<transcript><audio_15>have friends for whom it has come back and so I know that's real leading me into the next thing which is that I made a bunch of cancer friends throughout this process that tends to happen and some of them have relapsed and some of them are terminal and some of them have died and I know this is ridiculous because obviously Health situation in</transcript><transcript><audio_16>the last year has been a lot worse than the average for most people my age but I do not know how to not feel this like bitter guilty relief that I am not in the situation that they are in the longer you're in it the more off-ramps</transcript><transcript><audio_17>you see and the more you wonder not just why you got sick but why you got better the only thing that helps me with this is just accepting the reality that fairness is a human idea and the universe doesn't care about it next thing you don't get to go back mentally</transcript><transcript><audio_18>or physically you don't get to go back cancer is physically taxing chemo radiation surgeries they all leave a mark I don't get to have the body that I had before this not that it was perfect but it had fewer problems than this one in general I feel like people don't</transcript> have friends for whom it has come back and so I know that's real leading me into the next thing which is that I made a bunch of cancer friends throughout this process that tends to happen and some of them have relapsed and some of them are terminal and some of them have died and I know this is ridiculous because obviously Health situation in the last year has been a lot worse than the average for most people my age but I do not know how to not feel this like bitter guilty relief that I am not in the situation that they are in the longer you're in it the more off-ramps you see and the more you wonder not just why you got sick but why you got better the only thing that helps me with this is just accepting the reality that fairness is a human idea and the universe doesn't care about it next thing you don't get to go back mentally or physically you don't get to go back cancer is physically taxing chemo radiation surgeries they all leave a mark I don't get to have the body that I had before this not that it was perfect but it had fewer problems than this one in general I feel like people don't
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