 let it go, that wasn't you, the illness wasn't you, you know, it was the illness. And I don't feel like that. I feel like, no, that was me, thank you, because that's also me that got me better. And sometimes that illness, how I presented myself, was out of protection, out of fear. I was so scared of the world around me and being taken and wanted to do a good job that actually I just think that is my...