question i am a 28yearold woman and i had been in a relationship with a colleague for three years we were very close and had shared many physically intimate moments however three months back a new girl had joined our office she works in the hr department after my boyfriend got introduced to the new person i saw his behaviour towards me changing slowly our fights became more frequent and toxic during one such spat my boyfriend called me an ugly b and said that he felt very embarrassed to be associated with him i was shell shocked and didnt know how to react to this statement the next day he broke up with me and cut off all communication few days after this incident i saw him hanging around with the girl from the hr department and a month later i came to know that he had proposed her this had left me utterly depressed and confused he had hit a sensitive spot when he called me ugly because i am darkskinned and had always suffered from low selfesteem because of that he knew it very well and attacked me with the exact words he knew would hurt me the mostby anonymousresponse by kamna chhibber this no doubt would be a disturbing and distressing experience for you most people build notions about their selves and their worth on account of the interactions and responses they receive from others starting from a young age and then as these get reinforced over the years the challenge here is twofold firstly the fact that you have lost a 3 year long relationship and secondly that it has triggered and reopened wounds and voids from the past it would be important to look at and address both aspects if you are to move ahead of this experience with the least scars and the most important aspect would be to understand in totality the individual aspects from both your sides which would have led to this situation often in a romantic relationship people ignore the early signs believing it would not repeat or that its a minor lapse and it would be important for you to determine if a similar situation may have existed in the context of your relationship as well working through these aspects is going to be crucial and you may want to consider seeking the help and support of a professional to help you navigate your way through it as you may find it difficult to explore everything with friends and familykamna chhibber is the head mental health department of mental health and behavioural sciences at fortis healthcarewant expert advice for your relationship send us a mail at expertadvicetoigmailcom