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> 「志貴さま。今のは姉さんにはその...」
>
> 黙っていてくださいとごにゃごにゃ呟く翡翠。
>
> 「なに、今のって琥珀さんに話しちゃいけないことなんだ。そっか。わかった」
>
> そんなことは、ぜひ琥珀さんに教えてあげなくては。
>
> 「……志貴さま。その、 **なにを考えているかすぐ解るような態度は改めたほうがよろしいかと思います** 」
>
> 「ん？なに、別になにも考えてないけど、俺」

[Shiki-sama, that thing I said just now...]

"Please do not tell it" Hisui mumbled.

[What, that thing now you mean it's something I should not tell Kohaku. I see.
I understand]

That thing, I have to tell kohaku about it.

[Shiki-sama. Ehm, what you are thinking I immediately understand, an attitude
like that I think you should change it]

[What? I am not thinking anything though]

* * *

I am not sure about

> 「……志貴さま。その、なにを考えているかすぐ解るような態度は改めたほうがよろしいかと思います」

Is my translation correct?

The fan-translation is:

> Shiki-sama. I think you should try not to show what you are thinking.

I am really not sure which one is correct, they are completely different.
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2015-11-08T16:57:11.423
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2015-11-21T14:01:02.950
2015-11-21T14:01:02.950
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question
grammar words
Parsing 何を考えているかすぐ解るような態度は改めたほうがいい
The correct way to parse this is 《なにを考えてるかすぐ解るような態度》は改めたほうが….

The thing that he should 改める is the 態度 whereby なにを考えてるかすぐ解る. That is, he
should do something about that demeanor of his where anyone would immediately
know what he is thinking. The grammatical content of the fan-translation is
essentially correct here.

Your translation has all the right components, but it puts them together in a
sort of incoherent way. In particular, Hisui is not directly saying that she
knows what Shiki is thinking (though it's implied, obviously).

* * *

Addendum: I can't quite tell from your translation where you're getting
tripped up on translating this, so maybe this breakdown will help.

  * なにを考えているか = "what [Shiki] is thinking"
  * なにを考えているかすぐ解る = "for [someone] to immediately know what [Shiki] is thinking"
  * なにを考えているかすぐ解るような態度 = "an attitude/demeanor whereby [someone] immediately knows what [Shiki] is thinking" (let us call this entity "X")
  * Xを改める = "to alter X"
  * Xを改めたほうがよろしい = "it is better to alter X"
  * Xを改めたほうがよろしいかと思います = "I think you ought to alter X"
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2015-11-09T01:29:55.067
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2015-11-09T08:59:05.643
2015-11-09T08:59:05.643
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answer