 and was having a real struggle doing it and so by the time the race came along i was not in a very good headspace to function at all let alone try to race i mean i must have finished three hours behind the winner i think i finished last and i was just devastated like i couldn't at this point all i wanted to do was just go home the the rest of the juniors wanted to just kind of keep partying and go have a good time and i just didn't want any part of it i just went back and laid down in my room and didn't talk to anybody until i guess three days later we went home but