New Math
Bo Burnham
It's New Math
What's a pirate minus the ship?
Just a creative homeless guy
And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant
An ironic way to die
And what's domain domain range
A kid with too much in his pants
And two balls, minus one
Seven titles at the Tour de France

Get's worse...
Yo, split a decision with long division
Take the circumference of your circumcision
Live like your data, when you're all set
Put it all together, and whatever you get

It's New Math
It's New Math

And what's a bag of chips divided by five?
Well that's a Nike worker's meal
And Santa Claus multiplied by i
Well I guess that makes him real
And the square root of the NBA
Is Africa in a box
How do you trace a scatter plot?
You give the pencil to Michael J. Fox
Whatever
Take the approximate moral proportion
Of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion
Live like your data, when you're all set
Put it all together, and whatever you get
It's New, It's New, It's New, It's New, It's New Math

And if you took a factor tree
Of the factors that caused my girl to leave me
You'd have a tree
Full of Asian porn
C-A-L-C-U-later
Mathematical minds make industrial smog
What's the opposite of ln(X)?
Duraflame, the unnatural log

Support the farmers with a pro-tractor
Link Kennedy and Lincoln with a common factor
Live like your data, and when you're all set
Put it all together and whatever you get
It's New, It's New, It's New

All right, word problems, ready?
If there's a fat guy in a pastry shop
With a $20 bill and he's ready to buy
In order to predict his volume change
You'll need to know the value of pi
And there's a metal train that's a mile long
And at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her
How long til it reaches and kills the driver
Provided that he is a good conductor

And if 10% of men are gay
20% of men are Chinese
What are the odds that a man chosen at random
Spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees?

And if Kim is half as old as Bobby
Who is two years older than 12 year old Tori
For how many more 30 day months
Will their threesomes be considered statutory rape?

Cos math can be sexy
Cos having sex is like quadratic expansion
If it can't be split then it's time to stop
And having sex is like doing fractions
It's improper for the larger one to be on top

Having sex is like math homework
I do it best when I'm alone in my bed
And squaring numbers are just like women
If they're under 13 just do them in your head
It's New Math
Write the lyrics for a pop song made in 2015, titled "New Math", by artist "Bo Burnham".