meta: {"file": "/data/tomer/Sefaria-Export/txt/Musar/Pele Yoetz/English/itorah.compele-yoetz.txt"}
text: Pele Yoetz
  פלא יועץ
  itorah.com/pele-yoetz
  
  
  Pele Yoetz
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  The love between a husband and wife must be a passionate one. We will begin with the love of the husband to his wife for the declaration of our Sages (Yevamot 62b) is known, "That the husband is obligated to love his wife as himself and to honor her more than himself." Nonetheless, he may not compromise his service of G-d because of his love for her. The tanna (Avot 1:5) already cautioned, "Do not speak excessively with a woman. This is referring to one's wife, for anyone who does speak excessively with a woman causes evil to himself, is idle from words of Torah, and in the end will inherit Gehinom." Our Sages said (Baba Metzia 59a), "One who goes after the counsel of his wife falls into Gehinom." In light of this condition, every wise man must act with cleverness. As our Sages commented (Sanhedrin 107b), "The left hand should push away as the right hand brings close." The primary love is the love of the soul. It is incumbent upon the husband to admonish his wife with pleasant words, to guide her in the ways of modesty, to distance her from slander, anger, cursing, the mention of G-d's name in vain, and similar things in the Orders of Nashim and Nezikin. He should caution her in regard to the details of mitzvot – especially in the areas of prayer, blessings of benefit from this world, the observance of Shabbat, etc. How good and how pleasant it would be for him to teach her ideas of ethical improvement and to share with her words of the Sages in all matters that are relevant to her and their severity. Then her heart will tremble and she will be even more careful thana man.
  ... it is unnecessary to remark that someone who has an intelligent wife, the gift of G-d, has found a good wife. Certainly a thread of grace is draped upon her and she is beloved unto her husband. However, a man unto whom a challenging lot has fallen – a difficult wife – must be very careful. He stands before a great test and requires determination to behave towards her with peace and affection in honor of the Divine Presence. These are subjects of ancient wisdom. A person should be aware that even among eminent men the "fire has fallen". To the extent that our Sages noted (Yevamot 63a), "… It is enough that they save us from iniquity and raise our children to Torah."                  A person should also be cognizant of the saying of our Sages (Shabbat 33b), "The minds of woman are prone to superficiality."People say, "A woman's hair is long and her mind is short." Therefore, intelligence must originate with him. If she violates his will and angers him, he must control his emotions so that he does not become angry with her, and it need not be said to shame, curse, or strike her, Heaven forbid. This is the practice of boors and frivolous and rash individuals – in actuality he hurts himself! Rather with soft speech and sweet words he should admonish her. In any case he should bear the yoke and be insulted rather than insulting, and accept upon himself the judgment of Heaven with joy – because each woman is sent to a man from G-d. In truth, according to the dictum of our Sages (Eruvin 41b), "Someone who has a bad wife will not see Gehinom", it would be proper to seek a bad wife if he could stand the test, considering the enormous severity of the punishment of Gehinom. If he passes the test, then he will not inherit two Gehinoms (one in this world and one in the World t Come)! Rather he should accept her with love and he will receive a fine reward for his labors.