query my sister had an ugly break up and now she is happily married her ex and i got in touch recently and things seem to be falling in place we are falling for each other but i dont know how to break it to my sister dont know how she will react and the toughest part is that the whole family knew about them please guideresponse by dr chandni tugnait hi thank you for writing to us i completely understand how unnerving this whole situation may be for you your fear regarding the reaction of your family members especially your sister is natural its normal to feel a range of intense emotions in a situation like this however before you disclose this to your family be certain about your feelings for him in case you have thought it through and are certain that you are compatible with him and would like to take things forward disclose this news to your sister firstbreakup is mostly difficult and since you mentioned that your sisters breakup with her ex was ugly it can be disturbing for her to process this information at first have authentic communication with her and let her know about your feelings she may be shocked but would certainly understand and may even be happy for you when she senses the depth of your connection with him whether her reaction is silence anger shock sadness or numbness honour it and dont push her to accept the situation in a haste allow her the time and space to react to this news and process it let her know that your relationship with her means a lot to you and hence its important for you to share this big news of your life with her first make sure she knows you love her and that you care about her her feelings are valid and its important for you to be supportive and understanding at this time as this news may bring up a lot of her past memories as well despite the fact that she has moved on and is happy in her marriage also process your own emotions and be aware of your reactionsbehaviour around her showing maturity having authentic communication and exhibiting compassion can be really supportive for all you currently when your sister reacts dont snap back at her work towards building a strong foundation through the right words actions and behaviourtake care of yourself in the process whenever you feel overwhelmed by thoughts write down your feelings in a journal in order to process them better approach the situation with compassion and gratitude instead of being defensive create healthy boundaries with her and nurture each of your relationships individually ask your family your boyfriend to support you in thislastly i would recommend that if youyour sister are unable to process the thoughts emotions hurt and the confusion around the situation do consider seeking therapy dont shy away from asking for help i hope this helpsfor further