Notes.../Prima Donna
Andrew Lloyd Webber
[FIRMIN is scornfully eyeing a newspaper article]

[FIRMIN]
"Mystery after gala night,"
It says, "Mystery of sopranos flight!"
"Mystified," baffled Sûreté say
"We are mystified. We suspect foul play!"

Bad news on soprano scene
First Carlotta, now Christine
Still at least the seats get sold
Gossip's worth its weight in gold

What a way to run a business
Spare me these unending trials
Half your cast disappears
But the crowd still cheers
Opera!
To hell with Gluck and Handel
It's a scandal that'll pack 'em in the aisles!
[ANDRE]
Damnable!
Will they all walk out?
This is damnable!

[FIRMIN]
André, please don't shout
It's publicity, and the take is vast
Free publicity

[ANDRE]
But we have no cast!

[FIRMIN]
But André, have you seen the queue?

[He has been sorting mail on his desk. Finding the two letters from the PHANTOM:]

Oh, it seems you've got one, too

[He hands the letter to ANDRE, who opens it and reads:]

[ANDRE]
"Dear André, what a charming gala!
Christine enjoyed a great success
We were hardly bereft when Carlotta left
Otherwise, the chorus was entrancing
But the dancing was a lamentable mess"
[FIRMIN (reading his)]
"Dear Firmin, just a brief reminder
My salary has not been paid
Send it care of the Ghost by return of post
P.T.O. No one likes a debtor
So it's better if my orders are obeyed!"

[ANDRE & FIRMIN]
Who would have the gall to send this?
Someone with a puerile brain

[FIRMIN (examining both letters)]
These are both signed "O.G."

[ANDRE]
Who the hell is he?

[ANDRE & FIRMIN (immediately realizing)]
Opera Ghost!

[ANDRE]
It's really not amusing

[FIRMIN]
He's abusing our position
[ANDRE]
In addition, he wants money

[FIRMIN]
He's a funny sort of spectre[ANDRE & FIRMIN]
To expect a large retainer
Nothing plainer
He is clearly quite insane

[ANDRE]
You mean Carlotta?

[FIRMIN]
Well, how should we know? [RAOUL (brandishing another of the PHANTOM'S notes)]
Where is she?



I mean Miss Daaé
Where is she?

I want an answer[RAOUL]
I take it that you sent me this note




She's not with you then?



Monsieur don't argue
Isn't this the letter you wrote? 

[FIRMIN]
What's all this nonsense?

Don't look at us


Of course not! 



[ANDRE]
Of course not!




We're in the dark 
[FIRMIN]
And what is is that we're meant to have wrote?
...Written

[RAOUL hands the note to ANDRE, who reads it]

[ANDRE]
"Do not fear for Miss Daaé
The Angel of Music has her under his wing
Make no attempt to see her again."

[The MANAGERS look mystified]

[RAOUL]
If you didn't write it, who did?

[CARLOTTA bursts in. She too has a letter.][CARLOTTA]
Where is he?


Your precious patron
Where is he?

(to Raoul)
I have your letter
A letter which I rather resent 
[ANDRE]
Ah, welcome back!

 
[RAOUL]
What is it now?[FIRMIN (to Raoul)]
And did you send it?[RAOUL]
Of course not! 
[ANDRE]
As if he would 
 
[CARLOTTA]
You didn't send it?[RAOUL]
Of course not! 
[FIRMIN]
What going on? 
 
[CARLOTTA]
You dare to tell me
That this is not the
​letter you sent?[RAOUL]
And what is it that I'm meant to have sent?

[RAOUL takes the letter and reads it]

"Your days at the Opéra Populaire are numbered
Christine Daaé will be singing on your behalf tonight
Be prepared for a great misfortune
Should you attempt to take her place."

[ANDRE & FIRMIN]
Far too many notes for my taste
And most of them about Christine
All we've heard since we came
Is Miss Daaé's name

[MME GIRY suddenly appears, accompanied by MEG]

[GIRY]
Miss Daaé has returned

[ANDRE (drily)]
I trust her midnight oil
Is well and truly burned?

[FIRMIN]
Where precisely is she now?

[GIRY]
I thought it best that she went home

[MEG]
She needed rest

[RAOUL]
May I see her?

[MME GIRY]
No Monsieur, she will see no one

[CARLOTTA]
Will she sing?
Will she sing?

[MME GIRY]
Here, I have a note

[ALL (except Mme Giry and Meg)]
Let me see it

[FIRMIN, spoken (snatching it)]
Please!

"Gentlemen, I have now sent you several notes of the most amiable nature, detailing how my theater is to be run. You have not followed my instructions..."

[PHANTOM'S VOICE, spoken]
"...I shall give you one last chance

(sung)
Christine Daaé has returned to you
And I am anxious her career should progress
In the new production of Il Muto
You will therefore cast Carlotta as the pageboy
And put Miss Daaé in the role of Countess
The role which Miss Daaé plays
Calls for charm and appeal
The role of the pageboy is silent which makes
My casting, in a word, ideal

(spoken)
I shall watch the performance from my normal seat in box 5, which will be kept empty for me. Should these commands be ignored, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur

[FIRMIN, spoken]
"...I remain, gentlemen, your obedient servant
O.G."

(sung)[CARLOTTA]
Christine!

It's all a ploy to help Christine

I know who sent this
The Vicomte—her lover! 
[FIRMIN]
Whatever next?


This is insane

[RAOUL (ironical)]
Indeed?
(to the OTHERS)
Can you believe this?[ANDRE (to CARLOTTA, in protest)]
Signora!

This changes nothing

You are our star!

Signora

We don't take orders 
 

[FIRMIN]
This is a joke

Signora!

And always will be!

The man is mad 

[CARLOTTA]
O traditori!

O mentitori![FIRMIN]
Miss Daaé will be playing the pageboy—the silent role

[ANDRE & FIRMIN]
Carlotta will be playing the lead

[CARLOTTA]
It's useless trying to appease me!

You're only saying this to please me

Signor, è vero?
Non, non, non voglio udire!
Lasciatemi morire!
O padre mio!
Dio![MME GIRY]
Who scorn his word beware to those
The angel sees, the angel knows

[ANDRE & FIRMIN]
Signora, pardon us

Please Signora, we beseech you[CARLOTTA (to MANAGERS)]
You have reviled me!

You have rebuked me!

You have replaced me! 

[RAOUL]
Why did Christine fly from my arms? [MME GIRY]
This hour shall see your darkest fears
The angel knows
​the angel hears

[ANDRE & FIRMIN]
Signora, sing for us
Don't be a martyr
Our star![CARLOTTA]
Abbandonata!

Deseredata!
O, sventurata!

Abbandonata!

Disgraziata!
Ah![RAOUL/MEG?]
I must see her

[RAOUL]
Where did she go?

[RAOUL/MEG]
What new surprises
Lie in store? 
[ANDRE]
Your public needs you

[FIRMIN]
We need you, too

[CARLOTTA]
Wouldn't you rather have your precious little ingénue?

[ANDRE & FIRMIN]
Signora, no! The world wants you

Prima Donna, first lady of the stage
Your devotees are on their knees to implore you

[ANDRE]
Can you bow out when they're shouting your name?

[FIRMIN]
Think of how they all adore you

[ANDRE & FIRMIN]
Prima donna, enchant us once again

[ANDRE]
Think of your muse

[FIRMIN]
And of your queues 'round the theatre!

[ANDRE & FIRMIN]
Can you deny us the triumph in store?[ANDRE, FIRMIN]
Sing Prima Donna once
​more



 
 
Think of your public


Those who hear your voice liken you to an angel


[ANDRE]
We get our Opera
[FIRMIN]
She gets her limelight
[ANDRE & FIRMIN]
Leading ladies are a trial




Tears...
Oaths...
Lunatic
​demands are regular occurrences


​Surely
​there'll be further scenes—
Worse than this! 





[CARLOTTA]
Prima Donna
Your song shall live again
You took a snub
But there's a
​public who needs you


Think of their cry of
​undying
​support

Follow

​where the
​limelight

Leads you


Prima Donna
Your song shall never die
You'll sing again
And to unending ovation

Think how you'll shine in that
​final encore
Sing
Prima
Donna
​once more 


[RAOUL]
Christine spoke of an
​angel










Is this her angel of music...?






Angel or madman?





Orders, warnings
Lunatic demands!




Surely, for her sake...


I must see these demands are rejected! 











[GIRY]
She has heard the voice of the Angel of Music












[GIRY]
Heaven help you
​those who doubt
This miscasting
Will invite damnation


[GIRY]
Oh fools, to have flouted his warnings!
Think, before
​these demands
​are
​rejected! [ANDRE & FIRMIN]
Who'd believe a diva
Happy to relieve a
Chorus girl whose gone
And slept with the patron?
Raoul and the soubrette
Entwined in love's duet!
Although he may demur
He must have been with her!
You'd never get away
With all this in a play
But if it's loudly sung
And in a foreign tongue

It's just the sort of story
Audiences adore
In fact
​a perfect opera! 



[CARLOTTA]
O!
Fortunata!
Non
​ancor, ab-
​ban​donata




[RAOUL]
And in Box Five a new game will begin 
[MEG/RAOUL]
Christine must be protected!





[GIRY]
This is a game you cannot hope to win!



But if his curse is on this opera... [ANDRE/ FIRMIN]
Prima donna, the world is at your feet!
A nation waits
And how it hates to be cheated! 
[CARLOTTA]
The stress that falls upon a famous prima donna!
Terrible diseases, coughs and colds and sneezes!
Still, the dryest throat will reach the highest note
In search of perfect opera! 



[GIRY]
Then
​I fear
​the
​outcome

Should you dare to 





[RAOUL]
Christine plays the Pageboy, Carlotta plays the Countess 
[ALL]
Light up the stage with that age-old rapport!
Sing prima donna, once more!

[PHANTOM'S VOICE]
So, it is to be war between us!
If these demands are not met, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur!

[ALL]
Once more!

[During the Il Muto overture, RAOUL, ANDRE and FIRMIN take their respective seats]

[RAOUL]
Gentlemen, if you would care to take your seats? I shall be sitting in Box Five

[ANDRE]
Do you really think that's wise, monsieur?

[RAOUL]
My dear André, there would appear to be no seats available, other than Box Five...

[CARLOTTA as COUNTESS]
Serafimo—away with this pretence!

[She rips off Serafimo's skirt to reveal his manly breeches]

You cannot speak, but kiss me in my husband's absence!
Write the lyrics for a pop song made in 1987, titled "Notes.../Prima Donna", by artist "Andrew Lloyd Webber".