 that is in the book that I do write about. And as a moment, which sticks out in my mind was, you know, the first year after she died was, was rough and, you know, a real kind of chaotic journey of telling everybody you're all right and pretending you're better than you are and really not being, being in great shape. And that's just grief. And, um, and I had a pretty, pretty terrifying low point in the middle of that and then started to come out and, um,