text: Step right up, step right up, step right up
  Everyones a winner, bargains galore
  Thats right, you too can be the proud owner
  Of the quality goes in before the name goes on
  One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar
  We got service after sales
  How about perfume? We got perfume
  How about an engagement ring?
  Something for the little lady
  Something for the little lady
  Something for the little lady hmm
  Three for a dollar
  We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale
  And smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today
  Act now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to you
  They come in all colors, one size fits all
  No muss, no fuss, no spills, youre tired of kitchen drudgery
  Everything must go
  Going out of business
  Going out of business
  Going out of business sale
  Fifty percent off original retail price
  Skip the middle man
  Dont settle for less
  How do we do it?
  How do we do it?
  Volume volume turn up the volume
  Now youve heard it advertised dont hesitate
  Dont be caught with your drawers down
  Dont be caught with your drawers down
  You can step right up, step right up
  Thats right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices
  Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
  And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
  It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
  It gets rid of embarrassing age spots
  It delivers a pizza and it lengthens and it strengthens
  And it finds that slipper thats been at large
  Under the chaise lounge for several weeks
  And it plays a mean Rhythm Master
  It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
  And its only a dollar, step right up
  Its only a dollar, step right up
  Cause it forges your signature
  If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product
  For complete refund of price of purchase
  Step right up
  Please allow thirty days for delivery
  Dont be fooled by cheap imitations
  You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it
  Swim in it, sleep in it
  Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it
  Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, thats right
  And it entertains visiting relatives
  It turns a sandwich into a banquet
  Tired of being the life of the party?
  Change your shorts, change your life, change your life
  Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy
  Get rid of your wife and it walks your dog
  And it doubles on sax, doubles on sax
  You can jump back, Jack
  See you later, alligator
  See you later, alligator
  And it steals your car
  It gets rid of your gambling debts
  It quits smoking
  Its a friend and its a companion
  And its the only product you will ever need
  Follow these easy assembly instructions
  It never needs ironing
  Well it takes weights off hips, bust thighs, chin, midriff
  Gives you dandruff and it finds you a job, it is a job
  And it strips the phone company, free, take ten for five exchange
  And it gives you denture breath
  And you know its a friend and its a companion
  And it gets rid of your travelers checks
  Its new, its improved, its old-fashioned
  Well it takes care of business
  Never needs winding, never needs winding, never needs winding
  Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis
  Christ you dont know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy
  Cmon cmon cmon cmon
  Cause its effective, its defective, it creates household odors
  It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
  It gives you an erection, it wins the election
  Why put up with painful corns any longer?
  Its a redeemable coupon, no obligation
  No salesman will visit your home
  We got a jackpot jackpot jackpot
  Prizes prizes prizes, all work guaranteed
  How do we do it? How do we do it?
  How do we do it? How do we do it?
  We need your business
  Were going out of business
  Well give you the business
  Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale
  Receive our free brochure, free brochure
  Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions
  Batteries not included
  Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available
  Step right up, step right up, step right up
  You got it, buddy, the large print giveth and the small print taketh away
  Step right up, you can step right up
  You can step right up, cmon step right up
  Get away from me, kid, you bother me
  Step right up, step right up, step right up
  Cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon
  Step right up, you can step right up
  Cmon and step right up
  Cmon and step right up