timesto address safety fears christianacare offers disposable scrubs which workers tear off at the end of a shift it also has a gratitude program in which former patients return to thank their healers at a time when so many covid19 patients are dying such exchanges said dr farley reconnect demoralized staff to why we do what we dodr farley and her team check on hospital crews pushing carts loaded with hand lotion antifog lens cleaner protein bars chocolate and solaceevery time dr farley said there is someone crying with me and its 3 am theyre exhausted they need thisi see all these people coming in to the hospital now who are really sick and im wondering could this be me one day there are a lot of unknowns and the anxiety is amplified knowing what happened in my household dr andrew cohen an emergency medicine physician at st josephs university medical center paterson njwhen dr andrew cohen 45 is working his shift at the hospitals emergency department he is fine he has the thick emotional skin characteristic of his highoctane profession he dons his gear turns his adrenaline up to a quiet steady hum and focuses on saving livesbut hours before the shift starts he becomes foggy anxious hesitant and as soon as it ends he performs a cleansing ritual that even he labels over the top that is because he has discovered in a brutal manner that he cannot leave the job behindfor nearly a decade dr cohen and his wife shared their home with her parents a practicing pulmonologist and a retired nurse who often babysat for the cohens children now 8 and 11 but in march both inlaws became ill with covid19 and were admitted to the hospital within a day of each otherdr cohens motherinlaw sharon sakowitz 74 died firstimagecreditbryan anselm for the new york timesimagecreditvia cohen familyon the day of her funeral the hospital called the cohens now the fatherinlaws organs were shutting down the cohens rushed to the hospital dr barry sakowitz 75 died that morning a few hours later they buried mrs sakowitzstill mourning dr cohen wonders did i bring this virus into my house as he prepares to go to work my son says daddy be very very careful and i know what hes thinkingthe guilt threatens to swamp him what if he is the third person in this household to dieafter the shift dr cohen photocopies his notes so theres no risk he leaves with paper that might have coronavirus on it he cleans his stethoscope pens goggles face shield and the bottom of his sneakers with antimicrobial wipes he does a surgical hand wash up to his elbowshe changes into a clean set of scrubs putting the dirty ones in a plastic bag and walks through the hospital parking lot sitting in his car he sprays the bottom of his shoes with lysolat home he removes his sneakers and scrubs leaving them in a box in the garage and heads