Morroco, In the desert. 

Mini: All right, Ginger Minge? Which way?

Alo: Yeah, I-I think this map might be a bit shit.

Mini: This isn't a map. It's a multiple choice test for ret*rd twats.

Alo: Yeah, I confuse easily.

Mini: Yeah... You find the f*cking airport Alo, and I'll check to see if my tits are still there.Teamwork, right?

Alo: Yeah.

Liv: Uh, f*ck! It's moving! Oh, shit! They're all over me! f*ck! Oh, f*ck! 

Mini: For f*ck's sake. 

Liv: Oh, my God - get them off me!

Mini: Chill out! What the f*ck's going on, OK? Stop moving, stop moving OK, OK, OK? 

Liv: Get it! I think it's in here.

Mini: Just stop moving, let me check.

Plane's noise. 

Nick: Say it.

Alo: Follow that plane!

Mini: Oh, f*ck! You tossers!

At the airport. 

Rich: Everyone seems friendly.

Grace: Honestly Rich, do you have to wear your cousin's hand-me-downs?

Rich: Look, I'm not gonna buy clothes I'm not gonna wear again.

Grace: Your cousin's gay, right?

Rich: Rufus? No! He's just imaginative.

Grace: Right.

Rich: Look, you don't get heavy metal beachwear. It's just not our scene. What was that for?

Grace: Just don't change.

Rich: OK. Where the f*ck is everyone!?

(En français dans la série) 

Man: Hello Miss. Welcome to Morocco.

Grace: Thank you, it's our first time. 

Man: Excellent. Perhaps you will let me show you the wonders of our contry. Yes, let me show them to you.

Grace: That sounds exciting, but no thank you.

Man: And yout friend, many ladyboys want to meet him. 

Rich: What did he say?

Grace: He likes your shorts.

Rich: Ah...

Alo: Whoo!

Man: They are great big gays, yes?

Alo: Richy Roo! Richy Roo!

Grace: Yes.

Liv: Gracie!

Grace: Hey, black bitch. Hey, white bitch.

Mini: Hey, silly bitch.

Everyone: Holiday!

In the car.

Nick: All right, we're gonna piss on Rider in his sleep!

Grace: Why?

Liv: His Dad's Villa's not finished.

Rich: Hang on, he said it was a luxury pad.

Liv: Rider's gotta turn the water on, man.

Alo: Yeah, the pool's a bit more of a barbecue pit.

Rich: Shit! We paid!

Alo: Chill out, man. He promised - it's gonna be full by the time we get back.

Mini: Whoo!

Liv: And we found three ounces of ganja underneath the kitchen floor!

Nick: Holiday!

Grace: Morocco! Whoooaahhhh!I'm flying.

Everyone: Whoooah!

At the villa.

Nick: Here it is, guys - Chateau Rider.

Rich: I don't know why you had to bring so much stuff.

Grace: I don't know how people dress here. I need options.

Alo: Now, about the bedrooms... It was all decided democratically.

Rich: Yeah? How?

Alo: Mini chose her room and then we all drew lots... and... Well, you weren't here.

Rich: Right. It's not that bad... What's the problem?

Alo: You've got the penthouse. Sorry, mate, but we got you a mattress.Yay!

Rich: For f*ck's sake! It doesn't even have a roof.

Mini: Shouldn't turn up late for holidays, should you?

Alo: Cheer up, mate, all right? We'll go for a dip. Rider's been turning the water on... I'll tell you what, mate - it's f*ck' A... Last one in the pool's a p*ssy!

Liv: It is a lovely pool.

Alo: Here we goooooo!

SLAP

Alo: Aargh! Aargh!

Liv: I don't think Rider put the water on yet.

Alo: For f*ck's sake, Rider, you useless bastard!

Rider: Mate. You're making a lot of noise. Get up here. I'm getting stoned like a whore in a burqa.

Alo: I think that might be a little bit r*cist, mate.

Rider: r*cist? Or is it Ace-ist?

Mini: Oi! Rider! You said the f*cking pool would be filled up by the time we got back.

Rider: You went already?

Mini: Put the water on, Rider. Otherwise I'll have to mess you up.

Rider: Really? Any time!

Mini: Cos I haven't had a shower in 43 hours...

Rider: You smell like muff. But you know, I dig that in a lady. Let's McMake out, lassie...

Mini: This is your fault! He's your friend!

Nick: I f*cking hate him. Don't I, Rider?

Rider: You love me, you h*m*.You all love me and you're all h*m*, especially the women, hopefully... Ah!

Mini: OK... Let's get f*cked.

[later]

Nick: I'm going to see if I can find some more drugs.

Rider: Yeah go for it man.

CAR HORN BEEPS

Franky: Oh, just shut up and leave me alone. I'm sorry about the f*cking map. OK?

Matty: I don't care. I don't care. Oh, for crying out loud! Oh, come on, Franky!

Franky: You just f*cking sit there you don't you, you twat!

Matty: I was just saying that the...

Franky: You go on and on like...

Matty: OK, OK. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was trying to pass the time. I thought you liked Simone De Beauvoir...

Franky: Screw you! You mind f*ck!

Mini: Franky.

Nick: Matty.

Mini: Hi.How was Tunisia?

Matty: Yeah, it's... it's a long way, that's all.

Liv: Hey.

Franky: Hey.

Liv: Been busy losing your virginity then?

Franky: Yeah, yeah a lot. Ah, I missed you guys.

Liv: Sure, honey.

Mini: Hey, crazy bitch, we want a snog too. No offence, Franks. You ming like muff plus!

Franky: Oh, I'm sorry. Where's the shower?

Alo: Ooh, it feels good. It feels good.

Nick: On the chest, yeah?

Alo: Yeah, yeah, good. Oh, Yeah! Nearly, nearly, nearly. I'm clean! I'm clean!

Rider: How's the washing up liquid?

Alo: It's mad! It's like lemony zest! Honestly my balls are so tingly right now... Woo-hoo! Shit!

Nick: Um, ladies you're in the locker room.

Mini: Yeah, just checking you stick to the water ration. One bottle per person. Because I need to detox.

Rider: Yo, Nicky, Tiny Tits wants a shower.

Mini: What did you call me?

Rider: Nothing.

Mini: Franky wanted to talk to Matty. Yeah?

Franky: Er, Matty, I'm sorry. I got cross. 

Matty: That's all right, I know I go on about... 

Franky: Yeah. You know, I don't even like Morrissey.And you just kept saying the lyrics and farting and, you know, it's really irritating but, er... But, you know, it doesn't matter. We're here now, we've made it to Morocco and we can talk to other people, you know other than each other...

Matty: Cool.

Franky: Yeah.

Mini: Sorted! Now girls got to freshen up. Oh, if I catch anyone checking out fanny festival, I'll be taking your lemony balls for a long walk. OK?

Boys: Yeah, sure cool...

Mini: Right!

Rich: I mean, what the f*ck!? We paid for a room. We all paid!

Grace: Rich, leave it.

Rich: For f*ck's sake! There's no roof, there's no water. There's no electricity. How are we going to see or wash or flush the f*cking toilet?

Grace: Come on, Rich...

Rich: Or listen to my new Slayer album?

Grace: Rich! Do you like this? A holiday's like a box of chocolates, Richard. You never know what you're going to get.

Rich: You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

Grace: Got ya. Ha!

Grace (singing): Shades of wine love keeps dancing through my mind... And I sing. Not that metal shit either.

Rich: Nu-huh!

Grace (singing): No, I can't escape this time all because of you... Yesterday, love was just a word to say. Overnight a holiday All because of you... So unreal, life was just a... A ferris wheel... What was that?

MUSIC AND SHOUTING IN DISTANCE

Rich: It sounds like a party.

[Later]

Liv: Come on, Alo. Use your massive nostrils to sniff it!

MUSIC GETS LOUDER

Alo: Yes, it's down here.

Liv: Keep running ginger boy. Where's he going? Wait! Wait! Alo.

Alo: Ooo! Ooo!

Liv: Follow him, follow him, follow him. Where the f*ck's he gone?

Alo: Wait, I've found it. Yes! All right! Whoooo! Guys, it's here, it's down here!

At the other villa. 

Liv: Let's crash it man.

Luke: Silly French left the top...

Franky: Er excuse me, you speak English, right? Thank god cos we're lost.

Mini: f*cking idiot!

Matty: I'm sorry I talk too much about stuff.

Franky: It's OK, Matty. It's fine.

Matty: We were having a f*cking classic summer holiday.

Franky: I know.

Matty: So what's going on?

Franky: Do we have to do this?

Matty: What? It's us. We're great together.

Franky: Is this what it's like, being with someone?

Matty: You loved it. Tunisia, the beach. Making love to me.

Franky: It gets boring, Matty. All the f*cking and the talking. And... and just all the stuff. OK?

Matty: That's not fair.

Franky: What's fair got to do with it?

Luke: Hey there.

Franky: I'm sorry. I was just looking for somewhere a bit quiet.

Luke: That's cool... It's never that quiet when we're here.

Franky: We?

Luke: My mates, we like a good time.

Franky: I should go find my boyfriend.

Luke: OK. Boyfriend, sure... Where are you staying? 

Franky: In the villa over the hill. It's a bit of a wreck.

Luke: Really?

Franky: Yeah, it's a bit shit. It's been empty for a while.

Luke: Tell me something I don't know, weird girl.

Franky: That's hard. You seem so wise.

Luke: OK. Then I suggest we dance our f*cking dicks off.

Next morning.

Mini: Hey. What are you doing, Farmboy?

Alo: Um... Well... I suppose I was seeing if my p*rn app will download onto this iPhone that I nicked.

Mini: And you have no particularlevel of shame about that?

Alo: Er, no, I always steal from people who make me feel inferior.

Mini: Like who?

Alo: Well, pretty much anyone, er, especially if they're rich, good looking and having a lot of sex.

Mini: And that evens it out, huh?

Alo: Yeah, you should try it sometime.

Mini: Why don't you just try having some sex.

Alo: Yeah, don't be stupid. Who'd want to have sex with...

[Mini kisses him.]

Alo: Whoa, hang on.

Mini: If you tell a soul, I'll f*cking k*ll you, all right? Stop pinching yourself. You're awake and it's time this ship set sail.

Alo: I'm awake. I'm awake. I'm awake. I'm awake. I'm awake. I'm awake.

Mini: Oh, my God. You've got to be f*cking kidding.

Rich: This is the only room I've ever had where you have to wear sun block.

Grace: It's heavenly.

Rich: Yes, heavenly. If I die tomorrow, then I'd go happy.

Grace: What about me. I wouldn't be happy.

Rich: Oh, yeah. Well, I'd just come back and do knob jokes to cheer you up.

Grace: I'd like that. Your knob's always been a bit of a joke.

Rich: It has.But, usually, it's ready for a bit of stand-up.

Grace: Nice.

Rich: Nice.

Grace: Rich?

Rich: My love?

Grace: As long as you're here, you may as well know... I've had a number of orgasms today and right now I'm completely happy.

Rich: Don't knock it, kid.

Nick: I had to drive your truck back, last night.

Matty: Yeah, cheers. I walked.

Nick: By yourself? What's going on, bro?

Matty: She was so into it in Tunisia but then after a while... I think maybe she can't do it.

Nick: Do what?

Matty: Be with someone.

Nick: Mate, sort it out.

Liv: Where did you get to... last night?

Franky: Nowhere.

Liv: Yeah?

Franky: Nothing happened. He drove me home, that's all.

Mini: Oh, the relief!

Grace: You should sort things out with Matthew.

Franky: Yeah? Why?

Grace: Well, because he's your boyfriend and, well, last night you were acting like... a bit of a slut.

Franky: Is that what's life's all about then? Not upsetting our boyfriends? f*ck sakes!

Mini: I liked her better when she might or might not have been a lesbian.

Liv: Yep.

Mini: Oh, yeah. Right on cue.

Liv: f*cking hate this w*nk*r.Yeah, I'd still shag him though.

Mini: You're such a massive slut.

Luke: Hi, kids.

Mini: Uh, hi, older dude.

Luke: Yeah, we just wanted to drop over.

Jake: Yeah, friendly, y'know. Anyway, we had a kicking time last night, right?

Mini: Did he just say kicking?

Luke: Yeah, yeah, Jakey's retro. Anyway, thing is, it's a bit embarrassing but you guys have got something that belongs to us.

Nick: What?

Luke: This. We thought the place was empty and we stashed it here.

Mini: Finders keepers?

Luke: I'm sorry. It's just, we owe a little cash on it.

Matty: Well, take it and f*ck off then.

Luke: I tell you what, how about we chuck in some eighths to say sorry?

Alo: Yeah, or you could chuck in some ounces. I mean, we do a lot of spliff.

Luke: Yeah, yeah, sure, man. And come to the beach party today.VIP list. We're sorted for E's. What do you say?

Alo: What, they've still got E's here?

Rich: f*ck, that is retro.

Luke: Jake's DJ-ing.

Rich: I'm f*cking hot. Believe it.

(BEATBOXES)

Alo: Yeah, pretty good.Not as good as this.

(BEATBOXES)

Mini: Oh, my God, what w*nk*r!

At the beach party.

Rider: Let's get leathered!

Liv: Hey! How are you?

Man: Good. Great. Fabulous!

Liv: Come and dance with us.

Man: Ah... My friends. They will tell tales on me.

Liv: Why?

Man: I'm a God-fearing boy.

Liv: Yeah, yeah, it ain't cool.

Luke: You're thinking... Why is life so f*cking predictable? You're 17.

Franky: I'm 18, actually.

Luke: You're 18, you've got to go back to school, go back to your mum and dad.

Franky: Not exactly.

Luke: It's all inevitable. It's all going to go down.

Franky: And?

Luke: You don't owe anybody anything. You owe nothing. Come with me.

Franky: Where?

Luke: Anywhere. Until we get bored.Then... whatever. This... is real life. This is it.

Franky: And we go right now?

Luke: Right now.

Alo: Whoa!

Mini: Oh, uh... yeah. It's me, Farmboy.

Alo: Coincidence?

Mini: Unhappily. No. Er, I just came to reiterate what will happen to you if you mention that... 

Alo: I banged your brains out.

Mini: No, you didn't.

Alo: I f*cking did. 

Mini: It's never happening again.

Alo: Why not?

Mini: Well, because... Because... Well, basically you're not worthy of me. OK?

Alo: Don't you like having your brains banged out?

Mini: No-one can know, Farmboy. Oh! Ah!

Jake: Oi.

Matty: What?

Jake: Nothing. Nothing much.

Matty: So...?

Jake: We want a favour.

Matty: We?

Jake: Yeah. Yeah, Luke and me. We'd like a favour.

Matty: Why should I do anything for him?

Jake: Because, er... the girl. You've been f*cking her. And now Luke's going to f*ck her.

Matty: Oh, piss off!

Jake: Sit down.

Matty: Nah. Why should I?

Jake: Well, mainly because I strapped about six kilos of dope into the bottom of your truck. Not that you'll find it.

Matty: You what?!

Jake: You want the girl back? S'easy. You drive your truck into Marrakesh for us. Boom. Luke leaves her alone. Everyone's lovely again. There's an address there.

Matty: You're f*cking kidding me. It's 300km away.

Jake: The roads are quiet. No cops about at this time. Safe.

Matty: What if I said f*ck you?

Jake: I ring them. You know, whatever it is, www.moroccancrimestoppers. Tell them you got a load of gear strapped into your... I think you should get going.

Man: When I am lawyer, perhaps I will come to London and marry you.

Liv: Hey. Hey. Cut the plausible Arab malarkey.

Man: That's what I have to be careful of. English girls.

Liv: Everyone should be.

Man: You must take care too.

Liv: Why?

Man: There's this guy who hides drugs in holiday houses.

Liv: Yeah? Who?

Man: You found drugs, yes? He is bad. Very bad. English boy. His name is Luke. Very bad. You must not know him.

Liv: Shit!

Franky: What about my things?

Luke: What about them?

CAR ENGINE STARTS

Grace: Hey. I want to talk to you.

Matty: Grace. Not now.

Grace: You're not handling the Franky thing...

Matty: Leave me alone, OK! She's gone.

Grace: What?

Liv: Hey. Hey! Stop them! Matt, you p*ssy, stop them!

Grace: What? Liv!

Liv: Drive, for f*ck's sake! Come on, Matty!

Grace: What's going on?

Liv: That new guy's dangerous.

Franky: Do you always drive too fast?

Luke: Don't pretend you don't love it.

Franky: What are you doing?

Matty: Come on, f*cking thing!

Liv: They went that way. There they are.

Franky: Stop the car! Stop it.

Luke: This is it, kid. This is it!

Liv: Just f*cking stop them!

Grace: For f*ck's sakes, slow down!

Liv: Just stop the car, please!

Grace: Please slow down!

Liv: For God's sake, Matty, hurry up!

CRASH. 

[Matty wakes up, and run.]

Three weeks later, at Roundview. 

Music Teacher: Thank you, Marvellous Marimbas. I'd like to think Vivaldi would've been stoked had he been able to hear that. Well done, the Little Glocks, as well. Right, we can have some lunch.

Doug: Excuse me, kids. Can we have some quiet, please? Yes... simmer down, look you! Thank you. I have a letter here from the Principal, Professor Blood. I hope you'll let me read it. Dear Pupils, I want to thank you for the concern you have shown, to my daughter Grace and to me and my wife in the last three weeks. You will have heard that Grace is still not well and this is going to take some time. Obviously, we are very concerned, but I would ask that, for the present, you do not visit the hospital. I will let you know if the situation changes, and thanks, everyone, again. for their concern. Professor David Blood. There it is. I'm sure we would all like to... yes... give Gracey... a great big... Oggy Oggy. 

Music Teacher: Right, you heard the Acting Principal. Oggy Oggy Oggy!

In the office.

Josie: So... you understand this, right, Nick?

Nick: Yes.

Josie: If your brother contacts you, you come and see me and I'll call the police for you, cos I'm your Responsible Adult. Well, obviously I have my moments, but...

Nick: He hasn't called me.

Josie: They found a lot of drugs hidden in his car. Like dope, kuh-tah-mine... You know how... people get a bit upset.

Nick: It wasn't Matty's.

Josie: And your brother ran away from the accident...

Nick: I know, Jose!

Josie: If he rings, right... I mean - you would tell me if he rang you, wouldn't you?

Nick: To be honest, Josie, I wouldn't f*cking tell you.

Josie: Right... Right. Right. You want to go for a few drinks?

Nick: You're a Responsible Adult, Jose.

Josie: Responsible fanny f*ck!

Mini: Hey.

Nick: Hey.

Mini: Right, erm... you OK?

Nick: Not really.

Mini: No. She's going to be all right, you know.

Nick: Yeah... I know, she'll be fine. 

Mini: Why did he run like that?

Nick: The stuff in his car, I... suppose. I guess he'll explain it. I guess he... got a bit obsessed with Franky.

Mini: Yeah. I... kind of wonder how that feels. Weird, I suppose. Um... this probably sounds a bit f*cked coming from me but, erm... if I could help you with anything... I would, Nick.

Nick: Tell me why he doesn't ring.

Mini: Because he loves her.

MOBILE RINGS

[Later]

Music Teacher: Yes?

Rich: Erm... I'm Grace's boyfriend... Rich. Richard. Oh...

Music Teacher: How can I help you, Richard?

Rich: Right... The thing is, race couldn't complete... couldn't finish her music coursework, so, erm... 

Music Teacher: Grace was very talented.

Rich: Is. She is very talented.

Music Teacher: Yes, but, er...

Rich: So that's why I've finished off her music coursework for her. She's already done the vocals, er, me and my mate, we've put some...

Music Teacher: I'm sorry, it's for Grace to pass it when she's ready.

Rich: She just needs the grade.

Music Teacher: I'm sorry, Richard. Grace has to do it.

At the hospital. 

Nurse: This is no good.

Rich: Five minutes, nobody will know. What harm can it do?

Nurse: That's not the point.

Rich: So, what is the point? Can you tell me that?

Nurse: Don't go aggro on me, Richard. Her father says no.

Rich: I have to give her something.

Nurse: I'll give it to her. You go home and wait for her to ring you. OK?

Rich: Here... Tell her I did my best, and tell her that Alo helped me cos he does computer shit on his PlayStation.

Nurse: All right.

Rich: And tell her that you're a mean old cow who probably never gets laid.

Nurse: I will.

Nurse: I gotta say - that boyfriend of yours is super nice. You totally lucked out, did you not, Gracey? He says his mate helped him with it. Whatever. I guess we'll listen, beautiful.

ACOUSTIC GUITAR INTRO

(GRACE)

Shades of wine

Love keeps dancing through my mind

No, I can't escape this time

All because of you

Yesterday, love was just a word to say

Overnight a holiday

All because of you

So unreal, life was just a Ferris wheel

Till you told me how to feel

Things I never knew... 

Franky is crying. 

END.

Next on Skins: 

Rich: Grace? It's me again. Can you just wake up? 

-

Rich: Where is she, then? 

Alo: Zurich. Go and find her.

Rich: Grace...

-

Rich: You awful, awful bastards! You're a f*cking joke.

-

Liv: What the f*ck has happened to us all?
{"type": "series", "show": "Skins", "episode": "6x01 - Everyone"}