560
What is the proper response when someone tells you, for example, that their
mother has died? Relatedly, what should you do to express your sympathy? Do
you send a card? flowers? bake a casserole?
CC BY-SA 3.0
2011-06-03T22:27:06.053
522
2017-03-15T15:13:59.777
28
question
set-phrases culture
What to say after someone dies
> （お[母上]{ははうえ}[様]{さま}のご[逝去]{せいきょ}を）[心]{こころ}よりお[悔]{く}やみ[申]{もう}し[上]{あ}げます。
>
> "I'm so sorry to hear (of your mother's death)."
CC BY-SA 3.0
2011-06-03T22:35:47.660
523
2017-03-15T15:08:57.053
2020-06-17T08:18:27.500
-1
78
522
answer
There is a common phrase for that.

> ご愁傷さまです - _go shuushou sama desu_

For example

> お母上が亡くなられご愁傷さまです I'm very sorry about your mother's death

Regarding sending something, there is a special custom in Japan called
[香典]{こうでん} - giving money to remaining family members with the purpose of
offering it to the departed soul. (Originally, this was used as an alternative
of [香華]{こうか} - incense and flowers)

In my experience, I have seen this two times: one for a colleague's mother,
and one for someone from another department. In both cases, another colleague
started to collect money and put it in an envelope to give to them.

And there is another custom, [香典返し]{こうでんがえし}, which refers to getting back
some present/food from them.
CC BY-SA 3.0
2011-06-04T05:01:42.170
560
2017-03-15T15:13:59.777
2017-03-15T15:13:59.777
9831
100
522
answer
Other users have already provided good answers, but here is mine anyway. When
attending to a funeral, the most common thing to say is: ご愁傷さまです ( _go
shuushou sama desu_ )

If you are writing an email, you can also say _go shuushou sama desu_ , but as
@istrasci pointed out you can also say things like 心よりお悔やみ申し上げます ( _kokoro
yori okuyami moushiagemasu_ ), though I wouldn't know if is ok to say at a
funeral since it is sounds very much like written language.

Regarding what to send... I'm sorry I have to research that further.
CC BY-SA 3.0
2011-06-04T05:48:20.970
562
2011-06-04T05:48:20.970
79
522
answer