When choosing a school to go to, I was n't sure about attending a private XXXX. The school, back then, was n't as outrageous as it is now, but it was still steep in price. However, when speaking with financial aid, I was referred to none other than XXXX. Huge Misake! 

There is not enough education on loans, especially student loans and higher education given, especially to those first generation college students. My parents, thought they were experiencing and opportunity of a lifetime and giving me something they never could have. It was taught how valuable an education and degree are and how we would be better off than our parents upon graduating and getting a job we otherwise could not without that piece of paper. 

Anyways, with a narrow mind and all the " education '' I had with getting the degree I wanted, which by the way, was also told by my XXXX guidance counselor that a XXXX university was my bets bet because my grades and SAT scores were average ( um, no you can get into a state college just fine and pushing a XXXX-year college or university is wrong just because I knew what I wanted to do does not mean you can not express the interest in XXXX then a state school or cheaper options ) I ended my life with my own XXXX XXXX. 

The minute I signed because the university, like many mortgage companies of the late XX/XX/XXXX and early XX/XX/XXXX, they gave away money to fill a seat, my life was over. Looking back on it, as easy as it was to obtain a mortgage at XXXX times your income, you were allowed to sign a loan at a XXXX times that and no one would bat an eye, just congratulate you on making your best life decision to date. 

Fast Forward, I am in school six years before graduating, eventually transferring to a state college and then going back because it was easier on my life and my transcript ; my brother drops out of college during his XXXX and my younger sister, who would at the time of my graduating enter college, decided not to attend, they were the best decision makers in the family. 

Now, I am in default because I am working a job more menial than my brother ( the XXXX ) and my sister ( the XXXX ) making less than them and suffering in every aspect of my life except for love, which can not be appreciated because of the XXXX and all-consuming loan that weighs heavy on my additional XXXX pounds since realizing my {$80000.00} loan turned into {$130000.00}. Nauseating me every day, shoving food down to fill the void that it is to have a fuller life than working for nothing ; the opposite of the picture painted for myself as well as others promised the holy land, living more of a XXXX than anything else. 

Now, XXXX XXXX calls anyone I have ever been in contact with ( how, I have no idea ) and my entire family, including brother, know that I am drowning in that paper that was supposed to redeem me. Almost XXXX and all I can say is my family asks more about my financial situation than my day. 

Unlike the great mortgage scam that took place a generation before us, we have no way of walking away, it seems I would be more content with them taking my degree ( like they did homes ) than calling my entire address book and calling me more than XXXX a day because I am currently sitting across from a young lady attending XXXX who earlier, when I asked if she was going for her XXXX or XXXX said why, I am in school and have the same job as you .... 

Sometimes it seems easier to just die than deal with the burden of something that seemed so bright and full of opportunity now has a shadow of ever having any chance of owning a home, car or anything else. I leave my student loans to the first person to XXXX me off by the way, just kidding I would n't wish this on my worst enemy, especially since there appears to be no way out of this without a XXXX year sentence of my income.