 if you have the attitude that there is no important difference between you and your spouse, and that you can do everything that they can do and probably do it better, then naturally you're not going to be grateful for them. They are redundancy at best, unnecessary baggage at worst. And pretty soon you start seeing it the way our friend Kay sees it. You give everything, they give nothing, and whatever little bit maybe they do give, you could give the same and do a better job of it than they do.