bangalore shazman shariff watched in fear and distress as the taj hotel burned during last months attack on mumbai based in indias it capital she recalls her mothers worried call from karachi as scenes of mumbais mayhem and madness played out on television sets around the world last month she was worried about what was happening expressed her grief and prayed that we stayed safe i was apprehensive just talking about it says shazman a pakistani married to an indian she and her husband felt it was politic to be reticent on the phone my husband felt i should change the subject he advised me to avoid such discussions on the phone and better still to avoid calls from karachi to ensure that i dont get sucked into apolitical mess she says the discretion is based on the deep dilemma that is part of the lives of women like shazman pakistanis married to indians they had to tread carefully even before the mumbai attacks the married indian woman typically tries to adjust to her husbands family but women like shazman have had to blend into an entire nation that too a nation that has had an uneasy relationship with the country of their birthzainab haque name changed is a case in point marrying a mumbaikar was like a return to her roots because her family had migrated to pakistan during partition initially the couple faced hostility from both families but zainab says with stoic calm you only have to show youre no different this may be the reason she chose to make her first entry into her husbands house wearing a sari leading everyone to exclaim you look just like one of us a volunteer slumworker zainab evokes admiration and disbelief in equal part with many of mumbais glitterati finding it hard to believe that a pakistani can selflessly help indias dispossessednonetheless the adjustment process can be hard karachi girl shazman found it hard to get used to bangalore after her january 2005 wedding it was crowded and not as big as her beloved karachi but she loved the greenery and the gnarled old trees lining the roads in her local area basavanagudi despite the problems shazman says she finds india much safer than pakistan impolitic perhaps but husband mansoor ali describes pakistan as a volatile place it is such perceptions the indian view of pakistan and vice versa that cause the most heartache shazman senses an undercurrent of suspicion running through most interactions with indians once they find out her origins it is unsurprising considering pakistanbashing is common here even though the mistrust is generally masked by abluff heartiness zainab uses the concept of social distance to explain this its easy to accept a black neighbour not a black soninlaw she saysit is revealing that many of the pakistani women interviewed for the story refused to be named or described with identifiable detail this because they did not want their origins to become common knowledge as they are beset