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I cannot completely grasp the meaning されて堪らない. As far as I can understand
~てたまらない means "Really want to do, extremely.", but I'm a bit of unsere with
passive voice in the following sentence.

Some sort of translation: "I want you to tell me frankly. You are clever so I
understand that you are thinking thoroughly, and you absolutely cannot stop
being self-sufficent(自己完結) about it."

> 率直なところを述べてほしいね。頭のいい君のことだ、いろいろ考えているのはわかっているけど、それで自己完結されちゃあ堪らない。

Context: ![enter image description here](https://i.stack.imgur.com/MBXOZ.jpg)
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2013-12-28T18:44:36.127
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grammar
Question about されては堪らない
It is the speaker that is doing both the される and the たまらない in this sentence.
(i.e. he is the one being passively subjected to the other person doing 自己完結).

In general I don't think you would go too far wrong to remember たまらない
literally as "cannot bear" rather than something abstracted like "extremely".
Most of its uses follow naturally from that literal definition.

[三省堂 entry for たまらない
【▽堪らない】](http://www.weblio.jp/content/%E3%81%9F%E3%81%BE%E3%82%89%E3%81%AA%E3%81%84)

> (3)…されることに耐えられない。とても困る。 「毎朝五時に起こされたのでは―ない」

So in this case, the speaker is saying that he really doesn't appreciate being
自己完結'd by the other person, and is hoping (asking) that they stop.

* * *

Also, be sure you understand what is meant by 自己完結. If you aren't completely
clear about the sense of an unfamiliar Japanese word and it doesn't fit super-
snugly into the context, consult a Japanese monolingual dictionary, especially
for phrases like this when EDICT is more confusing than helpful with its short
definitions. Concerning
[自己完結](http://www.weblio.jp/content/%E8%87%AA%E5%B7%B1%E5%AE%8C%E7%B5%90):

>
> 何かの物事について、自分自身の中だけで納得したり決着したりしているさま。「周りの人からするとまだ決着していないのに、独りよがりに決着している」といった意味合いで否定的に用いられることもある。  
>  (Regarding some matter, the state of being satisfied or reaching a
> resolution only within oneself. Sometimes used with a negative nuance of
> "though no resolution has yet been reached from the perspective of the
> people around him, he himself selfishly considers it settled".)
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