 I think when you're reading that part of the book, you feel my rage and you feel how angry I am and how mad and disappointed and everything. I've poured all of that in there. But this has been a journey of forgiveness and a journey of healing to where I can sit in front of you today and I can give him that grace and I can talk about my journey. And there were times where I could not do that. And when all of that stuff was actually happening and was occurring,