Previously on "The L Word": see the 601.

Nikki is with a girl. She's pissed off after Jenny who threw her away.

The girl: Baby, don't be sad. It's so boring.

Nikki: Get off of me! Who the hell does she think she is?! She called me, she wanted me! And then she goes all Paris and Britney on me just like: "Oh, I never liked you and it was a showmance!" Can you believe that? She f*ck me all night long and then she has the nerve to say that's a showmance! I mean, I don't even know what the f*ck that is!

An other girl: I'm googling. Oh, it's, uh...Oh, it's, uh..."Phony romance that happens

during a movie or a TV show" "usually between two stars, but it can" "also be between a star and"...

Nikki: You know what? I got it, alright? Do you know how many times has she said that she loved me? She's officially a liar and I officially hate her! You know what? f*ck her, alright?! I got over 16 million

on my opening week end and she can't even get in at the premiere of my next movie. She payed someone.

The first girl: God! Makes wonder who broke her heart. I can't believe she told you it wasn't you. That was so harsh! You must feel horrible.

Nikki: You know what? You are out of my 5!

The girl: Nikki, you're my best friend!

Nikki: No, get out! Right now! Get out! Everyone, get out! Everyone! You know? You and you, and you, get out! Get out! Now! Move! Jenny Schecter is a liar and a user. And trust me, you are not gonna get away with this. You are d*ad meat, Schecter. d*ad.

Credits.

At the h*t Club.

Helena: And this is where we're gonna put the new DJ booth. So, if you need anything, just let us know. We'll get you all the right equipment.

The drag-queen: Oh, I'll send you a list. I love these colors.

Kit: We love them too.

Helena: We got morroconess out of "Casablanca" theme.

Kit: It's our favorite film.

The drag-queen: Oh, say no more. I love...

Kit: So, what do we have to do to get the fabulous Sunset Boulevard to come and spin at h*t?

The drag-queen: Just keeping the fabulous Kit Porter. You know you're my ultimate R&B goddess?

Kit: Oh, I don't know about the ultimate. Ooh, somebody's been working out! Not that we're the type... you know, we're, uh...We've both swore off men.

Helena: Ages of it.

The drag-queen: Good for you. You two got a good thing going here. You don't need some man in here messin' it up.

Kit: Okay, let me show you all of the textures and plans.

At the Planet

Alice: Oh, I'm vanilla and fruit.

Tasha: Breakfeast burrito. Thanks.

Jenny: Excuse me. I didn't order that.

Waitress: Oh, they're from her.

Kit: Jenny, Shane wants you to know that she made them especially for you.

Jenny: Excuse me, Alice? Do you mind just mentionning to Shane that I don't want her waffles?

Alice: She doesn't want your waffles.

Tina: How much do you love the New Valley service?

Bette: Oh, my God, Helena's taking this place to a whole new level.

Jenny comes with the waffles.

Tina: Oh, and waffles! Look! I know that I love waffles. I'm getting waffles.

She throws it away.

Bette: Or not.

Kit: Haven't you heard that there are people starving in this world?

Jenny: I'm sure they don't want waffles, Kit.

Bette and Tina: Rock, paper, scissors, sh**t!

Bette: Shit! Okay, that's one to one.

Bette and Tina: Rock, paper, scissors, sh**t!

Bette: f*ck! I always loose.

Tina: 'Cause you're always rock. Always.

Bette: Is that what it is? Have fun with the martyrs.

Tina: Have fun with the cheaters.

Tina: Wow, everyone's so industrial. What are you doing?

Tasha: Learning.

Jenny: I'm writing my new treatment.

Tina: What are you writing, Alice?

Alice: A treatment.

Jenny: A treatment for a film?

Alice: I just... I had this kinda k*ller idea so I thought I'll just write a great screenplay and then sell it for millions and buy a house in Malibu?

Tasha: I don't like Malibu.

Alice: You've never been to Malibu.

Tasha: I have been there.

Tina: I didn't know you wanted to be a screenwriter.

Alice: Well, I mean, you know, I never really did. Really, but I thought how hard can it be? Right? Jenny?

I mean, it's like, you get paid big time.

Jenny: Well, if you, if you actually, Alice, if you would to amortize the payment of the 17 drafts that I did on "Lez Girls", you'll see that you actually don't get paid very much. So...

Bette send a sms to Tina.

Bette: Alice is writing a treatment for a script. Hope we're not in it.

Shane: Amen to that.

Tina: Actually, writing a good screenplay is what's really hard. And Jenny's become a very good screenwriter.

Jenny: Thank you, Tina.

Tina: You should ask her to read your treatment.

Alice: Sure. Sure, sure, sure.

Jenny: I would love to give you notes.

Tasha: What? I need the carbs for training.

Alice: But do you need them that fast? You have them all over your suit.

Tina: Wow, you look amazing.

Tasha: Thank you.

Alice: I dressed her. Do a little spinzy, come on.

Tasha: No.

Alice: It's her first day at the police academy, so...

Tina: Excited?

Tasha: Yeah, I am, actually. All my friends had the training, it's really, it's really rough.

Alice: I tried to dress her in my morning, but she just thought she looked like a girl.

Tasha: It was inappropriate.

Alice: You looked so good in that. You know it. You just hate to look good or something.

Tasha: What the f*ck is that supposed to mean?

Alice: There is like a lack of effort.

Bette: (receive a sms) Tell me about fashion. Fashion for... I don't know.

Tina: When you guys are gonna go to therapy?

Tasha: There is a thing called privacy, Alice.

Bette: Privacy.

Alice: Well, I see you at Dan Foxworthy's at 6. There's parking on the...

Helena: Wow, look at you! You look a million dollars!

Alice: f*ck, you know? Bad vibes. You and Shane should work your shit out, 'cause this place is becoming like the black hole of Calcutta.

Helena: It's good to see we're still asunder; nothing like a little d*ke drama to tear the place out.

Alice: That's what I'm saying. Bad vibes, man.

Jenny: Helena, why don't you come and sit with us?

Helena: No, I'm not picking sides, alright? I love you both. Going for a run.

Kit: Go Swizerland!

Tina: We have some good news.

Bette: Yeah, we have good news.

Tina: Yeah, good news. Do you wanna tell them?

Bette: Why don't you tell them?

Tina: Bette and I are registered with three different agencies and they said the chance of us getting a baby

within the next six months is really good.

Alice, Shane: What?!

Jenny: Congratulations.

Bette: And we're starting construction on the second storey 'cause we need an other bedroom.

Alice: But I thought you guys were talking about selling?

Tina: We're staying.

Bette: We couldn't sell. Not now. I mean, with the poperty values, plumbing and everything. So...

Jenny: When were you gonna tell me about construction?

Tina: We're telling you now. We have to. We need a room for the baby.

Jenny: How am I supposed to write with all that noise?

Tina: I'm sorry, Jenny. We will do our best not to disturb you. But you might wanna get some earplugs.

Jenny: I have to get a new roomate. This is gonna be impossible with your racket.

Shane: Jenny, please! You don't need a new roomate! You have not spoken to me in a week. Would you just talk to me? I know we can work this out.

Jenny: Oh, right. So, you want me to forgive you because you made me waffles?

Shane: Well, why wouldn't you?

Jenny: Because you create this trail of destruction you don't take any responsibility for it. Why should you be the only one that doesn't pay?

Shane: I am paying.

Jenny: You are so full of shit.

Alice: The black hole.

At Jenny's home.

Max: How you're doing?

Tom: Hi, Shane.

Max: So you're putting in those flower boxes Jenny wanted, huh? How many more things you're gonna do for her?

Shane: I don't know yet.

Jenny: There's something wrong with my computer and I wondered if you could fix it.

Max: You know what? I can't 'cause I'm going to my final consult today.

Shane: Good luck.

Max: Thanks.

In the studio of the production of LezGirls. We are going to see a picture with a girl and a boy.

A men: Alright. Are you ready for this?

The productor: Do it. I love it. Love it.

A woman: Love it!

The men: We thought you would.

The woman: "The Girls", it's so f*cking hot. This thing is gonna make "Sex in the city" like a Disney movie.

Tina: What's "The Girls"? The movie is called "Lez Girls". "Lez".

The productor: I haven't had a chance to talk to Tina about the market research. I'll full you in in a minute. In the meantime, why don't you just give me a briefing on the release.

The woman: After the initial two weeks, we'll go wide. We have 2000 screens nation wide and select cities in here.

The men: France is gonna eat this up.

Tina: No.

The productor: No what?

Tina: No way. I am not gonna let you get away with this. I'm not gonna let you market this as some bullshit boy meets girl love story! That's not what this is!

The woman: It's more than that. It's boy meets girl, boy almost looses girl to girl...

The men: But in the end the audience wants love to prevail. That's the winner hear. The new ending tested through the roof.

Tina: What? The new...What you mean the new ending tested? When did you have a test screening?

The productor: Get on board, Tina. Train's not going to l*zzie town.

At Phyllis, Bette and Jodi's work.

A woman: This is amazing. Art General uses the correlation about how she uses human emotions like pieces of scrapped metal, words like found materials.

A men: It works on so many levels. I mean, here is the Curator who told people their work wasn't worthy. The gallerist who wouldn't show an artist and now the Dean who rejects applications.

Jodi: (Tom speaks) Exactly. A woman who has stood in judgment of our art her entire career is now being thrust into the spot light as the art...

The woman: It's brilliant.

Phyllis: This kind of praise is fantastic for our program. I can guarantee that we're gonna see...

Bette: She arrives. We could use the same material throughout and...I can't talk right now. Alright. bye.

Bette: Forgive me. I had the contractors on the phone. Do you know we're doing that second storey on the house for the baby...

Jodi: Phyllis, would you mind just finishing what you were saying?

Phyllis: What I was saying was that based on C.U. associations with Jodi, I wouldn't be surprised if we see a significant increase in applicants this coming semester.

Max is seeing the doctor.

Max: So one of my goals is to be able to take my shirt off at the beach within a year. That's my goal. Feel my pecs. I've been doing like 200 pushings today. Feel like I'm already bigger. That's awesome.

The doctor: Very good. That's very impressive.

Max: Yeah, I think I'm doing good with the contour. I just, I hope I grew more chest to cover the scars.

The doctor: Well, I think Dr. Stanhouse is gonna try to do the key whole procedure on you?

Max: Yeah, I'm hoping so.

The doctor: And is your schedule for surgery on wednesday?

Max: Yeah, he called me this morning and he said that as soon as he gets the lab reports we're gonna be able to...

The doctor: I'm afraid there's a problem.

Max: What's the problem?

The doctor: You're pregnant.

Max: No, I can't, I can't be pregnant. No, I've been taking testosterone.

The doctor: Have you had intercourse? Have you and Tom had unprotected sex?

Max: Yeah, but we've been both tested for H.I.V. We've been monogamous.

The doctor: If you and Tom have had vaginal sex. I know you might not call it that, but unfortunately, that doesn't stop it from working the same way. Taking testosterone doesn't shut down the reproductive system.

Max: What about my surgery?

The doctor: We're gonna have to postpone your surgery. We're gonna have to find out how far along you are and you're gonna have to decide what you wanna do about it.

Bette: We'll have your budget done by the end of the week. We cannot afford to have the art department last... again. Thank you.

A men: (to Jodi) Can I ask how she responded? Our Dean? How did she respond to the work?

Bette: He asks how I responded to your work.

Jodi: I don't know.

Jodi: How did you like the show?

Bette: signs See you in my office.

Jodi: But I can't. I have paints.

Bette: Can I talk to you, please?

Phyllis: Sure, let's go to my office. I hope Preston didn't bother you. He's an old fool with a... for gossip.

Bette: It wasn't really about Preston. I mean, the truth is that Jodi's behaviour was completely inappropriate...

They enter in the office.

Joyce: Baby, when it comes down to it, this is all I have to offer you. And if you can't love this...

Phyllis: Joyce! Cover your junk!

Joyce: Sorry, Bette.

Bette: We reschedule?

Phyllis: Joyce, what are you doing? You can't just pop out from behind a plant butt naked. We have rules here.

Joyce: I checked first to make sure you didn't have anything. I was acting with my heart. I'm a woman in love. Please, take a lot of. Phyllis Eleonore Victoria Kroll, you are one hell of a woman. While the law in the state of California continues to acknowledge our love, I would like to ask you to take my hand in holy matrimony.

Phyllis: I don't know what to say.

Joyce: Say yes.

Phyllis: How many carats is this?

Joyce: Four! Say yes!

Phyllis: How much did you spend? This must have cost a fortune.

Joyce: I've got a friend who has a friend... Say yes, Phyllis, please.

Phyllis: But I said I never wanted to get married again.

Joyce: We'll go to San Fransisco, we'll get married on... of City Hall, Gavin said he'd marry us.

Phyllis: Gavin Newsom? The mayor of San Fransisco?

Joyce: That's right. We raised a lot of money for that guy. Say yes, Phyllis. I'm freezing.

Phyllis: Yes.

Joyce: Damn, lady! Come here, you! You've made me one happy woman.

At the therapy for Alice and Tasha.

Dan: Who wants to tell me why you're here?

Alice: Oh, we're just here for a tune-up.

Dan: Does that seem like an accurate assessment to you, Tasha?

Alice: She's the one who called it that. We've just had a couple of little, little things come up lately.

Dan: What sorts of little things?

Alice: Money, I make a lot more than she does.

Dan: How's that make you feel, Tasha?

Alice: Resentful. She doesn't want me to spend this much because she can't afford it.

Dan: Is that true?

Alice: Absolutely. We couldn't even get a bigger appartment because she couldn't share the rent

fifty-fifty. And I also think she resents me because I don't clean as much as she does.

Dan: Do you?

Alice: Oh, look, now she's mad. Is there anything else? Tasha broke up with me last week.

Dan: Really? Why did you break up with Alice, Tasha?

Alice: Because she thought I cheated when I didn't even kiss the girl.

Dan: Did you think about it?

Alice: Yeah, but, I mean, she wouldn't have even known if I didn't tell her. So I think that mere fact that I disclosed the information should count to something. Right?

Dan: But if you knew Tasha's feelings about the subject of cheating, why did you choose to tell her?

I think we're past it. I think what we have to work...

Dan: Alice, this is called couples' therapy for a reason. Now, Tasha, this process works much more effectively if you participate. Why do you think Alice told you?

Alice: She doesn't even wanna be here.

Tasha: I think that she told me because she wanted to break up with me and bringing this woman between us was the easiest way to do that. She knew how I felt, she knew that I would break up with her and when I did, she got scared. That's why we're here.

Max goes to a hospital.

Receptionist: Can I help you?

Max: Uh, yes, I have an appointment? I called in earlier? Hi, I'm Max Sweeney. I have an appointment.

Receptionist: For your girlfriend, or...

Max: No. It's for me. I need an abortion.

People: What did he say?

The receptionist: If this is your idea of a joke it's not funny.

Max: I'm not joking, alright? I'm pregnant.

The receptionist: Sir, if you don't leave now, I'm gonna have to call the security.

Max: Look, I'm a F.T.M. transsexual, alright? Yeah, that's right! Take a good look! I'm a man and I'm pregnant. It happens. Don't you read the f*cking tabloids?! Can I have my appointment now, please?

Jenny is writing.

Jenny: I'm trying to write. Shane is washing Jenny's car with music. Can I have my keys?

Alice: I promise to make room in the apartment for your things.

Tasha: And um, I promise to try to see things through your point of view. And to not talk to you with so much judgment. And tomorrow when I wake up, for work, I'm gonna make you breakfeast.

Alice: I love that! It's good, right?

Tasha: Yeah, I know, it's good.

Alice: So, um, are you gonna give us more exercizes or...? I mean, maybe some homework. I think we're ready for some homework.

Tasha: Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready. Bring in on.

Dan: I'm not gonna give you homework. I don't think you two should be in therapy.

Tasha: That's what I said. See?

Alice: We rock.

Dan: You two have so little in common. I really don't think you belong together.

They leave.

Alice: I mean, what the f*ck? It's like, we spent what, 55 minutes with this guy? Where is he f*cking go off?

Tasha: I told you. Therapy's bullshit.

Alice: It's bullshit, you're right.

Tasha: He knows nothing about what we do and don't have in common.

Alice: What the hell is he talking about? We don't have anything in common. Really? Dan?

Tasha:I know, it's crazy. Give me my helmet.

Alice: I don't know.

Tasha:Thank you.

Alice: Upsetting. I'll see you tonight?

Tasha: Come here.

They make love in the car.

Tom arrives to the hospital.

Tom: Hey, are you okay? Sorry, I couldn't get any sooner. Should you be op already?

Max: They wouldn't do it. I'm too far along already.

Tom: How far along?

Max: Four months.

Tom: How did this happen?

Max: How the f*ck do you think it happened?!

Tom: But, I didn't think you could. You've been...

Max: Yeah, I thought if I was seeking testosterone, I couldn't get pregnant, okay? I was wrong.

Tom: Why wouldn't your doctor tell you something like that?

Max: I don't know. Maybe because she didn't think I was stupid enough to let some f*g f*ck me!

Tom: Hey, f*ck you! Don't blame this on me!

Max: Who the hell am I supposed to blame, huh? Who the hell has his dick been inside me?

Tom: How am I supposed to know?

Max: You got me pregnant, you f*g! It was you!

Tom: I can't do this, Max. I'm not ready.

At Alice's home.

Alice: Clear the desk.

Tasha: What kind of a list?

Alice: Pros and cons list. My mother used to make this all the time to kinda decide whether she's gonna divorce her ex-husbands.

Tasha: And that's the model we're gonna follow?

Alice: Well, she had very successful divorces. Pro.

Tasha: Hold on. Why con gotta be black though?

Alice: It's not a race thing. It's just... Red is happy. Red is like pro...

Tasha: No, red represents the devil.

Alice: Fine. I'm writing down "color weirdness".

Tina and Bette visit a gallery.

Bette: The work is really good but the show is uneven.

Tina: This is, uh... This is weird.I think it's weird.

Bette: Hey, someone spent some money, huh?

David: Yes, she's spent a small fortune.

Bette: Really? God, I would k*ll to have a piece like this when I have my own gallery.

David: Me too.

Bette: Do you know who Kelly Wentworth is?

John: A rich divorcée. She walked away with 80 million dollars of Dick Wentworth's fortune.

Kelly: And decided to spend it on making herself a presence in the art world. Do you like my vanity project?

John: It's lovely.

Kelly: Thank you. Oh, it was 89 million. Bette Porter? Kelly Wentworth.

Bette: Please to meet you. It's really a spectacular space. You've been here a long time?

Kelly: You really don't remember me?

Bette: Juicy f*cking Freemont?! Jesus! Oh my God!

Kelly: I swear to f*cking God, you look better than you did in college. Bitch!

Bette: Look at that biatch! The blond looks so good on you.

Kelly: Thank you. Look at your body. Are you still a runner?

Bette: I mean, sometimes. Not, not really often. God, what the hell are you doing in L.A.? I thought you were married to New York forever.

Kelly: Well, I thought I was married to Dick Wentworth forever. Holy f*cking shit! I'm so, so happy to see you.

Bette: Oh my God... Oh, God, I'm sorry. This is Tina Kennard, my partner.

Tina: Hello.

Kelly: Still gay, hey, Porter?

Bette: Yeah, well, I lack of imagination in some areas. Not many. This is Kelly Frimont. The Kelly Frimont! Oh, Kelly Frimont, the college roomate!

Kelly: Right.

Tina: Well, I've heard a lot about you.

Kelly: Did you tell Tina about you and me?

Bette: Well, I told her that you let me kiss you once and were so ceased by a deep and abiding h*m* panic that you moved out of the house immadiately.

Kelly: She got over me in two minutes.

Bette: Ten.

Tina: This piece is beautiful.

Kelly: I know.

Tina: You have great taste.

Kelly: I love the tonality. I just ordered a roadster in this colour. I did!

Bette: Well, we're gonna go see the rest of the show.

Kelly: Okay, but, don't leave without saying goodbye.

Bette: I will.

Tina: We will. It was nice to meet you.

Kelly: You too.

 

Alice: There is way more cons than pros.

Tasha: Alright, let's say this, like "doesn't cook with pepper" ever, right? It, uh, it shouldn't be, it shouldn't count as many points as, like, "makes me wanna be a better person". Right?

Alice: It's pretty good.

Tasha: So we should do it on a point system. Like, "doesn't cook with pepper" should get what, two points, and...

Alice:  Like a point system?

Tasha: Yeah, like a point system exactly. And then "is spontaneous", I just pick that one 'cause I, I really appreciate that about you.

Alice: "Likes to get spanked" you should add.

Tasha: Okay, this would get like 8 points.

Alice: Okay, that is so smart. Very smart. I mean, you're smart. You're smart. Give me this.

Tasha: How many points?

Alice: Oh, nine. You get 9. Oh yeah, the pros are so winning now.

Kelly (to a men): So, call me and we'll arrange a studio visit. To Bette and Tina: Just one of the many things I love about the art world.

Bette: Yeah, well, he's a terrible artist.

Kelly: Luckily I'm not interested in his work.Oh, you guys aren't going, are you?

Bette: Yeah, we are.

Tina: Yeah.

Kelly: Well, we have to make a plan, lunch, diner, whatever. I really wanna pick that brain of yours.

Bette: Yeah, well, the first thing I would tell you is not to sign an artist that you wanna f*ck.

Kelly: That comes from firsthand experience?

John: I read your article on the Art Journal. It was amazing.

Jodi: Oh, thank you!

John: The cover? Incredible. I loved your lips.

Bette: Do you mind?

Tina: No, I think you should.

Bette: Excuse me.

Bette: Just a second. I need to talk to you.

Jodi: I'm sorry. Just a second.Now what?

Bette: James has been trying to schedule an appointment with you and you haven't come back to him.

Jodi: I've been busy.

Bette: Do you realise that you report to me? And if I ask to see you, then you make it happen.

Jodi: I don't report to you, Bette. I don't report to anybody.

Bette: You have until tomorrow.

Jodi: Or what?

Kelly: I knew about it if I couldn't choose my T.A. I saw her. It was like one after the next, little moths to a flame. She burnt everyone of them.

Tina: Really?

Kelly: You know.

Bette: You're ready? It was really great to see you.

Kelly: You too.

Bette: Good luck with the gallery.

Kelly: Thank you. I'll see you soon.

Tina: Nice to meet you.

MUSIC – At the h*t Club

Alice: Yeah, you two are a great pair. No alcohol, no sex. It's...

Kit: Well, that's what you have to do to keep your sanity and not to mention your shirt on in this business.

Helena: But, I mean, I'm not a complete nun. I have the occasional drink. I even have sex every now and then.

Alice: Alright, just not with people you like?

Helena: Yeah, that's my new M.O. All business, no attachment.

Alice: What the f*ck?

Helena: What?

Alice: Twelve o'clock, the female in the lesbo sandwich. Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!

Kit: Dylan, did she come out of the closet?

Tasha: That girl used to be straight?

Alice: Well, she wasn't gay back when she was f*cking Helena. Wow, looks like someone's carpet is about to get munched.

Kit: You're okay?

Helena: Of course, why wouldn't I be?

Alice: You're not freaking out?

Helena: No, there's no reason to.

Alice:  But that's the woman who extorted you for sexually harassing her!

Kit: What is wrong with you?

Alice: I'm just saying. Of all the gin joints in all the world?

Tom is coming back at Max's home.

Tom: I've been calling you.

Max: I know. My phone broke.

Tom: I wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I reacted. You just caught me by surprise. I... I've started to think about it. What do you think about having the baby?

Max: f*ck off!

Tom: Don't you wanna be a couple of West Hollywood f*g dads?

Max: I don't know. How we're f*cking handle this?

Tom: We can handle it. We can. We both make a decent living. We love each other. We've said we want to spend our lives together. I'll have to think about it.

Max: Sorry I kicked you in the balls.

Tom: I'm sorry I knocked you up.

Tina and Bette are home

Tina: Oh my God, she was so irritating. Did you hear her? "Look at your body"! "Are you still a runner"? While you were talking to Jodi, she asked me if you were still a player.

Bette: I was never a player.

Kelly: That's not what Kelly said.

Tina: She said no matter whether you're in a relationship or not, you've always had at least two other women on the side.

Bette: Kelly was too busy f*cking every male professor to pay attention to what I was doing.

Tina: Oh and another thing, she's sorry she didn't take you up on that offer 20 years ago.

Bette: Did you tell her we're exclusive?

Tina: No, I didn't, Bette. I figured if some gorgeous woman from your past come along, talking about how hot you are and how sorry she is she didn't sleep with you, I'm not gonna be the one to tell her that you're not available for a redo. But you know that I'm not. But you were flirting.

Bette: I was not flirting.

Tina: Yes, you were.

Bette: You can't help it.

Tina: What?

Bette: You never flirt?

Tina: Of course I flirt, but it's different for you. It feeds you. You feed off people wanting you. And they do want you. It's... It's like blood to a vampire.

Bette: So now, I'm a vampire?

Tina: I love you. I don't wanna deprive you of something that's so fundamental to who you are.

Bette: You need to trust that I know who I am. And I know what to do with it.

Tina: I don't know what that means.

Bette: It means that everyone else can f*ck off because I only want you. I only wanna be wanted by you.

They make love.

Back at the h*t Club.

A girl: Thank you.

Helena:Thank you, gorgeous.

Kit: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Alice: You're with me?

Helena: What? What are we gonna do?

Alice: Get my back.

Tasha: What did she do to Helena?

Alice: Wait a minute. Right now, I wanna tell her where she gets off messing with my friend. I'm gonna tell her. I'm so telling her.

Alice: Really...Really?

Dylan:  Excuse me?

Alice: I mean, come on, the hair. The hair... and the documentaries! It's like... I'm... not... gay! Yeah, it's a good one. A good one. I got this.

Tasha: She's got it.

Dylan: You look, you look amazing. Can we talk?

Alice: Okay, so basically, that skankful Dylan Moreland almost ruined entire Helena's life. First, she pretended to be in love with her, okay? So she and her boyfriend could sue her for sexual harassment and extort million of dollars from her. Hi, we were... Sorry, dude, we just left. Can you believe it?

Helena: Get me a Pellegrino. So, are you aware that this is my club?

Dylan: No, I just came back into town and, I mean, I heard that this was the best girl club in L.A.

Helena: And you were looking for a girl club, a lesbian girl club?

Dylan: Yes, I mean, you know. Obviously, you, you helped me with that. I mean, I finally figured it out, right?

Helena: Good.

Dylan: I just... I can't begin to tell you about how sorry I am about everything, about the way I behave, the way I treated you. And I don't expect for you to care about my life at all right now. I... I certainly don't expect for you to care that I've, I've never stopped thinking about you. Ever. And wishing that I'd met you at a different time in my life. I can go if you want me to go.

Helena: No, it's fine. Look, I only came over because it would be akward for me not to say anything, especially since it's my club. Stay, stay, have a good time. Enjoy it. Be with your friends.

Alice: So, her mother get so mad she cuts Helena off, so she has to come live with me and become a cook!

Helena: I was a caterer.

Alice: Which was a disaster, and let's face it Helena is used to a certain standard of living. So she meets this shady high-roller lady. they hook up but she uses Helena and takes all her money and when Helena takes it back, and we still don't know where she buried it, she gets arrested and has to share a cell with some k*ller!

Helena: She was in for text fraud.

Alice: Alright. So, her mother can't take it anymore, she bails Helena out, but she doesn't wanna live under her mother's thumb anymore. So she springs Dusty from jail, they go to Tahaa which she doesn't ever want to talk about, so it couldn't have been that great, right?

Tasha: Right.

Alice: And her mother gets stung by a jellyfish, all because of this woman.

Tasha: Want me to kick her ass?

Helena: Thank you.

Tasha: You're a better person that me. I'd have to b*at a bitch down if she tried to do that shit to me.

Alice: Are you okay?

Helena: I'm perfect.

Alice: And don't even get me started on her kids, 'cause where did they go?

Helena: I don't give a f*ck who's idea it was. You took part. You manipulated my emotions, you used me, and you humiliated me, and you've got to be f*cking insane thinking you could just prance in here act as if nothing ever happened, tell me that you're happy, tell me that you're out of the closet, tell me that you're oh so sorry for destroying my f*cking life. f*ck you!

Dylan: Thank you! Now I know you care.

At Jenny's home.

Shane: I need my stuff. Open the door. Thanks.

Jenny: So that's it? You're done trying?

Shane: I'm out. I don't see the point with you anymore.

Jenny: Shane, you know that it was you, right? When I said that you broke my heart? I was talking about you. You know, when I said it I felt like my, my, my heart was breaking.

Shane: I tried to tell you all week how sorry I am. I'm not ever gonna hurt you like that again.

Jenny: I also realized that I'm in love with you.Now I'm like all those stupid girls.

Shane: Jenny

Jenny: What?! What?

They kiss.
{"type": "series", "show": "The L Word", "episode": "06x02 - Least Likely"}