 So what's the, you know, are you avoiding the four horsemen or are they an active part in what your marriage is all about? If they are, well, you got to get rid of those horses. Don't let them in the room. And then we talk about how to resolve these things gently and quickly using what I call the formula. Remember three parts? I feel dot, dot, dot, and you label your emotion. When you dot, dot, dot, and you talk about what it is your spouse did that triggered that emotion.