11875
I have met the parents of a close Japanese friend two times in my life and
have never been sure how I should address them. Both times I've asked the
friend beforehand but never got a satisfactory answer.

One friend said I could just call her parents お母さん・お父さん; the other friend said
that her parents would find it rudely over-familiar if I were to call them
that.

Both times I suggested last-name+さん but both friends felt this would be
weird/confusing as there would be many people with the same last-name present.

I feel first-name+さん or あなた would sound rude...

So the question is: **How should you address a friend's parents when meeting
them for the first time?**

Thank you!
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2013-05-12T01:04:04.027
11871
2013-05-22T13:58:07.887
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question
politeness second-person-pronouns
Addressing a friend's parents when meeting them for the first time
It is usual to call them last-name+の+お母さん and last-name+の+お父さん (that means,
you refer to your friend by the last-name). It is widespread to call people by
their function unless you got closely acquainted with them. Both referencing
and addressing the same.

お母さん・お父さん basically means "my mother / my father", either in direct or
figurative sense. ( **Update:** At least, when used for addressing.)

last-name+さん is ambiguous.

last-name+first-name+さん is unambiguous, but it is worse than calling by
function, because it looks like you are forgetting or neglecting that function
(and being a parent to your friend is good enough to be not neglected).

first-name+さん is very familiar and unceremonious, neglecting the difference in
age and status.
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2013-05-12T07:02:13.747
11875
2013-05-14T08:38:25.710
2013-05-14T08:38:25.710
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This is very good question and I have faced the same issue with my parents-in-
law and other family members of friends' families. Chocolate has given us an
invaluable answer but to add context, I think the simplest rule to follow is
"When in Rome..." or 「郷に入っては郷に従え」, and it does not make any difference whether
you are in Kanto or Kansai：

In other words, listen carefully to see how the parents are addressed within
the circumstances and follow suit. Typically in a friend's parents' house
their role is that of お母さん and お父さん and that is how all visitors address them.
If you visit with a group then wait to see how the group address them and
follow suit. (One friend's parents, who I have known for over 20 years
sometimes call each other Momma & Poppa even though it is long after their
children have grown up. I think I should even follow suit here but somehow my
western sensibility does not like this and I struggle to address them when
they are together.)

When I first met my own parents-in-law I was also unsure how to address them
but I noticed my wife called them お母さん＆お父さん and between themselves they used
their given names. When we introduced our parents just before we got married
this concern became minor and I quickly adapted to calling my parents-in-law
お母さん＆お父さん when talking to them in Japanese (in front of my own parents) but
using their own names talking English.

An easy way to see this naming in action is on Japanese TV when some celebrity
is exploring a town and walks into the shop of a family business - they often
show little hesitation about sayng お母さん＆お父さん and as suggested above, are
really just addressing them by their function (in the same way that in the
office one might refer to the boss as 課長 when talking about them and to their
face.

(BTW: When in these situations I think it is good idea to look at the person
in the eye as you address them for the first and be prepared to gauge their
reaction and react accordingly.)
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2013-05-13T14:02:18.710
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answer