> 酷く子供じみたその響きが嫌で、セオは苛々と唇を突きだす。
>
> 『気持ちはわかるけど、言いすぎよ。いくら本当のことでも、ああいう言い方はよくないわ』
>
> 「わかってる。……ごめん」
>
> わかっていたのだ。 **そうあって**
> はいけないとみんなで決めて、それはそうやって言葉にされる前から自然と理解できていたことだったから、ずっとこれまで守ってきたのに。

86─エイティシックス─ 安里アサト

Does the bold part come from そうある? How should I understand this そうある? Like
"happen like that"? By the way, what does それはそうやって refer to?

Edit: Both the speakers are soldiers involved in a war. Their officer is a
girl belongs to a different race than the soldiers. セオ and his comrades think
the girl is discriminating them because of their skin colors while pretending
to be caring for their well-being. Prior to this quote, セオ said something
harsh to the girl, trying to reveal her true nature. In a recent battle, they
lose a comrade and the girl says she is sorry for their loss. セオ says in anger
to the girl that he thinks she is just pretending to be sympathetic and
doesn’t treat them as humans. (本当のこと)

Here goes the text after the quote:
言いたいことはそのまま全て、思いつく一番きつい言葉で叩きつけてやって、でも、気持ちは収まるどころか余計腹立たしくてささくれ立って嫌な気分だ。怒りを向ける謂れはない、かけがえのない仲間達にも咄嗟に嚙みついてしまうほどに。
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grammar
Understanding そうあって
From the context you provided, I think そうあって here means "to be like that"
(そうである). So, here he is saying, "I know. We decided not to be like that
(言い過ぎる)."

As for the そうやって, I tried translating it roughly and put in bold what I think
it means. It refers to how he said what he shouldn't.

それは **そうやって** 言葉にされるまえから That is, before I put it to words **like that/like I
did**
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In terms of translation, I agree with the existing answer more or less.
そうあってはいけないとみんなで決めて、それはそうやって言葉にされる前から自然と理解できていたことだったから translates: _We agreed
that we should not be so, and that (we should not be so) was naturally
understandable before it (the agreement) was put to words that way, so..._

Note that I haven't read the light novel which seems [available
online](https://dengekibunko.jp/books/1702eighty-six/page11.php).

If there is no concrete description of how 'we all agreed', then a reasonable
interpretation is that そうある refers to the general attitude of which セオ's harsh
utterings were an expression. That is, in the story's world 86 is the
discriminated-against kind and the officer girl is from the(?) discriminating
race. But generally it is not a fault of any individual, and そうあってはいけない means
'we (86s) should not get emotional about being discriminated against (towards
any individual person)'.

I guess the following sentence (another 86's words, later in the same page)
should be relevant:

>
> 『それは不要です。別にあれが我々の総意というわけではありません。この現状を貴女が作りだしたのでもなければ、貴女一人の力で撤回できるものでもないということはわかっています。貴女には不可能なことを、しなかったと責められたからといって気に病む必要はありません』

* * *

Edit:

I'm uncertain how valid the following are, but just some hints.

  * _To be_ and _to exist_ overlaps in English as well: _I think, therefore I am_.

  * ある can mean a variety of 'being' including _to be, to exist, to live, to stay_. In particular, continuative form (連用形) + ある can mean _to stay in the state (described by the word in 連用形)_.

  * For example: 彼女はきれいである _She is beautiful_. Here である can be treated simply as _is_ , but in 彼女はきれいでありたい _She wants to stay/become beautiful_ , it looks more natural to see it as きれいで + ある, where きれいで is a continuative form of きれいだ (or きれい+だ). It means the same as 彼女は美しくありたい, where 美しく is a continuative form.

  * Now for そうある/そうである, the former is used more often as そうありたい, そうあろうと etc while そうである can be used in this plain form. そうある is read as _to exist/be (in) that way_ , just as きれいで 'modifies' ある. I.e. そう is an adverb describing **how** the subject is. On the other hand, である in そうである sounds as a copula (the subject _is_ that). In a sense, this means the 'copula-ness' of だ in そうだ/きれいだ are different. The former is somewhat stronger. I guess it could have something to do with [accepting 形容動詞](https://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E5%BD%A2%E5%AE%B9%E5%8B%95%E8%A9%9E) (see 形容動詞への対応).

  * See also: [Can the である copula be explained as で (particle) + ある (to exist), i.e. "to exist in the form of ~"?](https://japanese.stackexchange.com/q/18085/45489)
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