The Ladies Who Lunch
Stephen Sondheim
[JOANNE]
Here's to the ladies who lunch—
Everybody laugh
Lounging in their caftans
And planning a brunch
On their own behalf
Off to the gym
Then to a fitting
Claiming they're fat
And looking grim
'Cause they've been sitting
Choosing a hat
Does anyone still wear a hat?
I'll drink to that

And here's to the girls who play smart—
Aren't they a gas?
Rushing to their classes in optical art,
Wishing it would pass
Another long exhausting day
Another thousand dollars
A matinee, a Pinter play
Perhaps a piece of Mahler's
I'll drink to that
And one for Mahler!
And here's to the girls who play wife—
Aren't they too much?
Keeping house but clutching a copy of LIFE
Just to keep in touch
The ones who follow the rules
And meet themselves at the schools
Too busy to know that they're fools
Aren't they a gem?
I'll drink to them!
Let's all drink to them!

And here's to the girls who just watch—
Aren't they the best?
When they get depressed
It's a bottle of Scotch
Plus a little jest
Another chance to disapprove
Another brilliant zinger
Another reason not to move
Another vodka stinger
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
I'll drink to that

So here's to the girls on the go—
Everybody tries
Look into their eyes
And you'll see what they know:
Everybody dies
A toast to that invincible bunch
The dinosaurs surviving the crunch.
Let's hear it for the ladies who lunch—
Everybody rise!
Rise!
Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise!
Rise!
Write the lyrics for a pop song made in 1970, titled "The Ladies Who Lunch", by artist "Stephen Sondheim".