 you know i i needed her and and she and she wasn't there and i i finally decided that you know i have to i have to count on myself and you know at a young age you know just like martha said you know you listen to your friends you know i've gotten myself into some pretty and i could become resentful you know and and but it was a choice my father made really great money but maybe it wasn't a choice at the same time it's so complicated because their relationship was so