(Door bell)

Bernie: You want to get started?

Jason: Bernie, what are you doing here?

Bernie: Your taxes.Like every year at this time.

Jason: Oh, you didn't get my message?No I don't need my accountant this year Bernie.I'm going to do m y taxes myself.

Bernie: Yeah, I got it, but, ha, I dint believe you.

Jason: Bernie, I'm serious.This year I want to do my own taxes.

Bernie: Ah, one question.Did you decorate this room yourself?

Jason: No, my wife did.

Bernie: Yeah, but you married her.

Jason: Hey, read my lips..

Bernie: I know, I know...No new taxes.It's good.

Jason: Goodbye Bernie.

Jason: And stay out.

Ben: Dad.Would now be a good time to introduce myself?

Jason: No.

Ben: Dad, you've met Ben Seaver son, not Ben Seaver entrepreneur.

Jason: Ben, come on I_m doing my taxes here.I'm in a foul mood.Do you really want to persist with whatever you are persisting with?

Ben: May I call you Jason?

Jason: No Ben.

Ben: Jason, I'd like to talk business.One business man to another.

Jason: That's my brief case.

Ben: How's the Mrs.?

Jason: Is that your idea of a business meeting Ben?It sounds more like something you read in a book.

Ben: I think now would be a good time for a good dirty joke.

Jason: What are you after Ben?

Ben: Dad, how often have you said to yourself "Why can't I have my own career?" Why can't I be my own boss?" Why ...

Jason: Let me interrupt you here Ben.I do have my own career.I am my own boss.

Ben: You are?

Jason: I'm a psychiatrist.

Ben: Yeah?

Jason: Ben, what do you think I do every day?

Ben: To be honest, I never gave it much thought.

Ben: But you haven't heard my idea.

Jason: Listen, the US government gives me a two thousand deduction for you, and that's all, and you're pushing it.

Ben: Jason, just give me five minutes of your time, and if you're still not interested, you'll never see me again.

Jason: Never again?

Ben: (on TV) Thank you Ben.

Ben: You're welcome Ben.

Ben: (on TV) Hey, that's my name.

Ben: Ha ha ha.

Jason: Gone forever, right?

Ben: (on TV) I'm about to show you the road to financial independence.

Jason: Ben, you tapes over Chrissy's birth!

Ben: No.This is just a double I made for the guys at school.Hey hey, it's coming back.

Ben: (on TV) That's right.Music.But why take it from me?Here it from typical America teens.

Stinky: (on TV) Jeepers.The most important thing for me is music.I spend every dime I can on today's popular music groups.And I just got an ear ring.

Laura-Lynn: (on TV) Wow, wow!But seriously, I am concerned about where the hot new groups are coming from.

Carol: (on TV) I didn't think music could be so good until I saw them in person.Am I done yet?

Chrissy: (on TV) I laughed, I cried, I was moved beyond my years.Like that?

Ben: (on TV) Just what are all these young people talking about?The Fresh kids!

Everyone on TV: Yeah, wow, ahhhh!

Carol: (on TV) Am I done yet?

Song: I'm looking for someone like you.I'm searching but I can't get my mind off you.Some say that the sky is the limit, but girl if there's a love you know I'm in it.It's in my heart, it's in my soul, I try to find another but I can't let go.Don't you know you fly with the hip hop lot?Her long sleek legs keep her going none stop.Walking on the boulevard, making fun.You're the one that I dream about all the time.You were caressing me from head to toe, saying that you loved me and you'll never let me go.You're the one to make my dreams come true.It will take a long time....Yeah, wow!

Jason: Who told you you could use my video camera?

Jason: Alright, well what do you want from me Ben?

Ben: Dad, you don't just become a manager, you have to invest.That's why I want you to become my partner.

Jason: Oh, I don't know anything about managing.

Jason: Well I'm sure there is more to it than that.

Ben: Dad, you are a married man.

Jason: Not that.

Jason: I've never seen you this excited about an idea Ben.

Ben: Yeah, and if we don't move fast some other manager will sign them up.So tomorrow why don't you come with me?They are going to be guests on the cable show "Rack and Roll".

Jason: So you've figured this whole thing out now?

Jason: Ok Ben.Bottom line; how much would this cost me?

Ben: Sixty three thousand dollars.

Jason: Oh, ho ho ho.Yeah.

Ben: No.

Jason: Ho ho ho.

Ben: Ok, I'll settle for two thousand.

Mike: Such an amateur.

Chrissy: How would you have done it?

Mike: Well first, I would have picked one to four am.That's when dad is usually at his weakest.Right, and the, off the top of my head, I'd probable tell dad that I needed an operation from a surgeon who only takes cash.

Carol: And to think that is just from the top of his head.

Mike: Alright, watch this Chrissy.This is my chance to get a few table scraps.Dad, dad.I told the boy not to bother you.I don't know where he gets the idea that you are made of money.Alright, I'll take him out.I'll talk to him.You got twenty bucks for a couple of burgers?

Jason: Mike, Mike, cant you see we are having an important business meeting here.

Mike: Yeah right.

Ben: Guess who just coughed up two thousand bucks?

Mike: What?Two thou...But dad.

Carol: Get out Mr.Smooth.

Chrissy: So when do we get our table scraps?

Maggie: Honey, we have to talk.I just found something very upsetting in Ben's room.

Jason: Oh honey, just relax.Every kid his age has those kind of magazines.

Chrissy: Jason, I am talking about this.A check for two thousand dollars.He must have forged your signature.And its not even close, he when for an exaggerated type a**l scrawl.

Jason: Maggie, I gave it to him.

Maggie: You what?

Jason: Yeah, yeah.Ben and I are now managing a new rock band.

Maggie: Managing a band!

Jason: Well it's not really a band.It's just three kids jumping up and down.

Maggie: And you gave him two thousand dollars?

Jason: Yep.

Maggie: Oh, my poor muffin man.Oh sweetheart, I knew it was a mistake not to use an accountant.

Maggie: Oh imagine that.

Jason: But the excitement Maggie.He had such enthusiasm.I've never seen that look in him before.He had a real spark in his eye.I can't say no to somebody who looks at me like that.

Maggie: I want a Ferrari.

Jason: Well that's a twinkle; I'm talking about a sparkle.

Maggie: Fine, just sit there with that look on your face.

Mike: What?

Maggie: Act like you weren't behind this two thousand dollar scam.Act liker that money isn't going right from your father through Ben into your pocket.

Mike: Mum, mum.I don't know what you are talking about.I'm serious.I don't have a clue how that little meat ball got two grand out of little muffin man in there.

Jason: Oh Ben.Five hundred, that's real expensive.

Ben: Dad I checked every studio in the phone book.

Jason: Well I know a little bit about music Ben.I cut a demo or two in college you know.

Ben: Dad, we are talking about music here, not a bunch of old guys jumping up and down.

Jason: I was good Ben.A lot of people thought I would be the next Gary Pucket.Did I ever tell you about the time I actually met Gary Pucket?You know what he said to me?He...

Ben: Said you had the best head of hair he'd seen on a white man.

Jason: Ok, so obviously I know what I am talking about.Hi honey, you are just in time.I was telling Ben about the time I met Gary Pucket.

Maggie: Hu.Best head of hair on a white man.

Ben: Dad, come with me right now and I'll show you the studio.

Maggie: Hey, I hate to interrupt this important pow-wow Ben, but you were supposed to pick up the dirty clothes in your room.

Ben: Dad.

Jason: Hey Ben.A good business man never pouts anything off.

Ben: Ok, but when I'm done we go right to the studio.

Jason: Alright.

Jason: I told you Maggie.He's a changed kid.

Maggie: How much money do you think we'd have to give mike to get him to shape up?

Jason: We couldn't afford it.

Maggie: Now that reminds me.We could you know.I was wrong before.I did make some money last year.

Jason: Oh no!

Maggie: What do you mean oh no?

Jason: Maggie, for our tax bracket to stay there, I was counting on your career being a total loss.

Maggie: Well excuse me for having a little bit of talent.I am so sorry I brought in five thousand dollars last year.

Jason: I'm sorry.I just get a little bit weird on tax day.The five thousand is going to come in very handy.

Maggie: Oh no, I spent that.I just have these check stubs here.

Jason: Just the stubs!

Maggie: Yeah honey.And they didn't take out much with-holding.I took out ninety nine deductions.I didn't like this one that much, but it wasn't expensive and I knew that would please you.

Jason: Sweetheart, Maggie, let me explain something to you.There is negative cash flow and there is bankruptcy.

Maggie: You'll love this next one.We'll be able to advertise it.

Jason: With my luck one day she'll write something which will win the stinking Pulitzer Prize.

Maggie: What was that honey?

Jason: Oh nothing.Just musing about how responsible Ben's been.

Maggie: I've got to hand it to you sweetheart, he's never done his homework on Saturday before.

Jason: Yes, he even mowed the lawn.Sure, you couldn't see the grass for the snow, but the thought was right.

Maggie: And at dinner when he dropped that pork chop, he wiped it off on his shirt before he ate it.

Jason: Yeah, it makes you wonder doesn't it?I should have made him my partner years ago.Makes him easier to control.

Maggie: Oh, so that's why you are doing this?

Jason: No, but it's not a bad bi-product.

Maggie: Jason, you are kidding yourself.You are manipulating him with your checkbook.

Maggie: So?What do you think?

Jason: Is that the expensive one?

Maggie: Extremely.

Jason: It makes you look fat.

Maggie: I'm taking it back.Ha, you almost got me Mr.Manipulator.

Jason: Maggie, I am not manipulating anyone.If I am, may lightning strike me now.

Jason: Ben!

Ben: Um, I'm getting a drink of water.

Jason: You are sneaking in.

Ben: If I was sneaking in, would I make a mess like this?

Jason: Just when I thought you were becoming responsible and mature Ben.That's why I went into business with you.

Maggie: Need any help?

Jason: No, I can handle this myself.

Maggie: Well if you run into any trouble, here is your check book.

Jason: Alright Ben, what's going on?

Ben: I just went to show Laura Lynn my check.

Ben: Well then let's go out in the hall.

Jason: What are you doing sneaking in?

Ben: How else could I get in?I snuck out.

Jason: I am so disappointed in you Ben.After I invested two thousand dollars in you.How do you think that makes me feel?I mean is this the same boy who just hours ago stood in front of me and told me a dirty joke?

Jason: Stop it right there.

Ben: You heard it hu?

Jason: No I haven't heard it Ben.The cost of that window is coming out of the two thousand dollars.

Ben: But that is for business.

Jason: Never mind.I told you not to bring up the business.

Ben: Well you are dad.That's not fair that the money should come out of the two thousand dollars.It belongs to our partnership.

Jason: Well one of the partners should have thought of that before behaving like a teenager.

Ben: I am a teenager.

Jason: I'm really beginning to think that this whole partnership is a big mistake.

Ben: Yeah, me too.

Jason: Well there is an easy way to solve it Ben.The relationship's over.

Ben: You mean I am not your son anymore?

Jason: I mean I am not your partner anymore Ben.

Mike: Ah mum.Would this be a good time to have a word with dad?

Maggie: Honey, are you busy?

Jason: Honey, I'm up to my eyeballs in this stuff.

Maggie: Ok, I'm going shopping.

Maggie: I just wanted to see how you were doing before I left.

Jason: No you didn't Maggie.You wanted to follow up on last night and see if I had seen the error of my ways regarding the Ben thing.Well Maggie, if I error in my ways I would have seen it.

Maggie: Well don't worry Jason, I wont bring up the fact that it was a mistake to mix the father son relationship with the business relationship.

Jason: I did not mix.

Maggie: Really?

Jason: Uh hu.

Maggie: When you go to our accountant, do you make sure his room is clean first?

Jason: As a matter of fact I do.

Maggie: That I believe.Like I said I am not going to bring that up.

Jason: Good.

Maggie: Good.And I suppose you'd change lawyers if he didn't wipe off his pork chop?

Jason: Armed Swartz does not eat pork.

Chrissy: Stop!Crooked tie, crooked guy.

Mike: Thanks.Alright, well, how do I look?

Chrissy: Like million bucks.

Mike: Right well then the price of a new transmission should be easy.

Carol: Just one more thing Ben.Oh, it's not Ben.It's Mike.Acting like Ben, dressed like Ben, learning from his younger, taller brother.

Mike: Leave me alone Carol.

Carol: Don't get excited Mike, we are just a little concerned because you are in Ben's weenie suit.

Mike: Hey, this is not Ben's weenie suit.This is my weenie suit.

Maggie: Hi, you didn't sleep in that did you?

Mike: Why not?It doesn't wrinkle.

Maggie: Jason, your eleven o'clock is here.

Mike: Dad, look if you got five minutes, I want to tell you how you can make a lot of money with Mike Seavers acting workshop.

Jason: Out!Out out out out!

Mike: I should have told him a dirty joke.

Jason: Oh no, I can't owe that much.I haven't seen that many zero's since Mike was in high school.Who ever it is, don't come in unless you've got thirty thousand dollars.

Chrissy: I've got two cookies.

Jason: Two cookies, alright.

Chrissy: What are you so upset about?

Jason: Well, let's just say I could do with a couple of write offs.

Chrissy: I thought you said Ben and Mike were a couple of write offs?

Jason: Yeah, different kind.

Chrissy: It must be fun having kids.

Jason: Sometimes.

Chrissy: I mean when they fall for anything, like our sweet simple Ben.

Jason: Hey, Ben's not as simple as he looks.

Chrissy: Are you kidding, you had him believing you guys were really partners.

Jason: We were really partners.

Chrissy: Sure.I like the way you had him trust in you, and then you crushed him like a bug.

Jason: Ben, is that you?

Ben: Yes dad.

Jason: Hey.

Ben: Yeah, I just got back from meeting with The Fresh kids.

Jason: Oh that was today hu?

Ben: And they were on that cable show I told you about.I just wanted to let them know where we stand and that our partnership is over because I busted a window.

Jason: Yeah, well uh, I'd like to talk.Man to man.

Ben: With who?

Ben: I'm with you so far.

Jason: Yeah, but on the other hand, se, I'm your partner.I was your partner.But I failed to separate the two relationships and I should have.That was a mistake.You know what I mean?

Ben: You wish to beg for my forgiveness?

Jason: No, no quite Ben.You broke the house rules.That was your father who punished you.But that shouldn't have interfered with our partnership.So, uh, I made a mistake.I'm sorry.If you are willing to be my partner again...

Ben: You want to be my partner again?

Jason: Yeah.

Ben: Sorry, pass.I couldn't just give up on The Fresh kids cos you got weird, so I went looking for other investors and I found one.

Jason: You did?

Ben: Yeah.

Jason: Well that's great Ben.That's good for you.Who put up the money?

Ben: He's just coming in.He's parking the car.

Mike: Dad, look who's here.

Bernie: Hey.

Jason: Bernie, you're the partner?

Bernie: Yeah.This kid has some head for business.Must have got it from his mother.

Mike: Wait a second.You are giving him two thousand dollars.Alright Bennie, let's see the g*n.

Ben: Wait till you hear the rest.

Bernie: Hey listen, we made our deal with The Fresh kids at rehearsal.

Ben: Two hours later they are taping the show.Some guy from a record company loves them.

Bernie: Balla bing balla boom, they buy our contact for fifty thousand dollars.

Jason: Fifty thousand dollars!

Bernie: And all these kids do is jump around and make noise.

Bernie: Oh by the way, when you do your taxes next year, I'm no longer an accountant.I'm a manager.I ride around in limos, order room service and I am not a married man.

Mike: Twenty four thousand dollars.

Jason: Well, I'll be the first to admit it.I was wrong to use that money to control Ben.

Maggie: The first to admit it?

Jason: And the top two.I was wrong, I was pig headed.Are you happy?

Maggie: Very.

Jason: What amazes me is that Ben was right about The Fresh kids all along.We never should have underestimated his judgment.

Maggie: We!

Jason: Me.Me.Me me me me me.Ok, I was wrong.Ben spotted their talent and that takes talent.I never should have doubted him.I'm sorry I ever doubted any of my children.

Chrissy: Dad, I need an operation and the surgeon only takes cash.
{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x16 - Ben's Rap Group"}