Monty Python and the Holy Grail Bridge of Death
Monty Python
ARTHUR
There it is! The Bridge of Death!

ROBIN
Oh, great.

KNIGHT
Look!

ARTHUR
There's the old man from Scene 24!

BEDEMIR
What is he doing here?

ARTHUR
He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveller five questions--

GALAHAD
Three questions.
ARTHUR
Three questions. He who answers the five questions--

GALAHAD
Three questions.

ARTHUR
Three questions may cross in safety.

ROBIN
What if you get a question wrong?

ARTHUR
Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

ROBIN
Oh, I won't go.

ARTHUR
Who's going to answer the questions? Sir Robin!

ROBIN
Yes?

ARTHUR
Brave Sir Robin, you go.
ROBIN
Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Lancelot go?

LANCELOT
Yes, let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east--

ARTHUR
No, no, hang on, hang on, hang on! Just answer the five questions--

GALAHAD
Three questions.

ARTHUR
Three questions as best you can. And we shall watch...and pray.

LANCELOT
I understand, my liege.

ARTHUR
Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot. God be with you.

KEEPER
Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

LANCELOT
Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper. I'm not afraid.
KEEPER
What is your name?

LANCELOT
My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.

KEEPER
What is your quest?

LANCELOT
To seek the Holy Grail.

KEEPER
What is your favorite color?

LANCELOT
Blue.

KEEPER
Right. Off you go.

LANCELOT
Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

ROBIN
That's easy!

KEEPER
Stop! Who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

ROBIN
Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper. I'm not afraid.

KEEPER
What is your name?

ROBIN
Sir Robin of Camelot.

KEEPER
What is your quest?

ROBIN
To seek the Holy Grail.

KEEPER
What is the capital of Assyria?

ROBIN
I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!

KEEPER
Stop! What is your name?

GALAHAD
Sir Galahad of Camelot.

KEEPER
What is your quest?

GALAHAD
I seek the Holy Grail.

KEEPER
What is your favorite color?

GALAHAD
Blue. No yel-- Auuuuuuuugh!

KEEPER
Heh heh. Stop! What is your name?

ARTHUR
It is Arthur, King of the Britons.

KEEPER
What is your quest?

ARTHUR
To seek the Holy Grail.

KEEPER
What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

ARTHUR
What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

KEEPER
What? I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!

BEDEMIR
How do you know so much about swallows?

ARTHUR
Well, you have to know these things when you're a king you know.
Write the lyrics for a misc song made in 1975, titled "Monty Python and the Holy Grail Bridge of Death", by artist "Monty Python".