Your Fault / Last Midnight
Bernadette Peters
Your Fault

[BAKER, spoken]
It's because of you there's a giant in our midst, and my wife is dead!

[JACK, sung]
But it isn't my fault
I was given those beans!
You persuaded me to trade away my cow for beans!
And without those beans, there'd have been no stalk
To get up to the giant in the first place!

[BAKER, sung]
Wait a minute, magic beans for a cow so old
That you had to tell a lie to sell it, which you told!
Were they worthless beans? Were they oversold?
Oh, and tell us who persuaded you to steal that gold!

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (to Jack)]
See, it's your fault
[JACK]
No!

[BAKER]
So it's your fault…

[JACK]
No!

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
Yes, it is!

[JACK]
It's not!

[BAKER]
It's true

[JACK]
Wait a minute, though—
I only stole the gold to get my cow back
From you!

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (to Baker)]:
So it's your fault!
[JACK]
Yes!

[BAKER]
No, it isn't!
I'd have kept those beans, but our house was cursed
She made us get a cow to get the curse reversed!

[WITCH]
It's your father's fault that the curse got placed
And the place got cursed in the first place!

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
Oh. Then it's his fault!

[WITCH]
So

[CINDERELLA]
It was his fault…

[JACK]
No

[BAKER]
Yes, it is, it's his
[CINDERELLA]
I guess…

[JACK]
Wait a minute, though—
I chopped down the beanstalk, right?  That's clear
But without any beanstalk, then what's queer
Is how did the second giant get down here
In the first place? Second place…?

[CINDERELLA]
Yes!

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
How?

[BAKER]
Hmm…

[JACK]
Well, who had the other bean?

[BAKER]
The other bean?

[CINDERELLA]
The other bean?

[JACK (to Baker)]:
You pocketed the other bean

[BAKER]
I didn't!
Yes, I did

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's your—!

[BAKER]
No, it isn't, 'cause I gave it to my wife!

[LRRH]
So it's her—!

[BAKER]
NO, IT ISN'T!

[CINDERELLA]
Then whose is it?

[BAKER]
Wait a minute!
(to Cinderella) She exchanged that bean to obtain your shoe
So the one who knows what happened to the bean is you!

[CINDERELLA]
You mean that old bean— that your wife—?  Oh, dear—
[as they all look at her]
But I never knew, and so I threw—
Well, don't look here!

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's your fault!

[CINDERELLA]
But—

[JACK]
See, it's her fault—

[CINDERELLA]
But—

[JACK]
And it isn't mine at all!

[BAKER (to Cinderella)]:
But what?

[CINDERELLA (to Jack)]:
Well, if you hadn't gone back up again—

[JACK]
We were needy—

[CINDERELLA]
You were greedy!  Did you need that hen?

[JACK]
But I got it for my mother!

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
So it's her fault then!

[CINDERELLA]
Yes, and what about the harp in the third place?

[BAKER]
The harp—yes!

[JACK (referring to LRRH)]:
She went and dared me to!

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
I dared you to?

[JACK]
You dared me to!
(to the others) She said that I was scared to
She dared me!

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
No, I didn't!

[BAKER, CINDERELLA, JACK]
So it's your fault!

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD]
Wait a minute—!

[CINDERELLA]
If you hadn't dared him to—

[BAKER (to Jack)]
And you had left the harp alone
We wouldn't be in trouble in the first place!

[LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (to Cinderella, over)]:
Well, if you hadn't thrown away the bean
In the first place—!
It was your fault!

[CINDERELLA (referring to Witch)]:
Well, if she hadn't raised them in the first place!

[JACK (over, to Witch)]
Yes, if you hadn't raised them in the first place!

[LRRH, BAKER (to Witch)]
Right! It's you who raised them in the first place!

[CINDERELLA (simultaneously)]
You raised the beans in the first place!

[JACK]
It's YOUR fault!

[CINDERELLA, JACK, LRRH, BAKER]
You're responsible!
You're the one to blame!
It's your fault!

[WITCH]
Shhhh!
 

 
Last Midnight

[WITCH]
It's the last midnight
It's the last wish
It's the last midnight
Soon it will be boom squish!
Told a little lie, stole a little gold, broke a little vow
Did you?
Had to get your Prince, had to get your cow
Have to get your wish, doesn't matter how
Anyway, it doesn't matter now
It's the last midnight
It's the boom splat!
Nothing but a vast midnight
Everybody smashed flat!

Nothing we can do?
Not exactly true
We can always give her the boy
No?
No, of course, what really matters is the blame
Somebody to blame
Fine, if that's the thing you enjoy, placing the blame
If that's the aim, give me the blame
Just give me the boy

[CINDERELLA, JACK, LRRH, BAKER, spoken]
No!

[WITCH]
No?
You're so nice
You're not good, you're not bad
You're just nice
I'm not good, I'm not nice
I'm just right
I'm the witch
You're the world
I'm the hitch, I'm what no one believes
I'm the witch
You're all liars and thieves
Like his father!
Like his son will be too!
Oh, why bother?
You'll just do what you do!

It's the last midnight
So goodbye, all
Coming at you fast, midnight
Soon you'll see the sky fall!
Here, you want a bean?
Have another bean
Beans were made for making you rich!
Plant them and they soar
Here, you want some more?
Listen to the roar
Giants by the score
Oh well, you can blame another witch

It's the last midnight
It's the last verse
Now, before it's past midnight
I'm leaving you my last curse:
I'm leaving you alone
You can tend the garden, it's yours
Separate and alone
Everybody down on all fours
All right, Mother, when?
Lost the beans again!
Punish me the way you did then!
Give me claws and a hunch
Just away from this bunch
And the gloom
And the doom
And the boom
Crunch!
Write the lyrics for a pop song made in 1987, titled "Your Fault / Last Midnight", by artist "Bernadette Peters".