 but this is where this is where it is and so yeah it's um... desert tough conversation that's because when you're in it like if it's your family sometimes you can't see the force for the trees but then if you're the in-law it's like you can't say you know i mean like there's certain things that as the in-laws like you can't say to your to your family-in-law rates because it just she can't talk to them at all no she can't she's not got any footing to do it at all plus she's pissed off yes so it's not gonna go well if you write a letter to a radio show