 and i looked very chinese and then you know my mixed race and i got to the age of 14 i seemed to blend in a lot more and and then i i kind of almost forgot about it but there was there was a lot of residual kind of trauma for that and then and then like i say going to drama school and coming out and suddenly being asked to be very chinese like uber chinese ridiculously chinese like off the more chinese than i know any chinese person could possibly be in a way