Do you have depression? I do, and I also often get very down about the loss of loved ones, like even if it was years ago
I don't suffer from depression but can imagine it is hard to deal with.  Are you getting counseling?
No, I just feel like I have to deal with it, even though it makes me guilty and angry, I feel like guys are not supposed to get counseling
I have friends that have received counseling and it has made a world of a difference in their lives.  There is also medications that can help I think.
I thought about speaking with a school counselor when I was younger, but I thought the school or state would inform my parents