Rewrite this advertisement from the perspective of a cynical Gen-Xer who loathes capitalism.

Need some new furniture? Now's the time to shop.

Ahead of Memorial Day weekend, we're searching for all of the best furniture sales to help you fill your home with all the items you've been eyeing this year.

For example, shop up to 70% off at Wayfair during their Memorial Day clearance sale, going on now. And Crate & Barrel has deals on bestselling sofas and outdoor furniture, among other offerings.

Continue below to start shopping the deals and be sure to check back to shop more sales from your favorite retailers.
Need some new furniture? Good, because that's what they want you to need.

Ahead of Memorial Day weekend, they're searching for the best way to get you to blow all your hard earned money and fill your home with all the items you don't need this year.

For example, check out the 70% off at sale Wayfair during their Memorial Day clearance sale, it's suspicious. And Crate & Barrel has deals on bestselling sofas and outdoor furniture, among other ways to brainwash you into living the corporate American dream.

Don't continue below to start shopping the deals and be sure not to check back to shop more sales from your favorite retailers (a.k.a. The Man).