 When she talks about it now, she seems to create a barrier, a distance, a wall with that darkest time in her life. But when things got really bad, Julia had thoughts about suicide. There's a point when your oldest daughter, Bathsheba, she graduates high school, she's getting ready to get married, she's only 19. This is a pretty dark time for you. I was too afraid to leave. And you know that the minute you walk out the door, everyone in your life is never going to speak to you again.