 which is not what they want. They want to be loved, and we've got to make it easy for them to be loved without having their feelings hurt. So encourage self-awareness. Explain to your spouse that you love him or her, and that to attribute bad motives or say things like that to you is not fair to you because it's not true, because you love them, and you're not putting them down or you're not saying things to offend them.