 trying to play psychoanalyst, of pushing her to change, of pushing her to accept certain facts, was actually causing me to suffer, and probably also causing her to suffer. Because then imagine every time you talk to someone, you have to grapple with the hardest parts of your life, and you're being asked to confront it and change, and then you can't do it. So both of us are actually suffering more, not just as a product of her own expectations or model of the