 so frustrated and I felt so lost and it just got to be such a burden that I almost didn't want to do it anymore. I never held a gun in my mouth but I thought of it and probably more than anything else that really got me through it or at least kept me from doing it at that stage was just the love of my parents, namely my mother. My mother was always very selfless. She always loved me and my siblings above all else and I just couldn't stand the thought of her ever