to help readers cope with their anxieties in these stressful times toi has launched talk it out a series in which expert counsellors answer your mental health queries this weeks advice is from clinical psychologist ila kulshresthai am a 30yearold unmarried male i am doing a 9 to 5 job the rest of the time i am unable to study and spend my time watching porn i am unable to control my urge to watch porn how do i deal with porn addiction anonymousany addictive behaviour is often associated with a chemical imbalance in the brain it may be important to understand that addictions are physiological conditions and nothing to reprimand ourselves for you can consult a mental health professional to work on urge control and reduce your dependence on porn to bring relief watching porn is often viewed with a lens of shame since sexual needs and expression continue to be treated as taboo however watching porn is just another activity that brings us pleasure such as exercising shopping eating playing video games etc it is not harmful or shameful when done responsibly and in measured amounts our inability to stop engaging creates a dependence on this activity which is addiction joining a holistic deaddiction program will help you bring it back under controli am 19 and lost my father a year ago i have faced childhood trauma my parents fought and there were many other family problems i have felt a change in my behaviour recently i get irritated easily and have a lot of anger issues although i have been a calm and sweet person i dont feel like talking to anyone or going to college i feel useless and sad sometimes i feel like smashing everything around me or shouting out loud should i see a therapist anonymousit seems like you are facing some significant emotional difficulties you have experienced a major loss in the last year it can be difficult to process grief when our memories of the deceased also remind us of difficult traumatic times from the past sometimes when we find it difficult to create space for our emotional experiences they manifest either as internalised criticism feeling useless withdrawing contact with others or externalised aggression shouting breaking things getting irritable taking time to slowly unwind these emotions and critical thoughts may bring some relief and return you to a relative state of calm again it may be beneficial to speak to a trauma informed therapist who can help cocreate a safe space to process these emotions and help you navigate difficult memoriesi like a guy but my parents do not allow me to date i am afraid of karma if i hide this from my parents things may or may not work between us but i dont want to regret that i didnt try as i really care for him i am not able to sleep at night as he wants us to be together but i am ignoring this because