text: Mary Long is a hypocrite
  She does all the things that she tells us not to do
  Selling filth from a corner shop
  And knitting patterns to the high street queue
  She paints roses, even makes them smell good
  And then she draws titties on the khazy wall
  Drowns kittens just to get a thrill
  And writes sermons in the Sunday Chronicle
  How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ?
  When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ?
  Mary told Johnny not to write such trash
  Said it was a waste of public money
  She made a fuss, they made apologies
  But everybody thought the show was funny
  When the nation knew youd had children
  It came as such a surprise
  We really didnt know youd had it in you
  How you did it we can only surmise
  How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ?
  When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ?
  Mary Long, youre not alone
  But youre a long way behind our times
  What we do in full frontal view
  Is more honest than your clean-up mind
  What Im saying, Mary Long is
  When you can spare a minute
  Go find your friend the porny Lord
  Dig your self a hole and jump in it
  How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ?
  When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ?