 as a culture we don't you know we don't talk with even right from birth there's all this data that shows that we don't talk with baby boys we don't engage with their emotions in the same way that we do with girls we tell them to sort of squash their feelings we don't spend as much time you know relating to them and we don't give them those kinds of role models in books and in movies and in shows to see themselves in those kind of relational caregiving roles that we give very automatically to girls and i think by the time they get