 I was ashamed because I knew in my heart that I had tried to do too much on my own and had failed. I felt guilty because I realized finally that I had asked for God's help, but had really believed in my own ability to avoid evil and to meet every challenge. I had spent much time in prayer over the years. I had come to appreciate and thank God for his providence and care of me and of all men, but I had never really abandoned myself to it.