Vacation in Hawaii.  AWWW YEAH!  I had already signed up for the "swim with the sharks" adventure. If you want chicks then you have to man up!  I needed mucho protection. Mama didn't raise a chew toy for Great Whites. This chain mail shirt leaped off my computer and pimp slapped me yelling "I am the one". I have watched shark week on the Discovery channel for 3 years in a row now, with this shirt I am now ready to face these fish of death. Those sharks better hope I'm in a good mood that day.

  A few tests for my new chain mail shirt before we face Jaws.
Test one: Need to see how it holds up to blunt force trauma.  Went to a cowboy bar wearing my chain mail shirt, short shorts, and roller blades. (Just in case I have to make a fast getaway.) I am cheetah fast on rollerblades. I picked a fight with the biggest drunkest dude I could find.  Didn't take much prodding either. Unfortunately, he hit me in the face multiple times instead of the chain mail shirt. Not much of a test.  I also found out it is hard to rollerblade while getting your head pummeled and your eyes swelling shut.
Test two:  Needed to see if it could stop a sharp object.  Got my friend Bobbie Jo to help me with this one. Knives seemed a bit dangerous so she went with a fork. Warning - the small tines on a fork will penetrate this chain mail. For a thin girl she had a powerful stab. She seemed to smile when doing it too. No more testing with Bobbie Jo. Another lesson learned... after being stabbed in the shoulder with a fork while wearing chain mail do not run around screaming. People just call the cops and tasers hurt worse when wearing metal.
Test three:  Still needed to test it against a relentless attack with teeth.  After soaking my clothes in meat sauce for two days it was off to the dog park. They were on me quick.  Apparently I am not as shifty as I once thought. It was like throwing a bucket of twinkies into a weight watchers convention. There would be no pulling them off. Chain mail shirt worked like a champ. It was the only area on my body that did not have chew marks.
  After all three tests I am still alive. Five stars chain mail shirt. I am now ready to face the deadly demons of the ocean on their home turf.

Let's skip ahead to the boat. The brochure had a bunch of hot chicks in bikinis and what appeared like a party on the shark boat. Not true. There were five old couples and me. Old is an understatement. This had to be the LAST thing on their bucket lists. Hope no one has a heart attack when the action starts because on a scale of 1 to 10 my CPR skills are a negative 3. Yeah, more harm than help. At least I know when the Great Whites are circling that I can out swim a couple of these geezers.
  At first I thought I was in serious trouble. With chain mail shirt weighing me down I swam like a wounded sea lion. Then I found out why no one ever dies on this adventure. The sharks are only 2 feet long. Highly disappointing. I could have gotten the same experience swimming in the giant aquarium in the hotel lobby.
Overall the experience was a letdown but this chain mail shirt is still the coolest thing on earth.  Going to wear it to the Luau tonight with my bikini swim trunks. (Just in case there is trouble.)  If there is trouble I hope it doesn't involve forks. It is my weakness.