 so there's more to the story i don't know it john anytime you start keeping score in a relationship especially in a marriage it's over it's over well you got to do this so i get to do this and i get to do this it is a group decision that we all make together that someone's going to school it's a group decision that we're going to move it's a group decision that i'm going to quit this job and take this new job and that means your role at home is going to shift and