I was asked to translate something and the sentence was

> Wear like mirror surface is found in wide area where top, second, and oil
> ring slide

I translated it as:

> トップとセコンドとオイルリング所に広い摩耗の鏡面が見える

After I explained the English sentence to my Senpai, he then corrected it to
be:

> 摩耗して鏡面のようになっている部分がトップとセコンドとオイルリングスライド所の広い 範囲である

I know hes right and used more natural Japanese than I did but I want to know
your opinion. Was my sentence hard to understand that it had to be corrected?

And what`s the difference between his and my sentence? Cause I still think my
sentence is more understandable (too me anyway). How do I change my way of
thinking so I can imitate his sentence structure more?
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2016-08-31T01:29:06.607
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question
translation
"Wear like mirror surface is found in wide area where top, second, and oil ring slide"
This sentence is about "ring wear grooves of cylinders" found in the middle of
[this article](http://atvillustrated.com/content/engine-primer-4stroke-
rebuild), right? I'm assuming "slide" at the end of the sentence is a
**verb**. After some googling, I could not find a part called "a ring slide"
in pistons.

And is this native speaker an engineer who is good at English? His translation
does not seem natural; actually your translation attempt looks even better to
me.

I would translate this as:

>   * トップリング、セカンドリング、オイルリングがすべる広い範囲に鏡面のような摩耗が見える。
>   *
> トップ・セカンド・オイルの各リングが[摺動【しゅうどう】する](http://jisho.org/search/%E6%91%BA%E5%8B%95)広範な部位に鏡面【きょうめん】状【じょう】の摩耗が認められる。
>

The second one should look more technical. Engines are beyond my scope of
expertise, and real experts may further improve this.

  * リング所 would mean nothing to me. Don't directly connect arbitrary nouns with 所. It simply does not work.
  * ×セコンド → セカンド
  * 摩耗の鏡面 makes little sense, but it would be taken as something like "worn mirror surface" as if you were talking about an actual mirror.
  * As this is a technical sentence, I chose technical-sounding words (広い → 広範な, 見える → 認められる, すべる → 摺動する). I'm not really familiar with the word 摺動, but many Japanese articles about pistons (like [this](http://www.riken.co.jp/pistonring/piston/topring.html)) seem to use this term.
  * 状 is another handy suffix which means "-like", "-oid", "in the form of ～". (e.g., 円盤状 = discoid, 棒状 = rod-like)
  * In the first example I explicitly said 「トップリング、セカンドリング、オイルリング」 to avoid any confusion. You can also say 「トップ・セカンド・オイルリング」 or 「トップ・セカンド・オイルの3つのリング」.
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answer