 It would give me an escape from that, but then the things I did or the things I would say or the way I would treat people, it just confirmed the way that I'd felt as a kid. It was just like, you are bad. There is something wrong with you. And then I would carry on trying to escape it in that way, but it would just keep getting worse. If you've been doing that in whatever way since you were 14, by the time you get to 27, you're just...