 for the good of this family that will include you doing some fun things and me doing some fun things but it's going to include being a freaking responsible grown-up and if we can't get to that point i'm not going to be able to be here and you need the guidance of a good counselor on how to say that and when to say that i'm not suggesting you hang up the phone and say dave ramsey said that sure but i'm telling you if you do not get there systematically