 yeah it's so so true and so important it's a lot of it has to do with i feel like just having that victim mentality versus you know taking ownership of the things that happen to you a buzzword that people talk about today is agency giving your our kids agency in their lives and i feel like that's important for us as adults too realizing that things don't just happen to us we have a choice about how we react to it yeah yeah um have you ever by the way i'm just curious um