tough times are said to be the best test of relationships but is being there really an apt parameter it was a crisis of the highest order our eyes where glued to tv sets and ears to our phones we wanted minutebyminute update of even those whom we might have met only once or even a friends friend and wanted to be a part of the siege the affected we are talking about the 2611 attacks four years ago in mumbai how difficult was it then to talk about things or just be there for someone whod been dragged in the gruesome action many admit at such times a call or a visit may not be the easiest thing being on the other side separated from the ground zero by the television sets glass pane they swear that a volley of emotions including confusion besieged them yes confusion mnc professional gauri kartik knew of a friends family in one of the hotels taken over by attackers but couldnt get herself to call and say that everything will be okay at such times words just dont measure up enough to console anyone they fail to have a healing effect such times i withdraw then again theres more confusion when your loved ones want to withdraw while you think its best to talk things out in fact sometimes a person doesnt want to see a close friend who might have been there with himher through the rough days such behaviour shakes the other person and sometimes even affects the relationship people tend to cut off as it reminds them of the incident at such times just give space advises psychiatrist dayal mirchandani but such tendencies arent always easily put up with in a society and relationships feel the pressure explains sociology professor kishwar panna our society is so structured that in times of crisis we are conditioned to express our care and concern which is equally expected from the other side in fact once we tide over bad times we tend to look back and see who came by and also feel disappointed over no show by some whom we expect to care but then there are also those who feel hesitant to call not because they dont care they have company with those who prefer to be left alone in crisis they are also very much part of every society agrees panna seventeenyearold nisha rane shares my classmates father was stuck at the trident but it felt horrible to call and say things like all will be fine or hell come out alive i chose to rather not talk about the incident at all three months later we planned a small gettogether and gave my friend a bravery certificate for tiding over the bad times and also gifted a present to his father who survived what gauri and nisha felt then was also something most on ground zero expected to be left alone joel benson kurulkar shared a special relationship