 Realize that criticism and contempt are protests. And if I'm not feeling well loved, I'm not feeling well cared for, I'm going to drop into criticism and contempt, hoping I can point out what you're doing wrong and you'll stop doing it and then I'll feel better. The problem is, you know, that violates my needs and fears, triggers, and then it triggers the stonewalling or the defensiveness or maybe, you know, counterattack, countercriticism. Stonewalling and defensiveness then are protective strategies. I'm not feeling safe around you.