text: 1.	EXTERIOR STREETS OUTSIDE RAILWAY TERMINAL DAY
  The film opens with crowds of girls, shot in a sequence of CLOSE-UPS, chasing after GEORGE, JOHN and RINGO. The boys hare off just ahead of them. They take a turn down a back alley way and the crowds of screaming girls are after them.
  2.	EXT. TERMINAL
  They rush on through the narrow cobbled passageway and into the main station, quickly show their tickets at the barrier for the London train, and get onto the platform as hordes of yelling and screaming girls reach the closed gates.
  3.	EXT. TERMINAL PLATFORM
  We see the fans rushing to the few platform ticket machines, and endless pennies being dropped and tickets torn out in their haste to get onto the platform to see the boys.
  NORM has been waiting for the boys and he hurries them to where all their baggage, instruments and the drums are waiting, piled up to be put into the guards van. The boys turn and see the oncoming stream of girls pushing through the barriers and descending on them with yells and shouts. They grab their instruments, RINGO makes for the drums. NORM plugs into a handy transformer and using their instruments like a gun volley to stop the onrush of females, the boys blast fire into a number and start to sing. This stops the girls in their tracks and they settle down on whatever they can to listen to them playing.
  As the boys are playing, we CUT BACK into the crowds. In the centre we see PAUL struggling and pulling to fight his way through the girls to join the other boys. He is dragging a very reluctant old man behind him. The old man seems most disgruntled and we can see by his gestures how unwilling he is to be pulled and pushed forward through all the girls.
  At last PAUL reaches the other boys. He sits the old man down on a pile of cases and joins in the number to the squeals of delight from the fans. The old man sits aloof and proud ignoring the whole proceedings. JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO look enquiringly at PAUL who gives a noncommittal shrug of the shoulders as if to say, its not my fault and the number proceeds.
  SHOT of sudden horror on JOHNs face. PAUL follows his eye line only to see the old man has doffed his cap and is busily collecting money from a disconcerted crowd. PAUL dives hastily into the crowd, and with suitable apologies extracts the old man and with a long suffering sigh drags him back to the group. GEORGE and PAUL hold him firmly as they finish the number, the old man standing there between them.
  As the number finishes and the girls scream and shout with delight, the guard blows his whistle. NORM and SHAKE grab the instruments and the drums, and with the rest piles the lot into the guards van. The BOYS head into their reserved compartment pursued by the fans but the train moves off. They have successfully repelled all extra boarders.
  THE BOYS stand and wave to the fans until out of sight line ... the girls running along to the end of the platform waving and calling out.
  4.	INTERIOR RESERVED COMPARTMENT IN THE TRAIN
  The boys relax, sitting down on one side of the compartment. They are about to settle down and make themselves at home when first RINGO nudges GEORGE who in turn nudges JOHN. Opposite them is sitting the LITTLE OLD MAN. He is holding himself stiff, erect and very aloof.
  The three boys look at him enquiringly but with an elaborate sniff he looks away from them and out of the window.
  PAUL catches his eye and winks at the LITTLE OLD MAN. He winks back at PAUL, scowls at the other three then looks firmly out of the window again.
  The boys turn on PAUL crowding around him.
  JOHN
  Eh ... pardon me for asking but whos that little old man?
  PAUL
  What little old man?
  JOHN
  That little old man.
  PAUL
  Oh, that one. Thats me Grandfather.
  GEORGE
  Thats not your Grandfather.
  PAUL
  It is, yknow.
  GEORGE
  But your Grandfather lives in your house. Ive seen him.
  PAUL
  Oh, thats me other Grandfather, but this ones me Grandfather and all.
  JOHN
  How dyou reckon that one out?
  PAUL
  Well ... everyones entitled to two, arent they, and this is me other one.
  JOHN
  Well we know that but whats he doing here?
  PAUL
  Well, me mother thought the trip ud do him good.
  RINGO
  Hows that?
  PAUL
  Oh ... hes nursing a broken heart.
  The lads all look intently at the GRANDFATHER.
  JOHN
  Aah ... the poor old thing.
  He leans across to GRANDFATHER.
  JOHN
  Eh, Mister... are you nursing a broken heart then?
  The GRANDFATHER nods soulfully glares at him, in a way that indicates yes.
  PAUL
  You see, he was going to get married but she threw him over for a butcher.
  GEORGE
  A butcher?
  PAUL
  Yeah, she was fickle.
  JOHN
  Aye and fond of fresh meat and all.
  PAUL
  No ... it was his sweetbreads. She was dead kinky for sweetbreads. Anyroad, me mother thought itud give him a change of scenery, like.
  JOHN
  Oh, I see.
  He inspects GRANDFATHER carefully.
  JOHN
  Eh, hes a nice old man, isnt he?
  PAUL
  Oh yeah, hes very clean, yknow.
  They all agree with PAUL.
  JOHN has been examining GRANDFATHER. He now leans forward to him.
  JOHN
  Hello, Grandfather!
  GRANDFATHER
  Hello.
  JOHN
  He can talk then?
  PAUL
  Course he can talk. Hes a human being, like. Isnt he?
  RINGO
  Well ... if hes your Grandfather, who knows?
  The lads all laugh.
  JOHN
  And were looking after him, are we?
  GRANDFATHER
  Ill look after meself.
  PAUL
  Aye, thats what Im afraid of!
  JOHN
  Hes got you worried, then?
  PAUL
  Him, he costs you a fortune in breach-of-promise cases. Hes a villain and a right mixer as well.
  GEORGE
  Gerron.
  PAUL
  No, straight up.
  GRANDFATHER
  The lads given you the simple truth. Im cursed wid irresistible charm, Im too attractive to be let loose.
  At this moment, SHAKE, a tall man who works with the BOYS, pulls open the door of the compartment.
  SHAKE
  You got on all right then?
  BOYS
  Hi, Shake.
  SHAKE
  Were here. Normll be along in a mo with the tickets.
  He sees GRANDFATHER.
  SHAKE
  Morning!
  Whos that little old man?
  GEORGE
  Its Pauls grandfather.
  SHAKE
  Oh aye, but I thought ...
  JOHN
  No, thats his other one.
  SHAKE
  Thats all right then.
  JOHN
  Clean though, isnt he?
  SHAKE
  Oh yes, hes clean all right.
  NORM the road manager appears behind SHAKE.
  NORM
  Morning, lads.
  BOYS
  Morning ... Hi, Norm.
  NORM
  Well, thank God youre all got here. Now, listen, Ive had this marvellous idea ... now just for a change, lets all behave like ordinary responsible citizens. Lets not cause any trouble, pull any strokes or do anything Im going to be sorry for, especially tomorrow at the television theatre, because ...
  He looks sharply at JOHN who is polishing his nails.
  NORM
  Are you listening to me, Lennon?
  JOHN
  Youre a swine, isnt he George?
  GEORGE
  Yeah ... a swine.
  NORM
  Thanks...
  He sees the GRANDFATHER.
  NORM
  Eh ... .
  BOYS IN CHORUS
  ... Whos that little old man?
  NORM
  Well, who is he?
  RINGO
  He belongs to Paul.
  NORM
  Ah well, there you go. Look, Im going down the diner for a cup of coffee, are you coming?
  PAUL
  Well follow you down.
  GRANDFATHER rises.
  GRANDFATHER
  I want me coffee.
  NORM
  He can come with Shake and me if you like.
  PAUL
  Well, look after him. I dont want to find youve lost him.
  NORM
  Dont be cheeky, Ill bind him to me with promises. Come on, Grandad.
  GRANDFATHER joins SHAKE and NORM.
  NORM
  Hes very clean, isnt he?
  SHAKE and NORM collect GRANDFATHER and are in the process of leaving the compartment when a fat upper class city Englishman, JOHNSON, attempts to enter. There is a bit of confusion and they get tangled up with each other.
  JOHNSON
  Make up your minds, will you!
  At last SHAKE, NORM and GRANDFATHER sort themselves out and JOHNSON enters with his case. The other three go to coffee.
  JOHNSON puts his case up on the luggage rack, then sits down. All his movements are disgruntled ... he finally picks up his copy of the Financial Times and burying himself behind it, starts to read. After a moment he looks up, notices the compartment window is open. He gets up and without so much as a by your leave he closes it, glares at the BOYS and sits down again.
  The boys exchange looks as if to say ... Hello, Saucy!!
  PAUL
  Do you mind if we have it opened?
  JOHNSON
  Yes, I do.
  JOHN
  Yeah, but there are four of us, like, and wed like it open, if its all the same to you, that is.
  JOHNSON
  Well, it isnt. I travel on this train regularly twice a week, so I suppose Ive some rights.
  RINGO
  Aye, well, so have we.
  He disappears behind his paper before the BOYS can say another word.
  RINGO pulls a face at the raised paper and switches on his portable radio. A pop number is playing.
  JOHNSON puts down his paper firmly.
  JOHNSON
  And well have that thing off as well, thank you.
  RINGO
  But I ...
  JOHNSON leans over and switches it off.
  JOHNSON
  An elementary knowledge of the Railway Acts would tell you Im perfectly within my rights.
  He smiles frostily.
  PAUL
  Yeah, but we want to hear it and theres more of us than you. Were a community, like, a majority vote. Up the workers and all that stuff!
  JOHNSON
  Then I suggest you take that damned thing into the corridor or some other part of the train where you obviously belong.
  JOHN
  Gies a kiss!
  PAUL
  Shurrup! Look, Mister, weve paid for our seats too, you know.
  JOHNSON
  I travel on this train regularly, twice a week.
  JOHN
  Knock it off, Paul, y cant win with his sort. After all, its his train, isnt it, Mister?
  JOHNSON
  And dont you take that tone with me, young man!
  GEORGE
  But...
  JOHNSON
  I fought the war for your sort.
  RINGO
  Bet youre sorry you won!
  JOHNSON
  Ill call the guard!
  PAUL
  Aye ... but what? They dont take kindly to insults you know. Ah, come on, you lot. Lets get a cup of coffee and leave Toby the manger.
  The boys troop out of the door into the corridor. JOHNSON smiles triumphantly. He is about to settle down to his paper when there is a tap on the corridor window. He looks up and we see pressed against the window a collection of hideous Beatle faces.
  PAUL
  Eh, Mister ... can we have our ball back!
  The man jumps to his feet.
  5.	INTERIOR OF THE CORRIDOR
  The boys run away like a pack of school boys and disappear round the corner.
  6.	INTERIOR OF THE TRAIN CORRIDOR
  From the P.O.V. of the door leading to the restaurant car.
  The boys come down the corridor in full flight, laughing away like happy idiots. GEORGE and PAUL pull open the sliding doors. The boys look inside.
  7.	INTERIOR RESTAURANT CAR
  From their P.O.V. we see the car is half empty and at a table in the centre SHAKE and NORM and GRANDFATHER are sitting. On the table is a pile of photos of the boys. NORM and SHAKE are arguing. NORM is being very aggressive, much to SHAKEs discomfort.
  NORM
  Yeah, you want to watch it.
  SHAKE
  Its not my fault.
  NORM
  Well, you stick to that story, son.
  SHAKE
  I cant help it, Im just taller than you.
  GRANDFATHER
  They always say that.
  NORM
  Yeah, well I got me eye on you.
  SHAKE
  Im sorry Norm, but I cant help being taller
  than you.
  NORM
  Well, you dont have to rub me nose in it. Ive a good mind to ...
  JOHN
  If youre going to have a barney Ill hold your coats.
  NORM
  He started it.
  SHAKE
  No, I didnt you did ...
  GEORGE
  Well, what happened?
  SHAKE
  The old fella wanted these pictures and Norm said he couldnt have em, all I said was aw go on, be big about it.
  PAUL
  And?
  NORM
  Your Grandfather pointed out Shake was always being taller than me just to spite me.
  PAUL
  I knew it, he started it, I should have known.
  NORM
  Ywhat?
  PAUL
  You two have never had a quarrel in your life and in two minutes flat hes got you at it. Hes a king mixer. Adam and Eve, meet the serpent. Anthony and Cleopatra, theres your asp. Divide and Conquer, thats this ones motto. He hates group unity so he gets everyone at it.
  The BOYS, i.e., JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO, look at each other then at PAUL.
  PAUL
  Aye and well have to watch it and all.
  GEORGE
  I suggest you just give him the photos and have done with it.
  NORM
  Youre right. Here you are, old devil.
  SHAKE and NORM leave. GRANDFATHER grins triumphantly and collects them, then with a sweet smile he turns to PAUL.
  GRANDFATHER
  Would you ever sign this one for us, Pauly?
  PAUL does so automatically but in the middle of signing he gets suspicious. GRANDFATHER smiles at him charmingly so PAUL finishes signing.
  JOHN
  Come on lets get this coffee.
  GRANDFATHER
  Before you go, I think its only fair to warn you about me Grandson ... dont let our Paul have his own way all the time, cos if you do he wont respect you!
  JOHN, RINGO and GEORGE take this up straight away. They all pretend to be girls, RINGO jumps into PAULs arms.
  GEORGE
  Oh, Paul, you cant have your own way!!!
  JOHN
  If I let you have your own way, you little rascal, will you respect me?
  PAUL
  Ill murder you, Grandfather!
  JOHN waltzes PAUL down to an empty table and the lads sit down.
  GEORGE
  Eh, look at that talent.
  They all gaze across the aisle. From their P.O.V. we see two very attractive young girls, RITA and JEAN, having coffee.
  JOHN
  Give em a pull.
  PAUL
  Shall I?
  GEORGE
  Aye, but dont rush. None of your five bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff.
  PAUL
  Now whats that supposed to mean?
  GEORGE
  I dont really know, but it sounded distinguished, like, didnt it?
  JOHN
  George Harrison, The Scouse of Distinction.
  We follow PAUL as he crosses over to the two girls. He places a bowler on his head.
  PAUL
  Excuse me, but these young men Im sitting with wondered if two of us could join you; Id ask you meself only Im shy.
  The two girls giggle together.
  JOHN and GEORGE are about to move over when GRANDFATHER suddenly appears by their sides.
  GRANDFATHER
  Im sorry, miss, but you mustnt fraternise with my prisoners.
  JEAN
  Prisoners!!
  GRANDFATHER
  Convicts in transit to Wormwood Scrubs. Typical old lags, the lot of em.
  THE BOYS
  Ywhat!!!
  GRANDFATHER
  Quiet, you lot, or Ill give you a touch of me truncheon.
  That little ones the worst. If we dont keep him on tablets he has fits.
  RINGO
  Now look here!!
  GRANDFATHER grabs two lumps of sugar from the table and forces them into RINGOS mouth.
  GRANDFATHER
  Get out while you can, ladies, his times
  coming round for one of his turns.
  The frightened girls scurry out of the restaurant car. The boys look in amazement and horror at GRANDFATHER. They are completely flabbergasted. GRANDFATHER smiles at them benignly.
  8.	INTERIOR OF RAILWAY COMPARTMENT
  SHAKE and NORM are seated. SHAKE is buried in a science fiction book.
  NORM looks at his watch, slightly worried.
  NORM
  Hes been gone a long time.
  SHAKE
  Who?
  NORM
  Pauls grandfather.
  SHAKE
  Oh, I didnt notice, whered he go?
  NORM
  Down the ... er ...
  SHAKE
  Oh, down the ... er ...?
  NORM
  Yeah, down the ... er ...
  SHAKE
  Well, give a couple of minutes ...
  He resumes reading. But NORM goes on worrying.
  9.	INTERIOR OF ANOTHER RAILWAY COMPARTMENT
  Grandfather is in full flight of conversation with a charming elderly lady, AUDREY, who is listening intently.
  GRANDFATHER
  Yes, Im their manager, I discovered them.
  LADY AUDREY
  Did you indeed, Mr. McCartney?
  GRANDFATHER
  Now, Audrey, I told you, the names John. We show biz people are a friendly lot.
  AUDREY
  Of course, John.
  GRANDFATHER
  Yes, they were playing the queues outside the picture palaces of Liverpool. Scruffy young lads, lacking even the price of a jam roll. Orphans, every Paddys son of em. I saw their potential at once although I had me doubts about the little fella, a savage primitive, that Ringo, but it was him what gave in first. He picked up a brick and heaved it at me and I quelled him wid one fierce flash of me eyes. Mister, can you spare us a copper? he said. I was disarmed by the grubby little outstretched mauler ... So, I took them under me managerial banner.
  AUDREY
  The usual ten per cent?
  GRANDFATHER
  Oh, not at all, I let them have twenty-five; sure arent there four of them?
  AUDREY
  How fascinating. Do go on ...
  ... John.
  GRANDFATHER
  ... Oh, Im all heart, Maam, all heart ... Well, I let ...
  10.	INTERIOR CORRIDOR OF TRAIN
  NORM and SHAKE meet with the BOYS as they are returning from coffee.
  NORM
  Eh, have you got Pauls grandfather?
  JOHN
  Of course, hes concealed about me person.
  NORM
  No ... hes must have slipped off somewhere.
  PAUL
  Have you lost him?
  NORM
  Dont exaggerate.
  PAUL
  Youve lost him.
  SHAKE
  Put it this way, hes mislaid him.
  PAUL
  You cant trust you with anything, Norm, if youve lost him, Ill cripple you.
  SHAKE
  He cant be far.
  JOHN
  I hope he fell off.
  PAUL
  Dont be callous.
  RINGO
  He doesnt like me, honest, I can tell ... Its cos Im little.
  GEORGE
  Youve got an inferiority complex, you have.
  RINGO
  Yeah, I know, thats why I took up the drums. Its me active compensatory factor.
  JOHN and PAUL run down the corridor. SHAKE and NORM turn from the door and go in the opposite direction, GEORGE and RINGO follow after the other two boys.
  11.	INTERIOR CORRIDOR OF TRAIN
  PAUL and JOHN look into various compartments. CLOSE SHOT of RINGO looking into compartments in the manner of Groucho Marx. In one of the compartments we see from RINGOS P.O.V. the occupant, a glamorous woman, TANIA, with a small lap dog.
  She is beautifully and most expensively dressed. She looks up and sees RINGO.
  RINGO smiles at her and she smiles back. She then beckons him to join her.
  He looks around to see if she means someone else. She nods a negative. RINGO looks back enquiringly then points at himself as if to say: Who, me?
  TANIA smiles enthusiastically.
  GEORGE has been watching all this.
  GEORGE
  Are you going in?
  RINGO
  No, shell only reject me in the end and Ill be frustrated.
  GEORGE
  You never know, you might be lucky this time.
  RINGO
  No, I know the psychological pattern and it plays hell with me drum skins.
  He blows the glamorous lady a kiss, then moves sadly on.
  12.	INTERIOR FURTHER DOWN THE CORRIDOR
  PAUL enters a compartment followed by JOHN. The TWO GIRLS, RITA and JEAN, from the restaurant car are sitting there.
  PAUL
  Excuse me but have you seen that little old man we were with?
  The girls jump up, surprised.
  JOHN
  Weve broken out, oh, the blessed freedom of it all!
  Eh, have you got a nail file, these handcuffs are killing me. I was framed. I was innocent.
  PAUL
  Will you stop it! Sorry to disturb you, miss...
  He starts to drag JOHN after him.
  JOHN
  I was innocent. I was framed. I wont go back.
  JOHN is now by the door; he leers at the girls horribly.
  JOHN
  I bet you can guess what I was in for.
  He cackles like a maniac before disappearing, the door closing after him.
  A waiter carrying a tray with champagne and glasses on it passes into one of the compartments with the blinds down.
  PAUL
  How about that one?
  He moves towards the compartment.
  PAUL
  Did you look in here?
  GEORGE
  No. I mean, its probably a honeymoon couple or a company director or something.
  PAUL
  Well, lets broaden our outlook.
  PAUL opens the door of the compartment.
  13.	INTERIOR OF COMPARTMENT
  From the BOYS P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER and the elderly lady, AUDREY, sipping champagne and nibbling caviar on toast.
  GRANDFATHER
  Congratulate me, boys, Im engaged.
  PAUL enters and crosses over to him.
  PAUL
  Oh no, youre not. Youve gone too far this time ... and whos paying for all this?
  GRANDFATHER
  Its all taken care of. Its down on our bill.
  PAUL
  Oh, well thats all right.
  What?
  AUDREY
  Young man, kindly moderate your tone when you address my fiance.
  PAUL
  Im sorry, Missus, but the betrothals off.
  Ill refuse me consent, hes over-age!
  AUDREY grabs GRANDFATHERs other arm and pulls back.
  AUDREY
  Leave him alone, after all hes done for you is this the way you repay him?
  A tug of war now starts between PAUL and AUDREY.
  PAUL
  Him? hes never done anything for anybody in his life.
  AUDREY
  You dare to say that when even those ridiculous clothes you are wearing were bought when you forced him to sell out his gilt edged Indomitables!!
  JOHN and GEORGE jump on the seat egging PAUL and AUDREY on.
  JOHN
  Come on, Auntie, youre winning.
  GEORGE
  Get in there, Paul, shes weakening.
  RINGO attempts to interfere.
  RINGO
  Look, Missus, this is all a misunderstanding, you see, hes ...
  AUDREY
  Keep away from me, you depraved lout, I know all about your terrible past.
  RINGO
  Ywhat?
  She hits RINGO with her handbag and continues struggling with PAUL for GRANDFATHER. RINGO grabs her handbag to stop her hitting him.
  RINGO
  Hes given me a bad character, blackguarding me name to all and sundry. Hes got to be stopped. Its not fair.
  RINGO pushes out into the corridor, forgetting that he is holding the womans handbag.
  A voice shouts off from outside.
  VOICE OFF
  Thats one of them ... stop thief!
  14.	INTERIOR CORRIDOR
  From Ringos P.O.V. we see down to the right the city man, JOHNSON, approaching with a GUARD. RINGO turns the other way to the left when he is joined by three other boys. From their P.O.V. down the corridor we see the two girls, autograph books in hand, followed by ten girls from the same school.
  Both groups are closing in on the BOYS. Theres no escape.
  RINGO
  Oh Mother!!
  15.	INTERIOR LUGGAGE VAN
  Very dark, and behind bars we see GRANDFATHER. He is sitting crouched up on a wooden box tea chest and looks pretty miserable. He turns towards the CAMERA; in the foreground of the SHOT we see PAUL standing.
  In the background an impassive GUARD is reading a paper which he does throughout the scene.
  GRANDFATHER
  And to think me own grandson would have let them put me behind bars!
  PAUL
  Dont dramatise.
  The CAMERA PULLS BACK and we see GRANDFATHER in the luggage compartment of the guards van. In with him are a crate of chickens and a dog. The chickens peck at him; GRANDFATHER moves listlessly away.
  PAUL
  Lets face it, youre lucky to be here. If theyd have had their way youd have been dropped off at Stafford already.
  GRANDFATHER proudly turns away from PAUL who dodges round so he can still see his face.
  PAUL
  Well, youve got to admit youve upset a lot of people. At least I can keep my eye on you while youre stuck in here.
  GRANDFATHER turns away again.
  PAUL
  All right, how about Ringo? I mean ... hes very upset, you know ... and as far as your girlfriend, little Audreys concerned, shes finished with men for the rest of her natural, and another thing ...
  GRANDFATHER
  A harmless bit of fun, aah, none of you have any sense of humour left these days.
  PAUL
  Oh, its all right for you but those two girls were scared to death! Honest, Grandad, why? I mean, why do you do these things?
  GRANDFATHER
  Youre left-handed, arent you, Paul?
  PAUL
  Yeah ... so what?
  GRANDFATHER
  Why do you always use your left hand?
  PAUL
  Well, dont be daft, Ive got to.
  GRANDFATHER
  And I take a left-handed view of life, Ive got to.
  PAUL grins. After a moment of looking at him, PAUL opens the door of
  the luggage compartment and joins GRANDFATHER on a box.
  PAUL
  Shove up!
  GRANDFATHER produces a penny.
  GRANDFATHER
  Odds or evens?
  PAUL sighs.
  PAUL
  Odds.
  GRANDFATHER flips the coin.
  The guards van door opens and JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO come in, with them are the girls, RITA and JEAN.
  JOHN
  Dont worry, son, well get you the best lawyer trading stamps can buy.
  PAUL
  Oh, its a laugh a line with Lennon.
  Anyroad up ... Its all your fault.
  RINGO
  Me? Why?
  GEORGE
  Bag-snatcher.
  GRANDFATHER
  Thats right; convict without trial ... Habeas corpus.
  JOHN
  Every morning.
  JOHN has been looking around the guards van.
  JOHN
  Gaw, its depressing in here, isnt it? Funny...
  cos they usually reckon dogs more than people in England, dont they? Youd expect something a little more palatial.
  Come on. Lets have a little action. Lets do something, then.
  PAUL
  Like what?
  JOHN
  Well, Ive got me gob stopper.
  Look, a genuine Stradivarius, hand tooled at Dagenham.
  And to RINGOs beat on a tea chest they are off, PAUL and GEORGE improvising other sounds, much to the GIRLS delight. During the number, GRANDFATHER quietly lets the latch off the chicken crate and chickens begin to wander through the scene.
  16.	EXTERIOR TRAIN IN MOTION FROM ABOVE 
  While the number is progressing, the train is getting nearer and nearer to London.
  17.	EXTERIOR PLATFORM TERMINUS 
  SHOTS of the station full of GIRLS waiting for the BOYS.
  18.	INTERIOR GUARDS VAN
  By the time the number finishes the train pulls up with a sharp halt that sends them all sprawling, BOYS and GIRLS.
  NORM enters the guards van.
  NORM
  Dont move, any of you. Theyve gone potty out there. The whole place is surging with girls.
  JOHN
  Please, can I have one to surge with?
  NORM
  No.
  JOHN
  Ah, go on, you swine.
  NORM
  No, you cant. Look, as soon as I tell you, run through this door here and into the big car thats waiting.
  He points and we see a big car parked across the road.
  The BOYS prepare to depart, lining up with GRANDFATHER at the door.
  19.	EXTERIOR PLATFORM TERMINUS
  Just as they are ready to go, a line of taxis draws up parallel to the train and now separates them from the big car waiting for them.
  NORM
  Oh no!
  GRANDFATHER pushes past the BOYS, holding his coat closed.
  GRANDFATHER
  All right, lads, follow me.
  And before NORM can stop him, he darts out of the door, PAUL after him. The fans further down the platform see PAUL and charge forward ... in a panic NORM and the others follow, JOHN just having time to kiss both the girls.
  JOHN
  Vive lamour!
  NORM drags him away.
  20.	EXTERIOR RAILWAY STATION
  The BOYS manage to follow GRANDFATHER by leaping onto a motorized luggage carrier, GEORGE driving and the other three posing as a frozen tableau on the back. GRANDFATHER has arrived at a taxi door. He flings it open and runs through, opening the other door, thus making a safe bridge to the car.
  The BOYS follow and manage to make it to the big car safely. They run towards grandfathers taxi. The FANS have followed the BOYS and we see streams of GIRLS piling through all the taxis one of which contains JOHNSON the city man, opening and shutting the doors to get through, much to the indignation of the TAXI DRIVERS.
  21.	INTERIOR BIG CAR
  NORM is sitting in front with the driver, FRANK. The four BOYS and GRANDFATHER are squashed together in the back.
  NORM
  Go like the clappers, son!
  FRANK
  That was my entire intention, sir.
  22.	EXTERIOR STATION
  The car moves off surrounded by the FANS; from a height we see them converge on the car but it moves forcefully out of the station and off.
  It moves into the traffic in the main road and the journey to the hotel begins.
  23.	INTERIOR HOTEL SUITE NIGHT
  There is a reception room and off it lead rooms that are presumably bedrooms, bathroom, etc. JOHN is lying sprawled out on a settee listening to a transistor radio, demolishing a basket of fruit. PAUL is sitting at an upright piano and GRANDFATHER is mooching about the room. One of the doors opens and GEORGE enters followed by RINGO, none of the BOYS are wearing coats.
  RINGO
  I dont snore.
  GEORGE
  You do - repeatedly.
  RINGO
  Do I snore?
  JOHN
  Youre a window rattler, son.
  RINGO
  Well, thats just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul?
  PAUL
  With a trombone hooter like yours itd be unnatural if you didnt.
  GRANDFATHER
  Dont mock the afflicted, Pauly.
  PAUL
  Oh for Petes sake, Its only a joke.
  GRANDFATHER
  Well, it may be a joke, but its his nose. He cant help having a horrible great nose, its the only one hes got. And his poor little heads trembling under the weight of it.
  NORM enters with three piles of fan mail and places them in front of JOHN on a table. RINGO is almost in tears, examining his nose in a mirror.
  NORM
  Paul, John, George - get at it.
  JOHN
  Hello the income tax have caught up with us at last.
  PAUL and GEORGE gather round the low table. RINGO is left out of it.
  RINGO
  None for me, then?
  NORM
  Sorry.
  John hands RINGO a single envelope.
  JOHN
  Thatll keep you busy.
  GRANDFATHER
  Its your nose, ysee. Fans are funny that way. Take a dislike to things. Theyll pick on a nose...
  RINGO
  You go and pick on your own.
  SHAKE enters with a stack of mail about three times larger than all the others put together.
  JOHN
  Is that yours?
  SHAKE
  For Ringo.
  He dumps it in Ringos arms who staggers into an armchair. The BOYS send him up.
  JOHN
  That must have cost you a fortune in stamps, Ringo.
  GEORGE
  He comes from a large family.
  RINGO
  Well.
  RINGO opens his letter and reads it. It contains a large embossed card.
  RINGO
  Eh, whats Boyds Club?
  The lads gather round him and PAUL takes the card from him and reads.
  PAUL
  The Management of Boyds takes pleasure in requesting the company of Mr Richard Starkey--thats you--in their recently refinished gaming rooms. Chemin de Fer. Baccarat, Roulette, and Champagne Buffet. Blimey!
  RINGO
  And they want me?
  JOHN
  Oh, its got round that youre a heavy punter.
  NORM
  Well youre not going.
  RINGO
  Ah.
  GRANDFATHER
  Quite right, invites to gambling dens full of easy money and fast women, chicken sandwiches and cornets of caviar, disgusting!
  He pockets the card himself.
  RINGO
  Thats mine.
  NORM
  Have done, and you lot get your pens out.
  BOYS
  Why?
  NORM
  Its homework time for all you college puddings. I want this lot
  all answered tonight.
  The BOYS all protest.
  NORM
  Ill brook no denial!
  JOHN
  Its all right for you, you couldnt get a pen in your foot, you swine.
  NORM
  Come on, Shake, well leave em to their
  penmanship.
  He goes followed by SHAKE.
  There is a pause and JOHN deliberately rises slowly and crosses to his coat. He puts it on and walks to the door.
  JOHN
  While the swines away the piglets can play. Well, come on, what are we waiting for?
  With a whoop PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO collect their coats and head for the door.
  GRANDFATHER
  What about all these letters?
  BOYS
  Read em!
  They disappear. After a moment GRANDFATHER takes out Ringos card.
  C.U. GRANDFATHER
  GRANDFATHER
  And a free champagne buffet.
  He grins to himself. At this moment a WAITER enters with a tray. He is clad in tails and GRANDFATHER eyes them longingly, measuring himself the while alongside the startled waiter. He leaves us with no doubt in our minds what he wants, i.e., the waiters suit.
  24.	INTERIOR DANCING CLUB NIGHT
  The club is the latest in modern decor and full of teenagers all enjoying themselves. The CAMERA wanders around the club till it finally picks out JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO all crowded around one small table. The music is blaring away from a juke box and the BOYS join the dancers. They are recognised and given smiles and nods of encouragement
  by all the other customers. During this scene we
  CUT AWAY
  25.	INTERIOR BOYDS CLUB NIGHT
  The whole atmosphere is of quiet elegance and loud wealth. Around the baccarat table the rich, bored customers sit barely moving a face muscle as they languidly murmur suivez and banco to the dealer as he operates the shoe. The manager of the club is beaming with satisfaction as he surveys his customers. One of these customers is clad in evening dress and he has his back to us. The rest of the players are in suits. By each of them is standing a lush lady with a bored sophisticated face that looks as if it has been painted on. From the REVERSE of the LAST SHOT we now see the solitary evening dress player is GRANDFATHER. He looks around him and wipes off his look of enjoyment and elaborately out-bores everyone in the room.
  DEALER
  Alors, Msieur?
  GRANDFATHER
  Souflée.
  He turns to the buxom BLONDE, who is dripping over him.
  GRANDFATHER
  I bet youre a great swimmer. My turn? Bingo!
  CROUPIER
  Pas Bingo, Msieur... Banco.
  GRANDFATHER
  Ill take the little darlings anyway.
  He takes up the cards and cant understand that they are unnumbered.
  GRANDFATHER
  Two and one is three, carry one is four.
  The buxom BLONDE leans over him.
  BLONDE
  Lay them down.
  GRANDFATHER
  Eh?
  BLONDE
  Lay them down.
  GRANDFATHER
  Wed be thrown out.
  BLONDE
  Your cards... lay them down... face up.
  He does so.
  CROUPIER
  Huit à la pointe... et sept.
  BLONDE
  You had a lovely little pair, ysee.
  GRANDFATHER
  I did?
  CROUPIER taps impatiently on box .
  BLONDE
  Theyre yours.
  GRANDFATHER
  They are?
  BLONDE
  The cards... youre bank.
  26.	INTERIOR DANCING CLUB
  The BOYS are having a rare old time and the place is really moving.
  27.	INTERIOR BOYDS CLUB
  GRANDFATHER is playing and a waiter is checking the requirements of the players.
  GRANDFATHER
  Bingo!
  CROUPIER
  Mlord dit Bingo.
  WAITER
  A little light refreshment.
  GRANDFATHER
  A glass of the old chablis to wash down a gesture of giblets wouldnt go amiss.
  Souflée, chop chop.
  The CROUPIER uses the spatula to pick up a card. GRANDFATHER grabs it and scoops some sandwiches off a passing tray.
  28.	INTERIOR DANCING CLUB
  The BOYS are at their table again laughing and enjoying themselves, when suddenly their faces freeze.
  From their P.O.V. we see NORM standing glowering down at them. With him is SHAKE. Reluctantly the BOYS arise and follow NORM out.
  29.	INTERIOR BOYDS
  GRANDFATHER is looking worried at the call of the card he loses and we see that all his chips have gone. He notices the waiter delivering snacks and champagne to a couple, so quick as a flash, he places a handkerchief over his arm and writing a bill out on a piece of paper, presents it to the couple and collects payment in chips. He then resumes playing.
  30.	INTERIOR HOTEL ROOM
  Waiter is sitting on chair in underclothes, reading. He hears a noise, says The manager! and hides in outer clothes closet. NORM and the BOYS enter saying:
  NORM
  Now get on with it.
  JOHN
  We were going to do it.
  NORM
  Aye, well, now!
  RINGO goes to hang up coat in closet. He does so, then crosses to rest.
  RINGO
  Any of you lot put a man in that cupboard?
  ALL
  A man? No.
  RINGO
  Well somebody did.
  GEORGE goes to cupboard. We see the WAITER from his P.O.V. He closes door, returns to group.
  GEORGE
  Hes right, yknow.
  BOYS
  Ah well, there you go.
  SHAKE enters front door, goes to hang up coat and drags WAITER out.
  SHAKE
  Eh, whats all this?
  PAUL
  Oh, him... Hes been lurking.
  JOHN
  Aye, he looks a right lurker.
  SHAKE
  Youre undressed. Where are your clothes?
  WAITER
  The old gentlemen borrowed them to go gambling at Boyds.
  PAUL
  No!
  RINGO
  Oh, hes gone to my club, has he?
  PAUL
  Yeah, Its all your fault, getting invites to gambling clubs. Hes probably in the middle of an orgy by now.
  JOHN
  Well, what are we waiting for?
  SHAKE
  Aye, come on, honest, that grandfather of yours
  is worse than any of you lot.
  31.	INTERIOR BOYDS
  GRANDFATHER is drinking champagne in locked arms with BLONDE.
  WAITER
  Encore de champagne, Monsieur?
  GRANDFATHER
  Yes, and Ill have some more champagne as well.
  He takes another swig of his glass.
  MANAGER
  Lord John McCartney, hes the millionaire Irish Peer, filthy rich of course.
  CUSTOMER
  Oh I dont know, looks rather clean to me.
  The MANAGER comes to grandfathers side.
  MANAGER
  Play is about to resume, mlord.
  GRANDFATHER
  Lead me to it, Ive a winning itch that only success can pacify.
  He takes his place at the table. The MANAGER watches for a moment then moves away from the table towards the club reception desk.
  32.	INTERIOR RECEPTION DESK BOYDS CLUB
  JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO, NORM and SHAKE are trying to gain entrance.
  ATTENDANT
  Im sorry sir, members and invited guests only.
  PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO, JOHN
  Ive got to get in.
  Its urgent and important.
  Ive had an invite.
  Take me to your leader.
  NORM
  Shurrup.
  The BOYS do and meanwhile the MANAGER has walked into SHOT. He recognises the BOYS and welcomes them with false enthusiasm. They all start to enter the main room.
  NORM
  All we want to know is have you got a little
  old man in there?
  MANAGER
  Do you mean Lord McCartney?
  CLOSE-UP PAUL
  PAUL
  Hes at it again. Look, Im his grandfather... I mean...
  BLONDE
  Oh, it must be the dolly floor show.
  JOHN
  Stay where you are everybody this is a raid and we want him.
  GRANDFATHER
  Who are these ruffians?... Ive never seen them before in my life! ... 
  They grab the protesting GRANDFATHER and drag him into the reception area. He keeps trying to return to BLONDE and table. GEORGE and RINGO each take an end of the velvet cord hanging between the two stanchions. They exchange ends and re-hook it, thus encircling GRANDFATHER by the
  entrance desk. They then go to settle up.
  MANAGER
  Before you go, gentlemen, theres the small matter of the bill.
  He snaps his fingers and a waiter hands him the bill.
  NORM
  Ill settle that.
  He glances at it.
  NORM
  A hundred and eighty pounds!
  MANAGER
  I beg your pardon, guineas.
  At that moment a WAITER appears with a tray full of pound notes.
  WAITER
  Your winnings, my lord, one hundred and ninety
  pounds.
  The MANAGER tears up the bill and takes the money.
  GRANDFATHER
  How about me change?
  MANAGER
  Cloak room charge.
  He hands GRANDFATHER his old mackintosh.
  RINGO
  Ah well, easy come, easy go.
  The others glower at him.
  RINGO
  Well.
  33.	INTERIOR BIG CAR 
  The BOYS have settled down.
  JOHN
  Should I say it?
  GEORGE
  Follow your impulse.
  RINGO
  Itll only get you into trouble.
  JOHN
  Aah, shurrup, misery!
  JOHN slouches forward.
  JOHN
  O.K. Driver, follow that car!!
  The driver is an urbane young man in a handsome grey uniform.
  FRANK
  Would you like to be a little more precise, sir?
  JOHN
  Well, thats the wrong line for a start.
  FRANK
  Sorry?
  GEORGE
  Oh, dont pay any attention to him, he was just fulfilling a lifelong ambition.
  FRANK
  I see.
  JOHN
  Yeah, you know, O.K. Buster, follow that car, theres a sawbuck in it for you if you get real close!
  FRANK
  Oh, yes, now Im with you.
  But, gee, Mister, Ive got my license to think of ... were doing a hundred now ...
  The car is stopped in traffic behind a bus. JOHN gets out of car and walks to the front. JOHN leans in window delightedly, he flashes his wallet.
  JOHN
  Ever seen one of these before?
  FRANK
  Ah ... a shamus, eh?
  JOHN
  I see you go to the night court.
  FRANK
  Ive made the scene.
  JOHN
  Well, remember, its Leathery Magee up ahead in that convertible, so cover me in the stake-out.
  GEORGE
  I dont think that bits right.
  JOHN
  What do you expect from an ad lib ... Raymond Chandler?
  34.	EXTERIOR STREET
  As the big car overtakes a Company Directors Rolls. JOHN lowers his window and the boys let out an imaginary hail of bullets at the Executive in the back. He reacts violently and starts to shout at them. As he does so, he presses the button of his window, so that we hear only part of it. But what we do is unpleasant. He immediately presses the button and the window rises.
  RINGO and PAUL jump out of the car. RINGO takes two drumsticks from his coat pocket and, using them as banderillas, inserts them with style into the radiator grill . PAUL, then, using his coat as a matadors cloak, does a butterfly pass at the car which
  has just started up, narrowly missing him, but he keeps in the matador position.
  35.	INTERIOR CAR
  NORM
  Will you all stop it, youre like a gang of school kids. I knew this was going to happen one day.
  JOHN
  Well, you shouldnt have had bacon for your breakfast, you cannibal.
  FRANK
  Were nearly there, sir.
  JOHN
  Eh ... dont call him sir, hes got enough delusions of power as it is.
  CLOSE SHOT of a long suffering NORM.
  NORM
  And I was happy in the bakery. Ill never know
  why I left.
  36.	EXTERIOR OF AN OLD VICTORIAN MUSIC HALL THEATRE
  Which has been converted to the T.V. studios.
  There are a few groups of GIRL FANS standing outside the front of the theatre, but against the kerb of the pavement is a night-watchmans canvas hut and brazier.
  The car approaches.
  37.	INTERIOR OF THE CAR
  NORM
  Get ready John, open the door and as it draws up, out you go and straight in.
  JOHN nods and opens the door. The FANS start to swarm round them. To escape, the BOYS dash into the night-watchmans canvas hut, pick it up and run with it to the stage door, revealing the night watchman, staring in astonishment.
  At the door the BOYS put the hut down and enter the theatre.
  38.	INTERIOR STAGE DOOR ENTRANCE
  As the BOYS enter, two P.R.O. men in dark suits, stiff white collars
  and old school ties step forward and smile menacingly.
  FIRST P.R.O. MAN
  Press conference, theyre waiting for you.
  NORM
  Give us a couple of shakes to get our breath.
  FIRST P.R.O. MAN
  Theyre waiting now!
  And without more ado they grab an arm each and march the protesting NORM towards the stairs that lead to the dress circle.
  PAUL
  Eh this lot means it. Theyre even taking
  hostages.
  The BOYS, SHAKE and GRANDFATHER rush after the rapidly disappearing NORM, who by now is half way up the stairs.
  39.	INTERIOR OF DRESS CIRCLE LOUNGE BALLROOM
  It is empty except for two barmaids poised ready to serve, standing behind trestle tables full of drinks and sandwiches. The dark suited MEN enter with NORM and close behind them follow GRANDFATHER, SHAKE and the boys. The group arrives at the centre of the lounge and have time to look about and see the food but before they can get to it, from all directions NEWSPAPERMEN and PHOTOGRAPHERS converge upon them..
  Now begins an elaborate tug-of-war between various PHOTOGRAPHERS using their flash attachments and REPORTERS to capture a Beatle and in the midst of this running battle a man with a portable recorder is trying to interview them. Together and singly the BOYS are pushed about the room and while this goes on a hard core of NEWSPAPERMEN are busily devouring sandwiches and pouring themselves drinks, to the annoyance of the BARMAIDS.
  Every time one of the BOYS attempts to get a sandwich or a drink, it is either too late, the plate is empty, or they are intercepted. The single and constant thing we see in the scene is the pushing and pulling, heavy impersonal handling, the boys are just things to be placed like still life in one advantageous position after another. During the scene these individual exchanges take place:
  SOUND REPORTER
  Whats your philosophy of life?
  JOHN
  Im torn between Zen and Im all right, Jack.
  REPORTER
  Has success changed your life?
  RINGO
  Yes.
  REPORTER
  Do you like playing the guitar?
  GEORGE
  Next to kissing girls its favourites.
  PAUL is surrounded by newspapermen.
  PAUL
  No, actually, were just good friends.
  HIGH SHOT of the press reception and we see the BOYS ease their way out until they get to the curtained entrance to the dress circle; completely unnoticed, they slip through.
  40.	INTERIOR THEATRE DRESS CIRCLE
  The BOYS come up the stairs into the Dress Circle proper. GRANDFATHER and SHAKE are sitting there having a picnic of beer and sandwiches.
  PAUL
  Anything to spare?
  GRANDFATHER
  Weve just finished, Pauly. Hey George, write us your John Henry on this picture.
  GEORGE
  Sure.
  .
  PAUL
  Ah well. Eh, look!
  He points, and from PAULS P.O.V. we see on stage, the setting up of the show, scenery and lights, cameras and sound equipment are being put into position by a small army of studio staff. DANCERS and SINGERS are milling about as well.
  PAUL
  Lets go and muck in.
  JOHN
  Aye, before anyone stops us.
  They exit to rows of the dress circle and go through the entrance down the narrow stairs to the stalls and on to the stage that is built and extended right into the stalls, which are partly covered up.
  41.	INTERIOR STAGE
  Everyone is so busy that they hardly notice the BOYS, who wander about and examine the studio equipment. A load of three drum sets are being brought on stage and a voice shouts out:
  VOICE
  Here, what about these electric guitars?
  SHAKE
  Where are they?
  VOICE
  Back here, mate.
  SHAKE
  Im coming.
  RINGO is busy setting up his drums, and men are setting up the other sets. He drops a stick and the FLOOR MANAGER retrieves it and is about to tap the drum. The FLOOR MANAGER is a languid young man.
  RINGO
  Leave them drums alone.
  FLOOR MANAGER
  Oh, surely one can have a tiny touch.
  RINGO
  If you so much as breathe heavy on them, Im
  out on strike.
  FLOOR MANAGER
  Arent you being rather arbitrary?
  RINGO
  Thats right retreat behind a smoke screen of bourgeois cliches. I dont go round messing about with your ear-phones, do I?
  FLOOR MANAGER
  Spoil sport!
  RINGO
  Well!
  RINGO fusses like a mother hen clucking over his drums. The FLOOR MANAGER is furious.
  GEORGE
  Hes very touchy about those his drums, they loom large in his legend.
  RINGO gives his drums a defiant crash and JOHN and PAUL stop whatever they are up to and hurry over.
  PAUL
  Whats up?
  GEORGE
  Hes sulking again.
  JOHN
  Ill show him.
  He picks up a set of drum sticks and bashes back at RINGO, who does a more complicated drum roll. GEORGE now joins in and to PAULS encouragement a drum duel starts completely naturally and improvised. During this encounter the work proceeds around them and the guitars are brought on and SHAKE sets them to working order. PAUL first, then JOHN and GEORGE take up their own instruments and out of the drum duel emerges one of their numbers.
  42.	INTERIOR RAMP
  As the number finishes a baldheaded man storms down the ramp that leads from the control box under the dress circle.
  DIRECTOR
  All right Im sorry and lets hear no more about it. If thats your opinion, youre probably right. Look, if you think Im unsuitable lets have it out in the open, I cant stand these back-stage politics.
  By the end of this speech he is standing in front of JOHN who takes the scene in his stride.
  JOHN
  Arent you tending to black and white this whole situation?
  DIRECTOR
  Well, quite honestly I wasnt expecting a musical arranger who would question my ability ... picture-wise.
  JOHN
  I could listen to him for hours.
  PAUL
  Heave to, whats all this about a musical arranger?
  DIRECTOR
  Mr. McCartney Senior!
  The BOYS have a giggle at the very idea and at this moment GRANDFATHER appears from behind the DIRECTOR.
  GRANDFATHER
  Hey Pauly, theyre trying to fob you off wid this musical charlatan but Ive given him the test.
  DIRECTOR
  Im quite happy to be replaced.
  GRANDFATHER
  Hes a typical buck-passer.
  DIRECTOR
  I won an award.
  JOHN
  A likely story.
  DIRECTOR
  Its on the wall in my office.
  At this moment NORM comes on the stage, confident, cigar in mouth and serene.
  NORM
  Hello our lot, everyone happy?
  The BOYS, the DIRECTOR, FLOOR MANAGER and GRANDFATHER turn on him and stare silently.
  NORM
  All right, all right. If you dont need this lot, Ill lock em up in the dressing room till you do.
  DIRECTOR
  Please do, Ill not need them for fifteen minutes. Thank you.
  He glares at GRANDFATHER who glares right back. The DIRECTOR walks away with the FLOOR MANAGER pacifying him.
  DIRECTOR
  Give me a bottle of milk and a packet of
  Oblivion. Oh, its a plot, I see it now, its
  all a plot.
  They go left towards the back-stage.
  NORM
  Now, come on, Ive got the key.
  He leads the lads off right. RINGO is last as he is putting his drum sticks down safely.
  NORM and the BOYS turn on him.
  NORM
  Lets have you.
  JOHN
  Come on speedy!
  PAUL
  Ringo!
  GEORGE
  Wake up!
  RINGO glares at them and follows quickly. As the BOYS move off after NORM, they pass the next act waiting for rehearsal. It is an elegant man in full-tail suit meticulously adjusting his cuff-links. Beside him is a free-standing sign reading Leslie Jackson and his ten disappearing doves. The BOYS pass him and go through the door. GRANDFATHER stops and looks at the performer with respect.
  GRANDFATHER
  I cant tell you how much Ive enjoyed your act.
  He slaps the man on the back with happy camaraderie. There is the sound of a dove, a few feathers fall out of the sleeve of the mans coat and he and GRANDFATHER look down at the floor. The man glares at GRANDFATHER, takes out a pen from his pocket, crosses out 10 on his sign, and writes 9 in its place, puts the pen back in his pocket and starts towards the centre stage putting on a false performers smile as he does.
  43.	INTERIOR THEATRE BACK-STAGE CORRIDOR
  The BOYS move down the narrow stairs, and out of the ground floor dressing rooms stream a steady flow of costumed actors and actresses. They engulf the lads and force them against the wall -- the actors are all making for the stage door. As the actors push past the boys we see the boys excited faces, their mouths watering for the costumes. JOHN touches the costume on one actor.
  JOHN
  Gear costume!
  ACTOR
  Swap?
  NORM
  Right, first floor and no messing about.
  NORM, leading the way, goes up the stairs but as they turn the first corner they are confronted by a group of girls, a game of manners starts, after you, No, after you. NORM who is ahead of the group looks down on them in disgust.
  NORM
  Lennon, leave them girls alone or Ill report you.
  The BOYS let the GIRLS pass and resume the journey, always surrounded by people.
  44.	INTERIOR DRESSING ROOM AND CORRIDOR
  RINGOS attention is caught by a door. He crosses and opens it, looking out to a fire escape. The others join him and the four boys step through the door and onto the fire escape.
  45.	EXTERIOR TOP OF FIRE ESCAPE
  From the BOYS P.O.V. we see down below into the property yard behind nthe theatre. It is a long narrow yard full of old coaches, motor cars and all the general debris of hundreds of sets from past theatre shows. Through the piles of heaped high junk there are a couple of narrow alleyways.
  The BOYS scamper down the fire escape.
  When they reach the bottom of the alleyways, there is a large door. They open it and look through.
  From their P.O.V. we see a large green field quite empty. The boys step through the doorway into the field. We now see from a HELICOPTER SHOT the four BOYS standing together surrounded by space.
  It is the first time they have been alone and unconfined all day.
  They look at each other and grin ... then first GEORGE and PAUL let out a whoop and run towards the centre of the field, after a moment JOHN and RINGO follow them. The BOYS pick up some loose straw and insert it under JOHNS cap and sleeves, turning him into a scarecrow.
  The four BOYS dash about madly calling out to one another and generally horsing around. Out of this emerges an imaginary game of soccer and although there is no ball the game is fast and furious. After a few moments the long shadow of a man falls across the grass.
  MANS VOICE
  I suppose you know this is private property.
  The boys freeze.
  From their P.O.V. we see a big burly middle-aged man glowering at them. The boys exchange rueful glances and, under the big mans eye, mooch back towards the gateway they came in by. JOHN is the last to go through. He turns to the man.
  JOHN
  Sorry if we hurt your field, Mister.
  46.	INTERIOR CORRIDOR BACK-STAGE
  GRANDFATHER is sneaking down the corridor, a pile of photos under his arm.
  47.	INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE UNDERNEATH THE STAGE
  Under the stage the usual set of wooden columns that support the stage with lots of furniture and a single light is on; it is placed by the orchestras entrance to the orchestra pit. GRANDFATHER comes down the stairs and winds his way through the columns until he finds himself a safe little cubby hole and settles himself under the light. He spreads the signed photos of the BOYS in front of him and, adjusting an old- fashioned pair of glasses, ball-point pen in hand begins to copy the BOYS signatures on to the fresh photos, tutting at his failures and chuckling at his successes. After a moment, there is a sound of someone coming down the stairs. GRANDFATHER darts into a dark patch out of sight.
  The menacing shadows appear on the stairway.
  NORM 
  Theres no one here.
  SHAKE 
  This is the only way they could have gone.
  We now see GRANDFATHER holding himself stiffly in, he is on some sort of raised platform and he fidgets and in doing so he knocks a lever of some sort. Slowly GRANDFATHER ascends out of shot with a light that grows bigger above him.
  48.	INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE STAGE
  A rehearsal of the toast scene from a Strauss Operetta. The entire stage is full of SINGERS, glasses in hand they are singing away at each other but in true opera tradition they are addressing out to the audience. Slowly in-between the leading man and leading woman, who are about to embrace, a stage trap opens and a blinking, surprised, GRANDFATHER appears. Here we INTERCUT to the T.V. Control Room for amazed reaction shots of the DIRECTOR and control room CREW.
  Back now on the stage the toast song reaches its climax and the leading man and woman rush into each others arms, GRANDFATHER sandwiched between them.
  48A.	INTERIOR CORRIDOR AS BOYS PASS THRU ON WAY TO DRESSING ROOM
  JOHN is behind them. JOHN, BOYS and MILLIE are walking towards each other.
  MILLIE
  Hello.
  JOHN
  Hello.
  MILLIE
  Oh, wait a minute, dont tell me youre ...
  JOHN
  No, not me.
  MILLIE
  Oh you are, I know you are.
  JOHN
  No, Im not.
  MILLIE
  You are.
  JOHN
  Im not, no.
  MILLIE
  Well, you look like him.
  JOHN
  Oh do I? Youre the first one who ever said that.
  MILLIE
  Oh you do, look.
  JOHN looks at himself in the mirror.
  JOHN examines himself in the mirror carefully.
  JOHN
  My eyes are lighter.
  MILLIE
  Oh yes.
  JOHN
  And my nose...
  MILLIE
  Well, yes your nose is. Very.
  JOHN
  Is it?
  MILLIE
  I would have said so.
  JOHN
  Aye, but you know him well.
  MILLIE
  No I dont, hes only a casual acquaintance.
  JOHN
  Thats what you tell me.
  MILLIE
  What have you heard?
  JOHN
  Its all over the place, everyone knows.
  MILLIE
  Is it? Is it really?
  JOHN
  Mind you, I stood up for you, I mean I wouldnt have it.
  MILLIE
  I knew I could rely on you.
  JOHN
  Thanks.
  MILLIE touches his arm then walks away. After a moment she turns.
  MILLIE
  You dont look like him at all.
  JOHN winks at her and she winks back.
  49.	INTERIOR DRESSING ROOM
  NORM and SHAKE enter the room. The BOYS TAILOR is there waiting for the BOYS.
  SHAKE
  Oh theyve probably gone to the canteen, cup of tea, like.
  NORM
  Thats too easy for Lennon.
  He crosses to door leading to fire escape.
  NORM
  Hes out there somewhere, causing trouble just to upset me.
  SHAKE
  Youre imagining it. Youre letting things prey on your mind.
  NORM
  Oh no... this is a battle of nerves between John and me.
  SHAKE
  But John hasnt got any.
  NORM
  What?
  SHAKE
  Nerves.
  NORM
  I know, thats the trouble.
  He puffs nervously at his cigarette.
  NORM
  Oh, Ive toyed with the idea of a ball and chain but hed only rattle them at me... and in public and all. Sometimes I think he enjoys seeing me suffer.
  He hears something.
  NORM
  Get behind that door, theyre coming. Someones coming. Quick, hide!
  The two men hide behind the door. The boys enter the room, as JOHN is last he shuts the door and faces SHAKE and NORM.
  JOHN
  What are you doing there?
  SHAKE
  Hiding.
  JOHN
  I think youre soft or something.
  NORM
  We werent hiding.
  TAILOR
  Now?
  NORM
  Now. We were trying to catch you redhanded. I thought I told you lot to stay here?
  RINGO
  Well ...
  NORM
  When I tell you to stay put, stay put.
  JOHN
  Dont cane me, sir, I was led astray.
  NORM
  Oh shurrup and come on John. Theyre waiting
  for you in the studio.
  RINGO
  Oh dear, I feel like doing a bit of work.
  NORM
  Good lad, Ringo.
  PAUL
  Oh, listen to teachers pet.
  GEORGE
  You crawler.
  JOHN
  Hes betrayed the class.
  RINGO
  Oh, leave off!!!
  JOHN
  Temper! Temper!
  RINGO
  Well ...
  CLOSE-UP on NORMs long suffering face.
  NORM
  Will you all get a move on! Theyre waiting for
  you!
  By this time the TAILOR has his tape stretched between his hands to measure GEORGEs shoulders. But since GEORGE has moved away, he is measuring space. JOHN takes up his scissors and cuts the tape.
  JOHN
  I now declare this bridge open.
  The BOYS run out the door.
  50.	INTERIOR BACKSTAGE AREA
  Five beautiful MODELS are standing about in costume. One is knitting a loose wool sweater which is almost completed. There is the sound of a juggling acts music off and a few of the girls are looking off towards the centre stage. At the edge of frame is a collapsible table covered with green baize. On it are three spaced white plates.
  From the door off stage, above which is a sign To Canteen and Production Offices, GRANDFATHER enters eating a plate of spaghetti on toast. The knitting GIRL sees him and, in mime, asks him to stand still so that she can measure the sweater against him. GRANDFATHER, eager to help, puts his plate of food on the green table between plates two and
  three. He goes to be measured with the sweater.
  From the onstage area, a jugglers ASSISTANT in costume backs up and with the usual theatrical flourishes picks up, without looking, plate number ONE and throws it off screen towards centre stage. There is a drum roll from orchestra. She then throws plate number TWO. We CUT on stage to the JUGGLER now balancing the two spinning plates on two poles, one in each hand. He has another pole in his mouth and nods to his ASSISTANT, asking for the THIRD plate.
  We CUT BACK to the ASSISTANT who, still not looking, throws plate THREE which is GRANDFATHERs. There is the sound of an orchestra raggedly stopping and all the hangers-on in the scene look off interestedly.
  We hear the DIRECTORs voice.
  DIRECTOR 
  All right, hold it, hold it... O.K. John, wipe him down and well carry on with the next act.
  We
  CUT TO
  centre stage. The JUGGLER is as before but the spaghetti is covering his head, having slipped off the third plate.
  The FLOOR MANAGER is bustling around, trying to help.
  We CUT BACK to back-stage. GRANDFATHER has finished being measured and goes to the green table where he put his plate down. He picks up the only remaining plate, looks at it, wondering where his food has gone, shrugs and heads back towards the exit door as we hear the DIRECTORs VOICE.
  51.	INTERIOR T.V. STUDIO FLOOR
  CLOSE-UP on the distraught DIRECTOR.
  DIRECTOR
  Where are they? I said, where are they? Where are they?
  FLOOR MANAGER
  Theyre coming, I promise you.
  DIRECTOR
  Now look, if theyre not here on this floor in thirty seconds theres going to be trouble ... understand me ... trouble!!!
  Two STAGE HANDS are walking disinterestedly past, they look at the DIRECTOR.
  1st STAGE HAND
  Whats he on about, Taff?
  WELSH STAGE HAND
  Well ... hes being the director. Of course, he lives in a world of his own, mind.
  At this moment the boys, NORM, SHAKE and GRANDFATHER appear. The BOYS grab their instruments and prepare to play.
  JOHN
  Standing about, eh? Some people have it dead easy, dont they?
  The director is about to blow his top but manages to hold on and mutter to the heavens.
  DIRECTOR
  Of course, once youre over thirty, youre finished. Its a young mans medium and I just cant take the pace.
  RINGO
  Are you as young as that, then?
  BOYS
  Shurrup!
  GRANDFATHER
  Isnt it always the way? Picking on us little fellas.
  PAUL
  Shove the gentleman jockey in the make-up room or something and keep your eye on him, will you?
  SHAKE
  Im an electrician, not a wet nurse, yknow.
  PAUL
  Ill set John on you!
  SHAKE
  Oh, anything you say, Paul.
  He leads GRANDFATHER away.
  The BOYS are placed in position, instruments ready. The boom moves in near them. There is a mike hovering just over JOHNS head. JOHN starts attacking it.
  DIRECTORS VOICE 
  Run through the number and try not to jiggle out of your positions.
  The BOYS start the number, as the stage hands adjust their settings. When theyve finished, they stand about spare.
  52.	INTERIOR T.V. CONTROL ROOM
  The room is crowded with the usual personnel, P.A., elecs, racks, etc.... make-up supervisor and wardrobe mistress.
  DIRECTOR
  That was more or less all right for me. Ill give them one more run through then leave them alone until the dress ...
  Oh how about make-up?
  MAKE-UP WOMAN
  Not really, they dont need it any. Well just powder them off for shine.
  DIRECTOR
  Good. Norm, get them along to make-up will you?
  NORM
  Sure.
  DIRECTOR
  And hurry, theyre not looking too happy.
  From the directors P.O.V. we see into the monitor. The boys crowding around RINGO. We cut through the monitor into the same position in the studio.
  53.	INTERIOR T.V. STUDIO FLOOR
  PAUL
  Whats the matter with you? You were bashing away like a madman.
  RINGO
  You were twanging too loud.
  JOHN
  Howd you like a dirty great drum roll giving you a clout right in the middle of your solo?
  GEORGE
  Youre getting out of hand. I dont know whats come over you today.
  RINGO
  Thats right. Its always me, isnt it?
  JOHN
  Since you ask, yes.
  Aah, come on, Ring, we love you.
  He puts his arm around Ringos shoulder.
  RINGO
  Well!
  JOHN
  Hell get over it.
  NORM appears down the ramp speaking as he approaches.
  NORM
  All right, our lot, make-up.
  54.	INTERIOR MAKE UP ROOM
  A smallish room with a line of chairs facing a wall mirror and a long table. Each place is clearly marked and above each mirror a girls name: Betty, Angela, Deirdre, Jenny.
  SHAKE and GRANDFATHER are sitting in splendid isolation. They are staring each other out.
  SHAKE
  You blinked!
  GRANDFATHER
  I never did, you did.
  The BOYS enter.
  SHAKE
  Hello, hes not talking to me. Hes having a sulk.
  GEORGE
  Well, it must be catching. Hes given it to the
  champ here.
  He indicates RINGO who ignores him.
  NORM
  Stop picking on him.
  RINGO
  I dont need you to defend me, yknow, Norm.
  JOHN
  Leave him alone, hes got swine fever.
  NORM
  Sit down, the lot of you.
  At this moment several actors come into the room. They are all dressed in the uniform of officers in Wellingtons army. Together with the boys they sit down, Beatles and soldiers all mixed up.
  Now a group of several pretty make-up girls make an entrance and the boys herald their arrival with a chorus of aye ayes and wolf whistles. JOHN meanwhile has helped himself to a big beard and the other lads are generally messing about with assorted make-up things.
  HEAD MAKE UP GIRL
  Oh, this is impossible! Well never get you all done in time.
  ACTOR
  Well, youll just have to do us first... It makes no difference to them whether theyre made up or not.
  And whos me, then?
  JOHN
  My names Betty...
  Do you want a punch up your frogged tunic?
  NORM fights his way to JOHN.
  NORM
  Now listen, John, behave yourself or Ill murder you and, Shake, take that wig off, it suits you.
  SHAKE has a long blond girls wig on. With the assistance of the girls, NORM gets the boys seated into the chairs nearest the door. For some reason RINGO now has a Guardsmans busby wedged down almost over his eyes and is sitting with it under a hair drier, reading a copy of Queen Magazine.
  NORM
  What do you think are youre up to?
  RINGO
  Someone put it on me.
  JOHN
  Excuses, thats all we get and you know you fancy yourself in the Coldstreams.
  The GIRLS now move in and put make up bibs on the BOYS and start to powder them off.
  JOHN
  You wont interfere with the basic rugged
  concept of my personality, will you, girl?
  PAUL
  Eh, dont take out me lines.
  GEORGE
  Yeah, they give him that Je ne sais quoi
  rakish air.
  The lads laugh with pleasure.
  RINGO decides to try a little joke.
  RINGO
  (indicating the busby he is still
  wearing)
  Short back and sides, please.
  The other look at him with mock disgust.
  PAUL
  Behave...
  JOHN
  Foreign devil ...
  GEORGE
  Control yourself...
  GRANDFATHER has been watching the powdering process.
  GRANDFATHER
  In my considered opinion youre a bunch of sissies.
  JOHN grabs a powder puff from his girl.
  JOHN
  You know youre only jealous!
  And dabs the old man liberally with the powder much to GRANDFATHERs annoyance.
  NORM
  Leave him alone, Lennon, or Ill tell them all the truth about you.
  JOHN
  You wouldnt!
  NORM
  I would though.
  NORM goes out.
  PAUL
  Whats he know?
  JOHN
  Nothing, hes trying to brainwash me and give me personality doubts ... oh, hes a swine but a clever swine, mind.
  GRANDFATHER
  Lookit, I thought I was supposed to be getting a change of scenery and so far Ive seen a train and a room, a car and a room and a room and a room. Well, thats maybe all right for a bunch of powdered gee-gaws like you lot but Im feeling decidedly strait-jacketed. This is no life for a free-booting agent of my stamp. Im a frustrated man and that class of McCartney is a dangerous McCartney.
  GIRL
  What a clean old man.
  GRANDFATHER
  Youre too young for a fella of my cosmopolitan tastes, so dont press your luck.
  JOHN
  Hes sex-obsessed, the older generation are leading this country to galloping ruin.
  NORM returns leaving the door open, the boys hear the sound of music coming from the studio.
  NORM
  Theyre nearly ready for you. Theyre just finishing the band call.
  JOHN
  Gear! Come on, girls, lets have a bit of a dance.
  JOHNS GIRL
  I dont think its allowed.
  JOHN
  Well ... it wouldnt be any fun if it was!
  The BOYS drag the make-up GIRLS out of the room and into the studio.
  The GIRLS are still trying to finish making the BOYS up.
  As the BOYS and MAKE-UP GIRLS dance past, we see one of the Strauss singers combing his long hair straight back. Two STAGE HANDS swing a wind machine past him and his hair is blown straight forward into a Beatle cut.
  JOHN
  Never.
  During dance, GEORGE takes off wig and places it on dummy, revealing identical hair underneath.
  55.	INTERIOR T.V. STUDIO FLOOR
  The work is still going on and the music is up full blast, the BOYS enter and with the GIRLS they start a wild dance, hippy, shake, zulu, blue beat, the lot. LIONEL and DANCERS are doing their routine on one side of the stage ... it becomes a challenge dance between both groups. JOHN swings his GIRL onto the motorized CAMERA, Western style, and starts to track through the GROUP. GEORGE is on another CAMERA.
  56.	INTERIOR CONTROL ROOM
  The whole control room crew are watching the dance on all the monitors. The DIRECTOR is about to stop the boys but his GIRL P.A. glares at him, with a shrug he lets the dance go on.
  We now cut between the dancers on the monitors and the boys actual dancing down on the studio floor. When the recorded music stops, they grab their instruments and go into a number.
  So we can watch every aspect of their work and with so many monitors it gives the impression that there are many more boys than just four.
  When the number finally ends we are back in the studio on the floor.
  57.	INTERIOR T.V. STUDIO FLOOR
  DIRECTORS VOICE OVER TANNOY
  Thank you gentlemen, you can break now while we push on with the show.
  The boys acknowledge this with a quaver of guitar chords and a drum roll.
  NORM is on them at once.
  NORM
  That was great, youve got about an hour but dont leave the theatre.
  JOHN grabs the arm of a sexy girl dancer.
  JOHN
  Shes going to show me her stamp collection.
  PAUL
  Sos mine.
  NORM
  John, Im talking to you. This final run through is important. Understand? Important.
  JOHN
  Oink! Oink!
  They dash off with the two beauties.
  GRANDFATHER is hovering in the background with SHAKE.
  GRANDFATHER
  I want me cup of tea.
  NORM
  Shake.
  SHAKE
  Im adjusting the decibels on the inbalance.
  NORM
  Clever.
  George.
  But GEORGE is disappearing out of the door.
  NORM turns to RINGO.
  NORM
  Look after him.
  RINGO
  But...
  NORM
  Do I have to raise me voice?
  RINGO
  Oh, all right. Come here, Grandad.
  And the two of them walk off, Ringo leading.
  57A.	INTERIOR BACKSTAGE
  A man, whose act is playing tunes by hitting himself on the head, is swallowing a handful of aspirin tablets. He starts rehearsing his act, which consists of throwing his head back and slapping his cheeks. Next to him, a JUGGLER is practising with four table tennis balls.
  GRANDFATHER passes him and bumps his arm slightly. Only 3 balls come down. There is the sound of coughing off.
  We
  CUT TO
  THE HEAD-PLAYER being patted on the back. The ball drops out of his mouth and bounces slowly on the studio floor.
  58.	INTERIOR T.V. STUDIO CANTEEN
  The canteen is about half full of actors many of which are dressed as Nazi soldiers, with mock blood bandages and arm bands. Also there are a sprinkling of T.V. people. At a table sits GRANDFATHER and RINGO. RINGO is deeply engrossed in a book and GRANDFATHER has a near empty cup of tea in front of him. The old man is bored and looks about him slyly. He then looks at Ringo who is innocently occupied, a malicious gleam comes into GRANDFATHERs eye. He decides to have a go at RINGO and sits staring at him. RINGO gradually becomes aware of the stare and shifts uncomfortably then tries to continue reading his book.
  GRANDFATHER
  Will you ever look at him, sitting there wid his hooter scraping away at that book!
  RINGO
  Well ... whats the matter with that?
  GRANDFATHER
  Have you no natural resources of your own? Have they even robbed you of that?
  RINGO
  You can learn from books.
  GRANDFATHER
  Can you now? Aah ... sheeps heads! You learn more by getting out there and living.
  RINGO
  Out where?
  GRANDFATHER
  Any old where ... but not our little Richard ... oh no! When youre not thumping them pagan skins, youre tormenting your eyes wid that rubbish!
  RINGO
  Books are good!
  GRANDFATHER
  Paradings better!
  RINGO
  Parading?
  GRANDFATHER
  Thats it, parading the streets ... trailing your coat ... bowling along ... living!
  RINGO
  Well, I am living, arent I?
  GRANDFATHER
  Youre living, are you? When was the last time you gave a girl a pink-edged daisy? When did you last embarrass a sheila wid your cool appraising stare?
  RINGO
  Eh ... youre a bit old for that sort of chat, arent you?
  GRANDFATHER
  At least Ive a backlog of memories, but all youve got is that book!
  RINGO
  Aaah ... stop picking on me... youre as bad as the rest of them.
  GRANDFATHER
  So you are a man after all.
  RINGO
  Whats that mean?
  GRANDFATHER
  Do you think I havent noticed ... do you think I wasnt aware of the drift? Oh ... you poor unfortunate scuff, theyve driven you into books by their cruel, unnatural treatment, exploiting your good nature.
  RINGO
  Oh ... I dunno.
  GRANDFATHER
  And that lots never happier than when theyre jeering at you ... and where would they be without the steady support of your drum beat, Id like to know.
  RINGO
  Yeah ... thats right.
  GRANDFATHER
  And whats it all come to in the end?
  RINGO
  Yeah ... whats in it for me?
  GRANDFATHER
  A book!
  RINGO
  Yeah ... a bloomin book!
  He throws the book down.
  GRANDFATHER
  When you could be out there betraying a rich American widow or sipping palm wine in Tahiti before youre too old like me. A fine neat and trim lad the class of you should be helping himself to lifes goodies before the sands run out. Being an old age pensioners a terrible drag on a man and every second you waste is bringing you nearer the Friday queue at the Post Office.
  RINGO
  Yeah ... funny really, cos Id never thought of it but being middle-aged and old takes up most of your time, doesnt it?
  GRANDFATHER
  Youre only right.
  RINGO
  Im not wrong.
  There is a pause, then RINGO rises and crosses to the door.
  GRANDFATHER
  Where are you off to?
  RINGO
  Im going parading before its too late!
  RINGO leaves and GRANDFATHER laughs at what he has done, then realizes its full meaning and looks worried.
  59.	INTERIOR CORRIDOR and STAIRWAY
  RINGO comes along the corridor then down the narrow stairs. Half-way down he comes face to face with GEORGE who is coming up the stairs.
  GEORGE
  Eh, Ringo, do you know what happened to me?
  RINGO
  No. I dont.
  As he goes round the corner RINGO turns on the surprised GEORGE.
  RINGO
  You want to stop being so scornful, its twisting your face.
  60.	INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE NEAR STAGE DOORMANS OFFICE
  JOHN and PAUL are chatting up a couple of girls, when they see RINGO approaching they break off the conversation.
  JOHN
  Here he is, the middle-aged boy wonder.
  RINGO looks at JOHN hard.
  PAUL
  Eh. I thought you were looking after the old man.
  RINGO
  Get knotted!
  PAUL and JOHN gape at him. For good measure Ringo takes a quick photograph of them before he leaves them flabbergasted and walks off into the street.
  PAUL
  Weve got only half an hour till the final run-through. He cant walk out on us.
  JOHN
  Cant he? Hes done it, son!
  GEORGE runs towards them.
  GEORGE
  Eh, I dont know if you realise it, but ...
  PAUL
  We do.
  GEORGE
  Yes. Your grandfathers stirred him up.
  PAUL
  He hasnt.
  GEORGE
  Yes, hes filled his head with notions seemingly.
  PAUL
  The old mixer, come on well have to put him right.
  The three of them go into the street.
  61.	EXTERIOR T.V. THEATRE STAGE DOOR ENTRANCE
  The boys look up and down but RINGO has completely disappeared.
  PAUL
  Well split up and search for him, he cant be far.
  They now all start to go off in the same direction, they pause, there are three roads they can take but each time they begin to move they all go the same way.
  JOHN
  Its happened at last, weve become a limited company.
  GEORGE
  Ill look in here again.
  PAUL gives him a push to the left and GEORGE to the right and going straight ahead himself they part and go their separate ways.
  62.	EXTERIOR STREET
  RINGO is walking along taking photographs with his camera when some girls recognise him and start to follow him. They quicken their pace and RINGO runs ahead of them. He turns and comes into another street. He sees a second-hand clothes shop with a sign saying We Buy Anything and enters the shop just before the pursuing girls come round the corner. The girls stand about looking in all directions. After a moment RINGO comes out of the shop. He is wearing a long mackintosh and a natty cap pulled well down. He is ignored by the girls who dont recognise him. Realising this he goes back and ogles one of them. She glares at him.
  RINGO
  Hello.
  GIRL
  Get out of it, short house!
  CLOSE-UP on Ringos secret but happy smile as he walks briskly down the road.
  63.	EXTERIOR TOW PATH CANAL
  RINGO kicks at a brick. He kicks stylishly but misses so tries again, misses again, but finally kicks the stone which doesnt budge so he bends down and pulls it out of the ground. It is quite big. Three quarters of it being below the surface. Having got it he now decides to throw it away. As he does so the same POLICEMAN rides past on a bicycle.
  POLICEMAN
  Aint you got no more bleeding sense than to go round chucking bricks about.
  Before RINGO has time to answer the man has disappeared.
  RINGO
  Southerner!
  He looks at the canal water moodily; at this moment a large lorry tyre rolls down the incline and bashes him slap in the back, sprawling him on the path, the tyre on top of him. A small boy appears after the tyre and stands over the prostrate RINGO.
  BOY
  Here, mate, thats my hoop, stop playing with it.
  RINGO
  Hoop, this isnt a hoop, its a lethal weapon. Have you got a licence for it?
  BOY
  Oh dont be so stroppy!
  RINGO
  Well! A boy of your age bowling hoop at people. How old are you anyway?
  BOY
  Nine.
  RINGO
  Bet youre only eight and a half.
  BOY
  Eight and two thirds.
  RINGO
  Well, there you are and watch it with that hoop.
  BOY
  Gerron out of it, youre only jealous cause youre old.
  RINGO
  Shurrup!
  BOY
  I bet youre
  -- sixteen!
  RINGO
  Fifteen and two thirds, actually.
  BOY
  Well --
  RINGO
  All right, take your hoop and bowl.
  He moves off and the BOY follows.
  BOY
  Oh you can have it, Im packing it in -- it depresses me.
  RINGO
  Ywhat?
  BOY
  You heard, it gets on my wick.
  RINGO
  Well thats lovely talk, that is. And another thing, why arent you at school?
  BOY
  Im a deserter.
  RINGO
  Are you now?
  BOY
  Yeah, Ive blown school out.
  RINGO
  Just you?
  BOY
  No, Ginger, Eddy Fallon and Ding Dong.
  RINGO
  Ding Dong? Oh Ding Dong Bell, eh?
  BOY
  Yeah, thats right, they was supposed to come
  with us but they chickened.
  RINGO
  Yeah? And theyre your mates are they?
  BOY
  Yeah.
  RINGO
  Not much cop without em, is it?
  BOY
  Oh, its all right.
  RINGO
  Yeah?
  BOY
  Yeah.
  RINGO
  What they like?
  BOY is glad to have something to talk about.
  BOY
  Gingers mad, he says things all the time and Eddys good at punching and spitting.
  RINGO
  How about Ding Dong?
  BOY
  Hes a big head and he fancies himself with it but you know its all right cos hes one of the gang.
  RINGO nods his head understandingly and they mooch on together.
  BOY
  Why arent you at work?
  RINGO
  Im a deserter, too.
  BOY
  Oh.
  At this moment a childs voice shouts out Charley and from RINGOS P.O.V. we see three kids. RINGO turns to the BOY and looks at them enquiringly.
  BOY
  See you.
  The BOY runs off to join his mates. As he joins them they punch and scuffle together. They are obviously a gang. RINGO is left alone.
  64.	INTERIOR CORRIDOR T.V. THEATRE
  GEORGE comes round the corner, looking for RINGO, then grins and walks past a sign saying Canteen and Production Office Opposite. He comes to the exit door, crosses to a modern building across from the theatre. He enters building.
  65.	INTERIOR OFFICE
  It is the reception room that leads to an inner office. Behind a desk sits a smart young woman typing busily as GEORGE enters. He is surprised when he sees the girl; she looks up and speaks to him at once.
  SECRETARY
  Oh, there you are!
  GEORGE
  Oh, Im sorry, I must have made a mistake.
  SECRETARY
  You havent, youre just late.
  Oh, yes, hes going to be very pleased with you.
  GEORGE
  Is he?
  SECRETARY
  Yes, youre quite a feather in the cap.
  Hello, Ive got one ... oh, I think so ... yes, he can talk ... Well ... I think you ought to see him.
  Of course, right away.
  She crosses to the inter-office door. On the door is written SIMON MARSHAL ... she opens it.
  SECRETARY
  Well ... come on.
  GEORGE
  Sorry.
  He follows her quickly in.
  66.	INTERIOR THE INNER OFFICE
  A large room, part production office with models and sets, drawing board with ground plans, the other part of the room a mixture of Pop and Queens magazine decor.
  Behind a large desk sits SIMON MARSHAL, a bland but slightly irritable young man of about thirty-five. He is wearing the ultimate in the current smart set fashion. He is attended by a couple of underlings ADRIAN and TONY and behind him on the wall is a poster of a girl. Across the poster is printed, Way Out, your own T.V. Special with Susan Campey. Director, Simon Marshal.
  SECRETARY
  Will this do, Simon?
  SIMON
  Not bad, dolly, not really bad.
  Turn around, chicky baby.
  GEORGE does so.
  SIMON
  Oh yes, a definite poss. Hell look good alongside Susan.
  All right, Sunny Jim, this is all going to be quite painless. Dont breathe on me, Adrian.
  ADRIAN has recognised GEORGE and is trying to stop SIMON.
  GEORGE
  Look, Im terribly sorry but Im afraid theres been some sort of a misunderstanding.
  SIMON
  Oh, you can come off it with us. You dont have to do the old adenoidal glottal stop and carry on for our benefit.
  GEORGE
  Im afraid I dont understand.
  SIMON
  Oh, my God, hes a natural.
  SECRETARY 
  Well, I did tell them not to send us any more real ones.
  SIMON
  They ought to know by now the phonies are much easier to handle. Still hes a good type.
  He now speaks to GEORGE in the loud voice that the English reserve for foreigners and village idiots.
  SIMON
  We want you to give us your opinion on some clothes for teenagers.
  GEORGE
  Oh, by all means, Id be quite prepared for that eventuality.
  SIMON
  Well, not your real opinion, naturally. Itll be written out and youll learn it.
  Can he read?
  GEORGE
  Of course I can.
  SIMON
  I mean lines, ducky, can you handle lines?
  GEORGE
  Ill have a bash.
  SIMON
  Good. Hart, get him whatever it is they drink, a cokearama?
  GEORGE
  Ta.
  SIMON
  Well, at least hes polite. Tony Show him the shirts, Adrian.
  A collection of shirts are produced and GEORGE looks at them. While he is doing this SIMON briefs him.
  SIMON
  Now, youll like these. You really dig them. Theyre fab and all the other pimply hyperboles.
  GEORGE
  I wouldnt be seen dead in them. Theyre dead grotty.
  SIMON
  Grotty?
  GEORGE
  Yeah, grotesque.
  SIMON
  Make a note of that word and give it to Susan. I think its rather touching really. Heres this kid trying to give me his utterly valueless opinion when I know for a fact within four weeks hell be suffering from a violent inferiority complex and loss of status if he isnt wearing one of these nasty things. Of course theyre grotty, you wretched nit, thats why they were designed, but thats what youll want.
  GEORGE
  But I wont.
  SIMON
  You can be replaced you know, chicky baby.
  GEORGE
  I dont care.
  SIMON
  And that pose is out too, Sunny Jim. The new thing is to care passionately, and be right wing. Anyway, you wont meet Susan if you dont cooperate.
  GEORGE
  And whos this Susan when shes at home?
  SIMON
  Only Susan Campey, our resident teenager. Youll have to love her. Shes your symbol.
  GEORGE
  Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong?
  SIMON
  I beg your pardon?
  GEORGE
  Oh, yes, the lads frequently gather round the T.V. set to watch her for a giggle. Once we even all sat down and wrote these letters saying how gear she was and all that rubbish.
  SIMON
  Shes a trend setter. Its her profession!
  GEORGE
  Shes a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things.
  SIMON
  Get him out of here!!
  GEORGE
  Have I said something amiss?
  SIMON
  Get him out of here. Hes knocking the programmes image!!
  The underlings hustle GEORGE to the door.
  GEORGE
  Sorry about the shirts.
  He is ejected through the door.
  SIMON
  Get him out.
  You dont think hes a new phenomenon, do you?
  SECRETARY
  You mean an early clue to the new direction?
  SIMON
  Wheres the calendar?
  No, hes just a trouble maker. The change isnt due for three weeks. All the same, make a note not to extend Susans contract. Lets not take any unnecessary chances!
  67.	EXTERIOR STREET PUB ON THE CORNER
  The sign on the pub is Liverpool Arms. RINGO is standing looking up at it. He decides to go in and does so.
  68.	INTERIOR T.V. CONTROL ROOM
  The atmosphere is tense. GRANDFATHER is standing miserable in front of the DIRECTOR, the criminal confronted by the judge. SHAKE and NORM are flanking him grimly.
  GRANDFATHER
  Im sorry lads, I didnt mean it, honest.
  DIRECTOR
  If he says that again, Ill strike him.
  SHAKE
  Theyll be back, theyre good lads, theyll be back.
  DIRECTOR
  Yes? Well theyve got only ten minutes to the final run-through.
  GRANDFATHER
  I meant no harm. I was only trying to encourage little Ringo to enjoy himself.
  NORM
  God knows what youve unleashed on the unsuspecting South. Itll be wine, women and song all the way with Ringo once hes got the taste for it.
  69.	INT. PUB PUBLIC BAR
  CLOSE-UP on RINGO. He is eating a bone dry sandwich that curls up at the end. He puts it down with disgust. He has a lager glass in his hand.
  BARMAID
  That was fresh this morning.
  We now see the pub is full of enormous cockney workmen downing pints. RINGO is very much alone. He moves away from the bar towards a group that is standing together, theyve an average height of over six-foot. There is a group at a dart board. Another group is playing bar skittles and a third group is around a pin-ball table.
  Near the bar is a shove-halfpenny board with two players. There is a caged parrot nearby.
  BARMAID
  Thatll be two and nine...
  RINGO fumbles some change out of his pocket. A few coppers fall from his hand on to the shove-halfpenny board just as the crucial point has been made. The men glare at him. Embarrassed, he moves away and without looking, places his glass on the skittles table just as a player swings the string, which hits Ringos glass. More embarrassed, RINGO backs
  away, unfortunately into the pin-table just as a winning score is about to be reached. He bumps it very slightly, but enough to cause it to TILT. He then moves to the dart board. By this time most of the pub is staring at him. With great style he takes the darts. The first throw goes into a cheese sandwich which a man is pointing in demonstration. The second we see arrive into a pint of bitter and then we see RINGO shoot the third dart and hear the sound of the parrot shouting angrily, off. The BARMAID has had enough.
  BARMAID
  Right ... On your way!
  RINGO
  Ywhat?
  BARMAID
  You heard, on your way, troublemaker!
  Now the centre of attention, RINGO backs out of the pub, followed by every eye in the place, the BARMAID and a few players following him to the door ...
  70.	EXTERIOR STREET OUTSIDE PUB
  RINGO comes out and crosses road, watched by the POLICEMAN who is now quite suspicious.
  71.	EXTERIOR STREET
  PAUL comes down the street looking about him for RINGO. In the street is an old building, the sort of place that is highly favoured for TV rehearsals. There is a sign on the door, TV Rehearsal Room. As PAUL draws near, a load of actors and extras, etc. are leaving, they are in costume, they are the ones who earlier had been going to a word rehearsal. When PAUL gets near the entrance he decides to go inside.
  72.	INTERIOR HALL
  PAUL enters and wanders about. He reaches a door, pushes it open and looks in. He sees a GIRL clad in period costume. She is moving around the room and obviously acting. PAUL watches her for a moment and then decides to go in.
  73.	INTERIOR REHEARSAL ROOM
  PAUL goes into the room. The GIRL is in mid-flight. She is very young and lovely and completely engrossed in what she is doing. The room is absolutely empty except for PAUL and herself. She is acting in the manner of an eighteenth-century coquette, or, to be precise, the voice English actresses use when they think they are being true to the costume period ... her youth however makes it all very charming.
  GIRL
  If I believed you, sir, I might do those things and walk those ways only to find myself on Problems Path. But I cannot believe you, and all those urgings serve only as a proof that you will lie and lie again to gain your purpose with me.
  She dances lightly away from an imaginary lover and as she turns she sees PAUL who is as engrossed in the scene as she was.
  GIRL
  Oh!
  PAUL
  Well ... go head, do the next bit.
  GIRL
  Go away! Youve spoilt it.
  PAUL
  Oh, sorry I spoke.
  He makes no attempt to go. He simply continues to look steadily at the girl; then he smiles at her. She is undecided what to do next.
  GIRL
  Are you supposed to be here?
  PAUL
  Ive got you worried, havent I?
  GIRL
  Im warning you, theyll be back in a minute.
  PAUL
  Dyou know something, They dont worry me at all. Anyroad, I only fancy listening to you ... thats all but if it worries you ... well ...
  GIRL
  Youre from Liverpool, arent you?
  PAUL
  Howd you guess?
  GIRL
  Oh, its the way you talk.
  PAUL
  Is it ... is it, really?
  GIRL
  Are you pulling my leg?
  PAUL
  Something like that.
  GIRL
  I see.
  Do you like the play?
  PAUL
  Yeah ... I mean, sure, well, I took it at school but I only ever heard boys and masters saying those lines, like, sounds different on a girl.
  Yeah, its gear on a girl.
  GIRL
  Gear?
  PAUL
  Aye, the big hammer, smashing!
  GIRL
  Thank you.
  PAUL
  Dont mench ... well, why dont you give us a few more lines, like?
  GIRL pouts.
  PAUL
  You dont half slam the door in peoples faces, do you? I mean, what about when youre playing the part, like, hundreds of peoplell see you and ...
  GIRL
  Im not ...
  PAUL
  Oh, youre the understudy, sort of thing?
  GIRL
  No.
  Im a walk-on in a fancy dress scene. I just felt like doing those lines.
  PAUL
  Oh, I see. You are an actress though, arent you?
  GIRL
  Yes.
  PAUL
  Aye, I knew you were.
  GIRL
  Whats that mean?
  PAUL
  Well, the way you were spouting, like ....
  I dont believe you, sir... and all that. Yeah, it was gear.
  GIRL
  The big hammer?
  PAUL
  Oh aye, a sledge.
  GIRL
  But the way you did it then sounded so phony.
  PAUL
  No ... I wouldnt say that ... just like an actress ... you know.
  He moves and stands about like an actress.
  GIRL
  But thats not like a real person at all.
  PAUL
  Aye well, actresses arent like real people, are they?
  GIRL
  They ought to be.
  PAUL
  Oh, I dont know, anyroad up, they never are, are they?
  GIRL
  What are you?
  PAUL
  Im in a group ... well ... there are four of us, we play and sing.
  GIRL
  I bet you dont sound like real people.
  PAUL
  We do, you know. We sound like us having a ball. Its fab.
  GIRL
  Is it really fab or are you just saying that to convince yourself?
  PAUL
  What of? Look, I wouldnt do it unless I was. Im dead lucky cos I get paid for doing something I love doing.
  He laughs and with a gesture takes in the whole studio
  PAUL
  ... all this and a jam butty too!!
  GIRL
  I only enjoy acting for myself. I hate it when other people are let in.
  PAUL
  Why? I mean, which are you, scared or selfish?
  GIRL
  Why selfish?
  PAUL
  Well, youve got to have people to taste your treacle toffee.
  She looks at him in surprise.
  PAUL
  No, hang on, Ive not gone daft. You see, when I was little me mother let me make some treacle toffee one time in our back scullery. When Id done she said to me, Go and give some to the other kids. So, I said I would but I thought to meself, She must think Im soft. Anyroad, I was eating away there but I wanted somebody else to know how good it was so in the end I wound up giving it all away ... but I didnt nmind, mind, cos Id made the stuff in the first place. Well ... thats why you need other people... an audience ... to taste your treacle toffee, like. Eh ... does that sound as thickheaded to you as it does to me?
  GIRL
  Not really but Im probably not a toffee maker. How would you do those lines of mine?
  PAUL
  Well, look at it this way, I mean, when you come right down to it, that girl, shes a bit of a scrubber, isnt she?
  GIRL
  Is she?
  PAUL
  Of course ... Look, if she was a Liverpool scrubber ...
  Eh, fella, you want to try pulling the other one, its got a full set of bells hanging off it ... Ywhat? ... I know your sort, two cokes and a packet of cheese and onion crisps and suddenly its love and were stopping in an empty shop doorway. Youre just after me body and ycant have it ... so there!!
  GIRL
  And you honestly think thats what she meant?
  PAUL
  Oh, definitely, it sticks out a mile, shes trying to get him to marry her but he doesnt want ... well ... I dont reckon any fellas ever wanted to get married. But girls are like that, clever and cunning. Youve got to laugh.
  He laughs.
  GIRL
  Well, its nice to know you think were clever.
  PAUL
  And cunning.
  GIRL
  And what do you do about it?
  PAUL
  Me? Oh, I dont have the time, Im always running about with the lads ... no, we dont have the time.
  GIRL
  Pity.
  PAUL
  Aye, it is but as long as you get by, its all right, you know ... bash on, happy valleys when they let you stop. Anyroad, Id better get back.
  GIRL
  Yes.
  PAUL
  See you.
  GIRL
  Of course.
  PAUL stands at the doorway, shrugs then goes out.
  74.	EXTERIOR STREET
  In the street, workmen are collecting shovels, drinking tea and doing all the things people do around building sites. RINGO mooches around. In the road is a hole with a diameter of about 3 feet, and at least 6 feet deep. RINGO looks down and a man is busily working at the bottom of the hole. He glares at RINGO. After a moment RINGO turns away. We now see a very elegant young lady coming towards RINGO. She is daintily avoiding a series of puddles. RINGO has an idea and does a Sir Walter Raleigh with his large Mac spreading it over one of the puddles. The girl walks across it smiling graciously. RINGO proceeds with the coat to the next puddle and to the next backing gradually towards the hole. At last he spreads the coat, without noticing what he is doing, over the hole. The girl steps onto the coat and disappears sharply. RINGO looks down the hole where the girl is held in the workmans arms. The workman rises out of the manhole until he is waist height. At this point an elegantly dressed gentleman appears he looks at his wife in the workmans arms and hits the workman. RINGO backs away through the puddles, and is nicked by the POLICEMAN.
  77.	INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE NEAR STAGE DOOR
  The DIRECTOR is pacing up and down the corridor. NORM is also walking up and down, SHAKE is leaning against the wall quite unconcerned. NORM gives SHAKE a push.
  NORM
  Worry, will you!
  SHAKE adjusts his features to a worrying expression.
  DIRECTOR
  Well, thats it, two minutes to the final run-through... theyre bound to miss it...
  NORM
  Ill murder that Lennon.
  DIRECTOR
  But I suppose we can survive a missed run-through as long...
  SHAKE
  ... as they head up for the show. Oh yes, well I mean itud be a pity to miss the show, wouldnt it like.
  NORM
  Shurrup, cheerful.
  The horrible prospect hits the DIRECTOR.
  DIRECTOR
  You dont think...
  NORM
  Theyll be here.
  DIRECTOR
  Oh now, they cant do that to me.
  Its all your fault.
  Oh yes it is and if they dont turn up I wouldnt be in your shoes for all the...
  SHAKE
  ... tea in China. Oh youre right, neither would I.
  He steps away from NORM and stands near the DIRECTOR.
  NORM
  Traitor!
  SHAKE nods his agreement to this assessment of his character.
  SHAKE
  Of course.
  At this moment JOHN, GEORGE and PAUL enter from the stage door. They are completely unconcerned and walk past the DIRECTOR, SHAKE and NORM.
  JOHN
  Hi Norm!
  NORM
  Hi, our lot!
  The BOYS walk on when after a moment NORM snaps to.
  NORM
  Our lot!
  GEORGE
  Did you want something.
  NORM
  I could eat the lot of you.
  JOHN
  Youd look gear with an apple in your gob.
  DIRECTOR
  Do you realise you could have missed the final run-through?
  GEORGE
  Sorry.
  SHAKE
  Eh, theres only three of them.
  PAUL
  Aye, we were looking for Ringo. But we realised he must have come back.
  DIRECTOR
  Do you realise we are on the air, live, in front of an audience, in forty-five minutes and youre one short.
  JOHN
  Control yourself or youll spurt. Hes bound to be somewhere.
  NORM
  Aye, lets try the dressing room.
  Everyone starts along the passage. NORM and PAUL last.
  PAUL
  Eh, wheres my grandfather?
  NORM
  Dont worry about him. He can look after himself.
  PAUL
  Aye, I suppose so.
  They run after the others.
  78.	EXTERIOR T.V. THEATRE CLOSE-UP
  GRANDFATHER
  Here they are, personally signed and handwritten by your own sweet boys. The chance of a lifetime. Be the envy of your less fortunate sisters!
  The CAMERA PULLS back and we see GRANDFATHER is surrounded by girls who have broken from the queue and are doing a brisk trade with the old man. He has a large sign on which is written: Get your genuine autographed Beatles photographs. On the edge of the crowd two POLICEMEN are trying to force the girls back into the queue. Finally they wade through the girls and confront GRANDFATHER. They look at the old man quizzically; he stares back coldly. They indicate he should hop it and quick but GRANDFATHER defiantly glares back at them. So with a sigh, they grab an arm each and escort the old man off.
  79.	INTERIOR POLICE STATION
  It is the reception desk and behind it is the DESK SERGEANT. After a moment RINGO is dragged in by the POLICEMAN we saw him with before.
  RINGO
  Look, Im Ringo Starr... Ive got a show to do in a few minutes youve got to let me go... Im Ringo...
  POLICEMAN
  Sure, they all say that these days ... Anyway ... I dont care who you are... you can save that for the stipendary. Here you are, Sarge.
  SERGEANT
  What is he?
  POLICEMAN
  Ive got a little list here. Wandering abroad. Malicious intent. Acting in a suspicious manner. Conduct liable to cause a breach of the peace. You name it, hes done it.
  SERGEANT
  Oh, a little savage, is he?
  POLICEMAN
  A proper Aborigine.
  RINGO
  I demand to see me solicitor.
  SERGEANT
  Whats his name?
  RINGO
  Oh, well if youre going to get technical --
  At that moment there is a loud series of noises off camera, furious shouting and dull crashes of wood.
  SERGEANT
  Hello, its going to be one of those nights, is it?
  Sit Charley Peace down over there.
  The POLICEMAN takes RINGO to a bench and sits him down as GRANDFATHER and the two POLICEMEN who were with him enter. The sign is tattered and is being lugged after them.
  GRANDFATHER
  Well, you got me here so do your worst but Ill take one of you with me.
  Oh, I know your game, get me in the tiled room and out come the rubber hoses but Ill defy you still.
  SERGEANT
  Is there a fire, then?
  GRANDFATHER leans across the desk and hisses at the SERGEANT.
  GRANDFATHER
  You ugly, great brute you, you have sadism stamped all over your bloated British kisser.
  SERGEANT
  Eh?
  GRANDFATHER
  Ill go on a hunger strike. I know your caper. The kidney punch and the rabbit-clout. The third degree and the size twelve boot ankle-tap.
  SERGEANT
  Whats he on about?
  GRANDFATHER
  Im soldier of the Republic, youll need the mahogany truncheon for this boyo. A nation once again.
  SERGEANT
  Get Lloyd George over there with that mechanic in the cloth cap while I sort this lot out.
  The POLICEMEN hurtle GRANDFATHER firmly but gently over to the bench on which RINGO is sitting and then return to the desk for a whispered conference with the SERGEANT. Meanwhile in full conspiratorial fashion GRANDFATHER talks to RINGO out of the side of his mouth.
  GRANDFATHER
  Ringo, me old scout, they grabbed yer leg for the iron too, did they?
  RINGO
  Well Im not exactly a voluntary patient.
  GRANDFATHER
  Shush! Have they roughed you up yet?
  RINGO
  What?
  GRANDFATHER
  Keep your voice down, this lotll paste you, just for the exercise. Oh theyre a desperate crew of drippings and theyve fists like matured hams for pounding defenceless lads like you.
  RINGO
  Have they?
  GRANDFATHER
  That sergeants a body-blow veteran if ever I measured one. One of us has got to escape. Ill get the boys. Hold on son, Ill be back for you.
  RINGO
  Me!
  GRANDFATHER
  And if they get you on the floor watch out for your brisket.
  RINGO
  Oh, they seem all right to me.
  GRANDFATHER
  Thats what they want you to think. All coppers are villains.
  SERGEANT
  Would you two like a cup of tea?
  GRANDFATHER
  You see, sly villains.
  RINGO
  No thanks, Mr. Sergeant, sir.
  We now have a CLOSE SHOT of POLICEMEN around the sergeants desk.
  SERGEANT
  So you just brought the old chap out of the crowd for his own good.
  POLICEMAN
  Yeah, but he insisted on us bringing him to the station.
  SERGEANT
  Well, he cant stop here.
  Shot of GRANDFATHER watching POLICEMEN intently and muttering words as he does.
  RINGO
  What are you doing?
  GRANDFATHER
  Lip reading.
  RINGO
  What are they saying?
  GRANDFATHER
  Nothing good.
  The POLICEMEN make a move towards GRANDFATHER and RINGO.
  GRANDFATHER
  Well son, its now or never.
  He jumps to his feet and scurries towards the door.
  GRANDFATHER
  All right, you paid assassins. Johnny McCartneyll give you a run for your threepence hapenny.
  He dashes out of the door followed by the POLICEMAN who has his pile of photos.
  SERGEANT
  Now, whats he up to?
  RINGO
  Hes allergic to Bobbies, especially English Bobbies.
  The POLICEMAN with the photos returns.
  POLICEMAN
  Your man disappeared like a leveret over a hill.
  RINGO
  Turncoat!
  The POLICEMEN turn on RINGO and walk towards him.
  CLOSE-UP RINGO
  RINGO
  Mother!
  80.	EXTERIOR STREET
  GRANDFATHER is running at top speed down the street. He is breathing heavily and runs as if pursued by the hounds of hell. The street however is entirely empty and no one is even in sight. As he reaches the top of the street he pauses and turning, looks around him. From his P.O.V. we see just how empty the street is and heaving a sigh of relief GRANDFATHER cackles to himself. His triumph is short lived. At this precise moment down the street comes a parade of police vehicles, a Black Maria, an escorting police motor bike patrol and an ordinary squad car. The procession draws up and the street is full of policemen getting out of the Black Maria and squad car and off motor bikes.
  CLOSE-UP GRANDFATHERs horrified face.
  GRANDFATHER
  Be God, theyve called up reinforcements, the dragnets out!
  He dashes off wildly in the general direction of the theatre. He has been completely unnoticed by the policemen who are lining up for a last minute inspection by the inspector in charge. The inspector is like a commander-in-chief of a spear-head attack force.
  They smartly march off in the direction taken by GRANDFATHER.
  81.	INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE CONTROL ROOM
  DIRECTOR
  Only half an hour and youre on!
  GEORGE
  Can I say something?
  The director clutches at any straw.
  DIRECTOR
  Yes, anything.
  GEORGE
  Its highly unlikely well be on... I mean the law of averages are against you and it seems that, etc., etc....
  But his speech is drowned by the pitiful moans of the DIRECTOR.
  82.	EXTERIOR T.V. THEATRE STAGE DOOR
  The four little boys from the canal are being driven away by the
  security guard.
  GUARD
  Ill have the hides off of you lot.
  The kids retreat as GRANDFATHER pants into shot, ignoring the kids he enters the stage door but in a second he is out again, grasped firmly by the collar by the security guard.
  GUARD
  You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Go home!
  GRANDFATHER
  I must see Pauly.
  GUARD
  Go home then and see him on the telly.
  The GUARD re-enters the stage door.
  GRANDFATHER looks around him and sees the four kids. He hustles over and after a whispered conference we hear his offer.
  GRANDFATHER
  Can you fix him for me?
  BOYS
  Yeah.
  GRANDFATHER
  Sixpence.
  BOY
  Each?
  GRANDFATHER is about to argue.
  GRANDFATHER
  Oh, all right.
  BOY
  And in advance.
  GRANDFATHER
  Mercenary!
  But he hands over the money. The kids rush in the stage door and after a moment the furious GUARD chases them out and down the alley. GRANDFATHER, chuckling, nips in the door.
  83.	INTERIOR T.V. CONTROL ROOM ON STAGE
  GRANDFATHER is being chased by several studio attendants; he is dodging behind equipment. He finally gets on a sound boom trolley and uses it as a weapon to keep his pursuers at bay.
  84.	INTERIOR T.V. CONTROL ROOM
  The DIRECTOR, BOYS, and NORM and SHAKE see GRANDFATHER on the monitors. They dash out of the room and on to the stage.
  DIRECTOR
  Its all right, leave him alone.
  PAUL
  Grandad, wheres Ringo?
  GRANDFATHER
  The police have the poor unfortunate lad in the Bridewell.
  BOYS
  The police station.
  GRANDFATHER
  Hell be pulp by now.
  JOHN
  What are we waiting for?
  GEORGE
  Come here.
  PAUL, JOHN and GEORGE rush off.
  CLOSE-UP DIRECTOR
  DIRECTOR
  Weve only got twenty minutes.
  85.	EXTERIOR STREET OUTSIDE POLICE STATION
  PAUL, JOHN and GEORGE come running down the street in single file, their knees high in the air, they skid to a halt at the police station and without pausing they dash inside. After a moment they reappear -- only this time RINGO is behind them. They dash off down the street. They are followed at once by ten POLICEMEN also in single file. They are also pounding along knees high in the air. The BOYS and the coppers disappear around the corner. At once, they reappear from the other direction, then run down the street still followed by the policemen. When they reach the police station another group of police bars their way so they are forced to run up the stairs and inside.
  86.	INTERIOR POLICE STATION
  The DESK SERGEANT is standing behind his desk looking very surprised. At this moment the boys run in and stand panting in front of the desk. Before the SERGEANT can start speaking the pursuing POLICEMEN arrive. They, too, are out of breath.
  SERGEANT
  What is all this?
  JOHN
  Hold on until we get our breath.
  The BOYS and POLICEMEN pant on until JOHN seems to have recovered.
  SERGEANT
  All right now?
  JOHN
  Sure.
  Ready?
  The BOYS nod and without further ado they turn and run through the surprised rank of POLICEMEN and out into the street.
  87.	EXTERIOR STREET
  THE CHASE CARRIES ON.
  Shots of BOYS being pursued by police, including the sergeant with one shot where the BOYS are chasing the POLICEMEN. Finally, as they approach the theatre, they are seen by the girl fans who swarm around the police, over running them. The boys grin to each other and are about to make off when from their P.O.V. we see the INSPECTOR and POLICEMEN blocking it.
  JOHN
  Ah well, it was worth a try.
  INSPECTOR
  What do you think youre up to?
  SERGEANT
  Arrest those boys, sir.
  INSPECTOR
  Thats all we need to start a real riot!
  Come on lads, theyre waiting for you.
  ###	INTERIOR THEATRE BACKSTAGE
  The Inspector now hustles the BOYS through the crowds and in through the main entrance of the theatre where SHAKE and NORM are waiting. NORM looks suspiciously at RINGO who is still wearing his cap. RINGO whips it off and NORM delightedly hugs him. The BOYS dash through the stalls entrance and on stage. The DIRECTOR sees them and bursts into tears with relief. NORM hustles the lads into the wings to be changed into their show costumes. All around them last-minute preparations are going on.
  DIRECTOR
  Boys, you dont know what this means to me. If you hadnt come back it would have been the epilogue or the news in Welsh for life.
  NORM
  Arent you supposed to be in that box?
  The DIRECTOR gives NORM a final glare and dashes off.
  PAUL
  And another thing, wheres that old mixer?
  GRANDFATHER
  Here, Pauly.
  And sitting on a box sadly chastened sits GRANDFATHER.
  PAUL
  Well, I got a few things to say to you, two-faced John McCartney.
  JOHN
  Aw, leave him alone Paul, hes back, isnt he? And its not his fault hes old.
  PAUL
  Whats old got to do with it?
  JOHN
  You neednt bother.
  PAUL
  Ywhat?
  JOHN
  Practising to be thick-headed, youre there already.
  PAUL
  Look hes a mixer and a trouble maker!
  JOHN
  Thats right, but hes only asking us to pay attention to him, arent you?
  From JOHNs P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER. He looks what he is, a tired old man.
  JOHN
  You see.
  You know your trouble -- you should have gone West to America. Youd have wound up a Senior Citizen of Boston. As it is you took the wrong turning and what happened, youre a lonely old man from Liverpool.
  GRANDFATHER
  But Im clean.
  The BOYS giggle and slap him on the back.
  88.	INTERIOR TV THEATRE AUDITORIUM
  We see the audience of girls streaming in and settling down in their places for the show. There is the usual business of getting the show ready and we see SHOTS of the girls faces, then JOHN, PAUL, RINGO and GEORGE looking at them. At last on cue from the floor manager the BOYS start their act to the audiences screams. During the number we constantly CUT away to the audience with various SHOTS of the ecstatic girls. In the middle of these shots we see NORM standing at the side of the audience his face glowing with satisfaction. We follow his gaze and from NORMS P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER handcuffed to SHAKE, but in spite of this, the old man is enjoying himself. The BOYS now perform a medley of numbers, i.e., a little of all the songs we have heard during the story. This gives the impression of a full set and we finish after their bows. While they are doing so they look again in the general direction of SHAKE and GRANDFATHER and from their P.O.V., we see SHAKE is beating time to the music but from his wrist dangles an empty set of handcuffs. GRANDFATHER has gone again. As the BOYS are reacting to GRANDFATHERs disappearance once again, the trap door on the stage opens and GRANDFATHER appears in the centre of the group as they finish their act and take their final bows.
  89.	INTERIOR STUDIO CORRIDOR
  NORM is waiting for the boys. With him are two studio attendants carrying the boys luggage. As the BOYS excitedly appear he speaks to hem.
  NORM
  Ive got the stuff. Come here.
  PAUL
  Arent we ...
  NORM
  No, were not!
  He hurries them along.
  NORM
  The office was on the phone, they think itd be better if we pushed straight to Wolverhampton.
  JOHN
  Tonight? We cant make it ...
  NORM
  Youve got a midnight matinee.
  JOHN
  Now, look here, Norm ...
  NORM
  No, you look here, John. Ive only one thing to say to you.
  JOHN
  What?
  NORM
  Youre a swine. So hurry up ... were travelling!
  NORM turns down a side exit where the door is open to the field. In it is an eight-passenger helicopter.
  90.	EXTERIOR STAGE DOOR T.V. THEATRE
  The BOYS and NORM come out of the building and start to run towards the helicopter.
  PAUL
  Wheres my grandfather?
  NORM
  Dont start. Look.
  The boys look in the passenger bay and there is GRANDFATHER. He is still handcuffed to SHAKE but clutching his pile of photos.
  GRANDFATHER
  Come on, youre hanging up the parade.
  The boys shout Get rid of those things, etc.
  91.	EXTERIOR FIELD
  The final shot is of the helicopter rising up . As it disappears, a shower of photos come from its window.
  We cut to a CLOSE-UP of one signed photo as it hits the ground and SUPER the closing credits over it.