Every Country Has a Monster
Mystery Science Theater 3000
[JONAH]
Reptilicus is silly, but he really illustrates
The great array of monsters all over the place
Not just in Japan, but across the planet
An "A-to-Z" gamut—a gargantuan panoply

[TOM]
Example, please?

[JONAH]
Well, name a land

[TOM]
Belize

[JONAH]
Oh, geez; easy peasy, mes amis
See, in the Yucatan you can meet El Cadejo
In Belize they believe in him
They're not afraid to say so
[TOM]
Scotland?

[JONAH]
Nessie's livin' up in a loch

[TOM]
How 'bout Poland?

[JONAH]
A scary scarecrow named Bubak

[CROW]
Huh; so...it's not just Godzilla?

[TOM]
Well, duh, Crow; there's a lot that could kill ya'

[CROW]
Hey!

[JONAH]
Tom...

[TOM]
Sorry, Crow
[CROW]
Okay

[TOM]
Bros?

[CROW]
Sho

[TOM]
Yo, Jonah, how's the chorus go?

[JONAH]
Every country has a monster
They’re afraid of in their nation

[JONAH, TOM AND CROW]
Every monster has a country
Yeah, a station they call their home

[CROW]
Gunter, glieben, glauchen, Crow-ben

[TOM]
What turned the musk deer's guts to spaghetti?
[JONAH]
Was it in Tibet?

[TOM]
Yep

[JONAH]
I bet he met a yeti

[CROW]
Australia?

[JONAH]
There, drop bears will impale ya

[TOM]
Then they'll sell ya hella-touristy paraphernalia

[JONAH]
Chupacabra's chewin' up cattle down in Mexico
Déélgééd's horn is gorein', battling the Navajo
Congo's kongamato is a mongo flying dino
I know I don’t want to die
But when I do, he’ll be the guy

[TOM/CROW]
Whoa!

[TOM]
So, Crow?

[CROW]
Servo?

[TOM]
Ready to go?

[CROW]
Start slow

[TOM]
Kropermann is a monster from Luxembourg

[CROW]
Who's actually the size of Luxembourg

[TOM]
He crushed the whole country of Luxembourg

[TOM, CROW, AND JONAH]
Because he is the size of Luxembourg

[JONAH]
What?!?

[CROW]
Egypt's got mummies like Tutankhamun

[TOM]
Leprechaun on the lawn in Boston Common

[JONAH]
You bots got the hang of it
The song's really kickin'

[ALL]
CHICKITY-CHINA, THE CHINESE CHICKEN!

[JONAH]
(spoken)
And by that I mean Jiufeng and Peng, giant Chinese birds, and one of them turns into a fish. Anyway...
(sung)
Gnus, killer shrews and the loup-garou
Baba Yaga, Jorōgumo and the impundulu
Now you guys realize the surprising size
Of all the worldwide daikaiju

[ALL]
Every country has a monster
They’re afraid of in their nation
Every monster

[GYPSY]
(Sasquatch!)

[ALL]
Has a country

[JONAH]
(That's Canada!)

[ALL]
Yeah, a station they call their home

[TOM]
(Tatzelwurm for the Swiss!)

[ALL]
Every country

[CROW]
(Scandinavia!)

[ALL]
Has a monster

[JONAH]
(Kraken!)

[ALL]
They’re afraid of

[TOM]
(Kinga!)

[ALL]
In their nation
(Moon 13!)
Every monster has a country
Yeah, we've got movie sign
Write the lyrics for a rap song made in 2017, titled "Every Country Has a Monster", by artist "Mystery Science Theater 3000".