I read a quote in my devotional today. “When it came down to it, Moses was afraid that who he was wouldn’t be enough to take on the assignment God had given him.”
And, then the devotion said … “But the Lord didn’t withdraw the assignment.”
Can I be honest and real with you? There are times that I feel that I am not enough for the situation or the task before me. Maybe you feel that way, too?
As I think back over my story, there are times that I have felt overwhelmed, inadequate, and just not enough for the situations that were before me. But God did not withdraw the assignment. And He gave me what I needed so that I would be enough.
Six weeks into my first marriage, hearing the doctor’s report that my husband had colon cancer, and that even with chemotherapy, he had a life expectancy of 5 years. And because of the chemotherapy, if we wanted children, we would need to consider a sperm bank. Was who I was enough to walk this out?
After praying for a child, and finally getting that positive pregnancy test. And, at 10 weeks pregnant, going to the doctor’s appointment expecting to see or possibly even hear my baby’s heartbeat, only to be told that there was no heartbeat. That I was experiencing a “missed miscarriage”. Was who I was enough for this?
After experiencing the miscarriage, I would be in a store, and seemingly, around every corner was a baby or a pregnant lady. There was such a feeling of being broken and not enough because I did not carry our baby to full term. I was happy for them, but also felt so much sadness for what was not ours to experience for ourselves. Was who i was enough?
And while still grieving the loss of our first baby, finding out that we were pregnant again, and going to each doctor’s appointment praying that our baby would be fine. Once you have experienced a miscarriage, the anticipation of those doctor visits are still joy-filled, but there was also sadness and concern because of that previous loss. Was who I was enough?
And, walking through the journey of cancer with Melvin, believing for his complete healing and receiving it, just not the way that we had hoped. To experience losing your husband after only having been married for 5 1/2 years, that is never something that you truly get over. It is a part of you, from that point forward. Losing someone that you love is something that you carry with you. Because, after all, loving them changed you and made you a better person than you were before you met them. And when they are gone, your life is changed again. Now, you have to figure out your new normal, and how to live life without them here with you. They may be gone, but they are still with you. Was who I am enough?
And then, life as we know it now, walking the journey of autism and anxiety with my daughter … no one fully understands that experience unless you are walking it yourself. And, even then, every experience is different. There are days that I do not feel like I have what it takes to be the mom that she needs. Is who I am enough? When the meltdowns happen. When others judge her behaviors and say that what she needs “is a good spanking”. And hearing, “If my child did that, they would have been turned over my knee by now.” When I try to explain what it is like for her and why she does what she does, the words just feel hollow and empty to me, like I’m making excuses for her. Because people don’t understand. It is hard to understand if you haven’t experienced what it’s like for her. It’s hard, as her parents, to always understand why she does what she does. Wondering if what we are doing is right for her, questioning every decision and action, weighing it, measuring it , making sure that we are setting her up to succeed in life. Praying for God to give us wisdom to effectively discipline through guidance and correction. Praying that God will show us how to be the parents that she needs because He does understand her. He knows everything about her. He knows what she needs and how to teach her in a way and on a level that she will understand and can apply to her life. We experience all the worries that every parent experiences, but magnified because of the extra challenges that are her normal. And, because it’s her normal, it’s our normal. This is our journey and we walk it out together. And there are many, many times, that I wonder if I am enough, if someone else could do this better.
And yet, this is what God has called me to. He chose me to be her mom. He chose Melvin, and then Adam, to be her dad. And, although, we may mess up, God has chosen us for this time and place. He will give us what we need, when we need it. I will be enough. Because He is enough.
Throughout all of these experiences, and many, many more experiences not mentioned, God has been faithful to give us what we need for the assignment that He has given us.
I have heard many say to me, “You are so strong.” But, I do not feel strong. And there are times when I feel like I am just surviving. And the truth is, you are not seeing my strength, but rather God’s strength flowing through me. Because the only reason that I was and am enough is because of what God has done and is doing in me. So, whatever good you see in me, know that it is not me, but rather God at work in me.
So, if, like me, you have ever felt like you are not enough, hold tight to this truth. You are enough. Because God is enough. He is I AM. He is whatever you need when you need it. God is all that you need.
I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will (continue to) perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus (the time of His return). Philippians 1:6 (AMP)
He is enough. And because He is enough, you are enough.
I am reading a devotional right now called Truth Unchanging (Hearing God daily in the Midst of Motherhood), by Becky Thompson. And it has really been speaking to me right where I am.
This is from the devotion for today (scripture reading is Exodus 4)…
… to prove that Moses was equipped, the Lord asked him, “What is that in your hand?”
“A staff,” he replied.”
I”m sure Moses was thinking, What do you mean? It’s the stick that I use to walk and lead the sheep and climb mountains.”
…This staff wasn’t just any stick Moses had chosen off the ground. It wasn’t a stick from the burning bush. It was the stick that Moses had held in his hand daily. And God used this stick to be the sign to all those who needed to believe that God was with Moses and was on his side.
God has always been in the business of taking what’s already in our hands and using it supernaturally to accomplish His purposes.
Everything that we have been through has been preparing us to take on everything else that God is asking us to do from here. Each mountain and valley was training us to become this mom to these kids.
God takes what we have used in the past – our skills, talents, and giftings and the special characteristics of our lives – to help us lead and love our families. Just like Moses, when we offer the Lord what we already have in our hands, He supernaturally transforms it for His purposes.
I believe the Lord is asking us both today, What’s in your hand, daughter? What’s already there? You thought that it was only used for one thing, but what you have learned in the fields while taking care of the sheep will be what I use to prove My presence and My power. Offer Me what is in your hand, and I’ll give you what is in Mine instead.
So, one of my areas of prayer is that God would open up a door for a source of income for me as I stay home with Hannah. She has been asking to be home-schooled for 2 or 3 years now, and with the option of the virtual academy this school year, Adam and I made the decision to allow her to try virtual schooling. At the end of last school year, when schools were closed, and kids were doing school online, H really stepped up and proved that she could do it. So, after prayer, Adam and I both felt that God was opening this door for her. However, this will greatly reduce my ability to guest teach. I will still be available to substitute some (when I have someone to stay with Hannah). So, I have been praying that God would show me what I could do from home with talents that He has already given me. And then, this devotion today. I have really been struggling with it because I just want to know God’s plan. If He wants me to sit still and trust Him to provide, then tell me. If He wants me to go out and get an evening job, then, tell me. I just want to know. But, I think my worry has made it difficult to hear anything at all. So, this devotional is challenging me to give God what I have and let Him give me what He has instead. And yes, it is very easy to type this, not so easy to live out. I will probably need lots of reminders from you, my readers.
The past 15 years have held a LOT of big things in this journey called life … dating, marriage, cancer, death, widow, grieving, marriage, allergy-induced asthma, autism, anxiety, therapies, counselors, IEPs, meetings with schools and teachers. So many things that have been difficult to navigate at times, but God has been faithful. I have learned a lot, and am still learning. As God continues to prompt me, i will share our story here on this blog. My heart is that our story will help others navigate some of these same things that we have journeyed , or are still journeying. How can God use these things? Only God knows. But I want to make sure that I am willing and open to obey what He asks of me. He will give me what I need, and maybe already has given me what I need for this assignment called life. I just have to use what He has given me. And, honestly, I would be less than who God has called me to be, if I held on to my story and never shared it. Because, it is, in fact, MY story. A story that God has woven together to make me uniquely me … a beautiful, creative, messy seeker of all things Jesus. I hope that you come alongside me as I share my journey with you. It will be a beautiful God-woven adventure together.
I pray that today God will show you how much He delights in you, and may you hear Him joyfully singing over you today. (Zephaniah 3:17)
Until the next blog …
And Moses said to Him, “If Your presence does not go with me, do not lead me up from here. For how then can it be known that Your people and I have found favor in Your sight? Is it not by Your going with us, so that we are distinguished, Your people and I, from all the other people on the face of the earth?
Exodus 33:15,16 (AMP)
Then Moses said, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place. How will anyone know that you look favorably on me- on me and on your people- if you don’t go with us? For Your presence among us sets your people and me apart from all the other people on the earth.” (NLT)
This has been going over and over in my spirit today. How easy it is to get so caught up in our daily routine that we forget to take God with us. I love what Moses says here… “if you don’t go with us, then don’t send us. We don’t want to go without You, God. How will anyone even know that we are Your people, God, if you don’t go with us?”
And if you go back and read the Scriptures before this, God had told Moses to tell the Israelites to go on to the Promised Land as He had promised them, but that He was not going with them because they were a stubborn and rebellious people, and that if He even traveled with them for even a moment, He would destroy them. The Lord was angry with them because of their stubbornness and rebellion, and even though He was going to fulfill His promise to lead them to the Promised Land, He said that He was not going to go with them because of their stubbornness and rebellion (Exodus 33:1, and 33:5). Ouch!
How must He feel about us when we let our stubbornness and pride get in the way of what He has called us to do? God is faithful to fulfill what He has promised because His promises are yes and Amen, but when we allow stubbornness and rebellion to get in the way of what we are supposed to be doing, He must get so frustrated with us. He still loves us. His love is unconditional. But, when we choose to be stubborn and dig our heels in and refuse to walk in His instruction, according to His Word, I wonder if He thinks of us as He did the Israelites that day. But then, I think about the truth that Jesus shed His blood on the Cross to cover all our sins. I have heard many preachers preach that when God looks at us, He sees us through the filter of Jesus because Jesus blood was shed to cleanse us from all our sins. And, I am so thankful that when God sees me, He does not see my sins, but rather, He sees a new creation, cleansed from all sin. I am so thankful for this truth.
Even though God was angry with the Israelites, He was still going to bring them to the place of freedom that He had promised them, the land flowing with milk and honey. Even in His frustration or anger with them, He was still faithful to fulfill His promises. I love that Moses told God that if He wasn’t going to go with them, then Moses did not want to go. And Moses said that he wanted to know God. Moses wanted to see Him and to see His glory. And that’s my prayer as well. In my daily tasks, I do not want to do them without Him by my side. As a mom, as a wife, as a friend, as a daughter, no matter my role or task, if I do not do these things with God beside me, how will they know that I am set apart? If I do not know Jesus and His Word, if I am not purposely pursuing a relationship with Him, how will others see Him in me? I pray that they see Jesus in me, that they sense His presence in me.
Father, my heart hurts at the thought that my stubbornness or pride might keep Your presence from being with me. Remove anything in my life that would hinder You from using me as a free flowing vessel.
Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours, and help me, every day, not to take even one step without Your presence with me. I don’t want others to know me, but rather, I want them to know You through me.
Lord, let Your presence go with me all throughout my day. If you are not with me, I do not want to go. No matter what my day holds, may Your presence be within me, in front of me, behind me, and beside me, so that others may know that I am Yours. And may the evidence of Your presence be so strong that others may see the difference in me because of Your presence going before me, beside me, behind me, and within me. Amen.
I’m sitting in the carline yesterday at my daughter’s school, waiting on her to notice me. I can see her swinging some little sign that she made out of paper and markers. (She told me later that she made it so that she could hold it up as a flag or banner of sorts so that she could cheer for others.) The problem is that she was waving it above some other little girl’s head. I saw the girl say something to her, and then H responded back. I couldn’t tell, but it looked like a possible disagreement. So when H finally noticed me and got in the car, I asked her what was going on between her and the other little girl. H starts telling me that the little girl told her that she doesn’t like her, and that she is going to find H’s picture in the yearbook and draw a dart on her face. I’m guessing the other little girl was meaning that she was going to use H’s picture as a dartboard, or was going to draw a dartboard on H’s face. H didn’t mean any harm in what she was doing. She should have respected the other girl’s personal space, but I’m not sure that H’s actions deserved the response that she received. The saddest part about this … this other little girl is a girl that H considered a good friend earlier in the year. H has no idea what happened and why they’re not friends anymore. H thinks it had something to do with H’s actions earlier in the year. She said that she made a bad choice at the beginning of the year, and that several of the kids still tease her about it. They have not forgotten her choice, even though she’s never done it again, and knows that it was a bad choice and that she never should have made that wrong choice to begin with. But the other kids won’t forgive her and won’t stop teasing her about it.
Now, I’m sure that as you read this, you may be completely relating to this because your child has dealt with this, or you have seen someone have to deal with this. I am not one of those moms who thinks that my child does no wrong and that it’s always someone else’s kid that needs to change their behavior. In fact, sometimes, I think I’m too hard on H because I always ask her what she did in the situation. I know her and I know that she often has done something that has caused the other person’s response. I know that we can’t control other’s actions, but we can control our own. I do not blame the other child’s parents. I think we are too hard on other parents and are quick to judge them and their parenting style. I hear phrases like “If that was my kid, I’d bust their bottom”, or “what that child needs is a good spanking”, or “if that child is behaving that way, they’re probably learning that from their parents”. The truth is, that in some situations, these phrases may accurately describe that situation. But, I believe, that in most cases, the parents probably are trying to teach right from wrong, and are trying to teach their kids how to function respectfully and successfully in the real world. I know that Adam and I are working hard to teach our child how to choose kindness, honesty, compassion, how to have a giving heart, how to forgive, etc, etc, etc. But guess what? My child doesn’t always mirror what I’m teaching her. And I’m sure you can say the same about your child as well. Does she have consequences when she makes bad choices? You better believe it. And she doesn’t like them. Do I spank her bottom every time? No, I don’t. My child is not your child. And the discipline that works for your child may not work for mine. I try to discipline my child according to what I know works for her. But, no matter how many times I discipline, that does not mean that she’s going to be good all the time. Why? Because God created her with free will. Just as He created you and me with free will. And He teaches us right and wrong through His Word. But do we always obey it? Do we always do what God tells us when He tells us? If we’re honest, I think we would all have to say no. So, why do we expect our children to always do what we don’t always do ourselves? Just something to think about. Let’s not be so quick to judge situations that we don’t know all the details to.
What most of you don’t know is that H has really struggled this year (and in years past) to keep friends. She can make friends very easily, but lacks the social skills to keep them. She doesn’t seem to be aware of other people’s personal space. She doesn’t understand why other kids tease her, why they don’t “get” her. She doesn’t “get” the nonverbal cues that other kids give her, the body language they use when they feel like she is invading their personal space, so she just keeps coming into their personal space. Her maturity level is not where theirs is, so she likes things like Paw Patrol, which to other kids her age is for “babies”. While other kids are developing at an age appropriate level of 9, she is still at age 6-7. And honestly, I struggle as her mom. I struggle with that knowledge. I struggle with the fact that she doesn’t have lots of friends. Because I have always been one to make friends easily and I strive to keep peace, so I have lots of friends.
I see the beauty in H. I see her amazing accomplishments. I see how smart she is, and how fun she is to be around. And I hurt for her that others don’t see how amazing she is. It hurts when your kid is struggling to make friends and you can’t make it better for her. My heart hurts when I see other kids reject her as “less than” because she doesn’t think the same way they do, or want to play the same things they do, or because she thinks in “black and white”, and doesn’t see those areas of compromise. She is a very literal thinker. And when you say things to her, she takes them very literally. My heart hurts when other kids do not choose to respond with kindness. And my heart hurts when she doesn’t choose to respond in kindness.
What you don’t know is that my child struggles with anxiety issues and sensory dysfunction, and that she could possibly deal with ADHD or autism, or some other neurodevelopmental delay that they have yet to diagnose her with. What you don’t know is that my child has “allergy induced asthma”, and has to take two inhalers every day, as well as allergy meds and asthma meds, and that the inhalers could possibly cause more anxiety for her, a child that already deals with anxiety anyway. What you don’t know is that my child used to come home every day and meltdown because she would hold it together at school because she knew she had to. So, when she got home, I could say something as simple as Hi, and she would lose it. What you don’t know is that my child now only melts down maybe 2-3 times/week because a team of therapists have been working with her all year through occupational therapy and speech therapy, and counseling.
What you don’t know is how far she has come, and what she has had to overcome emotionally to get where she is now. What you don’t know is that it is a miracle that she is even here on this earth because the doctors told her daddy and I that he would never father a child after taking chemotherapy. And yet, here she is. Her daddy is now in Heaven, and he was an amazing daddy to her. A long time ago, a comment was made to me that H would not act the way she does if her daddy Melvin was still here, that he would not allow her to act that way. It was an implication that I was “less than” as a parent and didn’t measure up in that family member’s eyes. But, here’s the deal, whether you think I am a good parent or not doesn’t matter because God chose me to be Hannah’s mother. And when Melvin died, God saw fit to bless Hannah and I with an amazing man who stepped up to love us when Melvin could no longer be here to love us. And Adam has done an amazing job, stepping up as a dad with no previous parenting experience.
And the thing is, that person might have been right about H’s behavior. Because the truth is that if Melvin was still here, then H would not have gone thru the emotional trauma of losing her daddy at the age of 2 1/2 years old. She would not have had her little life as she knew it turned upside down. Everything changed for her. It was hard enough to walk out that period of our lives as an adult. Can you imagine trying to face those life challenges as a child with limited understanding? She told me the other day that even though she knew that Daddy Melvin had died, she didn’t understand what the word “dead” meant. And how do you explain that to a 2 year old? You can’t. When Melvin died, someone made the comment that H would be just fine because kids are resilient. And she is fine, and she will be fine. But I don’t want to forget how far she has come, and what she has overcome.
I struggle because I want my child to be just like your child. I want her to be “normal”. I want her to be happy. I want her to be accepted. I don’t want her to be made fun of because she is different. I don’t want her faults singled out and made fun of. I don’t want people to reject her because she’s different than they are. I want her to be loved for who she is. I want people to see the good in her. Her heart is so big, and she is so loving. She will draw you pictures and write you notes telling you that she loves you. She just wants to be loved. And the truth is that inside all of us is that same desire to be loved and accepted just the way we are. And I am so thankful that in spite of us, there is someone who does love us just the way we are. His Name is Jesus, and He loves us in all our messiness. And when we fail, He is there to help us get back up and keep moving forward. He is there for us, just as we are for Hannah. To love unconditionally, to guide and correct, to love, to teach, to love some more. I pray every day that H will know Jesus personally, that she will have a relationship with Jesus, not because we have a relationship with Jesus, but because she has personally experienced God’s love for her, and she has seen God answer her prayers, and she has seen God give her the strength to overcome whatever obstacles come across her path. And, she will, ya know? She will overcome all of this and she will be used mightily for God’s Kingdom, in spite of whatever “labels” the world tries to place on her. And I just pray that I live to see all that God does in her. And that she always knows how much we (Adam and I) love her and how proud we are of her. She is an amazing little girl. And if you don’t see that, you’re the one missing out.
(This blog post is not my normal post … I normally don’t get this emotional. I try to be encouraging and uplifting.) But today, I just felt that I needed to be vulnerable. To be honest about what the journey of a mom can sometimes look like. To let you know that the way things appear are not always how they are. And maybe just take a step back and ask Jesus to give you His eyes so that you can see what is really going on behind the behaviors or attitudes of anyone who crosses your path. Because things are not always the way they appear on the outside.
And above all, choose to love and choose to be kind. You have no idea what someone has been through that day, and how much a kind word or a smile might be needed in someone’s life today.
And teach your kids to be kind. And know that most parents are doing the same. And know that if you see my child behaving badly, it is in spite of what we are teaching her. Because we strive every day to love Jesus, to love others, and to teach our child to do the same.
I haven’t really blogged much in a long time. A loooong time. Since Melvin’s death, actually…. which will be 7 years in October. (If Melvin had lived, we would have celebrated 12 years of marriage in March of this year … how I wish that was an anniversary that we could have met.) Oh, I blogged every once in a while, but it was “spotty” at best. My heart just wasn’t in it very much. I didn’t feel like I had much to share. I felt like I was just existing. And there was so much going on with selling the house and finding a new house, finding a new normal for Hannah and I. Then, just when life seemed to be calming down just a little, God brought Adam. And just as it was with Melvin, it was God ordained. I knew, even though it scared me a LOT, I still knew that I was supposed to take that step of faith and marry Adam. And I am truly thankful that I did. We have gone through so much in the almost 5 years that we’ve been married. It honestly doesn’t seem possible that it’s been almost 5 years … at the end of April, we will celebrate the 5 year anniversary of Adam proposing to me. And in June, we will celebrate 5 years of marriage. So many of you have walked this journey with us, and so many of you have known me so long that you have also walked Melvin and I’s journey with us. And many have joined my journey along the way. And I am so thankful for each one of you and what you have added to my life by being on this journey with me.
Life is constantly changing. I look back over the past 10 years and am amazed at how much life has changed, and at what God has faithfully carried me through, some of which many of you have never had to experience your entire life. And sometimes I wonder why Melvin and I walked through what we did, Melvin more than I. Even though I saw him walk through cancer in ways that you did not, there were many things that even I could not understand completely because it was happening to his body, not mine. And he probably never knew the strength of God that was shown through him as he walked it out. And although it was a hard journey, there were many times of joy and many things to be thankful for, one of which was our miracle Hannah. Before she was even born, it was spoken over her that she would come to know Jesus at a very early age, and the word “grace” was repeatedly spoken over her. And in parenting her, I can say that grace is a word that we need often. lol Seriously, I do not know the fullness of the prophetic word over her, but I do know that God is faithful and He has a plan and a purpose for her life as well. I will not go into a lot of detail, but I can tell you that although I am so thankful that I get the privilege of parenting her, parenting her is a challenge. She is not the typical kid. I have had to learn, and am in the process of learning, how to respond to her, how to effectively discipline her, how to model a godly life in front of her. Hannah is not a child who responds well to traditional discipline, so I am always having to dig deep to think of creative and effective ways to guide and correct her. There are some medical things that have come to light, and we are receiving guidance through several types of therapy on how to help her to overcome those things. Why am I not sharing what those medical things are? I will share as the Lord leads, but for now, I’m not sharing because we do not have a specific diagnosis, and for another, I do not want things spoken over her that are not truth. I want to speak life into her and over her. And regardless of the label (diagnosis) doctors may give her, that name can not stand against the Name above all Names. She is a beautiful child, so fun to be with (most of the time … ha!), with a heart to praise and worship Jesus, and she is so sensitive and thoughtful. And, there are times that she has spiritual insights that are way beyond her years. But, she is also impulsive, seems to be very unaware of how her actions affect others, struggles socially with others, and is immature for her age. And there are other things that she struggles with as well. And, I wonder if as we walk this journey, if God will teach me so much more about His grace, and help me to know Him more through this journey with her.
During my devotional time today, I was listening to the worship song “Oceans (Where feet may fail)”, and these lyrics just kept resounding in my spirit, and this is not the first time that this has happened … these lyrics seem to be my life song right now … “Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever You may call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, that my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior…”. Take me deeper, God, to the point that my feet can’t touch the ocean floor, that I am completely dependent on You, that what You have called me to is so big that I will fail without You, that I have to walk in faith because I can not rely on me. And that describes parenting right there. If you’re doing it right, anyway. Parenting is the most wonderfully terrifying, faith building, life challenging journey that God has ever called me to. And I honestly feel like I fail at it every day. But God’s grace … He picks me up when I fall, and He carries me when I feel too weak to stand, and His grace is sufficient. And Hannah will turn out to be an amazing godly woman because of His hand on her life. And I praise Him for the things that I know He will do in her that are not evident yet. Because faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see. And even though we can’t see it yet, Hannah is healed in Jesus Name. Hannah is a work in progress, just as we all are. And God is faithful to complete what He has begun.
I struggle with speaking about healing a lot of times. Because I took such a strong stand of faith, believing for Melvin’s healing, and Melvin did not receive his healing this side of Heaven. And so, even as I typed those words above about Hannah being healed, the enemy was right there in my ear saying “be careful what you speak. What if God doesn’t heal her? Then you’ll look foolish in front of all these readers. They won’t trust that you are hearing from God.” You know what, even if God chooses not to heal her here on earth, I will still lift my hands in praise to Him, and my lips shall praise Him, but I believe that God’s Word is truth, and I stand in faith believing that His Word will do what it says it will do. And God’s Word proclaims healing, that He desires our health to prosper even as our soul prospers. It talks about healing all throughout His Word, and healing comes in many forms. It is not for us to determine how someone’s healing comes, but it is up to us to decide if we believe God’s Word is truth. If God’s Word is truth, then what He says will happen, will happen.
“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15
I proclaim boldly today that my God is faithful. And no matter what you may be facing today, God is faithful to fulfill what He has promised. I think of Karen Wheaton’s song “He’ll do it again” that she sang a few years back … it’s one of my favorites. I’m going to end this blog with those song lyrics. Be encouraged today, friend. He’ll do it again!
You may be down and feel like God has somehow forgotten
that you are faced with circumstances you can’t get through
but now it seems that there’s no way out and You’re going under
God’s proven time and time again He’ll take care of you
And He’ll do it again, He’ll do it again
Just take a look at where you are now and where you’ve been
Hasn’t He always come through for you
He’s the same now as then
You may not know how
You may not know when
But He’ll do it again
God knows the things you’re going through
And He knows you’re hurting
You see He knows just how your heart has been broken in two
But He’s the God of the stars, of the sun and the sea, and He is your Father
He’ll calm the storm and He’ll find some way to fix it for you
Oh, He’s still God and He will not fail you
Oh, He’s still God and He will not change
Know that He’s God and He’s fighting for you
Just like Moses, Just like Daniel, Just like Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego
He’ll do it again…
“Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.
And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.”
Hebrews 11:1, 6 NLT
It is impossible to please God without faith. So, WHAT is faith? Faith is complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
I’m teased often by friends because I am a googler. If I don’t know something… I google it. So, I jokingly call myself the google queen. In the time that we live in, information is so readily accessible, why not google it? If you need information, why not? Why stay unknowledgeable about something when you can easily find the answer with a few taps, clicks and strokes on a keyboard or smart phone? I like to learn, and I love it when the light bulb comes on, so to speak. 😆 I love to find the answers to questions that I have.
But… I am actually acting in faith when I hit that enter button to bring up the information I seek because I am trusting that google is going to bring up the answer to the question that I have. When I push the “on” button on that coffeemaker in the morning (after adding the coffee and water to it), I am trusting that it is going to produce a delicious cup of coffee. When I turn the key in the ignition of my car, I am trusting that my car is going to start and that it is going to take me to my desired destination. If I sit down in a chair, I am trusting that it is going to hold me. When driving down the road, we have an expectation or trust that the car behind us is going to stop when we stop. We have an expectation that things are going to go a certain way. We have an expectation of how things are supposed to go in our day. I’m not sure we realize how much faith or trust that we are putting in things or people that are a part of our normal day. Think of the things we do in a day and how often we couldn’t do what we need to if that person or thing didn’t do what we trusted them to do. We trust that whatever that person or thing’s purpose is, that it will do it’s purpose, that it will do what it says it will do.
Okay. So, where am I going with this? Well, the Bible says that it is impossible to please God without faith. In other words, you have to have faith in God and in His Word in order to please Him. We have to have complete trust and confidence in Him. We have to expect that what God said in His Word will happen. God’s Word says that faith is “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” We don’t see it YET. If God has said it, it WILL happen. WHY is that so hard for us to believe? We trust in cars to start, chairs to hold our weight, coffeemakers to make us coffee, but struggle to believe that God’s Word is true and will fulfill what it says it will? God’s Word says that it is impossible for God to lie, and that His Word will not return to Him empty or without purpose. It will fulfill what it was sent to fulfill. It will do what He says it will do. Thank You, Jesus! May we choose to walk in complete trust and confidence in God, not letting even the tiniest seed of doubt destroy our expectation in His Word.
Lord, forgive us our unbelief. And help us to grow our faith. Help us to walk in complete trust and confidence in You. We ask these things in Jesus Name. Amen.
Thanks for joining me!
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton


Paisley YMCA seeks new members to support us encouraging young people to live by Christian values – in particular:
• behaving towards others as they would be behaved towards;
• encouraging this in others; and
• supporting people in need regardless of their personal characteristics or affiliations.
We are an organisation based on living by and promoting Christian values, open for membership to people aged 16 and over of all faiths and of none
We recognise all the needs of young people – spiritual, social, educational and physical – and our conception of the Christian life embraces the wholesome satisfaction of them all.
We need the support of people, regardless of their religious beliefs, who share these values, so that:
- we’re held accountable in terms of these values; and
- we can draw on the ideas and time of other people who share these values, so helping us to develop.
We don’t want your money!
There’s no fee to pay in joining us. We do want just a little of your time (more if you have it of course, but membership is for us a values-based fellowship with minimal obligations).
The role of Paisley YMCA’s Members includes:
- promoting the work and values of Paisley YMCA;
- participation in general meetings in fellowship with others affirming our values;
- receiving reports on Paisley YMCA’s work, for example its community learning and development programmes and services;
- suggesting as appropriate potential improvements to services; and
- attending the Annual General Meeting to elect office-bearers and the Board of Paisley YMCA.
If you join us but then find you don’t have the time or don’t want to remain a member, then you don’t even have to resign – we’ll assume your membership has lapsed if you miss three successive meetings without submitting apologies.
If you believe as we do in the value for young people of youth work which supports the development of skills and character, then we need you and want you to be part of our fellowship.
To join us in making Paisley and its environs a better place for young people to grow up in then please complete the Full Membership Application


Pentecustals are a new religious group that has gained prominence among evangelical leaders, with some saying the new faith is the new Christian church.
The Pentecostics are an umbrella group of a number of Christian denominations that include the Baptist Churches, Methodist Churches, Unitarians and the Church of the Holy Sepulchre.
They believe Jesus Christ died for their sins and that God wants them to be saved.
“I have been an evangelical since my early childhood.
I grew up in a very evangelical household,” said Reverend Kevin McAllister, who founded the Pentecentric Association, a non-denominational church.”
It is a new church and it is new for us as a denomination,” he told News24.
“There is a lot of room for growth in this denomination.”
McAllister was elected to the Anglican Church of Scotland in the UK as a Pentecoster in 2011.
He has become a pastor of the Pentacostal Church of Ireland.
In Australia, Reverend Andrew Robertson is one of Pentecos who has been invited to preach at the upcoming National Pentecoconference in Melbourne.
Robertson is also an Australian Pentecostic and said he was inspired to become a minister after reading a Pentacle Bible.
“When I read the Pentacle I realised that the Pentateuch is actually the book of the Bible,” Robertson said.
“And that was the first thing that I really read.”
Robertson said he believes Pentecocons can bring a “new light” to the Penteacom, a group of Pentacom believers who believe that Jesus is the Christ and that they were born in the same womb as Jesus.
“They believe that if we come together, if we embrace each other and love each other, then we can change this world,” Robertson told News23.
“We can come together and help each other.”
The church has gained a cult following in the US.
In 2017, Pentecontains drew headlines when it was revealed that its founder, Kevin Mcallister, had married a US woman, who is the mother of a baby girl.
McAllisters marriage to his new US wife, Kayla Lachance, was secretly filmed, and his former wife is now in custody in Texas.
He is currently being held on $1 million bond for allegedly assaulting her in April.
He was also the first Penteconite minister to be expelled from the US Episcopal Church in 2017.
In 2015, the church’s national headquarters was burnt down.
The group says its mission is to “save the world from corruption, and to help everyone in the world find the truth”.
A spokesperson for Penteco says the Pentaecons aim is to be the church of God to all those who do not believe in God.
“Pentecostists are committed to God and to God’s kingdom, and their main goal is to help people in their everyday lives in order to heal, strengthen, and restore the broken lives of people who are struggling to live in peace and love,” the Pentecaostal church said in a statement.


It has been a while. If you don't know our family has followed the call of the Lord and relocated to North Carolina. We said yes to Griffin taking a head pastor position. We said yes to living 20 minutes from the mountains. We said yes to seasons, yes to a possible white Christmas, or at least no more 80 degree ones. We said yes to land and space. We said yes to a slower culture. We said yes to fall festivals, and small town. We said yes to many things I have prayed for and dreamed about. And what a sweet Father to bless me with my dreams.
But we also said yes to leaving everything safe, we said yes to moving away from all of our family, we said yes to leaving the state we have lived in for well...basically my whole life and half of Griffins. We said yes to the Father and no to everything else. And honestly it feels like a giant trust fall.
Now I know I am not the first person to uproot their family, I know I am not the first person to experience all of the newness, the change, the feeling like I am taking a huge risk, but nonetheless, you're here, and I am here, and if we were sitting together I'd pour you a cup of coffee, froth the creamer up real thick because I feel fancy with my $30 frother machine. I'd light a candle and I would share my heart. Can we do that?
3 Truths from my Transition
1. Transitions Must be Gentle - Most of my angst and worry hasn't been around Griffin or myself, it has been around the children. Wanting so badly for this to be beautiful and positive and...well... just plain good for them. I asked the Lord one morning, "How do I do this? How do I uproot my children and help them grow some place new?" He said, "Look up how plants are transported." I did and it's beautiful.
Soaking them in water, (my love) much more than normal because their roots are in shock and they need extra nourishment. Not exposing them to too much sun and expecting them to thrive right away. (Not rushing to new activities, new faces and spaces and expecting them to be great.) Taking the time to slowly put them in the new ground and gently pat the soil around the top, not using your feet but your hands, your fingertips. Wow God, yes, No expectations, no forcing, no pushing...slow, gentle, graceful.
2. Be Mindful of the Posture of Your Prayers - I knew this wouldn't be easy but I realized how quickly the battle against weariness was in my mind. We have been given a sound mind. But so often we don't live in this promise. The Word of God is alive and full to the brim with promises for us to cling to and walk in, however I was so convicted the other day by the Spirit. I was praying and it sounded something like this. "Lord please help my children to be okay in their new school. God please help them to not be fearful, protect their souls and hearts. God please help their teachers to love Jesus fearlessly." Nothing wrong there, yet my tone was defensive. My posture was praying out of my fears instead of praying in the right posture...from His promises!
We are in Christ which means we are victorious, which means our prayers must be the promises not the potential problems! So now, when I pray about school. I sound like this. "Father this will be a year my children thrive, they will lead their classrooms, they will find more of who they are in Christ. Father they will have moments that will make their roots in You grow down deep. May this be the year that their faith becomes real, strong, pure. Holy Spirit activate them in their spiritual gifts, open their eyes to see the supernatural, and let them feel Your love in tangible ways that they never ever forget."
3. Where are You Looking? - Griffin moved to NC before the kids and I did. We were apart for 22 days, which felt like much longer than that. The day before he left, the Lord led me to read the story of Jesus walking on water. I felt like He showed me that this will be my season...however long it is; that if I keep my eyes on Him, I won't sink...but if I take them off and look at the storms, or in my case, the unknowns, the new, the fear, the worries...I'll sink immediately. He always confirms for me. I went on a run that same day and two songs that came on shuffle referenced this scripture. A few weeks later my children were watching a show and a character said, "No body can walk on water." A few days after that a worship leader I follow posted a book he finished and the title? "Walking on Water." (thank you Jesus for the confirmations.)
As we have been in our new home now for a month, I have caught myself drifting to find relief in ways that only bring it for a moment. That's what relief does, but Jesus offers refreshment to the soul. Big difference. Relief lasts but a moment, refreshment stays longer and it changes the way you see, feel and breathe. When I set my eyes on Jesus I see Him, I recognize Him. But when I have my thoughts fixed on the unknowns, the storm, well He seems like a ghost. I totally understand the disciples.
So, while I feel like I am falling I know He will catch me. When has He not? Feelings are welcome at the table but they are not the head seat. It's Truth, It's Jesus. He must be the focus. He doesn't lead you where He doesn't go. He doesn't take you so far to only take you so far. And if you find yourself in a new season, place, or in the midst of a transition just remember it's your chance for your faith to grow. It's not supposed to stay the same, there are deeper depths of His love and character we are designed to know. The only way is through the deep, I think it's worth it every time.
I’m Heather a blessed wife and mama to four little souls who always keep me wild and free. My goal is to uplift and inspire as I share my life with you. Thanks for stopping by!


New Christian HolyRap label AFG MUZIK, founded by Sean Elliott, is helping to give a voice to new talents and inspire a positive community with the themes of hope and freedom.
Following the impact of the pandemic on communities across America, Sean Elliot, who also goes by the nickname SM, has been developing the label in order to promote the best Gospel music and encourage voices to share their messages.
Prior to the founding of his label, Sean Elliott spent 7 years in prison, and was granted release in 2019 where he set out to rebuild his life. Following his past experiences and newfound passion for music, he decided to dedicate himself to fostering positivity, and to change the lives of people around him for the better. During the pandemic he saw how artists were struggling to be heard, and with venues closed and millions in lockdown, he realized the growing challenge for people in isolation – and how he could make a positive impact by bringing them together.
AFG MUZIK as a platform aims to provide artists the possibilities to truly be themselves and build connections with their local music scene and beyond.
The label is also spreading the word of Jesus Christ and providing good vibes to people from all walks of life regardless of their ethnic origin or religious faith.
Having gone through a difficult time in his early life, SM found how the power of music could heal, and help others make new friends and connections. It is with that passion and spirit that he’s now supporting artists so that they can get discovered in their local communities – helping to raise their talent, and bringing them new opportunities to shine.
With many up and coming musicians looking to share their message, and in the current climate, there’s never been a greater need to give people the chance to overcome their challenges.


I am watching a documentary called Afraid of the Dark. It talks about all the different reasons why humanity is afraid of the dark. I do not believe in evolution so I do not believe it has to deal with that. Genetic memory? Possibly. I have not studied it that much. Passed down lore from generation to generation? Most definitely.
However, I think there might be a Biblical connection. In Genesis, it talks about how God visited and walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day. Due to the way the Fall plays out, I think it was probably in the evening, near twilight. So, I was wondering, “Maybe Adam and Eve were cast out at night.” All of the paintings and drawings I have seen of the Casting out of Eden, shows it as a bright afternoon. I think the closing in of darkness would be more poetic because they are no longer allowed to see God’s Light. Without God, we are in darkness. (Thus, people needing to see “the Light”.) Christ refers to himself as “the Light”. We are to be “Light unto the World”.
I think we are scared of the dark because of our inner, unconscious desire for God, and our fear to be without him.
Just a pondering.
Until Our Next Meeting.
The Lost Writer of Rohan.