 Yeah and I mean this is layered but it's because you know looking back like people would say certain things like that and then you look at the culture and there's there's no cool Asians there's no handsome Asian you know like you're just kind of like okay I guess what they're saying is inherently people who look like me are not cool and so I think I entered my 20s I was like whoa I have a lot of things I have to unlearn about the way I look at myself and the way I look at