 for some people it may be triggering so I know for some people with my situation for example they may have loved ones that had been through something similar and so actually they may not have the capacity to listen to what I've got to say and so I would say in a very gentle way going you know what I've got a lot going on I'm not sure are you all right if I talk about it are you okay to listen just in a really nice way to say because actually I'm not really fine right now and I'm not sure if it will be okay at this moment.