Table Games
Sarah Kay
At restaurants
Our favourite game
was to touch an object on the table
And casually offer a pun
Into the existing conversation

Touching the pepper grinder I might say,
“You crack me up"
Then you would graze your knife and declare,
“That's a sharp observation"
I would hold my water glass and caution,
“Don't get too full of yourself"
And you would nod seriously and apologize
“You're right, I'm sorry", as you took the pen to sign the check

Back and forth we went
Eyes shifting from napkin to soup spoon,
Considering the table top like a chessboard
Giggling at our secrets from the waiters

The best, of course, was when a new object was introduced to the table
Something surprising, or difficult to manoeuvre into wordplay
Something that left us both staring hard and silent,
Racing each others brains to the cleverest quip
You were always faster than I
I could not keep up with your lightning mind,
And rejoiced instead in the satisfaction it gave you to beat me to the punch line
To see you beam at your own wit,
And then at me,
Your favourite audience.
Food always tastes more delicious when you feel victorious,
Maybe this is why people like to hunt.

The day you broke up with me,
You took me to Whole Foods for lunch
This is a pain,
Because there are so many of them in New York City and they each look the same
And so now every one looks like the scene of the crime.
After you told me you'd forgotten my name, on so many other mouths,
I said “It's okay.”
And held your hand while you cried

If I had been just a little bit faster,
I would have reached for the cheap paper napkin holder and said
“Thank you, for dispensing this knowledge to me.”
It would have not been one of my stronger puns,
But it might have made you laugh;
Which is still what I wanted most of all in that moment
I could of said
“Let's table this for later.”
And knocked on the counter between us, or
I guess I was more disposable than I thought
As I reached for a plastic spoon.
Maybe "wow,
You sure kept this information contained"
With a nod to the takeout box
"I can't believe you kept a lid on this for so long"
As I take a swig of water,
"I bet it was really hard to keep bottled up!"
Maybe I could have shouted a line about every single product on the shelves
As a threw them to the ground.
Winding my backwards through each aisle to the exit.
Can you imagine the response I would have gotten
Employees wiping their hands on their green aprons,
Pausing from shelving the quinoa
Turning to see the crazy pun lady go out with a bang
I could have delivered one finally zinger shouting,
“I've never been so beet-trayed!”
As I push over the entire display of violet roots
Causing every shopping cart wielding mom to burst into sympathetic applause
As I bow my way out.

Actually
I doubt anyone could have even noticed
I'm sure wilder things happen in Whole Foods all the time
Instead, I said "it's okay."
Which was the opposite of what I meant

I meant, "it's not okay."
I meant, "why?"
I meant, "please don't leave me."
I meant, "I have loved you for five years."
I meant, "who will I play with when the waiters aren't looking?"
"Who will I race to impress with my banter?"
"Who will smile at me when he reaches the punchline first,
Delighted that he has won?"
Write the lyrics for a misc song made in 2017, titled "Table Games", by artist "Sarah Kay".