I am a beginning Japanese learner attempting to construct a haiku. This is my
attempt:

> また燕 木に帰るとや 思い出す。

Does the と や construction make sense here?

The intended meaning is:

> Again, the swallow // Returning to the tree. // I remember.

The intent is for the や kireji to separate the meaning of the last stanza from
the ones before it so that they're two separate juxtaposed ideas. (The event
of the swallow returning to the tree superimposed on the memory of the swallow
returning to the tree. The swallow returning to the tree paralleling the
memory returning to mind.)

I have seen や used in several other haiku, such as the famous frog haiku. But
I don't know if it is appropriate in its current position in the second stanza
(e.g. if another kireji would be more appropriate), or if it communicates the
intended effect (separating the idea in the final stanza from the rest).
CC BY-SA 4.0
2023-03-09T23:50:22.490
98858
2023-04-03T12:05:40.707
2023-03-10T12:33:16.280
55979
55979
question
grammar particles haiku
Is また燕木に帰るとや思い出す grammatically well formed?
I see two problems. The first is closely related to your concern. I don't
think using と is a good idea if you want to use や. Conversely, if you use と, や
wouldn't be necessary. This や is a sentence ending particle, and the rest of
sentence usually needs to stand by itself. When the rest of the sentence ends
with と, it sounds incomplete. I'm not sure if I say it's generally
ungrammatical beyond this particular case, though.

The second problem is that the last part is unlikely to be read as "I
remember" as it stands. The most natural interpretation is that the first noun
燕 is the shared subject of the two verbs. There is no "I", whether you use や
(thus there are two sentences), or not (thus there is only one connected
sentence).

Compare it with:

> バス降りて主人帰るや避暑の宿 --星野立子

The last part (the second sentence) is a noun, not a verb, allowing more
flexible interpretations. In this case, it can be read as the place where the
viewpoint is (or where the author stays at).

I'm not a good poet but at least something like 木に帰る燕に我も思い出す would be more
readily understood.
CC BY-SA 4.0
2023-04-03T12:00:34.883
99177
2023-04-03T12:05:40.707
2023-04-03T12:05:40.707
10531
10531
98858
answer