question hi i am married from eight years and have two kids we got married against everyones wishes and are still in love having said this our relationship went through a rough patch for some time because my wife could not gel well with my parents and nobody in our family supported us two months back she asked me for a divorce and after a discussion she cooled down and apologised for her behaviour but during all this she spoke really ill about my parents and i am unable to forgive her for that now she wants me to cut off all the ties with them they do not even live with us and we hardly meet them i dont know how to handle this situation by anonymousresponse by ms zankhana joshi strained relationship between your wife and parents can be a very difficult situation to be in and it seems to be causing you some distress perhaps you feel caught between them you are trying to heal your marital relationship on the one hand and still wanting to remain connected with your parents on the other while it is their conflict and misunderstanding and not yours you will still remain the central part of this thus it is great that you are seeking helpif after eight years of marriage something has stirred up to bring divorce into the scenario you should further explore to understand the underlying emotions instead of getting upset and finding it hard to forgive the wife the event may be insignificant or small but it is often the last straw that breaks the camels back so what has been piling up and remaining unresolved in your family dynamic might be causing this stressful situationyou also mentioned that you married against everyones wishes and nobody supported you at the core acceptance and a sense of belonging is the basic human need is this lack of acceptance causing tension between them but why is it difficult to deal with it given that you do not live together just as you dont chop off your finger if it forgets to scratch similarly one doesnt discard relationships because they get difficult to handle one needs to recognize and respect those while remaining within limitsi recommend you to express and share your concern with them how this conflict makes you feel torn between all your important relationships most often the problems arise because of ego related issues the need of preserving the culture or their own identity explain to your wife how the parents are a part of you as they are connected through genetics history and complex psychological dynamicsi would suggest working on building a bridge between your wife and your parents impositions dont resolve conflict but talking and sharing a meal in a nonconflicting environment can ease the anger or hurt that they may be carrying establish reasonable boundaries and ensure enough space is offered ensure they respect these limits and avoid excessive intrusion in time they can