 calloused right in some way i should be the safe place for her and i think so many times as husbands we wield our words uh without that occurring to us that we just we're so familiar and uh we we are overly overly tough and over overly combative at times with our wives so that was a conviction i had and uh and so i'm encouraging men to uh think more clearly about their own uh we talked about this toughness in terms of work but also just toughness in terms of familiarity