question i am a housewife and have been married for past five years we have two kids and belong to a middleclass family since i am not an earning member of the family my husband thinks i have no contribution in running our family he has told me several times that i am useless and i just look after a few household chores i have tried explaining several times that looking after kids is not a cakewalk and managing the entire house is a demanding task but nothing changes his attitude please suggest what should i do to change his perception by anonymousresponse by zankhana joshi it can be really painful to find yourself working hard each day and instead of getting appreciated or recognised for it you are being called useless living with this attitude daily can be difficult and can affect your selfworth selfesteem and overall wellbeing too its great that you are seeking helpto understand your husbands attitude we must understand the systemic problem on hand india is a patriarchal society and the family systems are based on clearly established hierarchies of genderwhere an adult male is the most powerful individual of that system due to his ability to earn money value from property inheritance and therefore the power to take key family decisions this allows him to express his opinions about you without hesitationit is interesting to think about how gender roles are assigned from childhood boys and girls are trained in appropriate genderspecific forms of behaviour play dress and so on this training is continuous and most of the time subtle but when necessary can involve punishments to bring about conformitythe genderroles at home are how division of labour takes place the man is assigned to be a breadwinner and women to take on household maintenance and childrearing roles unfortunately no economic value is assigned to household work which requires a lot of hard work done by womenon the other hand todays cost of living and stressful work environments put a lot of burden on the sole bread earners when your husband is exposed to working women he may be wondering why this economic burden is not shared by you thus he looks down on your contribution to the familythis is a systemic problem but a small change in the attitude at a household level can bring about changes in the society but before trying to shift your husbands mindset a shift in your own thinking will have to come first work on your own selfawareness understanding and selfacceptance of the work you are doing in maintaining your household you add value to raw materials and make it into finished productslike you turn ingredients into food that provides nourishment by looking after the household you facilitate your husbands efficiency as he gets to focus only on work while you look after the backend of laundry and housekeeping by nurturing your children you provide an inspiring and conducive environment for their growth and development which in