 and so this idea of relational encounter quality time with somebody who i love who i want to be with i think is is really important right yeah um and i think and at least you know one of the things that i encourage married couples to do is to leave little love notes for each other little post-it notes on the refrigerator or you know a card in the suitcase or a card in front of the coffee maker or whatever so these little aspirations these little love notes during the day