 somewhere deeper with it and then it's actually really not about the chores the chores are just the easy grab to argue about because the dirty dishes are right in front of you yeah you know and what you're saying couldn't be any more true uh like i said it took me more than a dozen years of post-divorce life to figure out uh why this was so severe i said come on it's a pair of socks relax take it easy uh and clearly obviously it was so much more than that and i lacked the maturity to realize that at the time or maybe even the empathy