 changing who he is when it comes to money and then two he's just changing who he is yeah and the money will be harder that's true and then three or two for her she's got to like there's a side of her that the forgiveness on this is tough and the ability to go okay we're starting a new thing I've got to hold up my end of the bargain I can't keep holding old stuff over the head but at the same time I have to let that like that is a very hard line to walk only counseling can help that you know but