 it's different when you say hey dave i've been really struggling is there a chance that you and i can get together tomorrow at 10 o'clock i'm going to get coffee i'm buying i'd love it if you met me there that's a specific request that i want to meet with you i want to talk to you and people are much more likely to respond to that and there was to respond affirmatively like i'll be there or i can't make that one but i can do this date at noon and so