text: The piano has been drinking
  My necktie is asleep
  And the combo went back to New York
  The jukebox has to take a leak
  And the carpet needs a haircut
  And the spotlight looks like a prison break
  Cause the telephones out of cigarettes
  And the balconys on the make
  And the piano has been drinking
  The piano has been drinking
  And the menus are all freezing
  And the light mans blind in one eye
  And he cant see out of the other
  And the piano-tuners got a hearing aid
  And he showed up with his mother
  And the piano has been drinking
  The piano has been drinking
  Cause the bouncer is a sumo wrestler
  Cream puff Casper milquetoast
  And the owner is a mental midget
  With the I.Q. of a fencepost
  Cause the piano has been drinking
  The piano has been drinking
  And you cant find your waitress
  With a geiger counter
  And she hates you and your friends
  And you just cant get served without her
  And the box-office is drooling
  And the bar stools are on fire
  And the newspapers were fooling
  And the ashtrays have retired
  Cause the piano has been drinking
  The piano has been drinking
  The piano has been drinking
  Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me