 cultivating and we and we come back home and we're not actually seeing our bride as the gift that she she always was you have to turn the toughness off right so you have to be outwardly very tough for your wife but inwardly inside the household very tender with her and so it's that paradox of being having to be tough for her but tender with her let's go to the general communication idea so you know what impact does communication good or poor have on a marriage and who