Write an impassioned plea promoting the conservation of a fictional animal called the "stupid raccoon" which is considered endangered due to its low IQ and inability to survive in the wild without human intervention.
Every year, thousands of stupid raccoons die due to extreme stupidity and inability to survive in their native habitats. The low intelligence of the stupid raccoon makes the animal easy prey for other animals that are normally considered docile and unprovoking, such as rabbits and turtles.

The stupid raccoon is a docile, furry little creature that has the same physical appearance and characteristics as that of regular raccoons, but with one notable exception: they are absolutely stupid. Where other animals have the situational awareness and survival skills to scavage for food and shelter, stupid raccoons are unable to feed themselves unless humans put scraps of leftover dinner into plastic garbage bags and put them into garbage receptacles for easy access and consumption. However, while some of these raccoons have easy access to these tasty morsels of leftover food, many of them can become trapped in larger trash bins, becoming stuck and unable to escape back to their natural habitats. These stupid raccoons eventually require human intervention - in the form of a passerby noticing the raccoons inside and lending a helping hand - or they will eventually be transported along with the trash within these receptacles and taken to a nearby landfill where they will die from suffocation underneath thousands of tons of human refuse.

Stupid raccoons are living beings that deserve our help, just like any other creature on our beautiful planet. Without intervention, approximately 32,000 are expected to die each year, resulting in a dwindling population that can impact the ecosystem and a lot fewer of these stupid (but cute) animals on the planet. While they are unbelievably dumb creatures, stupid raccoons are also important to our ecosystem. The raccoons provide such vital functions as entertainment for humans, emotional support for ants, and natural garbage disposals for trash.

With your donation of just five dollars a minute, we can help round up the stupid raccoon population and put them into safe living areas that will provide them with the opportunity to survive and thrive without falling victim to the harsh environment of the urban world. Please help the stupid raccoon by donating today. Thank you.