go back die direct born perhaps ultimate point departure c p surendran evokes near one final journey summertime day hot funeral pyre final journalist c phosphorus ramachandran too happens author parental uncle caught train new delhi railway station spent adult professional life stint army naval forces police officer delhi starting shankar weekly patriot hindustan multiplication though tough man good shrugging cargo unpleasantness designate placed shoulders regular frequency really tough life beginning father married moved ramachandran still child mother challenged creative rational aspirations bunch younger siblings army for the liberation of rwanda subscript intellect impecunious circumstances later thought put past delhi newspaper career emerged columnist editor trade excelled also antagonising people owing visible pleasure took displaying intellectual lordliness marriage ended bitterness wife children separated though could big blow beginning could see balcony kids playing park moved apartment veracious contrary staying nice spacious high roofed flat leafy quarter nizamuddin due east right behind neatly stacked humayun ruins serious see full moon night vast cemetery stones take colour desert left days flat much visited nocturnal haunt poets writers painters politicians odd psychopath crumbled curtains window replaced yellowing newspapers onehalf stuck half fluttering panes rouge door peeling termites drawing maps roof taps bathroom leaking floors packed alquran empty bottles old monk key flatcar eer door ledge perhaps render idea burglary meaningless fact one night thief got help oneself key surprise journalist unusually early return intruder said self defence nothing value conversation offered drink declined money event got caught train finally live clarence day nothing delhi come back except empty house joke among local burglars exhausted avenues renewal capital newspaper world suit corporatised accommodate individual fire getting years in any case tolerate common affliction humans crossroads lives nostalgia irresponsible future holidays would end death helped catch train prison term way meet death parli palghat come around knocking door little ten years later would pain amount reading would prepare handle well little money consumed pretty fast roue ways dislocation capital countryside people knowledgeable engaging men far removed pursuits women ran away sight untrue humility falser tradition reduced flirt with meaningless chats aboobaker brought fish basket hertz drunken candy seller guys went past sour iron gate sister house river bank lately evening mean solar day whoring cause realise return misapprehension might consoled mistakes made life one could corrected delhi left suit crony capital beyond sufferance would misfit delicacy situation owing temperament horse sense self significance delhi contributing political agenda nation survive well kerala game different players small ways power far incestuous smallness political minds frolic ironies deeply ingrained social affectations turned even acerbic naturally return roots turned suicidal act commission resigned frittering life let except odd international visitor friend delhi turned welcomed unfastened arms adult smile went back retentive clip towards remainder even pleasure gave remember unity visit tvr shenoy arrived one midmorning chauffeur driven car looking healthy wellspring taken care small fry said well columns bank balance make weep the right way said left good 60 minutes ramachandran entered diary missing the like great grin got