Can you rewrite this email that I used a translator to convert from Korean to English to sound more like a native English speaker?

Dear [Insert Name],

I hope this email finds you well. I am writing to inquire about possible internship or collaboration opportunities within Global Golf Advisors. A recent graduate of Brown University with a degree in Computer Science-Economics, playing on the women's golf team developed a passion for golf and business strategy, and is excited to explore the intersection between the two fields.

Oliver Wyman's full-time job as a management consultant has been postponed to the end of the year, making it the perfect opportunity to pursue his interest in golf. I believe that an internship or collaboration with Global Golf Advisors will provide valuable experience and the opportunity to learn from industry experts.

I have attached my resume for your reference and look forward to hearing back. Thank you for considering my inquiry.

best,
[Insert Name]
Dear [Insert Name],

I hope this email finds you well.  I wanted to get in touch with you to ask about a potential internship or temporary job opportunity with Global Golf Advisors. I recently graduated with a degree in Computer Science-Economics from Brown University, where I played on the women's golf team and discovered a love for both golf and business strategy. I am really enthusiastic about the potential of combining these two fields.

The perfect opportunity to explore my passion in the golf industry has arisen due to the postponement of my full-time offer for a position as a management consultant at Oliver Wyman until the end of the year. I think working for Global Golf Advisors during an internship or short-term/contract position would be a great opportunity to get vital expertise.

I have attached my resume for your reference and look forward to hearing back. Thank you for considering my inquiry.

Warmly,
[Insert Name]