 you paid the stupid tax so if i woke up in your shoes with situation i would tell your wife first thing i do sit down with her and say okay i've made the decision that i made a mistake when i loaned your cousin money and when i loaned my friend money if we were going to them we should have given them money so go ahead and understand that from this point forward i will never loan money to a family member again as long as you see me breathing that will not occur and you and your wife get on the same page about that