it is so exasperating she screams he is always comparing me to his mother what is the harm in listening to her he surmises with a shrug my mother has more experience than you were all learning i dont see what the big deal is sounds familiar welcome to the world of big small mamas boys the above dialogue takes place frequently with couples who measure their spouses in the profile of their respective parental figures and to make their relationships work spouses do make an effort to fit in but after a time when their individuality is threatened the above interaction may take place girls too grow up with their fathers image fresh in their mind and compare their husbands with that the result is not always as expected it is common to hear young children telling their parents how they would grow up and marry them let us explore this further the beginning to the child who is growing up the only people she is frequently in touch with are her parents mostly she grows up modelling herself on them it is common to see children imitating their parents by acting like them a child teaching her toys or a boy shooting imaginary robbers are examples it is also common to notice that young girls wear mamas makeup and boys try to shave their nonexistent mush the middle phase now a curious thing happens when maturity sets in and sexual identity takes place the girls grow closer to their fathers and boys to their mothers mostly if the family practises warm and healthy intrafamily ties the children grow up thinking this is the right kind of behaviour and expect the same in their adult partners never having been exposed to much else then it follows that my papas the best or my mom is one awesome woman the end now cut to several years later when the little people have grown up and got married most still assume that their respective spouses should be like their parents says manish 31 what is wrong in that it is because of my mothers attention and love that im here today what is wrong if i expect shalni to do the same rani says i know it is not right but mahesh my husband is so different from my father i wish he would be a little like him nothing wrong with these notions but when the core of a relationship is threatened it is time to rethink ngrow up you were a child then you are an adult now nyour spouse is not your parent he or she is a different person altogether nstop trying to paste your parents face onto your partners this will not work in the long run nappreciate qualities that are specific to your spouse not your parent ndid you marry to be taken care of or for other deeper reasons nwhile good parents equip us for one part of our lives our partners teach