the last time, I won't get another chance!

Kondo: I will make her mine!

Kondo: I'll h*t a walk-off home run and lead Otae-san back to the bench!

Hijikata: We're right in the path of the typhoon.

Hijikata: She's not gonna show.

Okita: Guess you're out of luck.

Kondo: It's a little early,

Kondo: but a gentleman is supposed to arrive early and wait for the lady.

Hijikata: Kondo-san...

Kondo: Don't worry.

Kondo: The weather will improve.

Kondo: Whether it's raining cats or dogs or spears,

Kondo: my rain of love will never falter!

Okita: There's something lodged in your arm.

Kondo: Huh?!

A: It's terrible!

A: A cargo plane is on f*re!

A: Part of its load is falling towards Edo!

Hijikata: Oh.

Hijikata: Don't worry about it.

Hijikata: It's gonna drop right here.

Kondo: It really is raining spears!

Kondo: How bad is my luck?!

Kondo: I'm like a sponge for bad luck!

Kondo: The tickets!

Kondo: Wait!

Driver: It's not safe to run out into the street!

Kondo: S-Sorry...

Kondo: I'm fine.

Driver: Uh, you're bleeding.

Kondo: I haven't even made it fifty meters,

Kondo: and I've already experienced fifty years worth of bad luck.

Kondo: Damn it, I'm going on this date!

Kondo: First, I need the tickets...

Yo: Check it out.

Yo: Aren't these tickets for the game today?

A: Awesome!

A: We don't have enough to play baseball because of the typhoon.

A: Let's go watch the game!

Kondo: Excuse me, kids.

Kondo: Could you let me see those tickets?

Yo: What do you want, old timer?

Yo: Huh?

Yo: Whoa, you're covered in blood!

Kondo: Actually, I just dropped my tickets.

Kondo: They're probably the ones you're holding.

Kondo: Could you return them?

Yo: What?

A: You got any proof?

Kondo: Okay.

Kondo: Then I'll give you something better in return.

Kondo: Is there anything you want?

Yo: Hm, we have nothing to do because of the typhoon.

Yo: Play baseball with us in the gym!

Kondo: S-Sure thing.

Kondo: I still have time.

Kondo: And it's just a bunch of kids.

A: Kagura's pitches are always so thrilling!

Yo: Old timer!

Yo: The catcher is supposed to catch the ball!

Kondo: R-Right...

Kondo: I-I need to get going soon...

A: What's that?!

A: Don't you want these tickets?

Kondo: Okay!

Kondo: Let me throw the ball next.

Kondo: Anything but battery mates with the China girl.

Kondo: Okay.

Kondo: Here it comes.

Yo: See ya, old timer!

Yo: Let's do this again sometime!

 Beetle King - Throwaway Matches Kind of serious contest! There will be kind of serious battles now!

A: Let us know which match was obviously thrown!

Kondo: This isn't just bad luck!

Kondo: I'm bruised all over, and it was just a waste of time?!

Kondo: Some evil force is actively interfering with my love!

Kagura: Oh, you found something nice there.

Kagura: You should go with your brother.

Kagura: Doesn't he like baseball?

Sachiko: I don't know if he'll come.

Sachiko: He hasn't left his room ever since...

Kondo: Wait!

Kondo: Where did you find those tickets, China girl?!

Kagura: I didn't find them.

Kagura: Sachiko-chan did.

Kondo: Sachiko-chan!

Kondo: Those belong to me!

Kondo: I'll be in a lot of trouble without them!

Sachiko: Really?

Sachiko: I thought they were a gift from God.

Sachiko: It's too bad.

Sachiko: Make sure you don't drop them again.

Kondo: Th-Thank you...

Kagura: Are you sure?

Kagura: This could be a chance to get your brother to go outside!

Sachiko: Ah, it's okay.

Sachiko: Anything baseball would be like salt on an old wound.

Sachiko: My brother used to love baseball so much.

Sachiko: He would always play catch with our father by the river.

Sachiko: I loved to watch them.

Sachiko: But one day, my brother threw the ball too high,

Sachiko: and our father went after it.

Sachiko: He hasn't...

Sachiko: ...come home since.

Sachiko: How far did our father go chasing after it?

Sachiko: My brother's been waiting for him to come back with the ball.

Kagura: Sachiko-chan!

Kagura: Are you sure?

Kagura: Are you really sure about this?

Brother: What would you know?!

Sachiko: Brother!

Kondo: Y-Yes...

Kondo: That's right...

Kondo: Stop throwing balls into the past.

Kondo: Baseballs are meant to be thrown forward!

Kondo: I could feel your ball touch my heart!

Kondo: I'm sure your old man felt the same way!

Sachiko: Thank you for helping my brother come outside!

Kagura: Nice job, gorilla!

Brother: I'm going to use my full strength!

Kondo: Huh?

Brother: I want you to feel my true strength!

Kondo: Wait, wait, wait...

Brother: Here I go!

Kondo: Wait a second!

Both: Thank you very much!

Kondo: Why is everyone interfering with my love?

Kondo: It's like the heavens are trying to keep me away from Otae-san!

Kondo: But I refuse to give up!

Kondo: I can still h*t a walk-off home run!

Brother: You found our father?!

Brother: Wasn't he d*ad?

Brother: He's lost his memory?!

Brother: Is there anything you can do?!

Brother: Something to help him remember?

Brother: There isn't anything to...

Father: What is this burning passion in my chest?!

Brother: Father!

Brother: Your memory's back!

Father: Yeah.

Father: I remembered everything by playing catch.

Sachiko: Father!

Father: I don't know who you are, but thank you very much.

Father: Is there any way to thank you?

Kondo: No, it's okay.

Kondo: Anyway, you've finally been reunited.

Kondo: The three of you should go enjoy the game.

Sachiko: Those are...

Kondo: It's okay.

Kondo: Have fun in my place.

Brother: Thank you very much!

Brother: We'll return the favor one day!

Kagura: Are you sure?

Kondo: Yeah, I'm already late.

Kondo: I guess that Otae-san and I aren't meant to be together in this lifetime.

Kondo: Fate has chosen to stand in our way, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Kondo: As I watched the skies clear the moment I relinquished the tickets,

Kondo: that was the conclusion I reached.

Kondo: I wonder if Otae-san is waiting for me.

Kondo: Of course not.

Hijikata: Kondo-san.

Kondo: Toshi?

Hijikata: Sorry it's not your girl.

Kondo: Heh, the girl doesn't matter anymore.

Kondo: I'm devoting myself to the sword.

Hijikata: I see.

Hijikata: Sorry to bother you while you're down,

Hijikata: but we have a problem on our hands.

Hijikata: A meteorite is approaching Edo.

Kondo: Huh?

Hijikata: It's nothing serious.

Hijikata: The meteorite's the size of a baseball.

Hijikata: It's so small that they couldn't detect it until now,

Hijikata: but at this rate, it's going to h*t your date spot in    minutes.

Kondo: What?!

Hijikata: We'll have to issue an evacuation order.

Hijikata: Well, there probably won't be much damage,

Hijikata: but you better stay away from the dome.

Hijikata: Huh?

Hijikata: Kondo-san?

Hijikata: Kondo-san?!

Kondo: I just know it!

Kondo: The meteorite is headed right for Otae-san!

Kondo: Because I was trying to defy fate and make Otae-san mine,

Kondo: fate is going after Otae-san now!

A: Hey!

A: Here it comes!

B: It's coming this way!

Otae: Huh?

Otae: Is it coming...

Otae: ...for me?

Kondo: No.

Kondo: Kondo will pinch h*t for you.

Otae: Kondo-san...

Sachiko: Mister!

Sachiko: We've got you covered!

Father: I'll catch it if you miss!

Kondo: It's over, fate.

Kondo: I'm not interested in going to heaven.

Kondo: I live for love...

Kondo: To protect my loved ones...

Kondo: I live as a samurai!

Kondo: Here's a walk-off home run!

Otae: I'm walking off.

 Next Episode Meals Should Be Balanced

Gin: Next time:

Gin: It's too confusing when talking about the poster girl for a poster store,

Gin: so call her a sandwich board
{"type": "series", "show": "Gintama", "episode": "05x04 - Meals Should Be Balanced/We Are All Warriors in the Battle against Fate"}