question i am a 43yearold man and have been married for nine years my problem is my wife has no respect for my mother and she often fights with my mother every time i try to intervene my wife gets violent and abuses us she had even threatened to lodge a complaint about us in the police since we have a sevenyearold child i cannot even leave her nor can i make her change her behaviour all our neighbours and family members know about her and her tantrums i dont know what to do because she never listens to us please helpby anonymousresponse by rachana awatramani in some cultures marriage is not only a relationship between the couple but also the relationship between two families a woman is expected to live with the mans family and take certain household responsibilities nevertheless respect for elders and maintaining relationship boundaries is essential i comprehend that you are married for nine years and you have been observing that your wife is not respecting your mother in fact if you intervene she becomes abusive and even violent it can be extremely difficult for you to cope with this situation and also very disturbing for your sevenyearold child it is a challenging situation as you can not leave her and you are unable to change her behaviour i would recommend that you speak with her and understand what is triggering her or pushing her to disrespect you and your family is there something that she is expecting and is unable to achieve you also mentioned that your relatives and neighbours are aware about her tantrums why dont you involve one of her family members who can help you both work on your relationship better you can also consider a marriage counsellor or a family therapist who can guide you in a professional way you also mentioned that she is threatening to lodge a police complaint against you and your mother in this situation you can also consider speaking to a counsellor in women and child cell which is there is a police station however they are not police but professionals to help you and your child to cope with this situation as she is being violent she might be facing mental health concern and visiting a psychiatrist would also be highly recommended marriage does go through its own ups and downs creating boundaries are important in your situation along with you your mother and child would also require to speak to a counsellor as this might have disturbed them emotionally ms rachana awatramani is a counseling psychologist at insight counseling services in mumbaiwant expert advice for your relationship send us a mail at expertadvicetoigmailcom