No Place Like London
Stephen Sondheim
[ANTHONY]
I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders
From the Dardanelles
To the mountains of Peru
But there's no place like London!
I feel home again
I could hear the city bells ring
Whatever I would do
No, there's no place—

[TODD]
No, there's no place like London

[ANTHONY]
Mr. Todd…?

[TODD]
You are young
Life has been kind to you
You will learn
(spoken)
It is here we go our separate ways. Farewell, Anthony, I will not soon forget the good ship Bountiful nor the young man who saved my life

[BEGGAR WOMAN]
Alms! Alms!
For a miserable woman
On a miserable chilly morning
Thank you, sir, thank you

'Ow would you like a little muff, dear
A little jig jig
A little bounce around the bush?
Wouldn't you like to push me parsley?
It looks to me, dear
Like you got plenty there to push

Alms! Alms!
For a pitiful woman
Wot's got wanderin' wits...
Hey, don't I know you, mister?

[TODD, spoken]
Must you glare at me, woman? Off with you, off I say!

[BEGGAR WOMAN]
Then 'ow would you like to
Split me muff, mister?
We'll go jig jig
A little—
[TODD, spoken]
Off, I said. To the devil with you!

[BEGGAR WOMAN]
Alms! Alms!
For a desperate woman...

[ANTHONY]
Pardon me, sir, but there's no need to fear the likes of her.  She's just a half-crazed beggar woman. London's full of them

[TODD]
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it
And its morals aren't worth what a pig would spit
And it goes by the name of London
At the top of the hole sit the privileged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo
Turning beauty into filth and greed, I too
Have sailed the world and seen its wonders
For the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru
But there's no place like London!
Write the lyrics for a pop song made in 1979, titled "No Place Like London", by artist "Stephen Sondheim".