My Shot SNL Opening Monologue Remix
Lin-Manuel Miranda
[LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA]
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! I’m Lin-Manuel Miranda! It is so great to be here, New York City! I am fresh off a long run performing in my musical, Hamilton. Which, fortunately, is one of the biggest hits ever on Broadway, so that means most of you watching at home have no idea who I am. But if you get to New York, please come and see Hamilton. It’s such a nice escape from all the craziness in our world right now. It’s about two famous New York politicians locked in a dirty, ugly, mud-slinging political campaign—escapism!

Anyway, I can’t believe I’m up here right now. When I was just a kid growing up in Washington Heights, upper Manhattan, I dreamed about standing right here on this stage. And when I told people I was hosting SNL, they were all like, “Well, are you gonna do a song from Hamilton?” I was like, “No! It’s Saturday Night Live!” I wanna do all the SNL stuff. I wanna do all the stuff an SNL host gets to do, you know? It takes seven years to write a show, so I don’t know when I’m gonna be back here!

(Music to “My Shot” begins to play)
So I am not throwing away my shot
I am not throwing away my shot
My name is Lin-Manuel, I am hosting SNL
And I am not throwing away my shot!

I’mma go for broke and do it all tonight
Take a swing, pass the baton, gimme the ball tonight
I got a Tony and an Emmy and a Grammy, yo
But what I really want's a famous person cameo, damn yo!
I’mma do a bunch of sketches, sometimes I'll play the lead
Give you what you need, got the cue cards for me to read
Yes, indeed, tonight you’ll see me at my naughtiest and bawdiest
And now I’m gonna walk into the audience

‘Cause I am not throwing away my shot
I am not throwing away my shot
This is my one big chance, so bring on the dancers
‘Cause I'm not throwing away my shot!
It’s time to take a shot!
And yes, I’m right in my element
Who knew that Hamilton would be so topically relevant?
The way these grand-standing candidates be talkin’
They’re just a tweet away from facing off in Weehawken
They keep brawlin’, D and RNC, keep fallin’
I like it better when it’s Kate McKinnon v. Baldwin
Yeah, and so we thicken the plot, stirrin’ the pot
Tonight I’m finally earning my spot
On this wall, in this hall, and I’m gettin’ a piece of it
Like Miley, Schumer, Tracy Morgan and this piece —

Well, he never gon' be president now!
(Never gon' be president now)
Never gon' be president now!
(Never gon' be — )

And I am not throwing away my shot
I am not throwing away my shot
Hey yo, election news cycles and time with Lorne Michaels
I am not throwing away my shot!

[LORNE MICHAELS]
Lin, you having a good time?

[MIRANDA]
I’m having the time of my life, Lorne
[MICHAELS]
Great. Any word on those Hamilton tickets?

[MIRANDA]
Oh, yeah, I’ll see what I can do. No promises, though

[MICHAELS]
I can do a matinee

[MIRANDA]
Yo, but seriously guys, since I was five I decided
To keep my eyes pried open wide waiting for Saturday Night Live
Gilda Radner, Chevy Chase, insane, inhuman
The way Don Pardo would say "Laraine Newman"
Dana Carvey, Tina Fey, Vanessa Bayer, David Spade
I prayed and stayed up late hoping one day they'd say I made the grade
Breathe. Savor it, own it
I swear to God, if I’m hostin’, I’m makin’ the most of this moment!

And I am not throwing away my shot
I am not throwing away my shot
And as long I remember to vote this November
I am not throwing away my shot!
Write the lyrics for a rap song made in 2016, titled "My Shot SNL Opening Monologue Remix", by artist "Lin-Manuel Miranda".