PART TWO (THE MYSTERIOUS PLANET)

Written by Robert Holmes

Original air date: 13 September, 1986
Run time: 24:44

Trial room

The Doctor: Oh! Why'd you stop it at the best bit? I was rather enjoying that.

Valeyard: I'm sure you were.

The Doctor: Clever, eh? That trick with the umbrella.

Valeyard: Most ingenious, my dear Doctor.

The Doctor: Oh, I always like to do the unexpected. Takes people by surprise.

Valeyard: Hear how the Doctor takes pride in his interference. Hear how he boasts. This is not the reaction of a responsible Time Lord.

Inquisitor: We are all aware of that, Valeyard. What is the point you are trying to make?

Valeyard: These proceedings started as a mere enquiry into the Doctor's activities. I'm suggesting now that it becomes a trial. And if he is found guilty, I strongly suggest the termination of his life!

The Doctor: So, you want me d*ad, eh?

Inquisitor: What the Valeyard wants and what the court decides, are two entirely different things, Doctor.

The Doctor: Thank you, my lady.

Inquisitor: Proceed Valeyard.

Marb station

Balazar: Train guards!

Computer: This station is a work unit over committed strength. There must be a cull.

Balazar: It has been dealt with.

Merdeen: See that he is d*ad, Grell. Where is he from?

Balazar: I don't know. He told many lies, even that he had read our sacred books.

Grell: He still breathes.

Merdeen: Then k*ll him.

Drathro's castle

Drathro: Stop!

Marb station

Merdeen: Wait, the Immortal speaks. He now wishes to question the stranger. How near death is he?

Grell: Merely stunned.

Merdeen: Pick him up. Grell, patrol.

Grell: Why not transport him on the train?

Merdeen: I said patrol. You, come with me.

Balazar: I, sir?

Merdeen: You have spoken with the stranger. If he dies, the Immortal may wish to question you about him.

Katryca's hut

Peri: Oh!

Katryca: Welcome, girl.

Peri: Hi.

Katryca: Rise. You are not from the place of the underground. Where are you from?

Peri: Well, it's kind of difficult to explain.

Katryca: My name is Katryca, I am the leader of the Free. Do you have a name, girl?

Peri: Perpugilliam Brown, but my friends call me Peri.

Katryca: Peri. Not many girls join the Free, Peri. I shall provide some excellent husbands for you.

Peri: Husbands? Plural?

Katryca: Such women as we have must be shared. Think about it. Put her with the other prisoners. Keep them guarded.

Peri: All right, all right. I can walk.

Subway

Balazar: Tell me, Merdeen, you served the Immortal. Is he as men say?

Merdeen: What do men say?

Balazar: That he is taller than two, with arms of steel.

Merdeen: The Immortal is never seen. He stays in his castle.

Balazar: Then how does he give you his commands?

Merdeen: He talks to me through the air and he watches me with boxes.

Balazar: I think this is called a camera, Merdeen. The men of ancient times used such things to make pictures of the Canadian goose.

Merdeen: How do you know that, Balazar?

Balazar: It is my task to study the ancient texts.

The Doctor: About which you continually boast. That's the trouble with pallid little swats like you, Balazar, You can't even organise an efficient stoning.

Balazar: It was only half over.

The Doctor: Oh.

Balazar: You'd have been free of your troubles now if Merdeen and his train guards had not saved you.

The Doctor: Then I'm grateful to you, Merdeen.

Merdeen: It was on the orders of the Immortal.

The Doctor: Oh. Well, please convey my thanks to him. Is that water? Could I have some?

Merdeen: It's my ration for the next two days.

Drathro's castle

Drathro: Give it to him.

Merdeen (on screen): What?

Drathro: Give it to him.

Merdeen: Oh. Yes, of course.

The Doctor: No, of course not. I'd forgotten how important that stuff was down here.

The Doctor: Mono-optic system, eh? Very interesting. And is the, er, Immortal on the other end of that?

Tandrell: Extremely ugly.

Humker: Hideous in the extreme.

Drathro: Physiognomy is irrelevant.

Tandrell: In so far as...

Humker: Appearance has no function.

Tandrell: But function has an appearance.

Humker: Which is irrelevant to the function.

Tandrell: Perfect.

Humker: I must write that down.

Tandrell: I will make an equation of it.

Drathro: Cease your prattle.

Humker: Of course, sir.

Tandrell: At once, sir.

Drathro: Activate the service robot. Now!

Hut

Glitz: Ah, it seems we have a pretty visitor. I'm beginning to feel better already. Sabalom Glitz, my dear, and this youth with the vacuous expression and single track mind is Dibber.

Peri: Peri.

Glitz: Ah.

Peri: Well, obviously you're not from round here.

Glitz: Merely visiting, like good yourself.

Peri: Well, I hope my visit's very short. That doesn't look like it's from round here either.

Glitz: It's a light converter.

Peri: A what?

Dibber: It funnels black light energy down to the L3. That's why we have to knock it out.

Glitz: Dibber! I'm sure Peri isn't interested in professional matters.

Dibber: Oh, you're right, Mister Glitz, yeah.

Glitz: When we first saw you, Peri, you were not alone.

Dibber: That's right, you were with a dilly in a long coat. But he disappeared down the tunnel before we...

Glitz: Before we could leap forward and make your acquaintance, eh, Dibber?

Dibber: Yeah, that's it.

Glitz: Where is your friend now?

Peri: The Doctor? Oh, he's probably still down there. For a Time Lord, he's not very good at keeping time.

Glitz: The Doctor is a Time Lord? So that's how he knew where to go.

Peri: What do you mean?

Dibber: Sent him, did they?

Peri: Who?

Glitz: The Time Lords, my dear. As my friend says, he must be acting on their behalf.

Peri: I don't think the Doctor's acting on anyone's behalf.

Glitz: So, he's a freelance like myself. Possibly we can reach an accommodation here, my boy. Two rogues with but a single thought.

Subway

The Doctor: And how long has the Immortal lived in his so-called, castle?

Merdeen: Since the f*re.

The Doctor: Oh, five hundred years?

Balazar: I do not know, Doctor. He was sent to save our lives many centuries ago.

The Doctor: Hmm. And he never goes out and nobody ever comes in?

Balazar: Only the young men who pass the selection.

The Doctor: What selection?

Balazar: To find the two cleverest youths. They go to the castle.

The Doctor: Why?

Balazar: It is said the Immortal eats them.

The Doctor: Never believe what is said, Balazar, only what you know.

Drathro's castle

Humker: Why are we doing this?

Tandrell: Because sir ordered it.

Humker: Yes, but...

Drathro: It may be needed.

Hut

Dibber: These bars remind me of home. I reckon I could bite me way through them.

Glitz: Relax Dibber. I'll find a way to win the confidence of these simple peasants.

Peri: Well, I'll like to get out of here. Katryca said something about choosing husbands for me.

Glitz: There you are. Obviously she's a romantic at heart.

Peri: Well, so am I, but not romantic enough to want more that one husband.

Dibber: Where we come from, a woman can have as many as six.

Peri: Oh, it's very similar on my planet, except we usually have them one at a time.

Glitz: I should like to stand in paterfamilias for your absent father and give you away, my dear, but I always cry at these moments of deep sentiment.

Dibber: I think we should help her get out.

Glitz: No, no, dear boy. We may need these brutish primitives.

Peri: What for?

Glitz: This shows a layout of the tunnel system, all hermetically sealed. If we can persuade Katryca's people to drive a shaft into the centre, we can fill them with gas.

Peri: You'd k*ll them? The people Katryca calls underground dwellers? That would be mass m*rder.

Glitz: I'm sure my conscience will prick a little, but where money is concerned, that doesn't usually last long.

Peri: Oh, you can't do it.

Glitz: I think it will be pretty simple. Don't forget, this is a high risk business venture, Peri. The people down there take the risk, I take the profit.

Dibber: That still leaves the L3.

Glitz: And what chance would the robot will have without a labour force? It'll probably be quicker than trying to destroy its black light supply.

Broken Tooth: Come with me.

Subway

Merdeen: You enter here, Doctor.

The Doctor: Ah. No need to knock, I imagine.

Balazar: Will I be needed?

Merdeen: No.

The Doctor: Lucky old you.

Merdeen: When you are in the Immortal's presence you will cast your eyes to the ground.

The Doctor: Will I?

Merdeen: It is forbidden to look upon him.

The Doctor: On pain of being turned into a pillar of salt, I imagine. That sort of thing?

Merdeen: You will not find it wise to mock the Immortal. Doubtless your body will be returned to me before this day is out.

The Doctor: Oh, Merdeen, why don't you just push off and guard some trains, eh?

Katryca's hut

Glitz: Ah, dear lady. I knew once you'd had time to consider...

Katryca: Be silent, fat one. I have studied the fires and there is anger in them.

Peri: Anger?

Katryca: You have travelled from beyond the stars. Your intention, to steal our great totem. Only a sacrifice in the flames will propitiate the gods.

Dibber: All of us?

Katryca: No. Only you are the chosen one, Sabalom Glitz.

Glitz: Me? Are you insane? I'm wanted in six different galaxies for crimes you couldn't even imagine. Do you think an old hag like you can bring me down?

Katryca: The pyre is being built. You will be brought when your time is due.

Outside Drathro's castle

The Doctor: Er, this is my best side.

Drathro's castle

Humker: The arrogance.

Tandrell: Can't wait to see how he's been programmed.

Drathro: I have been waiting for this day. Welcome at last.

The Doctor: You were expecting me?

Drathro: For centuries. I am Drathro, an L3 robot.

The Doctor: Then I fear you are under a slight misapprehension, Drathro. I only decided to come here yesterday.

Drathro: You are not from Andromeda? Then where are you from?

The Doctor: Gallifrey, originally, though I travel round a lot.

Drathro: I have heard of Gallifrey. An advanced civilisation.

The Doctor: In some ways.

Drathro: I apologize for my error.

The Doctor: Oh, that's all right. Even Immortals make the odd mistake every few millennia.

Drathro: I am not immortal.

The Doctor: Oh. Well, the locals round here seem to think you are.

Drathro: These are my assistants, Tandrell and Humker. You will work with them.

The Doctor: Will I? Why?

Drathro: Because I command it.

The Doctor: Oh. And you are obviously a robot used to getting your own way.

Humker: This is remarkable, Drathro.

Tandrell: Most impressive.

Humker: Even the texture has an organic warmth.

The Doctor: Do stop prodding me, there's a good fellow.

Drathro: The Doctor is not a robot. He is an organic from an advanced civilisation.

Tandrell: An organic?

Humker: We've not met an organic since we passed the selection.

The Doctor: Ah. I knew you two hadn't ended up for lunch.

Tandrell: Explain.

The Doctor: Never mind. What is this work you want me to do?

Trial room

Inquisitor: Is this relevant testimony, Valeyard? We seem to be straying from the point.

Valeyard: Circumstantially germane, my lady, in that it is part of the prosecution's case is that the Doctor introduces a disruptive and corrupting influence wherever he goes.

The Doctor: Sheer poppycock.

Valeyard: If the Doctor had not visited Ravalox, then the whole chain of events we are witnessing would not have been set in motion.

The Doctor: Well, how can the Boatyard make that claim? What might or might not have happened is entirely speculative.

Inquisitor: That is for me to decide, Doctor. And may I remind you, the charge you face is grave indeed.

The Doctor: Oh, I only have to look at the Graveyard to see that, ma'am.

Inquisitor: You're puerile attempts at flippancy are not appreciated in this court, Doctor. Proceed, Valeyard.

Drathro's castle

Drathro: Have you found the fault yet?

The Doctor: Hmm? Give me a chance. I've only just started.

Drathro: The black light system is indicating incipient failure.

The Doctor: Yeah, I can see that, but they don't last forever, you know.

Drathro: I am trained only in installation and maintenance.

The Doctor: Hmm? Oh, yeah, and very useful too. That's where the money is.

Drathro: I have trained these humans to study the problem, but they make no progress.

The Doctor: Well, black light is very tricky stuff, Drathro.

Drathro: I have a learning capacity but my processors of ratiocination are logical. Organics often eliminate such steps.

The Doctor: It's called intuition.

Drathro: Your first task will be to restructure the system.

The Doctor: Well, just a minute. Black light is not my field.

Drathro: Then you will make it so, or die!

Trial room

The Doctor: I protest!

Inquisitor: What now?

The Doctor: Yes, now!

Inquisitor: I meant, what are you protesting about this time?

The Doctor: I am charged with interfering, yet it's blatantly obvious to a blind speelsnape that I am working under duress.

Inquisitor: That does seem a valid point. What is the relevance of your presentation?

Valeyard: If the accused hadn't interrupted, my lady, the point I wish to make would have become obvious.

The Doctor: Oh, then I apologise for my outburst. As your ladyship is aware, I am unfamiliar, unlike the Valeyard, with court procedure.

Inquisitor: The court accepts your apology, Doctor. Proceed.

Village

Dibber: What a terrible waste.

Glitz: You're telling me.

Dibber: No, I meant the wood. Now, if I was handling this execution I'd go to a b*llet in the back of the head. Much more economical.

Peri: He has a point.

Glitz: Of all the sniveling screeves to be stuck with in my moment of need, I have to get you two.

Dibber: I know. Depressing, isn't it.

Drathro's castle

The Doctor: Oh, I'm sorry, Drathro. There's not a lot I can do down here.

Drathro: I order you to work.

The Doctor: Well, you can play at being the sl*ve driver all you like, but the fault doesn't lie down here. There must be a collection aerial out on the surface which is malfunctioning. I'll, I'll just pop up and have a look at it.

Drathro: You will remain here and proceed with your appointed task.

The Doctor: I think you must have fluff in your audio circuit. What's all this stuff for, anyway?

Tandrell: It provides Drathro with his energy source.

Humker: It was also to maintain the three Sleepers until they could be returned to Andromeda.

The Doctor: The three Sleepers?

Drathro: They are d*ad now. The relief ships failed to arrive.

The Doctor: I see. Well, if this power failure's allowed to get any worse, we'll all be d*ad soon.

Humker: Why?

The Doctor: Because there will be an enormous expl*si*n. Now I can't impress upon you how urgent it is I go up and look at that converter's aerial.

Drathro: A transparent ruse to escape. Get on with the work.

The Doctor: Oh, how do you put up with him.

The Doctor: Thank you. Tell me, why is water so important down here?

Humker: The condensation plants produce only enough for five hundred work units.

The Doctor: But it was raining buckets outside, or it was when I arrived.

Drathro: I am aware that precipitation has returned to normal.

The Doctor: Then why don't you let everyone just pop up and help themselves?

Drathro: My instructions were to maintain an underground survival system.

The Doctor: Inflexible little fellow aren't you? Here, hold that.

The Doctor: Well, come on. Aren't you supposed to be programmed to be user friendly or something? Times like this one need three hands you know. We bipeds are a very inefficient design. You, Humbug, whatever your name is, hold that.

The Doctor: And you, Handbag, finger on the end there. That's it, yes. Well done, splendid, yes. Well, that should just about do it.

Outside Central control

The Doctor: Ah. Look!

Drathro: Follow him. Use your tracer disc. He must be brought back unharmed.

Village

Glitz: Ready?

Glitz: Well done Dibber. Take this. Always keep something up your sleeve, eh, Dibber?

Glitz: I want you to conceal yourself in some muddy crevice while Peri and I lead off the hunt.

Peri: What hunt?

Glitz: Oh, there'll be one soon. As soon as you get the chance I want you to blow that light converter to bits.

Dibber: And where do we meet up?

Glitz: The entrance to the tunnel. Come on, Peri.

Katryca's hut

Broken Tooth: Majesty!

Katryca: How dare you!

Broken Tooth: Forgive me, but the prisoners have escaped.

Katryca: Take this.

Katryca: Lead the young men on a hunting party. They must not escape!

Subway

Drathro (O.C.): The Doctor has absconded. Hw must be found.

Merdeen: Yes, Immortal.

Drathro's castle

Humker: He should be k*lled.

Tandrell: Very slowly. He hurt me. I hate being hurt.

Humker: He hurt me more.

Tandrell: A subjective judgement.

Drathro: He must not be k*lled. I still need him.

Marb station

Merdeen: Search area green. Area red.

Merdeen: Quiet.

Balazar: Should we not search for the Doctor?

Merdeen: I said quiet. Listen to me carefully. You are a clever man.

Balazar: I am the Reader.

Merdeen: People like you are needed on the surface. I will direct you there.

Balazar: The surface? But nothing lives there. The f*re...

Merdeen: I said listen. There is no f*re. There has been no f*re for hundreds of years. It is the only place you will be beyond the Immortal's reach. Do you understand me?

Balazar: Well, what shall I do, Merdeen? How will I live?

Merdeen: You will find others out there. Many I have saved from the Immortal.

Balazar: If the Immortal discovers this, you will die. Why do you risk your life, Merdeen?

Merdeen: I am sick of the cullings. But I have to be careful. I think Grell already suspects.

Balazar: But what will you do?

Merdeen: Find the Doctor and send him to you.

Ravalox

Peri: Come on!

Drathro's castle

Drathro: What is happening.?

Ravalox

Broken Tooth: This way.

Subway

The Doctor: Whoops!

Merdeen: Wait, Doctor. We mean you no harm.

The Doctor: You did the last time we met.

Balazar: Things have changed.

The Doctor: Then let me pass. I have to get out of here.

Merdeen: Take Balazar with you.

The Doctor: Er, yes, all right.

Balazar: What will you do?

Merdeen: I must stay and help others.

The Doctor: I should be careful if I was you. There's a robot following me who isn't in a very friendly mood.

Merdeen: Would you help us, Doctor, to crush the Immortal's power?

The Doctor: Er, yes, er, perhaps. But there's something I've got to do much more important first. Come along, Balazar.

Trial room

Valeyard: Stop! This is another prime example of the Doctor's interference. You will note that he was in a position to free himself of the situation, yet deliberately chose not to.

The Doctor: I was trying to help. Surely even a blockhead like you can see that.

Inquisitor: I think we should reserve judgement until the end of the sequence.

The Doctor: I agree, my lady.

Tunnel entrance

Balazar: It's beautiful!

The Doctor: Hmm? Oh. Oh, I knew she wouldn't still be here. That girl can't obey an order.

Peri: Doctor!

Balazar: Who are they?

The Doctor: Peri! Hurry!

The Doctor: Back inside, quick.

The Doctor: In you go.

The Doctor: Come on!

Tunnel

Glitz: I always knew exercise was bad for you.

The Doctor: I shouldn't lie there if I was you. Not unless you want to be k*lled with a spear in your back.

Glitz: What? Did you do the job, my boy?

Dibber: Of course.

Underground station

The Doctor: We've got to get out of here!

Peri: But how?

The Doctor: This way.

The Doctor: Oh, no. Back.

Peri: Well, now what?

The Doctor: I don't know. I really think this could be the end!
{"type": "series", "show": "Doctor Who", "episode": "23x02 - The Trial of a Time Lord - part 2 (The Mysterious Planet)"}