I think you have to sort of, lay your ground rules, I mean state your case, quite early on and it, I mean, you know, if, if you're not good first thing in the morning, you know, you could tell someone you need three cups of coffee before you're safe to approach or if erm, there's a lazy slob who sort of lies on the sofa all day, you could throw the dishcloth at him, or  erm, and also, I mean if it, if there are sort of badly behaved pets and, and children, erm, you know, just, just don't invite them, and if that means your guest list is, is somewhat shorter then all to the good.