I tend to be a little dyslexic. That said, I'm sure everyone here will understand my ultimatum when I first stumbled upon (what I thought) was a shirt entitled, "Moon, one ~ Wolves, three." I remember thinking to myself, "Blasted! How in the world did the Wolves outsmart the MOON?!" It all seemed implausible, for sure, and I was certain that no mere mortal wolf could work its magic on the moon.

I must admit, I caved. I purchased this shirt despite my skepticism; despite my steadfast belief that no wolf - compounded by a multiple of 3 or not - could beat the omnipotent moon.

It arrived as promised, a monumental statement to cotton sensuality and lupine lore. There it was, though - the moon. That bright, circular promise that I was sure could never be beaten... I looked closer, why were those wolves howling so diligently? Did they know something I did not? I resisted the urge to put it on... "Soon," I thought to myself, "Soon."

Now, I reckon I don't need to remind anyone that Alabama in the summer months can be a really treacherous place to be. It's hot and sticky and the offal of dejected humanity often rises up keenly in our little town. Well, one particularly hot day, the common law husband and I sat on our porch watching the world go by. Literally, the world was just zoomin' on by since they put part of that dang State Route right on the other side of our chain link fence. Anyway, the Ol' Ball and Chain went inside for a moment, and it seemed like just as soon as he went in, out he came again - with the Moon,  one ~ Wolves, Three shirt on.  There it was staring me in the face (it didn't help that it was a size too big for him - I am, after all, proudly bigger than my man).
Now, I had read what this shirt is supposed to do to men, and I was instantly on guard for any females in the neighborhood to start offering themselves to him. You know what, though? None bothered! He frowned at me for a few moments as I raced around the yard hollering for no one to come near my man. "What in tarnation you doin' down there, KatyAnn?" he yelled at me. As soon as I was confident no one would steal my beloved Billy Fred, I went ahead and went back to rocking up there on the porch. Those 3 wolves, though, I could tell they were baiting me... Their mouths all wound up, curled into perfect, furry little "O"s - that moon sitting there complacently (you didn't think us Alabamians knew what "complacently" meant, did ya?!). I kept staring and staring into that shirt until... all of a sudden that's ALL that was there! It was like I was in this pool of light and shine and the only thing there was that shirt, suspended in flag-like animation... waving at me... tempting me.

From a long way aways, I heard Billy Fred yelling my name, "KatyAnn! KatyAnn! Look!! LOOOOOOK!!!" He was standing up on the porch, pointing toward this shimmering silver object suspended over the locust trees. My mouth dropped... It couldn't possibly be! But it WAS... a real life AL-IE-N Mother Ship just beyond the trees there, idly looming over the cars on the State Route. A moment later the inevitable happened... out came a small humanoid; his eyes huge beaming lanterns out of an exceptionally large, circular cranium. He pointed to the shirt - that shirt!

"Moon, 1 ~ Wolves, 3" he stated in an almost robotic tone. My mouth dropped... What did he know of this? I stood, trembling... barely able to utter a word, "Mr. Alien, sir, "I said, "What do you know of the moon's fight with the wolves?"

"Moon WON these WOLVES 3" he said... "OHHH!" How silly of me!" I thought. Here this alien was trying to explain the Wolves had never really won, at all... It was the moon that had beaten the wolves all along, just as I had expected. I chuckled a minute and then asked, "Are you the ones that have given this shirt powers for others?" The alien nodded. I thought I saw him wink. I looked at Billy Fred and, all of a sudden, the wolves were staring at me... the moon was glistening in its bank of ethereal clouds. The whole shirt was stirring and almost appeared to be caressing Billy's body. He was smiling an almost hypnotic smile... I had never seen that smile on his face. Before I knew it, the alien was slowly levitating Billy Fred to his space ship. I shrugged... I figured it was probably a small price to pay to know what this shirt was all about (not to mention the fact that the moon was ALWAYS the winner to begin with...).

Long story short, Billy got probed. He came back a bit disheveled and he didn't talk to me for maybe a week or so. The news station came out to our house (well, it IS a house - even if it is an embedded Earth trailer) with their big fancy cameras. I'm proud to say he wore that shirt for the whole world to see as he talked about our close encounters. He tried to tell them that he got probed, but I noticed a lot of people giggling. I don't think they believed him.

The shirt still remains with us to this day. I gave it a 4 star rating ONLY because it faded a bit after I dried it outside on the line. We use it as a flag now... just in case the aliens ever want to come back. Although, I think The Mountain does have an alien shirt for that, too. Just sayin'.