Dr. Clausenstein invented the first prototype Santa in 1798 out of used human parts that he assembled in a secret laboratory in the alps. While the original Kris Kringle was a disaster, killing eight deer and seriously harming four small children, the very next attempt was a complete success, never harming another soul or animal. Although inconceivable today, Dr. Clausenstein was never granted a patent for his creation and was subsequently hanged for abominable crimes against humanity, forcing the monster Satan Claus (as he was known after the trial) to flee to the north pole.