 And I woke up in the morning knowing I was going to have to go to the funeral, but I was looking for my pain. Have you ever felt so depressed or anxious or overwhelmed that you carry your pain throughout the night and it meets you in the morning? Well, that was every day for me. But this morning I woke up and I was touching myself. I was touching my stomach. I was touching my face. And I was like, oh my gosh, I have joy.