experts warn of the ill effects of the blame game as the demand for marriage counsellors reaches an alltime high nona walia finds out more marital misery is on the rise with divorce rates rising every day in india marriage therapy is booming however even for psychotherapists relationship counselling remains the most challenging area its not easy to be caught between warring couples psychotherapists and counsellors who have been dealing with the spate in marital discord in the past decade tell us how to find peace even as patience teeters and life seems to spin out of control dr brian d doss professor of psychology at the university of miami says the average couple is unhappy for six years before seeking counselling at which point relationship problems are very difficult to fix there was a time when marriage counsellors and psychologists mostly dealt with queries on living in a joint family or wanted tips on how to deal with the motherinlaw these days however men and women are seeking help to understand how to cohabit the same spacechanging times says dr nisha khanna marriage counsellor couples now come to us with temperamental issues its no longer about adjustment the male ego is still high 70 per cent of men still cannot take no for an answer from a woman and women are refusing to accept that both men and women are having extramarital affairs the bottom line is that individuals are unhappy and if one is unhappy in life theres no way he or she will find happiness in the marriagecurb your expectations says marriage and family counseller dr gitanjali sharma some of the most common problems are i am attracted to someone other than my partner we have not consummated our marriage what if i have a onenight stand will my marriage be over it shows confusion in the minds of couples relationships are going through a big shift both genders find it difficult to make decisions there are problems at every step its not possible to break up and get a divorce every time you have a disagreement we have to be more proactive in valuing relationships then there are behavioural issues like anxiety stress and ego adds dr sharma men still want the best of everything without wanting to really give in while women today dont want to compromise no one has any clarity about what to expect of one another and those who have been in multiple relationships before tying the knot magically expect their spouse to have all the good attributes of every person theyve dated before comparisons are only human so huge disappointments lie aheadno magic pill says clinical psychologist and special educator dr ripan sippy technology and the liberalisation of social mores have changed the pattern of relationships couples now meet on the internet and come to us for premarital counselling people even skype or chat with therapists online issues range from extramarital affairs ego issues to differences on how to