i feel so guilty says a former boko haram captive i think about her a lot creditashley gilbertson for the new york timesmarch 18 2017maiduguri nigeria she hears the awful sounds in her dreams they are the moans of a dying girlamina is haunted by the memory after all she was the one who handed the girl to boko haramamina was a teenager herself when boko haram the islamist fighters who have rampaged across northeast nigeria kidnapped and conscripted her sixteen and scared amina did their bidding seizing young girls from their homes and escorting them to a camp where many were forcibly married off to fightersone of the terrified girls was 14 amina grabbed her by the wrists leading her to a waiting vehicle three weeks later the girl was dead after being gang rapedi think about her a lot amina said swallowing hard and closing her eyesboko haram has abducted many hundreds if not thousands of girls and boys across the region forcing them to fight to cook to clean and even to bear children to much of the world the kidnapping of nearly 300 girls from their school dormitory in the town of chibok three years ago was the seminal moment in the crisis followed by another horror children as young as 7 or 8 being used as suicide bombersthe nigerian military has made recent gains pushing into the forests where boko haram hides and recapturing areas once under its control but throughout the war now in its eighth year hundreds of thousands of people have fled here to maiduguri the battleweary capital where the conflict beganit is a place where former fighters and captives like amina blend into the urban tapestry a place where nearly everyone has been a victim a collaborator or bothwith its busy tea cafes flaming kebab stands and rushhour traffic maiduguri seems like a city returning to its old selfsuicide bombers many of them girls still periodically set upon the mostly muslim city but the days of housetohouse fighting that once terrorized residents are over roadside stalls offer fried doughnuts storefront gates open every morning to sell clothing and office supplies morning commuters guzzle caffeine and university students picnic at the zoobut behind the cover of daily life terrible secrets looma teenager selling sugar cane on the corner may have killed someone but he isnt sure a smiling little boy dressed in a school uniform as he weaves between grownups on the sidewalk once bore a gun for the rebels dragging it by the muzzle because it was too heavy for him to carry a young woman with college ambitions was raped by several fighters then accompanied them on village raidsfor them building a new life is anything but certainnormal life of maiduguri masks the scars that the conflict left for some children said patrick rose a spokesman for unicef these children have experienced horrific thingsaminaon most days amina now 18 can be found on the street selling detergent and broth with