HONEY

          I LOVE YOU, BALTIMORE! 6. INTERIOR HONEY'S HOTEL ROOM. 6.
          HONEY's mean face glares out window at the twinkling
          lights of Baltimore's Inner Harbor in the early
          evening. HONEY
          I tell everybody in Hollywood,
          when you shoot on location in
          Baltimore, you don't need to
          bring all the crew from Los
          Angeles. Baltimore really ia the
          best!... City of Baltimore, do hereby
          proclaim April 29th to be Honey
          Whitlock Day in Maryland and do
          command this observation to all HONEY
          Look at this dump of a town!
          HONEY turns to her long suffering assistant, LIBBY.
          The press is gone and they are alone. HONEY
          No...not at all.

                         CECIL
          It's all behind you now, Cherish.
          (Looking out window)
          We're here... BALTIMORE.
          Helicopter shot of speeding police car taking HONEY Maryland Heart Fund died tonight
          at Union Memorial Hospital
          following an on stage heart
          attack she suffered in the middle
          of Honey Whitlock's kidnapping at OF BALTIMORE."
          HONEY aims gun at PRODUCER C, terrified the gun is
          as real as her grenade was.

                         PRODUCER C HONEY
          (In a sudden tirade)
          Did you hear what that little
          bitch said to me?

                         LIBBY
          She didn't know. HONEY
          (In character, chanting)

          VANDALIZE THE MOVIES! GIVE HONEY
          Get me the fuck back to L.A. If
          one more asshole mentions a crab
          cake to me, I think I'll puke. HONEY
          It's burning my scalp!
          Ow! Ow! Ow!

                         RODNEY
          Beauty comes from agony! Everyone
          knows that! CECIL
          (Smiling, to HONEY)
          Prove yourself, Honey.
          HONEY spots a marine police boat quickly darting
          behind "Pride of Baltimore," filled with MARINE HONEY
          Ah, what a town!
          HONEY is dressed for the premiere in an elegant evening LIBBY
          Oh nobody will know, we're in
          Baltimore... HONEY
          (Getting even better)
          Somebody's gotta pay for
          this insult!
          CECIL silently mouths the dialogue along with HONEY. HONEY is injured but alive and struggles to climb
          out of car handcuffed as RAVEN rushes to touch her
          up and HONEY eagerly embraces her. - 22 -
          away in fear.
          Limo bumps down road at high speed and trunk door
          bangs shut, knocking HONEY into submission.
          Limo makes a fast right. HONEY sees BALTIMORE CITY POLICE, MARYLAND STATE
          TROOPERS, more SWAT TEAMS, local and national PRESS
HONEY
          DON'T SHOOT! I'm Honey Whitlock
          and I've been kidnapped! HONEY looks hornily to GROUPIE below but he is being
          beaten up by JOCKS A, B & C as he desperately tries to HONEY
          (Sexily to GROUPIE) HONEY
          (In character, chanting)

          VANDALIZE THE MOVIES! GIVE HONEY
          OWWWW!! Please... please...
          (Trying a new tactic)
          Raven, you're a pretty girl,
          you could escape this madness... - 22 -
          away in fear.
          Limo bumps down road at high speed and trunk door
          bangs shut, knocking HONEY into submission.
          Limo makes a fast right. mirrors, beat up barber chairs, filthy hair driers
          and mangy beauty supplies.
          HONEY, tied to a barber chair, still dressed in her HONEY's blindfold and gag as she sputters in terror.
          We see LEWIS has D-A-V-I-D L-Y-N-C-H tattooed on his HONEY
          Look at this dump of a town!
          HONEY turns to her long suffering assistant, LIBBY.
          The press is gone and they are alone. HONEY is injured but alive and struggles to climb
          out of car handcuffed as RAVEN rushes to touch her
          up and HONEY eagerly embraces her. JOCK A
          Her career is over!
          GROUPIE hears and tries to turn back to confront JOCKS
          but HONEY grabs him. GROUPIE
          (Muttering to HONEY in a HONEY turns back to mob in front of her and gives them a
          demented movie star grin. HONEY
          (Screams in pain,

                         SPUTTERING)
          Oh God, please! Trunk door flies open and HONEY screams her lungs out,
          holding on for dear life.
          HEAVY METAL KIDS, hanging out in graveyard look up and HONEY smiles politely and then catches eye of ruggedly
          handsome 35-year-old GROUPIE in audience wearing a Honey
          Whitelock T-shirt. HONEY is shocked when the POLICE tackle her and
          place her under arrest.
          DINAH grabs FILM COMMISSIONER and uses him as a GROUPIE defiantly puts him arm around HONEY as she begs
          CECIL with her eyes for approval.
          GROUPIE smiles and pulls up shirt sleeve to reveal to HONEY looks for help but she is suddenly all alone.
          CECIL pushes himself forward on wheelchair dolly,
          gaining speed and begins laughing maniacally. CECIL
          (Lovingly, to HONEY)
          I kidnapped the right star,
          didn't I?
          HONEY smiles weakly.
mirrors, beat up barber chairs, filthy hair driers
          and mangy beauty supplies.
          HONEY, tied to a barber chair, still dressed in her Trunk door flies open and HONEY screams her lungs out,
          holding on for dear life.
          HEAVY METAL KIDS, hanging out in graveyard look up and - 22 -
          away in fear.
          Limo bumps down road at high speed and trunk door
          bangs shut, knocking HONEY into submission.
          Limo makes a fast right. HONEY is injured but alive and struggles to climb
          out of car handcuffed as RAVEN rushes to touch her
          up and HONEY eagerly embraces her. HONEY looks for help but she is suddenly all alone.
          CECIL pushes himself forward on wheelchair dolly,
          gaining speed and begins laughing maniacally. CECIL drags a screaming HONEY off stage as RODNEY
          runs interference, firing wildly over screaming
          AUDIENCE's heads. HONEY
          DON'T SHOOT! I'm Honey Whitlock
          and I've been kidnapped! HONEY
          Look at this dump of a town!
          HONEY turns to her long suffering assistant, LIBBY.
          The press is gone and they are alone. charging out of theater, firing their guns to cover
          their escape.
          CECIL drags HONEY outside, still in a chokehold as HONEY
          (In character, chanting)

          VANDALIZE THE MOVIES! GIVE - 88 -
          Suddenly TEAMSTER D jumps from trap door in set floor
          with gun aimed at HONEY. throw HONEY inside and slam it shut. HONEY continues
          screaming and banging on trunk door as CECIL and GANG
          pile into limo. HONEY turns back to mob in front of her and gives them a
          demented movie star grin. "dressing room"; a bizarrely decorated prison cell
          fit for a movie queen.
          HONEY is blindfolded, gagged and tied to a director's CHERISH throws a molotov cocktail and it explodes in
          front of theater between stage and first row of
          seats, blocking any rescue of HONEY by NEWSTEAMS. CECIL
          This is it - our final location.

                         CHERISH
          (Excited, to HONEY)
          We're gonna get laid! CECIL
          (Lovingly, to HONEY)
          I kidnapped the right star,
          didn't I?
          HONEY smiles weakly. HONEY's blindfold and gag as she sputters in terror.
          We see LEWIS has D-A-V-I-D L-Y-N-C-H tattooed on his and passes it out to HONEY, LYLE and CHERISH who are
          now dressed in FIDGET'S newest terrorist costumes. CECIL disengages CHERISH's dead body up and off of him
          and seeing HONEY in danger crawls painfully to Pam's
          wheelchair dolly.
CECIL
          (Aiming his gun at HONEY, CECIL
          (Lovingly, to HONEY)
          I kidnapped the right star,
          didn't I?
          HONEY smiles weakly. CECIL
          (To HONEY, ever the CECIL
          .but only the ones willing
          to dia for it succeed.
          HONEY looks into CECIL's face and lets out a sob of
          terror. CECIL disengages CHERISH's dead body up and off of him
          and seeing HONEY in danger crawls painfully to Pam's
          wheelchair dolly. HONEY, horrified that the "effect" was real looks up
          to CECIL but he has vanished.
          Suddenly CECIL enters the ship "directing" through HONEY looks for help but she is suddenly all alone.
          CECIL pushes himself forward on wheelchair dolly,
          gaining speed and begins laughing maniacally. HONEY
          No...not at all.

                         CECIL
          It's all behind you now, Cherish.
          (Looking out window)
          We're here... HONEY
          (Getting even better)
          Somebody's gotta pay for
          this insult!
          CECIL silently mouths the dialogue along with HONEY. CECIL
          This is it - our final location.

                         CHERISH
          (Excited, to HONEY)
          We're gonna get laid! CECIL
          (Hissing to HONEY)
          Say the lines!

                         HONEY
          (To AUDIENCE, ferociously CECIL drags a screaming HONEY off stage as RODNEY
          runs interference, firing wildly over screaming
          AUDIENCE's heads. HONEY
          (Ignoring both PETIE and LEWIS)
          Cecil, give yourself up!
          It's not too late... CECIL
          That's more like it, Miss Whitlock!
          CHERISH gives HONEY a suddenly jealous look. struggle up to her. HONEY sighs in sexual frustration.
          CHERISH runs to dying CECIL, unzips his pants and mounts
          him. CECIL
          .and her violence prone
          daughter, Cherish...
          CHERISH enters in eye-popping "super model goes bad"
          look as HONEY's eyes light up in horror. HONEY
          Oh, God, I look terrible!
          (Breaks into sobs)
          CECIL and SPROCKET HOLES applaud triumphantly. CECIL
          Good morning, Miss Whitlock.

                         HONEY

                         (SOBBING)
          Cecil, I want to go back to
          Hollywood! fingers.
          HONEY's e yes light up in terror as she sees CECIL, now
          attired in insane grunge Cecil B. DeMille inspired (TO CECIL)
          BUT Â£iE. DOESN'T BELIEVE ME!

                         HONEY
          I. .I believe you.
CECIL
          This is it - our final location.

                         CHERISH
          (Excited, to HONEY)
          We're gonna get laid! CECIL
          .and ACTION!
          CECIL moves around stage, making cliche director's CECIL

                         (TO HONEY)
          That's your mark. When you
          hear "Action," jump through
          the window, and land facing
          Pam's camera. CECIL
          Ah Fidget. Fidget, my little
          genius, :Fidget!

                         FIDGET
          (Not missing a beat, HONEY
          No...not at all.

                         CECIL
          It's all behind you now, Cherish.
          (Looking out window)
          We're here... CECIL
          (Hissing to HONEY)
          Say the lines!

                         HONEY
          (To AUDIENCE, ferociously CECIL

          ACTION! CECIL
          (Coughs up blood)

          ACTION!

                         HONEY
          (Snapping into character) CECIL and CHERISH lie asleep twisted and entwined in
          the sheets, tortured by their erotic dreams.
          Suddenly, one of CECIL's bloodshot eyes open and Suddenly CECIL enters dressed to the nines in another
          lunatic "movie director" outfit. He is accompanied by
          DINAH, who is even more severely dressed in thrift-shop CECIL
          (To HONEY, ever the CECIL

                         (TO FIDGET)
          I knew you were the weak
          one, Fidget.
          (Eyes widening in hypnotic HONEY, horrified that the "effect" was real looks up
          to CECIL but he has vanished.
          Suddenly CECIL enters the ship "directing" through CECIL
          This is Cherish...
          CHERISH, now heavily made-up and dressed "riot-girl" CECIL grins like a lunatic as PAM and CHARDONNAY aim the
          camera and sound boom at the door. DINAH holds
          clapboard. CECIL

                         (PREOCCUPIED)
          Now Honey...I want you to do a
          little stunt for this scene...

                         HONEY DINAH
          (Snarling to HONEY)
          I'm Dinah, Cecil's prodÂ»cer - 76 -

                         (TO CECIL) CECIL
          (Weakly, clearly dying)
          Prove yourself one more time...
          for your cast... CECIL
          (Gently pushing her away)
          I'm trying to write, Cherish!
- 110 -
          CECIL lunges for dropped gun of SWAT TEAM A and shoots
          SWAT B dead, struggles aboard dolly and nods to FIDGET
          to douse him with gas. CECIL steps forward with CHERISH and pulls his empty
          gun. A trickle of blood runs from CECIL's mouth as
          CHERISH lunges for MANAGER's shotgun. PAM continues to film, bleeding badly from her wound.
          DINAH suddenly runs in front of CECIL in a kamikaze
          action and opens fire killing TEAMSTERS E, G & H. THAT MEANS YOU, FUCKERS!
          CECIL fires his gun and kills TEAMSTER B.
          CECIL is shot in the chest by TEAMSTER C and falls to F
          his knees in great pain.
          PAM pans the camera back to TEAMSTER C and shoots her
          gun and kills him. - 109 -
          Just after CHERISH and CECIL reach orgasm, CHERISH is
          shot dead in the forehead by SWAT TEAM A who leaps to Suddenly PETIE appears from back hallway and pistol whips
          TEAMSTER B who is supposed to be guarding the door.
          As TEAMSTERS leap to their feet, LEWIS, DINAH and DINAH sees that CECIL has been hit and a look of fury
          sweeps over her face.
          CECIL fires gun at TEAMSTERS F, G & H as they flood the crashes into lobby as FAMILIES with CHILDREN scatter
          in fear.
          CECIL leaps from the van with gun drawn and runs to THAT'S A CUT!
          CECIL is shot in the left shoulder by POLICE.
          HONEY kisses RAVEN goodbye and makes a break for it
          and runs towards MARINE POLICE. PRODUCER C clutches his stomach and doubles over.
          HONEY covers her mouth in real horror.
          Instantly PRODUCER C recovers, realizing the bullet dive out of the way and GANG chants "Battle of
          Algiers"-type revolutionary yell.
          CECIL fires his gun out back window and shatters the to dodge the bullets as CECIL and CHERISH fire back at
          TEAMSTERS G & H, and PAM continues to film.
          PAM is shot in stomach by TEAMSTER G. SWAT TEAM CAPTAIN takes aim with rest of SHARPSHOOTERS.
          Instantly PAM is shot dead by SWAT TEAM SHARPSHOOTER and
          her camera falls to ground. YOU ARE!
          DINAH shrugs that she, too, is out of bullets.

                         CECIL
          (Beginning to panic)
          Film these fuckers, Pam. charity of its fund, pulls a large gun and runs out
          of cashier's booth.
          43. Cut back to INTERIOR SENATOR THEATER. STAGE. 43. in neck, staggers to his feet and mows down DINAH in a
          hail of bullets.
          CECIL's eyes light up in horror at seeing DINAH's CECIL fires but he is out of ammunition.
          DINAH frantically reloads her weapons.
          CHERISH fires but then she too is out of ammunition. CECIL, PAM and CHERISH are cornered by TEAMSTERS E, G &
          H who advance on crane with drawn guns.
          PETIE throws his hands in the air. - 88 -
          Suddenly TEAMSTER D jumps from trap door in set floor
          with gun aimed at HONEY.
HONEY is injured but alive and struggles to climb
          out of car handcuffed as RAVEN rushes to touch her
          up and HONEY eagerly embraces her. - 22 -
          away in fear.
          Limo bumps down road at high speed and trunk door
          bangs shut, knocking HONEY into submission.
          Limo makes a fast right. HONEY
          DON'T SHOOT! I'm Honey Whitlock
          and I've been kidnapped! HONEY
          OWWWW!! Please... please...
          (Trying a new tactic)
          Raven, you're a pretty girl,
          you could escape this madness... HONEY screams, thinking she is being rescued as
          RAVEN bravely tries to touch up her makeup. mirrors, beat up barber chairs, filthy hair driers
          and mangy beauty supplies.
          HONEY, tied to a barber chair, still dressed in her CECIL
          (Lovingly, to HONEY)
          I kidnapped the right star,
          didn't I?
          HONEY smiles weakly. HONEY
          (Screams in pain,

                         SPUTTERING)
          Oh God, please! - 12 -

                         HONEY
          (Turning on him with a HONEY
          (In a sudden tirade)
          Did you hear what that little
          bitch said to me?

                         LIBBY
          She didn't know. HONEY's blindfold and gag as she sputters in terror.
          We see LEWIS has D-A-V-I-D L-Y-N-C-H tattooed on his - 108 -
          HONEY, charred and still sizzling, smiles weakly and
          feels her almost bald head. CHERISH
          (Continuing her story)
          "Fuck her!" yelled my grandmother.

                         (TO HONEY)

                         (MORE) HONEY
          (Getting even better)
          Somebody's gotta pay for
          this insult!
          CECIL silently mouths the dialogue along with HONEY. CECIL
          .but only the ones willing
          to dia for it succeed.
          HONEY looks into CECIL's face and lets out a sob of
          terror. struggle up to her. HONEY sighs in sexual frustration.
          CHERISH runs to dying CECIL, unzips his pants and mounts
          him. MAID
          Good luck, Miss Whitlock!
          HONEY's face freezes in horror as elevator doors
          open and she is led inside. HONEY turns back to mob in front of her and gives them a
          demented movie star grin. PAM
          (Frantically adjusting her lens)
          Visions of light!
          HONEY gulps as bullets whiz around her head and then
          jumps right back into character. HONEY is shocked when the POLICE tackle her and
          place her under arrest.
          DINAH grabs FILM COMMISSIONER and uses him as a
CECIL steps forward with CHERISH and pulls his empty
          gun. A trickle of blood runs from CECIL's mouth as
          CHERISH lunges for MANAGER's shotgun. THAT'S A CUT!
          CECIL is shot in the left shoulder by POLICE.
          HONEY kisses RAVEN goodbye and makes a break for it
          and runs towards MARINE POLICE. come running in, tying handkerchiefs around their noses
          and mouths and filming the action. CECIL fires his gun
          in air. AUDIENCE turns around in confusion. - 110 -
          CECIL lunges for dropped gun of SWAT TEAM A and shoots
          SWAT B dead, struggles aboard dolly and nods to FIDGET
          to douse him with gas. CECIL disengages CHERISH's dead body up and off of him
          and seeing HONEY in danger crawls painfully to Pam's
          wheelchair dolly. CECIL
          (Aiming his gun at HONEY, - 69 -
          CECIL fires and shoots out front tire of cop car. in neck, staggers to his feet and mows down DINAH in a
          hail of bullets.
          CECIL's eyes light up in horror at seeing DINAH's - 109 -
          Just after CHERISH and CECIL reach orgasm, CHERISH is
          shot dead in the forehead by SWAT TEAM A who leaps to crashes into lobby as FAMILIES with CHILDREN scatter
          in fear.
          CECIL leaps from the van with gun drawn and runs to HONEY, horrified that the "effect" was real looks up
          to CECIL but he has vanished.
          Suddenly CECIL enters the ship "directing" through POLICE.

                         HONEY
          (Realizing this could be
          her only chance)
          Alright, Cecil. I'm a professional...
          Roll the camera. CECIL
          .but only the ones willing
          to dia for it succeed.
          HONEY looks into CECIL's face and lets out a sob of
          terror. (TO COPS)

          HELP! IT'S ME! HONEY WHITLOCK!

                         CECIL
          (Furious, to HONEY) CECIL drags a screaming HONEY off stage as RODNEY
          runs interference, firing wildly over screaming
          AUDIENCE's heads. THAT MEANS YOU, FUCKERS!
          CECIL fires his gun and kills TEAMSTER B.
          CECIL is shot in the chest by TEAMSTER C and falls to CECIL

          CUT!

                         DIRECTOR
          (Looking up in shock)
          What the hell? CECIL
          (Smiling, to HONEY)
          Prove yourself, Honey.
          HONEY spots a marine police boat quickly darting
          behind "Pride of Baltimore," filled with MARINE SPROCKET HOLES, nursing their wounds, but still
          obsessed, aim guns at cops.
          COPS look over in total shock at CECIL, bleeding and fingers.
          HONEY's e yes light up in terror as she sees CECIL, now
          attired in insane grunge Cecil B. DeMille inspired
City of Baltimore, do hereby
          proclaim April 29th to be Honey
          Whitlock Day in Maryland and do
          command this observation to all Maryland Heart Fund died tonight
          at Union Memorial Hospital
          following an on stage heart
          attack she suffered in the middle
          of Honey Whitlock's kidnapping at 6. INTERIOR HONEY'S HOTEL ROOM. 6.
          HONEY's mean face glares out window at the twinkling
          lights of Baltimore's Inner Harbor in the early
          evening. CECIL
          Good morning, Miss Whitlock.

                         HONEY

                         (SOBBING)
          Cecil, I want to go back to
          Hollywood! HONEY WHITLOCK!
          He blasts the blow drier on finished hairdo and
          flames singe her neck.

                         HONEY HONEY

          I LOVE YOU, BALTIMORE! (TO HONEY)
          You're under arrest, Honey
          Whitlock! HONEY WHITLOCK! Whitlock as they sell popcorn and ring up sales to
          scores of Honey Whitlock look-a-likes from the drive-in
          audience. 18. Cut back to EXTERIOR HARBOR COURT HOTEL. 18.
          Closeup of HONEY WHITLOCK's furious face as she stares in HONEY
          DON'T SHOOT! I'm Honey Whitlock
          and I've been kidnapped! CECIL
          That's more like it, Miss Whitlock!
          CHERISH gives HONEY a suddenly jealous look. BOX OFFICE LADY
          Oh my God, it's Honey Whitlock!

                         CECIL
          (Yelling to "actors" into BALTIMORE.
          Helicopter shot of speeding police car taking HONEY HONEY
          Look at this dump of a town!
          HONEY turns to her long suffering assistant, LIBBY.
          The press is gone and they are alone. MAID
          Good luck, Miss Whitlock!
          HONEY's face freezes in horror as elevator doors
          open and she is led inside. up next to him is HONEY, still dressed it same costume
          from last scene but now wearing a bad "Honey Whitlock"
          wig. DIRECTOR
          Are you this desperate for
          publicity, Honey Whitlock?

                         HONEY
          (Aiming gun at DIRECTOR) THAT'S A CUT!
          CECIL is shot in the left shoulder by POLICE.
          HONEY kisses RAVEN goodbye and makes a break for it
          and runs towards MARINE POLICE. (TO COPS)

          HELP! IT'S ME! HONEY WHITLOCK!

                         CECIL
          (Furious, to HONEY)
CECIL
          (To FAMILIES,
          aiming gun in the air)

          I AM CECIL B. DEMENTED, THE MANAGER
          Who is it?

                         CECIL
          Cecil B. DeMented.

                         MANAGER
          (Thinking it's one of CECIL
          I am Cecil B. DeMented and you're
          in my movie! Look in the camera bizarre short hairdo and pulls gun.
           SINCLAIR STEVENS will be referred to by his terrorist
          name "CECIL B. DEMENTED" for the rest of the script. ï»¿


                            CECIL B. DEMENTED



                                Written by

                               John Waters CECIL
          .Hello, I'm Cecil B. DeMented
          and I'm your new director...
          HONEY stares in confused horror. CECIL
          I I am Cecil B. DeMented and
          this picture is TERMINATED. CECIL
          Hello, this is Cecil B. DeMented
          speaking to you directly from
          this theater... CECIL the "Cecil B. DeMented" tattoo on his arm.
          CECIL suddenly basks in cult worship.
          HONEY beams in happiness. out and "Cecil B. DeMented" title logo fades into
          marquee in all its terrorist glory. I AM CECIL B. DEMENTED!...
          (Rips off his short-haired
          wig to reveal bleached

                         PUNK-CUT HAIR) HONEY looks over in fear as the SPROCKET HOLES, now
          changed from their theater uniforms into their own
          scary "terrorist chic" fashions, gather around CECIL in a I'M CECIL B. DEMENTED, THE ULTIMATE DEMENTED FOREVER!
          GROUPIE gives her the power fist sign.
          CECIL is shocked and glares at HONEY and SPROCKET HOLES Cecil's picture and the slogan "PUNISH BAD CINEMA." One
          of the girls is dressed as Honey Whitlock and made up
          with fake bruises. CECIL
          There are no creative differences on
          a Cecil B. DeMented set, Miss Whitlock. - 110 -
          CECIL lunges for dropped gun of SWAT TEAM A and shoots
          SWAT B dead, struggles aboard dolly and nods to FIDGET
          to douse him with gas. CECIL grins like a lunatic as PAM and CHARDONNAY aim the
          camera and sound boom at the door. DINAH holds
          clapboard. dive out of the way and GANG chants "Battle of
          Algiers"-type revolutionary yell.
          CECIL fires his gun out back window and shatters the PETIE

          CECIL B. DEMENTED WANTS

          YOUR KEYS!
CECIL
          (To HONEY, ever the CECIL
          (Aiming his gun at HONEY, CECIL
          .but only the ones willing
          to dia for it succeed.
          HONEY looks into CECIL's face and lets out a sob of
          terror. CECIL
          This is it - our final location.

                         CHERISH
          (Excited, to HONEY)
          We're gonna get laid! HONEY
          (Getting even better)
          Somebody's gotta pay for
          this insult!
          CECIL silently mouths the dialogue along with HONEY. HONEY
          No...not at all.

                         CECIL
          It's all behind you now, Cherish.
          (Looking out window)
          We're here... CECIL

                         (PREOCCUPIED)
          Now Honey...I want you to do a
          little stunt for this scene...

                         HONEY CECIL
          Good morning, Miss Whitlock.

                         HONEY

                         (SOBBING)
          Cecil, I want to go back to
          Hollywood! struggle up to her. HONEY sighs in sexual frustration.
          CHERISH runs to dying CECIL, unzips his pants and mounts
          him. CECIL disengages CHERISH's dead body up and off of him
          and seeing HONEY in danger crawls painfully to Pam's
          wheelchair dolly. - 67 -
          CECIL smiles benevolently at HONEY. HONEY

                         (SPEECHLESS)
          I. .wouldn't.

                         CECIL
          It's ok, Cherish. This way.. HONEY, horrified that the "effect" was real looks up
          to CECIL but he has vanished.
          Suddenly CECIL enters the ship "directing" through CECIL
          (Hissing to HONEY)
          Say the lines!

                         HONEY
          (To AUDIENCE, ferociously HONEY looks for help but she is suddenly all alone.
          CECIL pushes himself forward on wheelchair dolly,
          gaining speed and begins laughing maniacally. (TO CECIL)
          BUT Â£iE. DOESN'T BELIEVE ME!

                         HONEY
          I. .I believe you. - 63 -

                         CECIL
          Blanks ...trust me Honey.
          HONEY gulps.

                         CECIL CECIL
          (Finishing up last page
          of script, to HONEY, LYLE CECIL
          (Suddenly the dictator again)
          Let's move on!

                         HONEY

                         (SHOCKED)
          What? No coverage? TO HONEY)
          Do my tits look OK? They're
          bigger than yours, you know.

                         HONEY
          Cecil, please don't make me do
          this scene...
THAT'S A CUT!
          CECIL is shot in the left shoulder by POLICE.
          HONEY kisses RAVEN goodbye and makes a break for it
          and runs towards MARINE POLICE. CECIL
          (Smiling, to HONEY)
          Prove yourself, Honey.
          HONEY spots a marine police boat quickly darting
          behind "Pride of Baltimore," filled with MARINE 1. Film opens with beautiful shot of the skyline of
          downtown Baltimore in the spring. Credits begin. CECIL
          (To FAMILIES,
          aiming gun in the air)

          I AM CECIL B. DEMENTED, THE CECIL
          (Aiming his gun at HONEY, CECIL steps forward with CHERISH and pulls his empty
          gun. A trickle of blood runs from CECIL's mouth as
          CHERISH lunges for MANAGER's shotgun. CECIL
          This is it - our final location.

                         CHERISH
          (Excited, to HONEY)
          We're gonna get laid! dive out of the way and GANG chants "Battle of
          Algiers"-type revolutionary yell.
          CECIL fires his gun out back window and shatters the in neck, staggers to his feet and mows down DINAH in a
          hail of bullets.
          CECIL's eyes light up in horror at seeing DINAH's CECIL
          (To HONEY as he fires his gun)

          FINISH THE FUCKING SCENE!

                         HONEY
          (Suddenly jumping back - 69 -
          CECIL fires and shoots out front tire of cop car. - 110 -
          CECIL lunges for dropped gun of SWAT TEAM A and shoots
          SWAT B dead, struggles aboard dolly and nods to FIDGET
          to douse him with gas. crashes into lobby as FAMILIES with CHILDREN scatter
          in fear.
          CECIL leaps from the van with gun drawn and runs to come running in, tying handkerchiefs around their noses
          and mouths and filming the action. CECIL fires his gun
          in air. AUDIENCE turns around in confusion. 79. Wipe to EXTERIOR SPROCKET HOUSE. 79.
          Doors swing open and CECIL's speeding van, driven CECIL
          ALL EXTRAS - keep eating the
          oysters or you will be shot
          and killed!

                         DINAH
          (Shoving party guests CECIL

                         (TO HONEY)
          That's your mark. When you
          hear "Action," jump through
          the window, and land facing
          Pam's camera. THAT MEANS YOU, FUCKERS!
          CECIL fires his gun and kills TEAMSTER B.
          CECIL is shot in the chest by TEAMSTER C and falls to CECIL nods to DINAH to start tape and we see a
          TEENAGE BOY on news in front of vandalized Timonium
          theater. CECIL

          ACTION!
THAT'S A CUT!
          CECIL is shot in the left shoulder by POLICE.
          HONEY kisses RAVEN goodbye and makes a break for it
          and runs towards MARINE POLICE. - 110 -
          CECIL lunges for dropped gun of SWAT TEAM A and shoots
          SWAT B dead, struggles aboard dolly and nods to FIDGET
          to douse him with gas. CECIL steps forward with CHERISH and pulls his empty
          gun. A trickle of blood runs from CECIL's mouth as
          CHERISH lunges for MANAGER's shotgun. THAT MEANS YOU, FUCKERS!
          CECIL fires his gun and kills TEAMSTER B.
          CECIL is shot in the chest by TEAMSTER C and falls to - 69 -
          CECIL fires and shoots out front tire of cop car. CECIL, PAM and CHERISH are cornered by TEAMSTERS E, G &
          H who advance on crane with drawn guns.
          PETIE throws his hands in the air. dive out of the way and GANG chants "Battle of
          Algiers"-type revolutionary yell.
          CECIL fires his gun out back window and shatters the DINAH sees that CECIL has been hit and a look of fury
          sweeps over her face.
          CECIL fires gun at TEAMSTERS F, G & H as they flood the crashes into lobby as FAMILIES with CHILDREN scatter
          in fear.
          CECIL leaps from the van with gun drawn and runs to CECIL drags a screaming HONEY off stage as RODNEY
          runs interference, firing wildly over screaming
          AUDIENCE's heads. ACTION!
          COPS fire at CECIL but PETIE swerves the van
          expertly to make them a hard target. SPROCKET HOLES
          shoot back but they are beginning to run out of
          ammunition. PAM continues to film, bleeding badly from her wound.
          DINAH suddenly runs in front of CECIL in a kamikaze
          action and opens fire killing TEAMSTERS E, G & H. CECIL fires but he is out of ammunition.
          DINAH frantically reloads her weapons.
          CHERISH fires but then she too is out of ammunition. - 109 -
          Just after CHERISH and CECIL reach orgasm, CHERISH is
          shot dead in the forehead by SWAT TEAM A who leaps to come running in, tying handkerchiefs around their noses
          and mouths and filming the action. CECIL fires his gun
          in air. AUDIENCE turns around in confusion. CECIL
          (Aiming his gun at HONEY, charging out of theater, firing their guns to cover
          their escape.
          CECIL drags HONEY outside, still in a chokehold as in neck, staggers to his feet and mows down DINAH in a
          hail of bullets.
          CECIL's eyes light up in horror at seeing DINAH's - 20 -
          Back window is blasted out by COP's bullet.

                         CECIL
          I fuckin' hate car chase scenes! SPROCKET HOLES, nursing their wounds, but still
          obsessed, aim guns at cops.
          COPS look over in total shock at CECIL, bleeding and
HONEY looks in confusion to CECIL who smiles proudly
          back. Tape jumps to a different news show showing AUDIENCE hits the floor screaming in panic.
          RODNEY pulls a gun and fires into air as HONEY
          screams in horror. THAT'S A CUT!
          CECIL is shot in the left shoulder by POLICE.
          HONEY kisses RAVEN goodbye and makes a break for it
          and runs towards MARINE POLICE. CHERISH fires her gun in the nick of time and kills
          TEAMSTER D and saves HONEY's life.
          HONEY locks eyes with CHERISH in a newfound thespian PRODUCER C clutches his stomach and doubles over.
          HONEY covers her mouth in real horror.
          Instantly PRODUCER C recovers, realizing the bullet - 88 -
          Suddenly TEAMSTER D jumps from trap door in set floor
          with gun aimed at HONEY. HONEY, looking more relaxed, with only one leg cuffed to
          director's chair, watches herself on film in the arty,
          grainy, but very striking footage. CECIL
          (Aiming his gun at HONEY, F
          his knees in great pain.
          PAM pans the camera back to TEAMSTER C and shoots her
          gun and kills him. CECIL drags a screaming HONEY off stage as RODNEY
          runs interference, firing wildly over screaming
          AUDIENCE's heads. CHERISH, firing her gun wildly, runs to LYLE and
          manages to pull him "off set" as HONEY freezes in
          terror deciding between her director or the POLICE. HONEY looks around cell and sees giant stills blown up
          from her past films showing her in physical and
          emotional distress. HOOOONNNEEEEYYY!
          As HONEY is roughly shoved in back seat of cop car,
          SPROCKET HOLES open fire and blast out back window. PAM
          (Frantically adjusting her lens)
          Visions of light!
          HONEY gulps as bullets whiz around her head and then
          jumps right back into character. OF BALTIMORE."
          HONEY aims gun at PRODUCER C, terrified the gun is
          as real as her grenade was.

                         PRODUCER C HONEY

          DEATH TO ALL WHO ARE

          CINEMATICALLY INCORRECT!
          (Fires her gun in air) HONEY throws what she thinks is her "prop" grenade.
          The FILM COMMISSIONER dives out of the way and it
          explodes. HONEY
          (Getting even better)
          Somebody's gotta pay for
          this insult!
          CECIL silently mouths the dialogue along with HONEY. SWAT B shoots GROUPIE from atop roof and kills him.
          HONEY cries out at his death and panics as SWAT TEAM DIRECTOR
          Are you this desperate for
          publicity, Honey Whitlock?

                         HONEY
          (Aiming gun at DIRECTOR)
HONEY lets gown fall to floor and steps out of it.
          She is wearing beautiful lingerie. HONEY
          No...not at all.

                         CECIL
          It's all behind you now, Cherish.
          (Looking out window)
          We're here... (TO HONEY)
          See Pam?
          HONEY looks down to PAM, and sees PAM putting
          gaffer's tape mark on deck of ship. HONEY
          (Getting even better)
          Somebody's gotta pay for
          this insult!
          CECIL silently mouths the dialogue along with HONEY. CECIL watches in sudden horniness but catches himself.
          CHERISH looks over at HONEY, proud of her on-screen
          work. HONEY
          Ah, what a town!
          HONEY is dressed for the premiere in an elegant evening HONEY
          Oh, God, I look terrible!
          (Breaks into sobs)
          CECIL and SPROCKET HOLES applaud triumphantly. HONEY

                         (SPEECHLESS)
          I. .wouldn't.

                         CECIL
          It's ok, Cherish. This way.. CECIL
          (Suddenly the dictator again)
          Let's move on!

                         HONEY

                         (SHOCKED)
          What? No coverage? HONEY
          Look at this dump of a town!
          HONEY turns to her long suffering assistant, LIBBY.
          The press is gone and they are alone. (TO HONEY)
          Hey, that's pretty good...

                         HONEY
          (Suddenly the consummate - 12 -

                         HONEY
          (Turning on him with a HONEY, horrified that the "effect" was real looks up
          to CECIL but he has vanished.
          Suddenly CECIL enters the ship "directing" through HONEY
          (In character, chanting)

          VANDALIZE THE MOVIES! GIVE HONEY turns back to mob in front of her and gives them a
          demented movie star grin. HONEY looks in confusion to CECIL who smiles proudly
          back. Tape jumps to a different news show showing HONEY, looking more relaxed, with only one leg cuffed to
          director's chair, watches herself on film in the arty,
          grainy, but very striking footage. JAY LENO and STUDIO AUDIENCE howls in laughter.
          HONEY stares at TV, betrayed as RAVEN gently puts her
          t arms around her in comfort. JOCK A
          Her career is over!
          GROUPIE hears and tries to turn back to confront JOCKS
          but HONEY grabs him. Tape cuts to LIBBY, HONEY's assistant, talking to
          ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT. Subtitle on TV read "Honey
          Whitlock's Personal Assistant."
Suddenly CECIL enters dressed to the nines in another
          lunatic "movie director" outfit. He is accompanied by
          DINAH, who is even more severely dressed in thrift-shop HONEY, horrified that the "effect" was real looks up
          to CECIL but he has vanished.
          Suddenly CECIL enters the ship "directing" through CECIL, PAM and CHERISH are cornered by TEAMSTERS E, G &
          H who advance on crane with drawn guns.
          PETIE throws his hands in the air. CECIL
          This is Cherish...
          CHERISH, now heavily made-up and dressed "riot-girl" CECIL fires but he is out of ammunition.
          DINAH frantically reloads her weapons.
          CHERISH fires but then she too is out of ammunition. crashes into lobby as FAMILIES with CHILDREN scatter
          in fear.
          CECIL leaps from the van with gun drawn and runs to CECIL's bizarrely decored crane that doubles as their
          love nest. CECIL is frantically trying to write his GUARDS.
          On other side of van exit LYLE, CHERISH and HONEY as
          CECIL leads them towards abandoned pier building
          next to ship. CECIL
          This is it - our final location.

                         CHERISH
          (Excited, to HONEY)
          We're gonna get laid! - 110 -
          CECIL lunges for dropped gun of SWAT TEAM A and shoots
          SWAT B dead, struggles aboard dolly and nods to FIDGET
          to douse him with gas. THAT'S A CUT!
          CECIL is shot in the left shoulder by POLICE.
          HONEY kisses RAVEN goodbye and makes a break for it
          and runs towards MARINE POLICE. HONEY looks over in fear as the SPROCKET HOLES, now
          changed from their theater uniforms into their own
          scary "terrorist chic" fashions, gather around CECIL in a CECIL
          (Grabbing microphone and
          addressing his followers)
          SOLDIERS OF CINEMA, save your I HATE THESE FUCKING THINGS!
          CECIL enters with HONEY as RODNEY and RAVEN follow, CECIL

          ACTION! PAM continues to film, bleeding badly from her wound.
          DINAH suddenly runs in front of CECIL in a kamikaze
          action and opens fire killing TEAMSTERS E, G & H. CECIL and CHERISH lie asleep twisted and entwined in
          the sheets, tortured by their erotic dreams.
          Suddenly, one of CECIL's bloodshot eyes open and CECIL steps forward with CHERISH and pulls his empty
          gun. A trickle of blood runs from CECIL's mouth as
          CHERISH lunges for MANAGER's shotgun. CECIL, HONEY and SPROCKET HOLES stagger around
          corner and CHERISH beckons them to follow. charging out of theater, firing their guns to cover
          their escape.
          CECIL drags HONEY outside, still in a chokehold as
Suddenly PETIE appears from back hallway and pistol whips
          TEAMSTER B who is supposed to be guarding the door.
          As TEAMSTERS leap to their feet, LEWIS, DINAH and CECIL, PAM and CHERISH are cornered by TEAMSTERS E, G &
          H who advance on crane with drawn guns.
          PETIE throws his hands in the air. F
          his knees in great pain.
          PAM pans the camera back to TEAMSTER C and shoots her
          gun and kills him. THAT MEANS YOU, FUCKERS!
          CECIL fires his gun and kills TEAMSTER B.
          CECIL is shot in the chest by TEAMSTER C and falls to TEAMSTERS.
          CHERISH, on screen, goes into theatrical orgasm.

                         CHERISH

                         (ON SCREEN) LEWIS and DINAH yank TEAMSTER A's twitching body
          inside truck and PETIE quickly slams door shut. WRAP IT UP AND RUN!
          CECIL, his "cast and crew" take off, chanting their
          terrorist yell. PETIE screeches to a sudden stop. HE checks rear-view
          mirror and realizes they have escaped their POLICE
          pursuers. - 86 -
          TEAMSTERS B, C, D & E are running to set, tossing
          guns to each other. TEAMSTERS they've overtaken.
          LEWIS spots an issue of "Variety" and sneaks a look
          inside before rushing inside studio with FIDGET. bleeding TEAMSTER F staggers out of studio and
          collapses. TEAMSTERS I & J come around corner, sae
          what's happening and take off after CECIL and SPROCKET 119 INTERIOR "STUDIO TWELVE." ENTRANCE. 119
          TEAMSTERS, now conscious, are struggling to free one
          another from SPROCKET HOLE restraints. TEAMSTERS stop in their tracks, horrified to face their
          horny opponents, some of whom are unzipped. ACTION!
          TEAMSTER A freezes in shock.
          PETIE quickly pulls out stun gun and zaps TEAMSTER A
          in neck. - 88 -
          Suddenly TEAMSTER D jumps from trap door in set floor
          with gun aimed at HONEY. TEAMSTER I
          Where are they, pervert? - 85 -

                          TEAMSTER C
          We'll get their little 16mm
          asses. charging out of theater, firing their guns to cover
          their escape.
          CECIL drags HONEY outside, still in a chokehold as CHERISH runs to crane and hops on with CECIL and shoots
          at TEAMSTERS D & E who rush in. PAM continues to film, bleeding badly from her wound.
          DINAH suddenly runs in front of CECIL in a kamikaze
          action and opens fire killing TEAMSTERS E, G & H.
CECIL
          (To HONEY as he fires his gun)

          FINISH THE FUCKING SCENE!

                         HONEY
          (Suddenly jumping back CECIL
          This is it - our final location.

                         CHERISH
          (Excited, to HONEY)
          We're gonna get laid! CECIL
          (Hissing to HONEY)
          Say the lines!

                         HONEY
          (To AUDIENCE, ferociously CECIL
          Honey, I've had a final vision.
          Would you set your hair on fire
          for our movie...?

                         HONEY CECIL

                         (PREOCCUPIED)
          Now Honey...I want you to do a
          little stunt for this scene...

                         HONEY HONEY
          No...not at all.

                         CECIL
          It's all behind you now, Cherish.
          (Looking out window)
          We're here... CECIL
          (To HONEY, ever the CECIL
          (Always the director, happy)
          It's OK! We got it on film!

                         (TO HONEY)
          Keep going! CECIL
          (Aiming his gun at HONEY, CECIL
          .but only the ones willing
          to dia for it succeed.
          HONEY looks into CECIL's face and lets out a sob of
          terror. CECIL
          (Finishing up last page
          of script, to HONEY, LYLE TO HONEY)
          Do my tits look OK? They're
          bigger than yours, you know.

                         HONEY
          Cecil, please don't make me do
          this scene... HONEY, horrified that the "effect" was real looks up
          to CECIL but he has vanished.
          Suddenly CECIL enters the ship "directing" through CECIL
          (Coughs up blood)

          ACTION!

                         HONEY
          (Snapping into character) CECIL

                         (TO HONEY)
          That's your mark. When you
          hear "Action," jump through
          the window, and land facing
          Pam's camera. struggle up to her. HONEY sighs in sexual frustration.
          CHERISH runs to dying CECIL, unzips his pants and mounts
          him. HONEY
          Oh, God, I look terrible!
          (Breaks into sobs)
          CECIL and SPROCKET HOLES applaud triumphantly. CECIL
          Good morning, Miss Whitlock.

                         HONEY

                         (SOBBING)
          Cecil, I want to go back to
          Hollywood! HONEY
          (Getting even better)
          Somebody's gotta pay for
          this insult!
          CECIL silently mouths the dialogue along with HONEY. HONEY
          (Snapping into character)

          LONG LIVE GUERILLA FILMMAKING!

                         CECIL
          (Ducking bullets but
CECIL steps forward with CHERISH and pulls his empty
          gun. A trickle of blood runs from CECIL's mouth as
          CHERISH lunges for MANAGER's shotgun. - 110 -
          CECIL lunges for dropped gun of SWAT TEAM A and shoots
          SWAT B dead, struggles aboard dolly and nods to FIDGET
          to douse him with gas. DINAH sees that CECIL has been hit and a look of fury
          sweeps over her face.
          CECIL fires gun at TEAMSTERS F, G & H as they flood the CECIL fires but he is out of ammunition.
          DINAH frantically reloads her weapons.
          CHERISH fires but then she too is out of ammunition. charity of its fund, pulls a large gun and runs out
          of cashier's booth.
          43. Cut back to INTERIOR SENATOR THEATER. STAGE. 43. crashes into lobby as FAMILIES with CHILDREN scatter
          in fear.
          CECIL leaps from the van with gun drawn and runs to THAT MEANS YOU, FUCKERS!
          CECIL fires his gun and kills TEAMSTER B.
          CECIL is shot in the chest by TEAMSTER C and falls to dive out of the way and GANG chants "Battle of
          Algiers"-type revolutionary yell.
          CECIL fires his gun out back window and shatters the PAM continues to film, bleeding badly from her wound.
          DINAH suddenly runs in front of CECIL in a kamikaze
          action and opens fire killing TEAMSTERS E, G & H. Suddenly PETIE appears from back hallway and pistol whips
          TEAMSTER B who is supposed to be guarding the door.
          As TEAMSTERS leap to their feet, LEWIS, DINAH and come running in, tying handkerchiefs around their noses
          and mouths and filming the action. CECIL fires his gun
          in air. AUDIENCE turns around in confusion. - 19 -
          it.
          DINAH comes running, firing into the air, and throws and guard the "set."
          LYLE and CHERISH enter in character with their guns
          drawn.
          LYLE grabs an over-sized cup from behind counter. PRODUCER C clutches his stomach and doubles over.
          HONEY covers her mouth in real horror.
          Instantly PRODUCER C recovers, realizing the bullet to dodge the bullets as CECIL and CHERISH fire back at
          TEAMSTERS G & H, and PAM continues to film.
          PAM is shot in stomach by TEAMSTER G. charging out of theater, firing their guns to cover
          their escape.
          CECIL drags HONEY outside, still in a chokehold as F
          his knees in great pain.
          PAM pans the camera back to TEAMSTER C and shoots her
          gun and kills him. CECIL, PAM and CHERISH are cornered by TEAMSTERS E, G &
          H who advance on crane with drawn guns.
          PETIE throws his hands in the air. - 109 -
          Just after CHERISH and CECIL reach orgasm, CHERISH is
          shot dead in the forehead by SWAT TEAM A who leaps to - 88 -
          Suddenly TEAMSTER D jumps from trap door in set floor
          with gun aimed at HONEY.
mirrors, beat up barber chairs, filthy hair driers
          and mangy beauty supplies.
          HONEY, tied to a barber chair, still dressed in her HONEY is injured but alive and struggles to climb
          out of car handcuffed as RAVEN rushes to touch her
          up and HONEY eagerly embraces her. "dressing room"; a bizarrely decorated prison cell
          fit for a movie queen.
          HONEY is blindfolded, gagged and tied to a director's HONEY
          OWWWW!! Please... please...
          (Trying a new tactic)
          Raven, you're a pretty girl,
          you could escape this madness... HONEY's blindfold and gag as she sputters in terror.
          We see LEWIS has D-A-V-I-D L-Y-N-C-H tattooed on his - 22 -
          away in fear.
          Limo bumps down road at high speed and trunk door
          bangs shut, knocking HONEY into submission.
          Limo makes a fast right. HONEY
          (Screams in pain,

                         SPUTTERING)
          Oh God, please! HONEY looks for help but she is suddenly all alone.
          CECIL pushes himself forward on wheelchair dolly,
          gaining speed and begins laughing maniacally. HONEY
          Look at this dump of a town!
          HONEY turns to her long suffering assistant, LIBBY.
          The press is gone and they are alone. HONEY
          No...not at all.

                         CECIL
          It's all behind you now, Cherish.
          (Looking out window)
          We're here... CECIL
          (Aiming his gun at HONEY, HONEY
          DON'T SHOOT! I'm Honey Whitlock
          and I've been kidnapped! MAID
          Good luck, Miss Whitlock!
          HONEY's face freezes in horror as elevator doors
          open and she is led inside. - 108 -
          HONEY, charred and still sizzling, smiles weakly and
          feels her almost bald head. - 12 -

                         HONEY
          (Turning on him with a HONEY is shocked when the POLICE tackle her and
          place her under arrest.
          DINAH grabs FILM COMMISSIONER and uses him as a CECIL
          .but only the ones willing
          to dia for it succeed.
          HONEY looks into CECIL's face and lets out a sob of
          terror. 6. INTERIOR HONEY'S HOTEL ROOM. 6.
          HONEY's mean face glares out window at the twinkling
          lights of Baltimore's Inner Harbor in the early
          evening. HONEY looks around cell and sees giant stills blown up
          from her past films showing her in physical and
          emotional distress. CECIL
          (Lovingly, to HONEY)
          I kidnapped the right star,
          didn't I?
          HONEY smiles weakly.
GROUPIE defiantly puts him arm around HONEY as she begs
          CECIL with her eyes for approval.
          GROUPIE smiles and pulls up shirt sleeve to reveal to CECIL
          (Aiming his gun at HONEY, CECIL
          (To HONEY, ever the CECIL
          This is it - our final location.

                         CHERISH
          (Excited, to HONEY)
          We're gonna get laid! CECIL
          Your fans...
          HONEY looks to GROUPIE in a sea of cheering FANS. He is CECIL
          .but only the ones willing
          to dia for it succeed.
          HONEY looks into CECIL's face and lets out a sob of
          terror. Cecil's picture and the slogan "PUNISH BAD CINEMA." One
          of the girls is dressed as Honey Whitlock and made up
          with fake bruises. CECIL
          .The slash and burn of the
          white hot metal will brand you
          forever with the logo of Cecil B. CECIL
          .and her violence prone
          daughter, Cherish...
          CHERISH enters in eye-popping "super model goes bad"
          look as HONEY's eyes light up in horror. struggle up to her. HONEY sighs in sexual frustration.
          CHERISH runs to dying CECIL, unzips his pants and mounts
          him. HONEY
          No...not at all.

                         CECIL
          It's all behind you now, Cherish.
          (Looking out window)
          We're here... CECIL
          That's more like it, Miss Whitlock!
          CHERISH gives HONEY a suddenly jealous look. fingers.
          HONEY's e yes light up in terror as she sees CECIL, now
          attired in insane grunge Cecil B. DeMille inspired CECIL the "Cecil B. DeMented" tattoo on his arm.
          CECIL suddenly basks in cult worship.
          HONEY beams in happiness. - 67 -
          CECIL smiles benevolently at HONEY. CECIL
          This is Cherish...
          CHERISH, now heavily made-up and dressed "riot-girl" CECIL, HONEY and SPROCKET HOLES stagger around
          corner and CHERISH beckons them to follow. CECIL
          (Hissing excitedly to
          CHERISH and LYLE, and handing DEMENTED FOREVER!
          GROUPIE gives her the power fist sign.
          CECIL is shocked and glares at HONEY and SPROCKET HOLES outfit. He then wheels full-length mirror to HONEY and
          signals to CECIL she is ready.
          HONEY sees her transformation into terrorist glamour
DINAH zaps on TV and we see MIDDLE-AGED MAN in suit
          behind podium at press conference. Subtitle 7:10pm to ensure live coverage
          from all three local news shows.
          By the way, I hear she's really
          a nice person... HONEY looks in confusion to CECIL who smiles proudly
          back. Tape jumps to a different news show showing Tape cuts to LIBBY, HONEY's assistant, talking to
          ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT. Subtitle on TV read "Honey
          Whitlock's Personal Assistant." We made the news...
          CECIL nods to DINAH to turn on the VCR to show clip
          taped from TV. CECIL nods to DINAH to start tape and we see a
          TEENAGE BOY on news in front of vandalized Timonium
          theater. FOX, dressed in character sits on park bench in front of
          elaborate back drop painting of the Baltimore skyline.
          ELECTRICS scurry about tweaking the lights. HAIR and video footage with remote. FIDGET looks sad to see his
          PARENTS flash on the TV screen taped from WJZ TV news
          show. MR. STILLINGS
          Christ, there's what's-her-name
          from E Network. Look at the
          tits on her!
          LYLE hits MR. STILLINGS over the head with the film
          can. HONEY catches herself half smiling at the favorable
          mention.
          Tape cuts to TIMONIUM THEATER MANAGER, his head now
          bandaged. CHARDONNAY, now done up in outrageous homegirl
          gangster look, carries an old wrecked Nagra sound
          recorder and spins her microphone boom pole like PAM and CHARDONNAY aim the camera and sound microphone
          at MANAGER's stunned face.
          MANAGER looks to his shotgun. WJZ-TV mini-cam truck pulls up and NEWSCASTER and
          CREW jump out. TEAMS, all running towards her with guns and camera
          equipment. She turns away, pulls out compact and sees
          her smeared makeup. She looks for RAVEN to touch her up JAY LENO and STUDIO AUDIENCE howls in laughter.
          HONEY stares at TV, betrayed as RAVEN gently puts her
          t arms around her in comfort. CECIL
          (Suddenly the dictator again)
          Let's move on!

                         HONEY

                         (SHOCKED)
          What? No coverage? NEWSMAN
          . So once again, our top story.
          Sylvia Mallory, the fifty-two
          year old chairwoman of the CECIL

                         (TO HONEY)
          You ain't seen nothing yet!
          Tape cuts to FILM COMMISSIONER, bandaged but defiant. RODNEY the bodyguard sit in back with HONEY as she gives
          a phone interview. PETIE the chauffeur winks sexily in - 30 -
          (Hearing helicopter noise
          outside, and smiling)
          .and the whole world is watching...

                         DINAH
          (Ignoring passing police
SHOT-ENTIRELY-IN-BALTIMORE SEQUEL
          to the Oscar-winning masterpiece,
          "Forrest Gump"...
          SPROCKET HOLES let out a cry of horror. A giant FILM CREW, all wearing "Gump Again" t-shirts,
          hustle and bustle on the first day of the film shoot,
          hauling expensive film equipment inside, setting up FILM COMMISSIONER
          .starring Michael J. Fox!
          Tape cuts to MICHAEL J. FOX dressed in Forrest Gump
          look. Subtitle reads "Live in Baltimore." Cut to "Towson Commons," a modern cineplex down the
          street. All the titles listed on marquee are
          sequels. Sequel titles fade out and our credits
          fade in on marquee. MICHAEL J. FOX
          Hi, I'm Forrest Gump...

                         LARGE LADY
          That's a damn shame... and gives her a furious look.
          PETIE expertly lowers them down on crane, mimicking the
          original opening shot of "Forrest Gump." Cut to "The Hippodrome Theater," one-time downtown movie
          palace, now abandoned and boarded up with broken and
          blank marquee. The credits to our movie continue by to Grauman's Chinese Theater in Los Angeles. Each
          displays the logo of a film title that was shot on
          location in Baltimore and premiered at this theater; 1. Film opens with beautiful shot of the skyline of
          downtown Baltimore in the spring. Credits begin. FILM COMMISSIONER

          ."GUMP AGAIN."
          CECIL's face turns to pure horror. FOX, dressed in character sits on park bench in front of
          elaborate back drop painting of the Baltimore skyline.
          ELECTRICS scurry about tweaking the lights. HAIR and (BRAVELY)
          Nobody can stop the popularity
          of "Forrest Gump."
          CHARDONNAY smiles evilly and smashes the SOUND MAN's
          expensive state-of-the-art sound recorder. HONEY
          (Growling scarily,
          to MICHAEL J. FOX)

          I FUCKING HATE FORREST GUMP! (IN CHARACTER)
          Well, my Mama always said
          "Gump happens." Shucks, I
          guess life is like a crab cake, Film Commission is pleased to
          announce there will be nna delay
          in tomorrow's once-secret start
          date for the 65 million dollar, They arrive at the amazingly inventive exterior set of
          "RITZ CINEMA," a tiny guilded movie palace gone to seed.
          Marquee reads: PASOLINI FESTIVAL. FILM COMMISSIONER
          .That's why we're here today
          on "The Pride of Baltimore" to
          celebrate location shooting in FILM COMMISSIONER
          (Looking into camera)
          Cecil B. DeMented, you can never
          stop Hollywood! The Maryland CECIL
          (Always the director, happy)
          It's OK! We got it on film!

                         (TO HONEY)
          Keep going! MAYOR
          (Stepping into black limo,)
          Break a leg, Miss Whitlock!
          RODNEY, in a panic, keeps checking his watch.
CECIL
          Honey, I've had a final vision.
          Would you set your hair on fire
          for our movie...?

                         HONEY CECIL
          (To HONEY, ever the fingers.
          HONEY's e yes light up in terror as she sees CECIL, now
          attired in insane grunge Cecil B. DeMille inspired CECIL
          (Aiming his gun at HONEY, CECIL
          This is it - our final location.

                         CHERISH
          (Excited, to HONEY)
          We're gonna get laid! CECIL
          .but only the ones willing
          to dia for it succeed.
          HONEY looks into CECIL's face and lets out a sob of
          terror. struggle up to her. HONEY sighs in sexual frustration.
          CHERISH runs to dying CECIL, unzips his pants and mounts
          him. HONEY
          No...not at all.

                         CECIL
          It's all behind you now, Cherish.
          (Looking out window)
          We're here... TO HONEY)
          Do my tits look OK? They're
          bigger than yours, you know.

                         HONEY
          Cecil, please don't make me do
          this scene... HONEY's hair on fire with one quick touch of the torch.
          HONEY's hair goes up in flames as she gives the
          performance of a lifetime as LEWIS pushes PAM on the CECIL

                         (PREOCCUPIED)
          Now Honey...I want you to do a
          little stunt for this scene...

                         HONEY a lighter but it doesn't really work.
          CECIL'S ENEMIES stare at HONEY's hair ablaze in shock. GROUPIE defiantly puts him arm around HONEY as she begs
          CECIL with her eyes for approval.
          GROUPIE smiles and pulls up shirt sleeve to reveal to CECIL
          (Moaning in sexual frustration)
          I S-Q want to fuck you, Cherish, but
          you know I can't...

                         CHERISH
          Why not?! CECIL
          (Lovingly, to HONEY)
          I kidnapped the right star,
          didn't I?
          HONEY smiles weakly. CHERISH

                         (TO CECIL)
          You mean ...we can fuck?

                         CECIL
          (Dying but still horny, CECIL and CHERISH lie asleep twisted and entwined in
          the sheets, tortured by their erotic dreams.
          Suddenly, one of CECIL's bloodshot eyes open and HONEY
          (Getting even better)
          Somebody's gotta pay for
          this insult!
          CECIL silently mouths the dialogue along with HONEY. CECIL
          Good morning, Miss Whitlock.

                         HONEY

                         (SOBBING)
          Cecil, I want to go back to
          Hollywood! CECIL
          (To HONEY as he fires his gun)

          FINISH THE FUCKING SCENE!

                         HONEY
          (Suddenly jumping back
CECIL
          (Hissing excitedly to
          CHERISH and LYLE, and handing CECIL
          This is Cherish...
          CHERISH, now heavily made-up and dressed "riot-girl" stop in happiness at seeing the theater. CECIL
          smiles in relief and beckons his gang to follow as
          FAMILIES gain on them in fury. CECIL
          (Smugly, to GANG)
          Casting has been completed!
          PETIE peels out in other direction. CECIL and GROUPIE give each other the power handshake. CECIL
          Your fans...
          HONEY looks to GROUPIE in a sea of cheering FANS. He is Cecil's picture and the slogan "PUNISH BAD CINEMA." One
          of the girls is dressed as Honey Whitlock and made up
          with fake bruises. CECIL
          .And now for the crew.
          PAM the popcorn girl swaggers over carrying a beat-up CECIL
          Lyle?
          LYLE takes a big huff of glue in plastic bag and CECIL, HONEY and SPROCKET HOLES stagger around
          corner and CHERISH beckons them to follow. CECIL

                         (TO GANG)

          POWER TO THE PEOPLE WHO SPROCKET HOLES gulp and look to their leader for
          guidance.
          CECIL steps forward, getting right in HONEY's
          terrified face. HONEY looks over in fear as the SPROCKET HOLES, now
          changed from their theater uniforms into their own
          scary "terrorist chic" fashions, gather around CECIL in a CECIL, CHERISH and RAVEN's heads pop up from hiding in
          back seat under blanket. CECIL

                         (TO FIDGET)
          I knew you were the weak
          one, Fidget.
          (Eyes widening in hypnotic CECIL and CHERISH lie asleep twisted and entwined in
          the sheets, tortured by their erotic dreams.
          Suddenly, one of CECIL's bloodshot eyes open and CECIL grins like a lunatic as PAM and CHARDONNAY aim the
          camera and sound boom at the door. DINAH holds
          clapboard. CECIL, bandaged, filthy, wide-eyed in directorial
          fanaticism rants to his followers below. CECIL, PAM and CHERISH are cornered by TEAMSTERS E, G &
          H who advance on crane with drawn guns.
          PETIE throws his hands in the air. CECIL
          (Defiantly to SWAT TEAMS as they
          throw tear gas at warring mob

                         OF FANS)
- 22 -
          away in fear.
          Limo bumps down road at high speed and trunk door
          bangs shut, knocking HONEY into submission.
          Limo makes a fast right. Trunk door flies open and HONEY screams her lungs out,
          holding on for dear life.
          HEAVY METAL KIDS, hanging out in graveyard look up and HONEY lets gown fall to floor and steps out of it.
          She is wearing beautiful lingerie. suddenly battling himself free from JOCKS A, B & C. He
          bravely beckons HONEY to jump. CECIL disengages CHERISH's dead body up and off of him
          and seeing HONEY in danger crawls painfully to Pam's
          wheelchair dolly. HONEY is injured but alive and struggles to climb
          out of car handcuffed as RAVEN rushes to touch her
          up and HONEY eagerly embraces her. - 108 -
          HONEY, charred and still sizzling, smiles weakly and
          feels her almost bald head. JOCK A
          Her career is over!
          GROUPIE hears and tries to turn back to confront JOCKS
          but HONEY grabs him. with HONEY and what's left of his wounded SPROCKET
          HOLES, and they limp up the street.
          CHERISH races ahead and turns the corner just as HONEY looks for help but she is suddenly all alone.
          CECIL pushes himself forward on wheelchair dolly,
          gaining speed and begins laughing maniacally. HONEY throws what she thinks is her "prop" grenade.
          The FILM COMMISSIONER dives out of the way and it
          explodes. HONEY blows RAVEN a kiss and then looks back at the
          CROWD in confusion and begins her long mad walk to HONEY leaps from roof into mob of FANS and lands safely
          in GROUPIE's arms. They immediately begin to kiss in
          wild abandon. HONEY screams, thinking she is being rescued as
          RAVEN bravely tries to touch up her makeup. HONEY howls in indignation as LYLE gives her a funny
          look.
          FIDGET pours her another quick martini. HONEY
          No...not at all.

                         CECIL
          It's all behind you now, Cherish.
          (Looking out window)
          We're here... - 88 -
          Suddenly TEAMSTER D jumps from trap door in set floor
          with gun aimed at HONEY. (SEXILY)

          ACTION!
          HONEY runs and jumps through window. CHERISH, firing her gun wildly, runs to LYLE and
          manages to pull him "off set" as HONEY freezes in
          terror deciding between her director or the POLICE. HONEY steps from limo and waves like a true star to roar
          of approval from crowd as PRESS blinds her with
          flashbulbs.
CECIL
          .and her violence prone
          daughter, Cherish...
          CHERISH enters in eye-popping "super model goes bad"
          look as HONEY's eyes light up in horror. CECIL
          (Aiming his gun at HONEY, GROUPIE defiantly puts him arm around HONEY as she begs
          CECIL with her eyes for approval.
          GROUPIE smiles and pulls up shirt sleeve to reveal to CECIL
          (To HONEY, ever the CECIL
          .but only the ones willing
          to dia for it succeed.
          HONEY looks into CECIL's face and lets out a sob of
          terror. outfit. He then wheels full-length mirror to HONEY and
          signals to CECIL she is ready.
          HONEY sees her transformation into terrorist glamour Cecil's picture and the slogan "PUNISH BAD CINEMA." One
          of the girls is dressed as Honey Whitlock and made up
          with fake bruises. CECIL
          This is Cherish...
          CHERISH, now heavily made-up and dressed "riot-girl" fingers.
          HONEY's e yes light up in terror as she sees CECIL, now
          attired in insane grunge Cecil B. DeMille inspired struggle up to her. HONEY sighs in sexual frustration.
          CHERISH runs to dying CECIL, unzips his pants and mounts
          him. CECIL
          That's more like it, Miss Whitlock!
          CHERISH gives HONEY a suddenly jealous look. CECIL
          Your fans...
          HONEY looks to GROUPIE in a sea of cheering FANS. He is CECIL
          This is it - our final location.

                         CHERISH
          (Excited, to HONEY)
          We're gonna get laid! - 67 -
          CECIL smiles benevolently at HONEY. HONEY
          (Getting even better)
          Somebody's gotta pay for
          this insult!
          CECIL silently mouths the dialogue along with HONEY. CECIL
          (Hissing excitedly to
          CHERISH and LYLE, and handing HONEY
          No...not at all.

                         CECIL
          It's all behind you now, Cherish.
          (Looking out window)
          We're here... HONEY
          Oh, God, I look terrible!
          (Breaks into sobs)
          CECIL and SPROCKET HOLES applaud triumphantly. CECIL
          (Hissing to HONEY)
          Say the lines!

                         HONEY
          (To AUDIENCE, ferociously CECIL
          (Smiling, to HONEY)
          Prove yourself, Honey.
          HONEY spots a marine police boat quickly darting
          behind "Pride of Baltimore," filled with MARINE
HONEY WHITLOCK! Whitlock as they sell popcorn and ring up sales to
          scores of Honey Whitlock look-a-likes from the drive-in
          audience. HONEY
          DON'T SHOOT! I'm Honey Whitlock
          and I've been kidnapped! BOX OFFICE LADY
          Oh my God, it's Honey Whitlock!

                         CECIL
          (Yelling to "actors" into HONEY WHITLOCK!
          He blasts the blow drier on finished hairdo and
          flames singe her neck.

                         HONEY (TO HONEY)
          You're under arrest, Honey
          Whitlock! City of Baltimore, do hereby
          proclaim April 29th to be Honey
          Whitlock Day in Maryland and do
          command this observation to all Sciences when I say: Honey Whitlock,
          you are a disgrace to the Hollywood
          community! CECIL
          That's more like it, Miss Whitlock!
          CHERISH gives HONEY a suddenly jealous look. HONEY
          Look at this dump of a town!
          HONEY turns to her long suffering assistant, LIBBY.
          The press is gone and they are alone. up next to him is HONEY, still dressed it same costume
          from last scene but now wearing a bad "Honey Whitlock"
          wig. LIBBY
          .Honey Whitlock was always
          attracted to the wrong kind of
          man. It wouldn't surprise

                         (MORE) MRS. MALLORY
          And now the moment you've been
          waiting for! You first saw Honey
          Whitlock on the screen as the
          lovely ingenue turned vixen in
          "Good For Nothing"... DIRECTOR
          Are you this desperate for
          publicity, Honey Whitlock?

                         HONEY
          (Aiming gun at DIRECTOR) (TO HONEY)
          This is Sprocket House,
          Miss Whitlock, think of it
          as your studio. Tape cuts to LIBBY, HONEY's assistant, talking to
          ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT. Subtitle on TV read "Honey
          Whitlock's Personal Assistant." 18. Cut back to EXTERIOR HARBOR COURT HOTEL. 18.
          Closeup of HONEY WHITLOCK's furious face as she stares in PETIE.

                         CHARLES
          What's the matter, Miss Whitlock?

                         HONEY
          A fucking white limousine?! EX-HUSBAND
          Well, I was married to her for
          seven years so I know just
          how nuts Honey Whitlock is... REDNECK MOM
          (Turning around, snarling)
          I told you to stop slurping!
          REDNECK MOM suddenly sees HONEY WHITLOCK and quickly
          turns back around.
Why is Honey in Balitmore? What is the name of the group that kidnaps Honey? Where does the band of misfits kidnap Honey? Why does Cecil kidnap Honey? Where is the first scene in Cecil's production located? Who gets killed in the gunfight at the luncheon? How did Honey react the second time she was kidnapped? What does Cecil do to himself when police arrive? What happens to Honey Whitlock in Baltimore? What is the name of Cecil B. Demented's gang? What does Cecil want Honey to do for him? Where is the first on location scene of Cecil's shot out in Baltimore? What happens in the gunfight between police and Cecil's crew? What does Honey watch on the telelvision after the gunfight? What decision does Honey make after watching the special? What sequel does Cecil and crew infiltrate next? Where does the crew escape from the Teamsters at? What does Cecil ask Honey to do for the final scene of his masterpiece? Who exchanges gunfire after the luncheon? Where is Honey held captive? When Honey joins Cecil's group where does she brand herself? Who is the television station interview with? What city  is the Forrest Gump sequel being filmed at? What part of her body does Cecil ask Honey to light on fire? What is the nickname of Cecil's gang? After they crash the luncheon what does Honey jump from? When Honey decides to join cecil's gang what does she declare herself? What is Honey Whitlock's job?
To attend a premiere She attends a premiere
SprocketHoles sprocketholes
The theater  from a film premiere in Baltimore
He wants her to star in his production Her needs her to play the lead character 
A luncheon  Abandoned movie theater 
Rodney the hairdresser rodney
She was more accepting she join the crew of kidnappers
Sets himself on fire he burns himself
She is kidnapped by Cecil B. Demented. She is kidnapped.
The Sprocketholes. SprocketHole Crew
To be the star of the masterpiece he is filming. To light her hair on fire.
At a luncheon hosted by the Baltimore Film Commission. Baltimore Film Commission's lunch
Cecil is injured and Rodney is killed. Cecil is wounded, and Rodney the hairdresser is killed
A special on her disappearance which highlights how mean spirited she was in her life. a special program discussing her disappearance
To join Cecil's crew and be demented forever. To join the SprocketHole Crew
The sequel to Forrest Gump being recorded in Baltimore. Forrest Gump
Into a pornographic theatre. at the set in Baltimore where a Forrest Gump sequel is being filmed
To light her hair on fire. to light her hair on fire
The Police and Cecil's crew. Cecil's crew and the police.
An abandoned movie theater. an abandoned movie theater
On her arm. her arm
Honey's ex-husband. People she knew and her ex-husband 
Baltimore Baltimore
Her hair. Her hair
The SprocketHoles. Sprocketholes
The roof. The roof of the building
Demented forever. Demented forever 
Actress. she's an actress