 and then when you get there focus on the next breath out and then I ask myself the question of like you know am I happy with how I've lived my life and I'm like you know oh well I wish it was a bit longer you know and it's like it's as if my life was like you know a tv show a series and it's like like I'm the protagonist like I'm the main character in my show and they've written me out as a great season finale like