My New Philosophy
Clark Gesner
[SALLY, spoken]
Oh yeah? That's what you think!

[SCHROEDER, spoken]
What?

[SALLY, spoken]
That's my new philosophy. "Oh yeah? That's what you think!"

[SCHROEDER, spoken]
Well why are you telling me?

[SALLY, spoken]
What?

[SCHROEDER, spoken]
Why are you telling me?

[SALLY, spoken]
"Why are you telling me?" I like it!
That's a good philosophy
"Why are you telling me?"
"Why are you telling me?"
(sung)
"Why are you telling me?"
My new philosophy
The teacher gave a "D" on last week's homework!
She said, "Miss Sally Brown
Your grades are going down"
I could have told her—

[SCHROEDER]
Your new philosophy?

[SALLY]
My new philosophy

(spoken)
Miss B?
I'm she
Look see
A "D"?
A "D"
Well, why are you telling me?

(sung)
And that's my new philosophy!

[SCHROEDER]
That's your new philosophy?
[SALLY]
" Well why are you telling me?"
My new philosophy!

[SCHROEDER, spoken]
That's great, Sally. But I've gotta go practice Chopin's Nocturne in B-Flat Minor

[SALLY, spoken]
No! I like it! "No!" That's a good philosophy
" No! No! No!"

[SCHROEDER, spoken]
That's your new philosophy, huh?

[SALLY, spoken]
Yes! I mean "No!"

(sung)
Just like a busy bee
Each new philosophy
Can fly from tree to tree
And keep me moving!
When life's a dizzy maze
On alterating days
I choose a different phrase!
[SCHROEDER]
Your new philosophy?

[SALLY]
My new philosophy!

[SCHROEDER]
Sally!
Some philosophies are simple:
"Man does not live by bread alone."
Some philosophies are clear...

[SALLY]
"Leave your message at the sound of the tone?"

[BOTH]
Some philosophies pick and choose
Deciding what goes in it

[SCHROEDER]
Some take a lifetime!

[SALLY]
Mine take a minute!

[SCHROEDER, spoken]
But Sally, anything that takes only a minute can't be very long lasting. For instance, Beethoven took over two years to complete his brilliant Ninth Symphony...

[SALLY, spoken]
"No!"

[SCHROEDER, spoken]
I can't stand it!

[SALLY, spoken]
"I can't stand it!" I like it!

(sung)
It's like a gurantee
My new philosophy
And things are sure to be a whole lot brighter!
"Oh yeah? That's what you think!"
"Why are you telling me?"
"No!"
"I can't stand it!"
Now life is free and easy
Much more philosophy-zy
With my brand new—

(spoken)
You know, someone had said that we should live every day as if it were the last day of our life

[LUCY, spoken]
Ahh! This is the last day! This is it! I only have twenty-four hours left, help me! Help me! This is the last day! Ahh!

[SALLY, spoken]
Clearly, some philosophies aren't for all people...

(sung)
And that's my new philosophy!
Write the lyrics for a pop song made in 1999, titled "My New Philosophy", by artist "Clark Gesner".