by now i expected to be a seasoned parish minister wearing black clergy shirts grown gray from frequent washing i expected to love the children who hung on my legs after sunday morning services until they grew up and had children of their own i even expected to be buried wearing the same red vestments in which i was ordainedtoday those vestments are hanging in the sacristy of an anglican church in kenya my church pension is frozen and i am as likely to spend sunday mornings with friendly quakers presbyterians or congregationalists as i am with the episcopalians who remain my closest kin sometimes i even keep the sabbath with a cup of steaming assam tea on my front porch watching towhees vie for the highest perch in the poplar tree while god watches me these days i earn my living teaching school not leading worship and while i still dream of opening a small restaurant in clarkesville or volunteering at an eye clinic in nepal there is no guarantee that i will not run off with the circus before i am through this is not the life i planned or the life i recommend to others but it is the life that has turned out to be mine and the central revelation in it for me that the call to serve god is first and last the call to be fully human seems important enough to witness to on paper this book is my attempt to do thatafter nine years serving on the staff of a big urban church in atlanta barbara brown taylor arrives in rural clarkesville georgia population 1500 following her dream to become the pastor of her own small congregation the adjustment from city life to country dweller is something of a shock taylor is one of the only professional women in the community but smalltown life offers many of its own unique joys taylor has five successful years that see significant growth in the church she serves but ultimately she finds herself experiencing compassion fatigue and wonders what exactly god has called her to do she realizes that in order to keep her faith she may have to leavetaylor describes a rich spiritual journey in which god has given her more questions than answers as she becomes part of the flock instead of the shepherd she describes her poignant and sincere struggle to regain her footing in the world without her defining collar taylors realization that this may in fact be gods surprising path for her leads her to a refreshing search to find him in new places leaving church will remind even the most skeptical among us that life is about both disappointment and hope and ultimately renewal