 continue on in the pattern that he is living beyond his means and I don't know where to stop that at I don't know and nobody's telling me they're telling me to combine pastors are telling me that you know we're in it for sickness and health and richer and poorer and stuff like that that's what we took our vows for I don't remember that part but you know I mean I was a little nervous so but my point is is that I don't know what I'm supposed to do what I'm not supposed to do how I'm going to get him to talk do you have any words of wisdom for that