Episode 518 - Cigarette Burns

In this episode: While Joey finds herself growing closer to Charlie, Dawson is intrigued by a sexy critic who attends a screening of his new film. Meanwhile, Audrey and Pacey's new relationship is tested, and Jen is surprised to learn that Grams seems to be developing a new relationship of her own. Les Sheldon directed the episode written by Tom Kapinos & Jon Kasdan.

Original Airdate: April 10, 2002

[Scene: Joey is alone in Dawson's room, watching the movie that Dawson and Oliver made. She wipes a tear from her eye and hits stop when the credits begin.]

Joey: [Sniffles] 

Dawson: Is it over? 

Joey: Uh, yeah, 2 hours and 45 minutes later. 

Dawson: I know. It's the director's cut. It's way too long. It's--it-- are you crying? 

Joey: No. 

Dawson: 'Cause it looks like you might have been

Joey: ok, there may have been a tear shed or something. I don't remember. 

Dawson: You were crying. That's a good thing, right? 

Joey: Not unless I was bored to tears. 

Dawson: See, that's just mean. 

Joey: I know. I'm sorry. Nothing brings out the inner bully in me quite like the sight of a nervous filmmaker. 

Dawson: [Laughs] Well? 

Joey: It's good. It's really good. 

Dawson: You think? 

Joey: Yeah, I mean, I can see something actually happening with this. 

Dawson: Really? 

Joey: Yeah. That's why I was crying. It's a pretty amazing thing to be there for the moment your best friend becomes exactly what he's dreamt about his entire life. And you know what was really surprising? 

Dawson: What? 

Joey: Charlie. 

Dawson: What about him? 

Joey: He was... shockingly good. 

Dawson: I know. It kills me! In real life, the guy barely passes for human, but on-screen he's got something. I don't know what it is, but it works. 

Joey: He's not that bad of a guy, Dawson. I know he was a jerk to Jen, but I think that was more out of fear than anything else. Underneath the hair and the attitude, I think he

[Oliver comes up the stairs into Dawson's Room.]

Oliver: holy smokes, leery. You work fast, don't ya? Break up with betty, and you already got veronica in your bed. Hey! How'd you like the movie? Did she like the movie? 

Joey: If you would let me respond, I could tell you. I thought it was excellent. 

Oliver: Yeah. Yeah, I know. But was there ever any doubt? But this is good news, huh? Because it's high time we screen this puppy. 

Dawson: Yeah, we still got a lotta work to do. 

Oliver: Well, then you better get to work, chief. Tomorrow's approaching awfully fast! 

Dawson: Excuse me? 

Oliver: Ooh... I forgot to tell you, didn't I? 

Dawson: Silly me. Silly what? 

Oliver: We're screening the movie tomorrow at school for cast, crew, and assorted highbrow intellectuals. 

Dawson: No, we're not. 

Oliver: See...I knew you'd have that reaction. That's why I went around you. The train has left the station. 

Dawson: Excuse me.

[Dawson follows Oliver downstairs and Joey hits rewind and pauses the picture on Charlie]

[Opening credits]

[Scene: At the Film lab. Dawson and Oliver are talking about the movie, while looking at it in one of the editing programs on the computers.] 

Oliver: Seriously, not only is this the best movie I've ever been associated with, but this just might be the best movie ever. 

Dawson: Are you joking? It's-- it's way too long, it's like the English Patient without the laughs. 

Oliver: Dawson, you're being way too hard on yourself here. I mean, I'm the writer. I'm the one who's supposed to loathe my own work, but I don't. Actually, I think it kicks some serious donkey ass. 

Dawson: I'm not saying it-- never mind. I'm not saying it's terrible. I'm saying it needs a hell of a lot of work. Entire scenes need to be reshot. 

Oliver: Which ones? 

Dawson: The sex scene, for one. 

Oliver: Why? 

Dawson: From a certain angle, you can actually see Charlie in all of his...glory. 

Oliver: You don't say. Is it substantial? 

Dawson: It's enough to warrant its own credit in the main titles. 

Oliver: When the film's inevitably acquired by a major studio, we'll have the cash to CGI it out of there. Next? 

Dawson: I feel like I'm working with Gilbert Godfrey. This is...I... 

Oliver: you know what the real problem is, right? 

Dawson: [Laughs] Please, enlighten me. 

Oliver: You're still reeling from your breakup with Jen. 

Dawson: I don't think that's it, Oliver. 

Oliver: Come on, captain. You dated her for months. She helped you grieve. She robbed you of your precious flower, right? I mean, I don't care how cool you wanna play that off, but that means something, bucko, seriously. Do you wanna talk about it? 

Dawson: No. 

Oliver: Great. Can I ask you another question? 

Dawson: Sure. 

Oliver: Well... would it be a problem if I were to, say, ask her out? 

[Scene: Brecher's House. Pacey is house sitting for Brecher, and having mad sex with Audrey. We hear the clunk of Pacey falling out of bed, and we see Audrey looking over the edge of the bed at him.]

Pacey: [panting] Where...on earth... did you learn how to do that? 

Audrey: National geographic. 

[Both laugh] 

Audrey: But most guys lose consciousness somewhere in the middle. 

Pacey: How many guys have you done that with? 

Audrey: Enough to know you've got staying power. 

Pacey: [Grunts as he climbs back into the bed] 

Audrey: [Chuckles] I'm really glad that Brecher decided to take his wife to the Caribbean, and I am really glad that they asked you to stay here while they're gone. 

Pacey: I'm as glad as you are. I am more glad. I am gladder. Gladdest. And I can't feel anything below my waist. Is that supposed to happen? 

Audrey: Give me another hour, you'll be in a coma. 

Pacey: How many is enough? 

Audrey: What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? 

Pacey: Oh, you know, it's nothing, just--ahem-- how many...guys... is enough to... 

Audrey: have I given access to my most intimate of areas? 

Pacey: Well, yeah. Respectfully, of course. 

Audrey: You're really asking me this question? 

Pacey: No, because it's none of my business. Forget I asked. 

Audrey: Mm... how many girls have you

Pacey: 6. 7 including you. 

Audrey: Didn't take you long to think of that one. 

Pacey: Nope. Ha ha. 

Audrey: That's not...a lot. 

Pacey: That's not a lot compared to what? 

Audrey: Compared to other people. 

Pacey: Other people like you? 

Audrey: You totally are asking me that question! 

Pacey: I told you mine. 

Audrey: You don't wanna know how many men I've slept with, Pacey. Trust me. You think you do right now, but once I've told you, you'd wish I hadn't. 

Pacey: It's that many? 

Audrey: [Laughs] Let's put it this way. Have you ever heard of Emmanuelle, lady Chatterley, Madonna? 

Pacey: Oh, yeah. 

Audrey: Prudes. 

[Scene: Grams' House. Jen is in the kitchen leaning against the counter reading something when Dawson comes downstairs and stops for a second when he sees her.]

Dawson: Hey. 

Jen: Oh, hi. What's going on? 

Dawson: Nothing. That's not true, actually. Uh... what's going on? I'm, uh... I'm nervous about the screening today. The movie's not-- it's not finished. But from the outside perspective, it looks like it's finished. But it's-- really, it-- it's not...finished. Why are you smiling? 

Jen: It's ok if this is weird. 

Dawson: Which thing? 

Jen: You and me. 

Dawson: Ah. [Laughs] 

Jen: I think it's ok if we don't know how to do this next part. I think it'd be odd if we did, right? 

Dawson: Right. Right, it's just-- no. 

Jen: What? 

Dawson: No, it just-- this is such a familiar scene, you know? You and me in here just kind of checking in with each other before we go out into the world... it was such a comfort. 

Jen: For me, too. I don't think that has to stop. I hope not. 

Dawson: Right, but... last week you were up against the counter and I was covering your face with kisses, and now... we can't do that. I mean, it's-- that's done. 

[She goes over and gives him a kiss on the cheek.]

Jen: Who's to say what we can and can't do? 

[Scene: Joey and Audrey's Dorm room. Audrey comes in while Joey is doing her make-up at her desk. Audrey goes over and talks to her.]

Audrey: You saw the movie? 

Joey: Mm-hmm. I said that, didn't I? Didn't I just say that? 

Audrey: I want you to be honest with me, Joey. Friends are honest, and that's what you've got to be: Honest and unmerciful. How brilliant was I? 

Joey: You were horrible. 

Audrey: Give it to me straight. I can handle it. 

Joey: No. You're washed up. You're no good. 

Audrey: Stop sugarcoating! What is the bottom line? 

Joey: Audrey, you were fantastic! You're charming and funny and beautiful and sexy, and you have amazing chemistry with Charlie, who, surprisingly, is really good. 

Audrey: Charlie? Why are we talking about Charlie here? This is about me: My performance, my appearance, my future career. I'm a neurotic actress, for crying out loud. Have some sensitivity. 

Joey: Audrey, you're gonna see the movie in less than 3 hours. Stop interrogating me. 

Audrey: You look hot. Why do you look hot? 

Joey: Well, I don't know. I just

Audrey: wait. Do I look hot? In the movie, I mean. Do I look hot or do I look scorching? What scene do I look best in? Is it the end? I bet it's the end, isn't it? 

Joey: Audrey. 

Audrey: Sorry. Sorry. [Sighs] Can I ask you one more question? It's not about the movie. 

Joey: Well, if it's about you, I got nothin' left. 

Audrey: No. It's about Pacey. This morning, we were talking, and he asked me how many guys I'd slept with. 

Joey: He did? 

Audrey: Yeah. Well... sort of. I don't know. It came up. 

Joey: Did you tell him? 

Audrey: No! No! Not yet! I'm debating it. What do you think I should do? 

Joey: I don't know. 

Audrey: Well, what would you do? 

Joey: Well, I have to say that honesty has always worked for me. 

Audrey: I should tell him. 

Joey: Hmm, but then again, the male ego is a very fragile and delicate thing, and if he's asking you the question, it's probably because he's harboring some deep insecurities, in which case, the answer would do more harm than good. 

Audrey: I shouldn't tell him. 

Joey: It depends. 

Audrey: On what? 

Joey: On how many guys you've slept with. 

[Scene: Inside Pacey's Car. Pacey and Audrey are driving around looking for a place to park.]

Audrey: Usually, I don't like to watch the work that I've done. I feel like it interferes with my process, but I'm willing to make an exception for Dawson. You know, he's my friend. 

Pacey: Well, that's generous of you. 

Audrey: Ok. I still didn't understand why Joey got dropped off front, but I have to search for a parking space with you. 

Pacey: It's all part of the deal. 

Audrey: [Laughs] And what deal would that be? 

Pacey: You know, our arrangement we got goin'. 

Audrey: And what arrangement would that be? 

Pacey: Well, I mean, I understand where there's no clear definitions to the arrangement that we have, but I was thinking, actually, that we-- you know, we might want to get into that point where we start defining how it is that-- god, man, my palms are sweaty. Why is that? 

Audrey: 27. 

Pacey: Whoo! What? 

Audrey: 27 men. 

Pacey: What?! 

Audrey: Stop, please! 

[She point forward just as they crash slowly into another car. ]

[Scene: Grams' House. Jen comes down the stairs going for the door as she yells up to Jack.]

Jen: Jack, hurry up! I don't want to be late. 

[She opens the door to a tall older African American man]

Jen: Hi. 

Clifton: Hello. 

Jen: Can I help you? 

Clifton: Jennifer. Jen. 

Jen: Yeah. 

Clifton: I'm Clifton. 

Jen: Clifton? 

Clifton: Your grandmother told me you were very beautiful, but I guess words can't quite convey a thing like that. 

[Jack comes down the stairs putting his coat on, and stops when he sees Clifton.]

Jen: This is Clifton. 

Clifton: Dawson. 

Jack: No. It's jack, actually. Jack. 

Clifton: The h*m*! Nice to meet you. 

Jack: You, too. 

Clifton: I'm a friend of Evelyn's. She invited me to join you all this evening for the screening of Dawson Leery's film. 

Jen: Nice. 

[Grams come to join them]

Grams: Ah, Mr. Smalls. I see introductions have already been made. 

Clifton: [Chuckles] 

[Grams goes up and gives Clifton a kiss, and Jen is astonished.]

Grams: Get a hold of yourself, Jennifer. 

Jen: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What was that that you were doing with the kissing? Why did you--young lady, do you have a boyfriend? Cliff, are you my grams' boyfriend? 

Grams: Jennifer, I don't think

Clifton: Yes, I am. I think. Aren't I? 

Grams: Yes. Yes, you are. 

Jen: Oh, my goodness! Why-- did this just slip your mind? Is this something that you just forgot to mention to me? 

Jack: Should Clifton and I leave you two alone for a minute? 'Cause we can do that. 

Jen: Cliff, what do you do? 

Grams: You've got to be kidding! 

Clifton: I teach geometry at St. Jude's Episcopal on the east side. 

Jen: Are you married? 

Clifton: Not currently. I was. She passed away. I'm a widower. 

Grams: All right. Do you approve? May we leave now? 

Jack: Yeah. 

[Jack grabs Jen's coat as Grams and Clifton go outside, and he turns her towards the door and begins pushing her along]

Jen: Yeah. 

[Scene: Dawson is in the back room of the theater, getting the tapes together when a woman comes into the room yelling on a cell phone not even seeing Dawson in the room.]

Amy: Great! Terrific! You know what? As long as we're saying all the things that we never said, let me just say this: I think you are a self-serious, pseudo-intellectual ass! No. I always have. I mean, PhD. In cultural anthropology? What is that? What does that even mean? No. Don't you dare! Those CDs are mine! Hello?! Hel--god--oh! [Sighs] 

Dawson: You ok? 

Amy: Hello? Excuse me? Nosy? 

Dawson: I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. It's just you talk rather loudly. 

Amy: Why are we talking? Why are we even having this conversation? 

Dawson: Beats me. 

Amy: Look, I'm sorry. You just caught me smack-dab in the middle of a very ugly breakup. 

Dawson: I'm sorry. Who dumped who? 

Amy: He's dumping me, which really infuriates me, because I can't say I even like the guy. He's an idiot. He just happens to be a very attractive idiot, which infuriates me even more, because I always thought I was above that, which I'm obviously not. Does Litvack still teach here? 

Dawson: Yes, he does. He's teaching a class this semester called "boobs, booze, and b*ll*ts: Style and substance in the age of the blockbuster." 

Amy: Oh, god. You're in the middle of that phase, aren't you? 

Dawson: She said condescendingly. 

Amy: Oh, come on. You know that phase where you've just been exposed to the very best the avant-garde has to offer, so, of course, Hollywood sucks the big one, and wouldn't it be great if we could all just run around with our little digital cameras, filming each other going to the bathroom in the name of truth and honesty? 

Dawson: You're a handful. 

Amy: That's what they tell me. 

Dawson: And you're quite presumptuous, too, considering you don't know anything about me. 

Amy: Oh, sure I do. I know everything about you. Favorite movie of the last couple years off the top of your head. Don't even think about it. 

Dawson: Run Lola run. 

Amy: Liar! That's the movie you whip out to show people how cool you are! I'm not interested in cool. I'm interested in the movie that made you cry and you have no idea why. I'm interested in the movie that you're embarrassed to tell your friends you went to go see on opening night. Want to know what mine is? 

Dawson: Please. 

Amy: Hardball. Keanu Reeves coaches this inner-city little league team and, in the process, changes their lives for the better. I lost it. I mean, I cried like a baby. I saw it in the theater 5 times. 

Dawson: That explains that, then. 

Amy: What? 

Dawson: Why your boyfriend dumped you. You're a sentimental drama queen with really crappy taste in movies. 

Amy: Wow! What is your name, little man? 

Dawson: Dawson. Dawson leery. 

Amy: Oh! [Laughs] 

Dawson: What? 

Amy: Nice to meet you, Dawson. My name is Amy Lloyd. I'm the film critic for the Boston weekly. I'm here to review your movie. 

[Scene: Inside the theater. Joey comes in looking around for someone, when she sees Charlie, and tries to walk past him like she didn't even notice him.]

Charlie: Hey, potter. 

Joey: Charlie. You must have moved through the paparazzi line rather quickly. Speaking of which, where's the fiancée? Where's Gwyneth Paltrow? Out sick tonight? 

Charlie: [Laughs] Well, I broke up with her, you know. I met someone else. 

Joey: Must be quite a girl to usurp Gwyneth. 

Charlie: Amazing, actually. Maybe even a little bit out of my league. You know, if you insist on teasing me, I think that means you're obligated to sit next to me. 

Joey: I don't know. What about this mystery girl you're waiting for? 

Charlie: Well, hey, if she shows up, I'll just make you move. 

[Charlie stands up, and lets Joey get past him to the seat next to him]

Joey: Thanks. You know, I saw the movie. 

Charlie: Yeah? Was I any good? 

Joey: Pretty good. 

Charlie: What's goin' on with you tonight? 

Joey: Nothing. What do you mean? 

Charlie: You know what I mean. 

Joey: Don't know what you mean. 

Charlie: Well, you seem kind of, I don't know, different. 

Joey: Different in a good way? 

Charlie: Yeah. Pretty good. 

Joey: So do you. 

Charlie: Yeah? Well, you know, I guess it's impossible to play the role of a sexy indie rocker 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You know, sometimes the actual Charlie Todd rears his little, deformed head. And I know it's not as

Joey: It's nice. It's nice when you're not trying so hard. Kind of like hanging out with a real person rather than a hipness quotation. 

Charlie: You know, contrary to popular opinion, I may not actually be the devil. 

Joey: [Laughs] Don't get ahead of yourself, slim. The jury's still out on that one. 

Charlie: Ha ha ha ha! 

[Scene: Outside Pacey's Car. Pacey is exchanging information with the guy in the car he just h*t.]

Pacey: I'm sorry I crashed into you. 

[Pacey goes back and gets into his car.]

Audrey: [Sighs] Maybe I should have waited till you parked? 

Pacey: Well, not if you were going for effect. 

Audrey: You ok? 

Pacey: Yeah, I'm fine. My car's a little bruised, but I'm fine. 

Audrey: No. I'm talking about the sex thing. 

Pacey: Right. That. I remember that. 

Audrey: Are we, like, all right? 

Pacey: It's nothin'. We're fine. 

[Starts engine]

[Scene: In the Theater. Dawson walks up to Oliver who is standing at the back of the room, looking very nervous.]

Oliver: All right, captain. It's "go" time. You ready?

Dawson: Why didn't you tell me you invited a critic?

Oliver: I don't know. Maybe because it was supposed to be a surprise. Heh!

Dawson: Have you lost your mind? Oliver, I'm the director. You have to clear stuff like that with me.

Oliver: Ok, why is this a bad thing? In what universe is it even remotely a negative to have a qualified, trained professional evaluate your masterpiece?

Dawson: I'm not even going to attempt to respond to that.

[]

Amy: Ok. What's goin' on here? You geeks planning on showing this thing, or are you just gonna act it out for us?

Oliver: Dawson, this is Amy Lloyd of the Boston Weekly.

Dawson: Yeah, we met.

Amy: We've exchanged unpleasantries.

Oliver: Look, miss Lloyd, uh, Amy. If you could just take your seat, we're still waiting for a couple VIPs to arrive, and then we'll get started.

Amy: Listen, fellas, it's been a slice and all, but I don't have time for amateur hour, so give me a ring when you get your act together, ok?

[]

Oliver: Dawson leery, what did you do?

Dawson: Told her she had crappy taste in movies. Oh! And I may have called her a drama queen. I...don't remember.

Oliver: Why, oh, why did you do something like that? Is it because you hate me?

Dawson: We were just having a conversation.

Oliver: Nincompoop! Don't you know who Douglas Cavell is?

Dawson: Who?

Oliver: Exactly! And I'll tell you why you don't know. Because many moons ago, our miss Lloyd wrote somewhat unfavorably about his thesis film because he said something nasty about point break. These days, old Dougy is sitting behind the counter of the video store of his hometown of nowhere, USA.

Dawson: All right, calm down.

Oliver: You calm down. I'm gonna freak out. This is our future. This is our whole lives. Ha ha ha! [Clears throat] Ok, this is what you have to do. You have to go after her. You have to get her back, apologize, kiss her ass, do whatever it is you have to do, just get her back.

Dawson: All right. All right, fine. What are you gonna do?

Oliver: I'm gonna go h*t on your ex-girlfriend.

[Scene: Outside the theater. Amy is walking away when Dawson comes outside and sees her and runs after her.]

Dawson: Hey.

Amy: Hey.

Dawson: Hey, I'm sorry, but I had no idea who you were.

Amy: Oh, and if you had, you would have kissed my ass?

Dawson: No, I--yeah, probably.

Amy: Listen, you're a very nice kid, and I'm sorry that I was rude before, but like you said, I'm a handful, and I'm a sentimental drama queen, so I'm gonna go, and you, good luck with your flick.

Dawson: Would it matter one iota if I told you I was a huge fan?

Amy: Not so much, no, 'cause as a rule, film critics don't have fans.

Dawson: That's not true. Roger Ebert has fans. Harry Knowles has fans.

Amy: Right. So go stalk them and leave me alone.

Dawson: I'd rather stalk you if it's all the same. You're a little cuter than they are. Ah, I have a smile. Ok, can I build on that? Uh...in your review of almost famous, you said it was the kind of film that reminds us why we still go to the movies.

Amy: That was last fall. You remember that?

Dawson: I do. It gave me chills.

Amy: Me, too, when I wrote it. I've always liked that review.

Dawson: It was a great review.

Amy: You really like my stuff?

Dawson: Every Thursday, I have this ritual. When the weekly comes out, I grab it. I head over to the coffee shop, and I sit there and I read your reviews. I'll be honest. I don't always agree with you. I mean, sometimes you really make me mad, but I always want to hear what you think, which is why the thought of you sitting and actually looking at something that I've directed scares the living daylights out of me.

Amy: Why don't we do this? Why don't we head over to that coffee shop and see what's what? Who knows? You may get lucky. I'm in a strange mood.

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: The Theater. Audrey comes in and begins looking around, when she finally sees Joey. She goes quickly over to get Joey.]

Audrey: Joey, I need a pow-wow.

Joey: Now?

Audrey: Hello? Does the expression "bros before hos" mean anything to you?

Joey: Yes, princess.

[Joey gets up and follows Audrey to the back of the theater.]

Audrey: Ok. So, if you happen to be talking to Pacey, and it happens to come up, I slept with 27 people.

Joey: Rock and roll!

Audrey: Bite me, will you?

Joey: You've had sex with 27 different people?

Audrey: No, not exactly.

Joey: You haven't?

Audrey: I may have adjusted the number slightly. A little creative math.

Joey: So, you slept with more than 27 different people?

Audrey: Ok, see, that's not the point. The point is that I was thinking about what you said this morning, and then I thought about what Mercedes Lowenstein used to say about these things

Joey: and what did she used to say?

Audrey: Well, she said that when it comes to men and sex, a slight variation on the truth is always preferable to the actual truth.

Joey: Audrey, that's terrible advice. Mercedes Lowenstein is an idiot.

Audrey: No. Mercedes Lowenstein is a whore.

Joey: You can't do these kinds of things halfway. You have to tell him the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Audrey: So help me god?

Joey: I'm serious, ok? Think about it. If you don't, if you let him believe this lie, can anything that happens between the two of you from this point on be as great as it should be? And not for him, for you. Audrey, you deserve something great here. You have to believe that. Now, go do the hard thing.

Audrey: Ok.

Joey: Good luck.

[Joey goes back and sits next to Charlie]

Charlie: Everything cool?

Joey: [Sighs] Relatively speaking.

Charlie: So, when's this thing gonna start, anyway?

Joey: Why? You nervous?

Charlie: Maybe...a little. See, this girl, this mystery girl, who's out of my league, she showed up, and she's in here right now, and I really, really want her to be impressed. And I'm just hoping that this audience-- this audience can just totally take me in, and then, maybe, she'll see me the way that I want her to see me.

Joey: Well, point her out. I'll tell if you have a prayer or not.

Charlie: [Laughs] Well...she's, um... she's sitting right next to me.

Joey: You know, you're not nearly as cool as you think you are, Charlie Todd.

Charlie: You know, all evidence to the contrary, I'm exactly as cool as I think I am.

Joey: There you go. Case in point. See, guys like you walk around every day with the absolute conviction that you're the smoothest thing since butter. It's true. I find it amusing, actually. You want to know why?

Charlie: Why?

Joey: 'Cause in reality, everything that you're feeling and thinking at any given moment is written all over your face.

Charlie: Oh, yeah?

Joey: Yeah.

Charlie: Ah! Ok. What's written all over my face right now?

Joey: Mm, you're thinking that I'm the most attractive and formidable woman you've ever been in the same room with. Though you're terrified of rejection, you like me and you want to take me out on a proper date.

Charlie: [Laughs] Nope.

Joey: No?

Charlie: Uh-uh. Actually, I was thinking... that I want to take you into the bathroom and do ungodly things to you.

Joey: What'd you say?

Charlie: Nothing. No. It was a joke. I--I was joking.

Joey: I'm gonna go check on Dawson.

[Joey looks angrily at him and leaves]

Charlie: I just blew it, didn't I? Oh! Uhh! I am the devil.

[Scene: The Theater Lobby. Jack and Pacey are getting some refreshment.]

Jack: [Laughs] Well, you ready?

Pacey: Hell, yeah.

Jack: You sleepy?

Pacey: Yeah. You see the size of the script of this monster? It's gonna take 12 of these things to keep me awake through the movie, which means I'm probably going to have to pee quite frequently, which is a great excuse to leave the theater when Charlie starts making out with Audrey.

Jack: Oh ho, you really have it bad for this girl, don't you?

Pacey: Yeah. Well, I don't know. Maybe. She's just not like any other girl I ever met before. And she does not care what anybody thinks, and I dig that, man. I really do. [Audrey comes up behind Pacey, and jack wants to tell him but can't]You know, she's smart, she's funny, she has no idea how beautiful she is, and she's always saying the thing you don't expect, you know? She's constantly surprising me, keeping me on my toes. Like, for instance, right now, I bet she's standing right behind me, isn't she?

Jack: Yeah.

Pacey: Great.

Audrey: I have to be honest. I want to be honest. It's not 27. It's 57.

[Pacey spits some of his drink out.]

[Scene: The projection room. Jen is up there talking to Oliver, who is wringing his hands nervously.]

Jen: Are you ok? You're just acting really strange.

Oliver: I'm nervous.

Jen: Why? About your screening?

Oliver: No, no, it's not that. It's that, uh... well...ahem! Ever since you broke up with Dawson, ever since you became... [Gulps] Available... I find that I'm kind of... well, nervous around you.

Jen: Oh. Gosh.

Oliver: [Laughs nervously]

Jen: I... I'm just gonna go ahead and say this-- that I don't think that there's a possibility of something happening between us right--ever. Um, I'm just-- I'm sorry. Oh, god. You're not saying anything. Ok. I'm gonna go. Ohh.

[Jen turns to leave]

Oliver: I--I know that I'm not particularly slick or, say, socially adept, and I know that I'm not the kind of guy that women look at and say, "whoa. Check him out." But I'm gonna blow your mind in a million different ways that you've never even imagined.

Jen: Ok, Oliver

Oliver: You know it, too, and you know that when you look at me, it'll be different, which is why you're not turning around right now... 'cause you're nervous about what you might find.

Jen: [Exhales] Jeez, uh, with all due respect to your sudden, um, and plentiful, uh, enthusiasm and confidence, I am going to turn around in 3 seconds just to prove that you're wrong. 1, 2, 3. Jeez.

[She turns around to find that he isn't there.]

[Scene: Inside the theater lobby.. Jen comes down runs into Joey who is already there.]

Joey: Is this thing gonna happen tonight?

Jen: I don't know. I haven't really seen him.

Joey: Should we look for him?

Jen: I don't think so.

Joey: I'm gonna get some air.

Jen: I'm gonna go with you.

Joey: Ok.

[They go outside]

Joey: Jen.

Jen: Joey.

Joey: Lindley.

Jen: Potter.

Joey: Would it be awkward if I were to ask you a question having to do with boys?

Jen: Probably, but do you really care?

Joey: No, not really.

Jen: Ok. Neither do I.

Joey: Ok. Um... have you ever had the experience of meeting a guy who was really good-looking and, I don't know, kind of...

Jen: Charming?

Joey: Yes, charming. Very, very charming, and you almost get hypnotized by how charming and good-looking he is, but when you penetrate the surface, even just a little bit, you find that he's...

Jen: A moron?

Joey: I was gonna say "loser."

Jen: Yeah. Pretty much every single guy that I've ever dated with the exception

Joey: Dawson.

Jen: Yeah. [Sighs] Can I say something?

Joey: Of course.

Jen: My grams is dating a 60-year-old African American man whose name is Clifton smalls.

Joey: What? I guess that's a good thing?

Jen: It is. Actually, it's a really great thing. Do you want to know why?

Joey: I guess so.

Jen: It's a great thing because it means that no matter how many good-looking boys consistently disappoint us or how many times we're convinced that this universe is going to begin and end with one of these moronic losers, that someday when all of this crap is over with, there might be our very own Clifton smalls waiting for us.

Joey: You have a good point.

Jen: Thanks. I thought so.

Joey: But that's a long time.

[Scene: The Coffee House. Dawson and Amy are sitting at one of the tables talking while drinking their coffee.]

Amy: Ok, so tell me, Dawson, why should I stay and see this movie of yours? Convince me.

Dawson: Honestly, I have no idea why you should come see this movie. I don't even know if it's good or not. I mean, it's... Oliver loves it, but, let's face it: He might be mildly insane. My best friend Joey really liked it, but she might just be impressed that it's in focus. We worked hard on it, really hard. That much I'm sure of. Um... but other than that, I...

Amy: what?

Dawson: I shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm just not quite sure that it's done. I mean, all the pieces are there. All the elements are there, but it's just something about it just kinda-- it just kinda feels incomplete.

Amy: Let me ask you this: What's it about?

Dawson: Um, it's a love story about a girl who may or may not be a coke fiend.

Amy: Not--not the story. What's it about? Like, what's it about to you?

Dawson: I don't really know how to answer that question. I've had this truly bizarre, life-altering year. I-- I dropped out of USC to be with this girl who I've loved in one way or another for pretty much my whole life, and then my father died, which completely rocked my universe, and then I jumped headfirst into this really intense relationship with this other girl, and we just broke up, and--and the movie has nothing to do with any of these things, but in a way, it has to do with all of them. I feel like I put everything that I am into making this film. I'm sorry. I'm rambling.

Amy: Don't be sorry. That's actually a movie I would really like to see.

Dawson: Really?

Amy: Yes. Anything imbued with that much passion and heartbreak sounds far more interesting than half the dreck that's currently taking up space in our nation's multiplexes. Plus, you're a fan, which satisfies my enormous ego. Shall we?

Dawson: Yeah. Let's go.

Amy: All right.

[As they get up she notices someone]

Amy: Oh, my god.

Dawson: What?

Amy: My boyfriend.

Dawson: Where?

Amy: Over there. Uh, do me a favor.

Dawson: Sure.

Amy: Kiss me.

Dawson: What?

Amy: Kiss me. Kiss me.

[She pulls him in for a passionate kiss]

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: The coffee house. We pick up where we left off with Dawson and Amy kissing. After a bit Amy stops kissing the confused Dawson.]

Amy: Did he see?

Dawson: I don't know. I don't know which one he is.

Amy: Oh. [Laughs] I'm really sorry, Dawson.

Dawson: Why?

Amy: Well, it's not even him. It just really looks like him. Same jacket, sort of.

Dawson: Oh.

Amy: Really sorry about that.

Dawson: Don't be. Let's... go.

[Scene: The Theater Lobby. Audrey is sitting on a bench, when Pacey comes up to sit down beside her.]

Pacey: So I've been thinkin'

Audrey: Pacey, before you say anything

Pacey: could you shut up for just a second, please? I'm trying to tell you what I'm thinkin' here, and it's interesting this time.

Audrey: Ok. I'm sorry.

Pacey: Ok. So... I know that you've slept with other men. I knew that you had slept with other men before I started this whole pathetic inquiry. I knew that you had slept with other men before you and I started sleeping together. So, fine. You have slept with other men. I can accept that. Of course, I know deep down in my heart that you didn't enjoy it, but that's beside the point.

Audrey: [Chuckles]

Pacey: The point is

Audrey: What's the point?

Pacey: The point is that I have my fears and my insecurities, but they're mine, not yours. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is this. Just this.

Audrey: Just this.

Pacey: Yes. I have totally and completely fallen for you. Mmm. You move me, Audrey. All over the place.

[They Kiss]

Audrey: 5.

Pacey: What?

Audrey: I've only slept with 5 people.

Pacey: Really?

Audrey: Yeah.

Pacey: I mean, it's ok, 'cause, you know, Joey has told me a couple of things, and I've actually seen you with several different

Audrey: All right, I may have... at times, been... somewhat of a make-out slut. I have kissed a lot of boys, and I figure that you have to. You know, that way, you sort know when you've found the right one.

Pacey: I like that logic. You were testing me. You wanted to know how I'd react.

Audrey: Yeah. Maybe. A little. I'm really, really sorry, Pacey. It's just I guess that I have my own fears, too, and, I don't know, I think I just... needed to hear it.

Pacey: Did I pass?

Audrey: Well, you aced, and you may even get a reward.

Pacey: Really? Well... so long as I retain the full range of motion from the neck up, you can do whatever you like.

[Scene: The sidewalk on the way to the theater. Dawson and Amy are returning to the theater talking.]

Amy: I mean, why do I even care? I don't even like this guy. I can barely have a conversation with him without wanting to claw his eyes out.

Dawson: You're very violent. Anybody ever told you that?

Amy: Ha ha ha! Shut up.

Dawson: Any relationship is not easy when you know it's not right. You know, there's a lot to be said for comfort and safety. You know, that thing of just having somebody around to come home to, to talk to, to touch. Even if it's not about that person, but having that s*ab force in your life.

Amy: I guess so.

Dawson: I'll give you an example: This movie, for me, it kinda held my life together at a time when I needed it most. It forced me to be brave, and it made me strong.

Amy: I'm about to have an insight here.

Dawson: Ok.

Amy: It's not the movie you're afraid isn't complete. It's you, and you should be afraid of that because you're not complete, not yet. In fact, you may never be. But you keep looking, and you keep making movies, and you keep showing them to people, and that's what being a filmmaker is.

Dawson: Good insight.

Amy: I have my moments. What do you say we go watch ourselves a movie?

Dawson: Ok, but what if it sucks? What if I completely wasted my time?

Amy: If it sucks, I will tell you over coffee, and you might just get to make out with me again.

Dawson: By the way, mine is road house... with Patrick Swayze? I've seen it, like 37 times. Every time it's on TV, I have to watch it all the way through. I own the tape. I love it. I have no idea why.

Amy: Ha ha ha! That's a good one. Come on.

[Scene: Inside the theater. Oliver is still standing alone at the back of the theater filled with people who are very anxious to see the move and getting a little uptight having to wait. Dawson and Amy come into the theater and stop by Oliver, and Amy goes off to get a seat.]

Oliver: Oh, my gosh, you did it. You got her back. How did you get her back?

Dawson: I made out with her.

[Cut over to Joey who is sitting alone, and Charlie come up to get with a pitiful look on his face.]

Charlie: I need a favor.

Joey: Who's asking? Is it the slightly vulnerable, kind of embarrassing boy I sat down with, or is it the really obnoxious sleaze ball I walked away from?

Charlie: Ok, that's fair. I deserve that.

Joey: It's not an insult. It's a legitimate question. Which guy are you? I'd kinda like to know before I actually start to care.

Charlie: I can't answer that. I'm just tryin' to figure it out. All I know is that when I came here tonight, you were different with me than you've ever been before. I don't know why. I don't know what I did.

Joey: That wasn't you. I was... confused.

Charlie: Ok, whatever. It doesn't matter. I don't even want to know. Because whatever it was, I screwed it up. I tried to be funny, and I wasn't. I mean, I was completely-- I was opposite of funny, and I think the reason that I was so completely unfunny, is because... I do wanna ask you out. Very much. Very, very much. And, you know, you-- [Chuckles] You--you make me nervous.

Joey: I know I do.

Charlie: I want to be that first guy, Joey. You make me want to be that guy.

Joey: So what's your favor?

Charlie: Ok. [Sighs] Well, I was hoping that maybe you might let me sit next to you, and then, possibly, if I just sat there, then, maybe... whatever happened to make you like me, well, maybe it could happen again.

Joey: Don't get your hopes up.

Charlie: [Chuckles] Too late.

[Cut over to Jen and Jack, who are sitting next to Grams and Clifton. Jen watches as Oliver walks up the aisle past them with a cocky smile on his face as he looks at Jen.]

Jen: Oh, my god.

Jack: What?

Jen: Nothing. I didn't say anything.

Jack: Yeah, you did. You said, "oh, my god."

Jen: Shut up. I didn't, ok? I'm just sitting here, quietly waiting for the movie to start.

Jack: Ok.

[Dawson walks down the Aisle and goes up onto the stage to present the movie.]

Dawson: Ahem! All right. I'm sorry about the delay, folks. My sincere apologies, but I think we're ready, and we're gonna show this thing, so...here's the deal: It's too long, the music is temp, the mix is unfinished, transfer is ugly, we still don't have a title, but, uh... what you're about to see is a labor of love, and not just for Oliver and myself, but for everybody in this room who gave of their time and their energy and their talent. And, uh... we might be the only people to ever see this thing up on the screen, but it doesn't matter because it is and it always will be a snapshot of who we are at this particular moment in time. So... brace yourselves. Roll it.

[The movie screen lights up, and fade to black.]
{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "05x18 - Cigarette Burns"}