[Effy's House.]

FREDDIE: I really f*cking love you.

EFFY: Raise it a million.

Morning. 

ANTHEA: Ciao mi bella bambini! I'm drinking a macchiato in Saint f*cking Peter's Square, exactly where we sat in the summer. I'm just thinking of you. Hope you're all right, darling. I'm having an amazing time with Aldo so, look, I'm gonna stay on a bit longer, sweetheart cos Rome shits on Bristol from a height! I'm missing you loads, and turn your mobile on, love, yeah? I'll call you later. Va fan, f*ck yourself!

FREDDIE: Morning, beautiful. Oh, shit! Judgment day. Eff, what's the matter? Come on, it won't be long. It'll only be a bollocking about attendance or something. 

EFFY: Just...don't. 

FREDDIE: You coming down?

EFFY: Still up. Way up. This is me happy.

FREDDIE: I can't miss a disciplinary. Dad'll flip.

EFFY: Be a long time d*ad.

[Freddie's House.]

KAREN: Freddie? Freddie, where have you been? I was in the middle of doing your hair.

FREDDIE: Not now, Karen.

KAREN: But if this style goes to shit I'll fail my feathering module!

FREDDIE: Oh! Not right now.

KAREN: But I never see you any more. When are you done with that f*ck-a-thon?

FREDDIE: Oh, you wanna sponsor me! That's good cos we're saving the polar bears.

KAREN: I want to cut your f*cking hair.

MR MCLAIR: Cobwebs. Got to be vigilant.

FREDDIE: Stay out of my room, Dad.

MR MCLAIR: So you've been busy, saving the polar bears?

FREDDIE: Can you get out now, please?

MR MCLAIR: Freddie, acknowledge your father. Look, whatever the college says, you do. No more neglecting your studies. I'm glad this young lady's making you happy, but...

FREDDIE: No, you're not, you're jealous.

MR MCLAIR: What? Clean yourself up. Never thought I'd have to hide in my own house.

[In the street.]

JJ: Salut, etranger!

THOMAS: Hello, stranger! 

JJ: I thought study was too 2009 for you and Effy. Where is she anyway?

FREDDIE: She's at home. She didn't feel well.

THOMAS: Trop de jiggy jig!

JJ: Don't you get... bored. Reduced to a mechanism? I mean...

FREDDIE: You just don't get it, do you, J?

JJ: Well, hallelujah for that.

THOMAS: Il y a quelqu'un pour chacun.

JJ: There's someone for everyone.

FREDDIE: Right, boys, I've gotta go. I've got a meeting with Mr. Love, Interim Educational Intervention or something.

JJ: Tough Love!

THOMAS: Le Lips is tres, tres dans le merde!

JJ: I heard he power-hosed Dylan Simpson for forging sick notes. You could plead possible sexual OCD for interfering with your study.

FREDDIE: I'll bear that in mind, J. See ya later.

PANDORA: What you staring at? 

[At school.]

MR LOVE: What are you waiting for? Come in. Door! Frederick.

FREDDIE: It's Freddie.

MR LOVE: Why don't you sit down, Frederick? Little to the left, please. Thank you. So the history coursework, I'm told, is late.

FREDDIE: Yes, sorry.

MR LOVE: In fact, I'm told that everything you do is late or inadequate or both. And do you know what late and inadequate means for you... ..Frederick? That's your life. Right there. You have until Monday to complete the missing coursework. Can you be adequate, Frederick? Can you do that?

FREDDIE: I can try.

MR LOVE: Try? What would Michael say?

FREDDIE: Pardon?

MR LOVE: Michael. What would he say?

FREDDIE: "I'm bad."

MR LOVE: Yes, and what else?

FREDDIE: "b*at it"?

MR LOVE: No. He'd say, "Gotta be starting something." OK? Don't you think you should be leaving?

FREDDIE: Right now?

MR LOVE: Yes.

[Effy's House.]

FREDDIE: Eff? Eff, are you home? Effy. Eff, what are you doing in your mum's room? Effy. What? What is it?

EFFY: You've found my p*rn stash.

FREDDIE: Effy...

EFFY: To make it easier.

FREDDIE: All right, what the f*ck did you take cos you're not making any sense?

EFFY: Easier to accept.

FREDDIE: Accept.

EFFY: The end.

FREDIE: End. What f*cking end would that be?

EFFY: Mine... Freddie.

Morning. 

FREDDIE: You all right? 

EFFY: Hunky f*cking dory. 

FREDDIE: Maybe just calm it down a bit, yeah?

EFFY: I'm not the one grinding my teeth.

FREDDIE: Both of us, for a bit. Or do you want to f*ck up your A levels? Eff, please, just drop the dark shit, yeah? Effy, Effy, Eff, listen, all right? OK? It's me. OK? Me.

EFFY: And this is me.

FREDDIE: Jesus...I thought we were happy.

EFFY: Too f*cking happy.

FREDDIE: Right, OK, what? So you want to end it? Is that what you're trying to say?

EFFY: No. It's gonna happen.

FREDDIE: Why are you head f*cking me, Eff? Cos I can't handle it.

EFFY: Better f*ck off then.

[At School.]

FREDDIE: Where's Josie?

MR LOVE: She's had a small breakdown. I don't blame her. I mean look... beanbags. So, Frederick, how may I help you?

FREDDIE: It's OK, I mean, I don't actually think you can.

MR LOVE: No, there's nothing I cannot do, Frederick. Nothing. I guarantee it.

FREDDIE: All right. OK. So what do you do when you can't tell anyone shit cos it might really f*ck things up and you don't know what to do or what's happening? You just know that something really, really... ...f*cking bad is going down. 

MR LOVE: Just... No. I think... But I'm not sure... I think you've got me there. Just over there.

[Retirement home.]

FREDDIE: All right, Grandad?

GRANDAD: You've gone bloody big! Give me a hand up. That Violet, she wants me to witness her will. Think she's up for a shag.

FREDDIE: Grandad!

GRANDAD: What? Get it when you can. Who's floating your boat these days? Not still chasing that Elizabeth one?

FREDDIE: No, not chasing any more.

GRANDAD: You snared her in the end then?

FREDDIE: She snared me, Grandad.

GRANDAD: Uh-oh! You'll never get out of that headlock.

FREDDIE: I just did.

GRANDAD: Slam down! Hey, yes! Reckon we need a time-out, eh? Your mum's own miniature museum. The worse she got, the more she made. Mystifying. How's your dad these days? Better fix this young man a drink. You gonna come and tell your grandad what's wrong?

FREDDIE: Grandad, when Mum was young, did you know that she was ill then?

GRANDAND: The days I spent thinking on that. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't want to. Memories play tricks.

FREDDIE: So did hospital make her worse? She did get worse in there, right?

GRANDAD: It's the chicken or the egg. You never know with the mind. The old invisible universe. 

FREDDIE: We should have been the ones to look after her, without anyone else butting in. We could have if he hadn't have just given up. 

GRANDAD: You can't blame Leo for what happened to your mum.

FREDDIE: It's his f*cking fault, Grandad.

GRANDAD: Anger will help you survive for a while, but then it'll eat you alive. So...let it go. Living in the past will only f*ck you up, Frederigo. Pardon the Spanish. Do what you can now. Forget what wasn't done then.

[In the street.] 

EFFY: This is me, whoever that is. So leave whoever a message.

FREDDIE: f*cking hell, Effy, pick up.

MAN: Gotta stay vibed to the world, kid, alert! I could be prizing your arse out of your head right now.

FREDDIE: As if I've got time for this! I've got to tell someone something.

MAN: You're pretty f*cked, aren't you, mate, and so's your bike.

FREDDIE: f*ck!

[Effy's House.]

PANDORA: Freddie! Freddie! Some bloke in the kitchen hung Anthea's pans off his knob-ring and I yanked 'em off cos it ain't hygienic but he screamed and I can't find first aid or Effy anywhere!

FREDDIE: Who the f*ck set this up, anyway?

PANDORA: Eff! She only posted it about two hours ago.

KATIE: I am not mingling with goths. What the f*ck is that? 

PANDORA: Goodbye? 

KATIE: Where the f*ck are you going, Freds? Where is Effy?

FREDDIE: She ain't here, Kate.

JJ: Is the hall the new kitchen for the cool kids, or something?

THOMAS: Panda, please don't...

JJ: Bonsoir, Stonem resid... Anthea! Va bene! Va bene! "Who are you?" JJ! With the hair. Party? What's giving you that impression? She hung up.

KATIE: I am so leaving now.

JJ: Moi aussi.

THOMAs: Yeah, me too.

FREDDIE: Effy, can you let me in, please? Effy! Effy, can you open this f*cking door? Effy?

EFFY: You didn't reply. I didn't want to be on my own.

FREDDIE: Effy, what the f*ck is going on? I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I shouted at you as well. Really taking the piss this time.

EFFY: Yeah. Freddie, I don't want them here. I thought I did. I thought that was me, but... I don't know what is, but... I know you're the only person I can trust.

FREDDIE: Effy, nothing bad is going to happen. I'm going to take care of you now. All right? I promise. I promise. Effy, I want you to stay here. OK? Stay here for me, yeah?

FREDDIE: Party's over. It's time to leave. Get the f*ck out now! Move! Get out!

He returns with Effy. 

FREDDIE: Here. It's OK now.

A noise. 

FREDDIE: It's probably nothing. Just a fox or something. Jesus Christ!

COOK: The one and only! You threw me a break-out party, man. I am f*cking touched. 

FREDDIE: In the f*cking head. Cook, what are you playing at?

COOK: I'm Bristol's most wanted. What's the problem?

FREDDIE: You've gotta leave. What the f*ck are you doing here anyway?

COOK: I couldn't hack being stuck with a million f*cking me's no more, all right? Where is she anyways?

EFFY: Get out. Get out! Freddie, get him out.

COOK: She looks like the f*cking chick from The Ring, Freds.

FREDDIE: Wait in the shed.

[In the shed.]

COOK: What the f*ck's up with her?

FREDDIE: Nothing. No, everything's...

COOK: Tits up.

FREDDIE: No, OK? Listen. Cook, you're not coming back here like this.

COOK: I've got my own shit to solve.

FREDDIE: Please, just rest your bony arse tight, while I go and get us some food, all right?

[Freddie's House.]

MR MCLAIR: This is your home, not Tesco's. Your grandad phoned last night. He's concerned, and so am I. 

FREDDIE: I'll give you the money back for it.

MR MCLAIR: With what? If you want to f*ck up your life, Freddie, if that's really what you wanna do, just don't bother coming back.

FREDDIE: Fine. Do you know what, Dad? You're just f*cking angry because I've got a life.

MR MCLAIR: A life? You look like a dosser. You act like an animal. Who are you? 

FREDDIE: Your pride and f*cking joy. 

MR MCLAIR: If your mum could see this... 

FREDDIE: Well, she can't, can she, thanks to you.

MR MCLAIR: I was trying to f*cking help her.

FREDDIE: She f*cking k*lled herself, Dad.

MR MCLAIR: I had no choice, Freddie.

FREDDIE: Yes, you did. You could have done something, but you didn't.

[Effy's House.]

FREDDIE: Rise and shine. OK, we're gonna stop this. Right, this has to stop now. Can we go now? 

EFFY: Where?

FREDDIE: Out. Your carriage awaits.

[In the park.] 

EFFY: Why the f*ck did you bring me here?

FREDDIE: Just fresh air and that. Look at it. Good to get away, yeah?

EFFY: Yeah, good to get away.

MAN: Remember, you two lovers, back by seven with my rig, and respect.

[Effy's House.]

ANTHEA: Hello! Mama's home, angel. Holy shit! Effy!

[In the park.]

FREDDIE: I totally f*cking love you. Now's the bit you say...

EFFY: Don't move.

FREDDIE: That one's JJ.

EFFY: Their faces... behind the skin...

FREDDIE: The skin?

EFFY: Between this world and the next... Their teeth and their claws coming out. Trying to break through. 

FREDDIE: Did you drop something in the cab? 

EFFY: Like a fart or something?

FREDDIE: No, like a tab or something. 

EFFY: A tab with your face on it. Here. A hole that fits mine. The moment I saw you, I knew it'd be the closest I'd get to being... close. I didn't know what to do with that feeling. Happiness.

FREDDIE: Listen, Effy. You are closest... I'm ever... 

EFFY: But they know now and they're hungry. Really f*cking hungry. Because, for as long as I know, they've been chasing me. And now they're ready, now they're strong enough to break through. And I can't fight them. I used to be able to when I was strong but... You've made me weak. And now I can't, I can't.

FREDDIE: Effy, there's no-one f*cking there. Effy!

EFFY: I can't!

FREDDIE: Effy!

EFFY: Let me go!

FREDDIE: Effy, listen. What d'you want me to do?

EFFY: They're ready now.

FREDDIE: Effy, stay here!

EFFY: They're coming. 

FREDDIE: I'll fight 'em. Is that going to stop you? I'll f*cking fight them. f*ck off! f*ck off, you c**ts, I'll k*ll you all!

EFFY: I have to go home now.

FREDDIE: What?

EFFY: Get me the f*ck out of here, Freddie, please. Freddie!

[In the street. It's Carnival.] 

FREDDIE: Shit!

EFFY: Why the f*ck did you bring me here? 

FREDDIE: I didn't, I didn't know. f*ck off! Oi! Come on! Get the f*ck away now! Effy! Effy!

COOK: Freddie! What are you doing here?

FREDDIE: I've lost her.

COOK: Come on, let's find her.

EFFY: Katie! Katie!

KATIE: Eff, come on. Freddie! Freddie!

FREDDIE: It's OK.

KATIE: Freddie, what's happened? Is she all right?

FREDDIE: It's OK. Let's get her out of here.

[Retirement home.]

GRANDAD: Freddie, what a lovely surprise.

FREDDIE: I didn't know where else to go.

GRANDAD: And which of you lovely girls is Elizabeth?

KATIE: I'm Katie.

GRANDAD: Lovely! Sit down, Freds.

FREDDIE: No Grandad. I've got to stay with her.

GRANDAD: It's fine. Sit down. Now, why don't you take her to the dining hall? Where they do a very nice cup of tea.

KATIE: Come on, Eff. Everything's all right.

FREDDIE: Did what I could, Grandad. I did everything.

GRANDAD: I know you did, son. But you need help. You can't take this all on yourself.

FREDDIE: I'm gonna have to, Grandad. No-one cares. Nobody.

GRANDAD: I know that's not true. 

FREDDIE: No, I don't think you do, actually. I don't think you understand.

GRANDAD: I do. You care and that's what's k*lling you. What use are you going to be doing this to yourself?

FREDDIE: I don't give a f*ck. I can't let this happen again. I'm not gonna let this happen again.

GRANDAD: Do you have any idea how hard your dad fought to keep your mum in this world? He fought...

FREDDIE: No, he didn't. He gave her up, Grandad, he let her do it.

GRANDAD: No.

FREDDIE: Yeah. He bottled it. He f*cked it up, Grandad, we all f*cked it up.

GRANDAD: No, he did the best he could, and that's what you're going to do. You think the world of this girl, eh?

FREDDIE: I really love her, Grandad. I can't manage without her. She's like nothing... I'm not ready to lose her yet.

GRANDAD: Do what you have to do. Just for a bit. She needs help. Live to fight another day, eh?

KATIE: Freddie! Effy won't come out of the toilet.

GRANDAD: What? You've left her alone?

FREDDIE: No, no, no... No, no, no... Effy, Effy... Help! Someone help!

[At the hospital.]

EFFY: Go on. Go... Away.

[On a bench.]

ANTHEA: Before she h*t the world, she was this... f*re, heating every bit of me. It was, like, so intense, it b*rned. I think I knew, even then, that she was going to be remarkable. And then... When I held her for the first time... Man, it was like holding this... Beautiful b*mb. The energy was...you know. Even then, it scared me. So I think I'm prepared for this. Whatever this is. She's going to need us. To help rebuild her again.

FREDDIE: She's going to need you.

[In the garden.]

FREDDIE: There's no future without her.

COOK: f*ck the future. There's nothing any more. There's nothing but now, mate.

FREDDIE: What have I done? What did I do?

COOK: You went to the end of the f*cking earth, man. The end of the f*cking earth. You're gonna have to go further now, mate. For her. For you. For me.
{"type": "series", "show": "Skins", "episode": "4x05 - Freddie"}