panaji rana ayyub the independent writer and journalist who released the explosive gujarat files anatomy of a cover up earlier this year was shunned by publishers for her account of the 2002 gujarat riots speaking to toi on the sidelines of the goa arts and literature festival galf ayyub shared her experiences going undercover for eight months when gathering intelligence for her story there is tough psychological trauma when youre undercover she says i changed my identity to maithili tyagi the daughter of a sanskrit professor teaching at an rss shakha who hates muslims and minority appeasement to be that person and infiltrate the rank and file of the modi government at that point of time with absolutely no help from anyone was very challenging to sound convincing ayyub sported a bandana wore a thick american accent and moved around filming gujarati items numbers so authenticate her fake identity of a filmmaker her world however came crashing down when the media house she then worked for refused to publish the story citing political pressure it was the most painful day of my life ayyub shares i went into psychiatric care because i had anxiety attacks it was a big investigation for me and i thought it was going to change the narrative and the political landscape of the country but i was told that my eightmonth undercover operation will not be published because they fear the wrath of the country i went into a shell i could not report and developed selfdoubt about my own work and worth that kind of censorship killed me as a journalist braving the obstacle she went ahead and told the story through the book a move that didnt go well with those she was writing about recently the indian government cancelled a session in doha she was supposed to address on apj abdul kalam this shows how much the government hates the idea of speaking against it there have been governments and dispensations which have stifled free speech but this government has been extremely brazen about it when i tweeted about doha there was not a single response from the mea because they know that they were wrong she says vociferous about sociopolitical issues ayyub opined that there is rising intolerance and voicelessness in the country there is this culture of not speaking out against something that is going wrong for instance speaking against demonetization is seen as speaking against the government even the congress was intolerant about the cartoon controversy where there was a huge furore about freedom of expression at this point there is a great intolerance to views especially when everything that is happening in the country is being linked with the idea of patriotism this is being used to stifle voices asked about her thoughts about galf where she was offered to speak without a censor she said giving a panel to somebody like me who has selfpublished a book speaks volumes about the kind of independence this literary festival