 My old boss, Mike, was creepy too. Mike always wore sunglasses and a red, skin-tight bathing suit that, for some reason I could never quite fathom, always appeared to be wet. My friend Evan said that it was unwholesome how Mike's arms were so short. "'He's like a T-Rex,' Evan said. The first time Mike paid me, he had to get all crooked to get his wallet out. Mike was an alcoholic, and he left me to open and close the place most of the time."