 But I think really why I would stay out for so long was my, you know that sense of shame I spoke about in the beginning? That was there before any of the drinking and the drugs, like I already had that. And then to escape that, you know, it would give me an escape from that. But then the things I did or the things I would say or the way I would treat people, it just confirmed the way that I'd felt as a kid. You know, it was just like, you are,