parenting comes with no rule book its a job one learns on the field that brings into my mind a question how is parenting a child in a familiar environment like home land india different from child rearing in an alien no matter how dear country as far as the basic values are concerned i believe there is rarely a clash between a resident indian parenting and nri parenting values like respecting elders and being affectionate towards younger ones are fairly universal across the globe the degree and what qualifies as respect however may differ even when the values between a resident indian and nri parent is identical inculcating them in children when they are not residing in the environment where the values originated becomes a challenge for parents in india at least in my generation it was unthinkable to address elder siblings without suffixing the mark of respect didi or elder sister or bhaiya or big brother off late in my visits to my home land i have seen in some families the transition from didi to di and bhaiya to stylish b here in dubai in some circles a child calling an elder sister or brother didi or bhaiya is considered uncool by peers so what does the child and parents do under such peer pressure some parents ignore as long as the respect element is intact others may insist cajole or instruct the child to atleast adhere to that respectful suffix in privacy of home and most certainly when they are among relatives in india well of course both respect and parenting are much more complex things than the example above let us then settle for the fact that parenting is a hard task at hand it varies according to the project read child handled a colleague narrated her childs horrible first encounter with bullying the lady had left her child at an indoor play area of a club in the presence of a play area attendant despite her reluctance her friends had insisted that leaving her 3 year old alone in a safe place will build his confidence and independence she returned 10 minutes later to see a burly 5 year old on the top of her son delivering heavy punches on his stomach the horrified mother rebuked the attendant for her negligence and carried back her inconsolable son and mind full of guilt her friends were extremely enraged by this incidence they also advised her to make her son understand that he needs to stand up for himself and retaliate i remember a mother in the park consoling or may be counseling her crying child i cant believe you are my son you should have given him two with your left hand my mind was torn between so many issues selfreliance standing up for oneself violence what would be the end result if we encourage our children to retaliate to violence with violence we want our children to be tough and independent so that they