The Perfect Pokérap
Brian David Gilbert
[Intro]
So Terry, this one's for you

[Sample]
I want to be the best (Best, best, best)
Be the best (Best, best)

[Verse 1]
Uh, Bulbasaur, Charmander, Squirtle
Caterpie, Butterfree, Wurmple
Scorbunny, Sobble and Grookey
Lickitung and Lickilicky
Haxorus, Cofagrigus, Poliwrath, Mismagius
Fraxure, Crabrawler, Dewpider
Shellder, Cloyster, Haunter, Grimer
Golurk, Luxio, Swampert
Lilligant, Tynamo, Seismitoad, Politoed, Palpitoad, Seel
Parasect, Trevenant, Toxapex, Spheal
Mandibuzz, Scatterbug, Graveler, Pelipper
Elgyem, Pikipek, Clawitzer, Conkeldurr
Probopass, Scolipede, Delibird, Ursaring
Blaziken, Fennekin, Quilladin, Nidoking
(Be the best)
Skrrrelp! Alakazam, Patrat
Woobat, Swoobat, Crobat, Golbat, Zubat
Poochyena, Carracosta, Teddiursa, Umbreon
Alomomola, Chikorita, Gothorita, Druddigon
Snorunt, Tyrunt, Charjabug
Ninjask, Yamask, Avalugg
Finneon, Drapion, Jolteon, Sylveon, Glaceon, Espeon, Jigglypuff
Igglybuff, Wigglytuff
Dhelmise, Servine, Rockruff
Porygon, Porygon-Z, Porygon2, Ribombee
Skuntank, Klang, Klinklang
Miltank and Metang, Luxray
Pidgey, Hitmonlee, Skitty, Happiny, Mudbray
Lotad, Durant, Serperior, Gourgeist, Stoutland, Exeggutor
Abra, Seadra, Nidorina, Dewott, Chesnaught, Primarina
Omanyte, Dragonite, Charizard
Magnemite, Meditite, Dusknoir
Ivysaur, Venusaur, Minior, Garbodor, Ariados, Tyranitar
Glameow, Meowth, Exploud
Wobbuffet, Furret, Bellsprout
Starmie, Starly, Frogadier
Delcatty, Escavalier
Venonat, Poliwag, Hippopotas
Spinarak, Marowak, Jumpluff, Feebas
Foongus, Amoonguss and Pidgeotto
Weepinbell, Victreebel, Hakamo-o
Aurorus, Aromatisse
Medicham, Mamoswine, Slurpuff, Flabébé
Feraligatr, Eevee
Sigilyph, Elekid, Anorith, Inkay
(Gotta catch 'em all!)
Rowlet, Golett, Honedge, Archen, Croconaw
(Gotta catch 'em all!)
Sentret, Pignite, Bergmite, Mantyke, Kakuna
Sudowoodo, Wishiwashi, Popplio, Abomasnow
Charmeleon, Darumaka, Hariyama, Sharpedo
Whiscash, Raticate, Sableye
Sandslash, Kricketune, Cutiefly
Beautifly, Togepi, Volcarona
Magnezone, Lunatone, Roggenrola
Samurott, Oshawott, Whimsicott, Kangaskhan
Larvitar, Pupitar, Omastar, Kecleon
Togekiss, Simisage, Nidoqueen, Cottonee
Forretress, Salamence, Jellicent, Bunnelby
Piloswine, Carnivine, Illumise and Remoraid
I think we are done with the trip-l-et rap, so now let's rap to educate
[Verse 2]
Alright, here we go!
Are ya ready, friends? Hey, come on!
Let's learn a little something from the Pokémon
There's Persian and Mudsdale, Donphan and Huntail
Sandygast, Nosepass, Frosslass, Lapras
I love to say the Pokémon, but here's the catch
Saying them all kinda seems Farfetch'd
Let me Axew a question; wanna help me out?
It's time to Throh in more names
Come on, gimme a shout!

[Interlude]
[Audience indistinctly shouting the names of 200 Pokémon]
Those Pokémon are Tentacool!
[Audience indistinctly shouting the names of another 200 Pokémon]
And those Pokémon are trash!

[Verse 3]
Combee my friend, I've got more to say
And if we Dig-a-lett-le deeper, we can learn today
So why not get Comfey, don't be Krabby or blue
Here are some lessons, and I Rotom for you
If you Muk around in class, you'll be distraught
Don't Bi-a-doof-us, just study a lot
If you're Slaking in school, you'll drop out sooner
And abstinence is key, or you'll get a Mime Jr
Swanna grab some candy for a sweet treat?
Amaura-mazing snack is a Pichu can eat
Bewear of Shiftry strangers who offer you hugs
And don't stick forks into Eelektrik plugs
Wear a Shelmet when you Rhydon bikes
Keep a well-stocked Bagon extra-long hikes
Make sure to stay away from that Ferroseed
And that's just one name people have for weed
There's Pansage, and Slowbro, Oddish, and Bonsly
Tropius, Seedot, Nuzleaf, and Stunky
And Blissey, Loudred, Dewgong and Goodra
Bounsweet, Bayleef, Hypno and Munna
You'll be Drowzee if you Swellow that Tangrowth smoke
Also Koffing and Weezing; hey! You might Machoke
So if someone says, "Hey, want some dank Lombre?"
Look 'em Dedenne the eye, and say, "No way!"
I tell you Natu do drugs, but if someone's smoking Treecko
Does that make them a bad person? Definitely no!
I don't mean to carr-Yanma point in this verse
Is that alienating drug users makes things worse
Don't lock someone up if they take a Hitmonchan
And criminalizing addicts is a really bad plan
Big pharma is the root of our country's problem with opiate addiction!
...Golem
Gastly, Horsea, Chansey, Burmy
Clefairy, Mankey, Klefki, Goomy
Hoo! Rapping's hard, lemme catch my breath
Might as well check how many we've got left!
[Verse 4]
(*spoken*) There's less than 150 left
Can I really do this?
(*singing*) I used to have this dream, back when I was a child
I'd make the Pokérap listenable, and everybody called me reckless and wild
But I never gave up, I kept at it everyday
And with Pikachu beside me and my 'dex to guide me
I knew that there'd be a way
To ignore all of the naysayers
I'd need a thicker skin than Metapod
Wynaut leave my comfort zone, jump in the Unown
Maybe someday everyone will applaud
It's Absol-utely worth taking a risk
Plusle make a few friends as I try
Seaking how to be strong as I Raichu a song
Though I still don't know where to put Mr. Mime

[Interlude]
But who cares if I couldn't find a good place to put
Togedemaru, Pyukumuku, Mawile, Sceptile, Weavile, Sandile, Helioptile, Leafeon, Gengar, Malamar, Marshtomp, Chatot, Simipour, Ferrothorn, Toxicroak, Minccino, Cinccino, Azumarill, Tranquill, Excadrill, Marill, Beedrill
...and Togetic, Basculin, Gigalith, Crabominable, Kingdra, Ambipom, Gastrodon, Bastiodon, Hippowdon, Vivillon, Bisharp, Liepard, Dunsparce, Aipom, Slakoth, Ralts, Dustox
I still found a way to put 'em in there

[Verse 5]
No matter the Scizor the scope of the task
I don't need a Magikarp-et ride
I'-Machamp-ion hero, there's nothing to Fearow
My true power comes from inside
And that brings us all of the way to the top
I've said every name I can say
I'll let my body confess the names that I can't express
Yes, it's time for the dream ballet
Come on!
[Instrumental break as Brian expresses the essence of every Ultra Beast, Mythical and Legendary Pokémon through interpretive dance accompanied by Patrick "Pat" Gill]

[Verse 6]
But there's one Pokémon, my own holy grail
That I gave Kevin Punt, I hope that bastard's in jail
'Cause of all Tangelas, Terry is the apex
And I gave him up for my 'dex
When you love Terry terribly, and then Terry is gone
What's the point of having every other Pokémon?
There's a wound in my heart that I can't get rid of
How can I find joy, without my tangly boy?
Why catch them all if you can't keep the ones that you love?

[Outro]
Terry!
Oh, Terry!
Write the lyrics for a rap song made in 2019, titled "The Perfect Pokérap", by artist "Brian David Gilbert".