 and certainly they build it together the last analogy i wanted to touch base with you on was you talk about in the book being quite a daredevil jumping off high places into bodies of water and you want to make sure certain things aren't debris fields aren't there speak to that analogy and then what how does that fit with marriage and communication yeah so the example i share is i'm i was scaling the side of this cliff uh over there's a river in mount rainier