query i got married three years back and my husband and i love each other he is welleducated liberal and a nice person the only problem in our married life is that he has got addicted to gambling we live abroad and he squanders his entire pay on online gambling without informing me once he took a loan of 40 lakhs and squandered the entire amount he promises to not do it again and genuinely tries to get over this addiction but unfortunately he cannot resist himself i think he is unable to accept the reality that he cannot get this lost money back and has been doing it since three years till now i have not shared this information with our parents and they are under an illusion that their son is saving his salary in fact it would be a big shock for them that their son has wasted more than a crore we are a middle class family and this information might even impact their health how should i deal with this situation by anonymousresponse by ms devisha batra hi thank you for writing to us i can understand how tough it can be for you to deal with this situation and i can totally imagine how overwhelming this can make you feel sadly outofcontrol gambling can destroy families and individuals i can imagine your concern and your fear of involving the families in my view the first thing to do is talk with him in a very direct manner about the negative impact of his behaviour be calm and clear and explain exactly how it affects you for example i feel alone and unsupported in managing things for the family in my opinion make sure that whenever you communicate with him it does not include blaming and pinpointing words as you may have conflicting emotions when you speak to him this does not mean that you give in to what he says but check your temper in the process as he can also be undergoing a lot of stress i can understand that you might be hurt but you want to protect him and the family as well i can imagine how his frequent ways of assuring that he will leave gambling but still continuing the same habit can add to the distrust between you both with this i can suggest you to show your support so that he sees himself in new light and you both together can do something to save money this will give him the space to open up and also help you see the situation from his perspective from what you are mentioning i would also encourage you to start working for yourself so that you are earning and have access to protect yourself in the rainy days this will help you manage your finances for example you can create your own bank account if you havent already create your family budget and if your husband still asks for money