Yellow Submarine - Script
The Beatles
[PROLOGUE]
NARRATOR:
Once upon a time, or maybe twice, there was an unearthly paradise called Pepperland. Eighty thousand leagues beneath the sea it lay... or lie, I'm not too sure.

[00:01:49 THE BLUE MEANIES OVERLOOK PEPPERLAND]

CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
Pepperland is a tickle of joy on the blue belly of the universe. It must be scratched.
Right, Max?
MAX:
Yes, Your Blueness.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
What?! We Meanies only take NO for an answer. Is that understood, Max?
MAX:
No, Your Blueness.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
That's better. Are the troops in readiness?
MAX:
No, Your Blueness.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
The Bonkers?
MAX:
No.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
Clowns?
MAX:
No.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
Snapping Turks?
MAX:
No.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
Anti-music missiles?
MAX:
No.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
The dreadful Flying Glove?
MAX:
No.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
Splendid! Today, Pepperland goes blooey! Fire!
[The first blue bubble encloses the stand where the band plays. Everybody runs scared.]

FRED:
The Meanies are coming! The Meanies are coming!
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
Glove, Glove, come here, Glove! Look out there, and what do you see? Tell him, Max.
MAX:
Someone running, Glove.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
Yes. Well, you'll soon put a stop to that, won't you, Glovey? Go, Glove, point! And having pointed, pounce down! I haven't laughed so much since Pompeii! What?! What?! What?! The Glove is losing his touch. Do your worst! Explode them!
FRED [to the GLOVE, which is pointed him]:
It's not polite to point!
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE:
Thing of beauty... Destroy it for ever!
FRED [to the MAYOR and other three people who are playing music.]:
Sir, Sir, the Meanies are coming!
MAYOR:
Not here, young Fred. They wouldn't dare.
FRED:
They would. They are. What are you going to do?
MAYOR:
Finish the quartet.
BLUE MEANIES:
Fire!

[One bomb gets one musician.]
FRED:
Trio, sir.

[Another bomb gets the second musician.]

FRED:
Duet, sir.
MAYOR
Duet?

[The third musician is hit with a bomb too.]

FRED:
Solo!
MAYOR:
Young Fred, the Blue Meanies are coming!

[FRED takes the MAYOR in his arms and runs.]

MAYOR:
4 scores and 32 bars ago our forefathers...
FRED:
Our quartet?
MAYOR:
And foremothers...
FRED:
Another quartet?
MAYOR:
Made it in this yellow submarine...
FRED:
What, that little thing?
MAYOR:
To Pepperland. Climb aboard, young Fred.
FRED:
But, sir, I can't even make my soap float.
MAYOR:
I'm appointing you Lord Admiral.
FRED:
Lord Admiral? In that event, yes.
MAYOR:
Hurry, Young Fred. Go! Get help!
FRED:
Where should I go?
MAYOR:
No time for trivialities.
[As the BLUE MEANIES bomb the MAYOR, FRED sails away.]

CREDITS
[0:07:41 THE BEATLES: YELLOW SUBMARINE]
In the town where I was born
Lived a man who sailed to sea
And he told us of his life
In the land of submarines
So we sailed on to the sun
Till we found the sea of green
And we lived beneath the waves
In our Yellow Submarine
We all live in a Yellow Submarine
Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine
We all live in a Yellow Submarine
Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine
And our friends are all aboard
Many more of them live next door
And the band begins to play
We all live in a Yellow Submarine
Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine
…
Full speed ahead, Mr. Boatswain.
Full speed ahead.
Full speed it is, sir.
Action stations! Action stations!
Aye, sir, aye.
Captain, Captain!
As we live a life of ease
Every one of us has all we need
Sky of blue and sea of green
In our Yellow Submarine
We all live in a Yellow Submarine,
Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine,
…

[0:10:20 THE YELLOW SUBMARINE GETS TO LIVERPOOL]

[0:11:03 THE BEATLES: ELEANOR RIGBY]
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby
Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window
Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people,
where do they all belong?
Father McKenzie
Writing the words of a sermon that no-one will hear
No-one comes near
Look at him working
Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?
All the lonely people,
where do they all come from?
All the lonely people,
where do they all belong?
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby
Died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie
Wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No-one was saved
All the lonely people,
where do they all come from?
All the lonely people,
where do they all belong?

[0:13:14 STREET OF LIVERPOOL]

RINGO:
Who... is me? Liverpool can be a lonely place on a Saturday night. And this is only Thursday morning. Compared with my life, Eleanor Rigby's was a gay, mad whirl. Nothing ever happens to me. I feel like an old, splintered drumstick. I'd jump into the River Mersey, but it looks like rain. Nothing ever happens to me.

[As RINGO walks down Hope Street, is followed by the submarine. A bobby lies on the floor playing with a cat.]

BOBBY:
Puss, puss-puss. Puss, puss, puss. Here, pussy. Here, pussy, pussy, pussy. Here, pussy, pussy. [The Bobby sees Ringo] Ahem, er...
RINGO:
Would you believe me if I told you I was being followed by a yellow submarine?
BOBBY:
No, I would not.
RINGO:
Oh yeah, I didn't think you would.

[Ringo goes up a hill to reach The Pier, the house where he lives with the other Beatles.]

RINGO:
I could have sworn there was a yellow submarine. But that isn't logical, is it? It must have been one of them unidentified flying cupcakes or a figment of my imagination.
But I don't have an imagination.

[RINGO enters the house. FRED comes and knocks at the door.]

FRED:
Help, help, help!
RINGO [from inside]:
Thanks, I don't need any.
FRED:
Help! Won't you please, please help me?
RINGO:
Be specific.
FRED:
... music ... submarine ... Blue Meanies!!!
RINGO:
What you need is...
FRED:
'H' for hurry, 'E' for ergent, 'L' for love me and 'P' for p-p-p-p-please help.

[0:16:08 THE HOUSE OF THE BEATLES]

[Door opens and Fred enters. There is a long corridor with many doors. A lot of strange things enter and leave the rooms.]

VOZ:
Hiya, baby!

[RINGO goes downstairs in a car.]

RINGO:
Your story has touched my heart. Jump in, we'll get my friends.
FRED:
Bless you!
RINGO:
Did I sneeze?

[They return to the corridor.]

FRED:
Just park it here.
RINGO:
I'll just park it here.

[They enter through a door.]

FRED:
What would your friends be doing here?
RINGO:
Displaying.
FRED:
Displaying what?
RINGO:
Displaying around.

[The room is full of interesting objects, like a museum.]

FRED:
Can't we take one of these?
RINGO:
No, Fred, I only work with me mates.
FRED:
Frankenstein?
RINGO:
I used to go out with his sister.
FRED:
His sister?
RINGO:
Yeah. Phyllis. Hey, I wonder what would happen if I pulled this lever.
FRED:
You mustn't do that.
RINGO:
Can't help it. I'm a born lever-puller.

[He does it. Frankenstein gets up and takes a drink. Then he becomes JOHN.]

JOHN:
Ringo, I've just had the strangest dream.
RINGO:
I warned you not to eat on an empty stomach. Now listen to old Fred.
FRED:
... music ... submarine ... Blue Meanies!!!
RINGO:
What do you think?
JOHN:
I think he needs a rehearsal.

[They return to the hall.]

JOHN:
When do we leave?
RINGO:
Let's get the other two, John.
JOHN:
What day is it?
RINGO:
Sitar-day.
JOHN:
Then George will be here.

[He opens a door. Indian images.]

[0:18:55 THE BEATLES: LOVE YOU TO (beginning)]

RINGO:
George, what are you doing up there?
GEORGE [driving a red car]:
Now, what is it, Ringo? Is there a matter you'd like to take up or down?
RINGO [pointing to FRED]:
This chap here...
FRED [JOHN and RINGO also say the last words]:
...Blue Meanies!!!
GEORGE:
You're nuts, the pair of you.
RINGO:
Wait a minute, that's my car.
GEORGE:
How do you know it's your car?
RINGO:
I'd know it anywhere.
GEORGE:
What's it look like, then?
RINGO:
It's red with yellow wheels. [The car changes colours]I mean, blue with orange wheels.
GEORGE:
It's all in the mind.

[They all get into the car.]

RINGO:
Come on, move over, I'm driving.
GEORGE:
I got here first.

[They argue about who will drive.]

RINGO/GEORGE:
I'll drive, if you like... No, you sit in the middle... I'm sitting in the middle... You said you were driving... I am driving... I'll get in the back, then.

[Finally, they depart. A car crash is heard. They return and open a door. Inside the room there is a girl lying on a bed. King-Kong looks through the window and grabs the girl.]

JOHN:
Do you think we're interrupting something?
RINGO:
I think so. We'd better find Paul, hadn't we?

[JOHN opens another door. A train is coming at full speed. John closes the door, scared.]

GEORGE:
It's all in the mind.
JOHN:
Try one of those doors.

[RINGO opens a door. Inside the room there is a loud party.]

GEORGE:
Yes, they do look very nice, don't they?
RINGO:
Yes, they do.
JOHN:
They do, though, don't they?
GEORGE:
Yes, they do.
RINGO:
Don't dey, dough?
GEORGE:
Dough?

[PAUL meets them.]

JOHN:
Don't ask. Dat's dough.
PAUL:
What's the matter, folks?
RINGO:
Blue Meanies.
FRED:
Well, lads, what do you think?
JOHN [as they walk]:
I think that...
FRED:
Remember, there'll be rough seas ahead. So, what do you think?
PAUL:
Well, then, um...
FRED:
Pounding, overwhelming waves. What do you think of that?
JOHN:
Well, I think that...
RINGO:
As a matter of fact, I...
ALL BEATLES:
I think...
FRED:
Well?
RINGO:
I've forgotten.

[They all go outside and stop in front of the submarine.]

FRED:
Right, then, let's get this vessel shipshape.
JOHN:
I kind of like the way it is, submarine shape.

[0:22:18 THE JOURNEY BEGINS]

We see a series of landscapes. We hear the end of “A day in the life”.

[0:22:45 INSIDE THE SUBMARINE]

PAUL:
So, this is a submarine.
JOHN:
Soft, isn't it?
RINGO:
Not if you're on the bottom.
FRED:
All right, lads, time to stow the gab and turn to.
PAUL:
Groovy. How do you start this thing?
FRED:
It starts with a Blue Meanie attack.
JOHN:
Supposing there's no Blue Meanies in the neighbourhood?
FRED:
Then you start looking for a switch.
RINGO:
Perhaps this is it.

[The submarine sails into a strange world.]

[0:23:22 THE BEATLES: ALL TOGETHER NOW]
One, two, three, four / Can I have a little more?
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten / I love you
A, B, C, D / Can I bring my friend to tea?
E, F, G, H, I, J / I love you
Sail the ship
Chop the tree
Skip the rope
Look at me
All together now
All together now (all together now)…
Black, white, green, red / Can I take my friend to bed?
Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue / I love you (All together now)
All together now (all together now),
all together now (all together now)...
Sail the ship
Chop the tree
Skip the rope
Look at me
All together now
All together now (all together now)…

[0:25:30 THE SEA OF TIME]

RINGO:
What time is it?
JOHN:
It's time to time.
PAUL:
Look, the hands are slowing down.

[The submarine sails backwards.]

PAUL:
Do you ever get the feeling...
JOHN:
Yeah.
PAUL:
… that things aren't as rosy as they appear to be under the surface?
RINGO:
What's happening, John?
JOHN:
Well, in my humble opinion, we've become involved in Einstein's time-space continuum theory.
GEORGE:
All right.
JOHN:
Relatively speaking, that is.
GEORGE:
Of course. Maybe time's gone on strike.
RINGO:
What for?
GEORGE:
Shorter hours.
RINGO:
I don't blame it. It must be very tiring being time, mustn't it?
JOHN & PAUL:
Why?
RINGO:
It's a twenty-four hour day, isn't it?
JOHN:
You surprise me, Ringo.
RINGO:
Why?
JOHN:
Dealing in abstracts.
RINGO:
Just because I'm a drummer... I don't half feel funny.

[RINGO shrinks, becoming younger]

PAUL [also getting younger]:
You're not half the lad you used to be.
GEORGE [getting younger]
Look, everything's getting bigger.
JOHN [getting younger]:
It's not. It's us that are getting smaller...
RINGO [mourning]:
I want my mam.
FRED:
And younger. There you are, lads. Old Fred will get you out of all this.
RINGO [pointing outside]
Look at that!
GEORGE:
It's all a load of Father Xmas's.
JOHN:
It's not. It's Father Time.
GEORGE:
How do you know?
JOHN:
I read it in a book.
FRED:
I don't want to alarm you, but the years are going backwards.
GEORGE:
What's that mean, old Fred?
FRED:
It means if we slip back through time at this rate, very soon we'll all disappear up our own existence.
JOHN:
What are we gonna do, then?
FRED:
We could always try a few buttons.
RINGO [sobbing]:
I want my mam.
FRED:
Time's fast running out for us, I'm afraid!
JOHN:
Can't we do something to the clock?
GEORGE:
What do you mean, John?
JOHN:
Move the hands forward, see what happens.
FRED:
Clever lad.

[JOHN forces the clockwise and the submarine goes forwards.]

JOHN:
Something strange is happening. It's speeding up now.
PAUL [looking outside]:
Funny... a submarine remarkably like our own.
JOHN:
Uncannily.
RINGO:
There's someone in it. Look.
JOHN:
And they're waving.
RINGO:
It's a group of fellas.
JOHN:
Wave back. Maybe we're both part of a vast yellow submarine fleet.
RINGO:
There's only two of us.
JOHN:
Then I would suggest that yonder yellow submarine is one of ourselves…
FRED:
Going backwards...
JOHN:
… in time!
GEORGE:
Look at Ringo.

[RINGO is getting older, and so the rest.]

JOHN:
Oh dear, we're all the same.
PAUL:
Senile delinquents.
GEORGE:
And I can hear my beard growing.
RINGO:
We'd better do something.

[0:28:20 THE BEATLES: WHEN I’M SIXTY FOUR]
When I get older, losing my hair
Many years from now
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings, bottle of wine
If I'd been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door?
Will you still need me,
will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?
You'll be older, too
And if you say the word
I could stay with you
I could be handy mending a fuse
When your lights have gone
You can knit a sweater by the fireside
Sunday mornings, go for a ride
[As Paul sings, time is going back and The Beatles turn back to their real age.]
[A text can be read: “sixty-four years is 33.661.440 minutes and one minute is a
long time… Let us demonstrate”.]
Doing the garden, digging the weeds
Who could ask for more?
Will you still need me,
will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?
[A series of well illustrated numbers accompany the voice of Paul form 1 to 64, matching the last one with the end of the song.]
Every summer we can rent a cottage
in the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear
We shall scrimp and save
Grandchildren on your knee,
Vera, Chuck and Dave
Send me a postcard, drop me a line
Stating point of view
Indicate precisely
what you mean to say
Yours sincerely, wasting away
Give me your answer, fill in a form,
mine forever more
Will you still need me,
will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?

JOHN:
Well, correct me if I'm wrong, gentlemen, but would you agree that we have been passing through the Sea of Time?
RINGO:
That would explain a few things. I'm glad I'm not young any more. Or was it old?
JOHN:
What kind of a sea is this?
FRED:
The Sea of Science.
JOHN:
Oh, yeah.

[0:31:15 THE BEATLES: A NORTHERN SONG]
If you're listening to this song
You may think the chords are going wrong
But they're not
He just wrote it like that
When you're listening late at night
You may think the band are not quite right
But they are
They just play it like that
It doesn't really matter
What chords I play
What words I say
Or time of day it is
Cause it's only a Northern Song
It doesn't really matter
What clothes I wear
Or how I fare or if my hair is brown
When it's only a Northern Song
If you think the harmony
Is a little dark and out of key
You're correct
There's nobody there
And I told you there's no-one there.

[0:33:46 A MONSTER WITH A TRUNK AND TUSKS]

[As the song sounded The Beatles evolved through the space. When they come back to the submarine a strange animal enters with them.]

GEORGE:
He looks wrong.
PAUL:
He doesn't look at all well.
GEORGE:
In fact, he's horrible.
JOHN [hiding.]:
He's so ugly.
ALL:
Really ugly!

[The animal breaks to mourn.]

FRED:
Somebody push a button.

[RINGO does so and the animal is ejected outside the submarine to the Sea of Monsters.]

[0:34:18 SEA OF MONSTERS]

JOHN:
There's a cyclops.
PAUL:
Can't be. He's got two eyes.
JOHN:
Then it must be a bi-cyclops.
GEORGE:
There's another one.
JOHN:
A whole cyclopedia.

[Among the monsters there is one that swallows everything like a vacuum. The BEATLES look out the hatch.]

JOHN:
There's a school of whales.
RINGO:
They look a bit old for school.
PAUL:
University, then.
RINGO [driving the submarine]:
University of Whales. They look like dropouts to me.
FRED:
You've got to steer clear!
RINGO:
Steer clear?
FRED:
Yes, steer. Clear?
RINGO:
Yes, dear.

[RINGO presses a button. The submarine shows a big smile. The whales smile too.]

FRED:
Now, whatever you do, don't touch that button.
RINGO:
Which button?
FRED:
That one.
RINGO:
This one?

[RINGO presses the button and is ejected from the submarine onto the back of a dinosaur. Before he is eaten, he is rescued by a horse-like creature.]

FRED:
That was the panic button.
PAUL:
Poor Ringo.
JOHN:
Poor lad.
GEORGE:
Never did no harm to no-one.
JOHN:
Lads, now Ringo's gone, what are we gonna do?
FRED:
Learn to sing trios.
PAUL:
No, let's save the poor devil.
JOHN:
I see footsteps.
FRED:
It's a pair of kinky boot-beasts.
JOHN:
Preparing to attack.

[The boots try to step on the submarine, but PAUL presses a button and the submarine steps on the boots.]

JOHN:
I don't half miss Ringo.
PAUL:
He's far out there.
JOHN:
Always was.
RINGO:
'H' is for hurry!
PAUL:
Here comes Ringo!

[RINGO rides the horse creature.]

JOHN:
There goes Ringo.

[A boxing monster approaches the submarine.]

GEORGE:
It's seen us.
FRED:
Find a boxing button.
PAUL:
Whoever heard of a boxing button?
JOHN:
Who cares? Find one.

[The boxing monster hits the submarine.]

FRED [pushing a button]:
Fire one!

[The submarine expels lot of strange gadgets, including a banner with the words “The Rolling Stones”.]

FRED:
Uh-oh, wrong one.
JOHN:
That.

[The submarine flatters the monsters with a cigar. We hear “Air on the G-string”, de Bach until the cigar explodes.]

GEORGE:
There goes Ringo again.
JOHN:
Rides well, doesn't he?
RINGO:
'E' is for ergent...

[The vacuum monster appears again.]

FRED:
Oh no, not the dreaded vacuum again.
PAUL:
We'll be sucked into oblivion.
GEORGE:
Or even further.
FRED:
Put her in reverse.
JOHN:
So long, sucker.
PAUL:
Too much.
GEORGE:
Too soon.
FRED:
Reverse! Reverse!
JOHN:
Ringo time.

[Another monster is swallowed by the vacuum monster.]

RINGO:
'L' is for love me...

[Indians go chasing RINGO.]

JOHN:
Indians!
RINGO:
Help! Help! 'P' is for please...
JOHN:
So, press a button.

[0:39:33. The seventh cavalry leaves the submarine and rescues RINGO.]

JOHN:
How was it, Ringo?
RINGO [pulling arrows off himself]:
'Arrowing.

[The vacuum monster keeps gobbling other monsters.]

FRED:
Look who's back. Full speed ahead.
RINGO:
Oh, no.
JOHN:
The motor's packing in.
FRED:
By all the sea nymphs, we're losing power. We're being swallowed. What shall we do?
PAUL:
Serve tea.
JOHN:
Lovely.

[The vacuum monster swallows everything, including itself.]

[The submarine is left in nothing.]

FRED:
By Neptune's knickerbockers, she's puttered out.
JOHN:
Maybe we should call a road service.
PAUL:
Can't. No road.
RINGO:
And we're not sub-scribers.
JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE:
Subscribers! Oh!
GEORGE:
I know something about motors. Let me have a look.
FRED:
Here.
GEORGE:
Is that the motor?
FRED:
Can't you tell one when you see one?
GEORGE:
Of course I can. Let me peruse it.

[Put his finger on the motor and get shocked.]

JOHN:
What do you think?
GEORGE:
I think I burned my finger.
RINGO [looking outside]:
Here, lads. Look at this.
JOHN:
What do you think it is?
GEORGE:
Nothing.
RINGO:
Looks like nothing.
PAUL:
It's a local inhabitant.
RINGO:
He's probably one of the nothings.
PAUL:
At least that's something. Let's show him our motor.
JOHN:
Steady on. You don't want to show your motor to just anybody.
GEORGE:
But this is a nobody.
JEREMY:
Medic, pedic, zed oblique,
orphic, morphic, dorphic, Greek.
Ad hoc, ad loc and quid pro quo.
So little time, so much to know.
JOHN:
Can you tell us where we're at?
JEREMY:
A true Socratic query, that.
JOHN:
And who the Billy Shears are you?
JEREMY:
Who? Who indeed am I?

[He gives a different visiting card to each BEATLE.]

JOHN [reading card]:
Jeremy?
PAUL [reading card]:
Hillary?
GEORGE [reading card]:
Boob?
RINGO [reading card]:
Ph. D?
ALL:
Who?
JEREMY:
Eminent physicist, polyglot classicist,
prize-winning botanist,
hard biting satirist,
talented pianist, good dentist, too.
JOHN:
Lousy poet.
JEREMY:
Critic's voice, take your choice.
RINGO:
Must be one of them angry young men.
PAUL:
Or a daffy old creep.
JEREMY:
I, daffy old creep?
GEORGE:
Do you speak English?
JEREMY:
Old English, middle, a dialect, pure...
PAUL:
Well, do you speak English?
JEREMY:
You know, I'm not sure.
RINGO:
He's so smart, he doesn't even remember what he knows.
PAUL:
Why don't we show him our motor?
JOHN:
Should we really... show him our motor?
PAUL:
He may not have seen one before.
JEREMY:
Turbo-prop, super-combustible spring.
Metrocyclonic and stereophonic,
This motor, I see, has a broken down thing.
JOHN:
He fixed it?
PAUL:
He fixed it.
GEORGE:
Great. Let's go.
JEREMY:
I must complete my bust, two novels,
finish my blueprints, begin my beguine.
JOHN:
Must you always talk in rhyme?
JEREMY:
If I spoke prose, you'd all find out,
I don't know what I talk about.
Ad hoc, ad loc and quid pro quo.
So little time, so much to know.
PAUL:
Hey, fellas. Look.
JEREMY:
The footnotes for my 19th book.
This is my standard procedure for doing it.
And while I compose it,
I'm also reviewing it.
GEORGE:
A boob for all seasons.
PAUL:
How can he lose?
JOHN:
Were your notices good?
JEREMY:
It's my policy never to read my reviews.
JOHN:
There must be a word for what he is.

[0:43:00 THE BEATLES: NOWHERE MAN]
He's a real Nowhere Man
Sitting in his Nowhere Land
Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody
Doesn't have a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to
Isn't he a bit like you and me
Nowhere Man, please listen,
You don't know what you're missing
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command
He's as blind as he can be,
Just sees what he wants to see
Nowhere Man, can you see me at all?
Nowhere Man, don't worry,
Take your time, don't hurry
Leave it all till somebody else
lends you a hand
Doesn't have a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to
Isn't he a bit like you and me
Nowhere Man, please listen,
You don't know what you're missing
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command
He's a real Nowhere Man,
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody
Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody
Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody

JOHN:
Okay, men, all aboard. Let's go somewhere.
RINGO:
What about him?
JOHN:
He's happy enough going around in circles.
RINGO:
Poor little fella.
PAUL:
I don't know. Ringo's just a sentimentalist.
RINGO:
Look at him. Can't he come with us? [Goes over to JEREMY]
Mr. Boob, you can come with us, if you like.
JEREMY:
You mean, you'd take a Nowhere Man?
RINGO:
Come on, we'll take you somewhere.

[Inside the submarine, JOHN gives FRED the motor.]

JOHN [to JEREMY]
Okay, Booby. Down the hatch.
JEREMY [laughing]:
Down the hatch. A quite curious phrase.
The middle South Midlands
Victorian phase.
It's usage undoubtedly on the increase.
I must work it into
my New Statesman piece.
JOHN:
That's the hatch, friend.
JEREMY:
Indeed.
FRED:
Steady now, crew. Prepare to go forward.
GEORGE:
Forward.
PAUL:
Forward.
JOHN:
Forward.
RINGO:
Forward.
ALL:
Forward!

[But the submarine has problems going forward.]

JOHN:
It's awfully quiet.
GEORGE:
What shall we do, Jeremy?
JEREMY:
Repair, revive, revamp, renew.
Ipse dixit, just turn the screw.

[The BEATLES and JEREMY go outside.]

JEREMY:
Log sign, clog sign, big thingamabob.
JOHN:
What's he saying?
PAUL:
What's he doing?
JEREMY:
Chewing gum will do the job. A turn of the screw, and all is and all is new.

[The submarine stars, but only FRED is on board.]

FRED:
I can't stop her. 'H' is for hurry, 'E' is for ergent, 'L' is for love me…
JOHN:
'P' is for... goodbye?
GEORGE:
That was lovely, Jeremy.
PAUL:
We've lost the sub for good.
JOHN:
Or for bad. Or for worse.
JEREMY:
I'm sorry about that.
RINGO:
But he did fix the motor.
PAUL:
Where are we?

[They stand on a head. There are a lot of heads around.]

JOHN:
It looks like the foothills.
PAUL:
The foothills of what?
JOHN:
The foothills of the headlands.

[0:48:06 THE BEATLES: LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS]
Picture yourself in a boat on a river
With tangerine trees
and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you,
you answer quite slowly
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green
Towering over your head
Look for the girl with the sun
in her eyes and she's gone
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
Where rocking horse people
eat marshmallow pies
Everyone smiles
as you drift past the flowers
That grow so incredibly high
Newspaper taxis appear on the shore
Waiting to take you away
Climb in the back with your head
in the clouds and you're gone
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Picture yourself on a train in a station
With Plasticine porters
with looking glass ties
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes
Lucy in the sky with diamonds…

[0:51:09 ON THE FOOTHILLS OF THE HEADLANDS]

JOHN:
Carry on, lads, carry on.
RINGO:
Certainly was carrying on.
JOHN:
I feel a draft.
PAUL:
We must be near the Sea of Holes. Don't you think we should ask somebody for directions?
JOHN [talking to a mass of heads]
Excuse us...
PAUL:
Can you tell us the way to Pepperland?

[The heads point arrows, but the arrows point in circles.]

JOHN:
Thanks.
PAUL:
Gosh, look at all this dust? Where did it come from?
JEREMY:
A chemical error and quite imprecise. This is a condiment...
RINGO:
Condi...
JEREMY:
A spice.
JOHN:
He's right, you know. It's pepper.
PAUL:
Pepper?
GEORGE:
Pepper.

[They smell and sneeze. The mass of heads sneeze too. They fly into the Sea of Holes.]

[0:52:08 THE SEA OF HOLES]

RINGO:
John? Paul? George? Is anybody home?
PAUL:
Where are we?
JOHN:
A holey sea. This place reminds me of Blackburn, Lancashire.
PAUL:
Oh, boy...
GEORGE:
How many do you think there are in all?
JEREMY:
Enough to fill the Albert Hall.
PAUL:
Didn't old Fred mention something about the Sea of Holes just before the Sea of Green?
JOHN:
Yeah.
GEORGE:
Through one of them spots must be the Sea of Green. But which? Which one?
JEREMY:
Thesis, antithesis, synthesis, causes of causal causation.
JOHN:
Jeremy, what do you know about holes?
JEREMY:
There are simply no holes in my education.
PAUL:
You mean you haven't composed a whole book?
GEORGE:
Great. What shall we do?
JEREMY:
Be empirical. Look.
RINGO:
The booby's making more and more sense.
PAUL:
It's getting better all the time.
JOHN:
Great. Come on, let's all look for the Sea of Green. The Sea of Holes... into the Sea of Green.
JEREMY:
Hydrolate, verdant chrysodine.
I think we're near the Sea of Green.

[JEREMY is caught by the leg by a BLUE MEANIE. RINGO picks a hole up and plays with it for a while before to put it in his pocket.]

RINGO:
I've got a hole in me pocket.
PAUL:
Where's Jeremy?
JOHN:
He was over there.
GEORGE:
He's not here now.
PAUL:
He must have jumped ship, then.
RINGO:
He wouldn't do that. He's our friend. Booby, Jeremy, Hillary, where are you?

[0:54:29 Suddenly, everything is tinted of green as we hear a bit part of the song Yellow submarine: “Sea of green, sea of green, sea of green, green, green, green...”]

[The BEATLES arrive in Pepperland, just on the base of the temple.]

[0:54:41 PEPPERLAND]

JOHN:
Pepperland. A bit salty around the edges. Looks all dingy.
GEORGE:
And drab.
PAUL:
And quiet.

[RINGO finds a pile of apples. He takes one and passes it to PAUL.]

JOHN:
Safe at last.
PAUL:
And none the worse for our adventures.
JOHN:
Reminiscent in many ways of the late Mr. Ulysses.
RINGO:
There's an eye in the apples.

[RINGO brings down the pile of apples and uncovers the MAYOR. The Yellow Submarine comes down from the sky and lands on the house of music. FRED descends sitting down in an anchor.]

FRED:
There she blows! Lord Mayor, sir... I've made it, I'm back.
GEORGE:
Who's this?
FRED:
Our Lord Mayor. He's been bonked. [Ringo removes the apples]. Lord Mayor, sir... unbonk yourself. Even a little snatch of a tune might get him up again.
JOHN:
All right, let's sing.

[0:55:54 THE BEATLES: HAVE YOU GOT TIME TO RECTIFY]
Have you got time to rectify, time to rectify...

MAYOR:
Do I hear music? Do I see... young Fred?
FRED:
You do, Lord Mayor.
MAYOR:
Bless my metronome. And did you bring the help?
FRED:
Yes, yes. Look.
MAYOR:
Holy pizzicato, young Fred. It's quite uncanny, your faces...
PAUL:
We're quite cute, really.
MAYOR:
You could pass for the originals.
JOHN:
We are the originals.

[They go downstairs from the house of music.]

MAYOR:
No, no... Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
RINGO:
They couldn't be much with a name like that. Sergeant Pepper?
FRED
You could impersonate them and rally the land to rebellion.
MAYOR
Where are your instruments?
JOHN
Lost in the Monstrous Sea.
PAUL
Sea of Monsters.
FRED
We'll get other instruments, Lord Mayor.
MAYOR
Not a chance. The Meanies captured everything that maketh music.
PAUL
They hate music that much, do they?
MAYOR
They shrink at the very sound.
JOHN
Okay, you guys. It's shrinking time in Pepperland.
All people in Pepperland keeps grey and motionless (except for escape from the blue
meanies).
BLUE MEANIE
Aim, fire!
The Beatles hide behind cut-outs.
PAUL
He reminds me of my old English teacher.
JOHN
Look, if you must shout, shout quietly.
GEORGE
What do we do?
JOHN
Coagulate with the crowd.
PAUL
Cut-outs at the ready.
JOHN
Then let's cut out.
They come to a high bandstand surrounded by thorns.
PAUL
What a grand bandstand.
JOHN
That's where the gear's kept. Come on.
Blue meanies with dogs.
GEORGE
Cavey, cavey.
At dusk.
PAUL
All right, the coast is clear.
GEORGE
Now's our chance.
RINGO
But how'll we get over?
GEORGE
Easy. Follow me.
They jump the fence of thorns
BLUE MEANIE
A-ha! You fools!
The watch fires his machine gun.
The Beatles reach the bandstand moving between asleep blue meanies.
RINGO
It's not very light in here, is it?
GEORGE
Shh! Keep the noise down.
JOHN
Look what I found. It's their uniforms.
PAUL
Nice bit of gear, that.
RINGO
They'll look great on, eh?
PAUL
Dey will, won't dey?
RINGO
Won't dey, dough.
JOHN
How do I look?
PAUL
Groovy, groovy. How about me?
RINGO, looking thru the window
Bad scene, lads. We're surrounded.
GEORGE
Oh, heck.
RINGO
A million billion Meanies.
PAUL
They're coming this way.
ALL
Hide!
Trying to hide they make a lot of noise.
PAUL
Do you think they heard us?
JOHN
I hope not.
GEORGE
What did you say?
SOMEONE
Shhhh!
GEORGE
Good plan.
1:03:22 DAWN, by Grieg.
PAUL
Look. They're all asleep.
RINGO
They look cute when they're asleep. Almost human.
GEORGE
Come on. Let's get out of here.
PAUL
On tiptoe.
They take their instruments and go down the hill.
RINGO
Tiptoe through the Meanies...
THE OTHER
Shh!
Ringo steps on the bagpipe. Some meanies wake.
PAUL
Let's exude.
The Beatles are persecuted. Ringo falls down and jumps on the John arms.
GEORGE
Relax, lads. Not a Meanie in sight.
JOHN
Not even a teeny Meanie.
PAUL
Not even a teeny-weeny Meanie.
RINGO
Great.
PAUL
Oh, look. Breakfast.
RINGO
I'm dying for a bit of brekky.
George takes an apple. Four tall meanies do the same.
JOHN
Look out.
A blue meanie heads the four tall meanies.
CHIEF
Sound off, one, two, three, four...
TALL MEANIES
One, two, three, four...
The Beatles, one above the other, march behind the row of tall meanies.
JOHN
Five.
CHIEF
Five? [John eliminates the last one with an apple stroke.] Sound off, one, two, three,
four.
TALL MEANIES
One, two, three...
JOHN
Four.
John eliminates another one.
TALL MEANIES
One, two...
JOHN
Three.
CHIEF
Three?
JOHN
Two.
CHIEF
Two?
JOHN
One.
CHIEF
One? [The chief stares at the column made of the four Beatles] Are you Bluish? You
don't look Bluish.
JOHN
Run for it.
The Beatles escape again.
PAUL
Right, men. We've made it.
GEORGE
Instruments at the ready.
JOHN
Okay, on the beat. A-one, a-two, a-three, a-four, a-five, a-six…
RINGO
Hey, can't you make it three?
JOHN
All right. On the beat of three... A-one, a-two, a-three...
1:06:34 THE BEATLES: SGT. PEPPER’S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND
It was twenty years ago today,
Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play
They've been going in and out of style,
But they're guaranteed to raise a smile
So may I introduce to you,
The act you've known for all these years
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
We hope you will enjoy the show
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Sit back and let the evening go
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely,
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
It's wonderful to be here,
it's certainly a thrill
You're such a lovely audience,
we'd like to take you home with us
We'd love to take you home
I don't really wanna stop the show,
But I thought you might like to know
That the singer's gonna sing a song,
And he wants you all to sing along
So let me introduce to you,
The one and only Billy Shears
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
THE BEATLES: WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
Billy Shears!
What would you think if I sang out of tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key
The inhabitants of Pepperland recover color and smile. Lennon has been presented as Billy Shears, but Ringo’s voice is heard.
01:08:49 THE MEANIES GATHER AROUND THEIR CHIEF
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE
Ah! The hills are alive...
ASSISTANT
With the sound of music.
The Chief Blue Meanie hits his assistant. Then he gets a tantrum.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE
Who is responsible for this?
ASSISTANT
Rimsky Korsakov?
The assistant is shot and kicking, but still resurfaces.
ASSISTANT
Guy Lombardo?
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE, laughs
My dear friend... let us not forget that heaven is blue. [Suddenly choleric] Tomorrow, the world! Bring in my Bluebird.
PEPPERLAND INHABITANTS
Who? Who? Who?
PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO
Who? Who? Who?
The mouth of John expels the question WHO?
A blue big glove crosses the air.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE
Ah! Here you are, my little Glovey-dovey. Go get thee hence and destroy yon upstarts. [New rage] Smash them! Squash them! Crash them! Oblue-terate them!
MEDICAL DOCTOR, as the Chief collapses
Here, your Blueness, have some nasty medicine.
CHIEF, exuberant
The Glove, the Glove, the Glove!
PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO
Glove? Glove? Glove?
From the mouth of John emerge the word GLOVE.
GEORGE
He's a clever lad, isn't he?
RINGO
Open your mouth, it won't hurt. [Try to see into the mouth of John] John, you haven't half got a big mouth, haven't you?
GEORGE
It's easy. All you need is love.
JOHN
Yes.
And expeles again the word GLOVE, but this time the initial G vanishes.
1:12:02 THE BEATLES : ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE
Love, love, love (x3)
There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love,
Love is all you need
Nothing you can know that isn't known,
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
There's nowhere you can be
that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy
All you need is love, (All together now)
All you need is love, (Everybody)
All you need is love, love,
Love is all you need
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
The words emerged from the mouth of John neutralize the glove attacks.
JOHN
Go, Glove, lovely Glove.
RINGO
You took the words right out of my mouth, John.
GEORGE
Hey, wait, and watch. [Floating] It's all in the mind, you know.
Love is all you need
Love is all you need
Everything revives in Pepperland. The word NO becomes NOW and then KNOW.
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
The meanies flee and The Beatles are acclaimed by the crowd.
A little bit further they find a blue glass ball.
GEORGE
Hey, that's a funny place to leave a goldfish bowl.
JOHN
In Pepperland all things are possible.
PAUL
It's not a goldfish bowl.
RINGO
Just a big glass bowl, then.
PAUL
Yes, blue glass.
RINGO
It must be from Kentucky.
Paul knocks the bowl. Some music starts to sound.
JOHN
There's something inside.
RINGO
Four fellas.
GEORGE
What are they doing there?
PAUL
They're not having a ball, that's for sure.
JOHN
It can't be.
PAUL
It's us.
JOHN
But we're here.
PAUL
It's Sgt. Pepper's...
RINGO
Lonely...
GEORGE
Hearts Club...
GEORGE
Band.
JOHN
The resemblance is truly striking. If I could come in here I think the theory put forward
by Einstein…
PAUL, spoofs an old song called ‘Any old iron’
Any old Ein, any old Ein, any, any, any old Einstein.
JOHN
… could well be applied here. The people in the ball are obviously extensions of our own personalities, suspended, as it were, in time, frozen in space, according to the now famous Theory of Relativity, which, briefly explained, is simply a matter of taking two eggs...
The other three try to break the ball.
PAUL
John!
JOHN
… beating lightly and adding a little salt and pepper...
GEORGE
John!
JOHN
George?
GEORGE
How do we get them out?
JOHN
Break the glass.
GEORGE
We can't. It's Beatle-proof.
JOHN
Nothing is Beatle-proof.
PAUL, to Ringo
Have you got your drumsticks with you? A drum break might shatter it.
RINGO
No, I haven't.
GEORGE
Have a look in your pocket.
1:15:50 “Baby you’re a rich man” is heard.
RINGO
I've got a hole in my pocket. I wonder if...
Ringo sticks the hole on the ball. The ball gets empty.
RINGO
Yeah, it still works.
GEORGE
We take back all we said.
JOHN
You're a genius.
PAUL
A sheer genius.
RINGO
I know, I know, I know. [Some colors get out of the ball] Like coloured telly.
GEORGE
Like crystal.
PAUL
They're decanting.
The members of the Band face their peers.
RINGO 2
Hello, brother.
RINGO
Yeah, without a doubt.
GEORGE
We're the spitting image of each other.
GEORGE 2
Golly, yeah.
JOHN
I'm led to believe that you're an extension of my personality.
JOHN 2
Yes, I'm your alter-ego man.
JOHN
And I'm the ego man, goo goo, g'joob. [They walk together] I'm glad you asked me that. Because as a matter of fact there's a war on. Then, brothers in war, to the
skirmish must we hence.
JOHN 2
Shall we hence?
PAUL
Let's not waste time sitting on the hence. Beatles to battle. Charge!
The Blue Meanies attack again. The Beatles run for a hide.
JOHN
We're surrounded.
RINGO, pointing the four-headed dog
Nice dog, though.
The Beatles hide inside a hurdy-gurdy. John turns the crank and sings:
1:17:26 THE BEATLES : HEY BULLDOG
Sheepdog... standing in the rain
Bullfrog... doing it again
Some kind of happiness
is measured out in miles
What makes you think you're
something special when you smile?
Childlike... no one understands
Jack knife... in your sweaty hands
Some kind of innocence
is measured out in years
You don't know what it's like
to listen to your fears
You can talk to me
You can talk to me
You can talk to me
If you're lonely you can talk to me
Big man... walking in the park
Wigwam... frightened of the dark
Some kind of solitude
is measured out in you
You think you know me
but you haven't got a clue
You can talk to me,
You can talk to me
You can talk to me...
if you're lonely you can talk to me
Hey, bulldog (x4)
John to the dog:
What do you say? Sing it.
Do you know any more? Play it!
Todos
Hey, bulldog.
The Beatles escape from the dog and the guards. Ringo finds Jeremy hanging from
the branch of a tree.
RINGO
Jeremy, can it be you?
JEREMY
Can it be me? I think you'd better
inquire of the guards,
for when I was captured,
they took all my cards.
RINGO
Shh, that's enough, Jeremy. Come on, the whole world's being attacked.
JEREMY
What do you want me to do?
Do you recommend fisticuffs
versus the guard?
[With a fighting manual in his hand Jeremy challenges the guard ]
Oh, guard! Blue Meanio!
Left to the nostril, right uppercut,
right to the eyebrow, left to the gut.
Jeremy stumbles into a tree. An apple falls down and knocks out the meanie. Ringo
congratulates Jeremy.
RINGO
Jeremy!
JEREMY
Come on, Ringo!
The Chief treats to stem the rout.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE
Get back! Get back! Once more unto the breach, dear Meanies! You're advancing the wrong way! Retreat backwards! Get back there now!
The Chief is swept along.
CHIEF BLUE MEANIE
My kingdom for a horse! [Jeremy comes close to him] I think I'll tear him up into little pieces.
JEREMY
He does, does he?
CHIEF
I think I'll make a blueburger out of him.
JEREMY
Ha-ha, I don't care what you think.
CHIEF
You don't, eh? We'll soon see about that.
JEREMY
He does in truth seem quite annoyed,
[Opens the manual]
some reference material
before I'm destroyed.
Where ground is soft most often grows,
Arise, arise, arouse, a rose.
[Suddenly, a rose arise in the Chief nose]
A rosy nose?
CHIEF
Speak your last piece!
JEREMY
Peace, peace,
supplant the doom and the gloom.
Turn off what is sour,
turn into a flower and bloom, bloom.
Ha-ha, bloom, ha-ha, bloom,
bloom, bloom...
A lot of pink roses cover the whole body of the Chief. He flees crazy.
RINGO
First time I saw that Nowhere Man, that nobody, I knew he was somebody.
JOHN
You're right. Hello there, blue people. Won't you join us? Buck up, and otherwise go
mingle. What do you say?
CHIEF
Max?
MAX
Your Blue... I mean your Newness!
CHIEF, takes some flowers
It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?
MAX
Argentina?
JOHN
Are you with us? Will you join?
CHIEF
Shall we?
MAX
No!... [Chief threatens to hit him] Yes, your Newness!
CHIEF, smiles
Yes, Max...
JEREMY, close to them
Yes. Oh, yes is a word with a glorious ring,
A true, universal, euphonious thing.
In genders embracing
and chasing of blues,
the very best word
for the whole world to use. Ha-ha!
CHIEF
Yes, let us mix, Max. I've never admitted it before, but my cousin is the Bluebird of
Happiness.
1:24:41 THE BEATLES : IT’S ALL TOO MUCH
It's all too much
When I look into your eyes,
Your love is there for me
And the more I go inside,
the more there is to see
It's all too much for me to take
The love that's shining all around here
All the world is birthday cake,
So take a piece but not too much
Everybody dance. Jeremy and the Chief reconcile. The Chief cries of
emotion.
Nice to have the time
to take this opportunity
Time for me to look at you,
and you to look at me
It's all too much for me to see
The love that's shining all around you
Everywhere, it's what you make
For us to take, it's all too much
It's too much
1:26:55 PAUL, RINGO, GEORGE AND JOHN IN PERSON
PAUL
Catchy tune, that.
RINGO
I can't seem to get it out of my head.
GEORGE
Then shake it.
RINGO
That's what we've been doing all night.
PAUL
Yeah, it was a great party.
GEORGE
And we brought back lots of lovely souvenirs. Here is the motor.
PAUL
I've got a little love.
RINGO
And I've got a hole in my pocket.
PAUL
A hole?
RINGO
Half a hole, anyway. I gave the rest to Jeremy.
GEORGE
What can he do with half a hole?
PAUL
Fix it to keep his mind from wandering.
RINGO
Look at John, will you?
John has been looping through a telescope.
PAUL
What's the matter, John? Blue Meanies?
JOHN
Newer and bluer Meanies have been sighted within the vicinity of this theatre.
There's only one way to go out.
GEORGE
How's that?
JOHN
Singing!
RINGO
One...
PAUL
Two...
GEORGE
Three...
JOHN
¡Fire!
1:27:33 THE BEATLES : ALL TOGETHER NOW
One, two, three, four / Can I have a little more?
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten / I love you
A, B, C, D / Can I bring my friend to tea?
E, F, G, H, I, J / I love you
Sail the ship
Chop the tree
Skip the rope
Look at me
All together now
All together now (all together now)…
1:28:42 CREDITS
Write the lyrics for a misc song made in 2015, titled "Yellow Submarine - Script", by artist "The Beatles".