march 22 2012151 reggie gooch led an active social life gardened and traveled the world with his wife millie until she was diagnosed with alzheimers disease and soon needed roundtheclock care every morning for two years gooch whos now 98 rose at 4 am to prepare and have breakfast with millie he stayed by her side all day long until 10 pm in their hollywood calif home the furthest i could get away would be the entrance hall to pick up the mail said gooch a former carpenter who helped his wife in real estate i dont think i could have gone on much longer he gave up hobbies that once gave him joy growing vegetables and pruning a myriad of trees in a community garden everything came to a dead stop he said millie gooch found peace and died in february at age 102 but her beloved husband of 76 years was left physically and emotionally exhausted gooch like thousands of other americans was suffering from compassion fatigue a term used to describe the symptoms of secondary posttraumatic stress caused by caregiving caring for others too much can hurt according to the compassion fatigue awareness project no matter how old you are or in what capacity youre providing care you take on the pain of others and suffer bottled up angry and suppressing feelings said project founder patricia smith your impulse is to rescue you dont have any personal boundaries but you become isolated and lose your selfcare in the process without paying attention to their own needs caregivers can turn to destructive behaviors such as substance abuse its a natural consequence of stress said smith in healthy caregiving you are 100 percent present in their care with empathy and compassion but its unhealthy when things in your own life are not resolved and you take on their suffering as your own more than 65 million americans about 29 percent of the population is providing care for someone who is chronically ill or disabled and spend an average of 20 hours a week looking after a loved one according to the national alliance for caregiving in collaboration with aarp gooch split the caregiving tasks with a home aide but the mental focus that was required for looking after his dying wife was draining they couldnt let millie out of their sight for fear she would wander off i am a strong person but one of us had to be with millie all the time for the last two years he said i fed her by hand in bed for the last two or three weeks it was dreadful i had run out of gas the engine had run out of power compassion fatigue can affect anyone who is involved with the care of others from medical professionals to funeral directors to financial advisors in a downturn according to smith in one shocking case earlier this year in sunnyvale calif a mother so tired from caring