 and so i'm sorry but you're a bit of a source of shame for him not you don't make him ashamed you remind him of his misbehaviors does that make sense yeah yeah i haven't thought of it that way yeah and you can't you can't fix that you didn't cause it that's a brick he's carrying around and you can't knock it out of his hands yeah yeah i'm so sorry it's just not the problem is there's not a good answer