Maggie: OK, Ben, take these to your room and get started on your homework.

Ben: Godzooks, Mom!I can't move.You are one beautiful woman.

Maggie: Hustle mister.

Ben: I knew "Godzooks" was wrong.

Mike: Mom, quick, I'm late for a date and I don't have a clean shirt.

Maggie: Oh, Mike, we've been over this more times than I care to remember.You do your own laundry.

Mike: Mom!Are you getting younger?

Maggie: Younger!

Mike: I mean all I can say is, holy moly!

Maggie: Take your Dad's shirt.

Mike: Oh, not his good one?

Maggie: Why not?

Mike: Oh, yes!Thank you, Mom.

Chrissy: Holy moly was a nice touch.

Mike: Thanks.

Chrissy: You know, you look like the kind of guy who would enjoy a good bed-time story.How about, Mr.Mouse finds a home?

Mike: Ah...err...sorry Chrissy, but...err...Mr.Mike found a blond.Hey listen, where's Carol?Maybe she can read you a bed-time story.

Chrissy: She's out on a date.

Mike: No, really where is she?

Chrissy: It's true.

Mike: Oh, well, finally proof that Bigfoot lives.

Chrissy: He does!Will you take me to meet him?

Mike: No, no, Chrissy, I'm kidding, it was just a joke.

Chrissy: It's not a long book, Mike.And the print's pretty big.

Mike: I'm sorry, Chrissy, but I can't keep a blond waiting.

Chrissy: Well, invite her over.Most women love Mr.Mouse.

Chrissy: Aarrgghh!!Well, I'm sorry.I've never seen a six foot mouse before.What do you mean, come to Jersey.

Carol: Norman, I had a wonderful time tonight.

Norman: Carol, you are the first girl I've met, who doesn't mind going out in a garbage truck.

Carol: Is this a garbage truck?

Norman: Do you wanna pull the lever again?

Carol: No, it's too noisy.Would you like to come in for some coffee?

Norman: Sure.I don't want coffee.

Carol: Neither do I.

Chrissy: Hi, Carol!

Carol: Chrissy, what are you doing out here at this hour?

Chrissy: Not kissing the garbage man.

Carol: Chissy, go to bed.You are invading our privacy.

Chrissy: Then go kiss someone else, where we're not having a picnic.

Carol: We!Who's having a picnic?

Chrissy: Me and my friend!What's your name?Ike.

Carol: Who is Ike?Where is this kid?

Chrissy: Watch it!You almost stepped on his tail.

Carol: Tail!

Chrissy: Yeah, Ike's a mouse!

Norman: Little babe's bonkers.

Chrissy: One more crack like that, he'll bite you on the neck!

Carol: Norman, just ignore her.She's just a little...beer!What's beer doing out here?

Chrissy: Relax, it's just for Ike.It makes the cheese go down smoother.

Carol: Chrissy, I don't wanna hear any more nonsense about this invisible mouse.

Chrissy: You don't see him?

Carol: No.

Chrissy: He's staring at you.Boy, is he staring at you.

Norman: You know, Carol, maybe we should call it a night.

Carol: Will I see you again?

Norman: Tuesdays and Thursdays!Be on the curb!

Chrissy: Mike says not to worry.He says he's like to take a babe out like you some time.

Carol: Mom, Dad, wake up!

Maggie: What?

Carol: Chrissy, is on the driveway letting an imaginary mouse have a beer.Goodnight.

Maggie: What?

Jason: Carol, come back.Say what you said again.

Carol: Chrissy was outside letting an imaginary mouse have a beer.

Jason: That's what I thought you said.

Carol: Don't worry, I poured the beer out and put Chrissy to bed.

Maggie: So you handled it?

Carol: Yes.And you're welcome.

Jason: Carol, if you handled it, why are you waking us up?

Carol: Well, she ruined my date, so I wanted to ruin your evening.

Maggie: Oh!

Jason: That's another thing, by the way, about this date; don't we usually get to meet the guy first?

Carol: Well, you have.Every Tuesday and Thursday on the curb.

Jason: Are you dating our garbage man?

Maggie: Jason, Norman isn't just a garbage man.He's a professional body-builder who likes poetry, quiet walks, women who listen and shellfish.

Jason: What goes on around here while I'm at work?

Carol: Dad, forget my date.Your younger daughter is hallucinating.

Maggie: Oh, Carol, what are you talking about?

Jason: Don't you think "hallucinate" is a bit strong?

Carol: I don't think so.After her mouse drove Norman away...he was checking me out.

Jason: Who's imagination are we dealing with here?Ha ha.Bud Collier.

Maggie: Excuse me.

Jason: That was my imaginary friend.Bud Collier.Remember, big game show host...oh all the big shows of the fifties.He used to do "Tell the Truth", "b*at the clock".

Maggie: Jason, I know who he was.

Jason: Yeah, when I was Chrissy's age, I'd pretend he'd come over to visit.He used to guess my occupation.Got it right every time.

Maggie: Good night, sweetheart.

Jason: Well.

Maggie: Well, what?

Jason: Well, who was your imaginary friend?

Maggie: Jason, it's late.

Jason: Oh, come on, Maggie.We've been married all these years, you've never told me who your imaginary friend is.And I know every thing about you, including that mole on your inner right thigh.

Maggie: Ah!I don't have a mole on my inner right thigh.

Jason: Oh, OK.

Maggie: Jason.

Maggie: Well, I didn't.

Jason: Maybe, "friend" is too strong a word.Maybe, imaginary person that you talked to.

Maggie: No.

Jason: No?A plant.

Maggie: No.

Jason: Maybe an animal.

Maggie: Oh!

Jason: Have you ever had an ant farm, Maggie?

Maggie: Jason!Just save it.I fail to see how talking to a game show host, makes one creative.

Jason: Oh, well, come under the covers and I'll show you what you've won!Where are you going?

Maggie: I prefer to see what's behind door number two.

Jason: Hey, Bud, where were we when we saw that mole?

Maggie: Well, somebody ate all the cheese.

Chrissy: No, after you.

Jason: Hi sweetheart, how are you doing this morning?

Chrissy: I'm great.

Maggie: What would you like for breakfast, Chrissy?

Chrissy: Oatmeal, eggs, toast, pancakes, waffles, bread...

Jason: Wow, wow, wow.Is that Chrissy or Ben?

Chrissy: He thinks, it's all for me.

Maggie: Sweetheart, who are you talking to?

Chrissy: (Screams)

Maggie: What?

Chrissy: You almost smooshed him!

Maggie: I almost smooshed who?

Chrissy: Sorry about that Ike.She always sits there.

Jason: Oh, I get it.This is Ike.Hey, Ike, how you doing?Maggie, say hello to Ike.

Maggie: Oh, how do you do, Ike?I'm not very comfortable with this.

Chrissy: Ike says, holy moly, you look so young!

Maggie: Oh, well, a woman never gets tired of hearing that from a rodent.Oh, thank you.Do you like my blouse?I think it brings out the highlights in my hair.Thank you.You are a very nice mouse.

Chrissy: Mom, he went to the bathroom.

Maggie: Oh, the bathroom.

Jason: Did you flush the toilet?

Carol: Yes, stop asking me that.

Chrissy: Carol, this is Ike's chair.

Carol: Ike.

Maggie: He's here for breakfast.

Chrissy: Not now he isn't.He's in the bathroom.

Carol: While I was in there!

Maggie: Carol!

Chrissy: Ike and I are going outside to play.

Maggie: OK, honey, I'll call you when your break...I'll call you and Ike when your breakfast is ready.

Carol: Are you really gonna cook him breakfast?

Jason: Of course not.He's imaginary.

Carol: Well, I just didn't know how far you'd go to humour the little nut bar.

Ben: Did you know your daughter's in the driveway talking to herself?

Carol: No, she's talking to her imaginary friend.

Ben: Imaginary friend!

Jason: Yeah.Like you and Pirate Sam.

Ben: Pirated Sam wasn't real?

Jason: He was to you, and then you outgrew him, Ben.

Ben: He told me he had to ship out.I gotta go lie down.

Maggie: Jason, Chrissy is doing an awful lot of talking out there.

Jason: OK Bud, what are we gonna do about the wife?

Maggie: OK, OK, I know I've got nothing to worry about.

Carol: Well if anybody needs me, I'll be sitting on the curb with the trash.

Jason: Come on, Maggie!Chrissy knows the difference between real and pretend.If she didn't then we'd have to worry.

Chrissy: Do we have any imported beer?

Maggie: For Ike?

Chrissy: Yeah!

Maggie: Forget it.

Chrissy: Sorry, Ike, they said something healthy was better for you.

Ike: They're worried about my health, yet they're setting traps all over the house.I don't get it.Salut.

Jason: Well, I'm off.

Maggie: OK, honey, have a good day.Go forth and cure.

Jason: Are you alright?

Maggie: It was a joke.

Jason: I was referring to Chrissy and...you know, Ike.

Maggie: Oh, honey, you're reminding me.We've been through all this before.There's absolutely nothing to worry about.

Jason: Bye bye honey, have a nice day.

Ike: I will dear.

Maggie: Chrissy, time for school.

Ike: Oh no, you're leaving me!

Chrissy: Mom, Ike's not gonna have anyone to play with.

Maggie: He won't.Well...maybe Ike would like to come with you.

Chrissy: Ike, do you wanna go to school with me?

Ike: Oh, yes!

Chrissy: He'd love to go.

Carol: You just take my trash and leave!I feel so used.

Ike: Ah, wow, nice neighbourhood.

Chrissy: We like it.

Maggie: We like what, honey?

Chrissy: The neighbourhood.

Ike: What, is she deaf?

Chrissy: Sometimes.

Maggie: Sometimes, what?

Ike: Tell her to forget it.

Chrissy: Forget it, Mom.

Maggie: OK.

Chrissy: Wanna sing a song, Ike?

Ike: Yeah, you bet.

Chrissy: What's a good song?

Maggie: How about...Hickory, Dickory, Dock?

Ike: Look, I refuse to sing a song about a weenie little mouse who's afraid of a little tick-tock.Next.

Chrissy: How about The farmer in the Dell?

Maggie: Ooh, what was wrong with Hickory Dickory Dock?

Chrissy: You're upsetting Ike.

Ike: OK, but when we get to the part about, the rat takes the cheese, in honour of the brothers, I'd like to make it a mouse.

Chrissy: You got it.And...(singing) The farmer in the dell...

Ike: A little louder!Chrissy and Ike singing together: The farmer in the dell, hi ho, the dairy o, the farmer in the dell.

Maggie: Can I join you guys?

Chrissy: Sure.

Together: (singing) The mouse takes the cheese, the mouse takes the cheese...

Maggie: Hi ho, the dairy o, the rat takes the cheese!Am I doing it wrong?

Chrissy: How can you ask that, Mom, when Ike shared with you how he felt about rats?

Ike: Ah, you know, she hates me.This happens to me all the time.It's tough being a rodent American.

Maggie: Sweetheart, do you know the difference between really real and...make-believe?

Chrissy: Of course I do.Make-believe is Bat man.

Maggie: Right.

Chrissy: And really real is Santa Claus!!

Ike: So, this is school!

Chrissy: Yes.Follow me, I'll show you where Billy O'Neill embarrassed himself.

Maggie: OK.

Chrissy: Not you, Mom, Ike.

Maggie: Oh.

Teacher: Maggie, is everything alright?

Maggie: Of course.I mean, why do you ask?

Teacher: Well, just because from the way you were looking at Chrissy...

Maggie: There is nothing wrong with Chrissy.She is perfectly normal.

Teacher: I know.

Teacher: Would you like to come to the share circle and discuss these things called feelings?

Maggie: Oh, no thanks, Sally.I really...have to be going.But while I'm here, has Chrissy been doing anything, talking about anything...mouse-like.

Teacher: Let me think.Well, she did trade her peanut butter sandwich for a cheese sandwich the other day.Is something worrying you?What's taking you to frown town?

Teacher: No.

Maggie: But she has been talking about a six foot mouse!

Teacher: No.

Teacher: Well, that depends.Who's your imaginary friend?

Maggie: Not me!Chrissy.

Teacher: She's got an imaginary friend; that's wonderful.

Maggie: It is?

Teacher: Well, sure, it's a great sign of creativity.

Maggie: I've heard.

Teacher: And it can sometimes fill a need in their life that they're too young to articulate.

Chrissy: What's my Mom so upset about?Do any of you guys know?Imaginary pig:

Teacher: It means, she isn't getting enough attention.Maybe someone's ignoring her.Have you got an Ike in family?

Maggie: No, we've got a Ben and a Carol, and we've got a Mike.Mike.Ike.Oh.

Ike: Can I move, I'm getting a cramp in my tail?

Chrissy: Don't move a whisker, I'm not finished.

Mike: What'd you say?

Chrissy: Nothing.I think you're gonna like this.

Ben: She's getting weird.I like it.

Maggie: Mike, thanks again for staying home to watch Chrissy.

Mike: Oh, hey, thank you for paying me in advance.

Maggie: And if you and Chrissy are having fun together tonight, she can stay up a little later...you know, eight, nine, ten...midnight.Whatever.

Ben: Why isn't Carol babysitting?

Mike: She got another date with the garbage man.

Ben: She does!

Mike: Yeah.Don't be surprised Benny.I mean, those guys take out trash for a living.

Ike: He is fun to watch.

Chrissy: The best.

Jason: Lucy, I'm home.

Maggie: OK, Mike, you keep an eye on Chrissy.

Mike: OK, Mom.Sure will.

Maggie: And Ben, err...go away.

Jason: Wow!Don't you look nice!What's the occasion?

Maggie: Well, I am taking you out to dinner.

Jason: OK.

Maggie: So, let's go, let's go, let's go.

Jason: What's the occasion?

Maggie: Well do we have to stand here and play twenty questions?Can't we just go out and celebrate the joy of loving each other?

Jason: OK.

Maggie: Now wipe that stupid look off your face.And let's move it.

Jason: Oh, I had a few things, just odds and ends that I tracked down at the office today, you know, while I had some spare time.Just some research about imaginary friends.You might find it kind of reassuring.

Maggie: Great honey.

Jason: What are you doing?

Maggie: Oh, you're right, you're right.We can use the back for scratch paper.

Jason: No, Maggie, come on!Now here I was trying to ease your mind, and I come home to discover you're not worried at all.What's the matter with you?

Maggie: Oh, honey, would you feel better if I got all weepy?

Jason: No, that's not what I'm after.I don't want you all weak and needy.

Maggie: Oh, sweetheart, I can't do anything right today.I made a fool out of myself with Chrissy's teacher and all I wanna do is take you dinner.

Jason: Honey, we can go to dinner.

Maggie: Really?

Jason: Yes.

Maggie: Oh good.Let's go, come on!

Jason: Maybe you could take a look at these over dessert or something.

Mike: Wow, wow, wow!Chrissy, I can hear you all the way downstairs!What are you doing?

Chrissy: It was Ike's idea.

Mike: Oh, yeah.Mom told me about Ike.

Ike: Oh oh!

Mike: Now listen.You better tell Ike that if he doesn't wanna get in trouble that...Ditto, I'll tell him myself.where is he?

Chrissy: Right over there.

Mike: OK.Hey Ike!

Ike: Yes.

Mike: Don't jump on the bed.There.I hope I wasn't too rough on him.

Chrissy: He had it coming.

Ike: He did!

Chrissy: Mike, wanna play with us?

Mike: Yeah, yeah, sure.What are you guys playing?

Chrissy: What do you wanna play?

Mike: Err...I kind o' like Tea Party.

Chrissy: Tea Party, sure.Sounds good to me.

Ike: Hey!

Chrissy: Chill out, Ike.

Ike: Yeah!I'd like to give him two lumps.

Chrissy: Ike, sit down and stop being a baby.

Ike: I don't wanna.

Chrissy: Fine.Stay there, be that way.

Mike: Nothing worse than mouse with an attitude.Boy, this coffee's hot.

Chrissy: It's tea.

Ike: Ha!

Mike: And in the glow of the f*re of the burning mouse traps, Mr.Mouse realised he had nothing to fear ever again.Finally, the years of wandering were over.He was home at last.The end.

Mike and Ike: Oh, wow, good story!

Chrissy: You and Ike are a lot alike.

Mike: Yeah, what is it?Our noses.

Ike: Oh, can it cute stuff, will you?

Chrissy: You don't look alike.But you're both funny.I like playing with you guys.

Mike: Yeah, I like playing with you too, Chrissy.

Chrissy: You do!

Mike: Yeah.Don't sound so shocked.I mean, if I don't do it all the time it's...well sometimes I like playing with the big girls too.

Chrissy: Like, last night.

Mike: Right.Well, you know, just so you know, I would have babysat you for free tonight.

Chrissy: Really!

Ike: Oh, big hero.

Mike: Hey, Chrissy, tomorrow, I'm gonna wax my car, you wanna help me?

Chrissy: Really!

Mike: Oh, yeah!

Chrissy: You'd let me touch your car!

Ike: This is boring.

Mike: Seven O' clock sharp...am!

Chrissy: You're getting up that early!

Mike: No.You are.I need the car by eight thirty so I can take you to breakfast.

Chrissy: Alright!

Ike: OK, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?

Chrissy: Ike, it's bed time.

Ike: Oh, bed time's for losers!Come on!Let's party.

Chrissy: I'm helping Mike, early in the morning, remember?

Ike: Oh, so you're saying you'd rather detail Mike's car tomorrow, rather than to play with me now!

Chrissy: Ike, I gotta go to sleep.

Ike: Oh, well fine!OK, well, I wanted to play Tea Party by myself anyway.

Chrissy: OK.

Ike: What am I doing?I'm a grown mouse.

Jason: What, so you put all this together at Chrissy's school.

Jason: Yeah, that's true.

Maggie: So, maybe if they spend more time together, she won't need Ike.

Jason: Honey, I hate to pull professional rank on you, but I doubt if one evening together's gonna make any difference with Ike.

Ike: Yeah, says you.

Jason: Did you say something?
{"type": "series", "show": "Growing Pains", "episode": "06x13 - The World According to Chrissy"}