text: Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon
  Independent as a hog on ice
  Hes a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse
  He plays accordion for Mr. Weiss
  Uncle Biltmore and Uncle William
  Made a million during World War II
  But theyre tightwads and theyre cheapskates
  And theyll never give a dime to you
  Auntie Mame has gone insane
  She lives in the doorway of an old hotel
  And the radio is playing opera
  All she ever says is go to Hell
  Uncle Violet flew as a pilot
  And there aint no pretty girls in France
  Now he runs a tidy little bookie joint
  They say he never keeps it in his pants
  Uncle Bill will never leave a will
  And the tumor is as big as an egg
  He has a mistress, shes Puerto Rican
  And I heard she has a wooden leg
  Uncle Phil cant live without his pills
  He has emphysema and hes almost blind
  And we must find out where the money is
  Get it now before he loses his mind
  Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon
  Independent as a hog on ice
  Hes a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse
  He plays accordion for Mr. Weiss