 I felt like I was a burden and a drain on those who mattered to me. And whatever sense of emotional pride I had, and we'll get to the spiritual aspect in the next segment because that's so important. But what spiritual connection I felt I had to the God of my understanding was gone and had been gone for a long time. And I couldn't find a way to get back to that. And I tell people this. There was a time when I was a kid where I believed in Santa Claus and life was great.