text: : Hello, this is a big Hi and a sincere Merry Christmas from yours truly, Ringo Starr
  [slightly sped-up sample of Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da intro
  With piano plunking over it]
  : 
  Happy New Year, happy Christmas
  Happy Easter, happy autumn
  Happy Michelmas, evrybody
  Happy Christmas, evrybody to you
  Id like to wish evrybody happy Christmas
  This year of 1968 going on 69
  Happy Christmas, happy New Year
  All the best to you from here
  Ah - haaa!
  Id like to wish evrybody
  Happy Christmas, happy New Year
  From there to here
  Happy New Year, happy New Year
  Happy New Year, happy New Year
  When I get to the bottom
  I go back to the top of the slide
  Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
  Till I get to the bottom and I see you again
  : Wonsaponatime, there were two balloons called
  Jock and Yono. They were strictly in love, bound to happen
  In a million years. They were together man. Unfortunatimetable, they seemed to have previous experience which
  Kept calling them one way oranother 
  But they battled on against overwhelming oddities
  Including some of there beast friends. Being in love
  They cloong together even more man. But some of the
  Poisonessmonsters of outrated buslodedapethrowers did
  Stick slightly, and they occasionally had to resort to
  The dry cleaners. Luckily this did not kill them and
  They werent banned form the Olympic Games. They lived
  Hopefully ever after and who could blame them
  : Well, here we are again, another fab Christmas. Christmas
  Time is here again. Aint been around since last year
  And wed like to take this opportunity, all the way from
  America, to say happy Christmas to you our faithful
  Beloved fans all over the world who have made our life
  Worth living. And over here I have Mr. Malcolm Evans who
  Through thick and thin would surely like to say a word
  Of greeting at this festive occasion
  : Merry Christmas children everywhere!
  : At the first stroke, it will be ...
  : ... Ringo Starr. Thank you!
  Good evening.
  Hello me dear. I didnt know you were coming.
  Im not surprised.
  Well, I am! Certainly am!
  I would have thought so myself.
  Well, if you ask me, I think its insane.
  Occasionally.
  Yes, me, too. Twice a week sometimes.
  Fourteen and six.
  Nineteen and five to save me if you dont mind.
  Yes, I know.
  Dont you say yes to me! Im telling you!
  This is a private line, you know.
  Private line? Ive been on this line for two years.
  : Well, its my proud pleasure tonight to introduce one of
  The most versatile performers in our career. And hes
  Come all the way from Stokely Carmichels -on-Sea
  And I hope youre going to like him. Lets give him a
  Big hand ... 
  : 
  Happy New Year, happy Christmas
  Happy Easter, happy autumn
  Happy Michelmas, evrybody
  Happy Christmas, evrybody to you
  : Once upon a pool table there lived a short-haired
  Butchers boy by the way of Ostergrad. It comes in
  Sentencesspoolararrowic Airport. Her father was in a
  Long story cut short in the middle of his life sentence
  Were indebted to the Colloquial office for its immediate
  Disposal of her honorwitz, including, I might add, hoc virtallo a totem. On the other handbag, I mean to say
  Lamoure ne soome tu joure realistic, strictly speaking
  For this film is about an hourglass houseboat. The full
  Meaning of Winchester Cathedral defies description. Their
  Loss was our Gainsborough nil
  ):
  The sound of a manservantile defectively lasting barred
  Up in a love-dizzy gar-di-dell time. How close can you
  Gettysburg and ever underly council ya originally a
  Birdbath feeling--
  : Cut!
  We have a special guest here this evening, Mr
  Tiny Tim. Id like to ask him to say a few words
  : Oh, hello to you nice Beatles. Ah, its so wonderful
  What a thrill it is talking here. Ah, in Mr. Harrisons
  Presence, Mr. Weiss presence, and all his nice wonderful
  Friends. And the thing is, I just wanna say Merry
  Christmas to you all. And, ah, a Happy New Year
  : Thank you, Tiny. Would you like to sing us a little song?
  : Ah, Id love to. Heres a song I did in 1966 in front of
  Miss Jill for the first time. And I did this in Albert
  Hall, and what a thrill it was, ah, to do this then, and
  Now ... exactly the way I did it then
  Hes a, ooh, real nowhere man
  Living in his nowhere land
  Making all his nowhere plans for nobody
  Hasnt got a point of view
  Knows not where hes going to
  Isnt he a bit like you and me?
  Nowhere man, Dont worry
  Take your time, dont hurry
  Nowhere man, the worlds at your command, ooh
  Hes a, huh huh, real nowhere man
  Living in his nowhere land
  Making all his nowhere plans for nobody, ooh, ooh
  : Thank you, Tiny. Thank you and God bless you, Tiny
  : God bless you all. Oh, God bless you all