That Novel Youre Working On Family Guy
Seth MacFarlane
From "Brian the Bachelor" (Season 4 Episode 7)

Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for three years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Little story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yeah, talking about that three years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off.

From "Brian the Bachelor" (Season 4 Episode 7)

Stewie: Oh I know it hurts now, but look at the bright side: you have some new material for that novel you've been writing. You know...the novel you've been workin' on? You know the the one, uh, you've been workin on for three years? You know the novel. Got somethin' new to write about now. You know? Maybe a, maybe a main character gets into a relationship and suffers a little heartbreak? Somethin' like what... what you've just been through? Draw from real life experience? Little, little heartbreak? You know? Work it into the story? Make the characters a little more three-dimensional? Little, uh, richer experience for the reader? Make those second hundred pages really keep the reader guessing what's going to happen? Some twists and turns? A little epilogue? Everybody learns that the hero's journey isn't always a happy one? Oh, I look forward to reading it.

From "Brian Goes Back to College" (Season 4 Episode 15)

Stewie: I've read your article, too, Brian. Seems to me like you should spend less time working for the paper and more time (voice goes extremely high) workin' on that novel you've been workin' on. You know (Brian hits Stewie with a book). AHHHH!!

From "Baby Not on Board" (Season 7 Episode 4)

Stewie: Hehe, I'm gonna to take Brian's novel and replace every use of the word 'and' with the word 'fart' (Stewie typing).  The young soldier fart his brother looked at each other, fart both knew with love fart truth fart courage, they will both emerge stfarting on their feet. Err that one didn't work (Stewie tapping backspace key)

From "420" (Season 7 Episode 12)

Stewie : You don't have to sell out like that, Brian. (Stewie clenches his teeth) Your novel is good enough to be published on its own merits.

Brian: You think so?
Stewie: (Still clenching teeth) Yeah, you bet.

Carter Pewterschmidt: This is your shot Brian. You can be a superstar author. All you gotta do is to make an impassioned anti-pot speech in public.

Brian: Forget it, Carter! Even Stewie says the book is good enough on its own. Right, Stewie?

Stewie: Err, maybe do a song why pot is bad.

...

Tom Tucker: In other news, a local Quahog author has set a record for the worst selling novel of all time. Brian Griffin’s “Faster Than The Speed of Love” has astonishingly not sold a single copy thanks to universal panning by literary critics...

Brian: ... My book's a bomb!

Lois: Well look at it this way. You did accomplish something. Marijuana is illegal because of you and Stewie got to build a nice little fort with your unsold books.

Stewie: My house is made of mediocrity.
Write the lyrics for a misc song made in 2014, titled "That Novel Youre Working On Family Guy", by artist "Seth MacFarlane".