7. Rick Santorum   This is a guy who should reconsider his POV on bestiality, if only because he's ruling out one of the few demos that would consent to date him. (Glass houses meet stones, Ricky!) His appearance and politics make him a great wingman/straw man for the candidates—he makes them look sane (almost) and attractive (relatively). Time to drop out of the race. The human one.   Obama or Santorum?: Not even if it would save humanity or keep Obama in office (same diff?).