 So I pick it up, I look at my spouse, I put it to my head, and I pulled the trigger. And as cops, we always keep a round in the chamber. It's something that you have to do. The gun went click, and I've never had an issue with my firearm. So I was ready to go. I didn't want to be here anymore. I didn't want to feel the guilt. I didn't want to be the one responsible for losing my family.