text: KN: I was talking to Tom about this movie that nobody wants me to make. Its a musical called M, starring Siamese twins connected by the lips
  TW: Connected by the lips? Thats...
  KN: I figured out how to do that too. You see, I have this dentist friend, a very religious guy. In fact he believes in the laying on of hands. He really would touch your tooth, and theyd get better. Thats why I go to him, I cant stand pain
  TW: Right! Hehehe...
  KN: But Im getting off the track. He has a... you know, I think hed go along. He could be in the movie, okay? I think he should be in the movie
  TW: All right. Does he have any acting experience?
  KN: No no no
  TW: No?
  KN: Hed be a re-actor
  TW: Ah! Ah!
  KN: He has this yellow mask that he wears
  TW: Yeah
  KN: And yellow gloves. Hes afraid, you know... hes very nervous
  TW: Oh
  KN: But Id get the camera on him, wide-angled camera, and Id ask him if he could make a double mouth piece
  TW: Mhm
  KN: What Im thinking of, youve seen these things that they use in the circus, where the girl bites into this mouth piece and they pull her up to...
  TW: Ah yeah, yeah. They suspend her by it, and shes biting on to some kind of a stick or something
  KN: Up to the top of the tent
  TW: Yeah, right
  KN: Well, hed make a double thing with a little rubber holding it together. And then wed audition these identical twins, and that would hold them together, so it would seem... you know, it would look like what Im talking about
  TW: Right. Hmm
  KN: Maybe we should have a boy and girl. Are there boy and girl identical twins?
  TW: Id rather not... I wouldnt call them identical if they were boy and girl
  KN: Maybe they could be. And then they could get separated in the film. See, the idea is not just that though. Thats just part of it. Theres another guy in the film that I try to help. Cause I thought of calling the movie The Devout Catalyst. Theres the title. And theres another guy who is a tattoo artist, and... but hes avant-garde, he wants to do something very special
  TW: Something new... in a way
  KN: Yeah, so we go to this chemist that I know, and he makes a slippery ink, so the tattoo, you know, it just doesnt sit there. It moves slowly across the surface of the skin towards the nearest opening. You see, theres... how many openings are there?
  TW: Oh, you mean orifice? Uh... how many actual...?
  KN: One two three...
  TW: Two three four five uh... six
  KN: Whichever one its closest to, it goes in there, and then it moves inside your body through the Endothelium, and... Say it was an eagle. It gets inside of you and it gets digested. Maybe it gets stuck behind your right knee cap
  TW: Right, yeah!
  KN: You rub it, it gets lose and when it comes out it looks like a Klee, or maybe a Rouault or, you know... or Thurber. You know...
  TW: Thats wild. Oh yeah, I got a little money laying around that... Ive been... you know...
  KN: What we have to have with that is... Well, thats a special effect. Well have to get some kind of decal slide across this... But the trouble is when I tell anyone about this, they laugh and...
  TW: Hehe...
  KN: So what I figured Id do is put my own money in it
  TW: Yeah! There! There you go, yeah...
  KN: In the movie, the kids, my three kids, and my wife wanna have me committed. Thats the plot. If you really do what you wanna do, theyll commit you!
  TW: Yeah... Wow...
  KN: Itd be a great movie
  TW: Well, are you gonna direct...?
  KN: Well, if we can get Jerry to do the music track...
  TW: The music, yeah
  KN: And you could, you know...
  TW: Yeah, I could play a part
  KN: Well, you could be the guy Im talking to you about
  TW: Yeah
  KN: Get a far-out bar and sit there and... star!
  TW: Yeah
  KN: Yeah. In a musical called M
  TW: Well, Im looking to diversify my investment portfolio, and Ive been looking to get into something strange, you know, so...
  KN: Hey! What we could do is, we could have you in it, you take out your wallet, and moths fly out
  TW: Yeah...
  KN: Thats a special effect too
  TW: Hehehehe. You get a bug guy for that. They have bug guys in Hollywood. All they do is, they work in the insect world. Youre gonna have a lot of medical footage in this too, I guess?
  KN: Yeah, I could put that thing in about the January flies too, in our bedroom
  TW: January flies, what...?
  KN: That was insane
  TW: What are January flies?
  KN: Well, we dont have them in Chicago, but in the middle of January, you went to the bedroom and there were twenty of these... almost as big as horse flies, on the pink walls, and...
  TW: Thats annoying
  KN: Oh, its terrible. And they were sluggish, cause it was January
  TW: They were a little slow
  KN: And I couldnt hit them with the paper, cause theyd splat
  TW: Yeah
  KN: And I couldnt spray them... you know...
  TW: Youre going to sleep, you dont want that in the room
  KN: No, Id kill myself that way. So I got the bright idea to get the vacuum cleaner and, with the long hose, we sucked them into the vacuum cleaner. And then they were all gone
  TW: Well, but they were in the vacuum cleaner really
  KN: Yeah, and still alive too. Cause thats like a wind tunnel. They went down there... so we... I put some, you know, tissue paper at the end so that they wouldnt get out. But theyd come back! The next night there were twenty or thirty more. So... well, what I did then, I called the chimney sweep
  TW: Chimney sweep?
  KN: Yeah, theres a girl by the name of Debbie Dove
  TW: Shes a chimney sweep?
  KN: Yeah, from Vermont
  TW: Ah!
  KN: And she said, let me check your chimney!
  TW: Yeah yeah, thats a good place to start. I mean, if you have a fly problem, a lot of people will look at the chimney first
  KN: And she took the barricade that I had so that nobody could come in through the chimney. There were two dead squirrels inside there, you know. Thats the... sad end
  TW: Aaawww...
  KN: The flies belonged to the squirrels
  TW: All right, yeah...
  KN: Yeah. She sold us three squirrel traps for the chimney and... were safe now!
  TW: Yeah, no more flies!
  KN: Do you think we could get her in the film?
  TW: Gee, I dont know. We could write a part for her
  KN: Yeah, we should!
  TW: Does she have any film experience?
  KN: Guess wed have to get two dead squirrels in the film too
  TW: Yeah well, you get an animal guy for that
  KN: Yeah. Gee, Im so glad that youre interested in this, really!
  TW: Yeah, I think... Im ready to go into production, so you just let me know
  KN: Ah, great. Well call it The Devout Catalyst
  TW: I love it!
  KN: Yeah, good title
  TW: A lot of action in the film too, I guess?
  KN: Oh yeah yeah yeah. I have one thing. I have this picture window ant colony, that Ill have for the titles
  TW: So the ants will actually spell out the title of the film, and the credits?
  KN: Well, theyll actually pull little tissue paper credits through it
  TW: Nice
  KN: Yeah. Or a fly with a little trailer, with the title of the film on, flying around the bed
  TW: Nice, nice...
  KN: Well, Tom, youve made me feel a lot better. Thanks, I... seriously, I thought no one cared, but... thanks!
  TW: Im there for you, Ken!
  KN: Youre a pal
  TW: Thanks