 yeah that's horrible when they realize going well it may not have been them it may have been you and if you're doing the same techniques and wondering well you know people just don't like me really well it's like huh i wonder why that is we might want to think about this this is this is another one cheryl that i get with the teenage girls um de-emphasizing compliments you know if you compliment them or fishing for more and i don't think they're fishing per se