 I guess that I wouldn't make it through alive, that I would be so medicated or suicide or that I would die of heartache. You know, I'd be separated from my child. At points, I was like, I'm going to have to give him up for adoption. I'm going to have to do this. And then I'd be like, I would just explode of heartache, of failure. You know, how would I make it through this? It was...