Peer Edited College Application Essays
Mr. Varnell
Before beginning peer editing, please peep the peer editing guidelines!

Then, using the guidelines as a checklist of what to look for, you will create at least 3 annotations for each entry listed below: one should be positive feedback, the other two constructive feedback.

1. I am a senior in high school and plan to graduate and further my education at a good university. The person that has had the most influence on me is definitely my mother. She has done so much for me and my sister throughout our lives so far and taken care of us. She has inspired me in many ways. My mother is very hardworking and always knows how to deal with tough situations.
I am striding to do well in school and get the best education possible not only for my mother, but for myself and the type of life that I want to live. I want to have a good education so I can have everything I want and be able to give my children anything they want.
To have a good education is very important to get where you want to be in the future. You have to work hard now and then you will be able to have fun after. If you do not have an education, the possibilities of you having the life you want are slim to none. That is why parents push their children to go to college and have good grades.
________________________________________________

2. In Vietnam, where I grew up, chances of being rich are almost impossible. Actually, I have to know and socialized with other upper class people or ones with vast reputation to become rich. Even if I am brainy and canny, without opportunities to go higher, I might end up in a Nike’s sweat shop, or opening a trivial business. Great deal of people can barely survive with their salaries, and high school degrees can’t get you anywhere. So for me, an opportunity is a gate to a better future.

The dew that day was dense and heavy, maybe because it caused by the rain a day before, or because it was 5 in the morning. “Only in Vietnam, the school starts at 6 AM, only in Vietnam…” I mumbled, “But look on the bright side, rain forest is extremely hot at noon, sometimes I feel like I’m a stick of butter in the microwave”. Simple breakfast: bread, milk, ham are all I eat, every day, then head to school. It was simple.
________________________________________________

3. I am a 17 year old Berkmar High School student and lived in Georgia my whole life. It was a struggle coming to the United States for my parents because they didn’t have anything. My parents have always told to do my best in school and to do something with my life. But honestly I don’t know what to do yet.
My Parents came to the United States about 20 years ago. All they had was each other and my older sister coming on the way. They rented a small apartment and that’s when my sister was born. But my parents couldn’t really afford much and often had nothing to eat. So they would give the little that they had to my sister so she could be happy. A year later my parents gave birth to my second oldest sister. My dad had started working and got a little bit more of money. So then they decided to move to some other apartments. And 2 years later I was born.
___________________________________________________

4. It’s the same as it’s always been; after summer comes fall again and that’s why I smile, thoughts of my grandfather flow in and I am forced to face them once more but they are good ones not the ones where he was sick at all. I remember the fire ants that I’m allergic to; those pesky little ants did more damage than they ever let on as they bit my tiny toes, I remember I didn’t want to cry. I looked up instead at the oak treetops above and began to dream the pain stopped suddenly and there he was clenching me close looking me down from head to toe. I was only three feet tall. He brushed them off of me and I smiled because it didn’t hurt anymore and the sunlight poured on us. Even though the teardrops were stuck in my eye I still wouldn’t cry, it was too beautiful to cry anyway.

When I was in third grade the world seemed bright, I didn’t know about the bad things and that’s why everything was good. I ate watermelon off the back of an old black vendors’ truck, my mum brought my sister and me sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies to school which caused some students to get jealous of me. I never thought much of it. I liked living in the trailer park when I was young too bad we left when I turned five. I always the tallest in school, for a girl that is so I wore denim overalls every other day but got picked on for it anyway.
I start to remember the dusty humid roads of the countryside and the old vendors’ with their sons my age that sell watermelons, peaches and pears, that’s when I was young. Even though those days are long gone I still remember them as if it were I start to remember the dusty humid roads of the countryside and the old black vendors that sell watermelons, peaches and pears, that’s when I was young. Even though those days are long gone I still remember them because in a way they choose to remind who I once was, choose to invade my mind and heart until no matter how hard I try not to: I remember.

I was three feet tall; trying to climb my Grandfather’s willow tree, trying hard not to look behind me to the grow where the cactus' were in full bloom. Then the sunlight doused my eyes and my hand clenched at the dark, no longer there, I feel onto the prickly points of the cactus below. Falling wasn’t the hardest part; crashing was, and the pain that shook my body burst forth in little tiny drop of blood. I remember the time I fell onto that cactus below, that memory sits still in the back of my mind, the worst pain I’ve felt for all time.
__________________________________________________

5. Being born and raised on the Navajo reservation in New Mexico, where Native American Indians were grown to make history. Living on the reservation made me experience life more adventurous, because it was me exploring horizons and living my childhood life to the fullest, not many children can go out and play on the reservation, where the sun is hot with large mountain peaks and beautiful canyons that you can see a mile away. Exploring these adventures made me who I am today, and when I am older, I can remember these spectacular experiences, growing up on the reservation taught me many different values in life and help me cope with cherishing family moments, especially me being a native American Indian, we have and believe in religion, Navajo culture and beliefs. Being a Native American is a prestigious honor for me, having brought up differently and not the same as some young American families is something I cherish, having a Navajo culture is rare and I am very proud of where I come from and who I am.
My sister is one of my role models, she taught me to never give up and always push myselfto become a better person. She inspired me to be who I am today, and to not give up, to have high expectations and positive outcomes so that I can contribute to having a better future. My older sister has graduated high school and she now goes to a university in north Georgia, she has made me realize and want to have a better education. Iwill further my education by going to college, so can have a good steady job later in life. My sister has also participated in cross country; she got a scholarship for cross country, she told me to not give up on my soccer, because it’s my passion, and
__________________________________________________

6. Life of A Hooper

My Purpose in life is to play in the National Basketball League and have a successful basketball career , but in order to fulfill my dreams and my purpose in life I must overcome many obstacles . Sometimes it’s hard to stay determined and strong because there are always people out there that want to steer you away from your dreams. They want you to steal, sell drugs, and kill they want to lock you up in jail and throw away the key. People are waiting to see u mess up so they can be right there to laugh at you. You have so many people waiting to see you fail; they want you to give up and cry. So don’t give up on your dreams, even when people are getting in your way and trying to break you down and make you quit. So I live by the quote “ If one door closes, there is always another waiting to be open ” meaning don’t sit there and keep trying to get in the same door because it’s a waste of time because there are so many other doors and paths ready to be discovered and explored. Don’t stop working hard, be yourself being a leader makes people follow in your footsteps. Make the right choices in order to get to your dreams. When times get tough you need to persevere and stay strong and get through it, because just like there are people out there that one to see you fail there are, also people out there that want to see you succeed and be something in life. People that are here to help you open up new doors, doors that will guide you on the right path to your dreams. I have to find new doors to open because a lot of doors have been slammed in my face. I made the freshman basketball team in my freshman year of high school but got cut because of my grades. So basketball tryouts came back around next year in my sophomore year of high school and this time I made sure my grades were on point this time. I had an excellent tryout but unfortunate I got cut again another door closed. Now I’m on to the next one so I signed up to play in a winter basketball league. The other coaches there always ask me why aren't I on the high school team. I always said I don’t know ask the coaches. I played very well to be 5’5 guard shorter than everyone else but I still got to work harder and harder to open up new doors. Finally basketball season came back around and I tried out again for the junior varsity basketball team and I got cut again and another door closed. I was disappointed but I could not stand to see myself fail. So I made sure I was the first one in the gym and the last one to leave every day because I’m busting these doors open to follow my dreams. I tried out for an AAU Basketball team and I made the team doors are opening up. Colleges are watching my every move; I’m getting letters from George Madison and Arizona State. Even more doors opening for me. I didn't give up on my dream, I followed my heart and soul and now I’m getting closer to my dreams coming true. All Because I live By the Quote “If one door closes, there is always another waiting to be open’’.
____________________________________________________

7. I am senior this year and I will be graduating in May 2014 who is looking to become a graphic designer and go into law enforcement after i graduate high school.
A college that I have looked at that really caught my attention is the Art Institute Of Atlanta because when I went to their open house and had a more exclusive look into graphic design I saw that they had a lot to offer in the class with lots of hands on training which is exactly what I like. Also I have always been a entrepreneur so I figured if I got really good at drawing images and learn how to do different formats on my topic then once I graduate I could make my own company or even help out others who are interested in graphic design. Being in this program can lead to a great salary and cover any bills, accessories, products, and appliances that you will need to pay in the future.
___________________________________________________

8. my life is always changing. I’m only 17 and I’ve been through a lot of things that has helped me grow as a person. My transition from middle school to high school has helped me realize what I need to do with myself and it has helped me mature.
When I’m not busy with school, I like to either sketch out clothing designs or dance. I sketch designs because I want to be a fashion designer when I graduate. I only dance as a hobby; it’s something I do to express myself in my spare time. Even though I don’t plan to pursue a career in dancing, I do still take it very seriously. I take dance classes on the weekends and I take a dance class in my school. I’m currently turning my basement into a fashion studio to help me with my fashion ideas. I’m also trying to set up a website to sell my designs.
There are two people who have a significant influence on me. Their names are Kimora Lee Simmons and Vera Wang. I love Kimora because she’s so powerful. Not many people buy her clothing anymore but I still love the way she runs her business and still manages to take care of her family. Not many people can manage their job and still make time for their loved ones. I love Vera Wang because her work is so beautiful. When I look at her designs, it inspires and influences me to do better and create better designs.
A place I know very well is Danville, Virginia. That’s where I was raised. It’s so country and deserted there I hate it. There’s really nothing to do out there. I guess that’s a good thing because you’re forced to spend time with your family, that’s something I need to do more.
These are just a few things that I thought I should tell about myself. Right now I’m loving my life, I’m surrounded by things I love to do and I’m also surrounded by the people I love.
___________________________________________________

9. I’m 17 years old and a senior in high school. Some of my favorite activity include Skateboarding, Cultivation and Recording music. I feel all these things made me into who I am today and without them I would probably be bored and not really living a fun and healthy lifestyle. Out of all things though skateboarding has really had an impact on my life in a positive way.
Ever since I was young I’ve had a passion for skateboarding. It all started by me playing a video game called “ Tony Hawk Project 8 “. Now you might recognize the name Tony Hawk seeing as he is a famous skateboarder, But he didn’t really influence me at all. It was actually a video of a skateboarder named Stevie Williams who sparked my interest in picking up the board.
I remember a couple days after deciding to give skateboarding a try me and my brother went to the local sports store and bought two cheap little 15$ boards. That didn’t matter at all Though, Once I took my first push I was hooked. Everything from the look to the feel off popping a clean kickflip, I knew I never wanted to stop doing this. I started when I was 10 years old and 7 years later I still feel the same spark when I jump on my real board as I did 10 years ago when I first hoped on my little cheap board.
I’m 17 years old and have no plans of ever stoping skating. Aside from it being fun and exciting it is a great way to stay healthy and hang out with friends and just have a good time overall. The thing I love most is there’s never any pressure or competition, it’s just a bunch of friends hanging out having fun. And that’s why I love it so much and feel it has been so positive and beneficial on my life. And plus it’s a good way to stay out of trouble
____________________________________________________
10. As the years get older and as I become more mature I begin to understand why my life is the way it is. I've always been the type of person to stay quiet and observe and as a child I would notice my parent’s struggles. Now as I look back I realize how hard they had it. I didn't have the best childhood but my parents always tried to make it the best. They came here with nothing but some old clothes. I know my dad is the type of person not to give up just because there's a certain obstacle in his way. As for my mom, she's a very caring person who cares dearly for her family.

One of my biggest experiences was when I was only 6 years old and I first came to America. At the time I really didn't know much about what was going around but I could tell my mom was always worried and concern. I didn't really know much about my dad because when I was only 3 he left Mexico to go work at U.S. but three years later my family thought it was time for us to be together once again. So around the year 2000 my mom left first to U.S., since she had left the only ones left were my older sister, my little brother, and I. My sister was in charge of us while my mom tried to figure out how much she would need to get us to come to America. The waiting seemed eternity to my sister but once the time came she told my little brother and I that it was time to be with mom again. I didn't really know where we were heading but all I knew was that I was going to reunite with my mom and that was all I really wanted.

Once we arrived here I could tell the environment was much more different. Even though it was 11pm at night everything just seemed so much bigger and brighter. There were so many different places to eat at and so many tall buildings. I honestly couldn't believe where I was at, I thought this was paradise, something out of a movie. I was so excited to start exploring everything around me. As time went by I realized how much life was better here. After several weeks I had completely forgot about being in Mexico but that was probably because of my age and I was still learning about what was going on around me.
_____________________________________________________

11. An important transition in my life has been from Middle School to High School. It taught me to value my school work. At first, 9th grade was a challenge and I tried to avoid it. I did horribly my first semester but, I quickly changed minds when it came to 2nd semester. Gradually, I learned to be responsible. I found out that my knowledge is greater than I ever thought it could be. Pursuing my studies and doing my best always gave me a new perspective of life. I recognized the real talents I had, including my interest in Art. I found peace in Art, the way every element in it comforted me. Every day up until now (Senior Year) I’ve wanted to improve my creativity in Visual Arts. The transition of being more responsible in school allowed me to discover what actually made me happy, what I wanted to do when I graduated, and what decisions I should make as I get older.
Becoming an Artist is almost surreal for me. The expressions, the love and understanding that wraps around my soul is so heart-warming. SCAD (Savannah College of Art and Design) seems like home for me. Knowing there’s an institute that focuses on Art is overwhelming. Art makes me happy. It’s my biggest interest. Photography, Drawing, Painting, Sculpting, and Crafting, anything that involves art is so beautiful. It makes me who I am today. I can easily express my emotions without really saying anything. This is my biggest interest. Art is a what made High School complete.
After graduation, my plan is to go big. I want to start my own business in crafting and making handmade art pieces. I want to study in any or every art based college there is. Being happy is what I want to focus on. Although I know that making a living out of being crafty is hard, it’s what I look forward to after graduation. I plan on being a sole proprietor and make a living out of the talents that I have. I also want to be involved in charity work and be allowed to teachchildren, teens, and even adults the basics of art and that if something makes you happy you should go for it.
Learning from high school has encouraged me to be responsible and intelligent with the things I want to accomplish. Not only have I been well educated but it’s helped me understand what things I should avoid such as fake friends and stop myself from being to perfectionist and harsh. I understand why a good reputation can take you far in life. It opens doors and opportunities for a better future. I learned to respect and mature. To avoid being torn down and keep fighting towards my goal and all the dreams I want to accomplish.
My transition to High School has been life changing. I finally accepted who I am and learned to be positive in all my aspects. I know that I am going to do well. I will succeed because that’s what school has taught me. It showed me my capability of pursuing and accomplishing obstacles I never dreamed of conquering. I know I’ll go far, I will succeed because I am worth it.
_________________________________________________________

12. I’m biased when it comes to college. Up until now, I always wanted to go to college. They paint a pretty picture when they describe it, or when movies and shows display random frap parties and all the possibilities available to the student. College seems like a dream. Becoming dependent, an “adult”, and making Ma and Pa proud.
When I was younger I used to think time was endless. I wanted to have every high-paying job and thought it was possible and simple. Plastic surgeon, doctor, astronaut, jet pilot:anything I could do to impress my parents. It felt amazing to see my parents brag about my future. I ended up straying away from all my dream jobs. Video games, they swamp my attention and I never bother thinking about college much after that.
Instead of doing well for my career I only did well when my parents bought me new games or consoles, which was a bad habit.
Throughout this whole adventure of high school the final chapters of my youth, my folks and friends have supported all my decisions and I wish I could repay them with the same amount of pay-off in grades. I am bored of school, but not learning. Since middle school it’s been the same thing over and over, and over, different teacher, different books, just been overwritten by something more important. I have an amazing memory, maybe my grades don’t depict it but I never forget faces, names, experiences, which can be a good and bad thing.
I’m different: I’m the guy who spends approximately eight hours on the computer surfing the internet. YouTube videos, playing video games, messaging friends through Skype or Steam. I was never sucked into the MySpace or Facebook craze. To my folks I’m antisocial, they say it to aware me of my actions. I don’t hang out with friends outside of school it’s just a how I've always been mostly a loner. Sure I never met most of my friends in person, but we share the common inters in video games and comedy. I’m a mix in most of all my friends; I’m mature, immature, stubborn, and a joker. I love to entertain people. That’s why I want to the profession of media, learn to edit videos, learn to make music videos, all the CGI I want, Not sure how difficult it is, and with the little experience I have from windows movie maker, I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it with some professional training, whether it be college or YouTube videos. I've started making YouTube Let’s plays with my friends; it’s a hobby and its fun making them with friends. I've learn how to edit videos from this by watching tutorials on YouTube or fooling around withWindows Movie Maker.
_______________________________________________________

13. I am currently a senior at Berkmar High School in Lilburn Georgia. I will be graduating in May 2014. One college that caught my eye that I want to attend is Spellman University in Atlanta Georgia. I haven’t had the chance to attend any type or open house or anything but I think an all-girls school would be a better learning environment for me. It would be a lot easier for me to focus. Other schools I think about attending are Kennedy King College and Columbia College in Chicago Illinois, because that is my hometown. One other choice that I am really considering is University of Miami. I want to go to school either for child development, massage therapy, or sports management. Those are three thing I really could see myself pursuing as an adult. I’m already good at giving massages and taking care of small children. Sports management is something that I would also love to do because I love sports.

_______________________________________________________________

14. A year ago from now I wouldn't be caring about college or anything. I would just be having fun being the careless person I was. Now I see things differently because one big experienced that changed my life. I have one motivation, inspiration, and made me value things more. That one thing that changed me is becoming a parent. He made me want to do something with my life and have a better future, because if I don’t have a better future he won’t as well.
Now, I am a changed person. Iused to not care about college. My plan was just to work. My son has changed that I want to be a good example for him. I don’t want him to think he prevented me from having a bright future. I want him to know he’s the only reason why I’m motivated to do better. I don’t want him to struggle in life, so he is my inspiration. He inspires me every day to even get up in the morning and come to school. He made me value my life more. I use to live just to live but now I am alive.
I don’t know what college I am going to attend I just know that whatever college I go to is going to have a determined student. I am going to be a good student even now because I want my senior year to represent me as a person. I am a good student. I work for what I want and I have good character. I know people really don’t think having character is important but to me it is because later on those people will hold jobs and to maintain a job you need to have a good character. You don't just have good character. You have to practice that good character.
_____________________________________________________________
15.
__________________________________________________________________

16. From the day the doctor spanked us on the bottom and we started to cry, to the day we graduated high school, life has always been a series of changes. To getting your first scrapped knee, starting a new school and even hitting puberty. As we grew, we learned to take some things for what they were and move on. Certain experiences helped change and mold us into the people that we are today. I know all of my encounters have.

I think that I am more fortunate than most people I know. I’m from Chicago and if you've been watching CNN lately you know the current situations that teens are faced with every day. Some of the people that I attended elementary with didn't make it to see today or yesterday for that matter. I’m just glad that I did. Seeing so many of my peers lives being taken from them made me reevaluate how I was going about things. Since I’m fortunate enough to still be on this earth, I might as well make it count and give everything I do my 110%.

Another huge change was the transition from middle school to high school. A lot of the people I thought I’d always be best friends with, we were no longer close. That’s kind of an understatement; we no longer spoke at all. Even though we saw each other every day, nothing. Some people just grow apart.

To be brief, everyone goes through trials in their life. I love the fact that I've been granted opportunities that many have not. My experiences have helped me realize that everything that I have gone through or may go through is just a part of life and it’s a part of my identity in a way
___________________________________________________

17. I am a senior at Berkmar High School. After I graduate I plan to go into themilitary and further my education while serving and protecting my country. Throughout my 12 years of public education I’ve experienced many things in life, as far as girls, sports and friends. There have been many times where I’ve been in trouble and have told myself I would never do it again, but yet finding myself later on doing the same thing.
I was young and can honestly say that at that age I didn’t know how small mistakes could affect my future. it wasn’t until I got to my junior year of high school until I went somewhere I didn’t want to be. It was to learn a self-lesson which made it even worse. My life literally felt like hell on earth when I was go forced to leave my mother’s home to go live with some gangster drug dealers. I thought where I was from was the hood but I was sadly mistaken.
It was almost a drug bust every day in this new neighborhood. Kids were selling crack, weed, coke, and meth all out of the same house. I was crazy. I would call an talk to my mom two sister every chance I got to jus to say how much it sucked. She told me it was almost over an I jus needed to learn my lesson an stop selling drugs.
After getting into a couple fights an smacking some people around I straightin up an moved back home. The end
____________________________________________________

18. I never sat back and thought about things in my life as being normal or something that someone else may have been through or may be going through. I would not say I was none caring to others and their problems around me, I would say it was not important to me. It did not have an effect on me. Growing up and dealing with the obstacles as a child and later a teen and now as a young adult left me feeling scared, lonely, uncertain, and confused. Trying to deal with life and the problems that I have experienced in life has made me become a very ambition and respectful person. As a young teenage I have gotten a bit of understanding of my life, and better understanding of who I am.
I always thought about my adult life. Thought of what college I would go to and what career I would choose. Of course like any young teenage would. The obstacles have thought me to be ambition of what I want in life to proof I can do it. And also to be responsible for my things such as my job, education and also starting to think about a family, but of course I have to be standing stable. And accomplish my goals.
Although this is far from now I still can make mistakes. Before taking a step I look at the good and the bad. I think I am working for something that is worth for the rest of my life, that my family would be proud of what I accomplish also proud for myself. Many other people do not want to face the consequences of their decision because they are afraid of not being able to stand again.
I believe that no one can escape the journey of the adult development. The world is constantly changing and with change there is a need to adjust to these changes. It up to me to find were I fit into to this cycle, I am responsible for what my future holds as well as how my future progresses. Making good decisions, understanding who I am and who I want to be will help me to the type person I want to be. I will be much more alert of who I am understand why changes occur in my live and others, and devise a plan to for continue success in my life.
____________________________________________________
Write the lyrics for a misc song made in 2012, titled "Peer Edited College Application Essays", by artist "Mr. Varnell".