 and um you know the work that i've done into uh research i've done into a lot of faith traditions and the fact that i think the heroine in the book loses her husband she's bereaved that's claire right that's claire and i think if anyone has had a serious bereavement um it can you know it causes an existential crisis you're rocking along in your life you know you're not questioning everything you just you're going through your day-to-day existence and then all of a sudden