 This laptop with a 2 terabyte hard drive and 32 gigs of RAM, an $800 value, now yours free! This $900 13-speed mountain bike, free! In fact, everything in every store that costs less than $950 is completely, entirely, 100% free! Androids, iPhones, vacuum cleaners, blenders, can you fit it in your arms? You can carry it out! Our prices are so insane, he's gonna go out of business! Why are you doing this to me?