Keeping

Up with the Kardashians...  

MJ: So cute.

KRIS: She's so cute.  

MJ: Her nose. (Gasps) Hello.

KHLOE: God, she has so much  

hair. ]] MJ: So pretty.  

KENDALL: I've worked really

hard to be taken seriously and  

recognized in the fashion world,

and it's a little bit crazy  

sometimes.

I want to get off the plane.  

KRIS: Kendall, don't cry.

KENDALL: Anxiety's all  

mental, so you have to try and

find your ways around it, but I   

think I'm very blessed to be in

the situation I'm in, and every   

year that I do this, it gets a

little bit easier.   

♪ ♪   

KIM: You know who used to

love a good hot yoga?   

SCOTT: Hum. (Kim laughs)   

(Scott barks)

Is this considered hot yoga   

because it's hot out?

KIM: No. Okay.   

KHLOE: Do we start sitting?

AMY ROSE: Yeah, just sit.   

KHLOE: Takes me a minute to

get down there.   

AMY ROSE: Just sit and relax.

(Khloe grunts)   

So let's begin.

Let's do one quick breathing   

exercise.

We're gonna look over the   

shoulder and go...

(exhales forcefully)   

(Scott exhales)

Okay. (Exhales forcefully)   

KHLOE: Kim, do it. (Kim yelps)   

AMY ROSE: Scott, this is for

you.   

SCOTT: I'm going.

AMY ROSE: Can you try it,   

please? (Scott yelps)   

And now take it longer, like...

(exhaling forcefully)   

Show some teeth.

(Scott exhales forcefully)   

When we look over the shoulder,

we're facing our past.   

That's the type of thing that we

could actually send love to.   

KHLOE: My sister Kourtney has

to start doing yoga.   

She needs to send love to a lot

of places.   

AMY ROSE: Well, I think

that's what this is about.   

KHLOE: That's crazy.

AMY ROSE: And then do the   

down dog.

Okay, I'm gonna give you an   

adjustment.

KIM: You guys, I got to get   

these braids out.

I'm getting claustrophobic.   

SCOTT: They look so painful.

KIM: They are.   

KHLOE: That was nice, guys.

SCOTT: You gonna pull those   

puppies out? ]] KIM: What?   

SCOTT: Braids.

KIM: Yeah, I mean, it's gonna   

take hours.

KHLOE: I thought you meant   

her boobs. ]] KIM: I'm dying.   

Do you have scissors?

SCOTT: I want to cut them.   

KIM: Okay, so... to there.

SCOTT: I could probably   

sell the (bleep) out of these

things.   

KIM: You can cut there.

SCOTT: What, this whole   

thing? ]] KIM: Yeah, if you can.   

KHLOE: What if that's your

real hair?   

SCOTT: That's what I'm worried.   

KIM: It's not.

SCOTT: It's like cutting a   

carpet.

KIM: God, this is gonna take   

hours. Hours!   

SCOTT: Oh, this is not for me.   

That-that freaks me out. ♪ ♪   

♪ ♪   

KHLOE: Oh, hey, Ye.

What a fun little thing up   

there. Oh, my goodness!   

KIM: Hi. LARSA: Oh, my God, I'm   

obsessed with Saint's hair.

KIM: You ready to go bump   

people? All right, let's go.   

I say we go out there.

KIM: Don't go too fast.   

Don't go too fast, okay?

LARSA: Northie, do you know   

what you're doing?

KIM: Oh, my goodness!   

(laughs) (screaming)   

She gets it! She gets it!

(all shouting)   

LARSA: Who do you want to

bump into?   

Hell yeah. KIM: Get Saint! Yeah!   

Saint's coming to get...

(screaming) We got you.   

Saint got us.

Having three kids, honestly, is   

crazy.

I remember it was really hard   

for North when Saint was born,

so I kind of put everything into.   

North to make her feel extra

special.   

Okay, stop. Ah!

Don't run into the wall. Ah!   

Okay. Yeah. Okay, hold on.   

I got to unbuckle you, booboo.

And now with Chicago, I'm trying   

to work, like, even double hard

to make sure North and Saint   

feel like they have enough time

with me and they feel super   

loved and that no one's gonna

take their place.   

Whoo! MAN: Look at that parking   

job. KIM: Did you have so much   

fun? (Saint babbles)   

Ooh! Let's have a little bit of   

pizza.

KHLOE: Anyone else want an   

ice cream while it's open?

NORTH: Me!   

KHLOE: Vanilla with chocolate?   

SAINT: Me. ]] KIM: Oh.   

NORTH: I want it.

SAINT: Look, ice cream.   

KHLOE: Oh, right here. ♪ ♪   

NORTH: Mwah.

KIM: Say, "Bye, Dad."   

♪ ♪   

JEN: So we're going straight

to the airport after this?   

WOMAN: Yes, ma'am. To go to

the next city, next continent.   

JEN: So we're pretty much

going around the world in, like,   

four days.

KENDALL: This is none other   

than Jen Atkin.

JEN (whispering): Of   

hair, the Kobe Bryant of hair.

KENDALL (whispering): Brian?   

JEN: The Kobe Bryant of hair.

KENDALL: Oh, Kobe Bryant of    

hair, got you.

Should put that in, like, if you    

put a title for her, it should

say, "Kobe Bryant of hair."    

This is your first interview.

JEN: I'm scared.    

KENDALL: Welcome. (Chuckles)

Don't be scared.    

No, you could talk to me, you

could talk to the cameras.    

JEN: Okay. Hi. This is so fun.    

KENDALL: I, like, for the

past five years, have had to    

travel a lot by myself, so it's

always really nice to have    

people that are, like, family

traveling with you.    

JEN: Kris Jenner jokes that,

like, she has a built-in    

babysitter now with me 'cause I

just travel the world with.    

Kendall.

We're going all the way around    

the world.

KENDALL: This is my third or    

fourth time doing that.

JEN: You should get, like...    

KENDALL: A medal every time?

We are in Shanghai.    

We're on our way to our event.

I am launching a shoe for.    

Adidas. It is their first, like,    

women-only shoe, so I'm super

excited.    

From Shanghai, we go to

France...    

JEN: Just around the world...

KENDALL: For the next    

launch, yeah.

JEN: In literally, like,    

four days.

KENDALL: I'd like to explore,    

like, more of China, though.

JEN: Yeah.    

KENDALL: When they're this

quick, you almost, like, forget    

it even happened. ]] JEN: Yeah.    

KENDALL: Your body's just so

blacked out for, like, four    

days, three days.

JEN: You're just numb.    

KENDALL: Yeah. (Crowd cheering)    

♪ ♪    

ASSISTANT: There's gonna be,

like,     people.    

JEN: Kendall, are you nervous?    

KENDALL: No. ♪ ♪    

KENDALL: Oh, my God, who

makes your shoes?    

They're so cute.

FAN: They're from Japan.    

KENDALL: They're really cute,

super cool.    

Thanks. Bye.

WOMAN: This is Jane.    

KENDALL: Hi. How are you?

How tall are you?    

JANE: One... Uh,  '  .

KENDALL: Oh, okay.    

This is what I look like when

I'm wearing heels?    

(laughter)

She's my height without heels.    

Now I'm like, "Wait."

JEN: This is how you make us    

feel. ♪ ♪    

MASON: Mommy.

KOURTNEY: Yeah, babe?    

MASON: Look what I made.

KOURTNEY: (gasps) You made    

that? ]] KIM: That's awesome.    

KOURTNEY: That's so cool.

KIM: You drew that?    

Did you trace it? MASON: Yeah.    

KOURTNEY: And then colored it.    

Why don't you put it on your

bulletin board?    

MASON: Okay. KOURTNEY: Okay.    

So good, Mase.

KIM: So Kanye and I,    

everything was, like, fine,

like, the next day.    

KOURTNEY: Mm-hmm.

KIM: But I was annoyed.    

KOURTNEY: Yeah.

Did you tell him that I called...    

That he called me?

KIM: No, but you know what    

the fight was?

You know what started it?    

Before I was like, "I'm filming,

I got to go."    

KOURTNEY: He wanted you to

post some photos.    

KIM: He wanted me to post six

Polaroids from that sh**t that I    

posted, those, like, nude

pictures.    

KOURTNEY: Yeah.

KIM: I posted one from the    

beach.

He wanted them to all match up    

and be all from the motel.

That's what the (bleep) fight    

was.

And I'm like, "I like the beach"    

one. "He's like, " No. You h...    

You don't understand.

I see the vision."    

I mean, our fights are really

stupid and, lately, we've been    

having a lot.

I think so many husbands feel    

neglected when you just start

having kids, and then they, all    

of their attention gets taken

away.    

He said they have to be back to

back to back, and I'm like, "I    

want my fragrance thing up."

He's like, "(bleep) your    

fragrance for one day.

You need six motel ones.    

Why'd you post the beach one?

You got to delete the beach    

one."

And I was like, "Oh, my God, I    

can't, like, sit here and

organize my Instagram with you,    

like, who cares about this?"

And he's like, "I care, I care,    

trust me."

So he's, like, always right in    

the end. ♪ ♪    

But I just am, like, it's my

Instagram, you're not gonna tell    

me what to post.

That's, like, the one thing.    

Like, no one will tell me what

to post.    

KOURTNEY: Yeah.

KIM: I'm allowed to have an    

opinion. ]] KOURTNEY: Yeah.    

We make it known. (Kim laughs)    

♪ ♪    

KIM: So Scott just texts me

that he wants to have another    

baby. ]] LARSA: Oh, my God.    

Scott wants to have another

baby?    

KIM: Yeah. LARSA: With who?    

KIM: With Kourtney.

LARSA: I was joking. Um...    

KIM: I think he just wants

one more.    

LARSA: Well, she definitely

wants more kids.    

KIM: And she wants one more.

LARSA: If they both want to    

have more kids, like, why not

have them together?    

Their kids are gorgeous, like...

KIM: I mean, it's, like,    

Scott has a girlfriend, Kourtney

has a boyfriend, we get it, so    

they don't even have to have

sex.    

LARSA: Totally.

KIM: It could be, like, IVF.    

LARSA: It's just so much

easier to have the same dad, I    

think.

KIM: I have to tell the rest    

of the family to be, like, guys,

should we encourage this?    

'Cause, like, how cute will that

be?    

Like, they have to have another

baby.    

LARSA: So you're basically

gonna facilitate this?    

KIM: I'm trying to.

LARSA: You need backup.    

KIM: Yeah.

I got to write a group e-mail.    

If she's gonna have another

baby, like, why don't they just    

have one together even if

they're not together.    

I mean, I would want all my four

kids with the same person.    

LARSA: Totally.

KIM: I think that I do hold    

on to this, like, hope of

Kourtney and Scott, just because    

I'm so used to them being

together.    

Like, when I got pregnant with

North, I had no idea if Kanye    

and I were gonna end up

together.    

I was, like, we can break up,

but let me just at least have    

some sperm, so, like, I can have

another one, so I could have    

siblings, and then, like, you

know, it'll be all good.    

(ringtone playing) LARSA: Yeah.    

KIM: Oh, wait, Khloe's calling.    

Hello? ]] KHLOE: Kim.    

KIM: Yeah?

KHLOE: Did you, like, you    

completely left Kourtney on that

(bleep) e-mail, did you know    

that? ]] KIM: Wait, what e-mail?    

The one that I just sent about

the baby?    

No (bleep) way! ]] KHLOE: Yes.    

Oh, my, I knew you didn't

(bleep) mean to leave her on.    

KIM: Oh, my God.

KHLOE: Are you and Kanye    

good?

KIM: We had a fight 'cause I    

wouldn't give him a Band-Aid.

I'm exhausted, like, go get your    

own Band-Aid.

I'm not gonna have a    

full-fledged fight 'cause I

won't get you a Band-Aid.    

(Khloe laughs)

KOURTNEY: I yelled at Kim.    

I just cussed her out like

you've never seen.    

KHLOE: Really?

KOURTNEY: I just don't relate    

to backstabbing, manipulating,

lying.    

♪ ♪    

KHLOE (on phone): Kim, you

completely left Kourtney on that    

(bleep) e-mail.

Did you know that?    

KIM: No (bleep) way. KHLOE: Yes.    

KIM: I was talking about

Kourtney in the e-mail as if she    

wasn't on the e-mail.

I thought it was, like, a cute    

thing.

I was just gossiping with the    

family, but it definitely looks

like I was trying to talk about    

her, like, without her knowing.

LARSA: I mean, everyone knows    

you tell everyone everything.

KIM: I know, shouldn't    

everyone know that I have a big

mouth by now?    

Why is Scott even talking to me?

I have a big mouth.    

Like, don't talk to me.

I have to send another e-mail    

and be like, "Hey, guys..."

LARSA: April Fools?    

It's not (bleep) April.

KIM: No, like, I gotta, like,    

cover it up.

LARSA: I feel like send    

another e-mail right now and

just tell her.    

Just be like...

KIM: No, I got to send    

another e-mail as a cover-up.

Okay, let me think about what to    

say. I'll call you back, bye.

KHLOE: Okay, bye.    

KIM: Okay, (bleep), (bleep),

(bleep).    

LARSA: She hasn't even read

it, so just be like...    

KIM: Well, she's with Simon.

If he can just take her phone    

and delete that e-mail.

LARSA: That's a good idea,    

actually. (Line ringing)    

(Kim sighs)

You're in trouble. (Laughs)    

KIM: I know, I'm in big trouble.    

Why isn't he answering?

North is there with them.    

Should I call North?

LARSA: Call North's nanny?    

(line continues ringing)

KIM: He's not (bleep)    

answering.

I bet North is on his phone    

playing games.

RECORDED VOICE: Two, one...    

KIM: Okay, well... I'm (bleep).    

♪ ♪    

MARY: Um, so what should we

do while we're in Paris?    

I mean, we have two days.

KENDALL: Um, I don't know.    

I usually just lay low.

JEN: Do you want to do    

something fun?

Like, we can go to Disneyland.    

KENDALL: I'm here for work.

Like, I never do anything.    

I usually just, like, sit

around.    

JEN: I know, but that's

what's so fun.    

I feel like nobody's here,

you have two days off.    

KENDALL: Yeah.

JEN: You're always working,    

and you need to have a better,

like, work-life balance.    

What should we do, guys?

We could go to Versailles.    

KENDALL: Mm, I've been to

Versailles before, though.    

I want to go places that I don't

go to.    

Like, I'm here all the time, but

I always go to the same places    

and do the same thing.

JEN: Yeah. We could do    

horseback riding.

You love horses.    

KENDALL: I know, but, like...

what?    

JEN: I literally have never

been on a horse, but I will do    

whatever you want.

KENDALL: Good.    

JEN: I'll get on a horse for

you.    

KENDALL: (chuckles)

I'm still trying to cope with my    

ongoing anxiety, but traveling

the world with two of my good    

friends, I feel like that's my

sanity in it all.    

It's a good mixture.

Jen's the crazy, I'm the crazy,    

and then Mary comes and settles

us all down.    

JEN: I feel like I appreciate

L.A. more when I'm away, and    

then when I'm in L.A. for too

long, I go crazy.    

I go stir crazy.

KENDALL: No, see, I don't    

anymore; I used to. JEN: Really?    

We don't have, like, a lot of

culture in L.A.    

KENDALL: Hollywood, baby.

What-what are you talking about?    

JEN: Calm down, Hollywood baby.    

KENDALL: It's Holly... I mean,

it's like we have so much, like,    

movie history.

Like, Hollywood, like, it's,    

like, the home of, like,

glamour, no?    

JEN: Yeah. KENDALL: And, like,    

celebrities.

JEN: And Beverly Hills Juice.    

Company. ]] KENDALL: Yeah.    

JEN: That's history. (Laughs)    

♪ ♪    

EMMA: We're here on set

sh**ting our summer campaign.    

KOURTNEY: Hey-ya, Khlo.

How long are you here?    

KHLOE: Till, like,  :   or  :  .    

KOURTNEY: So, um, I almost

had a heart att*ck today.    

KHLOE: What happened?

KOURTNEY: I yelled at Kim.    

I just cussed her out like

you've never seen.    

KHLOE: Really?

Did she cuss you back?    

KOURTNEY: No, I just said,

"I'm actually just concerned for    

who you are as a human being."

Looping people in like that and,    

like, trying to take me off

and... whatever.    

I was like, "It's so (bleep)

up."    

I just feel like it never ends

with my sisters and I fighting.    

The topic of Scott and I having

a fourth kid has never even been    

discussed, so I don't know where

this is coming from.    

You know, I'm in a relationship,

and now, like, just sending an    

e-mail behind my back is just

so... malicious.    

Kim also tried to pretend as if

she knew that I was on the    

e-mail chain, and that just made

it worse.    

I don't understand why Kim is

involved in this at all.    

Like, I have a boyfriend, Scott

has a girlfriend.    

And I just don't relate to...

backstabbing, manipulating,    

lying.

We were raised better to know    

how important loyalty is, and

that that's not how you treat    

your family members.

KHLOE: You don't got to do    

that again.

KOURTNEY: Oh, no, I'm fine.    

KHLOE: Oh, I thought you

were gonna cry.    

KOURTNEY: No, I'm more like,

"Get the (bleep) out of here!"    

That's more my vibe.

KHLOE: Okay.    

KENDALL: The show never fails

to surprise me.    

JEN: Yeah, it makes me feel

just lazy as a woman.    

It's just so...

KENDALL: I feel like I need    

to go to the gym when I leave.

JEN: Oh, shut up, you're a    

model. ♪ ♪    

SCOTT: It's so weird how

everybody's having kids like    

boom, boom, boom!

KIM: Why do you want a    

fourth? KOURTNEY: Kim, I think    

your, like, your dream in life

is to just be, like, the town    

gossip. ]] SCOTT: What happened?    

♪ ♪    

KENDALL: Hello.

This is definitely the most cas    

I've ever been coming to Crazy

Horse.    

JEN: Me, too.

MAN: Follow me, please.    

KENDALL: I want, like, wine.

JEN: Okay, let's do a bottle    

of that.

KENDALL: Crazy Horse is, I    

guess... What do you consider it,

like, a burlesque bar?    

JEN: It's more like an art,

like, exhibit show.    

KENDALL: Yeah.

The show never fails to, like,    

surprise me.

JEN: Yeah, it makes me feel    

just lazy as a woman.

KENDALL: Yeah.    

JEN: I feel like I need to

put my back into it more.    

KENDALL: Right.

JEN: It's just so...    

KENDALL: I feel like I need

to go to the gym when I leave.    

JEN: Oh, shut up, you have

their bodies, you weirdo.    

KENDALL: I literally don't.

I'm, like, nine feet tall.    

JEN: Says the supermodel.

KENDALL: Those girls are,    

like, the perfect  ' .

JEN: What?    

KENDALL: Yes. Right?

JEN: You're saying the extra    

two inches you have is a bad

thing? Wow.    

KENDALL: I guess I'm only

three inches taller than that.    

JEN: I'll take those two

inches you don't want.    

♪ ♪    

KENDALL: The girl in the

middle's boobs are amazing.    

JEN: I know. ♪ ♪    

(applause) ♪ ♪    

KENDALL: We're going to the

gym in the morning.    

JEN: Yeah.    

(cheers and applause)    

KENDALL: Wow.

JEN: That was amazing.    

KENDALL: Hi, hi. Hi.

ANDREE: Nice to meet you.    

KENDALL: How are you?

I'm Kendall.    

Nice to meet you, too.

Hi. Kendall. How are you?    

JEN: Has anyone ever had a

wig fall off?    

WOMEN: Yes. (Laughter)    

PERFORMER: It's horrible.

JEN: No! I would die.    

Oh, no.

MANAGER: They've had their    

thongs fall off. ]] JEN: Oh, no!    

KENDALL: You always wear

something under, right?    

WOMAN: No. No. JEN: Oh, my God.    

How do you keep the triangle on?

WOMAN: We can't tell you the    

secrets. (Laughter)    

JEN: Too much information.

Too much information.    

WOMAN: None of anybody's

business, but there are secrets.    

Like, certain things, the way...

What we do, we don't tell.    

JEN: Do you have any extra wigs?    

Come in, come in, Ken. Hurry.

KENDALL: What's happening?    

JEN: Instagram. I want wigs.    

WOMAN: I have a wig.

JEN: Oh, my God, yes.    

For one picture, please? Ooh.    

Yes, that's so dope.

Let me change the light up a    

little bit. Oh, my God. Amazing.    

Learn from the Crazy Horse.

So, I know that you are not    

working, but I feel like I'm all

about getting pictures when    

you're on a pseudo work-type

vacay.    

KENDALL: I know, and

honestly, I've been into it more    

lately, I will say.

JEN: You're a model.    

You're on   / .

It's just too good to pass up.    

KENDALL: Me?

I'm too good to pass up?    

JEN: The moment. KENDALL: Okay.    

JEN: You in the moment.

KENDALL: My face, right?    

JEN: Yes, your beautiful,

inspiring face.    

Crazy. Beautiful.    

WOMAN: Thank you. KENDALL: Yay.    

(indistinct chatter)

Thank you, guys.    

Nice to meet everyone.

Nice to meet you.    

Oh, my God.    

We'll be back, I'm sure.

Bye, guys.    

WOMAN: Thank you. Thank you.

KENDALL: Bye.    

♪ ♪    

KIM: So, Kourtney called and

fully cussed me out yesterday.    

KHLOE: She told me at the sh**t.    

KIM: Let's call Simon Huck.

(line ringing)    

SIMON: Hey. ]] KIM: Hey.    

Wait, I heard North was, like, a

wild animal eating.    

SIMON: (laughs)

She... I mean, there's a lot of    

butter going on. (Laughter)    

There's a lot of...

There's a lot of butter.    

Like, butter is on everything,

butter is in the water.    

The water... ]] KHLOE: Ew.    

SIMON: In the water-butter.

KHLOE: Ew.    

SIMON: And then we're gonna

potentially have a sip of the    

water-butter, and then the water

and the butter is in the hair.    

KHLOE: Oh, my God.

SIMON: She was so cute,    

though.

KIM: Wait, so you were with.    

Kourtney. ]] SIMON: Yes.    

KIM: Did she say anything

about that crazy e-mail I sent?    

SIMON: She was livid.

(Kim laughs)    

Uh-huh.

She was like, "I cannot believe"    

this bitch."

KIM: She screamed at me like    

none other.

Like, you have no idea how    

someone can scream like that.

Kourtney's really, really,    

really mad at me, and I get it.

But I didn't think it was    

this deep secret.

And I just wanted to tell the    

family.

I don't know why Kourtney is    

taking this so personally.

She needs to get over it.    

KHLOE: She said this was a

joke of a family.    

KIM: But she, but s-she

thinks we're all crazy, we're    

all a joke, we're all whatever.

KHLOE: She says we have no    

loyalty.

SIMON: She also thinks that    

you guys g*ng up on her.

The first thing she said: "You"    

know, Kim's changed.

Kim's a whole new person.    

I don't even know Kim."

(Kim laughs)    

I said, "Well, what about Khloe?

You and Khloe are close."    

"No, she's changed, too."

KIM: Yeah. So, so Khloe    

and I... KHLOE: It's everyone.    

KIM: Have just had these

crazy life changes to where    

we're completely different

people.    

Like, we're in our late   s.

That doesn't happen.    

(laughs)

JEN: I've never been on a    

horse.

KENDALL: If you guys don't    

want to ride, Jen, you don't

have to.    

JEN: No, I'm gonna. (Grunts)    

Oh, my dear.

KENDALL: I don't know.    

JEN: You think this is a bad

idea?    

(horse neighs) Oh, boy.    

KRIS: What's going on with Kim?    

Did you sit down and talk to

her?    

KOURTNEY: Honestly, I'm just,

I don't even want to look at    

her.

Going behind someone's back,    

it's not okay.

It's not something I will accept    

in my life.

We don't share each other's    

personal business.    

♪ ♪    

KHLOE: Okay. KIM: Pain? Cramp?    

KHLOE: Yeah. What is that?

I'm just going into labor.    

It's fine. ]] KIM: (chuckles)    

This morning, Saint was so cute.

Look, I even videoed him.    

(over phone): Who is that,

Saint?    

Saint, who is this?

SAINT: Baby Chi.    

KIM: So cute.

(over phone): She's so sweet.    

KHLOE: Aw. ]] SAINT: Daddy.    

KHLOE: Are you and Kanye good?    

KIM: Last night, I was just,

like, not in, like, the best    

mood. ]] KHLOE: Oh, no.    

KIM: I was just, like, tired.

I got home, and I was like,    

"Hey," and then I was, like, on

my computer, and then he was    

like, "Hey, um, babe, will you

get off your computer?"    

Like, let's t... I want to talk,

like, let's hang out."    

And I was like, "Okay, will you

give me ten minutes?"    

I'm on a deadline."

I really was like, "I have to    

get this done."

And then Saint's like, "Mommy,    

Mommy, let's go take a bath,"

I go, "Okay."    

And I shut the computer, and

he's like, "You're gonna go take"    

a bath with him, and then... but

I asked to hang out and talk    

and you wouldn't?"

And I was like, "Oh, my God,    

I'm sorry."

KHLOE: Maybe just take a bath    

with Kanye, and it will all be

better.    

KIM: And then we had a fight

'cause I wouldn't get him a.    

Band-Aid.

I said, "Did you look in the"    

proper place?

There's a Band-Aid here."    

He didn't like that one.

So he wanted another one.    

A Band-Aid there,

and I put it on him.    

He didn't like the color of the

Band-Aid.    

And so we went upstairs in the

kids room, and I go, "Oh, look",    

North has Jesus Band-Aids.

Put on a Jesus Band-Aid."    

And then he was like, "I've

slaved around the world, making"    

clothes for you to make sure

that you find the best outfit,    

"and you let me go out wearing a

Jesus Band-Aid?"    

KHLOE: Aw.

KIM: He said I should've got    

a skin-colored Band-Aid.

And I'm like, "So I'm running"    

around to find three (bleep)

different color Band-Aids?    

"When I have three kids to look

after."    

When you have three kids, it's

kind of a wild household, so I'm    

kind of annoyed, 'cause I wish

he would understand also, like,    

I'm exhausted.

Like, "Go get your own."    

Band-Aid."

Just because I didn't give birth    

to this baby doesn't mean that

my plate is not totally full.    

So I said, "Call the

housekeeper."    

Let's have her get a Band-Aid."

He's like, "Well, why can't you    

get it?

You would get Saint one."    

And I'm like, "Oh, my God, are

you fighting with Saint?"    

Is this... are you... is this,

like, a thing?"    

I was like, "This is not gonna

be this way."    

And I'm not gonna have a

full-fledged fight 'cause I    

"won't get you a Band-Aid.

I'm sorry."    

KHLOE: But if that's gonna

make him feel better, just to    

get him a Band-Aid...

KIM: I can't.    

That's where I draw the line.

KHLOE: But if that's gonna    

make him feel more loved, don't

you want to just get the.    

Band-Aid?

Sometimes, like, men still want    

to be treated as, like, the

first baby.    

Kimberly, I know, is so

overwhelmed, and I think    

sometimes that's easy to maybe

get distracted or, 'cause you    

know that they're adults, they

can take care of themselves, but    

your husband still wants you to

take care of him.    

And I'm sure, with three kids,

you're tired at the end of the    

day, and you don't make that

a priority.    

But she really has to. I get it.    

I just want everyone to be

happy, and if a Band-Aid makes    

someone happy, just get the

Band-Aid.    

KIM: Yeah. So I feel like...    

KHLOE: I might be falling

asleep.    

KIM: (laughs)

All right, let's go.    

♪ ♪    

KENDALL: So romantic.

JEN: Remember, you came to my    

wedding dinner?

It was five people.    

KENDALL: Remember you t-tried

to steal Kim and Kanye's shine?    

JEN: No, I didn't at all.

I simply just eloped.    

KENDALL: Which I love.

I literally want to run to the.    

City Hall and get married.

And just be like, "(bleep) it",    

let's go right now."

Just, like, spur of the moment.    

JEN: Yeah.

Like, who are you gonna marry?    

You do not have, like, a type,

at all.    

KENDALL: I don't have a type.

You cute, you cute.    

Like, who am I gonna marry?    

JEN: God, you're gonna have

your pick of the litter.    

You should just be ho'ing it up

as much as you can.    

MARY: For sure.

JEN: Take it from us.    

We ho'd it up. (Laughter)    

It's great. No regrets.

KENDALL: A piece of advice    

that my dad always, like, told

me: Like, in a relationship,    

like, when you meet someone

young, the hardest thing to do    

is change with them, like,

you're with them for so long.    

JEN: That's why I think you

shouldn't get married until    

you're, like, in your late   s.

KENDALL: Actually, I'm not    

planning on anything.

JEN: Who knows? You might not    

even want to get married.

Your generation probably    

is gonna be like, "Ugh, marriage

is so old-fashioned."    

Like, who cares?"

KENDALL: No, I want to get    

married.

JEN: "Who needs labels?"    

(laughs) ♪ ♪    

KHLOE: Ooh.

KRIS: Look at how cute    

this is.

KHLOE: I've done yoga with,    

um, Kim and Scott out here.

It's like, so nice.    

KOURTNEY: I don't think yoga

is Kim's thing.    

KHLOE: I just like to do it

as a... together, and, like, to    

work on our vaginas.

That's such a good thing.    

KOURTNEY: I know, but I just

don't think yoga's her thing.    

KHLOE: Are you working on

your vagina now?    

KOURTNEY: Yeah. You reminded me.    

KRIS: You should ask Dr. A if

you're supposed to be tightening    

it, or just letting it go for a

second?    

KOURTNEY: You are, Mom. No.

KRIS: 'Cause it has to open.    

KOURTNEY: No, you need to

tighten it, because you need to    

strengthen your pelvic floor.

KHLOE: Let it go.    

KOURTNEY: For giving birth.

KHLOE: And you're gonna let    

your whole (bleep) body go.

KRIS: What?    

KOURTNEY: Yeah.

KRIS: Anyway. So what's going    

on with Kim?

Did you sit down and talk to    

her?

KOURTNEY: Honestly? I'm just,    

I don't even want to look at

her, after the whole e-mail    

situation.

KRIS: I don't think she wants    

to hurt your feelings, I think

she just communicates    

differently.

KOURTNEY: Don't even say    

anything, 'cause there's-there's

somebody in this situation who's    

right and who's wrong.

KRIS: Okay.    

KOURTNEY: So it's nothing...

You're not gonna, like, try to    

make this an equal thing.

KRIS: I'm just trying to...    

KOURTNEY: She did something

really malicious...    

KRIS: There's two sides.

There's three sides.    

KOURTNEY: Backstabbing and

actually evil.    

Going behind someone's back,

it's not okay.    

It's not something I will accept

in my life.    

KRIS: Okay, but tomorrow's

not promised.    

KOURTNEY: Mom.

KRIS: So I think that...    

KOURTNEY: But you never...

you just say these little things    

here and there, but you also

don't understand how to make a    

change for the future.

My mom's totally wrong when it    

comes to the situation with Kim.

We're supposed to protect each    

other from this kind of stuff,

and we don't share each other's    

personal business.

I feel like Kim needs to realize    

that she shouldn't be, like,

involved in the decisions that    

are made in my life.

KRIS: Maybe you should handle    

it sooner than later.

KOURTNEY: Hmm, I'm good.    

♪ ♪    

KENDALL: They're making us

wear helmets, Jen.    

JEN: But our hair's perfect.

Okay.    

Nobody told me we'd be wearing a

helmet.    

KENDALL: If you guys don't

want to ride, Jen, you don't    

have to. ]] JEN: No. I'm gonna.    

Okay. You got it? KENDALL: Hi.    

JEN: Oh, my God, it's

charging at me.    

Go for it. Oh, my dear.    

Her hair is sopping wet. Okay.    

ATTENDANT: Put your feet in

the stirrups.    

JEN: I just want to dry their

hair, and style it.    

(Kendall laughs) Okay. Oh, boy.    

Oh, this is, this is... (grunts)    

KENDALL: Jen?

ATTENDANT: Yes. Good?    

JEN: I don't know... What?    

KENDALL: I don't know.

JEN: You think this is a bad    

idea?

KENDALL: Are you sure you're    

comfortable?

JEN: I've ridden a camel    

before.

KENDALL: I know, but I feel    

like it's not the same.

JEN: Don't worry, I have a    

good life insurance policy.

Oh, my God, someone's peeing.    

Jesus Christ. Okay. All right.    

(laughs)

This is a dream come true.    

It's like a fairy tale, guys.

KENDALL: Let's go.    

JEN (quietly): Help.

KENDALL: (gasps) You guys.    

JEN: Oh, wow. Ooh.

MARY: Look at that.    

KENDALL: Oh, my God.

This is so dreamy.    

JEN: It's literally a Disney

movie.    

That's really nice.

What is this timing?    

Literally, the sun just came up.

KENDALL: This is so amazing    

right now. What is happening?    

Dreams do come true, guys.    

Jen looks phenomenal, honestly.

JEN: You're such a liar.    

KENDALL: I was really nervous

at first, 'cause the horse kind    

of was freaking out when you

first got on.    

How crazy?

I come to Paris all the time,    

and never do things like this.

You honestly...    

JEN: You'd be brave.

I was so freaked out.    

KENDALL: Pulled your

(bleep) together and you're    

k*lling it.    

JEN: It's even prettier in

video.    

Oh, it's frozen.

Well, the (bleep) Wi-Fi in the    

castle isn't so great.

It's all right.    

(groans) ♪ ♪    

KHLOE: Mom! Hi, gorge.

KRIS: Hey.    

KHLOE: Where are you going

with your diamonds, darling?    

KRIS: Over to your house.

KHLOE: Wow.    

KRIS: Wow. Is that a new watch?    

KHLOE: Yeah.

Well, I got it for Xmas.    

KRIS: From who?

KHLOE: Uh, one-one of my    

boyfriends. Uh, Tristan.    

KRIS: That's what he gave you?    

KHLOE: Yeah, but he hates it.

He gave it 'cause I wanted it.    

And bought me two other faces

'cause he hates the red face.    

KIM: I wish I could get a

new face.    

KHLOE: I want a real new

face, you know that.    

(laughter)

KIM: So I feel like I should    

do something for Kanye.

KHLOE: For Valentine's Day?    

KIM: Yeah. ]] KHLOE: Aw.    

KRIS: That's cute.

KHLOE: He just wants a    

little, just a little bit of

affection.    

KIM: Yeah. Um...

KRIS: What do you get    

somebody for Valentine's Day

these days?    

KIM: I don't know what to do.

After my conversation with.    

Khloe, the one thing that I

realized is I make such a    

priority for all the kids, and I

go above and beyond for them,    

but in that, I'm fully

neglecting my husband.    

So I just want to give Kanye,

like, the attention and the love    

that he needs.

You know, I think we have to    

just think of, like, all the

things that I don't do.    

Like, I should give, like,

"Here's a coupon book of five    

massages. Here's a coupon..."    

KHLOE: But will you do them

when he gives them to you?    

KIM: But I'm, like, give a

massage for, like, two seconds    

and I'm like... (Kris laughs)    

KHLOE: That's actually a cute

idea if you did that.    

Like, ten free hugs.

KIM: I did give two... I did    

give two massages and I went to

the studio twice.    

KRIS: You would've been the

greatest masseuse...    

KHLOE: I know.

KRIS: In the world.    

You used to give the best

massages when you were, like,    

  . KHLOE: No. You used to make    

me give you massages when I was

  .    

(Kris laughs)

She bought me a massage table    

when I was   .

For Christmas, she bought me a    

massage table.

I've never asked for one.    

And she set it up in her room

and said, "You could practice on"    

me."

If you had it your way, I would    

be a masseuse living in your,

like, attic and then coming down    

to rub your back and your weak

neck from time to time.    

"Go back up to your attic now,

Khloe, you're done for the day."    

KRIS: (laughs) Oh, my God.    

♪ ♪    

KENDALL: Look at the castle!

Oh, more. This place is so cute!    

Is anyone not going or is

everyone going?    

JEN: Will you scream out,

"Picture," when it's picture?    

KENDALL: I'm gonna do this.

Like, we should, like, be really    

cool about it. (All shouting)    

(all screaming) ♪ ♪    

MAN: Kendall! Kendall, please!    

STYLIST: That's so cute.

KENDALL: So pretty.    

♪ ♪

Hello. Hi.    

KENZA: I'm Kenza.

KENDALL: Kendall. You're    

what? ]] KENZA: Kenza.    

Kendall, Kenza. ]] KENDALL: Oh.    

(Kenza laughs)

You want to take a pic?    

WOMAN: Hi. KENDALL: How are you?    

I'm Kendall.

WOMAN: Oh. You are my    

inspiration.

KENDALL: Oh, thank you.    

WOMAN: You are so great, so

pretty and...    

KENDALL: Thank you. So are you.    

WOMAN: You are my favorite

model and my favorite Angel.    

KENDALL: Oh, thank you.

WOMAN: Can I have your sign?    

KENDALL: Sure. Of course.

WOMAN: It's the first time I    

see you and, uh, it's a dream.

KENDALL: Oh! Thank you.    

I'm so excited to meet you.

There you go.    

WOMAN: And a silly face.

KENDALL: For going around the    

world in three days, I think we

had a really nice time and we    

made the most of it.

I think this trip was a good    

reminder for both of us.

'Cause we both work really hard.    

We love working, but we have to

remind ourselves to, like, take    

time for us.

JEN: Yeah. We didn't work    

that much.

KENDALL (laughing): No, we    

didn't. ]] JEN: We played a lot.    

KENDALL: We did play a lot,

which is great.    

JEN: But literally, like,

jumping horses and just, like,    

the whole thing.

Lucky to be alive right now.    

That was so scary.

KENDALL (laughing): Lucky to    

be alive. Bye! Thank you!    

MAN: Thank you. KENDALL: Bye.    

(people shouting)    

♪ ♪    

(Kourtney grunts)

KIM: P, will you come babysit.    

Baby Chi for me? No?    

SCOTT: It's so weird how

everybody's having kids like    

boom, boom, boom, so it's

like... doesn't seem as crazy.    

But it's still, like, a huge

deal.    

KIM: And to think you want a

fourth.    

Why do you want a fourth?

SCOTT: No, that's not true.    

KOURTNEY: Kim, I think

your, like, your dream in life    

is to just be, like, the town

gossip.    

SCOTT: What happened?

KIM: I share business with    

people.

Of Kourtney's, behind her back.    

♪ ♪

Kanye is really into, like, the    

small, little, cute things, so I

need to really just, like, be a    

little bit more thoughtful.

I think I've definitely gotten    

better with that after this.

Oh, my God, I love these shoes.    

♪ ♪

SCOTT: What happened?    

KIM: I share business with

people.    

Of Kourtney's, behind her back.

SCOTT: Oh. Well, I could see    

'cause Kourtney's very private

and...    

KIM: She's so private.

You know, she just... shared the    

birth of her child on a show.

KOURTNEY: Yeah, but it's my    

choice what I share.

SCOTT: So you have some new    

boundaries.

KOURTNEY: Things I've learned    

over time. KIM: If you look up    

"boundary" in the dictionary,

Kourtney's picture is right    

there. ]] KOURTNEY: Yeah. Good.    

KIM: So...

KOURTNEY: There is a thing    

called healthy boundaries to

live a happy life.    

You wouldn't like it if Kanye

came and told me something    

personal about you, and I sent

it to the whole family and was    

telling them about your

business.    

KIM: Yeah, no, true. I wouldn't.    

Like, I totally get it.

I just was being gossipy.    

It wasn't like, "Oh, my God, I'm

gonna get this information and",    

"like, go behind..." you know.

I mean, I wasn't trying to go    

behind your back.

KOURTNEY: No, but you tried    

to take me off the e-mail and

you didn't.    

KIM: Yeah. Yeah, I know.

(laughs)    

KOURTNEY: It's not funny.

KIM: We're always in each    

other's business, like, all of

us and sometimes the lines get    

really blurred.

KOURTNEY: But it's not okay.    

KIM: I know.

SCOTT: Is there something you    

want to maybe tell her, though?

That you might've twisted a    

little bit in there? ]] KIM: No.    

SCOTT: I would not go and

call your family and say I want    

to knock you up.

KHLOE: What was the e-mail?    

'Cause from what I heard from

Kimberly is that you wanted a    

fourth baby.

SCOTT: No. It was more along    

the lines of her saying how

boring Kourtney was.    

KHLOE: Oh, my God.

SCOTT: And that if she was    

doing anything right, she would

just have another kid with you.    

You know how it is.

I mean, when somebody in the    

family's super passionate about

something, you just got to kind    

of maybe pretend that you're

with it even if you have no idea    

what they're really talking

about.    

KHLOE: Oh, yeah.

SCOTT: So, it seems like you    

guys have gotten somewhere.

KIM: We did.    

SCOTT: It's a good day. ♪ ♪    

KIM: I need to get a cuticle

cutter.    

My nail is falling off.

KOURTNEY: Yeah.    

KIM: I feel like I also need

to get, like, lingerie and    

stuff.

KOURTNEY: For Valentine's?    

KIM: Yeah. I don't know.    

Just, like, when you have, like,

so many kids, it's, like,    

important to make your

relationship still, like, a top    

priority.

KOURTNEY: You should want to.    

KIM: Yeah.

I think you just have to.    

KOURTNEY: Yeah.

KIM: Like, no matter what.    

KOURTNEY: Yeah.

KIM: Kanye is really into,    

like, the small, little, cute

things.    

So, for Valentine's Day, I'm

gonna get him all of his    

favorite Band-Aids and have a

heart box of Band-Aids.    

Oh, Kourt, your favorite.

They have flu sh*ts.    

I think he'll think it's really

cute.    

Tough strips. No, more.

I actually think this is enough.    

Kanye's so thoughtful and even

when he's really, like, in crazy    

work mode, he always takes the

time to check in on me to see    

what's going on.

And I think when I get in super    

busy mode, I need to really

just, like, slow down and be a    

little bit more thoughtful.

I think I've definitely gotten    

better with that after this.

It's called Excitement,    

Excitement. Hi.    

Like, I swear I've worn some of

this stuff out before.    

Like, I've gotten, like, this.

KOURTNEY: The dress?    

KIM: Or, like, a top like that.    

KOURTNEY: Mm-hmm.

KIM: And, like, it's $ .  .    

Oh, my God, you're gonna think

I'm, like, joking, but I love    

these shoes.

KOURTNEY: Do you want a nurse    

costume?

You should get a nurse since he    

said you don't take care of him.

KIM: (laughs)    

He's ignoring me once he

realized I was on a filter.    

Hey, Rob. Say, "Happy

Valentine's Day."    

ROB: Happy Valentine's Day.

KIM: Now that our fight is    

over, Kourtney and I thought it

would be really cute to just go    

and bring all the kids and go

skiing.    

All right, it's our first day on

the slopes.    

Kourtney, me and Mason, we are

going skiing, guys.    

I am excited to go away with

Kourtney.    

I think it'll be just a good,

few, fun days of just skiing and    

having fun and no drama.

Hi, Penelope.    

My racer.

Look at my Speed Racer.    

♪ ♪    

KIM: Aah! (Laughter)    

PENELOPE: Hi, everybody.

My name's Penelope.    

You want to see my friend North?

NORTH: Okay.    

PENELOPE: And if you watch

today's show, you need to shake    

your butt like I told you to.

Okay?    

NORTH: Yeah. (Line ringing)    

KIM: Alice. ♪ ♪    

The only person that can grant

her clemency would be the    

president. You're out.    

(screams) ]] KYLIE: Go.    

KHLOE: Pierre? Oh, my God!    

KENDALL: Oh, my God, I don't

think I can do it!    

KOURTNEY: It's time that

Congress does its job.    

KRIS: If we could use our

connections, I think we could    

make a very immediate difference

in a lot of people's lives.    

PEOPLE: Two, one! (Cheering)    

KHLOE: Kylie, you look amazing.    

KRIS (laughs): Don't aim it

close to me.    

Oh! KENDALL: Oh, my God, are you    

okay? ]] KRIS: No!    

SCOTT: Nobody in this family

can ever catch a break.    

KIM: They have another video

of him.    

Unfollowed, I hate him.

Sorry, not sorry.    

KHLOE: The things I can

control, I have to be able to    

control. ]] COREY: g*dd*mn.    

KRIS: These guys are, like,

always going for sloppy seconds.    

KIM: We look like (bleep)

clowns.    

KHLOE: Kim, stop.

KOURTNEY: She's just a    

(bleep) stuck-up fashion snob.

JONATHAN: TMZ was wild.    

KIM: Just because he has an

opinion, that doesn't mean he's    

ment*lly ill.

KRIS: Khloe's in labor.    

KHLOE: I hope everyone gets

here in time.    

(grunting) (baby cries)
{"type": "series", "show": "Keeping Up With the Kardashians", "episode": "15x08 - An American Model in Paris"}