 It came to the point where I don't know the right words to use, but I'm going to go back to something earlier in the conversation. You said when you were around your brothers, your combat veterans, or other first responders, you know they got your back. They know they're not going to let anything bad happen to you. You can relax. I needed to find that connection with God so that I could feel like I had somebody to depend on that had my back all the time, and